#god .......... its so sad... but i do really need to b alone... close the door and everything..

[dootdootwriting]

AHHH CONGRATS ON 600!!! I hope you're doing well heehoo and if its okay can i ask for the whole alphabet with scaramouche?:3 (also pls don't overwork yourself jdjajdkdlfmmeis)

600+ event!!

this is my first time writing for scara so i hope i did okay aha,, under the cut for length!

fluff alphabet with scaramouche, gn reader, warning for inazuma quest/scaramouche backstory spoilers!!

why is his name so long

A-Activities (what do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

- scaramouche isn't super knowledgeable about relationships, so he'll just sort of tentatively ask what you want to do and go along with it (though he might act like it's a stupid idea the whole time). really he doesn't care what he spends his free time on as long as you're a part of it.

B-Beauty (what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?)

- well first of all, he admires the courage you've got to have to be with him in the first place. other than that, he also loves your smile (but you won't hear him tell you that out loud, unless you're not really asleep when he thinks you are)

C-Comfort (how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

- another thing he's alien to. at first just starts telling you to calm down and is pretty harsh about it. when he realizes this isn't working, he'll reluctantly take you into his arms and start awkwardly patting your head. it's funny how awkward it is and you end up laughing at him about it, which makes him annoyed, but at least now you feel better.

D-Dreams (how do they picture the future with their s/o?)

- scaramouche... either wants you to be by his side as he conquers everything and shows the world just how strong he is, or he wants to do it alone. though it would be much better if you were with him and it makes him sad to think about you not being there in the end.

E-Equal (are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?)

- surprisingly passive, actually. he doesn't really know what he's doing so he lets you make most of the decisions about dates and spending time together. other than that though, he likes to drag you around to do whatever he wants.

F-Fun (what do they do for fun with their s/o? what’s their idea of a fun day out?)

- what's fun? on a day off, scaramouche will wander around and ponder his own existence. you'll have to take him to a market or a park or something so he can actually experience things first - once you do, you'll find he enjoys being alone with you somewhere quiet, where he doesn't have to listen to other people.

G-Gratitude (how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

- doesn't show it, but is definitely grateful, though he also doesn't know just how much of a hassle he can be. scaramouche just sort of assumed love was supposed to be unconditional... but he can tell when he's crossed a line, and he's grateful for you sticking by him despite everything.

H-Honesty (do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

- obviously the one big secret is how he came into being in the first place, but once he trusts you enough to tell you about his being a puppet and a test, he's in all the way. he hides little things from you before that but once he's told you, you're in it with him forever whether you like it or not, and that means he doesn't keep anything else from you.

I-Inspiration (did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

- he's a lot more tolerable around you! you've been approached by fatui officers asking you "how do you do it?" and saying things like "thank you so much i totally thought i was gonna be yelled at today!" somehow you cool off his temper a bit.

J-Jealousy (do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

- JEALOUS JEALOUS JEALOUS man. he gets jealous so so easily and WILL confront you about it. after a while and once he knows he can trust you he gets jealous less frequently, because he knows you're with him for the long run.

K-Kisses (are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?).

- bad kisser at first because he's probably never been in love before. he gets the hang of it quickly though! your first kiss was because he had to shut you up and he couldn't figure out another way how so he just kissed you. you yelled at him after that.

L-Love confession (how would they confess to their s/o?)

- scaramouche confesses on purpose but in a really weird way. he plans it and everything - he takes you out to see the sunset and brings food (almost like a picnic) but then once he gets to the actual confession it's just like "how dare you do this to me? i stay awake at night thinking of you and somehow you're the most tolerable person i've ever met. childe had the audacity to call it love and to laugh at me so he got what he deserved. if you don't feel the same way i'll punch you too." but he doesn't end up having to punch you, which you're both very glad about.

M-Mornings (what’s it like waking up with them? do they sleep late or wake up before the sun rises?)

- he didn't have a reason to sleep in late until he started sleeping next to you. now he's stuck in his ridiculous sleep schedule so he always wakes up before you. but hey! bonus! now he gets to look at you while you sleep, which for some reason makes him extremely flustered (which is really cute to wake up to).

N-Nicknames (what do they call their s/o?)

- just calls you your name 🧍

O-On cloud nine (what are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

- when he discovered he was in love he got angry at you. then he realized it wasn't your fault, and, actually, this wasn't such a bad thing. man were you confused though. for a solid week he just yelled at you for no reason. childe guessed correctly when he realized scaramouche's more-unusual-than-usual behavior, but he had the decency to hold his tongue around you.

P-PDA (how are they with PDA? is it fun to them or are they more reserved with their affection?)

- hates pda. will hold your hand and that's it if you try to kiss him in public his face will scrunch up and his ears will pull back instinctively. then he'll avoid you for the rest of the day.

Q-Quirk (some random thing they do when they’re with you for no reason in particular)

- gently taps you at random moments, almost as if he's trying to remind himself that you're here with him.

R-Romance (how romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

- scaramouche tries to be romantic? he's doing his best. he tries all the gooey stuff to make you happy like buying you chocolate and giving you stuffed animals but in reality he has little to no tolerance for this kind of thing and you have to reassure him you love him, not the classic romantic things he forces himself to do. after that he stops, which is a huge relief.

S-Support (are they helping their s/o achieve their goals do they believe in them?)

- he's more focused on his own goals and climbing the fatui ladder, but he's also very invested in anything you're attempting to do. wholeheartedly believes in you, whether he outwardly expresses it or not.

T-Thrill (do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship or do they prefer certain routine?)

- scaramouche likes the security of his routine and the place your relationship is at. he gets embarrassed at pretty much any new milestone and needs some time to get to them, and he gets cranky when things change suddenly, so uh. no, he likes it better the way it is with little to no changes.

U-Understanding (how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

- not very empathetic, but is very understanding. scaramouche lacks the ability to feel how you're feeling (is it because he isn't quite human?), but he does understand how you work and function, and the best ways to treat you depending on your mood.

V-Value (how important is the relationship to them? What is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?).

- since you're so important to him, you're about number two on his list of priorities, maybe almost tied with his work in the fatui. he can't stand people, but you've wormed your way into his heart, so he's not letting you go anytime soon.

W-Wild card (a random fluff headcanon?)

- any time you give him affection he's a little startled at first, but he comes to love it and eventually will ask you for hugs.

X-XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

- yes but ONLY behind closed doors. he's afraid if he so much as looks at you lovingly his underlings will laugh at him, and he definitely can't have that. when you two are alone, however, he absolutely cannot get enough of your touch.

Y- Yearning (how will they cope when they are missing their partner?)

- angry angry angry and makes it everyone's problem. when you get back from your trip the mood is dark and agents are running up to you like you're their savior "OH GOD YOU'RE BACK THANK EVERYTHING PLEASE SAVE US."

Z-Zeal (are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?)

- he would literally kill for you (please tell him not to)

[sierraraeck]

A Cruel Joke

Emily x Bi!Fem!Reader

Masterlist

Summary: You find solace in the arms of a hurting FBI agent after she comes to investigate the death of your best friend.

Category: Angst, implied smut.

Warnings: 15 year age gap between adults (37/22)

Word Count: 4.9k

A/N: If you don’t like the name Alexa, I’m sorry, just try to imagine that it’s a different name.

A lesbian and a bisexual walk up to a crime scene. It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but this situation was very real, and very unfunny.

You’d had a bad feeling. That should have been enough to get you to stay with her, you’re best friend, but you didn’t. You had been selfish.

And now she was dead.

Alexa was dead.

And it was your fault.

Had you just pulled yourself together and been there for her as a friend, stopped worrying about how you felt, she wouldn’t have walked back to your campus apartment from that party alone, and she wouldn’t have been vulnerable to the monster that took her and he wouldn’t have…

But he did, and now you were numbly walking down the sidewalk that led behind the sorority house you’d been partying at and to the local park, not even registering anything that was happening around you.

You’d heard the news before you could even press send on a text making sure she was okay. You’d heard the news, but you had to confirm for yourself. She couldn’t be dead, she just couldn’t be. You saw her only last night, not even six hours ago.

Despite officers and other important people yelling at you to get back, you just kept walking towards the crime scene, taped off with that awful yellow color.

Just as you were about to duck under the tape, approach the group of suits standing with their backs to you in a half circle, you felt a hand on your shoulder, a presence appearing in front of you.

“Miss, I’m sorry but you can’t be here.” It was a delicate voice, belonging to a woman.

“I have to know if it’s her. I just saw her, it can’t be her, I have to know if it’s her,” you mumbled in a panic, still trying to get a glimpse of what was sprawled on the ground in front of the officers. You realized they were staring at you now, but you couldn’t look away. You had to know.

“Miss, please, you shouldn’t be here,” the woman repeated. Her hand was still on your shoulder, and you finally looked her in the eyes, took in her face. Her features were gentle yet strong, and there was something striking about the contrast between her dark hair, fair skin, and pink lips.

You were trembling, something she could feel against her fingertips, and the water brimming in your eyes was enough to let her know how much you cared, probably more than anyone around.

She quickly glanced back at the other men behind her, and the tallest one nodded. With her hand still on your shoulder, she escorted you away from the scene, and away from prying eyes to a secluded park bench.

“Would you like to take a seat?” she asked.

All you could do was nod. Nothing felt real. Her voice sounded like it was reaching your ears by an old, fuzzy radio set up 10 feet away from you. This can’t be happening.

You plopped down on the bench with much less grace than the woman before you, who introduced herself as Agent Prentiss. “But you can call me Emily,” she’d said. “Can you tell me your name?”

“Y/N Y/L/N,” you whispered. Your arms were wrapped around yourself as you asked, “Is it her? Is it Alexa?”

Emily dodged your question with another question. “Who’s Alexa?” You later realized why she didn’t ask you how you knew her. She didn’t ask because she’d have to ask ‘how did you know her’ and not ‘how do you know her,’ something that surely would have set you off.

“She… she’s my b-best friend,” you mumbled around the lump in your throat.

“You mentioned that you just saw her. When was that?”

“Last night. We decided to crash the party with some of our friends who are actually in the sorority,” you explained meekly. “Please, Emily. Would you please tell me if it’s her? I have to know.”

Emily sighed and gave you a sad look, which was really all you needed, but hearing the words made it final. “Yes. We found identification on her with the name Alexa Stephens. I’m so sorry.”

Your whole heart shattered. You cared about her more than any of her other friends, and you sometimes wondered if you cared about her more than her family. She had a rough childhood and couldn’t stand to be in the same state as them anymore, which is why she transferred halfway through her freshman year. You immediately connected with her and you’d been friends ever since.

Your mind was racing, thinking of all the questions you needed answered, all the things you could have done differently to keep her alive. If you would have just been there…

“It’s not your fault,” the angelic voice broke through the static in your head, as if she could hear your thoughts.

“It is,” you whimpered, “If I had just pulled myself together, we would have walked home together, and she wouldn’t have been alone. Oh god, she died alone.”

“You did nothing wrong. You didn’t know, you couldn’t have. I’m sure you did what you thought was best in the moment.” It didn’t make you feel a whole lot better, but you grasped onto her words in an attempt to calm yourself down. You knew there was still more information she probably needed from you. You took some deep breaths, closing your eyes. A warmth spread its way through your palms, and you realized that the agent had put her hands in yours, giving them a reassuring squeeze. You held onto them like an anchor point. “Can I ask you a few more questions, or would you like to take a break?”

In through your nose, out through your mouth. You opened your eyes and nodded. “I want to help in whatever way I can.”

Emily continued to ask you questions about your night and if you remembered anyone suspicious. She asked if there was anyone who was staring at her, to which you told her that would be half the people at the party. Alexa usually had a steady stream of boys coming and going, some she dated and some she didn’t.

You never really understood that. You barely liked one person, let alone multiple back to back or at the same time. But Alexa just had this appeal to her, and while some would disagree with you, you thought she had a big heart. A big, blind heart.

“Thank you so much for your time. Give me a call if you remember anything else, anything at all,” Emily said, handing you her business card, “and I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thanks. I will,” you answered dryly.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

You woke up feeling out of sorts. You’d dreamt of her last night. Well, you’d dreamt of them. You saw Alexa laughing, and then you saw her sprawled on the ground, an image your mind had created all by itself, and then you saw Emily. Felt her soothing hand on your shoulder, her warm palms encasing yours.

Then you woke up. The whole thing made you feel weird and sad and tired.

You picked up the business card Emily had given you, twirling it in your hand. You hadn’t remembered anything new, but you felt safe around her. Noticed, important, like you mattered. You realized just how much you were lacking that from Alexa, from your other friends.

Simply calling her wouldn’t do, though. You wanted to see the woman that for once in your life made you feel like you didn’t have to pretend you were okay. She knew you had lost someone close to you, and didn’t expect you to keep it together.

What were you saying? You put the card down, remembering that you’d only spoken to her for all of 30 minutes and she was just doing her job. Nothing more, nothing less. You also had the wherewithal to know that you were probably only grasping at any minute display of affection since you’d just lost the one person you so desperately wanted it from but could never get it. It made you feel pathetic and angry.

God you were also just so tired.

Classes were not going to happen, so you just laid back down, hoping to be swept into another dream.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

A knock at the door woke you up. You weren’t sure what time it was, but you didn’t really care as you walked to the door.

Without looking through the peephole, you eked the door open. Emily was standing there along with another agent you’d seen at the crime scene.

“Hello. Y/N, right?” the blond asked. You nodded. “My name is Jennifer Jareau, and I believe you’ve met Emily.”

Emily smiled at you and you forced a small smile back. “What can I do for you?”

You invited them in and they asked you a few more questions. However, you were only half paying attention to what they were saying, and more paying attention to the way the two women were interacting. You’d sensed a tension the minute they walked in, but it seemed to be one sided. You figured it out by about the eighth time Emily glanced over at Jennifer. You recognized the look in her eyes: a mixture of love and hurt. You’d seen it too many times in the mirror not to pick up on it. But what really caught your eye was how many times Emily’s gaze traveled down to Jennifer’s hands. Specifically her left one with a shiny diamond on it. One look at Emily’s hand, and well, it wasn’t too difficult to put the rest together.

“Thank you again for your time,” Jennifer said, shaking your hand. Emily was slower to move, making eye contact with the other agent, some message you were not privy to passing between them. Jennifer gave you a tight lipped smile and left, but Emily stayed.

“I wanted to give you this,” Emily explained, holding out her hand. There was a small necklace in it, one you recognized immediately. “She was still wearing it and I thought you might want it back.”

You took it out of her hand, admiring the small heart pendant that dangled at the end. You’d bought it for Alexa for her 21st birthday. Her last birthday. “Thank you so much,” you said as you started to tear up. Just when you thought you’d cried yourself dry.

“Of course.” You thought Emily was going to leave after that, but she lingered a moment longer. You looked up at her, and she bit her lip, probably trying to decide if she should ask her next question or not. “She wasn’t your best friend, was she?”

You gave a weak smile, dropping eye contact. “That depends. Are you asking her or me?”

“I’m asking you.”

“No, she wasn’t. She meant more to me than that. But I never meant more to her. I sometimes wondered if I even meant that much to her,” your voice wavered.

“I’m sure you did,” Emily tried to reassure, but you weren’t buying it.

“Hope so,” you muttered. Looking back up at Emily, you held her eyes this time. “What about you and Jennifer?”

Her response was immediate. “What?” She sounded shocked, but you could tell she was trying to play it off.

You offered a single laugh. “I may not be a genius FBI analyst or profiler or whatever, but I know a hurting gay when I see one.”

Her mouth was still open, like she was going to try to come up with an excuse, but instead she just sighed. “That obvious?”

“Clearly not to Jennifer.” You shrugged. “Looks like I’m not the only one to lose someone recently.”

“It’s not the same thing,” Emily shook her head.

“You don’t need to downplay your pain,” you told her. “I know how bad that hurts. Why do you think I left that party early?”

A look of understanding flashed through her eyes. “A constant stream of guys…” Emily quoted your from earlier.

“Yeah,” you shrugged again. “Sometimes it’s just too hard to watch. Sometimes it’s just too hard to listen. When she’d come back to me crying over a break up when I was sitting right there… it’s painful. And that night I just couldn’t do it anymore. Couldn’t watch her waste her time on another guy who was going to hurt her. So I left. Look where that got me,” you mumbled the last part.

Emily gave a sad, bitter laugh. “She asked me to be her maid of honor.”

You sighed with her. “I’m sorry.” You had barely noticed the tear that escaped her eye before she forcefully brushed it away.

Something changed in her demeanor when she realized a tear had escaped, speaking faster as she headed towards the door. “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be telling you this. You already have a lot on your plate, and I don’t need to be unloading my personal issues on you. Again, I’m sorry, I will make sure-”

“Emily,” you cut her off, grabbing her arm and turning her towards you as she was about to reach for the doorknob. You weren’t sure what you’d been planning on doing once you stopped her, and the first thing you thought to do was hug her. You pulled her in close and wrapped your arms around her. She seemed shocked, but put her arms around you like it was the most natural thing in the world for the two of you to be doing.

You don’t know how long you stood there, but you would’ve stayed there forever if you could. The warmth and safety of her arms was something you’d never really experienced before.

When she pulled back from your embrace, you realized you’d both been silently crying. Her fingers traveled over your jaw, and her thumbs brushed away your tears. Your faces were only inches apart, but something in the back of your head told you that it wasn’t the right time.

Instead, you leaned forward and kissed away her tears, pressing your lips to her cheekbones. You felt her eyelashes on your face, a feeling you tried to commit to memory. A feeling you never got to experience with Alexa. One you never would.

“Y/N,” she whispered. You heard everything in the way she said your name, a warning that no matter how badly the two of you wanted this right now, it wasn’t a good decision.

“I know,” you whispered back, resting your forehead on hers, “Just please. Please let me live in my head for a little while longer.”

You stood there for a few more moments, her hands cupping your face and your hands on her back before she completely pulled away. “I will make sure we do everything we can to find the man who did this.”

“I know,” you repeated. “Thank you, Emily.”

She offered another small smile, but this time it felt a bit more sincere. With that, she left to continue fighting the monster that had ripped the earth out from under you.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

Three more days and another victim later, the case was closed. Emily and her team had caught the bastard, putting him away for good.

You felt like you owed it to her, to the whole team, to go down to the local station they were set up in and thank them.

The moment you walked in, Emily spotted you. She put down whatever pictures and maps were in her hand, and rushed over to you. Without exchanging a word you embraced, similarly to how you’d done a few days ago, although much shorter this time as you were in public.

“We got him.” Her voice was assured and her lips curved in just the smallest way as she studied your face.

“I don’t know if I could ever thank you enough,” you told her. You looked over her shoulder to the conference room she’d just abandoned, catching the majority of the other members looking your way. “Is that your team?”

Emily turned around to follow your gaze, most of the others looking away as she did so. “Um, yes. That is them.” You couldn’t exactly figure out what subtle meaning was in her tone of voice, but ultimately chose to ignore it.

“Can I… um, well, can I talk to them? I want to thank them,” you quickly explained. Emily turned around to give you a shy smile.

“Sure,” she agreed, heading towards the conference room. You figured that was your cue to follow her, so you did, trialing close behind her.

She pushed open the doors and introduced you. Of course, they all knew who you were as you’d been a mess when you showed up on their crime scene, and had apparently been a ‘big help’, which the tallest man with a stern face, told you.

“Oh, I didn’t really do anything,” you waved him off. “You did all the hard work, which I wanted to thank you all for. It means a lot that you were here and able to close this case. So thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” a tall, strong-built man replied. “Happy that we could help.”

“But a lot of the credit should go to Emily,” a thin man with curly hair stated, a small smirk on his face, “She really did most of the work.”

Emily opened her mouth to protest as she gave both men a dangerous side eye, to which all they did was fail to suppress a smile. You stopped her before she could refute, “Well, thank you.” The message was broad, directed towards everyone, but your eyes lingered on Emily.

She gave you a single nod, and you quickly glanced around the room at the agents that helped get justice for Alexa before heading out the door. You looked back at Emily before you left, her eyes following you out while the two tall men behind her were passing knowing looks. You caught a glimpse of the blonde agent staring at the whole interaction, then biting her lip and looking away. You looked back towards Emily and the two male agents, the bald one shaking his head in what you could only guess was amusement, something you felt a little flattered about. Again, you weren’t a profiler, but you could read the classic signs of friends teasing friends over something like a crush. You hoped your brain wasn’t too foggy from the whirlwind that your life had become to mistake those signs for something they weren’t.

You were just getting into your car and pulling the driver’s side door shut when the passenger side swung open. Emily plopped down in the passenger seat of your car, quickly shutting the door. Surprised to see her, you just sat there like a fool looking at her.

She glanced over at you, biting her lip, a little bit of mischief in her eyes. “Are you going to drive or should I?”

In response, you finished shutting your door and started the car. “What took you so long?” you teased. “Was it Jennifer?”

“Let’s not talk about Jennifer,” Emily responded, a level of conviction in her voice you hadn’t heard yet.

“No, let’s not,” you agreed. Let’s not talk at all. You leaned across the console, bringing her face to yours with a hand on her cheek. She kissed you back, deeply. Oh what it was like to kiss someone you had feelings for, and not only kiss them, but have them kiss you back. You hadn’t realized just how starved you’d been of this feeling.

You pulled back first, needing to get some air back in your lungs. You plopped back down in your chair a little dazed.

Emily wetted her lips. “I know you wanted to do that before. Why’d you wait?”

“I waited to help you. To help get justice for Alexa,” you briefly explained, pulling out of the parking lot. “I know how important it is to have a clear head.”

“And now?”

“The investigation is over, isn’t it?”

“It is,” Emily confirmed.

“Then I am done waiting. That was the biggest mistake I ever made with her. I waited to tell her until she… until it was too late. I’m never going to do that again. Never.” It was a promise you intended on keeping.

“I did the same thing,” Emily shared, her voice getting quieter.

“I know. So let’s both just agree to be honest and forward with what we want,” you suggested.

“And what is it that you want?”

“You,” you confessed.

The drive from the precinct to your apartment was short, and you were there within the next couple minutes or so.

Taking Emily’s hand, you led her up the stairs and through the door of your apartment. The moment you shut and locked it, Emily was there, pulling you close and kissing you with much more passion than she had before. You pushed off her blazer and started frantically working on the buttons of her dress shirt. You had to part for a moment, just long enough for her to pull your shirt over your head. You were going in to kiss her again, when she stopped you.

“Woah, woah,” she whispered. “Slow down. I want to savor every last moment of this.”

Her eyes tore down your figure, fingers brushing over your collar bones, down around the swell of your breasts and over your stomach. When they reached the top of your jeans, she looked up at you. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t… I don’t want to be pushing you to do something you’re not ready for yet. I don’t want you waking up regretting this because you still haven’t taken the time you need to grieve Alexa.”

“Let’s not talk about Alexa,” you copied what Emily had said about Jennifer earlier. “I want to be here with you. Will you let me be here with you?”

She slowly nodded, and the moment she did, you put your lips back on hers. They were soft, just a bit swollen, and she swiped her tongue across your bottom lip, asking for entry. You gave it to her without question, and did you best to resume the work on her dress shirt buttons. Your tongues tangoed as you finally got her shirt off her.

As you led her to your room, you were thankful you didn’t have to pass Alexa’s, and even though no one else lived in your apartment anymore, you shut the door out of habit.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

You woke up just before the early morning sun, drinking in the sight of the sleeping woman next to you. Your legs were tangled in the sheets, arms wrapped around each other.

Even though you’d had the entire night to admire her body, you couldn’t keep yourself from looking over her in awe. The way her face looked so at peace when she was sleeping and the way her dark hair messily fanned around her head made her look too perfect to be real. Everything that happened must’ve been a figment of your imagination, and the little solace you found in her felt like it was going to evaporate with your dreams.

And in a way, it was.

Once she woke up, she’d fly back across the country and go back to working her job like she’d never even met you. Maybe she hooked up with girls all over the country. She didn’t really strike you as that type, but you didn’t really know her.

The universe was playing a cruel joke on you. When you had the chance to spend years with the girl you were in love with, you didn’t have the guts to tell her how you felt, and now that you did, you only had a day or so with her. But in the end, both would leave. Both would be out of your life forever.

You’d been so caught up in these thoughts that you hadn’t noticed Emily peek her eyes open. The sun had just started shining through the blinds, and she squinted against the light. She was also able to see the wet streaks glinting against your skin.

That jolted her awake, sitting up on her elbow. “Hey,” she soothed, cupping your face, “What’s going on?”

You placed your hand on top of hers and wiped at your tears with the other. “You’re perfect,” you told her, voice barely above a whisper, “And you’re leaving. Everyone leaves.”

Instead of responding, Emily tucked you under her arm and held you while your wept. She whispered sweet nothings into your hair and cradled the back of your head. You held onto her like she was the only thing keeping you together, keeping the withering pieces you called yourself from crumbling completely.

But, as you’d said, at some point she’d have to go. She’d have to pick up her things and head back to her life. You were going to have to figure out how to manage on your own.

Once you’d calmed down enough, you apologized to her. She told you that she was there for you, and that you’d always have her number, which helped you feel a little better. Just as she was finishing putting on her clothes and heading toward the door, you said, “You know it’s not too late to tell Jennifer your feelings, right?” Emily gave you a sad look, one that told you it was too late, but you persisted. “She’s only engaged, and engagements can be broken. I saw the way she looked at you yesterday.”

“What do you mean? I thought you said she was oblivious?” Emily countered.

“True, but I was paying a lot more attention to you that day,” you informed her, which made her lips turn up. “But I’m talking about back at the precinct. As I was leaving and you were looking at me, and those two male agents were making eyes about the whole thing, I saw how she looked at you. She was jealous, and I think a little sad too. I’m just telling you that the worst thing that could happen if you tell her is she says no. The worst that could happen if you don’t tell her is you miss out on a life with her. Or before you know it, she’s getting hurt in the field and you end up right back here, just like me. Please, Emily. You have a chance to go for it, to tell her how you feel, something I was too stupid not to take advantage of when I could. Do it before it eats away at you any longer.” It was a plea by the time you finished.

Emily had never looked at you with pity before that moment, but there was a hint of the feeling in her eyes when you finished, like she thought you were desperate or naive. And, maybe you were, but you also thought that some of the pity might have been for herself.

You stood up out of bed, and approached her. She was standing frozen in the doorway, and the look of pity disappeared when you whispered, “It’s not too late.”

Emily pressed her lips to yours, in a slow, delicate way, one that felt like a goodbye. When she pulled back, her eyes were still closed and she barely spoke against your lips. “I hope you’re right.”

You looked deep into her eyes once she finally opened them, trying to remember the shape and the color, and how it felt to get lost in them. But then they were gone again, replaced by the hair on the back of her head as she walked away. She gave you one last small, sad smile before walking out the door of your apartment. That, you knew, would be it.

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

~11 months later~

Voicemail from: Emily Prentiss

“Hey Y/N. It’s me, Emily. I know we haven’t talked since the last time I saw you, and I know this phone call is kind of out of the blue… but, uh, I just felt like I should call you and tell you this myself. You were right. It wasn’t too late, and I told her. I told Jennifer how I really felt, and she broke off the engagement to be with me. We’ve been together now for about ten months, and um… well, this time around we both have rings on our fingers. So I guess what I’m really trying to say is thank you. Had it not been for you, or what you said to me that last night, I would have had to be the maid of honor at her wedding and watched while she married someone else, and the guilt would have eaten me alive. So thank you. You’ve changed my life. I hope that things are going well for you because you deserve everything that’s right in the world. Really, you do. And you always have my number if you ever need anything. Okay, um, I guess that’s all. Goodbye Y/N.”

#

#

Taglist

@90spumkin

[tetsurouskuro]

The Equipment Room

pairing: kuroo tetsurou x fem!reader

warnings: college!au, smut, swearing, daddy kink

word count: 3,014

a/n: i followed the stream and started watching haikyuu!! and here i am, writing kink for yet another fandom asdfghjkl! i’m not happy with this but i hope you’ll enjoy it! <3

-

Kuroo loved volleyball. He loved the feeling of adrenaline pumping through his veins as he played. The way he saved the ball or when he scored a point. He loved the way he felt when his team was winning. During his time at Nekoma he had learned a lot. Teamplaying, spikes, receives, faint attacks. When he was made captain of the Nekoma volleyball team he was honored. Of course his reaction to it was too be cocky. “Of course I became captain,” he had said with a smirk on his face. He was glad that he had Kenma with him and he couldn't have asked for a better setter.

But he also loved you. God, how he loved you. He was such a loser for you, but only you knew that. When you started your first year at Nekoma High School you'd never thought that you'd become manager for the boys volleyball team. There you'd learned how much a sport could put different people together, but also how noisy the boys there were; especially the captain of the team.

When Kuroo Tetsurou, the captain of the boys volleyball team started to flirt with you and give you compliments, you only brushed him off. “He's a fuckboy,” you'd thought. But when you started becoming warm with being manager and saw how he encouraged his teammates, lifting their spirits when they felt down and soon you fell in love with the “Scheming Captain” and started dating him.

He got on your nerves. His teasing was both funny and irritating. But one thing was for sure, the sex was beyond amazing. He would tease you during practice. When he knew you were horny and wanted him, he would use his shirt to wipe off his sweat instead of his towel. You'd watch him do it, seeing his abs. Your eyes would travel to his v-line and you would bite your lip. Imagining your lips around the crown of his cock. You'd squeeze your thighs together, but it would only make it worse. Kuroo knew what he was doing and you hated him, until he made you cum.

Now, Kuroo was in college and you were still stuck in high school, without him. Kuroo would come by Nekoma so he could see how his old teammates were doing and when his old squad wasn't watching he would kiss you; make out even.

Kuroo joined his college's volleyball team as soon as he had the chance and to his surprise Bokuto had chosen the same school. So here they were, in the school's gym and practicing together, Bokuto helping Kuroo with his receives.

“So, how's (y/n)?”

“Good.”

“Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. You two had a fight?” Kuroo sighed and stood up straight. Bokuto held the ball in his hands and watched his friends face.

“No. It's just that these exams are killing me and I haven't seen her in a week. It's so frustrating since I saw her everyday in high school.”

“A week, huh. That's so sad.”

“Shut up, owl head.” The boys started laughing and suddenly the door to the gym opened and in walked... you.

“Ooooooh, it's (y/n)-chan,” Bokuto screamed out and sprinted towards you.

“Hi, Bokuto-san,” you answered back as you were tangled in a big hug by the grey and black haired boy.

“What are you doing here? Missed Tetsu?” he asked while batting his eyelashed at you. “Oi!” He then said as Bokuto felt a ball hit the back of his head.

“Sorry, the ball must've hit my hand wrong,” Kuroo answered with a smirk on his face.

“I leave you two lovebirds alone.” Bokuto said and exited the gym while rubbing his head. Kuroo could only laugh at him as you walked up to him.

“Was that really necessary?”

“Of course. The owl needs to know his place.”

“Tetsu, you don't have to call him that anymore. You're not in high school anymore and besides, you're both on the same team now.”

“He'll always be an owl to me,” you could only roll your eyes at his response. “Why are you here kitten?”

“Oh, right,” you said and started to fumble with your bag, clearly looking for something. “Here.” You handed him a bento box. “I talked with your mom and she said that you forgot to bring your dinner to practice so I thought I'd surprise you.”

“Well, I am surprised,” he took the bento box and pulled you into his embraced and kissed you. “I've missed you.”

“I've missed you too, Tetsu.” His lips were back on yours again. You opened your mouth and let his tongue inside your mouth. Your tongues both dancing with each other. “Tetsu-”

“Come with me.” He grabbed your hand, his hand intertwined with yours as he pulled you behind him and into the equipment room. Letting you go so he could close the sliding doors.

“Tetsu, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I'm doing?” He answered, his gaze locked on you. A smirk plastered on his face.

“Tetsurou, stop. What if someone comes in?”

“Well, then you have to be quiet baby girl, can you do that for daddy?” God. This killed you. You were both scared and hella excited. The two of you haven't seen each other in a week so the sexual tension was sure to be high. You just didn't expect it to happen here.

The both of you had a daddy kink. You had somehow during intercourse moaned out daddy and if Kuroo didn't know know he could get any harder; he did now. Ever since then he had also started calling you “baby girl” when you were alone. It was only a nickname meant for you when the both of you were alone in the bedroom or wherever he chose to take you.

Kuroo placed the bento box you had given him on a shelf near the door while still having eye contact with you. His gaze never left even when he walked towards you. Now, in front of you stood a tall 6'2 man who you adored. Loved.

“Kuroo I don't think-”

“You don't have to think. Just feel,” god, it was hopeless arguing with the man but you didn't want to do it there because soon his teammates were gonna be on the outside, even though the thought excited you.

His hand touched your chin, lifting it up so you could look at him. He then bent down and kissed you, his tongue invading your mouth. His hands on your hips pulled you even closer to him so you could feel his bulge poking you through his shorts.

“Baby girl, I'm so hard for you,” Kuroo speaks as his lips travel to your neck. You tilt your head to the side to make it easier for him. You want him to stop, but also you didn't.

Kuroo turns your body 180 degrees so your back is pressed against your front, his hard on poking at your lower back. He starts to grind his pelvis against your ass, making his already hard cock grow even bigger. You moan out softly because god, do you want him.

“Hmm? What was that?” He asks as his hands that were on your hips starts to slowly caress your ass, squeezing each butt cheek and then slapping your right one. “You like that, baby girl?”

“Yes, daddy.” His left hand squeezes your left breast as his right starts to unbutton those skin tight jeans you chose to wear. Not that Kuroo didn't mind, quite the opposite; he loved them. The way they made that sweet ass of yours look tight and “smackable” as Kuroo had said eveytime you had them on, but now when he wanted them off of you, he hated them.

Once Kuroo managed to unbutton your pants he drags them with both of his hands down your legs, your panties following suit and pushes your back slightly forward so you have no choice but to grab hold onto the plinth that's in front of you.

“Kuroo, what if someone-” slap! A hand against your ass making you flinch and moan at the same time.

“It's daddy for you baby girl and don't worry. No one will come in here.” His left arm slowly caresses its way up until he reaches your front and drags your bra upwards, making your tits spring free. He starts to work his fingers on your sensitive nipple, making you moan out at the sensation.

Suddenly, his fingers are rubbing your slit, lubricating you all over. You hadn't noticed you'd even gotten this wet.

“Does this excite you, baby girl? The fact that anyone from my team can come in and hear you? See you?” His fingers continue to rub your heat, teasing you.

“Daddy, please.”

“Please what, baby girl?”

“Please-” he thrusts two fingers into your cunt, taking you by surprise. Your walls cramping around his fingers. Your hands grip the plinth harder and you try to suppress your moans, but in vain. You let a few slip out at the sensation. The way his fingers thrust into your tight heat and his other hand playing with your erect nipple makes everything feel so good.

Suddenly, voices could be heard from the outside, making you go stiff but Kuroo's fingers didn't stop. They kept going in and out of you, thrusting so pleasurably that you can't help but moan out, his name falling for your lips.

“If you don't keep it down we'll get busted and you don't want that right, baby girl.” The hand the had on your breast leaves only to be placed on your abdomen and travel down to your sensetive bud and start doing small motions.

“F-ffuuck,” a loud moan slips out from your mouth. His fingers curling upwards inside your cunt, hitting your g spot perfectly.

“Do you want them to hear us? Is that it baby girl?” His voice rough aganist your ear. His lips leaving a trail of kisses on the side of your neck.

“No, daddy.” The building sensation you recognize so often, every time you're with Kuroo in fact. “I'm close. God, I'm so close.”

“Yeah?” and he withdraws his fingers from your cunt. The empty feeling of missing his figers inside you has you a whimpering mess.

“Turn around.” Turning around to face him you see that he has pulled down his shorts and breifs. His shirt on the floor beside your feet.

“On your knees and show daddy what a good girl you are and suck my cock.” His right hand is fisting his length and slowly jerking it up and down. A pool of pre cum can be seen on the crown of his cock.

Getting on your knees on the floor you start to grab his cock with your hand but his hand stops yours before you can even grab it.

“No hands, baby girl.” Instead you look up at him, both of your gaze locking onto each other as you slowly open your mouth. His left hand grabs your chin, his thumb on your lip as he slowly psuhes his cock inside your mouth. Your lips close around the head of his cock, the taste of his pre cum slowly filling your taste buds.

“Fuck yes, baby girl.” He groans out and you pull him deeper inside inside your mouth, his cock hitting  the back of your throat. Kuroo lets out a soft groan and grabs a hold of your hair. You then start to bob your head up and down his length, taking him as far as you can.

“Just like that. Fuck, yes. You suck me so good, baby girl.” You keep on bobbing your head, going in an even space as you take him in. His cock keps on twitching every now and then. His hand on your hair keeps getting tighter and soon enough he pulls you away with your hair. Both of his arms grabs you under your armpits and pulls you up, all of your weight and sets your ass on the plinth. The head of his cock rubs your slit, lubricating your labia.

“Tetsu. Kuroo. Daddy. Please.”

“Please what baby girl? Tell me what you want?”

“I want you.”

“No. Tell me what you really want.”

“I want your cock. Please daddy.”

“Of course baby girl,” and he slowly thrusts his cock inside your cunt. Out. In. Out. In. Giving you no time to get used to his size. His size always impressed you. The feeling of his cock stretching your walls, feeling all of his 9 inches inside you.

Throwing your arms around his shoulders you pull him close to you, only for you to bite down on his shoulder to suppress your moans. His own hands on your hips, keeping them in place as he fucks you.

While Kuroo keps on thrusting into you, the voices outside kept getting louder and louder. Balls hitting the floor. Laughter could be heard every now and then. You were scared. You didn't want anyone to find you but you didn't want Kuroo to stop. That would be stupid because his cock kept hitting your g spot and god how you wanted to cum. You felt that familiar sensation in the pit of your stomach building up faster and faster.

“You want to cum, baby girl? You want to cum on my cock huh?” Even without looking at him you could tell that he had a cocky smirk on his face. You could only whimper as a respons to his question. Your wettness was making it easy for him to work you up, the sensation that you're very familiar with returning to you as your teeth bite into his shoulder harder.

“C-close,” you mumble out onto his shoulder, your teeth dug deep into his flesh.

“Cum. I want you to cum, (y/n). I want you to cum all over my cock. Cum all over daddy's cock, baby girl.”

“T-Tetsurou!” Letting go, you cum all over his cock. Your juices covering all of him, making it even easier for him to slide in and out of you. Squelching sounds could be heard as he kept on fucking you.

“The way you tighten around my cock when you cum is fucking amazing,” Kuroo states as his hips keep on pouncing into yours, him nearing his own release. Whenever he's close, his thrusts become sloppier and he wants to cum so badly. He wants to fill up your cunt with his seed.

“I'm gonna fill that cunt of yours with my all my cum, baby girl.”

“Daddy. Please. Fill me.”

“Fuuuck... (y/n)!” His hips stills as his cock jerks inside of you. His legs trembling at his release. Your own legs trembling still after you had your own release a couple of minutes ago. His hands move from your hips to your thighs, holding them for you.

You pull your head away from his shoulder, seeing the bite mark on his shoulder. The redness around it makes you worry. Looking up at him, you're ready to apologize but he reads your expression and knows exactly what you're thinking.

“Don't. I like it. It'll remind me of you at practise later,” a smug smile on his face.

“I can't believe you just did that, Tetsu...”

“Hmm, well I liked it, didn't you?”

“What... I... O-Of course I did,” a blush appearing on your face.

“Thought so.” Kuroo pulls away from you, your soggy heat missing the feeling of him.

“Oh and babe? Don't shower when you get home. I'm not finished with you yet.” He winks at you and you can only blush even more, pressing your thighs together trying to stop the tingling feeling between your legs.

Kuroo pulls on his breifs and shorts and throws on the t-shirt that he discarded earlier. You're busy yourself trying to pull on your own clothes. You can feel his semen slowly coming out of you making you feel embarrassed and horny at the same time.

“Where's Kuroo? We're supposed to be go jogging now”

“Well (y/n) came by earlier, maybe he walked her to the parking lot. Let's go and see if he's there.” The voices faded away from you and Kuroo and the feeling of breathing normally returned to you.

“Looks like the coast is clear.” His voice speaks softly at you.

“I can't believe you Tetsu... someone could've walked in on us you know.” You had your arms crossed over your chest, a sour pout on your lips as you tried to look pissed at him.

“Yes. I know. That's what makes is so exciting with public sex. The feeling of someone could bust us but at the same time thrilling.” He only smiled at you while placing his hands on his hips.

Walking up to him you sighed at him. You loved this man so much, but sometimes he could test your patience and you wonder how you let him do these things to you. Not that you really mind.

“Well. I need to go and you need to jog.” You placed your palms on his chest and his arms went around your shoulders.

“Not that I need it. I've already had my warm up,” rolling your eyes at his comment you act as is he just hadn't said it.

“See you later?”

“Yes. I'm not done with fucking your brains out kitten.”

“KUROO!”

“What? It's true,” laughing at you, the way he closes his eyes and his teeth warming smile you could only smile back, cause you wouldn't want it any other way with Kuroo Tetsurou.

[crimziedrawings]

I had a Elorcan story that I was really excited about but I've been too busy to actually write it so here, have the outline I created instead. It's a bit choppy, I had the fine details in my head and the outline was just to contain the general points.

The Dead Gods' Blessing (an Elorcan story)

Chapter 1

• Elide/Lorcan wake up, blissfully

• Elide reminds Lorcan that Aelin/Rowan/Fenrys/Vaughn (the gang) are visiting, he is not happy

• Lorcan makes Elide breakfast while she is bathing as a surprise

• They talk about the baby and baby names

• ~ They meet the gang outside the front door because Elide is so excited

• Lorcan's fae-male-protective-bullshit comes out

• Fenrys smirks, Rowan looks a little sad

• Elide reveals the plan for a picnic

• ~They go down to a creek nearby with a nice view

• Elide has to go to the bathroom since the baby is pushing on her bladder

• Chapter ends with Elide screaming

Chapter 2

• Lorcan and the gang runs after Elide

• They don't see her but Vaughn finds blood

• Lorcan freaks out

• Suddenly they see something move and run after it

• A creature has Elide

• They chase it down to a cliff

• The creature scrambles to stop but ultimately falls off

• Lorcan screams and tries to follow

• The Cadre holds him back

• Aelin looks down at the cliff and spots the monster impaled by the rocks, notices a human hand underneath

• Lorcan manages to get away and crawls to the edge, seeing the same as Aelin

• He screams and cries

• The rocks give way and it falls into the water

• Rowan tries to comfort him but fails as Lorcan's grief is so overwhelming that he loses control of his powers

• Aelin tries to use the bond to make Lorcan stop but is interrupted by a whisp of darkness (Lorcan's power)

• Rowan, Aelin, and Vaughn join forces to create a shield around Lorcan

• *Fenrys pov

• It last a long time unless Lorcan passes out

Chapter 3

• Lorcan wakes up in his bed

• He feels heavy and looks over for Elide

• She's not there and he remembers what happened

• He doesn't want to believe it, refuses to and starts to lose control again

• Someone comes in and injects him with something, and all of a sudden he passes out again

• ~ He wakes up again to find Rowan besides him, with red trimmed eyes and looking like a mess

• Lorcan begs "Please... Please tell me it wasn't real, I can't-"

• Rowan reaches over and grasp his shoulder, sad for his brother and says "I'm sorry"

• Lorcan continues to cry and Rowan stays with him

• Lorcan asks "How did you do this? How did you go on, please tell me how"

• Rowan replies "I didn't. I can't ever forget what happened. I spent some time in disbelief. There was a moment where I knew it was the end and I couldn't handle that. I was so close... But then someone showed up at my door. Nearly broke my door, as I recall. He told me that it's gonna hurt but I need to keep going and fight. It's what she would want. You saved me, Lorcan"

• Lorcan says "I was wrong. I did not understand what it was to be in your place. The pain, the loss, it... you lose yourself"

• Rowan says "No, you were right. Because everyday it became a little easier to breathe to the point where I found myself again. In Aelin. I am eternally grateful for your appearance because I got to meet Aelin, my real mate"

• Lorcan screams "there is no one else! There will never be anyone else! Elide is it for me, she will always be the only one. I can't do this, Rowan... it feels like all the air has been taken from me and I can't catch a breath. Elide was all that was good of me. I'm barely alive without her. And barely alive is just suffocating..."

• Rowan looks sad

• Lorcan "And I was going to be a father"

Chapter 4

• Rowan walks in to see Lorcan still in bed (he smells)

• Rowan says he need to get out of bed, he has a city to run

• Lorcan basically has given up

• Rowan talks about how it's Elide's home and his home now too so he has to get up. He also says that he is staying in Perranth for a while.

• Lorcan says he doesn't need a babysitter but gets up anyways

• He goes to take a shower and comes out to open curtains and windows, a made bed, and his clothes laid out

• He knows it was Rowan and rolls his eyes

• He gets changed and looks in the mirror, catching a glance at his ring

• He starts hurting again, but decides to go on "for you, my loves. For both of you..."

• *Rowan's pov*

• Rowan is sad for his brother but is proud of him for making that big step

• He called for a town meeting in the castle's front grounds and is watching as Lorcan steps forward on the balcony

• Lorcan announces that Elide is dead and that he will continue to build Perranth if they will have him

• The town bows, as a sign of acceptance and for Elide

• Rowan knows it's going to be hard being away from Aelin for a while but Fenrys and Vaughn are there, and his brother needs him

Chapter 5

• It is 2 and a half months later

• *Fenrys pov*

• Aelin, Fenrys and Vaughn visit again

• Fenrys and Vaughn walk in first because Aelin got distracted by some cake

• They ask Rowan how Lorcan is, he says that he has his moments but he's been strong for Perranth

• Aelin walks in and there's an explosive reunion between the two so they go off, presumably to a bedroom

• Fenrys and Vaughn walk to the library to find Lorcan there

• They try to talk but Lorcan doesn't want to talk about it

• He instead asks why they're there

• Fenrys responds that they wanted to see their brother

• Lorcan asks for the truth

• Fenrys reveals that they have a mission and that they can't protect Aelin while on the mission so she's staying in Perranth for a while

• Lorcan isn't happy

• ~ Rowan is happy to have Aelin back

• They stumble out of a closet

• Fenrys and Vaughn are distraught as they see this

• They say they're leaving

• Rowan and Aelin wish them luck

Chapter 6

• Fenrys and Vaughn are riding through the mountains

• They talk about Lorcan

• Vaughn recalls how surprised he was to hear that Lorcan was married

• Fenrys responds that he missed a lot and tries to get info on where Vaughn was all this time, but he still won't tell

• Fenrys talks about how good Elide is and how happy Lorcan was with her and about being a dad

• "Out of all of us, he deserves that peace the most"

• Vaughn announces that he spotted the cave entrance, the one that the anonymous tip gave

• They tie up their horses and prepare, then go inside

• They go in further and eventually come across different paths so they decide to split up

• Fenrys scouts the hallways for a while, passing numerous rooms

• He hears footsteps so he ducks into a room quickly

• He freezes and waits for the footsteps to pass

• He exhales, is relieved, but then a voice startles him

• "What do you want"

• He swirls around, seeing darkness

• Then a candle is lit, and his eyes start to adjust

• "Fenrys? Is that you?"

• Fenrys cannot believe what he is seeing "Elide?"

Chapter 7

• Elide is happy to see Fenrys

• Fenrys is confused as to how she is alive, they saw her body being impaled and crushed

• Elide explains that the creature had another person in its hold-after all, it had 6 arms, and that she was dropped while the creature was running

• Elide understands how they could've believed she was dead

• She asks how Lorcan is

• Fenrys responds that he's breathing but only to run Perranth, for her

• Elide is sad

• Fenrys asks how she got there

• Elide says that after the creature dropped her and she passed out when she hit her head, she was found by some travelers. They took her to their home in the mountains and cared for her. They were behind on some debts and were taken, the people assumed Elide was one of them and took her as well, next thing she knows she is in this dark room alone

• Fenrys asks if she's ready to go home

• Elide is nearly crying, nodding

• He goes to check the hallways and when he turns back, Elide is wrapping a scrap piece of fabric around one shoulder, it slinging around her small frame

• Fenrys finds it weird but shrugs it off

• Then Elide is bending behind the bed and picking something up, putting it into the fabric so that it is held up

• Elide walks over to Fenrys, ready to go

• His breath catches as he sees that it's a baby

• "His name is Ragnar"

Chapter 8

• Fenrys is speechless, struck dumb at the realization that he didn't even consider the survival of the child. The first thing that comes to his mind is "its a boy?"

• Elide chuckles softly and responds with yes

• Fenrys is reminded of the situation and checks the hallway before pulling Elide behind him

• They manage to get out safely and go back to the horses

• They realize they have to wait for Vaughn

• Elide figures they have some time to kill and looks down fondly at Ragnar and says "do you want to meet your uncle fenrys?"

• Fenrys is near tears when he hears her

• Elide asks "do you want to hold him"

• Fenrys is hesitant but Elide assures him that it will be fine, he won't bite

• Fenrys is amazed at how light and small he is. Also how beautiful. He definitely looks like Lorcan.

• Elide ask for water, Fenrys says that its in the pack around the horse

• Vaughn comes back and stops when he sees Fenrys and the baby

• ".... did you steal a baby?"

• Fenrys looks up and smiles

• Vaughn is confused but then he sees Elide coming around the horse

• He is in disbelief, and his confusion of the baby is resolved when Fenrys hands him back to Elide

• Fenrys says he'll explain later, they have to get them home

Chapter 9

• *Elide's pov*

• Long ride, thinking of her time and much she misses Lorcan

• Vaughn was able to go a little faster as Fenrys did not want to harm Ragnar, only a mile ahead or so

• Because of that, when Fenrys and Elide arrived, Vaughn was already searching for Lorcan in the castle

• Elide hands Ragnar to Fenrys and slides down the horse

• Aelin and Rowan were in the nearby garden so they came out at all the commotion

• Aelin cries when she sees Elide and runs to hold her

• They are both crying

• Elide looks over and sees Rowan then goes to hug him

• She pulls back, looks at them both and says "would you like to meet your nephew?"

• Aelin gasps as Fenrys steps forward with Ragnar

• Fenrys looks at Elide and she nods

• Rowan has tears in his eyes as Fenrys hands Ragnar to him

• The front door burst open and suddenly Lorcan is there, panting

• Elide sobs as she sees him and start making her way toward him

• Lorcan runs to her and they meet halfway

• Lorcan picks her up and holds her, small kisses in between words

• Lorcan "Elide, Elide"

• Elide "I've missed you so much"

• Lorcan "It's really you"

• Elide "Yes, yes, it's me"

• Lorcan "I love you so fucking much, you are never allowed to leave my sight, ever"

• They share a big kiss and both have tears running down their faces

• Lorcan "I was so lost without you"

• Elide "You seem to have found your way just fine"

• Lorcan "No... I kept going, for Perranth, for you... but I broke down everyday"

• Elide is speechless, "Lorcan..."

• Lorcan "Now that you're here, I can finally breathe again"

• Another kiss

• Lorcan rests with his eyes closed, breathing in her scent

• Elide "Do you want to see your son?"

• Lorcan's breath catches as his eyes shoot open. He takes a few stuttering breaths before asking "I have a son?"

• He looks over at Rowan who is now standing a few feet away

• Rowan is smiling down at the babe

• Elide walks over and takes Ragnar from Rowan, then walks back to Lorcan

• Lorcan is barely breathing at this point

• Elide places Ragnar into Lorcan's arms

• Lorcan "My son"

• Elide steps closer and says "I've named him Ragnar"

• L "My Ragnar"

• Ragnar opens his eyes at Lorcan

Chapter 10 (Final Chapter)

• Elide and Lorcan are laying in bed with Ragnar in the middle

• Elide and Ragnar are asleep, Lorcan is not

• Lorcan gazed lovingly at his son

• Elide wakes up and sees that Lorcan is awake

• Elide "you need to get some sleep"

• Lorcan "I can't"

• There's a look

• Lorcan "I've had many dreams like this, where you come back and we have our child and we are finally a family... but then I wake up. And it kills me every time"

• Elide reaches over to rest her hand above his, which is resting lightly on Ragnar's stomach "this is real, my love"

• Lorcan looks at Ragnar and decides that it is real, because even his dreams could not picture his son being so beautiful

• He is reminded of how he felt when she told him he was pregnant, and how his fears ranged throughout her pregnancy

• Then he remembers that she went through childbirth alone and is heartbroken and angry

• Lorcan "I am so sorry"

• Elide "For what?"

• Lorcan "You brought our son into this world by yourself"

• Elide has a moment and then says "It was hard. But I kept hearing your voice, telling me to stay strong so that we could- so that we could be a family. In a way, you were there"

• Lorcan grabs her hand and kisses it as not to disturb Ragnar

• Elide whispers "I love you" before drifting off to sleep

• Lorcan kisses Ragnar's head and strokes Elide's hand as he says "I love you too"

• He falls asleep

• ~ Lorcan wakes up to find Elide and Ragnar gone and starts freaking out, thinking it truly was a dream again

• Then Elide walks out of the bathroom, holding Ragnar to her chest

• He sighs in relief

• Elide says to Ragnar "Look who's awake"

• Elide settles into bed next to Lorcan

• Lorcan kisses Elide deeply, the fear that had pulsed through his body still causing him to think irrationally

• Lorcan "it wasn't a dream"

• Elide "I told you"

• Lorcan smiles and looks down at Ragnar "and how's my boy?"

• Ragnar is looking around the room and his eyes rest on Lorcan, then his arms reach out towards him

• Elide "I think he wants his papa"

• Lorcan takes Ragnar from Elide as she say that she's going to take a bath

• Elide "Tonight, Aelin and Rowan are going to watch Ragnar"

• Lorcan "What? Why?" He just got his son, and he wants to spend time with him

• Elide "Because we have a lot of catching up to do" she winks and pulls her nightgown off before walking into the bathroom

• Lorcan is left staring after her, thanking the universe, the dead gods, whatever the hell is out there for this moment, for his family

[jokertrap-ran]

(光与夜之恋 Light and Night) Main Story Chapter 3-1: 海水与火焰 Seawater & Flames Translation

“The flames of the sunset flicker within your orbs; and the leaves flutter, falling upon the water surface that is your soul.”

*Light and Night Master-list *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Join the Light & Night Discord (＾▽＾)~ ♪ *CG Image used with permission from 蓝咕咕 ☆ *Main story tag will be #For Light and Night

Brother Mao: It's soooo god-damned hot out today! A new coffee shop opened down the east street with huge grand opening sales. Come on, come on, everyone grab your share!

Brother Mao had just returned to the office after completing his out of office assignment. He didn't even have a minute to spare to put the bag of goodies down, only wiping his sweat before giving said goodies out to everyone.

MC: Thank you, Brother Mao!

Brother Mao waved his hand in dismissal and threw the neatly folded plastic bag into the bin, only for his eyes to suddenly stop on the handle of the door. He incredulously widened his eyes.

Brother Mao: Since when did our door handle get all fixed up?

Li Man'man: No idea. It was already fixed when I came in in the morning.

Hao Shuai: Sister Zheng Lin, did you nag at the administrative department for this?

Zheng Lin: She fixed it. I saw her fiddling around with it when I clocked in this morning.

Zheng Lin retrieved her documents from the photocopier and jerked her chin at me.

Brother Mao: So this is our beloved heroine of the day! Do humbly pardon me!

MC: I'm the one who broke it after all. Plus, it didn't take that long to fix anyway.

Brother Mao poked his head in front of me, curiously twirling the sleeve of the formal dress I was currently fixing up and doing corrections on.

Brother Mao: You're changing it up that much again? You don't have to reply to me, but you're adding these butterflies? That's real creative! ...And they're all made of twisted metal wire?

MC: Yeah. I started out using soft tulle mesh, but it was all droopy and didn't seem very nice for wings that are supposed to look powerful and lively.

Brother Mao: Now not only does this give it a dynamic feel, but also brings about a romantic yet cruel one!

Brother Mao: Not bad, not bad! Keep at it, and you'll definitely be able to finish fixing it up before next week!

MC: But the Deadline got brought forward… She's going to be doing the fitting tomorrow morning, so I have to finish it by today...

Brother Mao: No way! Don't tell me it's that agent again...

He glanced around, checking that no one had their attention turned to us, before leaning down to my ear.

Brother Mao: I asked around about it earlier, and I heard that the agent has a pretty foul temper.

Brother Mao: Not just to the staff, but her daughter as well. She'll start scolding people at the drop of a hat, even if they did nothing!

It felt as if I could hear the piercing and horrid lashing from that day resounding in my ears again. Her words had been ingrained into my very brain like a needle stuck into a pincushion.

Brother Mao: Geez, Lin Yao's such a brilliant kid. What's there for her to be so unhappy about?

Brother Mao: My mom always told me not to blame myself, and that health always comes first, whenever I fail the promotion. She even said that if I couldn't make it big, then I could just go back home and she'd raise me.

MC: I don't know either. Maybe all these feelings we take for granted come on a conditional basis for her, I guess.

He'd stared at the table and spaced out for a long while. It was almost as if he'd retreated into his memory palace as his expression turned a little sad.

Brother Mao: I'll help you twist them into shape too. Just treat it as my way of thanking her for helping us get out of the pickle we found ourselves in that day.

MC: Okay.

Time passed silently, and it wasn't till nightfall that we finished our work. The office had already cleared out a long time ago, and sporadic stars glimmered in the ink-blue sky up above.

Brother Mao: Done!

I nodded at him in gratitude and kept the now completed dress away. That was when a message notification popped up onto my phone screen.

Housing Agent: Miss (Y/n), don't forget that we're supposed to sign the agreement today at 8 PM. Be there or be square!

Brother Mao: What's wrong?

MC: I'm supposed to go check out the new apartment I'm getting with my agent at 8 PM today, and sign the agreement if all goes well.

And the time displayed on my phone right now was… 7:28 PM.

MC: I should run! Thanks for today, Brother Mao! I'll treat you to food next time!

Grabbing my bag and my work ID, I made a mad dash downstairs.

❖☆———————————★❖

I thought that I'd make it there right on the dot if I'd left now, but who knew that the taxi-hailing app had 80+ people waiting in line! Seeing as how the app wasn't an option anymore, all I could do was to run to the nearest taxi stand.

MC: Why's it not here yet…?

I paced back and forth at the stand, but no taxi ever made an appearance. Just as my anxiousness was about to reach a tipping point, a black sports car drew to a stop before me. The car's windscreen slowly rolled down.

MC: ...Evan?

Evan: Waiting for a ride? Headed somewhere?

MC: Yeah. I'm going to take a look at an apartment. The place I'm renting right now is too far from here, so it isn't terribly convenient.

Evan: Location?

MC: Guangqi-Century City.

He slightly inclined his head, glancing at his watch before getting out of his car and opening the door to the passenger seat for me.

Evan: Get on. I'll send you there.

★Night Choice: Turn him down

MC: No need. I'd be causing you too much trouble.

Evan leaned his arm atop the door of the car, beaming as he looked at me.

Evan: Not at all.

Evan: Besides, I don't have anything on tonight. On the other hand, you seem like you're in quite the rush.

Evan: It'll be bad if you end up late for it because you dawdled here.

His eyes were filled with such sincerity that it made me feel like I'd be doing him a disservice if I refused.

I eventually nodded, seeing as there was no way I could shimmy myself out of this without feeling bad about it.

MC: Thanks.

☆Light Choice: Accept his offer

I glanced back at the taxi stand. It didn't seem like a taxi was coming anytime soon. And I'd really be late if I didn't get a suitable ride soon…

MC: Thanks. Don't mind if I do then.

8 PM, right on the dot. We reached the entrance of the housing estate where the agent was already waiting.

MC: Here it is. Thank you for this! I'll treat you to a meal someday!

Evan: Sure.

❖☆———————————★❖

I hurriedly got out of the car as the two agents quickly rushed up to me upon seeing me.

Agent A: You have a good eye, Miss! This apartment's a hot favourite! 10 over people booked slots to come check it out the moment the listing went up!

Agent B: We've kept this apartment for you till now since you seemed especially keen on it!

Agent A: Let's get the contract agreement signed tonight if there are no problems lest it keeps you up at night!

MC: Sorry, but I'll still have to confirm with you again later. Let's go check the house out first.

Both agents sidled up side by side, enthusiastically explaining and introducing things to me on either side as they urged me forwards.

Thud.

The sound of a door closing behind me made me turn, only to see that Evan hadn't left, and had gotten out of his car.

MC: ?

Evan: I'll go with you.

The agents continued their endless stream of marketing chatter as they pointed out every selling point of the apartment.

Agent A: —And that's all from us. If you sign the agreement contract today, then we can persuade the landlord to give us a little discount...

MC: Okay, then I'll-

Evan: Sorry, but we'll think it through a little more. Could you recommend us some other apartments as well? Sorry about that.

I looked at him in surprise, but he gently shook his head. Hence, I calmed my initial excitement down and turned down their request to have the contract immediately signed.

❖☆———————————★❖

The night was already deep into the throes of darkness by the time we returned to the car park.

The riverbank was coloured with streams of yellow light from the streetlamps above in picturesque disorder. I could smell the refreshing scent of blooming greenery that hung in the air.

MC: Was something wrong with the apartment earlier?

Evan: I don't think you'd like to stay in an apartment filled with construction noises, yes?

MC: But I didn't hear anyone renovating anything?

It was only after the words left my mouth that I realized something.

MC: Oh, right. It's nighttime right now, so all the construction workers should be off work by now… Still, how did you know?

Evan: I noticed that there were paint stains at the edge of the neighbouring apartment's door frame upon entering, and it looked rather fresh too.

Evan: Plus, that housing estate was built 10 years ago, yet the elevator has its interiors boarded up with temporary protective boards.

Evan: So, I'd garner that the neighbouring apartment's most likely, not the only one undergoing renovation recently.

MC: I'd never have realized if you didn't point it out…

Evan: And adding on to that, I observed the surroundings a bit when we entered the housing estate and the security personnel stationed nearby seemed rather sparsely spread.

Evan: So it wouldn't be too safe for you to be staying here alone.

MC: Yeah…

Evan continued talking about the pros and cons of the apartment as the enchanting lights from above reflected in his eyes, melding into the smile that wavered within.

MC: You're so knowledgeable when it comes to this. Did you rent an apartment before?

Although, for someone with his family background, he shouldn’t ever need to rent an apartment on his own.

However, Evan nodded, affirming my suspicions.

Evan: I’ve rented a couple of places for my company back when I was in university.

MC: You mean, the company you founded back when you were studying in Lordton?

Evan: You know of it?

MC: I’ve heard of it before! It’s truly a legendary tale!

Evan: Looks like I’ll have to personally clear up the rumours for you then. It wasn’t exactly a smooth experience.

Evan: I, too, encountered a great many difficulties that I hadn’t thought of before during my first time renting an office.

Evan: For example, unreliable agents. The relevant renting procedures never came to pass for a long time due to that.

Evan: Hence, the office wasn’t ready even if all the employees were already in place.

Evan: And another example would be poor property management, with robberies aplenty as a result.

Evan: Also, I had no choice but to take drastic action and relocate the entire office to a new location since I hadn’t initially considered office expansion.

MC: Wow, I never knew that starting a business would be so hard. You’re amazing to have done it!

❖☆———————————★❖

Suddenly, my phone vibrated.

[Guangqi Rental] Whole apartment for lease. Felin Avenue, 199 Street. 1 bedroom and 1 living room. [Guangqi Rental] Whole apartment for lease. Changle Heights. 1 bedroom and 1 living room.

It was the agent, recommending me a couple more apartments.

[Guangqi Rental] How about any of these?

MC: Now that's way too many…

Evan: You can forward them to me if you don't mind. I can check them out with you.

Evan: I might not be very experienced in this, but nothing will go wrong with having another person to think it through with.

MC: Thank you, Evan.

The night breeze blew past, gently ruffling the loose hairs that had fallen out of place in front of Evan’s forehead.

Evan: We've been talking for so long that I forgot that it's already 9 PM. Are you hungry? Do you want to eat anything?

MC: I said I'd treat you! How about we do it now?

MC: Is there anything you'd like to eat?

Evan: Just pick anything you want to eat. I'm fine with anything.

MC: Don't say that! I'm going to need a proper answer from you today.

Evan: Alright then. I'd prefer for it to be something cooling, if possible.

MC: Hmm… Something cooling?

I glanced around, my eyes sweeping past the signboards of teahouses, food stalls, fast food outlets… until it finally stopped on an old and aged sign that stood not too far away.

MC: I know! Wait for me for a while!

❖☆———————————★❖

MC: Auntie! Can I get two servings of red bean ice and two servings of fruit soup?

Many customers surrounded the small shop. The owner stirred the pot of soft red beans, filling the air with a delectably rich scent of sweetness.

Due to the auntie being the only one manning the store, the demand for the red bean ice far exceeded the available supply. Hence, I had to wait for quite a while before my order finally got done.

Just as I happily took the icy delights from her, the pitter-patter of rain sounded from behind.

The rain came down hard and vicious.

The raindrops that pelted against the roof were akin to silver metal wires, trapping me within the confines of the narrow eaves.

With no other option in sight, I held the two cups of icy treats to my chest using my wrist and freed a hand to shoot Evan a message to inform him of my predicament.

However, before I could fish out my phone… a silhouette had come to a stop before me. He put the umbrella away.

MC: I was just about to ping you. What are you doing here?

Evan didn’t say anything, only smiling gently as he took the icy treats from my arms, quietly standing by my side.

Evan: The rain should cease soon. Let's wait together.

MC: ...Okay.

The curtain of rain secluded us in our own little world, and the puddles, reflecting the neon lights of the signboard above, rippled from the night breeze of summer.

And like a domino effect, this soft and gentle ambience made our moods calmer and much more relaxed in turn.

❖☆————— ⊹ For Light & Night⊹ —————★❖

Previous Part: (Chapter 2-24 Light) / (Chapter 2-24 Night) | Next Part: (Chapter 3-3)

[mypoisonedvine]

Satisfied | Andy Barber x reader (chapter 4)

(chapter 1) (chapter 2) (chapter 3)

series summary: you’re the only lawyer in Boston who can get under Andy Barber’s skin, but you didn’t realise that he was trying to get under your clothes.  as is the nature of law, it’s only a matter of time before the truth is discovered.

word count: 3.7k

warnings: angst, implied smut, non-linear storytelling

a/n: I wrote this series originally with my friend joyce, and after she deactivated some of the chapters were lost.  this series is long-since completed, but I’m reposting now so people can still read!

You hated being back at your temporary ‘home’. The small apartment your company had rented was… suboptimal at best. It was a cramped little place that reminded you of your dorm at college. Only it had one difference: you were alone. But it was a place for you to reflect. And that was enough.

After the nightmare of a deposition, you had a lot of work to complete. Not only that, you had another two cases that you had to work on. Usually you would have been done and there would have not been so much stress involved but life happened. 

Maybe if you were not so preoccupied by thoughts of Andy you would have been on top of your workload. But Andy posed more than one issue. He was on your mind a lot. He lived in your brain the way he did back in college. He was buried into your brain. And as much as you dedicated your existence to the law, he had more of you than any other person ever did. And that was why you had spent the last three days ignoring him. 

Your entire existence burned to speak to him but you held out. You stayed strong and buried yourself in work. Your table was cluttered with pens and numerous reports and documents in a way that reminded you of being a student again. Andy always made fun of how messy you were when you studied. In every other aspect of your life you were so organized and neat yet the second you had any paper near you, it looked like a tip. 

The little memory brought a smile to your face. It was dangerous to reminisce in the better days but you did miss him. Many a flurry of different failed relationships helped you realize that it was because you still loved Andy Barber. And your need to make him hate you stemmed from your inability to let him feel indifference towards you.

Ever since you returned to Boston, you spent more time than you were willing to admit dwelling over the past. How different would your life have been if you had gotten valedictorian? Would you have been happy?

You’re startled out of your thoughts when the buzzer rings and when you went to check the camera, Andy was at the front with his hands in his pockets. “Andy?” 

“Let me in. You can’t keep avoiding me.” his voice is slightly distorted by the buzzer. Something, however, compelled you to let him in; you pressed the button and watched it flash green. It took a minute or so before Andy was at your door.

“Andy,” you breathed, “what are you doing here?” When you saw him, you realized that it was both a good and bad idea to have avoided him for a few days. You missed him. Just a little more than you wished to admit. But you needed to be away from him.

“Making up for lost time,” he replied before crashing his lips down on yours. It was practically a scene out of a stupid rom-com but it didn’t matter at that moment. He chased you the way you wished he had before. At least a part of you wished for that to happen.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” you sighed as you tore away from Andy’s touch the way you’d drop hot coals.

“Don’t,” he pleaded, “you said that back in college--”

“And look where that got us,” you interrupted. The last thing you wanted was for that conversation to come up once again. It hurt too much to think about, let alone to talk about.

“No, we’re not doing this. Can you just let me in?” you had always been unable to resist him when he pleaded with his eyes; you let him enter and he made himself comfortable.

“It’s not as nice a place as yours,” you felt a little uncomfortable having him examine the bits of your life you tried to hide. “The firm I work for rented it for me.” You wished that the place was just a little cleaner before Andy came over unexpectedly. It was by no means a mess but it was nowhere close to the standard you were accustomed to. Or the one that he knew you had.

“Can you stop worrying about how you come across or how you’re perceived by people for just a second?” Andy raised his voice. You did not expect the outburst. Nothing gave you any indication for it.

“Did you forget that you came here, Andy?” he had a way of winding you up and you had never been above it. Your voice was blatantly irritated but Andy paid no mind to your frustrations.

“I...I just wanted to talk,” he sighed, calming down almost instantly. That made you understand that he really did come over for a conversation. It was never your strong suit but you needed something from him.

“About what, Andy?” your voice weak. “Us? There is no ‘us.’”

“About the case,” he looked at you pointedly avoiding the loaded statement you had just made. But you know that it hurt him. It was evident in his eyes. Even when he tried to hide the pain from you, it was impossible. You knew him too well.

“So what was all of that about making up for lost time, Andy?” you were on the verge of screaming not knowing how else to react.

“I-I came over about the case,” he licked his lips as he watched you, “but then I saw you. I saw your fucking face and I--”

“Andy…” you sighed, “we can’t keep doing this.”

“No, you don’t want to keep doing this,” he corrected, “but we still have a case to deal with.”

“We don’t have a case to deal with. I feel as if you have forgotten that we are representing opposing parties, Mr. Barber.”

“Trust me. I haven’t,” he deadpanned, “but seeing as your dearest client is shelling out a lot of money for this to be sorted, I thought that it would be helpful if we helped each other out.”

You raised an eyebrow out of interest, ashamedly intrigued. “And how would we ‘help each other out’?”

“Get your client to accept a plea deal. Considering how much money you’re being paid, he definitely has the means to fight it. But he doesn’t have the brains to. The evidence against him is mounting.” You hated Andy’s judgement. He always disagreed with your path, insisting that becoming a DA was the only moral way to practice law.

“Is that your professional opinion, Mr. Barber?” you cocked your head, “is this direct from your boss or is it stemming from your moral high-ground?”

“Consider it a favour from a friend. Or is it that you want that extra money so you continue to represent an arsonist?” Andy’s tone is biting, his disapproval of your career evident.

“Will you stop saying that?  I’m doing it for free!” you blurted out.

Silence elapsed over the two of you. Andy looked at you with an admiration you had not seen in a long time. It was almost unsettling how warm it made you feel. “Why?” His voice was so soft that you almost missed it.

“Just because I didn’t become a DA doesn’t mean that I don’t give a shit, Andy,” you were unsure of why you so desperately craved his approval. Or why you needed him to know that you were not just another money-hungry, morally bankrupt attorney. “But that’s what you thought, wasn’t it? That I only care about money?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he breathed out but the guilt was evident. It was written all across his face. The cruealen eyes you looked into many times were laced with genuine sadness. He was wrong. “I’m sorry.  Your client… he’s not paying, but the firm is still paying you, right?”

“No…” you let out a visible breath, “I have two other cases up here and so my company rented this place out and I am taking this one pro bono. If anything, I’m losing money by taking this on.”

“I’m sorry I judged you,” Andy pulled you into a hug you did not resist. He mumbled ‘baby’ into your hair at the end but you managed to catch it. It was soft but it was there. And it made your heart skip just a little. It had been so long since he had called you that.

You missed having his arms around you. It reminded you of safety and cramming for an exam. Land law was never your specialty but Andy got you through it.

Being pressed against his chest made you realize that he hadn’t changed his cologne. It was the same one you got him on your one-year anniversary. How you did not realize sooner was beyond you but there is something touching about it.

“You still wear it,” you’re surprised that you said it aloud. Andy looks at you in confusion. “The cologne I got you.”

He doesn’t look you in the eye but nods. “Yeah… it sorta became part of my everyday life. It reminds me of you.”

You nodded slowly and looked away, glancing out the window.  The tone of the room shifted in exactly the wrong direction.

“Listen, I know we were sort of awful for each other,” Andy chuckled dryly, “I know we still are awful to each other.  But it’s always been you.  It’s always been us.  And I don’t see why we can’t give it another—”

“I got an offer...  I’m gonna be a partner,” you blurted out, cutting him off before he could say anything else that would make leaving harder.

“Oh my god!” he replied excitedly, after a pause to process your interruption.  “Baby, that’s… that’s great.”  You knew that he was worried, he had every right to be.  All of the offers you once got had caused the same doubts.

“It’s in California.”

His face dropped and he swallowed nothing.  The silence was heavy, and cold.  Or maybe that was just the Boston air.  It had always felt like this… dark and damp and carried on a wind that made you shiver to your bone each time it blew.  It was exactly this feeling that should have made you long for sunny California, with its orange trees and beaches and manifest-destiny attitude.  It didn’t, but it should have.

It reminded you of college. Of talking to Andy about vacancies available across the country. You had always liked the idea of moving for money but he didn’t. And that was how he stayed in Boston after you graduated whilst you sold your soul to a corporation. 

He stood up and walked to the other side of the room, looking out the window.  He ran his hands through his hair in that way he did when he was anxious.  “You didn’t say you could be a partner,” he recalled.  “You said you were going to be a partner.”

“Yep,” you agreed.

“So, you’ve already accepted it?  That’s it?”

“I feel like I have to.  I mean, you would never ask me to stay, would you?”

“I wouldn’t.”

“Because you respect me too much?  Or because you know I’d never choose you over my career?”

“Both,” he said, anger tinting his voice.  “I would never want you to resent me.  If you gave it up for me, you’d resent me.  But just know…”

“What?”

“Just know I would’ve given up valedictorian for you,” he said it with such earnestness you did not know what to say or do. It was a declaration; one that you were not able to refute or confirm. Because you did not know. 

“Are you fucking serious?” you were not sure how to feel; anger and doubt swelled in the pit of your stomach. He could have said that all those years ago. Tears pricked your eyes as you tried to keep your composure.

“Yes.”

“You think I still care about that?”

“It doesn’t matter if you care now.  You cared then.  And I would’ve given it up, to save us,” Andy raised his voice. 

“But you didn’t, Andy!  You fucking didn’t!” tears fell freely down your face as you realized that his words and his actions would forever contradict the other.

“Because I thought you’d never be with a guy who would do something like that!  Do you realize that?  You hated me because I got it when I didn’t want it, but I wanted to impress you!  I wanted to deserve you!”

You were petrified, practically glued to the couch in fear and confusion and devastation.  It was almost impossible for you to fathom Andy’s thoughts about you. Maybe he was right. Maybe you would not have wanted him if he gave it up. Because if he did, you would not have earnt it. 

“Everything I did then, I was just trying to be the guy you wanted.  I became everything you feared you would become if you had a relationship in law school.  I completely lost sight of my studies, I would’ve flunked out, I was so obsessed with you-- thank God you were such a know-it-all or I surely wouldn’t have studied again after I met you.”

“Andy, this isn’t true.  You were always a great lawyer.  You always wanted it,” you tried to reason with him. He was a good lawyer. 

“I’m only as much a lawyer as you made me.  Everything I did was about building what I thought you wanted, so I could get you…” he paused with a slow breath, “and I’d throw it all away, to make you stay.”

“You won’t leave Boston...” it came to you slowly. You almost wished that it would not be the case. You wanted him. Maybe a little more than you wanted him back in college. It may have been the time and the distance that made you crave his heart.

“I won’t leave Boston,” he confirmed. “It’s the one thing that reminds me of who I was before you.  Who I’m trying to be.”

“And you got an offer,” you realized suddenly.

“Old habits die hard, I guess,” he shrugged.

“Are you seriously suggesting you’d give it up for me?” you were petrified by the concept. You would have never let him do it, anyway. He had worked too hard and for too long for you to be the reason he gave it all up. 

“If you gave up your partnership in Cali, wouldn’t it be fair for me to give up on being Suffolk County DA?”

“Oh shit, Andy, no, that wouldn’t be fair.  You need to take it,” you begged him.

“I knew you would say that.  You’ve barely changed at all.”

You stood up and approached him, placing a hand on his cheek.  “Give me a year,” you pleaded.  “Maybe that’s what we need.  A year apart to remember who we’re supposed to be.  Maybe I’ll love California and partnership and we’ll be able to say ‘hey, we’ll always have O’Leary’s’.”

He smiled a little, in a sad way. You hadn’t quite convinced him yet. He was unsure if you were really going to come back; he had trusted you with a lot before and each time he did, you broke it. Maybe giving you a year was too much of a risk for his sanity.

“Or maybe…” you breathed, half pleading, “maybe I can come back and you’ll be here.  And we can try to get along better than we used to.”

“I won’t wait forever,” he nodded slowly, “but I can do a year.”

“Okay,” you smiled, reaching for his hand and weaving your fingers into his.  He squeezed your hand but looked away.  “Andy…”

He turned to you and you wondered if you looked like you were about to cry, because you certainly felt like you were.  The situation was overwhelming, yes, but Andy, in himself, was the most overwhelming thing in your life. He consumed the only available parts of your existence. Everything you had not lost to the law belonged to him. 

Maybe in another universe you got to keep him. That you got married and had little Barber children. But right then, none of that mattered. You just needed him to know the truth. Three tiny words on the tip of your tongue to let him know the one thing that had stayed buried in your heart for a decade.

“Don’t say anything,” he requested weakly.  “Don’t say something that’s going to make this any harder.”

“But what if it’s the truth?”

“It doesn’t matter now,” he denied.

“Look at me,” you demanded, running your hand over his face, stepping closer and pressing your body against his.  You looked into his eyes and looked for hate, wishing that he still hated you at all.  “I love you.”

“Please don’t say that.” Andy’s voice was strained. You saw the internal battle he was having and it pained you. You knew that he wanted to say it. He loved telling you that when you were young. He’d remind you of his love so much you had it ingrained in your mind.

“But what if I never get another chance to say it?” a small broken sob escaped the confines of your lips. Every fibre of your being wanted to repeat those sacred three words just once more to ensure that he heard you. That he really heard you. You needed him to understand the weight behind your words. 

You had never meant them more than you had in that moment. You loved him. It was a confession you had not been able to deal with for years. You loved Andy Barber. And you had done so since the first time he said it to you in your dorm.

“You will,” he nodded, voice full of conviction, and soft eyes. “Come back in a year.”

“And when I do?” your voice was weak. Scared. It was unlike you. You had always gone after what you wanted but this time you had no choice. You had to wait a year. 365 days. 

“We’ll have this conversation again.  And it won’t be like last time.  It won’t be like this time.  It’ll be the truth.” Andy grabbed your trembling hands and kissed them. 

“Before I go,” you whimpered, feeling a tear start to fall, “lie to me just one last time.”

That was how you ended up in his bed again, his lips all over you, whispering everything you wanted to believe could be true.  I love you.  We’re gonna make it.  This isn’t goodbye.  He kissed you like it was the end of something.  He fucked you like it was just the beginning.

---

Another day, another argument.  As he paced around the dorm, you were trying to remember a time when this wasn’t just a part of the cycle.  There was no way it had always been like this, right?  If it had, you wouldn’t have made it this long… just a few months and you were already at the end of your rope.

“I can’t keep diminishing myself because you’re afraid of being overshadowed,” he shook his head.

“I’m not afraid of you,” you scowled.

“You’re afraid you won’t be valedictorian,” Andy was tense and he stood away from you, “you’re afraid that it will be me that takes it.” 

“Yeah!  Of course I am!  Because it’s what I’ve been working towards basically my whole life and now you’re trying to take it from me when you don’t even care about it!” 

“Of course I care about it!” Andy ran his hand through his hair in frustration. The argument was going around in circles. It always did and you always ended up in the same place. 

“Not half as much as I do.” Tears welled in your eyes. It was your dream. Your goal. And it was right in your sight. You were at the finish line and all you had to do was cross it.

“I don’t know why you’re so insecure, honestly.  You are so… threatened, by everything, by everybody.  Nobody’s nearly as good as you.  You run circles around all of us.  And you still can’t let go and let your accomplishments speak for themselves.  You’re at Harvard!  You’re already with the best!”

“Best isn’t good enough.  I need to be the best of the best.”

He sighed and leaned back against the wall.  “You are never going to be satisfied.  I can’t satisfy you, and you can’t satisfy yourself.”

“What do you mean you can’t satisfy me?”

“You’re going to dump me if you get valedictorian.”

“What makes you so sure of that?”

“Because I’m giving up on us, if I get it.”

You looked away.  After everything you still didn’t want him to see you cry.  “Think you can do better than a salutatorian?”

He laughed a little; a sad, broken noise.  “Yeah, something like that.”

He started to walk away and you were going to let him.  Some weaker part of you took over for a moment though, and grabbed his sleeve.  “Don’t go,” you requested.  He seemed like he was considering it.  “We can still be together, if I get it.”

He shook his head and looked at you with watery eyes.  “You’re impossible.”

“Please, Andy,” you have never pleaded for anything, let alone anyone, but Andy made you want to fight. Whether it was for him or for valedictorian, you were not sure. But it wasn’t enough for him. You needed to actually give something up; before he made that decision for you.

And, so, you watched him leave.  One footstep after the other taking a piece of your heart the further he gets. It crushed you.  Since you had lost Andy, you had to get valedictorian.  There was no fathomable way you were going to be able to deal with the loss of both. “I love you,” you whispered to his fleeting back.

And then it became your turn to grieve.  The loss of Andy took a bigger toll on you than you were even able to imagine.  That was in spite of the fact that you had spent less time with him over the past few months as he was working a lot more than usual. 

You knew that he was saving up for a big purchase.  He always did a lot more overtime when he was doing that.  Only you had no idea what it would be.  All you knew is that it would be a surprise, or so he told you.

next chapter: finale

[half-bakedboy]

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rated: General Summary: “I’ve recently found myself with a lot of time on my hands and since you don’t seem to have enough to romance someone,” Buck began, settling his drink on the table, “I think it only makes sense for someone to romance you.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh and shot back, “Yeah, and how are you going to find someone willing to put in that effort?”

“Oh, you’re lookin’ at him.”

Or… Eddie gets the romance he deserves in the form of fluff-filled dates with Buck.

For @911fluffweek - day seven: Free choice // Love confession

(read the final chapter on ao3 or start from the beginning)

The morning had sucked, to put it frankly. Eddie woke up late, sleeping through his alarm for the first time in years, and when he had barged through Christopher’s door, his son was anything but compliant. He took his sweet time getting out of bed, refused to brush his teeth or hair, and changed his outfit too many times for Eddie to count. By the time Eddie had gotten him in the car, they were going to be late to school and he didn’t even have time to call them and let them know. 

He didn’t need the speech he got when he dropped Christopher off after the first bell and he didn’t need the sympathetic but still judgmental gazes of his team and his captain when he stepped into the station ten minutes after his shift started. He barely had time to eat the plain bagel he started toasting—his cinnamon raisin ones he kept at the station had gotten moldy since Buck had started making him breakfast more often than not—when the first bell of the day rang through the station. 

His turnout gear was too heavy on his already fatigued body and as he ran into the first fire of the day, the heat was almost too much to handle. He had to carry a man twice his size out of the burning building only to be chastised by Bobby for ignoring a direct order even if it was for the good of the victim. Even Hen was tired of his bad attitude by the time they got back to the station. 

“Oh, thank god,” she muttered as they both jumped out of the back of the firetruck, “maybe you can get the stick out of Eddie’s ass.” Eddie shot daggers at her, but his features softened considerably when the door slammed closed and he saw Buck standing in front of the open doors. 

“Hey,” he said, walking up slowly, his eyebrows furrowed, “did we have plans that I forgot about?” Buck shook his head and raised up a coffee from their favorite sandwich shop a few blocks down the road. 

“A little bird told me that you didn’t have the best morning,” Buck began, pausing to take in Eddie’s form. He was sweaty and covered in grime, the small bandage on his head standing out against his ashen skin. “They didn’t tell me that you were hurt. Are you okay?” Buck asked hurriedly, placing the coffee on the floor before cupping Eddie’s face in his hands. Eddie tried to keep him at arm’s length but Buck pushed forward anyway, inspecting the bandage as if he could see through the thick gauze. 

“I’m completely fine, Buck. Just a little house fire injury. It could’ve been way worse,” he added, which did absolutely nothing to ease the tension in Buck’s shoulders. 

“Chim, the next time you rat my boyfriend out, maybe mention that he has an injury?” Buck asked, causing Eddie to glare in Chim’s direction. He figured Chim was the tattletale but didn’t think Buck would call him out that easily. 

“There will be no next time, you a—”

“Language!” Bobby shouted before Chim could finish. He turned to Buck and Eddie, hands on his hips with his captain face on. “Eddie, you’re taking a long lunch, and before you argue,” he held up a hand when Eddie took a step forward, “it’s either send you to the doctors to get checked out or make you take a damn breather. You decide.”

Eddie sighed and nodded. “Got it, Cap. Can I shower first?” He asked, gesturing down at himself. If he looked as gross as he felt, he’d need one before he could enjoy anything. 

Bobby nodded which was all Eddie needed to dismiss himself with a quick peck to Buck’s cheek and the promise that he’d be back soon. It was like the entirety of his horrible morning was washed off of his shoulders while he scrubbed himself down, but he was sure it wasn’t only the showers doing. 

Seeing Buck standing there was on the cusp of overwhelming. The second Eddie saw him, he wanted to be wrapped around him, covered in him, curled up inside of him so that he could make every frustration, annoyance, and sadness in him go away. Even the simple way Buck immediately inspected his injury, ignoring the way he probably felt and smelled after the high-intensity call, had Eddie’s stomach fluttering and the tension in his body turned to mush. 

Eddie dried and got dressed as quickly as he could because all he wanted to do was spend the time he was allotted with Buck. He needed to tell Buck exactly how he felt at that moment and Eddie wasn’t one to hold back, not with anyone, especially Buck. It was a miracle that he had waited that long to say the three words that meant everything to him, ones that he hadn’t said to anyone besides Christopher in what was probably a year. 

“I’ll have him back in an hour,” Buck shouted to the team as Eddie walked out, clean and happy. He sent everyone a wink Eddie didn’t quite understand before he grabbed the coffee from the floor with one hand and laced their fingers together with the other. 

“Where are we going? I thought we could just…” He gestured to the loft but Buck shook his head and led him to his jeep, opening the door as he had on their first date. 

“Don’t give me that look, Diaz. You act like I stopped being the perfect gentleman after all this time,” Buck accused, kissing Eddie’s cheek quickly before he shut the door. 

As he got into the driver’s seat, Eddie said slowly, “This feels like a weird trap.” Buck scoffed and grabbed Eddie’s hand from his lap, bringing it to his lips for a soft kiss but saying nothing else. 

Eddie leaned his head back against the seat behind him because even if it was a trap, he trusted Buck. He had no doubt in his mind that Buck was doing something to get his mind off of the horrible morning he had and all it took was the knowledge that Eddie wasn’t in a good mood for him to drop everything. It was really that simple and Eddie couldn’t hold back anymore. 

“Hey, Buck?” Eddie asked, keeping his head against the seat behind him but tilting it so he could look at Buck. 

Buck glanced over with a small smile and responded softly, “Yeah?” 

“I love you.” Eddie spoke quietly, barely above the low murmur of the radio Buck always had to have playing in the background, but he knew Buck heard him because he was pulling over to the side of the road almost the second the words were out. “What are you—”

“No!” Buck shouted and before Eddie could ask for an explanation, Buck was out of the car, slamming his door and stomping like a toddler over to Eddie’s side. 

The second the door opened, Eddie said, “Buck, I am so confused.” 

Buck continued to stay silent and grabbed Eddie’s hand, dragging him down the street. Eddie probably could have pulled him to a stop, but he was too busy trying to grasp onto the sliver of string holding his heart together, ready to snap any second if Buck didn’t love him back. He didn’t think that was possible. He had been so sure that Buck felt the same as he had shown it, proved it, on every occasion he could. Eddie wasn’t sure what he would do if—

“Oh,” Eddie whispered when they rounded a corner to a park they frequented with Christopher every so often. The picnic table they always sat at had a white, embroidered table cloth with plates that Eddie recognized from Buck’s kitchen set on top. There was a fake candle in the middle and the same bouquet of flowers Buck had gotten him on their first date settled beside it. 

“It’s been weeks since we had been able to have a moment alone together, Eds,” Buck said, grabbing both of Eddie’s hands in his own and taking a deep breath. He stared into Eddie’s eyes and as if he had memorized an entire speech, cleared his throat and began. “I’ve been trying to plan this big romantic gesture that would blow all of our other dates out of the damn water but every time I had something in place, there was always something else in the way.”

“You don’t need to—” Buck squeezed his hands and raised his eyebrows, a clear threat in his features that had Eddie snapping his mouth shut but still unable to hold back the grin on his lips. 

“As I was saying,” Buck enunciated pointedly as he pulled Eddie to the table and nudged him to sit, “there hasn’t been time for me to tell you how much you mean to me. I know we show it every time we’re together, but words? They mean a lot to me. I’ve never really been good with them. I stuttered as a kid and it was a constant struggle to get anyone to listen to me when I could finally speak my mind…” 

Buck trailed off and glanced away like he was suddenly embarrassed by the admission that had Eddie warming up from the inside out. Eddie angled his head to catch Buck’s eyes and rested a gentle hand on his cheek, nodding to urge him on. He wanted to make sure he heard what Buck had to say, that Buck knew he was there to listen to him even if no one else ever had been. Buck shook his head and let out a huff of disbelieving laughter before he spoke again. 

“The only words that have been swirling around my mind for the last few months have been about you. How lucky I was to have met you when I did, how fun it is to spend time with you, how immediately I fell in deep with both you and Christopher.” At the mention of his son, Eddie’s heart squeezed. Buck knew how much that would have meant to him. “Most importantly, how I’ve never quite loved anyone as much as I love you.” 

Eddie’s cheeks hurt from the wide smile that he couldn’t even try to erase from his face. His stomach bubbled over like champagne finally released from the confines of its bottle and his heart pounded that steady beat that he was sure matched in time with Buck’s. He loved him. Buck loved him and Eddie loved him right back. Nothing could ever be as perfect. 

“But then, you go and steal all of my thunder by blurting it out when I’m just existing,” Buck complained, clear exasperation in his voice that Eddie rolled his eyes at. 

“Our entire relationship doesn’t have to be a competition, Evan,” Eddie argued, standing so he could hold Buck’s face in his hands and brush their noses together. “I know it started that way, with you seeing me as some sort of challenge to pass the time on your hands,” Eddie said softly but was interrupted by Buck shaking his head rapidly. 

“Hey, that’s not—” Eddie chuckled and pressed a delicate kiss to Buck’s lips, smiling when Buck chased after his mouth like he needed more than that. 

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Buck, because you’ve spent the last few months being everything I tried to run away from and everything I’ve needed. These big romantic gestures from your makeshift handbook were incredible, but I don’t care about anything other than the fact that I really, really love you, okay?”  

Buck nodded and when they kissed, it was with barely contained smiles on their faces. It was awkward with too much teeth and laughter, but they were happy, they were in love. Every second spent with Buck, even when they were rushing around to get him back to the station, was a memory Eddie wanted to keep forever. 

Eddie was looking for an escape when he moved to L.A. He wasn’t trying to find a family or a home for himself, only focusing on the future he could provide for Christopher and caring little for his own. He was searching for an easy way out and hoped it was the right thing for both him and his son. 

Then he realized what’s easy is right and that began and ended with Buck. 

[therewasatale]

broken wings

On Ao3.

Lightning zigzagged through the sky and it was closely followed by the sound of thunder. The battle of forces was so loud it could have been heard in heaven, despite the fact it was closed. The rain and the sharp wind find its way into every nook and canny, the storm hit anything that got in its way. It rampaged, it was as if someone had wanted to vent all his anger on the world

You got booted out from your dream by the persistent dance of a throbbing headache inside your skull. Even before you were fully awake you had a suspicion that it was raining. Somehow your migraines and thunderstorms went hand in hand.

"Son of a…" you reached out to your bedside table and gave out an annoyed moan as you raised the empty plastic bottle in front of you. "Agh, god fucking ..."

You started massaging your temple and forehead with slow circular motions. It helped to at least be able to sit up in the times to come.

Another groan filled your room as the screen of your cell phone lit up. The light flashed into your brain like a knife and you needed some time to adjust to read the exact time.

03:04.

When you felt you would be able to stay on your feet for a while you stood up and began to walk towards the kitchen squinting.

Dean and Sam presumably slept like logs. You hoped Kevin had also knocked himself out in the hard work of translation and was sleeping on the table either in his room or in the foyer. So only the chained Crowley remained awake, whom you had no desire to visit, especially since he began to act strangely.

And of course, there was Gadreel, the angel who barely spoke and whom you have to talk into getting out from Sam's body. The angel who, for some reason, was terrified of sharing his name, even though he was much stronger supernatural being than even a demon. It got out three day ago when Sam let him go after he got finally healed. Since then, the angel spent most of his time in the room they assigned to him, reading. During this time, your opinion of angels has changed a lot.

You snorted softly, massaging your nostrils. God damned lies, and asshole angels…or at least most of them.

"Not now..." You tried to order your thoughts to get them to calm down. You didn’t want to dwell too much on the past while the present was just as messy. More and more it looked like the biggest threat to angels, were each other.

Bloody idjits.

You poured yourself a glass of water in the kitchen and sipped it slowly as you squinted to read the weather report. The thunderstorm is likely to be heading south tomorrow around tomorrow noon, but for the time being it will tirelessly besiege the area. You could have sworn for a moment that you can clearly hear the thunder from outside. Closing your eyes, you imagined the deep rumbling of the sky, and chill ran down your hand.

You had to hunt in the rain more than once, with your siblings or even alone. The night was one thing, even in complete darkness with the right tricks you could keep ahead of the monsters. But rain threw all the rules out of the window. The wind could change at any moment, the raindrops lowered visibility, and the thunder was a great disguise if someone tried to approach you silently. You loved and hated the rain.

Making your way back you noticed a muffled sniffing from behind one of the doors. Looking around, you soon had to realize that you were standing in front of Gadreel's room. You stared at the door for a few moments and then tried to continue on, but the soft sound of crying stopped you again.

Three days, he didn't talk much during that, but somehow you were sure something bad had happened to him. Something utterly terrible, something. they did to him in heaven. The thought made your hand involuntarily clench into a fist.

Sam and Dean may have been tiring and sometimes inhumanely hardheaded, but you could always count on them. Even when you had that falling out with your father and left them, not long before his death. Even after all the shit regarding the apocalypse, you watched each-others back after. They were your brothers and you all loved each other.

You had to fight the urge to throw up, when angels were pretending that they are brothers and sister, yet they constantly hurt each other. You could not help but despise those who do something so unforgivable and still called themselves your family. But of course, you also knew that blood relation, or just the creation itself, doesn’t mean much if there are dickheads in the family.

You softly knocked on the door.

"Gadreel?"

He either didn’t hear it or didn’t want to hear it. You knocked again, and even though you weren’t really motivated to disturb an angel's solitude, yet your instincts told you it was the right idea.

When you opened the door, your words got strangled on the way out of your throat.

There should have been complete darkness inside, but an angel curled up in the corner lit up the room. The faint light was given off by his remaining feathers, which were still able to somehow cling to his broken wings. Someone must have broken them, probably multiple times and the injuries weren’t cared for properly.

Even standing in the doorway, you could make out the deep cuts, you were sure they were made by angel blades. Yet the worst to see were his feathers, they were torn and ruffled pointing all direction.

"Gadreel?" you swallowed stepping inside.

The angel shuddered, huddling up even more.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

You saw dozens of torn out feathers in his hands. As you walked closer you had to avoid handfuls of feathers lying on the ground, by now they were devoid of light.

"Heavens, Gadreel," you knelt beside him. "Hey, angel wake up ..."

Gadreel trembled and jolted awake from his sleep. His eyes glowed in a greyish colour as he pulled away from you in horror.

"Hey, hey, it's all right" you raised your hands slowly "it's all right, I don't want to hurt you."

"I…" He took a few deep breaths and gripped the feathers in his hand. You could see the glow fading from eyes as he slowly noticed them. "I-" his voice broke, and tears began to stream down his face. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..."

"Hey, hey it's okay, hey-" you tried to divert your attention as you moved closer very slowly. "A bad dream." Reaching out, you touched his hand and sighed softly as he shivered but didn't move.

"It's okay," you caressed his hand. Your thoughts came and gone with speed, but somehow, they all came back to you wanting to calm down the angel in some way. Nothing else mattered at the moment.

"I'm sorry," he whispered with closed eyes and his wings lowered. He looked like he was waiting for punishment.

"It's okay," you stroked his arm as you sat next to him, taking care of his wings. You only caressed his arms for minutes, listening to his labored breathing. "It's okay, you're safe here."

His body relaxed, but very slowly. He first lowered his shoulders and then opening her clenched hands, let the feathers fall into his lap. He sniffed a bit from time to time and, with a tiny nod, accepted the handkerchief you handed him.

When he looked at you, you saw that in his eyes, though very faintly, the glow of his grace was still visible.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

After a few moments, he shook his head.

"Okay, then just take your time, I'll stay here with you." You glanced towards the wings that were still visible.

"They're repulsive, aren't they?" The tone of his voice resonated painfully inside your soul. One of the feathers hanging alone at an point on his wings, trembled slightly.

"What? No its ..."

"Wounded and ugly," he took a deep breath and squeezed the sentence bitterly. "Just like they should be."

"No, no, that's not true." You answered seriously as you looked into his eyes. "Listen, I don't know what happened to you upstairs, I don't even know why they did this to you. But you were the first to show up to help my brother, without any ulterior motives, so you're one of those angels I still consider good." You took his hand in yours. "I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but nobody... no one deserves that-"

"It's my fault, the whole thing…" Interrupted the angel" ..everything that’s happening. That the angels are down here, and the fact that demons exist."

The words just started to pour out of him. He was babbling, jumping from topic to topic, but you still managed to make out the most important bits. You were able to figure out what happened, and why he was locked up

"It's all my fault," he covered himself with his broken wings. "It's all happening because of me!"

Is it…really?

You watched him quietly, then leaned closer and gave him a small kiss on his wing. A feather tickled your face which elicited a sad little smile from you.

There was a shocked silence in the room.

"...(Y/N))?"

"It's a bit early and we will have a long talk about this, but it's not all your fault."

"But...because I..."

"You made a mistake, yes," you replied calmly as you carefully caressed those spots on hos wings where the injuries were not too recent. "But we all make mistakes, even angels, even gods damned archangels."

Gadreel was watching you quietly, and you were already grateful just for that.

"Lucifer did quite a bit of shit and yet God made sure that he could be freed. And then on top of that, he was in quiet a good shape that fuckin' bastard. You made a mistake that your father could have fixed with a snap... just a single mistake, you're not responsible for everything." You looked at him.

"Our adopted father always said that if we can't catch a monster, at least not for the first time, what that monster does or would do until we get him, well, its not our fault. We have to take care of ourselves, so we can save more people…And as I understood right, Lucifer bothered you quiet a bit. He''s an asshole, and the one who did this to you too. "

"But well, I-"

"No, you didn't deserve anything close to that, nobody would deserve this," you reached out and caressed his head.

He gave out an embarrassed sigh as his wings slowly became invisible behind him.

"I just..."

"I know it's really hard, but if, for no other reason, remember that we need your help, so don’t hurt yourself. You're an angel who have the power to do a lot of good, don't throw this away from you, Gadreel."

He lowered his eyes and nodded with a sigh.

"I'll try."

"Wonderful," you picked up a blanket from the nearby bed and sat back next to it, wrapping yourself up. "And now sleep."

"But I don't need-"

"I do, but I'm not going anywhere so I can make sure you don't hurt yourself," you muttered, eyes already closing, "lovely angel." You didn’t even notice when your headache disappeared, and when exhaustion took its place. It weighed heavily on every part of your body "It's okay… you didn't do anything wrong… just rest a little…"

"Well ..." Gadreel scratched his head and froze a little as you leaned against him, already. He sat motionless for the rest of the evening to not disturb your sleep. He wanted to make sure you have a good rest, though he wasn’t sure exactly why yet.

[langdxn]

Careless Whisper!! I need my husband and Careless Whisper! Pwease 🥺

aaah i love this! i’ve been wanting to try out crispy Xavier for so long, so here goes…

WARNING: very graphic details of injuries (gif by langdvn)

“Hello?”

Xavier knew calling out would be futile; the others would be halfway across the camp by now, Bertie would never have escaped Jingles’ clutches and Jingles himself wasn’t likely to release him from this oven when he was the one that put him there in the first place. Nevertheless, he called out.

“Hey!” He cried, slamming his palm against the glass regardless of the stinging waves of heat flushing through his veins. “Hey!”

You’re wasting your breath, he thought to himself. Preserve your strength.

Unfurling his lavender collar and dipping his head beneath its thin veil, another pointless effort at shielding himself from the stifling heat closing in, Xavier felt his nose run cold, liquid pouring freely from his nostril. Raising a hand to wipe his lip, his fingers emerged coated in blood.

“Fuck,” he seethed under his breath, slapping his palm against the glass pane, a translucent barrier between him and freedom. “Fuck!”

Bashing the oven door over and over, his frantic rhythm was interrupted by a familiar sound outside his boiling prison. A lone saxophone blaring from the radio Bertie keeps beside her sink to stave off dinnertime boredom.

George Michael.

“Is this hell? Am I doomed to burn to the sound of Careless Whisper on an infernal loop?”

I feel so unsure, as I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor

“Help me!” He screamed in vain, yanking his hand from the glass with a hiss as blisters swelled at his fingertips. His gaze dropped to the grill beneath him, reluctantly accepting his fate. “I don’t want to die in here.”

As the music dies, something in your eyes

“But you are going to die in here,” a familiar voice rasped over the music, jolting Xavier to look out. Margaret Booth stood calmly at the oven door, arms folded before her.

Calls to mind a silver screen and all its sad goodbyes

“Margaret! You’re here! Please, please help me! Let me out!” Xavier’s sore hands crashed against the glass again. “It’s... it’s so hot.”

“I don’t think so, Mr Plympton.” Margaret seethed behind gritted teeth, lips furled into a snarl. “You see, you’re trying to destroy all my hard work.”

I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm

“What?” Xavier’s jaw dropped open, his brows furrowing intently. “Margaret, I’m not trying to do anything! Please, just let me out? We can talk this through!”

Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool

“You and your friends, you’re only here to bring the forces of Satan into Redwood. This camp is a God-fearing establishment, thanks to me. But you, you and the debauched company you keep, you won’t be leaving here until you meet your God and answer for your sins.”

I should've known better than to cheat a friend

“Margaret, are—are you crazy?!” Xavier wailed weakly, pressing his eyes closed to fend off the searing heat building in the sockets and coursing through his skull. “I’m dying in here, Jingles did this!”

And waste the chance that I've been given

“At least I didn’t have to get my hands dirty,” Margaret hissed through a sinister grin. Xavier forced his eyes open and she was gone.

So I'm never gonna dance again, the way I danced with you

Scanning the room, Xavier pressed his burning hands to the glass. “Margaret, please! Don’t let me die in here!”

Time can never mend, the careless whispers of a good friend

No response came. Xavier’s eyes darted around the dark kitchen, desperate and terrified.

“Margaret, please!” He cried. “I’m so sorry!”

To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind

A tidal wave of pain rushed through his head, forcing his eyes shut again as stifling blisters swelled on his forehead and cheeks.

“I knew you were capable of apologising,” another female voice chimed in, this time less evil but nonetheless livid. His singed hairs stood on end.

There's no comfort in the truth, pain is all you'll find

“Babe... is that...,” Xavier stuttered before opening his eyes to glance at your figure propped up against the oven door, one hand resting on the glass between you. “Is it really you?”

I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm

“No, but I’m surprised you have the capacity to imagine me,” you sassed with a quick roll of your eyes. “You probably don’t even remember what colour my eyes are, let alone anything else about me.”

Xavier’s bloodshot eyes blinked away blistering hot tears welling at his lashes. “Wh—why would you say that?”

Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool

“Because you were far too busy screwing that Duke girl to look twice at your own girlfriend.”

A single searing tear formed in Xavier’s bloodshot eye and dried before it could burst its banks.

I should've known better than to cheat a friend, and waste the chance that I've been given

“Baby... I made a mistake,” he shook his head furiously, his blonde streaks curling tightly on his forehead and melting into the vicious welts as they rose on his skin. His gaze wandered to your hand fixed to the glass, wondering why your fingers weren’t yet curled around the ladle jammed in the door handle to release him. “Please, let me out and I’ll make it up to you! Please!”

So I'm never gonna dance again, the way I danced with you

“Why should I?” You retracted your hand, folding your arms to mirror Margaret’s defensive stance. “It would be so much easier if you died here, that way I’d never catch you screwing that blonde bimbo in our bed again.”

“I—,” Xavier’s head shook in accepted defeat, gazing down at his hands. Flayed skin flaked away from his knuckles, revealing the raw crimson surface beneath.

Tonight the music seems so loud, I wish that we could lose this crowd

“Your skin is peeling, Xav,” you sighed unmoved. “Soon the skin that touched mine will burn away, soon there won’t be any of you left to touch me.”

“I don’t... I don’t know what I saw in her, baby, I don’t—.”

Maybe it's better this way, we’d hurt each other with the things we want to say

“Spare me the last minute defences, please.”

He sighed to himself, drawing his boiling lip between his teeth. “I deserve this.”

We could have been so good together, we could have lived this dance forever

“Amazing,” you scoffed with a wry smirk. “You’ve accepted your imminent death before you’ll even consider apologising to me.”

“Baby I’m sorry!” Xavier pressed his palms against the glass as if reaching out to hold you, his scorching nails slowly tearing away from their beds as he pushed against. “I’m so sorry!”

But now who's gonna dance with me? Please stay

“Too little, too late, Xav,” you shook your head dismissively, walking away with a click of your tongue.

“Where—where are you going?” Xavier inched closer to the door, careful not to touch his cheek to the searing surface.

I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm

“There’s a lady out here,” you declared, crouching to the ground to examine the twitching body at your feet. “She’s dying too.”

“Bertie?” Hope burst through Xavier’s voice. “She’s alive?!”

Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool

“Barely.”

Xavier’s heart sank, dropping to his knees on the oven grating.

I should've known better than to cheat a friend, and waste the chance that I've been given

“She reminds me of your mom,” you sighed, pressing a hand to her blood-soaked hair clinging flat to her head. “Before the alcohol turned her into a monster, of course.”

“She… she’s a good person,” Xavier muttered despondently, distantly aware of the scolding metal burning through his white pants to his kneecaps. “She’s the one that doesn’t deserve this.”

So I'm never gonna dance again, the way I danced with you

You turned to Xavier with a hint of sympathy in your gaze.

“Have you never seen a slasher movie before, Xav?” Pursing your lips, you chuckled under your breath. “The troubled guy always has to fight for his life.”

“But… but how?”

“That’s another trope that might just save you,” you rose to your feet and returned to press your hands at the glass to meet his on the other side. “The good woman always saves a life in her final moments.”

Now that you're gone

“But she’s...”

“She’s slipping in and out of consciousness,” you sighed, curling your lips into a comforting crooked smile. “Make enough noise and you’ll bring her back around.”

“Wh... why are you doing this?” Xavier cried out, visibly in tears which kept evaporating before they coursed down his blistered cheeks. “If I’m so bad, why are you trying to save me?”

Touched by his concern, you leaned your forehead against the oven door.

Now that you're gone

“Because you’re in the middle of a literal horror movie and you deserve a redemption story.”

“Th… thank you,” Xavier smiled, however much it pained him to stretch his swollen and burst lips.

“Don’t thank me, thank Bertie over here,” you sighed gently, gazing over at her body wriggling in agony on the tiled floor.

“Princess,” his fragile, frantic voice shook as he leaned in closer. “When I get out of here, I’m going to change. I’ll be the best boyfriend to you, I’ll take you to see Hall & Oates, I’ll watch Grease with you — you wanted a baby, right? We can have a baby if… if you still want to?”

Now that you're gone

“Xav,” you dismissed him with a shake of your head and a deep sigh. “Just promise me something?”

“Anything, any—anything at all!”

“Think of others before yourself this time. This is your second chance at life, don’t waste it. Be brave.”

Xavier silently confirmed with an understanding nod. You leaned in to press a kiss to the glass, cool to your lips as his skin peeled at the palms against the other side.

“Use your shoulder, Xav, she’ll hear you.”

Was what I did so wrong?

Xavier squeezed his eyes shut, clinging onto the hope in your voice. When they opened again, the vision of you vanished.

“B… Ber… Bertie,” he stuttered weakly, shoving his clothed shoulder into the glass with all the strength he could muster. “Please… please help me!”

With another sharp slam into the door, Xavier looked up to see a bloodied Bertie facing him, one eye fused closed and the other bloodshot.

“Bertie!”

So wrong that you had to leave me alone?

Suddenly, she collapsed in a heap as she unhooked the ladle imprisoning him, springing the oven door open and tumbling Xavier onto the floor beside her.

His agony stepped aside for utter relief as he felt the cool breeze of the kitchen sting his wounded face.

“Be… be brave, she said,” Xavier muttered to himself, sucking in his searing hot cheeks and holding his head up. “Time to be brave. For her.”

[apenapaperandadoofus]

I won't say I'm in love + Suit Saeran and in Suit Saeran's POV!??? I MEANNNNN??? And like the other believers singing the part of the muses??? YES? 😌 I love this prompt and this sounds sooo fun 😆

YES YES YES I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS AND THE BELIEVERS?! YESSSSSSSSSSS

Also a Jumin version is also incoming since two people asked for it hehe, but I just COULD NOT HELP BUT WRITE THIS ONE FIRST NANSSBBS ITS SO CUTEEE

Also I had a lot lf fun until the last part where I was editing and tumblr actually went fuck you and deleted everything so thanks for that

(also if someone idk wants to draw this or whatever hehe please tell me bc I will actually sell my soul to you.) I will try and uh draw a bit but as yall now, middle hands I don't rest know how to so PFT

Prompt from: give me a mm character and a song

I won't say I'm in love (Saeran x Fem!MC)

Song: I won't say I'm in love (Caleb Hyles)

"And don't you forget that you stupid toy." Saeran said, as he closed the door with a bang. "You all know the rules. Don't you dare touch my toy, and don't let anyone else come in here am I clear?" He told the believers, who stiffened and stuttered, "Yes Mr. Ra- Sorry, sorry! Mr. Saeran...."

Saeran scoffed at the believers but decided to go easy on them this time. After all, today he was in a pretty good mood thanks to his toy.

Or well, at least that what he thought before stopping in the middle of his tracks. Today he wasn't really able to see that scared, helpless look on her face. It was the exact opposite, today she was resilient, and actually fought back, and although he had to admit he liked the fiesty act at first, now it was getting really annoying. I mean, at this point she should be begging on her knees, asking him to please have mercy, that she love-

Wait.

Love??

Saeran's eyes widened as he realized what he has just imagined. He didn't want to hear her telling him how much she loved him. That she needed him, yes, the she was going to do whatever he wanted too, but that she loved him??

He didn't want anyone to love him. Angrily, screaming at himself (or well, at Ray, he had come to the conclusion that it was all that marshmallow's fault) he walked over to the garden. Nothing made him feel better than picking up flowers he knew Ray loved, and then destroying them immediately. It was a hobby of his to be honest.

As he walked through the beautiful garden, he had a mental conversation with himself, mostly about what he thought about....her.

Love....why would he want her to love him? It just didn't make any sense. Just why?

Because you love her.

A voice said, and Saeran immediately turned around, trying to find the idiot who said such a blatant lie.

Love her?

Love her?

In typical Saeran fashion, he scoffed and then tried to come up with a whole list of why his toy wasn't even worthy of his affection. Yet....when he tried to do it....his mind couldn't come up with anything.

Oh.

Oooh.

Oh fuck no.

Saeran ran a hand through his hair and sat on the nearby fountain. He noticed that it was right in front of her room, which still seemed to have the lights on.

Seriously what's that idiot doing awake still....and hey, why do I care?! Seriously, that airhead Ray might've fallen for her, but I'm definetly not going to follow the same path as that dumbass.

He sighed.

"Seriously....If there's a prize for rotten judgement....I guess I've already won that.

No girl is worth the aggravation

That's ancient history, been there, done that." He groaned as he buried his face in his hands and-

"Who d'you think you're kidding

She's the earth and heaven to you."

"HUH?!" Saeran quickly looked up, only to find....the gardener tending to the plants. Hm, the lack of sleep must be making him hear, and especially think, crazy things. He sighed and went back to placing his head on his hands but then-

"Try to keep it hidden,

Honey we can see right through you

Boy you can't conceal it

We know how you're feeling

Who you thiiiinking of!"

Saeran immediately stood up and looked around the garden once again. "Oi whoever is in here, you have three seconds to run before I go and rip your head off."

Silence.

Fucking finally. He thought, as he took a deep breath in and tried to go back into his mediative state.

He turned around to sit back on the corner of the fountain, when a believer appeared out of nowhere.

"The hell are you-" Saeran started, but the believed walked over to him with one finger in the air.

"Aghhhhhh" he said as he stopped in front of him. "Saeran....my boy....you're in love."

"WHAT!? NO WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, AND WHY ARE YOU EVEN- WHO DO YOU- I-' he stuttered, when anither believer came out of the bushes and placed a hand on Saeran's shoulder.

"Aw baby boy, why don't you just go and admit it?"

Another believer appeared from the other side and sighed dreamily. "It's a beautiful thing, so you shouldn't be afraid." The believer said, with a very high pitched voice.

"WHY ARE YOU-HUH!?"

"Love is a beautiful thing Saeran." Saeran heard a deep voice say in front of him, and he almost punched the believer in the face as he came out of the fountain, yes, wet robes and all.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?" Saeram screamed, but the believers (?) Only laughed and then proceeded to get together and strike a really weird group pose.

"We are...YOUR OWN PERSONAL MUSES! AND WE WON'T LEAVE, UNTIL YOU FINALLY REALIZE THE TRUTH!" They all said.

Saeran, who was now pretty annoyed because of the self proclaimed 'muses' and also because he forgot to bring his gun so now he had nothing to threaten them with and let out his anger and insecurities, glared at the group of people and crossed his arms.

"And what is this so called truth?" He asked. The muses smiled even more

"THAT YOU ARE IN.....LOVE!!!!"

Saeran swore he could see confetti suddenly fall from the sky and he let out a sarcastic chuckle.

"Yeah right. With who? MC? Please. I'd never be in love with her."

"But you are!" One of the muses said.

"Just admit Saeran!" Another one chipped in.

He was taken aback for a minute before he went back to giving them muses a deal glare. "I'm not admiting anything. This is stupid seriously, just go away."

"No! We won't! Until you say that you're in LOVE!* The deep voiced muse said and Saedan raised an eyebrow.

"What me?! Seriously?! In love? Please. I'm leaving if you're not, I'm not dealing with this bullshit."

Saedan quickly walked over to another side of the garden, when suddenly the muses appeared in front of him. He turned around, only to find the muses once again.

Everywhere he went, he saw them, and everytime his patience kept running thinner and thinner.

"JUST SAY YOU'RE IN LOVE SAERAN!"

He stopped in his tracks and turned around, stomping his foot.

"NO! No chance no way I won't say it, no...no!" He shook his head side to side and glared.

The muses groaned. "You swoon, you sigh, why deny it? Oh oh."

Saeran blushed. "B-because, it's too cliche! I won't say I'm in love!" He angrily walked over to a bush and glared at the flowers as if that would suddenly help him get rid of his problems. (It was a bush of forget me not's, one of Ray's favorite, ironically it seemed that's where his body took him, probably out of instinct.)

Angrily, he took one out and glared at it.

"Ugh...I thought my heart had learned its lesson...It feels so good when you start out. My head is screaming 'Get a grip boy..." He angrily threw the flower on the ground and stepped on it and let out an exasperated sigh. "Unless you're dying to cry your heart out...." He mumbled and then cursed as he saw the muses again.

"UGH BOY YOU CAN'T DENY IT!! Who you are is how you're feeling!"

"I don't even know what that means-! I-WHY ARE YOU SINGING- I DON'T LIKE HER!""

"Baby we're not buying!"

One of them (it also has to be the one that came out of the fountain due to the wet sleeves) poked Saeran's cheek and smirked.

"Hon we saw you hit the ceiling"

Saeran felt himself blush even more, a gasp escaping from his lips.

"Face it like a grown-up, when you gonna own up that you got, got, got it bad!"

Saeran groaned as he saw the believersline up in a single file and then proceed to do that dance move where each jumps out one after the other.

"God!! No chance no way I won't say it, no no!!!" Saeran stomped his foot once again and shook his head, like a toddler, and the muses rolled their eyes.

"She's just...she's so annoying. I hate her, I hate her face, her hair, her smile, the way her eyes light up when she talks, or how happy she looked when I showed her the garden..."

One if the muses laughed, bringing Saeran out of his trance.

"Give up, give in, check the grin you're in love!" They teased him, which made Saeran gape at them as if he was very offended.

"This scene won't play I won't say I'm in lo-UGH!!

"We'll do it until you admit you're in love!"

"Leave me alone!" Saeran stomped off towards the other side of the garden and the muses followed.

"You're way off base I won't say it...." The muses glared at him with a skeptical glance and he glared.

"Get off my case I won't say it" he growled and say on a bench near by, crossing his arms with his face all red.

"Boy don't be proud it's okay you're in love."-

.

.

"Mister Saeran...Mister Saeran!"

Suddenly Saeran looked up to see the believer who was gardening before. "You fell asleep on the fountain...shall I get you anything?"

Saeran scoffed and pushed the believer's hand from his shoulder.

"Don't you dare to ever touch me again. Go away, I was just- just- ugh! Leave before I tell the others to prepare another cleansing ceremony."

The believer quickly nodded. "Yes sir, of course! I apologize!!!" He quickly left and Saeran watched as he ran away, and then he sighed.

Suddenly he found himself staring at....her room, and for some reason, he felt a very deep part of him glad that she was finally getting some sleep. Then, his eyes widened and he let out a sardonic laugh.

"Fuck....."

He looked back to the flowers and sighed a small, sad smile on his face. "Well....at least out loud....I won't say I'm in..... love."

The End

BONUS:

Believers: *Looking out from the window at the garden and Saeran.*

Believer N°643: Hey he's been sitting there for a while...

Believer N°262: yeah almost about 2 minutes and 32 seconds....

Believers:.....

Believer N°643: d'you recon we should wake him up?

Believer N°262: and immediately get massacred? Nah man, I have a wife, a kid! You wake him up.

Believer N°643: what no dude I don't want to die, I have dreams!

Believer N°262: *whispering but also yelling* YOU'RE IN A CULT YOU'RE NOT SUPPODED TO HAVE DREAMS WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?

Believer N°643: THEY'RE IMPORTANT

Believer N°262: WHAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT!?

Believer N°643:....... *Looks at the camera*

Believer N°262:.....

Believer N°643: Iwsnsssnsnsns

Believer N°262: what?

Believer N° 643: I...I want to start a band! It's...it's a work in progress but Carol and Jimmy have already agreed. It's going to be...it'll be cult based... probably.

Believer N°262: you....YOU STARTED A BAND AND DIDNT TELL ME!?

Believer N°643: IM SORRY

Believer N°262: I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! WHAT ELSE ARE YOU KEEPING FFOM ME!?

Believer N°643: THE CHILD ISNT YOURS IM SORRY

Believer N°262: THAT- YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY ANSWE- wait... Bartholomew the Second isn't mine...?

Believer N°643: *slowly shakes his head* ...no

Believer N°262:....dude.

Believer N°643: IT WAS A SATURDAY NIGHT AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE SAVIOUR DOES ON SATURDAY'S, WE HAD WAY YOO MUCH ELIXIR. ALSO IM YOUR FATHER.

Believer N°262: what THE FU-

Announcer: Join us next week in The Cult, it's like The Office but it's actually a cult, made my someone who has been writing for about an hour non-stop and it's actually 1AM in her time zone so she's clearly already loosing her mind, GOOD NIGHT FOLKS

*audience applause*

*The Office theme but cult version starts playing as the credits roll, THE END*

(I'm sorry I don't know what the fuck this is but my fingers just started typing it on their own I'm sorry pffff

[nctrenjunie]

Questions ~ Jeno (M)

Author: Sera

Genre: Smut

Words: 2.5k

Comment: Hey, I´m sorry that this took so much time. Some of you might already know but I lost a lot of confidence in my writings the past months and I just couldn´t write. But I´m really really happy with this one and I would love to hear some Feedback please!! Next up is renjun!sub. AND THIS>>> ‼‼‼ is very important bcs I get rlly sad about stuff like this so please read. THANK U ALL ❤

Request: 

What time is it?

You wondered, analyzing the gloomy sky. Darker shades painted the right skyline and lighter shades the left due to the big skyscrapers rising up the sky. It almost looked like a canvas or more like a photograph that you could find hanging around in a rich man's apartment, no meaning whatsoever. 

What a view of modern culture a photograph like this could bring to someone's eyes?

There would be thousand of interpretations: the contrast between dark and light could symbolize the cliff between poor and rich, between nature and technology or between love and hate.     

But it scared you sometimes: The lack of interest you had in a stunning view that might change one's perspective of life. But for you there were plenty nights like this, where you would get the opportunity to stare blankly at the breathtaking skyline. Blanking your thoughts out made it easier, you could stare holes thru the sky similar to the void you felt deep inside your body in these nights. 

How could someone enjoy and interpret this superb view without sharing and clarifying their own analysis with someone else?

Perhaps it wasn't your lack of interest that made you fear your own blank thoughts but more over the cold bed sheets next to your side. The longer the bedside kept itself empty the more it reminded you of the big balcony windows through which a cold breeze passed its way into the enormous bedroom. You didn't feel cold tho, your body lying still, shivering once in a while. No, it wasn't coldness but a plain conventional feeling that crawled itself slowly into your body, reminding you of the Biedermeier period. 

Just as you thought your blank musing would stop a cold breeze passed over your body, bringing your hand instinctively down between your legs as you stretched your body out. Your actions made you taste a mild warmth from your core up to your body, forming into a warm shiver that crept itself through your whole figure.

When will he be here? 

You wondered. It must have been a busy day, or week or maybe month. You were sure you missed him but not since when. 

Looking at the ceiling you made out three scenarios in your head to prepare yourself for when the culprit of your coldness enters the room. A) Resisting your desire of warmth you ignore him totally, waiting on the bed for him, just to get up when he lays down, making your way out of the room. B) Trying to contain your anger you want to be left alone for some seconds but as he keeps bugging you, you lose your cool and start to scream out your frustration at his face. Or scenario C) You fail at rebelling against your bodies demand to let him fill you with warmth so seeing him enter the bedroom you greet him with a lust filled french kiss.

You couldn't even come to the point of counting the seconds, waiting for his arrival. Instead, loud footsteps and a drained groan echoed through the gigantic apartment, getting louder with every step as he approached the bedroom. Irritated by the loud turning doorknob, your body decided on its own to stay on the bed, untroubled by the well-built figure that just entered the cold room. 

Suddenly you felt drenched out, tired. Probably not from the other person's presence, but the energy your body planned to put into scenario C) seemed to have left your body the second you looked into his pretty face. 

What a view you might say! round but sharp jawline followed by a pair of long lush lips and a large but snub nose that you loved to peck in the morning. Sadly this angelic face wasn't as bewitching as it should be owing to the blood trickling out of his nose. It took you some seconds to realize that this wasn't the baddest part. The thick substance stuck halfway dried onto his hands, trickling slowly down his veins.   

 Mustering his eyes you noticed a special light into his eyes, letting you now that he needed love. Jeno kept his eyes on you. It was a drained out look, driven by thoughts and questions. Quite confused you must say. An unknown power pressed you down onto the bed, leaving you move less as you watched your love walk into the bathroom. 

It definitely was a questionable silence. Although you could hear the sink running through the bathroom door you made sure to throw scenario A) and B) out of your mind, awaiting the moment Jeno walks out of the bathroom to join you. 

He noticed you mustering his arms down to his hands. There was no scar or blood trace, letting you know it wasn't his dried blood you saw earlier. It didn't scare you tho, at least not like his stern face, tired and confused. 

What is he thinking about?

There wasn't enough time for you to think about that as he called out your name, leaving thick air between both of you.

“Could you come here for a second..darling?”

Taking your time you stood up from the gigantic bed, hesitantly making your way over to him. Your legs trembled a little bit due to the realisation that it must've gotten colder in here. Jenos hand grabbed you gently, pulling you close to him with a little force. A fresh smell filled your nostrils. Observing his face there weren't any blood splashes or scratches left, besides a tiny bit of dried blood coming out of his right nostril. Although the blood touched image of him didn't scare you it seemed that he was disturbed by his own actions today. He mustered you clearly for some time, hands around your hips, trying to find some sort of negative reaction inside your eyes.

Giving him his time to reflect you tried to burn every centimeter of him into your head. His bewitching face made you feel a different kind of warmth. He was shirtless making you anticipate the rest of the night. Black messy hair, broad shoulders, toned abs but not to much and a pair black jeans sitting perfectly onto his hip bones toning his waist in some kind of magical way. Oh god this man drove you fucking crazy. You made sure to go with his rhythm, knowing his sensible mood. He would put away his Glock18 wasn't hanging down his belt. It was one of these nights where he would put away even the smallest weapon away, tired of businesses and fights. 

"Tell me, what's on your mind baby?"

Jeno didn't give you an answer. Instead, this night was made for him to question you and every part of your body. His left hand moved up, slowly and trembling slightly as if he feared to touch you.

"Answer me, can I caress your cheek without feeling you tremble in fear?"

Some might be scared of him but you would never. It perplexed you, almost annoyed you that he asked such a question. Encouraging him to lay his hand onto your cheek you put your hand over his. His soft hand then landed onto your cheek, gently rubbing over your skin. Wanting more of this warm feeling you decided to tap your other hand slowly over his toned belly, up to his shoulder before lying it down behind his neck. Playing with his hair you broke the silence.

"Your hair has gotten longer, I've missed you."

Ignoring his anxious thoughts of you fearing him you continued going through his hair. A small kiss landed on your lips, to short to make it seem enjoyable but enough to unleash a spark. A small moment that made him into the adorable person he is. 

Both of your hands were now in his hair, playing with it wildly, messing it up. Jeno pulled you closer, a gentle but impactful move, his hand kept caressing your cheek and his lips pecked yours shortly before moving down your neck. Expecting some hickey causing kisses you were surprised by short lovely pecks against your sensible skin. Pulling you even closer he embraced you in a tight hug. Kind of surprised you loosened your hands out off his now tangled hair to embrace him.

Going with the flow you waited for his next move. You wouldn't like to explain it as plain  warmth what you felt right now. It was something more powerful, bewitching like a spell. Both of his hands decided it is time to move down your back, sliding down to your ass and back up to your hips. Using them as his guidance he turns you around, pressing your back against his toned abs. A unexpected hand painted a light coloured breeze over your neck before planting dark kisses onto the same spot. Laying your head onto his shoulder Jeno left out a light chuckle. Taking advantage of your relaxed form he plastered more kisses onto your skin, variating between your neck, collarbone and cheek. On some occasions his right hand moved up to bring your lips closer to his. Soft, sweet, rough and sinful kisses were shared. Although the kisses started to get steamier there was still a lovable and caring tension between you and him.

“If I move a little further down your belly, will you moan for me?”

You were breathing extra loud between the kisses. You noticed the change in motion: His right hand moving down your bodyline, over your navel before stopping right on your core. His left hand continued on, moving into the opposite direction to cup your already bare chest. A whimper left your lips owing to him groping your breast softly and a faint pair of teeth biting into your shoulder before licking over the soft abused skin. You  noticed how wet you were with only your underwear on and his hand laying calmly over your core. Tired you animated to move one hand up into his hair.

“Tell me, do you like it if I touch you there?”

Jeno smiled satisfied, feeling you tighten the grasp on his hair as two of his fingers moved slowly down the slit of your core. Playing with your wetness tiny moans left your lips bit by bit. Taking his hand out of your panties he moved his hand up, licking your fluids off his fingers before moving them down again. This time he rubbed a little harder, using your wetness to circulate your clit. Taking your now longer moans as a yes to his question Jeno kept going. You felt your nipples getting harder owing to jenos finger rubbing sensually. You wanted to cum so bad, your body stimulated all over, pulsing from your head all the way down to your core. Your moans became louder as you concentrated on your release. Jeno kept you close to him, stopping you from squirming away from his touches. A harder grasp around his hair and your fast lifting chest indicated your orgasm. Jeno rode out your high, sticking two of his fingers into your pussy and taking them out fastly before repeating his action a few times.

“You're beautiful Y/N.”

Your were sweating against him, his hand still in your underwear whilst his other hand moved your lips to his. A sensual and superb kiss was shared before you had to part due to the lack of air. Although, you still got a glimpse of your own taste from his lips. Picking you up Jeno moved you onto the bed. You were laying there, tired and still out of breath. The skyscrapers illuminated Jenos left side more than the other one. 

If you had the chance you would've taken a picture right here and then. What a beautiful view! It would have looked stunning on the big wall down to the kitchen. Some people might see it as a obscene or pervert picture but for you it would've been a masterpiece.

Jeno between both of your legs, an almost golden light illuminating his form in a unique way you could observe it your whole life. Really messy hair and sweat droplets rolling down his tense face. His lips 1 centimeter a gape giving a preview of the teeth that bit sinfully into your shoulder. His eyes filled with his thousand sins and pure love only for you. Strong muscular biceps and toned veins moving down his underarms to his perfect marmored hands that were fidgeting with his belt before throwing it carefree onto the floor. He looked marvellous, like a ancient greek god and you knew you were his muse. 

Getting rid of the rest of his clothing Jeno moved closer to you. You rubbed up and down his already erected cock as he hovered over you to connect your lips again. Teeth biting on your lips before intertwining his tongue with yours. You felt some precum on your hand. Placing himself in front of your entrance Jeno put you in a more comfortable position, making sure that you're feeling good. His louder breaths became more silent looking you deep in the eyes with his dark brown orbs.

“Let me know, am I allowed to treat you like my queen tonight?”

Moving both of your hands up to his face you pulled him down, pressing a short sloppy kiss onto his so kissable lips. A small smile spread itself over your lips.

“Yes Jeno, yes you are allowed.”

Taking in your words you felt his erect member enter you returning your kiss with a longer one. The kiss was interrupted multiple times by both of your heavy breaths and moans. Penetrating you Jeno kept a steady tempo, holding your head to make sure you're not gonna hit it against the headboard for when he starts to get a little rougher. You couldn't describe the erotic feeling that moved its way from your core onto the rest of your body into words but your screams and pants made it pretty clear. Closing your eyes made you feel everything ten times harder. Jeno moaned through gritted teeth, panting your name sometimes too as one of his hand moved up to go back to knead one of your breast. To put the cherry on top jenos tongue came down to one of your bud. Rolling back your eyes you made sure to let him know that you were about to cum. 

Jeno took both of your legs. Knowing how close both of your orgasms are he put them on his shoulder. Grabbing the opportunity he pounded into your pussy from another angle making sure to hit your G-spot. Not being able to wait anymore you released a second time. Riding out your orgasm Jeno became more sloppier, pounding a few more times before pulling out and releasing onto your belly. A special kind of warmth was shared between both of you.

Both panting for some time he laid next to you now. The skyscrapers illuminated the gigantic bedroom. You plastered a kiss onto his cheek with your last energy. Both of you closed your eyes, chests heaving up and down.

“Speak up, will you promise me to stay by my side?”

“Yes, yes I will Jeno.”

[in-my-jamiebower-era]

Lights up. Rafe Cameron.

Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: You’re John B’s sister but secretly dating Rafe Cameron. Sounds like a plan for disaster. Although things might just work out in the end...or not?

Warnings: A few curse words, implied smut, and probably grammatical errors.

Words: 4K+

A/N: I am so sorry it took this long to post. I had to deal with some personal things. So this song is basically about being who you are no matter what. Just doing what you love. So I thought it was fitting Y/N be a Pouge while Rafe be a Kook. Anyways, I just want to say once again that all of you are incredibly sweet!! Thank you for all the love and support. Don’t hesitate to message me if you have any constructive feedback or requests. I really love it when I hear from all of you. Also I know times are hard so if any of you need to talk, please message me. I promise I’ll listen. Anyways once again thank you and I hope y’all enjoy your day! Don’t forget to TPWK!!💓

What do you mean?

I'm sorry by the way

Never coming back down

Can't you see?

I could, but wouldn't stay

Wouldn't put it like that

What do you mean?

I'm sorry by the way

Never coming around

Be so sweet if things just stayed the same

Being a John B’s twin sister definitely came with some perks. Everyone knew not to mess with you or else he would beat their ass. It was like you were untouchable. It was a great feeling. Although growing up a Pouge is great, it still has its not so great moments. Sometimes not know where your next meal is going to come from. Better yet, not having hot water. Sometimes not having water at all. Although one day your life got flipped all the way upside down.

You didn’t expect it to happen, it just did. One minute you were at the chateau than the next you were in bed with Rafe Cameron. You always had a little crush on Rafe but you had to keep that deep down inside and locked away. Until that one crazy, insane, amazing, and almost too got to be true night?

You were drunk as shit, wondering the beach all alone. Just to come across a drunk as shit Rafe Cameron. “Oh God,” you thought. Although when you got a closer look at him, he was beaten and bruised. You secretly brought him back to the Chateau to get him cleaned up. Then came the kiss, then they sneaking over, then the sex, then the “I love yous.” Time really flew during the last year you’d been macking on Rafe Cameron. You enjoyed it though.

It was currently 3 AM in the morning and you were sitting cross-legged on Rafe's bed watching the news because nothing was on. Suddenly you heard the bathroom door creak open, which cause you to jump lightly. The next thing you saw was Rafe Cameron with his towel on his hips, hair still wet and messy. God the sinful things you were thinking of at the moment.

“Hey Y/N, you okay?” Not trusting your voice you just shook your head up and down. He had no idea the effect he was having in you at the moment. Your sex life was not it’s best right now, seeing as though Rafe was always trying to please his dad. Also that no one technically knew about you and Rafe. He promised he would make time for you but it was hard. So you decided to savor the little moments.

He turned around to get some clothes out of his drawer and you trailed your eyes up and down his body. His body was amazing. It’s like he could sense you because he turned around and saw you staring.

“Alright now I know something is up with you Y/N, so it’s better you tell me because I don’t want to force it out of you.” You really didn’t want to tell him that you needed a good fuck. You just really wanted to be intimate with him and show him you loved him. You had been feeling empty inside for the last week and you needed him. So you made the choice to say “Rafe, do you still love me?”

He was still in front of you but he grabbed your ankles and pulled you to the end of the bed. He leaned down with just his towel on. You had a clear view of his glistening chest. He put his hands on your thighs and looks you in the eyes. In a deep voice, he said “of course I do baby girl, did I do something to make you doubt that?”

You signed then you looked down but he grabbed your jaw and said “answer the question.” You knew he knew what you wanted. This is why he got dominant all of a sudden. So you decided to play into his game. So you gave him a sad face and said “it’s just that we haven’t spent any intimate time together in a while and I miss your touch.” You ran a hand over his stomach up to his shoulders. Then you lent over and whispered in his ear “I want to feel you.”

He slowly leaned in and attached his lips to yours. He straddled your hips and pushed you back onto the bed losing his towel. You whimpered at the sight of his semi-hard cock. “You want that baby girl?” He rasped. You nodded your head and he quickly disposed of your shirt and shorts.

He took a look at you and stared for a while, making you very insecure. He hadn’t seen you like this in a while so maybe he didn’t like it? His voice went deep and said, “Don’t cover your beautiful body.” He always hated it when you were insecure about yourself, so he always reminded you of how pretty you were. You were ripped from your thoughts when he kissed behind your ear and whispered: “tonight I’m not just going to fuck you, I’m going to make love to you.” That alone made you moan.

He was clearly turned on, seeing as though he hadn’t had you like this in weeks. He all of the sudden pushed into you slowly, in and out. Whispering sweet nothings in your ear. You moaned “Baby I’m close” he gave you the cockiest smile. You kissed your neck leaving apparent red marks. You both were a moaning mess as your highs hit. You both lay there panting for a while.

He went to the bathroom and got a washcloth and cleaned you up and made sure to be sensitive around your entrance. You found one of Rafe’s shirts and you out in your shorts. He was sprawled out on the bed motioning for you to come to lay down with him. You layed your head on his chest while he played with your hair. He rasped “I love you, baby, I’m sorry I don’t spend enough time taking care of you. I promise I’ll be better because you mean the world to me.”

You smiled up at him and gave me a kiss on the nose “I love you too Rafe.” Then you both drifted asleep with the news still playing in the background.

All the lights couldn't put out the dark

Runnin' through my heart

Lights up and they know who you are

Know who you are

Do you know who you are?

You were suddenly awoken by the sound of Rafe's door being slammed open, Sarah came running in. Sarah was incredibly sweet and kind. She told the Pouges that you stayed at her house with her. When in reality you only stayed over most nights because of Rafe. You basically lived with them. Ward really didn’t care because since Rafe was with you, he had changed for the better.

You heard Rafe holler from beside you “Sarah get the fuck out of my room and leave us alone.” You smacked Rafe but in return, he only pulled you closer. Sarah unexpectedly screamed, “Your brother and the rest of the Pogues are almost here.” That was enough for you to bolt to Rafes' closet. You kept all your clothes there. You heard a loud knock from the door downstairs and froze.

Sarah whisper shouted “both of you get dressed, I’ll stall them. You quickly put on your high waisted shorts and an orange crop top, with some white converses. You ran Rafe's brush through your hair and decided you looked presentable enough. You kissed him on the cheek and told him to wait a while before he came down.

You ran down the stairs and saw all your friends, their faces immediately lit up. John B engulfed you in a hug. “Woahhhh Booker, you’re going to kill me. Have you been working out?” He laughed and playfully elbowed you. As he was pulling away he noticed your neck, purple bruises, curtesy of Rafe Cameron.

“Y/N. What the hell are these?” You felt your stomach churn. Oh God, you are done for. Then all of your friends were looking at you, JJ was seething. He was always really protective of you. You confidently tried to say “I know it looks bad but I have an explanation.” Kie glared at you and said, “who was it?” Sarah could sense something was about to go wrong so she said “It was me!”

Everyone looked at her in shock and so did you. Sarah happily said, “I was trying to teach her and yeah that’s what happened.” No one bought that story what so ever. As if matters couldn’t get worse Rafe Cameron strutted down the stairs.

Your eyes followed him and so did everyone else’s. Pope leaped up and rushed over to examine Rafe's neck. Then Pope shouted, “He’s got them too.” Everyone in the entire room started to see red. You didn’t know what to do. Was this really happening? No more hiding. John B hollered “Are you macking Rafe Fucking Cameron.” Everyone was staring at you, even Rafe. Okay, here it goes.

“Listen before I say anything I need you all to sit down.” With help from Sarah, you got all the Pouges to sit down. You were standing with Rafe behind you. “Yes, I’ve been dating Rafe for about a year.” The whole room erupted into chaos. There were screaming and hollering. All you wanted to do was disappear. You turned around and Rafe saw a few tears fall from your eyes. He hated this for you. He held you close as everyone watched. He kissed your forehead and said, “come on baby it’s going to be fine.”

You wiped away your tears and said “I love him.” You glared at everyone. John B stood up and said, “Dad would be so disappointed in you.” Rafe felt you tense up and he knew what was coming. He wouldn’t get in the way because you needed this.

You were the one seeing red now. “John booker Routledge. Don’t you dare tell me what my father would think of this situation. Dad would be happy for me. He would be jumping off the walls knowing that I’m happy. The truth is you’re scared of me growing up and you still see me as a little girl. You think the entire world revolves around you, well guess what it doesn’t. Also guess what John B, DAD IS DEAD AND HE'S NOT COMING BACK. Get over yourself, I accepted and moved on. It’s your turn.” You didn’t mean to be that harsh but it definitely came out that way.

Everyone looked at you with shocked expressions, even Rafe had no idea what to say. It was an unsaid rule that no one mentioned your dad around John B. That was the first time someone had confronted him about it. John B looked at you with pain in his eyes and said “Don’t bother coming home. As for your boy toy, I hope that he gets a couple of good fucks out of you then runs away.” Now it was Rafe's turn to see red “what the fuck did you just say?” He seethed. You pushed his chest back, telling him to just leave it alone. With that all of the Pogues left, leaving you and Rafe.

You broke down into sobs and curled into his touch. After a while, he willed your tears and said “I know baby, I know. He just doesn’t understand. I love you so much. I promise I’m not here just for a couple of good fucks.” You sheepishly said, “I love you too and I’m sorry for this happening.”

He looked you in the eyes and said “Do not be sorry for your brother's actions. Now come one let’s go back to bed.” So you both played in bed all day just enjoying each other’s warmth.

Shine, step into the light

Shine, so bright sometimes

Shine, I'm not ever going back

Shine, step into the light

Shine, so bright sometimes

Shine, I'm not ever going back

Shine, step into the light

Shine, so bright sometimes

Shine, I'm not ever

You woke up once again feeling like shit. It had been exactly a week and 3 days since your fight with John B. It never got easier through the days, every word said replaying in your mind. At least you got to wake up to the man you loved every morning. This morning you woke up with Rafe watching you. He seemed all too excited to be waking up at 7 AM on a Saturday. You groaned at how happy he looked.

“Y/N, I have an idea.” Oh, great an idea from Rafe Cameron was never good. You muttered an “mhm” which meant keep going. “So there’s a movie night on the beach tonight and I was really hoping you and I could go. We could go to the beach, have a picnic, then go to the movie thing. We could make a whole day out of it. Please?” He looked at you with his bright blue eyes. How could you say no to that? Seriously how?

“Fine. But only because I love you and you’re adorable.” He tackled you in kisses and hugs. “Oh my God Rafe please do not suffocate me.” He practically pulled you out of bed and forced you into the shower. You did your hair and decided on wearing a flowy summer dress and sandals over your red bikini. When you walked out of the bathroom his jaw nearly hit the floor. That was the first time you had actually got dressed in a week.

“Y/N. Baby, you look amazing.” You smiled, you honestly felt amazing. He layed kisses all over your face again. “Come on Rafe, don’t make me change my mind!”

Rafe drove the newest model of a jeep, which you absolutely adored. He held your hand the whole way to the beach and he occasionally kissed it. Every time you felt a little blush creep to your cheeks. It was amazing that he still had that effect on you, he thought.

When you guys first got there you decided to read “Pride and Prejudice.” You loved reading, it was your favorite thing to do (besides Rafe.) Rafe really was happy that you were enjoying yourself but he decided it was time for you to get in the water with him. He didn’t want you to overheat after all. “Come on Y/N, it’s time we got in the water, yeah?” You knew he would not give up. It was better to go then let him pester you for the next hour.

So you stood up and pulled your dress off in one quick motion. You looked at Rafe through your sunglasses and saw he was staring. “Well, are you coming or not? Because if you want to keep staring at me, I’m going back to reading.”

He jumped up and walked towards you mischievously. You could see that sly smile playing in his lips. That stupid, beautiful, amazing, and cocky smile. You were ripped from your thoughts when you were being thrown over Rafe's shoulder. “Rafe! Put me down, I can walk by myself.” You screamed.

“Oh Y/N, not after that smart comment you made.” He was about waist-deep in the water when he flung you back in the water. When you hit the water it was cold but it felt nice. It was good you were finally enjoying yourself. When you emerged from the water Rafe was laughing at your soaking state. “Haha. Very funny.” You stated.

When you both decided it was time for lunch, you watched Rafe get out of the water. His hair was wet and messily styled. He was dripping water and his swim trunks were fitted perfectly. He whispered in your ear “now who’s staring?” You took your book and whacked him with it. “Ouch,” he exclaimed in an overdramatic way.

You both sat down and ate the ham sandwiches Rafe had packed. They were actually not half bad. He had packed a few bears but you guys shared one, you always like it that way.

After a few hours of swimming, sleeping, reading, eating, listening to music, and other stuff, you decided it was time to pack up. The movie was going to start in a little bit and you guys had to go to the other side of the beach. When you both got to the car, you changed into underwear and out your sundress on. Rafe changed his shorts quickly and put on a polo shirt. Rafe started to drive and when you looked in the car mirror your mouth opened wide.

“Rafe Cameron! Why didn’t you tell me I had mascara all over my face.” You quickly wiped it away. He giggled and said, “you looked beautiful either way.” You gave him a death glare.

You guys arrived and Rafe set out two chairs, a few blankets, two pillows, and his two beers under one of the blankets. “Here you go, princess.” He said. You looked at him and just pulled him in for a quick kiss. “Thank you” You muttered against his lips. He pressed a kiss to your temple and said “You’re welcome baby girl.” You heard Topper holler something about Rafe being “pussy-whipped.” Rafe was focused on the movie, but you turned around and winked at Topper.

What do you mean?

I'm sorry by the way

Never going back now

Be so sweet if things just stayed the same

That’s when you saw them. The Pogues. They were all there. When did they get there? Rafe could sense your tension. So he turned where you were looking and he saw them too. He whispered in your ear “It’s okay, nothing is going to happen. I have you.” He gave you a reassuring squeeze and you both continued to watch the movie.

When the movie was over you packed up your things up but Rafe said he had to wring it out. You rolled your eyes at his choice of slang. As you were bringing stuff back to the jeep a teenage boy came up to you. He just stood there for a second but then he said: “hey baby girl, you looking for a man?” You cringed at him calling you “baby girl.” Only Rafe could call you that.

You merely just glanced at him and shoved him off. “Oh come on princess don’t be a bitch. I could show you a good time. You would be lucky to have me.” He said. He started to feel you up.

“Get off of me you asshole.” You hollered.

He was grabbing you in places that even Rafe wasn't allowed to do in public. You pushed him off again but all he did was back you against the car. He ran his hand up your side and said “It’s going to be better if you just comply. Let a real man show you how it’s done.” You were about to spit in his face when you felt about 200 pounds pulled off of you.

“Oh, God.” You thought. This was about to be bad. Your boyfriend Rafe was definitely a hothead. He called it being protective of his girl but it was definitely anger issues. The next thing you saw was the boy pinned to a tree by Rafe. The boy was obviously afraid of what was coming next.

Rafe hollered “You have 5 seconds to explain yourself before I break your neck.” Luckily there were only a few people there. You looked around hoping they wouldn’t be there and sure enough they were, looking straight at you.

The guy wheezed back “Dude she has a nice ass on her, I just wanted to hit that.” He let out a little chuckle. This wasn’t going to be good.

Rafe's fist collided with the boy's face over and over and over and over again. He hollered through the punches “Don’t ever disrespect a woman like that ever again. Women deserve to be treated with the respect you would give to a man.” (I find it extremely disappointing that the only way to get a man to back off of me is to tell him I have a boyfriend. They will respect another man before a woman)

You screamed “Rafe! Stop it. He’s had enough, he gets the point.” There was no way you were getting him off. Then you saw someone running over. You thought “Who is that, wait that’s John B! What’s he about to do?”

John B grabbed Rafe and pushed him away. He stood between the boy and Rafe. John B grabbed the boy by his shirt and said “If you ever touch my sister like that again I will not hold him back next time. Now get the fuck out of here before I beat your ass.” The boy just ran off looking as if he’d seen a ghost.

You ran over to Rafe and held him. He looked and you and said, “Are you okay?”

You playfully hit his arm and said “what the fuck do you mean am I okay? You’re the one who just beat the shit out of that guy.” He was about to respond when you heard a voice clear behind you. You were met with 3 pairs of eyes watching you.

John B said shyly “can we talk?”

You laughed dryly. “Why” is all you said.

“I just need to say a few things,” he replied. You nodded telling him to continue. “Okay so first of all I think I can speak for everyone when I say we’re truly sorry. We have treated you like shit for the past week. What you said was completely truthful, I don’t want you to grow up. I remember you as this little girl that I always feel the need to protect. I know that it’s your life and you can make these decisions now. I support what decisions you make. After what I’ve seen Rafe do for you, I understand. I don’t want you to get your heartbroken and from what I can tell he won’t break it. I love you and I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I want my sister and my best friend back.”

You ran over to him and gave him a big hug. “I’m sorry for being harsh about dad.” You replied. You motioned for the rest of the Pogues to join the hug. Kie had a tear running down her cheek and she said “I’m really sorry Y/N. I miss you.” You only cried in response.

Then the unthinkable happened, JJ motioned for Rafe to join the hug. He was hesitant at first but he joined. You all stood like that for a while before JJ said: “okay enough with the circle jerk.” All of you laughed through the tears.

When you all pulled away John B bro hugged Rafe. You were so proud of them both. Pope then said, “anyone want beers at the chateau?” Everyone raised their hands.

All the lights couldn't put out the dark

Runnin' through my heart

Lights up and they know who you are

Know who you are

Do you know who you are?

You all got back to the chateau and decided it was time to put all the tension to rest. John B brought out all the beers, of course, you and Rafe shared one. You guys were all laying in the hammocks talking of various things. Then JJ said, “so now that we’re going to be seeing a lot more of him, I need to know his intentions.”

You leaned into Rafe's chest and muttered “oh my God.”

He sarcastically replied “fine I’ll let John B handle this.” You turned and looked at John B, giving him a warning glare. He gave you a smirk then said “As long as you guys don’t fuck on my couch or hammocks I’m fine.” Rafe practically died choking on his beer. All of the Pouges burst out laughing.

“Too late.” You said quietly. Rafe looked at you with wide eyes. He heard you. He ran his hand up and down your back. Then gave you a kiss on the temple.

You couldn’t be happier that the Pogues and your boyfriend were getting along. Everyone deserves love right? It doesn’t matter what kind. Love has no labels. You loved Rafe and he loved you, there was no doubt about it. It worked out in the end. That day John B came over and yelled at you had been the worst. Rafe picked up your missing pieces and put them back together. The principal of the thing is don’t be ashamed to do what you love. When the lights come up, just be who you truly are.

@afterglowsb-tch13 @country-club

@starrystarkey93 @trashmouthpogues

@elegant-daisy @sortagaysortahigh

@girlsru1eboysdroo1 @gimmethejohnd

@obx-direction-sos @lahey-paradise

@drewsephsmiles @annedub @peoples-trash

@drewswannabegirl @snkkat @nina1800

@fangirlfree

[parkertech]

Tattoos & Tears - CHAPTER 3

a/n: on everybody's 18th birthday, they get a tattoo of their soulmate written on their wrist. for you, it's your best friend who you thought you got over. who even has a girlfriend of his own.

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of drinking

———————————————————————

Blinking a few times, you frantically wiped your wrist up and down, back and forth, any direction that was possible. But it wouldn’t come off. The name wasn’t coming off. The name wasn’t coming off!

When you realized your fate was sealed and there was nothing you could do about it your hands flew up to the side of your heads as the tears started leaking out.

What the fuck were you gonna do?

What the fuck were you gonna tell MJ?

What were you gonna tell Peter?

Betty was just as silent as you, her mouth agape and staring at you in absolute shock. She snapped out of it when she heard you sniffle and saw how quickly your eyes and cheeks were turning red.

“Y-Y/N don’t cry-“ The beginning of her sentence only made you sob, before you were sliding down the bathroom door. You covered your eyes with your palms and you continued sobbing. Betty slowly sat down next to you and gently grasped your shoulders. She pulled you to her, your head laying on her chest. Your tears were seeping through her white turtleneck, but she couldn’t give a care in the world.

“W-What the fuck am I g-gonna do?!” Your voice cracking and how scared you sounded made Betty’s heart crack even more. The fear on her face didn’t make anything better. She usually knew what to do when you’re sad, but right now? She didn’t know what to do herself, other than help you pour all your emotions out. And that’s exactly what she did.

Neither of you knew how long, but you let out broken sobs and cried your entire soul out. Betty stroked your hair while whispering reassurances. Eventually, you brought back your breathing to normal, and moved away from Betty. Taking one last shaky breath, you leaned your head back while closing your eyes. Betty looked at you expectantly, waiting for you to say something.

“Betty...I’m in so much shit...” you laughed it off a little at the end, only because it was kind of your coping method. But she could see right through your act, and took your hand in a firm grip.

“Y/N...look at me...” you shake your head while a tear peaks through your closed eye and rolls down your cheek. Betty grips your hand tighter and yanks it a little. “Look at me, Y/N!” It’s more of a demand, and you finally open your eyes and turn your head to her. She could see how scared you were by just looking at her, and it made her face fall a little. You never were the weak one of the group, and seeing you like this? It just made the situation all the more serious.

“Y/N, I know it seems like this is really bad-“

“Because it is really bad!” Your sudden outburst made her flinch, and you stood up to pace around the room. Your breath was getting quicker, and everything seem to slow down more and more. Both of you knew what was happening, but knew addressing it was going to make it worse.

“Yeah, it is, but that doesn’t mean you can’t figure this out...” Betty said cautiously. You laughed sarcastically before turning to her.

“Figure it out? Figure it out?” Your voice got more and more angrier towards the end. “There is no, ‘figuring this out’, Betty! He’s supposedly my soulmate yet he’s dating one of my best fucking friends!”

“I know, I know! But think about it...you don’t even like Peter! Maybe it’s a mistake, maybe...” her voice was drowning out the more and more she negotiated. That familiar ringing came back to your head as you covered your ears and shut your eyes. Behind the ringing, sounded like something bending against its will.

“Are you even listening to me?! This doesn’t have to be a big deal!” Snap.

“IT IS A BIG DEAL BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!” Betty’s eyes went wide and she shut up immediately. At this point, you didn’t care what she said. You were too overwhelmed to feel anything other than embarrassment, humiliation, and guilt.

“I had a crush on him during Europe, and I saw him...kiss MJ on the London Bridge...” you admitted through sobs. “I-I didn’t want to get in the way of his happiness...so I just went M.I.A for a week and let it happen. I-I thought I got over it, b-but now it feels like the trip all over again, but so, so much more worse. And I know he doesn’t want me, because he’s with MJ and I know he loves her, and I just-“

A knock at the door makes both of you stop, and turn to it.

“Hey, Y/N you in here?” MJ’s voice.

“Brad told us you might be here.” Peter’s voice.

At the sound of his voice, you let out a quiet breath and covered your mouth, holding back a sob. Betty took a deep breath while taking a glance at you, before unlocking the bathroom door and opening it a tiny bit. Only to keep you out of sight and her in view. She faked a smile while observing MJ and Peter’s slightly concerned expressions.

“Hey guys! Y/N got a little drunk, and is kinda throwing up a lot...” Peter grimaced and made a disgusted face while MJ furrowed her eyebrows. She didn’t hear you throwing up...and why wasn’t Betty opening the door all the way?

“Oh...does she need help?” MJ peeked her foot through the door, trying to open it a little more. She knew that if Betty didn’t cooperate, something was up. Her suspicion was confirmed when she tried to close the door more.

“N-No! She’s like, really embarrassed and doesn’t want anyone else to see her like this...and you were kinda busy we heard, so yeah, I’m just here...helping her...” Peter was completely clueless and believing Betty, but MJ was still puzzled. Betty knew she was by the way she tilted her head.

Dammit, why did she have to be so smart and observant?

“Well, we’re gonna go, if that’s okay.” Peter speaks up. You sigh a little in relief. If you saw his face, let alone him with MJ, you were gonna break down all over again.

“Yeah, yeah! Goodnight guys!” Betty speaks a little too quickly and slams the door shut as MJ was about to speak. It’s her turn to let out the breath she was holding, before she walks over to you and hugs you tightly. You hug her back just as tight.

“We’re gonna work this out, I promise...” you don’t have any energy to argue, so you nod and bury your head into her neck. You wanted to believe her, but the possibilities didn’t really seem in your favor.

After Betty knew MJ and Peter left for sure, she got help from Flash to turn off the party. If it weren’t for Flash saying he’d move it to his house, people would still be there. You and Betty were laying down together in your bed. You were able to stop crying completely, but your thoughts were still going haywire. You were playing fake scenarios in your head where somehow Peter and MJ found out, and you could picture the absolute disgust on their faces, and the way they would leave you in a heart beat. It just made the ache in your heart grow more and more.

Betty announced that she was going to the bathroom, hesitant to leave you alone. But you reassured her you could be left alone for 5 minutes. As you were playing with the string of your sweatshirt, you heard a tapping at your window. It interrupted the silence, making you jump and turn to the window. Peter was there, with a bag in his hand and a concerned face that made him cuter than he already was.

Mustering up all your strength, you slowly stride over to the window, slowly opening it. Peter caught your red eyes, even though you were trying to hide it with a smile.

“Y/N, have you been crying?” Your face falls as you feel the tears come to your eyes. All you wanted to do was nod your head and throw yourself into his arms. But you couldn’t, cause he would ask what happened. And you didn’t have a good lie. You’re able to keep your tears down, thank god, and you shake you head.

“Relax, it’s from puking my brains out.” You added a little laugh to make your sarcastic humor seem more believable. Peter looked at you hesitantly before nodding.

“Well, speaking of that, I got you your favorites, and medicine for your morning hangover...” he handed you the plastic bag in his hands, and you took it, looking inside. There was your favorite candy, soda, some ibuprofen, along with a tiny Spider-Man plushie holding a heart he swiped from Delmar’s. You smiled at the little care package he made. It showed how kind and sweet he was, which was one of the main reasons you liked him so much. But you were always reminded that he was MJ’s by your subconscious.

“Thank you, Pete. This is really sweet...” You look back up at him, and realize how close your faces were. You sucked in a breath at the same time as Peter. You got lost into how brown his eyes were. Where they always that gorgeous in the moonlight? Peter cleared his throat, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Yeah, you’re welcome.” He mumbled. Peter could feel his heart rate speeding up, but pushed that thought down. After a few beats of silence, he spoke up again. “You know I care about you, a lot?” You nodded, but he kept speaking. “I’m serious. I know I’ve been busy with MJ-“

“That’s cause she’s your girlfriend. It’s okay, Pete-“

“No, lemme finish. That doesn’t give me a right to completely abandon you. You’re important to me too. You’re like my sister.” Ouch. Peter continues talking, but your brain is stuck on that one sentence.

‘You’re like my sister’

The words crushed your heart, and you knew if you kept standing there talking to Peter, your secret was going to be revealed sooner than you liked.

“Thank you, Peter, for the little care package. I’m kind of sleepy, and MJ’s probably waiting for you, so I’ll just see you tomorrow.” Your words sound a little harsh, and Peter is taken aback a bit. What did he do wrong? Why is she mad at me?

“Oh...yeah, you must be tired after all that...” you nod awkwardly. You could see the slight hurt in his face, and couldn’t fight the slight guilt you had. Of course, you had to fuck things up even more. You go to close your window, before Peter speaks out one last time.

“Who’s your soulmate?” You freeze at his sentence, and turn to him. He waits for your answer, while you come up with an excuse.

“It’s...Brad Davis!” Peter’s face falls, and it suddenly felt like he got crushed by a building. Brad? How the fuck could it be that asshole?

“B-Brad Davis...?” Peter stutters. He feels his hearing fade and his stomach sinking when you nod. “You mean the fuckboy of the school, Brad Davis?” Peter says it with such hate and venom, you’re shocked at it.

“Yeah...? Why?” Peters jaw clenched as he gripped the window ceil tightly, and tilted his head away from you.

“I don’t think you should go for him.” You furrowed your eyebrows and looked at him slightly disgusted. What was he leading to?

“Why not? I don’t really have a choice since he’s my soulmate.” Peter clenched his eyes shut while his brain is filled with you and Brad kissing, you and Brad going on dates, you and Brad getting married, you and Brad being soulmates. The word seemed to disgust him, and his heart was filled with jealousy instead of his usual compassion.

“Brad, of all people though? Y/N, you know he’s a fucking asshole!”

“Whoa, Peter! Calm down, why are you acting like my parents?” Peter knew he was being a little out of line, but he couldn’t fight the sudden ache to beat Brad’s face in at the possibility of him being your one and only. He knew his intentions. He was the type to fuck and leave. It wasn’t a slim chance he’d change for you.

“Y/N, I don’t trust him. I don’t care what the tattoo says, stay away from him.” Who the hell does he think he is to be commenting about your love life? Especially with a girlfriend of his own? Instead of the misery you were in before, you were now annoyed and mad.

“Peter, like I said, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Peter could tell by how harsh your voice was that he went too far.

“No, wait, Y/N!-“ you closed the window and shut your curtains, leaving Peter guilty. “Shit...” me mutters. Without even thinking about it, he smacks the wall next to him angrily before going down your fire escape.

Why did he say anything? He should’ve just let you and Brad be happy! But he can’t be. Peter knows how Brad is, and the the thought of him doing that to you? Breaking your heart, manipulating you, all for a quick fuck? Yeah, he was not gonna sit by and let that happen. The thought of you being mad at him just made him more disappointed in himself.

But why was he being so protective? It’s your love life. He can’t control it, let alone all the men on planet fucking earth. It wasn’t impossible for someone to cheat on you. Cheating was common, nowadays. He would be there for you during your heart break, definitely, but still feel guilty. Even if he had nothing to do with it.

His thoughts were full of you during his walk home, and they were interrupted when he saw MJ sitting on his bed with her arms crossed. He walked her home, so he was slightly alarmed to see her there.

“Babe, what are you doing here? I thought you were sleeping at your place?” She raised an eyebrow at him, maintaining eye contact.

“I wanted to sleep over here tonight. But you were gone. Doing what exactly, Peter?” Peter furrowed his eyebrows at how suggestive she was being, but saved that comment for when it was needed.

“I was just at Y/N’s...why?”

“And why were you at her place?” Wait...was MJ jealous? And why was she being jealous?

“I was just giving her stuff to help her with her hangover tomorrow. Is that such a crime?” Peter said a little snippy. MJ was being a little too protective. This is probably how you felt when he commented about Brad...wait, not important right now!

“No...but somethings wrong with her.” Peter furrowed his eyebrows in even more confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“Betty was acting weird when we came to check on her. So was Y/N.” Peter rolled his eyes at her before sitting down next to her.

“Babe, maybe you’re overreacting. Think about it, Y/N turned 18 literally an hour ago. She’d celebrate with drinks like every other teenager, maybe too much, which leads to puking. Maybe Betty was just sticking to her word.” MJ processed Peter’s words, and realized he was right. Neither of them were there to fully deny what Betty explained to them. And Peter wouldn’t cheat on her. He was to sweet for that.

MJ groaned and hid her face in her hands. “Jesus...I’m so stupid. I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me...” she apologized meekly.

“No, it’s okay. You don’t think I’d do anything to hurt you, right?” She shook her head. “Then there’s nothing to worry about, okay?” She nods and closes her eyes, and Peter reassures her by planting a kiss on the top of her head. “We should go to bed, it’s late.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” MJ changes into one of Peter’s science pun t-shirts, and Peter changes into a pair of sweatpants with no shirt on. MJ turns off his bedside lamp, and squeezes onto his twin size bed. Peter wraps an arm around MJ from behind, and gives her one last goodnight kiss.

MJ was knocked out the second she was in Peter’s arms, but Peter on the other hand was stuck thinking about you. He found himself thinking about you a lot. He kept replaying earlier’s moments over and over. He kept replaying the confused yet hurt expression on your face, and he cringed internally. He prayed to god that he didn’t fuck anything up between you two. If anything, he would apologize for it at school, and everything would be okay.

Or so he hoped.

———————————————————————

a/n: okay, just wanna say that the amount of support and love i’ve gotten from this series so far has really made me feel so 🥰. i did not expect tattoos & tears to actually pop off like—y’all are INSANE. i just wanted to say tysm and ily all 🥺

Taglist 🏷 (requests are open!)

@marvel4geeks @ladykxxx08 @chloecreatesfictions @joyleenl @witchything

[msmarvelwrites]

The Winter Ghost - Part 16

Info: A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn’t and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: swearing, violence, mentions of death, fluff. 

W/c: 2.3 k  

A/n: Welcome back, and Happy Labour Day! We’re winding down here folks, but I’ve got some spicy chapters coming up... Thats all I’m going to say about that. But honestly, the biggest of thank you’s to @cutie1365​ for editing those parts because they were rough. I embarassed myself quite afew times. Anyways, enjoy babes! 

The sun burned into the cabin windows causing the dust that hovered stagnant in the dull room to sparkle. Bucky had tossed and turned for the past few hours, trying to rest his eyes, but it was to no avail. Instead of torturing himself further by counting ceiling planks, he groaned out of bed and shuffled into the kitchen. It appeared he wasn't the only one having trouble sleeping. 

Steve and Wanda hovered over Vision as he sat at the kitchen table, typing into the laptop. 

“Sergeant Barnes, I’ve located Agent L/n” The android spoke, freezing Bucky in his tracks. 

“You found Y/n?” He stumbled over his feet, joining the three of them as he watched the small red dot on the screen blink slowly. There you were. 

“Okay, that's not too far from here. Maybe a half hour right. Keep your comms on, I’ll get packed and head out now-”

“Alone?” Wanda spoke surprised. 

“I can handle a couple of Hydra picks. And I’m not risking what happened to Nat to happen again.” 

“That's not really up to you, jerk.” Steve sighed. “I’m with ya… Till the end of the line, remember?” 

Bucky’s eyes softened at that, watching as a small smile pulled at the corner of Steve's mouth. His relationship with his best friend had been a little rocky these past few weeks to say the least. But for the first time in a long time, he trusted him. Completely and fully. Bucky wasn't alone, not any more. 

“Alright, punk. Let's go get her back.” 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

You squeezed the trigger, wincing as the machine in your hand clicked. 

Silence. 

You pulled it again, but same as before nothing happened. 

“Oh, baby. You're even more ruthless than I remember.” Tommy taunted, holding up the clip in his hands before springing from the floor, charging at you. You quickly dodged him, sending him into the wall behind you. 

“You’d really shoot me? After everything we’ve been through. Bucky Barnes must have some pretty good moves. Remind me to ask him when Hydra gets their little pet back.” 

You growled, “Take his name out of your mouth.” 

“And what about you, baby. Has it been in yours?” He cooed, lunging at you and hammering a stiff punch to your jaw. You stumbled back a few pases, but ultimately regained your balance. 

“I trusted you. I loved you!” You screamed, rocketing your leg forward and sweeping it under Tommy’s legs, knocking him down. He gasped on impact, clutching his chest for air. 

“Tell me,” He wheezed. “When he touches you, do you think of me?” The small smirk on his thin lips disappeared as you brought your boot down on his throat. He choked and gasped for air, but none came. For a moment you wondered if this was really who you were. A killer, nothing but a numb shell of a woman he had left behind. 

You watched as his face turned a deep shade of purple. He furiously clawed at your leg begging for air. It would be so easy. With your strength and a little more added pressure you could completely crush his windpipe. Hell, you're sure you could rip his head clean off, but you didn't want blood on your new combat boots. It’s funny, all this time you were thinking Bucky was the monster. Yet here you stood, Tommy’s life in your hands and there was nothing you'd enjoy more than watching his eyes roll back into his skull. Just like before, only this time there would be no second chances. 

The commotion outside the small room had your head snapping up and away from your prey. Gunfire echoed through the hallways, causing you to freeze. As the footsteps neared your room, you made your decision. Tommy would get his one way or another, but not if you died first. 

Reluctantly you lifted your boot off his now bruised and raw throat. He drew a jagged breath as the air rushed back into his swollen lungs. You grabbed the mag from across the room and reloaded the gun with a deep click. 

“Not a word.” You threatened Tommy, pressing the pistol into his head behind him. If you were going out, it was going to be a bloodbath, starting with his.

The metal door was torn from its hinges in an explosion of dust and concrete.

“I’d pull the trigger if I were you, doll.” His familiar husky voice boomed. 

“Bucky?” You all but whispered. 

“We’re not killing anyone.” Steve spoke from beside him as he and Wanda walked through the dust filled room. 

“You came.” You swallowed down your exhaustion you only now realised was there.

“Of course we came. Couldn't leave my best girl. All though, now I see you can take care of yourself just fine.” Bucky chuckled. You couldn't help the smile that spread across your lips as relief filled your lungs. 

“They're gunna’ to kill you.” Tommy coughed out. Bucky’s eyes shot to his, and as if it was the first time he had really realised he was in the room. 

“Oh, you must be Tommy. You know, heard great things, but now that we're meeting - officially- I have to say, I’m disappointed.” He took two wide pases to the quivering man, looking down on him. “You're shorter than I thought you'd be.” Bucky half joked. 

“Go on Winter Soldier. Do what you do best. Show her who you are.” He breathed, more confidence in his small voice now. He truly had a death wish.

“With pleasure.” Bucky seethed. You prepared yourself for the gruesome image that was about to unfold but the next thing you felt was Bucky’s hands on either side of your arms. When you opened your eyes, his were soft. 

This time, you knew who initiated it. You wrapped your hands around the back of his neck and pulled him down to you, crashing your lips onto his. They were soft and rough all at once as he drank you in. His flesh hand quickly lost itself in your hair as he pulled you in deeper. He kissed you softly, but you urged for more, desperate and craving to make up for lost time. He chuckled darkly at your attempt, holding you tight to his chest. He wanted nothing more than to hold you like that and never let go, but there were bigger things at play. Reluctantly, he pulled away as you gasped for breath. 

“Wanna get out of here?” Bucky breathed, taking your hands in his. You nodded, completely lost in thought. 

“Please.” He signed, following Steve and Wanda out of the room. 

“You can't just leave me here!” Tommy shouted. 

“Don’t worry, darling. Hydra’s going to take care of you. I mean, you let me get away, but I’m sure they’ll understand. After all, historically Natzi’s have been known for their forgiveness...” You grinned, turning on your heel and coming face to face with him.

“Y/n, please. Baby, you gotta’ help me. I'm sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” Tommy begged. His meak words caused you to grit your teeth. 

“I want you to remember this when they’re torturing you… I could have killed you. Easily- without regret. But you deserve so, so much worse.” You signed, slapping his face mockingly. You turned on your heel, as his words hit your back like a threat. 

“You're a slut, you know that. No one will ever love you like I did. You'll always be a sad, broken, pathetic bitch. Lucky your family fucked off when they did before they could see you grow up to be such whore.”

You stopped dead in your tracks. Bucky watched you carefully as you gnawed on your bottom lip, pleading with your eyes. He met your silent question with a shrug of his shoulders. Swiftly you turned and before Tommy could understand what was happening you took a fistful of his polo shirt and instantaneously collided your fist with his cheek, knocking him out instantly. 

“God damn, you're beautiful.” Bucky breathed, causing you to giggle. 

“Lets get the fuck out of here.” You spat, watching Tommys limp body crumpled on the floor. It took everything in you not to finish the job right there. Luckily Bucky was there to pull you away. 

You were quickly rushed through the hallways, avoiding the Hydra agents who writhed in half conscious pain on the floor. A nice touch by Wanda, who most likely sent them to their personal hell on earth. A few of them had bullet holes in their appendages but nothing fatel. 

“Why aren't we killing them again?” You asked under your breath to Bucky. 

“Steve thinks if a bunch of Hydra agents wind up dead ittl’ alert his friends back in New York. We’re trying to keep a low profile.” He explained, clenching his jaw. “Doesn't mean I’m not tempted to rain down fire on these sons of bitches. But he’s right.” 

“But they know how to replicate my serum now. What do we-”

“We’ll keep close tabs on them. Right now we need to get you out of here. We’ll come back when we regroup.” He resaured you, pulling you close. “You're my mission. You've always been my mission. Can you just let me save you?” He chuckled. 

You shook your head, a smile spreading on your lips. “I don't need a knight.” 

Bucky flashed that lopsided grin you missed so much, “How bout’ a Sergeant?” He asked deeply, sending a chill to blossom through your body. 

“I’ll get back to you.” You spoke sheepishly. 

“Sam says the jets fired up. He and Vision are on the tarmac just out front.” Steve spoke, leaning you out the doors and into the burning sunlight. The four of you ran across the pathment as Steve helped Wanda into the aircraft. Wanda wrapped her hand around yours and pulled you up, but before you could climb in, the sound of gunfire exploded through the air. 

In the time it took you to turn around, it was too late. Bucky had taken the blow of two bullets fired from the disheveled Hydra agent across the tarmac. Your heart stopped as another round of bullets sprayed through the air. Wanda screamed your name as you pulled away from her and threw yourself in front of Bucky, absorbing the impact. In a flash of red, you disintegrated the bullets, turning them to dust before you. 

“Get him out of here.” You ordered, turning for a moment to assess his injuries. Steve and Sam reluctantly pulled Bucky onto the jet leaving you to face your demon. The agent smiled wickedly. 

“Leaving so soon, Y/n. Family reunion not all you thought it was going to be?” He snearned. 

“Family. Is that even a word you understand?” You spat, closing in on him. He was only a few yards away. The man shrugged and tucked his gun away. 

“Maybe not. How about some words you'll understand?” He spoke coolly. 

“Выхлоп.” Exhaust. The word echoed around your mind, a memory pulling at your heart. 

“Отражение...тоска...забытый...горящий...призрак...пять...замороженный...мост…  чувство вины.” 

Reflection...Longing… Forgotten… Burning… Ghost… Five… Frozen… Bridge… Blame.

Images flashed through your mind. The inferno of your childhood home. Tommy’s lifeless body tipping over the bridge… Your mom and dad, the way they smiled. You're sisters giggle. Your mission… Finally, numbness washed over you as you hung your head in exhaustion. 

You took two steps closer to the man, your heart pounding in your chest. 

“Are you ready to comply?” He questioned curley. 

“Yeah, that doesn’t work anymore.” You breathed, snapping your head up to meet the man's horrified face. Crimson flames erupted out of your hands as you lifted him off the ground. With the flick of your fingers, the bones in his legs snapped, an ungodly sound of crunching willing the air. He screamed in pain as you threw him like a ragdoll into the side of the building. 

You shook your head, physically trying to rid yourself of the daze Hydras trigger words had sent you into. Bucky calling your name from behind knocking you back to reality. You ran towards the jet, climbing in and trying to steady your breathing. 

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, astonished. 

“I think so.” You replied, just as shocked as he was. 

“Those were trigger words. Just like Bucky had. How did you fight it?” He spoke. 

You looked to Bucky who only blinked at you. You had your answer before you even spoke. 

“Bucky. I just remembered Bucky.” You breathed, squatting down beside him and holding your hand over his wounds to relieve his pain. 

“I knew it.” He groaned, feeling the ache slowly dissipate into thin air. 

“What?” You chuckled, taking a seat beside him and pressing your lips to his temple. He signed into your touch and leaned his head onto your shoulder.  

“Knew you couldn't leave me for dead. You’ve got my six.” He explained, repeating his words from the other day. You smiled into your lap and rolled your eyes. 

“Yeah, yeah. I thought it might be a dick move. But we’re even now.” You sighed, nudging him a little.  His eyes fluttered closed as he began to doze off. His wounds surely repairing themselves while he slept. You wondered if he could hear how fast your heart was beating as you watched him nuzzle into you. 

Of course, he did. He smiled softly, knowing he made you feel the same as you did him. Though he wondered if he was pushing his luck to imagine he could take that thought one step further.

.......................................................................................................................

A/N: So, #fuck tommy. Telling him off in this was honestly therapeutic lol. I really hoped you guys enjoyed this one. As always, please like and reblog of you’ve read it. And feel free so leave some feedback, its alwasy welcome! 

@projectcampbell​

@kalesrebellion​

@calwitch​

[violetwolfraven]

Already Home

((Angsty one-shot time. Good luck, y’all. This is to Already Home by A Great Big World.))

...

You say

Jack was a goddamn idiot.

For getting on that stupid train, for crossing the country for someone who didn’t know he existed, for wanting Santa Fe so badly in the first place when he’d never seen so much as a picture of it outside his mother’s stories.

Love is what you put into it

His hands had been numb opening that letter, addressed to Anita Kelly-Sullivan. The boy who delivered had been paid enough that he’d looked everywhere, asking all around until he found out that Anita was dead, but her best friend owned a theatre on the Upper East Side. Her best friend told him that Anita was dead, but she’d had a son. Anita was dead, but her son worked as a Newsie and lived at the Duane Street Lodging House.

You say

Anita Kelly-Sullivan. A woman who’d moved to New York to become a dancer, but hurt her leg before she ever made it big. Who’d dreamed of owning a theatre with her best friend, but never recovered in time to get it.

Jack had never told anyone about her. The others probably assumed he didn’t remember his parents, the way Race, Smalls, and Crutchie only had a few vague memories of theirs.

Until the day when Davey walked in on him with that letter, completely in shock.

He’d wordlessly handed the letter to his lover, with only a brief explanation.

“My grandfather is dyin’. He spent his last dollar to send this letter for my mama.”

That I’m losing my will

“I have to go, Davey.”

Davey had thought it was a bad idea. The letter had taken a few days to even get to New York, and it had taken that boy weeks to find Jack when it did.

Jack’s grandfather didn’t know he existed. Anita Kelly had sent one last letter home when she got married, and never been able to afford to write to her father again after that.

Jack had always assumed, from the way his mama talked, that he was already dead.

That man was the one from the stories. The vaquero, the cowboy, Jack had always wanted to be.

Maybe it wasn’t smart to cross the country to say goodbye to someone who didn’t know he existed, but Jack still felt like he had to.

Don’t you know that you’re all that I think about

Davey’s face had said that he didn’t approve, but he said goodbye at the train station with the others as if they were friends. In the Lodging House beforehand, he said goodbye with a kiss.

“I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

Jack wasn’t looking for a family or home anymore. Just closure. His mother had never gotten to say goodbye to her father, so he would for her. Then he’d come right home.

You make up a half of the whole

It had still hurt to watch Davey’s face get smaller and smaller from that train.

You say

The train ride wasn’t how Jack had always imagined it, but he guessed he should have expected that.

All he kept thinking about was how though he didn’t say it, Davey’s face had told what he was really thinking.

About how Jack was leaving him.

That it’s hard to commit to it

Jack knew that the others had a hard time believing him that he was really over that fantasy of Santa Fe. He saw the look on Race’s face when he looked at a western through a store window, the uncertainty whenever Crutchie called him ‘Cowboy.’ They were still scared that Jack would just pack up and leave them. Not that he could blame them.

You say

He saw now that they were his family. They were his home. He would never leave them without plans to come back.

He would never leave Davey.

Still, Davey’s words in their private goodbye stuck with him, replaying all through the train ride.

“I know you have to go. I know how hard it is for you to want to stay in one place, and... I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

Jack wished he could tell him how homesick he was from the second the train pulled out of the station.

That it’s hard standing still

Santa Fe was hotter than he was expecting.

Jack probably should have seen that coming. His mama had always said that he couldn’t imagine how hot New Mexico summers were, and September was the tail end of it.

He’d asked for directions, gone to the address on the letter, and found a middle-aged woman who looked too much like his mother sweeping the porch.

She’d asked him in English what he was doing there.

It took Jack a few seconds to answer, and when he did, it was in shaky, slightly-panicked Spanish.

“You sent a letter to New York for Anita Kelly-Sullivan. Only... only she’s... I... my name is Jack. Jack Kelly. She never got to tell you about me.”

The woman had gaped at him, clearly connecting the dots, doing the math on how old he was, scanning his face, then shakily responded.

“I... you’re Anita’s boy?”

Jack nodded, “She died when I was 5. I’m sorry.”

The woman had closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, then given him a sad smile, “I guess I’m your Aunt Sophia. I’m so sorry. You’re too late.”

It turned out that Jack’s grandfather was already dead, and while Sophia would have been happy to have him stay, she was understanding when he said he had a family to go back to. If anything, she seemed happy that Jack wasn’t alone, that he’d had someone after his mom died.

Don’t you know that I spend all my nights

So, Jack gave his Aunt Sophia Medda’s address so she could write if she wanted, filled her in on his mother’s accident, how their family had fallen into poverty after they had him, and how she’d gotten sick after her husband went to prison. He was sorry he didn’t have more to give her, but just knowing for sure what had happened to her sister seemed to be enough.

Knowing that he had an aunt out west... well, it was more than enough for Jack.

Counting backwards the days till I’m home

It wasn’t until he got to the train station that he realized he didn’t have enough to get back to New York.

If only New York wasn’t so far away

Jack was stuck in Santa Fe. He should have listened to Davey.

I promise this city won’t get in our way

The man working at the station said Jack could get maybe halfway, but unless he wanted to be stranded somewhere in Missouri, he shouldn’t get on a train.

When you’re scared and alone

God, Davey and the others were going to think he just left them.

So, instead of letting them believe that, Jack did what he did have enough money for; he sent a letter. His handwriting was terrible, made worse by anger and fear, but he sent it, hoping they would understand.

Just know that I’m already home

Sophia was surprised when he showed back up on her doorstep, but willing to let him stay with her until he had enough money to go.

Jack just had to hope he could find a job in the morning.

...

I say

Davey was trying not to be worried. After all, maybe Jack had just lost track of time catching up with his family and missed the train. There would be another tonight. No need to jump to conclusions when half the Lodging House was already panicking.

Jack hadn’t been on the train they expected him back on.

That we’re right in the heart of it

“Davey!”

Davey shook himself out of his thoughts as the door downstairs banged. Race, Romeo, and Crutchie were running up to him, what looked like a letter in their hands.

“It’s from Jack,” Crutchie said grimly.

“It’s bad,” Romeo added.

A love only we understand

Scenarios raced through Davey’s head about how Jack found his blood family and no longer wanted his chosen one, he was staying in Santa Fe, he was abandoning them but he pushed those aside to read the letter.

Jack was not abandoning them for Santa Fe. He was stuck, and didn’t have enough money to get back.

I’ll come home as soon as I can. Until I have enough money, I’m staying with my aunt. Don’t worry about me, any of you. Especially you, Davey. Tell Race not to try to teach anyone to swim this year. Dave, you don’t wanna know what happened last time. I miss you all, but with luck, I’ll be home soon. Love, Jack

That was what the last paragraph of the letter said, and Davey knew it was as close as he could get to safely telling him he loved him, but that wasn’t the part he was worried about.

I will bend every light in this city

Jack wrote messy normally, but he only wrote this messy when he was upset—scared or angry.

He was worried he wouldn’t be able to get home, and Davey wasn’t about to let that happen.

And make sure they’re shining on you

“How many of the others would be willing to work extra to send Jack money to get home?”

“I will,” Race said firmly.

“I think everyone will,” Crutchie admitted, fidgeting with the grip of his crutch.

If only New York wasn’t so far away

Davey folded up the letter, putting it in his pocket.

I promise this city won’t get in our way

“We’re gonna bring him home,” he told the others firmly, “If we all work together, we can do it.”

And when you’re scared and alone, just know that I’m already home

...

“So, Racetrack and Albert are the ones who cause trouble?” Sophia asked with a laugh.

“Yeah,” Jack confirmed, “And sometimes Crutchie and Romeo, too. And they’re a handful, but at least I can tell when something’s bothering one of them. It’s the quiet ones I need to keep an eye on.”

“You have a lot of friends,” she noted.

“I do.”

Jack had been stuck in Santa Fe for a month now, saving what he could, but he also had to help Sophia pay for food, now that he was living with her.

His aunt smiled at him, “You’re so much like Anita, you know. She had a lot of friends, too. Such a big heart. I can see you got that from her.”

Jack snorted, “Well, I didn’t get it from my father.”

When life takes its own course

He still didn’t like to think about that man. Jack’s mama had deserved the best husband in the world, and instead, she’d gotten Francis Sullivan, a man who’d let a cruel world turn him cruel, too, instead of wanting to make it better.

Jack had sworn never to be like him. That was why he’d taken his mother’s maiden name, using the middle name she’d always called him by as his first. He’d decided to carry her legacy instead of his father’s.

He’d told Davey that just before leaving. He wondered what Davey was doing now, if he was back in school yet or if he’d even kept with the newsies without Jack there.

He really hoped so. Davey needed not to be alone and the others needed someone to take care of them until he got home.

“You want to know something else about your mama?”

Jack nodded eagerly. In the last month, he’d already learned more about his mother than he’d remembered on his own.

“She could never hide her feelings from me,” Sophia said simply, “When she was happy, or sad, or angry... or when she was in love.”

Jack froze.

He really liked Sophia. And he knew that the west was somewhat safer than New York for people like him, if only a little, but he wasn’t sure if his aunt was one of the people who didn’t care who other people loved. After all, she did go to church every Sunday and all that.

“You told me about your friend, Katherine,” she said, “The reporter. Is it her?”

Judging by her tone, she didn’t really think it was Katherine. Crap.

“Uh, no,” Jack responded, “I did court Kath for a while, but we broke up.”

“That girl, Sarah, then? Or was it Smalls? I can’t keep all of your friends’ nicknames straight.”

Jack was now regretting telling her about each and every one of his friends.

Because though he hadn’t told her about his relationship, he had told her about Davey.

Sophia smiled, “It’s not a girl at all, is it?”

Judging her reaction as safe as Esther and Mayer’s had been, Jack slowly shook his head.

Sometimes we just don’t get to choose

“Did you know that your grandfather had a male partner when he was young?”

“What?!”

Sophia laughed, “Many cowboys did. Not many women out west in those days, and some of them would have preferred men, even if there were. Unfortunately, Papa’s partner died young, but if he hadn’t, Papa might not have ever fallen in love with your grandmother.”

Jack was still wrapping his head around that information when his aunt spoke again.

“You must miss him.”

I’d rather be there next to you

He managed to nod, “I do. A lot.”

“Well, I hope I get to meet this man of yours someday. Which one is he?”

“Davey.”

Promise you’ll wait for me

...

Wait for me

“Damn it,” Davey swore.

Everyone had been slinging nearly twice as many papes as they usually did, Race was being more careful with betting, and even Kath had chipped in as much as she could spare since her father kicked her out. They were saving every little bit they could to send to Jack, but they barely had enough to send a letter, let alone any money in it.

It was nearly November. Which meant Davey had to choose between sending what they had to Jack or putting it toward keeping everyone alive through the winter.

Jack would know what choice to make, but he wasn’t here.

Wait till I’m home

As of now, they could pay for a letter to Santa Fe, but they’d only be able to put a couple dollars in it. Nowhere near enough for a train ticket.

“I could move out of my apartment,” Kath offered, “Staying in the Lodging House would be cheaper. I could—“

“No, Kath,” Davey mumbled, “Kloppman’s reluctant to let Smalls and Sniper stay, and they’ve been here since they were Littles. You’re a full grown woman.”

“To get Jack home, I bet I could convince him to—“

“We don’t have a bunk to spare, anyway.”

Kath shut up, still looking like she was thinking hard.

She’d already done so much for them, putting every cent she earned that didn’t need to be spent on rent or food toward bringing Jack home. She’d been taking every story available lately, from big articles like she usually took to the kind of flower show reviews she hated. And all of this was especially notable on the count that as a woman, Kath didn’t make as much as most reporters, anyway.

“Kath, you’ve done more than enough,” Davey muttered, “Winter’s coming up, and now that you’re out of your dad’s house, it’s going to be hard on you, too.”

Kath shrugged, “My reporter salary is more than most of you newsies make combined.”

“That don’t mean you can afford to be careless with it,” Davey insisted, “Kath, you’re gonna have to save up to buy yourself some real winter clothes. Less newspapers sold in colder months means less income for you, too.”

The look on her face said that she’d already thought of that, and had been planning on helping, anyway.

“I miss him,” she said finally, “And I’m worried. We haven’t heard from him in two months.”

“Believe me, I know.”

Kath sighed, “So... what are we gonna do? Save for winter, or keep saving for Jack?”

Davey really hated this choice, but he knew what he had to choose.

All I had was this feeling inside of me

“Romeo can barely fit into his shoes,” he mumbled, “Finch needs a new shirt. And that’s not even taking into account all the new kids who are gonna come ‘cause they lost parents to cold or sickness.”

Kath nodded grimly, “It’s what Jack would do.”

“I know,” Davey admitted.

The only thing I have ever known

...

If only New York wasn’t so far away

Santa Fe wasn’t even cold in winter, which made Jack feel strangely guilty. It made him think more of his kids, of Kath, Sarah, and especially of Davey, and how they had to be nearly freezing to death up in New York.

“I’m worried about them,” he admitted to Sophia.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine, Jack.”

He knew better than her that some of them probably wouldn’t be, and he wasn’t even close to having enough to go to them.

He hoped the flu didn’t come through too bad this year. They’d lost kids to it in the past.

The only thing worse than watching a kid die would be losing one and not being there for them in the end, not being able to even try to ease their pain.

Oh, God, Jack hoped Davey, Crutchie, and Race were handling things.

...

I will be there every step of the way

Davey swore under his breath as he took a step out of the bunk room for a five second break.

They didn’t know who had brought the flu home, but it was bad. Half the Lodging House was down, including Race and Crutchie. Davey was the only leader still standing.

Well, besides Katherine, technically, but they weren’t letting her in the house.

They had some medicine, bought with the money they were going to use to bring Jack home, but they couldn’t afford to give it to everyone; just the really bad cases. The cases that looked like somebody was about to die.

God, if Jack had been doing this every winter since he was 14, Davey was amazed he was still sane.

“You alright, kid?” Kloppman asked.

Davey nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

Kloppman raised an eyebrow, “That’s what Jack always used to say.”

“Especially when he wasn’t,” Davey mumbled, “I know. Fine. I’m not fine. Is that what you wanted me to say?”

“Bottlin’ it up never helps. I know Jack leavin’, even when it was temporary, hurt you more than the others. I know what he means to you.”

A smile flickered across Davey’s face, half-delirious. He’d always suspected Kloppman knew about them, and judging by the tone of his voice, he definitely did.

“Kid, it’s okay to miss him.”

“I do miss him. Every minute. But he’s not the one who needs me right now.”

Davey took a deep breath, grabbing a few handkerchiefs off the drying line, and headed back for the bunks full of sick kids.

“Hey, Davey?”

Davey stopped, “Yeah?”

“Thanks. For takin’ care of the boys while Jack’s gone.”

“No problem.”

Davey couldn’t imagine not taking care of them when they clearly needed him.

They needed Jack, in reality, but he would have to do for now.

God, he barely could. Especially when he needed Jack, too.

...

And when you’re scared and alone

Spring coming in Santa Fe wasn’t as noticeable as it was in New York.

Counting back the days, Jack realized that he’d been there for almost six months.

He’d been in his mother’s birthplace, his childhood fantasy, for six months.

Shit. He’d been trying not to think about it. How long he’d been gone. How different his family must be and how much they must miss him.

All he did was think about them. His brothers and sisters. The only family he’d ever known. His lover, Davey, that wonderful boy waiting for him back home.

Hopefully still waiting for him. If Davey had moved on by now, Jack wouldn’t blame him.

God, how had he taken so long to realize that they were the family he’d been looking for?

Why was he just realizing now that Davey was his Santa Fe?

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”

Sophia was standing on the porch behind him, and Jack had a sudden realization that from his new job to the house he was staying in with his aunt, he hadn’t spoken English in months.

He’d always loved his mama’s language. Loved speaking it with Jojo or whoever else happened to be around who understood.

He still loved it. Honestly, Jack couldn’t remember feeling as close to his mother as he did here.

But she’d been gone a long time, and he had more people he loved now still alive back in New York.

As hard as he’d tried, Davey had never been able to get Spanish. Jack missed laughing at his terrible pronunciation, then just switching to English and spending the whole night talking between kisses.

“I’m always thinkin’ ‘bout him,” he mumbled.

“I’m sure he’s thinking of you, too,” Sophia said.

Jack hoped Davey wasn’t feeling as lonely as he was right now, clinging to memories and missing the person who had become the embodiment of his dreams.

Davey wasn’t Santa Fe. He was New York.

He was Jack’s home.

Just know that I’m already home

...

Davey stared off in the direction of the train station on the first sunny day of the season.

It had been over six months since he last saw Jack Kelly.

They hadn’t lost anybody this winter, but it had come close. Now, the weather was starting to warm up, and Davey was debating whether or not to start saving for a train ticket again or not.

He was sure if Jack was still alive, he was doing everything he could to get home. He could use all the help he could get.

But on the other hand, after how close they had come to losing Crutchie, to losing Smalls and Blink, Davey wasn’t sure they shouldn’t just start saving up for next winter.

Still, he stared towards the train station. He still had dreams that he’d see a familiar silhouette coming home from there sometimes.

“Wanna go sell down there?” Crutchie asked.

They were selling together today. Les was selling with Mush.

He just shrugged, “If you want to.”

Davey was finding it hard to show enthusiasm for anything lately. He was getting to be nearly as good a liar as Jack, just smiling and joking around to hawk papers.

“He’s comin’ home. As soon as he can. Ya know that, right?”

“You don’t have to put on a happy face for me, Crutchie. I know you miss him as much as I do.”

Crutchie took a deep breath, “Yeah. Yeah, I mean, of course I do. He’s my brother, blood be damned. And we both know Race runs away to Sheepshead to hide how he does, too.”

The three of them were messes, weren’t they, desperately trying to keep the others from losing hope? Especially when they were the ones breaking the most from this.

Davey tossed an arm around his friend’s shoulders and squeezed, “Kath’s got a front page story again today. Let’s sell a ton for her.”

Crutchie grinned, elbowing him, “Of course. Bet I can sell more’n you.”

“In your dreams, Morris.”

His laugh sounded fake, but Davey didn’t let himself think about it.

One day, someone would come home from the train station.

Until then, Davey would make sure home was still there for him.

With one last glance towards the station, Davey turned and headed towards his and Crutchie’s selling spot.

Just know that I’m already home

Part 2 here!

[avengersassemble-fics]

New Perspective

Modern AU! Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Life seems to be falling apart around you as your husband of three years suddenly reveals an affair, and seeks a divorce. Your perfect life is flipped upside down with his revelation and you have to learn how to be you again. An unforeseen friendship starts to bloom between you and your neighbors new lover, but will these late night rooftop rambles be enough to keep you from going completely batshit crazy in the turmoil of your life?

part 01/?? “no sunshine”

word count 4.2k

an: hehehehe...... this is vastly different than anything i’ve ever written. lemme know what you think ok :) also this is the song mentioned in the story. its beautiful. please listen to it. this song got me through some wicked times. but it sets the tone for where someones mind is at in this.

The only thing people dreaded more in the morning then running late, missing their bus, or possibly anything that could go wrong that early in the day is the sound of the alarm that rings through your phone. It’s scientifically proven that 53% of people feel absolute dread when the incesstuous beeping that comes out of the tiny device startles them awake. But there are people who wake up before it even starts, already anticipating that god awful sound to start their day. You were one of those people as of late.

Before the sun had risen over the building around you and peeked into your bedroom, you were awake. You honestly couldn’t say if you had fallen asleep or not. Your eyes felt exceptionally dry but that could have been from the crying rather than the lack of sleep. But still, you watched your screen illuminate the room and ring loudly to let you know it was 7 am. You had to drag your hand to cancel it, and laid on your side for a few moments after.

You weren’t ready to “conquer the day”. You wanted it to disappear and you along with it. Unfortunately, life wasn’t as graceful to you as you hoped. Or else none of this would even be happening. You wouldn’t be lying here in the dark having to accept the fact your husband of three years was having strangers come and move all his stuff out. You wouldn’t have to be living with the fact that he wants a divorce and instead wants to be with the woman he cheated on you with. No, life was a piece of shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.

You pushed yourself up and rubbed at your face to try and get any kind of feeling back into it, or maybe just back into you. You threw the cover off your body to get out of bed, and fixed it right back to where it was perfectly neat. You hovered for a moment, your eyes going over the unslept side of the bed that he used to sleep in. It was perfectly intact, his dent almost completely faded away by now. It broke your heart to look at so you got dressed as fast as you could and went to the living room.

His boxes littered every square inch of the apartment, it was like climbing mountains for you to reach the small kitchen to get some kind of caffeine in you. But when you finally popped that K-Cup into the machine and it made you a steaming hot cup of coffee, you let it warm every inch of your body. By the time you finished the cup of coffee there was a knock on your door, and you knew it was the movers. You placed the empty mug down into the sink and then trampled over a few more lines of boxes before you could throw the door open.

There stood about three men, and one handed you something to sign, and you did. Almost immediately after handing them back the clipboard they came in and got to work. You watch in silence as they take load after load of the boxes around the room, and out the door to the van outside. Each trip makes your heart break a little more, because the room gets more and more empty as they go. He had a lot more possessions than you thought. It was making the apartment look sad and empty. Not like the home it once was.

They went room by room until they made it to the bedroom. All there was in the boxes was his clothes, every last one of them. With each mountain of boxes that left, you saw the last and final one, with your wedding album sticking out the very top one. At least he was taking that with him. Maybe . . . Maybe he would look at it and just remember what you two had.

You watched them load that stack onto a dolly and felt prompted to follow them out. Though they took the elevator and you went for the stairs, you nearly met face to face near the entrance to the building. You trailed after the men and noticed the rain that was pouring outside, and then one of them suddenly stopped in front of you.

“He told us to make sure you held onto this,” the man said, and before you knew it he was shoving the wedding album in your arms. You grabbed it quickly since the man was pushing the dolly out into the rain. Your feet only brought you as far as the threshold, and you leaned against the doorway and watched them quickly back up those last few boxes. You felt your hand shaking before you, and tightened your grip on the album in your arms, watching as they loaded themselves in and drove away with the last remnants of your marriage.

You listened to the patter on the rain on the street as it sunk in for you that that was it. He didn’t want to work on it, he just wanted out. And now he was out. Gone. And you were alone. You peeled yourself off the doorway and took a step back into the building, and closed the door shut. Closed yourself in from the world. With the wedding album in your hand, you walked back up the stairs and to your apartment, letting the door close behind you.

Oh god it was so empty. The walls looked stripped without the photos that once decorated them; you could see the shadows that were once there. The couch that was in the living room looked lonely without the armchair he took with him, but it was so . . . just so barren.

You looked at the time on the microwave. 10:05. God, not even a lot of time passed by. What were you going to do all day? You couldn’t stay here. That was definitely not the answer. You walked back to your room and snatched your phone from the bedside table and dialed the only number you knew by heart (besides his), and it rang a few times. But once you heard the voice on the other end you relaxed your shoulders.

“I was wondering when you were going to call,” Natasha’s voice rang in your ear. You smiled a bit, though you were actively fighting tears back. “Did they leave already?”

“Yeah.” You nodded. “Yeah they’re gone. Everythings gone.”

“Did he-”

“No,” you cut her off, already knowing her question. “No, he didn't come.”

“Bastard,” she mumbled, and you rubbed your hand on your pants, “Well, Wanda and I were meeting for brunch. Want to meet us?”

“God yes,” you pleaded, already up and grabbing a jacket to wear. “Cafeteria?”

“Always,” Natasha answered and said her goodbyes and you were out the door. As you were locking your apartment you spun around and hit a body.

“Geez, I’m sorry-” you trailed off as you were met with the stare from your neighbor, Sharon.

“No worries,” she moved around you with an awful amount of bags, and seemed to struggle with her keys.

“Do you need help . . .?” You asked and she sighed but nodded her head. You quickly hopped over and grabbed her keys from her fingers, and jimmied her door open, and she was in quicker than you could pull the keys out. As she set her groceries down, she let out an exasperated sigh.

“Thanks,” she said and walked back over to her door.

“Yeah no-” before you could finish her door shut in your face and you blinked a couple times, -problem.”

Sharon and you didn’t necessarily get along, but who really did with their neighbors? She was a lot better than the old tenants who left their garbage out in the hallway. So you couldn’t really complain, right? You didn’t ponder too much about it as you were headed down the stairs and into the rain.

Cafeteria was one of the more bustling restaurants to meet for brunch in Chelsea. Lucky for your girl group, you had another friend who managed it. Getting a taxi in the rain was probably the hardest part of your journey, ignoring your life crisis of course, and luckily you were into the building fast enough that you weren’t completely soaked. You looked over the brunch crowd before spotting your friends and made your way over. Wanda was the first to see you as she sipped away on her mimosa, but let out a hum when you got closer to signal to Natasha, who stood to hug you.

You all exchanged heys as you settled into your chair and pushed your damp jacket off your arms. Natasha leaned forward to rest her elbows on the table, and watched you pensively.

“I’m surprised you aren’t weeping buckets of tears in your apartment right now,” Natasha said before leaning back in her chair and sipping on her drink. “Good for you though.”

“I’m so glad I can count on you for support, Nat,” you said, opting for water right now. You felt dehydrated with all the crying you’ve been doing recently . . . Last night . . . In the cab.

“He’s a sack of shit,” Nat said, earning a nod from Wanda. “I know you love him but holy fuck.”

“Nat,” you warned, but it only prompted her to set her drink down and move forward again, pointing at you and Wanda.

“No, don’t “Nat” me, okay. He is a sack of shit, and I can’t believe he’s doing this all because-”

“Nat,” you warned, a little more forceful this time. “Please. I know.”

She grumbled, sitting back in her chair like a pouting child. Wanada raised her brows, having been sipping on her drink during Natasha’s little tyraid.

“While I agree that he’s a sack of shit, I’m glad you came,” she said, placing a hand over yours. “It wouldn’t have been the same.”

“Thanks,” you managed with a forced smile.

“I should’ve known it was you three when they said I had friends needing a table,” Clint’s voice rang from behind. “Never come just to see me.”

Clint was the one running this joint for the last few years, and he was exceptionally good at it. He liked to brag about the fact that the service stayed “spectacular” even with the boost in numbers they were doing every week. Clint was the embodiment of a true business man, maybe that’s why him and Natasha got along so well. Even dressed for the part, he side hugged each woman at the table and saved you for last, engulfing you in his arms like he could protect you from everything in the world.

“Hey,” he murmured while placing a kiss on your head. You swatted him away and Clint chuckled, whacking you with the towel he had placed over his shoulder.

“This is technically coming to see you,” Natasha said, reaching for her menu. “But we might as well eat too while we’re at it.”

“Yeah whatever you freeloaders,” he joked, earning chuckles from everyone but you, the least you could offer was a smile. “Are we wanting our usuals?”

Each woman said yes and handed him their menu, and Clint was gone in a flash. Wanda and Natasha started talking about something you weren’t paying too much attention to, and your mind began to drift to the day your life started to fall to pieces.

Your marriage wasn’t horrible, in fact to you it had been perfect. You two never really fought, and it was as if the honeymoon phase never ended. He brought you flowers all the time, and when you were working he’d manage to sneak into your office and wrap his arms around you from behind. He always took great detail in the little things, and that’s why you were so fucking in love with him. And the sex? That was otherworldly too. He was otherworldly.

He got home a little late that night. Late enough to where you were already cooking dinner, and he came in fairly quietly. You remembered calling out to him but was only met with silence and the echo of his feet to the living room. The lack of response is what made you look over your shoulder at him and see him staring at a picture that was hung on the wall. A picture of the both of you. He held his tie in his fists and looked like he had seen a ghost.

That’s how he told you he had had an affair. In the middle of your home with you mid stir of the pot of food, he blurted it out so casually you could have missed it. Or well maybe not, not something that grand, that devastating.

“Here we go,” Clint’s voice brought you back to reality as he set food down in front of everyone.

Wanda sat up in her chair exceptionally giddy at the food before her, and Natasha had just finished her second mimosa. Clint told everyone to enjoy and was off again to do who knows what. The smell before you was deliciously pungent, and you realized you haven’t had a proper meal in days. Thank god for these people in your life.

“You zoned out there,” Natasha noted in between bitefuls. “You’re not thinking of him again, are you?”

“No, I’m thinking about how scary you look trying to fit all that in your mouth at once,” you joked. Natasha glared at you which only made you smile a bit. “I can’t help it Nat. I don’t know what to do with myself.”

“That’s what we’re here for,” Wanda chimed in, motioning around her plate with her fork. “To remind you he’s a sack of shit.”

“Exactly,” Natasha pointed to her friend before looking back at you. “And to get you to come out and forget about all of it.”

She wagged her eyebrow at you and you shook your head. “I don’t think I’m in a partying mood right now.”

“Well when you’re ready, we’ll gladly take you out for a night on the town,” Wanda smiled. “Like the old days.”

Like the old days.

Wanda’s words stuck with you for the rest of the day. You weren’t sure if that’s what made you finally crack with the realization that not only were you about to be divorced, but a whole chapter of your life was pretty much thrown out the goddamn window. Eight years of your life to be exact. Your college years all had traces of him in your memories, then the year you got engaged, and then the three years of marriage. He was all you knew for nearly a decade now. Oh this was officially all fucked.

Another thing that was fucked? Your neighbor. Apparently.

Here you were trying to drown yourself in vodka and sleep, and your neighbor was getting fucked. Literally. Even with the amount of alcohol you consumed and the fact it made your head whirl wasn’t enough to block out the incessant banging next door. You were suddenly very aware of the fact her bedroom lined perfectly up with yours. Uncomfortably aware. You blinked at your ceiling wondering if this is how she felt when your husband and you--

No. You quickly deleted that thought from your mind. No more talk of him.

With that you pushed your blanket off and stumbled out of bed. Wow, you had more than you thought tonight, but the fact only made you giggle humorously. You haven’t been this tipsy since. . . Hm. You couldn’t even remember when. How funny!

You carefully threw on your thin robe, spinning in a circle as you tried to push your arm through the other hole. Once covered you exited your bedroom and walked down the hall to the closed door that led to the roof. You could definitely make it up those stairs. So you padded over to the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of vodka you were working on earlier and went towards the door, stumbling over your feet only just a little.

This was one of the reasons you fell in love with this place. The access to the rooftop made your heart fill with something and your husband (should you call him that anymore?) could not talk you out of it. He said, and you quote this very accurately, “Anything for you.”

Haha! What a sack of shit. Just like Nat said.

You pushed the heavy metal door open and were met with the cool evening breeze. The chill sobered you up a bit for you to see the scene before you. As the heavy door shut behind you, you looked over the candles that were still burning and the food left out near your neighbor, Sharon’s, skylight entry. Hm, so that’s what all her groceries were for. Eh, whatever. You practically stumbled over to one of the patio sets and crawled on to an egg like daybed and settled in against the cushions. With your back against the cover you pulled out your phone from the pocket of your robe (thank you sober Y/N) and scrolled through your music.

You hummed and pushed play on one song and tossed the phone beside you, letting the piano melody and horns float through the air. You closed your eyes when the voice started to sing low to you. Just to you.

There’s no sunshine

This impossible year

Only black days, and sky grey

And clouds full of fear, and storms full of sorrow

That won’t disappear

Just typhoons and monsoons this impossible year

There’s no good times, this impossible year

Just a beachfront of bad blood

And a coast that’s unclear

All the guests at the party, they’re so insincere

They just intrude and extrude

This impossible year

There’s no you and me

This impossible year

Only heartache and heartbreak

And gin made of tears

The bitter pill I swallow

The scars souvenir

That tattoo, your last bruise

This impossible year

There’s never air to breathe, there’s never in-betweens

These nightmares always hang on past the dream

There’s no sunshine..

There’s no you and me..

There’s no good times..

This impossible year

You took another hard hit of the bottle and shook your head at the end of the song. The tears that had fallen you were quick to wipe away when the song changed to something more upbeat, but you couldn’t pay attention to the lyrics. Not anymore. There was a sound behind you, it sounded like glass had broken and you blinked to re-evaluate where you were. It didn’t come from the street below, so you carefully crawled to peer around the dome covering your spot, and your eyes landed on a casually dressed man. Definitely not familiar. It looked like he had picked up something from whatever your neighbor had left out, and then he looked up and noticed you.

You met his eyes only for a second before you retreated back under the dome and nestled the bottle of vodka in your lap. You tried to focus on the music playing through your tiny speakers and ignore the approaching footsteps. But- oh god his form came into view. He walked past your place but glanced you over, and then looked over the edge to the street.

“You aren’t planning on jumping, are you?” He asked.

You scoffed, “Nope.”

He turned around and leaned back against the siding of the roof, motioning to the bottle in your hand. “Whatcha got there?”

“None of your business, that’s what,” you practically slurred and took another sip of the alcohol. You didn’t even grimace at the taste before motioning to him with the half full bottle. “Who’re you?”

He watched you in amusement, a smile gracing his face as he took a step off the wall. “I’m Steve. Who’re you?”

“Are you Sharon’s boyfriend?” You asked instead. He was noticeably defensive, throwing his hands up.

“No no no. Nothing like that.” He motioned for a spot near the edge. “Can I join you?”

“Okay, Steve.” You shrugged. Steve took a seat on the edge of the cushions, relaxing his arms on his legs. He watched as you stared blankly at the next building, and took another swig from the bottle.

“Are you the neighbor Sharon was telling me about?” He asked nonchalantly. You couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped your lips.

“Oh that’s rich,” you mumbled and shrugged your shoulders. “Guess that’s me.”

“Did you move in recently?” He asked next and you blinked a couple times.

“Wha?”

“When she brought me up, I saw some empty moving boxes outside your door for grabs,” Steve explained and your gaze went back out to the sky. “Figured you must be new here. I just moved from-”

“I’m not new,” you blurted out, and Steve raised a brow at you. “No, no. I’ve been here two years? Maybe? I dunno.”

Steve slowly nodded and you took another sip from the bottle he could assume held vodka in it. “Well then whoever left those out-”

“My husband moved out today,” you mumbled. Steve’s mouth fell closed and watched as you smiled a bit to yourself and swished your bottle around. “Er, well he hasn’t lived here in a month. His stuff moved out today.”

Steve nodded a bit before motioning to the bottle in your hands. “Is that what this is all about?”

“Well,” you laughed a bit to yourself. “Maybe 90% him. 10% you guys keeping me up.”

Steve laughed this time. It was low and hearty, but it shook your position on the cushions. You blinked a bit as your vision struggled to level out. That’s when you saw him move closer and you straightened up a bit when his large hands grabbed the bottle and cap from your hands.

“Alright crazy let’s put the bottle down for a second,” he said, screwing the cap back on. You whimpered a bit reaching back for your bottle and he turned his back to you to close the cap full and put the bottle somewhere out of your reach.

“Hey that’s mine,” you said and Steve turned back to you, grabbing your hands and putting them to your side.

“Yeah I know angel,” he said and you chuckled.

“Angel,” you laughed again. “What the fuck is that?”

“Well you never shared your name,” Steve said as he forced you to sit back against the cushions once more. “So what should I call you?”

You pondered his question. “Mmm . . . (Y/N).”

You offered your hand for him and Steve glanced between you and your hand. You wiggled your fingers a bit at him and he laughed again before taking your hand in his and shaking it, though you felt like your whole arm shook with it.

“You’re drunk (Y/N),” he said while shaking your hand. Once he finally released your hand you sighed, pulling your legs up to your chest.

“I know,” you said and then shrugged your shoulders at him. “I wanted to be.”

Steve nodded. “Y’know a buddy of mine is going through a divorce-”

“Did he want it?” You asked him shortly.

“Well yeah-” Steve started and your face fell.

“I didn’t.”

It was a short and simple statement. The silence that filled the air was awkward and heavy, but Steve rubbed his hands together and nodded his head like he was actually curious to hear you speak.

“Were there problems?”

“I didn’t think so.” You scooted up to the edge and rested your hand on the cushion to steady yourself. “We never fought. He acted like he was completely devoted to me! He was perfect. We were perfect.”

Steve shrugged his shoulders, “Was he being fulfilled-”

“Sex was not a problem,” you cut him off, and ignored the glance of his eyes over you. “We had sex everyday-”

“Everyday?” Steve exclaimed and you nodded your head furiously at him.

“Oh yeah. More than once a day,” you confirmed.

“Fucking hell,” he mumbled, one of his hands on his knee and his close hand rested over yours. “What a fucking loser, then.”

“Sack of shit,” you corrected. “We call him a sack of shit.”

Steve threw his arms up in defense. “My bad. What a fucking sack of shit then.”

You both laughed a bit and when silence enveloped you again you took Steve’s appearance in. This stranger was fairly attractive, you couldn’t argue that. He was tall and built like a perfect man. Even his beard looked perfect. You were suddenly reminded of the sounds you heard from your neighbor’s room and his attractiveness went right out the window, as you shot up from your place and swayed a bit. Too fast, too furious. Steve was up and steadied you with his hands on your waist.

“Careful there, angel,” he warned as you regained your composure.

“(Y/N),” you reminded him. Steve smiled and removed his hands from your waist.

“I know,” he said with the same smile on his face. You studied him for a moment before you shook your head and patted his chest.

“Goodbye, Steve,” you said. You stepped around him and made your way back to the door to your apartment. Your hand went to tug on it when Steve spoke again, from the same spot.

“I’ll see you around, angel,” he said. You pulled your door open and looked at him, standing by the patio daybed with a wicked smile on his face. You squinted a bit and finally descended down your private stairs, letting the rooftop door close on Steve and your night.