#i like seeing them next to each other in those ways!! though vash's expression is a bit funny bc he's always going to be like >:O

[ruporas]

on the run!! (ID in alt)

[scoundrels-in-love]

things you said at the kitchen table - (i was gonna say vashmeryl but you already did one of those for disconnect :3) soooooo stryfewood

This only took a genuine month to write, oops.

| Stryfewood (Mashwood hints) | Pining | Teasing | Wolfwood in a turtleneck | Also on AO3 |

---

Meryl does not often drink to the point of hangovers and for good reason. She prides herself in knowing her limits and abiding by them. But somewhere after leaving her work party with Milly timely because they had decided they deserved to celebrate their promotion proper instead of playing polite with work seniors, her sensibilities (and a shoe) seems to have gotten lost while drinking and dancing.

She remembers having fun, laughing and feeling light, and honestly, not much else. Certainly not how she must've stumbled home and face planted onto her bed without changing her clothes. And it all feels very unfair trade for the absolute misery she's experiencing right now.

When she makes her way to the kitchen for the second time this morning to have more water and attempt to stomach some food, Meryl feels a touch more human after a shower and fresh change of clothes, but there is still a wild herd of buffalos stampeding around the inside of her skull.

She does not see improvement in that condition in her future, considering just who is leaning against the kitchen counter, smirk spread on his handsome face.

Of course it would be just her luck that Wolfwood, her best friend's slash roommate's other best friend (more than that, she suspects, though they've not introduced any label to her, but neither are very good at being discreet about anything), has not left yet.

She thought he might have, since Vash is gone for the weekend without much explanation as to why (she's gotten used to his odd ways, even if she's not given up on bugging him for some truth), but then again Wolfwood treats this like his rent-free place. To the point she's told him he might as well move in with Vash and not waste money on his own apartment.

(Doesn't matter that she would probably need to look for a new place herself then, because she isn't sure she'd handle looking more often at Vash casually draped over Wolfwood's lap as the other man combs fingers through the blonde hair in a way she's quietly wanted to since their second uni year, or increase in the other sweet, casual intimacy acts on the daily.)

She mumbles a greeting to Wolfwood and slumps into her chair and then over the table, resting her head on her arms. 

"Rough morning?" Wolfwood asks and she can hear him move around the kitchen, the soft clink of glass. What she doesn't expect is for it to be placed next to her on the table, his warm fingers brushing against her hand. She shifts to peer at him over her arm without lifting her head and his expression promises nothing good.

Still, she thanks him and straightens up to drink. 

Wolfwood keeps watching her in a way that makes her incredibly self-conscious. He always does, when he puts his full attention on her, his dark eyes making her want to squirm and smooth down her hair. But right now, it's more and it's worse. (She hadn't known that was possible.)

Meryl feels a drop of water escape the corner of her mouth as she drinks and roll down her chin and neck and she could swear Wolfwood follows its path with his gaze, lingering where the droplet meets its end at the collar of her t-shirt and tracing the path back up to her lips.

Suddenly she really wishes Vash was here - though his cheeriness and volume would make her headache worse, at least he would distract Wolfwood, turn this into something more familiar. And the hangover soup he makes is divine.

It's not that she and Wolfwood can't hang out or don't get along - they do. In their own way that would make most people assume they can barely tolerate each other, sure, but what do they care about how others perceive their bickering. When she needs an honest, if biting opinion on her newest article or wants to tear the newest popular, but lackluster and plothole riddled series to shreds with someone who gets it , there is no one better to go to than Wolfwood.

(Vash loves to sit down and just listen to them go at it, chin in his hands and warm smile on his face that she can't look at too much directly or it sends butterflies dancing in her chest like sun spots.)

But all of that is one thing and the way he's looking at her as if he's gauging the best moment to pounce is something completely different. What's worse, he looks so good in the early morning - black turtleneck accentuating his broad shoulders and narrow waist, long fingers wrapped around a huge coffee mug almost as if on display, hair mussed just enough to make her want to mess it up a touch more and run her palm down his stubbled cheek.

Meryl drops her gaze first, gets a refill of water. If he makes a joke about her being thirsty again, she will cuss him out for real this time.

"So, what got our Miss Proper utterly wasted last night, hm?" Wolfwood doesn't seem satisfied to just let the silence rule across the kitchen and Meryl groans in mortification. She'd really hoped she hadn't run into him last night. God only knows what nonsense (or truths) she could babble in such a state.

"Got carried away celebrating a promotion with Milly," she admits, resting her head against the wall, skirting her gaze over him and toward the window, squinting at the light. 

"Oh, how come I hear about that only now? Thought we were friends, gatinha," she makes a disgruntled noise at the pet name, out of principle not actual upset, "'N Vash usually can't wait to brag about yer achievements, can't believe he didn't call me to yell all about it."

Meryl hopes the heat in her face is not as vivid as it feels, she hadn't known Vash spoke about her like that when she isn't around. It feels more special somehow, than just the way he hypes her up when next to her, though she dearly loves that, too.

"We learned last night ourselves," Meryl explains. The news had mixed well with the champagne, sweet bubbles filling her head and making reason pop like one, too.

Wolfwood hums softly as he considers it, turning away from her to start washing his mug. It's a relief, not to have his eyes on her anymore, but part of her, a part that is surely still drunk, misses his gaze, the intensity and focus that he's been giving her this morning. The sort she could feel even when she wasn't looking at him at all.

Meryl is looking now, though. Letting herself appreciate the way the turtleneck hugs his form, how his shoulder blades move beneath the fabric as he reaches for the dish towel and dutifully, carefully dries his mug. He's always been the tidiest of them all. Her gaze tracks upward, to the back of his neck and she suddenly thinks - if she was taller, she could peel it back, revealing the beautiful line of his throat and press a kiss there, right beneath his ear. If she sat on the counter, she'd be just the right height -

The thought is not unfamiliar , but it startles her all the same and as she pushes it away, it rolls away with a sound like a cat toy filled with something to make a noise at the slightest shift.

"Suppose we oughta celebrate then, when Vash comes back," Wolfwood interrupts her attempts to ignore the rattling ball of bad ideas. She'd seen him turn back around, but somehow not registered it. Meryl hopes she didn't startle too visibly.

"That'd be nice," she agrees with a smile. Vash has a habit of throwing celebrations for the silliest reasons, like today is national pasta day or the day has gotten a specific length before the sun sets, so casual, silly get togethers aren't strangers to this apartment. And she really doesn't think she wants anything more, either. Even if they just treat her to pizza and her pick of a movie, she'd love it.

"No getting trêbada, tho, wouldn't want a repeat of last night." 

There is something in his tone, something knowing and sly, that makes Meryl straighten up and tense, while he's still the perfect picture of relaxed swagger, relaxing against the counter and grinning at her.

"What do you mean?" Meryl's voice sounds dry and cracked, a pitch higher than she would have liked, and her heart is beating the drum in her temples at the tempo contest.

"Ya don't remember at all, do ya?" Wolfwood drawls and pushes himself off the edge counter. She sits with her hands clutched in her lap, feeling drawn like a bowstring, as he approaches her, stops so very close that their knees touch and when he leans down, she can distinguish his pupils from the deep, rich brown surrounding them. 

She watches like spellbound when he hooks one of his long fingers behind the edge of his turtleneck's collar and peels it back, turning his head just so she can have a good look at the smudged lipstick mark on his throat. The same shade she'd scrubbed from her face earlier this morning, half surprised it had lasted until then, half lamenting it had gotten so smudged all the same. Perhaps it was understandable, considering what she'd gotten up to, Meryl thinks numbly.

"Kept that one for a good luck charm today," Wolfwood says, in a low voice that makes all of this somehow even more something she can't define in her current state. His word choice doesn't help - that one, as if she'd kissed him all over - and she can't tell if it's an image created by him or a stray memory, but she can picture doing just that, straddling his lap on the couch and pressing her mouth all over his face, with loud mwah noises to accentuate each sloppy kiss.

"If ya want to shower me in affection," Wolfwood continues, either oblivious or sharply aware of her internal spiral, and then his index finger tips her chin up just so, "prefer ya did it sober next time so I can reciprocate."

Her heart might jump through her mouth and into his face, for him to do with it as he pleases. Surely, even that would be less embarrassing. Surely, even that wouldn't be as impossible as the picture of possibilities that Wolfwood's just created.

"'N I think Blondie would like to join in on the fun, too." His thumb brushes a whisper of a touch across her bottom lip, a burning tingle left in its wake, and then he draws back to his full height, leaving her gaping up at him.

Just like that, he walks away, as if nothing has happened, as if her world didn’t just get shaken like a snowglobe.

At least that's what she thinks, until Wolfwood trips over the threshold and curses loudly. She can hear him stifling more choice words as he slightly limps down the corridor and the beautiful absurdity of it all makes Meryl burst into giggles, burying her face in her hands.

Maybe she'll get to kiss his ego better, later. God knows he doesn't need it, but she might anyway.

---

Wolfwood last night: exhibit a, exhibit b.

[kindaoptimisticsquirrel]

Trigun Bookclub Trimax Vol3 Part 1

Vol01: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3  | Vol02: Part 1 | Part 2

Trimax: Vol01 Part 1 Vol01 Part 2 | Vol02 Part 1 Vol02 Part 2 |

Vol 03 Part 1 | Vol03 Part2

My thoughts on this week’s volume! Might include some more or less comprehensible word vomits that I might try to bring into a more analyzed fashion some day!

Get stickbugged Wolfwood

(I put those two pages next to each other though I don’t know if they are on a spread) People have probably written more deep thoughts to Wolfwood’s whole arc in this fight and stuff, but I just wanted to add my own thoughts: I like how it is shown on the right how he struggles with all that he has seen till now. He thinks of Vash and his ideal to not kill, their argument, but when we look on the left...it’s like the monster in him takes over. I don’t think he sees a way to apply those ideals to himself, to NOT kill. Cornered and no way out, killing to stay alive is the only way for him to protect what he loves, and so he grits his teeth and gets this super feral look. It’s the wolf inside him!

And these pages here! We have already seen lots of proof just how good of a gunsman Vash is, but in this moment, he’s not fooling around, he’s just straight up using all his skill to beat his opponent in the most effective way. And, when on the left this piece of metal or blade is coming down right in front of his face, he’s not flinching in the slightest! Shows us how much Vash is in control right now!

Wolfwood is having half-conversations with Vash in his head.Here it reads like “Look Vash I was right all along”. This conflict between them is kinda the overall theme of Trigun in a way, since to me the manga is a lot about the idea of “what will you do for your loved ones, to protect them? How far will you go? How can you remain human/when do you lose your humanity?” (very roughly worded). And also, how you can be changed by other people! At the moment...Vash’s ideals have clashed with Wolfwood’s way of living. Will woowoo get changed by Vash’s words? It’s not so easy to just stop what you thought was the only way to go.

Hmhm Chapel is a traitor! At least acting against what Legato had ordered him to do. My who might this fellow be? (joke we all know he’s referring to Wolfwood here)

Put those two pages together to show/ask myself..did Wolfwood just shoot his bullet into the gun arm of Ninelives?? He has an insane aim, too, that’s surely not to forget. (Also I love the panel of him upside down holding the gun)

Yucky. Also, typical Wolfwood doing the splits™ .

Ok this is just a cool page and Wolfwood’s expression, pose and everything is splendid. Also really like the paneling! And in the left panel where Ninelives is in gray tone...I’m wondering if doing that, instead of painting him black, makes the panel seem a bit softer and quieter. It feels so.

Look at that contrast between these two!! In this whole fight, Wolfwood is covered in blood, guts, wounds and more blood. And then we have the fight of Vash, where it seems calm, all is whiter, no blood (because of puppets)...it just shows perfectly the role that Wolfwood has: he is the one who has to do the dirty work, in a way. He doesn’t want to, and it’s no voluntary decision of Vash to put the dirty stuff onto his shoulders, but well, he just ends up to be the one who needs to do the killing.

Oh yeah in my first reads I was so confused because I didn’t understand that the Doc was already dead and a puppet! I thought he had betrayed Vash, which, of course, didn’t really make any sense...

Sad, soggy babygirl : ( Also!! Continuing with the comparison of Vash=clean and Wolfwood=covered in blood, this only further strengthens this observation, because the water/rain is something clean by itself, washing away the dirt and all...now let’s get to the next panel:

Aaaand it’s all gruesome, covered in blood and dirt and...man I really love this comparison. It’s like the visual representation of the conflict and the argument between Vash and Wolfwood. And this page looks soo good.

I think he might be talking about himself here? He could be referring to Ninelives, but it feels to me like he’s really done here, at a weak point, and then the image of the orphanage and the kids, his mission to protect is the one thing that manages to bring a spark of life back to him.

And the orphanage is ultimately also the things that drives him to kill. Kill to protect. The morbid thing here is that the enemies that hid in the big carcass are so little, that when you don’t see their faces, they look like kids. What a cruel way to show Wolfwood’s family and kids that he wants to save, only to show him 2 panels later strangling a child-like creature.

Back to Vash: These pages are overall very confusing to read to me, but I think Leonof wants Vash to drop him (to stop the pain or to die) and so he makes a little puppet attack Vash which then makes him loose control of his hold onto Leonof.

Wow. That panel on the right, Wolfwood’s shadowed body and the tiny hand pointing upwards...and his stare afterwards. There’s a lot in this stare. Surely he’s not happy to kill. But he looks damned determined. And a bit like on autopilot, too.

And then shortly after we get the girls back, yay! You know I really love how in this series the female characters are not weak and not dependant on the male protagonists! Sure, they might not have that much firepower. But throughout the series they are shown to save the males just as much as the other one around.

[rosastra]

GUILT

A vashmeryl fanfic, how two broken person might just be each other’s salvation.

Author’s notes : hiii, this is my very very FIRST fanfic ever! Please excuse my baby writing, I hope you’ll be able to enjoy my silly little scenarios 💙

Context : The story takes place two years after July’s incident (stampede lore). After Roberto’s death, Meryl and his niece, Milly, who is now her subordinate, found Vash and Wolfwood again. Thus began their group travel across noman’s land.

Note : Fluff this chapter, will be smut in the next one! Also some angst I guess? Not proofread bc I’m too impatient 🙌🏼

CHAPTER 1 :

“To those I couldn’t protect”

When they set foot inside the tiny inn, the smell of alcohol and freshly cooked food submerged them. The bar was full, people were eating, laughing and probably telling each other all about their adventures on the desertic planet.

It felt great. Finally seeing an ounce of what humanity is supposed to look like. These small moments of rest, which managed to lighten the memories of blood and fear, were cherished by the group.

Milly and wolfwood decided to register the rooms for the night, while Vash and Meryl desperately looked for a free table to relieve their hunger and dire need of a beer. It’s Vash that managed to find one first, used to move swiftly and rapidly around people to snatch the first spot that cleared up. So Meryl went to the bar to take all the orders.

By the time she came back, Milly and Wolfwood were back, already chatting with the blond man. As soon as she sat down again, Vash got some playing cards out of his bag to entertain the group while waiting for the food to arrive.

As time went on, the food was already downed, noting it really didn’t take long considering their level of starvation, and most of them were already on their third beer of the night. As usual, Vash and Wolfwood are the loudest, bickering about who won that last round or betting who will win the next. Milly, who already had way too much to drink for her small tolerance, puts oil to the fire like usual while Meryl gave up the idea of calming them long ago. Even though this scene might seem chaotic on the outside, it was that kind of night that the group wouldn’t trade for anything.

Seeing the smiles of her friends, Meryl feels both pure joy and sadness. She can’t help but feel the dreadful feeling of guilt, gripping at her back like a vulture would at the corpse of its long decayed prey. That is how she felt, at least, consumed from the inside, slowly and painfully.

He could have been here. Had she learned how to use a weapon before, how to defend herself earlier, maybe then, her mentor would still be at this table, judging the group like the old alcoholic man he was. But she knew that deep down he would have enjoyed it too.

While her face tries its best to hide her inner turmoil, a certain pair of eyes behind orange tinted glasses catches that slight change in the mood of the small reporter. But he doesn’t say anything. While he’s not sure what the issue is, that expression she has, he feels like he knows it far too well. What he does instead is to try and snap her out of her phase by pinching her between her eyes.

“Your turn to play, meryl. Or have you given up on first place already?”

She mimics a giggle. “Hah, never.”

———————

Wolfwood won, again. Even though him and the blond gunsman keep arguing about getting revenge, the state of Milly, barely able to form a proper sentence anymore, rings the bell of this evening’s end. After waving the others goodnight and bringing her subordinate back to her room, Meryl doesn’t feel quite ready to sleep yet. She felt exhausted, yes, but it was like that sweet taste of rest wasn’t allowed to her.

She keeps fidgeting under her blankets, staring at the ceiling. The horror of July’s incident keep on flashing before her eyes. Giving up on sleeping for now, the short girl opens the window, hoping the fresh air of the night will soothe her. Her skylight window stood on the highest part of the roof, making it easy for people to go out and sit on top of the inn for some stargazing. As she opens it, she notices a bright red cloth swinging lightly to the desert’s night wind, hiding partially the view of the stars.

Looking up, she sees Vash, sitting a bit higher, heads up and seemingly lost in thoughts.

She struggles a bit to climb out the window, but manages to land shakily on her two feet. The blond, as sharp as always, notices her right away.

‘’Ah, Meryl. I didn’t realize that was your room. Sorry, did I wake you up?’’ He says, giving her his signature soft and calming smile.

She shakes her head. ‘’ Not at all, I was still awake. Just thought a red curtain isn’t usually what I expect to see when looking out the window.’’

He giggles at her comment and taps down next to him, inviting her to sit beside him. ‘’Haha, sorry about that. Never remember how long that coat is.’’

‘’Shut it, I’m sure you sat there on purpose.’’

He probably did. And that thought made her smile. She knew he somehow never failed to notice when she was going through some internal turmoil. He always tried to cheer her up with small gestures, or by giving her a comforting but silent presence.

It was both incredible and stupid. How such simple gestures, coming from a specific person, could already lighten her mood and make her feel like her vultures are now trapped behind that person’s protective aura.

So she sits beside him, now also glancing up at the sky.

‘’Can’t sleep?’’ Vash asks, not looking at her.

‘’Can’t sleep.’’

‘’Do you want to talk about it?’’ He sounded really insecure formulating his question.

Now that surprised her. Yes he found ways to comfort her in some ways or another, but he never asked her directly, too scared to overstep maybe. ‘’About what?’’

‘’Ah, well, you looked like you were kind of out of it these days. You often seems to drift into your own world.’’ He seems like he instantly regrets asking.

‘’ I mean it would be bad if you spaced out while driving, we already had so many acciden— OW!’’ He’s interrupted by her fingers instantly pinching his ear.

‘’No comments on my driving skills.’’ Meryl pouts.

A bright laugh emanates from him, one that makes the world sound like a damn heaven. The reporter feels a light shade of red invading her plump cheeks, and a small smile breaks her pouty expression.

A comfortable silence sets itself between the two and the night sky. All you can hear are small gushes of wind and far away laughter from the last people getting out of the city’s bars. Sitting beside each other like this, enjoying the most simple of things, that might just be enough to her. She daydreams again, but this time about a long life, simple but always together. But when her fantasies of daily life happiness alongside the group crosses her mind, it strikes her again. The guilt.

She feels her throat closing in on itself, her heart banging rapidly against her ribcage but this time not from silly feelings towards her tall friend. Suddenly it’s hard for her to breathe and the memories flash once again. She sees Roberto, lying on the ground, head on her lap as he gives her his empty derringer. He can’t utter anything distinguishable enough for her to understand, his words are muffled by blood choking sounds. Her hand is pressed firmly where the reason of his pain is situated on his throat, covering her in amounts of blood she had never seen before.

He was telling her something. While handing that gun, he was telling her something! But she couldn’t understand it! Was he blaming her? Cursing her? Telling her to pick that damn gun and finally decide to defend herself. Maybe if she had done so earlier, he wouldn’t have had to take that hit instead of her. He would still be alive, drinking to his heart’s content, enjoying his cigarettes and writing simple articles that satisfied him plenty.

Her ears start ringing, her sight gets blurry while her eyes gets filled with tears and— she feels warmth. An incredibly comforting and soft warmth. If she could she would sink even deeper in it, until it was all she could feel.

Her eyes allow her to see the dark blue sky again, and she realizes that Vash had wrapped his arms around her, his head pressing on top of hers. He had stayed silent that whole time, giving her the time to come back around at her own pace. It felt like an eternity in her head, but when did he move that close to her? That means her saw her cry right? How embarrassing.

‘’Vash’’

He slighty flinch when her voice finally greets his ear again. It really must have been a while then.

‘’Meryl…’’ he’s interrupted by her arms encircling him tightly this time.

She’s embarrassed to have been seen in such a fragile state, but she’s so tired. Since her mentor’s death, she didn’t have the occasion to speak about her feelings with anyone, not wanting to burden Milly with the mention of her uncle’s death, or Vash, who probably had other things to worry about. Besides, telling him about her guilt felt like whining about insignificant matters when she knew how bad he felt for everything that happened these past 150 years. At the end of the day, she wanted to be there for him, she followed him exactly for that. He didn’t have to reciprocate her feelings or to bother about her struggles. As long as she could see his genuine smile, she was content.

But tonight, the pain is too big, too deep. And so she abandons herself to his, oh so warm embrace.

‘’I’m sorry, I… I just need a moment…’’

‘’Take as long as you need, Meryl.’’

Still resting his head on top of hers, Vash feels frustrated. He never wanted to see her in that state. Her soft smile and her joyful and sparky way of putting him back in his place when needed, were some of the rare things that kept him alive. He’s even mad at himself, if he could just have the courage to talk to her about it, to be her listening ear, someone she could confide in! He felt like he had no right to be the one to give her advice. After all, he had been the reason for the pain of so many before. But that look of despair he just saw on her face minutes ago does it. He can’t bear to remain a coward and leave her alone in this anymore. So he talks.

‘’I want to be there for you.’’

He surprises her once again.

‘’No matter what it is. No matter what you do. I want to listen and be there for you. Like you have for me.’’

It takes everything in her to not burst into desperate cries right here and there. And it takes even more to finally open her heart to him.

She weakly opens her mouth.

‘’Ever since July— no, ever since Jeneora Rock, the guilt has never left me. I don’t know how to live with myself, knowing my weakness and cowardice is the reason people have been hurt and even died.’’

She takes a deep breath.

‘’ After Jeneora Rock, I was sure I was going to change! I was going to make a difference and finally face the danger head on instead of running away!

But I was too pretentious, too stupid. Roberto died, and it’s all my fault. After dragging him along all of this, I should have at least been able to protect him, to save him! I should have… I should—!’’ The tears start falling down again making it hard to voice her thoughts, overwhelming her.

‘’My weakness, no matter what I do, it won’t change.. Roberto should have been the one to survive that day, not m—‘’ She’s immediately stopped, stunned by Vash who suddenly broke the hug to tightly place her face between his hands. He’s now looking at her intently, eye to eye level, his face a bit too close for her already racing heart.

She attempts to say his name. ‘’Don’t ever say that again.’’

How could he have not realized? Of course she would feel guilty about the things that happened, she cared so deeply for her friends, it should have been evident that those evenings would have gotten to her. Hell, he knew that feeling far too well himself. Yet his cowardice left her alone to deal with it.

He was so angry. At himself, at her as well, they had known each other for so long now, how could she talk like that about herself when she was the one who brought him so much joy in his life.

‘’Meryl, you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have enormous physical strength or flashy fighting skills. You manage to find hope in the most desperate moments, you never give up on what is dear to you.’’

She looks at him intensely, the tears have calmed down, letting place for a deep blush on her cheeks once again.

‘’Your ability to shine through every hardship, that is your strength Meryl. You motivate the people around you to be better, to do better!’’

‘’I’m sure that’s what Roberto thought too. After all, he was quite the grumpy man that saw everything in black and white when I first met you two. But after some time, I saw him soften up around you. That’s your power Meryl.’’

The small reporter giggles weakly. ‘’Haha, I guess it’s true that he was a bit less insufferable after some time…’’

She continues: ‘’But I’m sure he’s cursing me from heaven right now, that after all this time, I still can’t do much.’’

‘’That’s not true! You’ve done so much! You wrote an amazing article, trained an amazing new recruit, you’ve learned to shoot a gun, you found me again despite all my effort—‘’

‘’Say what now’’ here goes the pout again.

‘’Alright, sorry, sorry… but in the end, I’m glad you did. Maybe you don’t realize but you already give me so much everyday.’’ He utters, his voice going down in volume.

‘’Such as?’’ Meryl looks almost amused now, her eyes still puffy and her cheeks now dry.

‘’Well, first of all, you give me concussions from all those bumps from the card rides—‘’ He stops when her face contorts in a way that tells him he’ll die if he says one more word.

‘’Okay, okay’’ He laughs sincerely.

‘’You give me… hope…’’ His gaze softens at that. Not quite able to look directly into her eyes anymore.

‘’You give me joy.’’ Her face gets seriously red again.

‘’You give me a reason to keep fighting.’’

‘’Peacefully, of course?’’ She retorts, trying to hide her embarrassment. She mustn’t hope for anything, he’s just being nice to her.

‘’Always.’’ He looks at her again.

Now that he’s calmed down, vash realizes how close they actually are, and he attempts to remove his hands from her face. But she grabs them before he can. She’s not ready to lose his warmth just yet. So she holds him there, her hands on his.

Silence sets again, but something is different. Something is building up inside of them. Vash feels like his heart's gonna explode, he had had dreams where he got to be closer to her, but he never felt like he actually deserved it.

The silence feels extremely heavy, only the light wind can be heard now. Unconsciously, their face gets closer, their forehead now stuck against each other. It’s like their emotions are decoupled. They can feel everything, every movement, every heartbeat. Their hands almost merging together. Meryl can feel Vash’s breath against her face, ‘’smells like mint and beer’’ she thinks. His gaze drives down now.

And slowly, after what felt like a thousand years, the soft feeling of his lips invades her own.

The kiss is tender, and long, the both of them not quite able to separate. But when they do, it takes only a second for them to crash their lips against each other once again. Each new kiss, deeper than the previous one, brings more proximity than they both have ever felt. Meryl almost thought she saw a faint light of blue illuminating the man’s face but she brushes it off her mind, too eager to close the gap between them again.

When they painfully split from their embrace, their eyes stay locked, a shy excitement visible on each face. Their foreheads join again, they’re now laughing. It’s that kind of laugh you never thought you could hear from two broken people on a desert planet, but also the one they wish to never stop.

‘’Now we’ve done it huh.’’ Meryl says, closing her eyes, blotting herself against the tall blond.

‘’I never thought that day would come.’’ Vash is sincere. He actually still doesn’t understand how he could deserve to be blessed by such an amazing person. But for now, that thought is brushed away by meryl looking up at him once again.

‘’Will you stay with me tonight?’’

[muffin-ofdoomsday]

Newbies' Trigun Stampede/98/Maximum Analysis

To start off I was introduced to Trigun by fanart on Pinterest while looking for art inspiration. So thank you to all the fandom artists!! I'm not really into anime too much, so this has been the first anime thats had my attention in a long while.

I began this series by watching up to episode 3 of Stampede and then decided "I can't wait, I must consume".

Immediately watched the high trip that is Tri98 and then came the heart crushing Maximum. Also have to thank @genkooii for the link to the proper translation to Maximum. Here is the link to that post if anyone wants to read as well.

I'm really happy with the way I followed the series and love it so much. Each version having its own charm and still keeping Vash's core at heart. But there are differences and somethings i find that were done better than others. I'll give my feelings for each first and then compare them.

Begining with the first 3 episodes of Stampede The animation was new and interesting. I didn't know about the hate for CGI until later on. I agree that it does look different, but I quite like the potential it has. Its beautiful in its own right. For story, I have to admit even as a newbie, the pacing was rough for me. I realized this after Vash saved Jenora (again) barely had time to breathe and then EG Mine shows up. (I learned later that I stopped just before things ramped up even more) I like tragedy, but subtlety goes a long way. Will come back to Stampede again further down.

Next is the OG Trigun 98 anime. I didn't realize how much I missed the 90s anime aesthetic?? There's just something about it. Even though it is dated in appearance, there are some great frames and angles this anime had that just makes it so intense!! This version did have fillers, but I felt like they weren't out of place. I have to admit here that I have a bias for this version. I grew up as a Fallout New Vegas fan, and this just gives me the same vibes. The questioning of morality with no real defined answer? How people struggled to survive and how fucking wacky they were!??? All while the protag is basically a wandering gunslinger/cowboy. Loved it. Gotta have those spurs that jingle jangle jingle, while having an existential crisis.

And here we are at Maximum.. man, words can't even describe how Stamp and Tri98 didn't prepare me for this at all. It's like that hair-clutching-hysterical-crying that settles into soft calm laugher and happy tears. It was really painful, those tough and tender pages i read... I loved it. This version does have a combination of both the above. And Stamp is more based on this version. But the pacing, while quick, had the subtlety I craved. The action was cool and interesting, but i now understand why it was said as "hard to follow". It can get a bit confusing. Overall, I ate this manga up when I definitely should have been studying, haha!

I actually went back to Tri98 after Max and definitely felt the differences between them. It was a bit surreal. Had to separate the two in my mind, but I still love them both.

Return of the Stamp! Now having finished all prior media, I looked at Stampede with new eyes. I'm glad I waited because I binge watched the episodes. I definitely understand why older fans were concerned, but this was my original, and I am going to stick by Stamp's side for as long as I can. Hmm how to describe how I feel now that season 1 has ended... this Trigun is in neutral for me right now. Though the animation is enough to make me go bonkers over the expressions and lighting, it's not enough for me to say it's outrageously good storytelling wise. But it does convey emotions well when it wants too. And they are definitely setting the stage up for Vash and more trimax story. I'm eager to see the results. I enjoy it overall. Season 2 will truly decide for me.

Okay here is the comparison part and will likely contain SPOILERS

Pacing

Stamp- as I mentioned much too quick but hopefully since this prequel season is over they will have more time to space out the story a bit

98- quite like this pacing. Has world building and mystery towards Vash for the first half. Makes it intriguing. The later half does go by quicker. Plants are hardly mentioned or explained.

Max- always in motion. Only in the first OG(prequel?) Trigun manga is there filler, which is what Tri98 is based more off of. But also this filler still had meaning and made you think.

Character relastionships/Interactions

Stamp- very little, Meryl is basically the only one who develops with Roberto and a tiny bit with Vash at the very end of the season.

I feel like something was lost between Wolfwood and Vash in this version. Woodwold being cold and Vash saying he looks kind, if you haven't seen the other media it's nice. Technically, there's nothing wrong with it. But i now see this is one of the tropes older fans complain about. It lacks the depth the 98 anime, and Trimax WW and Vash had. It gets straight to the point but loses a sort of dynamic. This anime didn't have the luxury of time I suppose. I don't hate wolfwood here. How could I? When he made such a soft expression at Livio. He still has that need to protect and thats what really matters.

98- another reason I like Tri98 is because they actually had the characters interact more. Meryl and Milly came to see Vash more and more and understand, he isn't at all what they or others thought he was. They had more time to be inspired by him. Meryl is definitely more aggressive and very direct. I don't hate this version. It's a straight man to Vashes over exaggerated goofiness. For the anime it works but I hate that for how abservent she is, that she really couldn't see Vash as the stampede?? Kind dumb but it's a wacky show, had to have a sillier vibe.

WW I like how they are actually friendly to each other at first. When the person who made you smile/soften up, has a harshly contrasting moral view to your own, it creates a certain sort of tension. Loved Vashs and WW friendship here. His death was kinda sadder since he died feeling like he didnt acomplish much. Vash's moment of breaking down while eating donuts was heart-wrenching . Also Vash using the Punisher vs Knives, such a good scene!!!

I actually really like Milly and Wolfwood together. It's cute. Millys more capable then I thought. Love her.

Max- Meryl and Milly have much less time with Vash. I do like how they are inspired by him still, but they only come around every so often to say a baller couple of lines than they dip. Don't get me wrong, I understand why, and I love how they are the representation of the good in humans, but they no longer feel as close. Which is saying something because 98 Vash was still a really distant dude. It just feels like the gap between them and Vash is more apparent. But they also had a really big issue at hand, so understandable. When Vash is called out for not letting them help more, he acknowledges that he can't afford to think about it at the moment. These characters were still great on their own.

WW- by far the only real human relationship Vash has ever had. And I don't mean in the romantic sense, but a sense of actually getting to know someone on a personal level despite their tense differences. Learning, inspiring each other while opposing each other. To have faith in someone. Vash is either on a pedestal or on trial when around most humans and I like that WW brings him down to his level. In the worst and best ways, he makes Vash truly human. I thought his death in the anime was painful but this was so much worse.

Livio and Vash bounding over their lost of WW will always get to me. The spaghetti scene. T_T Glad that Vash has another companion that could help in the physical fighting to come. Livio vs Elendria was a great!!. Liked how Livio was a combination of WW and Vash. A surprise break out character for me.

Does it make you think?

Stamp- Kinda spoon feed the tropes to you. I don't expect this to happen in the 2nd season. You could feel the subtle messages in the last few episodes of the season. I feel like they are done being overly flashy, time for the thick sauce of you-gotta-think-about-this-now.

98- despite it being so much like an abridge series, the episodes do make you think. Thats whats so good about it. The unsuspecting "here is haha funny man, now think about the uselessness of being good in this world". Love the episode with the rich girl and her criminal dad. Shows her position like most humas on Gunsmoke/no man's land. Moral grey kinda thing? That the world they live in isn't simply black and white.

Max- better dust off the old noggin and soak it in your tears.

Sadness

Maximum wins. IWANTHIMTOGETAHUGANDATHANKYOUANDAND---'

Stamp close second might surpass Maxs trauma in time. Who knows.

98- Someone mentioned that this Vash isn't suicidal. That is how low the bar is to make him the happiest of all the Vashes. Technically, he also got the best ending, for now, at least.

Knives

Stamp- oh no.. hes hot...and they definitely made him more intimidating than 98. Coming back to episode 4 was a thrill ride, but this version of Knives is very yandere. He does care for Vash but very manipulative and narcissistic. Gaslighting galore. I kinda understand it because of the manga now, but the whole pregnant plants and all that really puts this Knives on the less redeemable scale. His piano theme is amazing tho!!

98- barely there, the ending fight was cool, and I enjoyed it a lot. I did still like him in this version, but it had a lukewarm water kinda feel. The lesser of all the knives.

Max- the great thing about Maximum is that it shows so much depth to the story that i knew before, and to Knives. How sad and alone he really his. How his intentions are really just to save his kind from a threat that broke his mind with their cruelty. I don't disagree with him, actually. What he saw l, what humans do, does go toe to toe with Vash's optimistic. Knives is so human compared to Vash in my opinion. It's kinda odd and so poetic. Also when the plant hivemind was ripped away from him, I felt sad. He was alone again. Still wrong for him to obsorb his siblings tho...

VASH the man the myth the lengend

Stamp - Hmm, this has Trimax Vash attitude, but more on the meek side. My first impression was that he was a cute and kinda like a kicked puppy. I want to pat his head. In this version I wasn't thrown off by him being an all loving protagonist he just had the vibe off the start. Watching him in the later episodes did make me tear up. He's so soft and does have that tenderness that all Vashs' have. A cinnamon roll, too pure to good for this world.

98- he uses his smile as a sheild and plays it off better than the other Vashes, but his pain is still there. He is also pathetic, in a loving way lol. Before getting to know his story, i thought he was crazy. I was like every other character that he met. I didn't understand his struggle. I just saw the crazy man who made things difficult by choosing to avoid killing. Him getting serious and holding fast to his beliefs amazed and stunned me. Had me step back and see his point of view. Highly respect his willpower. However I don't entirely agree with him. Which many have pointed out thats the point of Vash. He is also much more confident and sly than Stamp Vash. Which is weird because it makes him seem more experienced and I think Stamp is older? He manages to use his pervy and over the top silliness to disarm people and get the advantage in most situations. He's smarter than he looks. I enjoyed the ending for this Vash, because it touches on his moral code after having to kill Legato. Him finally looking forward to the future without Rem being the main focus to his life and decisions. There wasn't enough time in Trimax and I would have liked some pages on it. But he was a bit busy saving the planet... He may be louder than the other Vash's but he still strives for a world that is made of ----- LOVE AND PEACE!!

Maximum- this Vash is like an older dad of the other two. He is worn down and you can feel it but he will NOT stop fighting. He is a tad more direct than the other Vashes and I was surprised that he has a tiny mean streak when he's irritated. I like this. He isn't always hiding behind that painted smile. He definitely gives off more of that Angel theme the manga has. An older creature that is indeed different from humans but wants to care and look out for them, but people are so scared of him. Poor dude. Every Vash holds the same core elements, the tenderness, the wit, and the determination. But this Vash really nails it down that he is the OG. And man, some of the lines for Maximum were just chefs' kiss. Had me just staring at the pages pondering. But he is so broken and mostly picks up the pieces alone. I am bitter that he never got any comfort or closure at the end. I am grateful it was a hopeful ending but HE LOST SO MUCH!!

All of them need a hug and therapy

Personal Ranking

I can't choose between Trimax and Tri 98...................................... Fine. Okay, it's Max for the plot, but you'll have to pry 98 Vash from my cold death hands!!!

3rd -Stampede - I really love the look, music, and some of the emotional points, just not enough storytelling for me to appreciate it more. I also feel like it's a bit too early to judge. So much can happen in the 2nd season.

[severalspoons]

Long Rambling Trigun Meta Discussion 2

I *hate* the reply function in Tumblr. As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t function. It doesn’t even open up a findable page so I can respond, and I can’t directly answer the reply. That’s why I reblog.

So, here’s the next best thing:

tiggymalvern

I don't recall anything like that fic you mention from either canon. It's a lovely idea, if only I could imagine Vash and Knives stopping arguing with each other for long enough to do it.

This fic I’m remembering was surprisingly hard to find, and now I’m wondering if it’s from FF.net rather than AO3. Will share once I find it!

The twins argue while doing it, IIRC, and have very different approaches. Luckily for the humans, in this fic the engineer likes the plant and takes care of it well, given how little is actually known about how to do so post-crash. Even so, Knives almost kills the engineer, but Vash stops him and leaves behind a little journal full of advice and encouragement. 

IMO, I feel like this is something Vash would be motivated to do more than Knives:

-- to repair his relationship with Knives

-- because he feels responsible for the people Rem saved

-- because he wants the bulb plants to be safe and happy

(listed in the order I thought of them)

But Knives would see this as slight progress towards Vash seeing things his way, so he’d go with it. What do you think?

tiggymalvern

I've never been entirely clear on the manga ending myself, and I think Nightow left it somewhat ambiguous deliberately. Vash and Knives are fighting, and then the earth forces attack them both, Livia intevenes and Vash and Knives fly off and

six months later we find Vash in hiding with the people who saved him, because Knives convinced them to, and then Knives plants an apple tree to help feed the peopl looking after Vash, and then he vanishes...

I assume he chose not to stay with humans and just went off somewhere, but it's left open

Interesting! Yeah, I got the sense it was supposed to be deliberately ambiguous, too. 

Many people say that Knives died giving his last energy to save Vash, to the point where I thought that was canon. 

No matter what happened with Knives and the tree, I have questions. If Knives planted the tree before dying or disappearing or whatever, I’d want to know where he got the apple seeds, and if providing the energy to make that tree survive on Gunsmoke killed him. If he turned into a tree (which I thought was the canon, but maybe not?), how? I can see why you didn’t interpret Knives as turning into a tree.

All I know for sure is, if Knives were dying, he’d want to do it on his own terms. Ideally in a way that would express his point and make an impression on Vash. I was going to say that creating a tree doesn’t seem like Knives’ style, but then I thought about the apple tree scenes in the anime. However that tree came to be, Vash would most likely associate it with happier times on the ship. Maybe he’d be fucked up enough to see it as a gesture of love. 

Maybe it was the closest thing to a gesture of love someone as manipulative and self-absorbed as Knives could manage...

tiggymalvern  Knives really is a person with no middle ground. When he believed Rem's teachings, he believed them wholeheartedly, that everything would turn out fine and people just needed to be given a chance. When he rejected those teachings and decided it was all just rubbish, he went maximum speed to the other extreme. Reject ALL humans, not just the individuals who had proven that they suck. And reject as in eradicate, not just avoid... 

I love Knives’ all-or-nothing way of being. Maybe because I know and love so many people with a little streak of that. And it’s so believable. Reminds me of a quote I read somewhere about how a misanthrope is a disillusioned idealist.

Knives thinks in utilitarian terms (”the greatest good for the greatest number with the least possible sacrifice”) as a kid for the few short scenes before he turns evil. He also seems to think in terms of groups rather than individuals (”humans,” “spiders,” “butterflies”). It saves him the grief Vash goes through at coming to know and lose so many people, but it also helps him justify a racist ideology. I love that about him, actually. If I were to write a Knives redemption fic, a key arc would be helping him learn to see others as individuals. I have a few paragraphs of something like that written...

Kids definitely need wonder and to see the beauty in the world, but it's also a good idea to mention the possibility of weird strangers offering candy that are best avoided. For these bizarre new non-human children, those warnings would have been extra pertinent, and maybe would have reduced the shock of what came after. Knives is definitely more mature than Vash in those flashbacks. Like you say, he wants to discuss issues with Vash, and Vash just parrots Rem. 

Agree.

I have a theory. Earth, in Trigunverse, seems a lot like our world, only worse.

I’ve seen a lot of people’s sense of wonder, beauty, fun, and curiosity squished. I was the weirdo in preschool, among other four year olds, for being too much like that. Maybe on Trigun Earth, a bleak place to begin with, that’s the norm. (And destroying people’s wonder/curiosity/etc. leads to depression and the ennui of modern life, but that’s another essay).

Some people, like those who run Waldorf schools, overreact by going to the opposite extreme. The worst, most ideologically rigid ones, deliberately wait to teach kids to read so they can explore the world unmediated by words a little longer. (And will even discourage kids who learn to read early, grr). Waldorf philosophy assumes young kids are basically sensing, feeling, and imagining beings, rather than thinking ones. 

I get the sense that Rem is one of these sorts. She was squashed and made to feel worthless for the way she saw the world. Maybe that’s part of the reason she was so depressed and needed Alex’s help. She’s raising the twins the way she wished she had been raised.

That sort of parenting wasn’t appropriate for a plant, of course. But no one had raised independent plants to adulthood before. No one knew what was appropriate. No one knew how to teach them about danger (or how not to). 

Growing up as a neurodivergent person in the Dark Ages, the only kid with allergies and sensory processing problems, etc., I understand all too well how badly things can go when even the most loving parents just don’t know what to do, and can’t find helpful information anywhere. Where helpful information isn’t just hard to find, but it doesn’t exist yet. 

So as critical as I’m being of Rem, I sympathize with her. She really didn’t have much to go on but her own knowledge and experience, and she bravely did the best she could.

Vash isn't thinking for himself yet, but he's a kid, so that's allowable. It does make it harder for Knives, though, who feels he has to be responsible for them both. 

You know, Knives does feel responsible for them both, and I hadn’t thought much about it and about the implications of that. No wonder he was so frustrated and furious. There’s definitely a sense of “something is deeply unfair and wrong” for a child trying to raise not only themselves, but their younger sibling(s).  Perhaps that’s part of the reason I saw Knives as caring about Vash, in his toxic, screwed up way. 

Plant biology is MASSIVELY confusing, and the more you try to piece it together, the more your head hurts LOL. But I think that's almost the point? ...Leaving the readers struggling to figure out the plants is the human perspective.

What do you think about the anime being so much from a human pov, especially considering that the most important characters in it are not?

Wolfwood is the support Vash needs to learn to control his plant powers among other things, the powers that have terrified Vash for so long that he ignored them. But Wolfwood isn't scared of them - or rather, he is, but not scared enough to abandon Vash because of them. He knows all about Vash, he knows all about July and the hole in the moon, he's seen Vash transform into some weird crazy thing with feathers, and Wolfwood still stays. Wolfwood lets Vash know that Vash's mistakes can be forgiven, and Vash is still a worthwhile person despite them. And because Wolfwood believes it, Vash can start to believe it. 

Between how well you put this and the dynamic itself, I’m...blown away and don’t know what to say. 

– “Vash, take care of Knives.” This breaks my heart because so far … he hasn’t. First he follows Knives around. Then abandons him. Then attacks him. I really do think Vash was trying. He followed Knives around for so long while being so angry with him for what he'd done, and yes, part of that was because he didn't want to be alone himself, but part of it was him trying to follow Rem's advice. 

Yeah, true, he did try at first. I undervalued it because by the time the series starts, that was far into the past and Vash probably doesn’t even remember it, but still.

In the manga, Rem specifically says, 'Vash, don't leave Knives alone,' because I think she recognises that Knives is prone to extremes and needs a balance. 

See, that instruction makes so much more sense. And I think the plants would have agreed. (Well, of course they would. They’re a collective consciousness, after all).

Rem probably also knew it’s bad for anyone’s health or sanity to be alone, and an emotionally unstable twin plant even more so. Knives would be in a solitary confinement of his own making.

Vash tried and tried to get Knives to change; he spent so much effort trying to explain why genocide wasn't the answer. But Vash failed, and eventually he recognised that he was always going to fail. So he left Knives, because he needed a life that wasn't that failure. He needed to do something to compensate for Knives. He took upon himself the responsibility of not only protecting the humans from Knives, but protecting the humans from the worst in themselves, which Knives' actions brought to the surface. And that is one hell of a lot to take on, and not a recipe for a happy life.

Yeah, that’s...a heroic life, but not a happy one. In a way, it seems almost as doomed as trying to change Knives.