#im a notion girly now...

[distractedrighter]

big fucking nerd making a notion page for my fic...

[honeytonedhottie]

dear diary⋆.ೃ࿔*:･✨

keeping a diary is so much FUN and helpful not only for my mental health but for overall GIRLINESS. as someone who's been keeping a diary consistently for two years now, i'll be giving some diary resources and tips on how to get started and maintain a diary.

WHY ITS FUN TO HAVE A DIARY ;

i love to read past entries bcuz first, im rly rly funny and its fun to go back and read what i was writing about at that time and just reminisce on points in my life. it makes for great entertainment and it showcases growth that i've made and the way that my character changed or grew.

its been a game-changer for my mental health bcuz i have a little outlet where i can be completely transparent and just yap endlessly with no one to stop me or invade on my privacy.

TOOLS FOR A PHYSICAL DIARY ;

fluffy pink and purple pens

yummy scented glitter pens

past-able things (examples include ; cut outs from magazines, photos that you've taken and printed, stickers, memo sheets)

some print able and past able resources ;

decoration for the actual diary like glitter, stickers, ribbons, and frills.

for the actual diary , look for diaries that are pretty (for example, fluffy diaries)

more examples ;

TOOLS FOR A DIGITAL DIARY ;

a good writing tool (FOR MY DIARY, I USE NOTION)

cute headers + photos to insert into my diary, i find all of my photos on pinterest.

digital diaries are easily a lot less work then physical diaries which is why i keep a digital diary but keeping a physical diary is SO much fun too.

THE ACTUAL WRITING PART ;

everyone will write in their diaries in a different way based on whatever feels the most natural, but for me i start off my entries with "dear diary" and then write in the journal as though i was writing to a friend so its super comfy and relaxed.

i actually have a couple of writing outlets, so i have a journal and i have a diary. my diary is mostly for my day-to-day life. its updated 2x a week (tuesdays and thursdays) in my journal, thats less about my day to day and just random things i wanna write about.

STUFF THAT I HAVE IN MY JOURNAL ;

all about me

girlhood and the little joys of life

why im the most beautiful girl (with proof)

stuff i like

vaunting about myself

sweetest inbox letters (cuz ur all so sweet)

list of things i've consciously manifested so far this year

my car collection

tattoos i wanna get and why

my unholier thoughts

PROMPTS AND IDEAS ;

angel numbers

favorite song lyrics

list of things to manifest

a love letter (to yourself, crush, etc)

letter to your future/past self

lipstick stain log

current obsessions

pressed flowers

favorite sweet treats (ranked)

list ur crushes and celebrity crushes

favorite quotes in general

ppl that u look up to

doodles

all in all i think that journalling is such a fun and beneficial hobby and hopefully this post can help u to start something that u might rly love. ✨

[our-lesbian-experience]

my potentially lesbian experience is initially identifying as lesbian only to be told i must be bi because im not disgusted at the thought of sleeping with a man (im just 100% neutral about the notions of men), and now i dont even know which one is the proper label because i know im only "attracted" to men in an aesthetic way and nothing else, so im feeling confused as fuck lately, hope a questioning girlie is allowed to send in an ask lookin' for advice

questioning people are absolutely allowed to send in asks!! to me it sounds like you're a lesbian, but as always the label is up to you. Don't let other people decide what you can and can't be. there is no "proper" label, bc labels are approximations of our experiences which vary wildly. you can be a lesbian, regardless of your aesthetic attraction to men

[huellitaa]

hello hello huelittaa 👋✨ do u have any tips for someone struggling with motivation to workout? or even to take a simple walk? thank uu 🤍

bee's physical activity handbook: motive 🎀 . ݁₊ ⊹

hiiii ml!!!!!!!! 🫶🏻🩷💗 sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days BUT IM HERE NOW !!!!! honestly this is something i also struggle with myself ,, i am still recovering from depression personally so this is still difficult for me sometimes too but these are some things i do !!!! ♡

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 1. prepare urself for the possibility

so since i know i have this problem a lot, it helps me to be prepared for this in advance. i actually have a whole notion page filled with a table of letters to myself in specific situations i find myself in a lot, this included, and have a whole archived stored of cute photos and motivation and things like articles and videos and tumblr posts on the main page and in the letters that make me wanna get up and do shit and its my LIFESAVER. (should i make a post on this?)

but i'd suggest to keep a note or page or document , physical or digital, filled with just motivation for this specific thing, like things you like about it, photos romanticising working out or going outside, songs that motivate you, etc etc etc. the list goes on but you get the point ♡

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 2. detective chapter: analysis! ♡

figure out why you dont want to. this is the main thing that helps me and its so simple but once u figure out the root u figure out the rest and this applies just the same here too. is it laziness? mental health? exhaustion? overworking? burnout? you won't be able to continue until you haven't found the actual problem. it's like trying to travel with no path to travel on.

💭𓂃 ࣪˖ 3. pep talk!

one thing i do that helps me the most is literally just lay in bed or wherever you are where ur procrastinating and thinking about this over and over and going back and forth whether to do it or not is to force the thoughts out (literally. u can envision it if it helps!) and deadass bully myself into doing it 😭😭

(🗒🎀 note: i've also found it helps for some people to do this in the mirror, just so ur face to face w urself as it were. plus u get to admire urself at the same time so its a win all around)

if ur not into harsh motivation, another thing i love, esp when im not feeling great enough to deal w harsh motivation is pretend ur giving advice to a friend or ur child in this position. this is one of the greatest pieces of advice ive ever gotten i literally cannot stress this enough. do this‼️ p.s. you can do this in ur head or out loud. i usually do some mix of both because i am a professional at talking to myself constantly literally all the time

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ 4. use gratitude in ur favour!

one thing i like to do is essentially guilt trip myself into doing it. erm. you can also call this gratitude it sounds a lot better. think of how grateful you are to even have the opportunity to go outside safely to go for a walk, to be able to work out and keep urself healthy, because there's always someone who's not going to be able to do those things. it is a privilege to live your life and this should be classed as one too.

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 5. all about the outlook

another thing i love that falls into the category of motivation is treating it as an act of love and luxury rather than a chore and changing ur outlook on it. for example,

"oh, i have to do this or i'm a failure" or "i really don't want to do it today"

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ into...

"i deserve to do this for myself because i deserve to be taken care of and kept in good health."

and i find this makes me so much more open to it because you do deserve it.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 6. romanticism; obviously!

okayyyy i know you hear this EVERYWHERE but ‼️its‼️because‼️its true‼️ romanticism is my LIFE not a day goes by where i dont act like im a silly girl in a pink girly shoujo world, and i do this even more so when i dont wanna get up and do simple tasks like this.

some things that give me motivation via romanticism is getting dressed up and cute even if i'm just going for a walk and listening to music and appreciating the world (🗒🎀 note: i love taking pictures or going on different routes whenever i go for walks! it makes the experience so much sweeter and more enjoyable ♡), or putting on cute clothes, loud music and grabbing a pretty waterbottle and hyping myself up to do even just 10 mins of pilates because something is always better than nothing!!!!!!!!!!!

🎀𓂃 ࣪˖ 7. something is better than nothing

with the last note from my previous point in mind, try and always do just a little bit, even if it's not the amount you intended. say you wanted to workout for 20 minutes every day, but you really weren't feeling it today? do 10 instead. this way ur still doing something. we always have tomorrow. take it at ur own pace. you wanted to go running every day? just go for a walk. you can always try again. there is no limit on how many attempts you have with these things. this is always better than just doing nothing at all. this is basically finding the middle ground when you do these things. which leads me onto my final point ,,♡

✨️𓂃 ࣪˖ 8. finding the middle ground

the no.1 thing in all of this is please don't beat urself up for it if you don't feel like it sometimes, but still keep to it as best as possible. say for example you really didn't want to one day but you had no real reason not to, you should still do it. but if your emotional or physical health or anything like that is in a bad place right now, then allow urself to skip for a day or two. dont beat urself up over it, but keep to it when and where you can because i know its difficult sometimes ♡

all my love, and u got this!!!!!!!!!! 🩷🫶🏻💬💗🎀

[valerieality]

WAIT I GET A TAG I LOVE THIS !!!! u must tell me all about ur fantasy dr now omg

RAAAAH OKAY. Im working on a Notion thingy that I'll link when its "done", and i loath everyday that i havent figured out the magic system yet, but heres the super basic outline:

- Its a european medieval fantasy setting, magic and mythical creatures and such (the only humanoids are like. Elves and Humans though, so not quite high-fantasy)

- I live with my adopted dad + mentor, Cassius, on this collection of floating islands called the Peregrine Islands

- Dragons are a fairly big part of the world but are severely under researched, so we work in a government funded program to study dragons. but this usually means just dicking around with them lol

- Gods are real (though not all powerful). the two primary Gods are Celia of the Moon and her sister Seraphis. Seraphis is commonly known as the sun goddess but shes technically a god of twilight and dawn. Celia's followers are all very different with different styles of worship but generally Celia sends signs through dreams, where as Seraphis dormant because every few hundred years she makes these big "miracles" and exhausts all her power

- The 9 levels of hell are real and each level has a legendary weapon associated with it. In order to keep the 9 Hells closed, the weapons are sealed away in each of the 9 capitals of the world. Eventually one of them (I dont remember which weapon it was my b <\3) gets stolen by this shapeshifter mf and pawned off to pirates but idk where that plotline is going juuust yet 👀

- im Super Cool and also Arospec in this reality so in my dr i naturally have a love triangle goin on 🤘 plan is polyamory but we'll see how it goes lol. One is a boy-next-door type from an old-western-style town me + Cassius visit sometimes, other is from an arctic tribe with these cool seaglass beaches i found on pinterest and immediately adopted into the universe jdbsksbsj

- yeah generally Stuff Is Going On LMAO but 99% of my time in my DR is me going on research trips, special requests from the princess, and housekeeping for dragons lol. eventually im gonna have to write a wholeass BOOK on them and even defining what a dragon IS is going to be such a task oml. but i <3 my work

- other animals like jackalopes and unicorns and phoenixes and merfolk will exist for sure for sure for sure, but ive always been autistic about dragons and that WILL NOT change there

- My riding dragon is a pretty common one but hes my bestest friend ever ever everrrr. Hes an orange + white feathered wyvern called Solstice and I'd die for him a thousand times over. His species typically keep to family groups in these like, year-round autumn forests near the peregrine islands? but during certain times of year theres like. 30-50 of them hanging out in fields to even out the food sources yk. without the camouflage of the forests they just rely on strength in numbers :] i have to go every year but honestly its a vibe. theyre a very docile dragon lol

- Cassius' riding dragon is a very serious girlie called Juno !!! Cassius worships Celia of the Moon very dutifully so even his dragon is moon themed lol. Juno is like a SUPER DUPER rare kind of dragon where they have a really long life span because their eggs almost never hatch. they only hatch on eclipses, and theyre super fun too because if they hatch during a Lunar Eclipse you get the horned variant (Juno), and if they hatch during a Solar Eclipse you get the frilled variant :D!!!! I gotta sit down and properly design them one day but AAAA

- OH Familiars also exist here!! they basically work as like a reservoir of magic if that makes sense? The spell it takes to get one is super tedious and draining but Cassius helped me with like, support spells so i managed. Familiars basically either can double the strength of one spell, or allow you to cast an additional one. They can take on basically any shape so long as its mobile because magic isnt stationary. Mine is a blue tiger cub named Tybalt/Tibby (Hes based on my favourite stuffed animal lol). most familiars are semi-tangible and pretty small - Tibbys about the size of a small rabbit. Familiars natively make like. Wind chime/glass clinking noises :3

[pardoxysm]

Look I often don't like to dunk on shows because I am aware of the STUPENDOUS amount of work getting a series, especially animated ones, to be greenlight and made, but here is the deal.

I loathe PPG 2016. Why? There are MANY reasons I don't like it, but the major reason lies exactly at the moment of the first fight in the series. Basically when I was younger, CN in 2015 finally had released it's Portuguese version, which was a HUGE deal at the time, with that, the channel was attempting to lay it's foot on its programming, so it included a lot of dubbed reruns of old shows, including the original Powerpuff girls. Something about the original Powerpuff girls is that their fight scenes were fast paced and had impact , what does that mean? Well you could understand that the villains/antagonists were getting hurt, from sound effects, shapes ,posing and of course visible wounds.

When the 2016 version came and overtook all the ppg rerun slots, I was initially excited because wow! They had new abilities! But as soon the EP started, which I basically even alarmed the premier, It was just...off. It's not just the themes and all, that's a whole pack of worms, but basically when the first fight came, it just didn't have ANY impact, the fights felt like a glorified slap fest instead of actual punching , like it felt like the monsters weren't even feeling pain.

Now it feels weird that im putting so much emphasis on the violence, but keep in mind that PPG got it's success because how the violence was a surprise, a welcome to the point it completely destroyed the notion of girly things being boring, to the point that even boys enjoyed the show, something that the narrow minded people in suit never truly understood.

By narrowing down the impact of the violence just made the show an antithesis of itself, it takes away the "power" in Powerpuff girls. Doesn't help that the show pats itself on the back by getting rid of Ms.Bellum as if she "took the power aspect from girls" when it was completely the opposite, she was a great role model alongside Ms. Keane (is the name right? Asking this because for some reason I thought she was called Ms. Kim). They both were patient and explained concepts that the girls didn't know yet because you know...they are kids (something that the show forgets to a disturbing extent.) and on top of it all, they both HAVE authority and power in a way (and kicked ass, in Ms. Bellum part, love that fight she has with Sedusa.)

Sometimes makes me wish the show was just the intro because the 2016 intro has THE ppg spirit and energy+ punk stylization which I LOVE and the little moments of violence in the intro are fast paced and have an impact.

And hell, the excuse that "the shapes are rounder+ thin lines+ it's not hand drawn animated so it hinders the action sequences" is a WILD excuse when the show was aired alongside PLENTY of other shows with thin lines and round shapes and had WAY COOLER fight sequences. Hell, my favorite series of all time OK KO has more interesting fight scenes and more fast paced ones.

I'm really sorry to say this but seriously, I can't really bring myself to like the 2016 version principally since it made the reruns over here disappear...plus destroyed the professor's ride or die personality.

[whereismymonsterlover]

Just read ch. 89 of black butler and my dear god. Terrible place to say it and I don't mean to crop up discourse, nor am I trying to change minds. I just need to talk about it. If you don't like what I say, leave. spoilers - It's very anti-the 11 year old making sex jokes.

We know the nature of Yana's side gig blah blah blah this chapter is now 10 years old and I'm yet to catch up with the manga past this point. Still, I hope to god I don't come across this jarring treatment of the young kids being sexualised in this manner again. However, I said that after the corset panel, and the spit and puke panel, and Harcourt shitting himself like THAT panel. It's old news and writing this is useless but for the girlies that adore this story and aren't freaks just tryna enjoy fandom and find solace in the rather saturated freak-central that it is, hello! Im uncomfortable 💀

I don't know if past this chapter it's ever elaborated on if there's a real reason Lady Sullivan is so sexually forward beyond "I learnt it in my books and there are no men in the village". I'm just dumbfounded reading it like: You are eleven years old, you have no business acting or thinking that way to begin with. Her characterisation of being an "intelligent witch" so obviously makes way for the notion of her being more "mature" for her age, and thus something you can get a pass on when you write her as a sexually charged kid just "looking for new and interesting experiences". Jesus Christ. Ciel falls entirely victim in the scene and Sebastian is no help at all and makes a joke about "how Ciel likes to take his women" I could puke.

I understand if you don't like a piece of media, just don't consume it but this shit crops up SO RARELY. But that just makes it all the more startling.

[legallysoup]

22.10.23 - sunday, dimanche, søndag 10/31 days of the studyblr community challenge

lots of language learning today! i promoted in duolingo leagues and im getting whiplash from it ngl.

things i did today:

🌼finished my economics (vocab, etc). i did it kinda badly but ill just edit it later i guess 🌼more french (food revision ig) 🌼a very small amount of minerals research

things i will try to do tomorrow:

🍃more of my minerals research 🍃finish more than 50% of my french vocab 🍃edit my economics (its terrible i just cbb tbh)

things i did for me today: 🌧️went for a run (there was rain!! i love rain <3) 🌧️just chilled again today tbh 🌧️washed my hair (idk if this counts as self care but who cares)

day ten: what is the one thing you wished you could change about studyblr?

to be honest i don't really know, i haven't spent enough time here (just over a week ;-;) to properly say, but i reckon the main thing is probably just the STUDY TILL YOU DIE mentality some people give off. like yes that is great but where is the 'i support you even though you take an unconventional route'? where is the 'i think you can do it, even if no one else has. being first is hardest, and that makes you the best in your own way's? we're a community reason. but other than that this was hard because i love studyblr a lot! love you guys <33

today has a bit more ✨slay✨ ykwim. its interesting picking pictures because my blog is chaos and has no theme but what i might just end up matching my notion layout (i love my notion sm) and its green and cream yup.

bonus round: things i might do to my acc for the aesthetic

✨choose a theme for now or smth revamp later girlie ✨tag and sort my posts ✨write an intro with said tags ✨just be aesthetic yass queen slay

go drink some water lovelies! have a great day/night/whatever time it is for you <33

[softness-and-shattering]

@roses-garden-of-villainy

the critique was never that dropout doesn't validate trans women's identities as women, so the notion that they included a trans woman on the girly girl episode of a show doesn't refute it. the critique is that it makes me and many other transfems uncomfortable to watch their most popular shows (the ones that constantly get clips shared online: make some noise, game changer, d20) and never see any transfems. on a platform that advertises/prides itself on inclusion and diverse casting.

wewe 've preferred to keep this discussion under comments but I got verbose so here we are. If anyone else wants to join in, please assume good faith, listen, and dont be an asshole. I will delete and block anyone trolling or just looking for a fight. Im not here to Debate You TM.

Hi!

I have a couple of thoughts in response, given that we're strangers talking in text only on a touchy subject, I guess Im going to give you the benefit of the doubt and hope that you will do the same, otherwise there's sort of nothing to discuss. General DiscourseTM tredipation/disclaimer, you know?

In no particular order:

Honestly, from what I personally saw of the general discussion, it seemed like there was something of a jealousy re Ally so publically transitioning as transmasc and being so beloved - on screen at least, but with Dropout it always does seem genuine, but you never really know - and a desire for a like, equal and opposite representation for transfemmes. Which honestly is a very understandable desire, its just not reasonable to raise critique about imo because its not predictable nor even necessarily desirable of a public process to go through. Thats my personal sense of whats at the heart of this. But I could very well be wrong about that so let's talk about the surrounding stuff as well.

The critique that I heard was that there arent any trans women/transfemmes (tbh I dont know which term is the preferred umbrella term if there even is one) on Dropout at all, but there are so many transmascs and thats weird. And that it was about seeing representation of people who share ones oppression specifically, which I find strange and also quite worrying as a uniting factor of identity - it can be one obviously, but centering ones identity around suffering is not super healthy, and is a issue basically all queers are dealing with atm. Thats a sidenote, my brain likes to takes detours, its just how I organise information no matter how structured I try to be. Different kind of structure. Ok. And some people said "what are you talking about, Sephie was on some shows years ago" and like ok but that was years ago, its a bit tokenising. So the fact that she's in the most recent season of Um, Actually is significant to me, that she's ongoingly part of the team rather than someone who guested years ago and hasn't been seen since and is therefore convenient to bring up as A Dropout Trans Woman for the sake of discourse without taking ongoing inclusion into account. That Sephie was on the "girly girl" episode, I didn't really mean as a point to be made in the Discourse. Im just saying that her specific inclusion there, and the fact that - as they say in the episode - the concept of doing a "girly girl" episode came from twitter feedback about general nerd sexism and what counts as nerdery to begin with, and I think thats all-round good ally behaviour. Do an episode of largely childhood girl experiences and include the person who might've missed out on some of that particular camaraderie and also reaffirm by doing so that she's a woman who had a girlhood, even though it was a little different than standard. Especially given the context in the US right now, though idk when this was scheduled and filmed, I think its a good move. And relevantly as a whole, evidence that theres probably no particular transmisogyny going on, or if so its not widespread. Some people seemed to be painting Dropout as this terrible organisation for claiming and failing to be super inclusive and I think its more likely an unfortunate coincidence that while quite a few out trans people work there and are the talent on screen, as far as we know only one of them, Sephie, is transfemme. Though we never know for sure until and unless someone says so, and Im honestly not sure if Ally considers themself to be transmasc, and I have no idea what identity labels people like Erika Ishi'i or Vic Michaelis use to describe themselves, we basically just have pronouns to go off of.

Re not seeing transfemmes specifically in the shows that are popular and clipped the most - firstly Um, Actually is one of their flagship shows, it has 9 or 10 seasons, and I have seen it clipped. Listing all the other popular and much-clipped shows but not qualifying Um, Actually amongst them feels to me the slightest bit disingenuous, but like I said I cannot know your intentions so I am assuming benefit of the doubt. And I get it, popular-in-queer-nerd-circles shows with queer nerds, of course you want to see people like you in there having a good time being funny. Thats super normal and reasonable to want. Zooming out slightly though, it starts to seem a little unreasonable to me. Because anyone who's a member of any minority in any kind of public, filmed situation is already being seen as representative for all the good and all the bad of that minority (and more so re overlapping identities but thats a different can of worms). It seems like Dropout is a good friendly place to be trans, so thats at least a little less pressure, but theres still pressure. Plus all the regular pressure to perform, to create good improv, to make people laugh, to say things that can be used in the final cut of the show that I imagine everyone who goes on those stages feels regardless of their own identity. And then you're also asking that not only do they nail all of this, they need to also be part of a perfectly clippable viral moment. Its just a lot to ask of any one person imo. If it all lines up thats absolutely fantastic, but Im just thinking about filming an episode - I think in a recent Make Some Noise someone made a comment about 30% maybe ending up on the cutting room floor? And then what percentage of an episode, or of all episodes in a season, get clipped and how many go viral? And personally to me, the viral clips are basically advertising, and I think its reasonable to watch the actual show for the parts you want to see, and not expect it to come in the what, one minute clips that get shared around? Like yes of course you want to see a reflection of yourself in the media you engage with, thats very normal, and we all want trans creators to have good opportunities.

There's also a general phenomenon where people hold smaller creators to account in ways they do not treat larger creators. In particular in idk 2015 or so there was this author who had I believe a three book deal. She's Asian-American, and the first book ARCs were sent out, and in the book she dealt with the topic of slavery. And people really didn't like this, and trashed her online, which turned into a whole cancel culture hullabaloo, which incidentally is the only time I know of that someone being "cancelled" actually worked because her book deal was pulled and her debut was never published, because of a lot of strong reactions from people who hadn't even read the book. Because she was on twitter, and she was a new author, she was accessible and vulnerable in ways that other creators aren't. If there was like a James Patterson book with distasteful or badly handled themes, he's "too big to fail", he's literally a large team of ghost writers in a trenchcoat, people are still buying fricking harry potter, because when people, or organisations, have power theyre more untouchable and people dont bother and dont hold them to as high standards. people look at Disney+'s list of queer shows every year and dont know or dont consider that the creators had to fight the execs every step of the way for every scrap of queerness. My point being, Dropout is a pretty small studio. I dont know finances and that kind of thing to pull statistics and such, and theres obviously a lot of behind the scenes work that isn't seen by us, but theyre no Disney or Hulu or whoever, and theyre way more diverse than these much bigger studios. And I think theres that inclination to demand so much more from smaller creatives because theyre more accessible, they seem more like people you can talk to than a giant monolith surrounded by a moat of lawyers with an untouchable writers room who do whatever they like. Which isn't to say that its wrong to hold people to standards, I certainly wish we could hold big orgs to higher standards on pretty much everything. But I think its also important to recognise scale and think about what seems reasonable to want, and ask for. Like "hey girly interests are just as nerdy, can we have at least just one girl-focused episode of Um, Actually please" is fully reasonable and they followed through on that one. "Hey we'd love to see more out trans women on screen, is that something you can focus on please" is super reasonable. I was just seeing a bunch of essentially 'Dropout hates trans women and we need to shun and cancel them because they hate us" and I think thats not a reasonable course of action based on available evidence. i cant tell anyone what to feel because feelings are facts of reality and not judgements or moral statements. Feelings are also not always based in reality, if that makes sense. Or rather, based in generally objective reality. Someone can feel rejected and hurt without an active rejection taking place, because feelings are so personal and based on our experiences. Which is why in general I think its important to listen to ones feelings, but also look at what facts and evidence can be observed and talk to other people about their perspective and try come to a more wholistic understanding of a situation, rather than acting on emotion alone.

This got really long, I hope it makes sense to you. Feel free to think about it and not respond immediately. If I wandered too far off and haven't properly responded to what you said, just say so and Ill try course correct back to relevance. Also disclaimer, I dont think dropout are perfect amazing faultless flawless etc. They are people. Everyone fucks up. They do seem to me like decent people who treat each other well and thats important to me. I will be sad if I am wrong about them, and I hope that Im not, but I recognise its always a possibility. Im not affiliated with them or anything. etc.

.

[qtkoshi]

hobie and his bubblegum s/o

- I’m sorry y’all no i’m not, but i am not immune to the preppy x outcast trope and i  - no i am not submitting to the idea of being a rockers gf leave me alone i absolutely am s/o to @dizscreams for prompting this idea never claimed to be a writer ;; im just ramblin

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

hobie brown wasn’t afraid to go against the common narrative. wasn’t afraid of many things, actually (as we know). he was loud, abrasive. tough. 

and then there was you. soft and all smiles. it was a little sickening to be honest: how someone so bubbly and sweet complimented him so well. 

but let’s not get it twisted, it’s not as if you were the one to round out his edges. despite the obvious clashes in personal style, you both carried similar ideologies in life, and in so carried a mutual respect in each other’s individuality and comfort. and what more could hobie really ask for in a partner? 

additional headcannons i can’t stop thinking of:

wearing his jacket casually around >> you’re in an all pink fit? don’t care, the jacket smells like him and he likes seeing you in his clothes (makes him proud to let others know your his not that he would conform to dated notions of ownership tho so shhh) 

omg swapping styles?? did it one time as a joke, now you both catch yourself wearing pieces incorporated into your outfits that remind you of the other. (cutesy metal flower and butterfly chokers?? modified spikes added onto your accessories???)

firm believer in this man being so so comfortable in his own self and masculinity. fuck do you mean i’ll look girly? give me the damn plushy rn

thinking of u possibly doing dance or cheer and? y’all both going to each other’s shows and sticking out like a sore thumb in the crowd, but neither of y’all give a fuck bc that’s your baby up there and man are u proud

patching him up with hello kitty bandages (which he thinks are cool as fuck).

the bubblegum is from u btw says it reminds him of u

making playlists for each other???? omg → actually have more overlap than ppl think; both love to explore genres (also helps that they’re ur fave songs, bc if u love them there has to be something gud about them right?)

this song with y'all actually

if u see me adding more on this later, don’t worry ab it

⊗

[infictionalwonderland]

PERIODS — harry lewis

pairing: harry lewis x fem!reader

warnings: periods… NOT REALLY A WARNING BUT YKKK, swearing, suggestive-ness, medication

Whoever said people your age couldn’t have sleepovers, could go and do one—because you absolutely fucking could, you and Talia proving said notion right now; your boys were off again, somewhere abroad for a sidemen shoot and leaving you and your best friend alone. Instead of getting all weepy and mopey (over a boy, never you) you and her decided to make the most out of the lack of testosterone—after you’d dropped your boyfriend off at the airport, all innocent smiles and pretty fluttering lashes, you’d zoomed off (probably breaking several speed limits) to get to your best friends new home.

When you got there, she’d opened the door with an excited screech despite expecting you and you returned it despite knowing she’d been the one to open the door. After of long embrace where she didn’t wanna let you go, you finally convinced her with the promised of pizza and brownies. Hauling your overnight bag in, you’d began your girly night—music booming, comfy clothes on, gossip upon gossip and so many laughs your whole body was in tatters as you made pizzas and brownies (admittedly, hers were better but she was literally Mario’s second cousin, it’s to be expected)

Food in hands and smiles never leaving your faces, you’d taken off into a race into a race for the living room (you won, obviously) and began your evening of movie watching—from 10 things i hate about you to It, then legally blonde and Tangled, and many more, . . .you had quite the night. However both of your highlights was when you discovered you both started your cycles on that particular day—before your boyfriends had left and around basically the same times: it had you both in tear inducing laughter for two minutes. You’d ended up taking a Polaroid of you both grinning while holding up Flow (the period tracker app) and showing you both having the exact same cycles.

Twins.

That was yesterday—now you were both lying in a miserable heap of pain and exhaustion in Talia’s king size bed, hot water bottles on your abdomens and remaining snacks being shovelled into your mouths as you both snuggled and occupied yourselves on your phones.

You smiled slightly when your boyfriends name popped up over TikTok but grimaced afterwards as your stomach turned horribly.

harry🤍

gd mornin xx yu okay luv ?

me

you’re actually illiterate

harry🤍

and you can’t punctuate, we all have are own flaws. anyway i hope ur good, we’re landing at 3, want me to pick u up anything?

You grinned wider, deciding to piss about.

me

yeah actually can you get me some jumbo tampons!! thank youuu x

harry🤍

what. they do JUMBO? i mean thats, at least their being inclusive. good on em 👍 wait bloody hell love, you’re on again already? swear i don’t know how you still have blood in ya

me

yeah it happens to be a monthly thing, harry. 😄😄😄😄😄 also im with my gf so you might have to whisk me away before me elope xxxxx

harry🤍

she’d get you a shitty ring anyway i’ll get in simons lift home then and you can drop us off. … i love you, gotta go, see you soon gorgeous

me

love you too smelly 😜

You looked over at Talia at, miraculously, the same time she looked up at you and when she wordlessly showed you her phone, showcasing messages of her asking Simon for XXL pads, you gasped laughingly and showed her your messages to Harry. She made a shocked face before meeting your eye and you both burst out laughing, only to groan as you ached all fucking over.

“I hate being a women.”

It was now half two and while Talia was effectively making your day better—you both were still in immense pain. You’d migrated to every living room (you loved it so much, you could cry) and both had a sofa to yourself, Mushu (their adorable dog) was nipping at some toy from where he was sat by the telly. You both were on your phones for the most part, last nights episode of Love Island that you’d absently recorded now playing on the TV as you both munched away on the breakfast Talia got delivered—McDonald’s breakfast for you and she had a spiced cheesy omelette from this little breakfast place.

“When do you think Harrys gonna ask. .?” Talia looked at you from her place on the sofa, wiggling her ringed finger mischievously with a glittering smile, one hand still firmly against her stomach.

“Probably never.”

“Bullshit!” She shot back instantly, sitting up and pointing firmly in your direction as she ignored the pain she was in in favour of reassuring you. “Babe, you have not seen the way that man looks at you when he thinks no one is looking. Like, seriously, he has literal heart eyes for you and don’t even get me started on how he speaks about you. It’s like your the best thing in this entire world to him, really. Like you’re some kinda goddess or somethin’ he always looks so awestruck by you.”

“. .probably cause I cook him dinner.” You offered with a shrug, smiling lopsidedly, and Talia snorted with a head shake.

“Or you are his dinner.”

“I mean, he does—“

“Ah! WAIT, NO. Stop, no more, please.”

You grinned at her, sparing a wink before cooing at Mushu happily and urging him to jump up on you, which he did. Your entire demeanour seemed to soften as you wrapped your arms around the large grey ball of fluff.

“He’ll probably ask you soon.”

“Natalia.” You threw her a mock serious look and she put her hands up in a surrender motion, finding herself all too funny.

“What—have you seen you?” Talia retorted, faking a dreamy sigh as she readjusted herself on the plush material of her sofa. “I’d kiss you, marry you and fuck you. Repeatedly.”

“Miss Mar. . .” You jokingly trailed off.

“Have my babies?”

“I thought you’d never ask!”

“We should really do this more often.” Talia pouted at you, friendly love bright in her irises as she pulled her blanket more around her body. “I miss hanging with you, sexy bum.”

“Miss you more, baby cakes.” You winked at her dramatically, mouth falling open just like Fred Weasley and she giggled back at you, snapping a candid photo.

“Speaking of babies—“

“NATALIA HADDOCK.”

Approaching four o’clock was when your boyfriends finally rolled up—you and Talia didn’t actually notice at first, you were both laying down on the living room floor with Mushu next to you and a mediation video on the large screen, giggles slipping past your lips even as you attempted to be quiet. You would’ve sat up but considering your cramps. . .‘twas a no go.

“Keep your fake lips shut, Cruella.”

Talia squawked in offence at your comment but kept her eyes shut for the purpose of mediation, blindly lifting a manicured hand to swat at you.

In that moment, your boyfriends both walked through the door, trading odd looks at the silence in the home (if there was anything you and Talia were together, it was not silent). Simon lead Harry through the house, more confused than anything to where his fiancé was but when they heard whooshing sounds from the living room, they both stopped uncertainly.

Harry quickly picked up a random umbrella from where they were sat, just in case.

However, when you hesitantly stalked into the living room they didn’t expect to see both of their girlfriends laying sprawled across the floor in starfish position with a mediation video playing on the large TV. They both paused, trying to repress their amusement and Harry instantly got out his phone—zooming into you to take some photos.

“Feeling zen, yet?” Simon inquired.

“So zen.” You both confirmed, simultaneously.

There was silence for no more than a second before you and Talia both let out startled exclamations and sat up straight—immediately groaning out in pain after as your stomach cramped and ached (day 2 was your personal worst day for pain/cramps).

“Woah. Woah, woah.” Simon paused at the in sync groans of pain, “listen. . .I know you both have like, interlinked emotions but please don’t tell me you can feel what the other feels?!”

“Boy.” Talia gave him a deadpan stare.

“Help.” You urged your boyfriend, reaching out your hands expectantly and he rolled his eyes fondly as he walked over to you, large hands taking your smaller ones in his own and he tugged you up from the ground, one of his arms wrapping around your waist to pull you into him. “Hey stranger.”

“Hey.” Harry mumbled back, grinning widely as he pulled you flush against him, digging his head endearingly into the crook of your neck and leaving two swift kisses, your sweet aroma surrounding him and clouding his thoughts as you hummed, running your fingers through his short hair.

“No PDA in my house!” Simon exclaimed.

“Shush,” Talia tutted—unimpressed with her fiancé, “don’t listen to him. Harry, kiss my girl all you want just. . nothing more, preferably.”

“She’s not your girl.”

“Am I not?” You played clueless, faking a confused look at him before going to step over to your best friend, only for him to tug you back against him, large, muscled arms wrapping around your front to hold you back.

“Disgusting.” Simon blanched. “Do that in your own home, please.”

You and Talia both rolled your eyes in sync: you turned your head to smile up at your boyfriend, pressing a loving peck to his soft lips and then his bicep before gently tugging his arms off you, getting ready to say bye to your friends.

“Bye beautiful.” Talia grinned, her arms coming to wrap around you with a careful tightness. “I love you, let me know if you need anything—also, we should really really do this again soon. I love spending time with you.”

Feeling your heart warm, you smiled back at her genuinely. “I love spending time with you too, Lia. Next time we can make lasagna and cupcakes. . .the Tom and Jerry ones.”

Talia squealed slightly, pulling away from your hug to press kisses to both your cheeks and then your forehead.

“You’re the best. Miss ya’ already.”

“Missing you more.”

A few minutes later, you and Harry were finally out of the mini-mar household. Your boyfriend had finally resigned to carrying you when you had fully stopped walking and hunched over slightly in pain from your cramps—he’d sighed, like the tired boyfriend he was, then gently picked you up bridal style and ignored Talia’s obnoxious awes and how she took several pictures.

(She totally didn’t put them on her story)

“Spoiled princess, ‘s what you are.” Harry shook his head jokingly as he carefully put you down in the passenger side of your own car that he was driving cause you were in pain.

“Ain’t that the truth.”

He grinned at you, looking up through his lashes as he did your seatbelt for you, one of his large arms caging you in and the the other free arm reaching over your lower half to tug the seatbelt tighter. He looked similar to an angel in that moment—sun illuminating his features, those fucking blue eyes you were a sucker for and you felt a trail of sparks on the skin his hand purposefully brushed over.

“That tight enough?” Harry inquired, cheekily.

“So tight.” You responded with a snicker of your own and he rolled his eyes at you, tugging a strand of your hair briefly and you feigned a dramatic wince as he left you, shutting the door to your side and climbing in the drivers side.

You looked over, rolling down your window readily as you knew what was coming—when your car started to take off, Talia opened up the window closest to the driveway, popping out her head with a gorgeous gleaming smile.

“BYE BYE BEAUTIFUL, I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON!”

“BYE GORGEOUS—SAME GOES FOR YOU, CALL ME!”

As you did the ‘call me’ symbol with your hand and gave her a dramatic wink, she giggled before ducking her head back indoors.

“Might as well date her.”

“Might just, y’know.” You smiled at him sweetly, turning on the radio for background noise like you always did, “Smells a lot than my current partner anyway?”

“He can’t be that bad!”

“No, really, he stinks of piss.”

“I beg you fu—“

He cut himself off, grin faltering as he heard you wince in pain, frowning softly as he looked over at you.

“Hanging in there alright?”

“Mhm.” You hummed, smiling tensely.

“I got you something.” Harry mentioned, peering over at you and when he saw you looking him with that adorably confused look, he nudged his head backwards and your eyes followed—landing on the Tesco bag in the backseat.

“My jumbo tampons?” You cackled to yourself.

“No—I did look though—“ Your laughter increased in volume, ignoring the aching pain overcoming you as best you could, “Oh—Oh. I see now, they aren’t a thing. You played me.”

“What? No, never.”

“I smell deceit.”

“I smell piss. Oh, wait, it’s just you.”

You giggled at yourself and while he tried to playfully glare at you, he couldn’t quite keep his smile at bay as he stared at you.

Curiously, you reach behind you and tug the Tesco bag from its space in the back, lugging it into your lap and opening it up—your mouth immediately pops open in an awww when you take in the two sets of cupcakes, your favourite chocolate bars, the sanitary products and some pain medication.

“Harry. .”

“Don’t mention it, I beg.” A sheepish crimson blush coats his pale cheeks at your tone and your evident heart eyes. Jesus Christ, were you pretty. He was so lucky to be able to call you his, that much he knew for sure.

“Thanks, handsome.”

“Yeah, yeah anytime man.”

You arch a brow.

“Anytime, love.” Harry corrects, flashing you an equal parts amused and sarcastic smile as you nod your approval to the changing pet name.

When you finally arrive back at your apartment complex—Harry’s already out of his side of the car as soon as it stops, and then he goes over to you, opening your door and looking down at you. He lets at a dramatic heaving sigh at your doe eyed look, scolding his skin for flushing and heart for picking up.

Effortlessly, he takes the bag off your hands with one hand and pulls you from the car with the other, once you’re out the car he lifts you up easily with one arm and you wrap your legs around his hips, arms around his neck.

“Hi.” You mumble, grinning mischievously as your acrylics scratch at his beard.

“My pretty troublemaker.” Harry huffs affectionately, squinting down at your bright smile fuelled by mischief. “Don’t you dare bring attention to us, this is embarrassing enough.” He nearly whines.

You merely smile, a kiss to his cheek to tide over his anxieties.

The walk was going pretty smoothly, but as soon as Harry stepped foot into the elevator, another set of footsteps followed and his eyes shut miserably, leaning down and sighing into your neck hopelessly.

“Hi Effie!” You immediately perk up at the sight of the older woman—Effie was this sweetheart fifty six year old who lived on the floor below you and Harry, a vast lover of plants and animals with a hatred for men (you loved her, Harry was scared of her).

Harry barely refrains for niping at the soft skin of your neck in reprimand. Of bloody course.

“Hello dearie.” The older woman, hair a dyed purple shade and silver septum hanging from her button nose, greets you with a calm smile. Effie was evidently unfazed by the scene in front of her—if anything, she was proud that you were putting your man to work. “How are you today?”

“Oh I’m grand, Ef.” You smiled so charmingly that as Harry stared down at you, he almost forgot he was even supposed to be annoyed. “How are you? How’s Tia, I miss her!”

“I’m well, thank you, dearie. Tia misses you too, I assure you. Perhaps you come down tonight, I can bake us some cookies just how you like them.”

Harry paused, bewildered. Did his girlfriend just get hit on by a grandma?!

“I—“

Before you could even get a word out, the elevator dinged open to your floor and Harry wasted now time practically sprinting out with his arms possessively entangled around your frame; you quickly exclaimed a startled ‘bye Effie’ over your boyfriends shoulder before the elevator doors shut.

You quickly distracted yourself with how you could feel your boyfriends muscular biceps as he held you up, your acrylics took to touching and tracing them as he bounced you up further on his hip. You closed your eyes, leaning further into him and humming at the delightful scent of his cologne, the soothing vibrations of his body as he quietly chatted away helping to dull the aches in your own body.

“You alright there, y/n?”

“Never been better.” You smiled up at him and he gives you an amused one back, kissing your forehead softly as he finally opens the door to your shared apartment—once inside, he readily manoeuvres the both of you to the sofa where he carefully places you down, handing you the bag of food and your favourite blanket he spots on the lone armchair. “Thank youuu.”

“Spoiled princess.” He names again, but the smile on his face is enough to melt you despite his words.

Harry then goes into the kitchen as you try and adjust on the sofa more comfortably, face screwing up as a particularly harsh pain washes through you—your abdomen clenching. To distract yourself, you search through the Tesco bag and smile to yourself as you take out the first batch of muffins.

You mindlessly click onto WhatsApp, taking a photo of the bag of goodies and sending it to the girls groupchat with a little ‘make your men do this for you, pretty ladies’ and instantly being met with gushing from them all.

“Showing off my expert shopping skills?”

You startle—gaze flickering to your boyfriend who smiles at you, that smile he saves just for you and it makes you feel so special and warm every time. Your eyes dart over him, noticing the hot water bottle he now clutches (you love that hot water bottle—it’s got this absolutely adorable cover of a lama).

Fucking hormones, you think, as you feel a wave of emotion hit you at how much he’s done for you.

“Hey,” Harry noticed the quivering frown you now adopted and internally panicked, did I do something? Hot water bottle in hand, he hurried towards you, kneeling down on the floor beside where you were laying and twirling a pierce of your hair around his finger. “Hey. What’s wrong, love, hm? You in pain?”

“Yeah.” You answer him shakily, that’s not why your suddenly upset. “I love you.”

If he’s confused—he doesn’t show it, he merely smiles at you comfortingly, leaning in to gently press a kiss to your lips.

“I love you more.”

You smile up at him and his face softens completely at you—he’s so fucking in love. And yes, these thoughts of his are incredibly soppy, but, he couldn’t help it. The girl of his dreams, the love of his life, the prettiest person in the world, was currently staring at him like he hung the moon and the stars. . . he’d never tire of your beautiful face, your radiant smile that flustered him every damn time.

When you move so he can slide in behind you, he eagerly takes the invitation. He slots in behind you on the sofa, pulling you atop him with your back against his chest; he takes the hot water bottle, your favourite one, and carefully moves up your shirt before pressing it against your lower stomach and keeping his hands there to hold it in place, pressing a thoughtless yet meaningful kiss to the side of your head and you snuggle back into him.

“Oi, give me a bite.”

“Fuck off, it’s my scran.”

“Yeah—and who’s card did it make a dent in?”

“Our card, handsome.”

“. . . Spoiled princess.”

And that’s how you spend most of the rest of your day—intertwined limbs, goofy grins, soft kisses and joking insults.

(He’s never been more in love)

[honeytonedhottie]

WE MISS UUUU so excited for ur return 💕

also how do u take ur online notes? i need a format badly because my digital notes are SO messy 😭

so like, how do u do your titles, subheadings, bullet points, etc

AHH I MISS YALL TOOO 💕

for my digital notes i take them on my notion. so it honestly depends what im taking notes on. if im taking notes on a LECTURE i'll structure it with one big heading (title of my notes) a couple (3-4) subtitles which are the main topics that my professor touched on and under those 3-4 i'll take my notes, this way i can categorize them efficiently. i also make sure to highlight and use different colors for different words to make things stand out.

towards the end of my notes i'll ask chat gpt to generate questions based on my notes so that i can study from it easily

now if im taking notes on a TEXTBOOK i'll structure it like this. the headings of my notes will be the chapters/subheadings of the textbook, i won't copy and paste directly from my textbook cuz its just too wordy and i dont even need alladat. i'll rephrase it instead. and i'll make the key words bolded. lastly, at the end of each section i'll just make sure that i can summarize.

lemme know if you want an example if ur more of a visual person but i hope this made sense for you 🗒️💗 HAPPY NOTE TAKING GIRLIE

[buckieduckie2]

why i joined tumblr and why i ship byler- cause i want to info dump cause i can

i wanna tell everyone why i got on tumblr because i can and i want to

so i got on tumblr because of byler during august. i started shipping byler during july.

i was kinda late to the stranger things party and i didnt actually watch it until may of 2022, but funny enough, it WASNT because of season 4 at all actually. my friend just really really wanted me to watch it because she thought id like it. she was riiiiiggghhthttttt.

yeah lmfao i didnt watch stranger things cause there was so much hype around season 4, i watched it because i wanted something gay to watch cause my heart stopper hyperfixation had just gone away and i still needed something gay to watch. i dm my friend saying "hey, do you have anything gay to watch because i need to watch something gay" and she gave me a list and was like "richie from IT is gay" and "will from stranger things is gay" and of course MY brain translated this to "mike is gay" because of notions from before hand i had about this little known to me character mike and also the fact that i knew that finn wolfhard played richie so i mistook will for mike because i was thinking the FCU and- yeah

so yeah i watched stranger things because a) my frined really wanted me to and b) the knowlege that mike was gay and thats what pushed me

anyways to safe to say i was THOROUGHLY confused when they started pulling the mike and el narraitve cause i LEGITEMATELY just thought it was straight canon like genuinelly- i had already imagined what i thougt the coming out scene would be like for him- LMFOAOOOO

anyways back on track- so then mike and el kissed and ill admit i was a lil disappointed but i was like fuck it ig theyre cute and then proceeded to be BLINDEDDDDDD by comp het. twas a very sad three next seasons for me in retrospect 😔

so then i saw the "its not my fault you dont like girls" and then i was like- oh yeah this is the dude my friend was talking about

ANYWAYS

so yeah why i got on tumblr?

cause i got on pinterest andnndndnd yk naturally statrted filling my feed with stranger things stuff and of course i loved will cause he was gay and that made me so like omgggggg yass hes gay and that makes me so happy- but like i didnt ship byler- I THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA GET TO SEE ONE DUDE IN THE VERY LAST SCENE HELP 💀🖐 i now realize im allowed to hold myself to better standards

so everytime i would see something byler related id be like, yeahhhhhhh its cute but not for me </3 cause i was like "yeah will likes mike but obvi mike doesnt like will back 🙄" and i thought it was a lil kookie and also was a firm believer that mike was straight cause yk i love throwing away all my suspicions that were raised while watching season 4 yk i love just forgetting everything 💀

and THEN one faitful day in july i was over at my friends house (The same gril who made me wtch stranger things) and we were watching gay stranger things edits on tiktok (as ya do) and GIRLIE

there was one edit- (and usually as i was watching these compilations i would just ignore the byler stuff and-) it was a rink-o-mania edit

need i say more

i saw that look

i SAW THAT LOOK

and i knew

we paused the video immediately and were like "well- i mean i know that mike is straight-" "yeah exactLy-" "but-" "but-" "but right there-" "yeah i dont know that-" "that seemed pretty gay-" "but mike is straight, right?" "yeah- yeah..- mike is straight..." "yeah..." "...yeah..."

literally how it went

anyways so then im like- its running thorugh my head all evening and like- that sole video was enough to like 99% convince me he was gay- like cmon fellas lets be real here. anyways so yeah i was now 99% convinced that mike was gay or not straight yk (im a gay mike truther now) and we talked about it for a lil and

yeah so then i started paying more attention to the byler posts on my pinterest page and i started reading theroies, all of which were tumblr screen shots and i started really convinceing myself- still was on the fence but-

the one post, and one of the first posts that i read. and the post that conviced me was "Why I no longer think Mike Wheeler is Bi, but Gay" yk the iconic post from @kaypeace21? yeah so i read that and was like "fuck im convinced" and then i proceeded to read the entirety of the byler slides over the course of a 3 day period and fully fully convinced myself

and yeah i kept looking at theories on pinterest screen shotted from tumblr and yk byler was my everything (and still very much is) and i loved pinterest and spent all of my time on there and- 💀 i read- i read w- wh- wattpad fics 💀😟 BUT ITS OKAY because i actually found a pretty good collection of one shots on there but- nah man after one specific fic i found i had to call it quits cause i couldnt handle it anymore 💀💀💀💀

and then i found one poster on pinterest that would just do daily updates on the byler tag on tumblr and eventuallyyyyyy i decided tumblr looked really fun and i was tired of just watching afar tired of WAVING FROM A WINDOW WOOOOAAHHHOWOWAHHHOOOHHH

yeah so i decided enough was enough and i wanted to be directly at the source and part of the action

and now im here <33333

and yeah so i have officially upgraded from Pinterest and Wattpad™ to AO3 and Tumblr™ and thank the lord too 😟🙏

@l0v3c0r3e peer presuring you into reading this entire unit of a post

[drwcn]

midnight sun [snippet 14], following [10]

*aka the reveal scene y'all are probably waiting for, sorry it doesn't live up to expectation, lol im v tired*

↦

Lan Wangji used to have a dream, a repeating one. Nothing much happened in it, except he was back in the cave at the Burial Mount. It was how he remembered it before the Siege of Nevernight and the subsequent raid. Wei Ying was always there, perched on that slab of rock she claimed as bed. Lan Wangji knew she wasn't real. There was nothing in this world that could make him forget the terror of her wrenching herself from his grip and falling into the molten chasm. Yet there she was, sitting cross-legs on that rock, smiling at him, always smiling, as though she hadn't died violently and alone.

L-Lan Zhan - Lan Z-Zhan - Lan Zh-an -

He had never been able to discern what it was that she had tried to tell him...

Now, he finally knew, knew that he'd been fooled - no - that he'd been a fool.

Such a fool.

~~~

Everything happened slowly and all at once.

Yan'er!

Wei Wuxian shoved aside the arm Lan Wangji had raised to shield her from the blast of Jiang Yan's spiritual rage colliding with his xiongzhang's Shuoyue.

Lan Wangji watched, transfixed and horrified, as Wei Wuxian swept across the temple, a torrent of black cloth and dark unbound hair like demonic smoke coalescing around the girl curled on the ground.

The temple darkened. Shadows seemed to be drawn in to Wei Wuxian by a force unseen, and the epicenter of her being emanated a quiet eerie darkness that choked out any light. She gathered Jiang Yan from the ground and cradled the girl in her arms. Her eyes were red when she lifted them to cast a murderous glare upon Lan Xichen.

"Wei-gu'niang, I -" The master of Gusu Lan stumbled back half a step, horrified at what he'd inadvertently done and at the silent threat in those blood red eyes. "Is she - I did not mean to -"

Jiang Yan coughed abruptly, breaking the tension and jolting her mother's attention back to her. Rapidly, the demonic red faded from Wei Wuxian's eyes.

"Yan'er, Yueqian, you're all right; you're alright, just breathe."

Jiang Yan twisted and arched, pulling in several stridorous breath as she fought to quell the erratic torrents of qi flooding her meridians. Her gaze fleeted about, left and right, disoriented by the impact of her earlier rebound, until she focused in on the face in front of her, peering down in distress.

"You're alright, yatou. You're safe." (yatou = 丫头, girlie, lassie, can be an endearment term for girls)

For a minute Jiang Yan did nothing but stare up unblinkingly. She opened her mouth, teeth still rust-stained from the blood she'd spat up, but no sound came out. Then, all at once, she seemed to let go. Colour returned to her cheeks, overtaking her from collar to crown and drawing a shimmer to her eyes that Wei Wuxian realized, belatedly, was the refraction of candlelight through tears.

"阿娘。" A-niang. "哎- 哎，好孩子，我的好孩子，我是你阿娘。这么些年，是我对不起你。是阿娘的错，都是阿娘的错。" Y-yes, good child, my good child, I am your mother. All these years, I've let you down. It's my fault. All my fault. "阿娘，曕儿好想你。" A-niang, Yan'er missed you so much.

It need not be said that Jiang Yan could not conceivably have missed Wei Wuxian as she was, having never known her or known of her. Nevertheless, no one in that temple questioned the sentiment behind those earnest, innocent words. It was most natural, the longing of a child for the mother who must've have existed to bring her into this world but did not have the fortune to remain in it long enough for them to meet.

"A-niang, I feel...strange."

Wei Wuxian smiled. "I know, the feeling will pass. You'll be alright. Close your eyes, Yan'er, you need to rest."

Jiang Yan hesitated. "You won't leave? I still have so many things I wish to tell you. Promise, you won't leave?"

"I won't leave," promised Wei Wuxian, passing a hand gently across Jiang Yan's temple and leaving a glowing red talisman in its wake, which sunk softly into her daughter's skin. "Sleep."

Trusting, Jiang Yan smiled and grew still. Her breathing evened, and her head lulled to the side.

Across the temple, still reeling from the revelation, Lan Wangji struggled to his feet.

"Wei Ying -"

But he was not the only one. A sharp swoosh was all the warning there was before Sandu's blade edge swung beneath his chin.

"Jiang Cheng!"

"Jiang-zongzhu!"

"Jiang-xiong! " No one noticed when Nie Huaisang had awakened amidst the commotion.

Lan Wangji turned slowly to Jiang Wanyin and faced the man who had raised his daughter in his stead. In doing so, he had kept her identity hidden from the world.

Lan Wangji didn't know whether to thank him or hate him.

For thirteen years he had mistakenly believed that it was Jiang Wanyin who'd betrayed Wei Wuxian the most. He couldn't understand how anyone could do to the mother of their child what Jiang Wanyin did to Wei Ying at Nevernight. Especially yesterday, when Wen Ning had revealed the truth about his golden core, Lan Wangji had nearly been driven to murder by his fury. To think Wei Ying had given Jiang Wanyin everything she had, had hollowed herself out in more ways than one, and yet he had turned his back on her and treated her to the point of his sword.

Lan Wangji wanted him dead, had wanted him dead for so long. But he held back, employing his churlish silence and his spite as his only weapons of offense, not only because slaying a sect master would be an open declaration of war between their clans but because he could not deprive Wei Ying's only child of the one last parent she had left in this world. So many times he thought about telling her the truth, about how Jiang Wanyin had been the one to murder her mother, but what would that achieve but cause her more misery? She was happy as she was, living in her blessed ignorance, and because she could not hate Jiang Wanyin, Lan Wangji would hate him on her behalf.

But now, after the truth had been revealed and exposed to him every misconception and false notion he had stored like festering pus in his heart, he realized that the hatred that he felt must surely have been mutual.

"You don't get to speak to her, you faithless bastard." Jiang Wanyin cursed through grounded teeth. He glanced at Lan Xichen. "Zewu-jun, is this the true face of Gusu Lan? Hypocrites and liars who either uses and abandons or steadfastly defends a wretched creature beyond redemption at the expense of one of your own. Even if you do not recognize her as so, Yan'er is your niece!! She shares your blood!! How could you hurt her?!"

Lan Xichen had gone bloodless. Sweat dripped from his chin. His hands shook. "Jiang-zongzu, I - I did not know - I swear I did not mean - "

"Did not know?" Jiang Cheng laughed. "You think this matter can settled, can excused, if you simply exclaim ignorance?! What your perfect, honourable brother did to my sister, the absolute wretched state he had left her in after he violated her virtue - "

"A-CHENG!" Wei Wuxian yelled, head bowed and unable to look at any of them. "It's all the past; what's done is done. Stop, just stop -"

"I will NOT stop!" Jiang Cheng snapped back. "I've waited fourteen years for this moment. You may not care about yourself, Wei Wuxian, but you're of Yunmeng Jiang." He turned back to the younger of the Lan brothers, and continued through barely concealed malevolence, "What Lan Wangji owes you, owes Yan'er, I will make him pay."

[tbh]

[spiral-angel]

im struggling a lot with gender right now, specifically wanting to continue being a woman but not wanting what comes with society’s idea of a woman. 

i am a stemme, and so some days i like dressing femme and portraying my feminine side but i also really love dressing masc and feeling how i feel when i come off as masculine.

the problem is i know what my definition of a woman is, but society has a different idea, and this often makes me go back and forth between wanting to come out as non-binary and not; it just feels like if i am committing to not wanting to be on the gender binary i lose the ability to call myself a woman and that feels almost like a loss of myself, even though i have never been a feminine woman, not ever. 

my parents really tried to shove the idea of ‘girl’ down my throat ever since i was born, and i don’t like being pushed into a box. they knew they wanted a daughter, and so all their stupid preconceived notions about raising a girly girl were shoved onto me, which isn’t fair and i think my mom is slowly realizing that.

it does not change how much damage they have done to me and continue to do to me. they don’t even know that i am gay yet, wait until i tell them i think i want to go by my middle name (which makes me feel more masculine, more me, more alt/punk/goth-ish) and my pronouns are she/they. 

fuckin, gender, am i right

[actualbird]

zak rambles about childe for way too long

okay this is gonna be LONG (and it’s so long i had to make it a text post instead of an answer bc i had to save draft every once in a while JKBDJFSD) and also NIGH INCOHERENT. 

BUCKLE UP!!!!

How I feel about this character

LISTEN. LISTEN GUYS. //puts my face into my hands. listen.....at first i was just into him because he was pretty, then i was into him because he introduced himself as “kind of a bad guy”, then i was into him because he could turn into a bIG HUGELARGE MONSTER. and then...well...i made a meme, actually, depicting the process i went through

like okay, let me dissect every part. 

i love a pretty boy. a love a cocky, confident pretty boy, and childe is That. he was prime zakbait even from the beginning. i was hooked ever since “hey, girlie”

then he activated my monsterfucking instincts. IT IS ILLEGAL FOR ME TO DISCLOSE HOW MANY TIMES IVE WATCHED THE FOUL LEGACY TRANSFORMATION. I DONT WANT YOU TO KNOW AND ALSO...YOU DONT WANNA KNOW.  

then i read his backstory, read fanfic for him and went. oh. oh NO. OH DUDE, THIS BITCH WAS MADE FOR ME, HUH....

poor little boy from the middle of nowhere, poor little boy who fell into hell, poor little boy who had to become a monster to survive, who clawed his way back to the surface with something different in his eyes, something horrible, hungry, vicious. he was just fourteen. he was just fourteen when something changed him.

and he was not the same after that

HE WAS NOT THE SAME AFTER THAT!!!!! //WAILS

listen im a sucker for basically any character i can project on and mhyo gave me this dude who hides the monster he is behind a charming smile and confident demeanor. so hes basically my punching projection bag HAHA.

but really. really. hes a damn good character. hes bad and he knows it, he outright tells you this upon meeting you and yet. and yet his heart has a softness to it. and yet he is kind in a misguided way that makes you wonder if in all the rush that he had to grow up immediately, there are parts of him that are wholly still so young. hes bad, and he made that choice, he keeps making that choice and yet. 

and yet hes still a boy from the middle of nowhere. i wonder if he misses the feeling of being held. i wonder if he misses the times when his family wasnt afraid of him. i wonder if, given the chance, he would change the past or if he thinks this was how it was supposed to have gone, always. this was how he was meant to be;

just a monster trying to be a man. just a boy trying to be more. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I SHIP HIM WITH BASICALLY THE REST OF THE GENSHIN HUSBANDOS KSJBFKSJDGSD. zhongli? yes. kaeya? yes. diluc? yes. aside from the husbandos, im also interested in signora/childe (of the EXTREMELY FUCKED UP UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP VARIETY). all of this is partly because [n//s/f///w] im just game for any ship that results in childe getting railed and obliterated

but truly, im very flexible with ships for childe. i ship him with any character that can bring out the parts of his own character that he tries so desperately to hide. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

hmmmm this bit actually made me think. i guess im interested in childe&traveller!

My unpopular opinion about this character

I DONT WANT CHILDE TO BE REDEEMED. HONESTLY! HONESTLY. i dont want him to defect from the darkside. if anything, i want him to go even darker (like going from the fatui to serving the abyss). hes a character that, for me, is more interesting if he...doesnt get a happy ending. i want him to break. i want him to....wait lemme move this to the next bullet point

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

some of yall will throw rocks at me for this, but i want childe to 

well

die

like truly and unrevivable, wholeass dead dead

NOW BEFORE U THROW THOSE ROCKS, THIS AINT JUS BECAUSE I LOVE WHUMP!!! i genuinely think that him dying is like....it’s Right.

childe’s whole shtick is that he pushes his limits. we see that in how he battles, how he trains, in how he uses the foul legacy transformation. but we also see this in other ways. like how he lies to teucer about his job even if it’s unsustainable, he stretches himself thin to protect teucer’s dreams. we see that in his voicelines, how he wants to push himself to conquer the world and all that jazz. so much of his character is about this notion of finding the limit and breaking past it.

in that quest for more, i want him to break for good. 

it feels right, in my mind. 

the man always looking for a battle finally beaten. the boy turned monster finally made human in the most painful way. 

anyway thanks for these asks, anon!!!! i dont think i made sense thru this WHOLE POST!!