#damian has declared war in a cheerio's name

[zhelin-thames]

The Realms React To: The Batkids Trying to Babysit De-Aged Danny

(aka “This Child Has More Power Than God and Knows It”)

Bruce: He’s two. How bad could it be?

Alfred: Master Wayne, he levitated the salt shaker and tried to crown himself “Snack King of Gotham.”

Dick: That’s adorable. I love him. He’s mine now.

Barbara: I left the room for three minutes and he hacked my comms with a crayon drawing.

Tim: I blinked and he disappeared. I blinked. There was eye contact.

Jason: He looked me dead in the eyes, called me “Angry Boom Boom Man,” and then turned intangible through a locked fridge.

Steph: I tried to distract him with a stuffed animal and he bit it and said, “This is my child now.”

Cass: He high-fived me, then phased through the floor while giggling. I’m both proud and terrified.

Duke: He used his glowing green eyes to convince a Roomba to follow him like a tiny mechanical minion. It keeps bringing him juice boxes. I don’t own juice boxes.

Damian: He looked me in the face, summoned a ghost snake, and asked, “Do you bite?” I said yes. He gave the snake my sword and said, “Good. Protect me from him.” I’ve never been so betrayed.

Danny (age 2, wearing a towel like a cape, floating): “I am Phantom, ruler of snacks and cartoons. Fear me.”

Jason: I gave him a toy gun. He turned it into an ectoplasmic cannon. I’m not mad, I’m impressed.

Dick: He just phased into the laundry basket and declared it his throne. That’s a bold leadership move.

Tim: We tried to put him down for a nap. He astral projected and started reorganizing our security protocols. While asleep.

Barbara: He reset my firewalls using finger paint.

Steph: He found my glitter stash. Everything he touches sparkles. I’m still sparkling. I haven’t touched him in two hours.

Cass: He threw a Cheerio at Damian and said, “This is your battle token. Win for my honor.” Damian accepted it.

Damian: I have never been so loyal to a warlord. I will kill for him.

Bruce: He’s two.

Danny (holding Alfred’s ancient cane like a scepter): “I’m older than you.”

Alfred (smiling fondly): He’s not wrong, Master Wayne.

Jason: He called me “Uncle Shoot Bang.” I’ve never felt so seen.

Duke: He asked if the sun sleeps. When I said no, he frowned and whispered, “I will fix that.”

Dick: I taught him how to do a somersault. He teleported halfway through it and said, “Shortcut.” My back hurts from laughing.

Tim: He made eye contact and the lights flickered. That’s not normal.

Barbara: I asked if he wanted a bedtime story. He summoned a ghost librarian who told me to use a better tone.

Cass: He hugged me. I felt peace. Then he made the couch float just a little. Just enough to flex.

Danny (cheerfully, riding the Roomba into the living room like a war chariot): “BEHOLD. I RISE.”

Everyone:

Everyone: beholding

Bruce: …So we’re keeping him, right?

Jason: Obviously.

Damian: He’s our tiny war general now.

Alfred: I’ll make extra cookies.

Danny (covered in stickers, glowing faintly): “I’m baby.”

Lights flicker. The Realms rumble approvingly.