#i'd like to read more in that space
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zmediaoutlet · 10 months ago
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I like both destiel and wincest, from a character perspective these are such deep, profound and complicated relationships. I love them both, how do you feel about it? How do you feel about Castiel?
Well, anon, I guess I agree on one and... only partially agree on the other, haha. Fandom has certainly tried to prove that it's true, though.
I find Castiel to be a deeply sad character, on both an in- and out-of-universe level. Out of universe, he'd clearly served his purpose by the end of s5 (and if not then, CERTAINLY by the end of s6), but external factors forced them to keep him in the show, with increasingly ludicrous justifications. Plus, giving him more B-plots let Jared and Jensen take the kids to soccer practice or whatever, so he was kind of 'babysitting' the show when he got an improbable plotline to suffer through.
In-universe, though, taken as a whole, it's a pretty miserable story. All those millennia and it turned out he was a toy in the hands of a petty, shithead god; constantly brainwiped, used as a weapon, betrayed by faith, etc. It's canon that he fell in love (as much as an angel can fall in love) with Dean, and that's even sadder. Dean barely seems to like him half the time, but Cas is clearly wired for devotion, the poor sucker, and he glommed onto the Righteous Man and never really let go. Tries to help and fucks up everything by trying, and then sad-sackily apologizes, and then fucks up again, and all he's trying to do is save the world but really he's trying to keep Dean (and Sam, as the obvious +1 to Dean's whole existence) safe.
But also, Cas isn't an idiot. He clearly understands that Sam is #1. He's a little overly rose-colored glasses with Dean, but he knows that whenever there is a choice Dean will always make the same one. The Sam/Dean of it all is foreordained and even when they're trying to 'break up' those couple of times, Cas miserably comes in and is like 'you guys can't do that, you're soulmates and whatnot,' and of course the Winchesters' relationship gets repaired because it's literally foundational. The Dean that Cas loves is made up of at least 50% loving Sam, if not more, and he's literally not recognizable without that. (And he's right; I've tried to read destiel fics. Dean generally isn't in them.)
So -- I guess they're both "profound" relationships, but one of them is really genuinely profound, and one of them is half-a-loaf. Dean doesn't reciprocate, or certainly not in the same way, or not enough, and Cas knows per canon that he could literally never ask him to. It wouldn't be fair to anyone. Pining!Cas is faaaaantastic, but that's all he's ever gonna get. Real lovely tragedy, if you're willing to take it as such. And that last scene in 15.18 really is a doozy, if you take it as I believe canon intends you to. Dean's expression is so perfect -- this mix of no, and also something like -- he knew this, but he didn't want to hear it, and not now, and if he'd never said it out loud they could both ignore it -- but of course this is the last second, and it has to be said. Very few lines in the whole 326 episodes were more poignant or lovelier than: Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it. At least he got that.
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lucabyte · 2 months ago
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even dogs pass the mirror test
#hello again everyone. how's it going#isat loop#in stars and time#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#isat#lucabyteart#isat spoilers#so. had this idea Before getting my hands on the artbook and being validated. literally have a voice note from 4:30am on the 8th where#i frantically noted down this just horrid horrid horrid caption because i'd been musing on the sasasap Dress line all day i suppose#just kind of rotating in my brain the way any kind of first time trying on new clothes for them would be .#just absolutely mental breakdown material and not one i think would be recovered from quickly. they hate being in their own skin#like. a lot? like a lot. the collateral of any kind of transfemme read was barely in my mind until it ended up relevant again while i was#actively working on this. because christ that's a bad combo. 2x different forms of body dysphoria in one. maybe even 3x somehow#plus any scenario where they get clothes is... likely gifted. something they react viciously negatively to in game and i doubt#would improve thereafter. just a veritable katamari of disgust and self-loathing#like i was mostly just thinking abt how a lot of our collective depictions of loop being alienated from their body are rather abstract#in a body horror way mostly. on account of loop being more of a metaphor than a person half the time. so i think i wanted to depict#something closer to just. a human level of body dysphoria. no focus on the whole duplicate thing just... raw disgust for the self#but with the addition of recent discussion and playing ball more with the she/her loop and transfem loop angle...#scenario of leaning into femininity to try throw off suspicion on who they are PLUS realising they might want that PLUS the party#trying to use this to bond with them PLUS body dysphoria PLUS new!gender dysphoria PLUS the usual revulsion for wanting and desire#like. that is a catastrophic combination . not coming out of that one without it getting worse for a few weeks thereafter#that's a real lash out at everyone around them and then recede in shame type breakdown. which im sure looks interesting from#the party's pov because jesus christ that touched a nerve something awful (<- they only have half the context AT BEST)#. so . there's your free scenario to ponder on if you'd want to. seeing as ive done a picture without a shitload of words on it for once#ALSO don't get smart with me in the tags about the mirror test being an absolutely ass test in most regards re: self-awareness#or that things like minnows pass it. i'm a fellow pedant dont worry. it's just that minnow doesn't really have the same ring as dog yknow?#this is supposed to be like an absolutely excruciatingly self loathing thought spoken aloud of a caption. it's pithy and cruel on purpose#and more than a little inspired by (reblogged yesterday) liminal space's 'there is no other dog. it's just you'
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chapollynh · 1 month ago
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I finished DS9 and here's my first offering to the fandom.
The show is just SO GOOD!! I wanna talk about it so bad, so I will spam the tags quite a bit... My bad. Also, the people who said Bashir would get better - you were right, he became a lot more fun! Plus he's got a teddy bear, that's peak character right there.
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evercelle · 6 months ago
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2024 art summary! it sure has been a year
#ever makes art#i bsky tweeted a bit but it feels weird talking there still so ill do my usual rambling into tags here :)c#i burned out super bad in the middle of this year for months where it felt like i couldnt draw anything good no matter how hard i tried#and the harder i tried the worst it felt - to the degree that i legitimately thought i wasnt going to be able to draw anything again#which sounds SO dramatic i know i know. but feelings arent always rational!!! and so many others things were going wrong at the same time#so it was strange putting together this year's art summary and realizing Huh. i did still have paintings to put in every space#that fear/anxiety spiral seems even sillier and more meaningless now that i have distance and proof of how irrational it was...#...but in reflection i'd like to think of it as proof that even when you feel at your worse it's worth it to keep trying...!!#after the Black Hole of Nothing i've been working every day on never ending doujin and xv anthology and orv sketchzine and merch#i can't say that i feel my artistic skills have like. improved or anything... but the passion i feel for the stories i read and#the stories i want to tell is still there!! and the happiness from getting to put form to those feelings large or small is worth it too#anyway......... lotta words to say tho i haven't posted much anymore and socmed is imploding and the world is dark#thank you very much for staying with me another year. i am - as ever - always grateful
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reallynotafaedragon · 12 days ago
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HDG Fic that never will be
Hello internet HDG fans and my poor followers who have to see this
I've recently fallen down the HDG fic rabbit hole (WELLNESS CHECK DID THIS TO ME) and reading about the Affini and the Compact and the universe on the wiki have got a bunch of wheels turning in my brain. I got bit by the fic writing bug and started drawing up an outline for a fic idea I had.
However, as I thought about it more, I started to realise this probably wasn't a fic I should write or that might be controversial because it would violate one of the universe guidelines. I figured I may as well make a post talking about it and hopefully get some feedback before I move on to actually spending hours writing thousands of words. Explanation under the cut.
The fic I'm thinking of is an Affini POV. Basically there's a case worker who works to help organise all the affini-floret paperwork, keeps track of the "Notices of Intent to Domesticate", checks in on "independent" Sophonts who are struggling, etc etc. Its also about the wider Compact, about the case worker taking a critical look at their culture and their ideology and potential conflicts that might arise from that. Its looking at the Affini Compact as a kind of "pet rescue" situation, and examining the issues that arise in that context.
So for example, what happens when there's a perfectly dramatic meow-meow or Autistic Trans Girl Who Stinks Good (tm) and like eight different Affini all want them as their Floret? Or how human Pinnates or Pluribuses are less likely to be "adopted" by Affini because they're more difficult and complex to care for? What happens when there's a queer polycule, three of whom are Pluribuses and two of whom are seriously disabled, who SOMEHOW made it through the Accord and are now struggling even in the post-scarcity society of the Affini? They obviously need help but most Affini are reluctant at best to take on that much responsibility.
What happens when an Affini gets bored of their Floret (*gasp*) and wants to give them up? Humans are the most recent acquisition by the Compact and are considered especially cute/domesticable, what happens when human Florets are a "fad"? Do Affini ever trade Florets, temporarily or otherwise?
And what about all the humans who AREN'T Autistic Trans Girls Who Stink Good(tm) or poor exploited military personnel who need domesticating? The "silent majority" of middle class/straight humans for whom life in the Accord was good (as long as they kept their heads down and ratted out their neighbours)? The "boring" ones. Would the Affini even be interested in them?
This is the kind of thing I want to write about. Its really got me humming along, but I'm also aware this kind of messes with one of the big guidelines for the universe - that the Affini are always "perfect". They're centuries/millennia old and are incredibly intelligent, so understand the needs and wants of their charges so perfectly they don't need or understand consent. They know you better than you know yourself, virtually gods compared to human flaws and imperfections.
But my fic would look at the Affini as people - as characters who have quirks and preferences and can make mistakes. As beings who can misunderstand you in important ways. It would be Affini interacting with other Affini, it would be comparing how different Affini treat their Florets. As I understand it, that kind of flies in the face of what the Affini are supposed to be as a concept.
I'm interested in HDG but I'm not interested in writing something that ends up being on the same tier as "Muh Spess Mehreens Could Totally Kill A Bunch Of Big Plants For Real" (shut up no they couldn't, the Compact runs on Saitama rules, your Space Marines are happy lil action figures shooting at each other with Nerf Bolters in the Space Marine Enrichment Centre). Its a really cool universe but I don't want to try and use it for something it was never intended for, I understand its got a fairly narrow focus normally.
So I thought I'd make a post about it to test the waters and see how the community reacts. Please if there are any fans or writers who see this post, I could really use some feedback. Anything you suggest is appreciated!
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doritofalls · 26 days ago
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i've been thinking about house of leaves + the denial of tragedy consuming the narrative. delial, the vulture and the little girl photo, kevin carter's suicide. navy and truant who keep on living despite the odds. the burning of the book and the tape ending and then continuing. something itches my brain along those lines.
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kiwi-luminaryofthestars · 3 months ago
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04/08/2025 Progress Update:
TLDR: About 1K written today, close to 18.5K for ch 6. Rantaro conversation is HAPPENING YESSS
I was ready to remove a whole chunk of this conversation after my frustrating writing session today and my friend offered to look over what I was considering cutting. Damn I'm fucking glad they did. 'Cause they absolutely disagreed with me LMAOOO and said to keep it. And seeing how they reacted to this scene actually really, REALLY helped me understand where the rest of this conversation needs to go and I think I've FINALLY got a hang of it. It meant rewriting the end of the conversation and updating some stuff in the next sections to reflect this, but I do think (fingers crossed) this is where we're gonna keep it. HOORAY!!!
With that drafted, we're onto section three. This is the other section I didn't have a ton written for, so we'll probably be on this one for a good chunk of time. Then it's just fleshing out the already-completed draft for section four and five and we'll be good to edit!!!! I'm HOPEFUL this'll go by relatively quickly, we'll see. There's the move I mentioned that we're scrambling to get prepared for this week and finals are coming up, so writing is a little hard rn. My goal is still to have it completely drafted asap 'cause I kinda wanna finish it before working on komahina week lol. And that's coming up so fucking fast... May be a LATE komahina week submission lmao.
In other news, two commissions are in-progress!! I did decide to do another one for ch 6 as an apology for no commission in ch 5, so that one's started. Ch 7 one is already going, too, and I'm gonna STRUGGLE not revealing this thing until ch 7 is done lol. Mostly 'cause I wanna show it off lollll. Ugh I always wanna show them off as soon as I get them, barely hold myself back. But these ones are some mega spoilers so... gotta stay strong.
Hope y'all have a lovely lovely night!! My day was a rollercoaster lmao and I'm hopeful for a productive day tomorrow, both in life and in writing.
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silusvesuius · 1 year ago
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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑
#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text#i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately#actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at#especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw#and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu#i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚#but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress#not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself#i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on#and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now#especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work#worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it#fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense#but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill#not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person#who am i competing with? Myself#i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode#which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists#i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist#like me .......(?)
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ghastlyaffairs · 1 year ago
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Strife! Strife! Shoot the freaking imp!!!!!
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geddy-leesbian · 14 days ago
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I will not make another stupid vent post I will not make another stupid vent post I will not
#ive been trying to stay away from tumblr bc i know ive been in a bad head space. did finally check in today and like. ppl i thought (or at#least hoped) would maybe possibly notice me suddenly disappearing did not at all. but some ppl i never would have expected to even notice at#all actually checked in with me?? so im not sure how i feel overall bc it is very heart warming that ppl i didn't think i meant anything to#care about me. but still it's sad to have confirmation that some ppl i think abt often and would def notice if they stopped posting for a#few days don't think about me in any similar capacity. which i mean isn't shocking i know they have better lives and better friends than me#and im just a nobody. but deep down i had one tiny crumb of optimism left that thought when i finally checked in today i'd be pleasantly#surprised and see that one of those ppl did notice but alas... and here i am being stupid and venting again so i guess it's time to peace#out again before i get any worse. i want to respond to the more unexpected messages but i still just feel so tired and drained that even#just reading them (i quickly skimmed them but didn't Read Read yet) feels so daunting but maybe i'll try one quick bedtime check in later#just to answer bc i feel bad just ignoring ppl who are nice to me and it absolutely does make me feel better. unfortunately im just at total#rock bottom rn so ''better'' is still ''shitty and definitely not okay just craving death slightly less than before''
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dewwshi · 2 years ago
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@davekatweek 2023, day 7: "beginnings"
(n.) the point in time or space at which something begins.
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tentglitch · 1 month ago
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I'm crashing tf out grandson
#luka.txt#vent#stuck between feeling guilty and annoying when I vent#and needing to vent so bad I feel like I'm gonna explode#like agh I don't want to be this gloomy inconvenience but also just keeping things to myself is agonizing#idk I'm more introverted and awkward but I do genuinely enjoy talking to people#and circling back to just feeling very lonely#but I'm so fucking sad all the time and just so reserved from past issues I don't feel like an interesting person#and I can't talk to people abt my struggles with this because it just feels like I'm guilt tripping them into being comforting and friendly#so I'm just alone and dying because I would rather suffer than even potentially bother someone#idk my fucking mood has been fluctuating like crazy but last couple days/week have been pretty bad#when the bipolar disorder makes you bipolar#how much are meds supposed to help because this shit feels impossible like when I'm entering a depressive episode everything is so bad#prob doesn't help that I'm having to attend therapy less frequently and also have postponed my med check twice now#I'm ngl part of it's because I don't wanna go like it does not feel like a judgement free space#idk how to explain it really but like I think a part of why I struggle to open up is fear of being judged#and it's just the way she talks and questions me idk it makes me uncomfortable even though I know breaking down these walls is going to#so maybe she's just doing her job idk#I lost the plot but I'm tired of talking so that's it for now#I'm curious if anyone actually ever reads these or if they just get swept through the void#idk which I'd prefer#I am so caught up in how I am percieved I cannot experience the joys of living 🥲#I hate it!! make it stop!!#my therapist has been trying to get me to be more understanding and gentle w/ these parts though#it is very hard because I'm just frustrated and sad but I'm trying#it's so easy to despise though because like I just want to be normal and happy why is this so hard#urgh I have to stop talking I'm gonna die#I haven't been that active lately due to this and a multitude of other things so uh idk when I'll be back again#I'll try to do less vent posts sorgy
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frogshipping · 5 months ago
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Alright I see a couple people are curious, and I've kept you in suspense long enough, so here's my new fictional crush (literally nobody will be surprised):
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I'm sure some of you who know nothing about DBZ are probably thinking, "Isn't that just Goku/Evil Goku?" And the answer is no, he's an entirely different character, who's written to be the exact opposite of Goku. He exists (mainly) in a singular movie that's not even canon (he cameos in a couple of other non-canon things as well I believe).
Whatever bit of lore they gave him has put me in such a vice grip of potential that I can't help but feel some butterflies for this stinky bastard. I wanna put him in my mouth and shake him around, like a pitbull with a chew toy. I wanna spray him with lysol. He's so yucky.
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nexus-nebulae · 5 months ago
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tumblr needs to rlly make a tag filter that's "do not even show me a hint of this existing whatsoever" and then another one that's just "i need a lil warning first" bc sometimes i would react less badly to certain things if i just knew what was coming beforehand
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oidheadh-con-culainn · 1 year ago
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it's weird how "things i care about" and "things i blog about" are overlapping but very distinct circles. like yeah i care obsessively about the ulster cycle and also blog about it constantly but there are so many things in my life that i care about that i just..... don't post about. so many books i enjoy that i have nothing to say other than maybe sometimes reblogging a post about them when it comes my way. so many things that i'm secretly feral about but do it all inside my own head
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alexjcrowley · 6 months ago
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And if I were to drop on here just to say that I Love To Travel from The Frogs by Stephen Sondheim is Frodo-and-Sam-at-the-beginning-of-their-journey coded?
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