#for everybody who got really concerned over my yesterday's snippet!

[varpusvaras]

The whole base was already in a wild, celebratory frenzy as they got there.

Fox did prefer it that way. He did not wish to draw too much attention to himself. It would be for the best if he handled any and all reunions in a more private setting, and slipping away from everybody was much easier when everyone were busy celebrating their victory.

That plan did vanish the moment he stepped off the bridge and saw Breha standing there, looking directly at him.

Fox looked back. He had learned to read her quite well over the years, but right now, it was rather difficult to tell what was the leading emotion on her face at the moment. Perhaps it was needless for him to even try to decipher any of them. He was going to have to face her and whatever she had for him anyway.

So Fox walked towards her, never looking away, and Breha stood there, her eyes just as much unflichingly looking at him.

Fox stopped a couple of paces in front of her. She didn't say anything yet, just kept looking at him, and Fox knew that whatever it was she was about to say to him, he still had one thing to do regardless.

So he bowed his head and bend his knee.

"I offer you my deepest apology", he said. "For disobeying your word, and for forcing orders upon you, Your Majesty."

He barely got the words out, when Breha was already dropping on her knees as well, and Fox quickly straightened up, just in time to catch her in his arms.

Breha buried her face against his shoulder, not at all caring about anyone around them seeing it all. She was shaking, and Fox wasn't sure if she was crying, or if everything that had happened during the day had finally caught up on her.

It was all certainly cathing up on Fox. He was tired, like he had been running up and down a mountain for the whole day, and his legs and arms were starting to sting in that exact way that always prefaced them going slightly numb and weak for a while.

Still, he held onto Breha, pressing the side of his face on top of her head, and let her take her time.

"I am so, so angry at you", Breha said into Fox's shoulder. Her voice was definitely a little thick, but it didn't sound like she was yet crying. "Do you understand?"

"Yes", Fox said. He held her a little tighter. "I understand."

---

Bail was talking with Dodonna when they got to the War Room.

Fox looked around a bit. He didn't see Leia there, which he was at the same time a bit disappointed and relieved about. He did want to see her. Breha had told him that she was relatively fine, with few minor surface injuries, and a light headache from a mind probe, but Fox wanted to make sure himself.

But he also owed her an apology as well, and he wasn't sure if he could handle more than one of them at a time.

He didn't wish to interrupt the conversation, but Dodonna noticed him and Breha first, and he quickly tapped Bail on the arm. Bail raised a brow at him.

"What is it?" Fox heard him ask over the noise of the rest of the base, that was very much reaching the Room as well. Bail's head turned around as he followed Dodonna's eyes. "Is something- Fox!"

Fox felt weirdly almost giddy from the way Bail's face lit up as he saw him. Bail rounded the command table and crossed the rest of the room quickly in long strides, and Fox had barely the time to do anything before Bail had wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.

Yes, Fox was definitely tired. He carefully pulled his arms a little more apart from where they were pressed against Bail's body, and he leaned his head against his chest. His arms were definitely a bit more tingly than they had been a moment ago, but not yet numb. His feet were, for the most part, but he could still stand on them, so Fox ignored them for the time being.

For now, he simply closed his eyes and breathed in deep.

"I was so worried", Bail said.

"I know", Fox said. "I'm sorry."

Bail didn't day anything to that. Fox just felt him breathe in a little deeper as well, and his arms tightened ever so slightly around Fox.

They stayed like that for a while, before someone carefully cleared their throat somewhere behind Bail.

"My apologies, Senator Organa, but we need you in the command center."

"Of course." Bail loosened his hold on Fox and leaned away a bit, and that was the moment Fox's legs decided to not let themselves be ignored anymore, and made very clear the fact that leaning most of his weight onto Bail had been the only thing that had kept him upwards still.

His weight shifted forwards as Bail leaned back, and his knees buckled immediately. Bail was very quick to step back towards him and tighten his hold again, so Fox's didn't go crashing down onto the floor. He probably wouldn't have been able to stop his fall himself, as he couldn't feel currently anything below his knees and elbows.

Breha was quick to step in as well, as her hands came to keep Fox upright from his side, and together they managed to keep him somewhat upright still.

"Are you alright?" Breha asked. Fox felt a little guilty for being relieved over the fact that she didn't sound upset at him anymore.

"Yes", he said. He was a little out of breath now, despite the physical support. "I'm just a little tired."

They both knew what that meant. Bail let out a deep sigh.

"I think you are a bit more than a little tired, my love", he said. "I'll be in the command center in a moment. I'm just going to take my husband to our rooms to rest."

"Yes, Sir." Breha pushed him up a little more, so that Bail could more easily let go of him in order to bend down enough to lift Fox's legs on his arms.

"Watch your back", Fox reminded him.

"You watch your back", Bail shot back at him. He got his other arm properly around Fox's back and hoisted him up.

"Both of you watch it", Breha said. She put her hand on Fox's knee and patted it gently, before turning around. "It's better if we take you to our rooms anyway. Leia will hear sooner than later that you are here as well."

"I don't doubt that", Fox said. He leaned his head back against Bail as they started to make their way down the hall. It wasn't thankfully a long way to the lift from the Room, nor would it be from the lift to their quarters, if Fox had understood the layout of the base correctly. This was the first time he had been there in person, after all, so his only frame of reference were the drawings he had seen of the layout, and what Bail and Leia had told him about it. "I'm a bit surprised that she isn't already here."

"She is a bit busy at the moment", Breha said. "She has become quick friends with the pilot that made the final shot. He was the one who saved her from the battle station as well."

"Really?" Fox had not been able to see who he had communicated with, and General Kenobi that been the one to sign the messages between them, so Fox hadn't known who else exactly was there. "I should extend my gratitude to him as well."

"Yes." Breha hummed, thinking for a moment as they walked towards the lift. "You should meet him. His name is Luke Skywalker."

Fox's heart made a couple of extra beats.

He swallowed.

"I really should, then", he said.

They stepped into the lift.

"We should also warn you", Breha said, as the doors closed. "The moment Leia knows that you are here, everyone else is also going to know."

"Who is this 'everyone else' we are talking about?" Fox asked.

There was a strange sense of foreboding creeping up on him, now.

"There were others, too, going in to save Leia from the Death Star, and to sabotage the station", Breha said. "Some of them are here now, too. Including your brother."

This time, Fox's heart left out a couple of beats.

There was only one brother that Breha could refer to with such gravitas as she did now.

"Cody?" Fox managed to ask around the piece in his throat that had suddenly formed there. "Is Cody here?"

Breha breathed in, and nodded, and Fox realised that the day was far from being over for him.

[supervalor]

All The Stars - Chapter Two

Title: All The Stars

Pairings: Karamel, eventual AgentReign, Guardiancorp.

Chapter: 2/?

Previous: 1, 

Next: 3, 4

Chapter under the cut.

Chapter Two

After a long talk with Lena and a quick chat with James, Kara had been offered her job back at Catco. She’d returned to her apartment relieved that her job was still hers but anxious at how she was supposed to balance being a reporter, a superhero and in time, a mom. She remembered Alex’s reassurance that she wasn’t alone and she had people that would help her which made the anxiety dim a little.

On her way back to the apartment, Alex had rung and informed her that the group was going to the bar that night to celebrate her engagement and she was welcomed to join them if she was up for it. Kara’s first instinct was to avoid but she didn’t want to disappoint her sister. Before making a decision one way or another, the blonde decided that it was time to confront her ghosts, mainly Mon-El.

That was how she found herself sitting on her sofa with a roll of pictures taken of her and Mon-El in the booth at the bar months ago. Her eyes locked onto her past self and felt envious of the sheer happiness and love that shone through her blue eyes. Kara remembered how she had felt then with Mon-El’s arms around her. It had been the careless kind of happiness that she had always seen but never experienced for herself until Mon-El. Her heart hurt as she looked at the loved up expression on his face and her thumb stroked over his picture as if her touch could make him suddenly appear for real.

“You would have been such a good father”, Kara told the picture softly as though he could hear her. She began picturing Mon-El running after a little boy who looked just like him and felt a pang of longing for what could have been if she hadn’t chosen to put the rest of the world before her own happiness…and Mon-El’s safety. “Why couldn’t things be different?” she questioned as her eyes shone with tears.

As she stared at the photograph, Kara realised that she had two options. Either she could stay there and cry over Mon-El forever or she could join the others at the bar and begin living again. Sitting around and moping over what she couldn’t change was not going to help her situation, nor would it make a good life for her baby and the others, they were still here and waiting for her. Mon-El, as much as she missed him, wasn’t and she couldn’t do this alone.

With a sad, wistful smile, Kara put the photograph away in the box of things that she had pulled out to remember him by. She quickly changed out of her comfortable clothes into something more suitable for the bar before flying over. When she walked into the bar, her eyes roamed the room until she spotted her friends and Alex sitting at a large table near the back. Taking a deep breath, Kara walked over to them and immediately her sister pulled her into a hug upon seeing her.

“I’m so glad that you came”, she whispered into her ear before pulling away and allowing the others to greet her with grins and cheers. As the group descended into conversation, Kara felt lighter than she had in a long time. Maybe she would never be like Clark or the others who would never be able to make the kind of sacrifices she had made but she was still Kara Danvers and she still had her family. She wasn’t going to spend any more time distancing herself because it hurt less.

“Hi Clark, I’m glad you picked up”.

The next morning found Kara sitting alone at her kitchen table with her cell phone held against her ear. She had already phoned Eliza the night before when she got home from the bar and told her about the baby. Now she wanted to ring her cousin and fill him in as she didn’t want him to be the completely last person to know.

“Kara, hey, how are you doing?” Clark’s voice was full of concern for her. Alex had been keeping him to up to date on how she was handling things and she knew her sister must have told him how she’d been behaving recently. “I saw what you did yesterday. Great job getting rid of that nuke”.

Kara’s stomach swirled as she felt what she now knew to be morning sickness flare up. She had already puked up three times already. Now she’d just eaten some cereal for her breakfast and she wanted to throw it back up again. Morning sickness sucked. “Thanks cous. I’m actually calling you because there’s something that I need to tell you. And it’s big, like really big”.

“What’s going on?” She pictured Clark’s frown as he tried to make his best guesses as to what was up with her. She knew none of them would probably be even remotely close.

“I found something out yesterday. I don’t know if you saw me faint after I got rid of the nuke but-“

“You fainted?!” Kara could clearly hear the alarm in his voice.

“Yeah. Well at least the news didn’t get to capture that, thank goodness. Anyway J’onn took me back to the DEO and they ran some tests and well…well it turns out that I’m pregnant”.

There was silence from the end of line as her cousin digested her news. “Is it Mon-El’s?” he asked finally.  Kara rolled her eyes so hard that they almost got stuck in her skull.

“Well considering there’s been no one else…yes”.

“Do you want me to come down? I can go pack some things and come stay with you for a while”.

“I’m fine. You should stay with Lois and keep guard over Metropolis. They need you more than I do. Alex will keep watch over me, don’t worry”.

“You better call me if you need anything or if you change your mind”, Clark ordered in his Superman voice, making her smirk slightly.

“I’ll call. Give Lois my love”.

After hanging up, Kara ran to the toilet and threw up the contents of her breakfast, resigning herself to the fact that she probably wasn’t going to be able to eat much outside of crackers and dry biscuits for her breakfast for the foreseeable future.

After finally managing to get something down her that wouldn’t – hopefully – come back up, Kara dressed for the day in a smart blouse and trousers, something that she probably wouldn’t be able to keep wearing for much longer. Pushing the thought out her mind, she put her blonde hair up into a professional bun before lifting her bed up to pull out a pair of comfortable shoes. As she did, Kara’s eyes landed on a copy of Romeo and Juliet that she didn’t remember buying.

Frowning, she put the shoes to one side and picked up the copy of Romeo and Juliet to flick through it. Her heart stopped when she looked at the notes written across the margins and recognised the familiar handwriting as Mon-El’s.  He’d annotated and written notes across most of the pages but her eyes stopped when they saw her name written in capital letters with a circle around one of the lines: the brightness of her cheek would shame those stars.

Kara took a deep breath and forced herself to close the book. She didn’t have time to lose herself in memories and pushed the book back under her bed where she had found it. Sliding on her shoes, she walked out of the apartment and locked the door, determined to put all her energy into work and Supergirl.

On her way to work, Kara quickly stopped off to buy Lena a ‘welcome to Catco’ gift in the form of a smart, black leather organiser. She owed her friend that much after she had distanced herself so much from her and everybody over the last month or so. When she arrived in the office, she spotted James already in the editor’s office frowning at Lena. “Lena!” she called her new boss’s name and interrupted whatever conversation the two had been in the middle of. “Welcome to Catco!” she handed her the organiser with a warm smile.

A dimple creasing smile broke out on the pretty CEO’s face. “You didn’t have to do that”.

“It’s a Danvers family tradition. First day of school you get a planner”, Kara gestured to the organiser.

“Well it’s lovely. In the Luthor house on the first day we would hire a private investigator to make sure our teacher’s credentials were up to date”.

Both Kara and James forced out an awkward laugh at that little snippet of Lena’s childhood.

The tall man shot a small frown in her direction as he turned to her. “So Kara you knew that Ms Luthor would be here today?”

“Yes, she texted me this morning”.

James glanced at both women in surprise. Clearly he hadn’t received a text, Kara noticed and wondered why he seemed to have a problem with Lena’s presence.

Lena shot him an apologetic look. “I should have communicated more clearly, Mr Olsen. I’m sorry it won’t happen again”.

After James and Lena began a discussion on where she would work – somehow Kara didn’t think it was the lack of office space that was her friend’s real issue here – her phone began to beep, catching her attention. She wondered if it was the DEO and immediately turned to look at just as Lena began to speak to her.

“Kara, do you think you could get me the dossier on the Edge investigation, please?”

“Err, there’s actually something I have to deal with. Can I get it for you later, is that okay?”

Lena seemed taken aback by the question but said “sure, sure, yeah”.

“Sorry”, she apologised as she began to scurry out of the office, leaving the two alone once again. Kara quickly went home and changed into her Supergirl outfit before flying off to the DEO where everyone was already gathered, including Maggie. “What was the general alert for?” Kara questioned as she strode towards the main control panel.

Winn frowned at her sudden appearance. “Wait you get the general alerts? That just for the analysts I think”.

“I had them add me to the distro list”. Alex glared at her sister pointedly. “I want to know what’s going on with the city at all times”.

“Detective Sawyer brought this in this morning, Mr Schott?” J’onn turned to Winn.

“Yeah, well, we analysts thought we might be able to see something the cops didn’t”.

“She hit two banks back-to-back”, Maggie informed Kara.

“Where are the guards?”

“Unconscious on the floor”, Alex answered as they watched the screen with the CCTV footage playing from the bank robbery.

“Any leads on how she took them out?”

“Oh we thought it might be gas”, Winn started before Maggie finished his sentence.

“But toxicity came back negative”.

J’onn added, “According to reports, she walked right in the front door. No weapons of any kind. Everyone just cleared out of her way and let her take whatever she wanted”.

Suddenly Winn stood up and moved to the computers. “Woah, we’ve got a silent alarm tripped at 25 and Cedar”.

Kara glared at the footage that played out on the screen. “Looks like that’s our new friend”. She took off at full super speed without bothering to wait for back up since the woman looked mostly harmless and anything she could do, probably wouldn’t affect Kara since she wasn’t human.

As soon as she arrived in the bank vault, Kara knew that the blonde woman had sensed her. “I’ve got you cornered”, she warned in case the blonde thought to try anything.

“Do you?” she retorted coldly and continued to slip money into her bag.

Kara frowned at the woman’s self-assurance and stepped forward. “What did you do to them up there?” she wondered what the woman could do that made her feel like she stood a chance against Supergirl.

The woman turned to look at her with an affronted look. “I only wanted to play but they didn’t want to play with me”.

“Well you’re not getting away with it”.

“Oh”, the woman smiled condescendingly as though Kara was just a silly little girl. “You think you’re the cat and I’m the bird”. Kara watched with disbelief as the woman zipped up the bag full of money. “You got it backwards. You could join me. Maybe then you’d be happy”.

Kara did not like the knowing look on the woman’s face. Her stomach stirred with nausea but she fought to keep it from showing on her face.

“You see money equals happiness”, the blonde continued, thankfully oblivious to Kara’s sudden desire to throw up. She wanted to curse at herself for the crappy timing of her pregnancy symptom. “More money, more happiness”.

“Your priorities are seriously out of whack”, Kara returned, ignoring the voice in her head that whispered ‘hypocrite’.

“Huh, I know right?” The meta-human snorted out a laugh.

Kara didn’t really see what was so funny. “Put the bag down”, she ordered, wiping the smile from the woman’s face. She sighed before staring at Kara with a look of hard concentration.

As she stepped forwards and continued glaring at her, Kara suddenly felt like her entire world had been knocked sideways. She almost fell back as she suddenly found her surroundings morph and change until she was in a lab with a tray of medical equipment placed out in front of her. Kara suddenly found it hard to breathe as she stepped backwards into the bank lockers and the scene began to change again so that she was now floating in space. She saw the sun slowly edging towards her in her peripheral vision and felt her head began to drip with sweat that she normally didn’t produce. She felt struck with terror and her hands fell to her stomach protectively.

Kara was stuck in that state until she suddenly came out of it gasping as she slid to the floor as Maggie stormed in, dressed in her police uniform and ran towards her with a worried look on her face.

“It’s okay, it’s okay”, she cooed to Kara as she struggled to catch her breath, suffering what most people would call an anxiety attack. When she had calmed down, she shakily allowed Maggie to escort her back to the DEO where her sister almost immediately dragged her off to the med bay for a check-up. For once in her life, Kara didn’t complain or protest which was another sign to Alex that her sister wasn’t okay.

Kara sat on a bed as Alex got a scanner and began to run it over her sister’s body. She would have to do an ultrasound to make sure that her baby was one hundred percent okay but a scan would suffice for now. “You’re vitals are coming up normal”, Winn told them as he looked at the results on his tablet.

“What about the baby? Is the baby okay?” That was all Kara cared about. She felt fine but what did she know about being pregnant?

“From what I can tell everything looks fine but you’ll have to let Alex give you another ultrasound later”, Winn assured and patted her lightly on the shoulder.

“None of the human victims remember what happened in there. Do you?” Maggie questioned her.

“I don’t know. I felt like the walls of the vault were closing in on me”, and she had felt terrified, more than she had ever felt in her life but she kept that thought to herself. “It was like I was suffocating”.

Alex looked at her with concern. “Sounds like she made you feel claustrophobic”.

“Claustrophobia is a human problem”, Kara retorted dismissively.

“You used to have episodes like that all the time when you first came to Earth”.

Kara wouldn’t hear of it. She wasn’t weak, she could defend herself and her unborn child. She was stronger than a human or the fragile child that had first landed on a strange planet. “That was a long time ago. We need to figure out who she is and how we track”. She almost walked right into J’onn after getting off the bed, heading towards the door. He blocked her way.

“Well at the moment you’re our best clue”.

J’onn’s eyes flashed red as he stared at Kara.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked as she recalled that J’onn wasn’t supposed to be capable of reading a Kryptonian mind.

Winn voiced the same thought out loud. “Wait, I thought you couldn’t read Kryptonian minds?”

“I can’t but I can scan her mind for residual psychic activity”.

“Just remind me to get you a world’s best boss mug”, the tech guy quipped.

“She’s definitely a psychic but she’s not like me. There are traces of a particular type of psionic interference in your mind, the type only used by metahumans”.

“Okay well I’ll start combing through the metahuman database”, Winn volunteered and left the room.

“In the meantime I’ll start monitoring potential targets for unusual activity”, J’onn said as Kara turned her back on the room and began walking out.

She stopped and leant against the doorway. “If we locate her, I’ll take her down”.

Alex stared at her incredulously “It’s not safe”. She looked pointedly at Kara’s belly but the blonde ignored the look. She knew what she was getting into and the baby was perfectly okay after the blonde’s attack. There was no way she was staying out of it.

“She caught me off guard last time.  It’s not going to happen again”, Kara stated firmly before walking away before anyone could try to argue with her further.

After leaving the DEO, Kara went home to quickly change back into her work clothes before flying back to Catco. As she stepped out of the elevator, she ran into James and surprised him with that she was running late for a meeting that Lena had called and he had known nothing about. It was after he had admitted that Lena hadn’t told him about this meeting that the woman in question showed up.

“Kara, there you are”, she greeted with a large smile as the dark blonde reporter immediately began to whistle off apologies, realising that she had missed the meeting.

James shot Lena an accusing look. “Was it a good meeting, was it good?”

The woman smiled innocently. “Yeah I was just going around to all the departments giving them a little pep talk”, she then turned to Kara. “I really missed you there”.

Right at that second Kara’s phone began to go off. “Shoot!” she scrambled to grab it out of her bag. “I have to take this”, she walked away with the phone pressed to her ear, oblivious to the look that Lena was giving her. As she got into the elevator she listened as Winn filled her in on the psychic’s location. Kara quickly changed into her Supergirl gear before flying off to the basement parking lot where she found her with a bag in hand. As soon as the woman spotted her, she dropped the bag.

While she confronted the metahuman, J’onn tried to read her mind but ended up on the other end of the mental assault and leaving Kara vulnerable to her attacks. Immediately Kara found herself on the ground with visions of her mother sending her away from Krypton filling her vision as she trembled against the concrete floor.

Just as she found herself staring out of her pod, once again heading towards the sun, Alex’s voice pulled her out of it. “Supergirl!” she rolled over and awoke with a gasp, her hands on her chest as it raced faster than the Flash.

Realising that the criminal had vanished while she was incapacitated, she forced herself back to the DEO where Alex had threatened her with more scans and an actual ultrasound this time.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t hold her off”, J’onn said to her as he joined her at the main control table with Alex on her other side. “She’s more powerful than any psychic I’ve ever encountered”.

“What happened this time?” Alex wanted to know. This woman had to be powerful if she had gotten the best of Kara for a second time and Alex didn’t like the thought of that one bit.

“It was the same as before”, she lied as her sister stared at her as though she could see right through her. She probably could. She always did seem to know when Kara was lying to her or to herself.

“I’ve got our girl!” Kara had never been so grateful for Winn than in that moment when he interrupted with his trusty tablet in hand. "Gayle Marsh, law abiding citizen of Skokie, Illinois until one day she snapped and went on a bank robbing spree”.

J’onn moved close to the screen as Winn used the tablet to load the information on Gayle so that everyone could see it. “Uh let’s see…the authorities nicknamed her “Psi” after a string of psychologically-enhanced robberies which ravaged a series of small town banks throughout the midwest a couple of months ago”.

After Winn offered to adapt their psychic dampening technology as a tool to stop Gayle and Alex decided to check if there were any more witness reports at the precinct, Kara dragged Winn to one of the empty training rooms to talk. “This is very covert ops”, he commented as she shut the door so that they would have complete privacy. “What’s up?”

“I know how she’s doing it”, Kara blurted out. “I felt her this time, she’s targeting people’s fear”.

Her friend looked at her confused. “How…how do you know that?”

Kara glanced down for a moment before she confessed to Winn what she hadn’t even told Alex. “I saw my mother. I saw…Krypton…explode”, her voice broke as she relived the memories. “I relived my last moments there. And then being stuck floating through space for so long knowing I could never have my life back. Psi put me back in that pod… completely trapped and alone, it was so quiet. Silence was the worst part. I felt completely cut off from everyone and everything I’ve ever known”.

There was a moment of quiet as though Kara had just begun to realise that she was spilling her heart to her best friend. “We have to stop her, Winn”, she said in a voice much different to the one she had been using as she spoke of her memories.

Winn looked at her with a devastated look over her re-lived trauma. “You should tell J’onn and Alex”, he spoke in a soft voice.

She immediately shook her head. “No, they can’t know, they’ll just worry. You have to be the one to solve this, it’s why I’m telling you. You’re already altering the psychic dampeners right? This will help”.

“Well yeah”, he agreed. “Knowing that it targets fear centres, sure”.

“Good”. Then her cell phone began to ring and interrupted anything more Winn might want to say. “Sorry, hang on. It’s Lena, I’ve gotta go”.

“Hey”, Winn reached out and touched her shoulder. “I’m…I’m sorry that this is happening”, he looked at her with compassion, knowing he wouldn’t like to be reliving his own traumatic memories all over again in great detail. “If…I-“

“I’ll be fine”, she insisted before swooping away to change into her civilian clothes.

Her next meeting with Lena did not end so well. After she kept brushing off Lena and her duties to Catco, her boss finally called her out on it, on her distracted behaviour work wise and reminded her that didn’t spend seven hundred and fifty million dollars on a company as a favour to a friend or planned to be an absentee landlord. She had an active investment in Catco and she wanted to get everything she could out of it as possible.

Feeling put in her place and ashamed for her behaviour, especially since it wasn’t as if Lena knew she was Supergirl, she promised to get in touch with her contact at the bank. Speaking of which, just as she was getting into the elevator, she got a call from Alex informing her that Psi had hit another bank. “I’m on my way”, she replied and ripped open her shirt.

As the doors shut, Kara felt herself begin to have a panic attack. The walls of the elevator began to close in on her and she felt her chest begin to tighten. It was getting harder and harder to breath. She tried to take a deep breath but it didn’t work. Finally, out of desperation, she ended up ripping out of her clothes and flying directly through the ceiling, hoping that she’d be able to find a good way to explain that later.

“Supergirl?” Alex’s voice came through the comm as she levitated above the clouds.

“I’m okay”, she huffed out, inhaling as much of the fresh air as she possibly could. “I’m headed there now”.

“She got away”, her sister told her and Kara could have screamed.

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. No sign of any psychic intrusion”, Winn informed her after she came into the DEO to be checked over. She had been positive that Psi had somehow got into her head while she was in the elevator and used her distraction to escape. However when she got there and had the tech guy look over her, he had found absolutely nothing wrong with her.

She scowled in surprise. “What?!” There had to have been something wrong. Supergirl didn’t just randomly have panic attacks.

“I think you just had a good old fashioned panic attack”.

“That’s not possible”, she refuted. “No, I’m stronger than that”.

“Look she got into your head, okay? You know she’s forcing you to live through some serious trauma. It’s going to take a toll on anyone, I don’t care if you’re the strongest person in the world”.

Alex came in the room and the conversation died as Kara quickly made an excuse to leave. She went back to her apartment, desperate for some time alone to think or even meditate to some of her planets old prayers. She changed into some comfortable clothes and was sitting in front of her coffee table reciting a mantra to Rao in Kryptonian. That was how Alex found her when she walked into the apartment.

“What are you doing?”

“It’s Kryptonian meditation. We say an ancient mantra to help strengthen the mind”.

It didn’t take long before Alex confessed that she’d made Winn tell her about their conversation. Including about what Kara had been going through. “I didn’t want you to worry”, she said when Alex demanded to know why she hadn’t told her.

“You fight the most dangerous creatures and people in the world. I’m always going to worry”, she pointed out logically.

“I don’t know how to fight this one”, Kara confessed, something she hadn’t wanted to admit to anyone including herself out of fear of appearing weak. “And I should be able to stop her but then she makes her way into my mind…its torture. I don’t know how to deal with that”.

To her relief, Alex didn’t look at her as though she was weak, just with sympathy and concern. “By remembering that your fears don’t define you” the older Danvers told her softly. “You know who you are as Supergirl, who you are as Kara, that’s what defines you.  And she’s got nothing on that”.

“No, who I am as Kara feels broken”, Kara thought of her baby, the precious life she had made with Mon-El that he would never know about, about how she’d been forced to send Mon-El off into the unknown forever and never know what happened to him. About having to always put her duty as Supergirl and the protector of Earth before anything else. She didn’t even want to think about a day where she might have to make a choice between the Earth and her child.

“I lost Mon-El. I’m having his baby that he’ll never know about, Lena keeps asking me where I’m going which is new and horrible. Alex, I’m trying to be myself again” and she was but with everything that had changed, it was hard to remember just who that was. The Kara she remembered had been happy, she’d adored being Supergirl and she loved her job as a reporter, viewed it as equally important to her duty as Supergirl, never needed to lie to Lena or flake on her, hadn’t needed to make a heartbreaking and impossible choice. “But everything that used to make me feel good, like, like a relief is…it’s disappeared”.

Alex had sat quietly, listening to her and not interrupting once. “It’s not always gonna to feel like that. I promise”.

“My life as Supergirl is the one thing I can count on”, not even this baby she was having- that still hadn’t really sunk in was a thing yet, felt like a tangible thing that would last. Kara felt like it was almost inevitable that she would have to face losing that too. “I can go out there and help people. I can make a difference in the world. I can feel strong even though a huge part of me feels so weak and she’s taking that away from me. And if I don’t have Supergirl, what do I have?”

“You got me”, Alex reminded her. “And that kid of yours eventually”.

Kara smiled sadly. “I know that, silly”.

The two sisters chuckled lightly before Alex shuffled forwards and the two hugged. For the first time in a while, in that moment, Kara didn’t feel like she was so alone.

Kara had just made herself and Alex two cups of fresh lemonade when the call went out that Psi was out causing havoc in a busy area that had a construction site nearby to boot. Alex set off to get geared up with the other DEO Agents while Kara changed into her costume and flew off to the DEO to check in with Winn. She then headed to the location that Gayle had been spotted at. She arrived just in time to stop a bulldozer from falling onto a mother and her daughter, quickly carrying it away from them. She put it gently down onto the ground before storming off to find Psi.

It didn’t take long. She saw her casually strolling down the street with her bags of cash and Kara didn’t spare a moment before turning on psionic inhibitor that Winn had given to her beforehand. However when Psi saw Kara and sent a psychic attack her way, the Kryptonian immediately stumbled back.

“Ladybird, ladybird fly away home”, Psi taunted as she approached Supergirl, who immediately turned the inhibitor back on. “Your house is on fire and your children, they will burn”.

Kara resisted the urge to touch her stomach protectively. She had to concentrate on her enemy and she couldn’t expose her vulnerability. Before she could do anything against Psi, the woman attacked her again but with a more powerful blast that sent her flying through the air and past several buildings, knocking the bricks of some of them as she hit them along the way. Kara fell onto some stone steps outside of one building and immediately began gasping as a fresh panic attack began to build, visions beginning to cloud her mind.

As Kara began to come out of the psychic induced visions, a wave of devastation hit her entire body as her blue eyes glazed with tears. “He’s dead”.

Alex was quick to find her and ran to her side. “Kara, hey it’s me. It’s okay, you’re okay”, she grabbed her arm and tried to get her sister to look at her but she was lost in her grief.

“I killed him”, her mouth trembled and her body shook as she realised what the visions actually meant. They weren’t memories. They were her worst fear. It wasn’t her in the pod floating in space…it was Mon-El. “It’s him in the pod, not me”.

Realisation lit up Alex’s face as she cottoned on to what Kara was talking about. “Mon-El?”

“I killed him!” tears dripped down her cheeks as the words came out. “I killed him, it was me”, she sniffed as the tears continued to fall. “He’s dead. He’s dead”, she gasped through broken cries. “I know he’s dead, I know it! If he were alive we would have heard from him. We would have gotten a message. He died in the pod. I put him in there and he died! He’ll never know our baby because of me!”

Alex’s heart broke for her sister. There was no way she could keep watching her sister go on like this. “Kara, he’s not dead!” Alex hoped that she was right since she had no way of knowing for sure but she had to believe that there was hope.

“I killed him, I killed him, I killed him!”

“He is not dead!” she repeated more firmly over Kara’s wails. “He is alive! Okay? I know it! I don’t know where, I don’t know how, I just know he’s alive. You saved him. Just like your mom saved you when she put you in that pod. She knew you were gonna be okay, she knew you were gonna live. Mon-El is alive because of you”.

Thankfully Kara seemed to be listening as her tears had slowly begun to reside as her eyes met Alex’s own brown ones that were filled with her belief and sincerity. “I saved him?”

Alex nodded with a smile. “Yeah”.

Somehow, after that conversation, Kara managed to find the strength to get back up and face off with Psi one final time. This time Kara won, she had faced her fear, confronted it and now Psi had no control over her. When it was all over, Kara immediately flew home and fell to sleep for a few hours, completely exhausted from the fight and everything she’d been through the past day or so.

Later that evening, Kara got dressed and actually managed to complete her work for Lena and Catco. She headed over to the office and was grateful that Lena was still there. She sheepishly walked over as Lena looked up from the desk she was standing in front of it.  “So I got in touch with your contact at the bank and he’ll be a great source on edge”.

“I’m glad it was valuable”, Lena answered coolly, her face completely neutral.

Kara folded her arms awkwardly as she thought of what to say to her friend and boss. She picked up a Rubik's cube and started fiddling with it. “Err…I think I need to apologise for my behaviour earlier”.

The other woman stared at her, saying nothing.

“You were right. I have a lot more baggage about Mon-El than I previously thought. It’s not knowing what happened to him that’s the hardest”.

Almost at once, Lena’s icy façade broke. “I know it can’t be easy”.

“You were just trying to be a good friend to me and I bit your head off”.

“This is new for me too”, Lena said softly.

“Working with friends?”

The dark haired woman smiled at her. “No having friends”. Both women chuckled. “Luthors don’t have friends, we have minions. And also I think there’s gonna be a learning curve for both jobs”.

“No, Lena. You were a really good friend and a great boss. Honestly”.

“Thank you” Lena took a look around the office before smiling slyly at Kara. “I’d really like to give you a hug but I’m afraid I’d show favouritism”.

“Err, screw that, come here, bring it in,” Kara ordered and the two of them immediately embraced. They pulled away as the elevator dinged.

“Oh wait, there’s actually someone I really want you to meet”, Lena waved over a pretty brunette woman that stepped out of the elevator dressed in a sharp black suit. Kara recognised her as the mother that she’d rescued with the kid from the bulldozer earlier that day. “I’m so glad you could make it!”

“Thank you so much for being so understanding”, the woman said to Lena who waved off her thanks.

“Oh god please no, I’m no stranger to family drama.” She then turned to the reporter. “Oh erm, Kara, this is Samantha Arias. She’s going to be taking over for me at L-Corp”.

Kara glanced over at her with surprise. “That’s great! It’s lovely to meet you Miss Arias”.

“Please it’s just Sam”, Sam told her as they shook hands.

“Okay!”

After leaving Catco, Kara went over to the DEO to have a quick ultrasound with Alex to double check that Psi hadn’t actually managed to damage the baby. A quick check confirmed that the little Daxtonian was in good health, probably taking after both parents with the superhuman abilities including healing and strength. “Great, that’s going to hurt when it starts kicking”, Kara complained as Alex turned off the machine.

“Well at least you have super healing”, her sister smirked.

“There is that”, Kara smiled. “Hey Alex?”

“Yeah?”

“You were great today…with me, when I was having that break down. You’ll be an amazing mother someday whenever you and Maggie decide to have them”.

For some reason, Kara’s comment wiped the smile from Alex’s face. She sat up as soon as she registered that something was up with her sister. “Hey, is something wrong?”

“No, no, it’s nothing. It’s fine. I’ m just tired. You should probably get home and get some rest since I’m sure you must be worn out from all of today’s excitement, plus you’re pregnant”.

“If you ever need to talk, I’m here alright? You made me talk and don’t think that this is a one way street alright?”

“Get out of here”, Alex smiled, playfully pushing Kara out the door. As she flew home, the blonde couldn’t help but worry that Alex was keeping something from her. She just hoped that she would confide in her when she was ready.

[jackblankhsh]

Why I Quit:  Public Relations

“Wow, that is a lot of blood.”

“Thanks.  It’s not mine.  I hit a pig on the way over.”

“Cop pig, or pig pig?”

“Cop riding a pig actually.  It’s a whole thing, I don’t really have time to get into.  Could I get a waffle cone full of mint chocolate chip?”

“No problem.”

I handed the woman her ice cream cone.  She took a lick that inspired a deep lusty bite.  The look of elation on her face – comforting cold wrapping around a burning soul – I envied that degree of satisfaction, wanted to be her.  Then a bullet whipped through the front door.  Her head exploded.  Though her body fell she did not drop the cone.  I distinctly remember a bit of brain erupting from her skull, flying over the counter, and landing in the slot full of cherries.  It sank into the maraschino pool, and I doubt anyone but me saw it vanish.  There to lurk until one day spooned onto a sundae.  

On the news that evening, a perky anchor addressed the city, “Good evening, Chicago.  This is the news.  25 people shot yesterday, all of them dead.  Cubs won their home opener, and the weather may get up into the 80s this weekend.  Isn’t that great?”

Co-anchor cocked an eyebrow, “Cubs win, and 80 degrees on the way?  Can’t get much better.”

All smiles then, leaving the grim behind.  No details.  The less known the less thought about, except I couldn’t stop wondering if office work might now be a safer profession.  In a skyscraper high above the streets full of swarms of stray bullets unintentionally murdering randomly – I decided to jump ship, but not until sight of land.  In other words, I’d stick it out at the ice cream parlor until another job came along.  I would not have to wait long.

The next day I arrived to find my manager listening to an androgynous figure in a three piece suit.  Introductions quickly ensued.

“Indigo Jackson,” turned out to be a representative of a family, whom for legal purposes will have to remain anonymous, though suffice it to say they felt yesterday’s event warranted some kind of response on their part.  To that end, without suggesting any culpability, they saw fit to replace the entire front of the store with bulletproof glass, in order to allay any concerns from patrons or employees as to the safety of our establishment; and offered to compensate me to the tune of ten thousand dollars for having witnessed the “unpleasantness;” though of course all such matters required, first, the signing of several documents Indigo summarized adroitly, escorting us through a murky swamp of legalese without ever really explaining what signing those papers meant, despite implications abounding:  here big sack ‘o’ cash, sign for it, and shut up forever.  

When at last Indigo inquired, “Do you understand?”

I said, “It must be interesting to have a job where you need to be so definitely opaque, yet somehow understood enough people do what you ask.”

Indigo nodded, “It is.”  

“I kind of want to give that a try.”

“Are you saying you want a job instead of the money?”

“Can’t I have both?  It was a very disturbing sight.”

Indigo said, “Something can be arranged.”

Clapping my hands together, “Great.  Then before I quit, how about I make you a cherry sundae?”

“Sounds good.”

#

The next day I ascended to the top of the Monadnock Building.  Once upon a time the largest skyscraper in America – circa 1893 – it still towered in its own way, evolving over the century into a marvelous amalgamation of early aesthetics and modern technological convenience.  Brick full of invisible wifi threads connecting the past, present, and future; tap a foot on red tile mosaic patterns, while listening to the lasted streaming playlist, killing time till the rush hour clog gives way.  Then up steps adorned first in ornate aluminum cast decorations then on upper floors, bronze-plated cast iron staircases, shunning the elevator for a chance to walk through history… and maybe feeling no hurry to be at work on time.  

Into the office to start a brand new –

“You the new guy?  Follow me.”  A balding man in a sweat stained shirt grabbed me by the elbow.  He pulled me into the office muttering as he poured over emails.  His phone rang.  He threw it on the floor.  I felt it crunch under foot, and before I could apologize an intern materialized from behind a file cabinet, handed him a fresh phone, and the muttering commenced once again.  Though this time I deciphered a bit, “Goddamn turkey fuckering pirates.”

The office buzzed with activity.  Hordes of hollow eyed business people in various states of decay, internal and external, paced the space examining documents, paper and electronic.  A middle aged man in a thread bare double breasted suit sniffed ketamine off a tablespoon, while his colleague, a young woman in a pencil skirt, slugged vodka the way the thirsty chug water.  I only caught a snippet of their exchange:

“We can’t apologize for lactose intolerance.”

“But we can apologize for a cheeseburger having cheese.” In another space a grey skinned wax figure waited for a nurse to change an IV bag dripping morphine.  Surrounded by an assortment of young professionals, the room seemed like a cult of silence devoted to holding a secret.  A woman in tortoise shell glasses spun the cylinder of a revolver, put it to her temple, and when she heard the click, sighed, took a shot of whiskey, and started reading a letter.  I heard the distinct clatter of keyboards being hammered, and riding crops striking bare flesh.

“Thank you Miss!  May I have another?”

Yet in all the seeming chaos the workers managed to flow between one another efficiently, an almost elegant ballet of the damned.

The person towing me through the scene remarked, “I’m Bernie.  For now.  Tomorrow, I don’t know.  It depends.  Don’t ask on what.  Point being, your job is to write back to the beggars.  Got it?”

“Okay.”

“Good.  Here’s your space.”  And with that Bernie detached his hand, leaving me adrift by a state of the art computer atop a turn of the century desk.  Stepping over a chalk outline, I took a seat at my desk.

“Don’t worry about that.”

I looked up to find a young lady in red.  

She nodded at the chalk outline, “Horace Fletcher.  Good guy.  Killed himself.”

“Does everybody here talk in staccato sentences.”

She smiled, “Force of habit, I’m afraid.  There’s a lot to do, and no time to do it in,” extending a hand, “I’m Patty.”

Thanks to Patty, I discovered the true parameters of my job.  Public relations is almost a tautology.  It’s name defines what it is:  relating to the public.  However, that covers a broad spectrum of ways to relate.  The top floor of the Monadnock Building devoted itself to public relations for the {redacted} family.  This involved everything from composing explanations, summaries, and denials regarding the family’s various scandals, philanthropies, business, and political concerns.  Each concern being the focus of different groups, or perhaps divisions is more appropriate:  mercenary artisans trying to paint realities.

As Patty put it, “We wrap the shit in gold, and draw all eyes to a drop in the bucket.”

When I said, “Bernie put me in charge of the 'beggars?’”

Patty got a bit misty, “Entry level stuff.  Enjoy your innocence.”

I wanted to inform Patty about my time as a sounding assistant, sterilizing metal rods used by a dominatrix to widen the hole in a penis so that objects such as fingers could be inserted into said dick-hole; however, I could tell she enjoyed the idea of my innocence so much that it would be wrong to rob her of it.  So I kept my penis stories to myself.  

The “beggars” turned out to be anyone writing to the {redacted} family asking for money.  This also constituted a broad spectrum.  On any given day I went through about fifty missives soliciting money in myriad ways.  Long lost cousins sought financial reconnection with relatives; for the low, low price of 20 grand, black sheep offered to keep silent about buried bodies; and any number of other unrecognized spawn demanding financial acknowledgement.  Meanwhile, inventors who swore to be on the verge of paradigm shifting breakthroughs – teleportation, antigravity, freeze rays, and orgasm pills – just needed another few thousand to revolutionize the world.  Folks from places like Telluride, Colorado, Marfa, Texas, and Stockbridge, Massachusetts sought coin to start hospitals for broken hearts, agencies devoted to finding lost pets, and the Fuck You Ashley Tillerman Institute.  Cash to stop the Martian invasion.  Funds to get the invasion going.  

Every day I dipped into a cornucopia full of the well intentioned, insane, and grifters.  After about two weeks, it got hard to tell the difference between them.  This mainly having to do with the fact my response to each, as instructed, remained forever always NO.  

Patty said, “You have to read the letters.  That way you can put in a personal touch.  Then they feel like someone actually considered giving them money, and we get less hate mail.  Believe me, you don’t want to piss off that department.  They have the best drugs.”

So I did my best to be accommodating:

“Dear madam,

We appreciate your desire to build a National Hardware Store Historical Society.  Hardware stores provide Americans with the means to build the future, and maintain the present.  However, we don’t feel that our company is the best one to get behind this endeavor.  Perhaps a major home improvement retailer might be a better fit.  

Best of luck in your pursuit.

Sincerely, {redacted}”

An intern near the coffee room enjoyed the task of rubber stamping signatures onto all correspondence.  The kid sat in a weed slack fog of delight, stamp, stamp, stamping the day away.  On more than one occasion I found myself along with others enviously eying that intern.   According to office folklore, the top floor of the Monadnock Building was purchased because a bygone patriarch of the {redacted} family said, “The city is in charge of cleaning the sidewalk.  So if they’re going to kill themselves, let them jump to their death.  Then we won’t have to pay for the mess.”  So it’s no surprise how many of us came to envy that intern’s pacific demeanor while happily assisting in the distribution of our gilded shit.  It didn’t seem to wear on the soul quite the way it did on ours.  

Having to tell a racist no we won’t be funding a School of Higher Aryan Education (and whatever hideously malignant stupidity that would lead to) does make one feel good.  However, having to deny someone asking for help with medical bills, cancer killing their bank account before it goes after them, obliterates any of that joy.  Overhearing the press release about {redacted} Junior’s latest monstrosity – “Maybe that hooker wanted to die, she didn’t say, 'Stop choking me.’” – knowing the expense of his legal defense, and ad campaign to polish the family image – we could ease a few burdens with those millions.  But no.  Cancer fighters, refugees, the infirmed, those honestly sick, dying, and in need:  fuck 'em.  

Granted, it seems like an equal fuck you, aimed at anyone asking for a penny, yet, the disparity is taxing.  

The postmark puts the letter in some part of Texas.  It’s from an elderly woman writing on behalf of her grandson.  He can’t write himself because 45% of his body is covered in burns after an oilrig catastrophe, and seeing as how [redacted} owns those oilfields, well sir, it seems right proper maybe we could help with the medical bills is all; and sure, there’s a real possibility she’s a grifter pulling some bullshit con – start thinking of everyone as full of shit – old bitch probably writes to a dozen companies a day asking for any kind of cash.  Yeah!  Suck down a fifth of bourbon writing the politest fuck you the world’s ever heard.  Don’t even wonder if it’s at all true.  Or if so, consider it sarcastically:  sorry about your extra crispy grandson, but we can’t help because there’s nothing that says we have to.

On a Wednesday, Bernie stopped into my office.  He said, “You’re doing great.  Promotion assured.  Pretty soon you’ll have my job.”

I opened my mouth to reply.  His phone rang.  He held up a finger.  In the momentary silence he answered, listened, nodded then walked to a window, and jumped out.

Few people are ever so blessed to witness their future made plain.  

Patty stuck her head in, “Did Bernie just go out a window?”

I said, “Yep, and I quit.”