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unidentifiedly · 1 year ago

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Mutually beneficial exchange

House x reader R18

- In which house realizes he might have met his match. Oh, and he's got nothing to complain about, for once.

You were determined. This time you were going to get those folders from him. You walked along a corridor in an emptier part of the hospital, and quickly found what you were looking for.

It was hard enough being a freshly graduated trainee, but Cuddy had (in her infinite wisdom) placed you to train under the one and only doctor House.

"Hi House. Slacking off again?" The man's eyes still fixed on his magazine: "Yep. Don’t you have some boring clinic work to do?"

"I could ask you the same question!" You huffed, feigning annoyance.

"True. Why don’t you? Too afraid of disappointing Cuddy when you lose to me in this conversation?"

You pull out a chair from under the desk in the fairly empty room and take a seat opposite to him. "I could never disappoint Cuddy and you know that. I'm at the clinic all the time, and, unlike you, I do my paperwork!"

He rolls his eyes.

"Ugh Yeah, okay. You’re, like, the only person at this hospital who does paperwork. You want a trophy for it?" His little comebacks are quick but there's a glint of playfulness behind his sky blue eyes.

You smile. "Not a trophy, but maybe some recognition would be nice."

He sighs heavily but relents a little.

You do work pretty hard. I guess you deserve a little bit of recognition for that.

Mhhmm. Your eyes travel from his eyes to his lips and back.

He notices you looking at his lips and wonders if you’re trying to hint at something, but he doesn’t want to give anything away.

He tries to keep a straight face but he’s fighting back a smirk.

You notice him leaning closer toward you on his chair. He might not be doing it on purpose, but he definitely is interested in at least something. You make subtle adjustments to your posture and hip position.

"See that's what I think too! What kind of token recognition would you have in mind, doctor?" You put on your sweetest voice.

He’s acutely aware of every movement you make, but tries to remain blasé.

"Something for being a good little worker bee, I suppose." He gives you one of his signature smiles.

"Awh." You raise your eyebrow in a challenging way. "I was kinda hoping you would take the initiative here sir." The "sir" comes out almost mockingly, but he doesn't seem to mind. In fact, he seems amused.

He smirks.

"Oh so you want me to reward you?"

"Well, it's me who has been working so hard, and you the one who has been hardly working!"

You lean in to whisper in his ear:

"Although, I don't see why it couldn't still be rewarding for both of us." You lean away a bit so you are facing each other, waiting for him to react.

He shivers a little when you whisper. He wasn’t expecting to be that affected, but that’s what you do to him.

He tries to keep his cool and stay aloof, but his voice is a little huskier when he responds:

"You’ve been working very hard, I’ll give you that."

He locks eyes with you, trying to figure out what you have in mind.

Not moving your head away, you reach his pants' tightening waistline with your hand and look down.

With a chuckle, you say: "And you haven't been working, and are clearly hard."

You lightly trace the outlines of his growing bulge with your fingers. Now is the time for him to act, if ever.

His breath catches in his chest, and his lips part involuntarily. He can barely stop his hips from bucking up against your hand.

His voice is rough when he talks; he’s trying to hold himself back, desperately, but it’s a losing battle.

"You’re… You’re a real brat, you know that?"

"Mmhm. And are you going to do something about it?" You lean further in and whisper the last words with your lips almost touching his.

He grabs you roughly by the hips and moves you onto his lap. He looks you dead in the eyes with a mix of lust and challenge in his gaze.

"Oh, I’m gonna do something about it, alright. You just remember that you asked for it, princess."

He closes the distance between you and you kiss him back. First mixing in small bites at his lower lip, you're practically making him groan.

It doesn’t take him long to respond with his own aggressive touches.

He slips one hand under your shirt, his fingers moving across your skin with a feather-like touch. The feeling of your teeth on his lip has him aching and struggling to keep his cool.

You stop the kiss by grabbing him by his jaw playfully and start slowly getting up. He looks like a lost puppy.

House looks up at you, his expression one of both annoyance and arousal.

"And where are you going? You can’t just tease me and then walk away."

You I point at the clock.

"It's my lunch hour. I promised to eat with Wilson and discuss the upcoming gala dinner speeches. As for this" I gesture at his obvious erection, "I'd love to help you out, I get off work at five." Your tone is challenging and seductive.

You want to win this one. He has to make an effort and a move in order to get you in bed with him, no matter how much you may want it too.

He lets out a huff of irritation and crosses his arms across his chest. He’s not happy about this, but he’s also intrigued. He’s not going to give in to you that easily.

"Fine. Go have lunch with Wilson."

He’s trying his damndest to act like he doesn’t care, but the way he shifts in his seat betrays his discomfort and desire.

"Are you jealous, House?"

He looks at you through narrowed eyes, his expression giving away nothing. He’s not about to admit that he is — or that your little stunt has him riled up.

Jealous? No. Why on Earth would I be jealous of that old codger?

"Well, here you are all hot and bothered, and the cute young straight out of medschool trainee who got you in that state is about to leave you hanging to have lunch with your best friend. Why would you be jealous?"

His jaw tenses, and he grits his teeth. He knows you’re baiting him and it’s working.

He knows he should just laugh this off, but his ego and need to feel in control (and the fact that you look like a goddamn dream sitting in his lap) are working against him.

"You really are a little brat, aren’t you." His voice gruff and barely holding together.

You smile and kiss him again, starting to move in an effort to get up, which elicits a groan from him since you are still on his lap.

He grabs you by the hips again, holding you where you are. He can’t help but let out a small moan when you move, but he’s determined not to show how affected he really is.

"You’re not going anywhere yet, sweetheart."

You decide to toy with him more.

"And what are you going to do to stop me from my lunch plans? You better have something worth my time planned out for me mister."

You start a low pace grinding movement with your hips, making sure not to give him the full satisfaction he yearns for. You can feel his grip on your hips tightening a bit, and hear his heart racing.

His voice is a little shaky as he responds, his eyes fixed on your face. The feeling of you grinding down in his lap is heavenly but not enough. He wants, no, needs more. He can’t help but jerk his hips upward trying to get more friction, and the way you move is driving him crazy.

"You know damn well what I’m gonna do if you don’t quit teasing me."

"Do it then." You smirk and move your hands across his neck, chest, stomach and abdomen to rest on both sides of his still-clothed aching cock.

He lets out a guttural moan, his eyes closing shut for a moment before he regains his composure and opens them to look at you again.

The way you move your hands over him, teasing and taunting, is too much to bear. House decides he’s done playing your game. He growls, grabbing your wrists in his hands.

"You’re playing with fire, sweetheart."

You let out a surprised moan and pivot your eyes to look at House, his hungry gaze staring right back. You shimmy up to get a better balance with your legs, and start grinding a little harder, in circles, ready to drive him crazy. You fail to mask the desire in your voice, and it trembles as you let out:

"Please, sir."

House’s hands tighten on your wrists involuntarily, his body jerking under you. The way you’re moving, the way you’re begging is making him lose the last shred of restraint he has.

"God, princess. Do you want it that bad?"

You nod as you keep grinding, now feeling the pleasurable tension of his hardness against your clit as you grind on him.

"Ye- yes! I do."

House’s eyes darken with desire as he watches your body move on top of him. His grip on your wrists loosen to allow them to move, and he moves his hands to your hips instead.

He tries to guide your hips to move a little faster, a little harder, to give you both more of the friction you need, but it just feels too damn good.

He’s panting now, trying to hold back, but failing miserably.

"Say it again, princess. Tell me how bad you want it."

"Please, p-please, I need you so bad, I need your cock House, please!"

House shudders, the sound of those words coming from you is enough to make him lose his mind. He lets out an involuntary hiss, and he’s done pretending to be in control of himself. He moves his hands up from your hips to your back, pulling you closer so your chest is almost flush against his.

He growls in your ear, his voice rough:

"You want me? You need me?"

"I need you, sir, please!" The honorific seems to take his desire to an even higher level.

The "sir" on your lips makes him moan again and he tamps down his frustration at how much it turned him on.

He bites your neck, his tongue lapping at the sensitive skin there in a bid to keep himself occupied. He responds in a low, gravelly voice.

"Good girl. You’re going to have me, sweetheart. All of me."

Your hands meet his belt once again, this time starting to open it up. All of his sweet talk and the grinding making you a tad slower. He seems to have lost his patience for waiting around.

House bats your hands away, making quick work of his belt while keeping his eyes locked onto yours. He’s getting more impatient by the second, but he wants to take his time with you and make sure you both feel good.

He grabs your hips again and pulls you closer, his breath hot on your throat.

"Patience, princess. Let me take care of you first."

You, however, have other ideas. You pull his pants to his knees and promptly guide his hand onto your lower stomach closer to your hot core.

"Please sir, I can't wait much longer." Your right hand caressing his cock from on top of his underwear makes him hiss again and throw his head back in pleasure.

House moans and bucks up against your hand, his eyes squeezing shut. He can’t get enough of the way you touch him, the way you say his name. The way you’re begging him.

"Oh, baby girl. You’re gonna be the death of me."

He slides his hand below your skirt, his fingers tracing over the fabric of your panties and seeking out the heat between your legs.

"You’re all worked up, huh? You want me that badly?"

You look down at where you're sitting on his lap, the heat drawing each other closer and closer.

Your breath hitches in your throat for a second when you reach your hand to pull down his underwear, releasing his thick cock which springs up to slap against his abdomen.

You look into his eyes and start to slowly rub circles around the head of his cock with your thumb.

He moans as your hands glide over his cock, his head falling backwards against the chair and wall behind him.

You continue the massage, which soon turns into a full blown handjob. His hands having moved to keep a firm grip of your ass while you use both of your hands to pleasure him.

House is enjoying the way you’re working him, but he wants more. He leans forward, his lips against your ear as he speaks in a low, ragged voice.

"Princess, you don’t know what you’re doing to me. You’re driving me insane."

"You're saying you want to take this further, sir?"

House looks into your eyes for a moment, his gaze intense and unwavering. He’s not about to back down now. He leans in close, his breath hot on your neck as his hands continue to roam you body.

He murmurs the words into your skin:

"I want you, sweetheart. I want all of you, if you’ll let me."

You get up and hear his protests. However, they stop once he realizes what you're doing, and he concentrates on enjoying the show.

You pull your soaked panties down one leg at a time, making sure to sway your hips and look seductive in the process.

With the panties on the floor, you slowly walk closer to him while unbuttoning your shirt, revealing no bra underneath.

House’s eyes are practically glued to your body, drinking in the way you move and the sight of your bare skin.

He’s absolutely entranced as you walk toward him, the shirt unbuttoned tantalizingly slowly. He can’t help but let out an appreciative moan as you reveal yourself to him, his hands clenching into fists at his sides to stop himself from reaching out to touch you.

"Come on, Doctor sir, you can touch."

You beckon him as you climb back agonizingly slowly, and hover over his lap.

House lets out a low growl, the sound guttural. His eyes rake over your body and he can’t help but reach out to touch you. His hands slide over your thighs, caressing the skin under his palm. When he feels you hovering over him, he can’t take it anymore.

You smile and reach for his cock, pumping up and down a few times before aligning it with your pussy.

"You've been a good boy, sir, you've earned this."

You sit down and moan in pleasure, closing your eyes and grabbing onto the back of the chair behind his neck.

The way you’re moving is absolutely sinful, and House isn’t sure how much more he can take.

He grips the arms of the chair as you start a slow movement, gradually taking it up to a good-paced bounce, drinking in the sight of the great doctor House under you, under your spell.

House’s head falls back as you move, his mouth falling open in a low moan. The sight of you riding him, taking control over him, is almost too much. He tries to maintain eye contact with you, but his eyes are half-lidded with lust.

He reaches out to touch you, his hands caressing your skin and holding onto your hips, guiding your movements as best he can. He can’t get the words out, he’s lost in the feeling of you around him and the sight of you above him.

He groans, getting closer to his release, and so are you.

House is getting closer to his peak, the feel of your body against his and the sight of you above him working him into frenzy.

He lets out another guttural moan, his eyes closing tightly as he tries to hold on for just a little longer. His fingers dig into the skin at your hips, his body tense as he fights against the overwhelming feeling building inside him.

"Co- come on, sir cum for me." You try to whisper but half of the words come out trembling and louder than you intended.

His hips buck up, hitting a delicious spot in you, and you finish at the same time, both left panting on the same chair.

House slumps back into the chair, completely boneless and satisfied. He's breathing heavily, his chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath.

One hand is still gripping your hip, keeping you close and on his cock. He opens his eyes and looks up at you, a lazy smile on his face.

"You’re gonna kill me one day, princess."

"How about you take me out on a date before that? As a thanks for this." You wave your hand around, implying that "this" meant the reason behind your disheveled states.

House chuckles, a smirk on his face. He’s still a little dazed and spent from what just happened, but he’s not about to say no to a date. Especially not with you.

"A date, huh? You’re on, darling. I’ll take you out somewhere nice. Anywhere in particular you’d like to go?"

You shake your head. "Nu-uh. You choose the place. Just tell me what to wear so I won't look out of place." You start fixing your button up shirt and getting up, smoothing your skirt and wiping up the mess from your thighs.

House watches you for a moment as you fix your clothes, his eyes roaming over your body. He can’t help but admire the way you look, elegant, even after just having gotten completely undone with him.

He starts mumbling absent-mindedly: "Why don’t you wear something classy. Something… elegant. I’ve got a place in mind."

You truly were a perfect trainee. Perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect tits that bounce so nicely when -

"Sounds good, sir! I'm taking this, by the way."

You grab a folder from a side desk. The very folder which he was keeping from you earlier, already hearing the shuffling of him trying to get up to stop you.

House lets out an exasperated moan as you grab one of the folders. He tries to lunge toward you, but his leg protests with a stab of pain. He curses under his breath and glares at you.

"Hey, no. Give that back." Look at him, trying to be stern.

"Not a chance. You can have these instead, deal?"

Something lands on his face. His lips spread into a wide smirk as he looks at the item in his hand. He looks at you, about to speak up but you interrupt:

"A pretty good deal, wouldn't you say? My favorite pair. Plus, you're not all that intimidating with your pants pulled down and fucked dumb, sir."

You shoot him a wink and walk toward the door of the room.

House lets out another curse, this time with more bite to it. He’s not used to being outsmarted by anyone, but somehow you’ve managed to pull it off.

He looks down at the item in his hands and can’t help but grin. A pair of your lacy panties has landed on his face, and he’s not about to pass up the opportunity.

"Fine."

"As if you had a choice."

You smile and before opening the door, say:

"I'll be waiting for you after work for that date."

You open the door, exit, and close it behind yourself.

House is left sitting in the chair, a pair of your panties in one hand and the other hand covering his eyes as he groans with frustration.

He has to admit to himself: pretty turned on by your unexpected power move, and he’s already looking forward to your date.

He mutters under his breath:

"Damn."

#house x reader #greg house #he is so sexy wtff #james wilson #dr house

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john-bitchester · 7 months ago

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Supernatural 06×15 babygirls

MEG WHY ARE YOU IN THE PREVIEW

WE DON’T WANT YOU HERE

RUBBYYYY *Excited voice*

Wait I had a theory on what was wrong with cass but I forgor

Okay so

My theory holds no ground

Bc it is assuming that Cass wants michael to escape

Which I don't think he does? Or does he

Who was the civil war with?? Raphael!

But Sam has his soul back now, so it still doesn't hold

I still don't trust cass tho

Okay

So, ofcourse this is from our perspective, and we are following Cass, somehwat

2 teams

Well the second team needs a leader too, so what if this is Cass

What if castiel actually has the chance to rise to the top, and that is why he is so prevalent in this fight

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT

Why???

What

OH MY GODDD LOLLL

Balthasar that is the funniest place you could travel em to

WHY ARE THEY USING THEIR NAMEEESS

Love that Dean immediately gets assaulted with a smack on the ass

NO STOPPP WDYM 'SUPERNATURAL'

THE FOURTH WALL WAS ALREADY MADE OF GLASS AND IT JUST SHATTERED TO PIECES

OH MY GODD

IT'S CHUCK

Ofcourse its chuck

It has to be

The books got adapted

But that doesnt explain why everyone seems to think theyre the actors and have been here all the while already

No stop wdym season 6

My little brain cannot handle this

OH CRAP I'M A PAINTED WHORE HAHAHAHAH

Don't tell me it's the multiverse

Spn is already dappling in so many things at once

Do not tell me they added a multiverse

AND I'M SOMETHING CALLED A JARED PADALECKI STAAAWP

Please tell me he is actually polish

HE ISSS

Omg. At least his dad is

Why he so tall then

IM DYYYIIING

The 'I feel sick, I'm gonna be sick' I have seen so often in GIFS

THE CONTEXT MAKES IT SO FUNNYY

ALL THE IMPALALS

NO STOP THAT’S GONNA BE MISHA

ITS A HERRING

HE IS TELLING THEM THE PLOTT

Omg will he use normal voixe

Wait it's actually cass

See this os what i mean, cass acts so suspicious I didn’t even think it was him

Okay. Interesting wording

'To rally *my* forces'

So I don't think I'm far off with the whole 'Cass is becoming the new hot shot'

I KNEW IT

I KNEW ITTTT

HELPPP

WHATS UP WITJ THE PATHETIC LIL SCRIPT-THROWW HAHAHA

PH MY GOD OH MY GOD

I READ ABT THIS ONE

HE ACTUALLY TWEETED IT

I need to know if these are actually their trailors

Does Jensen actually have a helicopter and aquarium in there

Are these all inside jokes. I need to know

NOT THE 'DAYS LF OUR LIVES' CAMEO

Oh my god do they not get along in this universe

Lololol

'Well at least they're talking to eachother'

Cliff 100% thinks they started banging

'Wow. I must be the star of this thing' -Sam

Which is funny, bc he was meant to be

OH MY GODDD

IS HE MARRIED TO GEN

OHHHHH

OH MY GOD

I LOVE THEIR LITTLE AKWARD KISS HAHAHAH

THE SIZE DIFFERENCE IMFG

I THINK THAT'S THEIR ACTUAL WEDDING PHOTO

STOPP THIS IS TOO FUN

NOT BOTH OF EM CHECKING HER OUTTT

I love how, the moment they realise she is Gen and not Ruby, Sam gets absolutely flabberghasted

Like 'omg I pulled her??'

HAHAHHAHA

NOT THE FOSTERS WORLD BANK CARD

DEANN NOOO

YOU CAN'T GAMBLE THE MOMENT YOUVE GOT MONEY (I misunderstood what he was doing)

NO STOPPP

Her little tiny hand in his humongous one is just too cute

HAHAHAHAHAAA

LOSING MY MINDDD

HAHAHHAHAHAAA DEANS 'ACTING' FACE HAHAHAHA

Sexy squidward wants his face back

HAHAHHAHAHA

SAM WHAT ARE YOU DOIIINGGG

HAHHAHA MISHA MOUTHING 'WHAT THE HELL'

THIS MAN DOES NOT GET PAYED ENOUGH HAHAHAH

NOOO

STOPPP

HAHAHAHHAHA

'Misha thinks it some kind of black market organs. GLASS SHATTERS

*deep sigh.* drugs

I love that they are actually fighting the angel on one of the old sets

OMG KRIPKE WILL COME

NO STOPP

TBE WAY I HAVE ACTUALLY WONDERED IF BOBBY IS NAMED AFTER BOB SINGER

THEY KILLED MISHA COLLINS????

Oh my god

Arent angels meant to be good

Wtff

KRIPKE

HAHAHAH STILLSHOT AND FADE TO BLACK

Oh my god Balthasar i love you

Cass???!?!

#supernatural #bubbles watches supernatural #supernatural season 6

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princessbrunette · 1 year ago

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/princessbrunette/741992561519034368/wanna-call-john-b-daddy-in-front-of-jj-and-he-is

the give john b the sexy one😭 that’s so jj wtff

hehehehe he’s silly !! ♡

#anon #chatting ૮₍ • ˕ - ₎ა♡₊˚

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jacobseed · 1 year ago

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You're making me thirsty for Kanos wtff

GOOD!!!! yall remember when i used to deny it and be all “ewww kano i hate him”? now look at me. hes so BIG and SEXY and NASTY he’s everything i love

#ask #anon #no longer denying it okay #i literally got a mk shirt bc it has kano on it

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kookiecrush · 2 years ago

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I'm not usually one to get too hyped in reactions, like, don't get me wrong I love bts but whenever members do something (like photoshoots, etc) I'm like 'oh cool, new stuff, good for them!" But I'm here to say.....jungkook what the absolute fuck with that Dazed cover. Wtff

Exactly! Wtf?? It's like every photoshoot he does unlocks a new level of sexy, and there's something about the Dazed pic that is just so mature, charismatic, and sexy without it looking forced at all, It's effortless. He's just sitting in a car with a leather jacket on, but it's one of the hottest things I've ever seen! 😩 If there's a motorbike involved in any of the pictures, I WILL lose my mind. But I'm just really loving how comfortable Jungkook seems in his skin lately. The confidence is oozing out of him, and I love that. He's doing exactly what he wants, and that's all I ever want him to do.

#ask #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jjk

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d3ardum8di4ry · 8 months ago

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December 16th 2024 2:59am

WAKE UP ITS FINE SHYT LOREEEE ‼️

ermmm so about like a week ago i met this guy on a dating app and he was so hot i thought he was a catfish. BUT HE WAS REAL WTFF. i didn’t find his face card super attractive at first tbh.. but as we started snapping why was he so perfect?? like i was my full self cuz im tired of lying but he loved it lowk?? HE WAS EVEN ASKING TO FT LIKE HE WAS ASKING NOT ME!! so when he asked to hangout i knew i couldn’t sell. i was so stressed and really wanted to cancel but i didn’tttt. i def could’ve gotten kidnapped or killed but yk it is what it is. see that was not my only questionable decision tho… but we’ll get there! but basically, he picked me up and said i look even prettier in person BUT HEE was sooo much more attractive than his pictures!? even cuter than i thought after the snaps!! hello!!??!? anyway so i’m not even able to make eye contact and literally go non verbal for the drive bc i am SO nervous. so we went to his house and we talked for like 4-5 hours. we watched movies and literally spilled LOREEE. and eventually later like he kept implying that we should kiss. so i full send and why is he THE BEST KISSER. he smells so good and his jawline is so so defined. ALSO I ACCIDENTALLY GAVE HIM A HICKEY- sorry luvr! anyway so one thing leads to another and his dong is OUT AND I CASUALLY FIND OUT THAT ITS THE THICKNESS OF MY FOREARM, EIGHT INCHES LONG AND FUCKING CURVED LIKE A MF CANDY CANE. that shit has my jaw on the floor 10/10 dong. biggest i’ve EVER seen. i high-five it and blow it a kiss and when i get bored of BLOWING kisses i hopped on it EL OH EL. he kept telling me i didn’t have to if i didn’t want to but girl i NEEDEED. it didn’t not fit i couldn’t get it in it hurt so so bad. but FELT SO FUCKING GOOD HOLY MOOTHER FUCKUNGBSHIT???? oh my god bro. anyway. so then i hope off cuz it’s not fitting and he goes soft.. and im like oh.. ok? and that shit will not come back up. we literally had a keep convo about his performance anxiety dong still out and all. he was so frustrated w himself it actually made me so sad he’s an angel who just didn’t wanna disappoint me. so we put on music and we just keep talking idk i love talking to him mannn. and the we get to kissing again bc yk i can’t keep my actual face off of his.. he’s gorgeous, and sweet and funny and real. anyway so i start kissing his neck and hey! guess who came back to life dongkey kong shlong! we legit looked at eachother and just knew but ofc he still asked. it took some adjustment but there i was… pillow under my ass, massive eggplant ripping my prickly muffin in TWO. RAW RAW RAW RAW RAW RAWRAWRARARWRWW i let this fucking sexy stranger hit it raw bro!!??? my brain was on zero bad but it was so fucking good bro. so good. he finished in me and it was so hot how he just collapsed on me like yes come here. DIDK STILL IN ME AND ALL. he got up and offered to carry me to the bathroom?? stfu angel angel angel. i’m so in love w him and he doesn’t even know LMAO like he thinks it’s funny i’m so fucking downbad. i got really lucky i literally could’ve died or got clap had i not been right about his intentions. anyway we hung out for like another hour and then we left. he drove me home and we talked the whole entire time. and he even kissed me before i left the car and waited til i got in to leave. HELP?? i’m so irrevocably in love. i wanna be with him so bad. oh but shocker he’s been damaged asf by a girl and doesn’t want anything serious yet! DIE. ugh. anyway. now i feel extreme anxiety and guilt but i just have issues when it comes to sex. i think im just overthinking. idk but i think we’re gonna fall in love in fact i know amen. i love you fine shyt!

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surprisebitch · 2 years ago

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First 5* is Amakusa. 3 months into playing FGO.. happened one night i was lying down and did my first 10 pull on his banner (Apocrypha) then saw rainbow sparks. my very first SSR and i never expected i would get him after waver dodged me many times :meow_wow: amakusa removed all salt i had

Recent 5* is Muramasa after not playing FGO for almost a year. It was NYE and i was bored in a party and I saw the notification. I rolled all the freebies and it was a gold spark, i thought it would be an SR saber but it was Muramussy! Blessed night. got me back to fgo again

The favorite is Amakusa because he is almost fully fou'd and he is lvl 100 ♥️ I'm really hoping I get blessed by Buster system cause I'd love to farm with him. He's my first SSR and i will spoil him. Also really loving his Phantom Thief skin. he also has optimized command codes

Most money is Merlin… cause I actually bought a pack for him when I failed on Summer.. actually maybe it was two and it was the last night i was like WTFF AM I DOING then he trolled me from the ticket rolls smh but yeah i spent like $200+ on this sexy incubus

Benched instantly is Jeanne Ruler because even though i love her and would love to have her summer variant.. i Hate Stalling strats. I will never ever spend over 100 turns on a boss when there are better options.

Most investment is Spishtar since i appended her np battery skill as well because I wanted to loop with her with 30% np charge event CEs. she is also grailed albeit lvl 92. and also i lucksacked NP2 so i guess that counts as high investment haha i didnt spend tho for her :rinblush:

Sakata Kintoki is love at first sight ever since I saw his icon and met him in London.. i am weak when it comes to buff blonde men. there is no surprise. and I cant believe I got him from a yolo 10 too. meant to be ❤️

Queen Medb is my kin. Me as a servant personified, rider class too. she is confident, ambitious, smart, sexy, charismatic, charming like she is the best version of myself. And her taste in men is similar to mine. I grailed her to 100. she is my MOTHER and i will always defend her :lol:

Cu Alter is simped cause I grailed him to 100. he is hot af. it's not just because I'm Medb kin (coincidental we both happen to simp Cu). He is also fou'd. He is also powerful. I enjoy using him for CQs as well when it works or bosses as the last man standing servant

#fgo #fate grand order #amakusa shirou #muramasa #merlin #spishtar #sakata kintoki #medb #queen medb #cu chulainn #cu alter

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captnjacksparrow · 4 years ago

Note

So I started watching Boruto and what can I say, it’s boring and now I am after the episodes with Sarada, Sakura and Sasuke drama and oh boy what a mess it was. I will share my opinion:

1. The plot is so stupid. Sarada sees a photo of Karin and she thinks that she is her real mother like wtff 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I guess she got her intelligence from Sakura but on the other hand Kishimoto made her dirty because Sarada looks like Karin even without her glasses and I’m not gonna mention this stupid enemy Shin (wtf Kishimoto?? you can do better than that)

2. Sakura is just nerve wracking like she was in Naruto. Okay she is now the mother, all the time nice but she pretends to be nice and she didn’t change. She is still this little girl who is obsessed with Sasuke-kun. ”Thank you darling, my husband” the same Sakura as we know. And wtf she told Sarada about Ino. She stopped Ino from welcoming Sasuke. Girl you are an adult and you are still scared (trust issues not with Ino but with Sasuke). Her outfit even screams I am a little girl with a band and sexy shirt with the same slit as Karin 😂

3. Again Naruto is the saviour of the day. Two adult people cannot solve their family drama problem. This relationship is just bad. Naruto acts like a better mother and father to Sarada while Sakura screams at Sarada which makes her cry and Sasuke doesn’t care about visiting his own child.

4. Finally, Sasuke and his stupid marriage. He didn’t visit his daughter, he is just cold to Sakura “You can heal your wounds yourself” what is that??? When Sarada, Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura come back to the village we see Naruto goes in the front, Sasuke behind him and at the very end Sakura. Sasuke doesn’t want to go hand in hand with his wife that he didn’t see in ten years. It screams I am not happy with this union and I want to leave and he does later 😂😂 I am sorry for you Sasuke.

yeah, that’s my opinion what do you think because I cannot with this mess.

I agree with you on everything... Anon... LOL..

Except for that line "Kishimoto did Dirty..."...

He deliberately did everything with a sound mind. He didn't do Dirty... He portrayed Sasuke without making him go OOC.

Do you really think Sasuke is that Doting Husband kind of material who would do Hot Foot Massage for his wife, if she just winks her eyes at him???

And you know what, there is this amazing SNS blogger who predicted this Premonition way back in 2013.....

That's fucking 8 years ago.... I am linking that Tumblr post here.... [LINK]

What's so surprising about this??? I mean, at that time, the Naruto Manga hasn't even finished yet.

Look at how SNS shippers were very perceptive about the characters they were shipping!!!

So, I think Kishimoto didn't do dirty.... It's because HE CAN AND HE WILL SCREW UP ANYTHING HE DOESN'T LIKE.... BECAUSE HE KNOWS HIS CHARACTERS DAMN VERY WELL.

#sns #sasunaru #narusasu #sasunarusasu

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peridotite · 4 years ago

Text

VENOM 2 WAS SO MUCH FUCKING FUN OH MY GODD I CANT WAIT TO SEE IT IN THEATERS spoilers ahead

theres two instances of women calling symbiotes hot and sexy which is very funny and relatable but the highlights of the movie were in the climax when venom and eddie realized the power of true love to fight back against carnage, and when in the ending scene venom and eddie are chilling on a beautiful beach at sunset and venom says he loves eddie and they talk about their future together. also the movie was hilarious as fuck dialogue ridiculous as always i laughed out loud multiple times it was SUCH a blast. also eddie has a sticker of a rainbow peace sign hand on his biker helmet

BTW THE CREDITS SCENE WTFF also its so weird bc peter is a kid and venoms like 😛

#venom 2 spoilers #venom #my posts

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borathae · 3 years ago

Note

It's been a bit since I last talked to you about SA. I want to give it my whole attention so here we are now with the Yoongi chapter. And I actually have to scream. This has to be my new favorite chapter. I love Yoongi so much it's unbelievable.

You know she still has her sass but she is trying. We stan character development.

Yoongi and his ability to see right through her.

Interesting, I wonder how Yoongi perceives Jimin

He knows that he is stealing hearts by just sitting there, right?

A kiss on the cheek and he is a goner. How many centuries has he denied himself affection? Give this man the world please.

Babe, I would be so weak too. Just give in. Nobody can resist him.

He is truly the sweetest.

The way he is eating her out, a woman can only dream.

Submission is so sexy on a creator...

I wouldn't expect any less.

Jealous, I am jealous of these two.

He is a starved man.

This sight. I am out.

'You have me, all of me' makes me so weak. It gets me every time.

Sibi, you really need to know that the only smut (not only smut but that's a thing for another ask) that can compare to yours is your own.

Slow fucking is on another level, I don't make the rules.

No, he is smiling omg

Their domestic moments melt me everytime.

And Sibi you did it again. Your are the one with the most outstanding quotes. Whoever wants to fight me on this, I am ready. The paragraph about the cruelty of human goes straight into my notebook. Please it is so deep. Quotes that make you pause and question your vision of moral are my fav. It's ironic how human write about the most cruel creatures while being the worst of them all. I love how SA constantly plays with the opposites of human and supernatural and the more you get to know the story, the more you ask yourself where the difference is? The lines are quite blurry, right?

And then we have the contrast that being human is also being happy. A creature capable of so much destruction and so much love. How it all exists within every single one of us.

A single thing that changes your life and in this case Yoongi's life forever

His back story is sooo worth the wait.

And bang another plot twist. Wow, I had absolutely no idea. But he is a CREATOR too? Amazing, you did amazing.

It makes so much sense now. He makes jn the book for reasons🤯

Ohh Yoongi, can I cuddle him for eternity?

This story takes the cake for sad back storys. Except for the horndogs of course.

He lost his brother...

Yoongi suffered for god knows how long?

How ironic that the fate of both creators where changed by humen.

I can't even imagine the guilt he felt and feels.

I am so emotional right now, please don't touch me.

And she sees right through him

No don't go, please come back.

This is a genius chapter. It has everything and I mean everything. I loved it with my whole heart. I adore this and I adore you💗

🌟

And I actually have to scream. This has to be my new favorite chapter. I love Yoongi so much it's unbelievable.

fajsdfkadfjad thanK YOUU AAAH I'M SO HAPPY I love him too :( I seriously do :( he is my sweet lil prince :(

Interesting, I wonder how Yoongi perceives Jimin

I would say that he sees him as a cunny trickster, who slithered out of his destiny way too often. He also most definitely couldn't stand just how crazy he was (i almost said a HUGE spoiler there so I'm gonna stop myself here hahahah)

A kiss on the cheek and he is a goner. How many centuries has he denied himself affection? Give this man the world please.

give 👏🏻 him 👏🏻affection 👏🏻

Submission is so sexy on a creator...

IT IS OMFG IT IS GNFGNN I am going insaNE

'You have me, all of me' makes me so weak. It gets me every time.

me too ngngnfgn like omFG I DO?? PLEASE OMFG YOU CAN HAVE MY LIFE wtff 🥴

It's ironic how human write about the most cruel creatures while being the worst of them all. I love how SA constantly plays with the opposites of human and supernatural and the more you get to know the story, the more you ask yourself where the difference is? The lines are quite blurry, right? And then we have the contrast that being human is also being happy. A creature capable of so much destruction and so much love. How it all exists within every single one of us.

AAAAAAAAH OMFMG I LOVE THIS!!! AAAAH OMGMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!!! 😔💜

This story takes the cake for sad back storys. Except for the horndogs of course.

haahahahahaha although one must give credit to jinnie and his long lost love Emma. that do be hitting different too 😩

How ironic that the fate of both creators where changed by humen.YES OMFG and just how differently they approached that change. Namjoon started off as the healer while Yoongi was the hunter and now their roles are entirely reversed. While Namjoon succumbed to madness, Yoongi chose the path of redemption. While Namjoon found solace in revenge, Yoongi did so in protection. It makes you wonder just where it all changed. Truly, what would have happened if Yoongi was the one getting shot in the head or did the arrow have nothing to do with their fate and Namjoon would have turned mad either way?

Truly though, your words always make me feel so giddy inside! Truly, thank you so much my lovely star! You are such a treasure 🥺😭💜💗

#asks: sanguis alpha #asks #🌟anon #reviews

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combustitties · 6 years ago

Note

I wanna ask all 👀

1. First sex experience?

i was like.. less than ten and my friend asked me to touch his ding dong

2. Celebrity threesum?

oh god idk kjdfgxjch

3. Would you ever have a devils threesum?

urban dictionary says this is legit just a threesome w two other guys so uh Yeah I Guess. why does that get a fancy name.

4. Ever been rimmed?

nah. idrk if i’d like it either jkgdfjkhnb

5. Would you ever rim someone?

??? maybe

6. Weirdest sexual experience?

my friends and i stole her mom’s vibrator and used a bunch of lotion in a plastic cup as lube and masturbated together. wild.

7. Weirdest solo sexual experience?

i was jackin it in the shower once and i think i mightve squirted but i dunno bc SHOWER it felt like a water balloon popping in my vagooter

8. Every have a one night stand?

nope

9. Thought on r*pe play?

hmmmmmmmmm,,,, i dunno like so long as it’s between consenting adults who cares but for myself i dunno if i’d like it?? like. the loss of control and consensual non-con w safewords sounds chill but i dunno like actual roleplay would b. unpredictable.

10. As a guy, what do think is a female’s idea penis?

11. What’s your ideal penis?

my boo’s tf

12. Ever have sex in public?

technically i blew a friend in middle school on a creek trail thing.

13. Describe a sex fantasy that you want to try in detail.

wow i’ve suddenly forgotten everything ive ever thought

14. Do you consider your genitals attractive?

nahhhh

15. What bra size do you find yourself most attracted to?

i don’t think i have a preference

16. Favorite sex position?

shrug emoji haven’t had enuf to develop a preference

17. Least favorite sex positions?

18. What makes sex ‘bad’ to you?

if no one’s enjoying themselves

19. Ever have sex with someone loud?

i’m sure he could get louder 👀

20. Have you ever thought a partner faked an orgasam?

i?? don’t think so???? god i hope not??

21. Have you ever faked an orgasam?

nope

22. Thoughts on accidental anal?

how do u accidentally stick it in the butt

23. Have you ever had sex with food?

technically i tried to use a hot dog in a condom as a dildo when i was. uh. young and stupid.

24. For giving oral to a female, you prefer them to ride your face, or them laying down (or other)

ive never done lol idk

25. Weirdest thing someone’s ever said to you during sex?

???????????? nothing comes to mind.

26. Ever prematurely cum?

pffft is there such a thing? all orgasms good orgasms. i wonder what the world record for fastest orgasm is. lmao lets beat it (HA accidental pun.)

27. Do you prefer you or your partner to cum first?

my partner ndfgkjdfnh

28. Ever have a kink a partner thought was weird?

? i? don’t know????? 👀👀😫😫

29. Thoughts on drunk sex, or sex where your sober and your partner semiconscious?

i can’t stand being sober around not-sobers bc issues but if consent was given for those circumstances prior and we’re both fukt up then um yes pls

30. If your partner made you a sex toy from their genitals would you be creeped out or…?

gimme gimme gimme

31. Ever have a safe word, if so, what was it?

i never used it with anyone but, hyacinth. i like the traffic light system more tho.

32. Thoughts on partner sharing?

gut reaction is grr but w plenty of communication and negotiation and talking i don’t think i’d have a real problem w it. i don’t think i’d want another partner tho.

33. Weirdest sex story you’ve heard?

oh god idk

34. What gives you the most confidence during sex?

being not sober and the lights being off or v dim

35. What feels better for you sex or oral sex?

sex :o

36. Do you like sloppy blowjobs?

giving them hella

37. Which feels better blowjob or blowjob and hands?

38. Most viewed porn categories?

rough, and sex machines.

39. Thoughts on knife play?

hnnnnnn sharp shiney good. idk about the actual cutting tho i’m recovered from s.h kjdfgkdljf

40. Can you be intimate if your pet is in the room?

yea so long as he’s not up in my grill

41. I’d you ever had the chance for a threesum with twins would you do it?

...probably not?

42. Are you ok with your partner owning sex toys?b

?? tf yes

43. Are you ok with your partner using toys to finish after sex?

hella. no bad feels just whatever works ^_^

44. Are you ok with your partner mastubating. (Instead of going to you for help)

duh tf i don’t own them

45. Are you a fan of cuddles after sex?

YES

46. Do you care how many sexual partners your partner had?

no????

47. If you had the chance to join an orgy, would you?

...not sober

48. What’s your thoughts about watching porn with a partner?

hmmmmm. nice.

49. Are you ok with your partner watching porn to get off? (Instead of going to you?)

again, yes, wtff

50. As a guy, do you consider your girlfriend kissing other girls as cheating?

51. If you and your partner broke up for a week but got back together how would you react finding out they had sex during that time?

i mean. i dunno. if we were legit broken up with no intention of getting back together then whatever.

52. Are you ok with your partner posting nudes online?

yes what is up w these possessive ass questions

53. Has anyone ever said the wrong name during sex with you?

not that ive noticed dkfjgvdfjkhn

54. Ever had sex to just get it out of the way?

no???? wtf was this written by a Straight

55. Have you ever had sex in your parents bed?

NO GJKFGH

56. Favorite place to cum?

anywhere anytime lol

57. Do you prefer your partner to a Bush or shaved? (Which do you find more aesthetically pleasing)

whatever they want lol idc

58. How old were you when you first bought condoms?

my mom bought me some when i was like 12 it was mortifying. i still have yet to purchase them myself. WAIT NO YES I DID i was like 13 and it was for a friend bc she was too embarrassed.

59. Have you ever tried flavored condoms?

i haven’t but i wanna yummm lollipop without the cals

60. Would you ever let a stranger watch you and your partner have sex?.

uhhhhhh. not unless we were being paid

61. What’s the worst thing that’s aroused you?

i used to be really fucking embarrassed about my daddy kink

62. Would you ever have sex with a guy who had a spliced dick?

wh. okay i have to google this.

UM. OKAY. I GUESS?? WH.

63. Would you ever have sex with someone with genital piercings?

sure why not

64. Thoughts on sleep sex?

GOD yes. esp on the receiving end but all around a+

65. How easily do you get aroused?

aroused in general p easily ig? but im ace so idk i don’t ever feel like i NEEED it

66. Explain the time you got aroused at the worst time?

any time in public bc i blush too easily

67. Have you ever received oral from someone with a tongue piercing, did it feel any different?

i has not

68. Have you ever accidentally hurt your partner during intimacy, how? And did you continue after?

i? think i totally kneed him at least once. but ya

69. Ever 69 :p

not YET

70. Would you ever give someone oral underwater?

YES pool sex or hot tub sex is a kink of mine ever since i got off with a hot tub jet. and breath play. so like hella. i have a sensory issue with water on my eyelids tho and i don’t think goggles are all that sexy sooo njdfgjkfhn

71. Would you ever have sex on the beach?

idk maybe. that’s a lot of sand to keep track of.

72. Do you prefer your own touch or a partners?

not my own ksjdnfjkgh

73. Why do men slap their penis on their partner? Does it feel good???

i dunno WHY but it feels somewhat objectifying in a good way to ME so likeee

74. For mastubating do you use lube?

nah

75. Is there some place you don’t like being touched during intimacy?

my sides feel hurt really easily like even if u poke it it HURTS i think it’s a medical thing but ive never brought it up at the drs. and my ears. that’s weird.

76. Do you prefer your partner to knead you head or pull your hair?

uh both? both yes? both good

77. Has a condom ever fallen off during sex?

lowkey sjkdfhnzskjghfh

78. Have you ever lost arousal during intimacy, did you keep going?

no??? like im generally always turned on gettin it on n it’s a gr8 time but my meds just fuck with my ability to actively get off UGH

79. Have you ever gotten cum in your eye?

no *knocks on wood*

80. Weirdest compliment you’ve gotten?

ive had people compliment my feet and that’s not my kink so i think it’s kinda weird.

#my post #long post #anonymous #asks

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harryfeatgaga · 3 years ago

Note

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMNqmfLjf/?k=1

stupid larries how I hate them

cringe comments: Love he can kiss his heart so openly. He really doesn’t want to hide anymore 😌

:He’s not even trying to hide the kiss anymore 😂

WTFF

Not them making this sexy video about that man GOODBYEEEBENDNDN

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sarohara · 5 years ago

Text

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH HONG KONG AGAINST THE CCP!

You both like tiktok.

You: heyo :)

Stranger: Hi

Stranger: M

Stranger: :)

You: oh ahah what's ur name?

You: im f btw

Stranger: I’m adammm wbu

You: Too many m's huh

You: adammmm

Stranger: I’m sorry lol

You: nah, im kidding lol ahaha

Stranger: I’m tired init

Stranger: Hi kidding I’m adam

You: AHAHAHAHAHA

You: ur funny eh

Stranger: It wasn’t that funny lmao

Stranger: U made me smile

You: Nahhhh u made me smile

Stranger: :)awww

Stranger: How old r u

You: ahahaha

You: Im 16, wbu?

Stranger: Same

You: Oops, im Sarah

Stranger: Oh yeah u never said

You: yeaaa i forgot lol

Stranger: Sexy name bro

You: Oh

You: well, if u say so.. ahah

You: Thanks, ig

Stranger: It’s a nice name

Stranger: But it’s the same name as my brothers toxic ex

Stranger: :(

You: oh damnnn

You: really?

Stranger: Yea she was mean

You: Yea im so sorry ab ur brother

Stranger: Bro Idc lol

You: Heeey ahahah

You: It's ur brother

Stranger: I know he moved on

You: and im Sarah

Stranger: And got a nicer girl now

You: forgot ab that?

You: oh ahaha i was messing with u

You: thats awesome

Stranger: Wtf

Stranger: R u toxic Sarah

Stranger: My brother actually smashed her tonight 😂😂😂 Lammas

Stranger: Lamoaooaoaoa

You: Wth 😂😂

Stranger: I respect him highly

Stranger: He clapped her cheeks

You: Oh 😂

You: Well, clapped her cheeks?

Stranger: Yeah

You: i would say "cute"? but idk 😂

Stranger: Wtff lmao do u know what that means

Stranger: Man said cute

You: yea? 😂😂😂

Stranger: Ok we will go with cute

You: Isn't cuteeee

Stranger: Super cute

You: is it? good question

Stranger: I’m super confusion

Stranger: Pls rephrase

You: Actually im sleepy, im super confusing rn as well

Stranger: Wanna just add me on snap and we can talk later cuz I’m rly tried aswell

Stranger: :((

You: oh damn it, i do not have snap :(

You: only instagram

Stranger: that’s not very epic

Stranger: Aight what’s ur instagram

You: deff ahahah

You: @sarahcvlm

Stranger: Aight I’ll follow u

Stranger: Night sweetie

You: Aw

You: Nighttt

Stranger: ❤️❤️

You: nice meeting u Sr ahaha

Stranger: Haha mwah

0 notes

edierone · 8 years ago

Text

Found a whole goddamn notebook in the dumpster this time

no idea whose handwriting this is or why they’d write it or who it’s supposed to be about but it’s fun isn’t it? happy ficlet fantasy friday!

Drifting up from a warm, dozy sleep, she feels the bed shifting under her, and the weight of an arm draped across her. She smiles, keeping her eyes closed, snuggling against him. He keeps moving, though, instead of settling in, and she mumbles, “What’re you doin?”

He’s propped himself up on one elbow behind her, the arm over her doing something complicated.

“Taking a bed selfie.”

“Huh?” She still hasn’t opened her eyes. What the fuck time is it, anyway?

“A bed selfie.”

Like that explains it.

One eye, then the other, slides reluctantly open, and she can make out his iPhone a few inches away in the dimness. They’re both in the frame, grainy and low-res; her hair is spilled out over the pillow, her bare shoulder exposed, his muscled arm disappearing into the corner where his hand is holding the phone. His thumb touches the button.

“It’s gonna be a week till we see each other again — I need a souvenir for when I get lonely,” he says.

Aww, he’s gonna miss me!, she thinks, charmed. Better give him something good to keep him warm up here.

“Hi, sexy!” she purrs, rubbing her backside against him.

He laughs, low in his throat, then kisses her temple, caressing her face with his own. He leans over her, resting his phone hand on the bed next to them.

“Mmm … love you,” he murmurs against her ear.

“Love you too,” she sighs. She turns her head to get his lips properly on hers, but something catches her eye.

“Babe — you’ve got it in video mode,” she giggles.

“What? No I don’t — oh yeah — ha! Nearly made a bed selfie sex tape. Hold on a sec —”

He squints at the phone, holding it back out a bit, then touches the button again, stopping the recording.

She kisses him lightly, eyes slipping shut again, and says “Send that to me tomorrow, will you? I might get lonely too.”

She knows he’s smiling in the dark, she can hear it when he says, “I’ll send it to you right now.”

“Mkay,” she sighs, feeling the heaviness of sleep creeping up again. She’s not sure how many minutes have gone by when she hears him again, all the cozy flirtiness gone from his voice.

“Uhhh … hm. That’s not — how did I — shit.”

“What is it?” she manages, vaguely alarmed by the flat worry she hears. Before he can answer, there’s a distinctive ping from her own phone on the bedside table.

She’s awake now. “Did you schedule a tweet for this time of night?”

He looks at her, confused. He has no idea what she’s talking about. She sits up, turns on the lamp and reaches for her phone, and sees a notification illuminating the screen.

And there it is, the reason for that sound, the custom tone she’s had put on her phone solely for his posts that tag her on social media sites: He’s somehow managed to tweet something, minutes ago, from his public account, and mention her.

“Bed selfie - miss you already,” it says, and then the video.

“Oh no …”

Her heart is triphammering, she feels a little sick. He looks at her, face full of dread.

Wordlessly, she holds it up for him to see. He presses the “play” icon, and they watch, heads together.

The camera is unsteady, and the lighting is isn’t great — but the sound is clear, and it’s absolutely, definitely her, and him. Together, in bed, obviously intimate and comfortable … and sexual as all hell. Twenty-four seconds. Time stamp, 3:23 a.m. today.

“Ffffffffuuuuuuuuck,” he groans.

“Oh shit,” she breathes.

“How do I get it back? Can I delete that? Oh goddammit —“

“Christ — how did you even DO that? Why do you even have the app on your own fucking phone?”

“I was — I don’t know! I sent it and then I went to check my email and then I looked back — you know I don’t know how this shit works! I thought I was messaging it to you — it’s fucking three thirty in the morning, I can’t —”

“Give me that!” She takes his phone, deletes the tweet, but knows that’s not all there is to it. She shoves it back into his hand. “Call whatsherface, Kylie or whatever her name is, the girl that does your social shit — call her right now. Or text her — both! Get hold of her right now!”

He’s frantically trying to do just that, while she opens her own Twitter app and deletes the tweet from her feed. It’s only been sixteen minutes since it was posted, and it’s the middle of the night, maybe nobody saw it?

Yeah, no.

It’s 3:45 a.m. in Vancouver, but it’s midday in Europe, and early risers are already up in New York. Fuck.

She watches, fascinated, as the number of notifications on her page begins to climb. Against her better judgment, she takes a look at what’s coming in — not sixty seconds after the time stamp, there’s a lot of “holy shit” and “OMFG” and “this is real! I live!” and so on. She opens her stealth tumblr account — same fucking story. There are screen caps already! What the fuck is wrong with people? It reminds her of one of those virus-outbreak movies, where one sick person infects ten more and they infect twenty more each and yada yada the breakdown of civilization. This won’t end civilization, but it sure as hell might fuck shit up for the two of them (including, probably, the final nail in the coffin of that other thing she’s had going on the last few months).

And then, shortly after they’d deleted the goddamn tweet, now five minutes in the past, a flood of “wait, what happened?” “WTFF what is going on” and “THE LINK WON’T WORK THE TWEET IS GOOOONE!”

Meanwhile, he’s located Katey or Kimmy or whomever, who’s now yelling at him from someplace with loud voices and music. She’s only half-listening to their conversation, but the gist of it seems to be that there’s nothing they can do now but damage control — they deleted it from their accounts, sure, but any number of people have seen it, re-tweeted it, screen-capped it — and downloaded and saved the video for re-posting.

Annnnnd here’s one on her tumblr dash: “i am the goddess of true love! I bring you deleted video, resurrected! Look upon my works and rejoice!”

The video is in it. Fuck. She touches the play icon, hears “It’s gonna be a week till we see each other again” — double fuck. It’s the real thing. It works. “Mmmm, love you …”

He finally hangs up on Kristie/Kelly/Kyra.

“ …You’ve got it in video mode” [giggle]

She hits pause, afraid to look at him right now. They’ve been so, SO careful, and protected themselves so well — everything ambiguous, smokescreens deployed, deniability maintained … well, mostly. Nothing they can’t handle. But this here — this is the smoking gun. She wants to shout at him, to ask him what the fuck he was thinking, how could he be so careless, how could he expose them like this, why didn’t he just wait till tomorrow to send it to her like she asked? Put on his goddamn reading glasses, for fuck’s sake?

But she knows he already feels awful, so she just squeezes her eyes shut and tries to breathe calm into her body. She doesn’t want to have a screaming fight right before she flies to another continent. This isn’t the old days — she’s fucking calm and fucking mature and they will deal with this like fucking grownups.

He sits on the bed, folded up with his head on his knees. An inarticulate groan comes from his general direction. “They’re gonna dissect this like the fucking Zapruder film,” he laments, and she barks startled laughter.

He looks up at last, surprised that she’s not trying to strangle him.

“How bad is it?” He gestures toward her phone.

Cringing slightly, she selects a representative post from tumblr: It’s the video, reblogged from the alleged “goddess of true love,” and right underneath it, a gif of Elmo in front of flames. The post has 290 notes already. The tags are a jubilant, nonsensical volcano of words and phrases she only partly understands — fucc me uppp, slay my entire ass, asdfjkl;lskj, platonic adult friends, i love dying and death and being dead, MURDER ME, why are they like this NEVER STOP, fight me, they’re gonna kill me, im spiraling, it’s a dumpster fire and i’m in it.

“Whyyyyy …” he moans, dropping his head into his hands.

“Most of America is still asleep, too. Just wait. It’s going to be so much worse.”

More inarticulate sounds of misery from him, then: “You know, if somebody assassinated the fucking President, the news wouldn’t spread this fast,” he mumbles. It’s only a slight exaggeration.

She flops dramatically onto her back, addresses the ceiling: “So. What do we do now? Deny and obfuscate?”

He laughs, loud and happy, for the first time since the phrase “bed selfie” came into their lives. “Fuck yeah!”

He stretches out and rolls over onto her prone body, covering her like a blanket, starts kissing his way down her neck. She shoves at him — not very convincingly — and grumbles “What’re you doing? Shouldn’t we start doing damage control?”

“Now??? Nahhh … it’s already out there.” He kisses her deeply, then murmurs into her ear, “We’re gonna do the time — might as well do the crime.” Reasonable, he’s always so reasonable …

“Hard to argue with that,” she says, shivering a little, running her hands over his broad back. Her heart speeds up and heat pools at her center, her physical responses to his touch as reliable as ever, yet still somehow surprising even after all these years. “Guess we’re pretty well fucked —”

“Oh, yeah,” he says against the hollow of her throat, then raises his head to look her in the eye — his expression the same one that’s gotten them into this kind of trouble a thousand times in the last 25 years, and will a thousand times more. “We’re definitely gonna be that.”

--------------------------------

@justholdinghandsok @becksndot5 @whatfallsaway @iva69s @guitargirl48 @emceecapitalc @inkcollectorus @lostlastsforever756

#no idea who wrote this #i just transcribed it #it was all bent and torn and had coffee grounds all in it #but i thought it was cute #things i found in the dumpster

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myvelouri · 5 years ago

Text

So I'm back. It was kind of nice to not have my phone on me.

I'm kind of bummed.

I ended up going to go see my girl.

We spent all night together. She drank coffee just to stay up for me.

She frequently still says "you're so sexy" and "why are you so pretty"

She does do nice things. Um, I was still upset with her and left her on read before all this. But when I saw her I felt sick and she actually made me some ramen, got me cold sweet tea. It warmed me up to her a lot cause it was so loving.

After that it was pretty nice.

She has 25 missed calls or notifications on her phone symbol on her iPhone. Idk what that means at all.

Ohh, we had sex, we both got a rash SOMEHOW. Maybe allergic to this condom. But yeah, we had sex. And after I wiped the sweat away, she said I smelled brown again. Ugh. Wtff. I hate smelling bad like a dirty ass Indian. I swear it's the food my family cooks. But she said I smelled good before that. Ya cause my cologne wore off during sex sweat man.

Oh she got really bothered by me leaving my knapkins on her bed! I always throw them out but shit, I lose one or two and she got fed up with it. She was nice about it but like, assertive. Don't do it anymore. I tell her I just keep em cause I don't wanna waste her knapkins. She said she gets that but still.

Oh, she went off on saying I have a big nose again! I feel like I don't. She touched my nose and said I have a whole bump where it starts. I was actually pretty bothered by that. Um. She also said she can't deal with my widows peak. To the point she said "you could get rid of that" bro I can't. It makes me sad she hates and thinks my widows peak is ugly. Yeah I have bangs and its covered but it's not ugly to me. I don't prefer it but I don't think it's ugly on me. And she said "uh.. hah.. that's why you're hair is down" yeah she hates my widows peak. Damn

Bummed me out.

Bad.

She showed me pics on her phone and it was Omar, and her house flooded due to the hurricane and she was forced to live in a hotel for a bit. Omar was there to visit too. There was multiple pics and videos of her recording him on her bed together. I was like whoa. They weren't a couple at that time but damn

Oh um... She said one of her ex's (she's had thousands of boyfriends and I'm the third brown one and she said we last longer, haaaa) who was actually a rebound and super ugly would cum so fast and he came in her hair. She absolutely seems to detest him. She knew him for a year. He would buy her everything but she hated that. I was like damn that's fucked up of her. He clearly liked her. But yeah. She said he was a rebound. I'm so like, yucked out that she had a guy cum in her hair, like, that's close. That's so bad though. He a dumbass holy crap.

Okay so we were joking around and um, she made a circumcision joke. I explained to her what it was and I told her that when I was a kid my dick was so small that my parents even said "wow he's gonna have a difficult life cause his dick is so small" and she gasped. I told her it was so small EVEN THOUGH I AM CIRCUMCISED that the foreskin STILL completely enveloped my dick. And so I kind of know what it's like to have a uncircumcised dick. Dude the gunk gets trapped inside and can get stuck on your skin, it hurts so bad it can tear your skin. I still remember that pain. But my dick grew so the skin was finally unable to reach my tip

So... My GF asked "is it bad that I don't know if my ex of 3-7 years was circumcised or not?..." And I said "uhhh... Lol... YEAH" cause she still doesn't understand it! I'm like okay so foreskin of an uncircumcised dick pretty much covers up the tip.

...

And she said "uhh... I think he was uncircumcised..." And I asked, "well was his Dick's tip exposed like mine is? Cause I'm circumcised and you can see my tip" and she thought and this'll haunt me till the day I die, she didn't even finish what she was gonna say but it was obvious as she lingered and said a bunch more, she said "uhhh it was exposed but is it possible his dick was so bi-- I ain't even gonna say that". ........... I died, I fucking feel so much anxiety typing this. She said he had a really big dick to me before and now she was trying to say that he was uncircumcised but that his dick was so so big that even his foreskin couldn't contain his dick and the tip was exposed. I feel so EXTREMELY affected, like, I'll never amount to that, I feel so insecure, so emasculated and I feel dread knowing that that's what she has already had and on top of that i can't offer or experience that with her... That I can't give her big dick or see how she reacts to it. I feel so sickened that she really doesn't like him at all, yet still talks about how big his dick was. And it makes me feel so inferior and I feel like I'm not good enough for any girl. My dick is smaller than average, just by s bit. so. This is torture. It makes me suicidal. You all already know.

So yeah. She said he was actually hard all the time so she doesn't even really know what it was like when flaccid. She said she could always tell, like, she'd hug him and he'd instantly be erect, hard and everything. It KILLS me so bad knowing she handled and played with a dick that big and that I can't have her that way. I feel way too much of a shock and I feel like a downgrade. It kills me so bad knowing I can't do a thing about it. It's so hurtful to know she ever jerked off, fucked, sucked, tit fucked, admired a cock so big and just got to experience that and have that... Oh god it's like being cucked. It's horrible. Horrible. Like watching the love of your life being fucked by a bigger dick. It's just an awful awful feeling. But. She said he was horny all the time. And hard as FUCK all the time... Meanwhile I have a difficult time getting hard... I have so many conditions and issues ever since I was 20 and it's cause I used porn and fapped too much back then. I ruined my dick that's already ruined from birth. She said she thinks she did that too, desensitized from porn and fapping everyday. She doesn't watch porn bit watches hentai. My other friend Ashley is also similar, she also can't cum from sex now cause of fapping too much and porn. I don't even talk to Ashley much anymore.

Yeah Jesus I feel like a FUCKING idiot.

Um we had sex and she usually has no smell, which I loved about her and I'd be able to eat her out forever. But now she seriously smells so strong. It's... Not good... And I wonder if she's really pregnant. Her UTI is gone and she suddenly got bloated again. And she's eating a lot. And she has been nauseous every day. She's saying she's just about to her her period in a week so she can feel it. But my god I hope she's really not pregnant

She said I really make her happy. Like, very. It's actually Important, it's a big thing. She really loves me. She does.

Okay yeah, I remember, she said her other ex was so problematic that he had trust issues and he got really upset when she hugged her guyfriend gio who she hadn't seen in 3 years and hugged the fuck out of him. So yeah, this ex got jealous and she got pissed at him. She was mad at him cause of it. And she said her and gio had no sexual history whatsoever. I said "what, no, you two sexted" and she said "ahaaa! That was AFTER!" "After I dumped the ex" and I said ohh. But she said "yeah we both tried that and said nah, we only gonna stay friends" and yet, last time she mentioned this, she said he was actually really good at sexting. Soo.... Clearly.... There's something there.

Her recent ex apparently was okay with her talking to guyfriends. But, he has his gal friends. So. I mean ... Yeah. But it's like, he still would get jealous. But he was more chill. But she goes back and forth with that. Also, you see what happened when she got new guyfriends right? Dude, she had a crush on one, and me, I was a guyfriend, dude she broke up with him to get with me. And we definitely did some shit while they were still together that wasn't even close to appropriate. So. It's obvious why I don't trust her.

She was really sweet to me other than those things.

She's so blunt. She even tells me things she didn't like about her ex. His acne and stuff. I was like that's so harsh

And she did say finally that she was kidding about my nose being big but no way man. She's trying to take it back. She firmly said it's big before. And kept giving me shit for it.

And she doesn't like my widows peak and wants me to shave it off. Bro wtf

And I feel inferior because my dick isn't close to her ex's. And I just know she misses that.

During sex she said "deeper" and I'm like, yeah, her ex definitely was perfect. I'm not.

Physically anyway.

I hate this so much. Just picturing her taking a big dick kills me, shatters me. I can't believe that. I can't believe I don't have a big dick.

I can't believe she said those things about me too

I still don't trust her completely and my reasons are extremely valid. Just from all the experiences AND the shit she's done and told me she's done. It's not good

#personal #relationships

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