#it's 1:30am and i can't sleep bc of everything

[mikazeliscious]

[airenyah]

ooooof why did it take me about 3.5 hours to write about the very first fadelstyle scene alone. at this rate i'm never gonna finish the main text by sunday night (monday noon)

[lifesteal-headcanons]

Rekrap hc because I can't get those off my head!! And I love rekrap!!!

- theyre an unconscious shapeshifter. Hear me out.

Everyone know they're not human. Everyone knows they're a hybrid. But what the fuck are they?? Some ppl say they're a deer hybrid, or a bunny hybrid, of a moth hybrid. But he's all of them. And more. They just can't choose what they're gonna be today. Like mostly they'll just have deer antlers, but one day they just woke up with moth wings and said "uhh what the heck". Also he has a diary for all the times he turned into a different type of hybrid

Also he can morph, so sometimes he can have deer antlers and bunny ears for example (inspired by Snuggle's rekrap fanarts (idk if that's how you write their name))

- hes kinda anti-social (C!rek. Or cc!rek. Dunno the difference :< )

Trust issues. A lot of. He doesn't trust a single soul on this server. So why have his base somewhere people can find, when he can make it thousands and thousands of blocks away from everyone, and consequentially being safe?

- he constantly talks to himself and no one tell me otherwise

- his paranoia is so frequent its actually a person on his head

Sounds a bit crazy (I think). But makes sense to me. So, c!rek/cc!rek is so paranoid of everything being a trap and is so exhausted of this, his paranoia became a person (we're calling it rek. And we're calling c!rek rekrap). Rek looks exactly like rekrap but without the hybrid features, and without scars too (no one's telling me c!rek/cc!rek doesn't have scars). Rek is basically rekrap but... without the trauma. He can "control" the way he looks like, but instead of being a shadowy thing, rek has a more friendly look so he doesn't give rekrap a heart attack by accident. And rek's only purpose is to warn rekrap when things look too sketchy bc rekrap is so paranoid and scared and has so many trust issues and stuff like that he's constantly exhausted, always looking like he'll just lay on the ground and sleep. Also rek sometimes listens to rekrap yapping about anything

- c!rek/cc!rek has no sleep at all. Like- once or twice every 2 weeks. But when he sleeps, you're not seeing him for the next 3 days, maybe more if he happens to morph into a bear hybrid during winter (bear hybrid + winter + exhausted rek = you're not seeing him for the next 1 or 2 weeks)

- he knows where everyone lives. I can imagine he's just like talking to branzy and branzy goes "yeah I still need to grab my shulker box, I borrowed it to pangi and forgot to ask back" (I wrote branzy and pangi here bc they were the first ones that came to mind) and rek just goes "why don't you take it back yourself" "idk where his base is" and then 1 hour and a half later, rek returns with the shulker box

- I feel like he'd leave a small present after fighting or killing someone. Like let's say rek killed zam. On the next day, there'd be a shulker box infront of zam's base with a "sorry for killing you, hope we're still friends" note and some diamonds/gapples. The only question zam has us "... how the fuck does he know my base is here????"

(Sorry for any grammar mistakes, it's 3:30am currently, my fingers are not working because its cold and English is not my first language)

- 💍anon

.

[zmwrites]

Tag: Questions From Sleepy

AKA, @sleepyowlwrites Wants Me To Answer These Questions to Satisfy Her Curiosity, and I Am Obliging

1. What is your ideal setting for focusing on your writing?

Hahahahahaha. There is no magic formula, unfortunately. But I tend to write best late at night when I'm too tired to critique myself, but not so exhausted that my words stop making sense. For many years that was 1am-5am, but now that I have to wake up at 7:30am every day, I do what I can on my phone between 11pm and 1am.

2. What is your favourite genre to write?

Fantasy! It is very rare I'll write something without some sort of magic, because I have been born into a world where I cannot cast fireball and I refuse to inflict the same misery on my characters. Also with fantasy, I can fudge the details on politics, geography, and... everything else related to world building. That way I can write instead of researching forever.

3. Do you prefer to write on paper or digitally?

Digitally. When I was younger I wrote on paper, and had binders and notebooks full of writing, but now I find typing is easier. I wrote most of Remnants on my iPad (which has since died, RIP), actually. I do most of my writing on my phone now that my iPad is gone. For some reason, writing on my laptop feels like too much pressure and I can't get much done.

4. It’s the middle of the night and you suddenly wake up with an idea, what do you do?

If I think it has potential, I'll either write it down in a Google Doc on my phone, or text it to my friend Nat. Usually I just roll over and go back to sleep, though. Middle of the night ideas are never as shiny as they first appear.

5. Who is your favourite person to write about?

Women who seem to be full of rage but are actually full of grief. There have been many iterations across many WIPs, I don't foresee the type disappearing from my work.

6. Do you like making your own characters or do you write about real people?

I make my own characters. I can't even write fanfic bc I can never get the characterization right, never mind trying to capture a real person.

7. Have you ever written a book or story with more than 15 chapter or 100K words?

Yes. Remnants is 153K words, and Indigo Wars Book 1 is currently sitting at 139.5K words after several rounds of editing solely focused on making it shorter. I am a chronic overwriter, so in my eyes, the people who tell an entire story in under 100K words are the real wizards.

8. How often do you get ideas?

It depends! Sometimes I won't get a new idea for months on end, and will just chip away at my existing projects, and other times I'll have four new WIP ideas in a day. Most don't go anywhere and return to the creative compost pile, but they're always fun to play with.

9. Do you ever get an idea that you really like but can’t seem to ever finish?

Most of them. But that's okay, they're still percolating. They'll get there when they're ready.

10. What is your least favourite plot?

I think almost any plot can be done well if the author loves it enough, but I'm not generally a fan of anything that ends with a woman who explicitly said she didn't want children getting a "marriage and a baby" ending. I don't think enough women are allowed to be happy without children in fiction. As someone who's always told "oh you'll change your mind" when I tell people I don't want kids, it's very annoying.

[linusbenjamin]

tagged by @awesomediscoclub thank you <3

relationship status: i had someone. i currently don't.

favourite colour: mostly dark colours and turquoise

favourite food: (prev definitely talking about "ayran" lol) well i love eating. i almost eat everything. nowadays my favourite one is "tantuni with yoghurt"

song currently in my head: what was i made for? by billie eilish. it's beautifully written.

last thing i looked up: "person of interest 4.05 name"

time: 1:30am (i'm procastinating sleep bc i don't have enough time for myself bc of work)

dream trip: new york, period. then denmark, netherlands, london, scotland, sweden-norway-finland trio and probably canada.

something i want: a steady job that i really enjoy doing and with good working conditions and the opportunity to have time for myself. because i want to travel so bad. it's been 4 months since i graduated from uni, and i decided that i don't want to be a teacher. but now i look back and kinda regret because i'm pretty sure that this job i currently have is definitely not gonna be a steady one, also has bad salary, bad working conditions etc. i can't live like this forever for sure.

[maidouppy]

So it's 1:36am. I wake up and it's windy as hell and raining alot outside.

And every few minutes I block my ears because as far as I'm concerned it sounds like the windows gonna break. A few minutes later I hear something fall (presumably a power source tower) and my clock power goes out, a small light beside my bed which I recently put on starts flickering but this light on in the hallway is still on. I get my parents awake and we just pray for the best. I'm awake for a few more hours because everything is so loud I can't sleep. At 2:38am I get up in the cold non heated weather to check my mom's phone time (it was in the kitchen) and I saw a notification saying the power may be out on your street and they were trying to fix it (remember it's like 2am) I start reading loveless again and I fall asleep, I get up at sometime around 4am-5am bc my dad was getting ready for work, my mum gets up and has a conversation with him in the kitchen and the only word I could make out was "power", so when my mum was going back to her bed I asked her about it and she said we had half of our power, and hopefully by 9:30 it would be fixed. So here I am now. I am now aware it's 5:30am and I'm in my bed with my devices using my almost non exsistent internet, hoping that I get to miss school because it's a Wednesday and I hate literally 99.9 percent of my classes, I don't care if I miss out on cookie day. (I live down the street from my middle school fyi) I remember all these times causee it was that not long ago

[psychosomatist]

Talking to my ED therapist today and she said that it can be hard when people get physically sick like this because we can't hide it from other people anymore. I'm really fucking sick and hiding it isn't working. I adopted a cat and she's younger than I thought with more energy and she is still in my room with me all the time and it makes it hard to sleep. I'm ashamed to ask for help socializing her but I know I need to. I'm in PHP all day.

Last night I went over to Julio's and just wanted for things to be normal and they more or less were. Better actually. It had been like a month since seeing him. We talked and joked a lot and he asked me how I'm really doing. He said it's like pulling teeth to get me to say how I really am sometimes and I said I'd be more honest. He said he'll be more open telling me things about himself. 4 months in and I've asked him about his writing before but he never told me he's written a fair amount of published articles and went to Puerto Rico in the aftermath of Hurricane Maria to interview people.

But yeah I was afraid we wouldn't have anything in common still or there would be nothing between us anymore but that didn't happen. Instead I just felt really close to him. We talked for a long time, joked a lot. I like that he and I can have real talk without it feeling touchy feely in a way I don't like. Its hard to explain. I think like... it doesn't feel like he "holds space" so much as that the space is there and he's in the same space. He said he doesn't judge me for having essentially done this to myself when I asked and said he gets it when it comes to mental health issues. Then later said that he doesn't want to talk to a therapist who's not fucked up and asked me when I'm finishing school. So that made me feel a lot better.

We had really good sex for a long time, mostly vanilla, which was probably best for me with health stuff rn. It was really sweet, he just did a lot for me and kissed me a lot. He is the best fucking kisser.

Idk I just like our dynamic a lot. He's the only partner I've had as an adult who really treats me like an equal and who I feel listens to me. He can call me pretty and stuff because I know he sees me as a guy, but he sees me as the kind of guy that I am, a boy not a man. And like even though I like to bottom he doesn't make me feel like shit or hurt me. I don't know I just feel respected and valued. And I don't have to pull punches with saying "dark" stuff and neither does he, we don't sit and wallow in it or spin out though.

But yeah he said he'll be here for me and that he cares about me deeply. I don't know why but I trust him about feelings stuff in a way I don't trust many. I think it's because he's never fazed by things. He just accepts it and handles his own feelings around it and listens and genuinely wants to know, and he doesn't make me feel different after talking about it. Not sure, he's just a good listener. I can be vulnerable with him and he still respects me after. Idk I'm just glad that he and I still connected bc I was afraid we wouldn't.

When I was actually honest with him I said that being in there fucked me up and I'm not really ok right now and really sick a lot of the time and angrier than I've been in a long time honestly.

But I also said sometimes things just fuck you up and that's true.

But seeing him made me feel a lot better about everything. He's just really comforting to me.

Anyway. I started writing this post from the bathroom floor at 1:30am after waking in the night and puking my guts out. I'm trying to think of something nice. I have refeeding syndrome which put me in the ER the other night. Couldn't keep anything down until about a half hour ago at 11am and that's only a couple sips of water. I slept on the bathroom floor so I could wake up and throw up, I felt too weak to move + moving makes me nauseous + didn't want to wake my housemates so I was in the bathroom in the basement.

I can't believe how bad recovery has been so far. It's worse than getting sober was. I didn't think it could be. I didn't think I'd get this sick.

I was/am afraid I'd have to go to the ER again. Two days ago I didn't get seen for 12 hours. I know they were busy, it just wasn't what I needed and in the grand scheme made me worse bc I skipped eating and drinking for most of 3pm-6am bc I was on the waiting room and out of it. I'm glad I went because I know my heart probably isn't gonna stop now and they gave me fluids. That's all they'd do this time too if i went and tbh I'm not even good to drive this time. Earlier it was really bad, I couldn't move without gagging. But I'm able to get some Gatorade down now too. I'm hoping that I can just try to keep drinking things and get my fluids up again. It's dangerous for me to be dehydrated right now. But going to the ER is a last resort. I'm hoping I can get a Zofran prescription, I've been trying to fucking get one. It's hard to try and navigate all this by myself, operating at reduced capacity. I keep forgetting important things.

***

Later- got a scrip from my old doctor for Zofran thank fuck. About to drink some ensure. Cheers.

[louhearted]

nothing like a good ol 30min long panic attack, followed by 30mins of sobbing bc i realised i didnt feel like i could call anyone :)

[horrifically]

05, 10, 18 and 19 👀

5. do you believe in ghosts, angels, demons, etc?

yes! i call them spirits bc its an umbrella term, however i have a very limited view on what i do believe in. for ex. there are people who believe mermaids are spirits and therefore real and i, personally, believe that's bullshit 😭 human spirits? yes, angels? absolutely not, demons? yes bc they exist separate from christianity. as a general rule, if i haven't experienced it, i usually dont believe it

10. have you ever had any paranormal experiences?

as i said before, yes! i told one story on a different ask but this is the second one id like to tell! (this has happened twice now) at around 5:30am my cousin and i decided tl finally go to bed. as soon as i laid down the fire alarm went off. my family is full of light sleepers but my cousin and i were the only ones who heard it. we could smell heavy smoke and we could visibly see it. i freaked out bc i had made cookies a couple hours before and i thought i had left the oven on. we ran downstairs screaming but when we got to the kitchen, the alarm went off, and the smell + smoke had disappeared. i checked literally everything, but even the oven was cold 😭 i have no idea what it was. it happened again like a month ago to my mom but it was funny bc she had been talking abt how she didn't believe it happened to us. it happened the exact same way to her & my sister (they sleep in the same room) but the freaky part was 1. no one else heard AGAIN, not even me, and 2. the fire alarm had no batteries in it so 😭😭😭

18. have you had any reoccurring dreams? what about nightmares?

yes but i genuinely can't remember them. i only write down dreams when i know for a fact there was a message in it bc i dont believe in dream interpretation

19. weirdest déjà vu experience?

im trying so hard to remember but i can't recall anything specific. it just happens a lot to me, mostly bc i dream specific random scenarios and then they actually happen