#i will literally write down 'get in. let the dog out. take off shoes. pee. snack. shower. dinner.' every little list helps!

[marsixm]

the number one thing that has helped me with my adhd, with decision fatigue, with getting distracted, with all of it- from picking out youtube videos, knowing what chores i need to do, responding to texts, WHATEVER- the number one thing has been reframing thinking and deciding as an ACTION that needs ENERGY and setting aside specific time to sit down, make a plan, queue up light entertainment, respond to messages, WHATEVER. planning is a step and execution is a step. i am not finding myself in the middle of every task now going 'oh shit now i need to figure out what's next AGAIN' bc i already made a plan earlier. now my only thought has to be 'check the list and see what's next' because im sure whatever im already doing has me expending energy and thinking anyway. do not pile on. do not make things complicated. just set aside a small amount of time to make a plan. it has genuinely helped me so much.

[anonil88]

Malcolm and Marie live blog

I don't usually do liveblogs for movies but yea.

Spoilers ahead!!

I love that its modern timed but very 70s stylized.

A tune indeed.

When you are high and drunk on success and

How the white critic reacts is why I feel like gatekeeping my scripts. At the same time some things I do make are about race or involve.

Marie sitting on the patio smoking is a mood whenever men are talking.

So he's pretentious and unaware.

Whoever chose the music for this, I feel like we would be Spotify mutuals.

Can this nigga stop pacing.

Also can he stop talking;

Marie is so tired and unimpressed.

Also little booties matter and are to be bitten.

Oooo the tension and the jazz.

Title Card over mac and cheese.

Shitty boxes mac and cheese but still mac and cheese.

Tbh i always wonder if spouses/significant others get upset when their spouses don't acknowledge them during speeches.

John sounds so much like his dad but I really hope his acting style differs from his dad a lot.

Guilty confession?

He did not profit off of his partners backstory and then not even acknowledge her.....I.....

If that ever happened to me catch me cussing my partner out during the beginning credits, the end credits, in the car, and at home.

GASLIGHTER!

The way I'm excited for Zendaya to give me some, oooo can she work with Regina King. Please on my knees I pray.

Um no that's not your job to coddle your lead.

He's a dick and the type of dick who makes himself look like a good person around other people.

If Sam Levinson is trying to make his viewers more of misandrist, it's working.

I feel like Marie has her flaws probably a lot of them and we will surely see as this continues, but Malcolm needs to learn how to apologize sincerely.

70s vibes! 70s vibes!

Them kissing and talking about criticism and dreams makes me miss a partner. A partner that I've had and haven't had.

Women really are behind every great man.

Yea sir you fucked a happy moment.

Oh visual allegories for looking in from the outside and cat and mouse chasing and looking from the outside in.

She's saying she doesn't feel noticed by you.

Gas lighter :0 he called her an emotional support dog, bruh.

I would LOVE to co-write or take a writing class held by Sam Levinson. The fights i write are very much in this same realm of reflection and anger and monologue.

Sam.....sam.....are all the sides inside of you doing okay sir?

The ugly side of dating and being in a relationship with someone who struggles with their own demons.

Honestly I could close my eyes and listen to this script being read without seeing these characters visually. Just close my eyes and get a sense of these characters like it was a radio story.

Oh. Oh this is a new wheelhouse of Zendaya acting; a different voice is like breaking through here and her expressions aren't the same we are used to. You can literally hear another character in there....hmm.

Mans is outside really fighting with his invisible demons lmfao.

Selfish ass, how after everything she said you came out of it thinking about your own craft and self instead of how you hurt her.

So she's conditional.

Me: did sam (a white man) say nigga this many times in his script or are the actors adding their own inflections. Not just the lingo used but the topic of race and directing etc. being written by a white writer about black characters is always gonna be a critique when you're writer is a white person.

Alexa play Broken Girls by Saba

He is so hurtful.

A clown nigga a clown look in the fucking mirror you bozo head ass looking like you need some Mehron clown white and a size 16 in clown shoes.

John is doing a really swell performance and reading of these lines.

He is reading her for her insecurities by bringing up his experiences with other women and that.....is yikes.

Arguments can get messy like this in real life but it takes a lot of maturity and control to either not let it get to this point or have a healthy conversation afterwards.

This film is really shot on some very crisp lenses.

They sitting there like 🚬🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️.

Leftover Mac and Cheese and unfinished cigarettes.

The nyt etc. pay walls are so annoying, but there is a work around look at the articles on incognito or add a period at the end of the url.

He sounds like his daddy so much here, weird, this is the only part I'm eh on the dialogue it feels real but a bit out of pace in how they are bouncing off one another.

Nail scissors? So the end is not the only part he based off of Marie. 🙄

ITS A GOOD REVIEW YOU DINGUS but also its a full review they are going to critique things. She isn't wrong though he did profit off of a woman's story that was not his own to profit from.

Yes Malcolm because unfortunately all marginalized people look through a lens of life that is inherently political because of the world they live in.

He is so mad and upset and had a lot on his chest. But I think he Malcolm and Sam are talking about something thats an issue and a non issue. Being critiqued for you art is hard but also Malcolm is not super self aware. He's like a stand in figure of for example rich depop sellers who wanna be oppressed so badly they yell at others instead of examining their own personal behaviors and ethics.

Oh Marie, when you know the spark is gone and you pick fights because.

He ain't even ask her to read?

One critic I have for most of hollywood actors is they learn their cry and that is it. A change from this is Margot Robbie, I adore her fluctuations of crying being similar but the crying is carried differently for each character. If I had to say any actor that does a cry scene amazing its this woman right here (Amy Adams)

You stole her story from her and gave it away, she has a right to be upset and angry and a rubber band ball of emotions.

Citizen Kane, not the cinematography, but the story is it even that good? (Unpopular opinion but meh, maybe in my rewatch it will be better.)

But that is what people want authenticity and whatever authenticity means to them. What is real for one is false for another.

To be honest look at the criticism of Euphoria, well earned, but a lot of people were like this isn't real even though he literally wrote about his own life. People said it was inauthentic like....wtf.

Ahh the smoking is just a habit, he quit and she didn't.

CAST ZENDAYA IN A HORROR MOVIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING. Get Lupita and Zendaya and some more black actors preferably less known ones in a horror movie. One with a interesting script and story, directed by Regina King. Please and thankyou.

I love Marie yep that was amazing.

Behind every great man is a greater woman, one that deserves her credit for how she has stood behind. I wonder the stories of those women, what they have sacrificed or not sacrificed. Their thoughts and feelings when the world is surrounding their partner and views them as a plus one. (I'd write a short script about this but I think do I have the time, can I, or am I equipped ?)

He is a shitty person for bringing up his exes, like she even said I don't wanna know any of that.

Imagine being on anti depressents and rarely having a sex drive and then when you do your partner starts talking about their exes and tearing you apart for all your faults.

I love when you see peaks of Zendaya's cadence in roles.

Tension, what if's and he didn't even bring her up in his speech.

Marie to herself and the audience:

He is not afraid that he will loose her but as my character says in my unreleased story, "i can't wait til you give me a fucking reason to leave your ass." Malcolm expects everything in order for not even doing the bare minimum and she is only asking him for something as simple as consideration. She just wants him to be considerate. He wants to get married and considers their relationship like rolling down a hill at full speed and he cannot apologize, he cannot be considerate, and he cannot admit his wrongs. He can only offer her I love yous that he probably does mean but he does not back up outside of what he's done for her in the past. The past which was more of her experience than his and he sees his part in it as a burden. He doesn't use his own vantage point of the past to further his career he uses her. He does all of these things without a real apology or thankyou because he is not afraid to loose her.

The restrictions of quarantine and the panorama have made Sam's writing very no frills. I wonder how other films from other directors and writers that are filmed in small contained crews like this will be structured. But this was a very good movie gonna add to my letter box 3.3-3.5

Oh shit this is my song,

Ratings/overall thoughts:

Script is like a C+, B- : I could go into my heavier big brain thoughts on the script but I don't feel like it. You catch hints of it above it centers conversation on race and privilege, mainly the writers and questions i have that won't be answered but Sam did make me grow disdain for Malcolm over a short time. Which is sometimes hard to do because im one sympathetic person but the sympathy i have for Malcolm is at 0. Maybe a 2 at some scenes but then it quickly goes back to 0. Some parts of the dialogue miss the mark or hit the are off balanced. While some of it like Malcolm's bathroom speech albeit mean is really strong or their conversation when he comes back from peeing really shines for me.

Performances: B+ to A- because they carried the script further than it could of gone with less talented actors. The monologues do well to showcase their current skill levels which are already high af and leave room for anticipation in where these actors go next.

Zendaya holding a knife: A+ with a gold star. That switch on and off and on is delectable.

John being a shitty boyfriend but following Marie like a lost puppy: B+ with a good job written at the bottom of the paper, Malcolm being nervous a frantic dialed up with more realistic nervousness would have sold me completely on Malcolm's anxious waiting.

Cinematography: A and a participation award.

The mac and cheese: A+ for the easy mac. Wish it was like Annie's or Velveeta.

Cigarettes: Participation award and their picture hung up for student of the month. Why the grill lighter? Everytime Malcolm opened up his mouth Marie was like sparks fly.

The music: A++ with a prize. Whoever picked the music probably makes good Spotify playlists.

[lordabovehelpme]

Let Me Try Something? - Din Djarin x Reader

This is part 3 to the Forget Me Not Series 

A/n: Thank you so much everyone who has reblogged and been enjoying this series. You guys are so sweet and I am so happy that I can write for all of you lovely people. I hope you guys like this chapter!!!

Summary: As you and Din get closer and more comfortable with one another, you try and spark more memeories. 

Warnings: mature themes, memory loss, female reader 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A warm weight rests around your waist, holding you to the very firm yet impossibly comfy pillow you are laying on. Maker, that was the best you’ve slept since… ever. It’s like you’re a new person. But now, as you try to piece together where you are, you realize the pillow is breathing.

Opening your eyes, even as they protest, you find yourself staring up at a sleeping warrior. His head leans on his folded arm, mouth slightly open as soft snores fall from his throat. The other arm wraps around your form and keeps you secure. Feet have entangled with your own as you lay between his legs.

Shuffling slowly up his body, you press a kiss to his cheek. Tucking yourself away in his neck, you close your eyes again and find yourself falling back into a slumber.

Your husband takes in a long breath and his hand starts to trail up and down your spine. It sends shivers up and down your body. In gratitude, you press a kiss to the spot just beneath his ear. He hums his approval and rubs his scruffy cheek against your head, much like an oversized dog.

You giggle as his facial hair tickles your skin and you roll away from him. His arms reach out for you to try and pull you back into his hold. “Hold on I have to pee.”

Groaning, his arms fall to his side. “Hurry.”

He is just as you left him, eyes closed and arms waiting to be wrapped around your body. “Good morning.” You crawl back towards him and press a kiss to his lips.

That seems to have woken him from his unfaltering slumber. He pulls you back against his lips as you start to lean away. “Morning.” He mumbles through kisses.

You move to straddle his hips and lean away from him. His muscles flutter and his eyes close as you scratch your nails down from his face, along his neck, across his firm pecs, and back up to trail along his biceps. Your thumbs press into particularly tight areas, trying to soothe out the knots and pinched nerves he has.

“Mmm, cyare.” His hands grip at your hips and squeeze when you press harder into a sore muscle. You grin, happy that you can elicit these sounds from him. But it really takes the cake when you feel something twitch beneath you. Gasping, you bite your lip and start to move your hips along his own.

Your husband's eyes open wide. “No, cyare, no.” His hands easily lift you off of him as he stands.

The sharp pang of rejection rings out through your bones. You look down at the blanket as tears start to form. You bring your knees as close to your body as you can, trying to form a ball and disappear from the world.

His eyes soften as he realizes his mistake. “No… I-... Look, I’m not ready for this. I don’t want you to think that you have to do this.”

You look up from where you had tucked yourself away, teardrops falling down your cheeks. His hand reaches out and wipes away your tears. “It’s not you. Don’t even start to think that this is your fault. I just… everything was ripped away so quickly and now we’re moving almost too fast. I just need some time to process. Alright?” You nod your head. It makes sense, it has only been a little over a week. But you can’t ignore the way your heart has crashed to the floor.

You just wanted to make him happy, to be who you were before.

“I need to go check something in the cockpit alright?” He gives you one last glance before climbing up the ladder and away from you.

***

You’re sitting right next to the mandalorian as he pilots the ship. You can’t even imagine what it must be like to be in his shoes. For someone you loved and trusted the most in life to suddenly forget every single thing about you. To be demoted down to nothing, to start over from scratch. To wake up everyday and see the lost memory of your lover.

Oh.

It would be so easy for him to just give up and leave you. Then he wouldn’t have to ever think of you again. He wouldn’t have to look at you and know what he lost.

But no, he’s stayed right along with you. He gives you everything you need and ask for as soon as he can. You smile as you remember the second night after the incident. “Can you show me where the tea is?”

He was in the middle of fuzing a couple wires together, but as soon as he heard your voice he literally dropped everything and gave you his full attention. “Tea? Yeah it’s over here.” He reaches up into a cabinet and pulls a tin can down. “Do you want some? Here, I’ll get the water started, you just go sit down, I’ve got it.”

He loves you so much.

He’s offered you so much compassion and care. Making sure every one of your needs are met. And making sure you’re okay.

Looking up at him as he pilots you see him in a new light… a softer light. Recently you have been thinking of yourself, not even noticing what this must be like for him.

“Hey, ummm, I’m sorry for this morning. I should have realized how abrupt it was and how it made you uncomfortable.”

He turns to look at you, his eyes scanning over your face. “No, cyare, you have no reason to be sorry. I just want to wait a little bit.” He reaches out and grabs one of your hands, squeezing it as he says, “I don’t want to spark any memories too sudden.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you. When you giggle his face softens. “But I’m serious, I don’t want you to use too much energy too quickly.”

“You’re too good to me.”

***

The next few days are filled with the quiet routine of your lives.

You’re once again in your spot to his right as he pilots through the universe. It’s a few hours into today’s trip and you’re starting to get bored. The child is asleep down below in his hammock so you don't have anyone to play with.

Din, seeming to be in the same boat, or he just noticed your fiddling says, “It’s too quiet, how about some music?”

“Sure.”

“Okay, come on, we’ll go eat some lunch too.” He grabs your hand and leads you to the main hull. You start to prepare the rations as he flips through a hologram, pressing buttons and waving with his fingers.

A melody fills the air. It’s a tad upbeat while still not being fast. Your head tilts as your mind works. This tune… it’s almost familiar.

“Wait.” Your husband turns from the speaker to look at you. “Why- how…” Suddenly you feel the need to move; like an invisible force has pushed you into the center of the room. “Come here.” You reach out for him.

He walks over and stands opposite to you. As if on a silent cue, you take his hand and start to move along the song. As you gain confidence, you give up control and let your body lead you.

The two of you spin and dance in a way that could only be practiced for many hours. Your hand stays enveloped in his even as your eyes widen. Your feet move on their own, carrying you around and with his body.

Suddenly, memories of laughter and the strong smell of beer fill your head. Almost as clear as day, you look around you can see different mandalorians surrounding you and your husband as you dance. They all watch you in earnest, raising their filled glasses and loudly cheering for the new couple. They drink as much as they can through their straws, allowing them to not take their helmet off.

The armorer sits with some children as she points at you. She nods her head at you. It is now when you realize your arms are covered in white lace. A wedding dress.

It’s beautiful, more beautiful than you ever could have wished for. The skirt flows with your every move, intricate lace decorates and accentuates your frame. Your sleeves, tight near the top but fall into long tendrils of fabric. As you twist and spin, it follows you and makes you feel even lighter on your feet.

The song you were originally dancing too suddenly turns softer, slower. You wrap your arms around Din’s neck and his large hands grab your waist, bringing you close to him as the two of you sway along.

When his forehead touches your own, you snap out of the flashback. You’re met with a pair of curious golden eyes. They skim over your face, searching for any tell of your emotion, any twitch or pull of a muscle that signals him of your thoughts.

“I-... this song,” His eyes widen as he slowly nods his head, “this dance.” A smile forms on his lips, the dimple becoming deeper as the skin around his eyes wrinkle.

As you try and piece together the final bits of the memory, a wave of emotion runs over you, almost knocking you down in the process. The intense feeling of just pure love, so simple that it’s almost complicated. Your heart swells, threatening to push past your ribcage. A gasp rips itself from your throat.

You remember. You remember how magical the day had been, almost as if it was a dream. The smile you would try to hide, but ultimately failed to, as the two of you stood before the Armorer. The vows you repeated back and forth. The cold touch of his helmet to your head.

The happiness you felt that day was like no other. Finally, after so many years, you were able to call him yours. Even now, your cheeks hurt as you recall the eternal smile you held. The covert gladly celebrated along with you two. Laughter and cheers filled the halls for the entire night.

Tears spring to your eyes, as you think of the end of the night. Sat before him in a private secluded room, nerves ablaze as he slid the helmet off his face. As each bit of skin was revealed to you, your eyes widened. Two lips, lips crafted by the gods. A strong handsome nose. Then, those curls. Those soft brown curls that frame his face perfectly.

And finally two enchanting eyes.

Eyes that hold so much emotion. Eyes that convey a long story with a single glance. Eyes that stare into your soul, and instead of making you feel small and weak, they urge you to grow, to let him in. Eyes that you love.

“Cyar’ika… you haven’t said anything.” You recall him saying, timid and insecure.

“Wow.” It’s all you could say, because he literally took every word from your head. The perfect and exact example of speechlessness.

Once again, you are snapped back into reality when a hand cups your cheek. Closing your eyes, you shake your head slightly and return your focus onto the man in front of you.

“That night, it was so special.”

“What night, cyare? Come on tell me.” Swirls of excitement sparkle in his eyes, his voice only proving his eagerness.

“Our wedding night. I remember the loud cheers as we did this exact dance and the fierce love I held for you.”

He nods his head frantically. “Do you remember anything else?”

Smiling you nod in sync with him, giggling at the fast pace. “So much. I remember how warm your hands were as they held mine before the armorer. I remember my dress. I remember how I could feel your eyes on me through the visor. I remember that night when he went back to our room and I finally saw you for the first time. I remember how I could only say wow.”

He chuckles as he kisses both your cheeks. “You were so beautiful that day, you still are. But then, in your white dress, all pretty for me, it was amazing. I felt like I was the luckiest man alive.”

As the song slows to an end, the two of you continue swaying. He tells you stories of that day, filling in the blanks your mind didn't. He tells you how when you walked down that aisle, he felt like his soul had left his body; in a good way he assures you.

The two of you laugh as you converse about the details. Specifically him telling you it's a shame you have forgotten the taste of the wedding cake. It was “like nothing you have ever tasted before.”

Babbles sound from the ground, and when you look down you are met with the outstretched arms of the child. “Hey little guy.” You lean down and pick him up, placing him in your arms. He coos and your husband rubs one of his large ears.

His little hands slap at your cheeks as he smiles, babbling to you about something.

“I know, I did remember something. Hopefully I’ll start to remember our memories too.” You smile at the child before looking up and meeting the warm eyes of your mandalorian. “But, slowly and within our own time.”

Overjoyed with your response, your husband smiles and wraps the two of you into his arms. “I love you cyare.”

“I love you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next Part: Know That I Love You

So yeah, I hope you all liked it. I’ve really been enjoying writing this series! 

Please consider reblogging, it really helps me out as a smaller blog. I also just love hearing what you all have to say, it makes my day! 

Love you all, Lordy :) 

Masterlist 

Taglist: @ficthots @along-the-lines-of-space @jedi-jesi @coldlilheart @remmysbounty @t3a-bag @all-along-the-resolute @impala1967666​ 

If you want to be added/removed from my taglist- just give me a holler and I’ll happily do it! :) 

(Also, for those of you who are tagged, could you be a dear and tell me if it is working, becuase sometimes my tumblr is weird and wont notify people, so yeah that’s great) 

[mouthfulloftoothpasterry]

okay, i need more eddie rambles. literally anything you want. just any sort of stuff you wanna talk about bc i seriously love everything you write

and do this whenever you want, you can just add stuff on it whenever you think of something and post it later, but i just love your writing so much omg 🙌

also, very excited for witchy y/n series bestie 😋

~🕷

Okay

I love doing this so let me just

I feel like he loves the stray cats in the trailer park

Like if they wander up to his trailer he will pet them and feed them and even give them a bath even tho they scratch the shit out of him

And he has names for all of them that he made himself

And I know he loves late night drives

Music low, windows down, holding hands while the air hits your face

And his favorite season is fall

Hands down best season

And he steals pumpkins from the farmers to carve and sit outside of his trailer

And he’s huge on Halloween

Absolutely loves all the creepy shit and the haunted houses

And he’s all excited to go into one until a zombie screams in his face and he turns around, screaming and running for his life

But he’s into all the fucked up decorations and always tries to scare the little kids who live around his trailer with the decorations

That is until a mom calls the cops on him bc of all the fake blood

And he gets so mad when he has to take it down

He loves his white shoes but can’t keep them clean for the life of him and they always end up black by the end of the week- random thought

He is always jumping on you like he is a tiny lap dog just because he knows it annoys you and he’s like “tell me you love me. I know you do even thought I annoy the shit out of you.”

Flipping you off is his form of affection

Along with bites

He will go to bite your shoulder any time he should be kissing your head instead

Kiss on the cheek? No, a bite on the cheek

A gentle, love bite if you will

And it annoys the shit out of you but he can’t help it??

He likes to bite

“Stop fucking biting me”

“You can say that you hate me??”

And he can’t cook for shir expect ONE meal

And it’s like pasta or smth

But it’s not just any pasta, it’s Eddie’s pasta, and it’s fucking amazing

And you always beg him to make it when you stay over but “it’s a once a month thing, I can’t cook it too often or you won’t keep coming back for more.”

He can never sleep so when you stay over he’s up all night, staring at the wall talking “did you ever think about the first person to discover sex? How did that even come about? Isn’t that so crazy, y/n?”

“Why are brownies so good? Is it all the chemicals they out in them because it’s never that good when I try to make them”

“That’s probably because you can’t bake for shit”

“It’s probably because you can’t bake for shit, shut up you’re so mean to me all the time how am I even your boyfriend? You’re so mean why are you rude to me?“

“What about dinosaurs? You’re telling me that fish survived but dinosaurs didn’t? They are fucking huge!”

“Y/n?”

“Y/n?”

“I didn’t say you could fall asleep while I’m talking to you”

“Okay then. Good night.”

HAS CONSTANT BACK PAIN

Bc he’s always hunched over with the heavy guitar and his back is strained from it

So he makes you give him massages

But he fake moans the whole time because he thinks it’s funny

And on his 21st birthday as soon as he blows out his candles he’s like “wow, thank you. Now I can throw this out” and just casually tosses his fake ID into the trash bin

Plz

He loves getting his hair pulled… iyk what I mean

And he’s so loud

Either groaning or grunting

Sometimes you could thing he’s trying to move something heavy with the way he sounds

But no, that’s just his sex noises 😢

And he’s so loud that even you are like “shut up”

And then he gets all sensitive like “you shut up 😒”

And he loves to sneak in your showers

Especially to scare you

Climbing in just to scream “boo!”

And you could be showering or literally on the toilet peeing and he just busts in asking THE MOST random questions

“Okay so would I look good with a mustache because the five o’clock shadow is kind of sexy, right? Like you want to sex me up just looking at this upper lip.”

“So what if I get pregnant instead of you? *sigh* are you even listening to me? Wipe that ignorant look off of your face, y/n. It’s 1986 get with the times! Men can be pregnant too, ya know.”

“No… no they can’t Eddie. And I’m peeing??”

“Well I don’t remember asking so stick this-“ *pulls middle finger out of his jacket* “where the sun don’t shine”

He loves trying new CRAZYYYY sex positions but then gets all whiny when one hurts him or is uncomfortable when you’re literally upside down

But his favorite will always be missionary or spooning 😢

And speaking of how babies are made

He’s just the best daddy to Star 😢

Like when she’s still little he goes in and checks on her 24/7 but even once she’s a toddler he can’t break the habit so he’s waking up in the middle of the night all the time to go check on her

And it’s constant giggles with the two

And he always does her hair for her before she goes on a play date or has to leave the house at all

And he practiced on your hair before you gave birth so he could do simple styles (curly or not)

And they go on monthly daddy daughter dates but always brings home some ice cream and flowers because “mommy deserves a treat too”

And the second Star realizes that your guys names aren’t mommy and daddy she’s so upset like

“What??? Your name isn’t daddy?”

And ofc you’re like “no his name is Edward”

And Eddie is like “oh okay so you’re mad? So you want a divorce? Since when am I Edward and not Eddie? So you just decide to drop this bomb on me right now??”

Bc he hasn’t gotten called Edward in YEARSSS so it feels strange that that’s even his actual name because he’s so used to eddie and that’s what he prefers anyways

And his oh so affection nickname for you, shithead, would then be passed down to Star

Like she’s playing with her toys in the living room “hey shithead, what do you want for dinner.”

“Nothing!”

“Okay, yeah. Go take that up with your mother!”

And Star can be just the absolute sweetest baby ever

But she can also be just like Eddie

So that means she’s very dramatic and is well… a shithead

“No! No! No! Drop it!” And Eddie is literally serving her her dinner

“I will not eat”

And he tries to get her to eat the carrots and she is tucking her lips inside of her mouth like “noooo!”

And y/n is like “yeah, that’s ur kid mr. I only ate pb&js for an entire year.”

“Okay i was poor, don’t shame me”

And anytime he shows you any affection Star is like “guys stop being gross😢”

But he really is so affectionate

And he saves the biting just for you because he jokingly bit Stars arm once and she tried to call him disgusting but she couldn’t quite get the whole word out

That’s all I’ve got unless you want me to ramble about anything specifically

[luvnami]

𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 @yacoka​ - 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 - thank you so much for commissioning me stinky lyra!!! i hope you like it <3 if you like what you see want to leave a tip/comm me, just click on the appropriate links :-) more notes at the bottom

𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 - @forgetou​

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 - alcohol, food

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 - tsukishima kei x yachi hitoka x gn!reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 - 1034

yachi is in the middle of preparing dinner when you and tsukishima crash through the front door.

“ugh, all my stuff is wet,” the blond grumbles.

 he kicks his damp shoes off by the genkan before shuffling further into the apartment, rubbing the spot on his head where he had bumped it yet again against the doorframe. meanwhile, you’re struggling to untangle yourself from tsukishima’s windbreaker and the straps of your backpack. yachi rushes over to help. 

“leave your things by the fan! it’ll dry faster,” she calls out to tsukishima. 

you hear his bag hit the ground, and the shower starts up immediately after. yachi has to help pluck the green jacket off of you before you’re able to dump your wet belongings on the floor.

“oh, why did it have to rain so suddenly?” you mourn.

wet hair is plastered to your face, obscuring your field of vision. yachi giggles as she parts it so that you can see. her soft fingertips (except the rough one that she had burnt making takoyaki last week) brush against your skin gently and you smile.

“i’m home.”

“welcome back.”

thankfully, tsukishima doesn’t take too long to get out of the shower, leaving you to dart into the warm bathroom to peel your wet clothes off. you can faintly hear his conversation with yachi through the pitter patter of water against your skin as they talk about what’s for dinner.

“i hope the both of you don’t get a cold,” yachi says when you finally emerge from the bathroom. she hurries to set the table for dinner where tsukishima is already laying out chopsticks and rice bowls.

“kei gave me his windbreaker. if anyone’s getting sick, it’ll be him,” you tease and plop down by the table. tsukishima glares at you.

“if i hadn’t given you that, you’ll be complaining about getting wet. not like it helped, anyways. the rain was really heavy today.”

“aw, kei! just say that you love me already!” 

tsukishima groans in disgust as you lean forward, smacking a wet kiss on his cheek. he wipes it off with the back of his hand and you chuckle.

yachi brings the hotpot over, placing it on a portable gas stove. the pot is filled with delicious ingredients, ranging from chinese cabbage and shiitake mushrooms to thin slices of meat. you drool.

“the meat was on sale today! we still have two more packs in the freezer, so eat up.” yachi smiles brightly and lights the fire.

dinner is spent slurping rich broth while chatting over how school had gone that day, your wet books fluttering like butterflies by the oscillating fan. tsukishima even fetches a couple cans of beer for everyone to share and all of you are soon warmed up by the hot and delicious meal.

“hitoka’s cooking is the best,” you sigh in satisfaction, resting against the sofa as you sip your beer.

“hehe, i’ve had a lot of time to practice.” you can spot a faint blush tinting her cheeks as she hangs her apron and comes over to the tiny living room to curl up next to you.

tsukishima is busy flicking through reality tv channels, trying to find something interesting to watch. you wrap your arm around yachi’s shoulders and plant a kiss on her temple.

the apartment that you share is barely big enough for everyone to fit comfortably in. you often find yourself knocking something off of the kitchen counter accidentally, and hearing a dull bump with a tired ‘ow’ often means that tsukishima must have hit something with his long limbs again.

it’s cozy, though, and you wouldn’t trade anything for a larger place (though a bathtub does sound tempting). because there’s still scorch marks on the wall when yachi nearly burnt the house down while making french toast, and the tiny scribbles of your three faces on the wall behind the television when you first moved in.

tsukishima’s oddly sentimental about the thrifted sofa (despite a large, fish-shaped stain that he thinks is pee — you hope that it’s wine). maybe because it’s where he had told you and yachi he loved you both for the first time, or maybe because it’s the only spot where the three of you can cuddle somewhat comfortably. he makes do with his feet sticking off of the sofa most of the time.

there’s an old biscuit tin that yachi uses to store her hair ties and clips by the window, the dog design faded from sunlight. sometimes, she manages to convince tsukishima to let her play with his hair and he usually ends up with sparkly heart shaped clips parting his fringe in the middle. you can assume from his tired but amused face that tsukishima only does it because it makes her happy.

you take another sip of your beer. your face feels a little warm, but it’s not enough to make you tipsy just yet. yachi gently grabs your hand and steals a mouthful from your drink, her soft hair brushing against your arm. the remnants of her cherry tinted lip balm remain on the edge of the can. maybe it’s the food that’s making you sleepy? yachi’s weight rests comfortably against your body, and she radiates heat off of the soft bear-print hoodie tsukishima got for her birthday. 

the lights are dim — you bought a cute mushroom lamp to reduce your electricity bill, especially since tsukishima enjoys staying up late. he’s seated on the floor with a pillow hugged to his chest. tsukishima leans his head against your thigh, blonde curls tickling your skin as he fiddles with the remote in his hands.

you let your sleepy eyes droop shut and bury your face into the crook of yachi’s neck. she lays her hand to rest on your thigh. tsukishima lowers the volume of the television and takes your beer can from you when he notices that you’re dozing off. he drapes a blanket over you and yachi not long after, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

love must be as natural as this, you think. as natural as the blooming of flowers every spring, as the waxing and waning of the moon.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 (𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨) - the last line is a reference to tsukishima and yachi’s name. the kanji for their names respectively means ‘moon island’ and ‘compassionate flower’. this line was written in mind of the face that tsukishima is the moon and space, while yachi is the earth and flowers.

so what does this make the reader? you are a mortal human being, existing between these two great creations.

it is only natural for us to be in awe and in love with the earth and space, as all other humans before us have.

hence this is why the love is ‘natural’ (metaphorical), and also because when you fall in love with someone, it can be difficult to pinpoint the exact reason why you love them because you’re already caught up in the motion of doing so (literal).

i hope that makes sense! i honestly wanted to focus more on this theme but i got carried away with how a small home is often packed full of memories that you often don’t realise until you’re moving out, etc. i honestly would love to write about this pairing again lol it’s really cute.

i didn’t describe the apartment in full detail, but i got the idea of tsukishima bumping his head from this article. i also found this while doing my research, but honestly it’s more of an apartment for working couples than struggling college students lol

[justsomefluff]

OMG, I love all your works, it's so fluffy xD, can you do a ateez reaction where their SO walks down the aisle??

sorry I kept you waiting so long!!! thank you sm for being patient, I hope you like it!

Hongjoong:

While he’s waiting for you, he’s so nervous and wringing his hands and everything

Kinda sweaty but whatever he’ll blame the tux

When the doors open he isn’t even smiling bc he low-key feels nauseous

And it’s not that he isn’t excited

Its that he’s TOO excited

Like those dogs that pee whenever they’re happy

But anyway, I digress

He’s gulping after every member of the procession passes him

And when he finally sees you?

Straight up almost passes out

But now he’s smiling

Like HUGE

It’s almost creepy that his mouth can stretch that wide

His eyes might water a little bit, but he’s not gonna let any tears fall

And when you get to him he wants to hug you so bad but he knows that he should probably just…

Let the officiant do their thing so you can finally be married

Seonghwa:

Now, he will cry okay

Big, fat tears that obscure his vision

He’s so cute like he’ll even get hiccups

And he’ll rub his eyes to make sure he can see every bit of you

Wants to internalize this moment and just keep it forever

You have to grab his hands to stop him from rubbing his skin raw

And he’ll kinda smile sheepishly at you

You two literally don’t even notice that the ceremony has officially begun

Too lost in each other

The officiant will deadass have to tap you guys on the shoulder like “…hello?”

And all the witnesses will laugh good-naturedly at the two absolute love-struck idiots in front of them

You guys have the kind of ceremony that all the little kids in attendance will remember and want for themselves

And the way Seonghwa looks at you totally brings comments from your friends afterwards like

“If my fiance doesn’t look at me like that, we’re divorcing”

Overall the sweetest wedding you could’ve imagined

Yunho:

Tall boy that totally bangs his head on the gazebo lmao sorry

Happy puppy that bounces on his toes so much that he puts a crease in his perfect shoes

He will smile and wave to each of the couples that come before you in the bridal procession 

Will even stoop to give the flower girl a kiss on the cheek which draws a chorus of drawn out “aws” from the audience

When you finally enter and step gingerly up the steps to the gazebo he’s almost clapping

He’s like “this. is. Art!!”

Staring at you with the biggest eyes

Whispers “hi” when you’re comfortably in front of him

When I say his eyes are sparkling? I’m being literal

His energy is so contagious 

Stealing glances at your shared friends as if to ask if this was real

They giggle at him and wave their hands to redirect his attention to you

So adorable though and he will definitely ask you to pinch him at some point because he’s cheesy

Also rubs your hands gently as he’s holding them to reassure you throughout the entire ceremony (but also to calm himself down a little)

Yeosang:

So serious and stony faced at first

Like people are almost worried about him

But when those doors open, he’s grinning ear-to-ear

Doesn’t even see you yet, but the anticipation is killing him

He’s been waiting for this so long and it’s finally happening? He can hardly contain himself

He doesn’t even watch the entire procession because he’s too busy trying to weave his head around the other people to see if he can catch a glimpse of you

Has zero patience 

You finally appear and that nearly takes him to his knees, I swear

He’s getting a lil wobbly

Highkey wants to run and meet you mid-aisle and just drag you the rest of the way

Wants the actual ceremony to be over with so you can be officially married

He’s been saying you're married this whole time but he wants it in writing

When you reach him, he takes your hands and you can tell he’s nervous because his hands are sweating

He recoils really quick to wipe his hands on the pants of his suit before grabbing you again

This prompts laughter from the entire audience

It amazed everyone that you two could still fluster each other, even on your wedding day

San:

TEARS

Ever since he woke up he’s been on and off crying

Happy tears, of course

He’s just so thrilled that it’s finally happening and he barely slept

Doesn’t even care about the ceremony anymore

Just wants to be married to you

Ready to live as a family and everything

Even if its just you two and Shiber for a while

When he first sees you, he chokes on his tears and starts coughing and he’s waving and making the “okay” symbol to the audience

You get to him and rub his arm to soothe him

Halfway through, its time for vows

Remember how I said he didn’t sleep?

He yawns right in the middle of his vows and you almost fall over you’re laughing so hard

Even the officiant, who has tried so hard to be serious up until this point, is trying to hold back a giggle or two

And San is totally worried that he’s made a mess of everything but when he sees your smile?

He knows that this wedding couldn’t have possibly gone any better

Mingi:

He’s gonna trip going up the stairs to meet the officiant

He’s so nervous about messing things up he almost seriously injures himself like fifty times getting ready

Like almost impales himself with the boutonniere, trips, almost slips in the shower, gets shampoo in his eyes, etc.

But everything is okay once he sees you

Couldn’t care less about anything else that had happened or gone wrong that day

Honestly wouldnt even care if the venue burned down, as long as he got to marry you

The boys are totally gonna tell you every detail and mishap from the morning later though

But for now? Peace

He’s smiling that crooked grin of his and his eyes are all twinkly with love

Gives you a big hug when you get close enough and holds you for a solid 20 seconds before the officiant is like “…can we get this going now?”

Awkwardly and reluctantly pulls away from you, kind of pouting but whatever lol

Just happy to be doing this with you and so excited for the future

Wooyoung:

Giggly and loud

Damn near screams when he first sees you

But it comes out as a quiet “oh wow”

Makes the officiant smile because they were the only one who could hear him say it

When you’re standing in front of him he’ll just kind of gasp

And then a single tear rolls down his cheek before he even knows he’s crying

When you wipe it away the witnesses are all cooing at you two

And he chuckles awkwardly and he’ll whisper that he’s not crying his eyes are just sweating

Whatever you say, kiddo

Once the ceremony starts, he never takes his eyes off of you

He doesn’t even know what the officiant looks like lmao

So laser focused on you and he just cant break away

You’re so hypnotizing

And he gets choked up reading his vows, but takes a few breaths and finishes with ease

And when the ceremony is finally over he’s practically racing you down the aisle, excited to get the party on with his new spouse

Jongho:

Strong boy not feeling so strong

He feels small while he’s alone and just waiting for you in front of all these people

The boys are whispering encouraging words next to him 

But that doesn’t stop the violent shaking of his hands

When he sees you though? That’s when he stops shaking

He feels strong again

He draws all his strength from you, and that sounds cheesy until you remember you are literally the person he is dedicating his entire life to

Smiling that beautiful gummy smile of his

Holds your hands so gently throughout the entire ceremony and winks at you a couple times to make you blush

Basically, all his nerves dissipated when he saw you walking towards him

Mouths “I love you” to you a million times during the ceremony

When you ask him how many times he thinks he must have said it, he just tells you he lost track

“The officiant was boring me, I just wanted to be married to you. Finally!!”

Scoops you up at the end and carries you out that door

Maintains the strong image until you’re alone when he can bask in the softness of your long awaited marriage

[hecticcheer]

Abyss of Possibilities (T/M/A fic)

Finished the platonic Jon&Daisy sickfic thing!! This was based on an emeto prompt,* but I’m posting it here instead of on shiftytracts because. Frankly it comes out a lot better when considered as h/c or whump than as emeto/kink fic. As usual w/ me, I set out to write the latter and instead got? 4.6k of Daisy character study whose external plot happens to be that Jon throws up? Ft. also a little Melanie&Helen friendship. It’s not bad as a story though so I’m posting it anyway.

--

Basira was out on another mysterious errand, which Daisy figured put her and Jon in about the same wretched position. Scratching and baying at the doors of their owners’ empty houses. Commiserating with him seemed a better use of her time. What was more, Jon had spent all day wobbly and coughing—fingertips leaving trails of slime on everything he touched like a snail—and she still couldn’t stand to see that in a person she’d made one of her own. (Monster she’d made one of her own. Whichever.) So after one of his more pathetic fits of coughing she’d decided to make them both tea. It started out as an excuse to leave the room; in fact she’d told him she’d had to pee. But when she’d come to the fork in the hallway her legs had taken her several steps past the turning for the bathroom before she’d noticed her mistake, and, yeah, well. Steps were a limited resource these days. So she’d talked herself into going to the break room for tea instead, and figured if she made Jon some too then.

Well—it was just?—she felt like a hypocrite, alright. She’d told Jon in the coffin that she didn’t want to hobble around like wounded prey any more than she wanted to become a hunter again, but, since he’d pulled her out she’d pretty clearly picked the prey side? Complete with literal hobbling, especially those first few weeks. And he was good to her about it. She wasn’t sure she wanted to despise weak people anymore. It troubled her to know that was her—that she’d still felt it in the coffin where her thoughts were all her own.

Daisy managed to stay upright unsupported while the kettle boiled—hadn’t even had to take a break to sit before turning it on. But while waiting for their teas to steep she leant her palms on the low, cool countertop, even though shifting her weight to them at once made her upper arms ache a little. The muscles of her calves dully throbbed, and her ankles itched. She swore she could feel them swelling. Could picture the mottled pattern of orange and purple her legs must be turning, like the wallpaper at one of those cafés that haven’t been redone since before she was born. They’d told her at PT that the muscle atrophy would take a long time to repair, but that these other issues should go away on their own after a few weeks. It had seemed to improve, at first. Getting worse again now though.

When she got back to his office she found Jon frozen halfway through peeling himself back off his desk, elbows wobbling, like an old dog on a slippery floor. Must’ve Seen her coming back, she figured. He did a little smile, but that didn’t last long. “Here,” she informed him, setting the worse of two novelty mugs in front of him. “Tea.”

“Oh!” Jon’s eyes went wide; he didn’t smile again, but looked almost frightened. Like she’d opened an abyss of possibilities. The mug said #1 Pervert, with the 1 wearing an evil smile and a trench coat held wide open. This seemed to faze Jon not at all.

“It’s just tea. No need to look like that.”

“R-right. Thanks?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, sure. Now drink up, it’ll help with your.”

“Oh,” Jon said again. “Yes.”

He picked up the mug, looked inside, then set it back down without drinking any. Daisy got halfway through a sigh before worrying this counted as despising him, then made herself laugh instead and pat the back of his hand: “That’s the spirit.” Jon flinched, but seemed to want to own that no more than she wanted to own her sigh. He closed his eyes, and his hand relaxed under hers. Breath seemed to whistle and crunch on its way out his nose.

“You ill?”

“Wha—?”

“I said are you ill.”

Another half second of smile. “Maybe.”

“Hm. Good sign, right?” Jon blinked at her. “A point in the still-human column.”

“R…ight,” he said. The way his eyes changed made her suspect he had more to say on that, but for once in his life Jon seemed not to feel like talking.

“Take a break. Archers’ll be on soon.”

Usually when she mentioned The Archers Jon would do a whole big dramatic show of disgust, a long sigh or a snarl or a choking noise or at least an eye-roll. He exhaled, now, but shortly; it flared his nostrils a little, but that seemed all the drama he could muster. “Thought you heard it last night.”

“You didn’t, though,” Daisy grinned. “Get confused if you don’t keep up.”

They’d had this conversation before; he knew his next line. But his voice caught on something about three words in: “You seemed to”—swallow; another deep, crunchy exhale—“you seemed to do alright after eight months under a rock.”

“You’ll have unanswered questions. Can’t compel the radio.”

Another swallow, then a throat clearing. “Fine.”

Daisy stood and waded toward the couch in the opposite corner of his office, where he’d slept since he woke up after the Unknowing. By the time she took her seat and looked back, Jon had stood from his desk chair but not yet moved. Just stood there with his hands on the chair’s back, staring off into nothing. Typical. But she knew he did no better than her with standing still for long periods, lately. She thumped on the arm of the couch to snap him out of his trance. “Come here, Jon.” It worked; he blinked to life, gave her a disorganized smile, and slunk over to join her. When he sat his legs shook the whole couch. He sat down at the far end, as often, but, no more unusually, when she scooted closer so their legs and shoulders touched he leant his head toward hers til his hair crunched against the outside of her ear. Daisy patted his leg with one hand, and reached for his clock radio with the other. (This was one of few non-clothing items he’d bothered to replace when he lost his flat. Apparently its alarm made the only noise he trusted himself to take seriously as a wake-up call; every other one he had tried he would sleep through, either accidentally or out of spite.) She set it on her knee so she could monitor the time, but kept the radio muted for now. Only 1:43.

By 1:49 she noticed Jon starting to nod off; by 1:54 his chin seemed stuck to his chest for good. At 2:02 she turned up the volume dial on his radio, and, sure enough, heard the Archers theme song. Considered just turning it up loud enough to wake Jon, but figured he’d be certain to sleep through that out of spite. So she shook him by the shoulder instead. “Oi! Ceaseless watcher!”

“Mmmnnnwha? Oh,” Jon said, straightening. Then he bent forward to cough again. Daisy channeled her urge to snarl into a laugh, telling herself she felt sorry rather than annoyed.

His cough seemed stuck, just like it had all day but more so. It was almost all voice—none of that other, less personal noise a satisfying cough makes. She wondered if he was trying to keep quiet for her benefit. “Come on, let it out,” she told him, thumping the back of his shoulder—and he did.

Almost as soon as she touched him, he made another noise more like—well, more like the sounds they’d both made underground. Or like when she’d cut him, back before.

Anyway, and then a splash. And then a stench. Daisy yelped and flung her legs out of the way; the radio went silent as the clock’s plug flew out of the wall.

“Oh shit!”

Between dry heaves and gasps for breath Jon croaked, “Not technically.”

She barked a laugh—through her mouth, not her nose—but held back the impulse to elbow him. Learnt that lesson, thanks. Just kept her hand on his shoulder instead, fanning her fingers back and forth in a semi-circle like windshield wipers. Meanwhile she surveyed the damage he’d made. The clock itself seemed miraculously unharmed, dangling by its cord between her knees. Only a little of the cord had fallen into the puddle—unfortunately including the plug. That’d be a bitch to clean up. Should she try to get the smell out or just buy him a new one, she wondered.

Her shoes had fared pretty well, too. Only one fat droplet on the right one’s toe, where it’d come off easy. His might be ruined though—and the socks. Poor bastard picked a hell of a day for white socks. The trousers might survive; vomit washed out easier than blood.

Beside her, Jon seemed to have quit dry heaving. Now he just panted, and said, “Ugh.”

“Done?”

“Think so,” he said in his hoarsest voice; “sorry.”

He set his palm down on the arm of the couch, apparently plotting how to stand without slipping in puke. Daisy moved her hand from his shoulder inward, to the place where his neckbones turned into backbones, and pressed him gently downward. “Never mind; I’ll clean it up. You stay here.”

Jon said nothing, but didn’t move either. Not even a flinch. Daisy slid to the end of the couch farthest from him and his puddle, stood, and crept past it on the balls of her feet, careful to avoid all the puddle’s little splattery fingers.

This was the first Archives mess Daisy’d ever volunteered to clean; only after she’d closed the door of Jon’s office behind her did she realize she should’ve asked him where they kept the mops and buckets. Probably outside the Archives proper, near the boiler and all that crap. Her stomach dropped—settling halfway down her legs, like all her innards did these days when she stood up. Melanie’s desk was empty, but Daisy shouted for her just in case.

The first door Daisy encountered whose destination she didn’t already know led to… a long corridor full of more doors. “Hi, Helen. Melanie in here with you?”

Melanie emerged, not from any of the doors Daisy could see, but from what looked to Daisy like the blank wall in between them. Just the perspective, part of Daisy’s mind rushed in to inform her. She closed her eyes so she could roll them at this part unseen.

“Daisy, hi,” said Melanie. “What’re you doing here, I didn’t think….”

“I invited her in.” Daisy heard the words a full second before she saw Helen emerge from a picture frame in the corridor’s opposite wall. “She was looking for an unfamiliar door. It seemed only polite to offer one of mine.” Helen said this with her head cocked to one side, coiled hands facing the other. Her left elbow disappeared into the wall.

Daisy made herself look into a framed mirror on the opposite wall instead of at Helen herself. Except the mirror didn’t show Daisy or Melanie or Helen—just the floor and other wall of this same corridor. Except also that in what passed here for real life the wall was a dark, 70s yellow, while, in the mirror or picture or whatever, it was more like highlighter yellow. What she saw in the frame still moved like a reflection though, not like a painting.

It was hard for Daisy, still, to be around… beings like the Distortion. Monsters used to be so simple. See someone glitching through the wall? Great; that means they need to die. Not like she’d never cooperated with an enemy before, just. Helen maybe wasn’t an enemy? And Jon was the only non-enemy monster she knew how to interact with. Jon was one of hers, now; he was a friend, the opposite of an enemy. But Helen, God, who knew. Stranded in the middle somewhere. Around Helen Daisy felt like the last person standing in musical chairs.

She shifted on her feet; her ankles still itched, but her toes had gone numb and cold. “I was looking for a mop,” she corrected.

When she looked back over at Melanie and Helen she found them sat on an invisible bench. She glanced back at the mirror. A wooden bench with green velour cushions. Made sense enough. Melanie still had her cane, after Jon and Basira’s whole surgery debacle; she wouldn’t come in here so often if it had nowhere to sit. If Daisy squatted down would another bench appear beneath her?

“Oh,” said Melanie; “yeah, there should be one in the broom cupboard. You remember how to get to Artefact Storage, right?” Daisy nodded. “Well it’s the last door on the left before you get there.”

“Right. Thanks.”

“No problem. What do you need the mop for?—is it—do you need some help?”

Daisy said, too quickly, “No I’ve got it.” Then worried Melanie might think she was hiding something of hers or Jon’s more sinister than dignity. She let out a long breath through her nose, lifted her foot and pointed at the circle of puke on her shoe. “Nothing big. Jon just threw up all over his office.”

“Statements gone moldy?” asked Helen, in that voice of hers like a doorbell.

“Oh, god, yeah—did he finally find that Corruption statement covered in actual mold?”

“Thought Martin burned that one?”

Melanie sighed. “No. Said he didn’t want to stink up Jon’s office.”

“Yeah, well,” Daisy scoffed.

“Probably just didn’t want to burn any that weren’t already on tape,” muttered Melanie. “Got him to burn the first one I ever recorded, though. That one about the stupid blanket.” She scuffed the carpet with her foot, crossed her arms, and leant the back of her head against the wall. “So. What’s wrong with Jon this time.”

“Don’t know,” said Daisy, shrugging; “think he’s just ill.”

“Huh. Wait—human ill or monster ill?”

“Don’t know. Didn’t ask.”

“It can be hard to tell,” allowed Helen. “They look remarkably similar. The first time Michael lost his lunch after he became me he thought his sick would have comic-book stink lines curling up off it. Terrible disappointment.”

Don’t ask what “lunch” means, Daisy told herself, scratching lightly at the pad of her thumb with her middle fingernail. Not your business, not anymore.

Meanwhile Melanie cackled and stamped her foot. “What about Helen?”

“She hoped she could click our fingers and make it disappear.”

Now Daisy smiled too. “Have to try that with Jon’s.”

(“Or turn to gold,” mused Helen, chin resting in the palm of a hand so long she could still click its fingers without their nails poking her face.)

“So you’re cleaning it up for him?”

“Apparently.”

“Typical,” growled Melanie; Daisy could see another I-hate-the-Archives rant on the horizon.

“I chose to do it; it’s not like he made me.”

“That’s what people always say about him!” Melanie squawked, her fingers curled like claws. Her voice had begun to climb not only in volume, but pitch too, the way it did when she hoped to pass off real anger as jokey anger. “He’s a grown man—why can’t he keep his messes to himself?”

“Yeah, well, he’s cleaned up enough of mine,” shrugged Daisy. “You all have,” she added, remembering her first week out of the coffin, when Melanie and Basira had had to follow her and Jon around the Archives with brooms. Every morning Basira had shaken her cot and pillow cases and sleeping bags over a bin to tease out clods of dirt. And Daisy herself had never even learnt where the broom cupboard was. “I don’t mind returning the favor.”

“You don’t owe him anything,” Melanie pleaded. “You’re talking about the coffin, right? But it’s his fault you got trapped in there in the first place!”

Daisy had no reply to this; she remembered asking herself whose fault it was she had died (as she’d thought of it then), while trapped in the Buried, but couldn’t remember what conclusion she had come to. Since she’d got out she’d rather enjoyed not having to think about it. Maybe she could put questions of blame off to one side, in the Hunt pile, and focus her energy on the Daisy pile.

“Last door on the left before you hit Artefact Storage, right?”

“Yup!” she heard Helen chime on her way out.

Of course, the second she stepped out of the corridors she thought of a good comeback: Guess he did clean that one up then.

To revenge herself for that detour she let herself sit on Melanie’s desk a minute before continuing. Good thing, too: carrying even a dry mop and bucket back to Jon’s office took more out of her than she’d remembered to anticipate. When already dizzy and aching she found the smell of his puke overwhelming. If he notices, blame it on the Hunt, she told herself. It took constant effort to remember to breathe through her mouth rather than just holding it.

Jon looked up when she came in, and smiled a glum thank you, but then returned to the position he must have taken up while she was out: head on his knees, arms crossed between torso and legs. So when she’d mopped up everywhere else, she had to tell him, “Shoes.”

He lifted his head and looked up at her through the gap between curtains of hair. “Wh…what do you want me to do with them.”

She pointed upward; his brows crumpled.

“Lift them up so I can clean around them, Jon.”

“Oh.”

Jon looked slowly down at his feet, bared his teeth in disgust. Then he sat up enough to free one arm, whose hand he planted beside him on the couch. Gingerly lifted the opposite foot. Daisy nodded; he was doing his best, she told herself. “Thanks,” she said aloud. He nodded back, but did not smile or speak. His mouth remained a washed-out line of effort.

Daisy’s mop slurped up the part of the mess Jon’s foot had blocked off; then she used it to dab at the sole of his shoe itself. “Put it back down now and I’ll get the top.” He yelped when the mop wet his sock. Daisy tried not to smile. “That feel weird? Sorry. Just figured those socks were done for anyway.”

“No, you’re right. It’s just. Unpleasant,” he concluded, beginning his final sentence at the same time Daisy started her own.

She said, “I’ll help you off with them when I’m done here.”

“I can get it,” Jon said, but did not move.

This time Daisy did smile, before she could think better of it. “Other foot?”

“Right.”

After finishing with that shoe, Daisy told Jon to hang his feet off the arm of the couch while she corralled as much as she could of this vaguely puke-flavored water off the floor and back into the bucket. She expected him to stretch the rest of himself out on the couch, but instead he bent double—as before, but with one side leant against the couch’s back cushion. Chin on bent forearms on bent knees on arm of couch.

“Do you think it’s safe to clean the plug off with the mop?”

His head snapped around to face her. “What?”

Daisy sighed, trying to rearrange her shapeless panting mouth into a smile. “The plug at the end of the cord—not the one in the wall.”

“Oh. Maybe? It’s not plugged in, right.”

“‘Course not.”

“Then I don’t think you’ll be electrocuted.”

“But do you think it’ll ruin the clock?”

“I—I don’t know.”

“Can’t you ask the Eye or something?”

Jon shook his head, which he then set in his hand as though to keep it out of danger. “Maybe it’s like a phone.”

“Come again?”

“Like when you drop your phone in the toilet.”

“Yeah? What happens then.”

“You leave it in rice for 48 hours.”

“In rice?”

“Dry rice. Uncooked rice.”

Again she sighed. “Right.”

“Wait, no”—his eyes went wide—“the rice thing is a myth.”

“What?”

“Silica packets might work though.”

“What are those.”

“Like you get with a new pair of shoes.”

“Huh.”

“They say ‘Do Not Eat’ on them. Usually in inverted commas, for some reason.”

“Oh. Yeah. What happens if you do eat those?”

“No idea. They’re a drying agent, so, they dehydrate you I guess?”

“To death?”

“Possibly.”

“Weird.”

“Nope—scratch that. Turns out they’re just a choking hazard.”

“Oh.”

“A-and we can’t digest them, so if you eat a lot of them they could cause intestinal blockage.”

“Bleugh,” pronounced Daisy.

“Oh, and. Sorry we missed The Archers, by the way.”

“It’s fine, Jon. I heard it last night. I’ll catch you up on it later.”

There was his usual snarl. When Daisy looked smilingly up at him, though, meaning to add, Feeling better, are we? she saw him flinch like he’d been nodding off to sleep again. “So should I mop off the plug or not?”

“Oh. Yeah, seems worth a try.”

By the time Daisy got the floor as un-wet and -soapy as she knew how, she figured neither one of them had the energy to deal with Jon’s shoes. Nor had she the strength to drag the bucket away just yet. Instead she nudged it toward Jon, in case he had to puke again. Then she sat down next to him, so the side of her bum touched the back of his—though from this angle that was a lot less cushy. Mostly tailbone, in fact.

To free her feet from the suffocating heat that made them itch and buzz Daisy yanked off her own shoes (the right one now sick-free but soggy), without untying them, and plopped them down on the couch’s unused other arm. Rested the back of her head on the back of the couch, and closed her eyes. Her whole body throbbed and itched instead of sweating. It was new; maybe a coffin thing, maybe a Hunt-withdrawal thing. Probably the latter. (Oh—I have that too, Jon had said once, when she’d had to explain why her face and hands were red.) Never thought she’d miss feeling slimy.

When she found the strength to speak again she asked, “You comfortable like that?”

“Er,” said Jon. Then, after a pause, in a hoarser voice, “My legs are asleep.”

Daisy smiled, and then, when she remembered he wouldn’t see that, huffed a single syllable of laughter. “No wonder, smooshed up like that. Stretch out, if you like; you won’t be in my way.”

He complied at once, but said, “But then your legs will fall asleep.”

“Probably. I’ll let you know.”

He laid down across her now, or at least his torso did. His head spilled off one side of her lap, legs off the other. Daisy helped him shove the couch’s one throw pillow (now the one he slept with, when he slept) under his head.

“You don’t find this—claustrophobic?” Jon asked, after going to all the trouble to get himself comfortable.

“No.” Daisy blinked, trying not to show how much questions like this irritated her. She wouldn’t break like a china doll if you touched her, Basira. Human weight wasn’t like the Buried. Humans were warm and squishy, and they smelled like life; even vomit smelled better than grave dirt. But at least Basira had a good excuse not to understand that? Coming from Jon it didn’t make any sense. When he’d reached her down there, the first thing he did was take her hand and squeeze. She didn’t know if he’d done that to reassure her or himself or both, but—it shouldn’t matter, right? If he’d known to do that then, why didn’t he know now?

At last she went on, “You said it’s called Too Close I Cannot Breathe. Don’t breathe through my legs, do I?”

“N—?—no. No, I guess not.”

He closed his eyes. Daisy could feel his flesh deflate and ooze outward as the muscles relaxed. This felt like a lot, coming from someone she’d first known as a paranoid little freak. How could he trust her so much, when—? It made her smile, even though she knew only Elias would see. Could muscle atrophy make it hurt to smile?

“Hey Jon?” she waited for his answering Hm. “What’s with the #1 Pervert mug?”

“Oh. Er—Tim.”

“Uh huh…?”

“There was, uh—a statement? Wh-when we first came to the Archives, we looked into a statement given by a man who found a Leitner in a charity shop.”

“Aaand you sent Tim to check out the shop’s records.”

Jon nodded, to the extent that was possible in his position, but his Yeah came out inaudible. “Martin had recently broke one of the mugs that came with—that Gertrude and her assistants left. So, Tim, in a, uh, perhaps a slight overreaction, bought every novelty mug in the establishment.”

“Every mug? I only saw six in there.”

“Or so he told me.”

“Doubt it. That collection looks curated. I didn’t see a single teddy bear, or. Souvenir from a breast-cancer walk.”

“I didn’t press him on it.”

“Right,” Daisy scoffed.

“Sasha used”—a trumpetty nose-laugh interrupted Jon’s sentence—“Sasha used to joke they should be in Artefact Storage.”

“Well she’d know best. Didn’t you say she used to work there?”

“Yes!” Jon squeaked, in a delighted whisper-shout. One hand covered his face; the other fist shook in the air. “She had literal horror stories about that place. The way she talked about those mugs was like—hearing a nun say there should be a circle in hell for people who order the wrong kind of donuts.”

When they’d both quit laughing Daisy said, “You sound like you’re starting to feel better.” She poked him in the stomach, though so lightly for fear he’d throw up on her that she doubted he could even feel it through his cardigan and shirt. “Gonna puke again, you think?”

Jon breathed out through his nose and looked at the ceiling. Apparently she had poked him hard enough to tickle: he batted her hand away like a fly, then left his own where hers had been. “Probably not. Don’t think so. Not sure how much I have left to.”

“Yeah.” After a pause to put the words in a convincing order, Daisy said, “Surprised you had that much—I’ve barely seen you eat today. How long were you feeling sick?”

Guilty smile. “Sorry, Daisy, I uh. Thought I had it under control.”

“Not what I asked.”

“Oh. Uh… few hours, maybe?”

“Why’ve you been coughing and sniffing all day then. Thought you had a cold at first.”

“Yeah—so did I, til.”

“Huh.”

Jon propped the back of his head on his folded elbows. “Maybe it’s a monster thing,” he said, with the cynical sigh of someone pretending to be okay with this.

“Could be,” Daisy agreed. She could feel his eyes on her, but looked at the opposite wall instead of answering his gaze. Meanwhile she patted his knee. When he’d been quiet long enough she was sure he didn’t mean to say more about the monster thing, Daisy said, “Let’s get you out of those wet shoes.”

--

*Whose OP I can’t find, though I know I’ve seen it before, but. It’s the prompt referenced here:

person has been involuntarily letting out nauseously [sic] coughs intermittently all day, and their friend thinks they just have a cold or something, but surprise! they are about to puke everywhere

ETA 6/16 fixed a few Americanisms, whoops! If I’ve missed any more of those please point them out to me

[jingabitch]

O o o o can you do one with the boys of fucked up were one of the punishments goes to far and she not really feeling it that day and readers like they hate me and I’ve been a really bad girl there going to get rid of me and I’ll be alone again so she gets all depressed and tries super hard because she thinks she’s been bad

hi anon, sorry it took me a while to write this, but i hope you enjoy it! the first part of your ask sounded like subdrop but when i researched subdrop it didn’t really cohere with the second half of your request, so i just wrote it as a subdrop fic. Hope this is okay! :)

Word count: 4.5k-ish

Warnings: yandere | explicit language | descriptions of sexual acts (BDSM) | description of subdrop | angst

Series index

You bite your lip and cling on to Hoseok’s shoulders desperately, trying to will your limbs to stop trembling. Just a little more, you think to yourself, clenching your jaw as you push your forehead into his collarbone.

Tonight had been the most intense scene you’d ever done with the boys, Hobi and Jin tag-teaming you. It was unusual, since one of them at a time was usually more than enough for you, but when the boys had come home from practice today, past midnight, you could tell that something was wrong between the two of them. Your hesitant question had resulted in a massive punishment, although you know by now that they’re really just working out their own stress.

From what you could tell based on their sniping at each other initially, even as both of them snapped orders at you, they’d had a fight during dance practice. You don’t mind helping them work through the tension, but if they don’t finish soon you’ll literally pass out on Hobi’s lap.

He’s deep inside you, the plug with the tail he likes so much in your ass, and you’re full almost beyond bearing, but it wasn’t enough for them. Jin is behind you, one hand stroking your hip while he croons soothing words into your ear, his other hand busy stretching you out further to take him.

He’s leaning as close to you as he can without touching your back, which you appreciate, because the sweat on his chest would definitely sting the cuts on your skin from his brand new cat-o-nine-tails.

“Jin… it’s too much,” you pant, your nails digging into Hobi’s skin. If he notices that you forgot to call him ‘master’, which you’re supposed to do during a scene, he doesn’t make a big deal out of it.

He pauses. “Use your safe word, then,” he murmurs into your ear. You sob and press your face deeper into Hobi’s neck, but don’t say it.

Hoseok’s hands settle on your body, one on your waist and the other stroking the back of your head. “Good girl, you’re such a good girl for us,” he croons in your ear, and if you weren’t so strung out at the moment you might have made a quip about how it was easy to say that when you’d gotten yourself off on his shoe.

Of course, at that point in time he’d been calling you a bad, disgusting, dirty whore who didn’t deserve to be touched.

Finally, Jin decides that you’re prepped enough, and lines himself up against you. Your body is tense as you lean against Hobi for support, causing Jin to chuckle, his breath puffing out against your skin. “You need to relax, baby,” he says, and you let out a deep breath as you concentrate on doing just that.

“Good girl, you’re such a good girl,” he says, encouraging you as he slowly splits you open. You whine and squirm, full beyond bearing, but he doesn’t stop, holding your hips still even as your nails catch on Hoseok’s back.

When he’s finally all the way in, you rest your head on Hobi’s shoulder and pant as your body adjusts to the overwhelming fullness, and they just make soothing noises at you. After a moment, you nod once, just enough that they can see it, and they start moving, timing their thrusts so that at least one of them is always inside you, and Jin reaches around to stimulate your clit.

Almost against your will, you feel the orgasm building, and you whine and whimper, gritting your teeth against the sensitivity that borders on pain.

“You gonna cum for us, baby girl? You’re such a nasty slut, aren’t you, so happy to have your holes stuffed,” Hobi says in a dangerous tone, right in your ear, and that’s it, the degrading words sending you stratospheric. For a moment, everything is white as you orgasm harder than you ever have in your life, all your muscles locking up as you throw your head back, bracing it against Jin’s chest.

Then everything goes black as you pass out.

When you open your eyes you’re back in the bed you share with Yoongi, cleaned up and snuggled under the duvet. When you roll over to check the time on the wall clock, you see that it’s late morning, and as you lie in bed, slowly becoming more aware, the soreness of your body starts to filter in.

Groaning, you struggle into a sitting position, leaning against the headboard as you massage your temples. For some reason you have an awful headache, in addition to the soreness in most of your body, especially between your legs, and the cuts on your back are stinging, aggravated by the contact with the headboard.

“Yoongs?” you call out, wincing at the dusty sound of your voice and the pain that shoots through your throat. When there’s no response, you reluctantly toss aside the covers and stand up, wincing at the protest of your muscles as you stretch, then go to the drawers to fish out one of Yoongi’s shirts.

When you open the bedroom door, Yeontan immediately runs over to you, his tail wagging, and you look down at him, smiling. “Hello,” you murmur at him, leaning down to pet him. “Where’s everyone?” you ask, as if he could give you an answer.

He just barks at you then pants, and even though you know it’s completely ridiculous, you feel a little hurt. “Just hungry, huh,” you say a little bitterly as you go to grab his food and scoop it into his little doggy bowl.

While he’s digging in happily, you drift over to the fridge. You aren’t that hungry, but usually Jin prepares something for you to eat during the day when they have to leave you alone, especially after a scene.

Pulling the door open, you look for the neatly stacked Tupperware containers that usually have food in them. There’s nothing.

The pain lashes through you, and you fall to your knees, still holding on to the fridge handle, looking up pathetically at the fridge shelves. It’s not empty by any means, but there’s no food that’s ready to eat, just a bunch of ingredients and sauces. You could cook something for yourself, but you’re too tired and besides, you don’t have much of an appetite.

Forcing yourself to your feet, you go to pour yourself a glass of water, and notice a small pile of cash next to the pitcher. There’s a Post-It note attached to it.

Sorry I didn’t have time to cook for you before we had to head to the studio, baby girl. Buy yourself some nice takeout, okay?

You rip the Post-It note off the money, which you completely ignore, and chuck it angrily in the bin, stomping back to your bedroom and slamming the door shut as you go. You can barely hear Yeontan whining in confusion outside at your uncharacteristic behaviour.

You don’t fully understand why you feel so awful either, physically sick and so unenergetic, but it’s all you can do to curl back up in bed and pull the covers over your head. The urge to cry overwhelms you, and you sob quietly, feeling so alone and sad.

When you wake up again, it’s to Yeontan whining and scratching outside your bedroom door and you open it reluctantly, letting him prance around your ankles. You still feel awful, worse than you ever have, but the dog needs to eat, so you go to feed him and change his pee pad.

While Yeontan is eating, you go to check your phone, sighing deeply when you see that there are no text messages. You know it’s not uncommon for them, especially with the comeback coming around, to not use their phones while at the studio, but for some reason today it feels especially like a rejection.

“Tannie…” you whine to the dog when you come out, sitting next to his food bowl. “Why don’t they want me anymore?”

Yeontan’s ears prick up, so you know he’s listening, but he doesn’t stop rooting in the bowl for the last pieces of kibble.

“Is it because I’m dirty? I probably liked being punished a little too much, there’s something wrong with me, what kind of pathetic person likes something like that…” you continue as he finishes his food, licking his chops as he sits back to watch you, head cocked like he’s really thinking about it.

You go to pet him, and he licks your hand for a moment before abruptly getting up to use the pee pad in the corner.

You still haven’t eaten, but you’re not hungry, so you just go to the fridge to grab a handful of strawberries and a bottle of water, avoiding the pitcher because you don’t want to see the pile of cash they’d left there like you’re a whore.

Taking your phone with you, you go to sit on the floor in front of the couch, feeling a little like you don’t deserve the comfort of the sofa. It’s getting late, so they should be coming home soon, and everything will be all right again. They’ll shower you with kisses and affection and stop the voices in your head from getting too ugly, because try as you might you really can’t shut them off.

Yeontan comes to sit on your lap, pleased that you’re on the floor so it’s easy access, and you pet him mindlessly as you wait for them to come home.

Lost in the increasingly negative spiral of your thoughts, time slips away from you. The next time you snap out of it, it’s to the obnoxious buzz of your phone against the marbled floor. You flip it over and see the text from Namjoon on the group chat.

Kim Namjoon [22:05:08]: sorry baby girl, we’re going to stay over at the studios tonight to catch up. :( take care of yourself, okay? We miss you!

Without bothering to open the text or reply, you lie down on the floor. It’s cold, but that’s okay.

It’s not like someone like you deserves to be comfortable.

You manage to fall into a light doze, even on the floor. When you wake up, it’s completely dark and your phone keeps buzzing against the floor, making that awful noise.

“Fuck,” you growl, picking it up and flinging it across the room. It flies into the wall with a satisfying sound and then drops to the ground, and you hope for a second that you’ve broken the goddamn device, but it continues vibrating, the force of the motion causing it to rotate slightly.

No matter; at least it’s not next to your head. You clench and unclench your left fist a couple of times to try and get the feeling back in your hand, having lost it because you’d been sleeping on your left arm, then settle back onto the floor.

Yeontan is gone, probably having had enough of the cold floor. It’s fine, though. Everyone leaves in the end. You should have realised it by now; all the relationships in your life play out in the same pattern. Why would things have been different with the boys or the dog?

You’re so fucking stupid, for letting your guard down, believing that someone like you could ever be loved. You, with your sick, twisted desires.

Maybe this is what you deserve.

Yoongi scowls down at the cell phone in his hand. He must have called you twenty times by now, and you’re not picking up, which is rather uncharacteristic of you.

“Give it up, hyung, she’s probably asleep,” Jimin advises him.

“I just want to check on her. She didn’t reply Namjoon’s text,” Yoongi counters. It bothers him, the fact that you’ve gone radio silent all of a sudden. They’d just finished dance practice five minutes ago, and he immediately made a beeline to his phone to see what you’d replied on the group chat. Sometimes it’s cute emoji-laden encouragement, other times it’s a selfie of you cosied up in the bed with Yeontan. He was shocked to find no response from you at all.

“You shouldn’t wake her up, hyung,” Hoseok pipes up.

“Yeah, she probably needs her rest after last night,” Jin says with a greasy smirk that he shares with Hoseok.

Yoongi scowls. “You shouldn’t have gone that hard last night,” he reprimands them.

Jin shrugs. “She liked it.” He still shivers at the memory of how hard you came around him and Hobi that last time. It had triggered their orgasms too, and they hadn’t noticed that you’d passed out until they were done cumming their brains out.

Brow still furrowed in displeasure, Yoongi doesn’t give in. “Still,” he mutters, although he has to admit that they have a point. If you’re resting he shouldn’t disturb you.

Maybe he’ll try calling you again tomorrow morning.

The next time you wake up, it’s not dark anymore, and Yeontan is back, insistently patting your face with his paw to wake you up. You push him away with a frown.

“Just want me for food, huh?” you say in a raspy voice and a sniffle. You’re not sure if it’s because you still feel a little teary or because of the cold you’re sure you’re coming down with after spending all night on the floor without even a blanket, but it’s not like it matters.

Yeontan, oblivious as always, just barks happily at you.

With an annoyed sigh, you get up to feed him, because as displeased as you are with the way he - and everyone else in your life, apparently - treats you, you can’t just let him starve.

Watching him wag his tail as he eats, you roll your eyes before picking up his water bowl to refill it. Usually your love for the little dog is overwhelming and you find him cute all the time, but today his enthusiasm for life is incredibly grating.

Grabbing another bottle of water from the fridge, you try not to look at the empty spot where the Tupperware containers containing Jin’s cooking would normally be stacked, or the pile of money still sitting on the counter.

You don’t need the reminder that they don’t love you.

Wiping your nose on the collar of the T-shirt you’re wearing, you take a few steps back towards the living room before just giving up and collapsing in the hallway, facedown. Yeontan, wondering if this is a new game, comes to stick his nose in your ear, snuffling and wagging his tail.

“Stop it,” you groan halfheartedly.

Yeontan doesn’t listen, barking as he continues to nose at your face.

“Go away!” you shout, throwing your hand out to shove him away from you. It collapses to the ground, outstretched, and Yeontan, shocked from how roughly you hit him, sits down and whines in confusion.

You don’t move from your position until the boys come home that night.

“Baby girl, we’re home!” Jin yells once he steps through the front door, surprised that you didn’t come to greet them like you usually do. It’s not even that late, before your usual bedtime. You’ve been acting weird since yesterday, and all of them were concerned when you went completely radio silent. None of their calls today even went through, and you wouldn’t reply to any texts, so they decided to come home earlier than they normally would to check on you.

Yeontan comes sprinting towards the front door, barking urgently, and Taehyung, sensing that something is wrong, bends down to tend to the animal. “What is it, baby?” he asks, letting the dog jump on him and wriggle around before trotting back to the kitchen, looking back to make sure Taehyung is following.

He almost trips over you, lying in the hallway, barely conscious.

“Y/N-ah!” he exclaims, falling to his knees and putting a hand on your back. His loud cry draws the attention of the others, who thunder after him after hearing the panic in his voice.

Yoongi curses when he sees you lying there, and you can hear him, but you can’t quite muster up the energy to turn over and greet him.

You aren’t sure you want to, either. He’ll just send you away, and you don’t need to hasten the inevitable. Maybe if you close your eyes really hard, time will stand still and you can stay there with them.

Your wishes go unheard, however, as Yoongi skids to a halt on your other side and kneels down, turning you around roughly. You can feel his terror in the trembling of his hands, and you feel a sudden sick sense of satisfaction that he feels even a little bit as bad as you do.

“Jesus, you’re burning up,” Yoongi mutters, pulling your torso onto his lap as he presses the back of your hand on your face. Yeontan, seeing that Taehyung has stopped following him, comes back to tug on his sleeve.

You feel a little bad - you hadn’t managed to get yourself into an upright position to feed the dog all day, and his water bowl is probably empty too. Taehyung gets up to follow Yeontan, and seeing him pacing in front of his empty food and water bowls, immediately snaps into daddy mode.

“Noona, let’s get you to bed, okay? What happened?” Jeongguk picks you up off the ground into a bridal carry, letting your head rest against his chest as he carts you off to Yoongi’s bedroom, the rest of them following somewhat haplessly.

He places you down on the bed so, so gently and the care he takes with you opens the floodgates. All of a sudden, you can’t stop crying, and the boys around you look alarmed. Jimin, ever the affectionate one, immediately climbs onto the bed next to you and hugs you tight, rubbing your back as you sniffle unattractively into his chest, probably getting your gross tears and snot all over the undoubtedly expensive shirt.

All the crying causes you to cough loudly and violently, until it feels like they’re going to rip your chest apart. Namjoon runs to get you some water and approaches you uncertainly, handing you the mug like he’s giving something to a wild animal.

Jimin takes it for you and holds it to your mouth, tilting it just enough so you can sip slowly. After you’ve drained the whole thing at his insistence, he hands the cup off to Jeongguk and continues rubbing your back.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks quietly, and you blink up at him with swollen eyes.

“Oh, sweetie,” Yoongi sighs, grabbing some tissues from the box on the nightstand and wiping your face gently. “What’s gotten you into such a state?”

“I… I don’t know!” you cry, bursting into tears once again and they just hug you. You explain through sobs and fits of coughing how you felt so awful when you woke up yesterday but weren’t sure why, how unloved and unwanted you thought you were when you realised there wasn’t any food in the fridge when there usually was something waiting for you, the fucking money on the counter, and the way your thoughts had spiralled out of control over the past few days.

As Yoongi rocks you in his embrace, he glares over your head at Hoseok and Seokjin, who look increasingly ashamed as you continue telling them your story. Seokjin’s shoulders are by his ears now, and Hoseok won’t look up from his feet.

“Baby girl, we’re so sorry we made you feel that way,” Namjoon says quietly, reaching out to stroke your hair. “We should have been more conscientious of your feelings.”

“Yeah, Y/N-ah,” Hoseok adds. “It was our fault for pushing you so hard when we knew we were going to be away the next day. We should have been around to take care of you when you went into subdrop.”

You look up in surprise. Subdrop? You’ve never even heard that term before, and the confusion is clear on your face.

“It’s okay, love. We’ll explain more about it later. For now, just know that none of it is your fault, okay, sweetheart?”

Sniffling, you nod.

Seokjin finally steps forward and takes your hand. “I’m so sorry for neglecting you, baby,” he says, pressing apologetic kisses to your knuckles. “It will never happen again.”

For the first time in days, you crack a small smile at him.

“Now, have you eaten anything today?”

You think about it. “I ate some strawberries yesterday,” you finally offer.

The boys’ expressions vary from shocked to horrified. “You haven’t eaten anything all day today?!” Seokjin fairly shrieks.

“I guess not,” you shrug.

You can hear his ranting as he sprints to the kitchen to cook you something. Too tired to have much of a reaction, you just sink back into Yoongi’s embrace, letting him prop you up against the pillows like a doll as he presses kisses to your temple.

“I love you so much, baby,” he keeps repeating to you.

When the soybean stew is ready, all of you migrate to the dining table. Seokjin, impressive as always, even managed to rustle up some side dishes - leftover kimchi, kelp salad using the seaweed he used to make the stock for the soybean stew, and rice.

You don’t feel hungry even as you sit down and pick up your utensils, but once the first bit of soup and rice is in your mouth, you realise that you’re actually ravenous. You stuff your face with the food, nearly scalding your tongue more than once on the soup. Hoseok, sitting next to you, rubs your back and laughs. “Slow down, love. You’re going to hurt yourself,” he advises.

You ignore him - you haven’t had a proper meal for two days - focusing on how amazing Seokjin’s food tastes. The last time they had time off, he made his own doenjang and you can literally taste the difference between his homemade goodness and the storebought stuff.

When you’ve cleaned out your bowl and all the side dishes, you sit back with a little sigh, only now noticing that all of them were watching you and getting a little awkward.

“Um…” you hum nonsensically to break the silence.

“Baby girl…” Namjoon sighs. “Why didn’t you tell any of us you weren’t feeling well?”

You look down at your hands curled in your lap, ashamed. “I didn’t want to be a burden,” you confess finally.

“Sweetie… you should always tell us if you feel bad,” Jimin admonishes you gently.

“I didn’t think you wanted me anymore,” you say in a small voice, looking down to avoid making eye contact with any of them, which is why you’re caught off guard when Seokjin lifts you off your chair and into his lap.

“Baby girl, you never need to worry about that, okay? We will always want you.” The certainty in his voice makes it difficult for you to continue doubting his words, so you just nod in response.

“Good girl,” he says, stroking the back of your head with his big hand. “Now, take your medicine and go to bed, you’re still sick.”

You start to acquiesce, then jerk upright in his lap, even though the motion makes you woozy. “Oh no, I was so mean to Tannie,” you gasp in horror, squirming away from him. You make your way as quickly as you can to the kitchen, where his treats are kept under the sink. Rummaging around for the rawhide bones you know he adores, you grab one from the plastic bag and sit down, shaking the bone at him.

“Come here, baby boy,” you coo at him, smiling when he runs straight to you. Yeontan is not the kind to keep grudges, but you still feel bad, stroking him and pressing kisses to his head as he starts gnawing on the bone.

“I’m sorry for being mean just now,” you repeat over and over again while showering him with affection.

Taehyung huffs in amusement. “I’m pretty sure he’s forgotten all about it,” he says, watching you rub your face in Tannie’s soft fur.

“Do you? Do you forgive me for being a big meanie, my fluffy baby?”

Yeontan ignores you, too focused on the rawhide bone.

“Okay, I think you should get to bed now,” Namjoon nags, seeing as Yeontan is way too busy to give you any attention anyway.

“Okay, good night baby boy,” you say to Yeontan in your pet voice, petting him one last time before getting up to go to bed.

When you’re all tucked in, Jeongguk comes in with a cup of water and medication for your cold. “Here you go, noona,” he says, hovering over you anxiously while you down the pills. The boys pile on to the bed one after another, curling up comfortably in their usual positions.

“Hobi-oppa?” you ask in a small voice.

“Hmm?”

“What’s subdrop?”

He hums. “It’s when subs get really sad after a scene.”

“Oh…” you say thoughtfully. There must be more than that, you think.

Thankfully, Namjoon jumps in with a more detailed explanation. “There’s two aspects to it - the emotional and physical. Some subs get really depressed and sad after a scene, especially if there’s no aftercare, for various reasons. But after such an intense experience the hormones in your body can drop sharply and that causes the physical symptoms.”

That makes more sense, you think as you nod along. It would certainly explain why you had that inexplicable headache yesterday morning, and how upset you got over what you’d done with them.

“Is there a way to prevent it?” Yoongi asks, concerned for you. He knows what Hoseok and Jin are like, and asking them to dial it back might just prove impossible.

“Not that I know of, and I think it varies from person to person. I guess you just have to figure out how to get through it,” Namjoon says, rubbing his chin as he tries to recall what he’d learned from that long-ago Google session.

You hum along, half-asleep now. “It’ll be fine,” you say, cracking a giant yawn.

“We’ll be more careful next time,” Jin says contritely, wriggling closer to drop kisses to your forehead. Jimin squawks in indignation as he’s crushed under Jin’s weight.

It occurs to you briefly as you fall asleep that this wouldn’t have happened if you’d had a more normal relationship - you’d have researched everything way more thoroughly before trying new kinks, especially ones that were so extreme. You tamp down the thought ruthlessly.

This is what makes your boys happy, and it’s fine. You like it too. It’s fine.

[sireswhore]

My Simp <3

Summary: pov; you’re pregnant with Scott’s baby.

Warnings; none, just a bunch of fluff :)

(A.N. I wrote this a while ago. That’s all I have to say.)

You’re already on your ninth month of this pregnancy, which meant your beautiful baby girl would be here at any given moment.

Throughout these past few months, Scott has been nothing but pleasant to you.

All the way back to when you first got the results from the test, and the first ultrasound, up until you two finished decorating the nursery.

You were so big now that you couldn’t even see your own two feet. Scott was always there to guide you, he hadn’t left your side then, and he won’t leave it now.

You smiled to yourself as the two of you sat on the couch as your eyes focused on the tv, your mind wandered back to the early stages of your pregnancy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I promise to protect you and mommy forever and always,” Scott said while kneeling down talking to barely a baby bump. He kissed just below your belly button, caressing the area softly with one hand, while you squirmed because you were ticklish.

And so far he was right, during morning sickness, he’d always be there to hold your hair back and get you things to make you feel better.

He took you to every check up. On the sixth week check up, the doctor showed you two the baby’s heartbeat, and Scott’s eyes welled up in tears. He looked at you with adoring eyes as the both of you heard the rhythm of your baby’s life.

By the third and fourth month, you were already showing and your breasts were getting larger. You couldn’t fit into some of your favorite clothing, you didn’t want to let it bother you but you had a wandering mind, so sometimes it did. And whenever it did, Scott was always there to remind you of your beauty, not only from the exterior but also from within. And frequent shopping trips definitely turned those frowns upside down.

The second trimester for you has been a wild ride for sure, your obsurd pregnancy cravings were getting more crazier every time you had a new one. Things like cheetos dipped in yogurt, to honey on literally anything, and they’d strike at any hour of the day. You remembered how Scott laughed at the cravings because of how weird they were, but nevertheless postmates was both of your best friends during these times.

When the both of you found that you were expecting a baby girl, you both cried in excitement. You remembered it like it was yesterday.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Would you like to know the sex?,” the doctor said.

The both of you looked at eachother hesitantly, “Yes,” you said oddly in unison, holding eachothers hands.

“Okay,” she scanned your bump again, “congratulations, it’s a girl!” She smiled happily.

The both of you smiled as tears streamed down your face, you both chuckled at the thought of a little girl running around. Scott kissed your forehead and wiped your tears with his thumbs, “we’re having a baby girl,” he whispered. You chuckled and nodded as he pulled you into a kiss.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

By the third trimester, Scott was getting more and more overprotective by the day. He basically turned you into a couch potato, and he turned into a nurse, party planner, and a professional simp all in one. He’d drive you everywhere, guide your walking, he wouldn’t leave you out of his sight. It may sound extremely crazy, but you knew he did it out of love, he couldn’t bear to witness anything bad to happen to you and the baby. He said that if he was a simp for doing this, make sure that he was the biggest most proudest one you knew, and he clearly was.

You had to pee every 5 seconds, and you felt useless to do anything for yourself, so lately the pregnancy has been very annoying. Scott always helped you see the bright side of things, and him of all things were the reason why you also loved your pregnancy.

Your baby shower was thrown beautifully, everyone you loved was able to make it to celebrate your baby.

You silently cried at all of the memories of the past few months, you were overwhelmed with all of the joy that this brought you. You sniffled a little bit too loudly, which caught Scott’s attention, “Baby are you okay? What’s wrong?,” he looked at you worryingly placing a hand on your bump.

You sniffled again and smiled, “I’m okay, I’m just so grateful for you, for us. I love you.”

Scott chuckled and brought a gentle hand to wipe your tears, “I love you more,” he kissed your cheek and then planted one on your lips.

Not even a few seconds later, you feel her kick. “Scott, she’s kicking,” you giggled. “I guess she loves you too.”

He didn’t hesitate to place both hands on your bump, he waited patiently, and there she was again.

“I already love you so much, I can’t wait for you to arrive.” And with that he placed a kiss on your bump and rested his head very lightly giving her a ‘hug.’

You giggled at the way he showed his love to her, he was going to be the best dad, you had a very good feeling.

A few minutes later, as if he manifested what he said to her. You felt your water break, and you spilled all over your seat on the couch.

“Babe, babe, my water just broke,” you said collectively and calmly so he could remain calm, seems like that didn’t work since he was already panicking.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay? Does it hurt? Fuck we need to go NOW! STAY HERE I’M GO-“

“SCOTT! Calm the fuck down, I don’t feel any contractions yet, I’m fine. I need you to calm down, yeah?”

“B-but you’re practically giving birth in the living room,” he pouted.

“No, that’s not how it works. Go get the hospital bag in the nursery and then help me get into the car and we can go,” you stated holding the bottom of your bump carefully.

He looked like a dog trying to fetch a ball when he sprinted to the nursery, you shook your head giggling at how cute he was being. He shortly came back with the hospital bag, and a few other things for you to get comfortable while your in the hospital.

He put them in the car and came back to get you.

He helped you stand up and he looked down at his feet, your water spilled a little bit more, getting his shoes wet. You blushed in embarrassment, “I’m sor-“

“Baby it’s okay, it doesn’t matter right now.”

You gave him a tight smile as he guided you, you two reached the car, he reclined your seat and helped you get in. Scott went back to make sure everything was off in the house, locked it, and shortly you two were on your way to the hospital.

You sent a text to the group chat, and both of your parent’s telling everyone the news, and everyone was so excited. They were also on their way to be there for you on this special day.

——————————————————

The delivery was everything you could imagine, Scott looked like he was going to pass out, but all the blood, sweat, and tears were all worth it in the end. You’re beautiful baby girl crying in your arms after all of these months, was truly the best blessing you could ever have.

“Mr and Mrs. Sire? Do you have a name for your baby?,” the doctor asked.

The two of you looked at eachother, and then you looked at her, “Astrid Sheila Sire.” You stated.

“Beautiful,” she said writing down the name, “Congratulations you two.”

You nodded as you looked down at your baby, you couldn’t take your eyes off of her. She was the perfect combination of you and Scott, she was an angel wrapped in a blanket.

You caught her opening her eyes, they were green, just like Scott’s. You couldn’t help but cry at how happy you were in this moment, you just met her and she already had your whole heart.

“Can we bring everyone in? They want to see her,” Scott asked.

You nodded, and shortly the entire room was a full house. Everyone was speechless, they all looked at you three with so much love. They were so happy for you.

“Awww bubba look at her, she’s perfect. She looks just like you and Scott. Bubba are we next?” Mariah said to Heath and everyone chuckled.

David had his camera out already vlogging, you didn’t mind it, it was a memory you wanted to make sure was preserved forever. “She’s so tiny! Oh my god, Congrats dude,” his eyes were watery, “Dude are you crying?” Ilya asked.

“Uhh uhh no, I just got something in my eye that’s all,” he tried to play it off, everyone chuckled again.

You wished this moment could last forever, you were so grateful for this.

You two took Astrid home and lived together happily ever after.

<3

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #264

I did tell y’all WoW would devour my life again when I got my laptop back lmao. But I’m still alive!!

When you wake up to pee at night, do you turn on the light? You mean like, in the bathroom? Uh, yeah? When was the last time you got a fresh box of crayons? Damn dude, I don't have a clue. What color is your favorite towel? I don't have a favorite. They're all just random colors. Do you know anyone’s phone number by heart? Actually no, not since Mom got a new phone. I really need to learn it. Do you wear hoodies? Yeah, one Pikachu one. Something your mother said or did that shocked you: We were arguing and she tried to kick me out of the car once. Obviously I didn't listen. It was one of our worst arguments. How many different homes have you live in?We're in our fourth house now. WELL there's another if you count the apartment, but I didn't officially live there, I was just... always there even though it was against policy lmao. Then when we were technically homeless I "lived" with my former best friend, but again, that was not an official thing. Did your mom go to college? She is, though cancer has thrown a wrench in the plan... She's on her final semester of a bachelor's degree in social work. With cancer now plus this wild quarantine, we don't really know what's going on. Where is the best place you know to take a dog for a walk? We have a park maybe like 15 minutes from here that's pretty decent. Nice fountain, fishing docks, plenty of ducks. Are there any crazy sandwich combinations you like to eat? It's not "crazy," as I know it's actually tasty to some people: having lunch meat, cheese, mustard, and potato chips. I haven't had that in yeeeaaars. Which food do you think you have the most cans of in your cupboard? Uh. I'm not sure. We usually have fruit, beans, and soup in there, but I'm not sure which there's more of. Do you save fortunes from fortune cookies? No. Are you offended when Christmas is spelled Xmas? No. Do you prefer rugs or bare floors? Rugs. Describe your favorite mug or glass to drink from? I don't really drink from any. Your bad habit that you love the most: Heh, drinking soda... Do you name your pets after tv/movie/book characters: I have before, yes. Had a guinea pig named Harry Potter lol, rats named Tezzeret and Rhoka, and... that may be it. I am not positive, had a lotta pets... Have you ever died in one of your dreams? Yes. Which is tastier: fruity gum or minty gum? Fruity. Be honest, have you ever bullied anybody? Who was it? Oh my god, I was about to say no, but wait. When I first started RP at around 9, I had the impression you were supposed to always be in-character. Me, at the time my account being just "mozart2" (I don't count her as my first RP character though, she turned into Ruby and was drastically changed) on the Animal Planet forum, wanted to be the "dominant female," and one of the girls whose name was like Angelkiss or something was "mean" to me and so I reciprocated until I GOT FUCKING BANNED ON THIS ACCOUNT I'M WRITING THIS AND IT'S SO EMBARRASSING WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH ME I HATE YOUNG ME SO MUCH. What is the cutest Halloween costume for a baby to wear? Idk. Is it a turn-off if somebody’s teeth are stained yellow? Not necessarily. Yellow doesn't mean dirty + everyone is supposed to have some coloration, and I can't say shit anyway 'cuz mine are kinda yellow from poor self-care in the past anyway. I just care that they're clean. Which of your friends is the tallest? Which of them is the shortest? Girt is a damn giant lmao. I only reach his chest. Shortest, I'm unsure. Do you know any quotes from Forrest Gump? Well besides the famous ones, no. HA, fun fact that cracked me the fuck up though, someone in the government in NC that is running for... something, there are sometimes like three signs in a row along the road that say "RUN FORREST, RUN" and I fuckin died the first time I saw it. Do you believe in demonic possession? How about ghosts? Angels? I don't believe in angels or demons, so. Ghosts, yes. Would you rather judge a singing or dancing competition? Why? Dancing, for sure. I'm more educated on the form and techniques, plus it's way more entertaining. What was the mascot at your elementary school? A bulldog. It was super cute, and in art class, the art students all worked together to make colorful, clay models that were in the principal's office. Everyone loved them. Have you ever fallen down in public? Did anybody see you? Yes and yes. Do you scream when you go on rollercoasters? Do you close your eyes? I'll probably never know 'cuz my ass is afraid of them lmao. I get dizzy too easily and I'm terrified of the potential of getting sick. Do you think home-made cards are better than store-bought ones? They're more thoughtful imo. What is one romantic movie that you enjoy enough to watch more than once? The Notebook. Who was the last person to walk out of your life, and why? By their volition, probably a Facebook friend. How did you decide upon your favorite colors? I didn't know you could pick your favorite color. Are you less likely to approach people that look/dress a certain way? Wow no. I mean unless they look obviously dangerous, like if they had blood on them or something like that. What is your favorite Starburst candy flavor? If you say anything but pink, you're wrong. Do you prefer schedules and plans, or spontaneity? Schedules. Sponteneity, usually, stresses me out. How do you let someone know that you like him/her? I mean idk. Act like it or say it. Do you think that you act like yourself while online? I'm more myself online. Have you ever lied about something to get someone to like you? Hell no. I'd want them to like me for who I actually am. Would you rather buy presents for others, or receive them? BUY, so long as I'm happy with what I bought and know it'll make them happy. How did you meet your current best friend? YouTube. The last song/poem/story you wrote - what was it about? I haven't finished it, but I'm writing a poem about the strength of cancer patients following Mom getting her hair shaved off. Are you a mostly blunt person? No, because I'm too afraid of starting an argument. Do you have any talents that come naturally? I guess writing since I've been applauded for it since I was very little. Do you go out often? Even before quarantine, not at all. I go out so little that my eyes seriously hurt when I step outside; I always have to squint or entirely close my eyes for a few seconds. What's the best Valentine's Day gift you've gotten? There was one year Jason got me a really pretty heart box of chocolates plus the game Heavy Rain and a pink rose. May still have a picture of it on my old phone... Is there anyone who is overly nice to you? No. It's hard to be "overly nice" in my opinion. Would you prefer internet or television? Internet. What is something you lose often? I'm not sure. Not a lot. Do you enter a lot of sweepstakes? I never do. How old is your oldest sibling? 30-something. Have you ever considered writing a novel? Yes. Who's the last person you said I love you to? Mom or Sara. What's your stance on spooning? What a question. It's comforting, but I usually can't actually fall asleep like that because I get too hot. Have you ever been "popular?" Nah, not really. Well, I was pretty well-known in the meerkat YouTube community as an editor, but not like, Yelozo level. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Well, I was a Christian when my sister's friend's grandpa made me like, SUPER uncomfortable by talking to me all the way home from school (he had to drive us this day) about the Bible and stuff because it was his "job" as a religious man and I kinda had to take this little Bible from him just to be nice. Even when I was a Christian I wasn't VERY religious and really really felt like he was hardcore shoving his beliefs down my throat. Are you thin? Ha ha no. Do you like big earrings? Heavy/big earrings ruined my ears, so no. The holes are too stretched now and is why I'm putting very small gauges in so it doesn't look as stupid when I put an earring in and it just barely hangs on because my ear lobe literally looks like it could tear. Animated character that was your gay awakening? HA, there's been a few that looking back, I definitely thought were more than pretty, even as a kid, like Sheego from Kim Possible. But #1? Holy mother of fuck, Bayonetta. That is one fuckin HOT MAMA. What show/YouTube video(s) do you put on in the background when you don’t have anything to watch but you want something on? Hmm. It really does depend on what I feel like semi-watching. Maybe like, a let's play where I'm not THAT interested in the game, but I still do listen and glance over. Your go-to bar order, if you drink? I've never been to a bar, but when I go out to eat and I feel like getting a drink, it's usually a margarita. What’s your favorite pair of shoes that you own? UGGGGHHHHH my tall leather boots with all these buckles and stuff. They're hot. What was your first word as a child (that wasn’t a variation of “Mom” or “Dad”)? I don’t know. What’s a job that you’ve had that people might be surprised to find out you’ve had? Nothing that's really "surprising." Just three ordinary minimum wage jobs. What’s directly across from you? My snake's terrarium. Do you own any signed books/memorabilia in general? No. ;-; I wish. What do you get on your bagels? What WOULD you get if you had access to anything you wanted? I've only ever had cream cheese. NO WAIT, I tried jam once and it was fucking repulsive. One bite and I was like "fuck no." I think it was strawberry jam though, which I hate. I'm not sure what else I'd try as idk what would taste good. Fruity or herbal teas? Neither. What’s that one TV show that you’re a little bit embarrassed to watch but you still like nonetheless? None. It's funny, as a kid when I thought I was "too old," I tried to hide the fact I still adored Pokemon, but for years now I've just been like "lol fuck yeah man Pokemon." What was your “phase” when you were younger? (i.e., Mythology Nerd, Horse Girl, Space Geek, etc) Being an emo/goth/metalhead thing was NEVER a phase, Mom. Goddamn do I wish I could afford a gothic wardrobe laksjdfawde. What’s that one outfit in your closet you never get the chance to wear but want to? There's no telling. I rarely check my closet for "special" clothes, but rather my dresser. Where do you sit in the living room (we all have a preferred spot, and you know it)? The couch. Are you a “Quote that relates to the photos” caption-er, an “explanation of where I took the photos” caption-er, or a no caption kinda person when you post pictures online? I'm all of them, plus sometimes song lyrics I find relevant lmao leave me alone. Name a classic Vine: YO that one of the dude looking for his berries with a WILD outfit, expression, and voice and then scares adventurers away from his tree made me fuckin cry for about 1,000 repeats. I miss Vine, man, good shit. What’s the freezer food that you stock up on when you go to the grocery store? We don't really "stock up" on any particular food. We do, however, tend to get a large box of frozen rats for Venus, if you can count that, but obviously that's not from the grocery store lol. How do you top your ice cream? Chocolate syrup mmmMMMMMMMMMMM Do you like Jello? Yeah. Do you have a fear, even only a slight fear of insects? I do. Do you have a favorite poem you like and can recall? If so, what is it? I don't have a favorite, no. Have you ever resided in a home that was haunted: *shrugs* I do think paranormal things happened in my last house, but idk about calling it haunted. Do you ever play any MMORPGS: Just WoW. What’s the closest river to you? Tar River. Have you ever been in a building with over 100 floors? I don't think so. What bird is the cutest? Oh, I don't know. Something small and pudgy lol. Are you scared to look at your own organs on x-ray or ultrasound? No, that shit is so cool. Have you ever held a real sword? No. What do you think about most? PTSD is v fun. My brain naturally drifts to relating topics when I don't know what to think about, which is most of the time. Certainly don't try to, but it just. Happens. Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Hell man, idk. I do have a weakness for Kellin Quin though; he's the first to come to mind. What was the last film you saw in the cinema? The Lion King. What are you currently listening to? "Saturnalia" by Marilyn Manson. How many people have you kissed, that you can HONESTLY say you loved? Two. The last person to be under covers with you? Sara. What's the compliment you get the most? Uhhh I think it's "I like your tattoo" (referring to my Mark one). BITCH just wait til it gets tidied up for four hours. Have you ever disliked someone just because a friend disliked them? If they have good reason to, yes. I can't deeply dislike someone I don't know/have personally seen be a piece of shit, but I can sure not be fond of them until they prove unworthy of that judgment. Have you ever won a lot of money in a slot machine? How much? Never gambled and don't plan to. Do you eat/drink at your computer? Yes, oops. How much do you overeat at special occasions? (Birthdays, Christmas, etc) Actually, I tend to under-eat at most special occasions because odds are I'm not going to like the food. This isn't always the case, but yeah. Do you think it's important to enjoy your job or do you just work for money? I think it's very important to enjoy it. If you had to, which record would you go into Guinness World Records for? Probably the longest consecutive hours of not leaving the computer laksdfjawe I hate myself. Do/Did you enjoy school? Why (not)? From the very beginning, I hated school. It's why I was a goddamn monster to get up in the morning, even in high school. I only enjoyed (to a degree, anyway) my most recent college because it was a way to get out of the house and work towards my future. Do you find it difficult to sleep at night? Any reason(s) why? Boy, do I. Most recently, after being put on a medication for my nightmares/terrors (which works!), I have intense muscle spasms in my legs, oddly only when I'm falling asleep. Apparently it's a very rare side effect of it, but I'm willing to tolerate it in place of having nightly terrors. Then there's my PTSD and just general poor self-image that can both send me down a total spiral. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender? Why? Not legitimately. Like I've wondered what it would be like, but I've never truly wanted to be a guy. I'm just content with being what comes with being genetically female. Do you think you'd make a good model? Would you ever want to be one? Hell to the fuck no. Have you had an argument with anyone recently? If so, do you still have issues with that person? Not recently, no. Who was the last person that asked to hang out with you? Tell me the story of how you met that person, everything you remember. Hell man, I don't have a clue. Have you ever worn colored mascara? If not, would you ever think about trying it? And if you have, what is/was your favorite color to wear? No, but I guess, if I had a reason to? What do you remember about your first day of secondary school? Were you more nervous or excited about it? I very faintly remember I had no desire to be there. Before Facebook became popular, did you use any other social networking site, like Bebo or Myspace? Yeah, I had Myspace. Has anyone ever asked you out, and you turned them down? If so, did you feel guilty about it? Why do you think you said no? Yes, and not *really*, as I'm very strict with myself about whom I date. It's just awkward. And I just didn't like one guy romantically in elementary, my best male childhood friend was black (mind you I haven't been racist in the least since I was a tiny kid, I was just raised like that), and I knew Juan had a bad rep. Have you ever asked anyone “Do you love me?” If so, did you get the response you wanted? Do you think when someone says “I love you”, you feel obliged to say it back? Ugh. Let's not. I feel obligated only with family. Has someone of the opposite sex ever sang to you? If so, how did you respond to it? LET'S. FUCKIN. NOT. If you’ve had a bad experience in a past relationship, did you find that you were scared to get into another relationship, in case the same thing happened again? Terrified.

[drowning-in-shipss-blog]

So I know that there are a lot of people who would like a peek into my brain, because it's ducking weird. No one asked for it or they don't want it here but I'm doing it anyway. So here are the parts of my crazy brain. I'm gonna make them into characters to make it easier and it entertains me. Okay lets start.

Rationality: And I'm awake. I wish I got more sleep last night. Glasses glasses, glasses! There we are. And grab your phone there we go. Get ready for school. Meh this one is fine. And these jeans. Okay we're changing shirts again that's fine. Hair is fine. You don't need a hat. Okay you need a hat that's fine. No makeup today. Okay maybe just eyeliner. Shit it's time to leave. Grab some food you need it. You have everything let's go. The door is locked walk away. The door is locked walk away. THE DOOR IS LOCKED JUST LIKE THE PAST FOUR TIMES YOU TRUED ITS LOCKED. And walk to school. This is fine see? Beautiful day. No don't kick that rock. Don't chase that rock to kick it. It's gone stop looking for it. No don't pick up that roly poly. Leave it alone. No dont follow that butterfly. Jesus it's just a car don't freak out. PAY ATTENTION WHEN YOU CROSS THE STREET NOT DYING IS MORE IMPORTANT THEN THAT FUCKING ROCK. And school. Sit down. Don't fall asleep. Just focus. later coz I'm lazy I have to pee. Raise your hand and ask. You're not a burden. Just ask. There you go. Ask. ASK. Finally. Just go pee. The lock is locked you're fine. Stop checking it. See? All better. Wash your hands. Okay good nice and clean. No don't wash them again you already did. No dammit stop. Fine but only this time. Done. Dammit not again. Okay last time. There we go- never mind we're doing this again. Okay see- oh whatever might as well make it five times. Just open the door. Don't twist the handle over and over please. Not that hard. And here we go again. Why can't you be normal? Okay fine but no more than five times. Open the door. No they're not gonna laugh at you. They don't care. They probably didn't hear. Just walk outside. There you go. See? Easy. Now just focus. Breathe. Let's get to work. Just sit down at your desk and take notes. Get your pencil out. Paper on the desk. Wait to take notes. Stop tapping. It's annoying. People are gonna start looking at you. When did I start biting the side of my finger? I should stop. Don't bite your nails. Stop tapping your pencil. Please. There you go. Now they're talking. Listen. Okay now take notes. Wait why is this a story? This doesn't have anything to do with the topic. Flip the page. Try again. Stop doodling. They're not whispering about you. Stop humming. That's off topic. Just take notes. Please take notes. There's the bell. Let's just go home. Everything is in your bag, no stop checking you have every- YOU HAVE EVERYTHING STOP! Okay and open the door. Don't chase that rock. Not again. And we're home. Unlock the door. Unlock it. It's locked unlock it. There we go. Open the door. Take off your shoes. Lock the door. It's locked. It's locked. It's LOCKED. Finally Jesus. Let's get to work. Okay fine tv and work. Focus. Focus. FOCUS. No more TV. And we're finished. And bathroom time. And we're done. Oops bumped the hand soap. Don't freak out. Don't freak out. D O N T F R E A K O U T. And we've recovered. Fix it. And we're done. Let's go to bed. Pjs, feed rats, plug in phone, turn on laptop to watch tv, and relax. Okay time to sleep. Heavy eyes yesssss. No that won't happen. No that's irrelevant. I don't care how you spell that. That word is normal. Sigh, not much sleep tonight I guess.

ADHD: Annnnnnd open eyes! Why is everything blurry I can't see!! O wait I wear glasses. And grab the phone. OOOOOOH NOTIFICATIONS. I should get dressed. I wonder if bees are like the ones in Bee Movie? Ooooh I want some honey. Let's see if we have honey toast. How do toasters work? I should look that up. Biting the side of my thumb hurts but it's nice. singing literally my life! Get up up up up up. This shirt. No this one! No I like this one! How do they make shirts? I could make shirts. How do you make cotton? Ooooh cotton candy. Pants pants pants. I should sing everything I'm doing!!!! Breakfasttttt. Oh wait hat. Eyeliner!! I'm bored of makeup let's go eat. Shit I'm out of tea. Yikesssss. Who made the word yikes? Tap tap tap. I don't want to eat anything we have. Okay let's have toast that's fast. Ooooh writing idea! Annnnd it's gone time for toast. School school time for school. And walking. Feet feet feet. I wonder if butterflies can walk on their back feet but choose not to. I loveeeeeeee the color blue. Oh there's a rock!! Kick it. Too far. Go get it. Kick kick kick. I wish I still played soccer. Dance break. Cross walk time woo. Ooooh there's a pretty piece of- ahhh a car! What did I need to get from the store? Oh school! skip I HAVE TO URINATE. singing again U- R-I-N-a-T-E I have to PEE I have to pee! I HAVE TO P DOUBLE E! Hand up! Bathroom time. Touch the lockers. Bathroom door. How do you make doors- I want a cat. I'm allergic to cats. Math is fun- bees- singing woooooooo. All done peeing high five me! Hands hands wash your hands. All clean. What was that cute girls name? Sitting down my butt already hurts. And pencil. Flutter the paper. Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Bite my finger again woot. What are nails made of? Rhino horns. I want a rhino hor- what if I was in Jack and the beanstalk? Pigmentation is weird so I have freckles. I love to dance! singing again BUT IM ONLY HUMAN!!! AND I BLEED WHEN I FALL DOWN IM ONLY HUMAN! AND I CRASH- I CRASHED MY CAR INTO THE BRIDGE I DONT CARE- I DONT CARE IF YOUVE GOT HER IN YOUR HEART ALL I REALLY CARE IS THAT YOURE BACK- BABY GOT BACK. What was I doing again? Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap. Don't look at me you fucking perv. This desk is so smooth yasssssss. Tap tap tippity tap. I wanna be a lion so I can sleep a lot. Or a cheetah so I can run. I wish I could focus. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH is that a dog? Oh they're talking. LETS WRITE A STORY RIGHT NOW WOOO. shit I should take notes. OR DRAW A DOG. I MISS PATCHES. What if I just never ever- am I the bees knees? Do penguins have knees? I wanna be tall like a- I need more crayons. humming Lucky by Jason Mraz what would it be like if I was a gold fish. I want some gold fish. What if gold fish were made from the fish? UGHHHH THIS CLASS LASTS FOREVER I AM B O R E D. Oh there's the bell. Let's go. Oops I forgot my bag. Need that. Do I? Home home. There's a rock I love music. What is The Rock thinking about. What day is it? I dunno. Home home home. Rockkkkkkkkk. Ooh I'm here. Door open!! I love Doctor who. SHOES SUCK. Did I lock the door? Yep. Tv! Homework :. TV AND HOMEWORK. Okay math. Easy, who named numbers? Oh tv!!! I like tv how does it work I dunno. Bro. Broski. Bromeo. Ahhh I need to focus no more tv. Working, writing idea drawing. Shhhhh brain shhhhh. Bathroom.

I need to do a to be continued because my ADHD is making me bored. Also it's hard to write about my ADHD because I can't focus yeeeee.

Drowning

[meanwhileinoz]

20+ Easy Ways To Clean Your House That Takes Little To No Effort

Cleaning your house always seems like a neverending task. No matter what, you feel as though it’s going to take up more time than you bargained for. Plus, it seems as though whenever you clean, it just gets dirty in .5 seconds anyway. So, all in all, what’s the point? Instead of getting on your hands and knees to scrub for hours on end, there are some brilliant hacks online that make cleaning your house easier than ever.

1. Sweeper slippers, so you can sweep your home whenever you walk to the freezer to get yourself more ice cream.

BuzzFeed

BuzzFeed

If you have hardwood or tile floors, you have gotta have at least five pairs of these houseshoes. I just toss them into the wash without tearing off the sole to wash separately. Reason: the soles on mine by far outlast the tops of the shoes. They help control dust and animal hair. I like them. // Edited after thought: Pairs of these shoes were handed to out-of-state traveler friends (a fella and his two grown daughters). They sounded so thankful to have these microfiber houseshoes to wear, and they expressed at how cushy they felt.

–Penny

Get them on Amazon for $10.40.

2. If you have pets that shed (or if you shed) you need this easy-to-pick-up-hair broom for your carpets. It traps all the hair, all the time.

Amazon

This broom is awesome! I have two large breed dogs (that she’d like crazy) and hard wood floors that have to be swept daily. I don’t know how well it would work on carpets, but it does an excellent job sweeping fur, hair, and dirt up. The best part… You don’t have to clean the bristles like a regular broom. I just rinsed the broom when I was done and the little dirt that was on the bristles washed away! I hate having to pull dust balls and hair out of normal broom bristles.

Just note: The rubber bristles are not fine enough to clean under moldings (the small gap between the molding and the floor) for those areas, I still use a vacuum. I’m not sure why this broom has negative reviews.. I read a bunch of them and can not relate to any of the issues people complained about. I’m chalking them up to user error. As John Lydgate said “you can’t please all of the people all of the time”.

Get it on Amazon for $18.50.

3. If you tie two microfiber rags around a pair of tongs, you can clean those moldy refrigerator shelves that have been smelling like rotten chicken and spilled cold brew.

onecrazyhouse.com

onecrazyhouse.com

This brilliant idea comes from One Crazy House. You can use any tongs you have in the house, and can easily buy microfiber cloths on Amazon for only $9.99.

4. If you have a ceiling fan, quit tossing dust around your room and use an old pillowcase to clean it.

homemakerchic.com

This idea comes from Homemaker Chic. Not only is it way easier than using a duster, but the dust falls right into the pillowcase so you’re not sneezing your brains out.

5. Use this spot cleaner to get even the toughest stains out of your carpets without scrubbing like a madman. Just blot it right on.

Amazon

I had terrible rust and oil stains all over the seats of my car when I bought it. I tried other cleaners to get it out, but they actually made the stains darker. I took it to the dealership to see if they could get it out and they flat out told me no, so I gave up and lived with it for almost 5 years. I tried this after it was recommended by a friend. I sprayed it on and literally watched the stain run right off my seat. It was amazing! I thought I was going to have to pay hundreds of dollars to replace the seats in my car because nothing else would work. This stuff really is awesome!

Get a bottle of this easy-to-use cleaner on Amazon for only $10.50.

6. Put vinegar in a zip-lock bag and place it over your showerhead for 1-2 hours to get all that rusty, dusty mold-ish stuff off.

BuzzFeed

7. Get into the cracks of your tiles or bathroom floor/shower with an automatic scrubbing brush, which takes the time and effort out of cleaning.

Amazon

Ok, I feel stupid writing this, but I hope it encourages you to buy this…. I just spent 2 hours scrubbing the ceramic tile floor in my 2nd bathroom. This is a room where my elderly, incontinent cat lives so… use your imagination. I leave pee pads and towels down, but she still does her thing. I clean her room consistently, and every few months I do a heavy duty scrubbing by soaking the floor and grout in Nature’s Miracle and start scrubbing. It takes hours because I can’t get the corners well, and the grout is such a pain to clean.

Well, this product is amazing. I used this for the grout lines, and I used the corner attachment for… corners. It was amazing. It got gunk and grime off the grout that has been there for years (I haven’t resealed this floor since it will have to be taken out when the cat dies). I even used these to scrub the cabinet doors, around the toilet, etc. and they were really, really great. you have to put the right amount of pressure on the brush, but once you do- it’s *wonderful.* See how stupid I feel, writing such a glowing review for this? I swear I wasn’t endorsed, I wish they would pay me to test products after this! Between my Rubbermaid Reveal power Scrubber and Nature’s Miracle my bathroom is cleaner than it has been in years, and in less time than it’s ever taken me to deep clean it.

Get it on Amazon for only $13.54.

8. Use your dishwashing wand for floors by putting vinegar in it to scrub your tiles/stone shower.

smartschoolhouse.com

You can also use it for the glass doors to get them perfectly clean, according to  Smart School House. You can grab one of these on Amazon for only $9.38.

9. For those nasty, disgusting toilet rings, use a pumice stone to get the colors and stains out way easier and quicker (because who wants to spend time scrubbing a toilet, anyway?)

Amazon

 The house I recently moved into had a hard water line in the toilet and it was no big deal for the first couple of months. I never really paid much attention to it. That is, until my mom said she would be coming over for a visit. Suddenly, the hard water line in the toilet was glaring at me, making me feel like a disgusting human being living in filth. I had to get rid of it. A kitchen sponge and a dish cloth were both ruined in my attempts. Finally, after countless hours of research and many sleepless nights, I had my answer: The Pumie. As soon as it arrived I was on my hands and knees scrubbin’ that bowl. After it was done I was stood over my toilet with the same posture as a successful climber reaching the summit of Mt. Everest. I had defeated the hard water line with The Pumie. The satisfaction I had by accomplishing this otherwise mundane task made me realize I had truly entered adulthood. But, I did not stop there. Hard water marks around the bathroom sink drain? Gone. Hard water lines around the kitchen faucet? GTFO. The Pumie is truly a marvel to behold and I will be eternally grateful for it’s help in vanquishing the hard water lines that would have made my mother disown me.

Get it on Amazon for $9.15.

10. After you clean your toilet rings, use these incredible toilet refreshers that help to prevent the ring from ever coming back again.

Amazon

These are the best in-bowl cleaners that I have found after trying many others. They keep the toilet bowl fresh especially on the toilets that are less frequently used in my house. I have found them to last a month or more. My father, a plumber, warned me years ago never to use those cleaners which you drop in the tank because the strong chemicals will eventually corrode the plumbing fixtures. Yes, I took his advice after some unwanted repairs.

Grab them on Amazon for only $1.98. 

11. If you have a stainless steel fridge, Pledge will not only clean it but also polish it at the same damn time.

thediygirl.com 

The DIY Girl, just spray the Pledge right onto the fridge and buff it off with a dry cloth. Grab a bottle of pledge on Amazon for only $4.19. 

12. Clean your stove top in only 5 minutes by using some dish soap (like dawn) and hydrogen peroxide. Use a dish soap brush to scrub it off.

mythirtyspot.com  

Hack from My Thirty Spot.

13. Clean any white sink easily and have it sparkling again by using baking soda and hydrogen peroxide.

lemonslavenderandlaundry.com 

Hack from Lemons, Lavender, and Laundry.

14. Clean every inch of your keyboards by using this double sided brush.

Amazon 

My laptop hasn’t been so clean since I bought it! Much better than compressed air cleaning. Using the rubbery end, you can even clean off the finger-tracker; and using the little brush, you get out all those annoying little crumbs and pieces of stuff that both impede your keyboard performance and make it look dirty. I wish I would have taken before and after pictures—the difference is astonishing! I was skeptical, but this little tool is worth the price.

Get it on Amazon for $4.95.

15. Use a lint roller on any lampshades that have a bunch of built-up hair and dust on them.

creeklinehouse.com 

Hack from Creekline House.

16. Also, use a lint roller on any screens to capture all that pollen and dust.

handymanmagazine.co.nz 

Hack from Handyman Magazine.

17. Mix baking powder and a flowery-smelling essential oil to spread all over your mattress. The scent will get soaked into it, and when you’re done, just vacuum it right up.

onegoodthingbyjillee.com 

Hack from One Good Thing by Jillee.

18. Put your pillows in the washing machine while you let the baking soda sit in your bed so they smell brand new.

thehappierhomemaker.com

Hack from the Happier Homemaker.

19. Get rust stains out of your dishwasher by running a cycle of Kool-Aid.

wikihow.com 

Hack from Wikihow.

20. Get weird scents out of your washing machine (like that horrible wet-dog smell) by running on an empty cycle with vinegar.

iheartnaptime.net 

Hack from I Heart Naptime.

21. Clean your vacuum filters in the dishwasher to save time and get a better clean.

agirlandherneedle.blogspot.com 

Hack from A Girl and Her Needle.

22. Also, clean your vent covers, filters, and anything else that’s easily removable in the dishwasher so you can let it run and do something better with your time while it’s cleaning.

onecrazyhouse.com

Hack from One Crazy House.

The post 20+ Easy Ways To Clean Your House That Takes Little To No Effort appeared first on .

https://postaddict.com/2018/03/09/20-easy-ways-to-clean-your-house-that-takes-little-to-no-effort/

[germanottaisgodxo]

1-200

Random Questions- Send Me Numbers! 1. What is your middle name?I don't have one2. Do you have any nicknames?Rach3. Do you have any allergies?Nope4. What is the longest your hair has ever been?Down to my butt, I want it to be long again but my hair's shite at growing 😞5. Apple or PC?PC6. Favorite flavor?Pickled onion (thinking of those fave crisps of mine again 😂)7. Have you ever been on a blind date?I have not 8. Are you friends with any of your exes?Don't have any exes9. What kind of car do you drive?I don't currently drive but I wouldn't mind what kind I had10. How grammatically correct are you when you text?Very11. What foreign country would you most like to visit and why?France; for its culture, accents & food12. Creamy or chunky peanut butter?Ew, neither 13. Favorite food to pig out on?Crisps 😍 14. DC or Marvel?Neither 15. Disney or Nickelodeon?I'm assuming this means the channels & not the films? So a bit of both really 16. Do you have any stickers on your laptop computer?No laptop to put stickers on 17. Name/author of the last book you read cover to cover. Do you recommend it?I just finished Maggie Hartley's "Who will love me now?" & I recommend it. 8/1018. Do you read any magazines?Nah, I used to have a subscription to girltalk when I was younger though19. Coffee or tea?Neither 20. What is your go-to Starbucks drink?I don't drink Starbucks/coffee21. How many things can do with your weaker hand?Literally nothing, my left hand is useless 😂22. Last show you binge watched?I can't remember23. Dogs or cats?Cats 1000000% I hate dogs, they're so overrated 24. Favorite Disney princess?Rapunzel25. Do you like fast food?Yes26. Favorite thing to cook for yourself?Fajitas 27. Favorite song to sing in the shower?I don't really sing 28. Have you ever butt dialed anyone?Nah29. iPhone/iPad or Android?Android all the way! 30. Any styles of music you do not like?Classical/heavy metal 31. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same gender? If so, did you like it?Nah32. Have you ever gotten a ticket while driving?I don't drive33. Favorite emoji?😊😂😛💖34. Showers or baths?Showers35. Is there anything you regret buying?Impulsive shit that I only used once or twice36. Are you fluent in more than one language?Wish I was fluent in French37. Any movie(s) you can watch over and over again and enjoy just as much every time?Nah, I don't tend to watch films more than once38. What is the heaviest you have ever weighed?Let's not go there 😂😂39. Do you have any tattoos? If so, how many and where?Just the one; a floral pattern around my wrist40. Have you ever uttered a spoken hashtag?Nah 41. Favorite school subject?English/art/biology42. Favorite non-chocolate candy?Currently it's those refreshers & drumstick choos43. Name one celebrity you dislike.I'm not petty/sad enough to hate a celebrity that doesn't know or care I exist 😂44. If you could have one superpower, which one would you most like to have?Either invisibility or to be able to read minds45. From 1-10, rate your singing ability.046. From 1-10, rate your dancing ability.047. From 1-10, rate your cooking ability.5, not cooked properly in ages though 48. From 1-10, rate your driving ability.Never drove so I dunno 49. Are you religious?Not at all 50. Do you drink soda? If so, which one is your favorite?Irn Bru ❤51. Have you ever locked your keys in your car?Nope52. Spring or autumn?Spring53. Do you play any sports?Nah54. Can you play any musical instruments?Nah55. Are you more introverted or extroverted?I can be either, it depends on who I'm with 56. How easily do you cry?Nowhere near as bad as when I was younger, I've only cried properly 4 times this year57. Last musical artist you saw live?Lady Gaga58. Favorite YouTube channel?Don't really have one59. Star Wars or Star Trek?Neither 60. How long have you known your best friend?10 years 61. Have you ever voted for a reality show?I've text in to win stuff in competitions62. Last CD you bought?ARTPOP back in 2013 63. Have you ever ended a romantic relationship?Never been in one to end it64. Have you ever been broken up with?^^65. Have you ever been in the audience for the taping of a TV show?Nope66. How long was your longest relationship? Are you still with that person?See above q's67. Have you seen any Broadway plays or musicals?Nah68. Have you ever acted in a play or a musical?Does being a sheep in the nativity in primary 2 count?? 69. How flexible are you?Not very 70. Have you ever sexted?No 😂71. Do you own any clothes from garage sales or thrift stores?Nope 72. Real or fake Christmas trees?Fake73. How many pillows do you sleep with?I have 4 on my bed since it's a double but I only use 2 of them 74. How well can you write in cursive?Joined up handwriting? I can do it but my writing's ugly so 75. What is your political affiliation?SNP76. Do you like any boy bands?I used to love The Wanted when they were together77. Have you ever broken any bones?Nope 78. Have you ever gotten any stitches?Nope 79. Do you have any piercings in places other than your ears?Nah, I'd like my nose done but I don't think I'd suit it 80. What is the oldest piece of clothing you still wear and how old is it?Probably my school leavers hoody, it's about 5 years old81. Do you like wearing hats?Nah82. Have you ever dyed your hair?Oh, only about 50 times 😂83. From 1-10, how competitive are you?084. How long have you been at your current job?I don't have a current job 😞85. Have you ever studied abroad?Nah86. Phrase you say the most?Mostly swear words87. Have you ever quit a job?Technically88. Have you ever gotten fired from a job?Nope89. Have you ever won a trophy? If so, what for?Nah 90. Have you ever been a Boy/Girl Scout?I was a rainbow back when I was 6 for a wee while but I walked out 91. Last thing that made you laugh?Something on Facebook92. Do you eat meat?Yes dunno how vegans do it, they're seriously missing out 93. Are you more of a morning or a night person?Night 94. Worst habit?Peeing 5000 times a day 95. Deepest fear?Idk 96. Do you believe in ghosts?Yes & no 97. If you could take home any animal from the zoo, what animal would you take?A panda, so it could be lazy with me 🐼98. Do you consider rapping singing?It's a form of singing, yeah99. Favorite costume you wore for Halloween? How old were you?Probably my cat costume when I was 7 100. Favorite store to shop at?Asda/Primark101. Have you ever given anyone CPR?Nah, I'll hopefully learn how to when I get round to doing a first aid course102. Favorite Pokémon?Torchic103. Do you own any homemade clothing?Nah 104. Do you drink alcohol at all? If so, what is your drink of choice?Nope 105. Have you ever skinny dipped?Nope106. Favorite type of cookie?Choc chip/double choc chip107. Favorite flavor of ice cream?Toffee 108. Biggest pet peeve?People calling the person they're with "partner" it just sounds so dumb109. Are you still friends with anyone from high school?Yeah110. Favorite literary character?Don't have one 112. Do you wear or have your ever worn glasses?I do113. How many of your Facebook friends do you actually hang out with?1114. Have you ever been the victim of a prank?Nope 115. Do you belong to a fraternity or a sorority?Considering I'm not American, no116. Have you ever taken a nude selfie?Nope117. Are you adopted?I should have been118. Favorite fandom?None of them, they're all full of utter fruitcakes (& that's putting it nicely 😂)119. Oldest memory?Sitting in the sink as a bath 120. Have you ever snorted when you laughed?Everyone has121. Can you drive stick?Can't drive 122. Favorite Disney song?Idk 123. Random boy’s name.Olly124. Random girls’ name.Meg125. How often do you eat out at a nice restaurant?Never 126. How many people are in your nuclear family?My what now?127. What accent do you consider the most attractive?French128. What is your Myers-Briggs personality type?ISFP129. What is your astrological sign?Leo130. Biggest regret?Eating so much food131. What type of shoes do you wear the most?Converse are my fave 132. Do you like any soap operas?Holkyoaks 133. Do you listen to talk radio?When my internet's been cut off, sure 134. What sports team(s) do you root for?None 135. Describe your sense of humor.Amazing136. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same gender?Yes137. Favorite video game?I used to love pokemon 138. Name a moment in your life when you were pleasantly surprised.Can't think139. Do you believe in serendipity?I looked this up cause idk what it means & I'm still confused 140. Have you ever left a movie theater before the movie was done?A couple of times, yeah 141. Have you ever felt you were born in the wrong period of history?Nah 142. Is sex before marriage wrong?I used to think it was (what was wrong with me 😂?) but nah, as long as you're careful/sensible then you can do whatever143. Have you ever gotten a song you dislike stuck in your head?All the time144. Can you handle spicy food?Nope 145. Have you ever called a non-lover a term such as darling, honey, babe, or dear?I call most kids darling or honey, I used to call my friends dear & I don't like babe at all 146. Do you like MTV?When there's music playing 147. Where on your body are you the most ticklish?Stomach 148. TV show or movie you quote/reference the most?Big bang theory 149. Have you ever lived with a roommate you didn’t get along with?Can I count myself? 150. Where do you think is the best place to meet a new lover?No idea, you can meet your special someone literally anywhere when you least expect it 151. Have you ever successfully been on a diet?Yeah for like 9/10 months, I need that motivation back 😭152. Favorite thing to do outside?Come back inside153. Where did you go on your last vacation?Lanzarote154. Do you say “y'all” at all?No155. Have you ever lived on a farm?Nope156. Do you believe in evolution?Yeah 157. What TV channel do you watch the most?Channel 4, channel 5, ITV2, E4 & More 4158. Favorite Beatles song?None 159. Have you ever been on TV?Nope160. Have you ever been to Disney World or Disneyland?Nope161. Do you like horror movies?No, I'm too easily scared hahaha 162. Do you like to go fishing?Never been 163. Have you ever been hunting?It's illegal in Scotland 164. Do you take medication for anything?Nope 165. Name one item from your bucket list.Meet my fave people on here 166. From 1-10, how much do you like children?9167. Have you ever thought about your wedding?Not really 168. Have you ever been bungee jumping or skydiving?Nah, I'd love to do both though 169. Favorite flower?Thistle 170. Do you collect anything?Nah171. Who was the last person you told a lie to?Can't remember172. Have you ever been a bridesmaid or a groomsman?Nope 173. Have you ever had a fortune cookie fortune come true?Nope 174. What was your favorite toy to play with when you were a child?I used to like typical "boys toys" like beyblades, yugioh & pokemon 175. How good are you at math?Average 176. Have you ever learned anything from a how-to YouTube video?Nope 177. Have you ever participated in a science fair?Nah 178. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender?Nope 179. Have you ever participated in a public protest?Nope 180. Do you have a pool at your house?Nah, there's no space anyway 181. Have you ever hosted a wild party?Nope 182. Do you like karaoke?Nah 183. Have you ever written a love letter?Once, I wish I could turn back time & not given it and embarrassed the poor woman 184. Have you ever ran a marathon?Nah 185. How often do you get mad at yourself?Too often, I'm trying to work on that though 186. Any guilty pleasures?Nah187. Fruits or vegetables?Fruits 188. Do you live in a house or an apartment?"Apartment" 189. The countryside or the suburbs?Don't mind 190. Worst job you’ve ever had?Events staff, management were arseholes & it was a pain in the arse setting up & packing up191. Do you hang out with any of your co-workers?Don't have any 192. Were you ever voted homecoming/prom king or queen?Nope, never went to either prom193. Were you voted a “best” or “most likely to” in high school?Nah194. Have you ever gotten detention?Technically195. Have you ever babysat?Nope196. Have you ever taken a road trip just for the fun of it?Nope 197. How many drinks get you tipsy?No idea198. Were you a part of any academic clubs in high school or college?Nah 199. Have you ever given a public speech, aside from your schooling?Nope 200. How long have you been on tumblr?6 years There you go! Sorry it took like 2 days to answer these, I tried to do them yesterday but my phone died and the tumblr app's not been working today 😵

[duanecbrooks]

The Return Of Girls Gone Write     Further unmistakable evidence that women, by and large, are the superior writers: the former George W. Bush press secretary and current Fox News host Dana Perino's my-life-with-my-dog-Jasper memoir Let Me Tell You About Jasper...: How My Best Friend Became America's Dog and the large-screen sprite Anna Kendrick's personal/professional memoir Scrappy Little Nobody. These two books are, frankly, flat-out joys to read, the former being a frequently warmhearted, often humorous, always heartfelt telling of her life and experiences with her pet dog Jasper, who, as she convincingly claims, has become the real and true star of the Perino family; the latter being an engaging, sprightly, consistently witty literary self-examination of one of the modern-day American cinema's most succulent and most appealing chicks. To partake of these tomes consecutively, both from beginning to end, is to spend quality time with a pair of delightfully quirky, keenly aware, firmly articulate she-babes who, each in her own way, have a marvelous sense of proportion, a marvelous refusal to see themselves as having any kind of Greatness.             Before getting into just exactly why these superb books are superb, allow me to go into how I first became aware of Kendrick (If you'll remember, Perino first came into my life via her first-rate within-the-George W. Bush-administration memoir And The Good News Is...: Lessons and Advice from the Bright Side). Kendrick caught my attention, as do many other other folks and things these days, via YouTube. Specifically, first, during a compilation of Kathie Lee/Hoda's "best" Today "celebrity moments," wherein, when Kendrick was asked whether or not she'd like to play a game, she facetiously mimicked Nader and replied mock-earnestly: "No! I hate games! I hate fun, I hate laughing!" (Later, she was shown doing some mock-dirty dancing with said girls); second, during a trailer for one of Kendrick's more recent theatrical films, namely Get A Job, the aforementioned trailer's two highlights, for me, being 1) this scene where Kendrick's filmic character, Jillian by name, is sitting on the floor lamenting the fact that she spent almost all of the money she had on a BITCHIIN' pair of shoes, while clad in a pair of equally bangin' black toreador pants that, given her sitting position, magnificently show off her magnificently long, lean legs and her magnificently-proportioned bare feet; and 2) a long shot of Kendrick adorned in a man's white shirt and tie and black high heels and again displaying those stylishly long, lean legs. Thus I was already primed, due to being previously turned on by Kendrick, to favor her tome.             It's here where I'll deal with the highlights of both books, the places where our memoirists especially grab ahold of and, simultaneously, charm and delight us.               .Perino, on the vast network of fans/friends that has developed due to her having Jasper: "It is a bit wonderful that through television and social media, Jasper and I became friends with so many people across the country. I enjoy interacting with my followers and fans, and I really feel that we have modern-day friendships--people I've never met, but that I've come to know over time through short digital interactions. It has widened my circle of people I talk to, and it's deepened my appreciation for people from all walks of life. I now get a chance to communicate with people I wouldn't have ever known; the Internet has given us a way to connect and network that didn't exist before. We're all neighbors now (with the proper amount of fencing to keep things friendly).               "Often this new group of people has cheered me up or warmed my heart just when I needed it. Working in politics and live cable television can be stressful, and switching off at the end of the day isn't always easy. Jasper's following has actually given me a way to set aside the work portion of my day and exchange some messages with my electronic friends, which helps me keep grounded and cheerful."                 .Kendrick, on her brother Mike: "My brother is my hero. I've idolized him since the day I was born and I still do. He's responsible for at least sixty percent of my personality, for better or worse. I'm told that if you're an only child, you grow up thinking you're the center of the universe, and if you have tons of siblings you grow up with a healthy perspective on how small you are in the grand scheme of things. I'd like to think that my brother told me I was a worthless brat often enough that I got the same effect...     "Mike's main interests [when we were kids] were watching Star Wars, playing Magic: The Gathering, and avoiding his annoying little sister. The only time he happily included me was when he wanted to play 'Pro Wrestling Champions,' as I was an ideal partner on which to inflict moderate injury."           .Perino, on Jasper's television debut: "Jasper made his debut on The Five [Perino's Fox News political talk show] as a sleepy puppy at just two months old, and a star was born. I brought him on set and when we were back from commercial break, I showed him off for the camera. He looked right into the lens with his deep blue eyes (a Vizsla [Jasper's breed] is born with blue eyes that eventually turn amber). He snuggled into me. Hearts melted.             "Jasper has tons of personality and is as photogenic as any dog I've known. On Jasper's birthday, my [The Five] producer lets him come on the show and he sits on a chair, for the most part, wearing a bow tie collar, and you would think he knows exactly what he's doing when he looks into the teleprompter. He's certainly better behaved than [Five co-host Greg] Gutfield."             .Kendrick, on her early period as an actor: "Starting in theater gave me a basic work ethic that I may not have gotten if I started in film and television. I worked six days a week, eight shows a week (two shows on Wednesdays and Saturdays, Mondays off). It wasn't so much the schedule--I worked in accordance with child labor laws--it was that I was held accountable for my work.             "Once, during rehearsals, our director was playing with the shape of a musical number that involved most of the cast--which jokes should stay, where they should go, etc. He decided to try reinstituting a small joke I'd had in a previous draft, and we started the number again from the top. I lost where we were in the music and I opened my mouth to say the line, a measure too late. He was already shaking his head and signaling the pianist to stop.             "'Anna just lost a line. Let's go back to how it was before and start again.'"         .Perino, on her period as W.'s press secretary: "[B]ecoming the White House press secretary was the best thing that ever happened to my career. I learned so much--about policy, world affairs, management, and politics.             "But the most important lesson I learned working for President Bush was about character and how to conduct myself under stress and attack. I found out how to be productive despite obstacles, and appreciated how a communicator can help calm a situation, advance a negotiation, or lead to a solution.               "The press secretary is the pinnacle for a public relations professional--it was the opportunity of a lifetime.                 "But having worked in politics for so many years, I'd built up a fairly tough exterior. The daily battles can wear a person out, and in some ways, I became edgier and harder than I'd ever been.         "It was also a lofty position, and the surest way you can lose your way in Washington, D.C., is to let any of that power or prestige go to your head.             "Throughout those years [first dog] Henry kept me from losing sight of what was important in life: appreciation and gratitude for my health and blessings, and the love I shared with [hubby] Peter and our dog."     .Kendrick, on her early life as a struggling actor: "The next pilot season [for television series] was starting up, which meant I was usually sent on one to four auditions a day. I discovered MapQuest and wrote down directions by hand since I didn't have a printer. Between that and my growing knowledge of the city, I was only getting lost, like, six times a day. Pilot season is grim because you're sent in for everything, no matter how wrong you are for it. I kept a mountain of clothes and accessories in my trunk so I could go from the fourteen-year-old goth daughter on a TNT drama to the spoiled twenty-two-year-old receptionist on a workplace comedy. It's obvious now that splitting my focus made it responsible for me to do well on any of them, but I was in no position to turn down auditions.               "How do I describe my personal life during this time? I met funny, interesting people. I went to art galleries downtown, I performed a one-woman show for free on the street corner. Except none of that's true. I spent most of my time trying to find ways to occupy myself without spending money or ingesting calories."                     .Perino, on what she terms Jasper's "protest pee": "When I wrote And the Good News Is... I received a lot of gifts for Jasper, including an embroidered quilt with the Great Seal of the United States. It is beautiful and functional. [Peter and I] take it with us to our friends' homes if we are invited to stay the night, because, well, you try telling Jasper he can't sleep on the bed. With the quilt, we're covered. Literally and figuratively.                   "When we're at our place in South Carolina, leaving him in the house is even more stressful. For a while, whenever we'd go out, we'd come home and find that he'd peed on the floor. As soon as we'd walk in, we'd know something happened, because Jasper would grab a toy as he always does, but instead of frantic joy and butt wagging, his tail would be down and he'd look guilty. It was hard to discipline him because you're supposed to catch them in the act. [Hubby] Peter would get pretty made at Jasper, and I'd feel terrible.                 "'He's so scared to be left alone,' I'd say.           "'No, he's being a brat,' Peter responded."                   .Kendrick, on behavior at showbiz events: "There's a campaign called #AskHerMore, which was started by some thoughtful, intelligent females (Lena Dunham, Reese Witherspoon, Shondra Rimes, etc.). It aims to ensure that when women attend events, they are asked about more than their dresses. Men don't answer questions about their clothes; why should we [women]? A simple and understandable request.                 "However, if people could ask me less, that would be great. I would love it if we could limit my red carpet topics to my favorite colors, what sound a duck makes, and my thoughts on McDonald's All-Day Breakfast--blessing or curse?"                 Also: Nearly the final half of Perino's book consists of various @FiveFanPhotoshops pictures that very humorously show Jasper in a collection of quite colorful poses--Jasper painting a portrait of Perino's former boss, W.; Jasper as a race-car driver; Jasper and Perino involved in the Kentucky Derby with the latter on top of the former, et al. And Kendrick's tome closes with a "Bonus Reading Group Guide," wherein there are "a few questions to help you get the most out of your reading experience."(As an addend, Kendrick wittily 1] apologizes for the "fact" that her "Guide" offers no red meat for those of us who "happen to run a trashy celebrity news blog that requires you to peruse the content of privileged cretins like me"; and 2] gives us permission to "use these questions [in the "Guide"] as a template for creating misleading but juicy headlines." She winds up by, also wittily, summing up what she, so she claims, is conveying: "[F]amous white girls are really fun to be mad at") Among the queries asked in the "Guide":                                        .."Though every page of Scrappy Little Nobody is perfect in every                           way, which part is your favorite? Make a list (it can be a Post-it that                           says, 'Every part is my favorite') and tape it to your chest for the rest                                 of the day."                                        .."When Anna compares Zac Efron to Charles Manson, is she making                                 a joke or trying to warn us about a potential murderous mastermind?"                                .."In the sections about Alexa Chung and Olivia Palermo, the author                           viciously maligns two innocent and very fashionable girls. Is Anna a                           shady, basic bitch, or the shadiest, basic-est bitch?"                                       .."Anna makes a lot of bad decisions. Can you think of a time when                                 you've made a bad decision? Oh wow, really? We're gonna pretend                                   you can't think of a single example? YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER                             THAN ME?!"             And thus there are the books of Dana Perino and Anna Kendrick, the former being a greatly stylish, consistently witty, always loving paean to a dog who is not only a beloved pet but, as Perino very convincingly limns, one of the most well-known and well-regarded personalities in America (easily, happily, well above and beyond any yammering about "animal rights"); the latter being an engagingly lively, undeniably honest, unrelievedly funny self-portrait of a celebrity gal who is obviously on the sides of life and living, whose unflinchingly upbeat, never-say-die attitude comes through in literally every paragraph.                 In the much-lauded theatrical film The Magic of Belle Isle, the single Mom Charlotte O'Neill (Virginia Madsen), during an evening dinner with her daughters and that evening's guest, the renowned Western novelist Monte Wildhorn (Morgan Freeman), asserted: "I've always felt that a book does something no friend could: Stay quiet when you want to think." To partake of the Perino and Kendrick tomes as they "[s]tay quiet" is to have you "wanting to think" about them--always favorably and, very often, with unsheathed laughter.