#instead of writing replies I remembered Hel's old phobia and was like...

[sohelish]

tw for panic and heights

She could not believe that it was happening. She had had so much progress over the years in keeping her fear of heights under control that each time it slipped, Hel ended up surprised. What a silly mistake to make since not all the problems you face can be dealt with for good. Who knows when you might run into something you'd have to battle for your entire life.

Wishful thinking is dangerous, oh so dangerous.

Each time she climbed up to a certain level, Helena had to ask herself: will my head start spinning this time? Will I feel a sudden wave of fear wash over me? And it is icy cold and a vicious surge. It covers you at the wrong moment - and you are done, say your final goodbye.

Come on, move, move.

It happened. That was just the exact issue at the moment.

Every now and then, Hel would partake in climbing in order to monitor her current situation. So much effort put into fighting off the fits couldn't go unnoticed over the course of life. And yet, the failures stood out sore and loud.

Come on, you sad little... move your hand!

She challenged herself, but there was no use, it seemed. The woman froze completely and so close to the top as well. She could sense the dizziness threatening to overwhelm her. Her breathing was hectic. The certainty on the inside she usually possessed went missing. Panic was rising, and she wanted to scream. Why, why was it a thing? What was causing it? Which height triggered this, and what were the conditions?

Phobia is an “irrational” fear. Get a grip. Oh, wait, hahah.

Hel let out a wry chuckle, glaring at her clenched fingers. Once again, she put mental effort into commanding herself to proceed with no result on that front.

Fine then. Fall.

Anything was better than being frozen in place, better than stagnation.

Fall. Relax those fingers.

Being stuck was the worst and not allowed, any action was preferable to inaction.

Let go.

Her stomach turned at the thought of it. Before she even released the hold.

See. Falling isn't as scary as the idea of it.

And then she went flying towards the ground. Until next time.