#despite being stubborn and not using it anyway

[mona-risms]

So I saw this fan art from @zzzzi.exe on tiktok and I just needed to request this!!!

May I PLEASE request a Racer Rumi x Female Reader who is her Race Engineer/Race Strategist (Part of the pit crew and is responsible for communicating with the driver during the race. Gives updates on things like lap times, tire conditions, gaps between drivers, weather, and strategy changes.)

Like, imagine reader just trying to remain professional but her stubborn girlfriend keeps trying to flirt with her through the radio system/earpiece while racing and the reader is just worried that Rumi might crash if she doesn't stop flirting and focus on the damn road instead.

Or if you have another idea for the fic feel free to change or add it! Love your works btw♥

◆ MAIN COURSE: racer!Rumi x race engineer!fem!Reader

◆ TYPE: SFW, romantic

◆ ALLERGEN WARNINGS: The only thing worth warning about is the possible inaccuracy bc idk SHIT about professional racing

◆ NOTES: IN THE NAME OF TATE MCRAE IN THE F1 MOVIE SOUNDTRACK I HAD TO BUT ALSO I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I'M HAPPY YOU ENJOY MY STUFF HAHAHA

First of all Rumi looks SO GOOD in that fit MY FINE SHYYYYYTTTTTTT MY SHAYLAAAA anyway let's say that instead of HUNTR/X being an idol group, they're racers in the HUNTR/X team okay shhh

So radio playback loves you two first of all LMAO. It's common knowledge that you two are gfs, and if anyone were to ever go "ohhh but that's so unprofessional 😒😒😒" either they clearly haven't seen you two work and/or they shut up REAL fast when they do. The two of you are almost always paired up w each other to be the driver and the engineer bc of how fluid your connection is.......even when Rumi doesn't seem like she's completely concentrated on the race (she is but she can multitask w her gf)

For all the awkwardness Rumi has in a relationship bc let's face it she's a cute loser no matter what, she get Real Brave once she's in racer mode—could be the Insane boost in cool factor or the fact that her face is hidden so you can't see the way she's blushing lightly whenever she hears you in her ear, giving her feedback and instructions as she drives, but she can't help but flirt with you through the radio 🤷‍♀️. Not like anyone could ever get mad at her for it though, not when she's completely locked tf in with the race anyway

"Radio check."

"Loud and clear."

"You could be clearer if you were next to me."

A sigh made its way out of you before you can even stop it, the sound coloured with exasperation and a tinge of amused affection, "I'm in your ear right now, and the only person you can hear is me. Is that not enough for you?"

You can practically hear the shrug your girlfriend does, usually paired with a quirk of her lips and smug look on that unfairly pretty face, "You know it's not the same."

"Yes, well, neither are you when you're in the car," you shot back with a chuckle, one that you knew had her bracing in anticipation no matter when and where you used it, "we both know you're hopeless when you're out of it."

"Wh-- hey!"

"Just saying. Keep your focus on the road, yeah? Can't give you what you really want when you're injured."

"Then keep me in line—no one does it better than you."

"Obviously. I'm on radio for a reason."

Like I said, radio playback LOVES you two. Not just bc of your snappy instructions and her millisecond reactions, but also bc of the banter that weaves between the two of you despite the high need for concentration. Where other drivers and engineers are whiteknuckling through it and even sometimes communicating wrong, Rumi is DRIVING like nobody's fucking business as she picks up on every single bit of feedback you give her, even when you're in the middle of speaking

Not just radio feedback though but races and streams in GENERAL. Tbf the girl got a hell of a headstart in her life—Celine most likely in this case would've trained her to be an racer for as long as she's ever really known. Just top it off with her connection with you in more than the professional way and she's weaving through it all without question. Whoever's doubting Rumi just bc she's gfs with her engineer Really does lose whatever words they have when she's speeding past everyone else like it's a fucking joke

Just bc she's extremely adept in the racetrack however doesn't mean you're not constantly worried about her anyway when she splits her attention on you. Is she weaving through the track like she wasn't having much issue at all? Yes. Is she following your every bit of instruction? Absolutely. But as endearing as you find your gf's antics, Keep Your Freaking Attention On The Race Please

"Could we go to the supermarket after this? We ran out of ramyeon and the girls wanted snacks."

The telltale beep doesn't sound out immediately, but when it does, it's followed by your ever-so-exasperated yet professional deadpan tone, "You're planning out a shopping date in the middle of a track."

"..yyyes..?" Despite all the noise and the amount of g-force slammed on her as she maneuvered the car, her voice was still steady amidst the chaos, "You're not in the mood for it?"

"No, I am, just--" a click of your tongue, " you're going to lose time in turn 14."

It doesn't even take a second for her to switch back into focus, "I'm catching dirty air, want me to--"

"--undercut, yes, box, Rumi, box--"

And without further instruction, as if Rumi had already anticipated your words, she quickly swerves into the pit stop and lets the crew do the work.

"Not gonna greet me?"

"I'm at the wall, Rumi—you'll lose an engineer if I left it."

She pouts slightly, despite the helmet concealing her expression, "But I miss you."

"Then finish this quick and you'll have me."

With a little grin, your girlfriend peels off back into the track, "Engineering my victory, are we?"

"That was terrible. Push now."

"Yes, ma'am."

No surprise that she wins in the end, with the way your communication is PEAK and she practically outperforming the car LOL. And every time she wins, she will always look for you before making a beeline like a lost puppy, in comparison to how she is inside the car 😭

As you speak to the pit crew about today's race, you're interrupted by a certain someone hugging you from behind and leaning all of her weight on you.

"Babe," you chuckled as you turned to wrap your arms around her, "you're heavy."

"Mmm..." She nuzzled the crook of your neck before pressing a kiss against your skin and then murmuring, "How was that? Did I do good?"

"You got P1, didn't you? I don't think you need me to tell you."

"Yeah, but..."

The pit crew members at the corner of your eye are sharing fond smiles between them as they watch the blatant display of affection before turning away to give the both of you your moment as you moved a hand up to pat her on the head, "Yeah. You did really well today. ..Still up for the shopping date?"

"Mhm. Just.. gimme a moment to remember what standing still feels like."

"You've been doing this for over half a decade now. You don't need an excuse to hold me."

Her cheeks redden slightly, but her hold on you tightens, "No but.. 's less embarrassing."

"What was that? I couldn't hear you."

Rumi drew her head back up to lightheartedly glare at you, "Okay, now you're just being mean."

"Yep," you smiled, popping the 'p' as your hand moved down from her head to tuck a stray strand of purple hair behind your lover's ear, "you make it way too easy."

[sl33py-g4m3r]

Linix-Unix-BSD Laptop Journey~~ (and some questions again)

yet another question~~ tho up to my own musings and uncertainty at this point~~

I'm too afraid to try to install FreeBSD cause I'm worried I won't be able to dig up some needed internet info and that makes me feel dumb~~ is the Domain Name not the Hostname or name of the wifi? or would it be my ISP's website or something?

I like tech but not knowing this makes me feel stupid lol even though I'm probably not~~~ and that's just anxiety lying to me~~~

also is there any point in moving from Linux Mint Debian Edition 6 to Debian 11 disks that I have burned?

the only one with the zoom feature (unless I install something if I can find it) is the Cinnamon Desktop, and at that point I see no point on dropping Mint for pure Debian in that case....

need accessibility for my blind butt (despite also being stubborn and not using it half the time anyway lol)

ALSO none of the debian live CDs that I tried saw my WIFI and idk why~~ and they're all debian 11...

might need to download newer versions and burn them to disk I guess~~

or maybe if I installed one of them anyway, and actually hooked it to ethernet, then installed updates whether it would see my wifi then? idk

found a distro that doesn't use SystemD called PCLinuxOS and thought about giving that a try, but idk if it's good for someone like me, but I got a handle sort of on fedora back in the day.

So currently stuck on linux mint debian edition cause I'm afraid to give freebsd a try due to maybe not having the network information requited and idk where to find it~~ and cause debian just straight up wouldn't see my wifi~~ tho I've also said before in this post that idk if it's a good idea or not to go from linux mint debian, to straight debian.... cause I'm going to be stuck with the Cinnamon desktop anyway~~

like yesterday I spent all morning booting into all the debian live CDs that I had; except for the standard which I think is GNOME, and none of them could even SEE my wifi or ANY wifi

now I hate that I seem like the person that just wants things to work instead of tinker w stuff to get it to work, cause that's part of the fun and frustration of being on linux I suppose~~~ and I really hope I'm smart enough to figure stuff out~~

would be happy to eventually jump to a more unix like OS cause I believe the backbone of the internet is UNIX anyway~~ :)

I like to think I'm a nerd and a techie but at the same time think I'm stupid and don't know anything~~ if I'm being brutally honest w myself~~ but I guess you got to be feeling stupid to learn huh?

tldr; and making the questions more easily found~~ my journey through linux/bsd computer systems so far, and where I'm at....

Is it worth it to install pure debian if I'm already using linux mint debian (and the wifi actually works), should I get away from SystemD and try to install PCLinuxOS? or FreeBSD? am I smart enough to install FreeBSD? What network information do I need and where can I find it?

and yet another random question at the bottom cause I remembered a linux youtube channel where they talked about a bunch of stuff way back in the 2010s I think called "Jupiter Broadcasting" what happened to them?

wanted to go eventually to FreeBSD cause it's more unix like than linux, and i think more cohesive as a whole as opposed to bits and pieces mossaic'd together in linux.... also if it is more unix based, unix as far as I'm aware is the backbone of the internet if I'm remembering correctly~~ and I'd be happy to use it~~~

so idk what I'm doing~~ lol, stay on linux mint debian cause it works? try to get FreeBSD installed, try to find out how to fix debian not seeing my WIFI (I'd hoped that if I installed it and connected it to ethernet that updates would fix that), or install PCLinuxOS that I found? cause it looks neat~~~

more history about myself~~ as dumb as it sounds, or maybe not, my dad was into tech, he'd built his first computer and if it wasn't for him pirating some version of windows, we never would've had it, lol. but ye he was a techie, and he showed me the 1995 movie "hackers". I watched that on repeat through my teenage years for some reason~~ the music was good, and now I learnt that that's not actually bow hacking works, lol it's a cheesy film.... but that sparked an interest in technology and eventually led me to finding linux to begin with. and Unix~~ cause I thought it was something that my dad and I could do together~~~ but we never did...... but the techie interest stuck~~~~ I need to rewatch that film and find the soundtrack CDs I have~~~ been a while~~~~

second guessing it am I even smart enough to run anything other than linux mint anyway? probably yes but I doubt my own intelligence, lol. especially I think anyone irl I've shown my writing to or talked to say that I'm "smart as a whip" but I don't see it.... :(

[sundives]

Decode ✶ psh.

Learning from you that I can walk away, too.

Summary: You're the textbook definition of the perfect daughter. With everything laid out to you, the only thing you should do is follow the footsteps of your parents and become a doctor. If not, marry a soon-to-be doctor and be the perfect wife for him.

Easily, you can do both. Despite being a college student, you are already arranged to marry Park Sunghoon, the son of your parents' business partner. While you're doing everything to tie him to your perfect life, Sunghoon is very much determined to ran away from it, chasing after a dream of passion which you could never understand.

✰ Song inspiration: Decode by Sabrina Carpenter, Autumn by Niki, Already Over by Sabrina Carpenter

✰ Word Count: 23.9k (what the hell sure.)

✰ Tags: Arranged marriage, angst!!, a bit of unrequited love, hurt a little bit of comfort, lots of lots of miscommunication (these two can’t communicate ffs), angst with happy ending ig, short fluff, smut! College setting, reader is a perfectionist and soooo stubborn, Park Sunghoon is a mess, he’s also in a band. Mentions of drinking and alcohol, and mild violence. Toxic relationships, so much drama, Wonyoung and Ningning as your best friends, mentions of enhypen members, fancy dinners and shits, lots of cursing lmao. 

✰ CW: smut! Plot with little porn, loss of virginity (both of them are virgins lmao but they kinda know what to do though, don’t ask how), extremely soft vanilla sex!! P in v sex, short mutual masturbation, fingering, mentions of blood, use of condom (!!!), praise, big dick! Sunghoon, aftercare. I might have forgotten some but yeah, shitty smut hope you enjoy nonetheless.

✰ Asul’s note: okay med students don’t come to me, I know that you need to pass a board exam before attending med school, or not, i think that’s based on your undergraduate program sdkfkjddfk. (I base it on my country lmao) so inaccuracies about becoming a doctor might be present here, so now, I am apologizing for the inaccuracies. (anyways, this is a fanfic guys, let it slide.) This is also not proofread lmao.

Anyways, this is the second installment for Arcanum series yay! you guys loved Jay's fic that I decided to write for the other members. :D hope you enjoy this one. <3

You can check the other member's stories here: Heeseung | Jay | Jake | Jungwon

✰ Taglist: @kiikiisblog @bussolares @semi-wife @starry-eyed-bimbo @sievenderz @jakeslvt

-

You have a routine. 

By six in the morning, regardless if you have class that day, you’ll be awake. You start your day by taking a 5km walk in the community plaza in your subdivision, wherein the sun has already risen but not enough for you to feel hot. 

You should also be home by seven in the morning, wherein you do your morning routine like taking a bath, cooking breakfast, and maybe spare thirty minutes to read the book on your reading list before driving off to Decelis University. If you don’t have any classes that day, you’ll spend the day advance reading  your subjects. 

Everything in your life has always been like that. Having a routine keeps you organized, calms your mind and keeps your body circling everyday — leaving no room for mistakes, because making mistakes for you isn’t an ideal thing to do.

You’re the only child of your family. You grew up with loving parents who showered you with love and everything that you want. Spoiled but not rotten, everything wasn’t given to you in a snap. They always taught you that everything they give to you, should be repaired. Hence, you grew up with expectations given to you, and you have every determination not to fail your parents. 

That’s why you’re studying medical biology, following the footsteps of your father who owns the biggest medical center in your city. Ever since your father exposed you to his work, your dream has been to become a doctor like him, and they were happy that you’re following their path. 

While they are anticipating for you to become a doctor, your parents didn’t hesitate to give you a second option — a doctor’s wife like your mother. Someone who tends to their husband, becoming a housewife or trophy wife who spends their husband’s money with no problem, your mother would always joke. 

Coincidentally, your parents didn’t even let you choose between the options because easily, you can have both. While your ring finger remains empty, you know you’re bound to be married to someone by the time you graduate college. 

“Sunghoon,” you called out, shaking the boy’s shoulder. You were given a short groan as Sunghoon turned sideways and covered his head with the blanket.

“Sunghoon, wake up! We have class at ten!” you shouted, pulling the blanket once again. It didn’t take a minute for Sunghoon to sit up with a loud groan escaping his lips. 

“y/n, it’s only eight in the morning, you can go to Decelis if you want to, but let me fucking rest for another hour,” he said mindlessly, eyes still close. 

“You’ll skip class again because you overslept,” you pointed out. “Are you still drunk?”

“I have a hangover, thanks for asking,” Sunghoon replied sarcastically. “Also, why do you care if I skip class for today? It’s just a minor subject for fuck’s sake, just go.” 

“Make sure you go to Decelis today,” you reminded before leaving his room. Sunghoon didn’t even bother replying to you, he only lay down in his bed once again and dozed off, which only made you heave a sigh. 

You’ve known Park Sunghoon ever since you two were kids. You remember the first time you two met, at his father’s birthday, wherein he played the piano for the audience. You watched as he effortlessly played a song you’re unfamiliar with. Eyes locked at him, it was the first time you felt that rush of in your heart, cheeks heating up as you admired him from where you were standing. 

Ever since that day, you wanted to marry Sunghoon. His parents own the largest pharmaceutical company in your district which means that he’s bound to inherit his parents’ business. You think that it was destiny. If you two were to get married, your parents’ businesses would merge and you envision yourself as a doctor along with Sunghoon. 

It was as if the perfect life had been given to you. While you never formally requested to your parents that you wanted to marry Sunghoon, they pretty much set you two up. You grew up with Sunghoon, played and studied with him, and went to the same school together. 

He was your best friend. Although the lingering crush inside you still gives you butterflies every time you’re with Sunghoon, your platonic love for him still outweighs. You two passed Decelis University together, but before you two entered college, the formal arrangement between the two of you was held in a private dinner — completely shattering your relationship with him. 

From there, everything changed, the wariness that you two will get married after graduation lingers, and the fact that you two were forced to live in a house together, alone, made it more awkward for the two of you. 

Both your parents insisted that it’s for you two to prepare for your marriage. At first, it was hard to adjust, having small talks and walking on eggshells during the first few months despite you two growing up together. But slowly, you two had become well-adjusted with each other.

Going to Decelis together, study dates, and senseless conversations after dinner happened because not only you two live together, you two are also classmates. You two became well-known in your department. With your family’s background and reputation, everyone knows that you two are engaged to each other, and by the end of your freshman year, you two were considered as the medical sciences department’s “power couple.” 

Although you two had adjusted well, the two of you knew that what you had were only platonic, two best friends who live together under the same roof, ignoring the future that awaits for both of you. 

But when sophomore year came, Sunghoon formed a band along with some friends and a junior of his, and they named it, “Arcanum,” and ever since that day, Sunghoon was no longer the Sunghoon that you knew. 

You always thought that his talent for piano will only be a talent of his, but you didn’t expect it to become a passion that he will come chasing after. Ever since Arcanum happened, the sound of his keyboard can be heard all over your house, and instead of medical books and notes from your subjects being on his table, it has become lyrical sheets and chords that only Sunghoon can read. 

While Sunghoon still excels in class and passes his subjects with ease, it’s not hard to ignore that his college program isn’t his priority anymore. You found yourself alone in your house every night, Sunghoon separating from you by the end of the class because he has a gig or band practice. Sometimes he goes home drunk, and you’re wondering why the hell he is letting himself get drunk despite his low alcohol tolerance. 

You know that it’ll get worse if he continues doing it. You tried to talk him out of it but Sunghoon got angry with you instead, lashing out that why can’t you just support his passion instead. It was the first time he ever got angry with you and yet, it fueled something in you, the way he looked at you that night, you’re convinced that he’s not the Sunghoon that you know — which persisted you more to make him go back to the way he was. 

You tried. Everyday, you tried to make sure he goes to his class, waking him up and checking up on him became part of your routine. But it all seems useless because the more you pick up Sunghoon’s mess, the more he becomes annoyed at you. It became something you two always fought about, slowly you two didn’t realise that you two had drifted apart. 

“Class dismissed,” the professor announced. You could only close your notebook as you shake your head with disappointment.

Sunghoon didn’t show up, he’s probably in his room, still asleep. You hated how he didn’t show up, and all of it is because of a hangover from yesterday’s gig. You always told him that he shouldn’t drink during school days but it’s Sunghoon, he never listens to you. 

As you  grabbed your things and placed them in your bag, your professor called you out suddenly, which made you head towards him. 

“Yes sir?” you asked. 

“It’s about Sunghoon,” he started, your eyes widened but you only nodded, it wasn’t a surprise to you that your professors go to you if there’s any concerns regarding your fiance.

“He might as well drop my subject because he’s already failing,” your professor explained.

“What?” you asked, almost stumbling on your own tongue.

“He’s been absent for the past few weeks, and you know that attendance is still a crucial part of my subject. If he keeps on missing my classes, he’ll receive a failing grade in my subject, no considerations,” he said with a stern voice. 

You kept quiet for a moment, but only nodded. “I will inform him about this one, thank you so much sir.”

“I know that Arcanum is slowly becoming popular, but he still has to prioritize his studies,” your professor comments. 

You only gave him a formal smile before excusing yourself. As soon as you reached the hallway, you felt yourself in relief, but there was a hurtful tug on your heart. You couldn’t help but to grab your phone, dialing Sunghoon’s number. 

But all your calls went to his voicemail, you only stared at your phone, frozen from where you were standing. Your heart is beating at an abnormal pace and you hate that feeling.

You’re nervous. You hated feeling nervous. You’re nervous about Sunghoon, if he fails this subject, he’ll be delayed to graduate. He can’t delay. No, you two were supposed to graduate this year and after a few months, you two will get married before attending medical school. That’s the plan. There shouldn’t be any other options other than that. 

Of course you have to tell him about it, but the question was, does Sunghoon care? That’s what scares you the most. Because there’s a large possibility that he doesn’t care about it, he’ll let himself fail a subject if it means proving you wrong.

You couldn’t concentrate for the remaining day. Thoughts keep running in your mind, and to make it worse, none of your subjects were attended by Sunghoon. You don’t know his whereabouts since he wasn’t replying to your texts and calls, and you know that you’re going home to an empty house again.

Sunghoon is probably in his gig again, or maybe practicing somewhere. That’s what you thought when you entered the house, and your guess is right, it was empty and dark. As you close the door, there’s a small pain in your heart staring at the huge yet hollow house, wondering if this would be the house that you’ll go home to in a few years.

But your pondering was interrupted when you felt your phone vibrating, as you grabbed it and opened, you were surprised that Sunghoon’s calling you. 

“I’ve been calling you since earlier!” you shouted the moment you answered the call. 

“My parents’ are here, I spent the day with them in case you’re wondering why I was absent for today,” Sunghoon said boredly, and despite his cold tone, you were relieved to hear his explanation.

“You should’ve told me that instead of having me wonder where the hell are you,” you replied.

“Get dressed, they’re taking us out for dinner, I know you’re home by now, so we’ll pick you around thirty minutes,” and with that, Sunghoon ends the call. He didn’t even acknowledge your answer. You could only look at your phone for a minute before deciding to go to your room and find a nice outfit for dinner. 

Sunghoon’s parents  are a lovely couple who treated you like their own daughter. As soon as they arrive at your place to pick you up, Mrs. Park immediately approaches you with a smile on her face, hugging you tightly which you only reciprocate. 

“Y/n dear! Look at you, so pretty as ever,” she said with a smile, brushing your hair which only made you smile wider. “Don’t get too stressed, okay? I know with graduation nearing, it can be stressful for you two. Just don’t worry about your marriage, focus on your studies first.”

You only let out a small chuckle, “of course auntie, thank you for the concern.”

“You’re looking out for Sunghoon,” she whispered, knowing that the subject was in the room. “It can be hard sometimes, right? I’m just happy that you’re the one that he’s going to marry. He doesn’t know how lucky he is.”

The smile on your face almost slipped, but you managed to give her a nod. The beaming smile on Mrs. Park’s lips make you wonder what she would feel if she learned about how disastrous her son is now — or how his fiance couldn’t even tame him down. 

“Of course, thank you for putting your trust in me.” instead, fake words slipped out of your mouth perfectly even though you were itching to snitch your fiance to his mother. 

Mrs. Park only pats your cheeks one last time before calling out Mr. Park and Sunghoon, indicating that the four of you should go now. 

Arriving at the restaurant, the four of you went straight to the VIP room where food was already served. Dinner immediately commenced with a few talks and chit-chats.

“Graduation is near,” Mr. Park said in the middle of the dinner, glancing at you and Sunghoon. “Any plans? University of choice for your med school?”

“Decelis’ medical school is one of the top,” you answered diligently. “I might stay there.”

“Ah, I do remember, both your parents attended Decelis Medical School, good choice for you y/n,” Mr. Park pointed out. 

“How about you Sunghoon dear?” Mrs. Park asked. 

You only glanced at Sunghoon who busied himself with the food. He gives his parents a bored stare before picking up the meat on his plate, “Probably Decelis too.”

“Ah I see, you don’t want to get separated from y/n, such a sweetheart,” Mrs. Park teasingly said. 

Sunghoon softly scoffs, making you glance at him. His action were left unnoticed by his parents. When Sunghoon glanced at you, he raised an eyebrow, and you wanted to say something but you held yourself back. Knowing that you two are just putting up a show to his parents.

The remaining hours were filled with nothing but silence, which you are used to. Talks about college were all the conversation revolved around, and somehow, Sunghoon managed to answer his parents’ questions like he was a diligent student who’s top of his class. 

“Take care of the two of you okay? We’ll see you during your break,” after a few goodbyes and hugs, Sunghoon’s parents have left the two of you back in your house. The two of you watched their car leave and with that, Sunghoon turns around and enters the house. 

You followed him, heels clanking against the marble floor. You watched as he unbuttons his sleeved shirt’s button, walking towards his room when you called him out. 

“You should be glad that I didn’t tell them that you’re on the edge of failing a subject,” you blurted out. 

Sunghoon merely laughs in disbelief, “oh, now I should be glad that you saved my ass earlier? Thank you then.”

You chose to ignore his sarcastic remark, “Sunghoon, you can’t give up now, we’re graduating, do you really want to get yourself delayed?” 

Sunghoon only stared at you, “what if I do? Is there something you can do about it?”

You only blink for a second. “Fine, go on and get delayed, fail a subject if you want to. But do I have to remind you that Arcanum’s a university band? And by Decelis’ rules, they allow bands to perform as long as they don’t have a failing grade? So if you want to be so hard-headed about not attending class, say goodbye to your band then.” 

“You’re so annoying aren’t you? Using Arcanum just so I can continue studying medicine,” Sunghoon exhales. 

A haunting smirk plastered on your face, “oh no sweetheart, I’m just reminding you that you can’t chase after Arcanum, especially when it’s still tied in Decelis and your studies. So maybe rethink your life choices now before your parents find out about the mess that you’ve been doing.” 

Sunghoon mockingly laughs, “you’re such a stuck-up to my parents.”

“Then make a fucking choice Hoon,” you challenged. “Them finding out through me or Decelis? Either way, it’s not going to end well, so fix yourself and get some sleep tonight. We have class tomorrow at eight. Goodnight to you.”

You end the conversation by passing by him. Going straight to your room where you immediately locked yourself. You lean against the door, Eyes shutting tightly as you try to steady your breathing. You can feel all the energy leaving your body, wanting nothing more to sleep.

You always say to yourself that you won’t give up on Sunghoon, but days like these feel like every effort you give to him is useless. 

-

The following day, you and Sunghoon arrived at Decelis University together, creating a buzz in the campus. It was a rare occurrence for you to attend together.

Everyone knows. It's obvious that your relationship has been becoming astray, and yet, your “power couple” status remains the same. No one attempted to pursue you nor girls couldn’t flirt with Sunghoon not only because you two are tied together, but because you two are deemed untouchable because of your background. 

You two entered the classroom, Sunghoon going to the corner seat near the window while you opted for the second row near the aisle. A few mutters can be heard, but you chose to ignore it, getting used to people talking about you and Sunghoon’s ‘stray relationship.’

The day goes on, classes and laboratories continue on and on, and you’ve done the class with ease. You didn’t talk to Sunghoon but you observed that he managed to catch up with your lectures despite his absences. Natural Sunghoon, he can be gone for half of the semester, and still manage to top his grades. 

“Go home already,” Sunghoon said to you by the end of the class. “I have a gig tonight.”

You only gave him a bitter smile, “of course you have.”

But instead of leaving you there, Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, “you know this y/n.”

“And I’m used to it,” you sharply said. “Why are you still standing there? Go now before I convince you to not go to your gig tonight.’

Sunghoon gave you another look before turning around, watching him leave the classroom as you stood there. Short conversations, sarcastic remarks, and bitter statements that’ll lead to arguments. You wonder when will this end?

“What’s wrong? You’re out of focus today,” Yizhuo asked with a worried tone. You only place your tennis racket down as you grab your water bottle.

“Just the same usual thing,” you answer, sitting on the bench as your best friend did the same thing. She places her hand on your thigh, lightly patting it. 

“Sunghoon again? You know you should stop chasing after him.”

“It’s not that I am chasing him, I’m already tied to him —” you heaved out another heavy sigh. “He’s the one chasing after a dream. Bands? What’s his future with them? After college, they’ll be gone, it’s not like they’ll continue playing after college.”

“He seems to be so passionate about it,” Yizhuo pointed out. “Watched their performance last week at The Rabbit Hole, they’re great by the way.”

“He should be focusing on med school,” you explained. “But he’s out there performing and getting drunk, I don’t know Ning, I don’t know what to do with him. His parents trusted me to take care of him —”

“There you go again, worrying about things that aren’t your control,” your best friend gently pats your back. “You know, you can always back out of the marriage? You’re still young! You might even meet someone better in med school.”

That’s when you stifle a laugh, “how can I? My parents arranged this one.”

“Ran away! Do you really want to spend your life with that idiot?”

You didn’t answer your friend. Your smile disappeared, and for a moment, you only looked at the court where strangers were playing tennis. Your focus shifted to the tennis ball bouncing back and forth from the players until it went out of the court. 

“I do,” you said softly, because from the very start, it has always been Sunghoon. You couldn’t imagine yourself looking for others when Sunghoon is right there from the very start. 

“You’re going to let yourself be a fool for him huh?” Yizhuo asked with a disappointed tone. 

But you only looked at your best friend with a determined smile, “no, I’m going to make him quit the band.”

“You know you’re already doing it but nothing’s changing,” Yizhuo said. You only gave her a smile before standing up from the bench, you two went back to the table where your bags are located. 

“Then I just have to keep on trying more,” you pointed out, fishing out your phone, you opened it and saw missed calls from Sunghoon — which is a surprise. 

You pressed Sunghoon’s number and after a few rings, it answered. 

“Hello?” an unfamiliar voice called. 

“Hello, who is this?” you asked.

“It’s Heeseung, Sunghoon’s bandmate.”

“Oh! I remember you, you study education right?”

Heeseung faintly chuckles from the background, “yes, that would be me, but listen, uhm…Sunghoon’s drunk right now —”

“Already? It’s only ten in the evening.” 

“Yeah, but you know his alcohol tolerance — listen, uhm can you pick him up? He’s passed out on the couch but doesn’t want to get inside Jay’s car for some reason.” you can sense Heeseung’s apologetic tone, which only made you roll your eyes.

“It’s not like I can leave him there right? Can you send me the location, I’ll be there in a few minutes, I’m just at Decelis’ tennis club,” you said.

“I’ll send it right now, thank you y/n.” And with that, the call ended. You grabbed your bag and bid Yizhuo goodbye. 

“Just reminding you that you can always leave him!” your best friend shouted, and you only gave her a glare before sprinting towards your car.

Sunghoon’s location drove you to a huge house, just a few blocks away from the university. Parking your car nearby, you got off from it and headed towards the entrance, ringing the bell twice. 

The door opened, revealing a tall and familiar guy who you assumed was Heeseung.

“You’re here, that’s great, we’ll get Sunghoon but come in first,” he said with a smile, you only nod as you enter the house. 

“You’re Heeseung right?” you asked as you two walked towards the living room. Heeseung stops and looks at you, he looks surprised but only nods. 

“Yeah, this is probably the first time we met, I only see you inside the campus and that’s a rare occurrence.” he said. 

Entering the living room, the first thing you saw was Sunghoon flat-out dead on the couch while some boys were cleaning the mess on the coffee table along with some girls. Can beers and bottles of vodkas placed on the table along with some snacks, while their instruments are set-up on a corner. 

“He said that he was on a gig,” you stated, walking towards Sunghoon. 

“Yeah, we just finished it earlier and he kinda insisted that we celebrate it,” Heeseung shrugs. 

“He has the guts to drink his heart out and then not go to class the next day,” you muttered under breath as you lightly shake Sunghoon’s shoulder.

“He’s not gonna wake up anytime soon,” said another voice. “I’m Jay, and this is Jungwon.”

“Hi, sorry for the hassle,” the blonde boy said.

“I’m sorry for Sunghoon too, I feel like you guys always have to take care of him whenever he’s like this.” 

“We’re used to it, no worries,” Jay assured. 

“And that worries me more because he just doesn’t stop,” you pointed out. “You’ll end up tolerating his bad habits.”

No one said a thing. The three of them watched as you attempted to pull Sunghoon to sit up from his place, you were struggling but you were persistent.

They know how much you dislike Arcanum, seeing it as nothing but a university band who performs. Despite all of Sunghoon’s rants and complaints about you, the remaining three decided to be civil with you since they know that you’re going to be Sunghoon’s future wife.

“If that’s your worry, we don’t tolerate bad habits here,” Heeseung breaks the silence approaching you as he lifts Sunghoon on his shoulders, along with the other two who held his limbs. 

“That’s not my only worry,” you whispered, Heeseung glances at you before proceeding to carry Sunghoon outside towards your car. 

They set him neatly on the passenger seat, Sunghoon didn’t move nor made a sound as they put on his seatbelt. It’s safe to assume that he’s passed-out drunk and frustration is written all over your face. They weren’t that stupid to notice it, Sunghoon has lately become too attached with alcohol.

“You guys know that he’s studying medicine right? After college, he’s going to med school,” you asked them, who only glanced at each other, knowing that it’s the total opposite of what Sunghoon has been telling them. 

“If he keeps going on like this, I don’t know what will happen to him in the future,” you said one last time before going inside your car and driving away from the place. 

The silence was devouring, you kept on glancing at Sunghoon from time to time, checking if he had gained consciousness or not. You only tighten your hold on the steering wheel as you speeden your drive towards your place. 

As you arrive at your house, that’s when you face the challenge of carrying Sunghoon inside your place. You opened the door of the passenger seat and lightly shake Sunghoon’s shoulder. He didn’t budge for a moment, that’s when you called out his name, shaking it harsher than before. 

You watch as Sunghoon’s eyebrows knit, letting out a frustrated groan as he attempts to open his eyes. 

“Get up now, we’re home,” you told him.

“y/n?” he asked before closing his eyes. 

“Sunghoon! Wake up please!” you pleaded. But he didn’t move again, so you stood there, thinking about what to do with him. That’s when you used all your strength to swing his heavy arms around your shoulders but as soon as you attempted to pull him out of the car, he didn’t budge. 

“Fucking hell,” you curse, removing his shoulder. This time, you shake his head while screaming his name. For a few seconds, he opens his eyes confused and drowsy. 

“Just lean on me,” you instructed, you grabbed his shoulders once again and this time, Sunghoon managed to move on his own, leaning his huge body against yours. You could only groan as you helped him walk inside your house. 

You didn’t even manage to reach his room, Sunghoon found himself stumbling in the living room — towards the couch where you couldn’t do anything but to fix his position. You left the living room and returned in a minute with a blanket and a pillow for him. 

Gently, you place the pillow below his head and put the blanket on him. Then you stood there, eyes never leaving Sunghoon who’s sleeping now. You kneeled in front of him, brushing his messy bangs so that you could see his face closer.

“What am I going to do with you Hoon?” you whispered, eyes never leaving his face. Sunghoon looks so peaceful and gentle in his sleep — this is probably the only time you see him this peaceful. 

A bitter smile escapes your lips because the more you look at him, the more it slowly sinks into you that tomorrow won’t be like this.  “Goodnight Sunghoon,” you mumbled, patting his head one last time before returning to your room. 

-

Your routine was disrupted when Sunghoon barged into the kitchen, angry and frustrated. 

“Y/n!? What the fuck!?” you stopped your tracks, turning off the stove before turning around to see a disheveled and mad Sunghoon in front of you. 

“Is there something wrong?” you asked.

“Don’t act so fucking innocent now, you know what you did,” Sunghood accused you. 

“Maybe get straight to the point rather than pointing fingers on me,” you replied. 

“You told my friends about med school,” he answered. “Now they think that Arcanum’s messing up my future.”

“Well isn’t it? Sunghoon, you really think that you’re going to play in that band forever?” you taunted. It’s been a few days since you had a talk with his band members. The following day that time, everything seems to be normal for you — not until now that Sunghoon had discovered it. 

“What if I want to? What if I told you that I am not planning to go to med school and I want to perform instead?” he taunted back, stepping forward in front of you which made you step backward, trapping you between the kitchen counter. 

“That’s not what’s planned Sunghoon,” you breathe, forehead creasing as you only stare at him dead. “You knew from the start, ever since we got engaged — engagement, college, marriage, then med school. That was the plan.”

“Have you ever thought that maybe things might change y/n? Maybe I want to perform now rather than take over my father’s business.”

“So you’ll be a disappointment?” you mocked. “You’ll go after your dream? Performing stupid songs and covers rather than repaying your parents’ efforts on you?”

“At least I know what I want, can’t say that to you since you can’t decide for yourself,” Sunghoon mocks. 

A stinging pain burned on Sunghoon’s cheeks. It took him a minute to sink in what you just did, but he could only laugh mockingly as your eyes remained at him, wide but filled with anger. Your palms numbed as it rounded to conceal yourself from doing it again.

“At least I know what’s best for me, and you may not like it but we’re engaged Sunghoon, and I’m not going to let our future be ruined by some mere passion of yours,” you stated, gritting your teeth as your stare became cold. 

Sunghoon didn’t say another word. His eyes speak for it that he’s angry, and he’s only controlling himself from hurting you despite the fact that you hurt him first. You could only stare at him, not attempting to back down. 

But it was as if there’s an angel watching over you, the doorbell rang, indicating a visitor. The two of you turned your head towards the door, and before anyone could say another word, you pushed Sunghoon out of your way, walking towards the door and opening it. 

“Wonyoung!?” you shouted, surprised to see your best friend. 

“Surprise!” the girl shouted in glee, stretching her arms to pull you a hug which you dearly reciprocated. 

“Oh my god, you’re here?” you asked, breaking out from the hug.

“I just got back from Milan and went straight here,” Wonyoung winks before she steps inside your house, your eyes following her as she goes to Sunghoon. 

“Sunghoon! I miss you!” Wonyoung shouted, embracing Sunghoon who only reciprocated it. 

“Long time no see, Wonnie,” Sunghoon gently said.

“It’s great — what happened to your face?” Wonyoung asked, seeing his left cheeks red. 

“Bumped on a wall, but it doesn’t hurt,” Sunghoon lied, before glancing at you who only stared at him coldly.

Wonyoung seems to be convinced by it, laughing it off before pulling you two to a hug. Squealing how much she has missed you two — oblivious about the fight that happened just minutes ago. 

“Do you want some drinks? Come on, sit down for a while,” Sunghoon insisted, ignoring you as he ushered Wonyoung towards the living room. You immediately noticed how Sunghoon’s face lit up, his smile becoming wider that his eyes turned into two curves — the first time in the many months that you saw Sunghoon’s genuine smile. 

It wasn’t always you and Sunghoon ever since you two were kids — there were the three of you. 

Wonyoung is a best friend of yours. A sister that you always needed. She’s a free-spirited girl who always indulges in fun even if it means getting the three of you in trouble. 

Unlike you and Sunghoon, Wonyoung’s family is richer. She was rich enough to have a choice not to attend college and spend her parents’ money that won’t even dent their bank account. While you and Sunghoon are studying in Decelis, Wonyoung was traveling a lot, attending fashion weeks, and brand launches. Slowly, she became a well-known influencer and socialite that collaborates with well-known brands and walks for their runway. It was hard to get a glimpse of her, that’s why it surprised you that she’s here in the city. 

“So, what brings you here instead of going back to our hometown?” you asked, placing the glass of juice in front of her. 

“Mom and dad’s here, they’re actually planning on renewing their vows — oh by the way, you two are invited there and so are your parents, it’s an intimate event but you know them, they want it grandiose and perfect, so I have to help in organizing it,” Wonyoung diligently said. “And I miss you guys! It’s been like a year since we last hung out, hopefully I’m not intruding on whatever plans you have though.”

Talking about wrong timing. You thought. Everything is crumbling between you and Sunghoon but you don’t want Wonyoung to know about that, so you only gave her smile and said, “everything’s fine, a bit hectic because it’s senior year, but it’s a rare case that you’re here, so we’ll make time.” 

Wonyoung only pouts, “you guys, I really miss you, seriously! I love my job but it gets lonely sometimes.”

“You can always go back to college,” Sunghoon teased, making Wonyoung glare at him. 

“Ugh, you dumbass, if I returned to college, you guys would have already graduated!” Wonyoung whined while Sunghoon only laughed. 

“Anyways, I just dropped by to show up to you guys, just tell me when you guys are free, maybe we could go out for dinner — oh, I wanted to see Decelis too! How’s that sound?” Wonyoung delightfully suggested. 

“We’ll make time for you Won, just tell us when you’re free,” Sunghoon answered, making you glance at him. 

Wonyoung only smiled at the answer. She told the two of you that she’s free all the time since there’s not much preparation going on. As she bid goodbye to you, you only gave her a short smile before she was walked out of the door by Sunghoon. Watching the two of them exchange banters before Sunghoon closes the door. 

You stood up from your seat, ready to leave when Sunghoon cornered you immediately. 

“You think we’re done? I’m not done yet y/n,” Sunghoon growled. 

But you only gave him a bored smile, “Wonyoung’s here Hoon, can we just not do this? I don’t want her seeing us fight —”

“You care more about what others think of us huh? Of course, you don’t want everyone to see the ‘perfect daughter’ imperfect.”

“It’s seldom for us to see Wonnie, I don’t want her to think that our friendship is ruined, we’re the only one that she has,” you pointed out. 

“Well, too bad for her, it’s already ruined, the moment both of us got engaged.” Sunghoon didn’t even let you say another word. He eventually went back to his room, slamming the door loudly like he always does. 

You remained there standing, words deeply cutting through your mind. You looked at Sunghoon’s door once again, before heaving a sigh. The palm of your hand remained heavy, guilt swallowing you knowing that perhaps, you went too far this time. 

-

Over the weekend, the three of you went out as per Wonyoung’s request. Going to a nearby mall where you three had brunch, played at the arcade, and even took photos at the photobooth. The whole day felt nice for you, it felt like you three are back as teens who would sneak out at night just to hangout and drive around town. 

While you and Sunghoon are still not okay, a silent truce was made for Wonyoung. You two never tried to argue or fight whenever she’s around, and although it can be suffocating for the both of you, you two tried to act as normal as possible. 

“I do wonder what would happen to us if I stayed and studied college,” Wonyoung ponders. The three of you decided to have ramen and convenience store snacks by the end of the day, opting to watch the sunset at a nearby park. It was Wonyoung’s request because she was curious what it feels like, seeing it on social media not knowing that this is also the first time you and Sunghoon had experienced it. 

“What makes you think about that?” you asked.

Wonyoung only smiles, “you guys seem to be so secured with your future, becoming doctors and stuff, while me? I don’t know what I am doing.”

“You’re doing what you love,” Sunghoon butts in. “And that matters, you know? At least you love what you’re doing, not because it’ll secure you a good future.” 

You know what Sunghoon was trying to say, but you remained quiet, watching as Wonyoung nodded at Sunghoon’s advice. 

“You’re right, I do love the free pr packages and clothes,” Wonyoung jokes, laughing before pulling you two to a hug. “You guys are the best, hope nothing changes with the three of us.”

A meaningful glance was exchanged between you and Sunghoon. Not one said a word, only actions spoke as both of you embraced your best friend back.

The following week, Decelis University had a one-day event, cancelling academic activities which was an opportunity for you to invite Wonyoung to tour around Decelis. She arrived around three in the afternoon, hugging you and Sunghoon as she complained how organizing her parents’ renewal of vows became hectic, happy that she was able to relax for today. 

The tour went on with ease, Wonyoung was curioused at the different department buildings of Decelis since its structure differed from others. Taking photos using her film camera which she used to take photos of the three of you too. 

“So this is called the lover’s garden because lovers often come here?” Wonyoung asked, pointing at Decelis’ botanical garden which is actually for botany and biology students. 

“More like a lover's hideaway, it’s pitch black there during night, I’m leaving up to your imagination what couples do there,” Sunghoon explains, a teasing smile on his lips as Wonyoung’s face distorted in disgust. 

“Ew! Why can’t you guys book a hotel room or something,” she commented and yet, her camera was ready. “Oh well, might as well take a picture of both of you —”

“What?” you asked, appalled. “Won, we never did it.”

“And save myself from imagining you two banging, just stand in front of the entrance! You guys are a couple right? Come on now, you two don’t have a photo together!” Wonyoung insisted. 

An exchange of glances was given, but before you could even complain once again, Sunghoon pulled you towards the entrance. 

“Come on now, the more you complain, the more Wonyoung will insist,” Sunghoon boredly explained. You didn’t say a word, you stood there before facing the camera. 

“Pose! You guys are so stiff, it’s like you two aren’t in love with each other,” Wonyoung taunted before preparing her camera again. 

Funny because you two aren’t at all. But no protest was made when Sunghoon swings his arms around your shoulder before pulling you closer. You can feel your heart skip a beat, but it was immediately reminded by your mind. The more you complain, the more Wonyoung insists. Sunghoon did it so that it can be finished early, so you fake a smile as Wonyoung clicks the button. 

She stares at the screen, smiles wide as she looks at you two, “you guys are perfect for each other.” 

“Very funny Won,” you sarcastically replied.

After the endless walking and tour, you three stumbled at your building’s cafeteria, buying drinks as Wonyoung is still in awe about your university, totally immersing herself with your college life. 

“What about dinner? I’m pretty sure you guys have a lot of good eateries around,” Wonyoung suggested, it was five-thirty in the afternoon, the sun was almost setting which meant that it's time for early dinner for most students.

“You guys can go on,” Sunghoon said, standing from his seat. “I have to go, I have a gig.”

You internally scoff, even if Wonyoung’s here, Sunghoon couldn’t bear to miss his band’s gig.

“Wait, can we watch?” Wonyoung excitedly asked, making the two of you look at her.

“Ask y/n if she wants to,” Sunghoon bitterly said, and you only looked away from him, rolling your eyes. 

“What? You haven’t seen Sunghoon’s gig?” your best friend asked, confused before gazing her eyes back to Sunghoon.

Your lips tightened, “I’m busy…I don’t have time —”

“Then this is a great time to watch his gig! Come on!”

You weren’t able to object, Wonyoung was so excited that it only left you quiet as she pulled you away from your seat. 

Arcanum’s weekly gig was held at The Rabbit Hole — a mixture of coffee shop and bar lounge under Decelis University’s funding. The place was cozy, designed with vintage interiors with a small stage place in the end. This is the first time you went to that place, almost surprised to see that it’s full of people; locals, students, and probably fans of Arcanum crowded the small establishment. 

You and Wonyoung find yourself at a table for two far from the stage but enough to see their performance. Sunghoon excuses himself as he went to the back room where it serves as Arcanum’s waiting room. 

“Do you even know that Sunghoon plays in the band?” Wonyoung jokes, eyes never leaving the menu on her hand. 

“I do, I just don’t have time to watch his performance,” you half-lied. The truth is, you never tried to find time to watch their performance. For what? You always say to Sunghoon whenever he invites you to his gig, you rather spend the time studying or doing something much important for you. 

“Well I’m glad I’m here because we’re going to watch him perform!” your best friend giggled, you only gave her a small smile before glancing at the menu once again. 

While waiting for your food to arrive, you noticed how the place slowly became full to the point that there weren’t any tables left and some people opted to stand instead. Your eyes never left the crowd, wondering if this is the usual situation to Arcanum’s gig. 

Around seven in the evening, your food arrived but you were startled when the crowd started screaming — mostly girls of course, making you shift your attention at the stage.

There they were, Arcanum. The four-member band of Decelis University. They changed their school uniform with a casual street-style outfit. Your eyes fixated on Sunghoon who’s wearing a football jersey, pairing it with a huge chain necklace and cargo pants.

You watch as he busies himself with his keyboard — the instrument that he bought by saving up his allowance. You remember how he excitedly unboxed it in the living room, even testing it out while you sat on the couch reviewing for your midterm exams. Somehow, he was careful with it, caring for it like it’s his own child. 

“Wow, we have a full house tonight!” your attention immediately caught on Heeseung who’s in the center, holding a bass guitar as his smile was wide and gleaming. Screams can be heard from the crowd, a fangirl even shouted “I love you Heeseung!” which only made the vocalist chuckle. 

“Before that, let’s have a crowd check don’t we? Who's here for the first time?” Heeseung asked, raising his hands which a few in the crowd followed. 

“Us! It’s our first time!” you were startled when Wonyoung shouted loudly, standing up from her seat as she grabbed your hands and raised it together with hers — caughting Heeseung’s attention, an evident smirk on the male’s lips can be seen.

“Oh? I am seeing familiar faces here, do we Hoon?” the vocalist teased, Sunghoon only smirked as he crossed his arms. 

“I have to impress my guests, so you better do your best Hee,” Sunghoon nonchalantly replied before glancing at the two of you. Eyes immediately locking on yours as he raised his eyebrow knowingly — like he was telling you that he was meant to be there, performing. 

“Well better set the mood right, come on guys,” with that, Heeseung signals the band and at the count of three, they start playing synchronically. 

The crowd started screaming. You can see it, how synergized they were. They weren’t just there to perform, they were also having fun. The way Heeseung interacted with the crowd along with Jay, making the small stage as his own. He then stands in front of the microphone stand, singing the first line of a song unfamiliar to you. 

“The vocalist sounds so good!” you hear Wonyoung exclaim and you only nod at her words, it is true that Heeseung was good, but your eyes darted to Sunghoon. 

There he was, blending in the background along with Jungwon who’s at the drums, but compared to the junior, Sunghoon wasn’t banging his head as the drumsticks slammed against the drums. He wasn’t like Heeseung who controls the crowd, nor Jay who’s rocking his electric guitar like crazy. 

Sunghoon was there like a quiet mystery, a controlled relaxed expression as he immersed himself with playing the keyboard, a few head nods as his chords synchronised with others. You could only blink, deja vu hitting you all of the sudden — you remember the first time you saw Sunghoon. 

He bores the same expression that he had back when he was young. Your gaze locked on him, not noticing how your eyes met each other, but quickly, Sunghoon looked away and continued playing. Something inside you was burning, strangely your heart was beating like crazy as you watched Sunghoon perform.

You didn’t even notice that the song was finished. The crowd applauded and cheered for them, Heeseung jokingly bows before asking if the crowd wants some more. 

Throughout the whole gig, your eyes never left Sunghoon. Throughout their whole performance, you watch him change his expression more than the duration that you two had lived together, but all only fell into one conclusion — Sunghoon was happy to perform. You can see it from the way he was serious while playing the keyboard up to the way he joked with his bandmates, letting out small laughter and eye smiles throughout the small break. 

The gig ends around nine in the evening. As they stepped down from the stage, people swarmed them excitedly. Asking for pictures and small talks. You watch as Sunghoon happily accepts his fans’ request, taking pictures with them, which made Wonyoung laugh, knowing that Sunghoon can be awkward with strangers.

“Congrats! You guys are so awesome!” Wonyoung exclaimed as soon as Sunghoon approached you two. 

“Thanks Won,” Sunghoon quietly said, before glancing at you. A moment of silence hovered between the two of you before Wonyoung nudged you. 

“You did great,” you told him, giving him a small smile afterwards. 

Sunghoon’s eyes widened, surprised by your words. You only looked away, embarrassed while Sunghoon’s gaze remained at you. 

“Thank you,” he said softly. 

“It’s nothing Hoon,” you quickly turned down. 

The night ended with the three of you remaining at The Rabbit Hole for some light dinner and drinks. Sunghoon introduced Arcanum to you and Wonyoung once again, and it wasn’t a surprise that Wonyoung got along with them easily. You remain quiet throughout the night, listening to their conversation while you only take your space at the end of the table — knowing that you don’t relate to them at all.

Around eleven in the evening, you drop Wonyoung off to the hotel where she was staying, reminding you about her parents’ second wedding before bidding you two goodbye. The drive back to your home was quiet, an awkward atmosphere that both of you couldn’t comprehend. You can feel Sunghoon’s glance at you at every minute but you chose to ignore it, too tired to give it a meaning. 

“Do you mean it?” The moment you two stepped inside the living room, Sunghoon broke the tension between you two. 

You only turned around, a bored gaze staring at him but he remained unfazed. 

“Do you mean what you said earlier?” he asked, merely audible like he was embarrassed to ask you that.

For a moment you ponder. You wanted to tell him that it reminds you from the time that you two first met. Like the Sunghoon who you grew up with — but your mind stopped you. What for? If you told him that, it meant that he was right, he’s much better to be a keyboardist than a doctor. That means you accept his passion. 

“I wish you could’ve put that same energy in your studies,” so you told him that instead. A cold statement that your mind won’t stop reminding him. 

From there, you saw how the small hope in his eyes faded, followed by bitter laughter escaping from his lips. “Why did I even bother asking you again.”

He passes by you, like you’re nothing but a ghost, going straight to his room while you left there standing alone, guilt slowly growing in your heart. 

-

The second wedding of Wonyoung’s parents was extravagant just like what your best friend said. A small private reception was held at a banquet of a five-star hotel after their renewal at a small hall nearby. Flowers filled the white crystallized hall, something straight out of a royalty. You could only awe as you entered the place, arms clutched at Sunghoon who merely spoke throughout the day. 

“Sunghoon, y/n! Glad to see you two!” Mrs. Jang approached you two with a hug and kiss, you only smiled at the woman who’s like a mother to you. 

“Congratulations auntie, the vows were so sweet, I almost cried!” you said, making the woman laugh. 

“I bet you’ll write better vows than me,” she winks. “Both your parents have been talking about retirement and taking care of their grandkids from you two — gosh! You two are still young! I told them.” 

You only stifled a laugh to hide the awkwardness, Mrs. Jang only gave your arms a small squeeze, glancing at you and Sunghoon once again. “You two still have a long way to go, I hope you two won’t give up on each other.” 

You became quiet for a minute, but immediately, you gave her a smile before nodding. “Of course, thank you auntie.” 

Mrs. Jang excused herself to entertain other guests, so you took the opportunity to find your assigned seat where you and Sunghoon sat. Wonyoung was busying herself with the event organizer, you can see the stress on her face but she always lights up whenever she passes the two of you, promising you two that she’ll make it up to you two later.

It didn’t take too long for both of your parents to arrive. You and Sunghoon welcomed them with greetings and hugs, and it was obvious in their face that they were so happy to see you two together.

“Look at you two, you two are like a match made in heaven!” Mrs. Park compliments, you only chuckle at her words. 

“I can hear the wedding bells already! What do you think sweetie? Will this be a great reception for your wedding?” your mother suggested.

“Mom please, let’s not talk about that right now,” you awkwardly said. 

“It’s going to happen anyways,” your mother insisted. “But I do hope you two are doing well in your studies.”

“Of course, everything is going well auntie,” it was Sunghoon who answered, making you glance at him. Faking a smile to your mother who only pats his shoulders with glee.

“Well, that’s glad to hear,” your father answered. “I heard that you two will be attending Decelis Medical School. The passing rate is small there, I’m not scaring you two, just trying to remind you two.” 

“Dad, we’ll be fine, put trust in the two of us,” you assured. 

“Everyone’s expecting from the two of you,” Mr. Park added. “Families, friends, colleagues, everyone. They say there’s no couple who will have a better life than you two.”

Somehow, that only puts more weights on your shoulder. They’re still expecting, and you don’t know what to say to them, hence, you only put a fake smile as an awkward chuckle escapes your lips. 

“Of course,” Sunghoon answers casually like he wasn’t the one who’s actually ruining the whole engagement. “Can you excuse us for a moment? I would like to dance y/n.”

“Oh, such a sweetheart! Of course, you don’t need to tell us that,” Mrs. Park insisted. 

Sunghoon only glances at you, offering his right hand to you, which you only accepted. You knew that he didn’t actually want to dance with you, it’s just an excuse for you two to escape the conversations with both your parents before it gets worse. 

But it leads you two to an even more awkward atmosphere. Your head low as you ignore Sunghoon’s stare that has you melting like ice. Right hand clasps to each other while your other hand is on his shoulder, as his other hand is on your waist, holding you dearly as you two dance along with other couples on the circle.

It felt orchestrated, stiff like two robots forced to dance. You could only listen to the music as you follow Sunghoon’s steps. 

“You didn’t have to do this,” you said. 

“Rather have this than straight-up lie to our parents,” he said, which only made you bitterly laugh. 

“You don’t need to lie if you weren’t fucking around,” that’s when you look at him, trying to remove his hold when he tugs you closer. His eyes bore nothing but coldness, while yours was intense, filled with annoyance.

“Everyone’s watching us,” Sunghoon whispered. “You’re not going to make a mess aren’t you?”

“Why would I make a mess at someone’s wedding? That’ll be shameful Hoon,” you stated the obvious. “I’ll be surprised if you’re the one who’ll make a scene.” 

“Of course, you always think that I’ll do something like that,” he replied. 

“With all the bullshits and mess you’ve been doing lately, it doesn’t surprise me at all,” you gave him a knowing smile. His hold on you tightens, squeezing your hands and you’re convinced that a mark on your waist will bloom the following day. But you didn’t want to back down, your eyes remained at him as you two continued to dance. 

The song ended after what feels like an eternity. Immediately, you and Sunghoon stopped, making you remove his hold from you before giving him another bitter smile. 

“I need a drink, excuse me,” you said, leaving him standing there. 

You remained on the champagne section, lightly sipping the drink which you internally wince. You’re not used to alcoholic drinks but tonight feels like you needed it — maybe two or three, because you honestly don’t know what to do with your life.

The event, supposedly an event where everyone witnessed a renewal of love, made you sick rather than feel romantic. Everything’s suffocating, knowing that you’re the only one who knows about Sunghoon’s rebellion and you can’t do nothing about him while that asshole still managed to put up a show and spew lies to both your parents. 

On your fourth glass, the song suddenly changed into a bright, lively one. A disco song from the 80s that had people in gowns and tuxedos dance drunkenly. And yet, you remained in the corner, watching the crowd even seeing your parents were on the dance floor too, you stifled a laugh because they were probably reminiscing about their youth. 

From there, you caught a glimpse of them. You placed down the glass, stepping forward to see the two of them dancing. 

Sunghoon and Wonyoung. They weren’t not only dancing, but they were laughing too. You watch as the two of them dance, copying each other’s steps, synchronising as they sing along the song. You stood there, frozen. Your eyes never leave them, watching how Sunghoon twirled Wonyoung — like they’re in their own world.

Your fist turned round, nails digging on your palm as you tried to control yourself. Something about them brewed something in you. An unexplainable feeling that you don’t want to acknowledge. Watching them hold hands as they spun along to the music, while you remained nailed to a corner, your stomach wrenched into a weird feeling. — then it hit you. Everything makes sense now. 

That’s it. You didn’t think twice anymore. You went back to your table, grabbing the purse you brought and without looking back, you quietly exited the party. 

You found yourself inside the restroom, locking yourself inside as you tried to control your breathing. Closing your eyes, you tried to relax — but the scene earlier just keeps on replaying in your mind. Your hold on the sink tightens, almost scraping your nails against the marble texture. 

As much as you want to insist that you and Sunghoon are already arranged to marry each other, Sunghoon is far from being yours.

This has always been a marriage of convenience. You always remind that to yourself. Yet, there’s not a day where you wish that Sunghoon would see you differently. That you wish that he sees the reason why you’re doing everything for him. But from what you witnessed earlier, you realized that his heart beats for someone else.

All hopes lost. The signs are there. How can you let someone be married to you when he yearns for another? Everything you’ve done for him crumbled in an instant. Wasted and useless, because not only were your feelings devastated, but you also ruined your friendship with him. 

For the first time, you accept your own defeat. You stared at the mirror, seeing your reflection disgusted you. A spiraling feeling where as you stare at her, all you can see is a deceitful girl who was too selfish and prideful — wondering, if this is all Sunghoon can see in you.

With a heavy heart, you left the restroom, walking towards the empty hallway when someone called your name. You turned around to see him standing there. Your heart skipped a beat but it’s all because of the nervousness that you were feeling.

“Where did you go?” Sunghoon asked, approaching you but you walked away further, not until he grabbed you by your arms. 

“Let me go Sunghoon,” you coldly said, which made Sunghoon let go.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, I thought you’re not going to make a scene?” he sarcastically stated, making you roll your eyes, seeing that it’s just you and him in the hallway. 

“Says the guy who made a scene earlier,” you mocked.

It took a minute for Sunghoon to process what you said, eyebrows knitted as he looked at you with anger. “There’s nothing wrong with dancing with Wonyoung.”

You took a deep breath before facing him. “You like Wonyoung,”

There it is, the heavy feeling that you’ve been holding in ever since your best friend had returned. 

You can see it. You’re not dumb to not observe it. Still, it hurts as much as you want to avoid it, you couldn’t ignore the way Sunghoon’s eyes light up whenever he talks to Wonyoung. How his voice becomes soft and gentle — something that he has never done to you, and never will he.

Tonight was the final nail. As you watch them dance together, it's hard to ignore that something was sparkling between the two of them, and you hate that the truth is there is. They would make such a better couple, a healthier couple if you must say. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Sunghoon asked, appalled. 

“You can’t fool me Sunghoon, you like Wonyoung, I can see the way you look at her, like she’s everything to you,” you explained, and every word bites you, hurting you slowly like a venom trailing on your blood. 

“I don’t like her,” Sunghoon confessed, and yet, he only stares at you deadpan. “But if I had the choice, I’ll marry her instead.” 

For a moment you were quiet, then, a bitter laugh escaped your lips because the statement hurts more than Sunghoon actually having feelings for your best friend. “You really hate me, don’t you?”

“Hate is such a deep word y/n, I don’t hate you, we are just too different,” Sunghoon explained. 

“I guess you and Wonyoung are much more similar to each other then,” you mocked. 

“She supports my passion. She understands where I am coming from,” Sunghoon pointed out. “Something you never attempt to do.” 

You only let out a deep sigh before staring at him one last time. You can feel it, the thumping beat of your heart, the short clasps of your breathing as you could only grasp on your hand tightly.

“If that’s the case Sunghoon, let's just end this engagement, nothing good will come out of this.”

Sunghoon looks at you confused, surprised that those words came out of your mouth. “What —”

“Hoon, I give up.” you confessed. “I am done cleaning up your mess, convincing you to focus on becoming a doctor while you go around playing in the band, getting drunk, and here you are, blatantly lying to your parents, acting like everything’s normal.” 

“And who asked you to do that for me? No one, right? Admit it y/n, you’re just scared because the perfect life that you’ve planned was gone.” Sunghoon pointed out.

“You’re right Sunghoon, that’s why let’s stop this engagement. I don’t want to be married to a guy like you, and clearly you don’t want to marry me either.” 

Sunghoon gives you a mocking smile. “A guy like me? Like I didn’t know your feelings for me, y/n,”

“The Sunghoon that I loved was the one who was diligent, dedicated, and nice. The one who was excited to study in Decelis to become a doctor. The one who makes me smile and cares for me. Not the drunkard asshole who’s chasing after a dream because suddenly, your life revolves around playing in the band.” you confessed, glaring at him one last time before walking away.

But it didn’t take Sunghoon a minute to reach after you, grabbing your arms and pulling you closer.

“You really think you can walk away from all of this?” Sunghoon demanded, which made you scoff. 

“What is your problem!? Shouldn’t you be happy? You’re free now!” you shouted, pushing him on his chest, making him step backward and letting you go. That’s when you felt your body weakening, you could only hold on your knees as you felt something wet streaming down your eyes. You softly tap your eyes, not noticing how fast the tears streamed down your face. 

This is the probably the first time you cried. You never cried when you fell from your bicycle. You never cried when you went second place on the honor’s list. You never cried when your parents lecture you. Crying is a sign of weakness for you and you know yourself, that you’re not weak. 

You wanted to curse everything but only a mocking laugh was all you could do. You hated yourself for being vulnerable for a split second — that you cried because of Sunghoon. Of all the reasons that made you cry, it really has to be him. 

That’s when you stood up, glancing at Sunghoon whose eyes widened to see your watery eyes. He tries to approach you but you only look away. That’s when you turned around, running towards the exit and leaving Sunghoon there frozen. 

As soon as you reached your place, you went straight to your room and locked it. You leaned against the door as you deeply exhaled — but that’s where the first outburst came. You dropped to your knees, hands covering your face as you continued to wail. It goes on for so long until your breathing becomes slow, hiccups accompanying every sob that you leave your mouth. 

You don’t feel anything but pain. It hurts. Everything just fucking hurts you. Watching Sunghoon be happy with someone else. Knowing the fact that he doesn’t want to marry you, and the dream of your perfect life was shattered in just a blink of the night. 

Everything that you planned is now nowhere to be found. You hated that it all led to this mess, blaming yourself because maybe, there’s some ways where you could’ve prevented it. Maybe you shouldn’t have given up, this may be just a moment of weakness but hearing those words from Sunghoon, tells you that there’s no hope for everything to be fixed.

Now that everything is done, you could only grab your phone, and as you open it. Your mother’s caller id jumped on the screen. You stared at it for a good minute, but the thought of your mother being disappointed that you and Sunghoon fought, worse, you broke off the engagement scared you. 

So you blocked her number and quickly dialled a number. 

“Y/n? Hello?” Yizhuo’s sleepy voice answered. 

“I’m sorry Ning but I need to crash into your place —”

“What, why? What happen —”

“I broke it off with Sunghoon.” you said, biting your lips to prevent the tears from falling again.

“What the fuck y/n!? Grabbing my keys right now, stay right there and I’m speeding to your place, give me ten minutes!” Yizhuo shouts. 

The call hung-up immediately, which was your sign. You grabbed all the important stuff that you need. Your books, notes, a few clothes and a few toiletries that’ll last you. You still have a few months left before the semester ends, all you need to do is focus on your studies — if you fail to have a perfect marriage, you’re not letting your dream of becoming a doctor slip away too. 

Dragging the luggage with you, you hear the car horn and as you step outside, you see the familiar white car Yizhuo owns. 

“Let’s get the hell out of here,” Yizhuo said, grabbing your luggage and placing it on the back seat. You only sit in the passenger seat as you wait for your friend to enter the driver’s seat. 

“You okay?” Yizhuo asked, gently patting your shoulder. 

Tears started streaming down your face, you could only sob as your best friend pulled you for a hug.

“He’s not worth it y/n, you deserve someone better,” Yizhuo insisted as she broke out from the hug. “I know it’s hard for you because you love him, but are you really going to settle for less? If he truly cares for you, he’ll understand your side despite disliking the idea but he didn’t.”

You could only nod at her words, “I know, I give up Ning. I’m tired, he said he doesn’t want to marry me, so everything is useless.” 

“He’s going to regret letting you go,” Yizhuo swore, starting the engine before patting your shoulder once again. “You can stay in my apartment as long as you want, don’t worry about anything, I got you in this one,” Yizhuo only smiled as you drove away from the place, and as you glanced at the rearview mirror, there it was — Sunghoon’s car. 

You don’t know if he saw you leaving the place, but as you felt your phone vibrating and saw his name on your screen, you only closed your phone and glanced at the window of the car, staring at the places that you pass by, thinking that what you did was for your own good too. 

-

Days after the party, you returned to Decelis University acting like everything’s normal.

You still did your routine, minimizing some tasks since you’re living under Yizhuo’s place and you don’t want to intrude furthermore. You had plans on renting a place on your own but it’ll be a few months until your semester break. This temporary housing of yours is better than enduring living with Sunghoon.

You still don’t know how to approach your parents with the situation, afraid that it might disappoint them, though your reason wherein it’s not your fault at all is strong, you’re still scared because you just ruin everything they have planned for you. 

You only sent a short message to your father that you need time to think, before blocking his phone number too. You know that a lecture will await you, but for now, all you want is space from them. You wanted to focus on your goal without their expectations heaving on your back.

You continued going to your class. Preparations for the Decelis medical school entrance exam are near, and you’re multitasking your time doing your studies and reviewing for the exam. Despite the heavy pressure it had instilled, everything felt light for you, you felt your shoulders becoming lighter and your worries seemed to be fading day by day — perhaps it’s because you’re not worrying about Sunghoon anymore.

Sunghoon on the other hand, you don’t have any news about him. He doesn’t go to your classes either. It looks like he had made up his mind about his life, and whatever he does, you could only wish him good luck. 

As you exit the department building, you hear a familiar voice calling out your name, turning around, your eyes immediately widened at the figure. 

“Wonyoung, what are you doing here?” you asked, approaching your best friend who’s sitting on the gazebo in front of your department building. 

“I’m sorry,” she started. “I’m sorry for ruining what you and Sunghoon had, but listen to me y/n, I don’t like Sunghoon, I treat him like a brother the same way I treat you like a sister. What he said to you was so fucking stupid.” 

“You knew?” you asked, surprised.

“I went to your house the next day but Sunghoon’s the only one there. Everyone was worried y/n! They thought you two eloped, you disappeared without saying any word that night, plus you blocked auntie’s phone number.” Wonyoung explained. 

“I’m sorry, I just — I needed space, my mind’s all over the place, but Wonyoung, I’m not mad at you, it’s not your fault anyway.” 

“Sunghoon told me you broke off the engagement,” Wonyoung said. “Is it because of what he said?”

“He made it clear that he doesn’t want to marry me, so what’s the use Won?”

“You’re giving up now?” she asked. “You used to be persistent, y/n what happened?”

“Even I get tired sometimes, Won. Sunghoon…he’s a hopeless case. No matter how hard I tried to help him, he just didn't want my help.” 

“He’s a mess right now, you know that?” Wonyoung stated. “He’s been looking for you.” 

You halted because of Wonyoung’s words, but quickly, you threw her a bitter smile. “He has always been a mess Won,” you replied. “I’m just tired of picking up after him.” 

Wonyoung merely nods, giving you a pitied smile as she brushes your hair, “I understand where you’re coming from y/n, I know it was also hard for you to decide to break the engagement.”

“Hopefully, it’ll pass,” you said softly. “You’re still going to be my maid of honor no matter who I’m going to marry.” 

That made Wonyoung chuckle, which made you laugh, you hugged her once again and as you felt her arms wrapping around you, you felt relief.

You never wanted jealousy to corrupt your mind, but sometimes you couldn’t help but be insecure at how Wonyoung and Sunghoon’s relationship remained the same while him and yours disappeared in a glimpse. You know that Wonyoung’s not at fault in this one, everything was just a matter of fallout. 

“Since you’re here already, why don’t we go out for dinner? Oh, I’ll introduce you to Ning! You’ll love her!” you suggested, immediately changing the topic.

“I’ve been dying to meet her!” Wonyoung replied, immediately tugging you so that you two can meet your other friend. 

Turns out Wonyoung and Yizhuo are a two deadly duo. You were half-regretting introducing them to each other because now, they were insisting on going out for the night. 

“Come on now, you don’t have any class for tomorrow and you should relieve your stress,” Yizhuo insisted. 

“Really y/n? You’re going to graduate college without experiencing going out with your friends and partying? It’s a good thing I’m here because I am not taking a no for an answer,” Wonyoung added.

You only roll your eyes, “you know that clubs aren’t my thing.”

“That’s because you never experienced it! Come on now, you should loosen yourself up just for one night,”  Yizhuo explained. “Please, you said you need space right? Why not relax? Just for tonight, forget about your parents, their expectations, and your studies. We’ll make it worth it.” 

You only stared at the two of them, both with pleading eyes as they clasp their hands together. Another roll in your eyes was made but there’s a small smile on your face. “Fine, if I passed-out drunk, you guys take care of me.” 

Both squealed in agreement, excited as Wonyoung fished out her phone to make a reservation at a famous club in the city center, while Yizhuo immediately dragged you towards the parking lot where her car is parked, excited to go home so that you can change into something daring (she said) and party all night.

The club was full by the time the three of you arrived, Wonyoung strutted on the small walkway, excusing the strangers as she held your hand while Yizhuo’s behind you, guiding your way towards your table.

A small table for three was reserved for you, a bottle of tequila with lemon and salt was arranged neatly there. As soon as you three reached the place, you immediately sat on the couch while Yizhuo opened the bottle. 

“I hope you know how to take a shot,” she teasingly said as she poured the shot glass full. 

“I know how to, you’re making me like I’m such a nerd that doesn’t go out of her house,” you insisted.

“She drinks, she just doesn’t like going out to clubs,” Wonyoung whispered to Yizhuo who glanced at you while you boredly raised an eyebrow.

“Well, we’re going to change that, cheers!” Yizhuo shouts, raising the glass which you and Wonyoung copied. The first shot of tequila went straight down on your throat, leaving a burning feeling downwards your chest which made you sneer for a second. 

Shot after shot, you lost count the amount of times the three of you took a shot, the tequila bottle is almost half. Your mind has become hazy, spinning but you can manage it. All you can hear is the loud music coming from the speakers, the dj playing Taylor Swift’s songs which was so fucking random and yet, you didn’t care. You were singing your lungs out along with Wonyoung and Yizhuo who are also tipsy. 

“Let’s hit the dance floor!” Yizhuo suggested when the song changed to some edm music, the three of you squeezed yourself on the dance floor, dancing and singing along as you bumped onto a few people, giving them smiles and small apologies while never stopping dancing. 

You never felt more alive. You didn’t care what would happen tomorrow, all you cared about was that you’re having fun with the two girls that treat you like your sister. They were right, this is what you need and you’re just so happy that you agreed to go out with them. 

That’s why you pulled them closer together, “I love you guys!” you shouted, which only made them laugh.

“Oh my gosh, she’s the emotional type of drunk,” Yizhuo giggled. 

“She only says that when she’s drunk, so savor it,” Wonyoung replied, hugging you back. “I love you too!” making the three of you squeal together before breaking out to continue dancing. 

You only let your body sway along with the music, not noticing a hand wrapping around your waist and as you turn around, you see a guy your age, smiling at you as he hands you his shot glass. 

“No thank you,” you smiled, “I already have one.” 

But he only laughed, “there’s no harm in having another one.”

You only let out a small giggle as you shrug, taking the shot and drinking it straight. You can hear his cheer, along with some guys that you’re unfamiliar with. You failed to notice Yizhuo and Wonyoung whereabouts as you continued to dance with the stranger. 

“You come here often?” he asked, and you only shook your head. 

“It’s too crowded here!” you shouted back. The place was getting hotter, crowds becoming bigger as the guy’s body became way too close to you. 

“Crowded huh? Do you want to go somewhere less crowded?” 

Maybe it was the alcohol — you don’t know, your head’s spinning and everything has become blurry to you, but all you can remember was that you nod at his answer. “Okay! I’m just going to tell my friends I’m leaving.”

“Alright sweetheart.” he smirked, his hold from your waist loosened. 

You tried to find your friends, but your mind is spinning — you couldn’t even remember where your table was. Your head searched sideways, when you felt a tug on your arm, making you turn around.

“She’s not going with you,” Sunghoon said with a cold tone.

“Dude fuck off, go pick some other girls around here,” the stranger tried to pull you away but Sunghoon was fast, immediately backing you behind him. 

“She’s my fiance, if you don’t want any trouble, get lost,” Sunghoon warns. 

“Fuck off Sunghoon,” you rebutted, shaking your grip away from Sunghoon who was surprised by your action. “We’re through, remember?” 

The stranger chuckled, “she doesn’t even want you here, so fuck off, will ya?”

But it didn’t take a split second for Sunghoon to hit  him on the face. His fist landing directly on the nose which made the stranger stumble down. 

Everyone was surprised when the guy fell on the ground, immediately stepping out from the fight. Sunghoon attempted to give the guy another punch but Heeseung and Jay managed to grab him. You didn’t process everything until you felt Wonyoung and Yunjin were behind you. 

“What happened — Sunghoon!” Wonyoung shrieks. The stranger stood up from the ground, but Sunghoon was quick to get away from his friend and charge towards him, landing another punch, and if it wasn’t enough, he landed another, this time harder. 

It didn’t take a minute for the bouncers to enter the scene, separating the two of them. You weren’t able to understand anything, all you know was that your friends pulled you out of the club along with Sunghoon and his friends. 

“Dude calm down,” Heeseung said trying to keep his friend still but Sunghoon pulled away, almost jabbing his friend who only stepped back with hands raised. 

“How can I fucking calm down when y/n almost got in danger tonight!?” he pointed out.

“You almost killed someone!” Jay shouted, trying to get a grip on Sunghoon but he got pushed away too. 

“He should be lucky because I hold back a little bit,” Sunghoon sarcastically laughs. “He deserves it, the way he looked at y/n? I know he has bad intentions.” 

“Stop caring Sunghoon!” you shouted, senses finally hitting you. “So what if I’ll go with that guy? We’re done, remember? I can meet whoever I like.” 

“I don’t care if we’re through, you couldn’t even take care of yourself. What the fuck are you even doing at a club?” Sunghoon lectured.

That’s when you scoff, “just because you can have fun, doesn’t me I can.”

“Oh, so that’s your idea of fun? Getting drugged by a stranger and who knows what they’ll do to you — fucking careless,” Sunghoon lets out a deep sigh, his anger heightening as he glared at Wonyoung. 

“If it wasn’t for me, she would’ve been in danger tonight, what the hell Won!?” Sunghoon angrily lectures. 

“Sunghoon stop blaming us, we were there and we were just letting y/n have fun, we’re not that stupid to let her go with that guy. You just really have to interfere first,” Wonyoung explained, forehead creased with anger.

Sunghoon could only roll his eyes, groaning as he frustratedly brushed his hair. “This is fucking stupid, you three aren’t even safe there!” 

“Just go home Sunghoon,” you shouted once again, making him glance at you. “You’re ruining our night for fuck’s sake.”

But in a split second, Sunghoon pulls you away from Yizhuo, and before you could say another thing, he grabs you by your knees and swings you on his shoulders, your upper body bumping on his back. 

“Sunghoon! Put me down!” you shouted, punching his back but Sunghoon remained unfazed, he then glanced at his friends who were surprised by his action.

“No one follows, this is between the two of us,” Sunghoon warned before he walked towards his car. 

You tried to struggle your way out of his hold, but Sunghoon’s too strong for you. He managed to put you in the passenger seat, even putting on the belt on you. 

“Sunghoon —” 

“Stop struggling y/n, we’ll go home now.” 

“Sunghoon, what fuck is wrong with you? We’re done, how many times do I have to tell you that!?” you shouted at him. “You’re suffocating me.”

“And so do I with you, but we can’t always have what we want.” Sunghoon stated, slamming the door of the car. You weren’t able to say another word, not knowing what he meant by that.

The drive towards your place was quiet yet tense, you could only close your eyes as the throbbing feeling in your head started to become worse. You had too many to drink but all you know that what the guy gave you was just a normal shot. If it would’ve been drugged, then you should’ve been passed-out by now. 

As Sunghoon parked the car inside, you could only stare at the entrance of the house. You do miss your house but there’s a deep feeling of pain lingering in your heart as it reminds you of Sunghoon. You didn’t even notice that Sunghoon had opened the door for you, and you mindlessly left the car. 

Entering the living room, you only stood there as you stare at the place — Sunghoon had maintained it clean even though you left, surprising you since you spent your mornings cleaning the house. 

You can hear the door closing, softly Sunghoon’s footsteps approach you but he stops midway. That’s when you realized how suffocating the emptiness the house had. 

“What is this Sunghoon?” you immediately asked, not even bothering looking at him.

“I just took you home,” Sunghoon simply said and you wanted to laugh. Home. you knew that home meant a lively house with a loving family, not a tense one with a broken engagement. 

“Sunghoon, since it still hasn’t sunk in your mind, our engagement is done, isn’t that what you want?” you repeated. 

“Well, did you even tell that to your parents?” Sunghoon asked casually. “My parents don’t know it yet.” 

You didn’t answer and Sunghoon immediately knew. 

“Of course you haven’t,” he teased. “That technically means we’re still engaged to each other.” 

You only closed your eyes, trying to compose yourself as you felt conflicted. “I don’t understand you Sunghoon, what do you even want? You made it very clear back then that you’d prefer to marry Wonyoung instead of me. Why bring me here again!?”

“I don’t know,” Sunghoon confessed. “It’s just…it’s so lonely here.” 

“I’m not a doll that you can keep,” you heaved. 

“I miss you.” he breathes, and your eyes widen but you could only let out a bitter laugh. 

“Suddenly you miss me? Sunghoon the last time you told me, you don’t want to marry me. Shouldn’t you be happy that we’re done.”

“That doesn’t equate to the fact that I don’t want to call off the engagement,” he stated. 

“You’re confusing me Sunghoon, stand your ground, you don’t want to marry me but you don’t want the engagement to be broken? What do you even want?”

“I was hoping that your mind might change,” Sunghoon said, almost pleading. “That somewhere in you, there’s that girl who first recognized my talent.” 

Silence. You weren’t able to say another word. Slowly, you turned around to see him standing there. His gaze at you gentle and pleading, far different from the looks he gave to you. 

“Do you remember the first time we met?” Sunghoon told you. “Do you remember what you told me?”

Of course. “You have a talent for playing the piano!” you recalled. It was the first thing you said when both your parents introduced you to Sunghoon. It didn’t sinked into you that those words of your younger self would stick in Sunghoon’s mind. 

“When I first joined the band, I thought you’ll be supportive because you’re the first one to recognize my love for playing the piano, but nothing,” Sunghoon chuckles bitterly. “I was hoping that someday, you would understand why I am chasing after my passion. That’s why I was so happy that you watched our performance that night — but you’re too stuck in that dream of yours to recognize it.” 

“It’s not just a dream Hoon, it's what's expected from me, and being a doctor, that’s what’s also expected from you.”

“Have you ever thought of what you want? Are you just going to wake up everyday, listen to your parents’ expectations and follow it? Do you have any idea how sad that is?” 

“I’m my parents’ only daughter, who else is going to make them proud aside from me?” you bitterly said. “And I want this too Hoon, so I’m sorry if my dream isn’t in the form of a passion unlike yours.”

“You’re not going to change your mind aren’t you?” Sunghoon mumbled. “I only pursued my passion and suddenly I’m not fit for your life anymore?” 

“It’s not just about having a perfect life, Hoon. My parents wanted me to marry a doctor, and I’m not going to push you anymore when it’s obvious that your heart beats for your passion.” you explained. 

“What about your heart then? What does your heart yearn for? You’re not going to fight for me anymore?” he said, almost pleading. A desperate turn in his tone shifted in you. 

“I’m done fighting for you Hoon,” you bitterly smiled. “Why are you suddenly asking me all of this?”

“You’re done with me? That’s it?” 

“Sunghoon, I’m really, really tired with everything.” you pleaded. “We’re just going to hurt each other the more we stay in this engagement.”

Sunghoon only stared at you. For a moment, he wanted to rebut your words. He wanted for you to fight furthermore because he knows you. You’re hard-headed, you’re not the type that won’t give up easily. But as he looks in your eyes, all he can is your desperation, eyes that scream for him that you’re tired of everything. 

“You’re really tired aren’t you?” he asked once again. 

“Just let me go Hoon, please.” you whispered. 

“Fine,” he said, defeated. “Only if you stay for the night.”

“What?” you asked, his request was sudden.

“Stay for the night, for me,” he said, almost pleading. “After this, I won’t disturb you anymore. Please, just stay for tonight.” 

It didn’t sink in everything he said, you could only stare at him, eyes wide as you can see how his eyes were almost begging for you. 

“I just…miss you so much,” he whispered. “But after this, we’re done. I’m going to tell my parents that we’re breaking off the engagement.” 

“Okay,” you said in defeat, and Sunghoon could only nod. He grabs your hand and you let him do so.

You found yourself in his room. The silence was engulfing, you stood there clueless as Sunghoon opened his closet, grabbing a shirt and pajamas for you — like you didn’t have any clothes left in your room next door. But you let it be, grabbing the clothes and going towards his bedroom’s bathroom. 

You can feel your heart beating fast. You were nervous, you don’t know what to do since this is the first time you and Sunghoon will sleep together. Sure, you had sleepovers back when you were kids, but those were the three of you. This one is just going to be the two of you, alone, in one bed.

But that’s his only request, when tomorrow comes, everything will be over now. It’s not like you two are going to do something, Sunghoon only wishes for you to stay for the night.

As you entered the room, you saw Sunghoon sitting on the edge of his bed, already in his sleeping clothes. He only stretched out his hands which you accepted and softly, he pulled you to his bed. 

“Let’s go to sleep?” he asked, almost inaudible. You only nod at his request and with that, the two of you settled underneath the blankets. You couldn’t even move, you had your back against Sunghoon and you wondered if he’s already asleep or not. 

It was as if he had read your mind, you felt Sunghoon shifted from his place — and in a second, warm arms wrapped around you and pulled you closer. Your breath halted as his hug tightened, your back almost resting on his chest, like he’s never wanting to let you go. It left you even more confused than ever, you two were never this intimate, and this will probably be the last time you two will be. 

“Goodnight y/n,” he whispered, and you can feel his lips touching the top of your head. 

Goodnight Sunghoon. You said in your mind.

“I’m sorry for everything.” Sunghoon mumbled, barely audible. 

You only closed your eyes, taking a long deep breath to hold yourself from crying. You wondered why he suddenly apologized. Why now? When everything is bound to be over. But you didn’t say a word, you tried to sleep instead, knowing that there’s no will inside you left to fight for yourself and Sunghoon. 

Goodbye Sunghoon.

-

The first semester has ended. The weather has become cold as fall passes by. Decelis University has slowly become empty with students going home to their hometown. 

The remaining months of your semester became a blur to you. You passed all your courses with ease and you managed to receive an academic honor for it. Emails from medical school offers had been appearing in your emails too, which meant that you’re secured to attend med school after graduation. Everything has been good to you — you got everything you need.

When you returned to your hometown, your parents spared you. They told you that they understand why you did it, letting it pass since you didn’t abandon your studies at all. They learned from Sunghoon’s parents that the engagement was called off. They didn’t ask you furthermore about it, and you could do nothing but to apologize not only to your parents but also to the Park family. Disappointment runs through your mind, especially when Sunghoon’s parents trusted you with their son — only for you to fail them.

A knock on the door disturbed your day, as you turned around you saw your parents entering your room. 

“Still studying dear? You’re doing too much now y/n,” your mom softly said, sitting on the edge of the bed along with your father. 

But you only smile, “I want to make sure that I’ll be able to pass Decelis’ entrance exam for medical school, you told me that the passing rate there is small.”

“Yes I know that sweetie but you’re doing too much, why don’t you do something else aside from studying?” your father suggested. 

But you only let out a laugh, “I'm all good dad, thanks for the concern though.”

“Have you ever thought of doing something else y/n? Something that you love?” your mom asked. That’s when you dropped your book, glancing at the two of them.

“Love?” 

“A hobby, what about tennis? You’re great at that sport, maybe you can be an athlete,” your mom happily said. 

“Oh, I do remember that you used to do ballet, I think you still have the skills sweetie,” your father added, which left you confused but chuckling. 

“Mom, dad, what is this all about?” you asked. Silence hovered in the room for a minute, both your parents looked at each other, trying to signal each other who should talk, which left your mother sighing. 

“Maybe, we shouldn’t have pushed you too hard to become a doctor,” your mother pointed out. “And it’s okay for us if you don’t want —”

“I want to become a doctor mom, that has always been my dream,” you rebutted, shifting your focus on your book. “I’m okay, don’t worry about me.”

“We had a talk with Sunghoon’s parents,” that’s when you stopped, glancing at them once again. “They explained why you two called it off.”

“Okay,” you shortly replied. You remember that night where you and Sunghoon slept together. His apology still lingers in your mind. There’s a part of you that wanted to know what he was sorry for. 

But the more you stay there, the more the pain deepens in your heart. You slipped away from his hold the next morning, and starting that day, you never heard anything from Sunghoon. 

He didn’t show up to any of his classes. He just disappeared like a bubble. Wonyoung told you that he doesn’t reply to her texts either. You don’t know if he continued performing in Arcanum, or did he ghost his band members. It’s funny how even though you two are already over, you still have a bit of concern for him. 

“Sweetie, we understand Sunghoon. He chose his dream and maybe it was a little disappointing for you because you always dream that you and Sunghoon will become doctors together, but there will come a point where your dream will change.” your father explained. “Sunghoon just so happens to rekindle his passion for music, it happens.” 

“And there’s nothing I can do about it,” you told them. “That’s why there’s no reason for the engagement to continue.”

“We shouldn’t have pressured you to become a doctor,” your mother insisted. “We were wrong in that part, and we’re very sorry about it dear.”

“Mom, even if you don’t pressure me, I still want to become a doctor no matter what, I will follow your footsteps, so don’t be sorry about it.”

“It’s not just about becoming a doctor,” your father pointed out. “It’s about your engagement with Sunghoon, we shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s already over, so you shouldn’t worry about it.”

“Listen y/n, when we set you and Sunghoon to marry, it’s not for our business to emerge. We just knew that you two love each other.” your father explained, hand resting on your knees. The old man faintly smiles at you. “You two were too young to understand it, but it was also our fault for putting so much expectations on the two of you — we should’ve let you two navigate your feelings on your own.” 

“But you said, I should marry a doctor,” you pointed out. “I always knew that it’s going to be Sunghoon, but he changed dad. If he can’t be the one, I’ll just find someone in med school.”

“Oh sweetie, we’re terribly sorry for saying that,” that’s when your mother pulls you to a hug. “But we still want you to marry for love, and dear, it’s not always about his profession, but how he’s going to treat you as your husband.”

“Why now? Why say that to me all of the sudden?” you questioned, breaking out from your mother’s touch.

“We didn’t think it’ll come to this point —”

“No, because from the very start you two insisted that I should marry a doctor because that’s what you two wanted for me! I was lucky that Sunghoon wanted to become a doctor but when he changed his dreams, I did everything just for him to go back!” you shouted.

Both your parents were surprised to hear your voice raise. You stood there, shaking as tears started to flow from your eyes once again.

“I did everything in my life just to please your expectations because I know that you two always know what’s best for me, and I didn’t want to fail you guys. But now, I feel so stupid because suddenly, I have the freedom to choose what I want,” a bitter laugh escapes your mouth, you brushed your hair as you bit your lips. Trying to stop the tears from falling.

“I even roped Sunghoon in my dreams because that’s what you guys want for me, and I was scared of disappointing you two if he didn’t become a doctor — you could’ve told me from the start! Then maybe, I could’ve supported Sunghoon instead of suffocating him.” 

Your parents remained quiet. Sitting there as they watch their daughter cry. Both of them were surprised, never thinking they’ll see you cry. You have always been a strong girl for them, but then again, everyone crumbles. 

“We can still fix it dear,” your mother insisted. 

“It’s too late now mom,” you answered. “It’s not just about the engagement, Sunghoon and I, we’re done with everything. We spent our lives living up to your expectations, and this is the only time we made a choice for ourselves.”

Before they could say anything. You scurried to grab your phone and jacket, storming out of your room as your parents couldn’t do anything but watch you disappear from their sight. 

You found yourself at the small playground near your house. Sitting on the end of the slide as you hiccup your cries.

You hate your parents and how their mind suddenly changed in a glimpse. Marry for love? Love was never the problem for you, it was the fact that they spent your whole life shaping you into an ideal life only for them to take it back. You’ll marry for love in a heartbeat but it never crossed your mind because their expectations came first. 

If only. You could only think of the what-ifs because somehow, you spent your whole life making your parents proud — that you couldn’t even make a choice on your own. “Do you have any idea how sad that is?” you remember Sunghoon’s words to you, making you close your eyes as tears continued to flow along with your soft sobs.

Sunghoon’s right. All your life you did your best to follow your parents’ footsteps, never tried to navigate other hobbies or passions — perhaps that’s why you weren’t able to understand Sunghoon’s dreams at all. You suddenly felt lost, not knowing what to do with your life anymore. Sunghoon and Wonyoung, they’ll be choosing the things they love.

What about you? You don’t know anymore, you don’t even know if becoming a doctor is what you want — or it’s just something that has been engraved to you by your parents that you learned to love it somehow. 

“y/n?” You looked up and to your surprise, Sunghoon’s mother was standing in front of you. 

“Auntie,” you quickly stood up and wiped the tears away. “What brings you here?”

“I was supposed to visit you today,” she said with a soft tone. “But I caught you here on the way, is there something wrong?” 

You immediately fake a smile, even though your nose was runny and eyes are puffy red, you tried your best to assure the woman that you’re okay. But she simply shakes her head before patting your head. 

“Come on, let’s have a talk.”

You two ended up in a small coffee shop nearby. You watch as Mrs. Park lightly sips on her tea, before glancing at you. She then smiles, and you can see where Sunghoon got his eye smile, and somehow, that comforts you. 

“When Sunghoon told us that he wanted to play for a band instead, we were disappointed,” Mrs. Park explained. “His dad was furious, but what else can we do? Stop him from doing what he loves?”

You only remained quiet, listening to Mrs. Park as she softly chuckled. “As parents, we only want what’s best for our children, but it’s still up to them to choose their future. For Sunghoon, we let him be, it’s what he wants.”

Then, she glances at you. “You know, Sunghoon broke the engagement because he doesn’t want to hurt you anymore?”

“I’m sorry I gave up on him.” you apologized immediately. “We — we’re just too different auntie.”

“Well, opposites do attract my dear,” she jokingly said, making you let out a small chuckle. From there, her expression softens. Looking at you pitifully, the woman can see the stress you went through and it breaks her heart, knowing that they were the reasons why you’re like that. 

“You’ve done a lot for my son y/n, and I am thankful for that,” Mrs. Park smiles. “You’ll be a great wife for him, someone who’ll come to knock his senses but — everyone gets tired sometimes.” 

You only smile at her, but Mrs. Park’s eyes glistened with a meaningful smile on her lips. “That’s why it’s important to rest, everything is not the end just because you were tired.” 

You became quiet because of her words. Mrs. Park stretches her hand, holding your hand as she squeezed it lightly. “Just rest dear, take your time for yourself, everything is not too late.”

“But —”

“Listen to your heart this time dear, only your heart knows what’s truly best for you.”

-

You returned to your shared house a week before the next semester started. 

The moment you opened the door, you were welcomed by its hollow silence, making you bitterly smile because you do miss the silence — and you’ll miss it more now that it won’t be the place you’ll go home to.

Slowly, you opened your room and noticed that it was the same as how you left it the night you ran away. Sunghoon didn’t touch any of it, and you were glad that he didn’t. You didn’t waste any time, you grabbed the luggage that you brought with you, packing all the things that you have in your room. 

You spent the day packing your things. Neatly folding everything, and stacking it inside your storage box. You managed to finish it before sunset, going back and forth to load it inside your car. And with one last glance in the empty room, you could only mutter goodbye as you dragged your luggage with you. 

But as soon as you reach the living room, you hear the doorknob unlocking, making you stop. You can feel your heart starting to beat fast, praying that it won’t be him. 

“Y/n?” you saw how Sunghoon’s eyes widened as he saw you, but his eyes immediately darted at the luggage that you were holding. 

You only took a deep breath before giving him a smile, “I just came by to grab my things.” 

“Wait, wait — why?” Sunghoon hurriedly went towards you, hands grabbing your arm. 

“Our engagement’s over Sunghoon, so there’s no need for us to be together,” you gritted your teeth. Every word felt like a knife stabbing inside you. 

“Y/n, can you just listen to me —”

“Sunghoon stop, there’s nothing for us to talk about.” 

“You know that everything’s not too late right? We can still fix it.”

“What’s to fix Sunghoon?” you asked. “I thought we made it clear that we’re done.”

“If you’re done fighting for me, then I’m fighting for you now,” Sunghoon insisted, grabbing you by your shoulders. You tried to get out of his hold but he tightens his hold on you. 

“Why now Hoon? Where were you, when I was fighting for everything? You can’t just enter my life and expect me to accept you immediately —”

“I love you okay!?” he shouted, completely shutting you off. Eyes wide from the sudden confession. 

Sunghoon looks at you, his eyes stressed and dark, yet it screams for your plea. “I’m sorry that I realized my feelings just now, I know I was late but it’s never too late for us, just listen to me —”

“Hoon stop —”

“Y/n, just for once why don’t you listen to your heart?” Sunghoon stated. “You know deep inside, that it’s not too late for us to fix it. Your parents, my parents, they know that it’s not too late, it’s only you who doesn’t want to —"

“Because I’m scared, Hoon!” you shouted, shutting Sunghoon off. 

“I don’t know what to do with my life anymore Hoon and that fucking scares me. Suddenly I have my own freedom and I don’t know whether my decisions will be right or wrong. If I end up choosing what my heart wants, I might just ended up failing myself”

“You know you don’t always need to be perfect right?” Sunghoon whispered to you. “People make mistakes y/n, we’re flawed, and there’s nothing wrong with making mistakes.”

You only shake your head. “I don’t know Hoon, I don’t know what I should do anymore.”

“Just listen to your heart,” The hold on your shoulders tightens. “Go for the things you love, not because it’s what your parents taught you, or because it’s what’s for the best. You know this y/n, what do you want?” 

You. You thought. In a heartbeat, it has always been Sunghoon. Despite all the mess, the rough paths, and fights you two had. In the end, your heart beats for him. 

And as you look at him, there were no longer cold gaze and emptiness in his eyes, his eyes yearn for you too. The years of your unrequited love for him are over now.

“It’s you Hoon,” you mumbled, a bite on your lips as you started stuttering. “I’m just afraid after everything that happened to us.”

“We can work it out, we may have started on a rough path but I know that we can make it through.” he deeply sighs. “I’m sorry for everything, I know I said some harsh words but I was angry at that time, I’m sorry y/n, I was just frustrated but I didn’t mean every word that I said, it has always been you,”

You only stared at him, “how can I trust you Sunghoon?”

“Let me make it up to you y/n,” he swore, hands finding its way to your face. “If you let me, I’ll prove it to you.”

“How? How can I be so sure about you?”

“We’ll start again y/n, don’t worry about us, we’ll navigate this together, I won’t hurt you anymore.” Sunghoon promised. “Just be with me okay? You’ll be there for me right?” 

You only stared at Sunghoon. He has his lips tightly sealed, his eyes were searching for yours, the same eyes that yearned for you that night. Your heart started beating faster, and you weren’t able to process that tears are starting to fall from your eyes. Your mind was telling you to run away again, but your heart — it beats for him. 

You don’t know what to say, you only nod at his words. That’s when Sunghoon understood what you meant. Slowly he leans in, closing the space between the two of you. 

You always thought that your first kiss with Sunghoon would be at your wedding. After you two exchange vows. It'll be short yet momentary. Significant in your life and a symbol that you and Sunghoon are going to be together, forever. 

But as he kissed you right now after swearing to prove his worth for you, that’s when it halted you that Sunghoon’s words weren’t just empty promises. The way his lips trailed on yours, hands holding your face gently as he tilts more to deepen the kiss — making you kiss him back, softly yet surely.

You two weren’t wearing your wedding clothes, no rings, nor applauses from the crowd. It’s just the two of you, alone, in your house’ living room.

As you two broke from the kiss, Sunghoon’s forehead rested on yours, catching each other’s breath, you can see the small smile forming on Sunghoon’s lips. 

“Tell me it’s true Sunghoon,” you whispered to him, eyes never leaving him. “I want to hear it from you.”

“I love you y/n,” Sunghoon confesses. “It has always been you, and no one else.” 

You could only chuckle in disbelief as you felt a tear fall from your eyes, Sunghoon quickly wiped it off with his thumb before pulling you for another kiss, to which you responded quickly. From there, everything started to heat up, you could only place your arms around Sunghoon’s neck as you two continued to kiss like there’s no tomorrow. 

Sunghoon didn’t waste any second. He grabs you by your thighs, lifting you up with ease without breaking the kiss, while you wrap your legs around his waist for support. The two of you ended up in his room wherein he gently placed you down to his bed. 

“Are you sure about this?” he softly asked, eyes never leaving yours. He looks at you lovingly, like he was mesmerized that you’re his. 

“I’m sure,” you answered. “And I’m sure that it’s going to be you Sunghoon.” 

“I’ll take good care of you then,” Sunghoon answered before leaning down for another kiss. You only closed your eyes and kissed Sunghoon back. 

You can feel it. The longing of tasting each other. The way Sunghoon kisses you gently, taking his time to savor you as he deepens his lips on you more. Soft nibbles on your lower lip making you whimper softly.

It went on and on, no one dared to break the kiss. Both hands trying to navigate each other. His right hand finds its way to yours, clasping between your fingers as he rests it on the side of your head. 

Sunghoon breaks from the kiss, but immediately places his lips on your jawline until it reaches your neck. Planting soft kisses like he wanted to taste every skin of yours. His left hand finds its way to your body, gently tracing your upper body as you grasp on his sheets. 

“Can I?” he asked, tugging at the hem of your shirt, which you nodded feverishly. You lifted yourself slightly for Sunghoon to remove your shirt before removing his shirt too. His toned body, and carved abs revealed in front of you which you could only stare for a minute. Who would’ve thought that underneath those baggy hoodies and large shirts, is a godlike body? 

On the other hand, Sunghoon didn’t waste any time, he grabs your face once again, locking you to a kiss that’s more intense, hungrier than earlier. He was battling to get a taste of you more, tongue swiping on your lower lip making you moan, you could only shut your eyes as Sunghoon sloppily entered his tongue inside you.

Teeths clashing, tongue travelling inside you, your body started to heat up as Sunghoon continued to taste your lips further. He then started targeting your neck, making you tilt your head to make room for him. Hot, messy, wet kisses trailing on every skin his lips could reach. You let out a soft moan as Sunghoon’s hands trailed towards your bra, softly cupping your breast while his lips continued to bite your neck, sucking it lightly leaving purple marks all over it.  

“So beautiful, only for me right?” he whispered to your left ear, planting a kiss on it before glancing at you. 

“Only for you Hoon,” you whispered back, Sunghoon merely chuckling before darting his eyes on your lower body. 

“Is this your first?” he asked, you only nod.

“Been waiting for you.” you muttered, and the next thing you knew, Sunghoon’s lips were on yours once again. 

“Good girl, we’ll make it worth it yeah?” Sunghoon asked. “It’ll be special for us, we’ll be each other’s first. I told you I’ll prove my worth to you.” 

Sunghoon gently unbuttons your pants before tugging it downwards, leaving you in your panties while he hastily removes his shorts, leaving him in his boxers. 

“Come here love,” he gestured as he sat on the mattress, you only followed him as he pulled you to sit on his lap. A gasp leaving your lips as you could only hold your breath, feeling Sunghoon hard underneath. He’s big. You can feel it as you sit prettily on it, your clothed cunt just right above it. 

Your thoughts only trailed off as Sunghoon continued to kiss you, hands attempting to unclasp your bra which made you chuckle in the middle of your makeout. You helped him unclasp it before throwing the bra somewhere. 

“So fucking gorgeous for me,” Sunghoon gestured. His hands started circling on your boobs, cupping your right side making you whimper. Sunghoon's eyes never leaving yours as his hands trailed downwards, fingers tracing every skin of your body until it reached the hem of your panties. 

“Is it okay?” he asked. 

“Please Sunghoon,” you pleaded, unable to ignore the heat that you’ve been feeling. 

Sunghoon’s fingers delicately feather on your clothed pussy. You softly moan as his palms cup it, rubbing on it as the slightest friction heats you furthermore. You wanted more, unknowingly you bucked your hips to his hand. Sunghoon fastens the way he rubs your pussy as you continue grinding against it. 

“Sunghoon —” 

“Do you want to touch mine too?” he asked, tone deeper than usual. You only stared at him for a good minute before you nod. 

Sunghoon grabs your hand, gently guides it until your palm rests on his hard-on. It’s straining underneath his boxer, and just from your touch, you know that one hand wasn’t enough. You palmed it slowly, hearing soft breathing Sunghoon which fueled something in you.

“Can I do it?” you asked, your hands trailing on the hem of his boxer. 

“Go on love,” he whispered, planting a kiss on your temple. 

You pulled Sunghoon’s boxer, his hard length springing from it. Hard and thick, you looked at Sunghoon as you wrapped your hands around it, and you’re right, one hand isn’t enough. Your hands reach its tip, the pre-cum budding on its end, having you smear it as you circled your palms on his tip. 

You watched as Sunghoon looked at you darkly. A faint smirk on his lips as you felt his fingers slipped under your panties, you let out a soft moan as his fingers found their way on your pussy. Softly trailing on its lips before going up to your clit, three fingers circling it slowly which made you twitch for a second. 

Your hands started to stroke Sunghoon’s cock, slow and steady like you're memorizing every inch of it. It goes the same with him as he continues to rub your clit, harder leaving you breathless as you continue to pump his cock faster, squeezing his tip at every chance that you can. Earning breathy groans from him. 

“Going to prepare you love, just breathe for me okay?” Sunghoon instructed and you could only moan in response. Your other hand found its hold on his shoulders, head resting on it as you nervously can feel his fingers near your entrance. 

“You’re so wet for me, so fucking good,” he whispered to you, before slipping inside your pussy. You let out a deep sigh as his index finger rested inside you. “Just relax for me okay?” slowly he drags his fingers in and out, watching you fall in front of him as you couldn’t do anything but to leave breathy moans. 

“Sunghoon —” you called out as you could feel him insert another finger inside you, the sudden move made you squeeze his dick hard, making Sunghoon curse under his breath. You mindlessly continued to stroke it as Sunghoon’s fingers circled inside you. 

“Relax for me love, we don’t want to hurt you,” Sunghoon assured, kissing your right temple as he continued to finger you. It’s playing inside you, knuckles deep as his long fingers kept pumping inside you, curling at a spot that you feel sensitive the most. He’s stretching you, trying his best to prepare you, his fingers continue to scissor your walls at a right pace, reaching deep inside you.

“I want to come,” you mumbled as you could feel it coming inside you. Your hands gave up on stroking his dick, which made Sunghoon slow down his actions.

“You’re going to come with me inside, can you do that?” you quickly nod in his words, kissing his lips as he removed his fingers from you. You didn’t miss the way your pussy ached, but Sunghoon was quick to grab your waist. 

Gently, he lays you down on his bed, and you watch as he reaches for his bedroom’s drawer, pulling the upper box and scavenging something there. 

“Why —”

“Just making sure we’re safe,” Sunghoon told you. 

“Yeah, but why do you have that…” you mindlessly asked, heat rushing towards your cheeks as you stared at Sunghoon. 

“Heeseung gave it to me as a joke —” Sunghoon groans, embarrassed. “But at least we’re safe, right?”

“Right,” you whispered, leaning more against the pillow. 

Sunghoon removes his boxer. Your eyes wandered at his cock again, hard and lengthy, you could only bite your lips as you wondered how it would fit you. Sunghoon eyes on you, like he's ready to devour as he pumps his cock with his right hand while he bites on the foil packet, tearing it open and grabbing the condom, sheathing it on his already sensitive cock. 

Both of you never left each other’s gaze, you lifted your lower body for you to remove your panties, shamelessly spreading your legs in front of him. Your heart started to beat fast, nervousness started to hit you, but you were only assured when Sunghoon planted another kiss on your lips. 

“Take a deep breath for me, okay? I’ll put on the tip first,” he guided you. You only nod at his words, laying back as you try to relax yourself. 

Sunghoon could only bite his lips as he stared at you, legs spread with your glistening pussy on display. You’re his. You’re his to keep. Something about that thought had Sunghoon’s heart racing, unraveling a feeling of having you all by himself. 

Sunghoon kneels in front of you, hands on your thighs as he hovers over you. He grabs his cock, stroking it steadily making him hiss lightly, at the same time, he grazes it on your cunt’s lips, making you moan. 

You took a deep breath as you felt Sunghoon’s dick on your entrance, its girth enough for you to whimper even though it was just a tip. Sunghoon kept on glancing at you, trying to test if you can take it, careful as he pushed his tip inside you, making you let out a soft groan. 

“Fuck Hoon,” you said, feeling your entrance tearing apart. 

“It’s just my tip love,” Sunghoon told you, “we can stop if you want —”

“No, no, I want it,” you let out a sigh. “Please, just go slowly.” 

“You want it all inside?” Sunghoon asked, eyes wide. 

“I want to feel you, Hoon.”

Sunghoon was hesitant, seeing your eyes start to water, he was scared. You noticed the way his expression shifted, quickly pulling him for a short kiss with your eyes firm on him. There, he was assured, a short nod as a signal. 

“Alright, relax for me okay? We’ll take it slow.” 

Sunghoon started slow. Only pushing his tip in and out, so that you can still feel good. Then, he started to insert himself inside you, slow and careful while you could only take hasty breaths, holding it every time you felt yourself getting stretched. 

“You’re so fucking tight,” Sunghoon whispered. “So small and tight, you really waited for me huh?”

“Hoon —”

“It’s okay baby, I can move if you want me to,” Sunghoon assured. 

You tried to adjust to his size, you’re too full and his dick’s fully sheathed inside you, but it feels good, you wanted more of him. You tried to move, bucking your hips upwards to test the waters, making Sunghoon glance at you. 

“You wanted it baby?” he asked, before spreading your legs wider, wrapping it around his waist as he hovered over you. 

“You can move now Hoon,” you said. 

Sunghoon moved for a bit, carefully checking on you in case you might get hurt. But you quickly nodded, he pulled his dick out of your pussy, eyes surprised as the blood smeared all over the condom. It’s normal. He thought, but it still made him worried. 

“I think I tore you,” he mumbled to you.

“I don’t care,” you replied. “Fuck, just put it in Hoon.” 

With that, Sunghoon chuckles darkly. “Impatient already?”

Without a warning, Sunghoon pushes himself inside you, making you heave out a moan. A mouthful of curses leaving his lips as he started to thrust himself inside you. A steady pace that’s not rough enough for you but will leave you crying out of pleasure. He continued doing so, until he fastened his pace, too lost in the pleasure of his cock ramming your walls. Sunghoon could only utterly groan as your pussy continued sucking him in. 

“Only for me —” Sunghoon moans. “So tight for me, there’s my good girl.”

“Hoon —” 

“Want me to go faster? Want to take all of me?”

“Please — ugh, faster please.”

Sunghoon answers your pleas, grabbing your waist, lifting your stomach area, and in a second, he pulls his cock slowly and slams it inside you harshly, making you moan loudly as the pleasure was too much for you. Hands tightly gripping the sheets as your toes started to curl. Only wanton moans and Sunghoon’s names would leave out of your lips, calling his name like a mantra as his dick keeps on abusing your hole, reaching to the deepest part, feeling how his tip rubs a sensitive spot. 

“Hoon, want you —” you called out, stretching your hands which Sunghoon eagerly accepted. Both hands intertwined, placed both either on the sides of your head as Sunghoon continued to thrust inside you. 

Sunghoon locks his lips on you once again. A feverish makeout, making everything hot yet intimate as both your bodies were glued together. Skin to skin, not minding the warm temperature the room exceeds and how sticky both you are with your sweats. All that matters was how he kisses your lips like it’s his last meal on Earth, savoring the taste of it while his cock underneath fastens its pace.

“You’re so beautiful, all mine right?” he growled on your lips, making a short thrust which left you gasping. He can feel it, your pussy tightening, almost wanting for him to not leave, he continues to thrust in such pace as he watches your face distorting in an unreadable expression.

“Come on, say it love,” he commanded, giving you another thrust so hard that you choke under your breath. 

“All y-yours! Fuck —” you cried, everything is too overwhelming for you. But Sunghoon was relaxed as he continued abusing your pussy. 

“So good for me,” Sunghoon kisses your temples. 

You could only close your eyes, too shut that it hurts. Concealing every cry as your legs started to shake, stomach coiling, and unable to control your breathing. 

“Hoon —”

“Gonna come now love?” you heard Sunghoon asked, and your choked moan was the only thing you could say. 

“Let’s come together, hold it for me can you?” Sunghoon fastened his pace, leaving you crying out of pleasure. He can feel everything tightening, his dick twitching indicating that he’s also near. It didn’t help that you’re sucking him hard. Everything just feels good for both of you, but Sunghoon wanted for it not to end. He wanted to linger more, to touch you more until he memorized everything about you. 

“Fuck —” Sunghoon was almost shaking, his grip on your hand tighten as he glances at you one last time, he leans forward sealing you to a kiss so soft that it completely contrasts how the rough thrusts that he gives. 

“Go on, come,” he whispered to you, thrusting sharply that you could only moan as your wave of orgasm came rushing inside you. Your legs shake violently as you let out soft breathing and whimpers. You weren't able to sink in how Sunghoon groaned at the same time as you, his thrust becoming sloppy as he came inside the condom. He thrusted a few times before pulling out, you could only whine because of the loss, not being able to process as Sunghoon lay down beside you. 

Sunghoon quickly wraps his arms around you, pulling you a hug which only makes you drowsy. You can feel his skin against you, his warm touch that felt more nothing but a comfort to you.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, breaking the silence between the two of you. 

“It does,” you answered. Now that the high has left you, you can feel your cunt aching due to the sudden penetration. It did feel good but you didn’t expect for it to still ache afterwards. 

“I’ll run a bath for us, don’t sleep on me yet,” he suggested. 

“But I’m sleepy,” you mumbled. “Can we just stay like this?”

“Let’s clean each other first, come on,” he pulled himself away from you, you could only watch as he sat on the bed. Pulling the soiled condom, seeing it all bloodied, Sunghoon’s lips turned into a thin line before tying it and covering it with tissue. He throws it in the trash bin before walking towards his bedroom’s bathroom. 

A few minutes later, he returned to grab you, carrying you bridal style which you didn’t mind, too tired to think about. The bathtub was only halfway full but Sunghoon quickly dips both of you inside. Your back resting against his back as you could only hum, relaxing into the warm water. 

“You okay?” he asked, his arms possessively wrapping around you. 

“I’m tired,” you mumbled. “I want to sleep.”

You hear Sunghoon chuckle, “never thought you'd be the type to get tired after one round.”

“I didn’t know it’ll be this tiring,” you mumbled. “Or maybe I was also tired from packing my things.”

“Which wasn’t necessary,” he kisses your temples. “Because you’re still staying here with me.” 

You only hum at his sentence, closing your eyes as you rested your head on his shoulder. 

“Just rest for me okay? I’ll take care of you.” 

“Alright.” 

“I love you,” Sunghoon stated, a loving kiss planted on your head. 

“I love you too.”

-

Last night felt like a dream. 

You opened your eyes to see yourself in a familiar room. Its silence comforts you in an indescribable way. Seeing how the sunlight sweeps through its curtains, indicates that you’ve slept past your usual wake time — a rare thing for you to happen. You sat up from the bed, noticing that the sheets are different and so are your clothes. A large shirt that almost pooled your thighs along with some boxer shorts in the shades of blue, hitting you immediately with reality. 

Last night felt like a dream but you remember every detail of it vividly. You could only hug your knees as the sudden shame came rushing to you. Cheeks are heating up as you can still feel sore down there. Never expect that everything will lead to you losing your virginity to Sunghoon. 

You can feel your heart beating, you remember every word said last night. The arguments, and promises, the way Sunghoon looked at you — everything. Everything was real yet it felt surreal. That’s when you glance to your left and see it empty. Sunghoon’s not here, and the thought of Sunghoon leaving you shadowed over your mind. 

Quickly, you jumped out of the bed. Light footsteps open the door of his room, and as you skirt outside, you can hear the faint sound of cooking in the kitchen — that’s when you felt relief. 

Slowly, you entered the kitchen to see Sunghoon cooking what you concluded were pancakes. He places the last batch on a plate before turning off the stove, turning around only to be surprised to see you standing there.

Silence devoured both of you. Not knowing what to say at all. After all the fiasco that you two had, some issues that needed to be solved, and of course, last night’s intimacy, everything suddenly felt awkward for both of you. 

“Good morning,” Sunghoon breaks the ice first. “You’re awake now, let’s have some breakfast.”

“I thought you left,” you blurted out, immediately sinking in that you shouldn’t have said that. 

You saw the way Sunghoon's forehead creased, confused. “Left? Why would I leave, I stay here.” 

“You stay here?” you asked. 

Sunghoon only quips a small smile, “I stayed here, waiting for you…hoping that you’ll come home.” 

“Oh.” you only look away, embarrassed at the thought, and yet, a part of you was surprised by what you heard. 

Sunghoon really meant what he said, and the thought that he waited for you to come home instead of going after you — he gave you time to think and waited for you to return, while at the same time, it gave him time to navigate his feelings for you. He’s right. It wasn’t too late for everything. 

Sunghoon places down the plate on the dining table. While you only sat on the chair, watching Sunghoon set up the table for you. He offers the plate for you as he sits beside you. From there, you two sat in silence, eating the perfectly-cooked pancakes. 

Weird. You thought as you took small bites on the food. Everything feels at ease, but you know that there’s still many issues that two have to address. Last night was just a swirl of each other’s emotions, although a proof of each other’s promises, you still don’t know what to do with your situation with Sunghoon. 

“What — what happened last night?” you asked. Sunghoon chokes on his food, startling you. “I mean, during the bath —”

“Oh, you fell asleep halfway, nothing happened after, I slept eventually,” Sunghoon explained.

“Alright,” you mumbled, clearing your throat. As you looked at your unfinished plate, you wondered about the two of you, almost immediately things won’t be easily like the way it was. 

“Hoon,” you whispered, trying to carefully set the atmosphere. 

“Is there something wrong?” he asked, almost concerned. 

“I just — I don’t know what to do with us,” you confessed, almost bitterly smiling. “All my life, I always knew what to do, I had a clear path of everything, dragging you in it which you obviously didn’t want to. But now that we have different goals, what about us?”

Sunghoon quietly looks at you. His soft expression completely contrasts the worried look on your face. Gently, he brushes the stray hair that covers your face, with his hand on the back of your neck, Sunghoon remains quiet as a smile forms on his face. 

“I’m not leaving you y/n, don’t worry about us. Let’s just support each other alright? I know it’ll be hectic for each of us because we’re going different place, but this place,” Sunghoon’s eyes wandered around the house. “This is going to be our home. We’ll make it a home for us.” 

“What about our engagement? It’s over now,” you asked, worried. 

“Let’s get engaged when we’re ready, okay? Not because our parents set us up, I want our relationship to be genuine and real. I still have to prove my love for you.”

You only chuckle. “You already did.”

“It’s not enough, one night doesn’t change anything.” 

You only nod at his words. “Thank you Sunghoon, for giving me another chance.” 

“I should be the one who’s thankful to you, you never gave up on me even when I treat you badly,” he insisted, making you laugh. 

“It’s my fault too, I shouldn’t have pushed you to my dreams too much.” you rebutted. “But I’m here now, I’ll support you in your dream.” 

“That’s all I need to hear,” Sunghoon stated.

Nodding at his words, Sunghoon pulls you for a hug, his arms instinctively lifting you from your seat, pulling you to his lap to hold you even more tightly. You rest your head on his shoulder as your arms swing around his neck. 

Silence hovered the dining area. You two remained there, never letting go of each other. The tranquility gives you two peace, feeling nothing but each other’s warmth as Sunghoon traces circle around your back, while you rest idly on him. It was comforting and assuring, and your heart swells in joy because your future with Sunghoon was never lost to you. 

-

Epilogue.

As you open the door of your house, you immediately switch the lights on, revealing its comforting silence that only made you smile. The smell of lavender and eucalyptus filled the room, the relaxing scent coming from the air diffuser you and Sunghoon bought a few months ago, automatically reminds you of your lover.

“Hoon, I’m home!” you shouted, removing your sneakers when you heard the door of your shared room (formerly Sunghoon’s room) open. Sunghoon approaches you with a smile, gently cupping your cheeks to seal a kiss. 

“Welcome home,” he greets, making you smile. 

“What’s the occasion? You’re all dressed-up, or have you just got home from your class?” A year wasn’t that long, but a lot of things have changed between you and Sunghoon. 

Sunghoon was given another chance from Decelis to finish his degree in medbio, stating that it’ll be a waste for him to not continue it. Although the two of you knew that the degree is deemed useless, Sunghoon let it be, a deal that he had with his parents for him to continue playing in the band. 

After graduation, you agreed to Sunghoon to take a few months before entering medical school. Although you’re already on board to attend Decelis Medical School, you decided to take time to spend with the people you love because you know how hectic med school will be. 

Arcanum continued performing. After graduation, they became an independent band. Slowly, their popularity is starting to rise. Getting invited to events, university festivals, and of course, they still do their gig in The Rabbit Hole, which became more popular and crowded than ever. You, on the other hand, always manage time to watch their performance along with the other band members’ girlfriends — who you eventually became friends with. 

“I’m taking you out for dinner,” Sunghoon simply replied, grabbing your bag as he scurried his way back to your bedroom, which you only followed. 

“Why? What’s the special occasion?” you asked, laughing. 

“Nothing, just want to take my girl out, is that so bad?” Sunghoon grins, and your gleaming eyes can see how excited he is, like he’s preparing for something.

You only hum, as you proceed to your shared closet. “Alright, let me just freshen up for a bit and change.”

You two arrived at the restaurant not an hour later. The receptionist guided you to your reservation which surprised you because Sunghoon had reserved a private room for the two of you. 

“This is,” you held your breath as you looked at the room. Nostalgia hits you because Sunghoon had brought you to the place where you two were formally engaged by your family. 

“You still remember it?” he asked, smiling. 

“Of course,” you could only mumble. “I was nervous. We were friends who suddenly became fiances at eighteen, it was a sudden turn.” 

“I was nervous too, but I was in relief because my family chose you,” Sunghoon confesses. “Although we went through a rough path, I’m glad we were able to overcome it.” 

You only smiled back at him. “So am I.” 

Food arrived minutes later, along with some white wine of Sunghoon’s choice. The two of you spent the remaining time reminiscing, talking mostly about your childhood days, especially the embarrassing moments that had you two laughing loudly. 

“I have some news for you,” Sunghoon blurted out, completely changing the topic between the two of you. 

“What is it?’ you asked, taking small sips from your glass. 

“Daydream Records called yesterday,” Sunghoon started, his smile grew wider, eyes almost turning into a curve. “They’re interested in having us in their label, it’s a five-year contract and they will manage everything for us — can you believe it!?”

“Oh my god —” words got stuck in your throat. Immediately, you stood up from your seat, approaching Sunghoon who only waited for you to fall into his arms. Pulling you on his lap as you embraced him tightly. “Hoon, oh my god — this is good news! You guys will become famous!” 

“Becoming famous is still far for us, but no more hassle schedules, and Heeseung’s girl doesn’t need to partake in managing us, we’ll have our own manager, our own studio — everything!” Sunghoon excitedly shared, making you smile wider. 

“That’s great love, I’m so, so proud of you and Arcanum,” you only said, leaning on him to give him a deep kiss on the lips which he only reciprocated. 

“We’ll be busy this year, you’re going to attend Decelis in two months, while once we sign our contracts, we’ll be gearing up to release our debut single.” Sunghoon explained. “We might always come home to an empty house now.”

“Are you afraid?” you asked worriedly.

“Of course not, I have faith in both of us, but y/n,” he settles you on the chair in front of him. Hands holding you as he gives you an assuring smile. “We might not see each other from time to time because we’re too busy, but I want to let you know that I will always support you no matter what.”

Before you could say anything, Sunghoon grabs something from his coat’s inner pocket, your eyes widening at the velvet box that he’s holding. 

“Hoon,” you whispered.

“We were tied to be married when we were young, and we promised that we’ll only get married when we’re ready, and though one year has passed and a lot of things have changed, we still have a long way to go, for us.” Sunghoon stated.

You remained quiet, only staring at him who gently cups your face. 

“I want you to think of me whenever you see this ring,” he said as he proceeded to open the box. Your eyes widened at the pair of rings — both have subtle engraved diamonds, with the other one thinner with a much more intricate design. 

“And I’ll think of you whenever I see the ring too,” Sunghoon added. “It’s a promise ring. A promise for us that we’ll be with each other no matter what. It’ll be our strength especially during hard times.”

Tears started flowing from your eyes, out of happiness, you let out a choked laugh as you wiped your tears away — bumping into Sunghoon's hands who faltered a laugh as he gently wiped the tears away. 

“Hoon, I don’t know what to say…I love it — gosh, I love you so, so much, you don’t know how happy this makes me,” you could only say, almost stumbling to your words.

Sunghoon didn’t say a word. He removes the ring and gently puts it in your ring finger, fitting perfectly like it was meant for you. You copied his action, grabbing the other band and placing it in his ring finger. 

“Promise me that you’ll be there for me,” Sunghoon stated. 

“Of course, I’ll be there for you, just like you’ll be with me,” you only smiled. “Forever.” 

Sunghoon grabs your cheeks once again, planting a kiss on your lips which you delicately replied, sealing the promise you two have. Breaking the kiss, Sunghoon only stared at you, eyes brightening as his smile became wider. 

“Forever.” 

[sanakiras]

SINNERS

PAIRING — kim mingyu x reader

WORD COUNT — 11k

SYNOPSIS — the sudden, unwanted merger of your father’s company and his biggest rival’s causes a rising tension between everyone involved. you weren’t planning to be the reason everything turned around.

TAGS — frenemy!mingyu, age gap (mc is in her early 20s, gyu in his early 40s), gyu is a hot perv, dubcon sort of but both sides are into it, explicit sexual content, anal play, panty stealing™, smoking cigarettes solely for the aesthetic of it :D

NOTE — very loosely based on the main ship of the show rivals (2024-) which is super juicy with sexy and talented people in it. so go give that a watch. enjoy! <3

YOUR FATHER HAS ALWAYS BEEN A STUBBORN MAN. it’s him you get it from, probably.

despite being a wealthy, influential ceo, your father had no ground to stand on when practically the entire board voted for a merger with the company that’s always been their biggest rival.

a company that is led by kim mingyu — a rich prick with a surprisingly good eye for business. as per your father’s words, anyway. you know little of the man. business has never been up your alley, so you’ve never really cared much for your father’s affairs, or his associates for that matter.

but this one seems to concern the whole family.

your father is not just against the merger, he’s against mingyu. as dramatic as that might sound. apparently, he believes mingyu has the plan to take over as ceo of the new, merged company and cut your father out of it entirely.

which isn’t good, if true. you know for a fact that your father is great at his job and has built the company from the bottom up into the million-dollar business it is now, whereas mingyu only came into his position as ceo because his sister was running the place before him and she wanted him to take over.

the conflict has been stirring for a while now. even the employees sitting lowest in the company’s hierarchy are talking about it, leading to the board making a proposal — albeit an odd one.

with the summer holidays approaching, mingyu has offered for the main investors and some of the people occupying the top positions to take a few weeks off and stay at his estate in spain for a little while. your father certainly didn’t feel like attending, but not going meant mingyu could get everyone he needed to persuade right into the palm of his hand, so the choice was made easily.

the invitation goes for the whole family, so your parents expected you to come with as well. something along the lines of ‘putting up a strong front’ as your mother told you.

it wouldn’t be the first time they used your prominent grades in law school for their own gain, but since they’re paying for your tuition, you don’t see a reason for them not to.

and you work hard to achieve those good results, so why not brag about them a little?

truth be told, even though your dad would much rather be at home right now, you do have an appreciation for the massive estate. it’s gorgeous on both the inside and outside, equipped with every luxury imaginable while still having a classy style. after all, the kim family is notoriously well-known for their wealth. ambitious, driven, impeccable at what they do — each generation bringing in more money than the last.

you’re certainly much more privileged than other people your age, and you’re lucky to have a father that has worked so hard to achieve what he has. perhaps that’s why it angers you so much that he now has to fight for his position as ceo; you can’t fathom why the guy who got everything handed to him, someone who could easily land any other job, is supposedly more deserving of being ceo than your father.

so you’ll try to do your best to come across as the perfect daughter for these next few weeks — impressions are everything, with these people anyways.

the first party, organized to celebrate the merger and the start of the holidays, is a sight to behold. floral dresses, freshly mown grass, blooming flowers, the shining sun and clinking glasses all but floods your senses.

then people open their mouths, and things are not as fun anymore.

a gorgeous day in a gorgeous place — wasted by talk of business, talk of things that are so painfully uninteresting that you’re genuinely considering going back into the kitchen and drown yourself in whatever bottles of booze they’ve got down there.

from your secluded place by the porch, you find yourself in the best spot to stay away from all the chatter but keep a good eye from a distance.

“god, this is fucking bullshit.” you mutter to yourself before taking a sip of your champagne.

“took the words right out of my mouth.”

a man who was just passing by has taken an apparent interest in you. you hardly bother to look him in the eye, only glancing at him for a split second.

“did i?”

“yeah, it’s all just a bit… over the top, isn’t it?”

“oh, no, i mean, everything’s beautiful. couldn’t have picked a better day for a party like this, probably. i guess i’d just hoped to see more people here who aren’t…”

“… old?”

“well, maybe they should’ve extended the invitation to some folks who don’t already have one foot in the grave. to put it plainly.”

“fair. though they are the biggest investors out there.”

“right. i keep forgetting i’m here for business. albeit not my own.”

“whose business are you here for?”

“the fight for the new ceo. to put it plainly.”

that seems to change up his body language a bit — he tenses up, yet nothing of the sort can be found on his face. if anything, his smile seems more playful. “so who’re you betting on then? who do you think is gonna make the finish line first?”

you pause a moment before answering. “my dad.”

“wait, your father is—”

“yeah.”

“in that case, you should probably be mindful of your words. you never know who you’ve got in front of you here. you don’t know these people, after all.”

“unless you’re the competing ceo, i should be fine.” when he remains awfully quiet beside you, a devilish smirk rising to his face, you pinch the bridge of your nose. “oh, hell—”

“no, no, go on.”

“you’re the guy who’s trying to steal my dad’s job.”

“steal is a strong word.”

“i know. that’s why i used it.”

now that you’re finally facing him completely, your eyes locking with his, you seem to realize something.

your father’s main enemy is ridiculously attractive.

tall, dark, handsome. straight out of one of those romance novels your best friend can’t stop gushing about. he’s wearing a white dress shirt that clings onto his skin, accentuating every single curve and muscle he’s got. pitch-black hair that reaches the bottom of his ears, the front pieces framing his sharp features perfectly. his long sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, baring veiny arms and a pair of big, strong hands. he’s a big man in general. broad shoulders.

the man is clearly older than you, and you vaguely remember your dad saying he was only a couple years younger than him — but when he said that, you didn’t see this coming.

luckily, you don’t need to snap yourself out of it, because mingyu does it for you, by being the petty bastard that he is. “hey, i understand. you’re fighting for him to be head of the firm ‘cause he’s your family. all good and well. but that’s not how this works.”

lord, he’s certainly living up to the expectations your father set for him.

his borderline derogatory tone is starting to piss you off. “do you really believe that’s the only reason i’ve got to think he might be the better fit?”

“yeah. it’s glaringly obvious. you think he’s the most deserving of the position because he’s your father. biased judgement.”

“absolutely not. look, my dad started at the bottom. you got everything handed to you on a silver platter.”

“maybe. still doesn’t equal him being a better businessman.”

“oh, please. he built that company, all you had to do was keep yours steady. you can claim you’re a better businessman all you want — my dad’s been holding that position for years. you started, when? a couple months ago?”

“two years.”

“same thing. and funnily enough, so far you’ve failed to give any reasonable arguments as to why you should win this.”

“because i’m better.”

“wow. compelling — no substance, but hey, that can probably be said about more than just your reasoning.”

mingyu is somewhat taken aback by your sharp insults, but they intrigue him more than anything. how long has it been since someone’s talked him down like this? he’s not sure, but what he does know for certain is that part of him enjoys it.

not allowing him to say anything else, you harshly set down your glass onto the thick railing, continuing your complaints.

“and i hate champagne. why don’t you people ever serve anything else?” you huff before walking away from him, and he watches you leave with his hands still in his pockets, absolute amusement on his face.

blinking a few times to himself, he processes what just happened. all he can think about when he downs his second and third and fourth glass and when he speaks to the investors is you.

some girl he had a brief conversation with.

every time the person he’s talking to is distracted with something else, he subtly looks around the garden, hoping to catch a glimpse of you.

for hours, he can’t seem to find you anywhere. that is, until your father out of all people comes over to him to introduce his wife — and his daughter.

for a split second, he catches some kind of worry in your eyes when your dad introduces you. worry that you fucked up earlier by speaking your mind, that he may use the insults you’ve thrown his way against you.

but he doesn’t.

instead, he pretends to never have seen you before. “lovely to meet you.”

he stretches his hand out to you, and the first time his skin touches yours, it’s electric. it steals your breath away, and he feels it too, wishing he could hold your hand longer, take his time with it.

when you accept his greeting, giving him your name, he has to fight the urge to repeat it just to feel it roll off his tongue.

like a schoolboy with a crush, he thinks of you when he goes to bed that night, hoping to see you again as soon as possible. it’s a foreign feeling to him.

who knows. he might just try and see where it leads him.

the next gathering takes place two days later. you’re wearing a bright red dress this time, your skin glowing under the heat of the sun. it doesn’t take long before you move to stand into the shadow for a moment, allowing yourself a slight break from the intense heat.

“miss? what drink would you like to have?” one of the hired waiters asks, making you frown, since everyone else is drinking either champagne or water, and there’s still plenty of filled glasses available.

“um… a martini, please.” you stumble out, and mere minutes later, he comes back out of the kitchen with a single martini on his platter, which you take with a still very confused expression on your face. “thank you.”

“you’re welcome. courtesy of mr. kim.” he says with a gentle smile before walking away, and you mindlessly stare at your drink, almost as if you’re unsure what to do with this gesture.

“is it not to your liking?”

looking up from the glass, you find him standing in front of you in a white suit that emphasizes his tan skin. he’s a hulk of a man, anything but subtle. the type to always be the center of attention, even when he’s not asking for it.

his dark eyes are utterly shameless when drinking the sight of you in, something that causes heat to rise to your cheeks — you’d absolutely fuck him under different circumstances.

not that he needs to know that.

“i’m just... wondering if it’s been poisoned.”

mingyu chuckles. “nah, that’d be way too obvious a method. poison’s gotta be done subtly.”

“maybe i’ll try that out sometime soon.” you give him a fake smile, happy that you don’t seem to be planning on toning down your insults one bit.

“didn’t peg you to be a martini kinda girl.”

taking a sip of the drink, you enjoy the feeling of the bitterness running down your throat. “usually i’m not. just needed something stronger to get through the evening. why did you have a drink made for me?”

“because you don’t like champagne.”

“yeah, but why do you care?”

“oh, that’s just my personality. i’m very caring. generous, too. great qualities for a ceo.” he jests, and for a guy you so strongly dislike, you have to give it to him — he is charming.

“you’re hilarious.”

“i’m just messing with you, princess.”

“flattery will get you nowhere. not with me.”

“no? and what will?”

“wouldn’t be any fun if i outright told you.”

“why? afraid that i might sway you?”

“as long as my brain is functioning properly, that’s not happening.”

“well, you should at the very least give me the chance to find out. so... talk to me like you would to all these other people. i heard you’re in law school.”

narrowing your eyes at him, the distrust is clear in your features, but you shrug to yourself. if you’re going to have to bear his presence for the summer, you might as well give it a shot to be somewhat civil with him. for your father’s sake.

and for what it’s worth, he seems genuinely interested in your life, even if you still don’t trust him. you tell him how much you hated high school, how your grades used to be incredibly low, until you graduated and got into university and things changed for the better. you’re in a good spot in your life.

mingyu finds you have a refreshingly healthy ambition — you have a solid determination to get far in your career, but you don’t need to be the best of the best if that’s what will give you a better balance between your work and private life. he comes from a family with high expectations; living the way you described has always been a dream for him, and never a reality.

he asks what your fellow students are like, mentioning he always thought the students from the law faculty were stuck-up assholes back when he went to college, causing you to roll your eyes as you so often seem to do in his presence.

you tell him about your friends studying other things, and how some of them are in completely different phases of their lives, but you’re completely fine with that, and you eventually end up talking about your love life.

mingyu has to force himself to keep a straight face when you tell him you’re single, and you have been for a few months now. what the fuck kind of hold do you have on him? he’s never felt this impulsive, this... out of control.

it doesn’t help that you’re wearing this gorgeous dress that makes you look even prettier than you already are.

you fail to register his eyes looking you up and down, and he takes his time analyzing every curve of your body, every inch of skin you’ve chosen to bare, the way the fabric of your dress hugs your hips. if only you could hear how sinful his thoughts are when he gazes upon your figure.

eventually, when you decide to leave him behind and go to bed, you say your goodbyes, and he realizes he doesn’t feel like talking to anyone else anymore, so he heads up the stairs to go into his own room as well.

while he knows that he needs to pass your room to get to his own, he doesn’t think much of it at first, but then he bites his lip, standing still for a moment.

the estate is older than it looks — it’s got creaking floorboards, dark hallways and high ceilings, and in some rooms, there’s a slight crack between the door and its post, just big enough to peek inside if you’re standing close to it.

mingyu should know better than to get closer to that door. he should know better than to wish he might catch a glimpse of you. he should know better than to keep looking at your almost entirely naked body while you undress.

deep down, he does know better.

but his lust is stronger. the sight of your curves, your fingers pulling at the straps of your bra, the way your skin glows in the dim light. it gives him air and immediately takes it away.

it’s so wrong. yes, he’s been sleeping around plenty since his divorce, but a girl as young as you are… you could’ve been his daughter. he’s only a few years younger than your dad, for christ’s sake.

and yet he can’t help himself.

there’s something about you that makes his head spin. a beautiful, intelligent girl who, in spite of your age difference, isn’t afraid to knock him down a peg. he relishes in your presence.

he’d just treat you so fucking good. much better than any of those college guys.

the sound of a door opening somewhere at the other end of the hall pulls him out of his perverted thoughts, and with a prominent bulge in his pants, he backs away from your room and heads to his own.

over the course of the next few days, he doesn’t see you as often, much to his annoyance. he’s so bored, and his mind constantly working its way back to you almost has him forgetting why all these people are even here in the first place.

as if it were a chore he’s been putting off for months, he engages in the mandatory small talk with that charming attitude he always sports. the brief moments you share with him become the highlight of his day, his internal conflict about really being way too old for you getting pushed under the rug like some dirty secret no one can know about.

it’s a friday afternoon when he’s suddenly called into a shareholder’s meeting, after a mishap back in the main office due to some bad communication. nothing worthy of his time, in his opinion, but as always he does what is asked of him.

the humid weather has him sweating through his tailored clothes. once the meeting is over, he heads outside, genuinely considering jumping into the pool with everything he’s got on, but he spots a familiar figure sunbathing in one of the lounge chairs, which puts his thoughts to a halt.

he recognizes your curves as if he’s known you for years. you’re lying on your back, the striped bikini you’ve got on making his breathing quicken. his body has a mind of its own these days — he’s already heading over to you before he knows it.

“a suit in this weather?” you ask when he walks up the stone walkway, lifting your sunglasses to sit on top of your head. “are you actively trying to get a heatstroke?”

“they don’t allow anything different at a meeting, i’m afraid.” he says while using his index and middle finger to remove his tie.

“aren’t you at the head of the company? you could always set a different dress code. not like anyone’s gonna stop you.” you suggest, at which he nods.

“i like the way you think.” he chuckles, shrugging off his jacket, loosening the top buttons of the white dress shirt. his eyes rake over the drops of sweat shining in the crook of your neck and cleavage.

moving your feet to the side, you give him room to sit across from you on the lounge chair, and he gladly takes you up on it.

“looks like we’re both not suited to this heat, huh? pun intended.” you chuckle at your own little joke, which has mingyu smiling at you.

“right now, i’m not. you seem to be doing just fine, though.” he answers, willing to try out the oldest trick in the book. “need me to put some sunscreen on your back? if you’d rather have someone else do it, that’s fine, too.”

“no, i’d… appreciate it.” you hand him the yellow bottle, switching from lying on your back to your stomach, proceeding to undo the back of your bikini so he can properly apply the sunscreen.

lord, why did he propose to do this again?

with smooth motions, he massages the thick substance onto your skin, trying not to focus on the heat of your body, his hands trailing down to your hips or the fact that your ass is on perfect display for him to stare at. jesus, he needs to get a fucking grip.

so he distracts himself. or tries to. “your dad seemed chipper in there. must be having a good day, huh?”

you clench your jaw, since you know exactly why your father is so happy today. when you walked out of your room this morning, you overheard him talking to your mom about the dirt he was digging up on mingyu, all in the hope of finding something bad enough to use against him in the fight for the ceo position.

smart, but childish.

“yeah, he’s...” for a moment, remain quiet, but then you turn your face to lock eyes with him. “mingyu, i need to tell you something.”

the seriousness in your tone has him worried. “is everything okay?”

“if i say this, you can’t tell anyone.”

“you’re scaring me. what’s wrong?”

you turn around to check whether anyone might be able to listen in on the two of you, but the coast seems clear, so you tell him the truth. “i overheard this morning that my dad doesn’t think he’ll get the ceo position if he plays fair, so he’s gonna play dirty instead. he’s poking around in your past, trying to find something to use against you.”

mingyu scoffs. “what a class act he is. but i gotta give it to him, it’s a good strategy.”

“he mentioned something about... your divorce. that’s what he’s looking into. maybe i shouldn’t be saying this, but… i think you should be careful. i’m worried he’s gonna do something awful. he certainly doesn’t have your best interests at heart.”

his face is close to yours, an unspoken tension filling the air between you.

“is that so?” he asks while you slightly sit up with a serious face, “do you? have my best interests at heart?”

it’s a bold thing to ask when he had his hands on you just seconds ago, and you’re holding your bikini top in front of your chest, which does little to actually hide your perky nipples from him.

“maybe.”

one corner of his mouth curls up. it’s clear to you both that you enjoy his presence and he enjoys yours, and that whatever dynamic it is that you have can never see the light of day as long as your father still roams this earth.

“why are you telling me this? could be your dad’s golden ticket to getting that position.”

yeah, you should’ve seen that question coming. honestly, you’re not sure why you’ve grown to like him as much as you have, but to you, he’s not the bad guy your father has always described him to be. and that scares you, because mingyu has a point — why would you tell him something that might put your dad’s job at risk?

“i just... want my father to beat you fair and square, i guess. consider it good sportsmanship.”

he’s smirking now, coming to exactly two conclusions: one, you’re a terrible liar, and two, you like him.

“careful, sweetheart. i might start to think you’re switching teams.”

“mingyu.”

“i’ll be fine. promise.” he tells you in a manner that’s a little too smug for his own good, and it has you tilting your head in disbelief, which he quickly responds to. “i’ll pinky swear if that’s what you’d prefer.”

he’s got you rolling your eyes at him, making him smile, and your moment together is interrupted by the sound of your father’s voice somewhere near the driveway, which is enough for mingyu to know he should get the fuck away from you and your tiny bikini.

“i’ll see you later, alright?” he says, his ego suddenly boosted through the damn roof.

you like him.

he doesn’t even give a shit that your father is looking into his past. hell, maybe he’s curious to see what’ll come out.

and while heading back into the estate, planning to go into his room to change into some clothes more fitting for the heat, he walks past your room again, noticing the door is slightly ajar. he assumes you must’ve left it open on accident, so he should probably close it up for you.

with his hand on the doorknob, he makes one big mistake: glancing inside.

because right in front of him sits your opened suitcase, a pretty set of lacy, red lingerie on top of some neatly folded skirts.

no, this is a line he can’t cross. sure, the knowledge that you’re still lounging by the pool would be perfect if were the type of guy who wanted to take it, but this — no, he can’t go as far as to do something like that without your permission.

clenching his jaw, he sighs to himself.

perhaps he should feel like a pervert when he walks out of your room with your red panties stuffed in his pocket. in a way, he kind of does, but it doesn’t particularly weigh heavy on his conscience. truthfully, he feels good, knowing the piece of fabric that you’ve worn is now in his possession.

he feels even better when he uses it to jerk off later that night, hot spurts of cum hitting his abdomen while he thinks of fucking you. just the sight of your panties coated in his release is enough to get him hard again, so he continues to fist his cock, imagining the curves of your body.

it’s probably such a bad thing to even consider going down the hall and sneaking into your bed, getting the taste of you he so desperately wants.

but for now, he’s able to tell himself not to.

and he decides it doesn’t matter what it’ll cost him — one way or another, he will have you.

with a heavy sigh rolling past your lips, you switch from your back to lay on your side.

you’re not sure why you’ve been tossing and turning for the past two hours or so, but it has you frustrated and sweaty. it’s too hot in the room to sleep under the covers but it feels wrong not to have some sort of blanket over you, and closing your eyes forcibly isn’t working as you’re still wide awake.

checking your phone, the light hurts your eyes in the darkness of the room. it’s in the middle of the night, and according to your weather app, it’s supposedly cooled down significantly outside, so maybe a short walk through the garden might do you good.

pulling on a thin top and a soft pair of shorts, you step into your slippers and quietly leave your room, carefully walking through the hallway to make sure you don’t wake anyone up.

you head down the stairs, softly closing the door to the outside behind you, and you’re about to walk down the steps to the garden until you look to the side, and you’re pretty sure there’s someone sitting at the terrace. it’s at a distance, so it’s hard to tell, especially in the darkness.

then you recognize the dark hair and the broad shoulders, even from behind — mingyu.

it’s enough for you to walk over to him, and he looks up at you once you’re standing beside him, a cigarette between his lips and a glass of whiskey to go with it.

“hey,” he greets you softer than ever before, “what’re you doing up, sweetheart? it’s late.”

“couldn’t sleep. what are you doing up?”

“can i give the same answer?”

“sure.” you shrug, and he gestures for you to sit in the chair across from him, which you do.

he leans back in his seat. “you know, i just realized i didn’t thank you for warning me about your father yesterday.”

“you don’t need to.”

“i do. i appreciate it, so... thank you.”

you roll your eyes as if to casually play it off, but you both know better. while the silence that follows between you is comfortable, you just can’t help yourself. “i didn’t even know you’d been married until i heard my dad say it.”

“you sound surprised. is the idea of someone marrying me so strange to you?” he asks, pouring you a glass of whiskey, which you gladly take.

“no, the idea of someone divorcing you is.” you answer, and when he looks at you suggestively, you shake your head. “don’t take this as a compliment, but… from the outside, you seem like the type of guy who’s got it all.”

“and what would that all be?”

of course he knows the answer to that question. he just wants to hear you say it.

which leads you to shrug. “you’re a handsome, smart millionaire from a prominent family. for most people, that’s everything, right?”

mingyu sighs. staring into the massive fields of grass in the distance, he runs a hand through his dark locks. “yeah. just not for everyone.”

you sit up straight, tilting your head, the teasing in your tone gone entirely. “your wife... left you for someone else?”

“she found love elsewhere. i couldn’t blame her. we were in a loveless marriage.” he doesn’t know what it is about you that’s making him open up, but he does. there’s no stopping the words from tumbling out of his mouth. “it was a business proposition to me, but in hindsight, it wasn’t for her. she genuinely liked me. and when i agreed to marry her, i thought to myself — surely i’ll grow into that love. and it just never happened.”

his clear disappointment in himself makes you hesitate before speaking up. “was the divorce messy?”

“oh, it was terrible. the woman hates me. with good reason, i guess.” he rubs at the inside of his eye with his finger. “and you know what the thing is? i didn’t even give a fuck. i don’t think i’ve ever even been in love. or i hadn’t been, back then.”

the sudden confession falling from his lips surprises both of you. mingyu tells himself it’s the alcohol that’s making him open up to you, but in reality, he doubts it.

“is that what’s keeping you up at night? not having fallen in love?”

“for a really long time, it has.” he breathes out, not having the guts to say to you he’s pretty sure he is in love now — it’s such a foreign feeling to him that he doesn’t know how to deal with it. “but it’s more than that. it’s my job that i hate, my life that i hate, the face in the mirror that i can’t stand. i’m just... tired. always surrounded by people yet always alone.”

god, he needs to shut the fuck up. saying things like these is terrifying, and he’s afraid of how you might respond to it, but you don’t seem to be judging him at all.

“i thought you enjoyed working in this business.”

“no, i hate it. i like the praise and the money, but... doing something you’re good at doesn’t automatically equal liking it, as i’ve discovered.”

“but then — why are you fighting so hard to regain that position?”

“because it was my sister’s company. she got sick two years ago, begged me to look after it. she did a remarkable job at expanding it, and her career is everything to her. she didn’t trust anyone else to take over, and i couldn’t let her down. and my family has always worked in this industry, meaning they won’t respond well to my leaving it. but just the knowledge that i’ve been doing this for the past twenty years, and probably having to continue until i retire... i despise it.”

“so if you don’t want to do this type of job — what is it you’d want to do?”

the question makes his face light up. “i’ve always had the dream of setting up a label that represents artists in different industries. musicians, actors, dancers, filmmakers, producers — along those lines.”

“really? i didn’t think you’d be into that kind of thing.”

“i am. one of my neighbors with a house down the road, she’s an exceptional painter. has some of her art up for sale but really doesn’t see how good her paintings are — i’ve bought several of her pieces. everyone who walks into the house for the first time asks about it. i just wanna give people like that a chance to showcase their art to more people.”

he speaks of it so passionately, and as he continues to talk about it with you, you realize how well you get along with him, how you have a lot of interests in common with eachother, and that neither of you wants to leave the other’s presence.

but as the hours pass, you’re both starting to get sleepy, and with the whiskey bottle practically emptied and his last cigarette sitting put out in the ashtray, he decides it’s time for both of you to go to bed.

mingyu shushes you in the hallway when you laugh at one of his remarks, unable to help the smile on his face at seeing you in your tipsy state.

when you arrive at your room, you turn to face him. “look, i just wanted to say that... i think you should chase your dreams, as cliche as that might sound. it’s your life, you should do what makes you happy. your family can’t expect you to live by their standards forever.”

“then you haven’t met my family.”

“how bad could they possibly be? hey, if your parents end up banishing you from coming over during christmas or something, you can come over to our place instead. promise.”

there’s amusement on his face now. “i doubt your father would welcome me.”

“i’ll invite you over as my guest. so no need to worry.”

“okay. i’ll keep it in mind, yeah?”

“yeah, you do that, mister.” your fierce need to make him feel better about himself is endearing, he finds.

“alright, c’mon. time to go to bed.” he tells you, opening your door for you. the booze in your system is making you daring, so you look at him like his words have a different meaning, which he catches quickly. “to sleep, sweetheart.”

it makes you roll your eyes, but you do as he says. “fine. goodnight, mingyu.”

“goodnight.” he watches you go into your room with a sweet smile, which he reciprocates, and while he walks back to his room, he finally understands — this is what it must feel like to be in love with someone.

the next morning, you wake up with a pounding headache. you really drank one glass too many last night, and after pulling yourself out of bed and going downstairs to get breakfast, you join your parents already sitting at their usual table.

the weather is much more bearable today, as the temperate has finally gone down significantly compared to the past weeks. the cool breeze blows through your hair as you put some of the scrambled eggs onto your fork.

“did you sleep well, honey?” your father asks, looking mildly concerned at the bags underneath your eyes.

“yeah, fine. just got a bit of a headache.” you shrug, certainly not planning on telling your parents that you were up nearly all night, secretly hoping to jump your father’s worst enemy like a tree.

after a few minutes, your dad walks away to go to the restroom, and your mother’s tone changes into something sharper. “what were you really doing last night?”

“nothing?”

“don’t you lie to me. i went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and just when i’m about to get back into bed, i see you, through the window, sitting outside next to kim mingyu on that terrace.”

shit. that’s certainly not good.

“mom, i—i couldn’t sleep, so i was gonna go on a walk, and i only greeted him, after which he offered me a drink. that was it. why are you acting like i did something wrong?”

“has he tried anything with you?”

“you don’t understand—”

“no, you’re the one who doesn’t understand. yes, he’s charming and good-looking and rich — but he’s also a man who will do whatever’s necessary to take what he wants. and currently, that’s your father’s position.” she tells you, everything she says completely unfiltered. “convenient that he’s getting closer to you of all people, right? has he made you feel special? wanted?”

the words are like a punch to the gut. you want to tell your mother that she’s wrong, that he’s not like that. that he wouldn’t do such a thing.

but the little voice in your head begins to creep in. what if he is like that? what if he’s indeed just using you as a means to an end? you’ve always thought you were smart. you can’t let yourself end up betrayed like that. really, how long have you known him now? a couple weeks?

your mother’s tone is softer this time. “i don’t want you to get hurt, honey. i wouldn’t say something like this if i didn’t think it was true.”

and you lower your head, not saying another word — but your facial expression says enough. you feel ashamed, in a way. how did you let some guy play you like this?

she turns to look behind her to see if your father has returned yet, and when it’s clear he hasn’t, she sighs. “they’re planning to host a gala here, in three days time, during the last night of the stay. and based on what we’ve heard, that’s when the higher-ups will be announcing who got the position.”

a feeling of nervousness floods through you. surely the information you’ve given mingyu won’t be the dealbreaker for his career, right?

oh, fuck.

you don’t have it in you to come clean to your mother about the things you’ve said to him. “do you think dad stands a chance?”

she shakes her head. “i wish i knew, but both your father and mingyu have people on the board backing them up. it’s hard to say. the investors are tight-lipped.”

taking a deep breath, you can barely swallow the last bite of your breakfast. “mom, i didn’t ruin dad’s chances, right?”

despite her harsh tone earlier, she puts her hand on your back, comforting you. “no, i think it’d take more than this to do so. but you need to promise me one thing — you’ll stay away from mingyu these next couple days, or at least until the announcement has been made. okay?”

with an anxious sigh, you nod in agreement. “yeah. i promise.”

over the next two days, you somehow manage to avoid mingyu like the plague. you watch him from a safe distance, and you try not to think he must be looking for you every time his eyes scan the room. the few times he spots you, you sneakily slip away, and you’re gone from his field of view before he can comprehend it.

he doesn’t understand why you’re keeping your distance from him all of a sudden. he doesn’t think he said anything bad — matter of fact, he was under the impression that your last conversation went well. really well. why don’t you allow him to get close anymore?

it’s the morning of the final day, and he’s heading into town to get a new tie for the event tonight when he suddenly spots you in the store across from him, looking as gorgeous as ever.

you’re searching for a pair of heels to wear tonight when you feel the presence of someone behind you.

so you turn around, met with the sight of him, and he knows something is wrong when you don’t greet him as you used to. no kind smile, no teasing — just the face of someone who really doesn’t want to be around him.

“can i help you?” you ask with a voice cold as ice.

he refrains from making any snarky comments, since you certainly don’t seem in the mood for it. “why are you avoiding me?”

taking a deep breath, you shrug. “it’s the last week. the vacation is practically over, we’re going back home tomorrow.”

“so everything that we talked about the other night — you were just planning to never talk to me again after that?” he asks, not believing you at all. he knows you’re hiding something from him. “what’s this really about?”

your cold attitude shifts into anger. “look, i’m not falling for your act anymore, so you can just drop it.”

“what the hell are you talking about?”

“you were just using me to get closer to what you really want. my dad’s position.” you hiss at him, body heating up from how close he’s standing to you. “i’m not gonna be a pawn in your game for one more second.”

with a deep frown etched into his forehead, he scoffs in disbelief. “you’re kidding, right? do you really believe i’d stoop that low?”

“i don’t know what to believe. what i do know is that today is the final day, and i wanna be able to enjoy it. so just... stay away from me.”

before he can protest, you’ve already walked past him, leaving the store all by yourself. he’s frozen in his spot, upset that you’d think he’d go that far. there’s no way you completely switched up on him like this out of nowhere — someone must’ve said something to you.

whatever caused you to think this is irrelevant. he only has tonight to prove you wrong, and that’s exactly what he’s gonna do.

hours later, he’s standing in the estate’s huge main hall, which has been beautifully decorated with flowers and candlelights. the men are all in their tuxedos, the women in their long gowns.

anxiety is a rare thing for mingyu, yet it’s all that’s rushing through him right now. he has yet to spot you, even though most people are here already, and he’s wondering why the fuck you’re not here yet.

but then he finds you walking into the room through the other entrance. just the sight of you in that stunning dress is enough to steal his breath.

you lock eyes with him from your spot next to your father, having to force yourself to tear your gaze away from him. he looks utterly handsome in his expensive suit and styled hair, and as upset as you feel by the sudden change in your dynamic, you’re still so fucking attracted to him.

maybe, deep down, part of you still wants him.

but you can’t allow yourself to think about that.

two hours have passed when the music suddenly stops playing. one of the men you recognize as an associate of your father’s gets up on the first few steps of the staircase, tapping on the microphone to test if it’s on.

he begins to talk about how both companies have each had quite a history, that the merger marks the beginning of an exciting new chapter — you don’t care much for it.

the associate goes on about two men who each led their company as best they could, and you could cut the tension in the hall with a knife. anxiously, you fiddle with your rings, wishing the announcement could just hurry up already.

and then, they call your father’s name, saying he will take over leadership as the new ceo.

every attendee claps at the announcement, and your parents appear remarkably controlled with their big smiles. while your father goes up to his associate, taking the microphone to give a brief speech and show his gratitude, you turn to look at mingyu.

he’s clapping for your father just like everyone else. he doesn’t look surprised at all — but it’s not exactly happiness that paints his features, either. you can’t put a finger on it.

when everyone else is raising their champagne glasses in a toast, mingyu exits the room, taking the other staircase to subtly get away from everyone without drawing attention to himself.

you clench your fists, unable to shake the itch that wants to follow him.

you and him can’t part like this — you need some kind of closure with him.

you need to know the truth.

getting up the stairs, you find him standing in his beautifully dark study, pouring himself a glass of scotch and downing it in one go. the alcohol burns in his chest. even with his back is still facing you, he’s already figured out it’s you standing behind him.

“you know, it doesn’t really matter who told you i was trying to seduce you for my own gain.” he says without looking back at you, pouring himself a second glass. “because the thing is — if i wanted to have that position, i wouldn’t need you to get it.”

the words make you frown. “and how do you know that?”

there’s a smug look on his face once he finally turns around, and he sets the glass onto his desk with an audible clink. “they were gonna do it; make me the ceo. you know that influence is always gonna win, sweetheart.”

“what the hell are you doing? bragging about the victory you didn’t get?” you sneer at him.

but mingyu is not composed as he usually is. matter of fact, he seems desperate in some way, like he’s utterly falling apart, his breathing heavy and uneven. “your father only became ceo because i quit. i told them i wouldn’t do it anymore.”

“why? after all these weeks of this ridiculous competition—”

“you wanna know why? i did it because of you.” he breathes out, and you take a step back every time he steps forward. “i hated that fucking job. but more importantly, i couldn’t have you think that i played you to get it back. because i didn’t.”

he’s slowly backing you up against the wall, and you’re letting him, the distance between your bodies closing bit by bit. “i thought you only got close to me ‘cause you wanted to win.”

oh baby, he thinks, you have no idea.

bumping into the shelves of books behind you, he’s got you caged, his left arm resting beside your head. your gaze briefly flicks down to his lips, and as if you shouldn’t, you make eye contact with him again.

“c’mon, doll. you know in your bones that i’ve wanted to fuck you for weeks now. you actually believe i only got close to you for some job?”

“didn’t you?” you choke out rhetorically, curious to see how much he’ll say about his desire for you — curious to see how perverse his thoughts have really been.

mingyu presses his lips together, having to restrain himself. “at that first party, you looked like you just stepped out of my dreams. you were so mean to me... god, i already liked you from the start.”

“i don’t—i don’t believe you.” a blatant lie. you do believe him; you just want him to keep going, to keep admitting how your mere presence here has been driving him up the wall.

he knows exactly what game you’re playing, and he’s more than happy to indulge you. his hand trails up the side of your hip.

there’s a quick, sinful laugh that rolls past his lips at your reaction.

“that bikini you had on…. i tried not to stare. you let me rub sunscreen on your back, and then you told me you were worried about me with only your hands covering your tits. i almost began to think you were doing it on purpose.” he lowers his head, taking in the floral scent you’re wearing before pressing a kiss to your neck.

a hot wetness rises between your legs. all you want is for him to bend you over his desk, to touch you all over your body, to finally give you what you’ve been wanting him to give since you met.

his right hand runs through your hair, going down to your cheek, his thumb brushing your lower lip, and he’s about to lean in and finally kiss you when someone walks in.

one of the waiters, apparently. “mr. kim, there’s people asking for you downstairs.”

“i’m busy.”

“they’ve asked for you several times already.”

mingyu huffs, but agrees to come with, even though he really doesn’t want to leave you. “fine, fine. just give me a second.” his gaze turns much softer when it’s directed at you again, his face still mere inches away from yours. “we’re not done.”

all you can do is nod, and much to his frustration, he has to walk out of this damn room without getting to kiss you.

both of you end up in the main hall again. people ask him why he decided not to continue in this business and congratulate you for your father’s win. you all respond to them mindlessly with the same lines over and over again.

all you can think about is him — all he can think about is you.

eventually, while your parents and many others are still dancing and drinking downstairs, you decide to retire for the night and head up the stairs. you just figure mingyu’s gonna be too busy tonight to spend any more time with you anyways, in spite of your heated moment in his study earlier.

in your bedroom, you pull your dress off and change into something much more comfortable, planning to lie in bed and scroll on your phone for a little while.

about thirty minutes later, you’ve put your phone away, half-asleep when you catch the noise of the doorknob being twisted around in the distance, and you think you register someone coming in. assuming it’s just your thoughts, you sink deeper into sleep.

just being in your room is enough to make mingyu want to claw away at the walls. how many times has he walked past this room, stopping to catch a glance of you as you undressed? how many times has he gotten hard from just thinking about you, or seeing you all dolled up? how many pairs of your panties has he snatched away, safely tucked away in the secrecy of his nightstand?

the desire he feels for you might be considered unhealthy. he’s not sure.

then again, he also doesn’t care.

not when you’re in this bed, wearing nothing more than a white tanktop and dark blue panties.

his twitching cock presses against the fabric of his pants. biting at the inside of his cheek, he gets into your bed, positioning himself behind you, and the creaking of the bed causes you to wake up. when you turn to look beside you, you gasp, saying his name louder than you intended to, after which he shushes you with a finger to your lips.

“the walls are thin here, doll.” he warns, his eyes travelling down to your cleavage.

you talk to him in a quieter manner now. “what are you doing here?”

honestly, you don’t even know why you’re asking. it seems clear enough.

“i’m here because—” as if he were suffering from overheating, he feels the beads of sweat forming on his forehead, “—you are driving me insane to the point i can’t think anymore.”

turning you around so your back faces him and then pulling you closer, his hand begins to lower itself towards your stomach, stopping at the waistband of your panties.

you let him breathe down your neck, and you certainly don’t stop him when he tests out the water by dipping two fingers underneath the cotton of your panties, slowly getting closer to touching your pussy.

he rubs his hard cock against your ass, groaning to himself at the feeling of your clothed skin against his. “do you want me to do this? tell me to stop and i will.”

but you don’t refute him, gasping when he rubs at your clit for the first time. he kisses down your jaw, breathing heavily by your ear as his fingers dip into the heat between your legs.

“i knew i was gonna find you wet,” he whispers in a tone that’s almost mean, “this is what you wanted me to do all night, isn’t it?”

the pressure he applies to your clit is what gets your first moan out. he smirks to himself, moving himself to get on top of you, and you go on to lie on your back for him.

it’s then that he finally kisses you. it’s full of wanting and lust and pent up tension that’s finally getting out after weeks of being torturously restricted. your hands slide over his shoulders, up his neck, your fingers slightly pulling on his hair as he’s fantasized about so often.

you return the kiss like it’s the air you need to breathe. his mouth is like a brand on your lips — he pours his whole heart into that kiss, making him forget about every single thing that was running through his head.

his hands are moving down, pushing your top to sit above your breasts, and his tongue wets your nipples, licking them, taking them in his mouth.

he squeezes your tits, hungrily touching and kissing every square inch of your body. he’d melt into your skin if he could.

god, it feels like the heat is just dripping down your legs at this point. you’ve thought about those big hands and strong arms of his more times than you can count — and now you’ve got him in your bed, your hand sliding up his chest while he pulls his shirt over his head, discarding it on the floor, your panties off and thrown away just as easily.

he plays with your clit again, teasing you on purpose, watching you squirm under him.

“please, mingyu—” you breathe out, bucking your hips up against his hand, reacting just as he hoped you would.

“don’t worry, ‘m gonna take care of you, baby.” he promises, moving back onto the bed a little so he can put your legs over his shoulders, his tongue on your pussy.

the sudden sensation causes you to grab onto the sheets, a whimper escaping you.

the sound of his name on your lips has his chest swelling with pride. it slices through him all the way to his core, the eroticism of it making his carnal needs flare up.

it’s hard to tell whether the excessive wetness between your legs is his saliva or your arousal, but he certainly doesn’t care, his fingers digging into your thighs in greed. even with the moisture dripping down his chin and his jaw aching, he wants to taste more of you, get as close as humanly possible.

his grip on your waist turns so severe that he knows you’ll have some finger-shaped bruises there later.

another mark left by him — proving that you’re his.

the stimulation of your nerves causes your legs to clamp around his head, thighs nearly suffocating him, but he wants to tease you a bit more. “you can keep ‘em open for a little longer, can’t you?”

he clearly won’t continue until you give him an answer, so you nod, struggling to push the words out. “yes. please, just—touch me.”

like the smug asshole that he is, he pinches your clit, keeping you on edge. “what was that? i wanna hear it clearly.”

honestly, you don’t even care anymore. you just want his tongue back on your pussy, and you’ll get that one way or another. sitting up, you kiss him again, tasting your arousal on his lips.

“please eat me out, mingyu. i wanna cum on your tongue.”

a shiver goes down his spine. every time he thinks he’s got complete control over a situation, you get into his head like a siren, and he wants nothing more than to give you whatever it is you want from him.

and when he pushes you down on your back again, face diving right back into the heat between your thighs, you giggle to yourself, because you know it, too.

mingyu would eat you out for hours if you asked him to. he pulls at your thighs so he’s completely smothered by your wet, pulsing cunt, refusing to waste any time, picking up right where he left off. the scent of your pussy drives him into a frenzy, two of his fingers mercilessly rubbing at your clit.

you were trying your best to keep your noises down before, but at this point, you can no longer find it in you to care — the sensation of his tongue on you like this is too much to keep quiet.

while his lungs are burning from the lack of oxygen, he feels you’re close, hips bucking into his face while also trying to push him away out of reflex, the building pressure in your stomach starting to get too intense.

breaking away from your sopping wetness just for a moment, he murmurs, “c’mon, pretty girl. i wanna feel it. let go for me.”

his tongue is back on your skin, and you feel yourself hit your peak, your hand acting on its own when it pushes his head down, much to his pleasure.

warm sweat drips down your neck when you slightly regain your senses, cunt clenching around nothing as your legs tremble from your orgasm. mingyu is pretty sure just seeing you be this sensitive from his touch made him cum in his boxers.

even with the dark pants of his tuxedo still on, his erection is glaringly obvious, and the only thing going through your head is that you want him inside you.

he catches you staring and finally decides to take his pants off, his boxers rapidly following.

his hard cock springing free makes your mouth water. if you didn’t need to be fucked as desperately as you do right now, you’d have your mouth on him already.

he flips you onto your stomach, giving a smack to your ass, and he immediately notices how sensitive you are, assuming it’s from your orgasm.

“gyu, wait, i’m—” you try to tell him, but he’s already caught sight of it.

a shiny, heart-shaped, red jewel stares back at him, and if he thought this night couldn’t get any better, he was sorely mistaken.

“when did you put that in, sweetheart?” he asks, trying to come across as calm when in truth, he’s losing his shit at how badly he wants to fuck you, his lust increasing to levels he’s never even experienced before.

“couple minutes before you got here.”

lord, if you were to tell him you’ve slipped an aphrodisiac in his champagne, he would believe you. just imagining you put some lube onto the steel buttplug, inserting it in your ass, having had it inside you this whole time he’s been touching you—

his hips are pressed up against your ass when he licks a long stripe up your back, putting one hand on the back of your neck. “have you ever worn it around me before?”

“you remember that time we talked by the pool?” you answer, and his heartbeat shoots through the damn roof.

jesus christ.

so you were wearing that plug when he was putting sunscreen on your back. he remembers feeling you tense up a little — fuck, just thinking about it makes his cock twitch.

“oh, you fucking slut. i like you.” his palm hits your ass again, and you let out a low chuckle.

“then fuck me.”

“in which hole, sweetheart?” he so nicely asks, at which you shrug.

“your choice.”

he’s reaching inside his wallet, ripping the package open with his teeth and rolling the condom around his cock. he chooses to leave the buttplug in your ass, as it’ll offer you some extra stimulation while he fucks you.

slowly burying himself inside you to the hilt, his eyes roll back while letting out a low groan. god, he’s only pushing himself in, but you’re so warm, so wet — it’s a miracle he’s not immediately emptying himself inside you.

you arch your back for him, his hands reaching to hold onto your hips. he slowly begins to move, making you feel every inch of his cock as it slowly drags in and out of you.

“feels good, doesn’t it? being all filled up.” he breathes out, ever so slightly increasing his pace, still making sure he keeps burying his dick into you as deep as it can go, each time. “if i’d known you wanted my cock this badly...”

“then what?”

“then i wouldn’t have had to steal so many panties of yours.” he confesses, lowering his upper body so his chest is pressed against your back as he fucks you from behind. “i would’ve slipped into your room and fucked you night after night.”

his words make your eyes widen. over the past weeks, you noticed a few pairs go missing, but you shrugged it off. only once did it cross your mind that maybe someone took them, but you found it such a reach that you swiftly shrugged it off.

you had no idea his desire for you made him go to these lengths, and maybe it shouldn’t be something that turns you on — but you’re well past the debate of what you should and shouldn’t be doing.

“stealing a girl’s panties? that’s a little perverted, even for you.” you challenge him, and he smirks at the statement.

breathing into your neck, he whispers, “if that alone is perverted to you, you’re not gonna like what i did with them.”

“you gonna tell me?”

well, if you’re asking him — who is he to deny a request from you?

“the first pair was the red lacy one. i just couldn’t stop imagining you in that, with a matching bra, sitting on top of me. riding me, taking whatever you want from me... i hoped that maybe, eventually, you’d stand at my door, asking if you could come in, wearing nothing but that set. or that night when we talked for hours — if you wanted to get in my lap and fuck me right then and there, i would’ve let you.”

the confession has you clenching on him. he fucking knew you’d like hearing that.

a really filthy part of him wants nothing more than to record this, just to throw it in your father’s face — just to say yeah, i fucked your little girl.

the way he fits in you is so — perfect. like he belongs there. he’s buried so deep, you swear he’s trying to ruin you from the inside out. the pace of his hips rocking against you is slow and mean, the noise of his cock going in and out of your wet pussy so utterly pornographic that it makes his head spin.

with his left hand, he pulls at the handle of your buttplug, enough to make your hole clench around it but ensuring it stays in all the same. it’s so much; it makes your legs tremble, your arms beginning to give out on you, yet at the same time, you want more.

like clockwork, he fucking knows it.

“tell me what you need. i wanna hear you say it, baby.” his voice is firm and authorative, sentences coming out through gritted teeth. “i’ll give it to you.”

you have to force yourself to push it out of your throat. “fuck me harder, gyu—please.”

mingyu isn’t sure what it is that makes him snap — the nickname you’re now using for him, the sheer need in your voice, your body looking like you’re absolutely crumbling under him or the request that’s just crawled out of you.

his arm loops under your chin, right around your throat, and he drags your body back against his chest his chest like you weigh nothing. you’re breathless, tits bouncing with the force of his thrusts as he bends you into a headlock.

you’re completely soaked. his pace is something close to vicious now as he slams into you from behind, the force of it causing your body to jolt in his grip. your legs are shaking, but he’s fucking you so hard that you can’t even think about the possibility of not being able to sit up properly.

“is that what you wanted? this hard enough for you?” he rasps with his lips by your ear, breathing heavily into your neck. his tone is so mean and degrading that you tighten around him, making him hiss out, “yeah, that’s it, huh? you like being fucked like this.”

you nod at his words, gasping a little with every thrust. his pace doesn’t falter in the slightest. the sound of skin slapping echoes through the room, and jesus christ, if no one in the estate has heard anything so far with how loud you’re both being, it’d be a damn miracle.

too fucked out to speak, you moan at the deep pressure building in your gut, so close to your orgasm that it makes you want to sob. it has your pussy clenching around him, and he can feel how close you are.

it has him groaning behind you. “i’m not stopping ‘til you cream on my cock. c’mon, sweetheart.”

him spurring you on is enough to make you hit your climax. your orgasm hits violently, and he fucks you right through it until a long, dragged-out moan escapes him. his hips jerk and body shudders as he spills inside the condom.

for a brief moment, he keeps holding you in the same position, both of you sitting still, your shaking bodies leaning against eachother. you’re both panting, covered in sweat, his cock twitching as he remains buried deep inside you.

you’re like a limp wreck in his arms. he releases you from his hold, gently letting you down onto the matress, flipping you over so you lie on your back, able to breathe properly.

he kisses your collarbone, letting himself collapse on top of you, and you cough from his entire bodyweight pushing you down. “gyu, you’re crushing me.”

“sorry.” he chuckles, and you’re able to laugh at it, his exhaustion making you grin in satisfaction — after the fuck he just gave you, he can crush you like this for as long as he wants.

the rays of sunlight shining on your face the next morning get you to realize you fell asleep mere minutes after what might’ve been the best sex of your life, and the man who so kindly gave it to you is still in your bed, snoring soundly by your side.

and he’s still entirely naked, just like you.

wait, you suddenly think to yourself, what time is it?

turning around to look at your phone, you notice it’s nearly ten o’clock — you promised your parents you’d be ready at that time, to have breakfast together and then head to the airport for your flight back home.

“shit!” you push at mingyu’s body, trying to get him awake. “mingyu!”

he frowns, still half-asleep. “why the hell are you being so loud?”

“because i overslept, and my parents are about to check in on me, and they cannot see you, or i’m as good as dead.”

mingyu rubs at his eyes, unable to refrain from snickering when he watches you get out of bed, having a hard time walking around from how sore you are. “tell your parents you’re not feeling well and take a flight later.”

“yeah, no. they don’t tolerate that sort of thing.”

“we can hide in my room, if you’d prefer. in bed. together.”

throwing his pants at his face, you try to snap him back to reality. “get out, gyu. seriously.”

“hey, are you still wearing that buttplug?” he cheekily asks with that damn smirk on his face again, at which you continue to throw clothing at him — the blazer of his tuxedo, this time around.

you walk over to his side to drag him out of the bed, and he hurriedly puts his pants from last night on, huffing when you shove his remaining clothes against his chest. “i gotta get ready, and you need to go. make sure no one sees you.”

when he’s almost at the door, he stops his movement. “are we really not gonna talk about what we did? you know i like you.”

“i’m so charmed.” you quip at him, but he tilts his head.

“doll.”

“yes, we’ll talk about it. just not here, and not now. will you please just go?” you’re nearly begging him, and he sighs, nodding at you. the mere idea of taking you out on a real date is making his chest swell up in excitement.

“i’m holding you to that.” he says, and you nod, gesturing for him to get to the door already.

once he finally opens said door to leave, you press your lips together the very moment there seems to be someone right outside — someone who looks angry.

mingyu’s smirk slowly fades from his face when he recognizes your father, and he looks down at his bare chest, realizing you’re barely dressed as well, proceeding to smile awkwardly at himself.

this is bad. really bad.

but he’s always had the habit of making things worse.

“well, um…” he scrapes his throat, “morning. great weather outside, right?”

to say he receives the worst black eye he’s had in his life so far would be putting it mildly.

thank u for reading, let me know if u enjoyed it <3

® SANAKIRAS — do not repost, remake or copy my work in any way whatsoever. translations are not allowed.

[taodarlington]

ALL I NEED , radiohead .ೃ࿐ bakugou katsuki

SYNOPSIS : bakugou katsuki has it bad for you.

NOTES : let's ignore the fact that i disappeared for two weeks, no use of y/n, fluff, should i start writing stuff other than fluff?

it might not seem like it to bakugou katsuki, but everyone and his mother knows that he has it bad for you.

not that you'd ever hear him admitting it. he'd rather blow himself up before telling you anything about flowers and love and all that bullshit that has his heart tasting like tart and his cheeks flushing redder than an over-ripe tomato.

despite his stubborn streak, everyone still knows anyways. who even came up with actions speak louder than words? that loser must have been really, really desperate. what a pushover.

well, it's not his fault that he always knows what you need when you need it. you were always complaining or whining about one thing or another, according to him (you mentioned forgetting something once and, surprise surprise, he's tossing it at you two seconds later).

did you forget your hairtie for training? oh, don't worry, he's got one he carries around on his wrist and he's already behind you, pulling your hair up into a ponytail. shit, you forgot extra pads. he's pulling one out from his backpack and is discreetly handing it to you. and he somehow knows what day you're on, predicting your flow with pinpoint accuracy. he makes a complaint about how you're so forgetful and you're such a mess, but he never means it. no way. not to you. never to you.

and he never does this for anyone else. sure, he respects the girls in his class, and yeah, he supposes that his old hag isn't so bad either, but when round-face asks if anyone's got a hairtie, ain't nobody is gonna catch him handing one to her, even if they know he's got one. like, what? hairtie? the hell even is that?

he doesn't even realize that he's roping you into those cheesy little couple tiktok trends. he's not that much into posting, only ever uploading on his story about your birthday, his own birthday, or some big achievement he'd recently unlocked. however, when he discovered a popular tiktok trend as the first video he saw when opening the app, that boy had to resist the sudden urge to kick his feet and grin like a little middle school girl.

he does these trends without telling you, too. propping his phone up during training and teasing you, calling you names that make your stomach flutter with butterflies and placing his hands where he knows will make you flustered.

he posts the videos privately, where only he can see them and be satisfied with himself for being so bold (spoiler, this idiot just looks incredibly shy instead).

don't forget how red in the face he gets when he sees another guy striding towards you with a face full of confidence, phone in hand and a hint of arrogance in the air. who does this extra think he is?

he has to bite his tongue to stop himself from laughing his ass off in front of the guy's face when you refuse him your number outright with a flat expression and an even flatter tone. when the loser rolls his eyes and comments that you were ugly and not worth it anyways, bakugou is fuming in his shoes. his gaze darkens behind you as he seethes, and the guy immediately backs away. who wouldn't fear one of class 1a's absolute juggernauts? this boy was a tank.

he acts all innocent when you turn around again, pretending like he didn't just scare the guy off with his tail between his legs. it's only when you laugh and call him cute for being so protective of you that his rough demeanor fades and he's visibly happier for the rest of the day (he stopped frowning).

when he does get over himself and finally confesses to you in the privacy of his dorm room with a small bouquet of your favorite flowers and a bowl of your favorite meal he cooked himself, he was ecstatic when you said yes. it had taken so much trust and so many petty arguments to get to this point, and hell would have to freeze over if he were to ever mess this up for you.

he likes to show you off, too. there isn't ever a time your name doesn't crop up in any of the seldom civil conversations he has, with a very obvious compliment following. he's always got to be touching you, one arm draping around your waist and hand settling on your hip, or coming up behind you while you're talking to someone and burying his face into the crook of your neck as his hands wrap around your sides.

and of course he'll spend a good buck on you whenever you want. if you're out shopping for dorm necessities and you happen to look twice at a cute bag in display at a window, expect it to be handed to you the next day. and you bet he'll beat up anyone that comments about how they think you're using him for his money. how could anyone say that? you're the most perfect, gorgeous, breathtaking person he's ever had the audacity to meet, and there's no way in hell that he'll ever let anyone and anything bash your existence.

so no, bakugou didn't give two shits about telling you mushy words and pretending to be nonchalant. fine, whoever came up with actions speak louder then words maybe had a little point. just a tiny one. whatever. if bakugou katsuki was going to show you love, he'll show it to you better than anyone else ever can.

do not copy, translate, or repost my work.

masterlist ༊ requests

xoxo, tao

[prettyboykatsuki]

BEND THE KNEE. | ZAYNE (LI SHEN)

♡ tags ; afab + fem!reader, reader is not explicitly mc, established relationship, porn almost no plot, somewhat undernegotiated kink, brat-taming, dom!zayne, sub!reader, corporal punishment (spanking), praise kink, emotional catharsis disguised as smut, fingering, cunnilingus (f!recieving), unprotected sex, aftercare scene included, 18+

♡ wc ; 10.6k (in two days...im so cooked)

♡ a/n ; woman has completely lost her marbles. more at 8.

about the kink being under-negotiated. it's a little tricky but zayne kind of springs this on reader which is not good etiquette technically . but because they have such a strong rapport and so much trust in each other - i think it works out for them anyway. always discuss things like this properly with your partner properly. but in this case, these two have a long established dynamic and complete trust in the other so in no way does reader feel uncomfortable or coerced. she trusts zayne to lead and thats important.

♡ synopsis ; bend the knee (verb) (idiomatic, by extension) - to show undue deference, obedience, or support for someone or something

or when zayne sees you on the edge of tipping over and decides to get you to open up, one way or another.

crossposted on ao3

You need something. 

That’s what Zayne concludes after thinking it over.  

For the better part of the last month, you have been in a bad mood.  

It’s unusual for your off-days to last this long, or at least the kinds you’ve been having lately. Easily irritable, sighing and frustrated, receding into yourself. You’re as human as anyone else - but one of the things likes about you most is that even on your worst days, you seem to smile more often than not. It’s not that you’re happy all the time - but you’re prone to things like numbness and avoidance over sadness and projected anger.  

In layman terms, Zayne has never in your entire relationship seen you so frustrated.  

And, despite his best efforts to talk to you about it, you have swiftly avoided the conversation and insisted that everything is fine.  

Zayne is used to you being stubborn. He’s had to navigate that from the start of your relationship. Though you’re open-minded and often easy-going, there are certain intricacies and small details that you refuse to overlook. Always hard-headed about the strangest things and always trying to fix everything on your own in an attempt to ease his burdens.  

(The real problem is you viewing yourself as a burden in the first place but Zayne ventures that won’t be resolved in a weekend.) 

You’ve talked about this at length already. You and Zayne are in a partnership. He’s your lover, your companion - which means you’re in it together. He can’t, however, act like a proper partner to you if you refuse to co-operate with him on any and all levels. 

It’s not like Zayne is upset with you for it. He doesn’t think you’ve done anything wrong. It’s not even especially frustrating. Zayne is patient. He’s trained to be that way. So it’s fine if you need time, and it’s fine if you need a light push from him. He can throw whatever you handle at him, give you whatever you need.  

For Zayne, that’s where the real problem lies. Your sour mood, this odd sense of secrecy, this persistent sadness - Zayne wants to help you get through it however he can. But figuring out what will actually resolve all of that proves to difficult. Do you need a push? Do you need to be forced to open up? Do you need to get emotional release? Do you need a night out or a weekend away? Maybe a date night? 

Zayne has been sitting on this very question for the last few days determined. Any time he’s had a chance to think idly, it’s always drifted back to solving this mysterious puzzle and getting you back where you need to be. Safe, comfortable, and content. 

Zayne settles on this: ultimately, you need catharsis. An emotional purging - the sort of thing that makes you break down so Zayne can build you back up. It seems like an extreme course of action but given just how long you’ve been wading this storm, he thinks that level of emotional distress is only natural.  

After he figures that out, it’s a matter of how to achieve it.  

What will give you the biggest emotional release? He considers a number of things: going on a hike, watching a devastating movie in the theaters, going to visit some baby penguins and seals at the Linkon City Zoo. Things he know will get you worked up in one way or another. Things that will unravel you.  

But nothing he thinks of feels like enough. Whatever’s distressing you is distressing you enough to make you act out of character like this for weeks. His response to that needs to be just as able to carry the weight of it all, or else it might just make you bottle it up worse.  

You need something, Zayne knows.  

He thinks what you might need is to be punished.  

He comes to this conclusion after trying not to think about it all together.  

For Zayne, sex is an intimate affair. And between you, he is the less experimental. He has is moments, but most of your play that ends up being kinkier comes from your fantasies and daydreams. Zayne is happy to do these things for you and with you - and has learned a lot about himself in the process. Too much, maybe. He enjoys making you feel good. On the rare days off he has where you can have proper sex, he wants to give you as much pleasure as he can 

Most of the kinkier things you’ve done are limited to sensation play. Things that should still feel good or won’t strain you to severely. You have had a long time interest in the more masochistic, the more punishing - and it’s not like Zayne hasn’t entertained it here and there. But still, it’s limited. Rarely a properly thought out act and more an impulsive whim. He has those with you more often then he cares to admit.  

Things like temperature play, blindfolds, and minimal restraints. Nothing more than that, and never with consideration to a particular dynamic. How you have sex on a given day depends, the ‘control’ ebbing and flowing based on mood and circumstance.  

The point being: Zayne has never properly punished you, though you’ve asked him to do it before.  

You often make wry comments when he’s being especially firm with something (most often your well-being) about how he’d do it. He teases the idea lightly, but truthfully - teasing and experimenting are different from actually doing. Zayne has never considered it deeply outside of that.  

But when you mention things to him, Zayne always remembers - stows the information away for when he may need it like right now. He likes being well-informed after all.  

It’s all of these things combined that makes Zayne conclude that fulfilling your desire to be punished might actually be the most effective method of handling the state of affairs. It hits all of the marks providing emotional release, as well as physical release - and also gives you a reason to lash out in a controlled space.  

Zayne read a number of BDSM forums and browsed through several erotica novels to get a clear picture after forming the hypothesis - collecting as much information as he possibly could on what his role would be in the affair.  

As far as descriptions go, Zayne can self-report he fits the criteria for a ‘brat-tamer’ in essence. In a nonsexual way, disciplining you borders on second nature. Being firm is easy but so is being playful, and patient - since ultimately Zayne only whats the best for you. In the same vein, he thinks you fit the description of brat in your own way. A tendency to be fussy, a dislike for being told what to do, a playful mischief that he adores and only corrects as necessary.  

It’s only after the extensive amount of research that Zayne is beholden to, does he understand the dynamic and scene itself. When the play starts to make sense, he comes upon on specific conclusion that leads him to believe this answer to be the right one.  

Above all else, you really do want to be good, don’t you?  

This isn’t working for you either. You’ve been bottling everything up for so long Zayne can’t imagine it’d be easy to approach him now even if you wanted to. Fostering an environment for you to express your feelings and for Zanyne to receive them. To respond to them, and ‘punish’ you for any wrong-doing so that the guilt doesn’t weigh down you so heavily. 

Even through your month of bad moods, you sleep by Zayne’s side every night and wake him every morning. You tell him you love him and tell him when you’ll be home, even when you’re huffy and moody. You want to be good, so isn’t it only fair for Zayne to let you?  

Zayne considers it all carefully. He thinks to make it work, he might have to spring it on you. He’s relying on the rapport between on already having been dating a few years - and the preventive safety measures you’ve had in place for other, less severe play. A safe word and a hand signal. It needs to be timed right, needs to throw you so slightly off-center in order for you to be receptive.  

If you turn it down, Zayne will be back to the drawing board.  

But he has a sneaking feeling that this really might be the last of your bad moods.  

__  

It’s one of those weeks where both you and Zayne are off-duty.  

It’s rare that happens. Given your busy schedules and being in the midst of the busy season, you agreed mutually it’d be better to stay home and save your winter date for after the fog clears. Zayne was planning on having a day at home with you pleasantly doing nothing.  

You are decidedly in one of your moods, however. He really can’t pinpoint what triggered it since you seemed to be just fine this morning, almost back to your usual self. And then something in the afternoon flipped a switch and now you’re right back where you’re started.  

Zayne does not want to waste his day-off squabbling with you over something. So he decides today, he’ll try to get to the bottom of it once and for all.  

He approaches you while you’re in the kitchen of his apartment - quietly making yourself a glass of tea. Conversation first, Zayne always tries to talk to you about it. No matter how much you try to avoid it - he thinks you could solve a lot with a conversation. No drastic measures until he at least asks, though a small part of him is expecting the same answer as he received so many times before.  

He watches you in the kitchen, furiously making a cup of tea. In silence, contemplating if now is the right time. He wants to go about things the best he can. All he wants to do is help you. He sighs and then resolves himself.  

Zayne comes up behind you, soft and gentle. “Would you like to tell me what’s happened to spoil your mood, my love?”  

You pause and then frown, huffing - brows furrowed as you somewhat violently mix your sugar into your tea. “No. There’s nothing to talk about,”  

“Nothing? Even though you were just fine this morning,” Zayne says evenly, voice lacking accusation. Still kind and only gently probing. “It’s been a month now of this. Whatever it is don’t you think it’d be better if we discussed it,”  

You pause, a hand curled into a fist on the counter. “How many times do I have to tell you there’s nothing to say?”  

He gives you a long look. “As many times as I see your mood change at the drop of a hat without a single indication as to why,”  

Zayne can see it happen real time. A brief flash of some other emotion that’s followed up by anger. You let out an indignant noise, turning with your cup and looking up at him. Your lip is curled in anger.  

“God, would you just leave it? There’s nothing to talk about so stop wasting time on your day off,”  

Zayne looks down at you with an expression unreadable. And then, he makes a choice to keep his face even. This is normally when he would drop the conversation entirely. Soothe you a bit, and you’d apologize and hug him though you’d still not tell him a thing. But he thinks right now is the best time to enact his plan. He takes your mug from your hand and sets it on the counter behind you, sitting both his and yours besides each other.  

And then he cages you in, trapping your body between him on the counter while Zayne grips onto the marble edge.  

You look at him confused but Zayne remains calm and quiet until he leans down close to you. Almost eye-level, making sure to be far enough for you to look at his face and his expression.  

He lets the silence sit for a beat. He watches your expression change. But he waits - long enough for you to squirm before he breaks it again.  

“Watch how you speak to me,” He says. Your eyes widen in surprise but Zayne doesn’t waver. “Did you think I was going to tolerate this kind of behavior forever?”  

For a minute you’re awestruck. Well and truly surprised, which is all Zayne wanted to accomplish. You stammer. First upset, then a flashing bit of sadness, then anger all over again. You have something to say but you can’t find the right words to combat him. Zayne does this on purpose. He’s always gentle and soothing and easy with you but it’s not the time for it.  

He brings his hand up to your face, palm cupping your cheek - scrutinizing your every reaction under watchful gaze. It’s surprisingly easy to make you nervous - eyes flickering away from him. Zayne decides against forcing it, opting to continue his lecture.  

“Do you think it’s fair for you to speak to me that way?”  

You stutter again. “I already told you that it’s—“  

Zayne cuts you off. It’s unlike him. “I didn’t ask about that. I asked if you thought you were being fair speaking to me that way. Answer my question,”  

“Why does it need to be fair?” Your voice trembles. Zayne does not show you any reaction. It’s harder than he expects given how cute he finds you.  

“Is it unnecessary? Then, should I punish you according to how you’ve been treating me, rather then trying to be fair to you? Since it’s not important,”  

You look utterly bewildered. “Punish—?“  

Zayne holds your chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting your head up slightly.  

“Yes, punish. If we’re not basing it on fairness - then the only metric left is how you’ve been acting as of late,” Zayne says slow and deliberate. “On that basis, you deserve to be punished. Either you can admit to being in the wrong or be honest with me you can be punished accordingly. Do you understand?”  

A beat. Your lip trembles like you might cry but you seem to get on the same page quickly. You refuse him, but Zayne can tell this is having the exact impact he wanted it to. He knows you’ll keep being stubborn, is expecting it - so you refuting him does not surprise him at all.  

“I haven’t done anything wrong, I already—“  

Zayne shoves a thumb into your mouth, pressing down on your tongue. You make a noise around him, words muffled as you attempt to pull away.  

There’s a long stretch of silence where Zayne locks eyes with you. Reaching out to you - affirming something. He leans on the rapport you have between you. The ability to withdraw from this if you wish. He stares at you as you crumple under the gaze but do not refuse him.  

“Assuming you still don’t understand, I’ll tell you.” Zayne says. His voice is soft, deliberately gentle all while holding your gaze. He presses down harder, feeling your bottom row of teeth at the knuckle of his thumb. “I’m going to bend you over my knee until you tell me in your own words that you’re sorry. Since you can’t be honest by yourself, I’ll help you. Now I’ll ask you again: do you understand?”  

You glare, and flinch - but you don’t back away. “I get it already. But that doesn’t mean—“ 

 Ultimately. It’s tiny, bordering on imperceptible but it’s there. A brief recognition of play, and understanding of whats going on. Zayne steps away from you, freeing you from his grip. His expression remains neutral now, less kind then before. You’re on the same page.  

“Do you want me to carry you to our room or can you handle walking on your own?”  

You look at him furious. “I can walk!”  

Zayne doesn’t say anything as he trails behind you.  

Once you enter the bedroom, Zayne steps in behind you and shuts the door. Your expression is interesting, he thinks. He’s never seen such a colorful array of emotions flash across your face in such a short time. Despite your attitude and your active grumbling, you almost seem timid to him now. You’re clearly protesting him in some way, acting out what he’s sure is your sincere frustration. But all Zayne can feel is pleased that you’re acting the ways he thought you would. It gives him a strange affirmation that he knows you as well as he thought, he’s satisfied with it. Directing it all towards him, all the frustration as you mutter under your breath.  

The words fall on deaf ears and after a while of him not responding, you snap.  

“What are you staring at me for?” You nip. Zayne looks at you unimpressed. He takes a seat on the foot of the bed, careful to leave just enough room for you as he does. He slides his robe off of his shoulders and carefully pushes up the white long-sleeves of the Henley he wears during the cold season.  

“Come,”  

You stand still and Zayne sighs.  

He’s gentler with you normally. Softer and more delicate. But soft won’t get you to listen to him so he opts to pull you closer by the wrist. It’s not often he feels any need to exert his strength over you this way. But it’s different now. It demands it of him, so he does. You struggle as you fall towards him - into his chest, caught off guard by the sudden movement.  

Zayne wastes no time - maneuvering, manhandling you to be bent over his knee. He uses one hand to slide your pants off completely but leaves your underwear as they are. You gasp under your breath in shock. You’re turned away from him, your cheek pressed to the sheets. Zayne takes a minute to drink you in, examining the white cotton with lace trim that you wear underneath your pajama pants, wearing white ankle socks with a matching trim that he finds remarkably cute.  

Your torso rests across his lap, pressed to the mattress with your arms folded in protest as your knees rest on the bed. You kick one of your feet up - Zayne thinks in a half-ass attempt at objection. He holds you down over his lap more forcefully then before, his arm around your waist. He bends down slightly and speaks with a slow, clear voice.  

“This is your punishment. Each time I spank you I want you to count. If you forget, we start over. I’ll stop when you make it up to me and say sorry. Is that clear?”  

“I didn’t even do anything!“  

Zayne uses his hand to grip your chin hard. A warning. “Enough. You had two choices and you made yours. I will not explain myself again,” Zayne says. You quiet at his tone - brattiness temporarily placated.  

It’s strangely natural to him to do this. Easier than he thought it’d be. He thought being so firm, so strict to you would feel awkward for the first time. But it’s easy to do when he thinks of the outcome he wants. Always the best for you - if this is what you need from him, then this is what Zayne can give you. He pulls back when you relent. No longer squirming away from him.  

“Repeat your safeword to me, love.”  

“Red,” You say through a huff.  

His hand rests on your lower back, tugging your panties up until they’re creased. “What do you if you can’t speak?”  

“Tap three times.”  

“Good job.” He says, soothing. It makes you pause in his lap. “Now, count,”  

Zayne uses his hands to grope and squeeze your ass gently before doing anything else. You take a shaky breath underneath him as he carefully measures the pressure. He lifts his palm high before coming back down - a resounding smack echoing through inside of the quiet walls of your bedroom.  

You let out a loud cry.  

You jolt - startling at the feeling. “That—It hurts!”  

“Do I need to remind you of what to do each time,” Zayne asks. You fuss underneath him, pressing your face to the sheets in what he recognizes as embarrassment.  

“Fuck. One,”  

“Good girl,”  

Zayne repeats the motion again. You whimper this time - clearly more prepared for that strike then the first. He stares, already noticing his handprint becoming visible. He waits for you to respond.  

“T-two,”  

Again. Zayne admires the way the fat ripples at his touch. You shift yourself away from him at the sensation but Zayne quickly pulls you right back down to your place. 

“Three,” You whine.  

Zayne touches your inner thigh soothingly.  

“If it’s too much to bear, all you need to say is sorry,” 

You scoff - showy, but your voice is wavering. “What do I have to be sorry for?”  

Zayne sighs. Again. “Shit, four.”  

“You don’t know what you need to be sorry for? Do you need me to answer that for you too?”  

“I don’t need you to—five,”  

“You kept it in for an entire month and took your frustration out on me. All you need to do is apologize and I’ll forgive you.” 

You sniffle, voice small and petulant. “I won’t.”  

Zayne hums. “Then your punishment continues,”  

Again. “Six,”  

Again “Seven”  

Again. “Fuck, eight,”  

You’re sturdy. Sturdy enough to handle a few hits with ease. Zayne knows because he accounted for it.  Your tolerance for pain, your ability to endure it. It’s why he doesn’t set a number though he has one. If he gives you an option to simply sit through a punishment , you’ll grit your teeth and bear it all the way till the end. You’re stubborn.  

You’re strong. Of course you are. He knows eight hits are barely doing much to you - even as he’s coming down on each strike so firmly. You’ve been training as Hunter for years and familiar with pain so much worse than this.  

But you’re sniffling underneath him, clearly holding in soft sobs despite yourself. He thinks it’s proof of the effectiveness but it makes Zayne feel sympathetic all the same. Zayne doesn’t think you’ll make it far past ten. But he keeps all of this to himself. He brings his other hand up to your mouth and rubs his thumb on your lower lip  - feeling for blood or indentations. He presses it to your lips.  

“Don’t bite your lip,” He says, forcing your mouth open with the digit. He presses his thumb against your tongue again as you protest it. “If you need to bite, use my thumb.”  

Where Zayne expects you to bite him sharp in retaliation, you simply close your mouth and suck. He feels his chest squeeze. Slowly but surely.  

Again and again and again. On the eleventh one is what finally makes you forgo trying to hold back your sobs. They’re quiet, almost meek - weakly protesting each one as soft tears roll down your cheek. Before the twelfth - Zayne takes care to remind you. He makes his voice softer on purpose. Makes his words kinder and less stern. 

“All you have to do is tell me you’re sorry. I’ll take care of the rest,” He promises, hand rubbing stinging skin. “That’s all. You can do it, can’t you?”  

You remain silent, hesitant. Zayne doesn’t scold you.  

Again. “Twelve,”  

Your voice is small on the last one.  A little more, Zayne thinks. “Afterwards, you can ask for anything you like.”  

Again. Your voice trembles. Thirteen comes out barely audible, but Zayne decides not to hold it against you.  

“I’m not punishing you because I’m angry, but because I want you to understand—because I want you to be good for me like I know you can be.” Zayne soothes, rubbing gently just where he hit before. “You don’t need to endure by yourself. All you need to do is remember that,”  

You’re quiet. Once more, but he does it softer this time.  

“F-fourteen,” You say. Your voice is wrecked with some unspoken sorrow.  

“Is there something you’d like to tell me,” Zayne presses, voice warm and soothing. “Or would you like to continue you being punished?”  

A pause. Zayne gives you time to respond. He takes a second to glance down further between your legs  - noticing an incredibly dark patch of wetness right at the seam of your panties. He uses his fingers to rub over the spot carefully, amused by the small gasp that leaves your lips. He only brushes it - not provoking you further. A little amused that you liked it despite yourself.  

You shift, clearly ready. Zayne takes the initiative.  

“Yes, my love?”  

Your voice comes out wobbly. Thick with tears and emotions - like you’re just about ready to shatter into a million pieces. It makes Zayne incredibly fond and incredibly heartbroken all in the same breath. He remains steadfast and waits for you as you take a deep breath and find the right words. You have something to say.  

Or you try too, but the words tumble out in a tearful mess anyway. “I-I’m sorrryy,”  

You wail. Zayne can’t help but be taken aback every so slightly by it. He was expecting it but he didn’t think it’d be so difficult for him to hear.  

“Shh. It’s okay. I’m not angry. Are you in pain? Can you sit?” Zayne asks. You sob, answering through tears. Your words are slurred, hiccuping. You cry a little longer before you answer him.  

“Is okay,”  

Zayne nods. He helps stand you up before he sits you back down on his lap - straddling him while he supports your weight. Your face is tear-stricken, eyes red-rimmed and still crying as he pulls you up. His expression warms , reaching up to brush his thumb underneath your eye and soothe your sobbing.  

And then he hugs you. Puts a hand on the back of your head and pulls you into his chest. Your face pressed into the side of his neck. He rubs slow, soothing circles into your back  - telling you to take deep breaths as he kisses your shoulder blades and whispers as many sweet nothings as he can think up.  

You’re a wreck in his arms. Wordless, helpless - your hands are fisted into the back of his shirt. All the fight has been wrung out of you. Limp in his grasp, you weep woefully and tell him you love him in thick tears. Zayne holds you tight, steady - nothing but the sound of your sobs to accompany you until you’ve let enough of it out to at least speak to him. You pull away - face messy and damp  from crying.  

Zayne cannot help but think about how much he utterly adores you.  

Your lower lip quivers helplessly. “I’m sorry, ‘m really sorry,”  

Zayne shakes his head. “That’s quite alright. I told you I’d forgive you, wouldn’t I?”  

You nod. Zayne looks at you warmly, thumb tracing the shell of your ear. “We’ll talk later. Tell me first - what should I give you for being a good girl?”  

You have a floatiness about you. Eyes glazed over just slightly - clearly comforted enough to release whatever you’ve been holding. Unburdened, it’s like you’ve become something else. Hazy and dependent - lashes fluttering and completely sincere. “I’m good?”  

“Yes. You did well. How should I reward you?” Zayne affirms. “Would you like me to take care of this?”  

He goes again to cup your clothed pussy. You rut into his hand - biting the inside of your lip as you nod. 

It’s something about you like this that sears Zayne’s subconscious like a brand. Unusually docile, vulnerable, needy. It’s strange. He didn’t think of himself as someone with such a strong desire to exploit. Or maybe this is an extension of something that’s already been embedded in him for a long time. To take something apart in his hands with precision and put it back together again. A life, a heart, a lover. You’ve been at the very front of the desire for a long time.  

“Tell me what you want. I’ll give it to you.” Zayne says. Soft and sincere and sun-warm just looking at you falling apart so easily. “Don’t be shy. You should be demanding like you always are.”  

You press your cheek to his shoulder, shivering a little in his lap. “Want it hard,”  

“Is that all the hint I get?” Zayne teases. You groan into his shirt as he bites back a laugh.  

“Yes,” You reply instantly. You’re being shy. It almost makes him laugh.   

“Well, if that’s all you want then,” He gropes you, his hands running over the soft curve of your ass  - marks still stinging underneath his palms. “I’ll have to stretch you open first. Make sure it’s soft enough for me to reach all the way in here,” He places a hand on your stomach and you shiver again. Zayne speaks against your shoulder - a smile playing at his lips.  

“Is that alright?”  

You nod. “Uh-huh.”  

You’ve been reduced down to something that Zayne should want to protect - but finds stronger the urge to experiment with. It is an unkind way of thinking after he’s already gone so far as to punish you. Wring your emotions out by force until you sob and shiver like this. But his eyes settle onto your face and the thoughts won’t leave him. They’re even more strangely persistent, even louder than usual - echoed with your wistful demand for him to give it to you hard - whatever that may mean. And Zayne intends to give it to you in the capacity in which he can.  

It means cruel, cutting precision when it’s him. Deft fingers, a sharp memory and endless amount of endurance. Zayne usually placates you, satisfies - gives you enough to make you contented, maybe refreshed, rather then wearing you down. He wants it to be something that you can unwind with.  

Despite all of this and all of the kindness he wants to show you, there’s something about your expression and how you’ve folded over yourself that makes Zayne want to ruin you completely.  

He knows he can. He knows you’d look good like that. He’d take good care of you. He has many useless, unending thoughts such as these until something in him boils over. He thinks about it with a furrowed brow and then when the silence is about to border on too long - he leans in and presses his lips to yours. 

Chaste but longing - clear intention. He eyes you and lands on only one thing to say.  

“I’ll take good care of you,”  

You blink. It’s something he’s said before - but you both know there is something different about how he’s said it. So you just… nod. Listen. Obedient like you never are and his lips tug ever so slightly at the corner.  

Zayne hauls you with him until you’re both able to lay comfortably in the middle of the bed. He lays you down carefully in the mess of sheets and pillows until you’re resting in them like a painting. You’re frayed at the edges, hands twitching at your sides. Zayne hovers over you until he’s close enough. All the air in the grows thick, hot - and he finds he can’t breath around him with the way you’re looking at him.  

There’s a reverence in your eyes. Fingers threading through his dark locks, squeezing at the base until you’re bringing him down nose to nose. Your eyes flutter back open. They’re wide and watery and beautiful—you’re really just looking at him.  

You look… grateful. Entirely grateful.  

Zayne is so hard it’s hurt.  

Zayne kisses you deeply - hungry with it. Suddenly feverish as both hands cup your face and hold you, tipping your head back so you open your mouth wide. He slides his tongue against yours, forces your mouth open deeper like he might try and eat you whole. But you relent - yield unusually easily to the demand of it as your arms go around his neck and stay there holding him close. 

The room fills with the sound of deep breaths. Wet noises that drown out the loud static threatening to render him something more beast then man. You moan into his mouth when you kiss, chasing him each time he pulls away with this little needy pout to you that Zayne adores.  

Zayne pulls away and presses his nose to your jawline. He presses his lips to the corner of your mouth, to your chin, all the way up to the junction of your neck and shoulder. He whispers sweet nothings into the skin - repeatedly affirming only that he wants to make you feel good.  

There’s something about how good you’re being about all of it that feels enigmatic - so much so that it’s completely electrifying for him to witness. This kind of sweetness has a novelty to it that makes his heart pump hard. You’re never so pliant. So willing to give yourself. It’s not that it’s always a fight, but you’re usually so sober during sex it borders on steely. A catlike grin with an ironclad determination to never lose, not even to him.  

And Zayne loves that about you to. Loves being wrapped around your finger or tugged by your leash - loves that you demand things of him. He finds it a privilege to give it to you. This is just too new, too exhilarating for him not to be intrigued by.  

You’ve conceded now. Your body and mind have decided it unanimously and it’s why you’re melting so easily at his every touch. Like accepting a loss - some kind of complete and utter defeat, and accepting it so gracefully it makes Zayne wonder if it’d been your plan all along. 

(He isn’t arrogant enough nor clueless enough to believe that, but the thoughts sends shivers down his spine all the same.)  

Zayne traces kisses around the parts of your body he can reach. Down the slope of your jaw all the way down to the dip of your clavicle - the center of your sternum. Your skin runs warm under his touch - he can almost feel your pulse through your skin. He stops to leave small marks just underneath where your collar would sit. They come out a shade darker and a little bigger than they normally do. They look (read: are) deliberately placed. An intentional trail from neck down. A warding signal.  

He runs his incisors against your pulse, tugging at your earlobe as you shiver somewhat delightfully in response to him. The dull drag of his teeth seems to excite you. Your back curls up, goosebumps covering the surface of your skin.  

Reaching your chest, Zayne uses both hands to squeeze and push your breasts together firm. It’s lacking the delicacy he likes showing - a strong grip, almost bruising. Fingers squeezing the fat until it spills from between them, palms pushing lightly against hardened nipples as you moan out loud in reply. Your body is more sensitive than it is usually. Each touch makes you antsy. 

He ducks his head down deciding not to waste time - mouth closing around one of your nipples while his free hand plays with the other. He flicks and sucks with his tongue, using the blunt of his nail to copy the motion to the other, giving them equal attention.  

You moan, this part of your body especially responsive to touch. He can feel them each pebble with arousal. 

 “Hngh, fuck, fuck - feelsh good,”  

Your words come out slurred as you pant as Zayne pulls each sound out of you. You look blissed out, your hips canting where he’s slotted between your knees - rubbing up against him for friction like you’re in heat. Zayne only stops to switch side. He sinks his teeth at one point, long having lost his usual composure  - licking over the indentations when it’s over.  

“Hicc, more - please, more,”  

The desperation in your voice makes Zayne pull away. He rests his forehead against you, kissing the space above your belly and whispering sweetly. “You’re being so good for me,”  

Another whine. Zayne laughs audibly at it, affectionately - something overwhelming him. He picks his head up to look at you this time. “How can you be so sweet, hm?”  

You preen under the praise so visibly it makes Zayne  shiver. Such a stark contrast, such a receptive reply. Your lips pull into another pout, eyes sparkling with the greed of a lover and Zayne cannot imagine in a million years being seriously angry with you about a single thing. One look is all it takes to unravel him this completely. 

Zayne is reminded that he’s a warm-blooded, living thing laying in bed with you. Heart-beating hard, chest heaving, ears ringing. This animal desire that wells up in his gut and whispers to him to take you while you’re at your most vulnerable - mark you somewhere his fingers can’t reach and plant a seed where no one else can touch, is a loud one. It’s like he can feel how he’s hard-wired to want, and want, and want.  

But he loves you is the thing - so much that all of that desire becomes concentrated. Heavy like dark matter, atoms splitting endlessly as if it defies all known laws of the universe.  

He thinks one hundred thoughts at once and leans up to kiss you like he needs you for oxygen. You’re startled but give him a reply as he forces his mouth onto yours like he’s starving. Signaling it back to him, I love you, I love you, I love you.   

Zayne groans into your mouth before he pulls away and goes back down. He trails open, sloppy kisses down your chest - all the way down to your navel until he’s face to face with your clothed cunt.  

He uses his shoulders to nudge your legs apart even further and feels all the air rush from his lungs like he’s been sucker punched.  

You’re wetter than he thinks he’s ever seen you. It’s thrilling, tantalizing in a way that makes the last threads of his self-control shred themselves into nothing at the sight. He shivers, hands gripping at your thighs to push them even further apart. His lust suddenly feels bottomless - an empty void with a gnawing hunger.  

And then, the only word he can think to use spits from between his lips  - half way between curse and prayer. “Fuck, my love.”  

You jolt hearing it. Whimper so loudly and shamefully, reacting it to him in such an obvious way. Zayne gets the inkling then that you’re going to be spending most of your day in bed just like this.  

He touches first. Can’t help his curiosity. His hand resting on your sex  - thumb dragging against the soaked fabric of your panties. His finger comes away sticky as he rubs and strokes and examines. Burns it into his memory, each slight twitch. How you clench around nothing - slick flooding the material so unhelpfully. The distant thought bounces around in the back of his mind, that you got off this much on being punished. There’s so much.  

Zayne breathes. Has to remember to do it after he sees you like that. Legs spread, chest heaving, and so so eager. There’s a list of things he wants to do with you but he stills, and slows - and just over the unusual pull of his desires, focuses on just touching you. He fixes in on making you cum just like that. Slow easy strokes over the wet fabric. Circular motions that are precise even while each breath he takes is so uneven.  

You keen over him. Pitchy, high - legs trembling. Sensitive. You look down at him with wide eyes.  

“I’ll cum,” You say.  

Zayne realizes you’re even deeper into the head space than he thought. You’re so uncertain about it. He hums.  

“Ask for permission when you get close.”  

The instructions abate your anxiety and you nod, sink back, and let yourself indulge in the touch that Zayne offers to you unrestricted.  

This is driving him crazy. You are driving him crazy. So out of his mind that he can’t find his usual sweet talk. His restrained motions are all he can manage. He’s the one making you cum but for some reason it feels like he needs to sober himself more than you do.  

He kisses the inside of your thigh. “Just once like this, alright?”  

You nod. You’re out of it well and truly, hips meeting his touch. Moaning and breathing heavily, hands fidgeting. You lurch suddenly when Zayne seems to brush an extra sensitive spot and you gasp, eyes shut hard. 

“Wanna cum, please can I—“ 

“It’s alright. Go on,”  

You moan a little thank you without any reminder - your whole body curling in on itself as you get off for the first time in the evening. Zayne watches your panties soak with interest. Up close and personal. Fuck, they’re so drenched now, so wet. He watches cum drip down and soak the sheets underneath you as revel in post orgasm bliss and finds himself at least a little more content.  

He kisses your thighs again. “Good girl,”  

Zayne gives you a beat to breathe before he busies himself taking off your panties. Long fingers curling in the waist band. You lift your legs up helpfully, letting Zayne roll them all the way down until you’re bare. He tosses them along with the other stripped clothes laying in a heap near your bed before settling down again between your legs.  

Your cunt is splayed open. Wet and soft and inviting, he watches it pulse. You’re throbbing, heat radiating off of you in waves. He prefers to draw things out longer, but he feels particular impatient with the state of affairs.  

He pulls you down him close until his breath is just tickling your skin, kissing your clit affectionately before using his tongue to flick against the sensitive bundle of nerves.  

You shudder. Nearly scream. Zayne can tell he’s being impacted by this whole affair in the exact way he thinks he is because of how much it makes him want to keep going. You squeak over him, a hand in his hair.  

“Wait, wait—t-too much, just came it’s—“  

“Shhh,” Zayne soothes with false sympathy. “Be good and take it,”  

You relent. A little helpless whimper leaving your mouth as Zayne takes you into his mouth again. Your clit is throbbing so hard he can feel it on each pass of tongue. His mouth fills with the taste of you, heady and rich. Zayne’s eyes flutter back, pleased with it. He opens them back up to drink you in above him, flush. On your back, spread open and so aroused.  

He feels himself go slack, lust wrenching all the usual tension from him. He’d be fine to just do this until sunrise - and he would, if he wasn’t already feeling so out of sorts. He needs to open you up so he can do what you both want. Zayne closes his lips around your clit - giving you slight suction that he follows with tongue. Your mouth drops open in silent scream, over stimulation frying your nerves. Your jaw is dropped open, drool pooling at the corner of your lips.  

He knows your body like the back of his hand and has no trouble at all navigating the quickest route to make you feel good. The specific ways you need to be touched to loosen your limbs, make your insides soft for him. It’s not that he’s rushing. But he’s being even more particular about it then usual.  

It’s hard to ignore the growing tightness in his pants. He’s been ignoring completely for a while now so he can focus on you, but he’s so hard it’s straining him. Gossamer threads of pre-cum are pooling in the confinement of his boxers, only getting thicker as he ruts himself against the bed to ease the uncomfortable friction he’s feeling.  

He adjusts himself, bringing his fingers up to your core and gently nudging them through your folds as warning of whats to come. 

You let out a low sound. “Ooh,”  

He slides his middle fingers down until  there’s give. It’s easy to find your entrance and push with how wet you are. There’s barely an resistance him when he presses the digit inside and it makes his stomach flip. You’re so soaked it takes no effort - there’s not anything left of you to resist him and it drives him, truthfully, up a wall. Still, you’re clenching down hard on his middle finger. Wheezing quietly as he presses forward, slowly fucking his finger into you until he’s all the way down the knuckle.  

You collapse above him. Your body, a mess of tension and tight nerves,  gives under the weight of the pleasure and you slump back into the bed and take. Moan loud and unabashed, his name sweet on your lips. His favorite sound. If he wasn’t occupied - he’d praise you just for saying it.  

Your pussy feels so good to the touch. Always does. You’re so much more sensitive than usual it feels like you don’t want him to pull away. A whine leaves you at the loss of the stretch. Zayne looks at you from between your legs and sees a face that’s near begging to be filled up by something else.  

It takes every fiber of his restraint to not stop right there and fuck into you immediately.  

But he’s doing this for a reason  - he reminds himself.  

He adds a second finger and it slides in just as smoother. This is enough to prep you. If he stretches you out, scissors his fingers inside of you just right - you can take him easily without him having to worry.  

But he’s feeling especially relentless tonight. You’re still reeling and over sensitive, barely hanging on over him as his mouth busies itself. Two would be good enough to make you cum just like this.  

Zayne is a little out of his wits decidedly - but he gives you a moment to breathe before adding a third finger.  

You gasp. “W-wait, wai—nghh,”  

Goosebumps pebble your skin as Zayne meticulously adds in another finger. His middle, ring, and pointer all fit inside of you with more ease then he expects. He goes slowly on his pointer. Your body wracks above him at the stretch, nothing but mindless babble as you tuck your face halfway to the bed sheets and try to hold onto. 

Three fingers all the way down to base, Zayne curls them up with a cruel demonstration of precision. His hands are bigger than yours  - thicker and longer. There’s a real possibility that this is the first time anyone has touched this deep and the thought sends Zayne reeling.  

With his mouth lapping at your clit and his digits pressed up against your g-spot with such pinpoint accuracy, Zayne is not surprised to hear you above him wailing. Completely different to before, a pleasured sob almost like you’re going to heave. Your voice is raw with need.  

“Oh, please, please, please—can I please—“  

Zayne hums an affirmative into your pussy. It’s all it takes for you to cum for him again. Both of your hands fisted in the sheets as your buck up into Zayne’s mouth - soundless. He continues through it. Makes sure the ecstasy of your high lasts as long as he can draw it out and only stops when you’re desperately pulling him away to make sure you don’t die from the stimulation.  

He pulls off, slick running down his chin - all the way in little rivulets down his neck. He wipes carefully and licks it off of his hand - since anything else would feel like a waste. He sits up on his knees before crowding over you, pressing his forehead to yours as you blink away tears.  

“Still okay?”  

You make a garbled noise. Zayne laughs, a hand coming up to wipe some of the wetness away from your face.  

“Words, sweet girl.”  

“…’m okay.” You say after a while. You stare at him and then reach for his sleeve, tugging at it. “Are you not gonna fuck me?”  

Zayne feels a shiver run down his spine at how blatantly you ask. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to hearing you talk that way.  

“Would you still like me too?”  

You purse your lips. “Please? I was good,”  

Ah. His composure is truthfully already shred to pieces but he isn’t sure he can recover from that. He’s so painfully endeared. It tucks behind his ribs somewhere, makes him feel ridiculously in love and so turned-on it’s startling. He caresses your cheek, tenderly stroke the flush skin with his thumbs.  

“You were very good. So very perfect for me, always,”  

You beam at him. A slow blink followed by a sweet little smile that Zayne reads as bashful. He drops his head onto your shoulders and just sighs. 

He comes up to look at you. It’s not like you look innocent but you’re so completely trusting in him.  

“Come here,” Zayne says. He dips his head down to kiss you as tenderly as he possibly can. You sigh happily into his mouth and he just smiles a little. He feels especially helpless to this onslaught of affection but decides it’s not such a bad thing.  

He gets up again, just to get condoms but you’re tugging at his shirt before he gets a chance to move.  

“Where are you going? And… take this off,”  

“To get condoms.”  

You shake your head. “Just hurry,” 

You’re on contraceptives. You’re also in a long term relationship. But Zayne still tries to use condoms - mostly for clean-up so he uses them more often then not. Only goes without for an occasion.  

(Or for when his lover is laid out underneath, begging him without shame to fuck her already and Zayne really finds he has no other choice.)  

“Don’t whine later when I have to clean it,” Zayne says playfully. He slips of his shirt finally, feeling ten degrees cooler as it disappears with the rest of your clothes. He pushes his pants down just barely past his thighs - cock springing free. Just having the air touching it makes his stomach tighten.  

“You wanted it hard, right? Turn over. On your stomach,”  

You shiver but listen with ease - grabbing a pillow for security as you flip onto your stomach. 

Zayne likes missionary most of all  - but this is a reward.  Prone-bone is a good compromise for what you both want. You lay on your stomach underneath him, limp and focused on nothing but getting fucked and Zayne still gets to be as close to you as possible, bodies pressed together and all.  

You’re beautiful. Zayne won’t ever get over it. The sight of your spine covered in sweat, the slight raise of trembling hips, all the curves and scars and stretch marks he’s kissed over and over again. He feels absolutely besotted with you, entranced by the very sight of you in his bed like he hasn’t seen it so many times before. He’s like this even now, the weight of his own burning desire like a hit to his solar plexus.  

He feels at his wits end when he finally bends himself over you to fuck you. He kisses all the way down from the nape of your neck to the small of your back - the kind of worship only available to the holy thing that lays in his sheets, the deity of his very life. You push yourself up against him as invitation as Zayne lets his cock rest against the swell of your ass - still lightly red from  punishment.  

You spread your legs for him as Zayne slowly, carefully finds the right angle until the tip of his cock catches.  

Your pussy stretches for him like it was made to do exactly this. The ruddy, leaking head of slides into you with ease. Silken walls hugging him, enveloping him in an impossible warmth that makes Zayne feel completely out of his wits. He puts both hands on your hips - making sure to ease in slowly. Careful and kind  - trying his best not to hurt you.  

Zayne is wound tight. It’s a tremendous show of his patience that he’s being so gentle despite, despite, despite. Most of his thoughts feel concentrated in the one part of his body he shouldn’t think with and he wants to sink into you without a single care. His whole being thrashes against this feeling. He holds steady anyway s - until he bottoms out, his pelvis flush to your ass.  

You shudder beneath him. Your face is in a pillow, fucked out and drooling. All you do is moan, pushing yourself up again and wiggling your hips like you’re attempting to entice him into fucking you. As if it’s something he doesn’t already want to do.   

Zayne drops his head onto your shoulders. You whine, wanton and the last remaining pieces of his restraint fall out of place. He pulls out and pushes back in all at once, the both of you lost in the ecstasy.  

The bliss of it is unbelievable. Zayne can barely control himself, mounting you and relying on his memory of your body to fuck himself into the spot you like best. His forehead drops onto your shoulder and he lets himself go loose - kissing the back of your neck as he ruts himself into you again and again.  

“Oh, you’re so perfect. You feel so good. I love you,”  

It’s not fast, but it’s deep. In the way that’s more brutal then him fucking into you hard. Deep and calculated - measured thrusts that force you grind into the bed chasing the friction of your clit. Your legs kicking up from the pleasure, just crushed by the weight of him. Limp and spent from being strung out so far and simply taking what Zayne is giving you. He likes being able to feel you pressed, pinned underneath him. Crowding into your space with his chin at your shoulder, kissing the side of your neck and wherever else he can reach.  

Zayne could cum any second. He’s holding out until he feels that delicious squeeze that tells him you’re getting close again.  

It doesn’t take long. Each inch of his cock ravaging your insides, dragging against your walls on each thrust combined with all the sensitivity has you babbling within minutes.  

You pick your head up just to beg him for it, but Zayne doesn’t even give you a chance to speak. He can feel it while you’re wrapped around him, pussy trembling around the length of his cock - short panting breaths. He knows you’re close before you do.  

A hand cups your jaw as he whispers into your ear.  

“Cum.”  

You cum just like that, as if on command - your entire body seizing. Every muscle taut like a bowstrong. Your hands reach back for his arm - the one he’s leaning on. Nails digging into his forearms, you cum so intensely you gasp.  

“Zayne, zayne, oh fuck - fuck, please,” 

Zayne barely gets a breath before he’s following after you. He cums hard. The load is so thick it feels delayed even as he nestles himself deep into your cunt to finish. It goes on forever until it’s spill into you and clinging around the tip of his cock.  

The both of you lay there spent for a short while before you blink, lazily - and turn your gaze towards him from over your shoulder.  

“More?”  

Zayne laughs a tired, delirious laugh.  

“Anything for you,”  

__ 

You have sex until evening.  

Zayne doesn’t remember the last time you went at it like that. An anniversary he thinks, or some kind of special occasion. You haven’t had that much time. But two days off in a row was still good enough to have you rest.  

It felt necessary, in a way. Being so wrapped up in each other, a good reminder of your trust in each other. A good way for Zayne to cradle you. Carve the notion into you that all he ever wants to do is ease your burden and improve your life rather then make it harder. In between raw sexual desire and somewhat crass display of pent-up lust, is tucked a few years worth of loving.  

Zayne can only desire you this much because he knows you so well.  

After cleaning you up a bit, he let you lay and catch your breath while he went to run a nice bath with your good products, make you a cup of tea, and order takeout. You managed to not to pass out in the mean time which he’s thankful for - as it made the cleaning up much easier.  

The both of you now settle into the warm, soapy water - only after Zayne showers with you too. To get you properly clean and then help you relax.  

You sit with him now in the bath water. The pleasant floral scent of jasmine and lavender fills the bathroom, and you rest your head against Zayne’s chest as he sits comfortable behind you. His nose against your wet hair, he breathes you in and places a kiss to your bare shoulder.  

You stay like that for a long while until Zayne breaks the ice.  

“Is now an okay time to talk?”  

You stiffen, briefly  - dragging Zaynes hand into your lap and playing with his fingers.  

“Mm. Yeah,” 

Zayne waits for you. Patient and prudent.  

You sigh a little, head drooping down.  

“It’s not even—it’s just a work thing. There’s been an ongoing investigation about a group of Hunter’s from a different association. A Special Ops Unit that dissolved right before a series of protocore related incidents. Dissolved offiically but really more like completely disappeared. The problem itself isn’t really the investigation, but the team we’re working with. We’re collaborating with another association and those fucking,” Anger rises in your voice in a way that makes Zayne laugh lightly. You splash the water, taking a deep breath, pressing your thumb lightly into his wrist to distract yourself. “They’re incredibly incompetent and very combative. It’s been a huge pain to work with them, both tactically and on paper.”  

“It sounds incredibly frustrating.”  

You sigh.  

“It has been. One of the guys from the other association is an enormous jackass. He hasn’t done anything I can document on paper and submit to HR as harassment of evidence - but he’s bane of my existence. He’s actively getting in the way of investigation and he’s dead set on specifically scrutinizing my work. It’s been driving me up a wall.” You say, scrubbing your face. Zayne nuzzles into you sympathetically. “Normally I’d just report him immediately, or beat the shit out of him while we spar or something. But,”  

You take a deep breath. 

“If you need to stop here for because of disclosure or something of that nature, I understand,”  

You shake your head. “No, it’s—I haven’t been able to bring it up to anyone, but I think he’s played a role in the sudden disappearance. I don’t have any strong evidence to corroborate this. It’s just a gut feeling. Because of that, I also haven’t been able to bring it up to anyone either. We are constantly squabbling in the office. I worry if I mention it without something stronger to back me up - it’s going to look like I’m making a serious accusation over office politics and I just—”  

“It’s alright, my love. Just listening to you now is enough to make me exhausted. I can’t imagine what it’s been like living through it,”  

You sniffle, suddenly exhausted. Your voice cracks. “It’s been driving me nuts. I know it’ll blow over eventually one way or another, but it’s been such a constant burden. I kill Wanderers. This weird corporate charade is too much for me. It got to the point where just the mention of it was enough to make my blood boil.” You say, sighing. You turn your head and give him a small smile. “I’m really sorry for taking it out on you. It was almost too frustrating and too heavy to talk about - and you already have a lot on your plate so I wanted to just resolve it quickly. But I ended up making you worry and being unfair. I didn’t even realize how bad it’d gotten,”  

Zayne shakes his head. “It’s not as if I was angry with you at any point. Really. It’s so unlike you being that irritable, I was mostly just concerned. So don’t beat yourself up over it. If I couldn’t handle such mild tantrums, what kind of lover would I be?”  

You scowl at him, smiling betraying your features. Zayne just laughs.  

“I’m truly not angry so don’t beat yourself up over it. I do wish though you would depend on me more when you need it. Even if it’s just to vent. We’re partners right?”  

You nod. “…Yeah. Sorry.”  

“It’s really alright. Though I suppose I might’ve seemed angry or given that impression based on… earlier affairs,”  

You laugh. It’s a beautiful, lovely little sound. Like a wind chime. He’s happy to hear it.  

“Wait actually, I would like to talk about that. What was that?”  

Zayne’s turn to blush. He clears his throat.  

“Well… I was worried about you and I wanted to do something for you, somehow. After some thinking, I thought you would need some kind of strong emotional release. I considered going to take you to see the penguins and seals—“  

You interrupt him. “Oh, I would’ve sobbed like a baby,”  

“Right, exactly. But I sat on it for a while and felt like it wouldn’t be enough to break you out of your shell. And then I remembered we talked about this once a long time ago. So, I did some research and thought this would work out best,”  

You smile up at him. “You had a hypothesis didn’t you? Lay it on me, doc. What were you theorizing in that brain of yours that led you here?”  

“Well… sex is a good avenue for emotional and physical release. I thought the spanking aspect and ‘punishing’ you would help absolve some of your guilt as well. So at the time, it made the most sense to me.”  

You laugh under your breath. “You know me so well, huh? It worked great, actually. Better than I thought it would. And it was super hot when you were being all strict with me,”  

Zayne laughs. “I was worried about being so harsh but you really enjoyed yourself,”  

“I did. It felt good but after the crying, I just felt sort of floaty and drunk and pleasant. Like a weight lifted. Haven’t been in subspace like that in a while, but I felt really good.”  

He smiles. “That’s what I was hoping for,”  

“You’re so smart,” You praise, voice cooing and cloying. “Thanks for fixing me up, doc. I’m really indebted to you. I wonder if I’d be doing myself a disserivce to be all honest. It’d be a shame if I never got to see you like that again,”  

Zayne murmurs against your skin, smiling. “I could always punish you for doing less,”  

You grin at him. “See, that sounds wonderful.”  

Zayne gives you a kiss on the top of your head. You look back up at him warmly.  

“Thanks for thinking of me so much. And being so good to me,” You say, almost shy. “Means a lot,”  

Zayne has a million things he thinks of saying. That he’d do anything for you. Ultimately he settles on what he thinks most often.  

“Of course. Anything to make it all better, yes?”  

[meowdei]

Sukuna is not good at apologizing.

And you? You’re not good at letting go of grudges. The end result is a pretty nasty predicament—you’re mad at him, he’s mad that you’re mad at him, and you’re mad that he’s mad that you’re mad at him. It’s a full circle. The start point and the end point meet and you just don’t know where to begin.

He could always apologize, of course—that would be a lovely start. But he won’t. (He really should, though, you think. It’s his fault).

“Hey,” he says gruffly, “scoot over. ‘S my side.”

You’re taking up the entire bed. A petty, childish, and last resort sort of method to keep him away from you for the night because you don’t think you can handle dealing with him in such close proximity. And of course, you certainly won’t be taking the couch, so that naturally leaves only one option: him.

“Hey. Did’ya hear me?” He scowls, looking at you with deeply creased, deeply furrowed brows and an intense glare that makes you want to throw a pillow at his face. You refrain, however—but only because someone has to be the emotionally intelligent one of the two of you, and it certainly won’t be him. “I said move over—I’m tired as fuck and I wanna sleep.”

“Then sleep,” comes your unhelpful reply.

“They teach you this in the first grade,” he smiles thinly, eyes narrowed into slits as he gives you a sarcastic look, “but you actually have to lay down to sleep. Can’t do that if you hog the entire damn bed.”

“I’m sure they taught you what a couch was in first grade, too,” you counter—and as if to double down on your juvenile, stubborn display of spitefulness, you angle your body to take up more of his side of the bed. “Go ahead and use that if you wanna lay down so bad.”

“And they also teach you in first grade that the couch is bad for your damn fucking back, so move the fuck—”

You cut him off sharply with a rather snobby tone. “That’s not in the first grade curriculum. I don’t know what first grade you went to, but maybe that would explain some of the loose screws in your head.”

He’s had enough. Sukuna is not good at apologizing. And on most days, he’s not that good at being a boyfriend, either. Not by the general standards, anyway. He doesn’t say sweet words or coddle you very much. Sometimes, he’s awkward about affection and doesn’t quite know how to initiate physical touch. And, on most days, he can’t communicate his feelings properly, so they tend to come out wrong. Typically, that manifests in rough, unintentionally harsh words.

He’s not proud of it, but it’s not a switch he can exactly flip off in one day.

But one thing he is good at, however, is worming his way into your soft spot, anyway. It’s a very peculiar, very distinct part of you that for some unknown reason, opens up for him and puts up with his bullshit regardless of what that bullshit is. Fifty percent soft, sweet affection, and one hundred percent stupid, foolish devotion.

He wouldn’t trade it for the world.

He debates it for a moment—because sometimes even Sukuna doesn’t dare test your limits—before he ultimately decides to go for whatever plan he’s scheming. It turns out his plan involves all two-hundred-something pounds of his bulky, muscled figure draping itself over your body with an exaggerated sigh from him. You flinch, gasping in shock, and he simply gets himself comfortable.

Sukuna is not good at apologizing.

Yet, somehow, he’s even worse at reading the room, evidently. You clearly don’t want him near you, but here he is, arguably closer to you now than he is on the average night.

“Sukuna!” You hiss, trying to push him off as you grumble under his weight, “get off! You asshole, you’re too heavy for—”

“Heavy?” He gasps, “this is considered body negativity.”

“Oh fuck off,” you scowl, “you’re doing this on purpose.”

“Doing what, exactly?” He asks smugly.

Despite it all, there’s something surprisingly gentle about the way he lays on you. His head is perfectly situated to rest against your collarbone, his hands delicately have your hips in their hold, and half of his body is slotted between your legs to keep a good brunt of his weight off of you.

More than anything, he’s a weighted blanket than he is an aggravating boyfriend that you’re trying to avoid.

“Is everything a joke to you?” You glare.

He glares back. Equally as hard, equally as intense, but infinitely more infatuated underneath it all. “No,” he grumbles, “just don’t like goin’ to bed mad. So ‘m here whether you like it or not.”

Some part of you can’t help but soften at that. A small, fractional, tiny amount of you thinks…oh. Oh.

(And yes, there are certainly better ways to express: I would like to go to bed without being mad at each other because I love you too much, but he’s not perfect. Nowhere near it. That much is a known fact quite abundantly by now. But you know what he means, and in you’re being honest with yourself…well, it’s enough.

He’s always enough, even when he seems like he shouldn’t be.)

“I’m still mad at you,” you grumble stubbornly.

Your arms wrap around him tightly.

“And I’m still fuckin’ tired and sleepy. What’s your point?”

He tucks his head into the crook of your neck and inhales your scent.

You’re mad at Sukuna. And he’s tired of it. Sometimes, he’s not good at apologizing, and sometimes you’re stubborn about accepting it. In the end, your limbs tangle in bed like this, anyway. You think that’s the only part that really matters.

You sigh, pulling up the blanket to cover yourselves. (Mainly you. He just happens to be there, too, of course. But this isn’t for his warmth, too—it’s just for yours. How cold he is or isn’t through the night is of no concern to you.)

“Night,” he mumbles quietly after some time, “and…and sorry, or whatever. I…well, I just…you know?”

You snort softly at his attempt, giving in and letting your fingers weave into his soft, familiar strands of hair while he relaxes at the feeling.

“We’ll talk in the morning. I love you.”

He smiles a little into your neck. It’s barely-there, but it undoubtedly exists.

“Love you too.”

“A lot, right?” You ask cheekily.

It’s quiet for a moment. You think he’s going to tell you to shut up, or just go to sleep, already. Instead, there’s a hushed mumble of, “yeah. A lot. Now goodnight.”

(You fall asleep rather quickly after that—and admittedly, much easier than you would have if his body was on the couch and not with you.)

Cliche fights before bed that end with a begrudging petty cuddle sesh are my guilty pleasure. My crack if you will

[dollyichi]

YOUR BIGGEST FAN!

pro-hero katsuki bakugou x actress f ! reader ᯓ★ he finds out who the main admin is of his biggest fan page. 1.4k words. fluff / established relationship / not proofread / little smau at the end

spin-off from ‘a little mystery never hurt anybody’ [m—dni]

katsuki never cared about his image at all. nor did he care about what people post about him online. aside from his own beliefs, he only cares about what you think, and if you think he’s ‘fucking cool’ then he’s fucking cool.

he only ever checks social media and posts something that you’re a part of. if he had the chance to have all his platforms with a picture of you both or even just you, he’d do it—but you would scold him and tell him that he should just have a photo of himself. which you had to do instead since he’s stubborn and wouldn’t know what photo would look the best.

well fortunately for you, who has an album of pictures of him whether you took it yourself to gate-keep, from his fan sites, or his modeling / commercial projects just picked one portrait that would match his overall style. not too much, not too zoomed out, but still would exude that cool side that you loved so much.

and the moment you changed his profile you’re already switching to your verified fan account to notify your followers of his new profile photo. multiple notifications spawn at your lockscreen, the tweet already blew up too.

your co-admins don’t even know that it was the ‘dazzling actress y/n’ running the account in the first place, and it was for the better. you always had this account the moment katsuki was in his third year in UA. usually posting threads about how amazing of a hero he is, or his rankings in the recent fan polls such as ‘hottest hero’ or ‘most powerful rookie hero quirks!’ and your favorite, ‘heroes i wanna get in bed with.’ just from that, anyone other than you knowing your identity would be real bad.

pro-hero dynamight always had a loyal fanbase anyway. and you were always the first account they’d come to for any news on him.

when you started dating you had to ask for some help which is why you had some of your followers (who have been supporting your blog for so long too!) to assist you when you couldn’t post as frequently as you used to. it was easy to juggle the fan account while you were starting as an actress, but when you started dating katsuki, manning the page is a big challenge. he’ll definitely find out in no time since personal space was thrown out the window when you became his.

you wanted to keep it a secret since you were still such a big fan and it felt like a waste deleting the account since you worked so hard on it—pouring so much passion on it despite being with the main source. there were even times when you begged your staff to get him to sign your merch, which you happily post on the fan page too, wearing thick gloves because you figured katsuki would recognize you immediately.

sometimes you would slip and mess up. your co-admin posting about katsuki taking a photo of your new digital billboard by the station. and you accidentally quoted the tweet on your fan page that reads ‘he really likes me~’ and you immediately take it down before the viewer count goes up.

it was a very close call, and when someone did ask you about it since some of them had notifications on for your account you just made up an excuse like ‘i mean y/n! sorry it was a typo.’

sometimes you’d get katsuki to look at the fan page when you both have free time. and he only ever likes the tweets when it involved you. like when you’re both spotted on a date, or a quote from an interview of him promoting your own projects.

you begged him to follow and he didn’t really think that much of it. shrugging and pressing the button and going back to indulging himself beside you.

you never really post any updates on the pro-hero that’s related to you though. and when you do find out about it, you had your co-admins to thank. especially for that one video clip of him struggling to take a picture of another billboard you had in the middle of the city.

until one day, the two of you were apart for a bit. he was out on a mission, and it’s sad that he couldn’t spend the first few days of your break with you.

nonetheless, you are currently working with his fan sites near the area for some updates on him at the time. you end up missing him too much when they send you the photos in your direct messages. though, “he looks really good,” you think to yourself. up in the air with that pretty grin of his whenever he wins.

on your fan page you always have that certain ‘watermark’ when you make a post. ending the tweet with ‘admin ⭐️💥’ to indicate that it was you posting.

quickly, you make a new post about his new feat, scheduling to have it posted on the next day.

you didn’t think much of it, just happy that your boyfriend was safe and he could come home earlier to you.

when you wake up, katsuki’s already back home seated on his side of the bed. but what was unusual was for him to be on his phone this early. concerned, you reach out to him, hoping there wasn’t an emergency or anything bad that happened.

then he starts laughing that goofy laugh of his that you love. which gets you to giggle yourself, “what’s so funny?” you give him a kiss on his cheek as a morning greeting. it’s nice waking up to him so happy, until you feel your own face drop in horror on the screen.

it was your tweet, with that exact format that you always used—not on your fan page, but at your own main account with already thousands of engagement. you feel yourself sink in your spot on the bed.

you did it now, you knew you shouldn’t be posting when you’re sleepy. now you fucked up, big time. you don’t even want to know the replies on that post, and you couldn’t even face your boyfriend who’s already crying from laughing so hard.

“you’re such a dumbass no wonder you kept pestering me about this fan account.”

you groan, hiding yourself under the covers. you couldn’t even imagine what’s going to become of you and how your manager’s going to react. it’s not like you could just abandon your following either! “it’s different as a fan!”

you take your phone from the bedside table and delete the tweet immediately. it’s been 30 minutes after you scheduled it, but there’s nothing you could even do to remedy the mistake. not when thousands have already seen your tweet. you don’t even know how to tell your co-admins who probably found out your real identity.

“just kill me!” you say, wrapping the comforter around you which leaves nothing for him anymore. he puts his phone down and wraps an arm on you. “don’t be so fuckin’ embarrassed babe. if it helps i’m your number one fan too.”

you won’t budge, staying still in your self made blanket burrito with a pout. facing away from him and with a huff. you were so embarrassed that your whole body freezes, and your mind goes blank. “hey come on, i’m happy about it!” you hear him say.

you could already feel the scoldings of your manager, you just hope this is mainly good publicity if it resurfaces—because you’re damn sure a lot of your shared fans are going to spread it all over the net.

“don’t fuckin’ ignore me babe! i’m really damn flattered here!” and he’s laughing again. he really couldn’t take it seriously, and you really wish this was just a really bad dream. it’s not like you wanted to keep it a secret forever! but you didn’t think he’d find out this way, bummer.

he pulls you on top of him, kissing all over your pouting face that’s sticking out from the thick comforter. “ah fuck this is so good! i bet when we get married you’re just on your phone posting live updates or some shit.”

you’re never going to hear the end of this. especially not when he digged a little deeper and found your ‘thirst’ postings from years ago. oh well, at least he knows you’ve always loved him. it was honestly such an ego boost learning his girlfriend just ‘as obsessed’ as he is towards you. besides, his page was almost a fan page of you in itself. whatever, you’re gonna laugh it off next week anyway.

at least you’ve given him another new thing that has him head over heels for you again.

bonus!

do not copy, plagiarize, translate, or repost my works

note : aaaaa this was so funny to me idk T^T it’s really stupid

[thesweetestofdreams]

Homesick part 2

poly!marauders roommate au 2.6k (part 1)

I apologize for the wait. I'm officially the worst, but here she is!

Your roommates were nice, too nice. It was a suffocating drowning feeling. James, Remus and Sirius were nice, and all you could do was shrink around it. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, just the way it was. 

They believed the lie that you still hadn’t unpacked your coat, and James gave you one of his. You walked to work trying to ignore that his smell still lingered in the fabric. It was the closest thing you’d had to a hug in a long time. It made you miss them. 

You were ready to live off of stolen saltines from work. Working at a cheap diner was far from glorious, but it was the first place to hire you when you needed it. The last few weeks your tips had been shitty and the customers shittier, but somehow your roommates always made too much for dinner. So last night you ate the best pasta you’d ever had trying not to choke on your own guilt. 

It was never that you disliked your roommates, the opposite, really. You liked them too much; you could just never seem to bridge the gap. They were like an opulent display in a store window. You felt like a kid pressing up against the glass but never opening the door; you couldn’t afford any of it anyway.

You'd already been two weeks late paying rent last month, saving up tips. Your roommates of course, were nothing but obliging. It just made the guilt worse. Remus tried to pull you aside once to tell you it was okay if you couldn't, but you quickly brushed him off. You knew they were already charging less than they should.

So you found yourself stealing glances, watching from the hall as Remus came home and Sirius took his bag before he was ever fully inside. You saw them pile into the same bedroom as you brushed your teeth, soft whispers and laughs coming from the door. 

Last night was no different, you peeking into how they were with each other from the kitchen doorway. James was making the pasta from scratch and there was flour in his hair, on his nose, the rim of his glasses. Sirius was hugging Remus from behind while the latter used the sleeve of his sweater to clean James’s glasses. You can’t recall ever being that comfortable with someone. Sometimes you’d think about it as you fell asleep, stealing the ghost of their warmth to lull your eyes closed. 

Now as you flipped the open sign to close, you found yourself stuck there. Stuck in the kitchen doorway haunted by the golden light in the windows and the unwarranted thoughts of what it would feel like to be any one of the three of them. 

“Hey, my boyfriends here and he hates waiting on me, you don’t mind if I run, do you?” Stephanie asked, smacking her gum between her teeth. 

You shook your head despite yourself.

“Thanks you're the best,” she said already out the door. Great now you’d have to close by yourself. 

You finally got done at eleven and the darkness that greeted you on your way home was cold and sticky. You’d left James’s coat at home because you’d been in a mood, too stubborn to accept any help even if it was just a stupid coat. Now you were just stupidly cold, but at least it was something. Every day you felt more like a crack in the sidewalk, weeds growing from between your ribs, only to be crushed underfoot, so just feeling cold was a nice change of pace. 

It was a somewhat peaceful walk until you felt the first raindrop plop onto the top of your head. Before you knew it rain was coming down in fat droplets soaking you from your head to your sneakers, your socks were already wet. You picked up the pace, cursing yourself for taking the long way home. 

“Hey,” you heard the voice before noticing the car slow beside you on the road. You felt your blood run cold. “You need a ride,” the man hollered over the rain. You looked but didn’t stop. Two men were in the car, matching your speed and creeping dangerously close to the sidewalk. From the drooping of their eyes you could tell they were probably drunk. The one closest to you had long hair that kept falling in his face. 

“No, thank you,” you practically squeaked, far from intimidating if even believable. 

“It’s raining,” he said, a hand waving out the window. “Don’t be like that, we're just trying to be nice.” 

“I’m alright.” You offered a stupid smile, like a stupid sheep smiling at snarling wolves. The pit in your stomach did a full turn. A voice in your head told you if you got in that car you wouldn’t end up anywhere nice. 

“Come on,” the man said he was practically through the window and you felt a hand close around your wrist. You used all of your body weight to pull away from him, stumbling back a bit as you did. You backed up as far as possible before running as fast as you could. By the time you made it to your apartment you were crying, hot tears mixing with cold rain. 

You slipped through the front door hoping your roommates had gone to bed. Three pairs of eyes were on you as soon as the door clicked shut. James was the first to get up. 

“I had no idea it was gonna rain, not like that," he said, glancing out the window. “I’m sorry I was here, I could have gotten you from work.” Now he was looking at the kitchen, “Are you hungry? I made Indian food. Do you like-” 

“James,” Remus said softly, a hand on his shoulder. “Are you alright?” he asked, brow wrought with concern. 

Your eyes were wide looking between the three of them. Your chest rattled with uneven breaths, puffing past frozen lips. Sirius held out a towel for you, you hadn’t noticed him leave. “You’re shaking like a leaf, doll,” he said it like a secret, like he was cluing you in to Remus’s concern. 

“Did something happen?” James asked, and then it was quiet and you felt your eyes burn as more tears welled. 

“I’m fine.” You attempted a smile, but they saw your lip quiver. There was no way for you to know how much it broke them. “I’m not very hungry,” you lied around an empty stomach.

Remus gave you a sad look, “Are you sure, because if you want to talk, we’re here.” 

“God Remus, can you just get off it. I said I was fine.” It came out harsher than you meant to, a knife laced with the edge of panic you couldn’t seem to shake. It was too much, all three of them looking at you like some child, like something about to break. 

Why should anybody care if you were okay, as long as you said you were then that was enough. Why couldn’t they just leave you alone? Everything was so much easier to do alone, it always had been. 

You pushed past Sirius to get to your room. He was giving you a look that cut right through you, like he could see all of your insides, everything you tried to hide. 

You didn't need anyone's pity; in fact, you didn't need anyone's anything. You made sure of that. It was you against the world, just you. Remus, James, and Sirius, for all their niceties, all their warmth towards you, could never truly understand. They had each other, closer than anyone you'd seen.

You didn’t sleep the rest of the night, not until the sun rose and your tears had dried up. 

-

Thank goodness you didn’t work the next day. You woke up with a shiver down your spine curling into an ache in your back. Of course you’d be sick, it was just your luck. Either way the hunt for a new job couldn’t wait, so you trudged into the kitchen. 

In front of the coffee pot, sat a chocolate bar with a sticky note stuck to it. In curly writing it said that James had saved you leftovers in the fridge. It made your chest ache. You just couldn’t understand why they cared so much. 

“They’re too nice for their own good sometimes,” a voice from the kitchen doorway made you flinch. “That’s from Remus by the way, although if you ask me he shouldn’t be the one apologizing,” Sirius said trailing in with mussed hair and a crooked tank top. 

It stung to remember last night, but Sirius wasn’t wrong. You shouldn’t have snapped at Remus, but how were you meant to fix it?

“I get it you know,” he said, reaching around you for the coffee pot and filling two mugs. 

“Get what?” you felt backed in a corner but nowhere near the panic of last night. Somehow you knew if you really wanted to leave Sirius wouldn’t stop you, but you had to hear what he had to say. 

“Saying you’re fine when you’re not. Getting mad when people care.” He poured a mountain of sugar in his coffee and handed you the milk for yours. 

“I don’t…” you trailed off. 

“It’s fine, if that’s the way you want to do things, but you’ll have an awfully hard time trying with those two around.” He leaned against the counter, hair falling over his cheeks. “And a secret, it feels so much better when you stop doing everything alone.” 

“Yeah thanks Sirius,” you said, trying not to fold in on yourself until you disappeared. 

He swayed off the counter, heading back out of the kitchen. He stopped before fully leaving the doorway. ”I’d eat that chocolate. Remus gave it to you to make you feel better, just,” he sighed, “give it a try, doll.”

You grabbed a tylenol from the bottle on the counter. You stood for a minute staring at the chocolate bar, you finally took it as you returned to your room. 

The next day you were plagued by Sirius’s words. You’d tried to apologize to Remus, he’d just asked if you liked the chocolate, and James well he was still James, bright, loving, perfectly James. It seemed like maybe you could try, that was until your fever took a turn for the worst. 

It was time to go back to work and you couldn’t afford to call in. You’d spent half your time trying to ignore being sick and the other half trying to sleep it off. The ache in your back had spread to the rest of your body, worst of all being your head. Your head felt like a weight on your shoulders and your eyelids felt perpetually heavy. You managed to get dressed in your work uniform but by then you felt on the verge of collapsing. You convinced yourself you could make it. You just needed to bring your fever down and then things would be fine, the tylenol would kick in and you could manage. 

You wet a cloth in the bathroom sink and sank to the floor, just fifteen minutes, cool off and then leave. 

-

“Sometimes things just take time James,” Remus said, dropping his bag at the hall tree next to the front door. “We’ve had years to get comfortable together, she’ll come around.” 

“Maybe we could write her a letter,” James said, earnest in his suggestion. “I just don’t want to be doing something that makes her uncomfortable.” 

“You’re not doing anything wrong, Prongs,” Sirius said, sliding a hand across James’s back. “Promise. Moony is right, she just needs time.” 

“If you say so,” James said, feeling somewhat defeated. He just wanted you to feel comfortable in your own home. He wanted to fix it, just like he wanted to fix everything. He was at least going to write you a note, but on his way to the bedroom he noticed you through the open bathroom door. 

“Shit.” He rushed into the bathroom. He knelt down next to you, calling your name. “Are you alright?” 

Your head bobbed off of the side of the bathtub as you woke up. “James,” you said, utterly confused. You’d just closed your eyes for a minute. When did he get here?

“Hello love,” he said, a hand coming to your forehead. “You’re boiling.” 

“Oh my god what time is it?” you said, a slur of words all mushed together in your tired panic. 

“James, Remus wants takeaway. What do you-” Sirius’s words died at the sight before him. 

“C’mon let’s get you off the floor,” James said, taking the brunt of your weight as he pulled you up. 

“Here I thought we had talked about this,” Sirius said, braced at your other side. 

“I’m fine,” you said, trying to will the shaking out of your legs. 

“Right and I’m the queen.” Sirius laughed to himself a small exasperated thing, nothing at all like his normal laugh. 

Remus finally saw you as you sat in a heap on the sofa, he exhaled your name. “Thank goodness you didn’t go to work. You’re burning up.” He pushed hair from your face, tsking in the soft concerned voice usually reserved only for James and Sirius. “I’ll make tea. Pads, the tylenol, please.” 

You let your head fall into your hands as you felt James pulling off your shoes. “I’m so fired,” you sighed, voice full of tired frustration.

“Seemed like a shit job anyways,” Sirius said, turning for the kitchen. 

“Do you mind if I?” James started a hand toward your neck.

You gave him a pained, inquisitive look, but he didn’t wait. He pressed his fingers to the side of your neck. Despite yourself you leaned into the warmth. He was counting to himself.

“Just wanted to make sure you weren’t in any distress.” He kept his hand still for a moment. “You’re not, just a nasty fever. You can have a blanket but I say lots of fluids, rest, and a cold compress to get that fever down.”

“Thank you Dr. Potter,” Sirius said, returning with an assortment of medicine bottles. Remus was quick to follow with tea in hand. 

“Does your throat hurt? I added honey,” Remus said, holding the mug out to you, but you didn’t take it. It felt like you couldn’t.

Three expectant pairs of eyes landed on you, and that’s when the seams ripped. “I just…” you caught on the word, breath hitching, “Why are you being so nice to me?” 

“That’s the fever talking,” James said, rocking onto the couch next to you. Remus and Sirius looked like they weren’t so sure. 

“No, I- I’m mean, and I don’t let you help. I’m always telling you no, or going off somewhere. You shouldn’t be nice to me.” 

“I believe that’s for us to decide, thank you,” Sirius said. 

Remus sank to his knees in front of you, pressing the mug into your hands. “Despite what you may want to think. We want you here. We like you. And sometimes people need help and that’s okay.” 

“Remus and Sirius are right, love. We’re selfish,” James flashed a mischievous grin, “let us take care of you. We want to.”

“If I may have a moment alone with our patient,” Sirius said, a nudging look in his eyes. Reluctantly the two stood, James already planning a healing soup for this very occasion. 

“I hate to say I told you so, but-” Sirus started.

“You love to say I told you so,” James and Remus said almost in unison near the kitchen. You felt a tired smile creep on the corners of your mouth. 

“Okay fine, but what I’m trying to say is, let us help you. It feels so much better than running yourself ragged all alone. I know because I tried, and this,” he gestured around him, to the sight of Remus and James cooking in practiced turns through the kitchen door, “this is exactly what I needed.” 

[straows]

Love me kindly; Sukuna R.

Request: @sejel

—In which, Sukuna wants to deserve you and your love, but he can't help but be a little bitch sometimes.

A/n: High asf rn, I struggled like a mf on salvia tryna right ts. Hope you like it anyway, got lost in the sauce n forgot what the request was like halfway thru

Sukuna tries. He tries hard, but for someone as old and something emotionally stupid as him, he fucks up.

Like now.

“Baby can I have a hug? My-“ You’d just gotten out of an argument with him. But you just wanted to be held, feel his affection love close to you and your heart.

“No.” It was blunt, and sharp. Fuck man he didn’t even look at you. Just kept doing whatever the hell he was trying to keep busy with.

You could only look at him. Your bottom lip quivering slightly and your throat feeling tight as you try not to cry. With a sigh, you just walk away.

Because you don’t know what he’s thinking,

You don’t know that he’s mentally strangling himself because why the fuck would he say that to you? He knew he messed up. Fuck he did, but he just didn’t feel like he deserved your love, your touch. He’d just got done hollering at you for trying to get in the garden again and help, because why do you keep doing servant work when you are basically his queen?

He could feel your soul quiver.

“Fuck.” Running a heavy hand over his face, he sat down on the bed. Thinking about a way to approach this, approach you.

You, who despite him being a dick 24/7, love and cherish him. You, the woman of his literal dreams.

But Sukuna didn’t apologize. No matter what. Not even when it’s time for bed, and you don’t crawl into his arms like you usually do. You cling to the other side of the albeit massive bed.

He doesn’t reach for you either.

But he can feel it, he can feel how it’s effecting you, and regardless, he doesn’t apologize. He won’t lower himself to that.

Not yet at least.

It was cold that night, but despite everything in you that just wanted to crawl into literal monsters arms beside you, you stay glued to the edge, curled into a little ball as you shiver yourself to sleep. All pitiful, pissed and precious.

It carried on.

And on…

…and on.

You wouldn’t touch him, wouldn’t eat with him, wouldn’t be near him. Because of course you thought he was tired of you. He didn’t try to reach for you either, he didn’t approach you. Fuck, at one point you even thought he was entertaining new concubines.

The distance was wide enough that you even started sleeping in the chamber with the servants again.

But after a night or so of that, of you not even sleeping in the same room with him? No no. Something had to change.

Your silence, your absence, your stubborn attitude had broken him down, even his pride couldn’t handle you ignoring him. Even though he really wasn’t any better.

Sukuna had tracked you down the second night you tried to sleep in the servants chambers. He easily pulled you out of there, ignoring your demands to let you go and to go away.

He dragged you literally all the way back up to your shared chambers. Sat you down on that bed and glared at you. Arms crossed and a pissed off look on his face.

“Woman, you have tested my patience and I am at my limit.” His tone was sharp, but it had an almost pleading edge to it.

“What are you even talking about Sukuna?” And there it was. Using his full name and not some loving nickname like you used that really broke the camels back.

“You will cease this. Whatever this is.” Sukuna demanded.

“I’m not doing anything! You clearly don’t want me anymore so I’m making it easier on you and me.” You snapped. It was dangerous talking to him like that, even you knew, but despite his ignoring you, you knew he wouldn’t hurt you. At least not physically.

“What made you think that?” Sukuna was emotionally stupid. A fucking idiot.

“YOU! You deny me the littlest affections! You ignore me, you don’t even question it when I stop being near you as a whole!” You were loud now, eyes wide and brows furrowed.

Sukuna blinked down at you. Stared actually. Like some weird ass lizard.

“Woman, it wasn’t like that.” Sukuna felt a headache start to come on. He couldn’t handle this without getting mad. But he was trying really hard.

“Then what’s it like?” Crossing your arms, looked up at like he just pissed in your cereal.

“I didn’t feel like I-… I didn’t want to hug you because I’d just— brat you know what I mean.” Sukuna huffed.

“No I don’t. Explain it to me. Like I’m five.”

“I didn’t think I deserved your affections so soon after making you so upset. I was trying to be gentle with you.” Sukuna glared down at you, feeling unbearably awkward after saying shit like that.

You just stared up at him. Before softening, “are you being serious?”

“I do not joke.”

“Just hold me damnit.”

“Fine.”

You spent that night wrapped in each others arms. And as punishment, at least as much as you can punish a man as big as Sukuna, you braid tight as shit braids into his scalp.

[globaloppaaa]

boyfriend jungwon who climbs through your bedroom window because he physically cannot be away from you for too long. no matter the time, no matter the weather, he’s adamant on finding moments to be with you. He proves himself too stubborn to wait another day as he taps on your window, and initially the noise shocks you, before quickly turning to worry as your eyes unfocus from the rain pouring down your window and onto the sight of your boyfriend completely drenched. He wears a bright grin that could dry the gloomy weather if he tried, but you’re more concerned with the puddle he’s about to leave on your floor, and what kind of cold he’ll contract by morning.

“wonnie you’re soaked”

“I just couldn’t wait to see you”

he climbs through, eyes never leaving you and his shirt you’ve adorned to bed. it slips off your shoulder from being oversized, and the sight alone brightens his smile. The way you fidget with the fabric for extra comfort warms his shivering heart. one hands finds your waist, pulling you closer as the wetness from his fingertips begin to bleed through the fabric of your clothes. He finds your cheek with the other as he looks at you, long and soft, like he hasn’t seen you in ages.

“you look cold, baby.”

“says you Won, you’re soaking wet.”

“how about i go dry off and you can warm me up, hm?”

You look away, flustered at the fact he still has a flirty glint in his eyes despite the water dripping from his hair on your carpet. His hand holds your chin, lifting it to refocus on his face as he studies you.

“use your words, love.”

“mhm, i’ll be waiting.” you manage to muster. His fingers gently trail off your side, as you move to find him a towel and some dry clothes. His eyes stay on your figure, you can feel them on you. Not predatory or sensual, but grateful and loving, like part of him still can’t believe he gets to greet you every night he makes the journey through your window.

And when he returns from drying up, crawling above your figure that rests against the headboard. He presses a soft kiss to your forehead, nose nudging yours playfully before moving his lips down to yours. He’s intoxicatingly sweet, whispering gently in between breaths.

“Thank you for taking care of me, love.”

“ ‘m gonna do this more often. Missed you too much.”

His voice is dripping with sweetness, eyes soft as he watches you chuckle before you pull him closer. He rests his head in the crook of your neck, arms naturally wrapping themselves around your waist. His hair is damp pressing against your cheek, but you kiss it anyway. jungwon closes his eyes in bliss, safe in your arms amidst the storm thundering outside. when the world or the weather separate your paths, he always finds his way back to you.

[rottingghosty]

The Realms PR | DC X DP Part 2

this isn’t as good in my thoughts because writing as bruce??? really hard. how am i supposed to write a paranoid man if i am the most chillest person i can be… anyway heres your part 2 food of this au, not sure if i’ll continue writing more parts? depends on how i feel.

errors are made and sorry the the lackluster performance this might be

if you want to use my prompt please give me credits thank you

☁️☁️☁️☁️

Danny very much prefers to have nobody intervene on his business as the vigilante of Amity Park. He’s essentially called dibs on it if you consider the fact that the entire town is basically his metaphorical grave since it’s his haunt and he did die to make the portal to the Ghost Zone open. He very much ignores that specific can of worms because that’s a heavy topic that he won’t ever talk about because Spectra really ruined his own outlook on professionals. Jazz will most likely want to open that can but that’s for future Danny.

Where was he? Oh yeah.

Danny very much likes being a solo hero with his friends and sister aiding when they can. He very much dislikes the fact that people have been trying to enter his haunt without permission. Does he know why people who tried to pass through Amity Park suddenly find themselves back at where the welcome sign is? No. Is he going to ask? Also no because it allows the residents and himself privacy even when he’s got the GIW on his tail or even his own parents.

He’s not going to rebuke this gift especially with his influx of fame. Which reminds Danny that he needs to post a new tweet, maybe a video of Cujo playing with the kids in the park from a few days ago? He figures people would be more interested if they knew a ghost dog existed. Maybe he can include one of Ember’s concerts or something.

Man he has so many videos to post and such little time to do so, but he thinks Sam and Tucker are having fun being his PR team with the way Sam had a manic gleam in her eyes when Lois Lane and Clark Kent sent her a message of twitter asking for an interview. All while Tucker basically going giddy at Red Robin and Oracle trying to get through the firewall that’s blocking Amity Park from eyes being too close for all their comforts.

Bruce Wayne stared intently at the video before him, it was only thirty seconds but it was thirty seconds enough to cause him to tighten his grip on the arm rests of his chair in the Batcave. His blue eyes staring down at the figure in the video as it replayed on loop. His shoulders tense and bunched up as he inhaled sharply at the frame that happened ten seconds in.

Because right there, staring up at the camera looked too much like Jason. It looked too much like his boy, his son that he had lost when Jason was only fifteen. Normally he would’ve brushed it off but it was the way that it then shifted into Dick, Steph, Tim and then Damian—

Ancient of Hope is what Phantom had called them, the embodiment of hope and how its form switched to what people believed in. Apparently it looked so much like the Robins of Gotham because Gotham was— is the biggest source of hope there is. Yet, this was an unknown.

Bruce couldn’t trust a word that Phantom said, ghosts are an unknown. Trying to get Constantine to talk about it was a struggle itself, the equivalent of trying to pull teeth out because the man was equally as stubborn as Bruce and it was even worse when the man had cursed up a storm when they had a meeting about Phantom’s first videos.

Ghosts are a variable in an equation that Bruce is trying to solve but he simply can’t force his way into solving it, not when this whole thing has turned into a diplomatic nightmare with the fact that Oa has started pressuring the US government about the mistreatment of the Infinite Realms beings.

The Justice League Dark even adding in the pressure— Deadman being one of the more outspoken members as he explained as much as he knew about the Infinite Realms despite not quite qualifying as one of their residents but still considered as one in an odd way. Constantine grumbling about as he came and went, saying how the Ghost Investigation Ward could’ve started a war or destroyed everyone.

Clark and Lane were writing up articles, having conversations with the PR Team of Phantom— two teenagers who were involved heavily and considered ambassadors to the Realms because of their connection to Phantom.

Phantom who is the High King. Phantom who doesn’t want his subjects hunted anymore and took a peaceful route instead of simply declaring war.

Bruce takes a heavier breath, jaw clenched as he watched the video loop one more time before the closed the tab to look more into the GIW and their backers, eyes narrowing in two names.

Vladimir Masters and Lex Luthor.

[bibluebutterfly]

I think the beautiful thing about the Broppy relationship is how they impact one another.

Branch’s impact on Poppy is the most obvious in the movies because he’s the one who teaches her to calm down and listen.

But what I think people overlook is the fact that despite her flaws, Poppy never gave up on Branch. Because as cute as they are now, there was a time when Branch was actually pretty cruel to her (ie. Putting her down, smashing her custom made invitations for him in front of her face, mocking her ideals, etc) and probably had been treating her like that for years before movie #1.

Everyone else had given up on him, basically deeming him as a lost cause, but Poppy never stopped trying. Yes Branch got on her nerves and hurt her feelings, and as far as she knew he would just throw her invitations away afterwards. Yet despite that she still put in the effort to make him custom invitations and genuinely want him to be there.

And even though he never dared express it, those efforts meant something to him.

Like we love Branch, but I don’t think we give Poppy enough credit for her role in Branch’s life. He was unkind (to put it lightly) to her for years, but despite that she never held any resentment towards him and still felt that he deserved to be happy. And by that incredible persistence, she worked her way into his heart.

See, Branch is a character who is completely used to tragedy and people he loves leaving in his life. So that’s partially why he pushed Poppy away and treated her so poorly. But despite that, Poppy was always THERE. She was with him when literally nobody else was. She was naive, optimistic and annoying, but she was there. Always putting the effort to be his friend, and the only one who had any sort of faith in him. He may have been isolated, but because of Poppy he was never truly alone. And even if it irked him, he still appreciated that.

And when somebody sticks with you literally no matter what, it’s not surprising that he fell more than a little bit in love.

As for Poppy, she’s slowly becoming aware that she can be a bit much sometimes. She always wants the best for her people but she doesn’t always know how to do that. Branch, even if originally rude about it, has always been able to give it to her straight. And even if he pretended not to care, he still had her back when it mattered the most. And after number one, it looks like he has her back more than ever while still being able to be the voice of reason. Which yes, Poppy definitely needs.

(Gah I wish I could put more pictures to elaborate my point but y’all get it.)

Anyway. They’re not perfect characters, but they are perfect for each other. Branch supports Poppy but gives it to her flat out. Meanwhile Poppy too supports Branch and is stubborn enough to stick by him, even when he’ll intentionally and/or unintentionally push her away. And that’s just gorgeous.

[miniimight]

❝ CAN YOU STOP PUTTING EVERYTHING ON THE TOP SHELVES?! ❞ you finally talk to him after a little argument ( height difference )

with deku, bakugou, rody

IZUKU

he tried to look nonchalant as he responded with a questioning hum. yeah, he was putting stuff on the top shelves. "hmm, what?"

you crossed your arms and glared at him. "you heard me."

he turned to you with the picture of innocence plastered on his face. "i don't know what you mean, i just put things where i put them. it just happens that they're high up."

you raised an accusatory eyebrow.

"for you, anyway." he mumbled, turning back to make his sandwich.

"exactly!" you exclaimed. "for me! you know i can't reach things up there and you do it on purpose!" you found your face was hot as you explained it.

you knew exactly why—you both had gotten into a little fight and you weren't talking to him for a while. this was the first time you had spoken since the argument, and even though you were yelling at him, your voice was music to his ears.

a small smile spread on his face despite his efforts to feign innocence. "on purpose?"

"yes!"

he paused, walking towards you. his disregard for space led to you being crammed against the counter behind you. he leaned over you and asked, "what it is that you need, love?"

your cheeks heated and you cast your gaze to the floor. "the box up there..." you murmured. he stretched to reach it and you flattened your palms against his chest. "izuku! you're squishing me—!"

he chuckled and brought the box down to the counter before kissing your forehead. "i'm glad we're talking again."

BAKUGO

"what was that?" he asked you, a knowing smirk on his face.

you huffed, already on top the counter trying (and failing) to reach the stupid box you needed. "i said stop putting shit on the top shelves. you know i can't reach it."

he shrugged, turning his attention back to his phone. "i dunno what you're talkin' about, princess."

you glared and pointed to the box. "you don't even use it?!"

"aw, don't jump the gun on me now, babe. you know i like to switch things up a lil' bit." he grinned, taking so much joy in your visible frustration. he was just happy you were speaking with him again.

you rolled your eyes, electing to ignore him as you tried your best not to fall off the surface or pull the cabinet down with you.

bakugo eyed you carefully as he threw away the thought of you begging for his help, reluctantly decided your immediate safety was more important. "'kay, that's enough." he walked over, his hands on your hips steadying your wobbly movement. "you'll hurt yourself, y/n. come down."

"i want that stupid box..." you pouted.

he rolled his eyes, his arms now circling around you as he lifted you off the counter. you gasped and curled your legs towards your body, clutching his wrists.

"oh, relax, you know i won't drop ya." he grumbled and set you down next to him. he easily plucked the box from its high perch, handing it to you.

"happy now?" he pinched your cheek. "stubborn brat. could've broken a bone or somethin'."

RODY

"what, having trouble sweetheart?" he snickered.

your face heated and you huffed. "rody... just get it for me, please."

"hmmm..." he pretended he was thinking hard. "i think... no."

you looked at him incredulously. "no? you put it up there!"

"i so did not." he turned up his nose, though pino was smiling and nodding her head.

you narrowed your eyes at him. "you're sabotaging me into breaking your silent treatment."

"whaaaat?" he exaggerated confusion. he held his head and pointed at himself dumbly. "me?"

"you're impossible." you rolled your eyes, moving to climb onto the counter.

"in any case, my plan worked wonderfully," his signature smirk graced his lips as he laughed softly, leaning against the wall to survey your distress.

your fingers just about brushed the side of the box before pino crashed into it, sending it further back and completely out of your reach. you swiveled to glare at the little pink bird. "pino!"

she bashfully twirled in the air before happily fluttering away.

rody's laughter filled your ears and you groaned, resting your head against the shelf. you heard shuffling—when you looked up, rody and his stupid smug smirk was beside you, easily bringing the box down.

"now we both look stupid, yeah?" he pressed a fat kiss on your cheek and softened when you laughed brightly.

© miniimight ! thanks for reading &lt;3

[boopshoops]

What your favorite TWST character says about you :)

As a note before I begin: I saw one of these that shamed malleus and randomly even chenya enjoyers- (claimed that they were pick mes or something? 😭) so i wanted to make one that was more positive out of spite <3 make it more about the writing and why people appreciate the characters. Take each of these with a grain of salt i spose- also a lot of them share similar themes <3

(Aka fans who have different views or even blatantly incorrect views of characters will always exist everywhere, but insulting the entirety of a group solely for enjoying a character, many for different reasons, is probably not a great idea!

I get that sometimes people suck and thats understandable, but quit generalizing ok? Ok.

From a malleus enjoyer who just thinks hes a silly little guy and im tired of feeling like i have to defend myself bc he's my blorbo 😵‍💫)

Final note: i love unapologetically taking frustration and turning it into something that can make people smile 💕 also i blindly wrote this from 11pm-midnight :))) dividers by @/cafekitsune!

Heartslabyul:

Riddle: you enjoy and/or relate to the idea of healing from the past. Working hard to improve oneself for the ones around you and yourself: creating a healthier environment where you can be happy

Trey: there is immense complexity in things that are seemingly mundane. Digging deeper and deeper to find something truly sweet and heart warming is your joy.

Cater: maybe you relate, or maybe you used to, or maybe parts of the connections made in the past/presence/future dont feel as deep as you truly want them to be. There is something beautiful about a desire for genuine human connection, but also peace in being alone. There is a safe space for you yet, just be patient. 💕

Deuce: you love drive and determination. An endless stubbornness that keeps one going against all odds. Against every person who tells someone they cant. You watch them get proven wrong, and its pure bliss.

Ace: you find the connection between people beyond words heartwarming: even the seemingly simple ones. The ability to have a connection with someone who can get up to some mischief, tease back and forth, yet be there when you need them to be one of the most valuable things.

Savanaclaw:

Leona: Adversity over a lack of belief in oneself is a very difficult thing to overcome- yet it is very possible with the right crowd, the right amount of time, healing, and effort. You think someone's worth lies more than just within their title/job/appearance, but within the fact that they are able to stand back up and keep moving onward despite the odds. The hope for that change, and the ability to get out of bed in the morning on its own is strength.

Ruggie: Despite being through so much trauma at such a young age, recovery happens anyway. Its not perfect, at times the lessons learned are even rough. The survival tactics that once helped are now hard to ditch when theyre not needed anymore, but the ability to smile and joke and keep pushing onwards is something you value in life.

Jack: Self discipline can be both extremely useful as well as harmful in different ways. You find the way people can constantly strive to better themselves at what they love and/or morally to be highly admirable.

Octavinelle:

Azul: People can be cruel. And sometimes that cruelty inspires cruelty. Sometimes its simply used as a way to move on and survive insecurities created from it. Its hard, its a fight, but those insecurities are part of what make people beautiful. They are nothing to be ashamed of, and even the many tactics and smart ways of learning to overcome cruelness can be beautiful too.

Jade: The mind is extremely powerful. Intelligence and knowledge are not the only important things, no. Using that intel to find entertainment in the surrounding world can be exhilarating. Finding and discovering new unknowns: learning their ins and outs until they're a part of you is something you can relate to.

Floyd: speaking of fun- you love what is essentially the written version of a roller coaster. Ups and downs, ins and outs. Every single twist and turn is exhilarating and new. Every different perspective provides new insight into a multitude of different things. You are along for the ride, and you are having a lovely time.

Scarabia:

Jamil: self discovery can be very difficult after purposefully suppressing parts of one's self for a long time. Yet, the healing happens anyway (once again aha <3). People discover new parts of themselves, slowly becoming more comfortable not only with their environment, but how they react to it. The discovery is freedom, and freedom is bliss to you. New traits about oneself bloom like a flower: if not in the soil, then stubbornly in the cracks of cement. You gently take that bloom from the concrete and pot it, placing it gingerly in a beam of sunlight.

Kalim: Happiness isnt only sunshine to the one smiling, but to everyone else around them. It is delightfully infectious. However, happiness isnt a constant. You think emotions all emotions should be experienced rather than suppressed, because holding back sadness for the sake of others is a disservice to one's self. Discovering your own emotions, any range of them, is what makes people uniquely human. If anyone is holding those emotions back- hell, any part of them back, they need to be let out of the cage.

Pomefiore:

Vil: "Beauty is on the inside" is a saying thats been around for a long time, but beauty comes in so many forms. It can come from the stubborn desire to improve one's self: to be kinder, to help those around you, to be good. However it is impossible to be perfect. At times, for some, this can be crushing. People are hurt unintentionally, natural frustration can brew, the wrong actions can be taken: and thats okay. You believe whats important is to pick yourself up and keep going. To err is to be human, and that is beautiful too.

Rook: Error is beautiful. Symmetry is beautiful. Asymmetry is beautiful. A crack in the side walk is beautiful. Small things are beautiful, big things are beautiful. The nurturing of something through endless care is beautiful. The undeniable traits and hobbies of every individual that make them unique are beautiful. You find the endless optimism in finding beauty to be, in itself, beautiful.

Epel: Sometimes people will view others in ways that they wish not to be perceived as. This isnt in our control, as much as we sometimes want it to be. All you can do i be unapologetically yourself. To be you to the utmost degree. To prove those who thought otherwise to be foolish. You find this strength to find value in yourself despite others opinions admirable.

Ignihyde:

Idia: you have depression /j

Ok for real-

Life can be such a cunt. It can beat a person down, down, down and leave them vulnerable enough to fear it. To fear that beating, whenever it may next come. The anxiety of never knowing what or who will come next, or what one could lose. At times it feels more comforting to find a routine in solitude. But you know that the small things that give joy will wiggle their way in with time. The broken will meet people who love and care and find comfort in the companionship of healing, even from the little things: like a new story to read or game to play.

Ortho: You value unconditional support. Support through everything: the good, the bad, the just kind of okay. Knowing that someone can have ones back for every little thing- to be there solely because they care and wish the best for others- is something you look up to and maybe even wish to be for another.

Diasomnia:

Malleus: god damn people can be so hard to read and understand. They are so complicated: they are books you have to pay attention to from start to finish. But once you reach the end, you have a deep seated appreciation for them, and for the ones who stuck around to read your book too. Even if it was just for a fleeting moment: it is a happy moment. As painful as temporary things can be, it is also what you think can make the relationships we love and have loved so valuable.

Lilia: there can be suffering everywhere. There is war. There is famine. But there are also endless new sights to see. New discoveries to be made to help those still going through famine and war. New ways to love and understand people you never thought you'd understand. The development and positive parts of humanity, even though at times it can look bleak, are ever present to you. You love the discovery: of places and of people.

Silver: you believe that there is solace in being your own individual, regardless of who you are bound by blood to. Being shaped my experiences, friends, hardships, and new places are what make a person who they are. You value finding roots in and making your own home.

Sebek: Dedication can be a hard thing to come by, but when it does it can grab someone by the reigns. Using every waking moment to cherish that thing, learn more about it, become better at something, and strive to better ones self can be very admirable to you. But, on the other hand, it also calls for the occasional rest.

OTHER (just for ones I know well enough, sorry!)

Neige: You love kindness despite hardship. One can go through horrible things and still choose to be kind. The world could begin to end, and one could still choose to be kind, because it means everything.

Chenya: Curiosity fuels exploration. It fuels art. It fuels everything. It fuels excitement. It fuels friendships. It fuels medicine. It fuels life. Curiosity is endlessly fun, and you think that is very whimsical

Meleanor: Sacrifice for others can be tragic. Knowing what another person has given up for someone else, maybe even everything, is gut wrenching but undeniably a selfless love to you.

Crewel: There can be kindness in strictness. In teachings, there can be a parental guide. There can be someone who cares for you and undeniably wants you to succeed. They know that you can, so they push you towards it. You want this support.

Trein: Love surpasses time. When the ones we love are gone, the memories of them are still held close, with the love once given to them, we can show to others through advice and guidance that comes with time. You find comfort in that.

Crowley: People are flawed. We all know this, yet despite a persons flaws... however many there may be, there is still something hopeful and human about it. About having those flaws and persisting regardless. You may even like those flaws, and the unashamed desire to press on even with them on display.

Fellow/Ernesto: Live for yourself. This is what you desire. People are often caught up in material or monetary things. After all, we live in a world that required it to survive and even be respected. To throw away those views and simply live as you see fit: regardless as to whether you earn those things or not, is something you admire.

Rollo: Sometimes the attachment we have to those we lost can be painful. Regardless, that pain is proof that there was care and love. The things done for others, whether alive or dead, are done selflessly. Grief can fuel hatred, but it can also be caused by love. To unlearn hatred and learn to love again after the fear of loss is a natural human experience. It is a process you understand and admire those who take the time and strength needed to properly love again.

Thank you for reading <3

Tags <3

@lowcallyfruity @skriblee-ksk @justm3di0cr3 @cecilebutcher @kitwasnothere

@techno-danger @thehollowwriter @distant-velleity @the-trinket-witch @scint1llat3

@beneathsakurashade @qsoap @twsted-canvas @prince-kallisto @kathxrat-01

@sillyslipperybananapeel @jadelover69 @tixdixl @twstinginthewind

[zeizeizeizei]

Unpopular Alucard Headcanons 🦇

🦇 His heartbeat is unnaturally slow

Being a dhampir, his body doesn’t function like a human’s. His heart beats maybe once every few minutes, and when he meditates or sleeps deeply, it slows to an almost undetectable level. This makes it easy for people to mistake him for dead if they don’t know better.

🦇 Despite his regal demeanor, he can be incredibly stubborn

He gets this from both of his parents. While he is generally composed, he can be surprisingly headstrong when he believes he is right.

🦇 He secretly enjoys being around people but isolates himself out of guilt

While many see him as a lone figure, he actually enjoys companionship but feels unworthy of it due to his lineage and the weight of his past.

🦇 He sometimes forgets what his own voice sounds like

Spending long periods alone in the castle means Alucard can go days, weeks, or even months without speaking. Sometimes, when he finally does, his voice comes out quieter than expected, or he startles himself by how deep it is.

🦇 He has never truly celebrated his birthday

While he knows the day he was born, it has never been a day of joy for him. His mother may have marked the occasion with warmth, but after her death, he stopped acknowledging it altogether. He wonders if Dracula ever remembered.

🦇 He used to sing as a child but no longer does

Lisa encouraged him to sing when he was young, and his voice was light and pure. However, after losing his mother, he never found the heart to sing again. He still hums absentmindedly when lost in thought, though he never realizes he’s doing it.

🦇 His laugh is rare, but it's hauntingly beautiful

Alucard rarely laughs, but when he does, it’s light and musical, almost as if he’s forgotten how to express joy. It has an eerie, mesmerizing quality, as if for just a moment, the weight of centuries is lifted from his shoulders.

🦇 He doesn’t need to breathe, but he does anyway

His body doesn’t require oxygen in the same way humans do, but he still breathes out of habit. If he concentrates, he can go completely still, like a statue, for days without any movement.

🦇 His presence subtly affects the environment

When he walks into a room, candles flicker. The air gets cooler when he’s deep in thought. Even when he’s not using magic, something about him bends the space around him slightly, like reality itself acknowledges his unnatural nature.

🦇 His eyes glow in the dark

In dim lighting, his golden eyes reflect ambient light like a predator’s, making them glow faintly. In absolute darkness, they shimmer unnaturally, giving him an almost spectral appearance. It’s one of the reasons he avoids letting people see him at night.

🦇 He sleeps curled up, like a child

When he sleeps, especially during moments of vulnerability, he instinctively curls in on himself, as if trying to protect himself from something unseen.

🦇 He doesn’t hate his father—but he cannot forgive him either

Despite everything, Alucard still loves his father in a complicated, painful way. He understands Dracula’s grief, but he cannot forgive the destruction he caused.

🦇 He doesn’t like killing, but he is terrifying when he does

Unlike his father, Alucard does not take joy in battle. He fights with precision and restraint, but when truly enraged, he unleashes a level of destruction that unsettles even himself.

🦇 He is both afraid of and drawn to the idea of companionship

He craves connection but fears what it could mean. He has lost everyone he has ever cared for—what if he loses them again? What if he is meant to be alone forever?

🦇 He has considered letting himself die

The thought has crossed his mind more than once. The idea of fading away, of ending the lonely existence he has been trapped in. But something, some tiny ember of his mother’s voice, always tells him to keep going.

🦇 His hands shake when he’s deeply emotional

Whether it’s anger, grief, or overwhelming sorrow, his body betrays him in subtle ways. His fingers tremble, his breath hitches, and for a brief moment, the composed prince looks like a lost boy.

🦇 He can smell emotions

His sense of smell isn’t just sharp—it’s supernatural. He can pick up traces of emotions like fear, anger, or sorrow as subtle shifts in scent, which is why he’s eerily good at reading people even when they try to hide their true feelings.

🦇 He wonders what his mother would think of him now

More than anything, he wishes Lisa could see him—not just as the boy she raised, but as the man he has become. Would she be proud? Would she be sad? He will never know, and that is perhaps the greatest tragedy of all.

Source: my 🍑

Enjoy.