#feels good to be back and ~editing haha promise I'll get more into writing

[littlegreenpinetree]

Hey so I'm officially at this point where I had to come in here to scream at you about your insane fic, cause it's time. As promised, I've had one hell of a serotonin comedown these past two days where I'm scouring the Internet for a similarly unreachable level of dadmight high (and failing) so I did just burst into tears for like 30 seconds earlier today lmao (tho my satans monthly sacrifice did start yesterday so that could be it). Your fic is so so so well written, and pacing is incredible, and the plot, the characterisation, the dynamics? Incredibly satisfying. Everything I wanted and even more of things I didn't know I needed. A lot of long, incredibly well written, well loved pieces of writing happens to be very romance oriented (which I'm in no way complaining btw, love a good romance like many people) but maybe because I fall in the ace spectrum, just well fleshed out platonic dynamics make me incredibly feral, especially when it's sometimes so HARD to find them. And then fics like yours cross my path once in a while and it's everything. Sorry for being intense about this but to give you an idea, I picked up my sketchbook for the first time in probably 4 or 5 years today. My life's been kinda, off kilter ig since I moved here and started uni, so even after getting through depression and everything (yay grayscale winters!) it sometimes feels like I still haven't gotten on the wagon completely. Just. A lot of love for not only writing this fic (and putting an incredible amount of work into it) but also deciding to share it with the rest of us. I really really appreciate it, and I wish only the best for you. Also good luck with your move! (Unsure if it's already happened but I vaguely remember it being on a weekend, so next weekend?) Unsure if you're a local but if you need an extra pair of hands to help out (you're moving internationally yes?) let me know (or not cause we're literally strangers lmao what am I saying but I do mean it if you're super fucked with the move) cause couple of months ago I moved and doing all that shit alone was insane and it was only across town. I have a bunch of questions about the fic actually, so I'll either do another ask or go back to the comments. Good luck!

-cross

So I am kinda late to this because I am trying to spend time these days writing my final papers but instead I spend my every waking hour procrastrinating it so hard that I'm getting to some critical point

First of all DO NOT apologise for being intense I love that so much! I am intense. I love intense reactions to my art. It's this whole thing, I am now in the middle of a conversation with my friends about how art is a dialogue and this type of art is made for reactions from people, for having that art loved and appreciated and for driving people insane with it <3 and I am so glad all of these were accomplished

Sadly I do not thing I can help you with this dadmight void, my friend ventea does write some dadmight stuff but nothing has gotten to this length haha. I am personally not even sure how or why I wrote it, I somehow sat down during summer holidays and planned the whole fic over the course of 2-3 days and then I wrote it in 3 months (it is written, just very unedited so what I'm doing in free time is editing new chapters before posting them). A fever dream, I swear

And yea! I am aroace and autistic so I need more excellent and well-developed stories where romance is not the focus or not the only relationship. I also find different unique relationship types interesting to explore in fiction and the fact that people seem so fixated on just one type gets annoying ngl

(fun fact in my dnd campaign one of the most important relationships for my character was, in fact, romance, but now he's grieving because he thinks the one he loved is dead, and it will get complicated <3 essentially they trauma bonded and so even if they manage to solve the Problems, it would take effort from both of them to heal and solve the issues they would so certainly have)

FUN FACT i saw your ask when I woke up like 2 days ago? and I was in bed and when I saw you say you picked up a sketchbook I audibly gasped and I said something out loud but I don't remember what but ahhhhhh! ah ah ah! omg that is the best feeling <3 that is so great that is so cool and I am both happy with myself that my art did that, and happy for you! I have also dropped art for a while during pandemic and only picked it up again properly last year and the feeling is GREAT

Finally, thank you, I am not moving! But I am going to Ecuador for a month for a fieldtrip related to my studies, which is very exciting and it's hard to believe it's real at this point, but it is and it's happening so soon!

And feel free to ask me any questions you want about the fic <3 I will do my best to reply haha

[cubedmango]

hi, long time no message but this is kr anon - i just saw that you recently finished all (?) of build and i wanted to say congrats!! 🎉 and gotta say i really love the gentoku fanart/redraw you posted lmao, that meme really is him to a t (esp. after ep. 20 and before his turning point in like ep. 40) 😭 ngl i did think you would enjoy his overall arc, but i didn't expect you'd be that much of a gentoku stan by the end hfkhjwrfhs good for you though!! (also remember when i brought up aa/build parallels or what aa characters, especially the canon toku fans, would think of build, and i felt like if not misora bc of the similarities they share (more on this another time, though i also think sento and his dad's relationship has shades of maya and mia's relationship with misty), maya would be a fan of [redacted]? yeah i was talking about gentoku lol) and maybe we'll be seeing some more build fanart/content from you soon, if you're up for it? 👀

btw so sorry for the months-long radio silence, but it took far longer than originally expected for me to finish the rest of the show and its movies (excluding the v-cines for now, so you have one over me there lol, plus i also haven't seen the specials/webseries and the build episodes of zi-o, and some of those recent episodes of kr outsiders ig) especially with life getting busier and more hectic for me in general (university life and all), but let me just sum it up for now as me having enjoyed the ride from start to finish, even with some bumps along the way 🥹❤ [1/?]

(rest below)

sadly i don't have time rn to write/share my usual long responses to your commentary and stuff, though i actually started writing a reply to your answers from when i sent my last messages, back in march i think? 😅 i would have loved having more of episodic discussions/episode-by-episode breakdowns with you as you went along, but since you beat me to it by finishing the series on your own (which is totally understandable dw, esp. since i really didn't message you anything for the last several months), it won't be necessary anymore ig but i still want to eventually share that original reply i'd been writing so it won't feel wasted haha, and along with what i'd promised would be my overall review of everything i've seen so far, i'll do my best to send these messages to you by this weekend now 🫡 in the meantime, feel free to rant and ramble about build (like, ryusen truly is one brain chemistry-altering ship for the ages huh... makes me feel very 'go crazy go stupid' 😭) at me, even wrt the stuff i haven't seen yet bc i know the gist of them anyway, and i'll also be sharing some more links to build tumblr posts and tweets like before - though i see you've already started rbing more build fanart and edits (not sure if you based them on what i included in my original compilation though or if you've been combing through the build tumblr tags already?) so i'll have to make sure the ones i'll link rn aren't ones you've rbed already [2/?]

also when you say you think you've finished all of build, does that mean you've seen both hei gen final & forever + the specials/webseries + the build episodes of zi-o? or are you planning to only watch those at a later point, like the movies will be for after you've seen the other seasons they're crossing over with? but also no pressure if you just don't want to watch them rn for whatever reason, but just in case you do want to or you just want to keep the proper order in mind wrt at which point of the main show the specials or movies are situated in if you've seen all or most already (though i assume you've more or less checked the order from when you started watching the spin-offs after finishing the show): [3/?]

eps. 1-14 -> heisei generations final -> eps. 16-19 -> birth! kuma-televi!! vs. kr grease hyper battle dvd -> eps. 20-21 --> raising the hazard level with 7 best matches special & rogue miniseries -> eps. 22-41 -> kr prime rogue hyper battle dvd -> eps. 42-45 -> be the one movie -> eps. 46-49 -> final stage stageplay (though this was technically set during the actual finale, as you've seen) -> eps. 1-2 and eps. 1.5-2.5 of the succeeding season zi-o (since zi-o is basically an anniversary season celebrating 20 kr shows since 2000, thus basically being a giant crossover show like its spiritual predecessor decade and primarily consisting of arcs of like 2-3 episodes paying tribute to a certain season (sometimes actually featuring one or more actors from that season - not necessarily the actor for the mc though - and sometimes not if there are scheduling conflicts, etc.), and so is the 20th and final heisei kr show before zero-one marked the start of reiwa, though the timeline shenanigans here are so wonky and weird that you don't really have to consider these eps. canon if you want)

-> heisei generations forever (officially non-canon to the main timelines of both build and zi-o, though still a good enough homage to build's main story with a decent amount of ryusen) -> build new world: kr cross-z -> i heard the idol otaku is dating his fav special (basically just kazumi/misora nonsense from what i've heard, unfortunately) -> build new world: kr grease (i saw that you weren't keen on both new world movies as most build fans i know also weren't esp. bc of the het shenanigans (+ the weird evolt stuff that i've heard kinda feels like it's invalidating we already saw/learned in the main show, and it feels more like they just brought him back because they were milking his sheer popularity as a kr villain) that are apparently pretty typical of v-cine movies when compared to heavier gay coding in the main shows, sadly, so you can also take a page out of those other fans' book and not consider the nw movies canon or only cherrypicking the elements you like, but wrt the banjou stuff in cross-z specifically, i don't think him and yui are meant to be an unambiguously canon couple the way kazumi/misora and gentoku/sawa became in grease, as you can see a clear difference in how romantic both latter couples acted (even if i don't like both lmao, though i tolerate gentoku/sawa more than i do kazumi/misora simply bc i think g/s has funnier scenes than k/m, even with gentoku's unnecessary sexual proposition towards sawa in ep. 1 back when he was evil) vs. b/y, and also just the way banjou treated kasumi, his only 100% clearly canon girlfriend, vs. how he treated yui up to the end of the movie, and the girlfriend/date/best match comments in the movies seem to feel more like just jokes/trolling in hindsight (esp. since the b/y "date" at the end was literally just them selling stuff *sento* made, like something something sento is always somehow involved with banjou and his girlfriends, or 'girlfriend' in yui's case, so... lol. anyway), and also banjou appears to blatantly check out a shirtless killbas before they find out about him being the villain so ig the bi-coding was technically still going strong, plus the fact that yui just straight up disappears in grease which is supposed to be a direct sequel to cross-z and just isn't mentioned in any way (on which i have some bts info to spill btw, more on that in my next message) while sento and banjou continue to act like partners as usual, and in fact get paired up in a way that sets them alongside the pairing up of k/m and g/s in the same movie - so tl;dr: aside from the fact that we can just straight up ignore those movies, i don't think we have to worry about the yui stuff as a genuine invalidation of ryusen's romantic subtext-that's-practically-text, though it's still unfortunate they tried to pull this shit in the first place even if ultimately very half-assed and halfhearted, and you just kinda have to laugh at the audacity of doing all that *after* banjou made his little speech about sento being his hero, like you said)

-> kr jeanne and kr aguilera with girls remix (a revice spin-off included here on a technicality bc of sawa's presence, along with female characters from a few other kr seasons both in the heisei and reiwa eras alongside the titular female riders who i think i've told you before are the first major example of a lesbian-coded pairing in kr, though iirc they sadly also get hit with some plausible-deniability "they're like family/sisters" comments here though not really in the main show) -> kr outsiders (basically fanservice cash-grab slop from what i've been told that essentially is a suicide squad-esque project where various villains/evil riders from different seasons are assembled to battle a bigger bad guy, and evolt and misora are there in like a couple of episodes so 😔) [4/?]

(also i think there are like a few stageshows - different from the stageplay - that mostly feature the characters as played by suit actors only and are mainly crossovers with other seasons, as seen in this playlist which also includes non-build-related stageshows, youtube . com/playlist?list=PL0DBnMkUNDE3zk9hDvvihG9H_rBv6siTE&si=auHNcClmv4_a93S1, but idk if that covers all of them or if there's some missing, and unfortunately i think most if not all of the videos aren't subbed yet 😅) anyway i'm glad to hear you loved build just like i did, and hope you enjoy the rest of your kr journey! 💕 if you want some recs (for kr or mainstream toku in general), i can give you a brief list based on what i've gathered from other people since i'm also still a beginner for the most part 👍🏼 and thank you so much again in general for entertaining my asks and messages since the beginning last year, i'm just glad to have someone else to talk to about this stuff sjfhfkdhfas [5/?]

the stuff from tumblr: tumblr . com/sleepiestashu/700321086698553344/i-will-never-get-over-this-clip tumblr . com/raimei-p/718407651195748352 tumblr . com/gurayura/638313188734173184 tumblr . com/t-u-i-t-c/697842377983967232/silverwind-inukai-atsuhiro-kamen-rider-build tumblr . com/gurayura/190258714717 tumblr . com/summerrheannan/175883578861 tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/705753172018364416 tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/705934353292836864 tumblr . com/pleuvoire/659804099395600384?source=share tumblr . com/writing-in-sin/706518453622898688 tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/624283580914384896 tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/623545387915083776 tumblr . com/gurayura/190258714717 tumblr . com/keruworld/178191732809/things-that-cant-be-helped-these-two-precious tumblr . com/keshi-zumi/180792173152 tumblr . com/veeranger/179497372829 tumblr . com/keshi-zumi/179900052937/20181109 tumblr . com/takeru-tenkuuji/165057772349/be-the-one tumblr . com/takeru-tenkuuji/172014607710/are-you-ready tumblr . com/takeru-tenkuuji/643767818792370176/had-my-partner-watch-kr-build-and-finish tumblr . com/hiiiiiiiiiiho-blog/187010482966 tumblr . com/tsunflowers/665938709540126720/sento-coded-poses tumblr . com/heartvisor/716129755541405696/whenever-a-weird-t-shirt-crosses-my-dash-i-can tumblr . com/42wv/164432280570/here-comes-dr-pepper tumblr . com/sakurai-keiwa/638006761079685120/so-id-been-watching-kamen-rider tumblr . com/t-u-i-t-c/697714949310513152 tumblr . com/riderontime/667708174309146624/banjou-introducing-himself tumblr . com/peonypaint/682351924868218880/taking-a-spring-walk-together-id-two-digital tumblr . com/riderontime/668542674347982848/while-i-think-sentou-can-actually-express tumblr . com/yucca-persica/682512948095238146/so-im-continuing-my-kamen-rider-journey-and tumblr . com/sakura-neko6/679805498986463232/%E3%81%A1%E3%81%A3%E3%81%A1%E3%82%83%E3%81%84%E3%83%99%E3%82%B9%E3%83%88%E3%83%9E%E3%83%83%E3%83%81-small-best-match-boys tumblr . com/sakura-neko6/682522776141266944 tumblr . com/angeli-cal/681830647152672768/made-this-for-my-boyfriend-and-im-super-proud-of tumblr . com/jade-lop/680046866647449600 tumblr . com/meiuya/679835343407693824 tumblr . com/aokisouta/647356801407434753/best-match-rooftop-cinematic-universe-kamen tumblr . com/gurayura/644571893590032384 tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/643229452004999168/is-he-yknow-mimics-sento-sitting-on-the tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/641224933913083904/delighted-by-the-sento-on-this-shirt-design-3 tumblr . com/gurayura/642737313511866368/because-queenvernage-likes-nose-kisses tumblr . com/chilipepperconverse/749698516994129920/started-a-build-rewatch?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/649592805251022848?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/173938637978/i-should-be-working-right-now-x?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/176282612867?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/182461346822?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/728992489454845954?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/173803704162/sawatari-kazumi-specific-farming-memes?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/177176575102?source=share tumblr . com/kabutoraiger/171151040612/the-real-joke-is-that-banjou-isnt-straight-but?source=share tumblr . com/skeletonflower/747697203006554112/rabbit-tank-sparkling?source=share tumblr . com/m1ontee/746695053897089024/hazard?source=share tumblr . com/cina-full-moon-xanadium/747038237131997184/maekawas-6-year-old-son-sitting-down-to-watch-the?source=share tumblr . com/cina-full-moon-xanadium/747037066263756800?source=share tumblr . com/backtornado/176039367474/build-characters-react-to-you-contracting?source=share tumblr . com/number-one-toku-robot-lover/699306511051227137/sorry-but-timetoddddavis-s-tags-on-this-post (ngl seeing this post makes me tear up every time 🥺) tumblr . com/katsuragitakumi/180418205938?source=share (this shit goes so crazy like dhfjgwsjnfs) [6/?]

the stuff from twitter: twitter . com/funkyfunkyradio/status/1779275103596847521?t=psnLYCbT5mZCw4faWyfIZQ&s=19 twitter . com/Ponzu_SHT/status/1781660945946989008?t=Pg4sEboZIQN5vckidseaAA&s=19 twitter . com/KRfights/status/1783857906238079024?t=R1SvsO46XJLL7MxAtzipqw&s=19 (the card in the pic is merch following the Chemy card gimmick of the 2023-2024 season Gotchard, since iirc every new season tends to release merch for previous seasons based on their current gimmick) twitter . com/spidergenome/status/1744784670477386169?t=-1tjcLDe9zG4jLBvqVT2_A&s=19 twitter . com/cynonic/status/1707816360146039062?t=kDrhlIdwWRo0785HtrFqMQ&s=19 twitter . com/YRXCL/status/983380559182282752?t=JGM8aE0XtgCXqJwHcxiUxw&s=19 twitter . com/___racccoon/status/1510534991477805057?t=smM_s1knTKq2uNmv7NDwwg&s=19 twitter . com/JONA0207DIO/status/1643296242536153088?t=IeCo7FtikefmBIAWVDGBxQ&s=19 twitter . com/8038_2gou/status/1750502615866339675?t=5biOP7Vg4ePOwZzeNXlo1A&s=19 twitter . com/P3ACH0520/status/1456516201769623554?t=eMZUeWioRHpiaViI6LRWjw&s=19 twitter . com/P3ACH0520/status/1438183667663204356?t=-zj-0yFcvZdmlFg8691cpw&s=19 twitter . com/P3ACH0520/status/1756927961461395601?t=o3T10kxtFYEQZShzSrG6Vg&s=19 twitter . com/yuro_yuro_yuro/status/1754065358775038247?t=ZPaPsx3ttai0AotqTKHeOg&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1755964588338930078?t=R5IgHSGIJvJN5wTqAmbSoQ&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1756108264259940752?t=HWKUDpWv2ne6bufIxB7ZBQ&s=19 twitter . com/ichippon/status/1745683922086682872?t=XARw2xrhfsvcAPA-uH1xaA&s=19 twitter . com/00x_sio/status/1757760751375421810?t=wbODL8gTEL-RKEwbUZfIFQ&s=19 twitter . com/___racccoon/status/1535042965160067072?t=Qcj6PG8TGaTQWeBS8XUsYQ&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1757767410537353382?t=9h2DHOKD_5gqzvv1JXPjVg&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1756800454690852966?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1756695765785727082?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1756449394038116785?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1757896417312477291?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1758616156921876588?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1759347800146428012?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1761149499076981106?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/TokuStats/status/1759592516599296272?t=1cfA96Ve1zOuemgtvKsong&s=19 twitter . com/totome_17/status/1757758979579724080?t=0w9ZYUUT0MdIco4qbYNnQQ&s=19 twitter . com/1010_mumumu/status/1735287016181694882?t=3tRVABh9xFYcpj-zxECjYA&s=19 twitter . com/sasakura34/status/1672218720599683072?t=fgsjGz7n5F-fI56t5t84Cw&s=19 twitter . com/6W6pig/status/1669966178591346688?t=tM0nhcJVzlnRF63tEQt0xA&s=19 twitter . com/itotk32/status/1644461276071084033?t=A9srwyexOeq1TdYLz1P_VQ&s=19 twitter . com/6W6pig/status/1667937476856659968?t=BN0OxLfsms8b-R3mUmt-aw&s=19 twitter . com/fanzhazhazha1/status/1668911037687689217?t=UmIoxUEBwiUc6ZehH09wWA&s=19 twitter . com/Heyear_0609/status/1668270429142675457?t=hP7Tx-xWtjB1nANSPg5abQ&s=19 twitter . com/6W6pig/status/1620039685920935938?t=vPBjNykZU10DXr1l9YkrWg&s=19 twitter . com/oi_nanndedayo/status/1737450554857812029?t=_QAjrtWq-gJFSkY_2Zi2dQ&s=19 twitter . com/oi_nanndedayo/status/1740709126882365594?t=epUZbphcvxvt0dp3YvtHFg&s=19 twitter . com/KRfights/status/1758546842181063053?t=KbhACtwcvenQSfxmHL7wUQ&s=19 twitter . com/GaMwanG_/status/1759600273763545282?t=eSIBTzMbNDQRPjH9sBPe7g&s=19 twitter . com/st05_uoxou/status/1758821836127957202?t=gIUzv9uALvzjQCJ2Dl2vnA&s=19 twitter . com/mysillycomics/status/1235409655532269568?t=y36Wzm7AIrpelkicXlWfZw&s=19 [7/?]

also i noticed you rbed the ryusen cake by the ocean edit, so i'm linking 2 other edits from the same user (i shared one of them before but idk if you saw them since they might have gotten buried under everything else, so sharing them again just in case): tumblr . com/shirleyjakcson/654666138019594240/i-dont-know-about-this-power-of-science-stuff-you?source=share tumblr . com/shirleyjakcson/654696259298476032/dragon-rabbit-theres-no-way-a-combination-like?source=share and there's also this video that i linked in one of my earliest messages, since i also don't know if you've already seen it youtu . be/-Gjzr5HmmfY?si=-RhP-86SUOTs8Uic and from the same user, here's an out-of-context edit that's a 'comprehensive guide' to kr (aka memes summing up each rider mentioned in the song, which is an abridged version of 'george karizaki's rider system,' a character song for the guy of the same name from the season revice in honor of revice airing in 2021 - kr's 50th anniversary - and which is sung by his actor hamao noritaka and basically lists every rider in the showa era, every primary and secondary rider in the heisei era (excluding kuuga bc no secondary rider in the first place) and for the first 2 seasons in the reiwa era, and every rider in revice's main show), in case you want to pick your next kr season instead based on a meme you want to understand here lol youtu . be/N6zw0IGkUFY?si=fbCsMgploCWMuI0m and since the video doesn't have subs, this page has the lyrics so you can keep up with which rider is which: kamenrider . fandom.com/wiki/George_Karizaki%27s_Rider_System [7/?]

also i think i forgot to mention way before that kasumi's actor risako ito is also known for starring in the 'long long man' commercial, which also aired in 2017 (assuming you don't know about it already as well), and well i just find it funny that apparently this is the kind of stuff she finds herself drawn to acting in like ajfhkjwshs youtu . be/6-1Ue0FFrHY?si=kjyG9FzsqwwVN6a8 and if you want fic recs, i'll just link them next time since these messages are getting longer than i anticipated again (assuming you haven't been reading fics already, too) and a couple more accounts you might want to check out on twitter: the daily build twitter account @ daily__build which posts pictures of the cast both in-character and as themselves (some of which were already in the tumblr posts i shared earlier), which hadn't been updating for a while bc it's run by a brazilian but now it's back, happily + @ tokustats, a lot of whose tweets i included in my previous link compilation, and it's basically sports graphics (mainly nba i think?) edited to fit various toku shows (i think they linked all their build graphics in one thread, but you can also search for the graphics with the hashtag kamenriderbuild). anyway i hope this isn't too overwhelming for you, and feel free as well to take your time in checking everything out :-) [8/8]

KR ANON!! WOAH HI !!!! omg its so great to hear from u again, i hope ur doing good and ur university stuff is going well, it sounds v busy akfjdskjf i understand the grind 100% 😔

as for the stuff ive watched, i finished the main eps first and then went for basically everything i could find that i knew had the build charas/story involved, so the only stuff from everything u mentioned that im missing are the 4 eps from zi-o, the revice spinoff, outsiders and the stageshows. i was thinking of leaving the crossover movies for later at first but then i also didnt wanna wait for if/when i watch ex-aid or zi-o so i just went for them (esp since u mentioned banjou chara development for one of them which i was Rlly curious about) and i enjoyed both, non-canon as they might be akfjdksf.. i think ill check out those zi-o eps but i probs wont watch the whole show (yet at least)

but yeah it rlly was a rollercoaster holy shit that entire final arc in the show was fucked up and evil?? in the best way possible??? i was crying literally the entire last three eps help ... the silly little rabbit w a death wish was too real...... i def saw what u meant by the end bit being weaker but honestly it didnt feel too bad to me, it probably wouldve been better executed if they had more eps to work w (which ik are strictly consistent for every season) + those actors that werent able to film, but i feel like for what they had to work with they did a rlly good job bc i was still hooked and Invested(tm)

i only got to the other stuff afterwards so i didnt rlly watch the whole story in chronological order (which. i probs shouldve???) but i did enjoy those a lot too esp the second stage play as u already saw akfjdksjfkds that and be the one were.... man....... the found family. the ryusen. Kiryuu Fucking Sento. Good Lord. i dont think ill ever recover from the rain and the music box and 'hes my precious partner, our relationship wasnt a fabrication' that was worse than getting stabbed i think

also the rogue spinoff like i went in already liking gentokus chara a Lot after seeing the whole story so i was biased but i think they showed his desperation and spiral into insanity (? if it makes sense) rlly well there, it was def a lot more brutal but somehow i ended up liking the fight scenes in there more than the main story ones maybe bc they didnt have much of the cgi? either way it was a good insight into gentokus past/chara (and a little bit of takumis too who i always like seeing) and now i can Genuinely put him in the 'poor little meow meow who killed people' box so yay :) my silly shirt man i care him :)

then theres the new world movies which.....sigh......... Yeah............ those sure were movies ......... the comphet honestly didnt even bother me that much bc im so used to ignoring when writers pull shit like that (tho the whole banjou/yui thing did give me a fic idea in a way that i started outlining afkjdksgj) but the way they just undid the entire logic of the new world with the point of it being that its entire existence is only possible w evolt and the pandora box no longer existing is just. Eugh. like i get they have to have some sort of villains bc this is toku and the action has to be there but it just makes no sense in the sequel setting where its supposed to be A Normal World.??? we couldve had two movies about ryusen navigating life in this world and slowly finding their family again or smth like that but nope. kill the canon with rocks who even cares /s

anyway yeah i did enjoy the ride overall and im feeling very unwell over these guys so thank u sm again for recommending build it was a great time even tho i took . fucking forever to finish it 😭 also im super down to watch more so if u have recommendations for any other ones pls do share!! one of my mutuals also recd den-o and ryuki so i might go for one of those next and maybe ex-aid too later, but yea if theres any show besides those u think are good id love more recs 👀 ill be looking forward to the review u wanted to send me earlier too im super interested in what u thought abt it

[quiet-nocturne]

ohhh for the writing ask meme how about 11, 20, and 28?

oooh, thank you for the ask!! ok, so: 11. Three tropes that are fine but overrated. honestly, I love a lot of tropes (lol @ myself, earlier, looking through a list of tropes and desperately scrolling to find one I don't love - like literally give me a soulmark au anyday), but the ones that aren't my favorites are: 1. Regency/Royalty AUs - I love, love period dramas, but often I feel like when fics are written with this trope, the characters feel totally off for me. There's not a lot in the royai fandom, but definitely in some other ones I've been in. 2. Virgin!fics - I just don't consider it to be all that accurate (for royai, anyway - it could definitely work more for other fandoms/pairings, depending). Like, even for Riza, I really don't think her back tattoo prevented her from having sex at least once (excluding/before Roy) - in my opinion, anyway! I find general inexperience is more fun to play with then straight up virgin fics. 3. major character death - I will usually avoid reading something involving this, because it usually makes me big sad. :( not that it can't be well done, butttt yeah haha. I love some good angst, but I don't enjoy when it's too angsty. also for royai, I'm like... at least let them have some happiness, jeez?

but honestly, any trope can be cool and interesting depending on how the writer does it! and, like, whatever floats your boat, ya know? 20. Do you work on a single project or many at the same time? How does that work for you? okay, so this depends on my mood, and current wip hyperfixation, but generally I do enjoy working on multiple at once. it's nice to be able to switch between projects when you get stuck... but sometimes it's also nice to focus on one thing.

28. Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?

so writing advice can be very... self-specific, if that makes sense? i find a lot of writing advice out there that's supposed to be geared towards anyone sometimes doesn't always work for everyone. but! a few things that I find helpful for myself are: 1. don't believe the voice in your head telling you that your writing is awful - that is the devil talking, lol. let it sit for a bit, and come back, and I promise that it'll be better when you're reading it using a different mindset. it's happened to me so many times where I'm like "this is fucking awful why did I ever write this" and then I reread it a few days/weeks/months later and I'm like "wait, this is actually good??" it just needs to simmer for a bit. 2. as stated earlier, let your writing sit for a bit, especially while editing, or trying to figure out transitions or plot holes. I'll get really frustrated with an issue sometimes, and believe it's impossible to fix - but mostly that's just me hitting a wall. if I let it sit for a while, and stop reading my own words for a bit (i basically get sick of my own writing lol), then suddenly a lot of the problems are a lot easier to solve. 3. keep a list of words/phrasing that you like - then you have a reference to look at when you're struggling with word choice. super helpful, as I often get stuck with descriptions, and then I have a nice little list to use as reference. 4. skip over stuff that you're struggling with in the initial writing process - can't think of a name? add it later! not sure how to describe something? skip it and come back! don't like your word choice? fix it later! basically don't fixate on small details, as it can always be added in later. this is why I always have to tell myself that editing is not as bad as I blow it up to be in my head, because honestly the best parts of my writing usually happen during the editing process.

i don't know how helpful those are, but yeah!

[grungost]

Hiiiiiiiii :3 (again)

Haha, I would *never* stop posting for almost three quarters of a year... Anyway, Senior years almost over, whatever, more importantly Dragon's Dogma 2 was released and is absolutely incredible. Once again breaking out the superlatives: one of my favorite overall games. Ok, I don't think I even want to go into that, so what am I writing about here? This is basically public journaling, or would be if anyone really read these. I'm not complaining, though, it's pretty much fine. I started watching House MD, another absolute banger show, scratches a similar itch to SVU, but instead of being about cops its about doctors and occasionally disparages cops (edit: obviously a positive, just to make that clear). I read Roadside Picnic, the book that Stalker is originally based on, that was super good. I don't read as much as I used to when I was in grade school or whatever. I started reading Gardens of the Moon, first book in the Malazan Book of the Fallen series; haven't gotten far, but its cool. Uhhh, I don't think there's much else really. Still like magic; I didn't even read everything I wrote in my last post, but I saw it was about some magic stuff and I still think that stuff's neat. Oh, there have been a bunch of really good original songs from some of the Hololive JP members (I don't think I ever mentioned that particular interest of mine, I'm pretty into both JP and EN vtubers), Suisei's "Bibidiba," Kobo's "Help," and Marine's song that I don't remember the name of. Whatever the latest one was. All of them bangers.

I don't think I ever mentioned that I got really into Fear and Hunger in the past year. Oh wait, that happened after my last post! Man, that was back in October and my last post was in August. Anyway, Fear and Hunger; what a difference between when I first found out about it. When I first played it, it had such an oppressive atmosphere, genuinely upsetting at times, if only on account of the fact I'd never played a game so visceral, bodily, and sexual; pretty unique experience. Once you get into the swing of things though its just a bunch of fun. Oh, it was incredible though, making it to Mahabre for the first time; I was sick for a significant portion of the summer, had a hacking cough and a persistent headache or something (wasn't Covid, thankfully), and when I first went there, the music, the bizarre underground sunlight, the feeling of digging into the secret and divine realm that undergirded everything I'd been through to that point, all of it was heightened by my dizziness. It was pretty worrying at the time when I was so tired and had a coughing fit long enough that I passed out for a minute or so, but in retrospect it totally enhanced the experience and I can't help but appreciate how the experience as a whole positively affected my perception of the game. I won't talk as much about F&H 2, it wasn't as good. I appreciated that it was going for something else, but I much prefer the straight up fantasy setting of the first one. don't get me wrong, still a great game, just not my favorite.

I think that about wraps it up. I'm not gonna promise consistency again, but maybe I'll keep my page up in a tab and it'll remind me to write sometimes. Maybe if I had a topic... Maybe I could write about Fox Junction, a PS1 JP-only roguelike that isn't especially fun but has such an incredible atmosphere I can't help but love it. Maybe I could write about Tunic, my favorite game of all time (I still don't remember, but there's a good chance I already did in my previous post on account of how similar the subject matter is re: synchronicity and a spiritual world). Or maybe, just maybe, I could write another long, rambling post about nothing in particular. Who's to say what I'll end up writing about, there's simply no way to be certain. Alright, later!

[lonelyreputation]

Trouble in Canada

a/n: hey hi hello!! tis been a while :’) but I'm back bc quarantine got me feeling nostalgic of writing! My computer crashed in September 2019 and all of my writing was no more :( but miraculously, TiC was the only writing saved to my cloud and it only felt fitting to repost it with some ~minor tweaks!  Whether you read TiC when it first came out a few years ago, or it’s your first time, I hope you enjoy :) Hoping everyone is staying happy, healthy, and sane during this time!! Happy reading!! Come chat!! It’s been a while!!

WORD COUNT: 4,632 | ANGST | PART 2

“I’ll see you at the next session?”

            You picked your head up from rummaging in your bag and smiled at Ethan, the cooking class instructor, “My husband should be back in town, but I’ll see.”

           Ethan nodded his head steadily.  He held your gaze for a few moments, but after a while of looking at each other, you diverted your gaze down towards the wooden table.  Slowly, you saw his tapping fingers inch closer to your hand that rested on the table.

           Quickly, you moved your hand, and placed your engagement and wedding ring back on your ring finger.  You didn’t like cooking with your rings on, in fear that they could fall down the drain, “Uh,” you cleared your throat, “thanks for the lesson, see you later.”

           He lifted his head up from staring at your left hand with sad eyes, “See you next week, Mrs. Mendes.”  The last part was said with a hint of distaste that he didn’t care to hide.

           As fast as you could, you scurried out the door and saw your friend, Jessie, waiting for you outside.  She saw your flustered expression and smirked, “Looks like the teacher has a crush on the student.” 

           You rolled your eyes, “Married,” You held up your left hand and showed off the rings that you proudly wore every day out of love to your husband.  Jessie let out a small laugh as the two of you walked down the streets of Toronto.  

Since Shawn had left for tour about three months ago, Jessie stepped up her best friend role by keeping you occupied whenever Shawn was away.  Out of the three months he’d been touring, Shawn had been home for four days.  It got lonely around the house with no one there, especially since this was the first time Shawn was away for a substantial amount of time since you had been married.

You missed rolling over in bed and reaching a hand out to lay on your husband’s chest when you were both too lazy to get up.  You missed playfully kicking his feet underneath the table during dinner, even when it was just you two in your apartment.  And most importantly, you missed it when he would come back with coffees and bakery items from the coffee shop down the street from his gym early in the mornings.

To fill up the gaping holes of the time you normally spent with Shawn, Jessie suggested that the two of you take cooking lessons at a place in down town Toronto.  You thought it was a wonderful idea, seeing as you couldn’t even cook pasta correctly, and Shawn got a kick out of the idea of you being in a kitchen setting.  

A little bell dinged over your head when you opened the door to a coffee shop that was a block down from where you and Jessie took your kitchen lessons. The two of you stood in line to order your drinks in silence.  Once it was your turn to order, you asked for an iced latte, even though it was February and snow was on the ground.  After Jessie ordered her decaf coffee, the two of you found a seat by the window.

“Ethan knows you’re married, right?”

You nodded your head as you crossed your right leg over your left, “Called me Mrs. Mendes as I left today after he tried to make a move.”

Jessie scrunched her nose up, “Like, I can see the appeal to having a little crush on someone who’s married––they’re unattainable in a sense––but dude,” Jessie paused her words when a server brought your drinks over to the table, “Keep it to yourself and don’t be a home wrecker.”

You took a sip of your cold drink and stifled a laugh, “I honestly think he doesn’t care, and it kinda freaks me out?”  Your mind couldn’t properly put together why Ethan would try anything out on a married woman, “Like when he was trying to show me the correct way to cut whatever it was and he came around from behind—almost like the boy trying to teach the girl how to swing a golf club,”  Jessie nodded, “I just feel weird.”

Peering over her coffee cup Jessie’s eyes were curious, “Do you want to get a different teacher?” 

You shook your head, “I’m sure it’ll calm down.”

It was a Tuesday night, and instead of it being spent in your bed reading a good book, you were pacing your room on the phone with your husband.  You understood that the life he led was full of uncertainty and things popping up last minute, and even after years of dealing with it, the feeling of being let down grew more and more familiar.

“Andrew won’t let you do it earlier?” You crossed your arms as you paced around the bedroom.  

You heard Shawn sigh on the other end, “I already asked.”

 Shawn was currently in Cape Town, South Africa, so while you were ending your day, he was just beginning his.  He was supposed to come home Thursday for five days and then get back on the road.   But now it seemed as though the plans had changed. Shawn was to be in Cape Town for an extra two days.  So, with the added days on to his schedule, and the travel days, he would essentially not be home at all.  

 “Should you even bother coming home?” You questioned him as you went over to the bay area window of your apartment.  The twinkling lights of the city and the sound of traffic below made the lonely nights bearable, “I know you don’t do well with traveling, and I don’t want to disrupt your tour schedule––“

“Y/n,” Shawn spoke assertively into the phone, “You’re my wife, of course I still want to come home to you.”

Even with no one around, you felt yourself trying to hide the blush that was making its way onto your cheeks, “I don’t want you to work yourself too hard––“

“You’re sounding like you don’t want me to come home,” There was a pause before Shawn spoke hesitantly into the phone, “Is something going on?”

Your eyes widened and you felt your previous warmth shift into nerves in your stomach. You weren’t hiding anything from him, but your mind drifted over to Ethan and how odd he’d been acting lately, his confidence growing more and more with each class. Of course you had no further interaction with him other than him teaching you how to cook, but you didn’t want Shawn to find out that the teacher had been flirting with you.

“Of course I want you home,” You looked down at your left hand and twirled your engagement ring as you smiled and softly whispered, “I miss you.” 

“I miss you too,” Shawn instantly replied back with a sigh.  It was silent for a moment until you heard his voice pipe up, “Are you sure I don’t need to worry about anything?”

Your mind drifted to thinking that it might be in your best interest to inform your husband about the handsy cooking instructor.  Surely he would understand that it made you uncomfortable and that you didn’t reciprocate any of the feelings.  It seemed trivial to explain everything to him, he knew you loved him, you took a vow to love Shawn for the rest of your life. 

With the little debate you had in your head, you came to the conclusion that it wasn’t important to tell him.  The class would be over soon and you wouldn’t have to worry about Ethan again.  And you knew that Shawn trusted you with his life, so he would know that nothing would come of it, so you shook your head, “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I’m your husband,” Shawn let out a small laugh, “It’s my job.”  You let out a small laugh as well, but your thoughts kept drifting back to the not so subtle advances Ethan has tried on you. They made you uncomfortable, and maybe it was in your bet interest to confided in your husband, but just as you briefly opened your mouth, Shawn spoke up, “I have to go, but text me throughout the day?  I’m not sure when I’ll be able to pick up the phone and actually talk.”

“Yeah,” You answered him dismally, “I can do that.”

“I love you.” Shawn’s words were spoken in unwavering confidence into the phone.

With a stinging feeling pricking behind your eyes, you let out a breathy laugh to cover up your heavy heart of not being able to see your husband as soon as you thought, “I love you too.”

You hung up the phone and let out a deep breath you didn’t know you were holding in.  Of course supporting Shawn was something you would do no matter what, but with him constantly being away, it was beginning to take a toll on you.  You thought that it would be better once you got married, but that wasn’t the case.

Then thoughts that never once crossed your mind in all of the years you and Shawn had been together; what would it be like to be with someone, to have dated or be married to, that wasn’t him?  To have someone who wasn’t constantly traveling the world. What would it be like to be married to someone who spent more time with their wife than a tour bus?

––––

 Trouble in Canada?

            Newlyweds Shawn and Y/n Mendes are no stranger to the media, especially when it comes with rumors circulating their marriage.  Just a few months shy of their first wedding anniversary, the couple has been caught in the middle of a few fiascos.

           If we’re being quite honest with ourselves, keeping up with the Kardashians is easier than these two.

           Shawn is currently on his world tour and about to start the European leg. Earlier in the week, Shawn was supposed to be traveling home to spend a short break with the Misses before the European part of his tour officially kicked off.  But according to a source close to Mr. Mendes, he had to stay in Cape Town, South Africa for a few more days.

           “He tried everything he could to get out of staying,” The source close to Shawn said. “He misses Y/n, but even with the amount of times they call each other or FaceTime in a day, it’s not the same as talking to each other face to face.”

           But as Shawn slips into a land of everlasting bliss between he and his wife, it looks like Y/n has been spending her time with someone else as of late. Below, pictures of Y/n and a mystery man have appeared over the course of a few weeks, starting just after Shawn left home.

           “There’s been a noticeable change in him,” the source said, who has requested to remain anonymous, added in, “Everyone around him knows how much he loves his wife, so when he saw pictures of her with another man in that room, it really hit him.”

           Since pictures emerged of Y/n and the mystery man, people have commented that Shawn has been distant and more quiet than usual.  

“It’s another reason why he wants to get back to Toronto so bad, he wants to settle things with Y/n.  He’s tried to convince himself that it’s just a misunderstanding, but everyone around him knows how it’s already going to play out–and it’s not going to end well.  It seems like he’s catching on.  Those pictures leave no room for questioning what’s going on between his wife and someone that isn’t him.” 

           Have Shawn and Y/n Mendes followed in the steps of many other famous couples, and not been able to handle their marriage in the spot light?  We were banking on the couple hitting the five-year marriage mark before anything like this happened.  

 What do you all think? Leave your comments in the section below.

––––

           “Hey, Shawn,” You sighed into the phone.  It was the fourth time he had missed your call, “It’s uh––me, again.”  Pacing around your room, you didn’t know what was going on with him that made him miss your calls multiple times.  Usually, he wouldn’t ever miss one, and if he did, he would call you back ten minutes later profusely apologizing.

  You had enough with pacing around your room, so you took a seat at the edge of your bed.  It didn’t stop the nerves though as your leg began to bounce, “I’m just calling to check up, it’s uh,” You looked over at the clock on your wall, “It’s almost midnight here, and I don’t know where you are,” Your voice dwindled off at the end as you held back a small cry, “I hope you’re having a great day, or that you’re getting a good rest because you work yourself too hard doing what you love,” You tried to lighten your own mood by letting out a laugh, “Just call me back, I love you and can’t wait to see you when you get home.”

           Quickly, you hung up the phone and dropped your head to rest between your knees.  Your whole body felt off, there was a reason why Shawn wasn’t calling you back and you couldn’t think of anything.  The thought of him purposefully ignoring you felt like being stabbed in the chest with the knife twisting.  Your head started to pound, and you couldn’t help but start to chew the inside of your lip.  

           You made your way up to your pillows on the bed and slowly made your way under the covers.  You brought the white sheets up to where they were tucked under your chin and curled up.  With a constant sharp pounding in your head, and uneven breathing, you realized that you had begun to cry without realizing it until you sat up and saw tear stains on the pillow.  You brought both hands up to your eyes to wipe away the tears, but it was useless.

Your husband was dodging your calls.  You knew he had been on his phone because he seemed to be constantly Tweeting more than usual.  So he had to have seen your calls.  Then the thought struck you that this was the first time you didn’t know where in the world your husband was. 

––––

           “I haven’t heard from him in a few days,” You spoke to Jessie as the two of you walked into the building for your weekly cooking class, “Not even a––“

           “Y/n,” You were cut off when you heard a familiar voice call your name, you cringed a bit, and turned to the right to see Ethan, “Thought you weren’t going to make it in for this lesson?” 

           You cleared your throat, “Uh, yeah, I wasn’t supposed to because my hus–––“

           “I’m glad you could join,” He cut you off, with a gleaming smile, before the word husband could make its past your lips. The way he was looking at you made you slightly uncomfortable so you awkwardly smiled and looked the other direction without a reply.

           With a nod of your head, you gave Jessie an odd look that she returned with a shrug.  The two of you made your way over to a little a cooking station and placed your bags under the table.  Jessie and you chatted as other people strolled into the class area and set up in their usual position as Ethan made small talk with the people around him.

           Once the time came to start the class, Ethan clapped his hands together to get everyone’s attention, “We’ll be learning how to make a steak dinner,” He looked over and into your eyes, “For two.” 

           Jessie leaned over to you and whispered, “I think I threw up a little.”  You stifled a laugh because you shared the same reaction.  

           First, you and Jessie both successfully made the creamy scalloped potatoes and the little side Caesar salad to go along with the steak. You then seasoned the steak, put the steak to bake in the oven for a few minutes, and then turned on the gas burner on the stove.  You put canola oil in the pan, butter, garlic, rosemary and thyme as you took the steak out of the oven.  As you pulled the oven pan out, you bumped into someone.  

           “Oh, I’m sorry––“

            “You’re fine,” Ethan’s voice filled the air. You scrunched your nose up as he took a step closer to you from behind and, along with your hand, he took hold of the oven pan and settled it on the counter top.  Jessie side glanced over as she cooked her steak, and all you could do was widen your eyes and beg for help.

            Ethan then took a pair of tongs and placed the steak in the sizzling pan, “So, now what you do––“

           “I can help her cooking the steak,” Jessie cut him off.  She sensed how uncomfortable you were, and it even made her feel weird seeing how close Ethan pressed himself up against you.  She didn’t like how he was treating you and thought the behavior was inappropriate. 

           Ethan shook his head, “I’ve got it.  I should help my students out.”

           You cleared your throat, “I can handle it, someone else may need your help––” 

           “What am I getting paid to do if I don’t help you out?” Ethan raised an eyebrow. 

           But you weren’t backing down easily.  He’d made other advances on you during other lessons and this was your time to put your foot down, “I’m fine––“

            “Mrs. Mendes––“

           “Yes, Mrs. Mendes,” You stumbled over your words and began to talk faster than the speed of light.  Whenever you got extremely nervous, you always seemed to talk with your hands, “That’s my name, the one and only, and the prefix indicates that I’m married––“

           It seemed like Ethan didn’t like you mentioning how you were married and very much not looking for a relationship.  His eyes narrowed at yours and he took hold of your wrists.  His grip was too strong for your liking, and you looked up at him in shock.  The glowering possessiveness in his eyes frightened you.

  Ethan gripped your wrists tighter, “Moving your hands and having them fly around while other people are cooking isn’t safe––“

           “Hey,” Jessie turned off her stove, “You probably shouldn’t touch her––“

           You didn’t let Jessie finish her sentence before you ripped your wrists out from his hold.  Part of you was shocked that a teacher would take hold of his student in such a rough manner, and the other half of your brain couldn’t process what was happening because with pulling your wrist back, you brought your elbow down and it collided with the handle of the searing pan that the steak was cooking in. 

           You felt the sting of hot oils run down your back, and in response, you jumped forward, and Ethan was the person in front of you who caught you.  He looked at you with concern in his eyes, “Don’t move, you could be burned––“

           “Stop!”  Your voice was high and scratchy as you raised your voice at him.  It was then you realized that everyone had stopped their cooking and turned their attention toward the two of you.  Embarrassment flooded your whole body.   And you felt yourself heat up in a mix of anger, embarrassment, and fear.  You grabbed your bag from under the table and rushed to put your coat on, not wanting anyone outside of the cooking studio to see the oil stains on you.

           “Y/n–” 

           You didn’t want to make any more of a scene, so while biting the inside of your lip to keep yourself from crying, you shook your head, “Thank you for a wonderful lesson today, but I don’t think I’ll be returning ever again.”

           And before he could reply, or try and put his hands on you again, you swiftly turned on your heel and sped walked out of the kitchen studio.

––––

           Sitting at the little breakfast nook in your apartment with a cup of tea would be more relaxing if your husband hadn’t blatantly been ignoring you for a few days.  You knew he was coming home today, but you were clueless as to where he was flying from or what time his flight was getting in.

           You were sipping on your tea, watching the Toronto traffic from your window, when your phone buzzed.  You looked down and saw Shawn’s name popped up.  You had to look at it again because after all the voicemails you left him, his first contact to you was a text message. 

            Just landed in Toronto.

           You stared at the blue text bubble in confusion.  Every time he was about to get on a plane, he would always text you, no matter what time it was.  He knew that you liked to know his travel schedule.  But this was the first time he hadn’t told you his travel information.  It made your stomach churn because now you definitely knew that something was wrong.

           So you sent him a text back; Do you want me to pick you up? 

           Almost instantly, he replied, No. 

           Your heart sank just a little when you read his message.  And then you started to feel it break piece by piece as you read the one word, one syllable, answer that held more negative. emotion than it should have.  With tears threatening to fall from your eyes at any time, you felt your phone buzz once more with a text from him; Andrew is driving me back. 

           You nodded to yourself as you typed back a simple; Ok.

           Neither one of you said how excited you were to see one another.  Which was odd because you and Shawn would always count down the days until you could see each other again, but this time, the two of you hadn’t talked in what seemed like forever.

           With the stress about not knowing what was wrong with Shawn and what happened yesterday at the cooking class, your heart was racing and you felt jittery until you saw a familiar car pull up to the side walk down below.  You peered out the window and saw your husband for the first time in a few months. Even though there were tons of unsettled questions between the two of you, you still felt your heart pick up speed at the sight of him like it had on your first date.

           He pulled out a little over the shoulder bag from inside the car and then you saw Andrew come around with a larger suitcase.  You saw the two of them exchange some words, but since you were so high up and looking down at them through the window, you couldn’t hear what either of them were saying.

           But a few moments later, Andrew and Shawn hugged, and then Shawn walked towards the building and Andrew got into his car and drove away.  Shawn didn’t even send you a text that he was close to your apartment, like he would normally do so you would be waiting in the lobby to greet him.  It looked like he didn’t want you to greet him in the lobby.  Or see you at all.

           He didn’t want you––his wife––he one who promised to love him forever no matter what, to be the first person to greet him when he came back from a long month or so from traveling.  Your daunting thoughts kept themselves on a loop in your mind that you didn’t even hear the door open.

           It was the sound of a suitcase rolling and a bag dropping on the floor that made you look up from the window.  For the first time in months, your husband was standing right in front of you and you didn’t have the need to run up and hug him.  Seeing him made your blood boil because of how unreliable he had been recently.

            You sat in the little nook and took a sip of your tea, “Have a nice flight?”  You kept your voice monotone.  You didn’t want him to know that your past few nights had been hell with him ignoring you, and that you were getting no sleep, imagining what your reunion would be like after radio silence from him.  And here you were, after every scenario you created in your mind, it did not turn out how you thought. 

His hair was disheveled, t-shirt wrinkled in every place, and his left sock was raised higher than the left.  It looked like he had the same problem as you––not being able to sleep for the past few days.  All you wanted to do was reach out to him and feel his arms wrap tight around you.  You missed his familiar smell, the one that his pillow still smelled like, even after countless washes.  You slept on that pillow every night he had been on tour.  

           In your mind, you imagined Shawn either apologizing for his silence, or having his face turn red as he yelled at you for something you had no idea about.  But it wasn’t either of those options.  It was just like how he had been treating you for the past few days; silence.

           His eyes held no emotion, the exhaustion evident in his face.  Shawn was silent, something that was worse than blowing up at you.  You imagined anything but him being mute about his feelings because Shawn was always a vocal person.  

It was the most deafening silence you had ever heard.

           You were waiting for a response to your seemingly innocent question.  But as he didn’t respond, you began searching for any facial clues as to any answer you could possibly find.  You were growing frustrated.  His face was kept with a neutral look; no creases in the eyebrows and not a scrunch of distaste with his nose.   

           Then you began to search for any other signs that would give away his answer.  He wasn’t tapping his foot, he wasn’t swaying from side to side, and he wasn’t twiddling his hands out of nervousness.

           His hands. 

           It was tiny, a detail that wouldn’t be caught by many. But with being married to a man for almost a year, you began to notice every little thing about them.  There were certain things that you knew Shawn would always keep on him, and as a married man, you knew he always wore his wedding band.  But as you looked at his left hand, you noticed that there was a small sliver of his skin that was lighter shade than the rest.

           His ring finger.

           You looked down at your left hand, your engagement and wedding ring were in their place, and you quickly looked back at Shawn’s left hand to see if your mind had been playing tricks on you.

           Shawn wasn’t wearing his ring, the symbol of marriage that brought two people, who loved each other more than life itself, together.

            Your heart stopped and you felt as if you were about to throw up at any minute, a feeling of doom weighed down your chest with every moment of silence passing.  Biting the inside of your lip, you opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out.  The silence that surrounded the two of you stole your voice.  You looked up at him, wanting to ask him why he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring, but with silence stealing your voice, he gave it to Shawn who spoke without hesitation in his voice.

           “We need to talk.”

[spitdrunken]

Sorry if this is an odd question but have you got any tips for someone trying to get into writing? My literary skills aren't too shabby but when it comes down to having the energy and perseverance for it and other stuff not much gets done haha...

Don't worry, this is not an odd question at all! Since you said you're not really struggling with writing itself, but simply with starting/continuing to write, I'll focus on that! One of the main things is that if you really want to get into writing, it's best to do it daily and make it a habit. These are things that work for me personally:

Set a daily goal that's realistic for yourself. This doesn't have to be a huge amount of words, because writing is not a race. I personally have a daily writing goal of 1000 words, but you're the best judge for what would work in your situation. It doesn't have to be a big number, and there's nothing wrong with starting small! Even if it's only a 100 words a day, that's still a hundred more than zero. Hitting the goal always makes me feel good, and like I've been productive enough for that day, so to me it's really motivating!

Force yourself to write. Unfortunately, you're not always going to feel motivated. No one does. (Do know when you're burnt out or exhausted, in which case it's fine to take a break.) Most days, I really would rather sit around and play games, or watch tv HAHA But in those cases, I know I just don't 'feel' like it, and should sit down and do it anyway. I can promise you this, once you actually sit down and start, it's always easier than you think.

You might be wondering now how you 'force' to yourself to write. For me, The Most Dangerous Writing App has been a lifesaver. It's a website in which you can set either a word limit or a timer, and if you slow down while typing, it'll delete all of the progress you've made so far. For me personally, it's the perfect way to get into the flow of writing and to just get your ideas down.

When using a website like that though, and in general, just know that it's okay to feel like what you're writing down sucks. It's fine. You'll just make it not-suck later, and you should push through this feeling. One of the main things that will kill your flow and make writing a drag is to stress over every single word. Try to let it go. Whatever you write down, you can always come back and edit it later, or even cut it out entirely. Even if you don't end up using it, it's still good practice. But it's important to get your ideas on paper, rather than getting stuck in your head. If a scene really is not working out for you, it's completely fine to move to another part that you want to write at that moment!

If anyone else has advice, or more specific questions for me, please let me know!

[iamthecomet]

FOR THE WRITING ASK GAME- 1, 2, 3, 7, 13, 22, 23, 25, 27, 28, 32, 35, 36, 56, 63 (Step by Errant Step), 75, 77, 78, 79 I know no limits and I apologize in advance, Comet

SCOUT! I love you. Ok. They're going under a cut so that I don't destroy anyone's dash with what will definitely be a massive post since I don't know when to shut up about anything.

Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

I daydream A LOT about my original fiction. My brain is basically permanently set to daydream, so I'm doing it more often than not. I just do less about fan fic, I have no idea why. It might be because with original stuff I'm thinking in terms of novels, and fanfiction is in terms of much more contained stories. But generally, if I'm not writing or reading, I'm daydreaming about writing.

2. Where do you get your fic ideas?

Daydreaming, haha. Sometimes from other people. Someone will say "I wish there was more xxxx" and I'll go "oooh I could write that and it would be fun". Sometimes the ideas just appear, and I have to run with them and see what happens.

3. Do you share your fic ideas, or do you keep them to yourself?

Both. It really depends. I don't tend to share detailed ideas, but that's mostly because I don't want to spoil my own writing. But I absolutely do the thing where I go "I'm working on xxxx" and then give very little details about what that actually means.

7. Post a snippet from a wip.

He’s going to get Rain back for this, he thinks. He’s elbow deep in soapy water. The stack of pots Mountain used to make them breakfast is stacked to his left. Rain’s the dish bitch—not him. But Mountain wanted to take Rain out for a picnic, and Rain promised Dew he’d do anything for him if he traded jobs with him.

The entire thing makes him want to puke. Picnic? Satanas, who takes another ghoul on a picnic. Gross.

13. Do you listen to music while you write?  If yes, what have you been listening to recently?

Yes. Always. I have a playlist that has close to 600 songs on it. And I just add new songs to it when I find something I like. That's usually what I listen to. It has everything from Cattle Decapitation to Billie Eilish on it. When I'm writing longer stuff I make specific playlists for projects or characters, but I haven't done that with fanfic (yet).

22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles? After. And it's the hardest part? I either try to find a song lyric I think works well. Or I try to find a line within the piece that I think sounds good as a title. It's literally my least favorite part about writing.

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest? Middle is the easiest, hands down. That's where everything happens, the whole reason you're writing the story happens there. Beginnings are the hardest. I always end up going back and completely rewriting them once I've written the middle. I always want to make sure I'm giving enough context without overdoing it, and it's a balance that I struggle with sometimes.

25.What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)? Actual writing. It feels like being possessed sometimes. It just happens, and it's really really wonderful. I also enjoy editing because I'm weird.

27. What area of writing do you feel strongest in? Dialogue. Internal and external. Just characterization in general, actually. I'm also really good at killing my darlings. Meaning, I am great at cutting out things I really like if they're not working. I am a ruthless revisionist. And everything I write is better for it.

28. What area of writing do you want to improve in?

Description. I'm a character-driven writer, so I'm not always great at sinking into physical descriptions of places, and people, and physical feelings because I am always caught up in emotions. I'm working on getting better at it though.

32. Do you take fic requests?  Why or why not? Yes? to some extent. I will take any idea and chew on it. It doesn't necessarily mean it will become a full fic. And I'm a sucker for ficlet/blurb prompts.

35. What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted? Fuck. Ok. I really love Spontaneous Combustion.

36.What fic are you proudest of?

Let Me Decide What You Need.

It took me FOREVER. It's long. There were a lot of logistics to figure out and choreography, and through it all, I managed to keep everyone in character and having a good time. And I still sort of can't believe I pulled it off.

56. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics?  Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I have an oral fixation. So therefore, so does every single character I write. Everyone is biting, and licking, and marking, and I cannot help it.

63. What was the hardest part of writing Step by Errant Step?

I wrote Step by Errant Step in what felt like a fever dream. The hardest part was going "I have no idea how to break in boots the right way and now I have to write it" and then I realized that Dew probably has no idea what he's doing either. He's just trying to get off. Also, getting Mountain and Dew alone in a room together, and getting Mountain to allow himself to enjoy it.

75.Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn’t expect? Flip of a Switch. Literally the first fanfic I wrote in a decade. And I posted it and it go minimal attention (which was what I expected) and then all of a sudden it got more? And people were telling me how it made them feel things? and I had no expectations with that fic AT ALL. So I am still a little in awe of how much people enjoy it.

77. Why do you enjoy writing fanfiction?

No pressure. Zero. I'm allowed to write whatever self indulgent bullshit comes into my brain and not worry about it. Original fiction comes with a whole slew of stresses (is my idea original enough but also not too original? will people like my characters, are they too mean.)

Fanfic is a really wonderful break from all of that.

78. What motivates you during the writing process?

Music. The desire to just get the fucking thing done. Sharing snippets with other people when it gets hard so they get excited about it and then I can be excited about it again.

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

There are no rules. Editing is way more important than anyone thinks (half the story gets written there, seriously). The only way you get better at it is by doing it (and also by reading).

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT

Ezekiel ‘EZ’ Reyes x Obispo ‘Bishop’ Losa daughter! Reader

Anon #1 asked: Hi 💕 obsessed with your writing! I was wondering if I could request a fic where the reader is Bishops daughter so she’s jokingly referred to as a “forbidden fruit” cause she’s hot but none of the mc can have her because of who her dad is. But she starts to fall for either Angel or EZ? (Either one you pick 🤘🏼) thank you 💕💕

@ly--canthrope asked: I lied! I have a 3rd one for Ez haha. Not much of a prompt, but can you build a scene around this please? -- breaking the kiss to say something, staying so close that you’re murmuring into each other’s mouths- thank you so much!

Word Count: 1.5k

Author comments: This work wasn't re-edited, so I'm sorry if you find grammar mistakes! I hope you all enjoy. Gif credits: @xxrouxx

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba @destynelseclipsa @sheeshgivemeabreak @abbiesthings @knowles-morgan @lady-pswrld @minnicelli @marquelapage @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @jadesamhart ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

“Yeah, you hit him hard, man”. Coco cheers EZ, once he's out of the ring and the Stockton members are picking up what is left of their prospect.

“Good job, lil'bro. You fucked up that bitch”.

“So, what's your prize, ah? Choose”. Gilly says offering him a beer.

“I'm gonna ask (Y/N) to take care of me”.

“No, no, no, no”. Coco replies, placing himself in front of him to stop his feet.

“The hell you sayin', brother? That bitch left your brain out of you, or what?” Angel narrows his eyes, shaking lightly his head.

“She's the forbidden fruit, carnal. Don' get into more troubles”. The mexican with long hair speaks.

“Prez looks happy teasing Oscar because I won”.

“Prez looks happy 'cause it's his daughter's birthday. ‘Best day of his life’, as he always says”. Gilly surrounds his neck with an arm, while continuing walking to the bar on the crowded yard.

“I will do it anyway”. Having a long sip of his beer, EZ gives it to his brother, taking the advantage to look for you.

You're sitting close to your father, clinged to one of his arms, having fun with your tíos and your family from other charters. It's your 21th birthday and Bishop decides to have a party with all the Mayans. So, the whole Santo Padre knows you're celebrating. It's the first time you see them all reunited, being the center of attention even if you don't like it. Every five minutes, a member walks closer to greet you, as if you were some kind of princess. Yes, your father is El Rey de los Mayas, but you're not sure what position it gives you.

Your eyes travel to the crowd, observing the younger Reyes coming with self-confidence and security towards your position. Sitting up on your chair, you smirk at him trying to not show how nervous you are. Should be illegal see this fucking good after a fight. You like him. You like him at the point you dream with him. But it's a shit that he hides what he feels because of Bishop. Just like you do. He's the most interesting man you have never known. Sometimes you try to figure out why the hell he joined Mayans, but then you see him riding his bike and your head goes blank.

“Congratulations, Ezekiel”. Your father compliments him with a huge smile on the corner of his lips.

“Thanks, presidente. I was… asking myself if (Y/N) could help me to fix me up. Angel sa—”.

“No”. “Yes”.

Bishop and Marcus talk in unison. The men look at each other, frowning a little. You're in the middle of them, raising your hands to both chests.

“Club business, caballeros”. Making fun of them, you get up from your chair holding EZ's hand.

You let him lead you to the inside of the clubhouse, looking for the medical kit to heal his face. Letting go his fingers tangled in yours, you cross the main hallway to the bathroom to take all the stuff you can need. Carrying it among your hands, you come back to the younger Reyes with that smile that makes your legs shake since you met him a year ago.

You ring the bell, holding with a hand the glass tray full of tamales, your best friend's favorite mexican dish. Coco opens the door with a cigar between his long fingers and a serious look on his face.

“We don' wan' publicity, thanks”. He says before trying to close the door on your nose.

“Don' you have a moment to talk about our lord Itzamná?” You joke on him, hitting the wood with a shoulder to come in.

“Ah, bueno, si es un Maya… pues sí, digo, no más, pasa, pasa”. (Well, if it's a Mayan… of course, come in, come in). He replies gesticulating exaggeratedly, starting to laugh.

“What's up, Coquito?”

The mexican takes the food from your hands, leaning to leave a loud kiss on your check.

“Hey, lil'mama”. The oldest Reyes surrounds your neck with both arms from behind you, kissing the top of your head. “Come're, I wanna introduce you to my brother”.

“The famous Ezekiel”.

“Oh, stop”. He clicks his tongue somewhat jealous, leading you to the kitchen. “Hey, EZ. That's (Y/N), Prez's daughter. So, don' try anything sexual with that smile yours”.

“Angel!” You break in laughs, before focusing on his brother.

“What's up? I'm Ezekiel, but everybody calls me EZ”. The younger Reyes leans forward surrounding your waist with an arm, pushing you closer to kiss your cheek.

You already know that you're fucked and in love.

“Don' lie, brother. We all call you ‘boy scout’!” Coco's words make you both laugh.

“You like adventures?” You ask trying to not sound as if you're flirting. But you are.

“And you?”

“Of course”.

“Yeah, well… What can I say then? I can make fire with everything, that's a good point if you wanna go hiking”.

“I'll keep it in mind, boy scout”.

EZ sits on the poker table, settling yourself between his legs to make it easier to clean the blood on his face with a wet soft towel. He doesn't set apart his eyes from you, on how focused you are on taking care of him. As if he was the most delicate thing in your life. And you're trying to not fall more for him, in case that it's possible. He doesn't need stitches, being enough using some iodine to cover the wounds. Looks like you're an artist in front of her masterpiece, watching him breathe somewhat nervous too close of you.

“I asked for a birthday wish that you don' kiss me tonight”. You mumble, getting lost in his eyes with both hands resting on his lap.

You're not going to blame the alcohol you have been drinking, but you're not in your best moment.

“Saying it will not be fulfilled”.

You can feel his long fingers, a little damaged, touring your hips until they flow on your lower back making you take a last step forward.

“Analyze the phrase, smart boy”.

Narrowing his eyes, and having some seconds, EZ begins to draw a sly smile shaking his head for an instant. Now, he has understood it.

“You wan' me to kiss you?”

“Technically, I don' want you to no kiss me”. You point out, emphasizing each word, containing a loud laugh. “That's what I said. More or less”.

“Tonight”.

“Yeah', tonight”.

“What about tomorrow?” He mutters, raising up a hand to the right side of your neck, caressing the line of your jaw with a thumb.

“I don't know, EZ… I think my last brain cell collapsed”. Pursing your lips, you're almost touching his.

He laughs between his teeth, before kissing you. Your heart has collapsed too, when the adventurous hand goes up to the back of your head, while your mouths fit like two pieces of a puzzle. In perfect harmony. No rush. No nerves. Nothing. You're calmed, enjoying the taste of beer on his tongue, and the taste of tequila on yours. His lips aren't soft, but you're in love with them, with him, right as he is. Al carajo with that your father said. If he is playing his skin for you, you're going to do the same.

Your fingers roam his bare chest, noticing that he's breathing somewhat better, pressing his hand on your back to push you a little closer. Up to his neck, your fingers wrap it softly while he bites your lower lip so sensual that, if he wasn't holding you, you could fall down.

“Your father is watching us”. He whispers onto your mouth, caressing your nose with his.

Your cheeks are burning when you turn between EZ's legs to the main door. Bishop is resting against the frame having a drag of his cigar and carrying a closed bottle of tequila. You know what it means. You made him the promise that you would get drunk together, now that you can ‘legally’ drink.

“I have… to leave. Put some ice on your knuckles, okay?” You say to the younger Reyes, and he simply nods.

El presidente is killing him with his look, offering you a hand to hold it and take you away from the prospect. Going downstairs, he puts his eyes on you with an incredulous gesture.

“It could be worse, dad”.

“Oh, really? Surprise me, mi amor”.

“Could be Angel, instead of EZ”.

“Why the fuck you have an answer for everything, ah?”

“C'mon, dad! It's my birthday”.

“Yeah, the anniversary of the best day of my life. But we're going to talk about it tomorrow”.

[conaionaru]

Honor and Blood (Ivar the Boneless)

I'll run to you

Synopsis: 

Warnings: Ivar, Silas, toxic family, mentions of murder, angst

Tags:

@xbellaxcarolinax​ @shannygoatgruff​ @didiintheblog​ @lol-haha-joke​ @youbloodymadgenius​ @heavenly1927​ @queenbeeta​ @astridbaby​ @chynagirl13​ @thereareendlessopportunities

P.S. I did some edits of Ivar x Vanya. And I found the perfect song for them (where the title of this chapter comes from) and made an edit of that as well.

I don’t own the gifs. Also, thank you for your support. I really appreciate it. If you want to be tagged please write me<3

When Vanya was a little girl, she dreamt of marrying a noble Prince and becoming his Queen. She imagined a huge castle and her father visiting her as often as possible. Even her mother was proud of her for being a good Christian wife.

Never did she dream of being here, drifting on a boat with a sore shoulder, woozy from mead with her sleeping heathen son in her lap. Why must dreams always be so wrong?

But truth to be told, she loved the life she lived now. Well, not right now, but the last year. Her experience in Kattegat was perfect. Despite his short temper, Ivar was a good man. He loved her unconditionally, protected her, and listened to her. His brothers were kind to her, and she trusted them with her life. Even Sigurd, with who she sometimes butted heads. She had a friend and found a mother in Aslaug and Helga.

She missed them so much. Two days on the water made her want to cry. She cried nowadays more than the babe she gave birth to. He seemed content; he loved watching the ravens fly over their heads and played with her hair when she held him.

How funny it seemed to her that she loved sailing when she came here. Now she yearned to stand on dry land and sleep in a warm bed wrapped in Ivar's arms.

Whenever Vanya didn't think of home, she thought of Silas, especially what she would do to him. She had been meek and peaceful for so long, forgave him everything he did to her. But that changes now; he didn't just hurt her or degrade her. He tried to kill her and her son. His knights murdered an innocent woman. He would pay the blood price for it.  

The raven made a sound and left their usual circling spot. Vanya watched them go and perked up. Land. It meant land was near. She put her child into the nets and rowed towards the direction the birds flew.

Her shoulder screamed in protest, and she felt it reopen as her dress got wet with blood. She ignored it and kept on rowing. She was out of food, and the mead wouldn't last more than two cups. They needed to find water and food.

Ivar laid in his bed, sweat dripping from his forehead, the whites of his eyes blue. His legs hurt too much today; he had to stay in bed but couldn't sleep at all. All he could do was lay there in pain and think of all the ways he will torture Vanya's attacker. He prayed to the Gods that she was still alive. Two days ago, she went missing, and everyone was losing hope.

Aslaug had no visions, and Hoenir was no help. He dragged himself to the Seer yesterday, but all he got was vague answers. "You know the answer, Boneless." He knew Vanya had grown stronger and that she promised to protect their son. But so did he and now, he doesn't know where she is or if she is even alive.

He promised her that no one would ever lay a hand on her again, and he failed. If he ever saw her again, he wouldn't let her out of his sight.

"Drink the tea, Ivar. It will help." Ubbe ordered, walking into the room, looking at the untouched cup on Ivar's bedside. Right next to the tea was the carved figure of Fenrir and Vanya's serpent necklace.

"Did you find her? Anything?" Ivar begged as his brother wiped his damp forehead.

Ubbe shook his head and put the rag down. "A fisherman's boat went missing two days ago. Mother thinks Vanya might have taken it. So we sent some boats out to look for her. But if she drifted out into the open..."

He didn't have to finish the sentence for Ivar to understand. If Vanya drifted away, the storm that was gathering would sink her ship and drown them both. Hoenir saw her drown, what if he was right and she would? No amount of sacrifices would bring her back then. He would be alone again, with Aslaug the only one to love him. Ubbe might love him, but there are moments he must wish his brother wasn't alive.

The times he had to carry him or stay at home because Ivar was in pain. Having to check on his legs and eyes all the time. In everybody's eyes, Ivar was a burden; he was aware of it. Vanya was the only one who didn't care or look down on him. In her eyes, Ivar was perfect despite his shortcomings. Over time, she grew used to his temper and pain. She comforted him, held him, whispered sweet words into his ear as he fell asleep.

She loved him, and he left her alone after she bore him a son. He didn't even get to hold him. His perfect son, who had his eyes and hair. His healthy boy. Ivar hated himself, but he hated the world more.

"How long we have to keep looking? It's been two days now. The corpses must show up soon." Pæga complained, pulling off his boots and sinking his feet into the bowl with water.

Silas glared at the knight and stabbed his dagger into the table. "Boats were sent out to search for her, a fisherman's boat went missing, they think Vanya is in it. If she survived and they find her... My sister saw your faces. She isn't so stupid to fall for a few farmers in your clothes. If you get caught, then it means my death as well." He spat at his knights while Stithulf sat in the corner, sharpening his sword.

"I doubt she is alive. She doesn't strike me as a survivor. Vanya was sent here to wither and die, to brake and suffer. She might have charmed her way around Kattegat. But smiles and gifts aren't going to save her from death. She was hit with an arrow; I saw her sink. All they will find is a dead child in the boat. Vanya is dead, and you are the only possible ruler of Slegia."

Stithulf stood up after his rant and walked towards his King. He lifted the crown from the table and put it on his head. "A crown for a King. The one true King. Vanya will never wear this thing; neither will her children; I made sure of it."

Silas nodded and proudly pushed his chest out. The knight was right; he was the King, and Vanya was dead. First, he dealt with her; next is his mother and her new husband. Then his uncle and Wrosan will be his. The victory was certain.

Vanya hauled herself from the boat and pulled it on land so the tide wouldn't wash it away. Her son stirred in his little bed while Vanya collapsed on the ground, exhausted.

The ravens left them alone, and she had no idea where to go. This part of Kattegat was unfamiliar to her. So as she laid there, she prayed to the Gods to show her a way to get home. But no sign or help came.

So she wrapped herself tighter in her cloak and took her child with her heading west, the other way than she drifted off. She needed to get to a familiar location: the hunting hut, Floki's house, or even the forest before Kattegat.

Vanya walked with her son in her arms, without a pause. She managed to find some berries Helga taught her were edible and a stream of water. After she ate, she fed her son and carried on in her way. Her feet were sore, and her son was becoming too heavy for her weak arms.

Other than wilderness and silence, there was nothing around her. Every tree looked the same, and the shade they gave her made navigating with the sun harder. She shivered as the winds grew colder.

When her son whimpered in her arms, she froze. Her being cold wasn't that bad. But to him, it meant death. So she carefully put him on the ground and took off her cloak and swaddled him in it. Her thinned down frame shook in the cold winds while her son burrowed himself into the new warmth.

Vanya looked down at his little content face and smiled. All of this hardship was worth it if he was healthy and alive. This life she created and carries inside her, that she spent hours bringing into the world. It meant everything to her; it hurt to admit that her mother was right. A mother has no choice but to love her child; only a monster would ignore her own blood like that. But the thing Siflaed was wrong about was that Vanya did love Ivar. Despite everything she heard about him and his people, she grew to love him no, her people. Kattegat was her home now; she was born to live here; she knew it.

And when she returned, she would never leave again; she would remain and raise her son. She would see all the other sons of Ragnar start their own families and see Aslaug grow old. Hold Bjorn's adorable children and gossip with Torvi and Brynja. She would sit on the bench in front of the Great Hall, sewing a dress together, with Ivar by her side with their son in his arms. Vanya would come to visit Helga and Floki more often like she promised she would and try to make Margrethe less afraid of Ivar. He wasn't the monster; everyone made him out to be; her husband had a lonely heart with high walls made of anger.

She remembered the story of Eve and the Devil. The way the serpent tricked Eve into eating the apple and be banished from Eden for it. She also remembered the story one of Siflaed's lovers told her of the Greek goddess Persephone and the pomegranate. How Hades offered the fruit to her, and she stayed with him as his wife.

But Vanya didn't feel like Eve; her husband was no evil serpent leading her on. He was Hades, the god known for his dark demeanor, but a good husband. She wasn't a meek Christian like Eve, Vanya was Persephone. A good heart with love for nature, married to a man of shadowed behavior who everyone feared. But they both held darkness and light, she wasn't just a maiden who plucked blooming flowers, and Ivar wasn't just an angry heathen with a quick tongue. Her tongue was as equally sharp as his and his love as real as hers. They were King and Queen of the Underworld, Prince and Princess of Kattegat.

With determination, Vanya strode on, thankful for the shoes she managed to put on before her escape. Walking barefoot on top of lightly dressed would have meant her death. She could hear an owl hoot somewhere behind her until it flew past her and landed on a branch. "Frigga." She whispered as the bird stared at her with yellow eyes, it's white feathers standing out in the treetops.

"Have you come to take me home, All-Mother? Odin's ravens looked over my son and me on the boat, and now you have come for us. Goddess of mothers and queens, of war, wisdom, and strategy. I beg you, take me home." She begged the hooting white owl that took off and landed on another branch, waiting for the ginger to follow.

Vanya chuckled at the sight and followed after the frequently stopping bird. "This better be Frigga, or I will die. That's your descendant on the line, Odin. Don't let me die, All-father, All-mother."

Everyone stood gathered in the Great Hall in the evening, waiting for what Aslaug had to say. Silas stood in the corner of the room, surrounded by his armed knights. "My brother Ivar was graced with a son three days ago. But his son and wife were ripped away by a murderer, who sneaked into their hut and killed the wet nurse." Bjorn announced watching the faces of everyone present.

Floki and Helga leaned a support beam, both looking grim, while the boatbuilder glared at Silas. Ivar sat next to his mother, with Hoenir standing behind them. Brynja and Margrethe watched the whole ordeal from their place with the other servants and slaves. The other brothers stood behind Bjorn, who towered over the room, reminding all of their father. He carried the same authority even without a crown on his head.

Aslaug lifted her head higher and wrapped his fingers around the armrests of her throne. "The one responsible will answer to the Gods. The more blood they have on their hands, the more dire their demise will be. This person is charged with treason and murder..."

Ubbe left his mother's side while she talked and walked with Floki and Hoenir towards the exits. They barricaded the door while no one was watching. The only way to open them now would be from the outside, where Floki stood watch.

"The return of my daughter in law Vanya is becoming unlikely. A funeral will be held soon to honor her death, Floki has agreed to build a boat to bury her. If she is not found until the ship is done, we shall burn some of her possessions instead."

Stithulf observed the heathens around him; they seemed on edge, ready to pounce at any moment. Of course, Silas was obvious to all this, too distracted by the Queen's speech to notice.

"But, we do know the one responsible for this tragedy." The knights head snapped towards the throne. Everyone grew silent, waiting for Aslaug to continue. "We questioned people and gathered that there is only one possible suspect behind all this. Someone willing to murder a mother and child int heir sleep."

The room was tense as if a war would erupt at any moment. Ivar clenched his jaw before smirking at Silas, who froze in his spot.

"How do you answer these charges... King Silas?" The Saxon's breaths hitched in fear as the knights wrapped their hands around their swords' handles, ready to draw them and kill everyone. But they were outnumbered and locked in with bloodthirsty heathens.

"This is outrageous! I loved my sister. And you are claiming me as a murderer only because you failed to find the real one. My sister is dead because of you!" He roared at the remaining sons of Ragnar and his wife. But they didn't even flinch all the Queen did, was push her shoulders back and raise an eyebrow at his outburst.

"So you claim, but there is no proof. All we saw were spiteful words and tantrums. You bribed farmers to change clothes with your knights; then, you ordered them to kill Vanya and her son. But Margrethe remembered their faces, and it wasn't the faces we see here today." Sigurd called out as the said thrall covered behind Brynja. She confessed this to Sigurd last night, and since then, the Ragnarsson and Aslaug had been plotting.

Silas frowned and shook his head, chuckling. "And do tell me... What would my reason be? Sibling rivalry? Don't be ridiculous. I may not have been overly fond of my sister, I admit. But I wouldn't murder her. And the baby? Son or not, I hold no ill will against either."

"Vanya and her son possessed a threat to you, childless, unfit to rule. But Vanya is loved here, and I am sure she was the same in England. You ordered her death and will die for it. An eye for an eye."  Bjorn threatened as Silas gulped and gave an uneasy smile.

He shrugged and spread his arms wide to show he was unarmed and possessed no threat to them, other than his knights who drew their swords. "Let's spare ourselves these dramatics. Vanya is dead, and I am not the culprit. Let's not have a ghost of a disobedient whore get between our agreement."

Ivar slammed his fist against his chair and glared at the daring King. He would have leaped out of his seat and strangled the bastard if it wasn't for Bjorn, Sigurd, and Hvitserk holding him back. "How dare you?" The Ragnarsson roared his nostrils flaring in rage.

Silas pointed to Ivar's legs with a smirk.  "Your... Affliction. Do you really think the child was yours? My darling sister would do anything to please you as a proper wife should. And giving you a child, even one that's not truly yours. It would please you. Wouldn't it? To think that you are a real man, able to produce an heir." The blonde Christian taunted as everyone glared at what he was suggesting.

"I did you a favor before things escalated, and you would believe other idiotic lies my sister would have fed you to keep herself alive a little longer. I saved you from further embarrassment and grief. Vanya is dead, and there is nothing to change that." He sounded at peace with his oncoming death. Silas knows he and his knights will die, but might as well anger the heathens some more. Die a horrid death and go down in history as a martyr: Saint Silas, The tortured King.

Stithulf, on the other hand, looked distressed, all the whispering he did, all for nothing. All his hard work wasted on a foolish king with a big ego and greedy heart. His chance at fame and ruling, all gone, because of a ginger Princess who just couldn't stay meek and timid like she was meant to be.

The sound of something shattering broke the tense atmosphere. Everyone looked st the redheaded servant that let her jug of water, fall to the floor. "Vanya." She whispered, her face pale and eyes wide. They followed her gaze and gazed at the open door in shock.

"Why do you think I am dead, Brother?" Vanya's voice rasped out as the ginger leaned against the door frame, a shield pierced with many arrows in one hand. Her hair was frizzy, her skin pale, and her eyes sunken in. Her white dress was stained with bloody some on her shoulder, the rest on her lap, from childbirth.

She took a shaky step forward and shifted her arms slightly. Helga runs to her side, and Floki stood behind her in case she fell. The Ragnarssons run to her while Ivar stared at her in shock. Standing up, Aslaug observed the presumably dead Princess in wonder.

"Helga, you need to look after my son. I tried to keep him warm and fed. Please check him."  Vanya pleaded with the blonde woman, letting the shield riddled with arrows fall to the floor. Hidden behind the protection was a bundle of furs and cloak, squirming at the new warm place they entered.

Helga shakily took the babe out of Vanya's trembling embrace to see the child alive and well despite the ordeals he went through. She ushered the child away as Ubbe reached his sister in law, laying a hand on her shoulder to steady her. But she shook it off and slowly advanced towards Silas, who took a few steps towards her as well.

"How? You should be dead." He whispered, still in denial that his plan didn't work.

"I forgave you so much, Silas. So many wounds. I forgave them all, ignored them, and asked my family to ignore them as well. But that ends today. You killed an innocent woman! You tried to kill my son!"

Silas shook his head, refusing to admit defeat against his little sister. His foolish sister, who was born weak and was meant to abide by him. The one who defied him and survived. "You won't hurt me, Vanya. You are weak. Remember your place, and we can forget this. Beg me for forgiveness, and I shall grant it to you. All I want in return is save passage back home. Kill my knights instead."

"You think I will beg? I did nothing to ask forgiveness for! You are a monster, Silas. Just like father and mother said you were. Do you think I will cower before you? Just because you are my brother?" She seethed stalking towards him as Silas drew a dagger and pointed it at her, shaking, fearful of this side of Vanya.

The ginger keeps on advancing, not caring for the weapon pointed at her. The adrenaline running through her veins made her forget what fear feels like at all. All she could see was the man who made her life a living hell and tried to kill her son! "Blessed are the meek, Vanya." He reminded her, hoping that the sentence that their mother used to drill into her head would calm her down, but his sister didn't even blink.

"Yes. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. For theirs is the kingdom of heaven." She spat back a part of the Beatitudes, laughing at his poor attempt at containing her rage. "Do you think the words of Jesus or God will stop me? Do you honestly believe that you will be forgiven? I am past forgiveness and meekness! I want you to pay for my and my son's suffering in blood!"

Silas took a few steps back, his hand shaking like crazy. Vanya was nearly in front of him now, her hand grasped his dagger around the sharp edge, no fear in her eyes. They looked like frozen over fjord's, determination and anger swirling around. She tugged his knife from his grasp and threw it behind her, surprising everyone. Blood dripped from the cut on her palm, trailing down her slender fingers and hitting the floorboards.

"I would burn cities and kingdom's to the ground and make him King of the Ashes if they dared to threaten him!" She screamed at her brother, getting into his face and glaring up at him as he shook in his spot.

"Vanya, please, have mercy. I am your brother. I did it to protect my claim. You must understand. I was born to rule; I deserve to sit on the throne for eternity. Please have mercy." The two siblings stared into each other's eyes, the frozen fjords meeting the tearful sky.

She softly shook her head and softened her angry expression. Ivar crawled towards them, observing the blood-stained dagger and her bleeding hand clenched by her side. "Mercy is a Christian value, and I am not Christian anymore." She hissed backhanding him with her bleeding left hand so hard that he hit the floor.

Silas cradled his aching cheek and stared at Vanya in shock. The ginger glared down at him with disdain obvious in her expression. "That's why I wish you the most painful death instead." She spat at him before two men dragged him away as he cried and cursed at them, begging them to let him go as other Vikings killed his knights when they dared to attack.

Ivar crawled to Vanya's left and took her cold bleeding hand in his, startling her from her trance. She looked down at him tenderly as he looked over her tired body. "I missed you." He whispered, staring up at her with adoration as she returned his tender look, softly smiling.

"I missed you too." Ubbe supported her swaying frame and carried her towards the awaiting healers, thanking the gods for her return, alive and well. Ivar watched her get carried away and spared a glance at the dead bodies of the Saxon knights before he followed his brother and wife.