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sleepdeprivedghoul · 4 years ago

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What’s Left of Me [BTS AU]

Words: 3.6 K

Summary: Jungkook was a typical college student. Nothing interesting there, his only friend, Kim Seokjin, or as he calls him, Jin, is terribly ill with an unknown illness that not even the doctors can prescribe. One night Jin asks Jungkook if he wants to play a game. Only the game isn’t what Jungkook thought. But it’s just a game right? What’s the worst that could happen?

Genre: Angst, Mature Content, Horror/Thriller.

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It was nearing midnight as Jungkook had arrived back to his flat after a long drive across town just to deliver some notes and cards to Jin, who was currently running a fever with a mysterious illness. The doctors weren't even a hundred percent sure what was wrong with Jin, maybe it was a strain of pneumonia?

Yeah that has to be it, thought Jungkook as he slid off his shoes and went straight to his computer, he logged on and started to type up his essay on emotions and how they play into day to day life, but the emotion his professor gave him was quite difficult. It was sadness.

Sure the assignment was simple and all but never really experiencing true sadness he didn't know how to start it off. Besides a cheesy quote about feeling broken and alone.

He felt like he was about to go insane, he never felt true sadness and he was sure his professor would want it to be about something really depressing over just, ‘I lost my pet cat named Pete,’ but something more.

WIth a loud beep his phone went off alerting him of a text from Jin:

"Kookie thank you for the study materials!"

Jungkook smiled and was about to send him a response when Jin replied again:

"Have you played What's Left of Me? Or heard of it?"

“Honestly no... What is it?”

Before Jin responded Jungkook reread the name of the game and typed it in on his search bar for What’s Left of Me, all that popped up was a book. Frowning he knew this is not what his hyung meant so he went back to the search bar and tweaked his search adding Game. What popped up was Google claiming an error that Google was not responding.

“Odd...” He muttered before he tried to open a new tab only for the new same message to reappear. “You have to be kidding me,” he groaned and continually refreshed only to keep getting the same message and that Google had crashed.

“Why?!” He exclaimed, brows furrowing as he looked over at his phone only to see a video link from Jin. Clicking it he heard a soft female voice, practically whispering all while there was a black screen.

“Hi... I’m not gonna introduce myself because what’s the point.... Well obviously you’re here for my game What’s Left of Me. The game’s a bit different than your average game, there’s no shooting of others but decisions and story based themes, you the Player decides what happens. Nothing is reversible so play how you feel but do it carefully. I am giving you the extent of five players to choose from and that is all. Thank you for your consideration and I hope you enjoy.”

The video ended causing a frown to play on the young males features as he texted his hyung.

“That gave me the chills. Her voice was so sad, yet so familiar. WHY WAS SHE WHISPERING???”

Sent from Jin at 12:03

“I like how her video was, her voice was soft and peaceful as it captures your attention immediately. I’m ready to play it!”

Sent from Jungkook at 12:03

“Ok... Did you download it?”

Sent from Jin

“Yea are you going to Kookie?”

Sent from Jungkook

“It won’t even let me view the game.”

Sent From Jin

“Restart your computer.”

Why, thought the younger male but did as told, he waited for the system to reload and as it did their was a new file on his computer. WHAT’S LEFT OF ME in all caps. “How did this get here?” Scared Jungkook looked around his dark room but nothing was out of place, he even scanned his computer for a virus. Nada.

“Did it work?” Texted Jin, Jungkook could barely breathe yet alone focus on the situation at hand. How did this happen?

“Yeah the game was already on my computer somehow...”

“Huh strange, maybe you clicked download.” Responded Jin and as he read the message he shook his head, Jin didn't seem to get it. The game just appeared. He hadn’t even had the option to download it as it never popped up when he searched it.

“No because I couldn't even find the game when I originally searched it.”

Sent from Jin

“Computer was probs lagging but at least you have the game now. I think I want to play Namjoon. He seems interesting. What about you?”

Sent from Jungkook

“Erm hang on let me load the game, I haven’t open it yet.”

“K.” Was all Jin said as the younger male moved his cursor over the game and clicked open. As the game was loading an eerie song was playing in the background, Hell it wasn’t even a song, more so screeching and loud crashes. Every now and then the screen would glitch out and he’d get a brief glance at a girls face. He was only at 10% as the game completely froze except for the song which was on an endless loop and began repeating the word why over and over as the depressed girls face froze on screen before him, a single tear running down her smooth skin.

“You left us...” She whispered before the game automatically shut down and sent Jungkook staring at his home screen, eyes wide and breathing rapid. “What the literal fuck,” he cursed as the game restarted and took him back to the loading screen yet it was all different. Instead of a sad song on loop and the sad girl, the game played a soft happy tune as the background was all black and the title appeared in a bloody font. What’s Left of Me the words practically dripping down the screen as a candle flickered beneath the text casting long shadows revealing a room.

He had to admit this game had some freaky cool artwork. He clicked the title, not really sure what else to do as there was no options for the game. His options appeared before him carved into the desk that the candle was sitting on. The game title was on the gray wall behind the candle.

Jungkook read his options slowly and wondered if Jin saw the same things as him.

Continue Game

New Game

Leave?

Curious as to what Continue Game would do for him, since he’s never played it before and was sure no one has played it on his computer he clicked the option. The game file loaded and he was quickly inserted into a dark bathroom, a young man with copper hair, almost golden, was crying in the middle of the room. The only sounds besides the poor males soft spoken sobs was the sound of the bath running and pouring out onto the tiled floor all around the sobbing man. The game glitched and instead of water surrounding the copper haired male it was now a dark red substance which Jungkook could only assume was blood. He was no longer crying but screaming at the top of his lungs, “WHY WHY WHY!” His dark gaze looking dead at the screen, his eyes finding Jungkook’s, it was if he was was aware of Jungkook watching him. It was like the male wasn’t in the game.

Jungkook’s throat constricted with fear. The game crashed and he was back to the main menu. He most certainly wasn't going to try to continue that again unless it was his own saved progress, but even then he still didn't want to do this.

Why is he even considering this game? For Jin, he softly reminded himself. But why did Jin even want to play this game, it was so freaky and weird. Did Jin not get the same intro as him? Maybe Jin was smarter than him and decided not to try and continue the game, speaking of the Continue Game option that was no longer present instead it said, Can’t Continue Something You Never Started or Cared For.

Chills ran down his spine as he took a picture and went to send it to Jin who had been blowing up his cell. Jungkook didn't even read his messages from his hyung as he instantly went to send Jin the freaky message from the game. Only the test wouldn't go through, he was shot with an error. “What the Hell?” He grumbled and tried once more only for it to not send.

“Why’s this happening? I paid my bill!” Biting his lower lip in confusion he looked at Jin’s messages and hoped his hyung would understand his technical difficulties.

From Jin sent at 12:10

Jungkook you there?

Hey did you start the game?

Kookie, kookie, kookie?????

Ok spam time

Hello

What does a janitor yell at a party?

SUPPLIES! hahaha get it? Supplies

I’m worried you alive?

Wait are you asleep?

If so sorry. Send a bunny emoji if you’ve been kidnapped.

I’m gonna start the game, Namjoon is pretty cool and looks good. What about you? Who will you play as, you have five options, all of them epic.

From Jin sent at 12:12

I get it, you hate the game and you haven’t even started.

Jungkook shook his head and chuckled, Jin is so childish and impatient, he thought to himself and sent a quick apology text. Sent, he managed to send a text! His eyes widened as he tried to send the picture only the picture wouldn’t go through.

Why was that?

Why was it that he could send an apology to Jin but not a picture? Did he not have enough storage? Was their text history too long?

It just didn't add up. Whatever, he thought, It doesn’t even matter. It’s just a game.

Clicking on the New Game option he was sent to a character page. Five characters like Jin said, but there was an outline of a missing character, two actually. He hovered his cursor over both of them but all he got for their stats was:

Name: ???

Age: ???

Height: ???

Gender: ???

Description: ???

He looked at the outline and noticed the lock in the middle of their chests, he had to unlock them. How come he didn't see that when he was first looking at them?

Whatever, just find a character and start the game so Jin won’t be upset. With a sigh he moved his over a young male with a blonde mullet, a boxy smile on his perfectly proportioned face.

Name: Kim Taehyung.

Age: 23

Height: 5′10

Gender: Male

Description: Taehyung is a happy go lucky, one of a kind guy, unlike any others that you will ever encounter in life.

Already interested and a tad bit jealous of how happy and lucky Taehyung gets to be while he, himself, is worried for Jin’s health and stressing over stupid projects that are all nearing there due date. Shoving some his hair out of his face he moved on to the next character, the one from the Continue Game option. Curious as to see what was wrong with him and who he was he began to read the stats.

Name: Worthless

Age: Does it matter? I’m just gonna fade away...

Height: Too short just like life....

Gender: Dead

Description: You let me die, it’s your fault. Why didn't you care about me? How could you let me go through with it? WHY’D YOU LEAVE ME?

Shaking his head with a low sigh escaping his lips, he wondered who was this character and why was he so depressed? But also curious of his stats, he asked Jin.

Sent from Jungkook at 12:13

Jin who is the copper haired male after Taehyung?

Sent from Jin at 12:13

Who Jimin? Y?

“Jimin,” whispered Jungkook softly almost as if he was testing out the name. His name was so nice compared to his description. The characters blank stare held his gaze, honestly Jungkook felt a bit guilty for this made up character.

Sent from Jungkook at 12:15

I couldn't see his stats 4 sum reason. :/

Sent from Jin at 12:15

The pausing of this game is janky... Lemme go back to the lobby. Pray that my game saves

Sent from Jungkook at 12:16

I pray it saves

Sent from Jin at 12:17

Okay Name: Park Jimin Age: 22 Height: 4′8 Gender: Male duh Description he’s a chill dude with a beautiful smile.

*Height 5′8 lol he’s not that short. That’s about it.

Sent from Jungkook at 12:17

Is this some sort of dating sim?

Sent from Jin at 12:17

No most certainly not. I don;t really know what it is, but I know it’s not a dating sim. Each character has a different story, that’s all I know.

Sent from Jungkook at 12:18

This is some srs bull.

Sent from Jin at 12:18

Please don't use acronyms Kookie.

Jungkook laughed and shook his head at his hyungs requests when, he too, use abbreviations such as why to y.

Sent from Jungkook at 12:18

Yes boss

Sent from Jin at 12:19

😈 Lol picked your character yet?

Sent from Jungkook at 12:19

No not yet, my game’s acting up.

Sent from Jin at 12:19

Well hurry up so you can play!!!!!

Sent from Jungkook at 12:20

Ok gimme a minute.

Placing his phone down in his lap he moved on to the next character, a tall male with silverish purple hair with deep brown eyes that seemed to be able to read your soul and a soft dimpled smile.

Name: Kim Namjoon

Age: 23

Height: 5′11

Gender: Male

Description: A bookworm, a really hard worker with excellent grades, who’s also a natural leader. Pretty cool guy once you meet him.

Jungkook chuckled at the last part, “once you meet him.” Like he’s gonna meet Kim Namjoon in person, he’s just a character in a video game, closest thing he’d get to meeting Namjoon is playing as him. Which he won’t because this is Jin’s character.

The next character’s picture was sweaty, his tongue out, black hair in his eyes, as a black hat rested on his head.

Name: Jung Hoseok

Age: 24

Height: 5′10

Gender: Male

Description: Hoseok, Hobi, is an all around ray of sunshine, with constant happy vibes. Always there for you when you need it, remember?

He frowned, why is it like the game is talking to him directly, “Fine if I play as Hoseok or Hobi, whatever his name is I’ll remember that he’s a ray of sunshine to help others.” He grumbled but a small smile played on his features as a warm aura seemed to enclose around him.

Moving away from the friendly happier male he moved onto the one dressed in all black, a mask covering his mouth and nose as his dark brown eyes stared at him judgingly. He was more ominous looking than scary.

Name: Min Yoongi

Age: 25

Height: 5′9

Gender: Male

Description: Always quiet but observant, known to stand up for those in need, tired but always working.

Nodding his head, understanding each character he finally decided that he’s play as Taehyung. He would’ve played as Jimin if he was able to, but the game simply would not help let him.

Starting up as Taehyung he was given the option:

Play as Kim Taehyung?

Yes? No?

“Obviously,” he said with a chuckle as he selected, yes, the game loaded with ease, compared to when he first started the game. A small transition of a butterfly landing onto a window sill was played in the background, then he heard the sounds of a camera snapping a photo.

“Babe,” came a male voice in the background, the loading symbol stopped as the clip began to play. The light filtered into the room showing a few dust particles floating around as the butterfly stayed on the sill slowly moving it’s beautiful blue and black wings.

“In here,” came the females voice, the door opened and the floor groaned with the males footsteps. “Are you coming, we’re about to leave?”

“Sorry was taking a picture.”

“You’re obsessed with that thing.”

“Photos keep memories.”

“Yeah but can also steal a part of your soul.” Spoke the deep voiced male jokingly as the girl laughed. What a sound to be heard, it was like music, so carefree and soft. Jungkook wished he could listen to her laugh all day, she seemed so happy, unlike any other girl he’s ever met and tried to talk to.

“Well this camera can’t have my soul,” she stated promptly. The camera angles changed revealing a small girl, her hair covering her face, until the man, who Jungkook recognized as his player Kim Taehyung, moved his hand to her face brushing her short dark brown hair away from her eyes. “You look so much better showing your face.” She shook her head, the hair falling back into her brown eyes as her dimpled grin moved to crinkle her eyes.

“Whatever oppa,” she teased softly punching his arm. “I’m serious,” he muttered pulling her closer to him, her hands rested upon his chest and the camera still in her left hand. The butterfly flew past the camera showing the two lovers.

The room changed, it was no longer the happy loving environment that Jungkook was originally thrusted into. Instead his character was sitting on his bed, his head in his hands, shoulders shaking with sobs. Every now and then he would repeat a name, it was obviously the girl that he was with name.

“Elli,” he whimpered, even his dog was sniffling and whimpering. His puppy rested his head on Taehyung’s thigh. Both of them were honestly too sad to watch causing Jungkook to push away from his desk and move to his bed.

“What the fuck is this game? It said Taehyung was a happy go lucky guy, what the fuck happened to that?” Raking his fingers through his hair he took a deep breath and texted Jin:

I can’t play, I have class tomorrow 8 am.

He lied flatly and went to send only it wouldn’t. “Again with this bullshit?” He questioned aloud pissed, throwing his phone across the room and onto his bed. “Fuck this,” he grumbled as he moved to his couch, falling heavily onto the cushions and looking up at his ceiling in annoyance.

Through the corner of his eye he noticed the television had turned on. Must’ve sat on the remote, he thought to himself as he sat up and looked under the cushions only to find nothing but a quarter, three pennies, a dime, and a moldy cheeto. Scrunching his nose up in disgust and grabbing the 38 cents that he had found he placed the cushions back in their place.

He turned on his lamp and continued his search only for the lamps light bulb to explode, shards of glasses flying through the paper lamp shade and nearly cutting him. Startled by the destruction he looked all around the room, his eyes landing on the Tv and to the message displayed through the static.

juSt go bAck to the VidEo gaME !

The message was pretty clear of what it wanted him to do. The younger male didn’t understand why only a few letters were capitalized, and not even in a specific order or why there was two words underlined. Looking back and reading the all capitalized letters he wrote them down:

S - A - V - E M - E

A shiver ran down his spine at the startling code, maybe it was unintentional but something in his gut told him, it was there for a reason. He did the same with the two underlined words:

SAVE THE GAME

Is what the message came down to. Who was he even supposed to be saving? And why was his television telling him to save the stupid game? It didn't make sense, all of this was just making him frustrated. He shook his head and unplugged the television having enough of this shit.

“I’m done!” He exclaimed as he moved onto his bedroom, all the lights in the house began to flicker on and off. “Oh great my life now is becoming Paranormal Activity, fun.”

With a groan he went back down the hall and to his computer, the screen glowing at him. “Now how do I even save?” He grumbled trying to find a way to save the game without losing what little progress, technically none, that he’s made so far.

With a roll of his tired eyes, he pulled up the options and found nothing useful on saving the game. “How the fuck? What is this even? This game,” he groaned out annoyed, ready to just log off his computer and restart Taehyung’s intro scene. Exiting the options he was brought face to face to Taehyung's sad, blood-tear stained cheeks, thanks to the new camera angle. What made it even more creepy was the twisted boxy smile on the male’s face as he stared right into the camera.

Jumping back startled, and nearly falling out of the chair, Jungkook released a slight yelp as the character began to speak to him, almost directly.

“Aren’t you gonna save me? Or are you, too, just gonna abandon me like all the others?”

Two options appeared before him in a dark red, dripping font:

Save ME

Abandon ME

Hesitant of what the two options meant he hovered his cursor trying to decipher what he should do, when he realized that this was the way of saving, or so he hoped.

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braindamageforbeginners · 7 years ago

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Week 4, Day 34, Radiation 22

First off, apologies for posting twice in one day; I realize I did write something earlier, but I’ve also had a little more time for some sober contemplation (as you do when you spend 20 minutes in a tube getting microwaved like yesterday’s mac-n-cheese)(only without the healthy glow)(or health, come to that), This will be something of a more contemplative piece - that last one I wrote in a flurry after eating some great wildebeest, and kinda skirted over something I should’ve discussed in greater detail (for those of you wondering about my health, it’s largely unchanged, I just had some more time to myself to process a few details).

A week or so ago, I saw a beautiful woman sitting in the chairs outside the radiation center, sobbing. This wasn’t the sort of dignified sniffles I’ve come to associate with the place (not that it’s like everyone is a font of strength or something; it’s just that, by the time you make it to there, you’ve already been hit with the harshest hand you’re going to see). And her physical appearance isn’t really pertinent to the story, except that, like everything else in my life, it adds a weird, ethereal glow to the memory (and - maybe this is just a weird side-effect of going from eidectic memory to the bog-standard - it is intriguing what sticks in the mind)(that would upset me, except that, I’ve always been fascinated by what stands out in human memory, both mine and others). Just some poor woman sitting there, heaving sobs and shuddering. And I know the system well enough to know exactly what she was crying about. And, Gods forgive me, I was late for my own appointment, so I rushed past her (I know, I talk a good show about reaching out to people who need it, but I can’t even be bothered if I’m 10 minutes late). Thankfully, my father, who proved the more moral man in that particular encounter was on-hand to give her some kleenex.

What really sticks in my mind about that whole scene isn’t even really my cowardly lack-of-reaction, it was my lack of pity. Sort of. I’m not saying that I was lapping up her tears or anything, merely that my first, and strongest - still strongest, to be honest - response was, “Oh, shit; I hope she makes it. I’m gonna be there soon enough.” Which, I suppose, is the definition of pity, but I’ve recently realized that pity isn’t about empathy or sympathy - it’s a simple realization that we have something more than someone else has. Although that may be the starting point required to make things better, it contains no dictum to reduce the inequity between the two. Until you’re the one sitting on the bench, sobbing while some balding asshole in a Stetson runs into a building before the radiation techs give away his time slot. Which is only important, because my entire morality is based more or less on the story of Androcles and the Lion (think of the lion with a thorn in his paw), or, more-recently, the character of Lee Chong in Cannery Row (if you haven’t read that book, get off your ass right now, I could live to be 900, write a dozen novels a year, and still never come anywhere close to as great as that book)(the character in question is a shrewd-but-generous grocer with a talent for investing more in favors and goodwill than actual money). The point is, the human concept of debt, as it stands, relies on a static universe - one in which the simple assessment of worth now is identical tomorrow. The minute you introduce any form of uncertainty into the system, it all starts to sway like a house of cards. I realize that I’m in a special category of the human experience, one which you, dear reader, will hopefully never have to experience. However, I have been genuinely touched - on numerous occasions - just in the last several months, when some random friend from the past has hauled my ass from the flames, and my response is something along the lines of, “I didn’t know you liked me that much.” I really hope that woman lives. I hope she has a good life.

And if it seems like I’m being a little maudlin and sticky, well, I realized today just how much trouble I might be in. I posted earlier about how, even though I’ve been having some physical troubles (my left side’s all wobbly), I’m able to overcome them (this is true). Which, upon recollection, made me realize I might’ve been a little too hasty to underplay the incident. I mean, I wouldn’t ever be telling a bar story like, “So, yeah, then my butt feel off, but, thankfully, the physicians had warned me about that possibility, so I just poured on the Krazy Glue and shoved that sucker back up.” No. No. Even if that’s totally-foreseen and expected, you don’t gloss over it; you stop and have a proper commemorative temper tantrum, so that at least someone knows that human arses should stay attached to the original manufacturers’ surface. That’s included in the most basic of warrantees, i don’t see why I should be the exception to that one.

Which, of course, made me recall Radiation Oncologist’s subtle warning that other side effects included (and I am quoting)(I realize I have good memory, but even if you have a horrible memory, I guarantee you that you will have complete, crystal-clear recall on these sorts of things), “some visual-spatial stuff, and potential personality changes.” I realize that was the end of a long, long day leading into a longer week, but that should have been the time for one of those Tallulah Bankhead tantrums. I mean, the fuck?! “Personality changes?!” What in God’s green earth have I signed up for?! “Visual spatial stuff” - I know from neuroanatomy that “visual spatial” stuff includes - and I am not making this up - an ability to recall faces and names. And I don’t even mean that you remember it was John Wayne who played Rooster Cogburn, I’m talking about the ability to remember their own children (yes, you can very neatly remove that ability with something far less-messy than radiation, which, I’m learning, is rather less accurate and conservative than the cold steel implements that had been inserted into me, previously). Which then completely screws you up - I mean, if I wasn’t even me, would I know? I know that - I know I wouldn’t, because I spent ten years severely brain-damaged and no one caught it until another mad scientist hooked me up to several fancy EEGs. Which then gets really insane once you realize that the majority of the human populace has some form of detectable brain damage (severe sleep deprivation and/or fevers can cause this)(which means, if you’ve ever been on a red-eye, or had croup, there’s a chance you’re in the same boat as me)(or you’re in the same fleet, anyway). That’s freaky - there’s people out there who are at least as debilitated as I am, who don’t feel the need to to stop and have someone double-check that their perception and reality are close. It’s possible - unlikely, but possible (and, at this point in my disease, we’re approaching infinity - all possibilities are merely unlikely inevitabilities) - that they’d remove my ability to detect and express sarcasm. Those of you have met me in real life are probably scratching your head and asking, “Well, how would he speak?”

Good news, for the moment; I seem more-or-less my own self (maybe)(it’s hard to tell); I have logged my mobility issues with Research Coordinator and the Warlocks (and I expect they’ll have some suggestions and/or drugs for me on the morrow, when I’m due for the next serum infusion); and I have my standing Thursday appointment with Radiation Oncologist in case anything else occurs before then. I really hope I live.

ANYWAY... WEIGHT: 225 lb CONCENTRATION: Okay. I’m able to carry out some fairly complex multitasking, which is actually really good for me, but that’s merely a measurement of one’s ability to complete several simple tasks that have been complicated by trying to simultaneously complete them MEMORY: Okay, but that’s a little hard to tell, because I don’t have anything to test it against.. APPETITE: Good. ACTIVITY LEVEL: Fantastic. They can have my steroids when they pry them from my cold, dead hands. Right now, I’m closing in on my peak physical condition. And these are just standard, anti-inflammatory steroids; I’m going to do some serious research on the Barry Bonds’ variety the minute I get a clean bill of health. SLEEP QUALITY: Not great. I’ll admit that I am sleeping, but it’s still not that deep, death-of-each-day stuff I’m craving, it’s more like just waiting until the chemo effects subside. I’ll make a note to mention it to the Warlocks tomorrow and/or the psychiatrist next week. COORDINATION/DEXTERITY: Hand-wise, it’s fine. Below the left knee, I’m screwed. Fortunately, everything seems to get adjusted about an hour or two after I wake up; but that still leaves lots of quality time with me and that damned walker every morning. Gods, I hate that thing. If anyone reading this has some cheesy flame-decals, let me know; I have a good use for them, PHYSICAL: Nasty hang-over symptoms all the time. And I have a low-grade headache constantly (although whether that’s due to internal inflammation, inflammation at the surgical site, or the fact that I’ve been almost-literally sticking my head in a microwave every day for three weeks is debatable). SIDE EFFECTS: I’m still losing hair. I realize I mentioned that recently, but it’s still happening, and, worse, it seems to be accelerating. And that would be fine, if I knew this was as bad as it could get, but I have yet to hit bottom - on anything - so, there’s still plenty of ways to go. And that scares the hell out of me.

Tune in tomorrow for shenanigans with the Warlocks, a surprise visit, and ever-more radiation.

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