#i am in the company of fetuses

[schoolhater]

Help a Gazan Journalist Rebuild His Home!

Siraj Abudayeh @siraj2024 is a father of three who has been fundraising to rebuild his family home for the past month. Here he is introducing himself in his own words:

My name is Siraj. I am 34 years old. I used to work as a journalist before the war, and now I am without a job due to the bombing of the company in which I was working. Before that, I worked as a sports coach, and my interests are swimming and fitness. I studied a bachelor’s degree in journalism and media and finished my master’s degree a year ago. I was seeking to obtain a doctorate, but after… The war situation will not allow anything

Transformed by the war into a new kind of journalist, he makes a difficult journey to find stable WiFi every day, just to log onto this website to provide updates on his life in southern Gaza and ask for help rebuilding his family home, which he went into debt to build over the course of ten years, and which he misses like it was a family member. Recently, he has started writing about the emotional toll of living in a genocide.

Today, he has shared with me a short piece about the passage of time. Here it is in Arabic and English (with minor edits by me).

مر زمان طويل على عائلة سراج وهم في الخيام ذهب الحر وجاء البرد وانقضى ، وعاد الحر من جديد الأجِنة وُلِدت، و الرضع غدوا أطفالًا، و الأطفال كبروا الأغصان الجافة أورقت، و العام الدراسي إنتهى التجاعيد برزت وخطوط الشيب غدت أوضح، و الغائبون في ازدياد لقد جاء أغسطس، و لم تنته الحرب مر زمن طويل، ولا زال الأمل يتجدد في قلوبهم بأن يبنوا بيتهم ويخرجوا من هذه الخيام البائسة. ساعدوهم في بناء منزلهم، من خلال الدعم والمشاركة، فأنتم أملهم الكبير.

For a long time now, Siraj's family has been in tents The heat goes, the cold comes and goes, and the heat has come again Fetuses are born, infants become children, and children have grown up The dry branches turn green, and the school year is over Wrinkles appear, gray lines become clearer, and absent people have increased August has come, and the war is not over A long time has passed, and hope is still renewed in their hearts to build their home and leave these miserable tents. Help them build their home. Through support and participation, you are their great hope.

Since the war began, Siraj has been displaced seven times and survived at least two massacres on adjacent camps. His family lives in a dank, hot tent infested with bugs that he has previously called "a convection oven".

Siraj values his privacy. He has not shared any details or photos of his family. But he has shared something much more valuable to us - the truth about the zionist occupation and its genocide. For this he has received zionist harassment on several of his posts as well.

Gaza is running out of eSims, Israel continues to kill journalists in their attempt at epistemicide, and we are seeing growing efforts to redefine Palestinians as bots on this website, so it's crucial that we all listen to Gazans when they make an effort to talk to us.

I encourage you all to follow Siraj's account, keep up with his daily updates, and donate to his fundraiser to rebuild his home. His next short term goal is $30k CAD and he hopes to reach it by the end of this week.

[Line 219 on Nairuz and Hussein's Vetted Fundraiser List]

$21,363 CAD / $30,000

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[thebottomfromhell]

Headcanons

Traditional Courting [more or less], Demon Male Reader, but genitals are not specified (this one has no sexual content). This are Gyutaro and the Hantengu Clones.

Gyokko, Nakime, Akaza, Douma and Kokushibou are here.

Warnings: Cannibalism, Mentioned dead animals, Human death, Mentioned death of unborn fetuses, Mentioned kidnapping, Threats to reader.

Gyutaro:

When you first ask permission to court him, he thinks it's a joke, and a funny one. He laughs hard and every time you try to explain he keeps laughing.

Then you ask permission to him and he realizes you are not joking. You managed to get Daki to help you to see him, but she thought you would get rejected.... technically for a second time. She stormed out with a tantrum, not wanting to share her brother with you, as he gave you not only the permission, but ordered you to court Gyutaro. To be honest you don't know what of yourself caused such an impression to him, but it's not like you want to back off, or even have the choice right now. [Muzan actually just wants you to get a strong bond with Gyutaro for him to be able to use you to "convince" him to absorb Daki :( ]

You start inmediately, more often than not he complains "just because you are a handsome, big and resourceful man doesn't mean you get to treat me like a girl, ne." You still don't stop to offer him to walk together, or bring him gifts.

It doesn't take you long to discover what gifts he actually likes, he prefers dead animals or dead people over anything else. He likes to keep the first, specially if they are pests, to be honest the worst thing you gave him was a snake and a mantis, both reminded you of him and he loved them. "If I am a mantis I might as well eat you sooner or later" he jokes, wincking, actually starting to like the attention. He eats all the humans you give him once you discover his taste, he likes ugly and deformed body parts, but the sweetest thing for him are organs, specially healthy and full stomachs, he likes the acid flavor in his mouth and how abundant it is.

You refrain to touch him as much as you can, not because you are disgusted but because he doesn't like touch. But that is a lie, Gyutaro is actually touch-starved, but you let him start any contact between you two. You are as respectful as you can, that at times makes him taunt you "Such a good husband you are, but here you are courting the ugliest of all the Red Light District instead of some pretty girl. Ne?"

To convince Gyutaro he is not ugly is both impossible and unnecesary, while he feels a bit shameful at times, he would not change his appereance for nothing. He doesn't know why, but it makes him proud. You let him have this self-denigrating humor he has, even though you don't find it funny, which is good because it might actually hurt him if you did. You also praise him a lot, not on his appereance since that makes him upset, he neither thinks you are lying out of pity or as a joke, he would feel it as condescending.

He likes when you tell him he is a good brother, that he is a good fighter, that he is powerful and scary. He also likes the promises of aid and company. At the end, once you prove you are honest and willing to make some few compromises for him, you're in his heart. He has very few things he cares about, much less people, so once the barriers are down, he is nothing but good with you as long you don't hurt him.

Daki, on her side, is a menace, thanks to her the courting is lasting forever, as Gyutaro doesn't dare to fully accept you without her approval even when you finally managed to get him to like you back. [Be glad, that is honestly what is saving you all from Muzan]. There isn't even a thing as marriage between demons! But still, when she is not looking, Gyutaro sometimes calls you "husband" as a playful nickname, since it's mostly a game where you need to make sure Daki doesn't hear him. She would make the biggest tantrum ever. [And Muzan would know he can get what he wants from you 💀, better stay courting and flirting forever]

It takes an infinity of time before Daki warms up to you, but even then, she doesn't want to share Gyutaro. It has always been them together and she hates the change. She will get used to your presence, but will still compete for Gyutaro's attention and time no matter what you do, and if he has to choose, she will always come first. "Don't be mad, but she is my little sister, ne. She is everything to me, ne."

Sekido:

{It was complicated to convince the clones to remain separated, the lack of the surprise element it's just something that scares Hantengu. You don't even know how you manages to find and face him again and convince him to order the division of the clones, but you did. He, on the other hand, did not care. At all. That you wanted Hantengu (or at least part of him). He actuaĺy wondered if something is wrong with you and if it's bad enough that he should kill you. But again, doesn't really care, just let you do as you pleased as long as the clones started to take advantage of the numbers and look for the damn Blue Spider Lily.}

Sekido constantly rejects you, and each time he is more aggresive. It just starts with a "You think I'm taking a woman's role for a guy like you? Do you want to anger me or what?" It gets to the point that if he is not in love with the gift you gave him or not manage to get the food the exact way he likes it, he will destroy whatever you give him, or worse, give it to Karaku and Urogi if he gets the chance, and they neither end up destroying or loosing the gift. And food, what food? There is no food leftz there was never food to begin with, but of course they didn't eat it..... (they are the dogs.)

The only thing you have seen him eat are brains of intelectual and near the middle age men, but only when it's still pink and full of blood, for some reason judges in particular seems to make it like the food more, but you never figured the change in taste a job could give. Also, he likes coins, for some reason. Old coins, foreign coins, high prize, low prize, new coins, big ones, small ones, ugly ones, pretty ones, hold, copper, anything, he keeps them all, counts and clean the collection.

Also, when you become insistent on the gifts and proposals he gets even more annoyed and angry with you, leading him to attack you both physically and verbaly. "You think you are doing something? You are an annoyance and a burden! Go to pester somebody else, damn okama!" So it's better to give him space and breaks from you after every interaction. [Okama is how drag queens or very femenine gay men are called in japan, but the word is a slur for queer people, please never use it.]

To actually get him to warn up to you you must befriend Hantengu and the rest of the clones first, which takes a lot of time and effort since now they are all separated and doing their own thing and the main body resents you for making him order the separation of the clones. In the end, Aizetsu takes pity of you and helps to with the others (he is also the one that told you about the coins, he's very helpful). "I see you are keeping the others out of trouble. Don't get it over your head, but I can appreciate that." He starts liking you back the moment he realizes he doesn't have to worry as much for the others with you helping around. He can actually relax for a while and be less angry all the time.

After a while he ends kidnapping a priest for both of you to have a ceremony, one he organized without letting you do anything. He enslaved Urogi, Karaku and Aizetsu for them to help him make everything the way he wanted and actually surprise you with "If this is what it takes for you to make my life easier, then fine. You will be my husband." You both eat the priest at the end of the ceremony.

Mind that while it was hard for him to catch feelings, loosing them will not be even ⅓ of the trouble the courting was. One big mistake, like not listening to him or forgetting something important will not be tolerated, if this behavior remains he will throw you to the sun. You spent more than 5 years courting him, so don't mess it up.

Karaku:

{It was complicated to convince the clones to remain separated, the lack of the surprise element it's just something that scares Hantengu. You don't even know how you manages to find and face him again and convince him to order the division of the clones, but you did. He, on the other hand, did not care. At all. That you wanted Hantengu (or at least part of him). He actuaĺy wondered if something is wrong with you and if it's bad enough that he should kill you. But again, doesn't really care, just let you do as you pleased as long as the clones started to take advantage of the numbers and look for the damn Blue Spider Lily.}

Karaku. Is. Greedy. Very greedy. The second you ask to court him he laughs happily "Sure, show me how enamored with me you are, lover-boy~". He takes every gift (even though there are times he looses them, which frustrates him at times but recieving a new gift or something to eat for you always makes him feel better, specially if you don't get mad at him) and every piece of flesh you get him.

Karaku, even though he doesn't use most of them, likes lavish and expensive stuff. Bath salts, jewelry, robes, essential oils, and other luxury items, he also thinks stolen goods are better than buyed ones, he laughed and joked about it when you asked. "If you are capable of stealing their stuff maybe you'll have a chance stealing my heart. C'mon, show me you are a bad boy and I'll show you I can be a good wife~" He also eats anything you give him, but he has a giant preference to fetuses and unborn children for some reason, not pregnant women, fetuses and unborn children. Obviously that is really hard to get, but you did manage twice or thrice.

Another thing is that he not only flirts back at you at every chance he gets, but also from time to time he likes to get you food and gifts. He is actually very romantic in that aspect, giving you flowers, reciting poems and philosophical quotes (he tells you he made them, since you don't remember human literature you can only believe him [he did not]), spending quality time together and so. And at time together, it's not just quality, it's also quantity, he spends most of his time with you. "Flower, what flower? The only thing I need is you, handsome~" He uses you as an excuse to procrastinate, which most of the time gets you in trouble with Sekido, who resents you for it...... it's a work in progress.

Still consider, while he does this, it doesn't mean he has fallen for you already, or even likes you the same way you like him. He is just chasing a good time, so if you want this to work instead to look for genuine feelings you should just entertain him. He barely knows your name until much later (that is why he ALWAYS calls you petnames, and the fact he likes them). When time passes and you are alredy fully integrated in his life, to the point you are even part of the life of Hantengu and the rest of the clones, is that he realizes "Holy shi- I think I actually like you."

Actually, the courting doesn't last that long, less than 4½ months, specially when you reject having sexual intimacy before marriage. It's fine, if he gets bored he can only throw you to the sun or the demon slayers later, he doesn't need to think much about it, but while you are courting him mostly traditionally, he wants a relationship upgrade, and he wants it soon. So it's surprise when he makes a- "Hey babe, I made a surprise party, a surprise wedding! You can thank me on our honeymoon~" but you should have expected something like this when he dissapeared for more than a week. You still have to win Sekido over by the time you both marry :(

On the good side, he does eventually catch feelings, and the wedding was nice :)

Urogi:

{It was complicated to convince the clones to remain separated, the lack of the surprise element it's just something that scares Hantengu. You don't even know how you manages to find and face him again and convince him to order the division of the clones, but you did. He, on the other hand, did not care. At all. That you wanted Hantengu (or at least part of him). He actuaĺy wondered if something is wrong with you and if it's bad enough that he should kill you. But again, doesn't really care, just let you do as you pleased as long as the clones started to take advantage of the numbers and look for the damn Blue Spider Lily.}

Even with his wings, Urogi falls, and falls hard, fast and deep. The moment you asked to court him, you won his interest. The second you give him food and gifts, you won his stomach. And the moment you started saying pretty promises to his ear, you found the stomach you won he had his heart. He easily becomes very needy and spoiled.

Urogi's favorite meal, you learn rather fast, are the eyes, tongue and fats from young people, specially in their face, and he likes to take the nose too. "Those parts are so cute I can't help but wanting to grab them!" On the other hand, the gifts he likes are dead animals, mostly the ones that are part of the bird of prey's diet, and anything shiny. Jewelry, coins, metal decoration items, blades, trinckets, even trash and leftover, as long as it's reflective, he wants it. "Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme! I want it! You said you would be my suitor, that means you must suit me! So do so and gimme that golden tooth you found in your dinner!" He also accepts very giddy soft items, like pillows, comfortable clothing, strings, feathers that are not his, animal skin, and so. The thing is that he will destroy everything you give him.... to build. Nests.

Usually tearing down with his talons, fangs and soundwaves he tears apart averything you give him, and if he is not eating it, it's going to the several nests he started to build all over Japan, big enough to have two people (his idea was to have enough space for him to stretch with half-way eaten corpse besides him.) "Just the idea makes my heart sing of joy! It's like being rich and having several houses! One in the mountains, one in the beach, one by a river, one near a city, and more!" He has let you into one of his nests, for your surprise they are very comfortable, retain the warmth and it's a padded surface. He also has offered sleeping together, but wanting to finish the courting, you tell him you want to wait until marriage, he taunts you for that. "Well, aren't you a responsible and suitor? I hope you actually become more dutiful of what I want once we marry."

Urogi also loves petnames, you find out soon enough, both recieving them and getting them. He likes when you call him bird related nicknames like "birdie", "songbird", "feathers" and so, but the one that specially gets him giddy is "baby bird". "Yes sir, I'm your baby bird! Call me that again!"

You are the one that, when the time is ready and you have been given all the family's blessing, you ask for his hand after the year or so of courting. He lets you prepare the ceremony, his only condition is that he wants everything shiny. Or at least as much as possible. It would be almost impossible for him to fall out of love once you reached this part, you would need to break his heart into pieces and even then there is a bigger chance that Karaku and Sekido would do something about it than Urogi himself. Again, he is very needy, so you must take care of him.

Aizetsu:

{It was complicated to convince the clones to remain separated, the lack of the surprise element it's just something that scares Hantengu. You don't even know how you manages to find and face him again and convince him to order the division of the clones, but you did. He, on the other hand, did not care. At all. That you wanted Hantengu (or at least part of him). He actuaĺy wondered if something is wrong with you and if it's bad enough that he should kill you. But again, doesn't really care, just let you do as you pleased as long as the clones started to take advantage of the numbers and look for the damn Blue Spider Lily.}

Aizetsu doesn't really know how to react when you ask permission to court him, at first it's embarrasing that he is taking the traditional female role before a man like you, but he barely protests. When you start courting him, he realizes he actually likes to take that pasive role. He doesn't really has to do anything, and the attention is a nice one, a kind and peaceful one. The gifts and foods leave him touched, specially since you make the effort to know and get what he likes.

His taste in food is weird, he likes old people, specially men, aged enough to be bald and wrinckled, he likes the heart and the skin. "It's soft and very easy to tear, I also like the feeling of the veins exploding in my mouth...." he defends himself weakly, but he himself can't explain why human so similar to Hantengu are his appetite. He likes comfortable, warm and soft things, pillows, clothing, sheets and plushies, things he can hug, warm up, hide and cuddle with when he is feeling specially down. "Thank you for getting this robe for me, I know we don't need to cover up for winter, but it's very soft and nice. I like it." He takes care and uses all of the gifts, and if one can't be maintened or fixed if he encountered a slayer while having it around, he never throws them away. He even keep the ones he didn't really like that much. Also, unlike the other clones, he likes living things, animals and plants, alive.

You started to get him small wild animals that you release at the end of typur encounters (you don't need to spend that much time hiding them from Sekido, Karaku and Buddha forbid Urogi to find them.) You usually keep literally catching butterflies for him, he loves all of them. "It's so sad how short their life is, specially in this beautiful form. I really like them, but they deserve to at least be free in this violent world. Still, thank you for the time and the effort."

Courting is rather simple with him, as long as you treat him gently and kindly, he suits himself just fine. From time to time he is the one to take initiative and start contact. You know you did a good job the first time you had him crying in your arms, because no matter how sorrowful Aizetsu expresses he is, he doesn't cry before others. If he fears to appear weak or being berated for it, it doesn't matter, but the fact is that he trusts you.

He specially likes your baritone voice whispering against his ear as you help jim to calm down, sweet promises from your mouth. Company, stability, love, comfort, warmth and tenderness. "Most men, both demons and humans, I have met are loud and aggressive, one way or another.... you are very soft with me. I like it." He is used to be the push-over between the clones, so having you this way leaves him content.

It takes a bit over two years for the courting to end and finally marry, you already having all the blessings you need by that time. You asked if he wanted the ceremony around the year and al half of courting, but Aizetsu was afraid this interested and sweet suitor you were would become a complacent and distant husband. "I can't hurt you or kill you if you decide you already did your part, I can't even let Sekido, Karaku and Urogi do it for me. You ruined me."

He needs to be taken care of, Aizetsu is sensible and even after the wedding you must change the least possible your behavior to not scare him with the idea you will neglect him once you already get what you wanted. As you plan the ceremony you comfort him and show him you are still listening to him, you make sure all his needs are and will be met. He has become rather dependent on you and your promises, and to break them would be breaking Aizetsu's heart irreparably.

You have a peaceful wedding, with an old and slow-speaking priest that because of his age didn't even realize the situation he was in. While Aizetsu felt a bit of pity, he also felt hungry, besides you worked hard to get his taste. He is grateful and loving towards you, his now husband.

BONUS: Gifts and meals for the children!

Daki likes to eat skin, the prettiest, smoothest, cleanest, healthier and palest skin, specially from young women, hopefully ones that smell near their period. She is also very picky, one wrinckle or mole is enough to ruin all the plate for her. She also likes eyes, the left eye is always her favorite, for some reason. For the gifts, she likes expensive and beautiful clothes, make up, essentials oils and jewelry, anything else she will be throwed away.

Zohakuten is very picky as well, he eats humans he deems as bullys, but these must also have certain strengh level, be male, adults, height more than 5'5¼ and smell sweaty. Thank heavens the clones don't fuse that much, because it's so bad he NEVER eats anything else. Giving him gifts is easier, he actually likes wooden toys a lot, more drums, figures, swords, if it's made of wood he likes it. He also loves small animals, let it be miece, kitties, puppies, some snakes and lizards. He likes them alive, give him something dead and you are next.

[oh-munda-kukkad-kamaal-da]

we were dissecting pigs today in biology and some of my classmates were sticking their scissors up the pig's ass...

Anyway how's your life

And also am I a bad person if I didn't feel really bad about the pig fetus? Cuz farmers take their pregnant sows to the slaughterhouse so that the sows can be turned into bacon and the fetuses get sold to dissection companies which then sell em to schools...2 girls I've talked with today said they felt horrible when looking at the pig and how it got there but I wasn't really fazed. where do we think we're getting our bacon from. I just handled the pig as carefully as I could.

Honestly no idea. Like yeah you should have felt bad but it's not wrong that you couldn't. Not everyone has the same emotional levels yk

[subiysu-chan]

Why common sense have become so political

Seriously, is it not common sense that...

One can agnoledge police brutality is a problem that needs solving, but policing is a necessary infrastructure. If an infrastructure is faulty (which in many countries, it sadly is, to a devastating degree), than the solution is to fix the infrastructure, not to abolish it.

Also, from the latest news, conservative America wants looser laws against child labor because the minimum wage for minors in inferior to that of adults (lobbies by large companies) meanwhile reasonably protesting against drag queen story hour (if said drag queen were fully clothed into something that does't look like a stripper, I might be slightly more leniant towards the liberals), while liberals do the opposite. Yeah, you should't hire a twelve year old in a slaughter house, and you shouldn't twerk in front of them. Why cannot both statement coexist.

Also, there are activist who want to make it illegal for doctors to refuse an abortion based on their moral/religious principals for cases were the abortion is not medically necessary (like, the mother would die if she doesn't get one), which is...Very disturbing, in the sense that it creates a legal precedent for straight up torture. Forcing someone to go against their morals and taboos is something that can be deeply traumatizing, some even consider it torture. Like, I am a mild pro-choice, but like, I don't think fetuses should be considered entirely non-human unless the mother said so, partly because of this.

[herkingmentality-shesunbreakable]

State Bill Outlaws Use Of Fetuses In Food Industry

January 24, 201212:36 PM ET

By 

Bill Chappell

A bill introduced in the Oklahoma Legislature has some folks scratching their heads, as it prohibits "the manufacture or sale of food or products which use aborted human fetuses."

Since the bill was introduced late last week by State Sen. Ralph Shortey, a Republican from Oklahoma City, corners of the Internet have been buzzing with the news, as people try to figure out two things: 1) is this real; and 2) is there any reason the bill might be needed?

News of the bill was first reported by the AP and The Daily O'Collegian, a student newspaper at Oklahoma State University. It sparked a lively debate in the O'Collegian's readers' comments section, which is connected to Facebook.

The AP and the O'Collegian say that Shortey didn't respond to calls for comment. Two calls from NPR to the senator's office went to voicemail and were not returned. But Tulsa radio station KRMG managed to get in touch with him to ask about the legislation, Senate Bill 1418.

The senator says that his research shows there are companies in the food industry that have used human stem cells to help them research and develop products, including artificial flavorings.

"I don't know if it is happening in Oklahoma, it may be, it may not be. What I am saying is that if it does happen then we are not going to allow it to manufacture here," Shortey tells KRMG's Nicole Burgin.

To that end, his proposed statute reads, "No person or entity shall manufacture or knowingly sell food or any other product intended for human consumption which contains aborted human fetuses in the ingredients or which used aborted human fetuses in the research or development of any of the ingredients."

My own research suggests that Shortey may have noticed a boycott directed at PepsiCo, which since 2010 has worked with flavor research firm Senomyx to develop sweeteners and other flavorings.

Based in San Diego, Senomyx has been accused of using proteins derived from human embryonic kidney cells in its research, which has been used by many large food companies. An article in the Miami New Times summarizes those claims, notes the company's denial of them — and also notes that in 2003, the company filed a patent for "recombinant methods for expressing a functional sweet taste receptor."

hat patent, for what is essentially an automated taste test, was granted in 2008. It mentions HEK 293, or Human Embryonic Kidney 293, a widely available cell line that was originally cultured in the early 1970s from a human embryo in the Netherlands.

Other Uses Of Stem Cells

So, it seems that Sen. Shortey's bill mostly targets the potential use of stem cells in food research. But in the past decade, several attempts have been made to use animal stem cells to produce food. For instance, NASA has tinkered with using pigs' stem cells to grow "lab meat," according to a Popular Mechanics article from 2009.

The article continues, "Today, scientists funded by companies such as Stegeman, a Dutch sausage giant, are fine-tuning the process. It takes just two weeks to turn pig stem cells, or myoblasts, into muscle fibers."

And the group New Harvest has long been involved in the search for "meat alternatives," in the form of "plant-based meat analogs and cultured meat," according to its site.

Shortey's bill was among hundreds submitted just before the state's Thursday deadline, as Oklahoma legislators vied to get their bills entered for discussion in the upcoming session, which runs from Feb. 6 into late May.

Thanks to NPR Southern Bureau Chief Russell Lewis and KOSU's Rachel Hubbard for flagging the story.

[johnnyrobish]

Iowa Republicans Pass Bill to Repeal Child Labor Laws 

The Republican-dominated Iowa Senate just passed a child labor bill that "allows 14-year-olds to work six-hour night shifts" and "allows 15-year-olds to work in plants on assembly lines moving items up to 50 pounds.”  In addition, “16 and 17-year-olds will now be permitted to serve alcohol.”

Good grief!  Sounds like these fun-loving Republicans wanna make every day a “Bring your child to work day.”  Well, I suppose they figured all those fetuses that aren’t getting aborted - gotta have something to do.  “All aboard!  Next stop, the 19th century.”  Gee, I can hardly wait to see what’s next.  Indentured servitude, debtors' prisons, poor houses?  Hell, they may as well bring back the poor houses, given that its nearly impossible for regular folks to afford to buy a home or even rent an apartment these days.

Anyway, now that Republicans have pushed this through, perhaps its time for patriarchal Christian fascists to begin working on other pet projects.  You know, like overturning women's suffrage and restricting all voting to “landowners only."  Assuming all this child labor stuff works out for them - then they can move onto the big prize - which is revoking the 13th Amendment.  You wanna talk about cheap labor?  I mean, how much does it cost if its free?  And while we’re at it, how about paying the little bastards in “company scrip” that can only be spent in the “company store.”  Now, is it just me, or do Republicans sure seem to have an odd idea of what a mentorship program looks like?  

Of course, all of this fits right in with Republican efforts to defund and abolish public education.  I mean, what’s the point of sending the little bastards to school if they already have jobs?  Don’t want their heads full of a bunch of crazy shit like critical thinking and democracy.  Oddly, its being reported that Republicans passed this law at 5 AM, and some are asking why?  Well, the answer is really quite simple.  You see, it turns out that neither Republicans nor cockroaches are very fond of the light of day.

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[writingwithcolor]

Space based story with prison camps: problematic parallels?

Trigger warnings:

Holocaust

Unethical Medical Experimentation (in the post and resources)

ivypool2005 asked:

I'm writing a sci-fi novel set on Mars in the 25th century. There are two countries on Mars: Country A, a hereditary dictatorship, and Country B, a democracy occupied by Country A after losing a war. Country A's government is secretly being puppeted by a company that is illegally testing experimental technology on children. On orders from the company, Country A is putting civilian children from Country B in prison camps, where the company can fake their deaths and experiment on them. (1/2)

My novel takes place in one of the prison camps. I am aware that this setting carries associations with various concentration camps in history. Specifically, I'm worried about the experimentation aspect, as I know traumatic medical experimentation occurred during the Holocaust. Is there anything I should avoid? How can I acknowledge the history while still keeping some fantasy/sci-fi distance from real experiences -- or is it a bad idea to try to straddle that fence at all? Thank you! (2/2)

We are far from being the only people to have suffered traumatic medical experiments.. 

--Shira

TW: Unethical Medical Experimentation (in the post, and all of the links)

Medical experimentation in history

Perhaps without intending to, you have posed an enormous question. 

I will start by saying that we, the Jewish people, are not the only group to have unethical, immoral, vicious experiments performed on our bodies.  Horrific experimentation has been conducted on Black people, on Indigenous people, on disabled people, on poor people of various backgrounds, on women, on queer people... the legacy of human cruelty is long. Here are some very surface-level sources for you, and anyone else interested to go through. Many, many more can be found.

General Wiki Article on Unethical Human Experimentation

US Specific Article  on Unethical Human Experimentation 

The early history of modern American Gynecology is largely comprised of absolutely inhumane experimentation, mostly on enslaved women (with some notable exceptions among Irish immigrant women)

An Article on Gynecological Experimentation on Enslaved Women

I  also recommend reading Medical Bondage by Deirdre Cooper Owens

The Tuskegee Experiment 

First Nations Children Denied Nutrition

Guatemala Syphilis Experiment

Unit 731

AZT Testing on Zimbabwean Women

Project MKUltra

Conversion Therapy

Medical Experiments on Prison Inmates 

Medical Interventions on Intersex Infants and Children

Again, these are only a few, of a tragic multitude of examples. 

While I don't feel comfortable saying, as a blanket statement, that stories like this should never be fictionalized, it feels important to emphasize the historicity of medical experimentation, and indeed, medical horrors. These things happened, in the real world, throughout history, and across the globe. 

The story of this kind of human experimentation is one of immense cruelty, and the complete denial of the humanity of others. Experimentation was done on unwilling subjects, with no real regard for their wellbeing, their physical pain, the trauma they would incur, the effect it would have on families, or on communities. These are stories, not of random, mythical "subjects," but of human beings. These were Black women, already suffering enslavement, who were medically tortured. These were Indigenous children, who were utterly powerless, denied nutrition, just to see what would happen. These were Black men, lied to about their own health, and sent home to infect their spouses, and denied treatment once it was available. These were Aboriginal Australians, forced to have unnecessary medical procedures, children given brutal gynecological exams, and medications that were untested.. These were inmates in US prisons, under the complete control of the state. These were prisoners of war. These were pregnant people, desperate to save their fetuses, lied to by doctors. These were also Jewish people, imprisoned, and brutalized as part of a systematic attempt to destroy us. 

The story of medical torture, of experimentation without any meaningful consent, of the removal of human dignity, and human rights, is so vast, and so long, there is no way to do it justice. It is a story about human beings, without agency, without rights, it's the story of doctors, scientists, and the inquisitive, looking right through a person, and seeing nothing but parts. This is not some vague plot point, or a curiosity to note in passing, it is a real, terrible thing that happened, and is still happening to actual human beings. I understand the draw, to want to write about the Worst of the Worst, the things that happen when people set aside kindness, and pick up cruelty, but this is not simply a device. This kind of torture cannot be used as authorial shorthand, to show who the real bad guys are. 

On writing this subject - research

If you want to write a fictional story that includes this kind of deep, abiding horror, you need to immerse yourself in it. You need to read about it, not only in secondhand accounts, and not only from people stating facts dispassionately. You need to seek out firsthand accounts, read whatever you can find, watch whatever videos you can find. You need to find works recounting these atrocities by the descendants, and community members of people who suffered. 

Then, when you have done that, you need to spend time reflecting, and actively working to recognize the humanity of the people this happened to, and continues to happen to. 

You have to recognize that getting a stamp of approval from three Jewish people on a single website would never be enough, and seek out multiple sensitivity readers who have personal, familial, or cultural experience with forced experimentation.

If that seems like a lot of work, or overkill, I beg you not to write this story. It's simply too important. 

-- Dierdra

If you study public health and sociology, it is often a given that the intersection of institutional power and marginalized populations produces extreme human rights abuses. This is not to say that such abuse should be treated as an inevitability, but rather to help us understand, as Dierdra says, how often we need to be aware of the risk of treating our fellow humans poorly. Much of modern medical history is the story of the unwilling sacrifices made by people unable to defend themselves from the powers that be. Whether we are talking about the poor residents of public hospitals in France during the 18th century whose bodies were used to advance anatomy and pathology, to vaccine testing in the 19th century, to mental asylum patients in the 20th century who endured isolation, lobotomies, colectomies and thorazine, one can easily see this pattern beyond the Holocaust. 

Even when we shift our focus away from abuse justified by “experimentation”, we have many such incidents of institutionalized state collusion in abuse that have made the news within the last 20 years with depressing regularity. Beyond the examples mentioned above, I offer border migrant detention centers and black sites for America, Xinjiang re-education sites and prisoner organ donation in China, Soviet gulags still in use in Russia, and North Korean forced labor camps (FLCs) for political prisoners as more current examples. I agree with Dierdra that these themes affect many people still alive today who have endured such abuses, and are enduring such abuses. 

More on proper research and resources

Given that you are going to be exploring a topic when the pain is still so fresh, so raw, I think you had better have something meaningful to say. Dierdra’s recommendation to immerse yourself in nonfiction primary sources is essential, but I think you will also want to brush up on many established works of dystopian fiction featuring themes relating to state institutions and the exploitation of vulnerable populations. While doing so, read about the authors and how the circumstances of their environments and time periods influenced their stories’ messages and themes. I further recommend that you do so both slowly and deliberately so you can both properly take in the information while also checking in with your own comfort. 

- Marika

[hereliesbitches--me]

Pokemon Verse info

!! TRIGGER WARNINGS !! :

The plot does contain themes of genetic splicing, mention of fetuses, and vague reference to sexual assault. The antagonist are not minor-friendly in their habits. They are manipulative, murderous assholes but are equally capable of being charming to achieve their needs, and I dont condone their actions.

Please respect that the characters are dangerous. Your muses can get hurt dealing with them, but I am not against retaliation. It should be acknowledge that none of them are pushover by any means either. Harass them at your own risk

|| The Plot ||

In Alola, anything is possible. Its a paradise protected by island deities, and being that tear through the fabric of space and time to visit. A Man, a scientist with hopes to study the dimensional phenomenon as a glimpse into humanity's past, inadvertently released a Malevolent Pokemon from the Abyss who latches herself on to him. Whispering confidence in his greatness, she convinced the scientist to pursue a project that would undoubtedly bring him glory and prestige within the scientific community:

To create the next step in human evolution, he must take the steps in creating a genetic miracle of crossing pokemon and human DNA to create a whole new race. And together, they would make a new world.

Thus, Toruga found himself a scientist within the aether foundation. Utilizing the knowledge his mistress has gathered, he takes advantage of Lusamine's fixation on a perfect world of beautiful pokemon in order to create the prototypes for his new generation with her funding backing the project. Toruga's ruthless and seemingly moraless ambition makes him ideal in partaking in the less than desirable parts of the aether foundation, and makes him a valuable asset. As long as he completed the little jobs she obsessed over, then Lusamine and her staff don't dig further into his pet project in the underbelly aether paradise.

After many failed fetuses that never make it past incubation or die within hours to weeks, Toruga is finally successful by utilizing a surrogate host mother to incubate a child in, though his volunteer died in childbirth under the stress. Rosie is born, the first of her kind as a alolan meowth girl. She is aether property, until her father, a sponsor to the company, threatens to expose them if they did not cut his daughter out of this deal. Unwilling to allow this media disaster, the Valentine family conveniently dies in a "mysterious fire", and his 9 year old project is seemingly lost.

The storyline has two alternatives to be set in, in lieu of the Sun and Moon storyline.

|| During game ||

In this period, Rosie's father may have died, but she has lived the last 7 years of her life as a wild pokemon traveling the islands of Alola with her makeshift family of pokemon. She is safe here, distrusting of humans and their enslaving ways, until she finds herself taking interest in the shenanigans of Team Skull because of a childhood friend (@Maxskulline) among them. Team Skull's involvement with Aether lead to the revelation that his prodigy experiment is alive, now Toruga is eager to bring her back home. With Team Skull, Rosie must learn to be a human being, and decide whether she is more pokemon or more human. Entirely unaware of the spider trying to draw her back into his web

|| Post game ||

Following the disaster of the wormholes taking Guzma and Lusamine, the aether foundation is no longer useful to Toruga. He had Rosie in his clutches, then the little cat slipped through his fingers yet again. But unscathed. Rosie, traumatized from forced drugging and other events, escapes from aether with her pokemon. Carrying with her now an unexpected surprise she later birthed on her own. Rosie now struggles to be a mother and make a living for her cub, trapped between the world of humans and that of pokemon. She is still very much feral and protective, but she exposes her son in a very controlled manner. She raises him with the help of her pack and Max(@Maxskulline). She has to learn to trust again.

Meanwhile, Toruga's assets have dried up with aether, he turns his attention to alternative sources. The Man has begun to reach out to other various criminal organizations, offering his services in the scientific fields with the exchange of resources. With Neikan pinning in his mind, he is slaving away making these connections in hope of dating his mistress' hunger for power and the people she can use. Unable to focus his attentions on Rosie does not mean he's forgotten his protype. Instead, Toruga has sent John and Nathair to hunt for the pair and report back any information they find.

|| Antagonist ||

▪︎ Toruga Winchester

Age: 45 in game / 53 post game

Originally from the Unova region, his desperate need to get away from the suffocating city and explore the cosmos led the scientist to Alola to conduct his research in light of the wormhole incidents and the presence of deity pokemon. While his original intentions were pure, the Malevolent pokemon he released had anchored itself into his being, infecting him with her influence and desires. His humanity is nearly completely lost for the sake of his scientific ambition.

Toruga is a charismatic older gentleman by nature, which conceals his predatory manipulative instinct. He is an unnerving presence, a monster hidden beneath the kind smile of an attentive scientist. He sees everyone as a means to an end, no matter age, species, or gender. Variables to be added into his experiments if given the chance. He may always be thinking of work, but he works masterfully in turning the tables of conversation to keep people talking with him. Since his attachment to Neikan, the distorted space pokemon, he has grown increasingly sadistic, including a new sexual fixation with all shades of purple.

Hes completely bent to her will ans cannot find the strength go deny his mistress any request.

Pokemon set:

》 Cofagrigus ( Disposes of nosy or thieving associates. Often left in his lab overnight as security and devours any unwanted visitors.)

》 Archeops ( A tracker and secondary guard pet, he paroles the perimeter to alert Toruga of any unwanted or upcoming guests.)

》 Elgyem (His lab assistant)

|| Neikan Shadou ||

A malicious Psychic/Ghost pokemon, Neikan is a cursed primordial pokemon that was banished for her conniving nature and her parasitic ability to siphon life and power for the earth and pokemon around her. She was a notorious instigator, especially among deity-like pokemon.

What she lacked in the ability of creation, she made up for with specialized psychic ability and high intelligence. Able to cast advanced illusions , Neikan utilized her psychic abilities to forcefully will lesser beings to her whim as servants and protectors. Trapped within ultra space, she was an apex predator that regularly feasted upon the unfortunate residents. When Toruga mistaking opened a portal into her world, she leaped to the human world, but is unable to keep her true form at full power without a host. She latches onto Toruga and plants the idea of a new generation of humans fused with pokemon.

Her intentions are truly to have Toruga produce a viable vessel she can completely poses, which would be able to process the full extent of her powers, while allowing her to exist in the human world unnoticed by creation pokemon like Arceus.

She hungers to establish herself in the world of humans, if not as a creation God then the mother of a new world and the army of beings she amasses under her influence.

In true form, Neikan is a fur covered, canid/gargoyl type of pokemon bearing 6 eyes, batlike wings, 4 arms, and a prehensile tail that doubles as a spear at the tip. Her Salvia and venom produce a desirable pheromone that attracts prey to her location, but also can disorient the target to be more aggregate upon smelling or tasting up close. She also possesses an elongated, prehensile tongue she uses to pull specific organs out of the body of her prey. The key to her hypnosis is the use of her 6 eyes, keeping 4 closed at a time unless she is pushing out an allusion. As a ghost pokemon, She is able to move through solid objects and attach herself to hosts to keep her presence hidden. She has learned the human language from being attached to Toruga and communicates telepathically in a similar fashion to MewTwo. Not wanting to reveal her true form, she presents herself as a misty voluptuous shaped woman. The most striking features are her seemingly curly mane of purple hair and ominously glowing purple eyes, couples with a shadowy maw of sharp teeth. She still regularly feeds on pokemon that are left unattended for her hunting. Small prey is easier, but that does not mean she's incapable of eating large armored pokemon.

Moveset;

¤ Poisonfang. ¤ Hurricane

¤ Dream Eater ¤Hypnosis

¤ Draining Kiss ¤ Telekinesis

¤ Hyperbeam

▪︎ John Shaw

Age: 26 in game/ 34 post game

Born and raised in Alola, John is a man that exists solely to inconvenience and piss people off with his existence. He took the job with Toruga for the pay and the fact that he gets to fuck people up and get paid for it, but he is self serving above all else. When the situation no longer entertains or serves him, he will change sides on a whim for a matter of convenience. John despises Alola and prefers to stay on Aether paradise as much as possible. Anywhere else but the home that made him feel like he was never enough.

John may be a flirtatious, no-filter asshole when he has interest in something, but hes also capable of being completely sadistic and sociopathic in regards to others. All he cares about is having fun or entertaining himself. He is by no means inexperienced in battle, nor is he weak,

However, he is regular punched and thrown around by Nathair who gets annoyed with his snarky mouth. John hates Nathair, but the fuckhead is on pokemon steroids and he's not sure if there is a solid way to kill him. For now he takes advantage of a paid vacation to stalk after this stupid cat and Nathair's living cumshot.

Pokemon Set

♧ Mandibuzz. ♧ Salazzle

♧ Gengar. ♧ Ditto

♧ Lycanroc (Dusk form)

▪︎ Nathair Elerdand

Age: 30 in game / 38 post game

Originally from the Galar Region, Nathair is considered a body guard within aether paradise and a Goon sent out by Toruga when Toruga does not trust John's capability. Nathair is one of the only surviving subjects from Toruga's project of splicing adult humans with pokemon DNA, surviving because of his hulking physique and his stubborn will to overcome the sickness. Nathair was spliced with Solgaleo DNA toruga gathered from the sun shrine and a cosmos that had been temporarily in his possession(before, unaware of the pokemon's moveset, it teleported away in a panic). Unlike Rosie, the splicing in Nathair is considerably unstable, affecting primarily his mind with a steady growing hunger for the hunt, power, and battle. Most human bodies cannot withstand the power that comes with pokemon movesets, as their bodies are too fragile and may burn up from the inside out before they are even able to produce an energy attack. Nathair has a unique genetic composition fusing with the characteristics of Solgaleo, thus allowing him overtime to perform pokemon moves with a similar efficiency to a natural pokemon.

He is capable of performing:

◇ Solarbeam. ◇ Metal Claw

◇ Gigaimpact. ◇Crunch.

The ultra space DNA has significantly increased his strength and endurance that can rival even that of heavy hitting pokemon, yet his drawback is his unraveling tunnel visioned mental state.

He is the father of Rosie's son, Thursday, and obssess over the notion of bringing Rosie back in order rather father the start of a new human race.

By nature, Nathair is a brutish but silent man. He sees humans now , especially weak humans, as ants to be crushed beneath his boot and his patience wears thin very quick. He is overall calculation, however usually resorts to violence or threats of mutilation when conversation does not get him what he wants. He is a goal oriented man and will steam roll through anything standing in his way. Friend or foe alike.since becoming a crossbreed, Nathair typically fights pokemon battles himself. In the case where it is more than a one on one, then he has his alternative pokemon from his human days

Pokemon Set:

◇ Corviknight

◇ Drednaw

◇ Bewear

◇ Haxorus

|| Protagonist ||

▪︎ Roselyn "Rosie" Valentine :

Age: 16 during game / 24 Post game

The first pokemon half-breed, Rosie is based on an Alolan meowth, and it does play into her nature. Very much a wild hunter, when she learns to become human again she is curious, cautious, and rather clingy once she belies you are part of her group. Which is the case with her love for her best friend, Max. True to her mewoth nature, she is vindictive, possessive, and spiteful if you cross her or get in the way of her friends/family and herself. She will bite a chunk out of you herself, she doesn't need pokemon go fight for her. Once she warms up to you and concludes you are safe, she becomes much more curious and physical on her expression of trust and affection.

She grew up a secluded child until her father died in the house fire, sending her away with his Absol and her own Growlith. With no family, they've lived on their own every since , learning to live like a wild pokemon with foraging berries, hunting smaller pokemon, finding shelter, and defending their territory from other pokemon groups.

All together, her pack is composed of:

♡ Pangoro (Pango/Pacha)

♡ Absol ( Artemus)

♡ Arcanine (Jericho)

♡ Haunter (Ovidious)

♡ Mimikyu (Mimi)

♡ Honchkrow (Orpheus)

Rosie, being a pokemon, now refuses to use pokeballs on any of her pokemon. They are wild and free being, thus she considers the use of pokeballs as undeserved enslavement. A bitterpoint she has against humans. It isn't until she learns from Team Skull that she has no choice but to use pokeballs because of their visit to aether paradise, but even then she asks permission before putting them away.

Post game, the trauma following the escape from aether has left her broken up and distrusting from humanity all over again. Shes secluded, needy, and bites at anyone if you touch her without warning. After she gives birth to her son, she becomes even more protective and distrusting of the world. She will talk to people excessively and study them for a long time before she reveals she has a kitten to share with them. Its difficult for her to hold a conversation besides talking about food or survival skills. Over time, shes learning to open herself up and decides she is a pokemon first before she is a woman. She still has very strong opinions about pokemon battle, but shes learned to keep them to herself for the sake of her son. Being born part pokemon, Rosie can efficiently use pokemon moves without damaging her body.

Her movesets are:

♡ Shadowball. ♡ Iron Tail

♡ Shadowclaw. ♡ Thief

♡ Pay Day (Yes, she hits someone and money falls out of them)

♡Crunch

After evolving into a persian, Rosie developed the ability to use:

♡ Hypnosis

♡ Powergem

♡ Hyperbeam

▪︎ Caradox "Thursday" Valentine

Age: 8 years old

The unplanned son of Nathair after Toruga chemically induced a heat during Rosie's capture, Thursday is a gentle soul with no notion of the chaos that led to his creation. He is an alolan meowth like his mother, but he does have the capability of much stronger moves because of his father's Solgaleo genetics. He does not know any power moves, only physical moves like bite and scratch. He loves bugs and wants to make friends, however his mother has a bad habit of getting in the way of that as she hides him or scares off prospective friends by hovering too close. His only friends right now are the pokemon pack, his auntie Max, his mother, and a single Wimpod he named "Hailey".

▪︎ Anthony "Tony" Capello

Age: 42 years old

A moving detective with the international police, hes been chasing down Toruga and the rumor of human experimentation for years. One of many cases he investigates, he takes undercover work as a local officer to face off against major crimnal organizations to take em down one at a time. He was former military before discharging and taking to police work. He is the father of triplets he takes with him, his wife having been killed after an investigation gone bad. Theyre a difficult bunch to deal with, but Tony needs to be taught how to be gentle. His kids needs friends in the area and they desperately need a kinder touch added to their life that their military dad can't give them.

Tony is gruff, cynical, and incredibly impatient when dealing with criminal. While he has tried to restrain himself, he has a reputation for leaving black eyes , bruises, and fractures when smart mouth criminals get on his bad side.

His triplets:

♤ Dante (oldest)

♤ Anthony (middle)

♤ Molly (youngest)

Pokemon Set:

♤ Incineroar (trains with Anthony the most. They spar together and practive battle.)

♤ Aggron (Molly likes to ride on his back everywhere)

♤ Houndoom (Family pet/police dog)

♤ Manectric (family pet)

♤ Sableye (primarily runs with Dante if not with Tony investigating cases)

▪︎ Seth Johnson

Seth is Tony's supervisor and a captain within the international police, overseeing a handful of officers spread out through the regions. He oversees the filing process of cases and distributes the information to his agents. Originally from the Hoen region, Seth moves around for work and struggles as a single dad to his teenage son, Spencer. He was once a field officer himself and there are times where he craves to get back into the field . His wife died in a car accident when Spencer was a toddler and he has not had the courage to date ever since.

Seth is a gentleman first and foremost, friendly and selfless, albeit a workaholic to a fault. He doesn't get out much because he's always chasing his teenager to keep him out of trouble.

Pokemon:

♡ Ninetails

♡ Blaziken (helps keep an eye on his son, Spencer)

♡ Braviary (Work pokemon)

♡ Liepard (belonged to his wife, family pet)

♡ Espeon (main pokemon)

[jennymanrique]

Contra-Vax

Vaccines to the rescue? Only if people roll up their sleeves. Photo courtesy of Valleywise Health

Science moved at unprecedented speed to develop vaccines against the new coronavirus. It was too fast for some latinos -- especially those egged on by myth and misinformation 

On the ranch where Gabriela Navarrete was raised in the northern Mexican state of Chihuahua, she learned early on that the land could provide what she needed to cure her ills. Mesquite bark, olive oil, corn vinegar and baking soda were useful for treating everything from joint pains to throat infections. In case of indigestion, the medicine was a good old stomach rub.

Navarrete, 69, passed on to her three daughters and one son the lesson that "everything natural is what is good for the body."

So when the COVID-19 pandemic began, she quickly stocked up on Vitamin C, infusions of ginger, chamomile and peppermint, and linden tea for sleeping.

And while this arsenal failed to defend her against the coronavirus last year, she remains resolute: Her principle of "consuming everything natural," she said, is more powerful than the idea of getting vaccinated.

That's why she’s decided that the new COVID vaccines are not for her.

"Getting the vaccine is going to be very bad for me because I think they are made from the virus itself," Navarrete said, talking from her home in Anthony, New Mexico, a small town on the border with Texas. "The only time I got the flu shot, I got a lot worse and I don't want to do that to my body anymore."

Graciela Navarrete and her grandson, Diego.

The coronavirus reached Navarrete’s family through her 17-year-old daughter, an athlete who resumed volleyball practice once the school gym was opened after the lockdown. Everyone avoided hospitalization. They were treated by the family doctor with antibiotics, ibuprofen and albuterol in inhalers.

"The virus gave me very bad headaches and I still struggle when walking, so I accepted the medicines. But I am definitely not getting vaccinated."

Like others her age, Navarette is at a higher risk of infection. Yet that’s not enough for her or her children to discount messages they’ve gotten via WhatsApp, complete with videos, that claim, for example, that vaccines are made with tissues of aborted fetuses.

Doubts and fears 

Nationwide, people across demographic lines have lingering doubts about the new COVID-19 vaccines, according to a new survey by the Monmouth University Polling Institute.

Half of the survey respondents said they plan to get vaccinated as soon as they’re allowed to. But 19% say they want to first see how others react to the inoculations, while 24% say they will avoid the vaccine if they can.

Among Latinos, according to recent data from the COVID-19 vaccine monitor launched by the Kaiser Family Foundation (KFF) to track attitudes and experiences with the vaccines, 18% of adults said they will definitely not get the vaccine. Another 11% said they will only do so if it’s required by employers. And, among those who have decided that they will get vaccinated, 43% said they want to wait and see how the innoculations affect other Latinos.

According to the United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Latinos are nearly twice as likely to be infected by COVID-19 as non-Latino whites. The same population is more than four times as likely to be hospitalized and almost three times as likely to die of the virus. This is due, partly, to the large number of Latinos working in essential jobs that expose them to co-workers and the public. Other factors, like access to health care, also play a role.

Despite the higher risk, some Latinos remain uncertain about the safety of the new coronavirus vaccines.

An example: Navarrete in Texas, said she believes the myth that vaccines carry bits of an actual virus.

"There are other vaccines that have virus particles, including live virus particles," said Gerardo Capo, chief of hematology at Trinitas Comprehensive Cancer Center in New Jersey. "This vaccine is more modern. It has internal proteins of the virus that are not considered to cause an infection. It is impossible."

Vaccine hesitancy among Latinos in the U.S. is not necessarily an ideological issue or a belief in the anti-vaccine movement. "It has more to do with not having enough information or having inadequate information," said Nelly Salgado de Snyder, a researcher with  the University of Texas at Austin.

Doubts exist even among Latino health care professionals.

Ada Linares, a nurse in the New York area, told palabra. that it’s not the suspicious messaging seen on social media or via WhatsApp texts, but her own unfamiliarity with this vaccine -- how it was developed and potential side effects perhaps overlooked in testing and trials that moved at unprecedented speed.

“I have always been pro-vaccine, and I think this is why we are here today,” she said. “But at the same time, I don’t know much about (the vaccines).”

Nurse Ada Linares hesitated for some time but she eventually rolled up her scrubs and took her doses. Photo: Jorge Melchor

Avoiding the needle 

In Texas, officials started by vaccinating health care workers, residents of nursing homes and some people older than 65 years.

Throughout the state, according to the KFF monitor, only 15% of vaccines have reached Hispanics, even though Latinos account for almost 40% of the population, 44% of coronavirus cases and almost half of COVID-19 deaths.

"We need to focus on equity as part of the COVID-19 vaccination effort," said Samantha Artiga, director of KFF's racial equity and health policy program. "It is important to monitor data by race and ethnicity to understand the experiences of the communities ... , who is receiving the vaccines, and who has been the most affected by the pandemic."

But it’s more than just reluctance. Studies into low flu vaccination rates among low-income Latino seniors show that being uninsured -- and even the lack of transportation to get to vaccination centers -- are huge barriers.  

Experts suggest that no-cost COVID-19 vaccines, available to everyone regardless of health insurance or immigration status, could help close the gap, “if the information is available in linguistically appropriate materials and the concerns of people are clearly addressed. Immigrant families should be assured that their medical data is private and will not be used by federal agencies,” Artiga said.

Conspiracy theories

In addition to debunked conspiracy theories that Pfizer and Moderna vaccines can alter DNA, or contain microchips implanted by Bill Gates to monitor people with 5G technology, other rumors specific to the Latino community have spread through social media.

“The viral disinformation includes anonymous voice messages on WhatsApp that say that since Trump does not like Mexicans and built the wall, he wants to vaccinate us so we cannot have more children, or that the vaccine is a poison for those of us who are here undocumented, that it is a way to get rid of us,” Salgado de Snyder said.

Photo illustration by FrankHH/Shutterstock

She suggested one possible reason such disinformation is embraced: “People believe it because they don't have the level of education or the institutional support to confirm this information that they hear from other Latinos. Many of them do not speak English and most of the scientific information is not available in Spanish,” she said.

Salgado de Snyder is the co-author of the study, “Exploring Why Adult Mexican Males Do Not Get Vaccinated: Implications for COVID-19 Preventive Actions,” conducted by the Migrant Clinicians Network and published last September.

Data was collected in 2019 at the Ventanilla de Salud at the Mexican Consulate in Austin. Before the pandemic, the clinic offered free vaccines against maladies like influenza, tetanus, hepatitis A and B, and human papilloma, in association with Austin Public Health.

Some 400 patients gave researchers a variety of reasons for not getting vaccinated, including lack of time or money, fear of injections and of potential side effects, insufficient information or motivation, and the perception that they are  healthy and don’t need inoculation.

"While women are more familiar with the health system because in Mexico there is a universal voluntary and free vaccination program, men have the mistaken belief that vaccines are the cure for a problem, they do not see (a vaccination) as a preventive tool," Salgado de Snyder said.

“As breadwinners, they do not want to miss a day of work to go to get vaccinated,” she added. “That is why our recommendations in times of COVID are that through some type of mobile clinic, employers offer vaccines in workplaces such as construction companies or meatpacking plants,” she said.

Moving too fast

María del Rosario Cadena remembers that during her childhood in Tampico, in Mexico’s Tamaulipas state, she received vaccines against hepatitis and polio without any side effects. But she is "very suspicious" about the COVID-19 vaccines that seem to have been developed and approved so quickly.

"I've seen on TV that it affects various parts of the body and people get very sick after receiving it," del Rosario Cadena said.

Maria del Rosario Cadena

Apart from her doubts about the vaccine, del Rosario Cadena insists she follows all recommendations to guard against COVID-19: She wears a mask, she practices social distancing, and she’s always washing her hands. And, since she doesn’t go out "at all," the 71-year-old said she believes that “isolation is my vaccine. I feel I don't need it."

Her daughter, Rocio Valderrabano, 55, is diabetic, so she will soon have access to a COVID-19 vaccine. But she has doubts, so she’ll wait and see how some friends -- nurses -- react to their second doses. "I know people who have had COVID and spent four days with oxygen. I know they had a very bad time ... but I still want to wait and see if there are side effects (to the vaccine)."

Clinicians said mistrust also comes from knowing there were few people of color in the vaccine trials. In the trial for the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine, participants were 13% Latino, 10% African American, 6% Asian, and 1% Native American. Moderna’s trial population was 20% Hispanic, 10% African American, 4% Asian.

"We hope that the labs that are developing new vaccines will include more Latino patients in their trials," said Dr. Lucianne Marin, a pediatrician at Los Barrios Unidos Community Clinic in Dallas, one of 75 community centers in Texas that will provide vaccines in immigrant neighborhoods.

Marin and the rest of the Barrios Unidos staff have already received both doses --  injections that caused her "a bit of discomfort, fatigue, and a headache."

“Anything strange that enters the body can cause a reaction,” she said. “But one has to understand that the vaccine is not made from the live virus. It’s from genetic material that will help to generate antibodies. … I tell my patients that a fever or a pain in the body cannot be compared with the exposure to the coronavirus.”

The community clinics are out to debunk myths and dispel fears. They emphasize the greater risk of infection for Latinos who have chronic health problems like diabetes, hypertension, and excessive weight.

In doctor’s offices or in telemedicine visits they invite grandmothers to be champions in their families and spread the message about the need to get vaccinated. “Among Latinos, the elders of the family are highly respected and they are listened to; if they are convinced (of the vaccine), the family will be too,” Marin said.

Community health workers also share messages on Facebook, or partner with local Spanish-language media on virtual discussions featuring doctors and public officials -- even representatives from consulates of Latin American countries.

“It is our job to be the reliable messenger,” Marin said. “Vaccines are safe and free.”

Originally published here

Want to read this piece in Spanish? Click here

[flutteringphalanges]

Summary: It is public knowledge that Zoe Van Helsing is the last of her blood line. Not to mention that, in a sense, Count Dracula is too. However, after an unexpected night of passion, both their lives dramatically change when Zoe becomes pregnant. Two unconventional parents, one extraordinary pregnancy. What could go wrong?

Rating: M

Pairings: Zoe Van Helsing/Dracula & Agatha Van Helsing/Dracula

Read on FFN and AO3

A/N: Thank you to all who have left kudos/comments/reviews and even have taken the time to read this story thus far! I'm having loads of fun writing this one and I'm hoping you are enjoying it too! Okay, enough of my blabber, here's the next chapter!

                                    Chapter Three

Gemellology. The scientific study of twins. One child out of every thirty two children born was a twin. In the United Kingdom alone, one in out of sixty five babies born were some number of multiples. And one, twin pregnancy, out of the billions of people in the world was the result of a paternal vampire. Singular. Unique. No one else on the planet would be like them. The statistics, though not publicly published, were there. Zoe had never felt so overwhelmed in her life.

"Because of your age, health complications, and the fact you are carrying twins, you're considered high risk," Dr. Clyde explained, Zoe sitting rather motionless as the doctor began to scribble instructions onto a pad.

"Is there something we should be concerned about?" Dracula inquired, his attention focused on the doctor. "Perhaps momentarily taking leave from her job?" Zoe didn't have to look over to know that the vampire was fighting a smirk.

"It's nothing you need stress about at this point," the doctor assured, smiling at Dr. Van Helsing. "We'll just have to schedule more routine visits and run some tests if need be. Monitoring you and making sure everything is going well with you and your babies is the important thing. Here," he held out a piece of paper that she hesitantly took. "Just some recommended prenatal vitamins, folate and iron supplements, the works."

"Iron, an important component of blood," Agatha commented. "Perhaps you consider increasing your dosage of that based on your fetuses' needs."

"Over the counter?" Zoe asked, ignoring the other two in the room. "Pharmacy?"

"Yes, whichever location is convenient to you," Dr. Clyde replied. "Generic or name brand doesn't matter. It is important to stay on them though, we strive for healthy babies." He reached out for Zoe's hand. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Dr. Van Helsing. They can schedule your next appointment up front. And congratulations again," he grinned at Dracula. "To the both of you."

"Thank you," the vampire answered. "This was quite the surprise for both of us. But I welcome this new chapter in our lives, isn't that right, darling?"

"Callous beast," Agatha frowned at Zoe's side. "This is why you never let your guard down with a vampire. Have you learned nothing?"

"Thank you, Dr. Clyde," the doctor exhaled, pushing herself out of the cot. "I'll see you soon I suppose."

Zoe did her best to ignore Dracula the moment she stepped back into the waiting room. She could sense him looming over her shoulder as she set up her next appointment. Blocking his view or not, she knew the man would find a way to attend. He was dreadfully good in that department. Still in shock over the whole experience, she made her way to the elevator.

"So twins," the vampire said, breaking the silence. "I cannot say that I was exactly expecting that. And both with beating hearts. How peculiar."

"I'd rather not discuss parenthood, especially with you," Zoe grumbled, pressing the down key. "You changing my appointment was inappropriate, even for you. Do you realize how late it is? I have to get up early for work tomorrow and-" The doctor was abruptly caught off when she felt a firm, cold grip on her shoulder.

"The Harker Foundation?" Dracula's amused expression had now darkened. "So you are really hellbent on going back there? After this?!" He motioned at her still flat abdomen. "That place. You know what it is. The purpose. What they are." The count touched her stomach, Zoe immediately swatted his hand away. "Do you know what they'd do to you if they found out? To them?"

"What I do isn't any of your concern," the doctor frowned deeply. "I hold high regards towards my job. Even with you gone, we've made progress."

"Then your intent is to experiment on them?" Dracula growled, Zoe beginning to feel slightly fearful. "And to think I was the one who was believed to be heartless-"

"I have absolutely no intentions to do anything of the sort you're accusing me of," she finally spat back. "Nor do I intend on informing people what I'm carrying. But I will say this, if I am truly hellbent on anything at this point, is keeping you out of my life." The elevator door opened but neither of them made a move to enter. "When you chose to leave the walls of the Foundation-"

"My prison," he corrected.

"...The institution, you made the choice to become not involved," it was an argument that didn't make much sense, but she needed something to go off on. "So now, like the Foundation, I'm choosing to be not involved with you. Not that our relationship was anything but distant acquaintances."

Dracula fell silent for a moment before letting out a low chuckle. "Are you trying to punish me, Zoe?" He asked, clearly amused. "Because if that is your goal, you are failing to achieve it."

"Leave," Agatha urged. "This is just going to keep going around in circles and despite being dead, it's giving me a headache."

"I'm done," the doctor said, finally walking into the elevator. "And if you had a shred of humanity left in you, you'd leave me be."

The vampire's mouth opened up to say something, but Zoe had already jammed the close button so hard the doors slid shut. She sighed, leaning against the wall as the speakers hummed a soft tune.

"Good girl," Agatha smiled. "Checkmate."

"The same goes for you," Zoe muttered, glaring at Agatha. "You're just as a thorn in my side as he is. Please...just give me peace."

The nun gave her a curious look before disappearing out of sight. How Zoe had kept from losing it, she wasn't sure. As the elevator doors opened and she stepped into the night, she began to question it all. Twins. Motherhood. Dracula. Her ghost of an aunt. Her eyes flickered down to the crumpled up piece of paper in her hands. The list of instructions the doctor gave her. Everything really was turning upside down.

                                         Two Months Later

Dracula seemed to heed her words from that night. Weeks had passed and Zoe had yet to see the vampire. Even at her appointments, she wasn't greeted to the unwelcome sight of the man. Agatha too had kept her distance, the doctor only seeing flickers of the woman occasional around her house. Life was turning out to be pretty alright-excluding the fact of the ever growing list of pregnancy symptoms she was starting to experience.

"That's your third bagel."

Zoe peered down at her plate, noting that she had indeed consumed yet another circular dough ball smothered with cream cheese. Her attention turned back to her former graduate student, Jack Seward, who'd joined her for lunch that day. He proved to be nice company, someone she could always count on.

"I'm hungry," she admitted. "A side effect of pregnancy."

"And you're still not going to tell me who the father is?" He inquired, smiling as Zoe went for another bite of her bagel. "I thought you never wanted kids."

"I didn't," she admitted. "But when I went into remission, something changed within me. I can't describe it. So I decided to try out in vitro fertilization," Zoe smirked. "Took the first time and now I'm having twins. You and I both know science is fascinating."

She gently placed a hand on her stomach that had already begun to swell. She had yet to feel anything other than bloating. But it was almost comforting. Knowing that she wasn't alone-well, besides Agatha's unwanted haunting. Everything had been running so smoothly, Zoe would almost forget at times that the twins weren't fully human.

"So the Foundation is still keeping tabs on Dracula," Jack said, taking a sip of his coffee. "You of all people must regret not having him around to study him."

Zoe nearly choked on her next bite. Coughing, she grabbed her glass of water and swallowed a few large gulps. Concern crossed the younger man's face, but the doctor waved away, nodding that she was fine.

"His whereabouts aren't a concern of mine," she inhaled. "His activity is being monitored and with that horrible lawyer of his, not much can be done."

"Has he tried to contact you?

"No," she replied. "Not recently."

"Recently?" Jack inquired, looking a little worried. "So he's tried in the past?"

This was the last subject she wanted to discuss. Thinking of a way out of it, she scrunched her face in displeasure. Placing her hands on her stomach, she tried to appear sick. Convincing.

"I'm feeling rather ill," Zoe lied, rising from the table. "Morning sickness. I should go home. I'll text you later. Thank you for lunch. It was great seeing you, Jack."

"But, I…"

Zoe had already hurried off towards her car before he could finish. Unlocking it, she threw her purse into the passenger seat and slid in. Dracula. Of all the subjects to discuss. The idea really did turn her stomach. Pulling out of the cafe parking lot, she started to make her way home. Some tea. Perhaps a movie. She needed to clear her mind.

The first thing she did when she walked through the door was collapse on the couch. Even though she wasn't going through chemotherapy treatments anymore, she still experienced extreme exhaustion. Pregnancy. The wonder of it all. Placing a hand on her stomach, she exhaled. It was hard to believe two tiny-well, babies, were growing in there. Surreal even. Zoe allowed her eyes to close, taking a moment to rest before going about her day. Peace of mind. That was the least she could ask for as she found herself drifting off…

A loud, but rhythmic knock startled Zoe from her slumber. She sat up abruptly, cursing herself from nodding off. She looked over at the time and to her horror realized the afternoon had become the night. Inhaling, she walked over to the door, wondering who it could be at this hour. Had she forgotten something and Jack came to return it? Certainly it wasn't the landlord. She always paid the rent on time. As she opened the door, she immediately realized her mistake.

"Good evening," the man said. "I apologize for the unannounced visit, I would have called but it appears you blocked my number. May I come in? I think there is a lot of catching up to do," his eyes fell onto her stomach, mouth twitching into a smile. "A lot."

Count Dracula.

God, smite her down where she stood.

[that-devout-catholic-woman]

sorry but i really just don’t think you understand that your beliefs don’t apply to everyone. i am 19. i am in love. i am on birth control, and getting pregnant right now is one of my biggest fears. not because i wouldn’t be a good mother or anything but i do NOT want to have a child or be pregnant. if i get pregnant, i am 100% getting an abortion. i would not feel guilty. i would not be shamed either way. and yes, i am catholic. i value my self over a hypothetical child.

Let me tell you a story about myself. I used to be just like you, honestly.

Prior to being engaged to Kieran, I was engaged once before to my high school sweetheart. I was 15 when he and I started dating and I was head over heels for him. I lost my virginity to him and engaged in sexual acts with him up until I learned he had cheated on me multiple times and was leaving me for one of the girls he cheated on me with years later. I was devastated and heartbroken, it had been so many years and I was so in love I didn’t know how to not love him. I also felt betrayed because giving of yourself sexually is a giving of the most intimate part of yourself and I really did love him and wanted to be with him forever. And he ended up falling out of love with me. Sex isn’t something to be taken lightly. But for your sake, I hope nothing like this happens to you and you and your partner stay together. I was exactly your age when my ex-fiancé left me.

Sex also biologically leads to children. We all know this and learned this in biology classes and sex ed (or at least you should have). A sperm and an egg leads to making a fetus. Like I’d mentioned before, birth control methods are never 100% effective and as such babies still get made through no fault of their own. Birth control companies and the sexual revolution have tried to make you believe the loes that sex can be without consequence, and I’m deeply sorry to have to tell you that you’ve been lied to. Unborn fetuses are still humans. They still have a right to life.

You say that getting pregnant rn is one of your biggest fears, have you stopped to ask yourself why? Like honestly really why? I used to be pro-choice, I’ll openly admit to that. My fears stemmed from knowing a baby was permanent and the relationships I’d been in though I fell hard for my exes weren’t long-lasting. From believing the lie that I wouldn’t be able to finish school and be a mother. From the lie that I couldn’t be amother and have a successful future career. From the fear of the pain of childbirth. From the fear of being judged. From the fear of not being the best mother to a baby who deserved a family. Like I’d said in a previous ask, a selfish fear isn’t a good enough reason to kill someone, that choice is permanent. If you don’t feel you want a child, you could always put it up for adoption, there are tons of same sex couples and couples suffering from infertility and single people and others who are looking to adopt babies and have a shot at being a parent. But if you did decide to keep it, you don’t have to give up on your dreams, there are tons of pro-life programs out there who help moms even after the baby is born—the same can’t be said of Planned Parenthood.

You say you’re Catholic and pro-choice and I can honestly say I used to be you back in my hay day. My now Church friends call the time in my life where you are now “Ye Olde Ho Days” which I think is hilarious lol. I urge you then to think about the old adage “What would Jesus do?” Your self-centeredness right now is not sustainable. Romantic relationships take compromise and self-giving to be sustained, if your relationship is healthy I assume you already know this—you can’t be selfish. Marriages end in divorce when people become selfish. Friendships take compromise and self-giving to be sustained. Sometimes a dear friend needs a shoulder to cry on the day before a big exam after something traumatic has happened in their life. In order to maintain friendships, you can’t be selfish. You already know that in your faith life you can’t be selfish, God asks for you to hand over literally all your trust and your entire life to Him since He will never lead you astray. Part of maturing and growing up is realizing that you need to let go of your toxic traits and become better. You’re at the peak time where you’re asked to do just that. Let go of your selfishness. Become an adult. Take charge of your life.

I finally became pro-life when one of my best friends at the time thought she may be pregnant and I knew how good a mom she’d be and how adorable her baby would be. I blanched when she said if she really was pregnant that she’d get an abortion. Luckily she wasn’t, but I finally understood that you can protect your women friends and women who are complete strangers and their unborn babies at the same time. I watched videos of what abortions actually are (if you haven’t done so, I would encourage you to since you say that you wouldn’t mind undergoing the procedure yourself, so why not know what would happen, right? You can find them on Live Action’s Facebook page.) and became vehemently pro-life. And I vowed to myself that I would be the exception to all the pro-lifers I saw and heard about who only cared about the unborn. I was going to be a pro-lifer who cared about Every. Single. Person. Until they died, and even afterward.

And I’ve done just that. I am the exception. I am the pro-life generation. I don’t expect you to change your mind right away. I was 20 when I became pro-life. But at least take a few days to think about what I said, okay?

[fangirlinsweden]

Promises 10

Pairing: Steve x reader                                                                        

Warnings:  Crying, swearing, bad memories, angst and fluff    

Word Count: about 3500 words           

Square Filled: Crying themselves to sleep for @star-spangled-bingo          

Summary: Y/N always keeps her promises. Always. This time that hurts her.  

A/N: This is my second fanfic series for the @star-spangled-bingo.

And I would like to thank @kaunis-sielu & @allaboutthebooz & @itsanerdlife for their help and support. These women are amazing writers, that you need to check out if you haven’t already.

I am officially back in Sweden. Came home to a sick dog and then I also got sick. I am doing better now and my goal is for this series to only have one or two more chapters.. 

Part 1 Part 2   Part 3    Part 4     Part 5     Part 6   Part 7   Part 8    Part 9

Promises Masterlist

“Explain” Steve demands. Bruce shifts his weight from one leg to another.

“We can’t really explain. Not without more research,” Bruce is looking down at his tablet then he looks up at you meeting your wide eyes. “What we know is that your blood has many similarities with Steve and Bucky’s blood, but your bloodwork also shows an increase in your inhuman DNA.” You sigh looking away.

“Beth told me that it was a mistake that she became pregnant with me, but that HYDRA though it would be good to try a new kind of experiment, on fetuses. They thought it could be better having a scientist doing things on foetuses, then on adult persons. Beth’s idea was to do it on her own baby,” you start explaining what she had told you when you were alone with her. “With the hope that I would die in her womb, Hydras hope was that I would be the first super warrior born as a child so they could easily make me as they wanted me from the beginning, without brainwashing. Less work, more efficient killing machine.” Steve's hand gives your hand a squish. It gives you the energy to continue talking. “But I came out seems like a normal child. Beth told me that she continued experimenting on me until my father started becoming suspicious of her activities with me. Then about a year after my fire powers came to light.” Tony snickers at the pun. Everyone else shakes their head. “My father took contact with Fury when Beth wanted to send me away to an institution. What she really wanted was to send me to HYDRA. But dad and Fury put a stop to her plans, without really knowing what they were doing.” You take a deep breath. “Beth left and nobody noticed that she was HYDRA. I want away for school and then I became an Avenger. She has been keeping tabs on me and she was waiting for me. She injected me with something that activated the super soldier serum in my body.” Bruce and Dr Cho share a look.

“This explains so much,” Tony says typing away on his tablet. “We need to go to the lab.” They leave you alone with Steve.

“I am so sorry,” Steve says looking eyes with you. He is still holding your hand. You move closer to him. His breath can be felt on your skin. There is a knock on the door. You move back. Bucky walks in, smiling when he sees Y/N awake.

“I heard you were awake,” Bucky walks over to the bed and gives her a kiss on the forehead.

“Punk, go and take a shower. You smell. I will stay here with Y/N.” Steve looks at you and you nod at him.

“Go, I will be fine,” you say. Bucky makes himself comfortable on the chair beside your bed. Steve kisses your cheek and leaves the room. You look at Bucky and he looks at you. The room is silent.

“Do you want to talk about it, cry about it or do something to take your mind of it?” Bucky asks and you smile at him.

“I want to take my mind off it,” you answer honestly. All that had happened the last day was not something you wanted to think about right now.

“Just what I thought,” Bucky nods fishing up his mobile sending a quick text. After a while the door opens and in comes Wanda, Nat, Sam, Pepper and Clint. They are carrying pizza boxes and water bottles. You laugh at the sight.

“Hungry?” Bucky smiles at you.

“Starving,” you answer.

You eat together laughing, talking about anything other then what had happened. That is how Steve finds you an hour later.

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 Steve stood in the doorway looking at his family, because that was what they were. His family and Y/N was the women he loved. Right now he needed to push his feelings aside and be there for her. Help her through all of this.

“Steve,” Sam cheers as he Steve standing in the door.

“Hey!” Steve says to the group.

“Come in, Steve,” Y/N says with a big smile on her lips, but Steve can see the sadness in her eyes. “There is pizza for you too.” She holds up a slice of pizza to her mouth and takes a big bite. He walks into the room and sits down on the empty chair. His eyes are on her, trying to assess how she really was doing. She gives him an eye roll and looks with a smirk on Bucky.

“Bucky” she says with her voice dripping of sugar. Bucky looks at her with one eyebrow raised. Nat looks at Y/N with a smirk, like she knows what Y/N is going to say.

“Please tell us more about Steve’s reckless ways from when he was younger,” Y/N says still sweet as sugar. Bucky laughs and looks over at Steve. Fuck was the only thought in Steve’s head. He really did not want her to hear all that. Not now, not ever. Even though he knew that she already heard a lot of stories.

“Do you want to hear the time he tried defending a girl out back of the cinemas or the time he stopped tried to stop a gang of older kids bullying a kid,” Bucky askes looking smug.

“Both,” Y/N says rubbing her hands together. Steve takes a slice of pizza and his eyes are at Y/N. She was smiling and laughing at Bucky’s storytelling, but the hollow look in her eyes was still there. It was killing him. She had always been a light in the Avengers. Always had a smile for everyone and always putting everyone over herself. She was the sun and the moon for Steve. He was hopelessly in love with her and all he wanted at this moment was to make that hollow look in her eyes disappear. However, he would go about doing it. He had no clue.

  Steve was looking at you, he ate his pizza slices, but his eyes never left you. At least not a long while, his eyes always finding you again. You tried your hardest not to look at him. Not now. You were scared you would break down under his eyes.

“Wow, Steve was quite reckless before he became Captain America,” you get out after Bucky finished his stories. Clint made a snorting sound.

“What have I missed?” you ask looking around the room. Sam looks at everyone, but you. Nat and Bucky share a look. Steve can’t look at you. This was strange. A minute ago he could not stop looking at you.

“Steve is still the same reckless Punk he has always been,” Bucky says. “Hoping out of planes without a chute and if you need a more recent example. Then take yesterday, when he walked through fire to get to Y/N.” Your stop eating, your eyebrows raised and looks to Steve, who is sending Bucky a death glare.

“You walked through fire to get to me?” you ask keeping your eyes fixed on Steve.

“I will always get you” Steve shrugged like it was not a big deal. “Always.” You looked down at your pizza. He had literally walked through fire to get to you. It was a lot to take in.

“You most have gotten burned,” you say looking up at him again. He just shrugs his shoulders again. Nat shoves him hard. Steve looks up at you and in his eyes you see so many feelings twirling around. Although you could not pinpoint the feelings. Clint clears his throat and Nat gives him a hard stare. You look down at your hands, trying to process. Steve had walked through your fire to get to you. He risked his life to get to you. You knew that he would have done it for anyone in the team, and probably to a complete stranger as well, but something in both Bucky and Steve’s voices said that this was something more. You open your mouth to say something when there is a knock on the door and Dr Cho walks in.

“I see someone is having a pizza party,” She smiles. You nod. “Well, I am only here to say that you can spend the night in your own room if you want,” Dr Cho continues. At this, you sit up a bit straighter. “We figure you would be more comfortable in your own bed.”

“Yes, please,” you say directly. Steve looks from you and over to Dr Cho.

“Is that really a good idea?” Steve wonders and Dr Cho sighs. Tony had said that Steve would be opposed to this.

“Y/N’s results show that she is healthy,” Dr Cho says trying to be patient. “Why should she stay here, when she is perfectly fine.” Steve squints at the doctor before he nods. Nat, Pepper, Clint, Wanda and Sam leave the room after you promise to get in touch if you needed anything. Bucky and Steve stay with you while Dr Cho takes of all the monitors you had attached to you.

“I want to see you again tomorrow,” Dr Cho says before she lets leave. You agree and when you sit pull of the blanket from your body you see that you are only in a hospital gown, something you had not noticed before. Bucky laughs at your facial expression before he walks over to the closet and pull out your fluffy rob.

“Thank you,” You say and slip it on. Bucky holds out his arm to you.

“Will you let me escort you to your room” Bucky smiles at you. You slip your arm in his.

“Yes, please” you say happily. “Bye, Steve. Get some sleep.” Together you leave the room. Steve steps out after you in the hallway and you can feel his eyes burning in the back of your neck, but you ignore it.

“You know his only worried about you,” Bucky says when you reach your room. He does not have to say he means Steve, it was obvious.

“I know,” you mutter. “I just wish.. I don’t know.” Bucky gives you a knowing smile.

“Do you want me to come in and keep you company?” Bucky asks dropping the subject of Steve. You shake your head.

“I am going to take a long shower and then try and get some sleep,” You say and give him a big hug. “But thank you.” Bucky holds you close and you feel safe. Bucky was a good friend.

“Call me if you need me,” He says and you say goodnight to each other. You walk into your room and go directly into your bathroom, strip down and take a hot shower.

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 Over an hour later you are sitting on your bed crying. It all was a mess. You were finally back in your own room, but you did not know what to do. Your mother was Hydra. Your dad had kept secrets from you. And you were now a super soldier or at least kind of. There is a knock on the door, but you just kept crying, not having the energy to go open the door. There is another knock on the door, then silence. Whoever been outside must have given up. Then the door opens and there is Steve. You look up at him, but you can’t say a word, just continuing crying. Thinking he would leave you alone when he sees you in this state, but Steve simply walks over to you in big steps sitting down in bed with you and pulling you into his arms. He lets you cry and cry. His hand running up and down your back. It felt so good being in his arms, feeling his heat and having his scent surrounding you. It was safe and you knew right there and then that you were by no means over him. No, you had fallen even more in love with him how that could be a possibility, you seriously had no idea.

Wow, your life really was fucked up and you had no idea what to do about it.

  “What do you need?” Steve asked when you had stopped crying.

“I don’t know,” you stood up and walked to the window looking out on the rain.

“Wait here, I will be right back,” Steve says leaving you alone. You sigh. A couple of minutes later your door opens. You turn around. Steve was standing there with his arms full with things. He walks over to your bed and put it down. You could now see that he had your favourite blanket that you always used when you watched movies with the team, a lot of chocolate, water bottles and a boxset with Doctor Who. You let out a little laugh.

“Am I that predictable?” you wondered. Steve shook his head.

“No,” Steve said. “I just wanted to make you feel better and I remember you telling me that Doctor Who was your go-to for everything.” You nod and he sets everything up. You sit up against your headboard and pat the place beside you in bed. Steve walks over and sits down close to you. He wraps an arm around you and pulls you closer to his body. You lay the blanket over the two of you and take a bit of chocolate. Steve press play and you start watching from the first episode where the ninth Doctor meets Rose. You smile because Doctor Who always made everything better. It had been your go-to from you were a teenager trying to figure out your life and powers and it never ever let you down.

 Steve looks down at Y/N. She has fallen asleep resting against his chest. He knew the exact moment she fell asleep. He had felt her whole body relax against him. Their Doctor Who marathon was still playing, he did not dare to move. He did not want to wake her up. She needed her rest. Steve loved having her this close, feeling her in his arms and he wished he could fall asleep every night with her by his side. He was tried but did not want to fall asleep yet, no, he wanted to look at her and enjoy being close to her. Seeing her so relaxed. Steve could feel his eyes getting heavier and heavier, and finally, sleep overtook him. Steve dreamed happy dreams about the two of you dancing at Tony’s party, walking around Brooklyn and finally having a picnic in the woods. He woke up of Y/N screaming. His heart froze of the sound, it was so much alike the scream he heard when they found her strapped to the table. He sat up and took her into his arms. Starting to whisper soothing words to her.  

 You wake up screaming. A pair of arms are around you in an instant. You had been back at the table, with a fire raging around you. And you had seen your father and mother hugging and laughing on the other side of the fire.  

“Doll, I am here,” Steve says pulling you into his arms, tears are running down your face. “You are safe.” You crawl up in Steve’s lap pulling him even closer to you. “I am here. I am not going to let anything happen to you.” Steve’s calming voice brings you out from the dream and you start relaxing against him. He presses a kiss to your forehead and you try to calm down your breathing. You were sitting in Steve’s lap. You were safe. And still your mind is screaming at you. To run. To hid. Steve kept whispering to you. That you were safe. That he had you. That he was not going anywhere.

After a while you slide out of Steve’s lap.

“Thank you,” you said unable to meet his eyes.

“Want to talk about it?” he asks and you shake your head. He sighs and pulls you back to his shoulder and lay down with you in bed again.

“Doll, I can’t fix your problems, but I promise you that I am here for you if you want to talk. About anything.” Steve says and you look up at him. You see the honesty in his eyes and smile at him. You press a kiss against his cheek and you just lay there feeling safe until you fall asleep again.

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 The next morning you wake up pressed to Steve hot body, and it was in a double way. He was hot as hell but he was also warm. You try getting out of his grip on you carefully, but his arms hold you tighter.

“Steve, I need to go to the bathroom,” you whisper, and all you get in response is a groan. You finally get yourself tangled out of his grip, sprinting to the bathroom. When you finished your business you look at your reflection in the mirror. It was immediately something you wished you had not done. You looked great, healthier than you ever looked. Your skin was glowing and you did not have a single pimple. But your chest felt heavy and your head was a mess. Why did it you appearance not look like you were feeling? Then it hit you. The Super Soldier Serum. You sigh and washed your face with cold water.

When you walked out in your room Steve was sitting up in your bed. His hair was a bit dishevelled and he looked like he belonged there in your bed. You could easily picture waking up with him every morning. He did not say a word and neither did you. But the looks you gave each other said everything. He patted the bed beside him and you walked over there.

“Talk,” he said in a husky voice. You know what he means and you know you can’t avoid it any longer.

“You know, I never thought I would see her again” you say looking down at your hands. “All of this is like a big box of memories that I really don’t want to open.” You sigh and Steve looks at you. His gaze completely empty of pity or anything close to pity. You know you needed to talk about it. Maybe it was time to open the box of bad memories. Steve is not saying a word. “She never showed me love when I grew up. I would say that she was kind of indifferent to me until the day that I almost burnt down my bedroom.” Steve places a hand on your arm, giving you a light squeeze. “She was hysterical, screaming that I was a freak and should be looked up,” you continue a tear leaving your eye. Steve wipes it away. “Dad was firm and told her no. His daughter belonged at home. She gave him an ultimatum. Me or her. I was in the room. She could not even look at me and it ended up with her leaving, when dad made it clear that I was more important than she was.” You suck in a deep breath. Steve is not saying a word just nods at you to continue. “And if I am completely honest with myself, I always thought he would change his mind and wanting her back. But he always had my back. Always.” More tears are running down your face and Steve pulls you close again.

“He loves you,” Steve mumbles with his mouth pressed to your head. You try to shake your head.

“I thought so,” you say and pull back some looking up in Steve’s mesmerising blue eyes. “But he had his suspicions about what she did to me but never told me. Not a single word.”

“I am not defending him, but Doll, you know you need to talk to him at some point,” Steve says. You shake your head. “You need to get his side of all this.”

“Doll, he is your father,” Steve continues. You look down.

“He was the one person I thought would never lie to me, well him and Wyatt,” You admit. “Like how can I get passed this? It feels like someone has ripped my life away from me. That I am standing in the ashes of my life. Like I just burned down my life. Who the hell am I?”

“You are the same person you have always been,” Steve says. “You are an incredible woman, strong and fierce. You are kind, loyal and always putting everyone else ahead of you.” You blush a bit at these words.

“What happened to you does not change that,” Steve states matter of a fact.

“I…” you say swallowing hard. “I think I am dangerous now.” Steve looks at you with big eyes. You lift your hand and the fire is burning blue in your right hand you. You toss the flame to your left hand like it’s a ball. That was something you never been able to do before. Steve’s eyes grew even bigger. He was quiet and you felt ashamed. Was he scared of you? Were you a monster now?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Promises tag list:  

@njayfbi     @ncrediblelove      @keithseabrook27     @donner5822    @thecauldroncake    @tessvillegas      @denzmallows       @allaboutthebooz     @sister-winchesters99     @ilanay41004      @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen    @xmtd5    @mrsseizetheday   @boxofteenageideas    @evanstush    @swiggityswiggityswagswag   @evanstush

[pjstafford]

You made us. Blog eight of Disability in the World of the X-Files Series Eve Discussion

I should probably begin with the fact that I love the episode Eve. It strikes all the scary, horror chords well. We have psychopathic, homicidal twins ten year girls committing patricide. We have cloning and a crazed lunatic plus two identical surburbia homes states away from each other. What is scarier than suburbia? We, also, have an introduction to the infertility/cloning dynamic which would pay such an important part in the series mythology; although it is unlikely that anybody involved with the X-Files would have realized that this early in only the 11th episode of the first season.

Reviewing this episode in a disability focused perspective presents challenges because some of the most disturbing facets of this episode in terms of the portrayal of disability are the things that make the episode one of the pure scariest episode in X-Files history. Perhaps, in a way, that is the point. Our fear of mental illness. and the history of how individuals with mental illness have been treated have such a tangled, twisted chain in our cultural consciousness that public policy and health care implications persist today. It is because of this that the images and stereotypes resonate and scare us so completely.

Where to begin then? I want to address the institutionalization of individuals with mental illness, eugenics, chromosome disorders and the complicated issues of guilt and shame “family” feel when mental illness exists and is inherited. It’s a lot to discuss, but in a disability focused review of The X-Files “Eve” deserves this attention.

Institutions-Viewers might remember that the agents went to a psychiatric facility in the pilot. They might think about other episodes where the agents visit treatment facilities. In Eve, the agents visit a institution for the criminally insane. The institution is a lock down prison type facility. It could not be more dehumanizing. The agents are given panic buttons. We hear the screams of inmates as they walk down the hall. Then, if that is not terrifying enough, they are given flashlights to enter the cell of a woman who apparently has an extreme case of light sensitivity. The woman is shackled and chain because, she discloses, she bit into the eyeball of a guard. She, then, makes biting gestures and noises which makes the viewer think of Hannibal Lecter. Wow, what happened to the love and caring this show demonstrated in the last episode for “delusional schizophrenic” Max Fenig.

“Eve” aired December 1993 which is a significant period in deinstitutionalization for persons with mental illness. (Please note the issues discussed in this section are specific to institutions for persons with mental illness not developmental or cognitive disabilities). Between 1977 - to the mid-late 90’s proponents of humane conditions for persons with mental illness argued for and mostly succeeded in closing down institutions for persons with mental illness in support of community mental health care. In 93, then, the country would have had significantly fewer people institutionalized than even five years earlier but there would have been heated debate about how far to go in these efforts. This show is meant to promote fear and it is not a clear cut case on which side of the debate they might have been. If the thought of walking into a facility like this fills you with dread, it should. We should all be aware of the history- in one facility in California one single doctor lobotomized 200 individuals, shock therapy, hydrotherapy were all “treatments”. However, closing of facilities without adequate community resources clearly was not the answer. It created scores of homeless individuals- individuals who were and continue to be dumped on the streets because they don’t have the resources or wherewithal to care for themselves. Ask yourself who could be more vulnerable to victimization than individuals with mental illness living on the streets. Today, the number one behavioral health provider in most municipalities in this country are the prisons. There are some prisons with behavioral or mental health care facilities. 26 years since this show aired the ramifications of shutting down institutions continue. Yet, people then and now are afraid to have persons with mental illness in the community. The Eve known as Sally Kendrick makes the argument that in a supportive environment and with medication people like her could lead productive, normal lives. It’s a sound argument if she had not experimented on ova then placed said ova into infertile women, kidnapped two young results of that experiment and held a gun to one threatening to shoot and telling Mulder that he knew she was capable. When the Eve in the institution says of the Eve known as Sally that “ I am her and she is me and we are all together” it can be seen as a chilling statement about mental healthcare in the US or about the mental instability of people living in the community who were previously institutionalized.

Eugenics- it is worth noting, however that the XFiles could argue they were not making a statement about mental illness because these were not simply individuals who were mentally ill. These were genetically altered individuals created as a race of super soldiers. This will be another theme throughout the series’ history. Given the importance of this to the show’s mythology and the fact that this is the first episode it plays a major role, it is worth providing a contextual backdrop of eugenics and the United States. I guess most of us think our role was to fight the Nazis becauss extermination camps was an extreme attempt to assure genetic purity. However, we forget that at the turn of the 20th century the eugenics movement was quite strong in the US and, for people with disabilities, this often meant forced sterilization and experimentation. Today Infertility clinics will often ask about and reject donors with a family history of mental illness and some people make abortion decisions strictly around testing to determine if the child might have disabilities (more usually, since you can’t screen for mental illness in fetuses, the screening is for diagnosis relating to chromosomal disorders).

Chromosomal disorders- the Eve’s have extra chromosomes which leads to heighten intelligence, heighten strength and heighten psychosis. They have a tendency to suicide and /or homicide. Chromosomal disorders might also cause Down Syndrome, Angelman Syndrome, Prader-Willie, and Williams syndrome. This show never references those conditions, but it is hard to hear conversations about chromosomal disorders and not think about individuals we know who have chromosomal differences.

The last topic area is the topic of family reaction when mental illness may be genetic and inherited. The reaction of the only living parent of the two girls is telling. She went from loving her daughter and calling her “special” to burning all her pictures and denying any association. Many individuals with mental illness are rejected by family. On the other hand the Eve’s felt some type of responsibility and need to care for the girls. I was struck by the scene where Sally Kendrick is pleading with the girls to remember they are human. However when she asks the girls why they killed their fathers and eventually why they poisoned her the girls response is “You should know. You made us.” I fear this is representative of how many parents feel when their children are diagnosed with mental illness. The stigma is so strong that mental illness is not seen as a disease but a character flaw. Parents are often ashame and blame themselves. This, incidentally, goes back to the eugenics movement discussion and the fact that there were many “scientific articles” at the turn of and the early 20th century arguing that bad genes were part of the problem.

At the beginning of this blog I said I liked this episode. I do. The X-Files was a horror show and under no obligation to create a politically correct, sterile world of perfection in how they portray issues around disability. Instead look at this blog as an analysis of our society as much of as the X-Files. This show had insane asylums for the criminal ill and a discussion of eugenics and those are topics laden with history of horrors. It also had people with mental illness in our community and a discussion of chromosomal differences. Why should the latter two things be equally scary? How does a parent fear of having a child with mental illness factor into why this episode is scary?

I u dertook this analysis of theis series because I thought it could make us think of ourselves and of our society through the lens of our entertainment. It is significant because we the viewers made this show a success.The production company 1013 catch phrase may be “ I made this”, but we the fans kept it on the air and asked for it to return for two more seasons decades after it had ended. It is worth looking critically at why the disability constructs in this episode scared us so deeply. We should ask why. As the little Eves would say “ You should know. You made us.”

[stoltzy]

Dawn of Madness is a co-op game that I have been looking forward to for years. It is what you get if classic 1920s era Lovecraftian horror had a baby with Silent Hill. You have wanderers trapped in this Otherworld where their minds have been shattered and they have to wander through it to pick up the pieces. As they wander they must face hideous monsters and abominations born from their own minds. Will they survive or will the otherworld consume them? This game is a prequel to another co-op game called Deep Madness (Which I would best describe as Futuristic Arkham Horror under the sea), both of which are made by a company called Diemension Games. I’ll provide links to their respective Kickstarter pages if you want to learn more.  Deep Madness: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/diemensiongames/deep-madness-second-printing/description

Dawn of Madness: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/diemensiongames/dawn-of-madness/description

The Monsters which you have to face as your Wanderers (The player characters) go through their stories come in 3 different categories, The Terrors, The Abominations, and The Final Bosses. 

All of these, except The Final Bosses, come in various Families of creatures, each member of that “family” being its own unique sculpt. Because of the picture I wanted to highlight I will focus on one such family of Abominations. 

The family of Abominations pictured above, called The Numina, are bar far my favorites. Why? Because these monstrosities embody the word “Abomination” The best part? Most of these guys are actually representations of the Cthulhu Mythos (Or at least inspired by it). Below is a little guide to show what I mean as well as a link to the artist that sculpted these that points this out.  Numina Lore- Basically meant to represent the Cthulhu Mythos as a whole, but I’m gonna have a little headcanon that this represents  Yibb-Tstll to make it a bit simpler or at least more interesting. https://www.artstation.com/artwork/2x3wqy

Numina Gate- Yog-Sothoth. This one is pretty easy to tell what with the obvious gate and the various tentacles and spheres throughout. https://www.artstation.com/artwork/mqY91a

Numina Creation- Shub-Niggurath. This one might be a bit more subtle, long as you don’t notice the distorted fetuses and the breasts that permeate her form here. https://www.artstation.com/artwork/xz4rYY

Numina Cosmos- Azathoth. This one I probably would not have guessed had I not seen these links prior to this add-on for the game being revealed. It definitely fits considering its place within the mythos. Certainly brings the “Cosmic” to “Cosmic Horror” https://www.artstation.com/artwork/k4dK2n

Needless to say, I cannot wait to see what they bring to the table. I got the minis made from the artwork for Cthulhu Death May Die that I posted here a few years back. I am just as excited about these as I was for those. What horrors will these inflict on the wanderer? We’ll certainly find out. 

[continuity-exercise]

Major Trigger Warning

If you are sensitive to the topic of abortion, you may want to scroll past this. But I implore everyone to read this.

I want to start off by saying I am definitely so supportive of women’s rights. Women should be allowed to do whatever we’d like with our bodies. No one should tell us what we should or should not look like, act like, talk like, and feel like. I want to let you know this is just my take on this situation. It is by no means an absolute truth, but it’s just a description of the movie and how I feel about it.

I watched a watched a movie today called Unplanned. I went into it kind of skeptical. If heard it was a movie about abortion and I had a shaky stance on the issue. My strong feelings for women’s rights conflicts with my faith at times. But I went into it with an open mind.

The beginning showed an actual abortion. We didn’t see the actual body, but it showed an ultrasound image of the baby as it was being aborted. It shrunk away from the probe and the tube sucked it out of the woman, piece by piece as it struggled to stay in the womb.

This scene alone hit me hard. I knew that abortion wasn’t pretty, but I never expected it to be like that - bloody and violent as the fetus was literally sucked out of the body like a vacuum cleaner sucking up dirt. I thought it was kinder, gentler. My perception was shattered.

The entire movie was the true story of former planned parenthood clinic director, Abby Johnson. She had two abortions herself - both unplanned pregnancies that she was too ashamed to admit to her parents about. One scene shows her chemically induced abortion, with painful cramps and pools of blood, and eventually large pieces of bloody baby matter that she scoops up in her hands and has to flush down the toilet. She worked for the clinic for 8 years before actually watching a physical abortion. She sees that the fetuses can actual feel pain and struggle to live. The day she sees that, she decides that she can’t do this anymore. She puts in her resignation the next day. Planned parenthood sued her for the possibility that she would release confidential patient information to the media, but she proved her innocence and won the lawsuit. She has worked for the pro-life organization ever since.

It showed Abby Johnson as a real, flawed person who only wanted to do a good work in the world. She had many conflicts and flaws, but she wanted to help women in need. She was a counselor and comforted them about getting their abortions. She was a good person, even before she changed sides. That’s one of the great parts about the movie. They didn’t demonize her despite all the work she did that went against traditional Christian morals (the movie was made by a Christian film company Pure Flix). It would have been so easy for them to make her seem like a villain. But instead they just told her true story, just as it happened. There was no manipulation to make her seem like a horrible person. She had great intentions and they showed her like that.

In the movie, both sides of the abortion argument are pictured honestly. The pro-life protesters had both violent, accusatory groups that were very aggressive in their approach, and calm, friendly people whose only goal was to offer alternative solutions to abortion. It even talks about the abortion doctor who was shot by a pro-lifer in a church. They were upfront and honest that not all pro-lifers are bad and not all are good. The abortion clinic people were also pictured in the same way. There are the kind, caring people who only want to help women in crisis and an aggressive, angry person who attacks and accuses the pro-lifers while only trying to make money off abortions. I loved that part of the movie, that despite being made by a Christian film group, they show that there are good and bad people on both sides of the arguments despite many on both sides trying to demonize the whole other side.

The best part of the movie was the fact that they present how God will forgive people who think they’ve done too much to ever be forgiven. He is merciful and forgiving beyond human comprehension. Many women who are Christians struggle with their conscience over abortions that they have had. This movie shows them that God can and will forgive them. No one is too far gone.

Here’s my opinion on planned parenthood after having seen this movie: I love love the work thy they do to lower the rates of unwanted pregnancies by offering birth control and other things that will keep abortion from having to be an option. However, I can’t agree with abortion after seeing what actually happens in an abortion, as told by an actual abortion worker. Abortion should be an absolute last resort, reserved only for women whose lives are physically in danger by continuing the pregnancy.

I’m not saying that women should or shouldn’t have sex. Your bedroom is your business and you have a right to do whatever you’d like. That’s the wonderful thing about America and our society. As human beings, we do have a choice as to what we do with our bodies, but I just hope that more women will chose to keep their babies instead of ending their lives in such a violent manner. There are so many great options, like closed and open adoptions and raising the kid and even letting your parents raise the baby. Living Alternatives groups are in almost every city and they give so many great options that aren’t as painful for you or your baby.

If you have had an abortion, I’m not condemning your actions. I know you probably are either internally struggling with it or already facing conflict from family, friends or even perfect strangers. I just wanted to share my two cents. As a woman who has never had an abortion, I can’t possibly understand how you feel or judge your decision. That is something that you have to deal with yourself and I don’t want to make it any worse for you.

I just want to implore anyone who wants to understand abortion, is curious about it, or even has no strong opinions to watch Unplanned. It is an honest picture of the abortion industry, with no softened descriptions and very real, truthful stories and pictures of abortion.

TLDR: Unplanned showed what the abortion process is really like and that no one is too far gone for God. I have been impacted by the movie and I think that people should watch this movie because it may change your life. I’m completely a women’s rights supporter, but this movie has helped shape my perspective and opened my mind. We have the right to choose, but I hope that by watching this movie, that more people choose life.

[smartbutuncertified]

Movie Review: NoBody’s Perfect (2008)

I watched the movie noBody’s Perfect, filmed in 2008, by Niko Von Glasow. The main stars are Fred Dove, Kim Morton, and Bianca Vogel. It’s about a man who has a major birth defect due to Thalidomide trying to find others who have a Thalomide birth defect to make a nude calendar. The film largely concerns body image issues, but also touches on the idea of disabled people being whole and how abled people often disregard disabled people’s privacy and dignity for their comfort and curiosity. The act of participating in the calendar seems to be a large step forward for many of them, to seeing their bodies more kindly. It also has a large section devoted to discussing how little responsibility was taken in Germany by the company who distributed the drug, and continued to do so even after they knew what it did to fetuses.

It talks a lot about acceptance of your body and your differences, a subject that is very topical in our airbrushed world. Having a major birth defect is about as far from classical beauty as can be, and yet they find beauty and joy in themselves. So as a member of the general population living in the same cultural climate of our bodies never being good enough, it connects on that level. “My (short) arms are a part of me, they’re a part of my life, and that’s all right. But I am not ‘short arms’.” Sofia declares.

It hits home in a closer way as well. I also had a birth defect. Like a terrible country song, I was born with a broken heart. It was entirely internal, but saving my life left me with a distinctive scar on my chest nearly a foot long, distinctive enough that people who work in cardiology sometimes ask what I had fixed. I don’t think about it too much, but sometimes people mention it when I wear a top that shows where it starts. Perhaps I should be prouder of it. I survived.

Then there’s the abled people feeling like disabled people have some sort of duty to disclose their disability, another personal sore spot. Fred Dove, while being interviewed on a radio show, had his disability disclosed to all the listeners by the interviewer as a bit of -  color commentary. I cannot politely express how livid that made me, but I wholly understand why Fred only spoke about it for a few seconds before changing the topic.

Sofia, an actress, recounted a disturbing event from her childhood where she was often forced to strip naked in front of a number of doctors, usually male, for inspection. “It was awful. I was surrounded by about 20 white coats” This reinforced my belief that it’s incredibly important to preserve the privacy and dignity of disabled people, children, and disabled children. There is no reason why a child not having an immediate medical emergency needs to be stripped naked in front of so many adults at once.

It’s stunning that Kim’s mother up and left her religion entirely when the minister refused to have Kim in church due to her visible disabled status. That shows remarkable integrity. It also illustrates a much larger dynamic present throughout the film, the importance of the individual over the system. Systems are useful, but if they no longer serve their intended purpose, for example, a holy place turning away an innocent child for looking odd, they need to be abandoned for the sake of those they should have helped, and didn’t. This aligns wholly with my view of how our relationships with institutions should work.

It’s notable and painful how differently the Vogel siblings were treated by their families, with the one not affected getting much more attention and praise from their grandparents. However, this doesn’t seem to have affected their relationship, they seem quite close. This defied the general narrative of the spoiled child becoming cruel to the maltreated one, and makes me wonder how much truth there is to that idea.

About forty percent of the way through, they reveal a horrifying fact. The company that made the drug knew what it did in 1961, and still kept selling it. Even worse, the pioneer of the drug knew that one of the ingredients was of a group often referred to as “monster makers”. The company compounded the error by having no female trials before releasing it to the public. The company has also never even apologized to the victims, let alone settled with them. One interviewee puts it best when he says “[…] let’s call them criminals, who committed their crimes in the greedy pursuit of profit.” I absolutely agree with that, the film is not the only thing making me want justice for the models.

I’m not sure how I feel about the constant presence of smoking in the film. Since it’s reality, it’s important to represent honestly, but I wonder what this says about addiction among the disabled. Either that, or smoking rates are much higher in Europe. That would have to be a whole other paper, honestly. I don’t agree with smoking, but vulnerable people pick their pleasures where they can get them.

I take exception to one interview where they talk about how when they talk about their issues in a public forum, the issues become detached from them. The interviewee seems to feel that in order to express oneself clearly, detaching yourself is the only way to do it. I would argue that this in fact muddies the issue, making it less about what is important: the people.

I was surprised by the interview with the gardener, which talked about another of the disabled models sexually assaulting women, and about him beating up kids his own age and older in school. It’s generally not considered that the physically disabled are also capable of assault, but they are whole people in every way, not just the positive ones.

I have very mixed feelings about the astrophysicist who reportedly grabbed women’s chests being presented sympathetically. I’m aware that this was a single report from another person, and that that isn’t the whole of who he is, but it still discomforts me that the film seems to brush over what it’s reported that he did. The film mentions that Thalidomide disabled about 7,000 children, surely there weren’t exactly twelve that were willing to pose nude?

It must be mentioned that nobody from the drug company was present in the film for any significant part, but that was not for want of trying on the director’s part. He did his best to loop them into the film for their side of things, and they refused to participate.

It addressed the whole topic of body issues incredibly, letting people speak for themselves about what made them uncomfortable and what didn’t. As one interviewee put it, “[My insecurity] is in my mind, it’s not in your perception, is it? It’s like, you look fine to me, but you’re probably unhappy about something that I don’t care about.”

The presence of ableism is felt throughout the film in many of the conversations and in how several of the models think and behave in regards to themselves. All of the models have varying levels of comfort with themselves and their disability. The director, Niko, is one of the least comfortable. It was interesting to hear that for Doris and Niko, they stayed away from other Thalidomide children for quite a while because they didn’t want to see themselves in them. They didn’t want to relate to others who were clearly different and know that they were just as different. It’s also mentioned that several of the models have had difficulty with romantic relationships because of their disability. But there are only two shown incidents. A child making fun of a wheelchair using model and a man and the end who is being interviewed on the street about the art installation saying that it’s “tasteless” for a disabled person’s naked body to be shown in public. Thankfully, both of these are framed with an immediate counterpoint by people who weren’t hired by the producers, showing that times are changing. These scenes were handled with care.

There was an interesting conversation where an interviewee that uses a powered wheelchair admits casually that he’s considered killing himself. It’s moved past quickly, but there’s something about the framing that makes it feel less like they did it to dismiss it, and more like they don’t want to dwell over it and overshadow the other complex facets that this person has. As someone who has struggled with suicidal impulses, I loved that.

The inclusion of the lesbian art teacher served as a pointed reminder of the intersectionality of disabled issues. Past the obvious, she also mentions founding a group working to protect disabled women and girls from sexual violence, something that’s not often thought of as an issue concerning the disabled specifically. But they are a uniquely vulnerable population to predation.

It passed the “who cares?” test with flying colors, framing the issue as one of pain and justice that crossed communities. I would say that it said that “who cares?” ought to be everyone who wants the world to be a safe place, for companies to be held accountable for their mistakes and “mistakes”, for people to be able to not fear what others think of them for things that are out of their control. Of course, the film may not hit like that for everyone who watches it, but it was good enough to win the German Film Award of 2009, so it’s clearly not just me.

The film opens on a scene of a man talking candidly to his daughter about being afraid to be naked in front of anyone because of his malformed arms. It was a good tone setter for the film, encapsulating the main issue, the joking, yet honest air, and how these people are not curiosities or strange creatures, but humans with lives and families. It was a beautiful way to ease into the film, and it flows well from there.

The theme of showing these people as complex and whole is possibly the strongest one in the film, arguably the film’s thesis. It was hard to hear that some of these people, as babies, were taken away from their mothers by the doctors with no explanation for days. One for two, one for six, and we don’t know about the others. I would understand wanting to monitor babies with a severe birth defect for further issues, but it isn’t that hard to keep the parents in the loop. They chose not to.

The film was art, but not art that is intended to make the viewer feel good. The art is put into making you understand, as much as you can, what happened to these people, and how they have continued on with what they have. You are allowed to have whatever feelings you like, but you must understand that they are whole human beings. They look incomplete to people who don’t know them, but they are anything but. You don’t need a certain amount of body mass to be human.

I must disclose that I personally watched the film largely in 20 minute increments, but that was largely because I kept stopping to note things down so that I could write this as well as possible, with plenty of accurate examples. If I was watching this for pleasure, I would absolutely have gone through it twice over without pause. I may very well do that at a later date.

Add to that that this film launched a successful campaign to increase German benefits for Thalidomide victims, and it’s done the thing all art sets out to do- made a notable mark on the world. I hope that all of the models benefited from this, as it’s hard to find out what happened to people whose last names you mostly don’t know. However, it was easy to find out that Niko is still thriving as a film director.

I thought that this film was stunning. I would view something by these people again in the future, because I love how things were addressed. I loved how they presented everything, how compassionate and thoughtful their framing of delicate issues was. But I would only recommend this to individuals above the age of fifteen who were okay with artistic nudity. There is explicit nudity, which may make some individuals uncomfortable, but it isn’t pornographic, just beautiful people being brave and naked. If you’re at all interested in disability issues, body issues, corporate accountability, or even all three, I would highly recommend this film.