#incorrect spoiler

[cardinalcheerio]

I imagine that the Batkids go out for food every once in a while.

So there they are all sitting at the restaurant, when dick goes to pay and accidentally uses one of Bruce's cards.

They get back to the cave to bruce freaking out, everyone is like "IDENTITY BREACH AHHHHH" y'know.

And the next day a paper comes out, "Bats steal Brucies Credit Card!"

From then on they use Bruce's cards for snacks in the field and gotham just accepts that

1. Bruce funds the Bats

2. They take it from him

3. Bruce and Batman dated and Batman stole his credit cards and gave them to his kids.

[incorrect-waynemanor]

damian: unlike some people, i'm a very mature person. i apologize when i'm wrong

steph: but i've never heard you apologize???

damian: are you saying there's times where i've been wrong?

[ryemiffie]

More quotes from my day as batfam incorrect quotes:

Bruce: Please stop introducing the bathroom as the piss lounge when I have guests over.

Stephanie: No.

[dcoraclestan]

Wonder Woman: this feels… unethical.

Red Hood: don’t care, we’re settling this debate once and for all!

Batman: get me out of this thing!

Spoiler: not until you tell us who your favorite kid is.

Nightwing: the lasso only works if you ask it like a question.

Robin: father, please tell the others that I am your favorite child so we can put this ridiculous debate to rest.

Nightwing: once again, question.

Batman: Diana! Get me out! Now!

Wonder Woman: I’m also curious, and they paid me.

Batman: I can promise you, I can give you more than what they offered.

Batgirl (Cass): now, Batman, out of all of us, who is your favorite child?

Batman: *all but bitting his tongue off*

Red Robin: you know you’ll have to say it. Just say it. Just say “Tim.”

Batman: it’s Ace!

Everyone: …

Batgirl: the dog?!

Signal: yeah, that tracks.

Robin: you mean you love the dog more than your own blood?!

Red Hood: this hurts less than if you said Damian, so I’ll take it.

Spoiler: I knew you wouldn’t say me, but wow.

*Later*

Batman: *paying Diana* thank you for not using your real lasso.

Wonder Woman: I don’t believe it should be used for petty purposes… however, I have to ask, do you have a favorite child?

Batman: of course I do. It’s-

*a loud train passes by*

Oracle: *listening over comms* Dammit. Don’t worry, Cass. He’ll admit it’s you one day.

[incorrectbatfamandfriends]

Headcanon that since Jason can’t go out with his family publicly, what he does instead is show up in random disguises.

Bruce is chatting up some socialites at a gala, talking about the joys of fatherhood and how rewarding it is. Meanwhile he made eye contact with Jason disguised as a waiter twenty minutes ago, and is currently trying to stop his eye from twitching.

Dick is speaking to a third grade class as a part of the Bludhaven Police department outreach program, except when he walks in Jason is sitting behind the teachers desk, playing the role of substitute.

Babs can’t help but stare when Jason hands her a coffee from behind the counter of her favorite coffee shop. (His name tag reads Peter, and for a second she thinks she’s actually lost it).

Tim walks into Wayne Towers one day and on his way in, he waves to his secretary- lo and behold Marjorie has been replaced by Jason. It takes him three hours to notice.

Cass walks into ballet class to discover her teacher had to take a sick day- his replacement is Jason in a beret who talks in a terrible French accent the entire class, only to drop it at the very end to talk in a thick New Jersey accent. Her entire class talks about it for weeks.

Stephanie hails a cab on her way home one night, only to find Jason driving. She’s not sure how he pulled it off or how he got a cab, but her mind is effectively blown.

Duke is on a school trip to the natural history museum, and when the tour guide introduces himself, Duke can’t help but role his eyes. Jason gives a surprisingly good tour, even throwing in some tidbits about a robbery that went down just last week that the Signal stopped.

Damian’s encounter happens when he’s with Jon in metropolis. He’s watching Jon play baseball, and when Jon steps up to bat, he can’t help but notice a the umpire looks a little familiar.

[notrobinsomethingworse]

Damian: As the fourth robin-

Stephanie: Fifth.

Damian: You were a Robin for a week before Father fired you. You are not truely a Robin but a stain upon this earth-

Stephanie, getting up: I may have been fired. I may have only been Robin for a week but I still was a goddamn Robin. Richard Nixon is still called our goddamn 37th President even if he was shit-

Tim: You’re comparing yourself to NIXON???

Stephanie: -so I will not stand for this erasure. I have a sad goddamn backstory. I died-

Tim: That was fake.

Stephanie: Shut the fuck up. I died, not as Robin. But still it was for the greater good. I deserve to be remembered as the fourth Robin.

Jason, slow clapping.

Dick: You know Alfred said all of us can have his cookies right? Not just the robins?

Steph: …

Steph: Bye nerds! Your boys club is as lame as y’all are.

[incorrectbatfam]

The bats have so many burner phones and travel SIMs that they're always getting each other's numbers wrong

Barbara: I called you but you didn't pick up.

Tim: That's my office phone.

—

Cass: Did you bring my ballet flats?

Bruce: No. Was I supposed to?

Cass: I texted you.

Bruce: That must be the phone Croc threw into the harbor.

—

*phone rings*

Alfred: No cell phones at the dinner table.

Dick: Sorry.

Dick: *turns it off*

*second phone rings*

*third phone rings*

Dick: I'm just gonna take these upstairs.

—

Damian: I demand to know why you changed your number without notifying me.

Jason: What do you mean? No I didn't.

Damian: Yes you did. None of my messages are delivering.

Damian: *shows him his phone*

Jason: That's my Yugoslavian number.

Damian: That country doesn't even exist.

Jason: It did in my day.

—

Duke: How do I get a burner phone?

Steph: You feel it with your heart.

[queerryan]

Scenario: a Batman who just had Dick Grayson as robin time travels into the future by accident. He finds the amount of new vigilantes and Robins weird but at least sees it as good thing, since Gotham has more help... Until:

Bruce: Hmm, I'm looking at the map of Gotham, everything looks so different.

Tim: Well, you are in the future.

Bruce: No, no, I mean... It's like the city was changed completely, some buildings and houses are not even there anymore.

Stephanie: oh yeah, it might have been because the flood.

Bruce: the what?

Stephanie: Yeah, there was this massive flood that basically destroyed a big part of Gotham and everything had to be rebuilt.

Damian: I thought it was that zombie-like mini apocalypse that destroyed it.

Tim: No, no it was the flood, the contagion happened before.

Jason: it did? Wait, I thought the city got destroyed when joker took over that last time.

Stephanie: this was last month.

Jason: was it? Man, things happen so fast and often I miss track of time.

Tim: wait now I'm thinking, which flood destroyed Gotham again? I think we had more than one.

Stephanie: depends, those who make a light destruction or that time Gotham was so destroyed the country abandoned us?

Bruce:... I need to lie down.

[cardinalcheerio]

Steph: the female version of bros before hoe's is, Chick's Before Dicks. And I love it cause no one will know if I'm talking about best friends or the fact I'm gay

[incorrect-waynemanor]

tim: okay time for plan G

steph: don't you mean plan B?

tim: no, we tried plan B a long time ago. i had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties

duke: what about plan D?

tim: that was our desperate attempt in disguises 30 minutes ago

steph: plan E?

tim: i'm hoping not to use it. i might die in plan E

damian: i like plan E

[holy-incorrectquotes-batman]

Bruce, walking into the Batcave: Why does it look like a tornado came through here? Jason: You know that trick people play on dogs? That one when you pretend to throw a ball but actually keep it in your hand and watch as the dog chases after nothing? Bruce: Yeah? Jason: Steph did that to Dick.

[incorrecttwsted]

[propussyslayer]

aizawa watching izuku enter the staffroom as his coworker

[mo-mode]

Grover: Sir 🥺🥺 we’re so sorry but we have no idea what happened to our train cabin—

Percy and Annabeth: WHAT KIND OF STUPID ARE YOU, MR. TRAIN COP?! OOOH YOU THINK SOME TWELVE YEAR OLDS DID THIS?? SO WHAT YOU’RE GONNA ARREST US??? HUH???? POST UP

[coffeeandjuice]

Bucky every 2 seconds: …You know, Sam—

The rest of the Thunderbolts*: oh my fucking god please stop talking

[thefriendlyneighborhoodqueer]

sometimes i think about how funny it would be if bruce had a slight english accent as a result of alfred being the only adult in his life for most of his formative years. that or he just says british slang instead of english.

this either drives his children insane, or they think it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

__________________________

Bruce: Can you pass the chips?

Dick: Sure, B. *passes over the potato chips*

Bruce: No, the chips.

Dick: ???? … yeah? here?

Bruce: NO! THE CHIPS! *gesturing wildly for the french fries*

Damian: Father, are you having a stroke?

———

Batman: Alright, this mission is very important. It is imperative that everything goes to schedule. (shh-edule)

*red robin and red hood snicker*

Batman: *glare* As I was saying, it all must go to shh-edule…

RR & RH : *uproariously laughter *

Batman: *harsher glare* Is something funny?

RR: Oh nothing, B, don’t worry.

RH: Absolutely nothing wrong, “left-tenant”

RR & RH: *dying of laughter *

———

Bruce: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Duke: … You sound like Alfred…

Bruce: *horrified look over coming him* … what

Cass: *furious nodding*

*Some time later, after B has been fished out of Gotham Harbor, which he jumped into after declaring that he “couldn’t turn into his father”*

Alfred: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Bruce: *white as a sheet* … Sorry Alfie…

*Steph is heard furiously cackling in the background*

_______________________

anyways i just thought this was fun