#iceablaze‌

[explosiveheroics]

iceablaze‌:

          Midoriya  is  different  than  anyone  Shouto  had  ever  really  dealt  with.  he  had  friends  in  Ochako  and  Iida  and  Momo,  but  nothing  quite  like  Midoriya.  he  shone  as  brightly  as  the  sun,  and  Shouto…Shouto  was  like  the  moon,  forever  chasing  but  never  quite  catching  up.  Midoriya’s  light  and  life  had  always  been  just  out  of  his  reach,  had  always  been  something  so  unobtainable  that  Shouto  had  been  jealous.  someone  who  could  smile  despite  hardships,  who  had  a  happy  home  and  loving  family,  surrounded  by  people  as  beautifully  kind  as  he  was.

          and  Shouto  had  always  been  bitter  and  angry,  taught  not  how  to  build  but  how  to  tear  apart,  to  hurt  and  lie  and  fight  since  he  was  so  tiny,  to  have  his  hackles  raised  and  eyes  alert  for  the  tiniest  threat.  he  could  never  relax  like  Midoriya  could,  not  quite,  never  laugh  as  sweetly  and  carefree  as  he  did. 

          he  wants  to  yell  and  scream,  ask  Midoriya  what  he  thinks  he  knows  about  what  he’s  been  through,  except  he  can’t.  Midoriya  does  know,  knows  so  many  tiny  things  Shouto  had  entrusted  to  him,  seen  past  the  ice  and  fire  and  rage  to  see  the  still-hurting  wounds  inside  of  him.

           ❝  I’ve  seen  what  heroes  can  do,  and  I  know  it’s  nothing  good!  ❞

          Shouto  feels  cold,  and  he  thinks  not  here,  not  now.  he  doesn’t  want  Izuku  to  see  this  madness  he’s  drowning  in,  to  see  where  reality  intersects  with  a  broken  child,  falling  down  the  same  endless  stream  of  insanity  that  his  mother  had.  Shouto  did  not  want  Izuku  to  see  him  like  that.  if  anyone  did,  Shouto  wanted  Izuku  to  remember  him  the  way  he  had  been:  quiet  and  soft  and  kind.

          ❝  what…what  does  any  of  that  matter?  ❞  he  stumbles  over  his  words,  knowing  that  he  is  not  okay.  all  he’s  destroyed  to  get  here  has  not  made  him  truly  happy,  it  has  only  brought  a  rushing  sense  of  relief  that  was  soon  squashed  under  the  need  to  learn  how  to  survive.

          out  here  was  not  warm  and  welcoming,  not  like  the  dorms.  he  was  not  happy  to  be  here.  he  was  not  at  peace.  he  was  lost  and  tired  and  done.

          ❝  I’m  fine,  ❞  he  stresses,  because  he  knows  if  he  says  he  isn’t,  his  whole  world  will  fall  apart.  his  leaving  will  have  been  for  naught,  and  he  will  return  like  a  slinking  cat,  tail  between  his  legs,  back  to  a  suppressed  personality  who  learned  many  years  ago  that  resistance  is  futile.  there  are  winners  and  losers  in  life,  and  Shouto  has  never  won  a  single  fight.  ❝  I’m  fine,  Midoriya,  look  at  me.  I’m  better  than  I  ever  was.  ❞

          he  feels  wetness  on  his  cheeks,  raises  his  fingers  to  barely  brush  along  his  left  cheek  and  he  realizes  yes,  he’s  crying.  just  stray  tears,  born  of  frustration  and  pain  and  a  fight  he  knows  deep  down  he  will  never  win.

          Shouto’s  lips  tremble.

   Engaging in more hero talk is pointless. Izuku knows this, because he knows Todoroki. He’s noble, he’s brave, his determination could set the world ablaze. He’d had his eyes set on heroism once. He knows there’s good out there. He just… he can’t see that right now. And Izuku would never blame him for that. Not when a fraud masquerading as a hero laid waste to everything soft and bright and good in Shouto’s surroundings.

    It’s a shot to his heart that Todoroki had run, and it weighs them both down heavily, the complete alteration of their lives letting itself be known in every word. And… at the same time, it doesn’t matter. None of it matters when they are here, now. It’s not important when Todoroki needs him, whether he knows it or not.

    “What does it matter?” he repeats, incredulous. It’s all that matters! All that Izuku really cares about. Forget motivations and consequences and regrets and resentments. Todoroki needs to be okay, safe, before Izuku could worry about anything else.

    Izuku takes a step forward, then another, slow and careful, like he’s crossing a mile in ten feet. Up close, especially now, everything is so much worse. There’s hurt across Todoroki’s face, anger and confusion and tears that burn Izuku’s eyes as he catches sight of their trail. Todoroki’s lost, and it takes the breath from Izuku’s lungs, makes his chest ache and crumples his heart. If he could take all that pain on for him, Izuku would do so in a heartbeat.  

    His fingers quiver when he raises them up, and he hesitates a moment before tracing a gentle trail over Shouto’s cheek, just under his scar. Wiping away his friend’s tears leaves him unable to stop his own, but it’s always important to pick your battles. Izuku’s hand drifts, moving to cup the back of Todoroki’s neck, gripping on tightly in an attempt to hold him in place, locking their eyes onto one another.

    “I am looking,” Izuku breathes, pure resolve balancing out the shaky words. “I see you, Todoroki. I understand. And I’m here for you. E-even if you never come back to UA and choose a completely different path… let me help. Don’t…” He struggles to inhale properly, forcing back a sob. “Don’t leave me again… please.”

[tears-like-snow]

iceablaze‌:

tears-like-snow‌: 

          Shouto’s  hands  tighten  on  the  box  he  was  holding,  and  it  was  only  years  of  training  and  practice  that  kept  any  frost  from  spreading  from  his  fingertips.  they  really  hadn’t  been  visiting  her  much,  had  they?  and  he…well,  he  was  practically  going  crazy,  wasn’t  he?  or  at  least  it  seemed  like  it.

          ❝  I’m  fine.  ❞  Shouto  let  his  face  slip  back  entirely  into  his  mask,  colder  than  his  own  ice.  he  remembers,  faintly,  Kaminari  comparing  him  to  some  movie  character.  conceal,  don’t  feel,  don’t  let  it  show.  he  definitely  echoed  the  sentiment  as  he  worked  to  keep  everything  off  his  face.  ❝  I  just…don’t  know  when  I  might  be  able  to  visit  you  again,  that’s  all. “

     “You were always bad at lying when it came to me my darling...” Rei murmured, with a soft chuckle on her lips. “You and Natsu always were the worst at it. Now your sister though, she was far better.” She smiled an shook her head but the sadness still lingered in her gaze.. “I-...I won’t pry, dear. But know that I want to be here for you to talk to. But I understand if-...if i’m asking for too much. I’m sorry.” There was so much she wanted to ask but the silence echoed on nonetheless. 

“You...don’t know? Why?” Rei looked over her sons tight cold features, worry and concern ghosting over her gentle expression. “Shouto, is this about me...?” She tucked her hands against her chest, afraid of his answer. What could have happened that would push him away again? Maybe-...Maybe she was over thinking things again.