#idk what he'll do if he gets too deep in that belief

[immortalsins]

the end of exams has been the biggest goal for me to get to for a couple of months but now it's here i'm realising everything is still awful even if i don't have to study for hours on end

[peanutalergy]

pushing it down and praying ୨ৎ s.r. × reader

in which you see your ex fiancée again after months of pretending someone else can replace him

tags: angst, nothing explicit but this is def 18+, fem!reader, ex!spencer, post prison maybe?, no cheating but like lowkey...?, mentions of periods, sad. idk. there's this weird random guy i made up ? idk. pushing it down and praying by lizzy mcalpine

w/c: 2.4k

a/n: I genuinely hate this so much I'm sorry guys idk what to say. this reminds me of that shitty poetry book pls tell me you know what I'm talking about . whatever idc I hate it sorry.

steven. your boyfriend of nine months. his name is steven. he reads occasionally and he's not really the smartest, but the glasses sitting on his nicely sculpted face are enough; his bony hands with slender fingers are enough; the way he has his coffee with too much sugar is enough; his converse are enough; his messy long hair is enough.

the letter s on the necklace that sits on your collarbone stands for steven. he gave it to you as a gift last month. it's enough. he's enough.

sure, he can't tell you where your birthmarks are, his eyes are a little bit lighter, he's put off by your mismatched socks and by the smell of your favorite tea, he hasn't read your favorite books, he doesn't understand your jokes, and he can't quite reach the same spots he could.

but you've always heard you're creative. if you let your mind travel far enough away at the right moments, he's enough.

there's times his understanding (or lack thereof) of you is annoying; when he doesn't know what flowers to get, when he forgets small but fundamental things about you as a person. there's times you're glad he isn't smart enough to realize why you shut your eyes every time. why you stare at the s on your neck whenever you look at the mirror.

he never knows how you like your eggs. he's never seen you blowing out your hair, never watched you enough to learn how to do it, but at least that means he'll never see any of the doubt in your eyes.

you love him. he doesn't work a job that puts either of you at risk and he doesn't get home at three in the morning. he's stable, he's safe. you love him.

it's what you tell your friends. it's what you tell yourself.

someone on the internet says if you repeat something too many times it becomes true. your beliefs shape your reality. so you lie your head on his chest and you believe it. you hold his hands and you believe it. you tell him you love him and you believe it. you tell the mirror you love him and you believe yourself.

you sit at your favorite library when he's out with his friends, reading a book he'd hate while you drink the coffee you're trying to like. the taste is similar to the bitterness you've had in the back of your throat for the past year. you try not to think too much about what happened the first time you were here with a similar book in your hands and an almost identical outfit on your body. the time you bumped into a guy reading war and peace in french.

the time you spilled your tea on his shirt and insisted on paying to get it dry cleaned.

you stare at the paper not reading any of the words as the hand not holding the book fidgets with your necklace. the s is for steven.

you take a deep breath. the air smells the same. you blink, being careful not to keep your eyes shut too long because you'll be back on that day if you do.

the day the library became your favorite.

your therapist says it's not healthy to only think about the good moments. it gives you a distorted view on it all, makes you forget about the bad parts. plus, it's bad to think nicely about your ex when you're with someone else, isn't it?

so, whenever you find yourself thinking too much about the flowers he bought before he got down on one knee, you make sure to remind yourself of the hundredth time he canceled plans last minute, or every night he got home when you were already asleep, or when he would give you those same flowers as an apology for not being there on an important date. but at least he knew your favorite flowers.

with a sigh, you look up from the page to distract you from whatever rabbit hole you burrowed yourself into. the library is warm, a harsh contrast to the wind outside that hurt your nose as you walked here. it's also quite empty, considering the time: there's an old man smelling of mildew nearby, a couple of teenagers holding hands as they buy books for each other, a child trying to read the hungry caterpillar to her mom, and a tall dude who looks way too young for the clothes he's wearing.

you mentally scold yourself for thinking of a joke related to his clothes being borrowed from the first man. he doesn't even look bad, you've just found that recently, your first instinct is to be mean. maybe it's the winter that feels endless, maybe it's two year-long lasting premenstrual syndrome that doesn't seem to have anything to do with your cycle, or maybe it's the fact you still see his face everywhere.

maybe you made fun of him (for a second, to yourself) because he looks a lot like the man you haven't forgotten.

he starts walking in your direction, head low while he looks through the book in his hand. that's funny. he really looks like the man you haven't forgotten. so strange.

he's a few feet away from the table now, probably planning to sit in one near yours. he mutters something to himself; you can't hear it, you're not close enough, but you can see the words in a foreign alphabet on the back of the book he picked up and you can smell his cologne and it brings a weird lump to your throat and oh my god it is him.

no, it's not. you're insane. you want it to be him, so so so badly, so you see him everywhere you go, in everyone. he's probably somewhere in new york right now, chasing a serial killer the way he did in all the stories he told you.

you look back down, trying not to make it show how your heart dropped. it's not him. you had just spent almost a continuous minute staring at a random man and your eyebrows had probably done that weird thing they do when you're about to cry. you force yourself to read the words in the page but the font is so small and it's so hard to read and you can smell it and it is him.

you settle for taking a sip of the coffee you still don't really enjoy. tastes like spen steven. the grip on your necklace involuntarily tightens when you start thinking of him.

the s is for steven.

steven. your boyfriend of nine months.

he likes video games, coffee, the pub near your apartment. his favorite cereal is fruit loops. he doesn't like bananas. he doesn't text you during the work day. he loves chocolate but he's lactose intolerant and he's allergic to pean–

your thought train is cut off by the small sound of your name being called out, the same way one calls out “god?” when they're dying. the familiar voice heard in such a familiar tone made you not want to look up. you stare at the page. his name is steven.

he calls your name again, you can't pretend he's not here anymore. you hold your necklace like one would hold a cross before walking into hell while you slowly look up.

you look at each other for a moment in silence.

“spencer.” you mutter, a slight disbelieving tone in your breathy voice.

“hi.” he says just as quietly as you.

there's another moment during which you just stare at each other's eyes trying to make sure this is real. he gives you a hesitant smile. you squeeze the necklace again. steven.

you tell him to sit down. it's awkward at first, neither of you know what to say. he asks how you're doing, you ask about the book. he's looking at you like he regrets every choice he's ever made. like he knows he's to blame for what happened. you talk about your job, he doesn't even mention his. you talk about the irony of seeing each other after all of it at the same place you first met. you hope he doesn't know that's the reason you're here.

after thirty minutes, when it's almost normal again, you're smiling and laughing as he talks and vice versa. he looks down at your chest. he's not the kind of guy to stare so blatantly. he’s not looking where you, even if for a second, hoped he was. he's staring like a deer in headlights at the shiny letter hanging from your neck.

“his name is steven.” you whisper after a second or two, “stands for steven.”

he looks back up at your face again, chuckling awkwardly and nodding, “yeah. that… yeah, that makes sense.”

when he changes the subject again, a bit more unsure, you repeat it in your head. steven.

he talks about his mom, you talk about yours. a topic related to his coworkers comes up, but he doesn't say too much when he has to mention the fbi. aside from that, he hasn't changed a thing since you last spoke. you wish you had.

when you pick up the paper cup with the bitter black liquid that makes you wince at the taste if you don't put enough sugar in, he stops talking and tilts his head. with furrowed brows, he says, “you don't like coffee.” you shake your head “no” while you swallow it like it's some sort of poison, “why are you drinking it? what happened to the tea?”

“steven doesn't like it.”

“you stopped drinking tea because your boyfriend doesn't like it?”

“mhm.”

you wish you just could talk to him like you did before. have a proper conversation that doesn't turn awkward every couple of sentences. but how are you supposed to talk normally to a man you once went wedding dress shopping for? how do you talk to him about your new boyfriend when you had a venue booked with him?

“you shouldn't have to.”

“i know.” you whisper with a nod.

you bring up the bau. he blows it off. it's like he's trying to make up for every time it got in the way of you two, especially the time it was final. when you argued for the nth time about it. when you made him pick between you and the job, and he took a minute too long to answer; by then, you were already out the door.

you don't talk about it. you don't bring up the cancellation fees you two split, you don't ask about the ring and he doesn't ask about the dress. you're glad he doesn't apologize.

you give him the rest of your coffee, you can't stand it anymore. he likes the amount of sugar. you don't tell him how similar he is to steven.

as soon as silence falls between you for longer than ten seconds, you're staring into his eyes and thinking about giving it all up and running back to him. you can tell he's thinking the same before he even mumbles, “we could work it out, you know.”

it's stupid, you know you would have your face buried in his pillow as soon as he had another case, soaking the fabric with tears that always felt like they had a lower ph level than they actually do, tears that burn your eyes as they leak, and that wouldn't be there when he came back. you know you'd grow to resent it all over again, his job and his love for it, and eventually, him.

before you say no (or yes), the intro to apple bottom jeans starts playing, the muffled sound coming from your phone lost somewhere in your purse. it's the custom ringtone you gave steven's contact. it's the custom ringtone derek gave your contact when he stole spencer's phone a few years ago.

the way he looks at you makes you want to cry. reminds you of when a child sees their best friend playing their favorite game with another kid at recess. you excuse yourself to pick up the phone with shaky hands.

you breathe like it's never enough air, the tiny bathroom you locked yourself into barely has any oxygen left by the time you say “hey, babe” with a cheery voice that doesn't let the tears clumping in your eyes be known.

all you understand from him is “can i go pick you up already?” and all you can answer is a small “yeah” as you stare at the mirror and repeat to yourself you love him and you love being with him and you can't go back to spencer and he's enough. you don't let the tears fall, you can't ruin the makeup you spent so long doing this morning.

if you found out you were in that bathroom for hours, you wouldn't be shocked.

when you go outside again, spencer isn't there anymore. seeing the table you were sitting at empty makes your heart drop somehow even lower. on it, there's only the empty coffee cup, the book you were reading, and a french copy of war and peace with a post-it note on top. if you read it, you'd cry. you pick it up and tuck it into the back of your phone case after putting the books back into their spots.

steven drives you back to your apartment and you eat together the nice dinner he cooked for you. you can't pretend he's spencer when he has his mouth open. so, after you're done eating, you shut him up by kissing him and taking your clothes off. a routine you've had for the past few months. it's almost fever dreamish, how you can close your eyes and spencer is the one on top of you instead and it feels a hundred times better, instantly.

of course, it's not the same. it could never be. spencer knew you so well, in a way no one else ever could. the man has an eidetic memory, for god's sake. he knows everything about you, what and where and when and how he could make you feel like the most important person on earth.

steven isn't the same, but if you close your eyes, he's enough.

does it make you cruel? maybe. does it make you sad? definitely. but it doesn't make you strong enough to go back to the lifestyle spencer’s job gave you. so you hold steven close and you hope he doesn't hear it when you mutter another name under your breath.

“i really enjoyed seeing you again. hope it can be different next time.

you can always call me if you need it. i can try to change if you give me another chance.

you shouldn't stop drinking the tea. :)”

[mothermalware]

I love your art sm!!! Poor Hub in the latest post. How do you think life is going for Dr. Regal after the events of BN5, after everything with the memory wipe?

Thank you so much!! (^o^) I really appreciate it :)

Trust me when I say I have a lot of thoughts about how Regal's life is going after mmbn5 that I could've written a 100 page essay about that. Mainly it's Regal dealing with his existential crisis, because,, his memories tied with his identity and sense of purpose. His entire motivation stemmed from his scientific ambitions and his feeling of betrayal. Not to mention his relationship with his father (oh don't even get me started on this. Damn you, Wily). Since he lost most of his memory,, he's probably left with a deep sense of confusion.

But I once had a conversation with a friend where we both talked about the idea of "What if Dr. Regal didn’t actually lose his memories, but instead pretended to do so?" idk I think it's interesting because I haven't really seen anyone talking about this. Maybe it's just too ridiculous lmaoo idk

And I still wanna talk about it so here we gooo long rambling ahead:

We see Regal conflicted about his own beliefs after witnessing Yuichiro's willingness to sacrifice himself just to tell him that he still believes in him, despite everything Regal has done. However, Regal doesn’t believe he's worthy of a second chance. Even if he were to change his mind at the last minute, he knows he'll still have to take responsibility — something he would do anything to avoid.

But when Wily shows up and activates SoulNet — which never implies that it could erase a person’s memory — he sees this as an opportunity to turn over a new leaf without taking any responsibility for the harm he's caused. He could easily restart his life, free from the baggage of his past. Since the world would now perceive him as a victim of his own villainy, he could play the part of someone forced to start over, without facing blame for the things he's done.

However, the psychological implications are,,, complicated. He would be grappling with guilt. While the world believes he’s no longer the villain he once was, Regal would still know the full extent of his actions and the people he hurt. And this could lead to a deep internal conflict, as he would struggle with the idea of rebuilding himself without directly facing the harm he caused. There would be an element of self-deception, as Regal might genuinely try to convince himself that the memory wipe was real in order to avoid confronting the reality of his mistakes.

Okay yeah I’ve rambled too much lol. I don't think this is what actually happened in the game because I don't think Regal would turned his life around just like that but it’s still a fun idea to think about,,, like a what-if scenario or something idk

[spritehouse]

cw: talk of religion (catholicism + christianity) in a positive/neutral way, some religious guilt, mentioned homophobia & religion-based homophobia

i mentioned luke alvez probably being religious/raised religious or at least have childhood ties to catholicism/christianity and i have so many thoughts

so luke grew up in the bronx, which has the highest concentration of catholics (38% of the population) of new yorks borough, most of which (i believe 30% of the population) are hispanic catholics. also, if luke is around the same age as his actor, this sets his childhood around the 80s i think idk how years work

also, i know i said catholicism but (based on my understanding) roman catholics believe in being above other forms of christianity(?) (please let me know if this is wrong, i just looked it up and im not trying to make any religion look bad), and i think, above all else, luke's parents raised him on the belief that everyone is equal, so. Yeah.

anyways, there's a good chance he was raised religious or, at the very least, religion was undoubtedly a part of his life in one way or another

(self-projection headcanon segment now)

so i think it would be neat if luke kinda strayed from religion a little in high school/college bc. yk. being a teenager/young adult is just trying to figure out what The Fuck is going on.

sure, he'll pray sometimes, go to church with his mom, thank God for things, but he's also young and at least a little mad at life, especially while bad things keep happening to him until that becomes resentment toward God

and then he joins the army, and he'll still pray when something Big is going to happen or send his thoughts to someone's family, but it's half-hearted—something he was taught that's ingrained in him rather than something he chose—and continues like that when he's in FTF, too busy to really think about it

it doesn't come up until he's in the bau after he hears spencer's in jail in Mexico, and he's in the bathroom and can't breathe, praying to a God he isn't sure exists to make everything okay

and after spencer gets out, scratch, all that, he has six weeks to reflect on where he stands and what he believes, feeling guilty about only returning to God when he's desperate

he talks about it with spencer, too—prison made luke realize he doesn't want to waste any more time—and even though he's not religious, he never makes luke feel bad or wrong about any of it

spencer talks about his experience with religion and the things he can't explain, like dying in the cabin. he doesn't believe in a God/gods, but he doesn't think people who do are wrong or have misplaced beliefs

he's still weary about everything, but he feels better after talking about it so much with spencer, though that poses another problem

luke has never really bothered to label himself, but he knows the correlation between religion and homophobia, and that scares him just as much as everything else

yes, his parents taught him everyone is equal, but what if that doesn't apply to him, their only son? what if they reject him? what if they tell him that the God he spent so long feeling guilty for abandoning doesn't love him anymore?

at some point, it comes up, and his parents meet spencer and absolutely adore him and they have a Deep Talk and there's Tears because im a sucker for healthy communication between parents and children where luke's parents just tell him they love him so much and aaaaaaaaaaaaa

also: luke and derek bonding over Religion Things. i put all of my three braincells into typing this whole thing, bear with me.

[mochidreambubble]

for the ask meme! 45, 34, 22!

For the Character Development “Hard Mode” Meme

TY for the ask 💕Really had to think of them haha.

Because I've been getting back into SH for the Halloween Spirit (and Slay the Princess obvs not being out yet being another contributing factor :p), will be answering for Ashe in SH setting again. (also rolling into the dirt until Episode 5-)

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

The 'I sense dead people and things from beyond' from Mystical contributes somewhat to his perception/understanding of what he thinks could happen after death.

It scares him because he doesn't want to get stuck or be one of those left lingering. Maybe more so after Episode 3. Like sure, the whole deal with Charlie could happen to that extent because he's in Scarlet Hollow, but it lingers at the back of his mind that any resentment and regret could be held on to so long that it could still hurt people long after death.

34. Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

Prior to the first episode, it's more likely he hardly needed any difficult of a solution than his pretty face or charms.

So it's hitting hard in that hubris type of way in which how badly things have been so far in spite of that.

Though from these experiences, he'll likely try and find newer methods/solutions because he's in that 'it screwed up already I don't dare to make it worse by doing what I know just failed'.

22. What does your character like in other people?

(ngl I struggled answering this coherently-)

Because he still holds traits of vanity, Ashe would say he likes it best that a person understands and is able to flaunt their style (that speaks to their personality - if I'm making sense).

It's why he likes Kaneeka almost off the bat (late-night first meeting disregarded cause hey, he knows he just showed up at an awkward time).

Maybe kind of hilarious/could be equally disregarded that he took one look at monster Reese and found that hot too idk lol

The other thing, it probably sounds really corny forgive me I had no idea how else to explain it but - he likes it best if you're the 'seeing people beyond skin-deep' type of person.

And not even to contradict the above as that even is a more 'are you dressing as yourself or just following trends type of way'.

Likely mentioned offhandedly before, but it's due to being burned that people sometimes only like his face and anything else about him - sometimes even only wanting Ashe to just be 'the face' if they ever see the weirder side of him.

[my-toh-theories-2]

Ik people talk a lot bout Caleb being doomed by the narrative but I don't think we talk enough bout Belos being doomed by the narrative. He's someone who wanted to be the main character so badly that he became the villian. In a story and another realm that couldn't give less of a shit about all of that lol.

TOH is a fantasy story that breaks both the fantasy and the fantasy genre. Playing with what you'd expect of it. Of what you'd expect from a fantasy story n world. It's pretty realistic too and not in a dumb grim dark way it's like, genuinely realistic. Sometimes the heroes loose. Sometimes shitty people get off scot free. Sometimes things change, permanently, for both the worse, neutral and better. And again not in a grim dark way there's still beauty to behold here. There's still love to be found.

So where does that put Belos? Someone who wants and demands that kind of story for himself in a world that couldn't give less of a shit about it giving that to him? He gets angry, bitter and spiteful. He blames the world for not meeting his entitled demands. He holds such a strong conviction in his beliefs and values as well and is so goddamn arrogant that he's immune to change. All of his problems become entirely self made. Made worse by his guilty conscience and with each choice he makes it spirals, getting worse and worse. A bit of a "I'm in too deep" attitude going on here if you get what I mean.

Look. He knows, deep, deep down that what he's doing is wrong.

"Go on. Go be a hero." -Belos Young Blood: Old Souls

But he'll never admit to that. Because admitting to that guilt means taking a long, very long uncomfortable hard look into the mirror. It means acknowledging everything.

There's a reason he started wearing gloves after killing Caleb..

He is his own worse problem. He keeps making worse and worse decisions for himself. Spiraling further and further down due to his own worse vices, guilt, fear and entitlement. He is doomed by a narrative that doesn't care about giving it's characters that kind of fantasy and narrative. His fantasy. And in any other fantasy story, let's be honest, he would be the main character. But not here. Luz, a bi Latina neurodivergent gnc girl is the main character, not him. And the Demon Realm isn't going to give him any special treatment cuz he's a cishet white human man. It's not gonna give him special treatment at all lol. In fact him not having a bile sack puts him lower on the totem pole and you know that irks him SO MUCH (lol suffer harder Bitchlos)

He's also doomed by a narrative about love, acceptance, family, friendship, community, growth, compassion, change, moving on, etc. etc. He's a looser, loner, incel, hero wannabe Christo-fascist dictator who's last person in his life that genuinely loved him, died; 300 years ago by his own hateful hands.

I have many other thoughts n feelings bout this but idk I just wanna get this out there. I have Many Thoughts bout this show that I only let ruminate in my head cjsjsks. Figured I should get them out there so yeah. Lemme know your thoughts lol

[thefudge]

what do you make of roman's whole deal with mencken? he's obviously clinging to Mencken's election as a way to please his dad, but what is it about mencken specifically? is he genuinely into his nazi beliefs? does he just want someone powerful in his pocket ala Shiv with Mattson? is it more about ATN/Logan's legacy? and there's psychosexual tension between them as another factor but idk whether the writers would ever be overt with it what it means in the way they are gerri/roman

you summed it up pretty well, actually

he does want to please his dad and *be* him, in some form (he kept telling kendall this is what their father would've done), and he's also drawn to mencken's personality. i think mencken kind of reminds him of logan, but also! he probably thinks mencken is the kind of "good son" logan would've wanted, because roman keeps saying "mencken was dad's choice". roman knows deep down he can never be the son logan wanted, so he'll cling to the next best thing, even if a part of him must know mencken is a dirtbag. and the gerri/roman parallel is apt; that relationship, for all its messiness, is healthy and "good" for roman. it's only because of his feelings for gerri that roman felt he could stand up to his dad. when gerri said "i could've got you there" it also means "i could've got you to a point where you didn't need your father's approval anymore". with logan dead and roman unable to cope with it, he clings to the toxic relationship, the stand-in logan, aka mencken.

that being said, i have mixed feelings about 4x08. yes, roman was despicable and we are supposed to see that despite his occasional kindness and humanity, he is rotten and unable to let go of that rottenness. buuuut i think this show sometimes loves its nasty one-liners a bit too much. like, the dialogue on succession is so good because it shows restraint, because it's balanced. if most of the episode is just gotcha one-liners it feels rote and artificial. yes, it was an unpleasant episode on purpose, but i kind of think that, objectively, it wasn't very good. not because i'm rooting for the siblings and want them to win, but because i felt it was too gimmicky and trying too hard to be edgy. i think it could've been a bit more nuanced. roman, for all his faults, is not the same person he was in 1x01. yes, do make him be a nazi-sympathizing jackass, but don't toss out his complicated feelings on these issues. i'm absolutely fine with watching terrible people be terrible and i enjoy it, but the writers have consistently tried to show these terrible people as multifaceted, and this episode manages to do that with shiv and kendall, but seemingly leaves roman in the dust. which is kind of ironic, because they included that whole exchange about roman never getting to eat steak. the writers kind of play the same game with him. one episode he's three dimensional, the next he's a cartoon. and i would not mind this if this were the case for all the siblings. if they were all presented as one-dimensional assholes i'd enjoy the heck out of it, but kendall and shiv are never reduced to that. maybe roman is the worst of them, idk, but from a storytelling pov, it just seems sloppy and gimmicky.

roman aside, the episode just felt too try-hard for me, especially throwing in the complication with kendall's daughter which feels tacked on instead of properly explored. given that previous episodes have been much more carefully written, this one felt lazy. i liked the tom/shiv confrontation, for instance, i think it was well done, but we never see tom have a moment to himself about the pregnancy, which he absolutely would have. also, because we've spent so much time with this family, the goings-on in american politics feel remote and not very believable. i'm not saying it's not believable mencken would be elected (even with all the illegal shenanigans); i'm saying it feels sort of dismissive, like "here's that guy from season 3, remember him?" and it doesn't seem to have narrative weight. maybe that's on purpose; the fate of the country doesn't ultimately affect the billionaires. but since we get a whole episode dedicated to this, you'd think it would feel more meaningful idk. it might just be me, but this episode's writing felt weaker to me.

i think succession sometimes falls into the GOT trap of doing big, shocking, meme-worthy, twitter moments without much substance to them.

[mihai-florescu]

i am an extremely new fan, and i can admit that i dont know much about eichi and therefore i cant give an unbiased opinion on him at this point!!

i see your points i see all of them and. you are right. his desperation led him to do wrongs during war era, and he regrets it. i understand this completely, and i agree that he shouldnt be portayed as the only villain because of what his desperation did to him.

however, based on the stories ive read so far in !!, he is...unnecessarily cruel. i get that he'll do whatever it takes to reach his vision of the idol industry, but the way he phrases his conversations with the others does NOT paint him in a good light. this might be because the game is making him look like the bad guy though tbh. he thinks alkaloid is, quote, a box of mudballs, and says this directly to their faces. now, this might just be tough love, but..to say that to tatsumi, who just got out of the hospital? whom he bonded with over their health issues? it just feels...idk.

that might also play into your point about him not realizing that people want to be his friends, and seeing them as business partners tho!

adding onto that, idk the full story for this, but i was informed that tsumugi didnt want to be paid/contracted and like, begged him to be friends? idk about that i might be completely wrong!! it also might not be tsumugi actually i was told this a while ago

I got a bit rambly and had screenshots on hand uh. Sorry for the long reply.

In regards to Alkaloid, I must confess, I'm having a hard time going through the main story cuz I just.....find certain characters and dynamics annoying and/or they just dont interest me much. So i am probably lacking the full depth of what eichi has said to them but i do have two posts about my view on him and alkaloid together (well, more from a meta perspective i suppose). But then again, eichi has this tendency to make other characters want to hate him out of a deep rooted belief that he doesn't actually deserve love, even after his "happy ending", there will always be something bigger to achieve and more sins to atone for.

I'm not necessarily arguing he's not flawed (although i am arguing he's just human, not good or bad, or rather both, i think that's one of the core messages of enstars too.) He's too self aware and pragmatic for his own good. Even he himself says in Sanctuary that he's falling back to how he used to be in the war to reach his ideals.

.

.

(Sanctuary, translated here)

So i guess what i'm saying is not that you must forgive all his actions cuz he never did anything wrong etcetc but more my plea for people to read his stories and see why he's the way that he is. Because i just cannot stand to watch another tiktok full of misinformation. I could, and i probably have in the past, gone on a rant about how people blame eichi alone for the war completely disregarding keito and akatsuki's crucial roles in taking down kanata. Meanwhile my guy Eichi was in the hospital that whole time. But anyway, this was besides the point. Or maybe not. Moving on,

As for Tsumugi, the story you're referencing is Element. It was animated in the show as well, but i do recommend reading it. And then, connected to it, Daydream. Oh my god. Eichi's Daydream Monologue...

The thingbwith Tsumugi is that he just started believing in Eichi's ideals to the point where the war fully would not have succeeded without him. He wanted to be Eichi's friend and to bring him happiness so he joined old Fine, he just thought the contract was a formality. I'm not sure on the "begged to be friends" part, i think that phrasing is a bit extreme, but you gotta remember Eichi was generally distrustful that people like him beyond his wealth. And with a family like Tsumugi's, divorced parents, estranged brother, a mother that keeps falling prey to scams and losing their savings, Eichi thought Tsumugi's motive for wanting to get close was to obtain enough money to cut ties with his mom. Oh. Another thing, i can reblog some story screenshots afterwards, but Eichi does project a lot of his issues onto others. Not the best coping mechanism, clearly.

I do see why Eichi isn't for everyone. I would rather you read his stories and then decide you don't agree with his ways than someone liking him only for fluff (aka only the sweet scenes with wataru) and ignoring the rest of his character. Honestly my answer might make you hate him even more, but i hope out of spite you will read Ep:Link at least. Maybe Sanctuary, but definitely do Not start with that, it needs 7 years of stories as context. Black Tea, Milky Way, Jingle Bells and Tempest should also be good beginner's guide to Eichi stories at the top of my head.

[seyaryminamoto]

Idk if u this is too spoilerly… but what’s Rei’s relationship with Hotaru, Shun, and Yuuna?

... Well.

I kind of answered that question in narrative form already (FF.net/AO3), but if you want me to talk about it directly...

Hotaru is their oldest sister, of course :D

I admit that, back when I started plotting things for the future and I started coming up with ideas for this family, Rei wasn't really in the picture all along because I wasn't even 100% committed to her character and role in the story yet. Hence, there's a lot of art that doesn't feature her with the Sokkla family since I didn't quiiiite know if I would find a role for Rei in the story after I started pondering to make her Zhao's illegitimate daughter. Of course, back then, Azula's Part 3 looked way bleaker than it has been (believe it or not...), precisely due to Rei's absence. I also didn't know for sure that I would find a way bring Song into play either, back then. So, once I finally realized the kind of role Rei could play, Azula's storyline became soooo much clearer and a lot more engaging than the non-stop miserable mess it was shaping up to be without Rei's presence, and Azula's bond with Rei has been one of the greatest highlights of her story so far.

Now then, the question about Rei's role in this family may be tricky to fully explain: Sokka, in particular, will do his best to give Rei space and respect her bond with Azula. He's had nothing to do with this bond and he doesn't want to push his way into Rei's life just because he's Azula's significant other. Once he gets to know Rei, he's going to be very proud of Azula for helping her as much as she did... even so, Sokka would never act entitled to having a parenting role in Rei's life just because Azula does, so their particular bond is one that will take longer to bloom into a full familial one, even if it ultimately will be positive too, but Sokka leaves it up to Rei to decide what kind of role she wants him to play in her life.

But you were asking about the kids rather than Sokka, sooooo...

Hotaru absolutely adores Rei. Rei will have been part of her life all along, looking after her and being a very loving big sister to her. Theirs is definitely a sweet bond, one where Rei is to determined to make sure this child has a safe place with her (tbh Hotaru has a lot of safe places, haha). Their natures are surprisingly similar, so, as much as Sokka and Azula may joke around and say that Hotaru surely takes after Kya since she's the nicest person in either of their families? Deep down I think they all know that Hotaru's nice and easygoing personality has been greatly influenced by Rei. Little Hotaru looks up to her big sister a lot, and she thrives in being with her as often as possible. Basically, they're wholesome beyond belief xD that's the way this relationship works.

Now, then, Shun... I wouldn't say they get along quite as well as Hotaru and Rei do, but Shun also looks up to Rei quite a bit and is often trying to impress her. Shun is a chaotic little one, admittedly, a born leader in many ways, has a certain effortless charisma... but that charm of his kind of doesn't work as well with his family? xD so he's a lot more careless, a sillier kid with his siblings and parents than he is with friends, as you may have noticed, particularly in Underneath Starlit Skies :'D his dynamics with Rei are definitely those of an older sister who can get him in line when he's being too chaotic. He really likes her and wants her approval whenever he's up to something, and he'll definitely beg her to check over his homework to make sure he's getting things right. He has other closer bonds than with Rei, but theirs is a healthy sibling relationship regardless :D

As for Yuuna, these two get along on a very particular level... that is, the scientific level! Yuuna's scientifically-inclined mind particularly vibes well with Rei's, and whatever crazy idea she gets, she knows she can bring it up to Rei whenever she feels the need to and she'll get a very rational answer from someone who will see the potential in Yuuna's ideas. Yuuna is very much comfortable with everyone in the family, which doesn't mean there's no conflict -- she particularly has a fair amount of conflict with Shun after all. But Rei is very talented at getting through to Yuuna and basically speaking her language, to put it in some way. She can give her challenges and ideas that will get Yuuna's wild brain running at full speed. They definitely operate on a similar intellectual level, these two, and that makes their relationship quite positive and unique.

In short, Rei will be the best big sister she can be, a very wholesome, supportive one who never fails to lift the spirits of her littler siblings. She finds them adorable, she cherishes them deeply, and she loves being part of their lives and family. Of course, as there's a big age gap, Rei can get busy and have certain things going on that stop her from being with her family all the time, but her place in the family is 100% cemented, as the story I linked above should give away. Girl is very happy to be the big sister to her three wild little siblings, and they love her very very much <3

[t4tbruharvey]

Yeah, umbrellas didn't help at all because it really did rain THAT heavily and also there was deep puddles everywhere so even if you ran on your tiptoes your shoes would get completely soaking wet haha! But oh running and screaming in a field while it rains sounds sooooo fun!! I'm glad you had a good time!!

and oooh hmmhmmm good to know maybe I'll send you random asks then! As for emojis uhhh how about ig 🌺 or something? first emoji I could find and it's pretty so. yeah.

(And yeah!! Yeah ohhh boy yeah Bruce has such massive trust issues no way he'd just accept TwoFace reforming, Harvey yes more likely because of their shared past/because he wants his friend back but to Bruce TwoFace probably would be the guy that took away his best friend and turned him into a criminal/murderer (would Bruce be emotionally mature enough to realize it was also in part Harvey's own decision to become a rogue? kinda doubt he would. Or if he did he'd probably ignore it in favor of having things go back to how they used to be), and he might just blame all of Harvey's faults on him, too. Tbh I think the storylines where Bruce counteracts a rogue's reforming intentionally or unintentionally because of his doubts and trust issues are really interesting and really sad, because you have the rogue in question actually going through development or even actively trying to get better and you can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel only for it all to get ruined and reset to point zero (or made even worse) not bc of the rogue themselves but bc of Bruce - and not out of malice either, that's the tragedy of it! he wants them to get better! but bc oh yeah right Bruce is someone struggling with massive trauma, trust issues, paranoia and other mental illnesses and cases like that are a stark reminder that oh right he's not doing great and needs to go to therapy and heal himself before he truly can help others heal, too. Hmmm those plot lines are just so. Ough. (Which is why I'd personally incorporate those into some of the rogues storylines that imo would be fun, idk if you remember when I told you about those since it was a few weeks ago ahah) but yeah you're also right Steph being there could help probably since she's got more hmm first hand experience with stuff like that due to her father being. like that. and all, and thus has more related issues.)

ough i think at that point i would have to resign myself to being wet and pretend i was some half drowned sailor or something to cope with the pain </3 but yeah screaming was fun it was very cathartic i need a good scream these days

that is my FAVE emoji for real i'm not kidding!!!! :D

literally. i've since been informed that in btas he tries to approach twoface with kindness initially which is extremely cool of him but he'll end up having his faith unrewarded SO many times and at the end of the day he's not actively trying to heal himself he's trying to live that vicariously through others which is something he needs to work on (and i want him to work on it because i love him!! but he's doomed to fail if he doesn't!!) and because of his unresolved issues there's a lot of flaws in his plan to fucking... fix people. especially twoface. because bruce needs to be vulnerable w him in order to foster trust and belief but he's BEEN vulnerable and it's backfired so he's not gonna!! no sir!! basically ur so right that he needs to work on himself as well as others to be effective <3 and it IS a cool storyline to work into the rogues ones (i PROMISE i'll get to that ask you sent ages ago it's in the back of my mind it just might be a while bc of exams)

also i'm choosing steph specifically because she's 1) harvey's foil in that she's cass!batman's harvey figures except they actually communicate and share parts of themselves so it's like what harvey COULD have been (an outsider who's there to catch batman and be a home for whoever is batman at that time) 2) she's living her fantasy of her dad reforming vicariously through harvey <3 i love steph sm and i love nuance and flaws as well <3 she is doomed to fail <3

[heyitsyn]

my reasoning for kyo is bc you were the first person to ever truly get him, you didn't wanna change him but you understood who he was and adjusted , with oikawa too LMFAO, like I feel like maybe once he knows and accepts deep down you'll never love him ?? idk..

my reasoning for oikawa bc in the fic he seems like a delusional person, even after hed been rejected by you and seen you get married, have kids he wouldn't let go bc he kept holding onto the dream that maybe you'd leave, you'd leave your no good husband for him, the person who's always loved you, you were the only one who got him. saying all this, it would take ALOT for oikawa to move on, like I feel like he would think u were forced into the relationship 😭😭, he would convince himself you're not truly happy. that is, until he sees the same sparkle in your eyes he adored, then he'd be able to move on. it hurts that it isn't him he thinks, and he'll always have a soft spot for you, even if he was a rebound, he'd do anything to be in your arms again - 🍡

THIS IS GOOD REASONING WOW OKAY DANGO ANON POP OFF

(WARNING: ABUSE)

so with kyo, YOURE DEFINITELY RIGHT! there isnt a cleae description of his backgroound but i think ive hinted in the fic that he is actually from the foster system and has adoptive parents that are wealthy but dont care about him and actually hurt him. so no one really cared for him and that always made him feel like a reject you know? his birth parents didnt want him, his adoptive parents, his teammates, even seijoh (because he kept fighting not because they actually didnt like him), but then you come along and you are very open minded, judgement free, and its like for the very first time in his life, he could BREATHE. you didnt care who he was, what he looked like, what he did, all you cared about was if he was safe and if he kept treating you nice then you would too. i think kyo mistook that adoration as love at first like he thought he was in love with you immediately even tho he was probably just in need of someone and he didnt care who. but that slowly fizzled into actually real love over the years and i think because you changed his life and SAVED his life countless times, he thinks of you as this person who he will never meet again therefore he would do anything to keep you around. and his future family might be really familiar of you just because he wants you so involved with him and you did think it was weird at first and your husband told you his thoughts about it but he understood because at one time, he was like kyo and pining over the same time at high school.

AND FOR OIKAWA

ive definitely established that he is a very selfish, destructive, and impulsive person. yes hes a great and nice character but in reality, he is someone who wants what he wants at whatever cost, you know? (okay maybe not as far as murder but you get my point) like kyo, you were the first person to accept him like you didnt care who he was, what he did, what he looked like, none of that. and especially with oikawa who lives this superficial life where he has to pretend everyday that hes some perfect god ans the most flawless human being to ever walk but deep down, hes as damaged as everyone, maybe even worse. and you were the first person to ever realize that aside from iwa. so he definitely ends up attached to you and in love with you for YEARS so this eventually creates a bit of an obsession with you? (that makes it dark lol) like every time he sees you with your family, he thinks of him as your husband and the kids looking a bit like him and he lives in this dream and belief that you and your husband are not perfect but you and tooru are. even though deep down he knows you wont, he counts down the clock to when you would divorce the man or even just cheat on him with tooru for one night, he would accept anything you could give him. i think that would fuel to keep waking up every morning and despite not moving on, he would marry some girl who looks dead on like you and he would never see her for what she looks like, who she really is, even call her name right, because in his eyes, she is you.

[punkscowardschampions]

Indie & Rio

Indie: where you @? Indie: lost u in the heads & smoke like Rio: I know, fucking madness ain't it Rio: never gets old Rio: What's up tho? Indie: get off mckenna for a few i need to chat Indie: 😏😏😂😂 Indie: dunno how to spit this Indie: imma just Indie: drews back in the pen lookin @ a fresh stretch Rio: Hush child 😜 Rio: Oh shit Rio: Really? Rio: Any day to get caught, like Rio: he must've been weighed tf down, man Rio: How you feeling on it, babe? Indie: innit tho Indie: vexed i didnt get my share for the feds hit him up Indie: but fr idk man Indie: he trying to play like he sorry & he wants to see my face if his gotta keep in there Rio: Hmm Rio: It's like, does he mean it or is it 'cos it's long in there, like Rio: Not trying to be a cunt genuinely questioning like we gonna get any sort of answer Indie: i told my auntie he sorry for heself only Indie: i feel that Indie: i not trying to 🤡 for him so the pen aint dry Indie: & he aint trying to see my sis face Indie: either of Rio: Yeah, ain't nobody trying to take a baby to prison, can you fucking imagine Rio: least of all Ro sat there like Rio: Jesus Rio: Well, you know I've got your back Rio: if he means it he'll bell you himself once he's in and knows wtf he's doing Rio: but I'm with you with as much as we know now, fuck that, some time away will do us all some good Indie: if former step ma stepped her foot in there shed be shook beyond belief Indie: no jokes Indie: it got me feelin some type of way bad tho like i willed it Indie: cos i wanted him gone from me & the younger Indie: but how long he gets depends she might not kno him lowkey ever Indie: ro aint want him around now she aint gon forgive & forget welcomin him back to the table once he jailbroke Rio: Init Rio: Might be the culture shock she needs but even I ain't gonna say she deserves, like Rio: Nah, dash that, serious Rio: it's always been a risk of how he's living, whether right or wrong, wanted or not, it's just facts Rio: they caught him slipping, nothing to do with how much he been slipping with you and that whole situation Rio: It ain't gonna be like that, system's a joke, yeah? Rio: Idk about that though but if he proper wants to see Astrid then there's ways to make that happen, just he's never put that level of effort in, ever Indie: im heavy w this Indie: aint trying to need this tonite of all nights Indie: gus & di already 👀 edie early Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 coming off Indie: mayb i gotta just bounce from here Rio: I know, babe Rio: you don't have to Rio: no one wants you to go Indie: i aint about wanting that but 💔💔💔💔 u kno Rio: if you gotta Rio: I get it Rio: but you don't need to stay gone, yeah Rio: like Edie doesn't Indie: idk where my boys are i cant be runnin these streets rn Indie: the feds are proper extra Indie: decision makes itself Rio: Yeah they gotta be out in full force Rio: it ain't safe for you to bounce alone, everyone's lairy Rio: We can go home if you want, night close to over neway? Indie: naaaaah you and mckenna got few slow dances to still do Indie: he feelin lucky still & 😍😍😍😍 Indie: he gonna have to bounce heself in like a day Indie: gotta let him have this Rio: Fuck that Rio: you're my priority Rio: what you wanna do, forreal? Indie: idk Indie: but if we bounce drews killed the vibe & i aint want that for myself either Indie: ill track lo cos bros a walking party innit Indie: bound to make a change Indie: find me when you done riding your mans Rio: Yeah Rio: Alright then, sounds good to me Rio: In a few, bitch Indie: i love you Indie: serious Rio: I love you more Rio: Always have, always will Rio: This ain't gonna fuck with no thing, we on the up and up, still Indie: yeah u kno i aint tryna let this make me slip too Indie: thats his Rio: It alright if you do, I'm here to catch you Rio: we all are Indie: i got something in my eye now bitch Indie: 😭😭😭 Rio: No one will know, all the smoke that's about just reckon you wayyyy faded Indie: truuuuu Indie: but in this facepaint w this much 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀 pride not a mood 👌👌 Rio: Soz about it 😏 Indie: speaking of Indie: ask mckenna if he gon lips me or what bitch i been waitin since he shown up Rio: 😲😣 Rio: the nerve to ask me that Indie: he looking daddy af & you kno it Indie: i got dem issues proven so Indie: come thru boyyy Rio: 😂 Rio: we gon' have issues if he come away with green lips thank you Rio: post up Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: what can i say it b that posh knitwear 😍😍😍😍 Indie: who else b dressin like that cept his actual father Indie: im creased Rio: you want his ma after you too Rio: deathwish like you tryna go out on dem streets with a union jack on you Indie: nah she my girl now Indie: loves me real deep Rio: is it? Indie: now she aint catch me face deep in her fridge like Indie: the actual Indie: not some dirty type words there Indie: she b cold but i aint tryna say no thing about in the sheets Rio: 😂😂😂 Rio: you ain't the only one creased now Rio: fucking hell Indie: plot twist fam i be coming for other mckennas 🌈👑 & out here w her own ma Indie: soz bout it Rio: that'd be mad shaming Rio: no living that hypocrisy down, bea Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: nah but girls aint do no thing for me like that Indie: they too soft Rio: Shame, such a soft butch dream, babe 😉 Indie: is it? Indie: that b how im friendzoned by my dream boy rn then Rio: 💔 Rio: gutting Indie: for him Indie: cos im 🔥🔥🔥 and he aint kno Rio: 🙌🙌🙌 Rio: that's my girl Indie: mayb he 🌈🌈🌈 omf u think? Rio: Could be Rio: idk how he living that hard myself but you know Indie: i gotta ask other mckenna how i can 👀 Indie: is junie still here too? Rio: I hope she's fun drunk so you don't get a rant Rio: nah, he left a while ago, I 👀 him sneaking out but it's a day for Irish goodbyes so let him live, like Indie: o Indie: ill run him a text rn Rio: i ever teach u how to be tactful or nah Rio: might need a mama moment 😏 Indie: wys Indie: i aint kno what that mean even Rio: it just means chillin' even when you hyped, 'cos the other person might not be, like Rio: he ain't livin' that pride life Rio: not 'bout being 🍀 like Indie: ooooooooooooo Indie: 👌👌👌👌 Indie: y tho? Rio: I don't know Rio: it's a process Rio: being comfortable with who you is Indie: how you gon b uncomfy w it Indie: lifes long Rio: plenty out there give u reasons why depending on who you is Rio: but it's just in you Rio: it's hard to explain when that ain't how you is but he is, always has been Indie: dash that Indie: poor baby boy Rio: I know Indie: ill just text him love Rio: you cute Indie: 💖💖💖💖 Indie: feelin it Rio: lookin' it Rio: 💘 Indie: shhh allow it Indie: nah man Rio: what you chattin' Rio: you beautiful Indie: not this nite bitch Rio: every night bitch Indie: hype girl vibes is it Indie: kkk Rio: shh i'm only a tiny bit drunk and feeling the luv Rio: also accidental racism come thru there Indie: o snap Indie: my bad Indie: not tryna dash you off that hard Rio: 😂 Rio: though if you ever need to Rio: like, cold but damn Indie: dont even play Indie: omf Rio: though so many whiteys in one place rn we could start a rally Indie: innit Indie: waste Rio: you're happy, aren't you indie Indie: bout what? Indie: what you mean? Rio: in general Rio: i mean Rio: you're okay, yeah Indie: idk baby im me in general Indie: just livin Rio: Hmm Indie: is you? Rio: Yeah Rio: I just want all of you to be too Indie: how you kno tho? Indie: whats the feelin? Rio: Happy? Indie: yeah how is it? Rio: it's like Rio: when you was a kid Rio: but you old enough to appreciate how good it is now Indie: so mckenna makes you feel like you lil Rio: no Rio: it's not like that, or that it's just him Rio: idk Indie: its like a good high or? Rio: not really Rio: it's like, no matter what shit is was or will be Rio: you still good Rio: nothing touches it Indie: yeah? Indie: thats a madness Indie: no wonder you two b amp af Rio: it's security Rio: i think Indie: thats wild Indie: how i b getting myself some of that shit like Rio: i'm no expert Rio: but i think u gotta know yourself, be comfy with it, know what you want and then be tryna get it Rio: and have good people 'round you who are solid too Rio: that's what i reckon anyway but who knows everything could go to shit and then this'll be awks Indie: nah you good Indie: like i said afore mckenna b cuffed now Indie: what i hear you sayin is i need a mans cos i kno myself & where i wanna get Indie: & i got heads all around Rio: hmm Rio: i don't remember saying that 😂 Indie: well i b sayin safe all the time but i aint b feelin no safety Indie: thats whats missin only from what you listin Indie: 🤔🤔🤔🤔 Rio: maybe it ain't as simple as i think then Rio: maybe if there's one wobbly brick, it all comes tumblin' down Rio: weakest link shit Indie: i feel that Rio: yeah Rio: i ain't know how to fix that Rio: i'm still happy Rio: most the time Indie: 💖💖💖👑👑💖💖 Indie: thats sick Indie: im hyped for you Rio: maybe i'm selfish then hmm Indie: naaah Indie: aint no thing wrong w feelin any type way Rio: but if you ain't and edie ain't and so many other people ain't Rio: then i shouldn't, like u can't 'cos of all this stuff Indie: me & edie too 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀 to know how we is Rio: that ain't good either Rio: i should do more i'm being too easy on myself now Indie: dash that Indie: you doin the most for me Indie: all in Indie: & she aint tryna let anyone do anything you kno Rio: i should just do it Rio: not give her the option Rio: we all should Rio: she's just a kid Rio: a kid who don't know what's good for her rn Indie: now i kno you drunk babe Indie: how you gon achieve it? Indie: cant help heads that aint want it Rio: lock her in her room 'til she ready to be good Rio: i know you can't but Rio: we failed her Rio: period Indie: if you lookin for that room to be trashed go off Indie: it aint none of you that failed her Indie: you kno who it was Rio: he never even tried Rio: not once Indie: & thats how it aint matter what you do Indie: it aint bout you Indie: none of Rio: it's fucked up Rio: 'cos you from him you don't get to be happy? what the fuck is that Indie: life bitch Indie: we aint get to choose where we from Rio: nah Rio: nah, that's bullshit i ain't having it Indie: it aint yours to have or to carry thats what im sayin Rio: no, fuck that Rio: don't you get that's exactly what he'd say and how he's living Rio: oh my mum didn't love me and so this is how i am, end of Rio: no growth no change no nothing Rio: he didn't have to do it like that just 'cos Rio: he made choices and you can too, both of you Indie: he didnt have to do no thing but i cant make him behave like you cant her Indie: they gon do what they gon do Indie: shes making her choices rn based on how she viewin none of us can get in her 👀 and get shit untwisted if she aint want Rio: she isn't like him Rio: don't say it like she is Indie: how she not? Indie: she got everything & all she see is what she think she aint got Rio: she just ain't alright Rio: we ain't doing this rn Indie: she is tho Indie: where she now? gone like how he do running from what she has like he do Indie: it aint exactly how they want it so they aint want it Rio: i mean it Rio: stop Indie: you gonna law me now Indie: is that how we doin Rio: you don't know what you're talking about Rio: i don't wanna listen Indie: you wish i aint kno Indie: thats why you dont wanna hear Rio: you're saying all this like you reckon you're better Rio: you don't know Rio: he chose you Rio: you don't know what it's like to be her Indie: what i kno is i used to chat at myself every nite wishing your rents would keep me and she dashes them over so hard it breaks them Indie: what i kno is they chose her & got mad love and what his is better cos he was inside your ma for a few? nah Indie: what i kno is that he was backed into a corner over me cos my ma fucked died Indie: yours gotta b punished cos she was strong enough to do her job fuck that Indie: im better cos im here & im real bout and on all this Rio: you don't think she don't know that Rio: you don't think it's half the root of her fucking problem Rio: lucky edie and poor indie Rio: so just stop because this ain't nothing i don't know, her too Rio: it's already on her without you ever saying it Indie: you say that like she wearing it Indie: she aint Rio: you blame her Rio: she wants to be drew's kid as little as you do, you'd be an idiot to believe her when she says opposite Rio: there's no points for being real here, she's not stupid, she knows what's up and it's fucked, you've got your ways of coping, she's got hers Rio: neither fucking work, clearly Indie: she blames me for more than ill ever blame her for Indie: & she aint tryna be anybody or anybodys Rio: nah Rio: she feels sorry for you though and that don't sit right does it Rio: because you should be sharing on it together yeah? but that ain't ever gonna happen because he didn't once claim her so you don't get to be sisters Rio: she don't know how to be Indie: bitch so do you it just came right out your mouth then & there 👌👌 Indie: & nah that aint sit right w me cos i aint ask to be none of you or your fam charity Indie: but i dont need her to be my sister no more than i need him to step up for me in any type of way Indie: i made my peace Rio: bullshit Rio: just like you say you safe but you ain't you say that but it's a crock of shit Rio: at least she isn't pretending to be fine Indie: u aint heard me say im fine Indie: but am i ghosting nah Rio: you always say it Rio: bet you told Meena you were too Indie: if you thinkin you hearing that from me you aint listenin Indie: i aint being real w her how i am w you cos she aint need that Rio: Jesus fucking Christ Rio: and Edie don't wanna be anybody's Rio: she's your family, we're your family too Rio: she might not be here but you may as well not be the way you try and shrink yourself to not be part of the 'Drew' problem, no bother to no one Indie: if thats how you want it ill bounce too then Rio: did i say that Indie: you are w how youre coming for me rn Rio: you started it Indie: nah Indie: i aint come for you once this whole time Rio: you came for her Indie: she aint you Rio: she's my sister Rio: and she's not here to defend herself Indie: bitch me too Indie: & she wouldnt defend herself if she was Rio: i know Rio: and that doesn't matter Rio: i still have to Indie: you cant have it all ways either im fam and shes my sister too or im separate and i cant speak on it Indie: how you want it Rio: nah Rio: we don't speak on it don't act like you ain't noticed Rio: you don't call each other out that's not what we do Indie: then i aint trying to be w none of you Indie: cos thats bait Rio: Fine Indie: you call me out any time it suits you to do it Rio: bitch when Indie: when i got inked you had plenty to say about it Indie: & when i got dashed before then Rio: telling you your shit boyfriend is shit and you're making an idiot out of yourself is entirely different to coming for her life and her entire being Rio: if you can fix it you can say it Indie: theres plenty of shit that could have been said to her afore it got to this Indie: but nah just come for my life tonite stead like Rio: i done said we failed her Rio: you think i don't know Indie: i aint tryna tell you how you think Indie: or what you kno Rio: nah come on Rio: you had all the answers 5 seconds ago Indie: fuck that Indie: & you if thats how you wanna be Rio: whatever Indie: pretend like you aint got no more to say like how i pretend im fine 👌👌 Indie: its chill Rio: you ain't listening Rio: i'm not wasting breath Indie: bitch im here where you think i is Indie: if i aint listening i be out Rio: you ain't ready to learn then Indie: what you tryna school me in? Indie: all you tellin me is idk what i'm chattin Rio: because you don't Indie: what am i learnin from you that my heads empty? Indie: tell me what you want me to kno Rio: i already said everything i wanted to say 'cos i ain't faking it Rio: so forget it Indie: you callin me out again now Indie: or you just want me to kno how real you is Indie: like i gotta be scared of the flex now Rio: yeah, i'm calling you out Indie: idk how you think you can when i been real w you on all this Indie: but go off girl if you feelin it Rio: That isn't the point, this isn't about me and you Indie: it is when you dragging me for ways i aint livin Rio: bullshit Rio: i'm not going over and over this Indie: ?? Indie: i dont get what you want Rio: just forget it at this point Rio: this isn't productive and it isn't going to be Indie: why tho Rio: Because what, you're going to start asking for help and then what when we just let you down too Rio: There is no solution to all this so if acting fine helps then go for it Rio: There's no point you stopping Indie: i aint gonna ask for no help cos they aint none Indie: its how i told you its mine to carry Indie: i fix what i fix how i do Rio: what exactly are you fixing Indie: are you asking whats wrong or calling out my copin ways? Rio: i know what's wrong Indie: then how you gon say i pretend like im fine Rio: just because you're bad at it doesn't mean you don't Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: yeah Indie: you got jokes still Indie: love that Rio: i told you to stop and i said we weren't doing this but now this is over Indie: make it happen if you want it to Rio: fine Indie: such a ma thing to say Rio: shut up Rio: jesus Indie: go Indie: its what you tryna do Rio: oh is it Rio: what we do best yeah Rio: so you get to be all holier than thou i don't think so Indie: you aint tryna speak to me Indie: so be brave & do what you wanna for real Rio: more chatting with no clue Rio: for fuck sake Indie: you so clued in yeah 👌👌 Indie: my bad for forgetting it like Rio: don't speak to me like that Indie: you only law me i dont law you Rio: yeah that's how it is Indie: i kno Indie: like how i kno that even when you b aware my heart hurts you care about hers more Rio: yeah yeah yeah Rio: why, 'cos we got the same ma? Rio: that don't matter to me Rio: it matters to you two Rio: but act like it's just her, go on Indie: no cos you wont let me fucking speak Indie: & mayb tonite i need to Indie: but you only care about defending her not hearing me Rio: go ahead Rio: you reckon slagging her off is gonna make you feel any better Rio: it won't Indie: you been told me there aint no solutions anyway so whats it matter how i choose Rio: because it hurts me and makes you look dumb Rio: that's why it matters Rio: this isn't about her, it never needed to be Rio: it's about him, as fucking per Indie: its about me Indie: jfc Rio: and what haven't you said then Rio: and how doesn't that prove my point Rio: i asked you what you wanted to do Rio: i said we could go Rio: but you went with the usual like that's what the situation calls for, let me carry on partying and you go get high and act like you ain't thinking on him Rio: as if I'm that fucking stupid and that fucking selfish, I'm here waiting on you Indie: i said idk & i dont Indie: stop Rio: Let's just go Indie: you go if you want but i cant Rio: Nah Rio: nah you don't get to do this Indie: ?? Indie: what i done now Rio: You have to come because you have to talk about this Indie: you aint tryna talk to me no more you been made that obvious Indie: so who you want me to chat to? mckenna? Rio: Fucking hell Rio: I want to talk to you properly Rio: not like this because you won't leave and deal with it like it's actually a big deal Rio: come on Indie: the only big deal is how you be thinking on me Indie: & i aint tryna talk to you bout that anymore than Rio: what are you talking about Indie: all you been doing this whole time is chatting at me bout everything i do wrong for fixing this shit Indie: but telling me you got no means Rio: no i haven't Indie: check back w yourself cos thats how it is, i pretend im fine, i get high, i chat shit thats all wrong Indie: but you aint got no right way for me Rio: how about stop Rio: your taking shit outta context and adding 'em together when that ain't how it was said Indie: its how it feels Rio: well that isn't what i meant Indie: you wanna compare me to her but im doin my best to keep my shit together same as Rio: i only made any comparisons to point out the hypocrisy Rio: there's no need to come for her, trust me, it won't bring you any joy Indie: theres no need but sometimes i wanna Rio: We all do Indie: dont you 👀 now why i cant leave Indie: i aint tryna have my nite end like this Rio: what good do you think's gonna come Indie: i aint need good just not this Indie: get high enough to wipe it out like it was never Rio: doesn't work Rio: i don't know why you want me to be fake with you like it does when i been there and know better Indie: it works for me Indie: it worked for my ma too Rio: if it worked for your ma she would've got off the shit 'cos she'd be off and over your da too Rio: no it fucking doesn't Indie: you say that like he was her only Indie: problems b stacked Rio: loving him was her main Rio: everything else was survivable, don't get that twisted Indie: he was survivable too Rio: you reckon Indie: im surviving him Indie: edie is Indie: astrid will Rio: surviving ain't thriving Indie: maybe i aint get to thrive Indie: maybe i got that twisted Rio: you got some choices to make Indie: not yet Rio: why not? Indie: cos i aint grown Indie: you always b telling me i kno you aint forgot Rio: you haven't got that luxury, that's what you got twisted Rio: with a dad like that, no Indie: what choices i got w my years Indie: gotta go school & rest my head where im told Indie: thats surviving bitch Rio: you gotta choose how you feel about him and how deep you letting it run Indie: i dont get to choose that Indie: dont you get it Indie: hes ruining everything & he aint even here Rio: there's always a choice Rio: you love him like your ma and ro do, he fucks your life up fully Rio: you hate him as much as edie, same Rio: you gotta be the bigger person than him already and fucking live and let live, actually make peace with this shit 'fore it gets you too Indie: nah cos i dont love him or hate him & shits still a mess Indie: idk how to stop it Rio: shit's never not going to be a mess Indie: idk how to make my peace w that Indie: not on a level thats for real Rio: that's what i can't tell you Rio: 'cos me either Indie: then how tf do i stop him ruining me Indie: cept get as close to not feelin anything as i can Indie: but youre telling me no to that Rio: i don't know Rio: feel nothing for him Rio: that's the best i've got Indie: thats how im tryna be Indie: idk what happy is but i kno what starting a day high feels like Indie: how possible it makes shit feel & how invincible i am to anything i dont want Rio: go get high thenIndie: where you @? Indie: lost u in the heads & smoke like Rio: I know, fucking madness ain't it Rio: never gets old Rio: What's up tho? Indie: get off mckenna for a few i need to chat Indie: 😏😏😂😂 Indie: dunno how to spit this Indie: imma just Indie: drews back in the pen lookin @ a fresh stretch Rio: Hush child 😜 Rio: Oh shit Rio: Really? Rio: Any day to get caught, like Rio: he must've been weighed tf down, man Rio: How you feeling on it, babe? Indie: innit tho Indie: vexed i didnt get my share for the feds hit him up Indie: but fr idk man Indie: he trying to play like he sorry & he wants to see my face if his gotta keep in there Rio: Hmm Rio: It's like, does he mean it or is it 'cos it's long in there, like Rio: Not trying to be a cunt genuinely questioning like we gonna get any sort of answer Indie: i told my auntie he sorry for heself only Indie: i feel that Indie: i not trying to 🤡 for him so the pen aint dry Indie: & he aint trying to see my sis face Indie: either of Rio: Yeah, ain't nobody trying to take a baby to prison, can you fucking imagine Rio: least of all Ro sat there like Rio: Jesus Rio: Well, you know I've got your back Rio: if he means it he'll bell you himself once he's in and knows wtf he's doing Rio: but I'm with you with as much as we know now, fuck that, some time away will do us all some good Indie: if former step ma stepped her foot in there shed be shook beyond belief Indie: no jokes Indie: it got me feelin some type of way bad tho like i willed it Indie: cos i wanted him gone from me & the younger Indie: but how long he gets depends she might not kno him lowkey ever Indie: ro aint want him around now she aint gon forgive & forget welcomin him back to the table once he jailbroke Rio: Init Rio: Might be the culture shock she needs but even I ain't gonna say she deserves, like Rio: Nah, dash that, serious Rio: it's always been a risk of how he's living, whether right or wrong, wanted or not, it's just facts Rio: they caught him slipping, nothing to do with how much he been slipping with you and that whole situation Rio: It ain't gonna be like that, system's a joke, yeah? Rio: Idk about that though but if he proper wants to see Astrid then there's ways to make that happen, just he's never put that level of effort in, ever Indie: im heavy w this Indie: aint trying to need this tonite of all nights Indie: gus & di already 👀 edie early Indie: 🚀🚀🚀 coming off Indie: mayb i gotta just bounce from here Rio: I know, babe Rio: you don't have to Rio: no one wants you to go Indie: i aint about wanting that but 💔💔💔💔 u kno Rio: if you gotta Rio: I get it Rio: but you don't need to stay gone, yeah Rio: like Edie doesn't Indie: idk where my boys are i cant be runnin these streets rn Indie: the feds are proper extra Indie: decision makes itself Rio: Yeah they gotta be out in full force Rio: it ain't safe for you to bounce alone, everyone's lairy Rio: We can go home if you want, night close to over neway? Indie: naaaaah you and mckenna got few slow dances to still do Indie: he feelin lucky still & 😍😍😍😍 Indie: he gonna have to bounce heself in like a day Indie: gotta let him have this Rio: Fuck that Rio: you're my priority Rio: what you wanna do, forreal? Indie: idk Indie: but if we bounce drews killed the vibe & i aint want that for myself either Indie: ill track lo cos bros a walking party innit Indie: bound to make a change Indie: find me when you done riding your mans Rio: Yeah Rio: Alright then, sounds good to me Rio: In a few, bitch Indie: i love you Indie: serious Rio: I love you more Rio: Always have, always will Rio: This ain't gonna fuck with no thing, we on the up and up, still Indie: yeah u kno i aint tryna let this make me slip too Indie: thats his Rio: It alright if you do, I'm here to catch you Rio: we all are Indie: i got something in my eye now bitch Indie: 😭😭😭 Rio: No one will know, all the smoke that's about just reckon you wayyyy faded Indie: truuuuu Indie: but in this facepaint w this much 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀 pride not a mood 👌👌 Rio: Soz about it 😏 Indie: speaking of Indie: ask mckenna if he gon lips me or what bitch i been waitin since he shown up Rio: 😲😣 Rio: the nerve to ask me that Indie: he looking daddy af & you kno it Indie: i got dem issues proven so Indie: come thru boyyy Rio: 😂 Rio: we gon' have issues if he come away with green lips thank you Rio: post up Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: what can i say it b that posh knitwear 😍😍😍😍 Indie: who else b dressin like that cept his actual father Indie: im creased Rio: you want his ma after you too Rio: deathwish like you tryna go out on dem streets with a union jack on you Indie: nah she my girl now Indie: loves me real deep Rio: is it? Indie: now she aint catch me face deep in her fridge like Indie: the actual Indie: not some dirty type words there Indie: she b cold but i aint tryna say no thing about in the sheets Rio: 😂😂😂 Rio: you ain't the only one creased now Rio: fucking hell Indie: plot twist fam i be coming for other mckennas 🌈👑 & out here w her own ma Indie: soz bout it Rio: that'd be mad shaming Rio: no living that hypocrisy down, bea Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: nah but girls aint do no thing for me like that Indie: they too soft Rio: Shame, such a soft butch dream, babe 😉 Indie: is it? Indie: that b how im friendzoned by my dream boy rn then Rio: 💔 Rio: gutting Indie: for him Indie: cos im 🔥🔥🔥 and he aint kno Rio: 🙌🙌🙌 Rio: that's my girl Indie: mayb he 🌈🌈🌈 omf u think? Rio: Could be Rio: idk how he living that hard myself but you know Indie: i gotta ask other mckenna how i can 👀 Indie: is junie still here too? Rio: I hope she's fun drunk so you don't get a rant Rio: nah, he left a while ago, I 👀 him sneaking out but it's a day for Irish goodbyes so let him live, like Indie: o Indie: ill run him a text rn Rio: i ever teach u how to be tactful or nah Rio: might need a mama moment 😏 Indie: wys Indie: i aint kno what that mean even Rio: it just means chillin' even when you hyped, 'cos the other person might not be, like Rio: he ain't livin' that pride life Rio: not 'bout being 🍀 like Indie: ooooooooooooo Indie: 👌👌👌👌 Indie: y tho? Rio: I don't know Rio: it's a process Rio: being comfortable with who you is Indie: how you gon b uncomfy w it Indie: lifes long Rio: plenty out there give u reasons why depending on who you is Rio: but it's just in you Rio: it's hard to explain when that ain't how you is but he is, always has been Indie: dash that Indie: poor baby boy Rio: I know Indie: ill just text him love Rio: you cute Indie: 💖💖💖💖 Indie: feelin it Rio: lookin' it Rio: 💘 Indie: shhh allow it Indie: nah man Rio: what you chattin' Rio: you beautiful Indie: not this nite bitch Rio: every night bitch Indie: hype girl vibes is it Indie: kkk Rio: shh i'm only a tiny bit drunk and feeling the luv Rio: also accidental racism come thru there Indie: o snap Indie: my bad Indie: not tryna dash you off that hard Rio: 😂 Rio: though if you ever need to Rio: like, cold but damn Indie: dont even play Indie: omf Rio: though so many whiteys in one place rn we could start a rally Indie: innit Indie: waste Rio: you're happy, aren't you indie Indie: bout what? Indie: what you mean? Rio: in general Rio: i mean Rio: you're okay, yeah Indie: idk baby im me in general Indie: just livin Rio: Hmm Indie: is you? Rio: Yeah Rio: I just want all of you to be too Indie: how you kno tho? Indie: whats the feelin? Rio: Happy? Indie: yeah how is it? Rio: it's like Rio: when you was a kid Rio: but you old enough to appreciate how good it is now Indie: so mckenna makes you feel like you lil Rio: no Rio: it's not like that, or that it's just him Rio: idk Indie: its like a good high or? Rio: not really Rio: it's like, no matter what shit is was or will be Rio: you still good Rio: nothing touches it Indie: yeah? Indie: thats a madness Indie: no wonder you two b amp af Rio: it's security Rio: i think Indie: thats wild Indie: how i b getting myself some of that shit like Rio: i'm no expert Rio: but i think u gotta know yourself, be comfy with it, know what you want and then be tryna get it Rio: and have good people 'round you who are solid too Rio: that's what i reckon anyway but who knows everything could go to shit and then this'll be awks Indie: nah you good Indie: like i said afore mckenna b cuffed now Indie: what i hear you sayin is i need a mans cos i kno myself & where i wanna get Indie: & i got heads all around Rio: hmm Rio: i don't remember saying that 😂 Indie: well i b sayin safe all the time but i aint b feelin no safety Indie: thats whats missin only from what you listin Indie: 🤔🤔🤔🤔 Rio: maybe it ain't as simple as i think then Rio: maybe if there's one wobbly brick, it all comes tumblin' down Rio: weakest link shit Indie: i feel that Rio: yeah Rio: i ain't know how to fix that Rio: i'm still happy Rio: most the time Indie: 💖💖💖👑👑💖💖 Indie: thats sick Indie: im hyped for you Rio: maybe i'm selfish then hmm Indie: naaah Indie: aint no thing wrong w feelin any type way Rio: but if you ain't and edie ain't and so many other people ain't Rio: then i shouldn't, like u can't 'cos of all this stuff Indie: me & edie too 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀 to know how we is Rio: that ain't good either Rio: i should do more i'm being too easy on myself now Indie: dash that Indie: you doin the most for me Indie: all in Indie: & she aint tryna let anyone do anything you kno Rio: i should just do it Rio: not give her the option Rio: we all should Rio: she's just a kid Rio: a kid who don't know what's good for her rn Indie: now i kno you drunk babe Indie: how you gon achieve it? Indie: cant help heads that aint want it Rio: lock her in her room 'til she ready to be good Rio: i know you can't but Rio: we failed her Rio: period Indie: if you lookin for that room to be trashed go off Indie: it aint none of you that failed her Indie: you kno who it was Rio: he never even tried Rio: not once Indie: & thats how it aint matter what you do Indie: it aint bout you Indie: none of Rio: it's fucked up Rio: 'cos you from him you don't get to be happy? what the fuck is that Indie: life bitch Indie: we aint get to choose where we from Rio: nah Rio: nah, that's bullshit i ain't having it Indie: it aint yours to have or to carry thats what im sayin Rio: no, fuck that Rio: don't you get that's exactly what he'd say and how he's living Rio: oh my mum didn't love me and so this is how i am, end of Rio: no growth no change no nothing Rio: he didn't have to do it like that just 'cos Rio: he made choices and you can too, both of you Indie: he didnt have to do no thing but i cant make him behave like you cant her Indie: they gon do what they gon do Indie: shes making her choices rn based on how she viewin none of us can get in her 👀 and get shit untwisted if she aint want Rio: she isn't like him Rio: don't say it like she is Indie: how she not? Indie: she got everything & all she see is what she think she aint got Rio: she just ain't alright Rio: we ain't doing this rn Indie: she is tho Indie: where she now? gone like how he do running from what she has like he do Indie: it aint exactly how they want it so they aint want it Rio: i mean it Rio: stop Indie: you gonna law me now Indie: is that how we doin Rio: you don't know what you're talking about Rio: i don't wanna listen Indie: you wish i aint kno Indie: thats why you dont wanna hear Rio: you're saying all this like you reckon you're better Rio: you don't know Rio: he chose you Rio: you don't know what it's like to be her Indie: what i kno is i used to chat at myself every nite wishing your rents would keep me and she dashes them over so hard it breaks them Indie: what i kno is they chose her & got mad love and what his is better cos he was inside your ma for a few? nah Indie: what i kno is that he was backed into a corner over me cos my ma fucked died Indie: yours gotta b punished cos she was strong enough to do her job fuck that Indie: im better cos im here & im real bout and on all this Rio: you don't think she don't know that Rio: you don't think it's half the root of her fucking problem Rio: lucky edie and poor indie Rio: so just stop because this ain't nothing i don't know, her too Rio: it's already on her without you ever saying it Indie: you say that like she wearing it Indie: she aint Rio: you blame her Rio: she wants to be drew's kid as little as you do, you'd be an idiot to believe her when she says opposite Rio: there's no points for being real here, she's not stupid, she knows what's up and it's fucked, you've got your ways of coping, she's got hers Rio: neither fucking work, clearly Indie: she blames me for more than ill ever blame her for Indie: & she aint tryna be anybody or anybodys Rio: nah Rio: she feels sorry for you though and that don't sit right does it Rio: because you should be sharing on it together yeah? but that ain't ever gonna happen because he didn't once claim her so you don't get to be sisters Rio: she don't know how to be Indie: bitch so do you it just came right out your mouth then & there 👌👌 Indie: & nah that aint sit right w me cos i aint ask to be none of you or your fam charity Indie: but i dont need her to be my sister no more than i need him to step up for me in any type of way Indie: i made my peace Rio: bullshit Rio: just like you say you safe but you ain't you say that but it's a crock of shit Rio: at least she isn't pretending to be fine Indie: u aint heard me say im fine Indie: but am i ghosting nah Rio: you always say it Rio: bet you told Meena you were too Indie: if you thinkin you hearing that from me you aint listenin Indie: i aint being real w her how i am w you cos she aint need that Rio: Jesus fucking Christ Rio: and Edie don't wanna be anybody's Rio: she's your family, we're your family too Rio: she might not be here but you may as well not be the way you try and shrink yourself to not be part of the 'Drew' problem, no bother to no one Indie: if thats how you want it ill bounce too then Rio: did i say that Indie: you are w how youre coming for me rn Rio: you started it Indie: nah Indie: i aint come for you once this whole time Rio: you came for her Indie: she aint you Rio: she's my sister Rio: and she's not here to defend herself Indie: bitch me too Indie: & she wouldnt defend herself if she was Rio: i know Rio: and that doesn't matter Rio: i still have to Indie: you cant have it all ways either im fam and shes my sister too or im separate and i cant speak on it Indie: how you want it Rio: nah Rio: we don't speak on it don't act like you ain't noticed Rio: you don't call each other out that's not what we do Indie: then i aint trying to be w none of you Indie: cos thats bait Rio: Fine Indie: you call me out any time it suits you to do it Rio: bitch when Indie: when i got inked you had plenty to say about it Indie: & when i got dashed before then Rio: telling you your shit boyfriend is shit and you're making an idiot out of yourself is entirely different to coming for her life and her entire being Rio: if you can fix it you can say it Indie: theres plenty of shit that could have been said to her afore it got to this Indie: but nah just come for my life tonite stead like Rio: i done said we failed her Rio: you think i don't know Indie: i aint tryna tell you how you think Indie: or what you kno Rio: nah come on Rio: you had all the answers 5 seconds ago Indie: fuck that Indie: & you if thats how you wanna be Rio: whatever Indie: pretend like you aint got no more to say like how i pretend im fine 👌👌 Indie: its chill Rio: you ain't listening Rio: i'm not wasting breath Indie: bitch im here where you think i is Indie: if i aint listening i be out Rio: you ain't ready to learn then Indie: what you tryna school me in? Indie: all you tellin me is idk what i'm chattin Rio: because you don't Indie: what am i learnin from you that my heads empty? Indie: tell me what you want me to kno Rio: i already said everything i wanted to say 'cos i ain't faking it Rio: so forget it Indie: you callin me out again now Indie: or you just want me to kno how real you is Indie: like i gotta be scared of the flex now Rio: yeah, i'm calling you out Indie: idk how you think you can when i been real w you on all this Indie: but go off girl if you feelin it Rio: That isn't the point, this isn't about me and you Indie: it is when you dragging me for ways i aint livin Rio: bullshit Rio: i'm not going over and over this Indie: ?? Indie: i dont get what you want Rio: just forget it at this point Rio: this isn't productive and it isn't going to be Indie: why tho Rio: Because what, you're going to start asking for help and then what when we just let you down too Rio: There is no solution to all this so if acting fine helps then go for it Rio: There's no point you stopping Indie: i aint gonna ask for no help cos they aint none Indie: its how i told you its mine to carry Indie: i fix what i fix how i do Rio: what exactly are you fixing Indie: are you asking whats wrong or calling out my copin ways? Rio: i know what's wrong Indie: then how you gon say i pretend like im fine Rio: just because you're bad at it doesn't mean you don't Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Rio: yeah Indie: you got jokes still Indie: love that Rio: i told you to stop and i said we weren't doing this but now this is over Indie: make it happen if you want it to Rio: fine Indie: such a ma thing to say Rio: shut up Rio: jesus Indie: go Indie: its what you tryna do Rio: oh is it Rio: what we do best yeah Rio: so you get to be all holier than thou i don't think so Indie: you aint tryna speak to me Indie: so be brave & do what you wanna for real Rio: more chatting with no clue Rio: for fuck sake Indie: you so clued in yeah 👌👌 Indie: my bad for forgetting it like Rio: don't speak to me like that Indie: you only law me i dont law you Rio: yeah that's how it is Indie: i kno Indie: like how i kno that even when you b aware my heart hurts you care about hers more Rio: yeah yeah yeah Rio: why, 'cos we got the same ma? Rio: that don't matter to me Rio: it matters to you two Rio: but act like it's just her, go on Indie: no cos you wont let me fucking speak Indie: & mayb tonite i need to Indie: but you only care about defending her not hearing me Rio: go ahead Rio: you reckon slagging her off is gonna make you feel any better Rio: it won't Indie: you been told me there aint no solutions anyway so whats it matter how i choose Rio: because it hurts me and makes you look dumb Rio: that's why it matters Rio: this isn't about her, it never needed to be Rio: it's about him, as fucking per Indie: its about me Indie: jfc Rio: and what haven't you said then Rio: and how doesn't that prove my point Rio: i asked you what you wanted to do Rio: i said we could go Rio: but you went with the usual like that's what the situation calls for, let me carry on partying and you go get high and act like you ain't thinking on him Rio: as if I'm that fucking stupid and that fucking selfish, I'm here waiting on you Indie: i said idk & i dont Indie: stop Rio: Let's just go Indie: you go if you want but i cant Rio: Nah Rio: nah you don't get to do this Indie: ?? Indie: what i done now Rio: You have to come because you have to talk about this Indie: you aint tryna talk to me no more you been made that obvious Indie: so who you want me to chat to? mckenna? Rio: Fucking hell Rio: I want to talk to you properly Rio: not like this because you won't leave and deal with it like it's actually a big deal Rio: come on Indie: the only big deal is how you be thinking on me Indie: & i aint tryna talk to you bout that anymore than Rio: what are you talking about Indie: all you been doing this whole time is chatting at me bout everything i do wrong for fixing this shit Indie: but telling me you got no means Rio: no i haven't Indie: check back w yourself cos thats how it is, i pretend im fine, i get high, i chat shit thats all wrong Indie: but you aint got no right way for me Rio: how about stop Rio: your taking shit outta context and adding 'em together when that ain't how it was said Indie: its how it feels Rio: well that isn't what i meant Indie: you wanna compare me to her but im doin my best to keep my shit together same as Rio: i only made any comparisons to point out the hypocrisy Rio: there's no need to come for her, trust me, it won't bring you any joy Indie: theres no need but sometimes i wanna Rio: We all do Indie: dont you 👀 now why i cant leave Indie: i aint tryna have my nite end like this Rio: what good do you think's gonna come Indie: i aint need good just not this Indie: get high enough to wipe it out like it was never Rio: doesn't work Rio: i don't know why you want me to be fake with you like it does when i been there and know better Indie: it works for me Indie: it worked for my ma too Rio: if it worked for your ma she would've got off the shit 'cos she'd be off and over your da too Rio: no it fucking doesn't Indie: you say that like he was her only Indie: problems b stacked Rio: loving him was her main Rio: everything else was survivable, don't get that twisted Indie: he was survivable too Rio: you reckon Indie: im surviving him Indie: edie is Indie: astrid will Rio: surviving ain't thriving Indie: maybe i aint get to thrive Indie: maybe i got that twisted Rio: you got some choices to make Indie: not yet Rio: why not? Indie: cos i aint grown Indie: you always b telling me i kno you aint forgot Rio: you haven't got that luxury, that's what you got twisted Rio: with a dad like that, no Indie: what choices i got w my years Indie: gotta go school & rest my head where im told Indie: thats surviving bitch Rio: you gotta choose how you feel about him and how deep you letting it run Indie: i dont get to choose that Indie: dont you get it Indie: hes ruining everything & he aint even here Rio: there's always a choice Rio: you love him like your ma and ro do, he fucks your life up fully Rio: you hate him as much as edie, same Rio: you gotta be the bigger person than him already and fucking live and let live, actually make peace with this shit 'fore it gets you too Indie: nah cos i dont love him or hate him & shits still a mess Indie: idk how to stop it Rio: shit's never not going to be a mess Indie: idk how to make my peace w that Indie: not on a level thats for real Rio: that's what i can't tell you Rio: 'cos me either Indie: then how tf do i stop him ruining me Indie: cept get as close to not feelin anything as i can Indie: but youre telling me no to that Rio: i don't know Rio: feel nothing for him Rio: that's the best i've got Indie: thats how im tryna be Indie: idk what happy is but i kno what starting a day high feels like Indie: how possible it makes shit feel & how invincible i am to anything i dont want Rio: go get high then Indie: but youll leave Rio: I ain't trying be that, that's not how it is for me Indie: i love you Indie: tell me how it should be Rio: I love you too Rio: I just meant I'm not going to sit around and get high with you too, I can't Rio: you've got your friends for that Rio: I'll be at home Indie: dont go without me Indie: ill come with Indie: i meant how i said i aint tryna go looking for them Rio: Okay Rio: come on then Indie: is mckenna gonna be vexed at me now too Rio: i'm not Rio: first of all Rio: and why would he be Indie: cos i want you to stay w me Rio: no, he'll get it Rio: i'm not with him anyway, i told you, i've been waiting for you, no sense him too Rio: probably go home with his da Indie: but he aint here for long Indie: im not tryna do you like that serious Rio: trust me, it's fine Rio: let me worry about him as and when Indie: ok Indie: im sorry for how i chatted Indie: doin you & edie dirty Rio: I'm sorry too, things got heated and potentially things were said that shouldn't, or at least said in unhelpful ways Rio: I just want good things for you, I just want you to be alright Rio: both of you, equally as much Indie: i kno Indie: & trust my head & heart wont b this rinsed always Indie: its just Rio: it literally just happened, it's still sinking in if at all Rio: no matter how many times, you were too young on a lot of 'em to feel it how you do now Rio: not dissing Meena on how she did it either but idk, not tonight Indie: i really thought on him stepping up for astrid Indie: thats so chief of me but Indie: & i was so high when she told me Rio: I know Rio: I thought he might too but Rio: just say he didn't have the chance now yeah Rio: like how he didn't with Edie 'cos Ma wouldn't be with him Rio: whatever Rio: and I'm drunk, we need to go to bed Rio: it'll be there in the morning Indie: youll be there too yeah no drunk rollin out the bed like Rio: of course Rio: i might need to throw up and lay on the tiles for a bit but i'm an adult, you'll never even clock Indie: imma join cos can we all stop acting that guinness aint filth Indie: what mckenna on bout man Indie: he aint even from here Rio: 😂 Rio: it's so heavy, barely ate 'cos I feel like I been feasting all day Rio: really helps with getting you pished faster, nicely played Guinness Indie: it taste how when i was little & watchin your ma fix her truck & put this old spanner in my mouth Rio: So legit Rio: Be the iron Rio: should get Ro on 'em forreal Indie: put her on a drip Indie: proper drs orders soz step ma Indie: pint in the vein Rio: Imagine mainlining booze Rio: people would, especially today, no fucking chill Indie: unhectic Indie: nah ty Indie: but yeah even my 🐶 be on his feral hype rn jam baby boy Rio: He too lil, that carling did him in Indie: who tf Indie: he needs zzzzzzzzzzzs too Indie: mckenna be shit dog daddy Rio: just don't take away the dog part of that Rio: he'd be gutted Indie: just dont let him put a 👶 in you Indie: im savin you tonite but aint be there all time Rio: Behave Rio: I won't Indie: we all 👀 him holding my younger like she 💣 Indie: never done seen a boy so scared Rio: he got reasons Rio: nah no Rio: dash that Indie: wys Indie: cos his younger? Rio: yeah Indie: how old would he be? its a madness Rio: Like... Rio: God Rio: 8? Rio: Bit younger than Gus Indie: he'd be running w him & di Rio: Yeah Rio: Now I wanna cry all over again Indie: soz Indie: i love dem boys tho Indie: how would he be lookin? mckenna & other mckenna are so different for twins like Rio: init Rio: god knows Rio: cute tho Indie: frecks for days i reckon Indie: their das skipped em Rio: awh Indie: like di but not as cute cos u kno Indie: he 😍😍😍 Rio: yeah he a babe Rio: changed my mind want a baby broody now Indie: i aint tryna see the footage of me he got today tho wildin Indie: i wanna have so many 👶👶👶👶👶 Indie: but in years Rio: he a menace with that 📹 Rio: but he does know angles so 🤞 Rio: years and years and years, don't need to repeat ma Indie: he gon be somebody w dem skillz Indie: yeah man i wanna be 👵 af fore i start Indie: like ro Rio: i don't wanna be that old Rio: how i gonna be a MILF then Indie: u kno catch me @ 25 Indie: i aint got chill Indie: & you a milf now bitch hello Rio: you know i ain't but i'll have to live vicariously probs Rio: 😘 ty Indie: mckenna will step up to b a real daddy you all good Rio: it makes it too real Rio: stick with my imaginary dream baby daddy Indie: you got a 💎💍💎 girl how fake is it Indie: mhmmm tho who he be? 😏😏😏😏 Rio: this diamond be so real bitch Rio: wys Indie: lemme bite it Indie: nah thats porcelain yeah Indie: idk Indie: gold? Indie: its something Rio: 😂 child you feral Rio: stay away from my hand and my bling Indie: rude Indie: speaking on imma start climbin if i cant get thru these heads towards you soon Indie: dont get the wrong idea lads Rio: it's literally ridiculous Rio: can't see a damn thing but buster n his da 'cos they freaky giants, head for them like they a landmark bitch Indie: ive shouted well much native 👅 & these wasteman aint tryna no none Indie: fake 🍀 three times removed or what boyyys Rio: that's the real tea Rio: yanks be out here with their st pattys like bitch no Indie: gingers too Indie: it aint make you one of us cos you 🥕 Indie: if you repin you repin Rio: @Nance next time babe Indie: ill say it in irish she aint kno Indie: posh girl Rio: 😶 savage Rio: omg Indie: she wearin the colours but she aint got her mouth round them sounds soz bout it Indie: my ma aint kno none either tho what a madness Rio: s'a dying language babe, loads natives don't even Indie: hacks Indie: we can say how we want Rio: imma text granddad and be like put on danny boy Rio: get 'em emosh, be easier to get out Indie: 👑👑👑 moves Indie: til i get something in my eye again & cant find my way out Rio: you don't work in pubs long as i did without knowing how to calm a crowd babe Indie: innit tho Rio: ooh, I see you Rio: swerve them or imma have to explain Indie: 👀 & 👂s baby Indie: ✌✌✌✌