#incorrect bat bros

[lithiumseven]

[dc-and-damirae]

dick: Hey guys, what are you watching? damian: Kitten Football. dick: Why? damian: It’s randomly came on and now I’m invested. And then jason came in and got into it too. Aw, look Snuggles fell asleep- jason: SNUGGLES, WAKE THE HELL UP AND GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME, DAMNIT! dick:?! damian: jason sees the show differently than I do.

[juh-pyter]

Dick: Baby bird, when was the last time you got any sleep?

Tim (wild-eyed, gesturing frantically at an evidence board covered in photos, red string, and chaotic notes that barely make any sense): I don't know. 2 or 3 days. Not important. I don't need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where in this swamp of conflicting clues squatteth the toad of truth.

Steph: Toad of truth? Is that a detective thing?

Jason: No, that's a crazy thing.

[shortnsweetsposts]

*Jason and Bat!reader after an argument*:

Bat!reader: I am gonna be the bigger person here-

Jason: Oh You are DEFINITELY the bigger person!

Bat!reader: NO no. You definitely are. I got a coke body figure

Bat!reader: :]

Jason: A what? A THREE LITRE?

Bat!reader: No.

Jason: A TWELVE PACK?? HAHAHAHA

[born-to-riot]

Cassian: Azriel, Two truths and a lie, who would you fuck if you had the chance?

Azriel: alright bet.

Rhys: Give us three names and we’ll guess which one is the lie.

Azriel: option one, Hybern’s headless corpse

Cassian: woah, woah, woah bro WHAT—

Azriel: option two, bryaxis

Rhys: Azriel what?

Cassian: HOW DARE YOU?

Azriel: and finally option three, Eris Vanserra.

Cassian: …

Rhys: …

Azriel: tell me brothers, which one is the lie?

Cassian: …

Rhys: …

Cassian: I…

Rhys: I think it’s better off if we don’t know.

Azriel: suit yourselves 🤷‍♀️

[ev-arrested]

Dick and Jason are the type of siblings to have a literal fucken fist fight, and then the next day they’ll be like:

Dick, showing up to Jason’s apartment and handing him a book he borrowed: hey so I finished it. Can I borrow the next one in the series?

Jason, going to get the next book: yeah, word. What’d you think by the way

And then not even a week later, they’re back to fighting again.

Like this is their version of sending tiktoks or texting a fucken game of 8-ball immediately after a spat.

[cardinalcheerio]

Jason walking through walmart: *almost runs into someone*: oh shit my bad

British sounding old guy: A Thousand Pardons!

Jason under his breath: the fuck-

[jupiterfallz]

Tim & Jason fighting over shit again:

Tim: HE RUINED MY COMPUTER

Jason: I did not!!! Alfred send him to his room and take away his suit immediately!!!

[scottishaccentsareawesome]

Damian(to Dick and Jason): Unbelievable. When your powers combine, you are somehow even more stupid than the sum of your Stupids. Jason: Thank you! Dick: Go on...!

[lithiumseven]

Jason: It’s your spleen! You lost an ORGAN Tim, you should have told us!

Tim: So? You don’t have your tonsils, that’s an organ!

Dick: That’s not the same and you kn-

Jason: Jokes on you, my tonsils grew back in the Lazarus Pit so your argument doesn’t even make sense!

Dick, now fully turned toward Jason: Your tonsils did WHAT

[dc-and-damirae]

rando at a gala: If you don't mind me asking, what ever happened to your brother? dick: He died rando: Oh... I'm so sorry dick: Don't worry, he’s okay now rando: …Can you please clarify? dick: No

[juh-pyter]

Jason: I'm not gonna lie. Sometimes it bothers me how calm Dick is under pressure. It's like... like I'm the one who's overreacting!

Dick: That's good. Let it out. It's g...

Jason: I'm going to kill you!

[shortnsweetsposts]

Batbro!reader: My boyfriend doesn't use pet names nearly as much as i do, which is very funny because i will crack my gay little knuckles and say some shit like,

*Queue flashback to today's morning*

Batbro!reader: “Good morning my sun and moon, my loveliest boy, my baby my sweetheart my darling dearest”

Jason: “Hello, y/n.”

*End of flashback*

Stephanie chuckled: Yeah, that sounds like Jason alright.

Cassandra: *nods*

Damian: I did not need to acquire that information.

Reference:

[incorrect-quotes-lobby]

Rouge, texting Knuckles: Hi~

Knuckles: SEND DUDES

Rouge: ... You mean nudes?

Knuckles: I'M IN A FIGHT. I NEED MORE MEN

[jakascoo]

Tim: I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Damian. Tim: Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for. Tim: But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it. Damian: Hmm... I don't know what you were supposed to get revenge for, either. Tim: I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though. Damian: Well, whatever I did, I guess I deserved it. Tim: Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

[angstandhappiness]

LMAO YES

no, jason did not have a fun patrol, and no he will not stop ranting about it, and yes he does want some comfort cookies, shut up!

inspired by a comedy bit! (timestamp 17:45)