#i’m just scrambling for a modicum of control while everything goes to shit around me
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has someone invented a version of love, without loss? asking for a friend
#you think you’re immune to grief?#well you’re not you stupid bitch!!!#i mourn the loss of things before i’ve lost them#but just like roman roy my ass did NOT pre grieve#mostly i just pretend it’s not happening until it all catches up to me bc i am a very responsible adult#this post probably isn’t gonna make sense#my head is all over the fucking place man#i’m just scrambling for a modicum of control while everything goes to shit around me#mostly? i am on the edge of a chasm and i don’t see a way across#i don’t know how i’m gonna get over this#i don’t even know how to come to terms with it and nothing is even final yet#even the thought makes me sick#i’m kinda stuck in place at the moment and i don’t know when i’m gonna be unstuck#but it’ll probably be horrible when i do#only because the worst will have happened#how the fuck do you prepare??? how the fuck do you deal???#i’m struggling with accepting it now how the FUCK am i gonna accept it if it actually happens???#2025 is gonna be my year? that’s a fucking laugh#if the worst actually happens then 2024 will somehow seem easy breezy#the universe loves to kick the ever loving shit out of me huh?#every time i think i’m doing okay something comes along to fuck it up#brb gonna go rip my own heart out bc it’s not doing me any favours <3
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