#definition of statistical analysis
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anothermonikan · 2 years ago
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I have literally never met a person who doesn't personify concepts and objects and the estimate that only 4% of people experience Synesthesia seems really baffling to me,,,,like I'm reading a paper on the overlaps between OS, Autism, and Synesthesia (What bitches do when they have access to academic documents instead of doing work) and just. Even (identifying) Non-objectum, non-autistic people literally do this shit all the time. When my father brought down Sario (Old laptop) he used he/him pronouns for him. My uni friend naturally uses she/her pronouns for their PC. We've had really high note arguments here about whether Maths is blue or red (I'm on team blue btw) and whether Wednesdays and the number 2 are orange. It is literally a social English language norm to refer to vehicles and countries with she/her pronouns. Surely this shit has to be more common than 4% of the general population.
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daydreamhowell · 5 months ago
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literally the biggest hindrance to having any kind of productive conversation about ai is the fact that so many product designers call their products ai when they’re actually just a normal algorithm. so many “new” non-generative “ai” are tools that were already available before the ai boom, but they’ve repackaged it to sell it to you again (certain photoshop tools, suggested email responses, etc). and so every time people critique ai, other people come out of the woodworks going aCtUaLLyyyyyyy ai has so many uses that are good and productive and not harmful. and I go yes and I could hop on visual studio and write a quick program to approximate the general code needed for that in probably under an hour. including the time to understand the problem.
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marketxcel · 1 year ago
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Cluster Sampling: Types, Advantages, Limitations, and Examples
Explore the various types, advantages, limitations, and real-world examples of cluster sampling in our informative blog. Learn how this sampling method can help researchers gather data efficiently and effectively for insightful analysis.
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enhaflixer · 4 months ago
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campus crush!sunghoon x f!reader
stats class. keep ur glasses on when u fuck me. statistical analysis with ur tongue. thats abt it. sunghoon word porn ngl ENHA HARD HOURS (kinda) 18+ MDNI
-
You're late. Again.
The digital clock on your phone reads 3:10 PM as you sprint across campus, your backpack bouncing against your spine with each step. Statistics seminar started ten minutes ago, and Professor Clarke has definitely noticed your absence by now. Not that it's unusual—you've made it a habit to burst through those doors at exactly ten minutes past, a whirlwind of apologies and bright smiles.
"Sorry, sorry!" you announce as you push open the computer lab door, slightly out of breath.
Twenty pairs of eyes swivel toward you, but Professor Clarke doesn't even look up from his laptop at the front of the room.
"How kind of you to join us," he says dryly. "We were just assigning semester project partners."
You flash him your most charming smile as you slide into an empty seat. "Perfect timing then."
A few people laugh. You've mastered the art of diffusing tension with humor, of making your tardiness seem like a quirky character trait rather than a genuine inability to manage time. It's gotten you this far in university.
"As I was saying," Professor Clarke continues, "this statistical analysis project will count for forty percent of your grade. You and your assigned partner will select a dataset, develop a hypothesis, and use STATA to analyze your findings." He gestures to the complex statistical software displayed on the projector screen—the same software that has been giving you nightmares since week one.
You glance around the room, hoping you'll be paired with Olivia or Zara—friends who wouldn't mind carrying the team if necessary. But when Professor Clarke reads off, "Sunghoon Park and..." followed by your name, your heart does something unexpected.
It skips.
You've noticed him before—it's hard not to. He always sits in the same spot three rows from the front, always arrives fifteen minutes early, always has his notebook open at the exact moment class begins.
What you haven't fully appreciated until now, as you turn to locate him in the room, is just how devastatingly handsome he is. His dark eyes find yours immediately behind stylish wire-rimmed glasses that give him an irresistible intellectual appeal. One corner of his perfectly shaped mouth lifts in the smallest acknowledgment, and a strand of black hair falls across his forehead when he nods at you. The combination of his reserved demeanor and model-worthy looks creates an effect that makes your stomach flip. He's the definition of a hot nerd—the kind that makes you temporarily forget about statistical analysis altogether and wonder what he'd look like with those glasses slightly askew, his usually perfect hair disheveled.
After partnering announcements finish, Professor Clarke instructs everyone to move next to their assigned partners to discuss project ideas.
You gather your things and make your way to Sunghoon's station, dropping into the chair beside him with dramatic flair.
"Fair warning," you say brightly, "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with this software. Like, none. Zero. Statistical analysis to me is deciding which café has the shortest queue."
You expect a sigh or a look of disappointment—it's what most serious students do when they realize they've been paired with you. Instead, Sunghoon's expression softens.
"It's okay," he says quietly, his voice carrying just a hint of an accent. "I'm... not an expert either."
"But you always look so focused during class," you say, gesturing to his immaculate notes.
He shrugs, the movement slight and controlled. "I write everything down. Doesn't mean I understand it all."
When he opens the STATA program and navigates through a few screens with apparent ease, you lean closer.
"Okay, so you're being modest. You definitely know more than I do."
"Barely," he admits, and you catch the faintest hint of a smile—not the polite one from before, but something genuine that makes you want to see it again. "I just know how to make it look like I know what I'm doing."
"That's an important life skill," you laugh, pulling your chair closer to see his screen better. "So what kind of data are we analyzing? Please say something fun like ice cream consumption versus happiness levels."
Sunghoon doesn't laugh, but his eyes crinkle slightly at the corners. "Actually," he says, "we can choose almost anything that interests us."
You bump his shoulder lightly with yours. "See? We're going to be great partners. I bring the wild ideas, you bring the common sense."
"Is that what they call it?" he asks, and there's a hint of playfulness in his voice that catches you off guard.
"What would you call it?" you challenge.
He considers for a moment, adjusting his glasses with a single finger pushed against the bridge. The gesture shouldn't be as attractive as it is. "Survival instinct."
You laugh, genuinely surprised. "So I'm dangerous?"
"No," he says, turning slightly to face you better. "Statistical software is dangerous. You're..." he pauses, seeming to search for the right word, "unpredictable."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"It was meant as one." The quiet confidence in his voice sends a small thrill through you.
Professor Clarke clears his throat at the front of the room. "I expect project proposals by the end of next week. Choose your dataset carefully—it will determine the scope of your entire project."
You glance at the clock. Only fifteen minutes of class remain.
"So, partner," you say, lowering your voice as Professor Clarke continues, "when should we meet to figure this out? I promise I'll try not to be ten minutes late."
Sunghoon's mouth quirks up at one corner. "Would you actually show up if I said 8 AM at the library?"
"Now you're just testing me," you whisper back.
"Coffee shop after class on Thursday?" he suggests instead, his voice equally quiet. "The one behind the science building?"
"Beans & Books? You've got good taste." You nod approvingly. "I practically live there between classes."
"I know," he says, then immediately looks as if he wishes he could take it back.
"You know?" You raise an eyebrow, intrigued and slightly pleased.
A faint color appears high on his cheekbones. "I've seen you there. You always order something different and then type furiously on your laptop."
The fact that he's noticed you before, observed your habits even, gives you a little flutter of satisfaction. "And what do you order, Sunghoon Park? Let me guess—plain black coffee, no sugar."
His eyebrows lift slightly. "Close. Earl Grey tea."
"Of course," you nod sagely. "Sophisticated."
When class ends, you gather your things slowly, suddenly reluctant to leave. Sunghoon stands, slinging his messenger bag across his chest in one smooth motion.
"Thursday, then," he says, as if confirming an important business meeting.
"It's a date," you reply with deliberate casualness, watching his reaction.
His expression remains mostly neutral, but you don't miss the quick blink, the slight pause before he nods. "For statistics," he clarifies, but the slight upturn of his lips betrays him.
"For statistics," you agree solemnly, though you're already wondering what other subjects you might explore together.
The coffee shop meeting goes surprisingly well. What you expected to be an hour of awkward dataset discussions turns into three hours of conversation that meanders far beyond statistics. Sunghoon, it turns out, has layers beneath his reserved exterior—he plays piano, reads philosophy for fun, and has a dry sense of humor that catches you off guard and makes you laugh harder than you have in weeks.
By the end of the evening, you've not only selected your dataset (coffee consumption versus academic performance—your suggestion, which he surprisingly agreed to), but you've also learned that his stammer appears when he's either nervous or passionate about a topic. You find both instances equally endearing.
When Friday's class rolls around, something shifts. You arrive only five minutes late (progress), and the space beside Sunghoon, which is usually empty, now seems to be waiting for you. You slide into the seat and he glances up from his notebook, the corner of his mouth lifting in that subtle way that's becoming familiar.
"You're almost on time," he says quietly, amusement in his eyes.
"Don't get used to it," you reply, but there's no bite to your words.
Throughout the class, your awareness of him is heightened—the way his brow furrows when he's concentrating, how his fingers tap thoughtfully against the desk when Professor Clarke asks a difficult question, the scent of his cologne when he leans closer to point something out on your screen.
After class, you find yourself hesitating as you pack up your things, watching as he meticulously organizes his notes.
"So," you begin, aiming for casual, "I was thinking... we should probably meet again this weekend to work on the project." You pause. "My roommate's gone for the weekend. We could use my dorm? Fewer distractions than the coffee shop."
Sunghoon looks up, his expression unreadable for a moment before he nods. "That would be... efficient."
You laugh at his choice of words. "Very statistical of you."
"I meant—" he starts, a hint of that stammer appearing.
"I know what you meant," you interrupt, grinning. "Saturday at four?"
He nods, adjusting his glasses. "I'll bring the data analysis. You bring the coffee."
"Deal."
Saturday arrives, and for the first time in your university career, you spend thirty minutes tidying your room before a study session. You tell yourself it's just basic courtesy, not because you care what Sunghoon thinks of your living space.
At precisely four o'clock, there's a knock at your door. Punctual as always.
You open it to find Sunghoon standing there in jeans and a simple button-down shirt, his laptop bag slung across his body. He's swapped his usual wire-frames for slightly thicker black glasses that somehow make him look even more attractive—scholarly but with an edge.
"You're making me look bad with this punctuality thing," you say by way of greeting, stepping aside to let him in.
"Sorry?" he offers, clearly unsure if he's actually done something wrong.
You laugh. "I'm joking. Come in."
Your dorm room is standard—bed, desk, small seating area with a loveseat and coffee table—but you've made it yours with art on the walls and plants on every available surface. Sunghoon takes it all in with curious eyes.
"I like your space," he says, and it sounds genuine.
"Thanks. Where should we set up? Desk or coffee table?"
"Either is fine," he says, that formal politeness still present even after your hours in the coffee shop.
You end up at the coffee table, sitting side by side on the loveseat, laptops open. For an hour, you actually make progress on the project. Sunghoon explains correlations in a way that finally makes sense, and you discover you have a talent for visualizing data in creative ways that makes his eyes light up with approval.
But as the afternoon wears on, the small space means your shoulders keep brushing, your knees occasionally touch, and each point of contact feels increasingly deliberate. When you reach for your coffee at the same moment he reaches for his tea, your hands collide, and neither of you pulls away immediately.
"Sorry," you both say at once, and then laugh.
"Great minds," you add, but you're distracted by how his eyes look behind those glasses, warm and focused entirely on you.
At some point, you shift positions, both of you turning toward each other to discuss a particularly complicated aspect of your analysis. Your knees are definitely touching now, and the loveseat suddenly seems much smaller than it did an hour ago.
"So if we compare these variables..." he's saying, but you're watching his mouth form the words more than listening to their meaning.
"Hmm?" you say, forcing your attention back to the screen.
He turns to look at you fully, and you realize how close your faces are. "You're not listening," he says, but there's no accusation in his voice.
"I'm distracted," you admit.
"By statistics?"
"By you."
The words hang in the air between you. Sunghoon blinks, his expression shifting from confusion to something more intense. He swallows visibly, and you watch the movement in his throat.
"I'm... distracting?" he asks, his voice lower than before.
"Extremely." Your eyes lock on his glasses, the way they frame his dark eyes, how they complete his devastatingly attractive intellectual look. "Especially with these on."
His eyebrows raise slightly in surprise. "The glasses?"
"God, yes," you breathe, moving closer. "You have no idea how fucking hot you look in them."
A flush spreads across his cheeks, but there's a new confidence in the way he holds your gaze. Without warning, he pulls you forward into a kiss that has nothing of his usual restraint. His laptop slides forgotten to the coffee table as you shift closer, and then somehow you're straddling his lap, your hands on either side of his face as you deepen the kiss.
When you break apart to breathe, his glasses are slightly askew. You straighten them gently, then run your fingers through his usually immaculate hair, deliberately messing it up while keeping the glasses perfectly in place.
"You're so sexy," you murmur against his mouth. "I've been thinking about this since the first day we were paired up."
His hands find your hips, holding you firmly against him. "I find that... statistically improbable," he manages, but his breathing is as uneven as yours.
"I'll show you improbable," you whisper, grinding down deliberately. His glasses fog slightly from the heat between you, and the sight sends a thrill through your body. "So fucking hot," you repeat, unable to stop yourself.
His hands slide beneath your shirt, exploring with a surprising boldness that makes you gasp. "We should—" he starts, breathing heavily.
“Yes,” you agree, already pulling him up from the loveseat, walking backwards toward your bed while keeping his mouth on yours. “The project can definitely wait.”
You fall back onto the mattress, pulling him down with you, careful not to knock his glasses off as he hovers above you. They’ve fogged again from the heat between your bodies, and something about that sight—this controlled, precise man coming undone while still looking every bit the hot intellectual—pushes you past any remaining hesitation.
“Leave them on,” you insist when he reaches to remove his glasses. “Please.”
His lips curve into a smile that’s nothing like his usual restrained expressions—this one is knowing, almost wicked. “If that’s what you want,” he murmurs, lowering his mouth to your neck.
“It’s definitely what I want,” you gasp as his teeth graze your skin. “Along with
 everything else.”
There’s a playful air to each touch, a slow building of tension as you both start to peel away layers. You tug at the hem of his shirt first, sliding it up inch by tantalizing inch until he lifts his arms to help you pull it off. He returns the favor by slipping a hand under your blouse, fingertips teasing over your ribs. Every time he tries to hasten the pace, you grin and slow him down, dragging the fabric just a bit more before letting it fall away, leaving him momentarily breathless. The sound he makes—caught somewhere between a groan and a laugh—sends a thrill through you.
Time seems to blur as clothing is discarded piece by piece, inhibitions falling away with each new revelation of skin. The afternoon sunlight filters through your curtains, casting everything in a warm glow.
At some point, you find yourself above him, both of you completely bare except for his glasses, which have somehow remained perfectly in place despite everything. You pause for a moment, taking in the sight of him beneath you—all lean muscle and flushed skin, those wire-rimmed glasses still perched on his nose, slightly fogged from the heat between your bodies.
“You’re staring,” he whispers, a vulnerability in his voice despite the intimate position.
“Can you blame me?” You lean down, placing a gentle kiss on his lips, then another, and another, each one growing more insistent. “God, look at you.”
His hands find your hips, steadying you as you continue to kiss him, his glasses occasionally bumping against your face in a way that only heightens your desire. There's something impossibly erotic about him being completely naked except for those glasses—the contrast between his exposed body and that one remnant of his studious, put-together appearance.
"You're so fucking sexy," you breathe against his mouth. "How does anyone focus in that statistics class with you sitting there looking like this?"
He laughs softly, the sound vibrating against your lips. "I could ask you the same question."
Your kisses become more urgent, your bodies moving together with increasing need. The heat between you builds with each touch, each whispered encouragement. Sunghoon's usually careful movements grow bolder, more instinctive, as your hands explore each other's bodies. His glasses, still perfectly perched on his nose, begin to fog at the edges first—just a light mist that catches the dim light of your room. But as your passion intensifies, as your breathing grows more ragged and synchronized, the lenses cloud completely.
When you pull back to look at him, you can't help but laugh softly at the sight—this brilliantly composed man now completely blinded by the evidence of your shared desire, those glasses that make him look so irresistibly intellectual now rendered useless by the heat radiating between your bodies. To your surprise, he laughs too—not the polite chuckle you've heard in class or the soft amusement from your coffee shop conversations, but a genuine, uninhibited sound that seems to come from somewhere deep inside him. It's rich and warm and completely unguarded.
"I can't see a thing," he admits, his voice husky with desire and amusement. His hands find your face despite his temporary blindness, thumbs tracing your cheekbones with unexpected precision. "But I don't need to see to know exactly where you are."
"Is that so?" you challenge, your breath catching as his fingers trail down your neck, across your collarbone, mapping you with deliberate attention.
"I've been studying you," he murmurs, his touch making you shiver despite the heat between you. "Memorizing. Analyzing patterns." His hands continue their exploration, finding every sensitive spot with remarkable accuracy. "It's very... statistical."
You laugh against his mouth. "Only you could make statistics sound sexy."
Through the fogged lenses, you can just barely make out how his eyes darken at your words. "I have other statistical terms I could demonstrate," he offers, surprising you again with his boldness. His accent becomes slightly more pronounced when he's like this—another detail you've grown to cherish.
"Show me," you whisper, and he does—his hands and mouth conducting a thorough analysis of cause and effect, of stimuli and response, until you're clutching at his shoulders and gasping his name. All while those fogged-up glasses remain perfectly in place, the final vestige of his composed exterior while everything else between you unravels into glorious chaos.
You’re already bare beneath him, skin flushed from teasing and anticipation, but the only thing still clinging to his body—those damn glasses—make it so much worse. Or better. Definitely better.
Sunghoon hovers over you, gaze dark behind the lenses, lips swollen and slightly parted as he takes in the sight of you. You should be embarrassed at how wanton you must look, legs spread for him, body already trembling, but he’s the one who looks wrecked. His composure is gone, shattered somewhere between the desperate kisses and the way you dragged your nails down his back.
His lips quirk. “Still want me to leave them on?”
“Don’t even think about taking them off.”
His smile turns wicked, and then he’s moving—kissing, sucking, trailing his mouth down your body with purpose. His fingers dig into your thighs, spreading you wider, and then he’s right there—close enough that you can feel the ghost of his breath against you, the heat of it making your stomach clench.
He doesn’t start slow. No teasing, no light flicks of his tongue just to test the waters. Sunghoon eats you like he’s been starving for this, like he’s been waiting for the moment he could taste you, drown in you. His tongue is hot and relentless, curling against you just right, pressing where you need him most, sending shockwaves through every nerve in your body.
But what really undoes you is the feeling of his glasses pressing against your inner thighs, the cold metal contrasting with the heat of his mouth. Every time he moves, every time he adjusts his angle, the frames shift against your skin—slightly rough, slightly smooth, a reminder of exactly who is between your legs and how absolutely ruined he’s making you.
You fist the sheets, hips jerking up into his mouth, but he pins you down effortlessly, a strong arm wrapped around your thigh to keep you exactly where he wants you. He groans when you tug at his hair, the vibrations shooting through you, making you gasp his name.
“Fuck, Sunghoon—”
His response is a low hum against your clit, and your whole body shakes. You feel the damp heat of his breath, the slick slide of his tongue, but more than anything, you feel the weight of those goddamn glasses as they drag along your skin, fogging up even more, smudging against your inner thigh every time he moves deeper, harder, sloppier.
The sheer filth of it makes you clench around nothing.
Sunghoon notices, because of course he does—because he’s been studying you this whole time, memorizing what makes you gasp, what makes your thighs tremble around his head. And he’s smug about it, too, because when he pulls back just enough to glance up at you, lips glistening, glasses just barely slipping down his nose, he smirks.
“You like that, don’t you?” His voice is raspy, breathless, wrecked.
You don’t even try to deny it. “Yes—God, yes, don’t stop.”
Sunghoon’s smirk deepens, and he doesn’t make you beg for it. He dives right back in, tongue flicking, sucking, his grip on your thighs tightening as you lose yourself completely. The drag of his glasses, the precise way he adjusts his angle to push you higher, the way he groans into you like he’s getting off on this just as much as you are—it’s too much.
The coil in your stomach snaps hard, pleasure crashing over you so intensely that you barely realize you’re pulling at his hair, moaning his name like a prayer, like you might fall apart completely if he stops.
Sunghoon doesn’t stop. Not right away. He works you through the aftershocks, his tongue slow, methodical, lazy in a way that makes you shudder from overstimulation. Only when your body twitches beneath him does he finally pull away, chin glistening, glasses fucking ruined.
You’re still gasping when he crawls back up your body, hovering over you, his mouth right there, his glasses so close you can see the way they’re fogged-up and smudged with sweat.
When you finally collapse beside each other, spent and satisfied, his glasses are askew once more. You reach over to straighten them, and he catches your hand, pressing a kiss to your palm.
"So," you say, when you've caught your breath, "should we tell Professor Clarke we've found an interesting correlation to study?"
Sunghoon laughs, the sound free and unrestrained in a way you hadn't heard before today. "I don't think this is what he had in mind for the assignment."
"His loss," you murmur, snuggling closer. "I'd say our statistical analysis was very... thorough."
"We should probably actually work on the project at some point," he says, but makes no move to get up.
"Tomorrow," you promise, running a finger along his jawline. "I think we need to collect more data first."
His eyebrow raises above the rim of his glasses. "For the sake of academic integrity?"
"Absolutely," you agree solemnly, before dissolving into laughter.
The statistics of probability have never been so compelling.
-
Over the next few weeks, your statistics class takes on an entirely new dimension. What was once your least favorite part of the week has become the highlight—not because you've suddenly developed a passion for data analysis, but because of the subtle dance that unfolds between you and Sunghoon twice a week in that computer lab.
The Monday after your "study session," you arrive to class five minutes early—a personal record. Sunghoon is already there, of course, and the moment he sees you, his ears turn slightly pink. When you slide into the seat next to him, now officially your spot, he gives you a small smile that feels like a secret.
"You're early," he says, his voice low enough that only you can hear.
"I had motivation," you reply, letting your knee brush against his under the desk.
His eyes flicker to your lips for a fraction of a second before returning to his notebook. "I hope it wasn't just for... statistical analysis."
"Depends on how you define statistics," you whisper just as Professor Clarke calls the class to order.
Throughout the lecture, you're acutely aware of every movement Sunghoon makes—how he adjusts his glasses when he's thinking, the precise way he takes notes, the occasional glance he throws your way when he thinks you're not looking. Halfway through class, you deliberately drop your pen between you. When you both reach for it, your fingers touch, and he doesn't pull away. Instead, he hooks his pinky finger over yours for just a moment before handing you the pen. The small gesture sends a flutter through your chest.
After class, you walk together to the coffee shop without needing to discuss it. Somehow, it's already become your routine.
"How's the dataset compilation going?" he asks as you find a small table in the corner.
"That's what you want to talk about right now? Really?" You raise an eyebrow.
A faint smile plays at his lips. "We do have a project due in three weeks."
"Always so responsible," you sigh dramatically, but there's fondness in your voice. "It's going fine. I've got the coffee consumption survey data from about fifty students so far."
He nods approvingly. "That's a decent sample size for our purposes."
When your drinks arrive—his Earl Grey and your excessively complicated latte—you notice something different about him. He's still quiet, still thoughtful, but there's a new ease to his movements, a softness around his eyes when he looks at you.
"What?" he asks, catching you studying him.
"Nothing," you say, then reconsider. "Actually, not nothing. You seem... different."
He takes a sip of his tea, considering. "I feel different," he admits after a moment. "With you."
The simple sincerity of his words catches you off guard. For all your flirtatious confidence, his straightforward honesty disarms you completely.
"Good different?" you ask, suddenly feeling shy.
"Very good different," he confirms, and beneath the table, his foot rests against yours. Not by accident.
By the third week, you've fallen into patterns that blend the academic with the intimate. Your Tuesday and Thursday afternoons are devoted to actual project work—usually in the library where the public setting keeps you reasonably focused. 
Your Saturday “study sessions” in your dorm room are significantly less productive in the statistical sense, though you joke that you’re certainly collecting plenty of data on other variables.
Sunghoon rolls his eyes every time you say it, but you know he loves it—loves how eager, how shameless you are when it comes to him. Because every time you spread your legs for him, every time you drag him into another compromising position, he never tells you no.
Case Study #1: The Textbooks
It starts with an innocent enough setup—Sunghoon sitting cross-legged on the floor, back against your bed, flipping through a statistics textbook while you sit across from him, pretending to study. But it’s boring. He looks too good in his glasses, sleeves rolled up, the slightest furrow in his brow as he concentrates. And before you even realize you’re moving, you’re crawling into his lap, straddling him right there on top of the book.
He barely has time to exhale your name before you sink down onto him, making both of you groan.
The hardcover digs into your knees, the pages creasing beneath you, but you couldn’t care less. Sunghoon is buried inside you, stretching you open, warm and deep and perfect, and the only data you’re analyzing is how his breath stutters when you roll your hips just right.
“Fuck, you’re unreal—” he pants, hands gripping your waist, watching you through the slightly fogged lenses of his glasses as you use him, ride him slow, grind on him like you want to ruin him.
You do. You want to wreck him just as much as he’s wrecking you. The friction, the delicious drag, the way his hands squeeze your hips to urge you to go faster, harder—it all shreds your self-control.
By the time you both come undone, gasping and clinging to each other, the textbook beneath you is thoroughly creased, sticky, ruined. Neither of you even bother looking at it.
Case Study #2: The Desk Chair
Another Saturday, another useless attempt at studying.
Sunghoon’s seated at your desk this time, one leg lazily spread, hand bracing his forehead as he tries to focus. But you’re kneeling between his legs, and the moment you reach for his zipper, his entire body tenses.
“You’re insatiable.”
“And?” You tug his pants down just enough to free him, palming his length, watching him harden in your hand as his breathing turns shallow.
He leans back, exhaling sharply when your lips part and you take him deep. His hand finds the back of your head, fingers threading through your hair as you swirl your tongue around him, tease him, make him fall apart.
His glasses slip down his nose as he watches you, half-lidded and dazed, jaw slack as you take him deeper, sucking, hollowing your cheeks, making obscene little noises that drive him insane.
He trembles when he finally spills down your throat, groaning your name, head thrown back against the chair.
And the moment he catches his breath, he drags you into his lap, flips you onto the desk, and fucks you stupid.
Case Study #3: Against the Window
Another week. Another “study session.” Another location.
This time, you find yourself pressed against the glass of your dorm window, palms splayed, breath fogging the pane as Sunghoon pounds into you from behind.
The curtains are open.
You don’t know if anyone can see—if someone walking by on the street below can look up and spot your bare body, the lewd way you’re bent over, Sunghoon’s hands gripping your hips as he drives into you with punishing force.
But you don’t care.
All you care about is the way he grunts into your ear, his glasses slightly askew, one hand slipping down to rub your clit, making you jerk and gasp his name as pleasure crashes over you like a tidal wave.
“Keep your eyes open,” he growls, voice thick with lust, dragging his lips along your shoulder. “Look outside. Look at what a mess you are.”
Case Study #4: The Shower
It’s late, and you should be asleep. But instead, you’re pressed up against the tiled wall of your tiny dorm shower, water scalding hot, steam curling around you as Sunghoon lifts you up, holds you against him, and fucks you slow, deep.
His glasses are gone, finally.
They’d fogged up the moment he stepped into the shower, and the second you’d made a joke about it, he’d taken them off and set them on the sink. But you don’t miss them too much—not when his mouth is on your throat, sucking bruises into your wet skin, not when his fingers dig into your thighs, keeping you in place as he rolls his hips into you with exquisite precision.
You come twice before you finally stumble out of the shower, exhausted, dripping, completely spent.
And the moment you walk back into your dorm room, still naked, Sunghoon picks up his glasses, slides them back on, and gives you a look that tells you he’s nowhere near finished with you.
Case Study #5: The Floor (Again, Because You Can’t Stop)
At this point, you don’t even make it to the bed.
You’re both desperate, panting, **clawing at each other like you can’t stand the idea of being apart for another second.**The moment Sunghoon pushes you onto the floor, you’re already wrapping your legs around his waist, pulling him down, gasping when he fills you in one smooth thrust.
It’s fast, dirty, messy.
He grits out your name, one hand bracing beside your head, the other gripping your thigh, holding you open as he slams into you, pace brutal, relentless. The carpet burns on your back will be worth it.
He loses his glasses at some point, but you don’t even notice—you’re too busy coming apart beneath him, clawing at his back, moaning his name like you’ll never get enough of him.
Maybe you won’t.
Because the second you catch your breath, still tangled up in him, you’re already thinking about where you’ll fuck next.
What surprises you most is how much you enjoy both versions of your time together. The project, which should be tedious, becomes engaging through Sunghoon's perspective. He has a way of finding patterns in chaos that makes even the driest data seem fascinating. And through your influence, he's learning to approach problems more creatively, to see beyond the rigid frameworks he's always relied on.
"What if we visualize it this way instead?" you suggest one Tuesday, sketching a completely unorthodox chart on the margin of his meticulously organized notes.
His initial reaction is skepticism—you can see it in the slight furrow of his brow—but he considers it longer than he would have three weeks ago.
"It's unconventional," he says finally.
"But?"
"But it might actually work better for presenting the correlation," he concedes, and the smile you give him is so bright it makes the student at the next table look over.
In class, Professor Clarke notices the change in both of you. Your questions become more insightful, Sunghoon's responses more animated. When you present your initial findings mid-semester, the professor actually seems impressed by your unusual approach to visualization.
"An interesting methodology," he comments, adjusting his own glasses in a way that reminds you of Sunghoon. "Unorthodox, but effective."
You beam at Sunghoon, who ducks his head slightly but can't hide his pleased expression.
After class, he catches your hand as you're packing up—a gesture he would never have initiated before.
"We make a good team," he says quietly.
"The best," you agree, squeezing his fingers before reluctantly letting go. Public displays still make him slightly uncomfortable, and you respect his boundaries.
-
It's during a rainy Friday evening in your dorm room, six weeks into your relationship (though neither of you has officially labeled it as such), that something shifts again.
You're sprawled on your bed with your laptop, Sunghoon sitting at your desk reviewing your latest statistical findings, his glasses reflecting the blue light of the screen. Classical music plays softly from his phone—another new development. He's been gradually introducing you to his favorite composers, and you've found you actually enjoy the background music while working.
"Your scatterplot is missing a data point," he says, turning to look at you.
"Mmm, probably deleted it accidentally," you reply, not looking up from your position. "Is it important?"
"All data points are important," he says, but there's amusement in his voice rather than criticism.
You roll onto your back, laptop balanced on your stomach. "That sounds like something that would be on a statistics department t-shirt. 'All data points matter.'"
He laughs—a sound that's become less rare but no less thrilling to hear. "I'd wear it."
"Of course you would," you tease. "With your glasses and a pocket protector."
He makes a face at you. "I don't own a pocket protector."
"Yet," you add with a grin.
He shakes his head, turning back to the screen, but you catch the smile he tries to hide. After a moment, he speaks again without looking at you.
"My parents want to meet you."
You sit up so quickly your laptop nearly slides off your stomach. "What?"
Now he turns, his expression a mixture of nervousness and something softer. "I mentioned you during our weekly call. Multiple times, apparently. My mother... noticed."
"You talk about me to your parents?" You can't keep the pleased surprise from your voice.
He adjusts his glasses, a gesture you now recognize as his tell when he's feeling vulnerable. "It seems I do."
"What do you tell them?" You set your laptop aside, giving him your full attention.
"That you're brilliant in ways I'm not. That you see solutions I miss." He pauses. "That you make statistics class the best part of my week."
Your heart does that skipping thing it did the first day Professor Clarke paired you together, only stronger now.
"Sunghoon Park," you say softly, "are you saying I'm statistically significant to you?"
His expression turns serious, though his eyes remain gentle. "With a p-value approaching zero," he replies, and though it's phrased as a joke, his tone makes it clear it's anything but.
In statistics, a p-value approaching zero indicates an extremely high likelihood that an observed effect is real and not due to chance. It's the closest thing to certainty that statistics allows.
You cross the room to where he sits, gently taking his face between your hands. His glasses are slightly smudged, and you resist the urge to clean them, focusing instead on the eyes behind them.
"So," you say, "when do I meet these parents who raised such a statistically significant nerd?"
He laughs, pulling you into his lap in a move that would have seemed impossibly bold from him just weeks ago. "They're visiting next weekend. Dinner on Saturday?"
"I'm there," you promise, sealing it with a kiss.
-
The day of your semester project presentation arrives with an unexpected lack of anxiety. You're prepared—more prepared than you've been for any academic presentation in your life. Partly because the subject has actually become interesting to you, but mostly because working on it meant spending hours with Sunghoon.
You stand beside him at the front of the class, watching him explain your methodology with a confidence that wasn't there at the beginning of the semester. His voice is still quiet, still measured, but there's a strength behind it now, an assurance that comes from truly understanding his material. When he gestures to your creative visualization on the screen, there's a hint of pride in his voice that makes your chest warm.
When it's your turn to present, you catch him watching you with undisguised admiration. You explain the correlations you found between different types of coffee consumption and various academic performance metrics, throwing in jokes that make the class laugh and complex statistical terms that make Professor Clarke nod approvingly.
"And in conclusion," you finish, "we found that while caffeine consumption generally correlates with improved academic performance up to a point, the type of environment in which the coffee is consumed may be an equally significant factor."
"Furthermore," Sunghoon adds, stepping forward to stand beside you, shoulder to shoulder, "we discovered that the companionship variable—whether students studied alone or with others—showed the strongest positive correlation with both satisfaction and performance outcomes."
His eyes meet yours for a brief moment, and you know he's not just talking about the data anymore.
When Professor Clarke gives your presentation an A and commends your "complementary analytical approaches," you resist the urge to high-five Sunghoon in front of everyone. Instead, you wait until you're outside the building, then throw your arms around him in celebration.
To your surprise, he lifts you slightly off the ground in his enthusiasm, spinning once before setting you down, his face flushed with excitement and mild embarrassment at his own uncharacteristic display.
"We did it," he says, adjusting his glasses which were knocked askew by your hug.
"Was there ever any doubt?" you reply, reaching up to straighten them properly. "We're statistically significant, remember?"
His smile softens, and right there on the path outside the statistics building, with students streaming past on their way to other classes, he kisses you without hesitation or self-consciousness.
"What was that for?" you ask when he pulls away, delighted but surprised by the public display.
"I've been collecting data," he says, his eyes crinkling behind those glasses you've grown to love, "and I've formed a hypothesis."
"Oh?" You raise an eyebrow. "And what hypothesis is that, Mr. Park?"
He takes your hand, lacing his fingers through yours as you begin walking toward the coffee shop that's become your place.
"That I'm in love with you," he says simply. "And unlike most statistical conclusions, I'm one hundred percent certain."
You stop walking, turning to face him fully. "That's a bold statistical claim. Absolute certainty is rare in your field."
"I have compelling evidence," he counters, and the confidence in his voice, so different from the hesitant student you met months ago, makes your heart race.
"I might need to review your data," you tease, though your voice catches slightly.
"Extensive observation over time," he begins, stepping closer. "Consistent results across multiple variables. Reproducible effects." His voice drops lower. "Significant positive impact on all quality-of-life metrics."
"Very scientific," you murmur, your hands finding their way to his chest.
"I thought so," he agrees, his eyes serious despite the playful exchange. "So my conclusion stands."
You rise on your tiptoes, pressing your forehead to his. "Well, as someone who's conducted a parallel study, I can confirm your findings. The evidence suggests I'm in love with you too."
His smile, rare and full, lights up his entire face. "Independently verified results. The best kind."
“Should we celebrate this breakthrough with coffee?” you suggest, already knowing his answer.
“I was thinking maybe we skip the coffee today,” he says, surprising you again. “I have other hypotheses I’d like to test.”
“Professor Clarke would be shocked at your dedication to statistical research,” you laugh, letting him lead you in the direction of your dorm instead of the coffee shop.
“Some variables,” he says with newfound confidence, “are worth studying in depth.”
You lean in close, pressing your lips right against the shell of his ear, and whisper the kind of filth that would make even the most shameless person blush.
“Then why don’t you pin me down the second we walk through that door, shove your face between my legs, and eat me so fucking good I forget my own name? And when I can’t take anymore, you’ll flip me over and fuck me like you’re trying to imprint yourself inside me—deep, rough, until I’m crying and drooling on the sheets, too dumb to do anything but take it.”
Sunghoon stops breathing.
You feel the exact moment your words hit him—his entire body locks up, his grip on your wrist tightens, his jaw clenches so hard you swear you hear his teeth grind.
His glasses fog immediately.
A strangled noise escapes him, something between a curse and a choked groan, and then he’s moving.
Not just moving—dragging you, fast, purposeful, like a man on a mission.
“Fucking hell,” he mutters under his breath, voice wrecked, dangerous, and it sends a thrill straight through you.
By the time you reach your dorm, he’s already reaching for the door handle, barely keeping himself together, and the second it clicks shut behind you—
You know he’s about to make good on every single word you just whispered.
That, by any metric, was statistically significant indeed.
-
TL: @ziiao @beariegyu @seonhoon @somuchdard @naurwayyyyy @bloomiize @zzhengyu @annybah @ijustwannareadstuff20 @ddolleri @elairah @dreamy-carat @geniejunn @kristynaaah @zoemeltigloos @mellowgalaxystrawberry @inlovewithningning @vveebee @m3wkledreamy @lovelycassy @highway-143 @koizekomi @tiny-shiny @simbabyikeu @cristy-101 @dearestdreamies @enhaverse713586 @cybe4 @starniras @wonuziex
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cinnasite · 2 months ago
Text
nerd gone viral ( ˶°ㅁ°) !!
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꩜ pairing: nerd!armin arlert x female reader
꩜ warnings: explicit content, language
꩜ word count: 3.7k
꩜ synopsis: a harmless campus interview turns your best friend into an overnight internet sensation—and suddenly, every thirsty TikTok comment feels like it’s whispering your secret.
☆ art cred: @/juvianism on instagram :3
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You nearly spill your coffee all over your Political Theory textbook when you unlock your phone. Another two hundred comments on that TikTok. You know you shouldn't check—you probably watched it about a million times yesterday alone—but your fingers move before your brain can scream at you to stop.
@/bookslvt01: ok but the way he talks about virginia woolf??? NEED HIM CARNALLY @/colossalthighs: i’d let him annotate my entire body fr @/arlertmeout: he looks like he apologises before choking you
You bite your lip, half-entertained and half-horrified, scrolling through the endless comments under what was supposed to be an innocent campus interview. The video has 2.3 million views now, completely insane for something filmed outside the modest main library—the same one you find yourself in at the moment—on a random Tuesday.
"Ugh, don’t tell me. You're watching it again, aren't you?"
Your head snaps up comically quick, caught red-handed, to find Sasha sliding into the seat across from you at your usual table, eyeing your phone screen with knowing amusement. 
"What? No."
"You are! You have that weird, glazed look in your eyes. The same one you get when Professor Ackerman extends the deadline for our research papers." Sasha unwraps what appears to be her third sandwich of the day. You don't mention how it’s only twelve in the afternoon. "You know you could just talk to him about it, right? He's literally one of your best friends."
"And say what exactly?" you finally close the godforsaken app, trying to ignore how your screen time report is definitely going to be embarrassing this week. "Hey Armin, I've watched your viral video more times than I can remember and I'm having very inappropriate thoughts about your tongue piercing that I absolutely shouldn't be having about my friend?"
Sasha snickers, a piece of lettuce tumbling to the table from her mouth. "Well, when you put it like that... actually, yes. One hundred percent that."
"Sasha, I can't just—" you frown in frustration, inhaling deeply. "It's complicated."
"How is it complicated? You've had a crush on him since freshman year."
"That was different. That was before we became friends. Before I knew him." You lean back in your chair, staring at the ceiling as fond memories overwhelm you. "Back then he was just this cute, nerdy guy in my intro psych class who got excited about statistical analysis and always smelled like that vanilla body wash I love. I used to sit behind him just to watch him get all animated during discussions about cognitive behavioural theory, you know?"
Sasha merely rolls her eyes. "Jesus, and you call me demented. Well, what about now?"
"Now? Now, he's Armin. He's my friend who stays up until 3 A.M. to help me with my assignments, who brings me soup when I'm sick, who texts me the dumbest memes about historical figures," you slump forward, close to pouting. "He's the guy who spent six hours teaching me how to play that MMO he's obsessed with just because I mentioned being bored over winter break. He's..."
"He's the guy you're infatuated with," Sasha supplies helpfully.
"I'm not," you start to protest, then wisely opt to give up instead. "Okay, maybe. But that's exactly the problem. I can't risk blowing up our friendship just because some stupid interview made me realise I want to climb him like a tree."
"A tree with a tongue piercing," Sasha adds with a cheeky grin.
"Fuck’s sake, don't remind me," you let your head rest against the table. "Do you know how many times I've replayed that two-second clip where he licks his lips? It's pathetic."
"It's not pathetic, it's kind of sweet. There's a difference." Sasha takes another bite of her sandwich, her eyes evidently lighting up. "Besides, you don't know that he doesn't feel the same way. Have you seen how he looks at you during our study sessions? Boy's got it bad."
"He looks at me like a friend, Sasha. Because that's what we are."
"Believe me, friends don't look at friends the way he looked at you last Friday when you were explaining your thesis argument. I thought he was going to combust from sexual tension."
Before you can blatantly disagree, you hear an all too familiar voice behind you.
"Sexual tension about what now?"
Your stomach drops directly through the floor. You turn around carefully, and there he is—Armin Arlert, campus's newest digital sensation, standing there with that signature bemused expression he gets when he catches you and Sasha gossiping. His blonde hair is mussed like he's been running his hands through it, and he's wearing that adorable blue sweater that brings out his eyes deliciously.
"Oh, um..." You scramble for an explanation, panicking on the inside. "We were just talking about... about..."
"About how Professor Ackerman's lectures are basically academic foreplay," Sasha jumps in smoothly. "All that tension and buildup with no satisfying conclusion. I mean, hello?"
Armin laughs, the sound warm and comforting. "That's fascinatingly accurate, I’ll admit." He shifts his weight, and you only then notice he's carrying his laptop bag and what seems to be a bag of takeout. "Mind if I join you? I brought Thai food and figured you might be hungry since you've been here since—," he checks his phone, "—9 A.M., according to the text you sent complaining about how it’s criminal that the library opens so early on weekends."
Your heart does a little flip at his consideration. "You didn't have to do that."
"I wanted to." He slides into the chair next to you, close enough that you can smell his cologne—a rich blend of velvety caramel and toasted cinnamon that positively makes you want to lick him all over. 
Stop. None of that, you horny bastard.
"Besides, I figured you might want to hear about the latest developments in my accidental internet fame."
Sasha perks up at once. "Hell, yeah. Have you been recognised on campus yet?"
"Five times yesterday," Armin appears to lament, pulling containers out of the bag. "Including once in the bathroom, which was... awkward, to say the least." He hands you your usual order without asking what you want. "But the weirdest part is definitely the DMs."
"DMs?" you pipe up, failing to ignore how domestic this feels what with him knowing exactly what you like. Typical, precious Armin.
"You have no idea," he opens his laptop and turns it toward you two with a nervous twitch. "I've gotten marriage proposals, offers to 'show me a good time,' and at least a hundred messages asking about my tongue piercing specifically."
Your face burns as you push away the thought that you've been mentally composing similar messages. "That's... wow."
"The worst part is, most of them are asking if I'd be interested in demonstrating its uses." He fidgets with his glasses, coming across as embarrassed but also endearing. "I had no idea that thing would cause such a reaction."
"Well, it is pretty noticeable," Sasha remarks with a meaningful peek at you. "Very... attention-grabbing."
"I guess." Armin glances at you pointedly. "What do you think? You've seen the video, right?"
The question is innocent enough, but something in his tone makes you look at him more carefully. There's an out-of-the-ordinary implication that you can't quite put your finger on. "Uh... yeah, I've seen it," you manage to croak out. Terrific. Could you get any stiffer?
"And?"
"And what?"
"What did you think?"
You stare at him blankly, trying to figure out if this is a normal friend question or if you’re incorrectly perceiving the foreign edge of curiosity behind it. "I thought... I mean, your book recommendations were really good. Very passionate."
"Passionate," he repeats, the fleeting flash of understanding across his face confirming your earlier weariness. "That's interesting."
Sasha's phone cuts through the uneasiness with its incessant buzzing, and she scans it with obviously fake surprise. "Oh no, would you look at that. I have to go... meet... someone... about... a... very real thing... I have." She begins gathering her stuff with awfully suspicious speed. "You two have fun talking about books. And passion. And tongue piercings."
"Huh? Wait. Sasha—" you squeak out, but she's already dashing out of the private study room you had booked for the both of you until late afternoon (traitor). Which leaves you alone with Armin, who's scrutinising you with an expression you can't quite read.
"Alright," he speaks after a moment, closing his laptop and leaning back in his chair. "Want to tell me what you actually thought about the video?"
"I already told you."
"No, you gave me the safe answer." He tilts his head slightly, studying you with purpose. "Come on, we've been friends for two years. I know when you're holding back."
You hastily shove some noodles in your mouth, avoiding his gaze. "I'm not holding back."
"Really? Because Sasha seemed to think you had some important opinions about it."
You make a mental note to start drafting your plan for the girl’s well-deserved comeuppance. "Sasha talks too much."
"She does," Armin agrees. "But she's usually right about things. Especially when it comes to you."
The rarely there confidence in his tone makes you look up and, when you meet his gaze, the intensity catches you off guard. "What do you want me to say?"
"Did you know," he continues conversationally, "that TikTok shows you analytics about who's viewed your videos?"
Almost instantly, your heart stops. "What?"
"Mhm. Very detailed analytics. Including multiple views from the same account." His lips quirk up in a small smile. "Want to guess how many times your account shows up in my viewer list?"
You feel heat creeping up your neck. "I don't know what you're talking about." You briefly consider denying reality, blaming a technical issue, or claiming a glitch in the matrix—but none of it sticks.
"Seventy-seven times," he announces, the metaphorical checkmate hitting you straight in the chest. "As of this morning."
Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god. He knows. "I can explain—"
"Can you?" He angles himself forward, resting his elbows on the table. "Because I've been trying to figure out why my very good friend has watched a boring thirty-second video of me talking about books seventy-seven times."
You want to run away, mouth opening and closing like a fish. "I... the algorithm is weird sometimes?"
Armin chuckles, low and warm, absent of any malice. "Try again."
"I was checking to see if the view count was going up?"
"Nope."
You're quiet for a long moment, trying to figure out how to get out of this without completely humiliating yourself. You don't suppose it's too late to jump out of a window? Ultimately, you sigh in defeat. "Okay, fine. Maybe I watched it a few times."
"A few?"
You narrow your eyes, crossing your arms in defiance at the unsolicited endless interrogation. "More than a few."
"How many more?"
You want to strangle him, and not in the sexy way. "You’re being annoying."
"Come on." His voice has dropped slightly lower, and there's something almost akin to teasing in it. "I told you about the marriage proposals. Fair's fair."
You mutter a profanity under your breath, groaning. "Fine. I watched it a lot. Happy?"
"No. We’re getting there, though. Why?"
"Why what?"
Armin’s glee sharpens into something ravenous, a flicker of desperation lurking beneath his carefree demeanour—like he’s itching for you to say exactly what he needs. "Why did you watch it seventy-seven times?"
Your lungs feel too tight, too exposed. "Because..."
"Because?"
"Because you looked really good, okay?" The words come out in a rush. "Because watching you talk about literally anything is incredibly attractive, and because that frustrating part where your tongue piercing shows has been tormenting me ever since the video came out."
The silence that follows is eerily deafening. Armin simply stares at you, and you wish the ground would swallow you whole.
"Shit," you grumble, burying your face in your hands. "I'm sorry. That was completely out of line. I know we're friends and I shouldn't have—"
"Hey. Look at me."
The way he asks convinces you to peep through your fingers, reluctant but unable to look away. His expression is attentive and focused—definitely not one of disgust.
"You think I'm attractive?" he questions softly.
"I... yes?"
He blinks, his usual calm shattered by the raw vulnerability in your voice. His fingers tremble, revealing the fierce hope inside that there’s a potential chance that someone sees him as more than the sum of his quirks.  "Even though I'm just a loser who gets excited about obscure paranormal documentaries and spends too much time playing video games?"
"Especially because of that," you admit, having never been more sure of yourself.
His answering smile is slow and devastating. "Good to know."
"Good to know?"
He hums, reaching across the table, and gently pulls your hands away from your face. "I've been wondering if you'd ever see me as more than just your friend who helps you with your homework."
Your brain, without a doubt, malfunctions. "What?"
"Did you really think I started bringing you food and staying up late just because I'm a good friend?"
The words disarm you. You’re trapped between incredulity and the dawning comprehension of what he might be suggesting. "I
"
"And did you think I learned how to play your favourite songs on guitar just because I had time to spare?"
"Y-you said you wanted to practice—"
"And I presume you thought I got this piercing because I was feeling rebellious?"
That stops you short, confusion apparent in the furrow of your brows. "You didn't?"
Armin's grin turns almost predatory. "I got it because I overheard you and Sasha talking about how cool you find them. This was back in October, after you'd been dating that guy with the lip ring."
You feel like a kettle left on the stove too long. "You... what?"
"You said, and I quote, 'There's something about tongue piercings that's beyond exciting.’ Something along the lines of how the person has to be bold enough to get it, but there's the simultaneous insinuation of what they can do with it."
"I’m going to kill myself," you gape at him in horror. "You heard all of that?"
"I was sitting right behind you in the campus coffee shop. You weren’t exactly shy about it." He shifts closer, and you can spot the hint of silver when he speaks, "I made an appointment that very afternoon."
"You got a tongue piercing because of something I said about another guy?"
"I got a tongue piercing because I wanted to be the guy you were talking about."
The confession hangs in the air between you, charged and electric. You stare at him, trying to process this complete change in everything you thought you knew about your friendship. 
"I've been trying to get your attention for months. I was starting to think I'd have to do something drastic."
In spite of being made to face terrifying revelation after revelation, you manage to stutter out a breathless laugh. "More drastic than getting a tongue piercing for me?" 
"I was considering learning to play your favourite video game."
You snort despite yourself. "You hate that game."
He shrugs casually, as if the lengths to which he would go for you knew no bounds. "I know. That's how desperate I was getting."
The atmosphere between you feels tense now, full of possibility and two years of unspoken tension. Armin traces your knuckles and the simple touch sends heat shooting up your arm.
"So," you say, trying to stay as composed as you possibly can. "What happens now?"
"Now," he starts, standing up, "you tell me what exactly you were thinking about during those seventy-seven views."
He's close enough that you have to tilt your head back to look at him, and the unwavering want in the blue of his eyes makes your breath catch. "I was thinking..." you trail off, feeling timid with his attention on you.
"You can do it. Use your words for me?" his voice has gotten rougher, huskier, and it sends delightful shivers down your spine.
"I was thinking about what it would feel like."
"What would feel like?"
"Your piercing. When you..." You gesture vaguely, cheeks burning. Armin's hand comes up to cup your face, thumb brushing across your bottom lip. "When I what?"
"When you kiss me," you whisper.
"Just kissing?" The question is loaded with underlying intentions, and you shake your head slowly.
"Tell me what else you were thinking about."
"Armin..."
"Please." The plea is hushed but insistent. "I want to know what's been going through your head."
You swallow, your throat suddenly dry as you let go of the entirety of your self-restraint. "I was thinking about what it would feel like on my body. What it would feel like when you use your mouth on me."
His pupils immediately dilate at your words. "Fuck."
"Is that... is that okay?"
Instead of verbally affirming, he leans down and kisses you. It's gentle at first, tentative, but when you react by fisting your hands in his sweater and pulling him closer, he deepens it. The first brush of his tongue against yours has you gasping, and when you feel the metal of his piercing, it sends intoxicating pleasure shooting through you.
You break apart, breathing heavily, and Armin rests his forehead against yours.
"How was that?" he asks earnestly, voice raspy.
"Good," you breathe. "Really good."
His smile is full of care but there's primal desire behind it. "And the piercing?"
"Want more of it."
He brushes his thumb across your lip again. Truth be told, it’s plain torture. "You know, we're in public right now."
Every wall you built is crumbling under the weight of him, and all you can do is let it. "I know."
"Anyone could walk by and see us."
"I know."
"And you don't care?"
You drag your hand up his thigh, stopping just shy of where he clearly wants it, "Not even a little bit."
He kisses you again, harder this time, and you can't help the soft moan that escapes when his tongue meets yours in another dance of display. The sound seems to flip a switch in him, because his hands are tangling in your hair and he's pressing you back against your chair.
"God, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do this," he murmurs against your lips.
"Tell me ‘Min."
"Since freshman year. Since that first day in psych class when you argued with Professor Smith about the ethics of behavioural modification."
You draw away just barely, shaking under the intimacy of his declaration. "That long?"
"That long." He doesn’t think twice before trailing his teeth along your jaw, and when the metal of his piercing digs into your flushed skin, you whimper needily. 
"You were so assertive, so brilliant. I was completely and utterly gone."
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because you were dating that business major asshole, and then when you broke up, we became friends,” he hesitantly halts his ministrations to flutter his eyelashes at you, “I-I didn't want to ruin it." 
Good heavens, you didn’t stand a chance from the beginning.
"But then you kept looking at me like... like you wanted me too, and I started hoping..."
"I did want you. I do want you." The admission comes out whinier than intended, but you can’t bring yourself to be bothered at this point. "So much."
His hands tighten in your hair. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
You’re unaware of how many minutes pass as you lose yourself in the sensation of his mouth on yours, and the way he tastes like mint and something uniquely him. You dig your nails lightly into his sides, claiming him in an act of fervent possession. His breaths mingle with yours and the world outside your tangled bodies fades until there’s nothing but lust burning between you. By the end of it, your chests rise and fall in tandem.
"We should probably get out of here," he mumbles, peeking around the library.
Craving Armin has left you dazed, vision glassy as you attempt to make sense of your surroundings. "Right. Um, your place or mine?"
He pecks your nose, full of affection, tenderly guiding you. "Mine. My roommate's gone for the weekend."
You start gathering your things with shaky hands, hyperaware of the way Armin is observing you. When you bend over to pick up your bag, you hear his sharp intake of breath.
"Something wrong?" you ask innocently.
"N-nothing," he mutters, skittishly pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.
The walk to his dorm feels like it takes forever, full of stolen glances and the kind of anticipation that makes your skin feel too tight. When you reach his room, he fumbles with his keys for a moment—so fucking cute—before getting the door open.
You haven’t had a lot of time this semester to crash at his dorm—neat and organised, with anime posters on the walls and stacks of books and manga everywhere. But you barely have time to take it in before he's pressing you against the closed door, urgency lacing his actions.
This time, there's nothing apprehensive about it. His hands are everywhere—your waist, your back, squeezing your ass—and when you arch against him, he makes a low sound of approval.
"You taste so good," he shudders against you. "Everything I’ve imagined and so much more."
"You imagined this?"
"Every night for two years." His mouth moves to your neck, nibbling along your throat. "What you'd look like, what you'd sound like when I made you come."
The words send heat pooling low in your belly, prompting you to press your thighs together instinctively. "Fuck, don’t say shit like that.”
"Why not? I’ve been longing for you. All of you," he whispers, pulling back to look at you with dark, lidded eyes. "You’re not getting away until I’ve had my fill."
It would be an understatement to say that you hadn’t foreseen this when you woke up today. That you'd be spending hours with your legs over Armin's shoulders, forgetting your own name; the compassionate, stammering genius the internet drooled over. Too bad he’s not on the market. It would be a treat if his fans could see him like this—flushed and breathless, fingers gripping your hips like he’d die without you. Armin Arlert, golden boy of TikTok, practically begging to let him ruin you.
You grow dizzy at the promise in his voice. "Please."
He lets his hand trail lower, indecently tranquil, and just as you think he’ll do something reckless—he pauses, smirking wickedly.
"Want to find out what this piercing really feels like when I eat you out?"
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skzdarlings · 1 year ago
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Chan with ❛ that really does make you hard. i can feel you pulsing inside me. ❜
summary: your husband is a university professor. when you sit in on one of his lectures, it gives both of you an idea...
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pairing: bang chan/reader content info: husband!chan, kinky professor/student roleplay, though reader is his wife and not actually a student. dom!chan, sub!reader, degrading language (stupid, dumb, slut). corruption kink, power dynamics kink. explicit sexual content. word count: 2380 words.
part of the valentine's day stories series. credit to prompts. requests are closed.
enjoy! <3
-
Chan is giving a lecture when you reach the university.   You kill some time and grab a coffee, ambling around campus and idling in corridors until your wandering leads you to his hall.  The main doors are propped open, likely for air circulation with the spring heat, and you smile at his voice spilling into the hallway. 
It is a big lecture hall.  He is teaching a beginner level so the class is substantially large, a couple hundred freshman packed inside.  No one will notice an extra presence.  There are a few empty seats scattered across the back row so you slip inside and quietly take one. 
You like seeing Chan in his element.  Your husband is something of a chameleon, spending his down time in hoodies and baseball caps, listening to music and giggling at his own goofy jokes.  You almost forget his professional side, his prestigious and academic character.  He loves his research and his work and his students and it shows in every remark and gesticulation.  
You adore him.  His passion and intelligence never cease to amaze you.
Though right now your loving attention strays to his appearance.  You must admit: your husband is a hottie.  You suspect the tittering co-eds in the first few rows are not as interested in statistical analysis as their rapt attention might suggest.
Professor Bang Chan stands at the front of the hall, dressed down to his shirtsleeves.  His suit jacket has been tossed over the desk.  His pants are pressed, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, but his neat black hair is just this side of dishevelled, like he has been running his fingers through it. 
You slouch in your seat and smile a cheesy smile as you watch him work. 
He looks around the hall as he lectures, attentive to every student.   In his perusal, his eyes skim the back row.  They stop on you.   
“And that’s why we, uh, ah
” He stumbles so noticeably that a few heads turn to see what caught his eye.   He laughs and waves, drawing their attention again.  “Sorry, sorry, as I was saying
”    
Your smile only widens.  There is a little flutter in your heart as your husband looks at you with a glimmer in his eye.  You rest your head on your fist and watch the rest of the lecture without any interruption.  
You stay seated when it ends and the students file out.  Chan lingers by his desk to sort his papers.  You just admire him for a moment, then you make your way down the aisle.  He lifts his head, smiling at you.
“Hey, stranger,” he says, shrugging on his jacket.  “You’re early.” 
“Yeah, I thought traffic would be worse.”  
“Hungry?”
“Definitely, Professor,” you say.  Your original plans were dinner, but you lift an eyebrow while smirking, suggesting a different kind of hunger entirely. 
It makes him laugh, a nervous sort of laugh.  You are charmed by the tips of his ears turning red, a testament to your ability to fluster your man well into your marriage. 
“What’s wrong, Professor?” you ask, reaching up to touch his face.   “Aren’t you hungry too?”
He stares back at you for a moment.  His gaze is resolute despite his faint blush.  You cannot help your delight. 
“Ooh,” you say.  “Do you like it when I call you Professor, Professor?”
He finally takes your hand and lowers it. 
“I’m a professional,” is what he says, which is definitely not an answer to the question you asked.  He kisses your cheek before you can protest his reply, then he winks and grabs his bag.  “Come on,” he says, “I just have to put some stuff in my office.  Then we’ll go grab dinner.” 
You suspend your teasing for the time being, talking about your day as you cross campus in the sunshine.  You take the stairs up to the office floor, winding around the labyrinthine assembly of empty offices.  It is quite late in the afternoon, plenty of people seemingly packed up and gone for the day. 
He unlocks his office and lets you both in.  While he goes to his desk to sort his stuff, you close and lock the door.  He does not notice your deliberate movements, still talking about mundane nothings.  You do love your endless conversations, whether casual or important, but right now you are less preoccupied with Channie than Professor Chan.  There is something about seeing your husband like this, smart, competent, confident, and so in charge of his space. 
“Baby girl?” he asks, lifting an eyebrow at your slow, slinky approach.  “What’s up?” 
You circle the desk and lay a hand on his chest, smoothing your palm down his lapel.  You swear his eyes somehow darken, narrowing in focus, his whole expression coloured differently than before. 
“What are you doing?” he asks. 
“I know you’re married, Professor,” you say, blinking oh-so innocently at him.  “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable
 it’s just that I
 I need
”
He lets you nudge him back onto the desk chair behind him.  He gazes up as you lean over him. 
“Baby,” he says, warningly, but does not move or push your hands away. 
“We’re all alone, Professor,” you say.  “The door is locked.  No one will ever find out.” 
“Ah. Is that right?” he asks, looking like he is on the verge of giggles.  He sighs instead, dropping his chin and shaking his head, playfully disappointed.  With another breath, he lifts his head, and your sweet husband dons a more predatory air.   
He does not even have to say anything, does not even have to touch you.  He just has to look at you with all that desire in his eyes, turning your insides molten.  Every dirty thought is plain in how he checks you out.
“I saw you looking at me in class today,” you say, breathless already.  “Did you think I looked pretty, Professor?”                                         
“I think,” he says, “I was impressed you were sitting there, actually listening for once.”
You open your mouth to retort, but he touches a shushing finger to your lips.  He shakes his head. 
“Nuh-uh,” he says.  “Tell me what you want before I throw you out of my office.”  He cups your jaw, his gaze so clearly centred on your lips. 
“Oh, please, don’t do that,” you say.  “I need you, Professor.  I mean, I need your help.”
“I think you’re beyond help, baby girl,” he says.  He momentarily breaks character to glance at the wall, then he looks at you with a quirked brow.  “We are at my work, maybe we should—”
“I know you,” you reply.  
Because you do.  You and your husband are no strangers to roleplay or kinky fun, your desires and boundaries and safewords known.  Your backside is still tender from a good spanking the night before, just enough to leave you squirming today.  You were pent-up before you even saw Professor Chan administering his lecture.  But now that you have, now that you are here, you cannot let it go.  And given the way he is looking at you, he feels the same way.
“You’ve been hard since I called you Professor in the lecture hall,” you say. 
“Since I saw you sitting in my classroom, actually,” he corrects.  “I could fill in the rest with my own imagination.  Just
 looking at you
”  He takes another breath and looks you over.  His gaze is heady.  “God, you just get me going every time, you know that?” 
“I won’t tell if you won’t,” you say with another smirk.  Then you pout, batting your eyelashes, as you sink to your knees in front of him.  “Please, Professor,” you say.  “I’m begging you.  I need a good grade or else.  I’ll do anything.” 
“Anything,” he says.  “That’s, ah
 that’s a bold statement.  Are you sure about that?”
“Of course I am,” you say.  You clasp your hands.  “Anything at all.” 
“You know, a man who is not as nice me could do bad things to you, baby.   A pretty girl like you.  It’s like you want someone to take advantage of you, yeah?”  He cups your jaw and tilts your face up, looking at your mouth thoughtfully, smiling as he circles his thumb over your lips.  “They could be really mean to you,” he says.  “Make you do things you don’t like.  Maybe even hurt you, baby.”
“But you wouldn’t do those things,” you say with a watery sniffle.  “You’re a good professor. I can trust you.”
“Of course you can,” he says.  With his thumb, he tugs your bottom lip down.  It flips back up with a bounce.  “I’ll help you then, if you do what I say.”
“Oh yes, of course, Professor, anything,” you say. You start to stand when he puts a hand on your shoulder. 
“Naw, naw,” he says.  “You stay there for me.”
“On my knees?”  You blink up at him.  “What for?” 
“Tsk.  Baby.  You know what for.”  He pats your head like he would an especially dumb puppy.  “You’re just a pretty face,” he says, “but you’re not that stupid.  You know what you’re good for at least, don’t you?”   
He cups your chin.  Before you can reply, his thumb is forcing its way into your mouth, pressing down on your tongue. You wrap your lips around it, staring up at him while sucking diligently. 
“That’s it,” he says, and slides free with a wet little pop.  “Good job.  See?”  He speaks with saccharine sweetness, completely condescending as he pats your cheek.  “You are good at something.”  He unbuttons your shirt with deft swiftness, your breasts already heaving in your low-cut bra when he pushes the material off your shoulders.  He laughs to himself as he says, “It’s just the only thing you’re good at is being a dumb slut, but that’s okay, yeah?” 
“I
 I guess
”
“Shh, it’s okay.”  He covers you whole mouth with his hand, tugging you close while he undoes his belt with the other.  “You don’t need to talk,” he says.  “No one needs to hear what you think.  Open your mouth for me.   That’s a good girl.  Come on.  You can take it.” 
With a shuffle, he gets his pants open and partially down, enough to get himself out.  He is already rock hard as he guides you forward, sliding into your waiting mouth.  He grunts with deep, obvious pleasure. 
He lets you take over, sitting back while you suck his cock with expert knowledge of exactly what he likes, when to take him deep, when to lick and suck and swallow.  You stop for a breath and his cock smacks your cheek.  Then suddenly he is standing and taking you with him, wasting no time bending you over his desk. 
“Professor!” you say, pushing your ass out with your theatrically scandalized cry.  “Oh no, sir, I’ve never done this before, please, ahh—”   
He lifts your skirt and tugs your panties to the side, sliding his fingers through all the wet arousal there.  He slides two fingers into you easily, with no resistance at all.  He leans down and laughs against the nape of your neck.
“I find that hard to believe,” he says, fucking you steadily with his hand.  “I think I’m not the only professor you’ve done this for, am I, baby?” 
“Ohh,” is all you manage, out of character and genuinely moaning as he works you towards a quick orgasm.  “Channie, you’re gonna make me come,” you warn, wriggling. 
Your moans turn to pathetic little whimpers when he wraps a strong arm around you, locking you in place as he lines up behind you. 
“What’s that?” he asks, holding you tight.  It stops you from writhing while he pushes his wet dick inside you, inch by slow inch.  “I’m not Channie, am I?” he says.  “What do you call me?  Huh?  Dumb little girl.”  He swats your ass and you yelp, clenching around him.  “Try again,” he says. 
“Oh, Professor,” you say.  Then you cannot help but giggle, recalling his evasion when you teased him in the lecture hall.  The evidence of his desire says it all.  “That really does make you hard,” you laugh, breathlessly, “I can feel you pulsing inside me.”
You squeak when he pushes you down onto the desk, holding your hips as he thrusts into you with more vigour.  Then you are not saying anything, just moaning and riding out every quick snap of his hips.  You are not sure how he manages to find the softest, squishiest, more sensitive place inside you, every time, no matter the place or position, sending you hurtling towards to an orgasm at breakneck speed. 
“Oh, help, Professor, I’m gonna—”
“Me too, baby,” he says.  “All inside you.”
“Ohh, fuck—”  You come with a shuddering convulsion, twitching and clenching, your eyes closed as you pant into the wooden surface of his desk.  Your orgasm ends and he is still fucking you, drawing it out.  Your voice is guttural, low and breathy as you say, “Professor, be careful, we have no protection
”
He lifts you up, arches your back, and covers your mouth.
“I
 told
 you
”  He punctuates each sound with a hard thrust.  “To
 be
 quiet
” 
Then he drives into you and stays there, groaning into your neck as he comes and comes.   When his hand drops, you take in a gulp of air, shivering from the aftershocks of pleasure.  You are spilling out of your bra from all the jostling, your skirt in disarray.  You whimper when he pulls out of you, then again when he just covers you back up with your panties.  They are soaked in a second. 
“Maybe, uh,” he says with one of his funny, embarrassed, little giggles.  “Maybe we should stop by home and clean up before we go for dinner.” 
You giggle too, turning around to face him.  You fix your shirt while he tucks himself back into his pants.  He is already blushing and smiling that dimpled smile, looking all sweet and goofy as if he didn’t just fuck your brains out on his desk. 
“Good idea,” you say.  “That’s why you’re the professor.” 
He laughs.  Looking at you fondly, he cups your cheek and pulls you in for a long, tender kiss.    
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thewertsearch · 6 months ago
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TT: It seems that you consider me to be, no less than one hundred percent of the time, an obstinate stick in the mud. [
] GT: Wait
 GT: "It seems"?? TT: What? GT: Oh for fucks sake. [
] GT: This is your auto responder.
Wait, really?
If it is, it's very good. I guess it's possible that Bro wrote all those responses himself, but I suspect instead that the thing is just actually sentient. Why not, right?
Plus, it explains why Bro doesn't like that Jane enjoys it so much. Like, imagine the AI you made as a personal assistant is more popular than your actual personality. That'd hurt!
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TT: Bullshit. TT: I'm being like, the perfect dude right now. A fully fucking legitimate human being. GT: Ok then check this out mr legit human dude. GT: Excuse me sir not to be a bother but could you please tell me all about this strider fellows auto responder? TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now. GT: You see! TT: What if I was just fucking with you there?
Definitely sentient, and pretty funny to boot. The responder is set to answer someone fun Sburb questions I never thought the game would address, such as:
Does it think an AI can count as a person?
Will the AI at least have a sylladex?
TT: Would it really be so unthinkable for a human to type that? GT: Because you always say shit like that after i catch wise to your games.
'Like that' is important. It means there are variations in how it responds, which means the AR is actually making new shit up.
Plus, this is long before ChatGPT came into the picture, so the shit it 'makes up' is supposed to be a sign of true creativity, rather than generative AI slop.
GT: Hey. Tell me about the auto responder. Make it snappy shitknickers! TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 93% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now. GT: Gee dude you sure typed that exact same thing pretty fast. GT: Are you still fucking with me?? TT: It could be a coincidence that I typed the same answer. GT: You always type that answer!!!!! TT: It could be a coincidence that I always type the same answer.
Oh my god, this guy rules.
Can we keep him? C'mon, surely there's enough room to squeeze a fifth Player into the session. He can be our new Davesprite!
GT: This is pointless im not having this conversation unless its with my REAL LIFE FRIEND. THE ONE WITH HUMAN FEELINGS WHO ISNT A PRETEND PERSON INSIDE SUNGLASSES.
God damn it, Jake! That was not what I meant by 'the new Davesprite'!
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incognit0slut · 1 year ago
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Much Ado About Nothing (Act I, Scene I: The Silent Agreement)
Ever since that night, you and Spencer have always been at odds, but there is one thing you both agree on.
Part warning: just two idiots bickering nonstop Words: 1,6k A/n: so nervous about starting this but welcome to the first part! It's a short introduction though I'm trying to make longer chapters in the future
SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST
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Hate was too strong of a word, too intense and dramatic for the subtler, more nuanced disdain you felt toward him. It was more like a persistent itch you couldn’t scratch, a pebble in your shoe, or a fly that wouldn’t leave you alone.
You didn’t hate him. You didn’t even dislike him all the time. But there were moments when you wanted to shake him, or yank his tie hard enough to shut his smart mouth. Because every time he started throwing around statistics and facts, he made it sound like you couldn’t possibly understand, as if you weren’t on the same intellectual level as him.
And right now was one of those times you wanted to wipe that smug look off his face.
“You’re wrong,” you argued, not breaking eye contact as you leaned across the cluttered map with pins and photos of various crime scenes. “The Unsub doesn’t fit the profile of someone who strikes randomly. Look at the pattern, the meticulous planning in each location—it’s obvious they selected victims based on specific criteria, not opportunity.”
Spencer scoffed, his eyes narrowing slightly. “The victims have nothing in common. Different ages, different backgrounds, different cities. How do you explain the randomness of the victims if it was planned?”
“It’s the chaos that’s planned, the seeming randomness, each victim is at a pivotal point. The Unsub is not just killing; they’re sending a message through the timing.”
“A message? Or is that just what you want to see?”
You frowned, not liking the condescending tone in his voice. “Reid, not everything has to fit into your neat little boxes of logic. Sometimes, you have to look beyond the obvious.”
“You mean baseless assumptions?”
“How about intuition?” you snapped back. “How about pattern recognition that isn’t immediately visible but becomes clear when you consider the psychological aspects?”
“You mean your hunches?
You gritted your teeth. “It’s not about my hunches. It’s about understanding the Unsub’s mind. They’re choosing victims who are at turning points in their lives for a reason. Maybe it’s symbolic, maybe it’s personal."
“Or maybe you’re just reading too much into this.”
Your frustration bubbled over. You knew if he weren’t talking to you, he might actually agree—No, he would definitely agree. You had enough experience working with him to understand his analytical style and to know that he valued well-reasoned arguments. Yet now it felt like he was purposely dismissing your perspective.
He wasn’t being fair.
“You know what? Sometimes I think you’d argue with a freaking wall if it meant you could prove a point.” To me at least. "Not everything is a textbook case, and not every answer is in your precious statistics.”
You saw him raise an eyebrow. “And you’d dismiss all logical analysis if it meant you could rely solely on intuition. How is that any more valid?”
“It’s not about relying solely on intuition,” you defended. “It’s about seeing the connections, the human behavior that your statistics can’t always explain.”
“But you’re assigning meaning where there might be none.” He gave you a pointed look. “Not only is that dangerous, you’re being reckless.”
Red. You were seeing red. Your retort was on the tip of your tongue when a sharp clearing of a throat suddenly interrupted. You both turned to see Hotch standing at the corner of the room.
"Let's redirect this energy towards something productive," Hotch interrupted, you could almost feel the weight of his stare. "Both of your insights are pointless if you keep arguing like this.”
“I wasn’t arguing.”
You rolled your eyes. “Sure, you weren’t.”
Your boss sighed, the kind of deep, exasperated sigh that seemed to pull the oxygen out of the room. “Just... work together. Please.”
The plea was simple, filled with the tiredness of having had this conversation more times than anyone cared to count. He then turned to leave and the room suddenly felt too big, the silence too loud.
You glanced over at Spencer the same time his eyes fell on you. But before either of you could say anthing, the door jerked open, and you watched as Derek sauntered into the room.
“Did you two fight again? Because Hotch asked me to babysit you.”
You scoffed. “Really? Those were his exact words?”
“Of course not, he asked me you needed supervision because you can’t stop sniping at each other.”
“Supervision,” you muttered under your breath, the word sounding ridiculous because it was the last thing you needed. “We don’t need supervision.”
“Exactly. What you both need is a babysitter.”
“We’re also not kids.”
Derek chuckled, leaning against the doorframe. “Could’ve fooled me. Given how loud you were, I half-expected someone to start throwing toys.”
Spencer was quick to defend himself. “We were having a professional disagreement.”
“A professional disagreement?” Derek mocked, pretending to be deep in thought. “That’s what they’re calling it these days?”
You huffed, crossing your arms. “Yes, Morgan, some of us prefer to call it that instead of ‘arguing like toddlers’.”
The grin spreading across his face was so annoying that you wondered whether you should’ve put your frustration on him instead. Derek pushed himself off the doorframe and walkes over to Spencer, casually draping an arm around his shoulders.
“Alright, Pretty Boy, let’s hear your side of this professional disagreement.”
Spencer shifted uncomfortably under his arm but managed to maintain his composure. “We were discussing the Unsub’s choice of victims. I believe the randomness is genuine, while someone,” he glanced pointedly at you, “Thinks there’s a pattern.”
Derek raised an eyebrow. “What pattern?”
You stepped forward, determined to explain. “Look at the victims’ timelines. They were all at critical junctures—new jobs, big moves, major life changes. The Unsub isn’t picking them randomly; they’re choosing people going through something significant.”
Derek nodded thoughtfully, removing his arm from Spencer’s shoulders. “Alright, I see where you’re coming from. And you, Reid, think it’s just a coincidence?”
“I think the Unsub might be targeting randomly to avoid detection. Patterns can be dangerous for them.”
You sighed. “Can we at least agree to look at both possibilities? If we cross-reference the victims’ life changes with significant dates in the Unsub’s background, we might find a connection.”
You held his gaze as he studied you. You were right, you both knew you were, but you could tell admitting he was wrong was the last thing he wanted to do. There was a tense silence as he considered your suggestion, his eyes flicking between the evidence board and you.
Finally, he nodded, albeit reluctantly. “Fine. We can analyze both angles and see if there’s any overlap.”
“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Derek chimed in with a smirk, clearly enjoying the moment. “You know, you could’ve gotten more work done if you two still got along.”
Derek’s words hit harder than you expected, a bittersweet reminder of a time when things were simpler. He was right, of course. There was a time when you and Spencer were more than just colleagues locked in constant debate. You were friends—good friends, even. You could almost hear the echoes of shared laughter that had once come so easily.
You remembered late nights at the office, the two of you working over case files and tossing ideas back and forth. Back then, your debates had been lively, yes, but never tinged with the frustration and competition that seemed to color your interactions now.
And to make matters worse, Derek suddenly voiced out the question neither of you dared to ask out loud.
“You guys used to be inseparable,” he mused, glancing at the two of you with an amused smile. “Wonder where it went wrong.”
You knew he was joking, but his words carried an uncomfortable truth that you couldn’t ignore. You could also tell it affected Spencer because his eyes met yours silently.
You both were thinking the same thing. You were sure of it, because everything had changed after that night, that one night you wished to forget. That one night when you thought your friendship would change for the better, but instead, it turned into a moment of clarity, a freaking slap to the face.
The change was immediate, like the abrupt silence that follows a sudden, jarring noise. What had once been effortless and natural now felt forced and awkward. The distance between you grew. The ease with which you once communicated had been replaced by a strained formality, as if both of you were trying too hard to pretend that nothing had changed.
It was as if you had made a silent pact to never speak of that night, an unspoken agreement to bury it deep and carry on as best you could. Both of you were too proud, too scared to address the elephant in the room.
You looked away, unable to hold his gaze any longer. The weight of the unspoken words pressed heavily on your chest, and sure, it seemed childish to harbor such disdain at your big age, but you couldn’t help it. It wasn't just the loss of a friendship that stung; it was the betrayal of knowing someone so close could cause you such pain.
Because Spencer Reid had hurt you deeply that night, so much so that a small, spiteful part of you wanted to hurt him too.
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left-in-latin-is-sinister · 18 days ago
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I think I've realized why there was such a fundamental difference in how Tom perceived Amanda's relationship with Clarissa as the creator of the character (attracted to her but overall not too bothered when she only wanted to be with Mark) and the general fandom perception (she is deeply in love with Clarissa).
It comes down to the way that queer attraction is or is not typically expressed in queer-straight female friendships (or at least, friendships where someone is presumed straight).
(This may well also be true for male friendships, but I wouldn't know enough to speak on that, and also it's irrelevant to this ship.)
For this analysis, I'm going with the idea that either Clarissa is straight or she hasn't explored or shared her non-straightness, due to the way she never once expresses interest in women, and seems very oblivious to Amanda's attraction.
Ok! On to the crux of the issue:
For the most part, homophobia and its effects either don't exist or are very toned down in SFTH plays. And that's for good reason - a comedy show where you're trying to get general audiences to have a good time isn't the best place to seriously explore that topic, and (mostly) straight and cis men probably aren't the best people to tackle it either. So when Tom as Amanda is hitting on Clarissa, he's doing that without worrying about homophobic or similarly negative reactions, because he knows his scene partners won't take the story in that direction, and he wants to portray a corner of the world where that just isn't an issue.
But us as fans are contextualizing what we see in the play from what we know of real life. And so so often, if you're just passively attracted to a straight close friend, especially a best friend since childhood, you won't mention it for fear of changing the dynamics of the friendship, or at worst, having it ruined entirely. There's the risk of true homophobia if you haven't talked about LGBT people (particularly lesbians) enough to know the straight friend's true feelings on them. And there's some people who are totally okay with the concept of gay people, but when someone close to them is attracted to them, suddenly it's gross, and it unearths some deep-rooted homophobia. Even if you think that's an unlikely outcome, just the chance of it is enough to make many people think twice. And then even if you know your friend is 100% not homophobic, there's the risk that knowing one of the people closest to them is attracted to them will still make them less comfortable around you in some ways. Female best-friendships tend to be super close, and bringing one-sided attraction into it has the genuine potential to destabilize it by making certain things, like physical contact, sleepovers, changing in the same room, etc, suddenly seem take on a different layer of meaning once the feelings are out in the open.
So, keeping in mind that risk, for many people, the only thing that would cause them to hit on their best friend as consistently and enthusiastically as Amanda does to Clarissa is being so in love with them that they decide that they want or need to express that. Maybe it's killing them to hide it any longer, or they want to take the chance at a relationship, however small, because if it works the reward would be worth everything. If the attraction wasn't that serious, many people just wouldn't take the risk, or would feel that it wasn't even worth mentioning.
(Disclaimer: of course this isn't always true. There are definitely straight friends who make it clear that this kind of thing 100% would not bother them, or queer friends who are forward enough to take the risk anyway, or friendships where quite intense flirting is the norm. But I'm talking about the statistically common experience, and the experience that so many queer coming of age stories have used as a trope, etc.)
So when the audience, many of them queer, see this portrayal, they're bringing their own experiences as well as the common tropes of the queer experience as context. And that leads them to believe that Amanda is 100% in love with Clarissa, no matter how much she downplays it, or how Tom says that it wasn't his intention with the portrayal of the character.
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ms-demeanor · 1 year ago
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Sorry to bother you, but do you have any updates to your August 2023 post about good laptops to look for? I need a new laptop for work (data analysis), but I’m scared to pick one since I’m not too certain.
Hey there! I actually now have a website where I've got resources like this up in a more orderly fashion than tumblr; here's the link to the early 2024 guide to laptop specs. This is for standard use office laptops; if you're throwing a heavy-duty statistics program at your data analysis you may want something with a bit more oomph and a lot more RAM (in that case you'd definitely want a minimum of an i7 processor and absolute minimum 16GB RAM). If you're using office-suite type software then the specs on this page should be fine for your needs.
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shmreduplication · 11 months ago
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decided to make a separate post rather than make a v long tangent on this post (which is good and you should read it, tldr is an AI model was supposed to identify wolves vs dogs but every picture of a wolf was in a snowy landscape so the AI's logic was snow=>that animal is a wolf not a dog)
I feel I'm saying this constantly that the phrase "garbage in, garbage out" needs to become MUCH more common because imo it needs to be used in literally every conversation about AI
here's the wikipedia article about it, note that even CHARLES BABBAGE (v important guy in computer history, if you know Alan Turing's name because of computer history then you should learn Charles Babbage's name next) was aware of the phenomena. I think it's interesting that the history of the phrase is from computer history because it's really more of a statistics problem than a computer problem. AI is a statistics+computer problem so I guess it doesn't really matter
anyway the point is if you have bad data then you can only produce bad data analysis. Garbage [data] in, garbage [data analysis and decision-making that's based on it] out. Pictures of wolves in snow in, snow used as the determining factor between wolves and dogs out. Pictures of sheep in fields in, every field labeled as having sheep out. Pictures of pornography in, flagging desert and sandy landscapes as porn out. Racist policing in, racist policing out.
people who make AI models that pull indiscriminately from the entire internet think they're avoiding GIGO because surely the internet has the entirety of human knowledge contained in it? Obviously not, for two reasons: 1. human knowledge contains the information that wolves exist regardless of proximity to snow but that fact is so obvious and benign that it is possible it was never interesting enough for anyone to put onto the internet before this very post, and 2. it only takes one snowless picture of a wolf on the internet to fulfill the idear of "all human knowledge is on the internet" and those (apparently v few) pictures can be completely overwhelmed by the (apparently abundant) pictures of wolves in snow to the point that an AI trained from the internet will still prioritize snow in determining if a picture has a wolf or dog. This is a lot of words to say that the internet is garbage so anything trained from it will only produce garbage
anyway uh. those articles are from 2018 and 2020 so extremely outdated as far as tech news goes so thanks OP for letting me know that this specific kind of landscape-determines-animal kind of AI silliness is still happening because the sheep-fields thing is one of my favorite tech stories and i've told a lot of people about it
oh wait one more thing: Psychology has a related concept, WEIRD Bias, which is about how the majority of psych research is done on people who are Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich, and Democratic so we can't assume conclusions made from that research is applicable to people who fall outside of that acronym. Not exactly a GIGO situation because the conclusions can still be accurate but it definitely still becomes "garbage out" if the diversity of the sample population is not considered and the conclusions are applied universally
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saesbangs · 3 months ago
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concert.
itoshi sae x fem idol!reader
part of this series.
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(y/n): hey!
(y/n): my concert next month
(y/n): saved you a ticket! if you don't come and watch i'd be actually sad TvT
(y/n): see u there!!
(y/n) sent you a file.
His phone buzzed with notifications in the middle of his session analyzing Blue Lock's data, considering them as new contender for the world stage. A small hum went out his throat as he read through your messages.
A concert.
He was never one to be attending such events. But it's Your concert, this one. Not to mention he has all of your songs in his go-to playlist, thus accepting the invitation might not be a bad idea. Contemplating, he checked on his calendar.
Not one agenda yet.
That date was as free as it gets. As if fate itself allowing him to attend. Without putting more thoughts, he typed in.
XX April 2019 - (Y/n)'s Concert.
For a bit, he stared at it blankly. Wondering how does one measure if an idol is the best out of the competition. For athletes, there is clear statistics and objectives. So measuring one's success is not too hard of a math. However, there seem to be lots of variables when it comes to an artist's success equation. Even putting quantitative index on those factors is not something definitive. His brain worked overtime trying to figure this out in mere minutes.
Reaching the dead end, he brushed it off, placing his phone back on the table. He shifted his attention back towards his previous analysis after mumbling to himself,
"How do you plan to know when you've fulfilled your promise, (Y/n)?"
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rottenpumpkin13 · 8 months ago
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What do AGSZ do whenever Cloud's low self esteem reaches really bad levels?
Genesis: Slumps into a chair beside him and starts listing his own perceived inadequacies to make Cloud feel better about his. "My left eyebrow is slightly higher than my right. I've never successfully made toast without burning it. I still don't understand how laundry cycles work. The sight of Sephiroth succeeding makes me want to fling myself from the plate."
Cloud starts feeling a little better until Genesis veers into "And sometimes I dabble in treason and arson, like the time I
" Cloud finds himself filing away mental evidence for what's definitely going to be a future investigation.
Sephiroth: Appears with a laptop and a 47-slide presentation titled "A Comprehensive Analysis on Why Cloud Strife's Self-Perception Is Statistically Incorrect." It's complete with graphs comparing Cloud's achievements to the average SOLDIER failure rate, "Statistical Improbability of Being 'Bad at Everything," and a particularly detailed section on why spending time with his mother might improve his mental health. He concluded that section with "not that I would know."
Zack: Becomes the enemy of negativity. He follows Cloud around and hypes up every single little thing he does like Cloud's own personal cheerleader. He'll sit across from him in the mess hall, banging his fists on the table as they eat dinner with "Yeah Cloud! Look at you slurp up that spaghetti! You rock, man!" He'll interrupt mission briefings to point out how Cloud is "paying attention so well!" and absolutely loses his shit whenever they spar and Cloud wins against him. He had to cut it out when he attempted to set off fireworks indoors to "celebrate Cloud's awesomeness."
Angeal: He makes tea and listens to Cloud's existential crisis with the patience of someone who's dealt with Genesis' insecurities and ramblings for years. He'll occasionally nod and offer wisdom before steering the conversation back to how being human means sometimes feeling like a complete disaster, and that's perfectly fine. All is well until Cloud mentions being bullied.
Suddenly Angeal produces his sword with a velocity that makes Cloud yelp, and "wants to go settle this like men—even if it means breaking someone's knees."
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bananasofthorns · 3 months ago
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America, Thankk You for the Mental Health Crises, but I Need You to Stop: An Analysis of Will Wood's "Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Stop"
I wrote this for my midterm in my Rhythm and Revolutions: Music and Social Change class, which examines the relationship between music/musicians and social change or social movements. It's a really fun class and this was a very fun essay to write. Please enjoy!
America is in a mental health crisis. Although there is no one thing to point at as the direct cause, there are two polarized viewpoints on mental illness that have exacerbated the issue into the ongoing crisis it is today. On one side of the divide are those who ignore mental illness and see it as a shameful weakness; on the other side are those obsessed with pop psychology and the pathologization of all aspects of human existence. In his song “Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave” from The Normal Album, Will Wood confronts both viewpoints in a parody of dialectical behavioral therapy.
The title of the song refers to psychologist Marsha Linehan, the creator of dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). She hoped to treat patients struggling with therapy that focused on changing their thoughts and behaviors by instead teaching them to recognize how their different systems of thought influence each other and how to balance these reactions. At its core, DBT aims to synthesize contrasting views (Swales, 2009). Additionally, the American Psychological Association’s (APA) dictionary of psychology defines “dialectic[s]” as “any investigation of the truth of ideas through juxtaposition of opposing or contradictory opinions” (APA, 2018a). These concepts serve as the framework for “Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave.”
In an interview with New Jersey Stage, Wood explains why he based his song around dialectic theory: “I think the major directions people come from in the mental health discourse are both deeply flawed but mostly well-intended.” The two directions he focuses on in “Marsha, Thankk You” are of those who dismiss mental illness and those who define themselves by it. He also says, “The level of vitriol with which people identify with their often-extreme perspectives on the subject prevent the conversation from making serious progress.” In this song, he expresses his frustrations with the current conversations surrounding mental health, but he also hopes that the song will bring comfort to those struggling with their own uncertainty about mental illness, as well as push them to examine the ways they feel and speak about the topic (“Will Wood Releases,” 2020). He does so by contrasting the two above perspectives in a way that satirizes them both, highlighting how absurd he thinks both extreme sides of the conversation around mental illness are.
Throughout most of “Marsha, Thankk You,” Wood speaks to the listener as if they are someone who defines themself by their mental illness, whether or not that diagnosis is true or self-assigned. In doing so, he addresses issues that plague modern psychology and society, such as over-medicating and the increasing prevalence of pop psychology which pathologizes all aspects of being alive.
One problem with how mental illness is currently treated is the over-prescription of psychiatric drugs. In an interview with psychologist Lawrence Rubin, psychiatrist Allen Frances explains that the expanded diagnosis criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), has led to over-diagnosis and over-prescribing. “Drug companies have become experts in selling the ill to peddle the pill,” he tells Rubin, meaning that these companies take advantage of the too-broad definitions in the DSM-5 to profit off of people who do not actually need medication but believe they do, based on an unnecessary diagnosis. (Rubin & Frances, 2018) “How many milligrams of you are still left in there?” Wood asks the listener in the song’s chorus (Wood, 2020), implying that their true self is being replaced by who they are when taking drugs that they rely on but don’t need.
He expands on his implied criticism of this attitude in an interview with Kill the Music. This perspective, he says, is pushing the belief that mental illness is inherently unfixable and is telling those who are mentally ill that, “[their] only hope is spending the rest of your inherently sick existence worshiping the chemical technology the heavens sent down to us through AstraZeneca,” a global pharmaceutical company. Wood finds this hopeless, over-reliant perspective to be unproductive. (Mohler, 2020)
He adds that these people also find it necessary to “fanatically identify with pop psychology platitudes,” (Mohler, 2020), which is the main issue he speaks against in “Marsha, Thankk You.” The APA dictionary of psychology defines “popular psychology” as “psychological knowledge as understood by members of the general public, which may be oversimplified, misinterpreted, and out of date” (APA, 2018b). Pop psychology has always existed, but it gained traction in modern times through self-help books and magazines. Recent years have seen the rise of mental health influencers–people who spread mental health knowledge and advice on social media platforms–which has led to even more pop psychology “facts” becoming general knowledge. As Wood pointed out in the interview above, people begin to rely on or obsess over the tips and tricks in pop psychology videos and self-help books. This leads to them defining their lives by a mental illness or psychological condition they may not even have.
Throughout the song, Wood’s lyrics point out how absurd this way of living is; he criticizes the lifestyle in the hope that people will realize the ridiculousness of what they’re doing and reassess how they think about themselves. “You could sing a pretty malady like a black canary, but a crow don’t know the smell of carbon monoxide,” he tells the listener in the first verse (Wood, 2020). “A canary in a coal mine” is an expression that indicates an early warning of danger, based on how coal miners used canaries to detect carbon monoxide. Wood likens the listener to a crow mimicking the real thing: it can make the noise, but it cannot actually do the job, and the listener can fake the symptoms of a mental illness but that doesn’t mean they actually have it.
The bridge of “Marsha, Thankk You” especially draws attention to pop psychology’s tendency to pathologize normal aspects of life. In this part of the song, Wood takes the stance he has been criticizing, singing as if he is the one obsessing over a perceived symptom or unnecessary diagnosis. “Doctor, what’s my prognosis if the studies show that / Disease is in the eye of the beholder?” he asks in the first two lines of the bridge (Wood, 2020). “Disease is in the eye of the beholder” is a play on the saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” which means that everyone has their own standard of what is beautiful; in these lines, Wood says that pop psychologists redefine mental illness to be whatever they think fits them best, whether that is true or not. 
Throughout the rest of the bridge, he satirizes this attitude, ending the section by saying, “We’ll all sing when the bell curve rings in lyrics symptomatic of the way we think / If our harmonies don’t sync, we can change our voices / A chorus on condition of our diagnosis” (Wood, 2020). The bell curve refers to the visualization of statistical average, also known as “normal distribution” in statistics; this line ties the song into the themes of normality and conformity that Wood explores in The Normal Album. He is saying that all these people who buy into pop psychology beliefs do so because they want to feel “normal,” and pop psychology gives them ways to treat symptoms or actions that they see as “abnormal” (whether they are or not). When he adds, “If our harmonies don’t sync, we can change our voices / A chorus on condition of our diagnosis” (Wood, 2020), he means that these people change how they act or see themselves based on what the most recent pop psychologist (a self-help blogger, a mental health influencer, etc.) says their “symptoms” (pathologized human behavior) mean. They will do anything to fit into an acceptable box, even if that label doesn’t truly apply to them or doesn’t actually mean what they’ve been told it means.
All of “Marsha, Thankk You,” but especially the bridge, forces the listeners to examine how they think about their own mental health and whether or not they are susceptible to over-relying on pop psychology. However, the song is meant to be a critical comparison between two perspectives, so over-pathologizing is not the only attitude Wood discusses; he also comments on the opposite side of the spectrum, in which people dismiss mental illness entirely.
Attitudes towards mental health have changed drastically over time. The pop psychology trend is mainly prevalent in younger generations; in contrast, older generations are more likely to ignore or deride mental illness. According to Arielle Kanitz, director of dialectical behavioral therapy at FHE Health, the Silent Generation, Baby Boomer generation, and Generation X all carry a heavy stigma against mental health. For the former two generations, it was assumed that anyone being treated for mental illness was insane, and treatment for those outside that label was unheard of; for the latter generation, they “suck[ed] it up and deal[t] with it” (Robb-Dover, 2023). Even today, when conversations regarding mental health are much more normalized and acceptable, those attitudes and beliefs remain. 
Wood uses the choruses of “Marsha, Thankk You” to mock that perspective of mental illness. In the first chorus, he puts himself in the older generations’ shoes and sings, “Back in my day we didn’t need no feel-good pills and no psychiatrists / No, we just drank ourselves to death / And god damn it, we liked it” (Wood, 2020). The phrase “back in my day” is associated with reminiscing on the past, especially in a fond way, but oftentimes the past was not as good as it is remembered. Wood, speaking as the older generation, derides therapy and pharmaceutical drugs and in the same phrase lauds self-medication through alcohol. This contrast emphasizes the absurdity of dismissing valid treatments for mental illness in favor of ignorance and harmful coping mechanisms.
In the next two choruses of the song, Wood reiterates this criticism by increasing the disparity between the speaker’s judgement of modern mental health treatment and their acceptance of harmful ways to deal with the issue. In the second chorus, he replaces the second line of the quoted lyrics above with “No, we just bled out in our baths.” By following that statement with “And god damn it, we liked it,” (Wood, 2020), he points out how foolish it is to dismiss mental health treatment, because back in the “good old days” when that treatment wasn’t normalized, people killed themselves when they were unable to receive help. 
Finally, in the third and last chorus, he sings, “I said, back in the days of lobotomies and shock therapy and mad scientists,” (Wood, 2020) in reference to some of the common ways to treat mental illness that were prevalent in the late 1800s and early-mid 1900s. Not only were these methods later decided to be harmful and unethical, they were also mainly used on patients with more stigmatized mental illnesses like schizophrenia or bipolar disorder; if a patient was receiving these treatments, it was because they needed to be “fixed.” As a result, people who grew up when these treatments were more common still hold the attitude that mental illness is something bad or shameful, even when modern treatments (the “feel-good pills” and therapy that Wood mentions) are proven to be beneficial. This attitude means that these people refuse to reassess their own mental wellbeing, even when they are hurting because of it. Wood finds this attitude equally as unproductive and harmful as over-relying on pop psychology.
“Marsha, Thankk You” is meant to parody a dialectical behavioral therapy session in how it seeks to juxtapose two contrasting perspectives on mental illness. This becomes especially evident in the song’s outro, where Wood speaks as the listener’s therapist, forcing them to face harsh truths about themself. Regarding their identity, in relation to mental illness, he tells them, “It’s not the way that you were raised, or what the advertisements say / Not what you pay for, what you pray for, what you want, or what you say” (Wood, 2020). These statements address both perspectives that he has criticized throughout the song: the listener’s beliefs about mental illness should not solely be formed by the stigma they grew up with, nor by the self-help “guides” trying to sell them something. Their personal mental state, and any diagnoses they may need, are not reliant on what they buy into, what they hope for, or what they tell others (or themself) that they have. These lyrics summarize Wood’s goal with this song, which was–as he told New Jersey Stage–to get people to examine their attitudes towards mental illness and, hopefully, get them to become more comfortable with themselves.
He continues with the lyrics, “And I see your tendency to redefine disease by what you need / And I’m afraid I can’t prescribe the diagnosis that you seek” (Wood, 2020). This once again frames the listener as someone on the pop psychology side of the conversation, over-reliant on a diagnosis to tell them who they are. Wood, in the position of the listener’s therapist, calls out this behavior and refuses to enable it. He tells the listener, “and something tells me / You prefer to be sitting there flipping through those old issues of People,” (Wood, 2020), implying that the listener cares more about the pop psychology anecdotes in the magazine than the real help their therapist is trying to give them. This final observation drives home Wood’s criticism of this type of person.
The last line of the song is spoken; Wood states, “Well that’s our time, see you next week” (Wood, 2020), effectively ending the dialectical behavioral therapy session and the conversation between the two perspectives he contrasted in the song.
Actual DBT aims to find a balance between conflicting thought processes or ideas. However, in this case, Wood thinks it would be more beneficial to get rid of these attitudes entirely. The conversation between pop psychologists and mental illness deniers is “getting us nowhere,” he says in an interview with Kill the Music. “It’s a game of tug of war with the teams a mile apart and no objective judge. We don’t need to meet in the middle, we need to give up the game” (Mohler, 2020). Although he used dialectic theory as the framework for “Marsha, Thankk You,” he does not actually believe that there is any way for these perspectives to reconcile. Neither are helping America’s mental health crisis, and in fact it may be more beneficial to society if both sides did not exist at all in the extremes that they do.
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confession-of-the-heart · 3 months ago
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So amid all of the pairing discourse being sent to this blog, one little thing stuck out to me. Someone commented claiming that AkuRoku is one of the most popular pairings on AO3 with some of the largest numbers of fics, but being the statistics nerd I am, and knowing the general trajectory of this fanbase, I decided to run some numbers and put that claim to the test.
(Actually, looking into that got me really curious about the general popularity over time of all the relatively notable pairings in KH, so I think I might eventually make a formal post compiling all my findings once I have a little more time. This is definitely informal, but it’s just an initial impression of my research thus far. Obviously, take this with a grain of salt: fanfic is only one piece of the general popularity puzzle, but it does seem to be generally understood as a decent benchmark for analysis of broader trends within fandoms.)
As a note, I measured fic numbers by date of update from April to April, year to year on AO3, so factors like game release date timing should be taken into account.
To absolutely no one’s surprise, SoRiku is the undisputed king of KH shipping. It’s been going incredibly strong since 02 but even then experienced a massive jump at KH3’s release, number of fics updated in the year multiplying nearly 6x in 2019 from where it had been in 2017. It’s slowly settled down since, but is still holding at well over 300 fics per year, even during this content drought. It’s vastly above everything else in popularity and always has been.
Most pairings have followed a similar pattern since KH3’s release: The entire fandom experienced a general jump in activity and most pairings got a boost from 2018-2020, although some more dramatically than others: Akusai fics (inclusive of fics tagged just leaisa, just akusai, or both, not counting the same fics twice) experienced a more dramatic leap than any other pairing in 2019, going from just 40 in 2017, to 183 the following year, to 350 in 2019–an 8x jump in interest. (Wow!)
Like Soriku, most other pairings have generally gone fallow since 2020, as that was the last time we all got any sort of content. (Missing Link when Nomura.)
As far as the stats for Akuroku go
 Honestly a bit gobsmacked by the trends in the data. I decided to include both number of fics updated per year on both AO3 and fanfiction.net, as the fandom’s early 2000s heyday can’t really be accounted for on AO3. fanfiction.net’s numbers are a little inflated because I couldn’t honestly be bothered to separate out the infinitesimally small number of non-ship fics in the 2000s and early 2010s from the overwhelmingly large proportion of ship fics there, but if you compare how many fics that pairing used to get in its heyday from 2006-2011, it used to average out at roughly 1000 fics a year.
From 2012 on, the drop in popularity is precipitous—on both fanfiction.net and AO3. it had less than half the fics in 2012 on fanfiction.net than it did in 2010, and it’s continued to exponentially decline there since. For example, there were no AkuRoku ships updated on fanfiction.net last year, and there were only 2 updated the year before. (Noting that fandoms at large did begin to increasingly migrate away from fanfiction.net after 2012, which also explains similar but less extreme declines in otherwise healthy ships like SoRiku on that website).
It fares a little better on AO3, although it’s been eclipsed in popularity by ships that were once drastically less popular than it involving the same characters at several points—Leaisa/Akusai for example consistently had hundreds more fics than it from around 2018-2020, an impressive feat considering that ship basically didn’t exist prior to 2013~2014, although it’s gone quieter since.
AkuRoku has remained pretty much consistent at roughly 150~200 fics per year on AO3 since 2012 (a couple years have had roughly a 10~20 variance above or below that, no significant jumps either way, though it did roughly halve from a high year in 2020 to a low year in 2021) which leads me to believe that it’s
 probably more off in its own world separate from what the rest of the fandom is doing than other ship communities? It doesn’t follow the same trends as ships that are more closely following the story developments in canon do.
It’s kind of surprising to see it be that much of a general drop, though. I knew it was less popular than it once was, but I didn’t realize just how much less popular it really is. 150~200 fics updated a year sounds like a lot, but if you compare it to how absurdly ubiquitous it used to be, it’s a shadow of its former self. Unless KH4 has a bunch of interactions with them and them alone, going by the trends and general attitude of the fandom, I think it’ll probably just continue to slowly lose momentum. It still has a lot of diehards, but it would appear that the majority compared to that of 15-20 years ago have jumped ship, so to speak. I have a feeling that if Roxas ever gains any significant peer relationships with different male characters in the future, it’ll likely be another nail in the coffin for it as enthusiasm for a gay Roxas ship bleeds elsewhere.
So, uh, basically
 everyone who’s freaking out about it, chill? It’s probably just going to continue slowly petering out on its own eventually as the next games move away from the characterization that initially made it popular, whether anyone wants it to or not. That’s what fic trends would appear to indicate, at any rate.
Side note: out of all the pairings I’ve analyzed popularity over time for thus far, I’m surprisingly impressed by NaminĂ©/Xion. I thought it was way more of a rarepair than it actually is. It’s not going anywhere crazy like Soriku, but it’s actually rather consistent with other moderately popular kid pairs like Roxas/Xion on AO3, and saw a jump in numbers above Roxas/NaminĂ© of all things from 2019-2020, which I would never have anticipated. Let’s go lesbians! I guess KH3 really did change things up.
~~~
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hollowed-theory-hall · 6 months ago
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i read your horcrux post, its fascinating and very well done! im just stuck on one thing: while i agree that tom definitely has a good share of self-hatred, enough to cause himself pain and endure an agonising process to become immortal, doesnt the whole idea of "killing yourself" for the ritual seem very risky? like what if you actually die lmao then the whole thing was all for naught. i mean i can also see him being confident and arrogant enough to believe he COULD do it without mistakes, but still. seems like a big risk considering his whole shtick is avoiding death as far as possible. anyway thank you for all your metas they are very enjoyable to read and think about!!!
Thank you so much! 💕 I'm glad you liked my Horcrux theory, it's one of the earliest ones I made here and I'm still pretty proud of it.
As for the risk — yeah, it is incredibly risky, that's kind of the point. This is a ritual we know Tom was crazy to attempt multiple times, a ritual in-universe that even just doing it once is considered insanely risky and potentially damaging, not to mention multiple times:
‘Of the Horcrux, wickedest of magical inventions, we shall not speak nor give direction. ...’I mean, why mention it then?” she said impatiently, slamming the old book shut;
(HBP)
That was what you told me he said. ‘Further than anybody,’ And I thought I knew what that meant, though the Death Eaters did not. He was referring to his Horcruxes, Horcruxes in the plural, Harry, which I do not believe any other wizard has ever had. 
(HBP) - only part of the quote since the rest of Dumbles' analysis of Voldemort's character in the above section is questionable.
JKR stated in an interview there is a final horrible step that must be taken to make a Horcrux, something beyond just murder. Cannibalism, physical self-mutilation, or masturbating over the corpse (Yes, I have read this theory somewhere) don't make sense because then Harry couldn't become a Horcrux. It doesn't really leave us with many possibilities.
Additionally, Voldemort talks of how only he was skilled and brave enough to attempt it more than once, to go "further than anyone" ever had:
I, who have gone further than anybody along the path that leads to immortality. You know my goal — to conquer death. And now, I was tested, and it appeared that one or more of my experiments had worked . . . for I had not been killed, though the curse should have done it.
(GoF)
If there was no risk, more people would make Horcruxes and more people would make multiple Horcruxes. Voldemort himself calls it an "experiment". He wasn't sure it would work at any point but the risk was worth it for him.
when he asks Slughorn what would happen if you made multiple Horcruxes he already made two Horcruxes. He experimented with Horcrux when he had little to no information on them. He experimented magically on himself. Multiple times. (He also mentioned "experiments" in plural so I wonder if he had another method besides Horcruxes that he attempted...). This is not a person who cares about "risk" like a normal person. Riping your soul apart to make a Horcrux, even without my theory, is in itself, a huge risk — and he does so consciously 6 times!
Dumbledore, Slughorn, and Voldemort all talk of Horcruxes like an unknown magic, barely attempted by anyone throughout history. Even Magick Moste Evile doesn't give more than a mention to the concept of Horcruxes because no one actually makes them. (It's the spider georg meme: "average dark wizard makes 1 horcrux in their lifetime factoid actualy just statistical error. average dark wizard makes 0 horcruxes. Horcrux Tom, who lives as a wraith in albenia & made 7 horcruxes, is an outlier adn should not have been counted").
If you need to temporarily kill yourself to become immortal it would explain why not more people have tried it. I mean, Grindelwald wanted to be the Master of Death, so why not make a Horcrux, I'm sure he was familiar with the ritual?
Becouse the risk was too great for him to take.
I talked about this a bit here and @iamnmbr3 has this post about this, but Tom, for all that he is the heir of Slytherin, acts a lot like a Gryffindor. He is prideful, sure, but he is so incredibly brave. Experimenting on himself with a super dangerous ritual 7 times is incredibly in character for him. Yes, he's arrogant, he's sure he'd succeed, but unlike Grindelwald or (younger) Dumbledore, he is willing to take the ultimate risk for the sake of his immortality.
It also makes sense symbolically. Like, to become immortal you have to risk your life — to live forever you must be ready to go through death. It makes sense in a symbolic sort of way. It just feels right.
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