#i'd try out a mac computer for the hell of it

[razielim]

90s Power Macintosh OSs were more like the modern Windows PC experience than you'd assume if you never used one or if your first Macintosh was the colorful zany iMac G3 acquired by many schools in the early 2000s. Sure, in the 90s if you had Microsoft, you were very likely still using MS-DOS, or Windows-through-DOS (until Windows 95) and therefore getting a bit more technical experience mileage. But a lot of people grew up using DOS like it was nbd to boot their games through the command prompt, only to grow up not particularly computer-savvy. Apple is not alone in pushing for non-specialization experiences; Microsoft also has had aspirations of becoming Extremely GUI (remember their weird and frustrating all-tile concept of the 2010s?) as part of its business strategy and regularly tries to make the "Home" (as opposed to "Pro") OS setup more difficult to use for technical purposes.

I cannot attest to the modern Mac experience but must mention that many CS/IT professionals/academics LOVE Macs. If a person loves LaTeX and/or Linux, I suspect they're at least Mac-curious. It was a whole fad with computer nerds in the 2010s to cobble together a Windows/Linux PC that looked and functioned as close to a Mac as possible if they couldn't afford a real Apple machine.

My opposing hypothesis is that declining tech literacy is mostly a consequence of the proliferation of Extremely GUI "don't even fucking worry about it" tech, and that's more a problem of using phone-as-computer or tablet-as-computer and wanting all computers to therefore function as a phone/tablet, rather than which laptop/desktop OS you go to bat for or which one you grew up with because the truth is all available laptop/desktop options require more tech literacy just to get started on than making do with a phone/tablet.

Also I know it's a joke, but the idea that someone more tech literate than you must be autistic... is a good way to notice you're perhaps not as tech literate as you think lmfao. Basic human curiosity, competence, and urge to tinker/play does not require a diagnosis! The problem with Extremely GUI solutions is not that they're Evil™ but precisely that they take these behaviors away as an option!

[commodorez]

Hi! I'm so sorry if this has been asked before, but I'm completely clueless on computers, but I want to learn about them. Any places you'd recommend starting for bare bones beginners? I'm also interested in early-mid 90's tech particularly too. I'm guessing I have to figure out the basics before I can move onto specific tech though, right?

You're really knowledgeable and nice so I figured I'd just ask. Any help at all would be appreciated. Thank you! :]

That's an excellent question, I don't think I've been asked it before in such a general sense. I was raised with the benefit of being immersed in computers regularly, so providing a solid answer may be a bit difficult since for the basics, I never had to think about it.

I had computer classes of various types throughout my school years. We learned how to use a mouse, typing, word processing, programming -- and that was all before middle school. We got proper typing, html, and general purpose computer science courses in middle and high school, and you can bet I took those too. I also have the benefit of a bachelors of science in computer science, so you'll forgive me if my answer sounds incredibly skewed with 30+ years of bias.

The biggest suggestion I can give you is simply to find a device and play with it. Whatever you can get your hands on, even if its not that old, as long as it's considered past its prime, and nobody will get upset of you accidentally break something (physically or in software). Learning about things with computers in general tends to have some degree of trial and error, be it programming, administrating, or whatever -- try, learn, and start over if things don't work out as expected the first time. Professionals do it all the time (I know I do, and nobody's fired me for it yet).

Some cast-off 90s or early 00's surplus office desktop computer running Windows would be a good start, just explore it and its settings. Start digging into folders, see what's installed, see what works and more importantly what doesn't work right. Try to find comparable software, and install it. Even the basics like old copies of Microsoft Office, or whatever.

I recommend looking through the available software on winworld as it's an excellent treasure trove of operating systems, applications, games, and other useful software of the time period. I'd link it directly, but tumblr hates links to external sites and will bury this post if I do. If you're a mac fan, and you can find an old G3 or Performa, there is the Macintosh Garden's repository of software, but I'm not the right person to ask about that.

Some of you might be like "oh, oh! Raspberry Pi! say Raspberry Pi!" but I can't really recommend those as a starting point, even if they are cheap for an older model. Those require a bit of setup, and even the most common linux can be obtuse as hell for newcomers if you don't have someone to guide you.

If you don't have real hardware to muck about with, emulation is also your friend. DOSBox was my weapon of choice for a long time, but I think other things like 86Box have supplanted it. I have the luxury of the real hardware in most cases, so I haven't emulated much in the past decade. Tech Tangents on youtube has a new video explaining the subject well, I highly recommend it. There are plenty of other methods too, but most are far more sophisticated to get started with, if you ask me.

For getting a glimpse into the world of the 90s tech, if you haven't already discovered LGR on youtube, I've been watching his content for well over a decade now. He covers both the common and esoteric, both hardware and software, and is pretty honest about the whole thing, rather than caricaturish in his presentation style. It might be a good jumping off point to find proverbial rabbits to chase.

I guess the trick is to a find a specific thing you're really interested in, and then start following that thread, researching on wikipedia and finding old enthusiast websites to read through. I'm sure there are a few good books on more general history of 90s computing and the coming internet, but I'm not an avid reader of the genre. Flipping through tech magazines of the era (PC Magazine comes to mind, check archive dot org for that) can provide a good historical perspective. Watching old episodes of the Computer Chronicles (youtube or archive dot org) can provide this too, but it also had demonstrations and explanations of the emerging technologies as they happened.

There are so many approaches here, I'm sure I've missed some good suggestions though. I also realized I waffle a bit between the modern and vintage, but I find many computing troubleshooting skillsets transcend eras. What works now can apply to 10, 20, 30, or sometimes even 40+ years ago, because it's all about mindset of "this computer/program is dumb, and only follows the instructions its given" . Sometimes those instructions are poorly thought out on the part of the folks who designed them. And those failures are not necessarily your fault, so you gotta push through until you figure out how to do the thing you're trying to do. Reading the documentation you can find will only take you so far, sometimes things are just dumb, and experimentation (and failures) will teach you so much more about the hard and fast rules of computers than anything else. I'm rambling at this point...

So, let's throw the question to the crowd, and ask a few other folks in the Retrotech Crew.

@ms-dos5 @virescent-phosphor @teckheck @jhavard @techav @regretsretrotech @airconditionedcomputingnightmare @aperture-in-the-multiverse -- anything big I missed?

[diaryofavoid]

6.21.2025

my new desk set up. trying to cultivate a home office space in my childhood room where i can LOCK IN. my solution? a 2013 mac. this computer used to belong to my nana and although i doubt she got much use out of it, it's nice to know that it's now in useable state instead of collecting dust in my closet. i love the nostalgia of older tech, and how these devices can somehow carry sentimental meanings to people and times. they're kind of a labor of love. they can sometimes be slow or run old software, but i'd be lying if i didn't say it was satisfying as hell to get this updated and working again.

[appatary8523]

Have I told you about that time someone stopped talking to me because I declined a job he had for me? Actually, it has happened two times? And, as always, I don't understand the human behavior behind that.

See, the first time, it was a coworker I had barely spoken to. You know, one of those plastic beaches —

(Parenthesis before you call me mysogynistic again. You wouldn't get this, I get it, and women shouldn't speak ill about other women, I know. But once you get into the working life you know certain type of girls. In my workplace it's pretty common for bosses to keep gorgeous women close to them. You know, HUGE breasts, huge bum, almost pronographic clothing. And that's OK, everyone's allowed to dress and look the way they want, BUT they literally do nothing, they just walk around holding a folder and pretend to do something in exchange OF HUUUGE paychecks, just because the bosses enjoy to see them. It gets discouraging and makes you mad to know you have to work hard hard hard for the minimum when they just... Exist. And that wouldn't be a problem, I've met some that are really good people, they know their position but they are nice. Some others? They are bitches who think everyone owes them the world, they just look down on you and they only talk to you when they need something. Then they're smiling and happy and giggly because they want something. Also, you end up doing the one or two things they're supposed to do because they don't know how to use basic Office and computer stuff??? Why do you work at an office then? 😭)

Anyway back to the main point. This girl calls me one day. I didn't recognize her, but after giving some clues I realize is someone who previously was in the department I worked. And aw man I don't like her (?). Whenever I saw her in the department I'd say hello to her and she'd turn her head around, like, what did I say to you? I was just saying hello the same way I say hello to everyone because we coexist in the same space for (back then) almost 12 hours and creating an hostile environment would be hell 😭 of course, she calls me because she needs something.

She tells me she wants a video, kinda like a commercial for (idk what she was planning to sell, food maybe). I obviously have to turn the job down (politely) because, dude, I don't know how to work with video, I don't have the ideal software, and back then I was working in (project) that was taking my whole time, I had no time to experiment. And I told her that, ok, not everything, but I told her "sorry but I don't have much time and I don't usually work with video". Haven't heard from her since then.

OK so that one didn't surprise me, it was just, the usual girl wanting something, as usual. The next one is... Strange.

She's a coworker, we've known each other for years, a nice person! (She used to talk to me, for a thing or two, sometimes just to say hello even if we no longer are in the same department) And she tells me she wants me to edit a picture of her family, to add a family member to a picture because she's gonna get married but said family member won't be able to come from USA to the wedding.

She shows me the pics, and I know right away it's something I can't do. See, I usually edit pics for (things needed at my workplace) and I always try my best because HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY "I won't do it because I don't know"? I always tell them "I'm not sure but give me a sec and I'll figure something out" because that's my job (?). And sometimes people prefer to go to me instead of the communication department because, idk, I guess I'm more flexible and easy to work with? I DONT KNOW.

But, unlike the people working at the communication department, I'm not a pro, I don't have a Mac, I can't make a waiting list, I have to deliver everything on the spot with tight deadlines and answer during weekends if needed. And I'm not professional, and I have no problem acknowledging that. I know when I can try and get a satisfactory result, the same way I know when Im just not qualified enough.

And I told her that, kinda like "I can try if you want, but I'd suggest you to go with a professional editor to better results. Because it's an important pic of course". And she has never talked to me again? I offered to try for free (cause we used to get along well) 😭

I dont know why people get offended when you admit something is out of your abilities. I know my limits, I know when I can deliver great results, when I can try, and I also know when I'm stepping into territory I'm not qualified enough to go into. Is that a bad thing? I don't know 😭

[pxgeturner]

hi babes !

ik i've taken a wicked step back recently. Things have been... wiiiild. but things are more calm so here's a lil life update. I was highly exhausted for at least the last month. Finals wrecked me and I'm not even dones. I've been stuck in anxiety hell because someone stole my lovely MacBook that's basically new that I got as a present from my mama as a "yay u r going to uni on a great scholarship!" present. and all my research for my final essays was stored locally on it. so. I've been pushed back on pretty much everything. my profs agreed to set something up so I can work on them over the summer. the whole not having my computer thing has compounded my existing stress x100 and it's been fucking up my body and (yay flareups!) focus. n e ways I have a rental laptop from the uni library until the end of may (this is gonna sound weird but it feels like I'm cheating on my mac) to finish my finals which is what I'm typing on rn. So yeah. I had to do finals, move out, and try to work with the police to get my laptop back all at once. there is a detective trying to get it back for me so let's all manifest I get it back please.

I'm gonna look at my current fics n requests to try to make a plan. But obviously my main priorities r gonna be my essays, my family, and the investigation for my laptop. then it's gonna be iron fist and then the rest of my wips and requests. I love you all sm and I've missed you immensely. trust I'd rather be writing fics than dealing w all of this bs.

xoxo, gi 💋

[oldarticles]

College vs. Real College

by Jake Hurwitz

Like many of you, I grew up watching Saved by the Bell, Boy Meets World, and (don't tell anyone) Dawson's Creek. Those shows taught me all I knew about relationships, family problems, and, as years passed without network cancellation, college life. Well, you can imagine my disappointment when I moved into my dorm freshman year only to discover that the college life portrayed on television during my youth was not even remotely similar to real college life. Allow me to explain:

Saved by the Bell: First of all, the fact that Zack got into UCLA without ever doing any homework (aside from that project he did with the Native American that one time) just because he got a good SAT score is ridiculous, but I won't even get into that. Zack moves in to his dorm with A.C. Slater and Samuel "Screech" Powers. Talk about a stroke of luck! Who saw that one coming?! As freshmen, Zack and the guys had a sweet common room, complete with a kitchen, which connected them to one Miss Kelly Kapowski and her two hot roommates, Leslie and Alex. My freshman year I lived in a 12 by 10 cinderblock cell with a strange Indian kid who had a nasty Hot-Pocket addiction and rampant body odor. There was no common room connecting our room to the room of three gorgeous women. Instead, we had a hallway with a puke-stained carpet connecting our room to the R.A.'s room - who, by the way, was not an awesome ex-football player named Mike but a tiny computer nerd named Barry. Yeah, my first day on campus was a let-down, and it only went downhill from there.

Boy Meets World: Just like Cory, Eric, Topanga, Sean and Angela, I applied to Pennbrook University. Sadly, I didn't get in, but not because of my low G.P.A. or because of a lack of extra curricular activities. No, I'd say the biggest determining factor in my not being admitted was that Pennbrook doesn't exist. That's probably the reason my spell check has it underlined in red right now. Anyway, as if that wasn't bad enough, I was totally thrown off when I went to my first class and didn't see my favorite teacher from high school standing at the front, ready to throw some sweet life lessons my way. What the hell, Mr. Deck? Mr. Feeny followed his students from school to school. I know change is difficult, and you might be missing that PhD, but, dude, get with the program. I mean, what am I supposed to do if Topanga gets mad at me? Or what if Angela wants to move to Europe for a year with her Dad? I can't solve problems like this on my own!

Dawson's Creek: That's when I started thinking, why should I even go to college? Pacey didn't go and he did fine. He was an investment banker, and later in the very same season, a chef. Those things sound like stuff I can do without ever getting any sort of actual training, right? So I put on a suit and went out there and gave it a shot. Amazingly, no brokerage houses or five-star restaurants hired me after my interviews. I did everything Pacey did; grew the goatee, drove a cool vintage car, even tried to use unnecessarily big words in my sentences"; unfortunately my math knowledge is at or below third grade level, and I don't know how to use a calculator. The chef thing didn't go too well when they discovered my culinary skills were limited to making Easy-Mac, and even that comes out a little watery sometimes".

What I'm trying to say is that college is not like TV. You're not going to bang Joey Potter, Topanga or in Zack's case - whoever the hell you want. Your teachers aren't gonna be Mr. Feeny or Professor Lasky (Thanks IMDB!). And you're gonna have to work hard to excel in life, my friend. But there is one upside that TV didn't tell you about. There's tons of alcohol to drink and crazy drugs to do in college, way more than any TV shows let on. So have a ball! Cut loose! Get fucked up! Hey, maybe Topanga will pass out and you can feel her boobs.

[royalsunshinehotel]

Ok ok so, if you're down for another request, I'd love to see something with Rohan and his shenanigans in the newsroom! He's thoroughly won me over when you pitched him to me, so now I'd die to see Annie, Neal, Mac and Will barely keep up with him as he slowly takes over the news team! Or...Mac buying him way too many fancy brand clothes. The golden Gucci baby sneakers are still sending me-

If you have the time, I'd pay money to see that <3333

Love u bestie!

Special Events (Rohan Sampat)

Rohan Sampat knew he didn’t know that much.

He knew that he had just gotten to America, from a place called Ven-ZOO-ella.

He knew he loved his Mommy and Daddy most.

And he knew that Mommy and Daddy’s work had to be the coolest place ever!

As long as he didn’t knock anything over or bother anyone who was looking at their computer screen for more than five minutes.

He could run! Jump! And even yell if he wanted, as long as he stayed on the floor. Mommy and Daddy had been busy with a big story, so he was doing exactly what he wanted, with next to no supervision, and there was so much left to explore!

Stamping his small feet, Rohan Sampat tried to imitate a worm as he walked over to Auntie Maggie, hard at work, as usual. She gave him a soft smile, and ruffled his soft dark hair, before sliding him his “daily candy quota”, because candy was very important to Americans, as he was finding out.

He sprinted away, as Maggie looked on, wondering if there would be a day where Rohan could feel like he didn’t have to run when he was given something.

What was life like without him around the office? The blonde couldn’t place it.

His papers had come through that morning, and she was only waiting for Neal and Annie to tell him so she could get him a little flag-print vest that she’d seen on Etsy.

Rohan wouldn’t care though, he was too far away, hopping and skipping to his heart’s content before colliding with Will, who was finally taking a break.

“Hey hey, where are we going young man?” Uncle Will took a warm grip on Rohan’s arm. The boy didn’t mind though, Uncle Will always told funny stories about a place called Nebraska.

Rohan just shrugged. Will laughed.

“I’ve got a big favor to ask of you.” Rohan smiled up at Will, all snaggle teeth. The kid was too cute, half the time Will would lose his train of thought. “What?” Asked Rohan.

“Mackenzie has gotten you some new clothes for you to wear to school. I was wondering, when she pulls you in to try things on, if you could act like you like everything.”

But Rohan’s mind stopped at ‘new clothes’.

“New clothes?” Up until six months ago, Rohan had only ever owned one shirt and one pair of pants.

“Yes.” Will’s smiling, but Rohan’s not paying attention

“New clothes for me?” He asked again, only for confirmation.

“Yes-” Will doesn’t get a full sentence out before he hears the clomping of tiny feet on the carpeted floors. If all kids were like this, he prayed his child would be boring as hell.

Or wilder than Rohan. Whichever one he’d earned, karmically.

“Aunty Mac!!!” yelled Rohan, smashing his face against the glass door of Mackenzie’s office. She laughed lightly as she opened the door to let him in.

“Rohan!” Mac got down on her knees to pull the small boy into a massive hug, as if she hadn’t just hugged him about two hours ago.

“I’m sure your uncle told you the news.” Someone in the office has told Rohan not to bother Auntie Mac at work, and this was a solid way to get Rohan to unlearn that falsified rule.

“New clothes for me!!” Exclaimed the boy, practically bouncing when Mac went into a tall cabinet and pulled out a Rohan-sized garment bag, getting back down on her knees so Rohan could see.

“What’s gucky?” Asked Rohan as Mac tried, only for a moment, to remember the fact that seven year old boys, especially seven year old boys from Venezuela, wouldn’t know her favorite designer.

“He likes to make clothes, and I think you’re going to be great friends.” Mackenzie already had a cart going at the Gucci store if Rohan liked this outfit.

“His Mom has to call my Mom!” Annie would try to give the tuxedo back, but Mac wouldn’t allow it. All that time in law school had left her ready to argue, and she didn’t need another, prettier and nicer, Will Macavoy in the newsroom.

“I know dear, I’m sure we can set something up.”

The boy was already half-undressed and worming his way into the clothes before it struck Mac that she should probably explain to him what he was wearing.

“Now Rohan,” she turned him toward the mirror, “this here is called a tuxedo, it’s for special events.” Mac’s fingers expertly tied Rohan’s tie as the boy’s smile nearly cracked his face in half.

“Like my first day of school?” He asked.

“I think you might need something a bit less stiff for your first day, but don’t you look handsome!”

Mac took a photo of the two of them, trying to convince herself not to make it her background.

“Less stiff?”

“I’m not too familiar with how American schools work, but they do let you go outside and run around. I doubt a tuxedo would work too well for that.” Rohan pivoted his foot and struck a pose like Auntie Sloan did at the end of her show.

“Okay!”

“But I’m sure you could wear this to a party!”

“What’s a party?”

“I’m sure you’ll find out soon.” If Neal and Annie didn’t send out an invitation to Rohan’s adoption party, she’d have to start doing it herself. These Millennials had no regard for big events!

“Thanks auntie!”

Mac held up her hand. “One more thing, Rohan. I saw these, and I thought you would just love them.” She reached under her desk and pulled out two size five, Velcro-strapped tennis shoes. Mackenzie gestured for Rohan to hop on her chair as she set him up.

Rohan pointed down at the shoes, little face trying to understand that he had things that belonged to him now. Mac took off his converse and slid the shoes on his feet.

“And if they get loose, just go like that!” She pulled the Velcro on and pushed it back firmly to his ankle. He runs so much, they couldn’t have him tripping.

“They’re gold.” Rohan said, eyes wide and round as he ran his hand down over the shoes.

“That’s right!” Mac replied.

“I like gold.” Gigged the boy, as he kicked his feet on the chair.

“I figured as much.”

“Gold feels like America.” And suddenly in a sweet moment, Mac felt as if she was about to burst into tears.

“That’s the idea. You’re with us now.” Don’t let the small child see you burst into tears.

“Now, go show your parents!” She shooed him off the chair as he bolted out her door. Faintly down the hallway, she heard a

“Auntie Mac! They light up!’

“Oh how wonderful!” She yelled back.

[queennicoleinboots]

Day 54 of Peter and Xara the Goat's Curse:

Battle of the Bands of Goats, Walrus Bear Pigs, Cats, Clowns, and Asgardian Gods, part 1

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater was particularly angry that day. He couldn't get his computer to work because he was a typical baby boomer who was computer illiterate. He couldn't get the toaster to work because the toaster was inanimate and didn't understand Gaelic.

"Wow! Nothing fucking works today!" Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater said as he was beating the toilet. "Not even this goddamn toilet."

"That's because it's not a standard," I said. "In Georgia, they made this bullshit law about standard toilets being illegal."

"Correct. I'm beating the toilet to rebel against that law!" Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater yelled as he beat the toilet.

"Please do," I said.

When he finished fixing the toilet, his phone rang. He went to his phone and discovered a wild spam caller was calling. He answered.

The famous Pokemon theme song played in the background.

A bunch of bullshit came from the other end of the phone.

"Who are you trying to reach?... Who are you trying to reach?...Who are you trying to reach?... You're an idiot," Mr. Thor said as he hung up the phone.

The Pokemon theme song ended.

"Yep. This world is broken. Emergency secret society of goats meeting is required. I need assistance with life. Everything is breaking!" Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater yelled. He used his phone to mass contact all members of the goat society.

I used my phone to E-mail Lindsay who was my modest friend from Savannah, a new friend who is a local mechanic, and Peter W. Parker to tell them about this emergency meeting. I mentioned that Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater had demanded this meeting.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig contacted me after I sent my E-mails. He said, "I miss you. I want to bring thee spaghetti squash. Where will you be soon?"

I texted my walrus bear pig back, "I look forward to my spaghetti squash. I have a secret meeting... soon. I'll meet you outside. Miss you, Buh!!!!"

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig texted me instantly. "May I bring Kissy? She has been glued to me all day." He then sent me a picture of her.

I looked at the text of Kissy laying on my bae. I texted him, "Yes you may. She is precious. I need to pet her."

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig texted me again. It said, "I need ass and an heir. Our daughter, Kissy, volunteers to honor us."

I responded, "My meeting shall honor our heir."

Murphee went to his food bowl and ate dry dog food.

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater prepared for the meeting.

Lindsay responded. "I'm on my way. What is the ceremony? Also, Prince Carrington is attending."

I responded to her, "The ceremony involves inducting a new member, Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater and his need to fix his existence, and the announcement that I am the mother of a new Asgardian God. Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig and the rest of us celebrate."

Lindsay responded, "::shrugs:: I hope my goat comes to me."

I responded, "She will. Embrace her, Lindsay. You are my woman of honor."

She responded, "I am lucky to be one with goat spirits. You have blessed me several times. I thank thee."

I responded, "I thank you."

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater said, "The meeting is on Sunday. The goats are strong then."

"I will communicate this!" I screamed. "I must troll Peter Parker. With my secretarial skills, may I reach the same rank as that curly-haired ass?'

"Yes!!!! I hate that asshole, but he is important!!!" Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater said.

I spammed whom I knew in the secret society of goats with messages about this emergency meeting. I also alarmed Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig of the date of the meeting.

Murphee whined and howled in excitement about the meeting.

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater then beat his phone to repair it from the stress he put it through.

Lindsay then responded, "I will stay the night at a hotel and then see you all on Sunday. I couldn't be prouder of you. I say that on my rank 6 of Goat Authority!"

I responded with a virtual bleat.

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater said, "The meeting must commence on Sunday.'"

Lindsay responded with a virtual funny goat scream.

I then texted Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig, "I await that ceremony. The world will know of our love."

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig responded, "It will be a glorious day, Bae. In other news, I have prepared fish for dinner. Come home."

On that note, I bid farewell to Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater who was then beating his flip phone. He also was excited for the emergency meeting.

___________________________________________

Saturday, July 20, 2019

For some reason, I felt like singing all day. Maybe it was because I was so happy that I had fish for dinner. I love when Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig makes fish. His fish is always so delicious. He is an excellent walrus bear pig cook. I love him to death.

It was my turn to make Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig some food, so I fried some eggs for him. While I was cooking, I was "singing" along with Children of Bodom's "Are You Dead Yet?"

In the middle of my song, none other than an angry Peter W. Parker calls me.

"Hello?" I said as I put the eggs on the plate and topped them with cheese.

"Grrrr. How are you? I'm an angry fast food clown. Of course Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater has to have an emergency meeting right when I dye my hair ORANGE!!!! It's orange. I can't believe it!!!!!" Peter W. Parker said loudly.

I laughed. "Well, I'm amused. I'm also feeding Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig his breakfast. He hungry," I said as I put a nectarine on the plate for Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig. I then ascended the stairs to feed my walrus bear pig.

"You're always ready to feed that walrus bear pig. Or you guys could come to McDonalds to see me. I literally look like Ronald McDonald. Why is the world doing this to me?" Peter asked with his trademark sigh.

"Why did you dye your hair? It was a beautiful color before," I said to Peter over the phone as I gave Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig his breakfast.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig was playing League of Legends, so he ate and played.

"I wanted to hide some of the gray hairs that were overpowering my brunet ensemble," Peter said. "Now I have an ORANGE ensemble on top of my head. I'd rather have gray. This is horrible. I was going for a copper/auburn, but it. turned. orange. Orange. I'm not kidding!"

"Wow! Okay! He has a million health and takes half my life away in one combo! Kills me! Has good movement speed, God-like armor. Hell, why don't we just give him everything?! Let's call it God Mode. God! Worst balance system ever! I hate when games fucking do this! They shouldn't even make characters like Darius!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig yelled as he was still playing League of Legends. He took a bite of his food to calm his nerves.

"I can fucking relate to Wally! My dad and nephew are fucking laughing at me!" Peter said as he was trying not to scream.

Peter had a sister named Wanda who died in a terrible car accident seven years ago, hence how he had a nephew.

"To tell the truth, I find all of this amusing. May I have a picture of you?" I asked with a giggle.

I heard Jamie Parker and Charles Jay Parkinson laughing at Peter's orange hair.

(No joke, Wanda Parker married Keith Parkinson.)

"Hey Uncle Ronald McDonald! May I have a number one with just the meat?!" Charles Jay Parkinson asked in the background as he burst out laughing. I never heard his voice before, but I guessed it was him because two years ago, Jamie mentioned that his nephew would order just the meat off of a Big Mac.

"Wow you cunt! Kill the fucking bird! I've got like four people on me!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig screamed. A few seconds later, he said. "There we go. Now we're rocking and rolling."

Peter sighed. "All right. You can have a picture. Why not? Everyone's going to be taking my picture at the emergency meeting we have tomorrow!" He sighed loudly before he growled. "You've gotta be kidding me, Jay." Peter called Charles Jay Parkinson solely by his middle name. (Charles Jay Parkinson was four years younger than I was.)

Kissy laid next to Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig as he ate.

I petted Kissy softly as I Iaughed at Peter. "Thank you, Peter. I look forward to your picture, lol," I said over the phone.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig finished his breakfast.

"Are you happy, Bae!?" I asked.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig made a walrus noise of happiness and continued to play his video game.

"Yeah, yeah. I hate my life. My dad and nephew want me to take them to McDonalds to get something to eat," Peter said with a flat tone. "I need several drinks."

"At McDonalds!!!! We love to see you smile!!!!!" I sang loudly to Peter.

"Shut the fuck up!" Peter said loudly.

"I'm lovin' it!!" I sang to Peter.

Peter hung up in my face.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig laughed at his game. Kissy fell on the side of the bed.

"These dumbass players are arguing with each other," Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig said as he went to play with Kissy.

Kissy meowed like a wind-up toy as Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig played with her. She sounded like a musical instrument.

"Hey, bae. You, me, and Kissy should be in a band," he said.

"Ooh hoo yes! What shall be the name of the band?" I asked.

"Hmmm... How about the Bear Avengers?" he asked.

Kissy meowed like a wind-up toy again to show her approval.

"Good idea!!! Maybe we can perform at tomorrow's secret society of goats meeting!" I said.

"It will be glorious!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig said.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig, Kissy, and I made our animal noises to celebrate.

A few minutes after Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig and I started rehearsing our troll songs, Peter sent me a picture of himself. I showed it to Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig. We both laughed. Peter looked like a green-eyed version of Ronald McDonald.

"Hahahaha. Woooooow! That dude looks fucked up," Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig said with a loud belly-laughing. "I'm actually crying."

___________________________________________

Sunday, July 21, 2019 - Let's Do The Time Warp Again. First, we jump to the right. And then we step to the leeeeeeefffffttttttt. (going forward in time by 12 hours)

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig, Kissy, and I showed up at the secret society of goats meeting in our rockstar gear. Lindsay and Prince Carrington were there already looking like normal people. They noticed that Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig and I were ready to rock.

"Wow. You guys are here early," Lindsay said.

"Yes. Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig is the main attraction," I said.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig made a walrus noise of honor. Kissy meowed.

"I hear we are inducting a new member," Prince Carrington said.

"Yes. Actually, three. Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig is an automatic member due to his and my marriage. Kissy is my cat, so she, too, is an automatic member," I said.

"Who is the other member?" Prince Carrington asked.

"Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater's mechanic," I said.

"How did that happen?" Prince Carrington asked.

"He's an excellent mechanic by the standards of the Asgardian Gods," I said.

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater texted me, "Prepare the meeting now. I'm running late. I'm beating the microwave to the beat of "I'mma Be (500 Miles)" by The Proclaimers. I'm also singing."

I texted back, "Okay. I shall prepare the meeting. Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig, Kissy, and I, too, have a musical number in store. Please join."

I turned my attention to the members who were there. "Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater is running late. We must prepare," I announced.

The other members pulled out their goat mats and started to bleat and call upon the goats.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig set up the instruments for us to play once everyone would show up.

Speaking of showing up, there was another band of people showing up. Peter in his orange-haired glory walked all big and bad in the meeting hall first while wearing a black leather coat, black jeans with chains hanging off of them, and black leather boots.

Ronald McDonald was the next person to show up in his clown suit and clown shoes. He was a high-ranking member of another chapter of the secret society of goats. He bleated before saying, "Hey kids!" The other members bleated in response.

Pennywise the Dancing Clown was the last clown to enter the meeting hall. He was one of the highest-ranking members of the secret society of goats. He showed up at all the meeting halls when he so chose. He bleated, laughed, and said, "McDonald's meat is actually meat from humans." The other members bleated and had mixed reactions.

Ronald McDonald laughed and sang, "At McDonald's. We love to see you smile!"

Pennywise the Dancing Clown responded, "They all float. And you float, too."

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater's mechanic, whose title was Bruce of Ace the Brake-fixing, entered the hall. He was wearing a black leather jacket, dark green shirt, jeans, and black boots. He was the remaining inductee.

We all bleated a warm welcome. Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing sat down on the mat next to Lindsay and Prince Carrington. Lindsay smiled and gave him her regards.

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater opened the halls dramatically and held his Thor hammer high before he entered. He had a Viking helmet, cut-off jean shorts, and red boots that went halfway up his calves. Murphee followed him in and closed the door.

"Welcome!" everyone said before they bleated a loud warm welcome. One of the members sounded like he was hurling chunks, but I assumed he was just fucked-up at the moment.