#if it loops again. im killing
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Peering at my laptop on my desk to see what's going on bcos bubbles is on my bed cuddling into my arm
#i uninstalled the last QOL update and that enabled me to do the 'windows start troubleshooting' thing#and that stayed on a screen that said 'attempting repairs' for a While like up to an hour maybe#and now its booted back to the windows 10 install bcos the usb is still plugged in#but fucking HOPEFULLY i can choose to continue to windows 10 and my laptop will be working#if it loops again. im killing
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I am in full support of people taking the life series seriously, really truly, but some part of me can never get past the fact this is just the hermits doing a larp with varying levels of structure. what is wild life if not 'oh god what did the dm (grian) brew up this time'. what is 3rd life other than a bunch of idiots in a field hitting each other with sticks.
#like again. LOVE the serious angle#i ALSO do that!#but also. they have been killing each other for almost half a decade now#They Just Think Its Fun#its enrichment#this post isnt capturing what i want it to but im not int he place to like. gte those words#the POINT is. i WANT to see more stuff ig where like. yeah they do just kill each other for fun!#its like how you and your friends might make a smash bros tourney but instead its. stabbing each other#let them explicitly do it to have FUN!!!!!!!!!#theyre not stuck in the death game loop theyre very willingly repeatedly signing up for it#because theyre fucking insane
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Silly ones this time
#emily is such a Silly Guy to me#she needs to beat up and kill and bite people#and then after taht she needs to be beat up and almost killed#and then the loop continues#emily prentiss#derek morgan#criminal minds#penelope garcia#emily prentiss fanart#demily#<- i say platonically once again but like#im always gonna use ship names and tags for my fave relationships !!! idc what type !!! its easier !!! and they deserve it !!!#cm art#criminal minds fanart#pzyii arts#me drawing emily prentiss: “eyelashes eyelashes eyelashes eyelashes eyela-”#cm fanart#platonic demily
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Day 1 of writing ultrakill: hehehe machine powered by blood!! Mankind is dead, gabriel wants to fuck that machine
Day ???? Of writing ultrakill: hell is alive. Hell is alive and we are the entertainment, marked by blood as the fuel. The terminals watch us: for they and we are ultimately what’s left of humanity. They are an archive of everything mankind has ever achieved and one of its last remaining idols. There is nothing left to consume but yourself. The loop will endlessly repeat until either entropy- or yourself finally, mercifully ends it. You and Gabriel are tools now without purpose and now you must find it. Through Gabriel are you able to reach peak performance, the penultimate version of yourself. Through V1 Gabriel is able to achieve a form of deliverance- ecstasy through a newfound freedom. This is a wretched, bloodied love story that’s alive with every player as its intestines and entrails- eating itself whole. By killing each other- you will destroy everything you have left. You must break the loop today or the loop will repeat tomorrow. Gabriel really wants to fuck that machine and V1 wants that angel BADLY
#brace yourself im having another ultrakill thought#I think loops and cannibalism are vastly undervalued when it comes to ultrakill’s story#cannibalism in the way that V1 is consuming what’s left of itself- its own purpose to fight fueled by itself fueled by itself and so on.#which again ties into the theme of cycles#Gabriel in the way that the council had essentially ‘eaten’ one of their own whole at the slightest sign of imperfection#and yet Gabriel is able to break a clear cycle#just as V1 is able to break hell out of its dying cycle of eternal punishment by just killing#am I. am I making sense#can you tell I fucking love the violence layer#also throw in something about lust renaissance / greed insurrections attempting (and succeeding in a way) to break the cycle of torment#ultrakill#rose talks#for my next trick I will write terminal X V1 completely unironically#analysis
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guess where am i now
#greching origins#outer wilds#outer wilds spoilers#THATS RIGHT IM BACK IN THAT FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN#im going to try a maneuver that has 90% of killing me in a way that may or may not give me nightmares later#I FOUND THE 3RD ESCAPE POD. and now im going to fucking find the vessel#will i be sitting in that node until the end of the loop if i make it through? yeagh <3#AND IF I DONT WELL. I GUESS ITS WASNT IN MY FORTUNE!!!!
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actually i have more to say about that last gifset but tumblr app won’t let me edit the post so here’s the. extra thoughts: the way hongjoong steps in just to stare and blink at and talk to wooyoung. san isn’t there. to hongjoong. but san Is there and he’s talking with his poutiest lips ever. oh my god
#im going crazy watching those gifs loop again and again#hongjoong is trying REALLY HARD to push hwa aside rn….. pls u can both be my ults……. please have mercy on our wife i love her so much#calm down with your face hongjoong i can’t do this anymore why are u so…… 😖‼️#need hwa to do SOMETHING plsssssssss hongjoong is killing me he’s taking up too much of my brain space rn. please seonghwa
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if damian had been killed by the joker, do you think this time batman would have actually killed him? and if he would how would jason feel about all of it?
#i cannot stop thinkjng abt batmand and robin#im permanently on a batman loop#would jason even feel vindicated? would he ever forgive batman?#or would batman let the joker go again?#i feel like it would be dick and jason who would kill the joker if hed been the one to kill damian#i need to stew these thoughts in my head#damian wayne#batman and robin 2011#jason todd#robin
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theres just so many interesting things you could do if you staged chimes of midnight tbh....
#two actors for edith (older and younger) and having the older sing behind other dialogue#separate actor for edward grove so when he possesses shaughnessy the two actors speak at the same time#to be honest you could have two actors for just about everyone except maybe the doctor#and probably not shaugnessy since he doesnt die. but whenever the others die have understudies either play the corpse or stand around in the#background outside the lights. so theyre just visible but clearly shelved#as the mystery gradually becomes clear slowly have the older edith shadowing the staff as they say things that were said to her#the screams when the older edith is explaining - just have younger edith and mary and mrs baddeley and whoever else offstage and scream with#with their mics off - then you get a surround sound effect too - esp if you have them offstage behind or to the side of the audience#YOU COULD HAVE A DOLLHOUSE IN THE PARLOR WHEN THE DOCTOR'S CALLED UPSTAIRS TOO#itd be even more effective if you showed it at the beginning#maybe as the audience is filtering in you just have the lights up on that set so they SEE it yk?#then once everyones seated have the lights go off suddenly (maybe even play the theme song)#idk how youd do the jam jar im not a theater person. maybe red fabric for the jam that can 'spill' all over charley in a concerning looking#way (that can look like how edith looks when she kills herself) but that doesnt necessitate a costume change or any sort of cleanup for the#stage itself. BUT. the problem is the jar. i wouldnt want to use breakaway glass bc 1) cleanup 2) id want to have something you could put#back together quickly that would be indicative of the time loop#but again im not a theater person so i dont know stuff maybe that would be easy and you COULD use breakaway glass. or whatever im NOT a#person who knows really much at all about theater#ari opinion hour
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tonight on thinking about homura and madoka.
#........................................dude#head in hands#ALMOST A HUNDRED FUCKING TIMES SHE WAS TRAPPED IN THE LOOP ALMOST A HUNDRED. FUCKING. TIMES#god#they give me so many emotions#theres something about doomed timeloops where over and over again you have to watch the one person you gave everything to save#die over and over and over. and you just have to get back up again knowing that you wont be able to save them#but you get up anyways and you try again even as you slowly lose yourself to the point they dont even recognize you anymore.#they barely know you at all. but thats okay because it was always for them anyways so who cares if they dont know you as long as theyre saf#it was always for them. because they were everything. and without them you are nothing at all. even if they dont know you.#at one point they did. at one point they loved you. and it was everything.#and holy FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKk#you guys I could talk about homura for hours#SHE SPENT 12 YEARS IN THAT LOOP. 12 YEARS.#GUYS. SHE WAS 14 YEARS OLD WHEN SHE MADE THE WISH. 14. SHE WAS 14 FUCKING. YEARS OLD.#i love homura. she is my daughter she is aksifhmkjhsngkjnhajfsjkgnskjgh#augh. doomed yuri. my doomed daughters. they just wanted to protect each other. and it cost them everything.#pmmm#raven rambles#theres a pattern here. you see. you see how my favorite characters are always the ones who only live for one other person#to the point it kills them. it leads them to kill. they felt unconditional love for the first time and it is their death.#they know it is. and they walked into hell willingly but they couldnt die. not if there was a chance they could have that again.#not if there was a chance the one who loved them could be safe from that pain. do you see. theres a fucking pattern here#they'll watch themselves become someone they hate but someone who might be able to save them this time. do you understand#augh. okay I'll shut up and go to bed#Im just having Emotions tonight ig
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Overkill AU is gonna wreck me god
#luna rambles#loop times ten wet cat#themes of self destruction#and LITERALLY breaking cycles#everyone around siffrin wanting them to take care of himself and the time loop is just... making that concept WORSE#ALSO LUPUS LITTLE LUPUS#THE DIRECTOR???? the director is gonna destroy me loop is gonna destroy me siffrin is gonna destroy me#just everything about this au is setting up dominoes to leave me a wreck#just;;;; the themes ultimately being about self care;;;; about letting others go so you can have another day;;;#to trust that they wont leave you behind;;;; you need more time but you cant have it unless you take care of yourself first;;;#you are rotting to the core and the world is collapsing around you but nothing will be solved throwing yourself into meat grinder;;;#if isat/sasasaap are stories made from the isolation of covid overkill is post-covid and trying to live in a world that keeps going despite#the horrors evolving around you#even loop telling siffrin to give up: its fucked up but they also want to save siffrin the pain of going through the death loop again#theres no POINT in suffering SACRIFICE means nothing suffering in silence doesnt help#the director wants this show to go on forever. Keep literally killing herself again and again encore encore encore meat for the meat grinder#and siffrin just needs to choose not to go in without giving up entirely..... and they wont#(unless lupus and dusk can help change things... they already have. Hopefully they can again)#anyway Im Having Feelings good au good au go read the overkill au
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you know what would be fun enrichment for thirteen. putting her in a time loop starting the moment she lands on gallifrey with the master.
#he’s like im going to tell you the tr- and she goes. i know. i know everything.#but see the thing is that her just saying that doesn’t change anything.#he still cybers the dead. she still leaves him to die.#she has to do it again. and again. and again.#there’s just whole times she spends staying in the matrix until time runs out instead of breaking it. trying to find more.#or there’s times she doesn’t even let him get started. where she beats him to the ground because she’s seen him do this so many times and#she’s fucking ANGRY. she’s angry. i think she kills him. at least once. whether or not she meant to is another question.#she gives in and clicks the button maybe and kills them both. it changes nothing. she’s back at the beginning.#she can’t leave unless he leaves with her. and he wants to die rather than do that. so she’s just going to have to keep trying.#get exhausted. get up. keep trying. save her friends. watch them die. blow up the cybermen. leave them alone. kill the master. set him loos#it doesn’t end unless it ends with them together. maybe one day she’ll find out what to say.#how many times can you watch your friend self-destruct. how many times will you have to.#fun enrichment activities for thirteen!!!!!!#it doesn’t fix things. btw. if she gets him alive off the planet. it just means she leaves the time loop.#maybe that has to be enough.#thirteenth doctor
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i still can't believe that the episode that was fucking titled father kevin was the one to make me lose the wtnv hyperfixation. especially after the previous one (where he fucking died) only amplified it. and famously i get really obsessed with every media with a Very Bad Part. how did they do that. like. by all means i should've been slobbering over that shit.
#the supple combination of knowing none of those characters would do that and the abuse monologue and#them instantly forgetting that lauren was obviously being manipulated by the smiling god#and nothing happening during the weather...i think i know why actually#the weather was great though. the sound affects were fun. but that was it.#wtnv 250#wtnv#sorry. i keep lying and saying im over it. i don't think i ever will be.#i guess it has made me obsessed with it. just in a horrifically disappointed way instead of me seeing the potential.#ill probably do a rewrite at some point just to get it out of my system for a bit.#and despite being a kevin guy ill probably make most of it about lauren tbh#like. babygirl. my queen. they fucked you over so bad i cannot believe.#also. as a kevin guy. he should've stayed dead.#ik he didn't because they just fucking forget they killed him but. if they had remembered.#i think he should have stayed dead.#....ok now im getting into my 250 time loop theory again ill shut up
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so,etimes i feel like yall r gonna publicly execute me if i speak about ocs and their duos
#I know its unlikely but......... One day im gonna explain how malady duo came from a crack rp that i had with mugs and how fuckass weird#every other set of ocs we have like yeah Thats the system glitch and the 1 guy they like oh no the guy died here goes the time loop which#also caused the creation of the system! LOL!#And the only reason why sanctify is getting a happy ending is cuz of mugs again he DIFNT LET ME KILL FIG ITS SO OVER FOR ME#first oc in a while that isnt dead#yap
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Well that was... unsettling...
#ariaplays: isat#isat spoilers#bro i was like wondering where it was gonna go wrong at that part after i beat the king cuz i was like: aint no way its over yet?#and i was having such a good time talking to everyone cuz i thought siffrin gonna get killed by a trap after that room or smth#AND THEN! euphrasie just suddenly looked so devastated and the music got so distorted and she knew siffrin's name (how?)#and like oooooohhhh mygod what was that. and now im at act 3 back in the meadow and siffrin ououououghghgh.......#siffrin telling mira a lie bout a silly nightmare like i legit saw that split second timeframe in which he decided to just lie#ouououghghghg painful bro. painful. but the most painful part is that id have to beat the king again orz......#it took me AWHILE to beat that guy. he killed me like TWICE with his hp down to the quarter and i refused to let that count to the loop#cuz i didnt wanna lose my bomb and yea sure tbf i couldve just equipped the memory for it but like-- siffrin's extra hp tho#and if it was possible to kill the king without having to loop and lose the bomb i crafted then id take that chance#it was a terrible experience tho. i had to exit the game itself to reload a save for that. first defeat happened cuz i THOUGHT#he'd only do that deadly attack ONCE and i had the shield on cooldown when he did it the 2nd time and uuuuggghhhh#2nd battle was the worst my rng during then was ASS everyone was in life support cuz the king kept BUFFING HIMSELF#and i couldnt use the shield cuz i cant count the turns. i dont even know how to and even if i could my memory cant keep up#and with the king buffing himself. the tears reducing my team's def. it was the worst possible combination like bro...#and now im in act 3 and gonna have to fight him again ouououuoghhghghghhg..... ill try and level up everyone before that fight then....#everyone was at 50 by the king's fight (except for siff ofc he was at 59 i think?). i know i can get the others at 52 tho
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ended up buying start again to play after i 100% isat to the best of my ability and i Also got the artbook bc the bundle is on sale for less than just the games usual price so why not. and im glad i did bc i got to see concept art of siffrin getting fucking impaled 👍
#i was just checking it out to make sure the files working without seeing too many spoilers or whatever#IT CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD TOO#like its just concept art of gameplay where instead of tears youd use spikes to loop regularly which would be . ow????#thats almost worse than the other optional one in the main game. got damn#it looks kinda funny. but its a lil awful to think abt yknow#isat#hm. should i use both the isat and sasasa tags in the future i wonder. theyre probably different enough to warrant that#also love the way sasasa sounds in my head :)#im now more mentally stable so i might be able to start doing stuff in isat again. but that may depend on external influences so we'll see#i cant remember if they said why they scrapped the spikes idea but logically itd be bc that wouldnt kill them immediately right#like thats probably Not the reason but. damn thats wild to think abt. fun fic idea
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some boring lc thoughts in dm with friend ig
Click ALT if you can't read the text
#i was telling my friend that I had some lc thoughts lately which they asked and I responded like a day after (distracted by yuri sorry)#also because I feel like I cannot articulate my thoughts without sounding like an inherently hateful or annoying person about it#there are more to this being that I talked about Benjamin pre LC behavior in the text but benjamin in LC loop behavior evolved#into a state of helplessness complacency state where he held the belief that his and A relationship only last inside the loop#which metaphorically meant that he believed A will have to remain as a hurtful person for their relationship to last#so Hokma's story just have his behavior toward A have this bit of him condemning A's behavior and go on his poor angela speech#and later on dwell into how it is actually OK for A and everyone to keep living like this because A could NEVER change anyway#and if A argues that he could that just mean that he COULDNT BE serious about it because lol something something repeated hurtful pattern#this is something he has in common with Angela as well because Angela's dialogues toward seed of light progressions express this exact#and it is when his meltdown come in where he poses as protector to protect whatever A hasnt destroyed yet#which later just dwell into him admitted that he was just being overly vebrose about his intention but in reality#it was mostly because he couldnt bear to part with A again#I do absolutely think what Benjamin/Hokma feel toward A is romatic attraction like he is literally gay so yeah#and the fact that in QnA PM has answered that Benjamin wasnt in the loop before Angela killed him and put him in so that why he got older#which makes sense because this place into the thematic that when he wanted to escape the loop or fix thing he actually#growing up#while as Hokma stuck in the loop and dealing with the above issues he started being ''stuck'' in a loop#like I cant with the popular fan theory of Benjamin is killed each loop and how tragic it is like#no it didnt happen and it would be frankly kinda lame im sorry#ok im being a hater again#there are more I wanted to say but I forgor them after writing till this point so uh
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