#conversely it's worth pointing out that vax sending the ravens to keyleth and her asking him not to stop also isn't healthy

[burr-ell]

#FR. The Imodna fans framing each half at various points as willing to doom the world for eachother is Not Cute. (See: their current Its Comp #Like the fact Laura mentions Vex would go full Delilah for Percy is. NOT GOOD! Deeply unhealthy! #The 'i actually did this all for LOVE' is the only redeeming part of the Briarwoods in much the same way that one Assembly guy likes cats #(And its one of Sylas' Two Whole Character Traits). Its Flavor to the evil. You're not supposed to go 'oh its fine to be evil for this' #(Benoit Blanc voice) compells me tho. Briarwoods are fun to poke at as dark mirrors/extremes and Very Hot #But everyone desperately trying to compare idk fuckin VAXLETH to them is comically missing the point lol

prefacing this post with "i am aromantic" to give it context anyway i simply cannot stand when "i broke the world for us" is seen as sympathetic/aspirational/etc or ppl say x other tragic-but-otherwise-normal relationship would fit it. like i have very little sympathy to extend to a character that kills and tortures kids bc they couldnt stand the thought of their significant other dying

[sammy431]

Honestly the thing that kills me with Keyleth and her difficulty with moving on and healing from the loss of Vax is that she named the issue way back in Dalen’s closet:

“How am I supposed to get over you when you keep sending me ravens?”

Vax isn’t there with her, but he yet he still has a daily presence in her life. How can she move on? It’s not a silent ring or picture, it’s a living being that seeks her out and gives her comfort. Can you imagine trying to seriously date with that around? All the logical knowledge that Vax is gone and would want Keyleth to move on would be a lot more difficult to weigh against the knowledge that Vax is actively sending what amounts to living love letters from beyond the divine gate.

It’s not like she can talk to him about it, ask him to stop - send the raven away, sure, but the conversation will always be Keyleth speaking and Vax unable to respond but knowing (remember he knew that Vex had a baby girl when he came back for her wedding so Keyleth knows he has some awareness). A one sided conversation asking the love of her life to stop sending ravens so she can move on isn’t going to ever sound like a meaningful closure conversation, as much as it needs to happen.

Before she gets to that point, she first has to allow herself to even recognize her anger with him. Recognizing that his service to the Raven Queen is a commitment, an oath taken - not a debt to be paid. Recognizing that his choice also means he had an active role in choosing a path that led away from her.

Those ravens are a reminder of him but also a reminder of Her. And it’s so much easier to be angry at a Goddess than a man, than to recognize that she’s not only grieving the loss of him but also the heartbreak that he chose a path that led away from her with full knowledge of what it meant, and was not taken against his will. Vecna killed him but he accepted his death and chose against VMs ability to resurrect him, following his goddesses teachings.

How can she love him and admire the love that fueled the offer in order to save his sister if she’s angry for what it meant for their relationship?

The answer of course, is that people are imperfect and emotions are messy, and yet love is worth the risk.

Which is coincidentally what Vax said in response to Keyleth - “I am imperfect, as are the gods.”

Keyleth does have something’s to set against the last time - she is older and wiser. When they began gathering VM for the fight, Keyleth said she had accepted that Vax wasn’t coming back, that hope was to painful - it was Vex who was saying otherwise.

While Keyleth has obviously spent plenty of time with Vex over the years, she has been plenty busy elsewhere most of the time. Given a little private time, she may find the strength to be honest with Vax after all these years and have the conversation she needs to truly start healing.

But in the meantime, keeping the ravens is a way to avoid having to confront that anger and those messy and painful emotions - but it’s also keeping her locked in the past.

[vexing-imogen]

the persistence of 6/?

read from beginning | read on ao3

Vex doesn’t intend on leaving the manor grounds, not at first. She’s in a new city, despite having lived here for several years, and getting herself lost would only serve to panic everyone, and would be rather humiliating to boot. But, even with Trinket at her side, the garden that was so inviting last night has become unbearable. Oppressive.

She’s suffocating. So while she knows that leaving is probably a bad idea, she can’t bring herself to stay.

She stands, using Trinket’s shoulder for leverage, then scratches him behind the ears. “Let’s go for a walk, buddy.”

It’s still early enough that the streets are near deserted. The few people Vex does pass as she wanders give her a wave or a nod and go about their business. She deliberately avoids the streets that will take her back to the town square and those unnerving statues. There’s a castle on a hilltop to the north, so she sets off in that direction, her interest piqued.

She loses track of time while walking, and eventually she stops to take a break by a wrought iron gate. A faded signpost pointing to the right reads “To the Zenith and the Greyfield”. A raven caws, and she feels a pull in her chest, as if her subconscious is telling her that the answers she need lie at the end of this path.

Trinket makes a mournful noise as she walks through the gate and starts down the path, but he follows dutifully, glancing about for anything untoward. It is kind of creepy, she will admit. They pass a temple first, large and very old. The Zenith, if she had to guess. The sun shines through the stained glass window as she passes, bathing her in warm, colored light, and she places her hand to her heart and bows without thinking. A chill runs down her spine, but she shakes it off and keeps going.

The Greyfield is a cemetery, she finds. The eerie silence is only broken by the occasional raven’s cry. And if she’d thought the city was overpopulated with ravens, it’s nothing compared to this. The main group of them seem to be clustered around a mausoleum on the far end of the field, and her curiosity outweighs any fear she might be feeling.

There’s no name carved into the stone, no indication of it belonging to anyone in particular. The door is open, and she ventures inside. The air is cold and stale, and she realizes that someone has set this place up as a shrine of some kind. There’s an altar laid out in the center of the room, adorned with ravens feathers, small white flowers, and a bowl of some dark liquid. She dips a couple fingers in it. It’s cold and viscous and is most definitely blood.

She stares at her fingers, at the blood that drips from them onto the marble floor, an uneasy pit settling in her stomach. “What the fuck is this place?”

“Creepy, isn’t it?”

Vex shrieks and spins around, her heart racing in her chest. Keyleth is there in the doorway, regarding the mausoleum with disdain.

“Sorry,” she says, wincing. “I promise this place isn’t actually as bad as it looks.”

Vex takes a couple of deep breaths. “What is it?”

“A temple to the Raven Queen,” Keyleth says, and Vex doesn’t miss the bitterness in her voice, or the way she refuses to actually step into the space. “Percy had this repurposed for Vax, so he’d have a place to worship while he was in Whitestone.”

She doesn’t miss the way Keyleth hesitates before saying her brother’s name.

“You love him, don’t you?” she asks. “Vax.”

The way Keyleth’s eyes widen is all the answer she needs, but she nods after a moment. “It, uh, didn’t exactly work out, but...yeah.”

“Didn’t work out,” Vex repeats. “Did it have anything to do with Her?” She nods towards the shrine.

Keyleth laughs, wipes away a tear. “Yeah, you could say that.” She sighs. “It’s...complicated. He had to go. To serve Her. And I couldn’t follow.”

Vex hugs Keyleth tight. “I’m sorry, darling. I can kick his ass for you the next time I see him, if you’d like.”

Keyleth shrinks back out of Vex’s embrace. “That won’t be necessary. It’s fine, really. I’ve...made my peace with it.”

Liar she thinks, but she doesn’t push. “I guess we should probably go back, shouldn’t we?”

Keyleth takes her hand as they walk through the cemetery. “How are you feeling?”

She sighs, tries to ignore the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. “Lost,” she says finally. “Have you ever...had a word caught on the tip of your tongue, and you know you should know it, and you know that once you hear it you’ll remember, and you’ll feel so fucking stupid for ever forgetting it?”

Keyleth nods.

“That’s what this feels like,” she continues. “Except it’s not just one word, it’s five years of my life, and I don’t know if I’ll ever actually remember.”

“We’ll figure this out, Vex,” Keyleth says, squeezing her hand. “There’s a solution out there, I know there is, we just have to find it.” She stops them, cups Vex’s face in her hands. “I promise you, we will fix this.”

Vex sniffles, looks away from her friend’s earnest gaze. “That’s what you all said yesterday.”

=============================================================

Percy feels like he’s going mad with worry. Sure, Vex is more than capable of taking care of herself, and Keyleth had done a quick scry before going off to find her, and assured him that she was fine. But he’s still tense and anxious, and he’s going to wear a groove in the floorboards if he doesn’t stop pacing soon.

They’d all been so confident in Pike, in her healing abilities, that none of them had been prepared for the spell to not work. Except for Vex he thinks. She’d accepted defeat so easily, seemed to have almost been expecting it, and that’s what has him truly scared. He’s never witnessed Vex give up quite so fast, and he doesn’t know what it means.

For him. For her. For them...

A knock on the doorframe jolts him out of his thoughts. Scanlan is standing there with a sad smile. “Hey. I managed to calm Pike down,” he starts. “She should be coming back soon enough. I think she was going to have a little chat with Sarenrae. How’s Vex?”

Percy shrugs. “Not sure,” he admits. “She took off just after you and Pike left. Didn’t say where she was going. Keyleth had to scry to find out where she’d gone.”

Scanlan nods, taps his foot nervously. “I had an idea,” he says. “And obviously we’d have to run it by Vex, and if you guys say ‘no’ I’ll never bring it up again-”

“Scanlan.” Percy cuts off his rambling. “What was your idea?”

The gnome sighs. “If, for whatever reason, there’s absolutely no way to restore Vex’s memories, I thought I could maybe use Modify Memory on her. To give her a highlight reel of the last few years. It would take some time, and I can’t give her everything, but she’d have something back. The important stuff, at least.”

Percy’s so overwhelmed with emotion, he does the first thing that comes to his mind. He hugs Scanlan.

“Can you really do that, Scanlan?”

Percy’s head snaps up. Vex is standing just beyond the doorway with Keyleth and Pike. He doesn’t want to jinx anything, but she looks almost hopeful.

“I can,” Scanlan says, turning to face her. “But only with your consent. And you’d have to trust that we wouldn’t give you any false or altered memories.”

She mulls it over for a minute. “I’ll have to think it over,” she says. “But, no matter what, it’s an incredibly sweet offer, Scanlan.”

“It might not even be necessary,” Pike says, stepping forward. “I spoke with Sarenrae, for a while, and she told me what we have to do to get Vex’s memories restored.”

“That’s great, Pike,” Keyleth says. “What do we have to do?”

Pike sighs. “Well, the reason my spell didn’t work is because Sarenrae doesn’t have dominion over memories. The Raven Queen does,” she explains. “I’ve been able to restore memories before because the effect was smaller, in Percy and Grog’s case, or it was a physical ailment, like the Gith we met in Pandemonium. What happened to Vex was bigger, and magical. It’s not something Sarenrae or I can fix.”

“But the Raven Queen can?” Percy guesses.

“Yes.” Pike looks up at Vex. “If you’re willing to try, I already got in touch with the Raven Queen’s temple in Vasselheim. We can go as early as tomorrow, and hopefully they can cure you.”

“I think it’s worth a shot,” Percy says. “But the choice is yours, dearest.”

Vex looks uncertain until her attention is caught by something outside. Percy follows her gaze to Vesper, playing in the garden with Rika. He looks back to Vex, and she nods once, firmly. “I suppose there’s no harm in trying.”

=============================================================

Her dreams that night are horrific. There’s no visual, just pitch darkness, but the voices are as clear as day. And they’re all awful.

The first is her brother, and she can almost feel him grasping her hand. Do not go far from me. If we are out of earshot, you are too far from me. Do not go far from me.

Her own tearful response. Do you think this is what mother saw before she died?

The next is a voice she doesn’t recognize, but it sends chills down her spine, sickly and oozing. Sweet, broken Vex’ahlia... a question, from her What would you ask in return? him again Your heart.

My heart is someone else’s.

Scanlan calling for her from across a battlefield. Her sobbing, casting healing spells uselessly into an unresponsive body. I’m not leaving Percy!

A cold room, a colder feeling in her chest. Desperate to do something, anything. But I don’t want to be here if you’re not. Whitestone still needs you, darling. I still need you here.

Grog’s voice, loud. Angry. Devastated. FIX HIM!

Then herself again. Having a conversation with someone, but the replies are static.

I feel like she’s taking part of me away.

I don’t know how to live.

Please. I love you. I don’t accept this.

I’m going to find you.

And, finally, on a maddening loop.

Where’s Vax?

Where’s Vax?

Where’s Vax?

Where’s Vax?

She wakes from her nightmares with a scream, thrashing against the confines of her blanket. Her foot connects with something, and Percy grunts.

“Vex’ahlia.” His hands on her shoulders ground her. “It’s alright, dear, you’re alright. It was just a dream.”

She catches his hand as it’s running through her hair. “Percy.” She stares at him, tears flowing, the weight of the truth threatening to crush her. “I need to ask you something.”

“Anything.”

“You have to promise you’ll tell me the truth,” she says. “Swear to me that you won’t lie to me.”

She sees the realization dawn in his eyes, but he nods. “I swear, Vex. I swear on our wedding vows that I will not lie to you.”

“Is my brother dead?”

[nochiquinn]

episode 56: Hope OR Let’s All Have Really Deep Conversations About Everything

this episode is called "hope", that can't mean anything good

-$3 modifier

"I'm not good at math so I believe you."

"set a fire and cause a distraction"

"there's an egg on my pizza" "it's very embarrassed" I GET IT

mood: the intro never hitting when they think it does

quoth @mentarnes: "the intro is horribly inaccurate. Percy's not going first and Pike's not going last"

"what's a dragon kidney stone worth. it's a diamond at that point, right?"

"umbrasyl's ghost"

favored terrain: gold

"swim speed of 40 in gold"

FINDER'S FEE

grog in a jug

IT'S THE COMPLEAT ATLAS OF THE HOUSE

(pls read Keys to the Kingdom)

evishuate a dwagon

I just randomly heard something about mayonnaise and now I'm concerned

"TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES OR I WILL ROB YOU IN YOUR SLEEP"

that's. that's not what "footmen" means.

greedy shitbird is my ska band

"I DIED FOR YOU GIMME MY SHOES"

"you think any of my servants are boys?"

he takes the boot, hits her over the head with it, she takes 700 points of damage and dies

is scanlan's mansion actually the House

(don't make me do this crossover bc I will so entirely do this crossover)

"this is turning into an anime show" they've all pretty much done anime, the tropes have consumed them

this is a very deep conversation for them both to be having mostly naked

I see you with those musical cues matt

depression glubs

"if there's a dare involved that's completely different"

I need icons of marisha's face as she earth elementals

mood: everyone going "ahhhhh" in unison as she meteors in

RETURN OF THE BURNY WATER

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME

I'm so tired and I'm trying so hard to get my work done and it is absolutely not happening right now

FOR SCIENCE

TPK cannonball

"don't you mean that's........foul" "ughhhhhh"

"saddest winnie the pooh ever"

#nomercypercy

weh

I'm tapping out at the guest, not bc there's a guest but bc I'm SO HECKING TIRED it's 4:30 am and I've already endured a hot springs episode

it's okay a lot of people have that reaction to vex

the fugees

"do you know how to make armor......be quiet?"

"I've been there. I've lived there a long time."

his voice at the "I'M GONNA STAY IN MY HOME!" 

I am keyleth, keyleth is me

like is this guy a member of allura's old crew bc I would dig the shit out of that

the chroma conclave sends its regards

amelia ;-;

grog fucked up pouring water

oh goddammit I just heard the announcement from tNBC in my head

"TOOOOOOWN MEETING. TOOOOOOWN MEETING TONIGHT!"

"and it will explode"

push her off the podium

"the terrible woman may have a point"

"new money"

"the awkward woman makes a fine point!"

westruun - a better future, underground

mood: laura making craifaic at the little kid drawing on the wall

mood: liam's immediate double facepalm when scanlan says "pikeypants"

kaylieeeee

"pike has healed feet before"

DEATH FLAG DEATH FLAG

travis' face

laura's face

"hey nochi who's your favorite vox machina member" "yes"

("hey nochi who's your favorite recurring npc" "yes")

OF COURSE he had that knowledge prepared, and she knew it, that's the only reason she asked. 

"talk westruun to me"

mood: laura leaning way the fuck back to try to stay out of pike and vax's conversation

is rothfuss asleep

pike talking like vax is her kid and the raven queen is a teacher that's been harassing him

"turn that frown upside down" I love pike so much

and then shit got meta

"we're all all kinds of fucked up" SHIRT

"that's all we can be, is ish" SHIRT?

"then say something" that's it that's vax's entire arc

"YEP there it is"