#it's difficult in a lot of situations though

[jayflrt]

implausible deniability

❝ don't spin this on me. this is about you getting turned on by your best friend's sister, you freak. ❞

PAIRING ▸ jake sim x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ smut, crack, fluff, college au, brother's best friend au, academic rivals to lovers au

WARNINGS ▸ profanity, alcohol, weed, lots of banter, sexual tension, dry humping, dirty talk, teasing, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (m. receiving), semi public sex, jayhoon bullying jake

SUMMARY ▸ in which jake comes to the horrifying realization that he might have somewhat of a masochistic streak. case in point: he can't stop himself from getting turned on whenever you argue with him.

WORD COUNT ▸ 12,652 words

PLAYLIST ▸ sweet lies by exo • damn right by jennie, childish gambino, kali uchis • red angel by s.e.s. • thirsty by tinashe

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ this was written on a whim because of that weverse live clip of jake nerding out lol hope u like it!!

JAKE SIM WAS CURRENTLY EXPERIENCING A MAJOR PREDICAMENT THAT PROBABLY WOULDN’T SURVIVE MOST FRIENDSHIPS.

To preface, when it came down to it, he respected Lee Heeseung a whole lot (although he would rather die than admit this out loud). There was something special about having a childhood friend—someone who was there for him at the awkward stages of puberty and lowest points of his life—and Jake would’ve been a fool to ever take that for granted. For their tight-knit friendship to carry into university made their bond irreplaceable to Jake. He genuinely trusted that he and Heeseung would be friends even when they were old and cheating at bingo together in a retirement home. 

That being said, the chances of that happening were looking bleak now that you, Heeseung’s younger sister, were constantly occupying a space in Jake’s head that was strictly reserved for something more… impure.

It was strictly lust; however, that somehow made matters much worse because how could he possibly lust after his best friend’s sister? If it was some complicated emotion like love, then at least Jake could tuck his heart away and hide his feelings until the day he died. 

Hiding a boner, though—that was difficult. 

Even more so because you were in the same Engineering & Society seminar as Jake, and since the course was structured for small group debates, the two of you were often at each other’s throats in heated arguments. Of course, Jake tried to approach you as civilly as possible, so their professor believed the intense back-and-forth was simply a healthy dialogue, but neither of you would back down once it started. 

The problem only made itself clear last month, despite how many excuses Jake made for himself to deny your involvement. It took him three more weeks to accept that his hard-ons were your doing and not simply a standing ovation out of respect for the debate (which was one of his worst possible reasons, to be honest). 

And the cherry on top was that they always happened when you two were quarreling.

You two could be insults deep in what was supposed to be a casual discussion about greenwashing in product engineering, and Jake would, without fail, feel all the blood rush to his dick until it was uncomfortably stiff.

Unsexy thoughts, unsexy thoughts, unsexy thoughts, he kept chanting to himself, attempting to force an image in his head of Heeseung kicking his sorry ass. Unfortunately, it did very little to prove effective against the scarily overwhelming libido that tented his pants. 

Jake was ashamed to admit that he was also mildly turned on by the idea of being caught, which made absolutely no sense because that was also his biggest fear.

So, to summarize, Jake now found himself horny in situations where:

he was pissed off

he was in the middle of a heated argument

he was potentially going to get beat up

It wasn’t looking good for him, to say the least.

Now, there was a justifiable reason as to why Jake was under the assumption that Heeseung was going to punch the living daylights out of him. Although you were only a year younger than your brother, he was awfully protective of you because a little sister was all he ever wanted. 

Back when they were middle schoolers, running over to each other’s houses across the street to show each other their new comic books, Heeseung would always bring you around. Jake had nothing going on in his head but Spider-Man and legos back then, so he wasn’t very pleased with you constantly trailing behind them like a lost puppy. Naturally, that led to you and Jake often bickering about your annoying, lingering presence. 

The last time Jake ever complained about you hanging around them was when he blew up on you for following them to the corner store. That place was practically their sanctuary back then. The 99 cent AriZona iced tea was like uncut cocaine to him. The fact that you, a mere fifth grader, encroached on their safe haven was an insult—a disgrace! The reputation of the fine establishment simply didn't allow for puny elementary kids to come and go as they pleased (in Jake’s head, at least). 

“Quit following us, Y/N,” eleven-year-old Jake muttered back then, throwing you a glower over his shoulder. “Don’t you have other friends to bother?”

“Not really.”

“Yeah, I can tell, so stop trying to steal mine.” 

Although you were all pigtails and Barbie dolls back then, you were surprisingly sharp-tongued for an elementary schooler. “Sure, Jake. You can have my brother and the rest of your imaginary friends.”

He wasn’t even the type to get angry. In fact, Jake had glowing reviews about his personality; moms loved him, the guys always picked him first for sports teams, and he even caught the attention of some of the girls at school. It wasn’t like him to get so riled up over something so small and petty, but he always happened to blow his top when it came to you.

It was rather unbecoming of him (considering Park Sunghoon later deemed him Mommy’s Little Misogynist for this one), but Jake was boiling with so much anger that he wound up chugging the rest of his iced tea in one go, crumpling up the aluminum into a disc, and throwing the empty can straight at your forehead. The force of his throw, normally reserved for intense sessions of Four Square on the playground, left behind an angry red mark that quickly brought you to tears. 

Before Jake could even stutter out an apology, he was met with a blow to his gut that had him doubling over Heeseung’s fist. It was then that Jake realized that his friend did not take any disrespect toward his sister lightly. 

This carried on into high school, too, where Jake got to witness Heeseung hunt down your first ever boyfriend for cheating on you. It was quite the scene, full of threats and rather creative insults, but Jake realized that he was only let off the hook because of his close friendship with Heeseung. 

Over the years, he learned he could bicker with you all he wanted—Heeseung finally realized that you could stand up for yourself—but to lust after you so shamelessly was a death wish. It was the pinnacle of disrespect toward you. If your brother ever found out, Jake was a dead man. 

That was why he was now fiercely determined to get through the rest of his seminar without having to cross his legs and hide the deplorable tension in his jeans. 

Today, he prepared himself by starting his day off with a bowl of Corn Flakes, intended to curb sexual desires by John Harvey Kellogg himself. Then, he devoured a handful of graham crackers before class, which Jake wasn't quite sure would be useful as an anaphrodisiac, but it was worth a shot. Actually, he wasn't very confident with either of these options, but desperate times called for desperate measures. 

The question they were tackling today was whether engineers were to be held accountable for how their inventions were used, such as facial recognition for surveillance or military drones. Thought-provoking, for sure. Jake made a mental note to discuss it with the professor at office hours—anything he could do to suck up to the guy to compensate for his crass behavior during discussions. 

“You can’t just start something potentially dangerous and walk away from the consequences,” you claimed, that challenging look in your eyes daring anyone to speak against you. 

Usually, no one other than Jake dared to oppose you, so the silence that followed after was thick with anticipation, stuck in their throats like honey. Your gaze met Jake’s for a split second, eyebrows lifting in mild surprise. He would usually be standing up by now, but he didn’t feel the need to. To be quite honest, Jake agreed with your point this time, so there was no reason for him to come up with some half-baked counterargument for the sake of participating. Plus, it was far too risky to argue with you; he was already determinedly set on making it through this class without his blood rushing to rather inappropriate regions.

Still, the way you were looking at him, waiting for him to argue back with those sickeningly adorable eyes, had him rising to his feet, anyway. What a weak-willed man he was. Sunghoon would laugh right in his face.

“But if someone misuses the technology, that’s on them, not the people who created it,” he countered, surprisingly convincing for someone who didn’t believe a word he was saying. “The engineers can’t control how their technology is used once it’s sold to whoever.”

“But don’t you see how technology’s being used? You really think mass surveillance keeps improving because engineers are just super passionate about innovation? It’s all about the money, isn’t it?” He could hear the emotion rising in your voice; you were just an overly-passionate person when it came to these things, but you sucked in a breath to collect yourself. “If they know the harm their inventions cause and keep going, they should be held accountable for what they make!”

This was honestly ridiculous. Jake fully agreed with you, yet here he was, scrambling to think of a rebuttal so that he could watch the irritation grow on your face. 

“Then what about the ones built with good intentions? Should they be held responsible because their honest work was manipulated?”

“Impact over intent,” you replied with a firmness intended to shut him up. “Honest work only goes so far. Would you be okay with the vision for your product getting warped into something else entirely?”

“So, you think if someone designed tracking features on a health app or some shit, they should be held responsible if that data gets sold or used by the government?”

“Yes. That’s exactly what I think.”

Well, yeah, that checked out. 

Jake raised a brow. “How are they supposed to know? Most engineers are working on small parts of these big projects.”

“Seriously? Look at Boeing! All these sloppy engineering decisions resulted in those plane crashes.” There was a hint of venom in your tone and your eyes were sharp. Jake could tell you were getting to that level of frustration that he couldn’t help but get excited over. “Over three hundred people died because of plain negligence. Who’s to blame, then?”

“I just wanna ask where you think the line should be drawn,” he said. “If we hold every single engineer accountable for how their work gets used, then no one’s gonna build anything. You just end up driving them all into a corner.”

“Are you trying to be an engineer for the money, or are you in it for meaningful work?”

“Uh… yeah, the meaningful work, of course.” And the six-figure starting salary. That was beside the point, though. 

“Then shouldn’t you be approaching what you create with some more tact? You can’t just mindlessly build whatever without thinking beyond your creation.”

“Are we still talking about engineers here, or are you just coming for me now?”

“Well, if the shoe fits.”

“The most I’ve done is code a calculator. I don’t think the government’s interested.”

“I’m clearly not talking about that. I’m talking about—”

“This is a seminar, Y/N. We’re supposed to be talking about society here.”

“Are you not part of society anymore, Jake? I sincerely apologize for assuming.” There was nothing sincere about your tone, though. “What? You’ve got nothing else to say?”

And, like clockwork, there was that telltale strain once again as Jake felt his chest grow hot. He reached behind him to grab the head of his chair and sit back down, slowly crossing one leg over the other. You frowned as you watched him concede, and Jake felt rather pathetic that everyone was under the impression that he surrendered. There was a chill in the room—whether it was from a draft or the tension from the conversation, he couldn’t tell. 

“I think I’m done, but I agree with you, by the way,” he said, a sly grin spreading across his face. “Just wanted to participate.”

A few snickers rose from some of their classmates. You scoffed, partly out of amusement and partly out of exasperation, and slumped back in your seat with your arms crossed. The seething look on your face wasn’t doing him any favors, nor did the Corn Flakes and graham crackers, apparently.

“Okay, good stuff, good stuff,” said Jay Park, Jake’s longtime friend and current TA for the semester. “Anyone who isn’t Y/N or Jake wanna give it a go? Hopefully without making the rest of us painfully uncomfortable.”

He unfortunately had to bear witness to every single one of the showdowns between you and Jake, but he always kept his mouth shut in front of Heeseung because, as Jay put it, the feud between the two was “too messy to escalate.” Jake was just glad he didn’t have to resort to blackmail to shut Jay up. 

It turned out that people were, in fact, willing to participate as long as you and Jake weren’t involved. Jake got to sit back for the rest of class and grit his teeth, willing his hard-on to go away before they were all dismissed. What made that quite the feat was the fact that you kept watching him for the rest of class with calculating eyes, as if you were peering into his very soul.

By the time class ended, Jake felt relief flood his chest. He needed to get a mile away from you before your eye contact made his situation a whole lot worse. As he was zipping his backpack back up, Jake saw your perfectly manicured fingernail dragging across the grain of his desk through the corner of his eye. 

You were standing right in front of him. 

He looked up, alarmed. From behind you, Jay, who was about to approach him, was backing up slowly, shooting his friend a grimace and opting to duck out the door instead. As the last few people in the classroom were filing out, Jake realized he was now left alone with you. 

Fuck.

Jake cleared his throat. “Can I help you?”

“You can start by explaining why you keep going out of your way to get on my bad side,” you said. “If you agreed with me that entire time, why were you purposely trying to piss me off?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it going out of my way,” he retorted. “Class participation is a requirement. All I did was stand up.”

“And refute every single point you believed in?”

He clicked his tongue. “What can I say? I do it for the love of the game.”

“Uh-huh.” Completely unconvinced, you looked him up and down. Your demand was simple, yet downright mortifying: “Uncross your legs.”

Jake froze. 

“Odd request, don’t you think?” 

Your gaze dropped for a split second—not long enough for it to be obvious, but Jake caught it in time. “I don’t think so. We’ve known each other since, like, forever. I think we’re at the point where I can make odd requests.”

He felt his mouth going dry. What were you even on about? Sure, Jake was probably close to you in a forced proximity sort of way, but that didn’t mean you two were suddenly buddy-buddy. You two were close in the sense that Jake went to your high school graduation (as per Heeseung’s invite, of course) and drove you to your tennis practices whenever your brother was busy—not whatever this was. 

But who was he kidding? Nothing about this conversation screamed buddy-buddy. You were clearly onto him, and all Jake could do was think of every sad movie he’d ever watched to get rid of the growing erection in his pants. 

Jake swallowed thickly. “You want me to uncross my legs,” he stated matter-of-factly, and you snorted. 

“What, didn’t hear it the first time?”

“Can’t do that,” was all could say in response—strained, like something was lodged in his throat.

“You can’t… move your leg?”

“Nope—arthritis.”

“Arthritis,” you repeated blankly.

“Yeah. Runs in my family.”

You shook your head, seeing right through his attempt to steer the conversation back into calmer waters. “You’re a terrible liar, Jake.”

“Really? I thought I was doing a pretty good job earlier.”

“Mmhm. A real Oscar-winning performance for someone arguing against his own opinion—truly,” you said. “Also, you’re stalling.”

“Here,” he bit out, and slowly—deliberately—Jake uncrossed his legs for you to see. The bulge in his pants had effectively gone down with much mental gymnastics, and you simply stared down at his groin with a frown settling on your lips. “Happy now, you pervert?”

All you did was look at him with a beady gaze, raising a perfectly arched brow before pulling your phone out of your bag. Jake could only return a look of absolute bewilderment as you flipped your hair over your shoulder and tapped away furiously, the glow from the screen illuminating your features just enough for you to look even more radiant.

“I see. So, uh… Heeseung’s gonna be out of town for his hockey tournament and I need a ride to Kazuha’s place tonight. She’s throwing this huge party, and I was planning on pregaming before I head over, but I’m not about to drunk drive, for obvious reasons.” You wouldn’t even look up as you spoke, keeping your eyes trained on the text messages that seemed to be delivering in a flurry. Notification after notification—Jesus, would it kill you to turn your ringer off? “Pick me up at eight?”

Jake blinked slowly—a few more times, for good measure. He couldn’t believe his ears. You just grilled him to a crisp, and now you were acting as if nothing happened? He was fighting his own blood from pumping to his dick, and you were just casually changing the topic?

But—whatever. As long as the attention wasn’t on his crotch anymore, he could roll with this. 

He scowled. “Kazuha’s? Hey, I’m not your chauffeur.”

But you were already walking out the door. “Yeah, yeah. So, eight?”

A retired sigh fell from his lips. “Sure—fine, whatever. I’ll be there.”

In a happy world, Jake’s schedule was packed with classes all day so that he wouldn’t have to run into Heeseung right after that not-so-fun encounter with you.

In the real world, however, Jake’s schedule was specifically structured so that he and Heeseung had the same breaks between classes. They planned this out well in advance so that they could meet up once they were done with class. Of course, this didn't always work out because of overlapping course times, but the two of them happened to luck out this semester (although it wasn't exactly working in Jake’s favor right now). Just as he walked out of his classroom, his friend was making his way down the hallway to get to him.

“Yo,” Heeseung greeted. He had his hockey stick slung over his shoulder; for weekend tournaments like these, Heeseung would usually leave campus early so that he could commute before nightfall. “I thought you’d be at our table already. Jay isn’t with you?”

“I was hanging back for, uh… homework help,” he lied, hoping it came out smooth enough to convince his friend.

“Couldn’t you just ask Jay?”

Well, he had a point there. Jake settled for saying, “Nah. Fuck that guy.”

To his relief, Heeseung just laughed. “Yeah, true. That fucker goes on for hours if you get him to start explaining something. I asked him one question about my calc homework the other night, and I swear the sun was coming up by the time he was done.”

“That’s why you come to me first.”

“I tried. Your ass was knocked out, so all I had was Jay.” Then, Heeseung added, “By the way, since I’m gonna be out this weekend, I need you to do me a favor.”

“Yeah?”

“Y/N said she needed a ride to this… I don’t know—I guess Danielle’s sorority’s hosting something? A charity event or some shit like that. Anyway, I won’t be here, but she needs a ride. Are you free? It’s Saturday evening.”

“I’m already—” Jake stopped himself. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to disclose the minor detail that he was also going to be driving you to Kazuha’s party tonight. As hard as he racked his brain for an excuse, he couldn’t think of anything productive he’d be doing the next day. “Yeah, it’s no problem.”

“Appreciate it, man,” Heeseung said, thumping Jake’s chest with the back of his hand. 

Their chatter continued out of the science building, pushing open the doors to be hit with a gust of cold wind. Heeseung then stopped dead in his tracks, looking down at his phone before throwing his head back in exasperation.

“Coach wants us to meet in the gym before we leave,” he told Jake with a resigned shrug. “I’ll see you on Monday, okay? Tell Sunghoon and Jay I said bye.”

The one thing Jake despised in the world was saying goodbye to people. He got far too emotional over a gesture that really wasn’t that dramatic, and he hated how seriously he took them. Still, acting as if he was a normal person who knew how to act normally about such matters, he clapped his friend on the back and wished him good luck before watching him walk off. 

Seriously, he felt like a military wife sending off his husband.

When Jake found the table that Sunghoon and Jay were sitting at, scarfing down their sandwiches at record speed. Jake dropped his bag on the ground and collapsed into the seat next to Sunghoon. He reached over to grab one of Jay’s curly fries, twirling it around in his finger before he nibbled on it. 

“Heeseung’s gone,” he told them.

“Oh. His tournament?” Jay took an obnoxiously loud sip from his drink. “You phrased that like he died.”

“He said bye.”

Sunghoon nodded wistfully. “He will be missed—mostly ‘cause he always does the dishes. Now we’re responsible. Ugh.”

With his elbow on the table and chin sunk into his palm, Jake nodded along to Sunghoon’s words, still stuck in some strange sort of daze.

Sunghoon shot him a questioning look before turning to Jay. “Okay, I'll bite: What’s up with Sadness?”

“Dunno.” Jay covered his mouth to finish chewing the rest of his bite. “He and Y/N were getting into it during class today.” He looked up from his food to turn back to Jake. “What happened after she cornered you after class?”

“Cornered?” Sunghoon asked with sudden intrigue. 

To state his concerns as vaguely as possible, Jake groaned feebly into his hands and said, “I’m in deep shit, you guys.”

The two men were dumbfounded to hear Jake Sim, who had a shiny record of being a perfect son and perfect student all his life, make such a claim. (Well, perfect enough to make his parents proud; there were surely several imperfections that wouldn’t earn Jake his Perfect Son badge if they were ever to find out. Exhibit A: whatever was happening to him because of you.) Not once had he gotten a detention or even a warning. Jake was a poster child all his life, which was why he felt especially embarrassed that he was acting so shamefully when it came to you.

“You didn’t make her cry, right?” Jay asked.

“No!” he exclaimed. In fact, you almost made him cry. “I just…” He sighed and straightened up, his voice taking on an edge of seriousness. “You can’t tell Heeseung.”

Jay raised a brow. “What’d you do, throw a book at her?”

Sunghoon let out a low whistle. “Mommy’s Little Misogynist strikes again.”

“I got a boner, okay?” Jake blurted out, sick of their mindless assumptions, even though his confession was probably a one-way ticket to the deepest circle of Hell. 

At first, there was silence. Then, a scream—an obnoxious, garbled sort of scream that Jake almost thought was a squawk. Sunghoon and Jay doubled over in laughter, dropping their sandwiches to swat at each other as they were unable to contain themselves. Jake sat there for a good two minutes, a deadpan expression on his face while he waited for them to calm down. 

“A boner?” Sunghoon clarified, a Cheshire-like grin plastered across his face. “A stiffy? A hard-on? An erec—?”

“Okay, Merriam-Webster, I don’t need every single synonym,” Jake snapped. “But, yes, I’ve been getting hard during class because of her, it’s—”

Jay spluttered out, “Been—!” And then they exploded into a fit of laughter again, collapsing into each other and wheezing from the absolute joy of their friend’s humiliation. With tears now spilling from his waterline, Jay rose up and pointed a finger at Sunghoon in utter glee. “Multiple times!”

“Multiple times!” Sunghoon cried back, pounding his fist on the table.

Jake was not amused in the slightest. “Okay, I feel like you guys are just overreacting now.”

It took Sunghoon and Jay quite a few minutes to pull themselves together after laughing hysterically for what felt like forever, so Jake took it upon himself to steal a couple more of Jay’s fries as revenge. 

“It’s fine, dude, seriously,” Sunghoon placated, as if he hadn’t been losing it moments earlier. He sucked in a deep breath to collect himself while Jay’s shoulders were still shaking.

“You guys were just making fun of me!”

“Did we laugh? Yes. Do we think you’re kind of a freak? Also yes.” Sunghoon shrugged. “But do we have your back? No.”

At that, Jay straightened up. “I think you messed that up.”

“I think so, too.”

“I’d assume we do have his back.”

“Should I change it to—”

“Okay! I get what you’re saying—very heartwarming, I think,” Jake interjected. “But am I seriously in the wrong here? No matter how much Y/N pisses me off sometimes, I’d never want to disrespect her. It feels weird, you know… getting hard over her, of all people. I mean, she’s Heeseung’s sister!”

“So you popped a boner over her—who cares?” Sunghoon placated. Jake fought back the urge to roll his eyes; they clearly cared when they were cackling like hyenas. “I’ve gotten hard in situations I probably shouldn’t get hard in. It happens to the best of us. It’s fine.”

“What kind of situations?” Jake questioned.

“Don’t spin this on me. This is about you get turned on by your best friend’s sister, you freak.”

“But you said it was fine!”

“That was before you pissed me off. Now I’ve changed my mind: Heeseung’s gonna kick your nasty ass straight to Hell.”

Frustrated, Jake tugged a hand through his dark hair. “Jay, do you have anything to contribute? Preferably anything that shuts Sunghoon up.”

“I knew this day would come.” Jay wiped the stray tears from under his eyes with his thumb. “See, Jake, when a man and a woman, or a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, or a person and a per—”

“Yes, I’m aware of all the possibilities on the spectrum,” Jake interjected. “Continue.”

“When a man and a woman love each other very much, they—”

“Oh my God,” Jake cut in once again, digging the heels of his palms into the hollows of his eyes. “I’m a grown man. I don’t need the sex talk—and I’m not gonna have sex with her, either!”

“You’re not?”

“No!”

“You don’t think she’s hot?”

“Well—I… I mean—that’s no reason—”

“You’re not getting a boner over someone you’re not physically attracted to, that’s for sure,” Jay said, clearly tired of his friend by now.

“I’m calling for plausible deniability,” Jake announced.

“Implausible. Vetoed.”

“Wait,” Sunghoon chimed in before looking at Jay, “how did you not notice?”

“Notice what?”

“His boner, dude.”

“Are you crazy? I have better things to do than stare at Jake’s dick all class,” Jay answered. Recollection seemed to hit him like a slap, his hand raising halfway to his mouth. “Actually… now that I think about it, I did think it was weird that you sat back down before you finished your debate… and your legs were crossed for the rest of class!”

(“So you did stare at Jake’s dick all class,” Sunghoon said.)

Jake threw him a withering look. “Yeah, I know. That’s probably why she caught me.”

Sunghoon’s jaw froze mid-bite, and without any respect to the onions that were falling off his bread, he dropped his sandwich and exclaimed, “She caught you?” Jay, who was equally as shocked, seemed to also be struggling to hide how gleeful he was about the drama. 

“Well, almost,” he corrected. “It was more of a suspicion, but I didn’t give in—and I called her a pervert! It feels good to win.”

“Cool! What’d you win?” The unexpected voice nearly made Jake jump; thanks to years of working on a collected composure, though, chills ran up his spine instead. Sunghoon and Jay were both caught off guard, too, judging by their nearly imperceptible jolts that had them pulling their shoulders back. 

He turned to see you with a hand on your hip, a curious smile on your lips. If his expression didn’t give it away, surely knocking over Jay’s curly fries was a sure sign of Jake’s nervousness. 

“Uh… League? League match—nothing important—yeah, um… so—what’re you—what’re you doing here?”

Real smooth, Jake.

Jay, who looked as if the scene before him was physically painful to witness, valiantly chimed in to save Jake’s skin, “Are you looking for Heeseung? He already left for his tournament.”

“Nope,” you said, walking over to stand behind Jake so you could card your fingers through his hair. He remained frightfully still and tried not to think about your fingernails against his skin. Your sharp, manicured fingernails… dragging across his—okay, his mind really needed to stop wandering. “I have a quiz next class, so I came here to ask for a calculator. I just need it for my next class.”

Jake’s TI-83 was most definitely tucked away in his backpack, but he was reluctant to move with the way you were running your fingers through his hair. Albeit how he had to fight to keep his mind out of the gutter, Jake could also admit that this was rather… soothing. He could stay like this all afternoon and he wouldn’t mind at all.

Sunghoon started, “Oh, I’ve got—”

“I got it,” Jake, with a deep edge of unease, spoke over his friend. Sunghoon didn’t seem to look upset about being cut off, though; in fact, the senior was trying to hide a growing smirk that he had to cover with his hand. Jake dug into his backpack, sifting through each of the pockets haphazardly, before pulling out his graphing calculator and handing it to you. “You can just give it back to me later.”

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll find an opportunity,” you replied before turning on your heel. “See you guys later!”

After their goodbyes, the three boys lapsed into silence. Jake wondered if they were all thinking about that interaction with you and how strange it was. The three of them took high school graduation pictures with you, went over for Thanksgiving dinner at your house, and even awkwardly lingered about in Victoria’s Secret while you were trying on bras—but this? This change in behavior was something none of them would’ve ever expected from you.

Sunghoon was the first to break the silence, saying, “That was weird.”

“Indeed,” Jay agreed, perplexed. 

“She was all over you,” Sunghoon observed. “Like, I’m almost convinced that Y/N was replaced with a horny clone last night.”

“Jake, at this rate, you might—”

“Don’t say it,” Jake pleaded. “Don’t say anything about me and her. I swear, I just need to get back on Tinder or something, and I’ll forget all about Y/N—probably.”

Jay gave his shoulder a weak punch. “Yeah, I believe you, man.” 

He did not, however, sound like he believed in his friend at all. 

Jake didn’t quite fit the partying archetype.

Heeseung was a social butterfly, Jay and Sunghoon could get by as long as they could slip away to recharge from time to time, but Jake always looked for a way to get out of such events. Whether it was a project or a supposed family emergency, he played any card he could—although it was usually a fruitless attempt. Plus, Jake was strictly herbal; he wasn’t a big drinker like his friends were, especially when it came to his mortal enemy (Everclear). 

So, now, while he was watching you stumble down your driveway to get into the passenger seat of his car, Jake was already trying to do the math in his head to calculate when he’d be back in the comfort of his room. 

Tonight, you were dressed up a little more than usual. Your strappy black stilettos were dangerously high, and paired with the little black skirt that stopped halfway down your thighs, Jake found it difficult to pull his gaze away from you. 

“How’re you getting back home?” he asked as he pulled out of your driveway. Jake recalled several occasions where Heeseung had to do a U-turn to pick you up from Kazuha’s, so he was quite familiar with the route. “Uber?”

“—and he was trying to get with me, even though I know he has a girlfriend! Isn’t that crazy? I literally have the same lab section as her, like, I could walk up to her and tell her everything. Are men just stupid? Like, I can literally ruin his relationship—I mean, he pretty much did that on his own—but I could just expedite the process, you know? Ugh, and he wasn't even cute—so mid, like, not my type at all,” the lilting voice through your phone kept rattling on.

You shot Jake an apologetic look before you kept trying to calm down Hanni Pham, who he often saw you with. Well, he supposed small talk was out of the question now, which Jake didn’t mind one bit. Still, lowering the volume of Kendrick Lamar’s new album just to listen to Hanni’s incessant ranting for the rest of the ride was starting to drive Jake insane. 

Finally, you made a quick excuse to Hanni before ending the call, and Jake waited a few more moments before he raised the volume again. He kept his eyes trained on the road, for if they wandered in your direction, Jake was sure he wouldn’t get away with crossing his legs in this situation.

“You didn’t have to hang up,” he said.

“I didn’t?” You gave him a knowing look. “You kept looking over at me like you were in agony, so I thought I’d put you out of your misery.”

A sheepish grin tugged at the corners of his lips. “Thanks for that. Who’s the guy she was talking about, anyway?”

“Wow, so now you wanna hear more?”

He shrugged. “You could at least repay me for the ride by entertaining me.”

“Entertaining you?” This time, you were grinning. Jake felt a bit nervous as you leaned over the center console. “If you want entertainment, then come to Kazuha’s with me.”

“Really?” Jake kept his tone light as he looked for street parking, and then he pulled over to the sidewalk to let you out. You had the door half-open, looking at him expectantly. “I’ll pass, then. Have fun.”

You leveled him with a glower. “You’re seriously not coming?”

“I’ve got, uh, homework.”

“Homework? It’s a Friday night, Jake. Just do it over the weekend.”

“Just get inside already, Y/N. It’s cold.”

“Fine,” you said, curt. There was little gratitude in your tone when you added, “Thanks for the ride,” and flung the door shut, too.

Jake sat back with a sigh, hoping that the solitude would aid in unclouding his judgement. He couldn’t just go to that party with you; things were weird between you two, and that was only putting it as simply as he could. But, on the other hand, maybe he should’ve just gone. There was no harm in showing face for a while, and it wasn't like Kazuha was a complete stranger, either. 

He let one opportunity fall right through his fingers; another presented itself right in front of Jake.

Your phone.

You left it on the seat before you left, whether it was intentional or not. The polaroid of you, Hanni, and Danielle showed through the back of its clear case, and Jake stared at your (admittedly charming) smile before he unbuckled his seatbelt in defeat.

One hour. That was all he’d give himself in there. 

He was sure the duration of his decision-making process wouldn’t keep him from catching up to you in time, but that wasn’t the case at all. Jake couldn’t spot you at all, not even after he did a lap around the first floor. You must’ve noticed your phone was missing by now, so where were you? 

Cramped, narrow hallways. Blaring music. Flashing lights. Sweaty people packed together. The lingering stench of booze.

It was dreadful.

Jake had to take a break in the kitchen, leaning against the countertop where someone’s bluetooth speaker was blowing out his eardrums. To his knowledge, Kazuha was renting next to an elderly couple with low tolerance for noise. How she could get away with throwing parties like these was beyond Jake. 

“Oh, shit,” a familiar voice called out. “You’re here, too? Thank fuck.”

Jake turned to see Choi Beomgyu walking over to him, cradling a red solo cup. Perfect. Jake was dreading the very idea of being sober right now, and he knew Beomgyu would have the fix he needed. Last time he saw Beomgyu, the guy was canisters deep in whippets; it would’ve been impossible to tell he was conscious if his hand didn’t keep inching inside of Jake’s bag of chips.

“I was supposed to sell Yeonjun some weed, but where the fuck is he?” Beomgyu went on to complain, setting his empty cup down and flicking it across the counter with little care. “When’d you get here? Just now?”

“Yeah, have you seen Y/N?” Jake shouted over the music. Beomgyu gave him a little shake of the head, and a weary breath escaped Jake’s lips. His eyebrows lifted as he then suggested, “Smoke break?”

“Hell yeah.”

It just so happened that Jake was already breaking his one hour rule. At one minute past his self-mandated curfew, he was not in a state to be driving at all. 

All thanks to Beomgyu, he was blazed out of his mind now, moving through the house with an air of indifference this time. Normally, Jake felt like his brain was buzzing constantly, like a hurricane that never stopped raging. But when that sweet Mary Jane filled his lungs, he felt more in control of himself. It felt almost as if he was underwater, weightless and drifting along with the current. For someone who swam desperately his whole life, he liked that he could just float. 

And, because the universe apparently decided that weed was the answer to all of Jake’s problems, he eventually wandered back into the kitchen and found you.

Minor problem: There was a man right next to you.

But Jake, floating about in a blissful daze, strolled right up to you without a second thought about interrupting your conversation. 

“... fucked up how she curves, it’s usually—oh, what the hell?” You did a double-take when you saw Jake walk up beside you, noticing his red and glassy eyes almost instantly. Your attention was immediately pulled from the unmemorable man beside you, which was not good because this was a horrible time to stroke Jake’s ego, and you grabbed onto the sleeve of his leather jacket. He took a step back to avoid your drink sloshing onto his clothes. “I thought you went home!”

Another minor (or maybe major) problem that Jake forgot about prior to his smoke break: Weed only made it easier for him to get turned on.

That—coupled with standing so close to you—was sure to be disastrous.

“Had to return this,” he answered, holding up your phone, which you snatched at record speed. You were going on about how forgetful you were before Jake asked, “Were you two busy? I can leave.”

“Oh, uh, we were just talking,” you said, looking between Jake and the other dude (whose name still remained a mystery) a couple of times before clearing your throat. The guy, who earlier had a hopeful glint in his eyes, seemed to wilt a bit. In a more cheerful tone, you added, “He’s an old classmate. We both had Robbins for O-chem.”

Robbins for O-chem. Sounded like a cheap excuse to talk you up, was what Jake thought. Last year he had physics with Kim Minji, but he wasn’t cornering her in the living room to talk about the good old days of wave mechanics.

Jake gave you a smug look. “Robbins? What was that about the curve, then?”

“Someone scored a hundred and screwed the rest of us up.” You scoffed. “Always that one kid.”

“Ah. That was me.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, that’s why I didn’t show anyone my score—except Jay, but he said he felt sick looking at it.”

“I feel sick hearing about it. You should’ve just kept that to yourself forever.”

That was the plan, actually, but Jake strangely felt the need to impress you in comparison to Background Character #1 and his unremarkable presence. Well, considering all he achieved was pissing you off, he supposed it wasn’t going too well.

“That was the plan.” Slightly miffed, he leaned back against the counter with his arms folded over his chest. “But I earned that hundred. I didn’t sleep for three whole days to study for that final.”

“Oh, boo-hoo. I stayed up, too—and got a sixty.” 

Jake simply shrugged. “You passed the class, didn’t you? That’s all that matters.”

“Easy for you to say! You got a perfect score!”

“I don’t think that—”

But you weren’t backing down, cutting Jake off to ask, “What’d you put for the cyclobutene question?”

Jake scowled at you. He thought one or two drinks in your system would calm you down, the same way weed did for him, but you were pushier than ever. 

By now, he also realized that Guy-whose-face-he-now-forgot was long gone. He probably realized that there was no hope in trying to hit on you after seeing how your full attention was captivated by Jake. He wasn’t trying to boast—he was just calling it like he saw it. 

“Seriously? That was a whole year ago, Y/N.” 

He felt the weight of your incredulous stare. “But you remember your answer, don’t you?”

To be honest, he did. 

“Conrotatory ring opening under thermal conditions,” he answered after a minute of spacing off to remember what he put down (and ignore your blatant staring). “Four pi electrons.”

“Wait, no, then it wouldn’t follow the Woodward-Hoffman rules. 4n would be antiaromatic in the transition state, so it would be forced to be a disrotatory mo—”

“Nope, the 4n system makes it conrotatory. Disrotatory would misalign the orbitals. Dude, I’m telling you, I remember it perfectly. I drew it out and everything.”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, and Jake found great pleasure in watching you flounder for a response. Moreover, he was starting to imagine very dangerous things that involved his body pressed up against yours—preferably somewhere private, but he was almost tempted to pull you closer right now.

“But… but then the cis product—”

“Stays as is,” Jake finished for you. “I can even draw the diagram for you. I’m sure there’s a paper and pen somewhere.”

“Ugh, don’t bother. I’m pissed off.” You shook your head, frustrated, and a lazy smile stretched across Jake’s face. “Why are you so smart when…” 

It took him a moment to even notice that you stopped in the middle of your sentence, dragging the syllabus an octave deeper than usual. Jake thought that he finally pushed you to your limit, that you were going to stop talking to him altogether, but the reality was much, much worse.

You jabbed your elbow sharply into his side, hard enough to make him wince in pain. 

“Okay, ow. What’s—?” Then he looked down.

Oh.

Jake’s lips parted, framing an apology that he couldn’t bring himself to utter. He was caught somewhere between alarm and shame, hardly able to move as the cold reality sank in that you just saw his growing bulge. 

It was dark enough so that only you were aware of it, but fuck, Jake couldn’t even get himself out of this one.

He looked down at you to say something—anything that would save him from this horrible situation, really—but there were no words to explain himself. Jake looked helplessly to the side for some escape route out of this situation, or perhaps even his Deus ex Machina: Beomgyu. Before he could open his mouth, you smoothly stepped in front of Jake, effectively cornering him in the kitchen and shielding him from onlookers.

Heroic, truly—except your thigh was now pressing firmly against the tent in his pants.

His blood ran cold when he saw the twinkle in your eyes, as if you were getting a kick out of this. Meanwhile, Jake made a mental apology to Jay and Sunghoon, who were going to be very disappointed that Jake didn’t take any steps toward forgetting all about you. It proved rather difficult when you were as intoxicating as the drugs in his system. 

“I fucking knew it,” you whispered, triumph tugging your lips into a smirk. “You were hard during class today, too, weren’t you?”

This time, Jake was the one at a loss for words, flailing for any excuse that would defuse the tension, but he was already a lost cause. In less than twenty-four hours, Jake managed to expose his deepest, darkest secret to the one person who was never supposed to find out. All he could do now was accept slow, torturous suffering as the jaws of social suicide ripped into him. 

“Y/N, p-please, I can—”

You threw your head back to laugh, delighted. “What? Are you trying to apologize for a boner?”

He stammered, “No—I mean, yes—but… I…” One more brush of your leg against his clothed cock had Jake holding onto your shoulders, trying to keep his lust at bay. “Y/N, stop. You’re Heeseung’s sister.”

“Excellent observation. Wouldn’t have figured that one out.”

“I mean, this”—he gestured between him and you—“isn’t gonna work out.”

You blinked. “Why not?”

“W-what do you mean, why not? Heeseung and I have been friends for years. I can’t just… I can’t do that to—”

“Oh, give it a rest. Why are you even bringing him up right now?” you asked in a snippy voice, waving his qualms off. 

“Because—”

“Anyway, I’ve put together a little theory, and I think I’m right.”

Jake raised his brows at that, slightly intrigued to what you could’ve possibly pieced together in the past twelve hours. If it had anything to do with why he was getting turned on, he was certain that you would be completely off the mark.

“You get horny when we argue, don’t you?” you asked.

Oh, so you were spot on. Fantastic.

He let out a desperate, wanting breath, trying to cover it up as a sound of misery. The kitchen was mostly cleared out since everyone gathered in the living room to play beer pong, but Jake lowered his voice to speak, anyway. 

“Pretty much. Nothing sexual—just attracted to the mind, is all. Debates can be stimulating, you know?”

“Nothing sexual about your dick getting hard?”

In a rather strangled voice, he answered, “Normal physiological reaction, really.”

He felt your hand smooth over his chest, your fingers splaying out before you dragged your hand lower and lower. He shivered as he felt your fingertips run across his abs, tracing each groove of muscle before your hand dipped to the front of his pants. Jake screwed his eyes shut when your palm pressed against his stiff, aching cock.

You simpered. “Really? So you don’t need my help getting you off?”

He suppressed a growl at the back of his throat, opting to loop his fingers in your belt loops and pull you closer instead. “Don’t.”

“Hm?”

“Not here. We’re in public.”

But your other hand was snaking around his neck, playing with the ends of his dark hair that fell to his nape. Jake could feel his body trembling as he restrained himself from holding you close and kissing you like his life depended on it.

I shouldn’t, he told himself, forcing the words to burn into his skull (and still, they would not stick). I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t—

But, fuck, the way you were looking at him. It was enough to drive a sane man to the brink of madness.

Well, Jake presumed he had always been a bit out of his mind when it came to you.

After an unsteady breath, Jake slid one hand up your waist, up your arm, and then across your shoulder to hold your neck. Your chest swelled before you leaned into his touch. Jake found his thumb straying from where his hand cradled your jaw. He traced the outline of your lips with careful precision, charting each curve and line in his course.

He kissed you once, light and fleeting—just enough to taste you. 

The sweet second of contact lost its grace soon after. He wet his lips, chasing what was left of your lipstick. With one more look into your eyes, all the nerves that gripped him seemed to melt away in a breath. Jake held your gaze before reaching up to hold the sides of your face and pulling you in for a searing kiss. It had been merely one taste—one press of his lips against yours—and jagged splinters of desperation tore into him, burying deep in his flesh.

Jake, with a heavy heart, wished he could formally apologize to everyone who was bearing witness to their sloppy makeout session. He simply couldn’t help that you were both intoxicated, turned on, and extremely riled up from bickering. He shoved his tongue past your lips, messy and eager, sating a hunger that had him starved for longer than he thought.

It soon slipped Jake’s mind entirely that he was making out with you in the kitchen. His cock throbbed in his jeans, pulsating each time your hips made contact with his. You were slowly rolling your hips over his—subtle enough to go undetected, but it was driving him wild. Honestly, though, if Jake truly wanted to stop you from moving against him that way, he would’ve let go of your hip by now. 

You were an insanely good kisser. Jake felt a small pang of jealousy upon recollecting all the times he witnessed you kissing someone before him—your first boyfriend, your senior prom date, your college situationships. He never thought too deeply about how he felt in the moment, but it was like he had locked up all those messy feelings bordering on jealousy. They were all spilling out now, like a crack in the dam, threatening to make Jake feel something for you that he hadn't felt before. 

He broke from the kiss to leave gentle pecks along your jawline and down your neck, each one leaving you sighing happily. “Let’s go upstairs, yeah?” he whispered against the shell of your ear, leaving a featherlight kiss in its wake. His drawl was stronger when he lowered his voice to a murmur, “Don’t go shy on me now, sweetheart.”

“Shy? I’m not shy.”

“Oh, yeah? Look me in the eyes, then.”

“Shut… shut up—and follow behind me, unless you want everyone here seeing your di—”

“Okay, that’s enough.”

You, being his knight in shining armor now, led the way upstairs, allowing for Jake to stand directly behind you and hide his boner. He kept his arms wrapped loosely around your waist, trying to focus on anything but the nape of your neck. Having his bulge pressed up against your body was making his senses go haywire.

(Also—and he wasn’t quite brave enough to admit this to himself just yet—he kind of wanted to lace his fingers with yours.)

Jake hastily wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He was sure he must’ve looked like an absolute douchebag walking around like that, considering the amount of lipstick he had just rubbed off. 

The first empty room was theirs for the taking. Jake sported a wolfish grin as he closed the door to whoever’s bedroom they locked themselves in. You, however, looked uncertain.

“I’d feel bad doing it on their bed,” you confessed.

Jake, who didn’t realize he was going to encounter a moral dilemma amidst getting his dick wet, blinked slowly.

“That’s true,” he agreed. Sure, yeah, he would probably kill his friends if any of them hooked up with someone in his bed. Jake made his way to you slowly; at first, you didn’t budge, but then you let him walk you backward once he grabbed your hips. “I wouldn’t feel as bad doing it against their wall, though.”

Your fingers tugged at the hem of his shirt, as if you were about to peel it right off him. “Then how about I suck you off first? Make up for all those debates?”

“Really?” he spluttered out, gawking at you as you turned him around so that his back was against the wall.

You hastily undid the buttons on his jeans, all the while maintaining eye contact with him. “You’re too cute. Don’t tell me you weren’t waiting for this.”

His gaze darkened slightly.

He joined you immediately in getting rid of his pants. Jake couldn’t help but let out a blissful sigh as he pulled his boxers down and his cock sprang up. Seeing you slide down to your knees to wrap your hands around his length nearly made his knees buckle under him. His hand moved to the back of your head, tangling his fingers through your hair.

Just like that, Jake Sim lost all willpower to keep himself away from Lee Heeseung’s sister.

“I don’t know if I can fit all of it in my mouth,” you told him, lips ghosting the tip of his cock. 

“That’s okay, baby.” He tightened his grip in your hair. “Take however much you can.”

You started with a gentle kiss to his tip, and it was enough to make Jake shudder. He watched you in wonderment, eyes glued to your mouth and how his cock disappeared past your lips. With one hand holding onto his hip for leverage, you ducked your head to lick from base to tip, running your tongue along a rather thick vein that wrapped around the side. 

Jake was thankful for the pounding music below; although he prided himself on his self-control (prior to Y/Ngate), he was never good at being quiet in the throes of pleasure. Slowly, you sucked on the tip, earning a drawn-out moan from Jake that he hardly bothered muffling. 

And then, you were hollowing your cheeks to take more of him in, and a flicker of intensity flashed in his eyes when he felt his cock hit the back of your mouth. Jake had to hold onto the nearby dresser for support, his knuckles going white. You gagged a little as his head brushed against your uvula, and then a few tears sprang in your eyes.

Jake watched them pool at your waterline, and he wiped at them with his thumb, cooing at you sympathetically. 

“Just like that, baby,” he murmured, stifling a groan. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip on the back of your head to thrust into your mouth—careful, experimental. “Ah—fuck, your mouth feels so fucking good.”

Despite the unbelievably erotic image of you blowing him, Jake could also detect some smugness. As you bobbed your head, each motion driving Jake closer and closer to a release, you could pick up on the effect you were having on him.

His eyes, glazed over with lust, were threatening to roll back, but he was determined to keep them on you now. He couldn’t get enough of watching how you were taking him in, how you were so quick to pleasure him.

Then, as Jake felt heat burning under his skin, he gently pulled back, holding your jaw securely to keep you from chasing his cock. You looked up at him with a frown, head cocked to the side.

“What’s wrong?” you asked as he wordlessly helped you back up to your feet.

Jake switched your positions, backing you into the wall again. He slid his hand under your thigh, pulling it up so that your leg wrapped around his hip. 

“My turn,” he said. “I’d rather be inside you when I cum.”

A needy little moan escaped your lips, and suddenly the both of you were a mess of hands, clawing and tearing to get each other’s clothes off. You yanked at Jake’s shirt, shoving it up and over his head, and he didn’t let it go unnoticed that your gaze dropped to the lines of his chest. You didn’t get much time to ogle, though, because Jake was quick to get rid of your clothes next, even snapping your bra off in one go. Your underwear, however, was pulled down with slow reverence. Jake had to take a minute to admire your breathtaking body in all its glory.

He never imagined this. All this overwhelming passion. Your body pressed flush against his—no walls up between either of you. 

Jake almost felt like all of this was dreamlike as his finger skimmed your folds, moving to rub your clit in a slow, languid motion. A shaky whine fell from your lips. 

“You’re already soaked, sweetheart,” he said. He slipped a finger inside you as you were opening your mouth, and your words died on your tongue. “You’re just as filthy as me, aren’t you?”

All he got in response was another petulant whine, like music to his ears. Jake added another finger, pumping it inside you while his thumb pressed against your clit. You squirmed in his hold, but Jake held you steady, keeping you pinned to the wall as he fingered your cunt. 

“I thought about this so many times,” you gasped out, much to Jake’s surprise. He raised a brow while speeding up his ministrations. This only made it harder for you to get your words out coherently, so it took you a while to add, “Thought about you fucking me after those stupid arguments, just like this.”

Jake, a simple man, wasn’t built to handle such words; he would’ve come on the spot, untouched, if he wasn’t so eager to bury his cock in you.

Jake guided his cock to your slit, and the two of you moaned simultaneously as he pushed inside you. The room went a little fuzzy for a moment—something high-pitched seemed to be ringing in his ears—and then Jake’s hips met yours, drawing shuddering breaths and whimpers from you two.

Shit. He felt like he was on fire and your every moan was ice. 

Caging you in his grip, he gave a shallow thrust, rousing a gasp from you. In turn, your leg curled tighter around his hip. Jake had to bury his face in your neck to suppress his groans, his hot breath fanning your skin as he littered kisses and bites along your supple skin. He just hoped your makeup could conceal the marks that were blooming along the tender column of your neck.

Another thrust—deeper, this time. He seemed to hit a spot that sent stars glittering behind your eyelids, judging by the dazed look that clouded your expression. 

“M-more,” you begged, your voice catching on the end of the sentence. 

"More? You want more?"

Your response came out in a breath. "Please."

Your hand threaded into his hair, pulling him down for another kiss, like it was all you could hold onto. The position your leg was in was strained at this angle, but you didn’t seem to care, clawing at Jake’s back to keep him closer. 

His tongue slipped into your mouth without hesitation, and he was pretty sure he was getting drunk off the liquor on your tongue. Slowly, like he was taking off the training wheels, Jake’s hips started to move at a steady rhythm—shallow thrusts going deeper and deeper. 

As Jake relentlessly thrusted into you, he left no place untouched, each stroke dragging inside you a little longer. It drew out the prettiest whines from you, so he couldn’t help but tease you a little longer. His otherwise consistent rhythm, however, faltered as you clenched around him tightly. 

“I-I’m close,” you gasped out, pulling from the kiss to watch where his cock disappeared inside you. 

“I've got you, sweetheart,” he replied gently, honey dripping from his words, and Jake held you tightly in his arms as he sped up his pace to bring you closer to your orgasm. 

He was getting there, too—real close, actually. Jake felt like he was unravelling, his nerve endings alight, skin buzzing, and his breath trapped in his lungs. With a couple more thrusts, you shattered with his name on your lips, crying over the music. Jake had to cover your mouth with his hand to keep you quiet, but he couldn’t deny that he was loving how responsive you were. He followed after you with a loud groan, making sure to pull out before his cum spilled all over his hands.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. Jake watched as your chest rose and fell for a couple of minutes. He tried to ground himself—convince himself that what just happened wasn’t a dream. 

For the rest of the night, neither of you addressed how the next kiss held something deeper—something that reached beyond lust. Jake was sure you felt it, too, lingering like a secret between your lips, but he wouldn’t dare give that feeling a name just yet.

“Jake would be the type to catch feelings after hooking up.”

Park Sunghoon was the one to make this outrageous statement, effectively snapping Jake out of whatever dreamy daze he was in. Ever since he had sex with you hours ago, Jake couldn’t stop thinking about how you felt around him. He thought FaceTiming his friends would help clear his mind, but he was starting to believe that they were, in fact, the problem.

He didn’t return home immediately. Jake had to pretend like he didn’t just blow your back out when he went downstairs to talk to Kazuha and her very drunk roommates. One of them was so obviously flirting with Jake that you cornered him later to leave a prominent hickey on his collarbone. Then, after he sobered up enough to drive you home, you didn’t seem to have your heart set on getting back; you requested that Jake stop at a parking lot on two separate occasions (during a fifteen minute drive) so that he could eat you out in the backseat.

After that, there was a lot more kissing on the way to your doorstep, a lot of heavy petting as he carried you to your room, and you graciously offered to ride him before he drove back home.

When Jake recounted all of this to Jay and Sunghoon, he left to get himself a midnight snack because they were laughing their heads off for a record-breaking amount of time. It started to feel like a humiliation ritual.

At the end of the call, Jay spouted some bullshit like, “Heeseung won’t even care, trust me.”

Jake refused to even consider that as a possibility, but he vowed to keep his distance from you to make sure last night wouldn’t happen again. (It was important to note that he laughed right after because even he couldn’t believe that.)

Despite the shame that bubbled in Jake’s gut, he had to honor the commitment he made to Heeseung, even though it was a terrible idea to see you again. (No, it’s a wonderful idea! those feel-good neurotransmitters in his stupid, horny brain argued. Viagra in your future! Always prioritize sex! Get laid quick!) So, the next day, there he was—at 5:00 p.m. sharp—parked outside of your house with a sinking feeling that you were going to greet him in a way that would make your older brother faint on the spot.

The sky was splotched with peach and lavender, like a watercolor painting that dried into soft, muted hues. There was a dreamy glow out on the horizon, but when Jake turned to see you walking out of his house, there was the sun—ablaze with brilliant light.

Your eyes caught, and he felt suspended in time for a few seconds. Jake’s stupid, pathetic heart pumped out blood a bit too quickly.

Something was off, though.

You were wearing cotton shorts and an oversized t-shirt with Snoopy printed on the front—more fitting for a sleepover than a charity event, no offense. Jake understood that plenty of people prioritized comfort in their outfit choices; although he was quite surprised that you, of all people, would fall in that category. He recalled that blink-182 concert where he had to take turns with Sunghoon to give you a piggyback ride back to the parking lot because you were so damn adamant on wearing your death trap high heels. Your ankles, of course, suffered the consequences.

But maybe this was a good thing. Maybe this meant that you felt comfortable around him… and whoever else was going to be at that charity event, he supposed. 

Would it be so wrong to ask for clarification on the event, though? But what if he came across like he was prying too deeply into your personal life?

No—he would not dare make one comment about it.

So he didn’t. Until he realized that he made a grave mistake.

“A Love Island watch party? Heeseung told me this was a charity event!” Jake exclaimed, utterly baffled.

“Yeah, the winners get a hundred grand,” you replied casually, as if you hadn’t been withholding crucial information that would’ve changed Jake’s mind about following you into the house. “Voting for your favorite couple is basically charity work, if you think about it.”

Jake groaned. This was a set-up, and he was not about to stay over at Danielle’s to watch Love Island, of all shows. 

But then, you leaned over to press a chaste kiss to Jake’s cheek. “If you don’t vote for Nicolandria, you’re dead to me, by the way,” you whispered. Although your choice of words weren’t exactly tempting, Jake found himself unbuckling his seatbelt and following you into the house. The effect you had on him was absurd.

To his surprise, though, he was thoroughly entertained for the night. Sure, he was the only guy in a room full of girls that had enough Stanley cups to beat him to death, but Jake almost felt like he was in his element. When Kim Minji went on a five minute rant to explain why Nicolandria deserved to be the winning couple, Jake was so intrigued that he ended up agreeing to join their Love Island nights until the season ended.

(He later discovered that Love Island released a new episode five days a week, but that somehow didn't change his mind on attending.)

In a tangled mess of feelings and desire, Jake was now making plans to keep seeing you. He only hoped that he could muster up the courage to tell his friend everything before things got serious with you.

Heeseung’s return didn’t change much, to be honest.

Jake was under the impression that he’d be far too paranoid to be messing around with you once your brother was back, but it seemed to be the exact opposite. He couldn’t get enough of you these days. Although you two were keeping things under wraps for now, Jake found it hard to not reach for your hand and think about how it would be if he could keep you by his side for longer. Whenever he woke up in your bed, he wanted time to freeze so that he could hold you until the moon came out again. 

Oh, and their seminars.

You ended up proposing a solution to Jake’s problem. It wasn’t anything very sophisticated, but as soon as class ended, you’d be dragging Jake somewhere private to ease the tension growing in his jeans. 

Or, when he was really done for, Jake would be the one pulling you along. 

“No way,” you mouthed once as Jake grabbed your wrist right as soon as you walked out of the classroom. A smirk was creeping up your lips as you kept your eyes trained on him, effectively cracking through his impassive facade. Jake’s eyes flitted away before you could see any color bloom on his face. “Horny already? And to think I was holding back…”

Jake, who was too busy looking for the closest enclosed space that offered enough privacy, was walking so fast that you were nearly stumbling to keep up with him. He flung open the door to an empty lab. It seemed too risky to simply close the blinds when there was no lock on the door, but there was, however, an equipment room in the back. He pulled you over by the wrist, ushering you inside. 

“Yeah,” he finally replied, turning the lock on the handle, “I was holding back, too.”

And then he fucked you against the door with one hand bruising your waist and the other wrapped around your throat. 

He truly didn’t think this would be the course of his love life. Not that Jake was complaining, but he wished that being with you didn’t involve the daunting feat of confronting Heeseung. Not only could the interaction go disastrously, but Jake was terrified that Heeseung would look at him differently for going after his sister. He didn’t want to be the guy that Heeseung should’ve watched out for.

Jake willed himself to break the news to Heeseung after spending a Friday night with you, curled up on your bed and catching up on the latest season of Love Island. Jake had to admit that he was too deeply invested in the contestants’ storylines. 

While he played with your hair, he heard you ask, “Can you ever see us dating? Like, officially going out?”

“Yeah,” he murmured back. “That’s the plan, isn’t it?”

The first time you told Jake you wanted things to get serious, he outright told you no. However, his body betrayed him when he nodded enthusiastically along with his refusal, making you even more confused. Now, though, Jake was determined to get that conversation with Heeseung out of the way. Leading you on would break his heart more than not getting your brother’s approval.

When Jake decided to fess up to Heeseung, though, he made sure Jay and Sunghoon were right with him. They knew how honest Jake’s intentions were—kind of—and they would surely have his back when it came down to it. 

Unfortunately, he forgot that Jay and Sunghoon were the two worst people for this sort of situation.

“This is the worst boba consistency I’ve ever had,” Sunghoon complained, stabbing at the last of the boba pearls in his taro milk tea. “Sorry, Heeseung, what were you saying? You made the basket or whatever.”

(“Oh, Heeseung, I need to tell you something,” Jake mumbled as quietly as possible, although the wind successfully drowned him out.)

“Close—that would be basketball,” Heeseung replied. “But, yeah, I made the winning goal. Whoever wants to ride my dick is going on a waitlist.”

(“Speaking of…”)

“Shit. Put me on the waitlist,” Sunghoon said. “Priority reservation, please.”

(“Heeseung…”)

“I’ll get to you eventually, Twenty-Six.” 

(“Heeseung?”)

Jay pounded a fist on the table. “Jake has something to say!” After witnessing his friend moping about and mumbling for so long, it was only a matter of time before he snapped. 

Heeseung looked alarmed for a moment before asking, “What’s up?”

Jake only had a few seconds to shoot Jay a death glare before he had to fix his face and explain, “Right, um… I kind of have to tell you something.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s really not that bad if you think about it.”

“Okay…”

“And, actually, it should be more reassuring that it’s me and not—”

Heeseung scratched the side of his head. “Uh, I’m still gonna need context.”

“I’m, uh… so, I’m…” Jake sucked in a deep breath, trying to steady himself. “So, I’m kinda seeing Y/N.”

There it was. The truth was out and Jake could stop skirting around it. He knew it would be near impossible to keep hiding it because Jake discovered that he was becoming far more endeared by you with each coming day. Absolutely terrifying, really, considering that he was already endeared at an incomprehensible level. 

Heeseung’s eyes went as wide as saucers. “You and Y/N?” 

As if the whole thing couldn’t get any more awkward, you walked right out of the boba shop that the four of them were just in. To be fair, Heeseung was the one that called you over because he put in a request for a breakfast wrap after stalking your location, but of course you had to come out right this minute.

“Damn,” you said, scrunching your nose up in distaste. “Garbage boba consistency.”

“Right!” Sunghoon exclaimed. Jake was starting to think that he should’ve just met up with Heeseung on his own. “All I taste is disappointment when I drink this.”

Jake was petrified as Heeseung, completely unfazed by your arrival, stared at Jake in utter disbelief. He couldn’t peel his eyes away, even after you dropped his breakfast wrap onto the table in front of him. “Wait, hold on—before anyone says anything else—did you just say that you’re seeing Y/N? Y/N, my sister?” He practically flung his arm to point at you. “Her?”

Jake swallowed thickly, but you casually answered for him, “Yeah, he is.” 

The air around him thickened, pressing down on his chest like a weight. Jake’s thoughts were spiraling by now, imagining countless scenarios of Heeseung dropping him as a friend and forever plagued by his betrayal. Jake knew his friend deeply, and he knew that when Heeseung was hurt, he’d—

“Nice,” Heeseung drawled, raising his fist so that you could fist-bump it. “About time, too.”

What?

“You’re not mad?” Jake blurted out, floored by the response. Now this was a turn of events that he didn’t prepare for in the countless scenes he practiced in his head. 

“I asked you to drive her to Danielle’s for a reason, dude. She could’ve just taken an Uber.”

“Wait… you were in on this?”

“I wouldn’t say I was in on anything, but I knew she had a thing for you. I was just glad she’s interested in you and not, like, Sunghoon.”

“Hey,” Sunghoon piped up, sounding stung, but he seemed to recover quickly. “I’m saving myself for you, Heeseung.”

“Twenty-six—remember that.”

“See? I told you, you had nothing to worry about,” you said as you slid into the bench next to Jake, reaching over to squeeze his hands. “Now you can stop denying that it’s perfectly fine for us to date.”

“I guess I was a little in over my head.” Jake returned a sheepish—and frankly, lovesick—grin, wrapping an arm around your waist and pressing a kiss to your temple. Now that Jake had you, despite his friends cringing before him, he didn’t want to let you go.

He could probably also admit to himself that he had liked you all along.

That, he supposed, was what Jay meant about implausible deniability.

AUTHOR'S NOTE ▸ the jake brainrot really got to me this time 🚬 thank you for reading this if you made it all the way here !! i'm so so grateful if you chose to give this fic a chance so i hope you enjoyed :') also contrary to how the summary sounds, jake is too babygirl for me to not make him a loverboy <33 i swear something about him just screams Yearning

TAG LIST ▸ @allthesqueaks @pshnoona @wvnkoi @dearestdreamies @notleclerc @nyxtwixx @sucrosxi @rubyunie @m1kkso @remgeolli @seokjinthescientist @zzzsunghoon @nithxhoon @radcustoms @katseye4mimi @niniissus @averieee19 @yuniesluv @hoonkishoe @choeryyxyz @fancypeacepersona @v1shwa-xo @vantxx95 @wonnieswife @heesdazed @k1ttyjwon @rosebarzallo @jakeslvt

[rmview]

when you’re much younger, SVT.

featuring — seventeen members x gn!reader ( masterlist )

summary — headcanons of what the seventeen boys are like when they have a crush on a much younger girl!

contents — fluff, everyone is legal, no warnings.

ming ⥋ yu

⟶ he acts like he’s the older one for all of five seconds before realizing you’re emotionally ten steps ahead. ⟶ he tries to impress you by being responsible, but eventually ends up tripping over his own shoelaces in the process. ⟶ he finds your calmness comforting; a trait uncommon for someone as young as you. ⟶ lowkey overthinks the age gap at first, and is worried he’ll come off childish, so he holds back his flirtiness. ⟶ he ends up melting when you reassure him with a mature, quiet confidence that you like him just as he is. ⟶ he constantly finds himself going to you for advice even though he’s supposed to be the “older and wiser” one. ⟶ he blushes easily when you compliment him, and then plays it off with a nervous laugh or lame joke. ⟶ he starts taking things more seriously, becoming more thoughtful with his words and actions around you. ⟶ he introduces you slowly to the members, cautiously gauging their reactions because he knows it’s a delicate situation. ⟶ but then he realizes he doesn’t care what anyone says when he sees how genuinely you handle him — heart first.

won ⥋ woo

⟶ he notices your emotional intelligence first: how you handle difficult people with grace, how you listen. ⟶ he secretly admires your maturity from afar for a while, thinking it's probably not right to act on it. ⟶ he fights his feelings at first, telling himself it’s just admiration, and not something deeper. ⟶ he ends up falling harder when you challenge him intellectually and emotionally. ⟶ he isn’t vocal about his internal battle, but it shows in the little hesitations before he speaks to you. ⟶ he eventually opens up in a quiet moment, confesses he’s scared of how serious you make him feel. ⟶ he loves how you never treat him like an idol or older guy. you treat him like a person, and that matters. ⟶ he becomes very protective in subtle ways: offering to walk you home, checking up on you without being overbearing. ⟶ he respects your boundaries more than anything, even if it means holding himself back. ⟶ if you show you’re comfortable, he’s all in — deeply loyal, quietly devoted, and absolutely yours.

ho ⥋ shi

⟶ he’s confused at first because you’re so mature and grounded, and it completely throws him off. ⟶ he jokes about the age gap as a defense mechanism — “am i even allowed to flirt with you?” ⟶ he lowkey tests the waters by being playful but watches closely how you react. ⟶ he’s surprised and impressed when you don’t play along with his teasing and instead meet him with calm clarity. ⟶ he gradually becomes more serious with you, and it's new territory for him, but he likes the change. ⟶ he tells the members about you with a weird mix of pride and nerves, like he knows he’ll be teased. ⟶ he loves how you balance him out, how you don’t feed into his impulsivity, how you center him. ⟶ he starts acting more “grown-up” in front of you, ditching the excessive jokes for genuine conversations. ⟶ he flusters easily when you compliment his efforts to mature since your approval matters a lot. ⟶ he realizes age doesn’t define depth when you make him feel truly seen and safe.

ver ⥋ non

⟶ he has a surprisingly pragmatic reaction. age matters, sure, but connection matters more. ⟶ he’s drawn to how unbothered and steady you are and how safe it feels in a way he didn’t expect. ⟶ he doesn’t care what people think as long as you’re honest with each other about intentions and comfort. ⟶ he starts falling through long, quiet conversations where you both just... get each other. ⟶ he admires how you never try too hard, and how your maturity is natural, never performative. ⟶ he gets protective when others question the age gap, but responds with calm, sharp logic instead of anger. ⟶ he doesn’t really do grand gestures — just consistent, lowkey care that never wavers. ⟶ he checks in with you a lot emotionally, making sure you feel respected and in control. ⟶ he shares music and poems with you. it's his way of expressing feelings he doesn’t verbalize easily. ⟶ he thinks it's cool how you challenge him emotionally and mentally without ever making him feel small.

s. ⥋ coups

⟶ he immediately notices your maturity and quietly respects it. ⟶ he questions himself hard though. the leader in him wants to be “appropriate” and responsible. ⟶ he doesn’t make a move until he’s absolutely sure it’s mutual and you’ve both thought it through. ⟶ but once he’s in, he’s in — gentle, fiercely protective, and constantly putting your comfort first. ⟶ he has deep, serious conversations with you about the future, your goals, and how the gap might affect things. ⟶ he finds himself wanting to take better care of himself because you inspire him to be better. ⟶ he loves how level-headed you are in moments where he feels overwhelmed. ⟶ he introduces you to his closest members early on. he wants this to be real, not a secret. ⟶ he reassures you constantly that your maturity is what he fell for — not your age. ⟶ he commits wholeheartedly, and makes it clear he’s not just in this for a phase. he sees you as his equal.

di ⥋ no

⟶ he feels incredibly self-conscious at first; you’re younger but more emotionally composed, and it throws him off. ⟶ he is used to being the “young one,” so falling for someone younger and more mature twists his world a little. ⟶ he overcompensates by trying to act more grown up, but you always see right through it and smile knowingly. ⟶ he falls harder the more you treat him seriously — like a man, not the “maknae.” ⟶ your thoughtful communication style makes him want to slow down and listen more. he's always learning with you. ⟶ he shares his dreams with you because you listen without judgment, and that means everything to him. ⟶ he tries to impress you subtly: better outfits, more composed speech, offering his support in small ways. ⟶ when you reassure him that you don’t care about status or age and just like him, his heart fully gives in. ⟶ he brings you into his world slowly, letting you see his most serious sides that not everyone gets to witness. ⟶ he vows to grow alongside you. not to catch up, but to become someone worthy of your quiet strength.

jeong ⥋ han

⟶ he acts like the age gap doesn’t bother him, but deep down he’s gauging you constantly. ⟶ he teases you playfully at first — “aren’t you a little young to be this smart?” but it's laced with admiration. ⟶ he loves watching how you handle difficult situations: calm, thoughtful, graceful. it mesmerizes him. ⟶ he keeps the flirtation light, but watches closely for signs of real interest from you before going further. ⟶ he’s lowkey testing you with banter and challenges, trying to see how deep your maturity runs. ⟶ once he realizes your emotional depth isn’t just a fluke, he’s hooked — this isn’t just a crush anymore. ⟶ he lets his guard down more than usual, especially during late-night conversations where you talk about fears and futures. ⟶ when others comment on the age gap, he only smirks and says “yeah, and they’re still more grounded than me.” ⟶ he admires how you call him out gently. never disrespectful, just honest; and he listens. ⟶ he becomes incredibly soft around you, always wanting to protect that rare mix of youth and wisdom you carry.

jo ⥋ shua

⟶ he’s quietly intrigued by how mature you are; your words, your presence, your grounded aura. ⟶ he notices the age gap but doesn’t dwell on it — what matters more is how peaceful he feels around you. ⟶ he asks subtle questions to understand your values, always impressed by your sincerity and thoughtfulness. ⟶ he finds it refreshing that you don’t get overwhelmed by his calm demeanor — you mirror it. ⟶ he shares music with you that aligns with your energy; soft, soulful, a little nostalgic. ⟶ he’s a traditional romantic, so he’s cautious and respectful, wanting to ensure you’re always comfortable. ⟶ he talks about the age gap early on, openly and gently, because he values transparency. ⟶ he’s drawn to your emotional intelligence. how you understand situations without needing long explanations. ⟶ he appreciates how you’re supportive without being dependent, how you give him space but still care deeply. ⟶ he falls in love slowly but completely, convinced that your connection goes far beyond numbers.

dk ⥋

⟶ he’s amazed by how calm and mature you are — he says it out loud all the time without even realizing it. ⟶ he gets shy about liking someone younger who seems more composed than him, but he finds it oddly comforting too. ⟶ he tries to act more mature at first, but you always catch him slipping into his natural bubbly self. ⟶ you never make fun of his energetic personality. instead, you ground it gently, which makes him trust you more. ⟶ he’s extra careful with how he speaks to you, always wanting to be respectful and kind. ⟶ he finds himself leaning on you in ways he never expected. ⟶ he constantly reminds himself not to let the age gap dictate what he feels, because you make him feel so much. ⟶ he gets flustered when you compliment his deeper qualities, like his loyalty, patience, or awareness. ⟶ he sings to you without even realizing it. love slips out of him naturally when he’s around you. ⟶ he one day blurts out that he likes you and then panics — but when you handle it with warmth and maturity, he knows you're the one.

the8 ⥋

⟶ he notices your inner strength right away. the way you speak with intention, how you don’t seek validation. ⟶ he’s intrigued, then enchanted, then completely taken by how emotionally evolved you are for your age. ⟶ he doesn’t say much at first, observing you from afar, trying to decide if what he feels is genuine. ⟶ but once he realizes it is, he’s direct “you’re younger, but you don’t feel like it.” ⟶ he respects your boundaries and never rushes anything, always moving at your pace. ⟶ he loves how you don’t just go along with him, you challenge him gently, and he thrives on that growth. ⟶ he starts opening up about his philosophies, beliefs, and artistic views. ⟶ he doesn’t care what people say about the age difference; to him, connection transcends convention. ⟶ he supports your dreams like a silent pillar: not loud, but constant. ⟶ he values your presence deeply. your maturity, your balance, your soul — and he loves you with rare, steady conviction.

jun ⥋ hui

⟶ he notices your calmness and inner peace first. it reminds him of his own energy, just in a more composed form. ⟶ he becomes curious about how someone younger could carry so much depth, so effortlessly. ⟶ he’s very gentle in the way he approaches you, as if sensing you’ve had to grow up quickly. ⟶ he starts opening up artistically around you; sharing his short stories, dance thoughts, even random dreams. ⟶ he asks deep questions during casual moments, like “what do you think love means?” ⟶ he’s quietly romantic. he brings you tea when you’re tired, reads your emotions without you needing to say much. ⟶ he respects the age difference but never makes it awkward. he simply treats you how you deserve to be treated. ⟶ he doesn’t need to impress you; your presence makes him want to slow down and savor the quiet moments. ⟶ he defends your maturity when others raise eyebrows “they think more deeply than half the adults i know.” ⟶ he doesn’t confess right away. he waits, letting love grow slowly and sincerely until the words feel undeniable.

woo ⥋ zi

��� he’s suspicious of his own feelings at first. “i must be imagining it, there’s no way this is real.” ⟶ he tries to avoid it, but your maturity makes it harder every day; especially the way you understand him without pressing. ⟶ he treats you like a friend first. someone he respects, someone he feels safe brainstorming music with. ⟶ he gets quiet when you say something wise. not because he’s annoyed, but because he’s genuinely impressed. ⟶ he watches how you deal with tough emotions without spiraling, and it earns his full respect. ⟶ he starts trusting you with parts of his creative process no one else sees — lyrics, drafts, insecurities. ⟶ he sometimes forgets you’re younger. your emotional intelligence feels like someone who’s seen entire lifetimes. ⟶ he’s fiercely private about his feelings, but slips up when he starts treating you like someone irreplaceable. ⟶ he isn’t the type to confess dramatically. instead, you’ll notice he’s always around when you need him, always paying attention. ⟶ when he does admit his feelings, it’s quiet and sincere: “i don’t care how old you are. i care about how you see me.”

seung ⥋ kwan

⟶ he’s stressed the moment he realizes he likes you. “no, no, no, they’re younger, i shouldn’t —” ⟶ but then you handle a tough situation with more grace than most adults and he’s just staring. ⟶ he tries to joke it off for a while; lots of teasing and playful remarks to mask the deeper affection. ⟶ he eventually stops joking when he sees how seriously you listen to him when he’s vulnerable. ⟶ he becomes incredibly protective, not because you need it, but because he needs to keep you safe. ⟶ he talks to the members about it and they all agree: “you like them because they treat you like a real person.” ⟶ he’s drawn to your emotional consistency and how you never invalidate his feelings, even when he’s dramatic. ⟶ you ground him in a way nobody else has. ⟶ he gets very serious when he finally talks about the age gap. “i know what people will say… but i know what i feel.” ⟶ and once he’s sure your feelings are mutual, he’s all in — loyal, honest, and fiercely proud to love someone like you.

notes: imma tell you guys something, every time i have to write an svt reaction, i always end up going on a hiatus 😭😭😭 i love my boys but writing for 13 people oooh 😭😭😭 i hope you guys enjoyed anyway :,) remember to leave a like since your interaction keeps me going <3

[12am-motivation]

DUDE... EP 19 WAS SO GOOD WE'RE FINALLY GETTING TO THE GOOD STUFF AND REVISITING UNANSWERED QUESTIONS FROM PREV EPS

Random brainworm yapping below the cut:

Okay first obviously WOAH... YOUNG DANTE, ALAN, AND ALAN'S DAD

A huge chunk of Alan's backstory being revealed in this Ep felt like a huge revelation tbh; most of the other ghouls are just shrouded in mystery with currently only a few crumbs of lore to go off on

I'm actually really happy about the many Luca crumbs in this Ep and while reading, I was thinking to myself "LUCA THE GOAT FR"

HE'S REALLY ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS HERE... More and more students are going to question the authorities and to me, this is both a good and bad thing since it smells like another Clash-type disaster is coming (been like that for a while now)

THIS... I know Leo's been an ass since the earlier Eps which made it really difficult for me to like him at first but his overall role in this Ep and most especially this line from him REALLY earned my respect for him

Despite his often immoral means, there's no doubting that he's incredibly rational and logical about dealing with the whole shady Darkwick situation and I'm really rooting for him this time (as blunt and sarcastic as he can be, but whatever it takes)

Plus, I'm actually kinda glad that someone finally slapped some sense into MC about her situation and SHE DESERVES TO BE ANGRY; I WANT TO SEE HER FIGHT BACK INSTEAD OF JUST BEING PUSHED AROUND

Ed is a huge asset to Darkwick; he seems to know a lot and accurately predict some major incidents in his age so I guess it makes sense they're finally showing him directly assisting them (damn, what is it out there this time I wonder)

Until now, I'm still curious about how much he knows about Towa and I can't help thinking back to that tree Towa looks after that Ed doesn't see (Ep 10)

^ Actually aside from this, there's still a lot of end of Ep crumbs to be answered in the coming Eps huh (stuff with Jin/Tohma/Alan, shady stuff with Hyde/Romeo/Sho/Taiga, Subaru and the Tree of Severance, etc etc)

We only have 2 months left to break this curse...

I haven't seen this CG in so long and I wonder if this really means we're so, so close to the end now and it all comes back to the fire in the prologue

I wonder what happens to the game itself once everything is over though? Guess that's something we'll find out in the coming months

I actually really liked the twists in this Ep~ Like I knew they would eventually go back to Dante's lecture on Anomalous Combat but I wasn't sure when they were going to become relevant so all I could do was guess and predict along the way

(Some of these are probably nonsense since I may have forgotten some details but I might just reread everything someday—)

[wishyoudwell]

Whats your favorite kind of four whump?

Ooohhh… haha wow… that’s actually kind of difficult to answer, let me think…

I like to read all sorts of fics I can get my hands on, so I like all sorts of whumpy fics too. So it’s actually really tough to decide on a specific type…/trope. And I don’t have any fic examples in mind from the top of my head. I like to read from mild to all kinds of extreme. From physical injury, purposeful harm/torture, kidnapping, drugging, etc. whatever you can think of and also mental/emotional pain (though I suppose that’s angst, isn’t it?) So honestly? All goes. I like seeing that descriptive, painful language, I like reading about that nauseating fear and when the author can make me squeamish. Of course that’s not for everyone…but me? I do enjoy it.

So it kinda depends on my mood and the authors execution, though i wouldn’t consider myself all too picky…I guess it’s kind of strange to admit to a bunch of people here that the idea of my fav getting injured in all sorts of horrific ways is…exciting, endearing and very fun but I’d be very much lying in denying that. I think you can understand ,right? Aha. Oops. Yep. Four dislodges his leg and gets stabbed and then also gets a Migraine and kicked in the head and then we put him in a bag and throw him off a spiky cliff to see what happens thunk thunk splash and I get up from my seat start clapping in the theatre in a standing ovation. kino

I suppose a lot of the appeal for me here lies in how unusual these situations feel for him specifically as well. Four is someone who keeps to himself greatly, he gets along well with everyone, but he’s not…close with any specific chain member from what we’ve seen. He says what he thinks for sure and has confidence in his actions, though he doesn’t actually show his vulnerable sides, and he tends to compartmentalize himself. So he (usually, not always) appears calm, cool and collected, acting as a neutral force. He’s kind of mysterious to the others, in a way? Most importantly he’s probably one of the Links who is the most, methodical, careful and thoughtful. I wouldn’t put it past him to have a lot pride in that.

By throwing him into these unpredictable scenarios situations, you can really cut him open and rip a lot of varied anguish out of him (and those that surround him)! The clash of that is a huuuge appeal. Sooo…

TLDR basically: I don’t have a specific favorite type of whump. I like all sorts of Four-Pain. He’s the chain member I like whumping most. Woe is my fav. From accidental injury, to kidnapping, torture, to emotional angst…yep, haha. good luck

Surprisingly enough while I love all sorts of whump, I tend to avoid MCD in most whump since it’s not as satisfying to me…

Whump is pretty exciting for me, so I can go for anything…!

[xjulixred45x]

Can we have Yui Komori with TWST 1st years + , Grim and Ortho?

Of course!

Twisted Wonderland: First Years x Yui Komori

Ace Trappola

OH MY GOD, YUI WOULD HAVE FLASHBACKS WHEN SEEING HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME. It's nothing personal, it's just that the way Ace looks, acts and moves through life, even some of his jokes remind Yui A LOT of Ayato, which is a mixture of many unpleasant memories and fellings she wants to forget, but can't. And at the same time, she feels guilty about it, because Ace is innocent (as innocent as Ace can be) and doesn't deserve that kind of cautious treatment.

Ace probably realizes that Yui feels uncomfortable around him after a while (probably because Trey or Cater pointed it out to him) and tries to improve his attitude around Yui a bit so as not to give her a bad time, even if he doesn't understand exactly what he's doing wrong. Ace generally doesn't understand why Yui acts that way, but he thinks it's a strange mix of strange and cute (poor thing, he thought Yui was just being shy, not having flashbacks of her trauma).

Until she opens up about what happened in her world with the Sakamakis and especially Ayato (and the physical resemblance they both have), everything clicks in Ace's head, and he starts acting surprisingly domestic around Yui, and I mean it. Outside of Ace's normal way of caring for people (doing it with his fists, bottling up all his feelings, and joking around to hide them, with no middle ground), he starts being more observant of Yui, whether it's helping her with Ramshackle, complimenting her desserts (which, by the way, he eats ALL the ones Yui makes), or helping her in gym class.

He's still Ace. He obviously still uses a lot of humor in inappropriate situations, but it's less mean-spirited and more ironic. Nowadays, it's not uncommon for Yui to laugh at his jokes for HOURS or try to beat him at cards. Ace says she's close, but we'll never know.

Deuce Spade

MY BABY, MY PURE ANGEL WITH A HEART OF GOLD, Deuce and Yui have so much in common, a past they don't want people to know about (for different reasons), they're quite dense on general topics, but they have hearts so big they can't fit in their chests. These two, as soon as they know each other well, are best friends, and YOU CAN'T CHANGE MY OPINION.

Deuce is a Mommas boy; he respects girls a lot, which also extends to Yui, but ESPECIALLY Yui. Are you telling him that Yui, single-handedly, cleans Ramshackle, takes care of Grim, makes desserts almost as good as Trey's, deals with Overblots daily, and DOSENT GET TIREDnOF EVERYTHING? DOSEN'T WANNA GO APE SHIT? He sees her as a legend. But he obviously sees her as his friend, not on a pedestal, but he can't help but have a strong protective instinct for her. Someone so gentle needs to be cared for, not thrown into the nest of vipers that is Night Raven.

Deuce is even more protective of Yui when he finds out what happened to her in her world. Of course, he had his suspicions that something bad had happened to her, whether it was because of the scars on her neck and arms or her intense fear of the Diasomnia students (especially Lilia), but hearing it from Yui in person, every horrible experience she went through in that house, was a whole other level of terrifying. Although Deuce, similar to Ace, doesn't want Yui to feel like a victim forever, he comforts her, yes, but he lets her know that she's stronger than she thinks, that she needs to stop putting herself down. She SURVIVED, and that makes her stronger than anything she tries to destroy.

I find them to be a truly adorable duo of idiots. The idea of them both trying to put their heads together to do the exercises for some classes with very difficult numbers (like Crewel's class or Trein's) is still hilarious to me.

Jack Howl

We know Jack, we love Jack, and even though he's the most mentally healthy of the whole group, he definitely competes with Deuce to see who's the most dense. I imagine the first interactions between him and Yui weren't exactly pleasant because Jack kept getting confused, thinking Yui was intimidated by him since when he was around her, she couldn't get her words out, started sweating and stuttering, etc. And Deuce and Ace probably told him a bit about Yui's troubled past (nothing graphic, just being patient with her since she comes from a difficult background).

What Jack didn't expect was that Yui wanted to ask his permission to TOUCH HIS WOLF TAIL, BUT SHE WAS TOO EMBARRASSED TO ASK. Let's just say Jack and Yui are like the mom and dad of the group; they try to keep everyone alive and healthy, believe in morality and self-worth, but are too naive for their own good sometimes. Although Jack is slightly better at that aspect than Yui, he's constantly on her to make sure YUI is okay.

Jack is one of the few people Yui feels comfortable letting out when she's overwhelmed, whether it's from the work Crowley gives her, the problems Grim gives her, or missing her father. It's truly rare to see Yui being open about her world, so Jack takes any information Yui reveals in these conversations to the grave.

Yui can, will, and will ask Jack to cuddle him in his Wolf form, even if Jack finds it odd, he can't deny Yui a single treat. Besides, head strokes and scratches behind the ears feel good.

Epel Felmier

To be honest, Epel probably tried to get Yui to take his place as Vil's "poison apple," realizing that, well, they have several traits in common! And after all, wasn't a pretty person what Vil needed? Well, here's a VERY pretty girl to put her through this (torturous) beauty training. When Vil rejected the idea, Epel wanted to be swallowed by the earth when he realized Yui heard him calling her pretty.

Epel is like Yui's purse guard dog. Any time they're together and someone is even slightly rude to her, or tries to give her extra work, or there's a bullying incident, Epel goes for it with his normal accent and dialect, either giving said person a verbal burn or a literal beating. He's the tough love type; he gives Yui apple juice because it's good for girls with anemia; he won't take no for an answer. He gives her part of his lunch when she's not looking, he's not hungry, etc.

He definitely wants revenge in Yui's name. "I WANT REVENGE!" And it's pretty hard to change his mind, but you can at least distract him by having Yui ask questions about her town. Then Epel will do a 180 and go back to his old self, it's almost like a switch (there's also a chance that Yui will start imitating Epel's accent now. Epel is ecstatic, Vil feels like he's going to cry).

Vil officially loves Yui—literally. It's thanks to her that he gets Epel to cooperate with his etiquette lessons, dance lessons, wearing the right clothes, etc. All Yui has to do is tell him he looks cool or manly instead of cute or adorable (although she definitely thinks that).

Ortho Shroud (PLATONIC ONLY)

Ortho absolutely ADORES Yui. The feeling is mutual, not only because of how kind she is, but because she's like a big sister to everyone, including him. he's constantly asking for cuddles from Yui, whether it's headpads, hugs, etc. I like to imagine Ortho asking several (respectful) questions about Yui's religion, as it's something important to her, and ends up creating a whole file to store what Yui tells him. Her world's concept of faith is both fascinating and terrifying! Incredible!

Ortho is probably the first to notice that Yui has old wounds and severe untreated anemia, but he has the decency not to tell anyone, offering her various diets and medical plans he found online. Ortho is genuinely concerned that Yui is doing so many tasks alone when she's sick or weak, so he takes advantage of his automaton status to be able to carry the heavy lifting for her and make everything easier (plus, he gets compliments from Yui, yay!).

He's definitely trying to make Yui and Idia fall in love in the future so that Yui can become part of the Shroud family. The worst part is that their parents know about it and are on board with the plan. Meanwhile, Idia wants to crawl to the gates of the underworld and DIE—

Sebek Zigvolt

Honestly, at first Sebek had a TERRIBLE opinion of Yui. Not only did the human speak disrespectfully to his master Malleus, but she had the nerve to not even look Lilia, one of Master Malleus's best servants (if not the best), in the eye?! DISGRACE! DISHONOR! Now, as we move past the events of Book 7 and her development, along with Sebek's time with the other first-years, his view of Yui, thankfully, begins to change.

I'm not saying he immediately accepts the platonic relationship with Malleus, but he begins to understand why Yui, of all people, would allow him such direct contact. The girl directly makes Sebek lower his guard. Not only that, he even lowers his voice around her, as if afraid of startling her. In part, Sebek sees Yui as a skittish rabbit, not his favorite animal, but he understands the charm, WOW, he does.

Sebek and Yui bond over their love of reading! This is what makes Sebek's opinion of his 180° turn honestly, FINALLY someone who understands the complexity of books and classics! (and who's willing to listen to him talk for hours, because Yui genuinely finds him interesting) Yui and he definitely take turns talking nonstop about a specific book while the other listens, then they switch, and so on until it's nighttime.

He ends up becoming Yui's knight without meaning to, whether it's escorting her to class (it doesn't matter if their classes are in opposite directions of campus), offering his arm down the stairs, helping her with her backpack, now it's even normal to see him next to Yui almost as much as it is to see him next to Malleus, I MEAN A LOT, I think Yui would take that as a sign that she likes Sebek, a little too much.

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

[wren--bee]

I don’t know enough about clothing or costuming to have picked up on what you did, so I appreciate you sharing.

But to expand on the common misunderstandings of Elizabeth Bennet’s character!

Firstly- she’s not a bookworm. She’s often thought to be one, but she isn’t. She says herself- “I am not a great reader, and I have pleasure in many things.” In this situation she hasn’t chosen reading as her preferred activity- she’s specifically refused to play cards because she suspects the group are “playing high” (I assume betting outside what she’s comfortable with). But she doesn’t even read- she puts her book down to listen and watch her hosts’ conversations and game. I’m sure she takes pleasure in reading- but it’s not a defining characteristic of hers. (Side note- Mr Darcy then mentions extensive reading as being important to being “an accomplished young lady”, possibly in part as indirect flattery to her, and if so it highlights that at this point he doesn’t really know her.)

Secondly- Elizabeth does enjoy being social! She enjoys balls, socialising and gossip. She’s a social person! Something she loves is, well… people. Watching them, learning about them- in fact it’s part of her pride, that she thinks herself so good at seeing the truth of a person when in fact she’s very able to be mislead and blinded. It’s part of her arc and it only works because she’s social and interested in people.

Thirdly- she’s not feisty. She’s actually described as having “a mixture of sweetness and archness in her manner which made it difficult for her to affront anybody”. She’s sassy and sarcastic, yes, but that’s coupled with- well, see above.

Fourth- she doesn’t defy societal norms. If you want that in a Jane Austen book, you have choices! (To a limited extent.) Emma Woodhouse is able to stand apart from social expectations around family and Marianne Dashwood rejects a lot of social rules outright. In fact the view quite a few people have of Elizabeth Bennet is far closer to that of Marianne than it is of Elizabeth. However neither of these characters stay where they start in their attitudes. (There is also Lady Susan, who twists social rules around to suit her own wishes, but she’s… uh. Well. She’s Lady Susan.)

Aaaand circling back to Elizabeth’s walking. She does enjoy walking and it comes up in the book. But again, this is not unusual for Austen’s characters! Marianne Dashwood (again) is a significant walker, but the most appropriate book to look to here is Mansfield Park and Fanny Price, and her need for regular, gentle exercise, how it’s a regular thing and how it compares to the abilities of other characters. It’s considered normal for women of the time to “take exercise” and go for walks- in some cases it doubles with visitation and other chores (most visible in Emma), but her walking isn’t unusual. In fact P&P specifically tells the reader that Mrs Gardiner was “not a great walker”- which would be entirely unnecessary to tell us if walking was unusual for women of the time! (Probably not usually alone through dirt for an unexpected visit at the house of a casual acquaintance though, which is where Elizabeth’s affection for Jane comes into play.)

Ramblies ramblies, sorry about that. But yeah, I’d love to see adaptations lift from the source material as opposed to other adaptations more!

I know that I cannot judge an entire adaptation from one single photo but after getting the first look of Emma Corrin as Elizabeth Bennet in the Netflix version of Pride and Prejudice I am terrified that this production is going to turn Elizabeth into some sort of 'not like other girls' tomboy, when in the novel she is nothing of the sort. This interpretation of Elizabeth's character is quite a common misconception and I believe it though perhaps did not originate with, but was certainly popularised by the 2005 adaptation.

(Disclaimer that I am not a fashion historian before I share my thoughts! But I have done quite a lot of reading into the era and these are my observations, feel free to chip in with your own!)

Compare the costume of Elizabeth (L) to Jane (R). The coat in particular is very masculine, especially since it has lapels. I struggle to believe that such a garment would ever be worn by a Regency lady:

Furthermore, Elizabeth is wearing something beneath her dress which almost appears to be a men's shirt with a collar? Though ladies would wear dresses with revealing necklines, in this era, dresses with:

'lower necklines [were] filled in with a fichu, scarf, lace, or chemisette.'

(via this article with more details about Regency morning dress)

All of the aforementioned are made of much daintier, lighter materials and even a chemisette (which could have a collar as this article demonstrates) has a rather different look than the piece of material that is peeking up from beneath Elizabeth's dress.

Fashion rant over, now I want to return to the text to demonstrate why any sort of tomboyish depiction of Elizabeth Bennet is not supported in the original novel.

Firstly, Elizabeth is repeatedly shown to engage in feminine pursuits. In fact, at the beginning of Chapter 2, shortly before her very first line of dialogue, she is described thus:

'Observing his second daughter employed in trimming a hat...'

Indeed, as I have previously discussed here, throughout the novel Elizabeth is repeatedly shown to be engaged in sewing, just like all other young girls of her age and class. We can therefore deduce that this activity is most likely one of her favourite ways of passing the time, rather than reading books (despite what fanon may portray).

Elizabeth also plays piano, and though she admits that her playing does not have 'the same force or rapidity' as other women's in Chapter 31, it is because she has not practised enough at that particular pursuit as she enjoys a variety of activities; she is sociable, enjoys walking and sewing, as I have previously established. Her lack of perfect technical application at the piano shows that she is not like Mary and is a far-more well rounded individual (which is a key lesson in the novel!). Even despite her lack of practice, Elizabeth's playing is good enough to be acceptable in company, which shows she must have some natural aptitude and affection for playing.

However, I think the primary scene which leads people to conclude that Elizabeth Bennet must be a tomboy is because she walks to Netherfield to visit Jane. Which conveniently ignores the fact that we are explicitly told in Chapter 7 that walking was her only option:

'Elizabeth, feeling really anxious, was determined to go to her, though the carriage was not to be had; and as she was no horsewoman, walking was her only alternative.'

It is obvious that Elizabeth would rather walk than ride on horseback because she does not enjoy it, which does not seem especially tomboyish to me. You would think any boisterous young woman who is desperate to get away from ladylike pursuits would always be out riding a horse? But that is not the case. If anything, this part of the novel shows to us the depth of Elizabeth's affection for her sister Jane. That she would risk impropriety and walking through mud to visit her sick sister is testament to how little Elizabeth cares how she is perceived vs the love she has for her family.

Ultimately, although Elizabeth resembles her father in terms of her wittiness more than any of her other sisters, that shared trait does not a tomboy make (women can be funny and feminine!) she is repeatedly shown to enjoy activities typical of her gender and class.

Elizabeth Bennet is timeless and relatable for so many reasons and her femininity does not need to be diminished in order to make that more obvious to modern audiences. I really hope that the Netflix series does not go down that route for her character because I think that it would be a tremendous shame.

(NB: I know that Emma Corrin is non-binary and I fully respect them and their identity. I just care an awful lot about the character of Elizabeth Bennet and how she is portrayed and perceived because I fell in love with her in the novel and she is perfect precisely as Jane Austen wrote her!)

[waywardstation]

Almost back home!!! I’ve been away for two weeks and I haven’t had good internet connection. Looking forward to getting back home.

I’ve been quiet cause of it, so how about a shop/merch update!! The products from my shop have already gone through a round of proofs this last week after I placed the order (as some files had gotten mixed up). I’m hoping the products finish their manufacturing and are shipped to me within this next week or so!

I’ve ordered extras of everything to put up in the shop as “in stock” after I send out my preorders, also ordered a few items as samples. They had a higher MOQ (minimum order quantity) so if they turn out well, I’d like to do a giveaway with some of them!

[officialsollux]

ironically I guess in frozen on mars lost on venus i was also looking at similar issues regarding youth & unforeseen power dynamics & fear responses regarding sex & sexual immaturity. like unlike two ways to doom the situation is not one of consistent sexual abuse, but there IS a moment where both parties engage in sex despite 1.) being too scared to actually recognise whether or not they "want" what is about to happen 2.) can recognise that the other party IS scared but their respective fear responses make them not stop what is happening regardless (Sollux shuts down and goes into freeze response when he is being touched despite trying to explain that wasn't what he was looking for then gives into it, Eridan goes into a fawn response because of Sollux's anger at him and ignores the fact he can tell Sollux is Very Out Of It because he's more scared of external pressures and has already put himself into a routine of offering sexual favours for respite & (in his opinion) the "illusion" of someone wanting him around). however, given this is a human AU and both characters ARE very aware of consent and the fact that they did not stop a situation where the person was not enthusiastically into it, a lot of their dynamic then both rests on guilt or fear that the other person is in some way acting out of guilt. like they struggle with the intensity of what Sex Is To Them but also the baggage of having been in other situations (whether or not they are about sex) where they are powerless given their age and history. like a large part of their dynamic just somewhat hinges on their respective desires to be good to one another, but the inability to function always as a healthy presence due to the pressures of being a teenager with your life so out of your control and making mistakes that hurt people in that time of your life.

[ethanscrocs]

i don't know if this is a legitimate fear or just paranoia but i'm kind of scared that one day i'll be like. cancelled? for shipping mikurin. i very much agree with the sentiment that people don't realize that even small age gaps like 2 years can be really weird when you're younger because those are such pivotal years. however i don't think this makes every relationship between a 14 year old and a 16 year old creepy or irredeemable or anything, i think it's just something to be cautious of and it's more about the case by case basis. miku and rin have a similar level of maturity and they are peers, and i don't necessarily think that depicting a relationship like huntlow or mikurin for example has any problematic real world influences (ships with larger age gaps between minors or between a minor and an adult 🤢 DO have real-world consequences because it's normalizing something inherently predatory in the minds of the audience) and i don't necessarily think mikurin is at any risk of doing that to be honest? but i'd definitely understand and respect it if people were uncomfortable with it it's just a pairing i enjoy as long as people are normal about them, and i've liked them together since i was like 11-12 😭

[5-htagonist]

.........im just gonna be real i do not see kabu misu. like period...... like dont get me wrong theyhave a good dynamic but it was NOT mithrun in the middle of his conspiracy board

[ichorblossoms]

nothing coherent happening but the ttw cast has been on my mental doorstep today. hi

[linagram]

[ 𝚔𝚞𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚒 𝚛𝚒𝚔𝚞'𝚜 𝚝𝟸 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚍𝚛𝚊𝚖𝚊 ] 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛-𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚌𝚢𝚌𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚗

there's only one prisoner pair left to judge! and riku's case still doesn't feel that easy to me. i have no idea what verdict he's gonna get this time.

speaking of warnings below: riku really does talk more about his murder in this vd and about his mental health problems as well. i was a little scared of writing this one because sometimes i feel like riku's character is too, uh.. edgy, maybe? or just too depressing? however, i also want to show that his relationship with his victim, his family and other people really messed him up to the point of wanting to be in pain himself and wanting others to be in pain as well.

Warnings for Riku's VD: Mentions of self-harm and suicide. Also, Riku, if you're able to get out of here, promise that you will immediately get therapy after that.

Warnings for Riku's MV: Mentions of blood, also one of the characters. Um. Literally gets mauled.

(sounds of footsteps that sound slower than usual and now it seems like there's only one person walking)

(the footsteps stop)

Miki: ...

Miki: *starts crying*

Miki: I-it's not fair..

Miki: Why do I- no, w-why do we have to do this?

Miki: I still want to save everyone, but..

Miki: .. Do I even want to save everyone?

Miki: .. Or do I just want them to like me?

Miki: Maybe I just want them to thank me and praise me for my hard work and..

Miki: T-that actually sounds nice..

Miki: H-hold on, what am I saying?!

Miki: Okay, I'm already losing my sanity.

Miki: I-I can't do this alone.

Miki: Maybe I should just-

Miki: Huh?

(a sound of a screen turning on)

???: Well, if you can't do this alone, that means you could use some help, right?

Miki: ...

???: I'm a little sleepy, but I can help out, if you want. I didn't really want to leave this room, but seeing you like this is.. kind of sad.

???: H-hey, can you hear me? Is this thing even on?

Miki: ...

???: .. It's the mask, isn't it.

???: Don't worry, I'll take if off once we see each other in person. I still have to wear it for now-

Miki: WHO EVEN ARE YOU?!

Miki: WHY ARE YOU- HOW- WHO-

???: P-please, calm down!.. You're so loud, your voice kinda hurts my ears, haha..

???: Also, what if the prisoners hear you?

Miki: .. Right.

Miki: But still.. Who are you?

Miki: Wait.. Your uniform..

???: You really are a smart one.

Miki: .. The third guard? You were the one who made everyone answer those questions?

???: Well, not exactly, I asked my.. uh, I asked someone else to bring those papers to everyone, but yeah, it was my idea.

Miki: .. Why? You know you could just join us and we could interrogate them together, right?

???: It's not as easy as it sounds, Miki-san. 

Miki: YOU KNOW MY NAME??

???: I've been watching you two for some time, so.. Yeah, I know a lot about you and the prisoners.

Miki: .. Where were you when it was the first trial though?

???: I was.. asleep, basically.

???: And then, after I woke up, I watched the recordings of all interrogations from that trial and I already had all the information I needed.

Miki: Asleep?..

???: Listen, I have no idea what happened to me, but it really felt like I was just asleep. But if I'm being honest..

???: I feel like they would've never let me wake up if they saw that they don't need me here.

Miki: W-what does that mean?..

???: I-I don't want to go into details.

???: So, I'm the third guard of the Milgram prison, nice to meet you.

Miki: .. N-nice to meet you too, but what is your name?

Miki: And when will I be able to meet you in person?

Miki: .. And what's with the mask?

???: A-ah, right, right, my name..

???: Um.. I-I can't reveal my real name to you right now, but trust me, I will do so very soon. I'm wearing a mask to hide my face for the exact same reason, but I promise that I will join you soon and you'll be able to see my face, haha.

Miki: But then.. What should I call you?

Miki: "Is it just me or his voice actually sounds very attractive? And what if he takes off this weird mask and it turns out that-"

Miki: "Wait, am I really having thoughts like this right now?"

???: So, uh, what should you call me..

???: Ah, right! Can you call me Hiyuu, please?

Miki: "Hiyuu"? S-sure, but why that name specifically?

???: When my parents were waiting for me to be born, they had a very long list of names for me and had no idea which one to go with. They almost went with Hiyuu.

Miki: I see..  Why did they go for a different name though?

???: No idea. I think it sounds cuter than the name I got in the end.

Miki: "It does sound kind of cute.."

Miki: O-okay! Then, um, again, n-nice to meet you, Hiyuu-san!

Hiyuu: Again, nice to meet you too, Miki-san.

Hiyuu: So, you're going to interrogate the ninth prisoner now, correct?

Miki: Y-yeah..

Hiyuu: I'm really sorry, but you'll have to interrogate him without me. I will join you when it's time for the tenth prisoner to be interrogated.

Miki: But why? Do you have something else to do?

Miki: Ah, I'm sorry for asking so many questions..

Hiyuu: It's okay, it's okay! It's just..

Hiyuu: .. I just woke up from a nap and I'm still feeling sleepy. 

Miki: ...

Hiyuu: .. It was a joke, I swear.

Hiyuu: I-I will join you later, I definitely will! But I know that prisoner's behavior is.. a bit unstable, so please, just know that if you're in danger, I will immediately run to help you, okay? 

Miki: .. Okay. Thank you, Hiyuu-san.

Hiyuu: No problem. And also..

Hiyuu: .. Sorry about what happened to Eiji-san.

Miki: .. I-I just want to believe that he will be okay.

(sounds of Miki's footsteps becoming faster)

(the door opens)

Riku: Ah, here you are, Miki!

Miki: ...

Riku: And where's Eiji-san? Did something happen or-

Miki: *sits down* I'm pretty sure everyone heard everything.

Riku: .. Haha, you're right.

Riku: .. I hope it's not that serious.

Miki: It's a broken arm, which is probably not that serious, it really could be worse, but..

Miki: Considering these conditions and everything..

Riku: .. Right. Right. I'm sorry.

Riku: S-so.. It's my turn to be interrogated, right?

Miki: *nods*

Miki: How are you feeling, Riku-san?

Riku: I'm fine, I'm fine! A little bit nervous, but that's to be expected.

Riku: Also, just wanted to thank you again for forgiving me. Really, I'm so grateful..

Riku: I was.. I was so scared, you know. 

Riku: Like.. Of course, I didn't want this to be real. I wanted this to turn out to be some kind of game. I hoped that I won't get punished for real, that nobody will get punished for real.

Riku: .. But all of this is real.

Riku: And I'm here and I was forgiven! I did have to.. uh, pay a price, but it's fine. 

Miki: .. A price?

Miki: You mean tricking me and making me give you a knife, so that you can hurt yourself later and make me feel so bad that I simply wouldn't be able to do anything other than vote you innocent?

Riku: H-hey, you're kinda making it sounds like I'm the bad guy here-

Miki: You're not a "bad guy". But you did lie to me.

Riku: I did. And I'm sorry. 

Riku: .. But you will still forgive me, right?

Miki: .. What if my forgiveness has its limits?

Riku: What was that?

Miki: N-nothing. 

Miki: *clears throat* Riku-san, before we talk about your crime, I want to talk about the way you've been acting lately.

Riku: What do you mean by that? I've been doing fine-

Miki: Trying to hurt yourself with a fork while everyone is having breakfast is not fine, Riku-san.

Riku: .. Ehehe..

Miki: I just want to help you. You can be honest with me.

Riku: .. I can't be honest with anyone, Miki.

Miki: Why?

Riku: .. Okay. If you're more honest than me, then please be honest with me right now.

Riku: *takes a breath*

Riku: "I simply wouldn't be able to do anything other than vote you innocent".. Does that mean you forgave me only because of what I did to myself?

Miki: ...

Miki: I-I could feel your pain when I watched your video. I really did feel sorry for you. 

Miki: But I don't want to lie and say that what you did wasn't a big part of the reason why I made that decision.

Riku: Haha.. See?

Riku: People like me only when they see me in pain.

Miki: What does that mean, Riku-san?

Riku: *sighs*

Riku: "Riku-kun, can you please go and talk to Yue-kun? He looks so sad.."

Riku: "Sorry, Riku, but your brother is not feeling good today. You can still go to that concert alone though."

Riku: "Hey, Riku, is it just me, or your sadder songs are better than the happier ones? Like, you'll be able to help more people with them."

Riku: I was always surrounded by those who were in pain.

Riku: And I always had to do everything for them. I had to give up so many things for them.

Riku: Of course, I would go and try to comfort my "friend" even if I didn't want anything to do with him. Of course, I would stay home and not go to any concerts, because if I did go, it would look like I don't care about my brother at all. Of course, I would write more sad songs and make myself sad in the process because people like them more.

Riku: I was sick of it. I was so tired of it, I started to hate literally everyone around me. It was so bad that when I saw someone trip and their friend helping them get up, I would get so angry, I would have to leave so that I wouldn't try to beat up those people just for not giving their attention to me.

Riku: And then, one day..

Riku: People finally saw me in pain.

Riku: I finally opened up. I finally told them how I really feel.

Riku: And considering my popularity, they went insane. They were ready to do anything to make me happy.

Riku: I know how to use my pain to make people feel sorry for me. And it looks like it had worked with you and even Eiji-san.

Riku: So please, don't be mad at me for still doing that. 

Riku: I know how to put on a show. And if you two need to see me in pain just so that you can forgive me later, I will make it as bloody as you want.

Riku: .. Miki?

Miki: ... 

Miki: *starts crying* I'm sorry, Riku-san. I'm so sorry.

Riku: .. Heh.

Riku: Works like a charm.

Miki: .. Just another reminder that my forgiveness has limits.

Miki: Also.. 

Miki: "Yue-kun".. Is that your childhood friend?

Riku: Ah, right, I haven't told you his name. Yeah, that's him.

Riku: I was friends with Shiozaki Yue since I was like.. seven years old? Maybe younger.

Miki: .. And he's your victim, isn't he?

Riku: .. Yeah.

Riku: Hey, what did my video tell you exactly? Like, did it show you all the details? Oh, also, did you like my song?

Miki: Your video felt like.. At first, I could see how popular and how loved you are. 

Miki: But then, I saw you texting your friends and after you saw their messages, you started crying. 

Miki: I didn't get the ending of it though. It felt like.. 

Miki: You were on the school rooftop with your friends and then you pushed someone off the roof while telling them to jump.

Riku: !

Riku: Ahaha..

Riku: Wow, that sounds scary.

Riku: Again, was the song good though-

Miki: Now, back to your.. um, behavior.

Miki: .. Why did you tell Miyagawa-san to "go and die"?

Riku: ...

Riku: *laughs* Come on, Miki, did you really have to bring that up?

Riku: I almost forgot about it and you really had to ruin it for me, haha..

Miki: How can you forget about it when you have to look at Miyagawa-san's injury every day?

Riku: I just try to ignore him. That's all.

Riku: If he tries to talk to me even after all of that..

Riku: .. That's his fault. Not mine.

Miki: You knew that he likes you a lot. Why did you..

Miki: Why did you have to be so cruel to him?!

Riku: Because I hate him, Miki.

Riku: This guy likes me only because I remind him of someone. I know that for sure.

Riku: He doesn't like the real me. He would never accept the real me.

Riku: Listen, that's just what us, popular guys, do. We smile, we say hi, we say how good everyone looks today, we say that we'd be glad to hang out with someone, even if we actually wish that person was dead.

Riku: 'Cause that's how reputation works! Say one wrong word and that's it, you're out.

Riku: .. And I can't have that. My family only sees me as someone who has to take care of my siblings, even though I'm not even the oldest. My "best friend" only sees me as a guy he can vent to and project his pain onto.

Riku: My school was the only place where I was loved and accepted by everyone.

Miki: But.. what's the difference between pretending for your family and Shiozaki-san and pretending for your classmates?

Riku: It's simple: my classmates were obsessed with me.

Riku: They wanted to be like me. They wanted to be with me. They wanted to be noticed by me.

Riku: And I continued to play along just because it's nice to feel like somebody's idol.

Miki: .. Is that also the reason why it was so hard for you to stop being friends with Shiozaki-san? He liked you a lot, didn't he?

Riku: .. Well, I can't deny that it is a part of the reason why I couldn't just say "Hey, I think we should go our separate ways".

Miki: And is this also why you couldn't just be honest with Miyagawa-san when you first met him? Because it was nice to feel like you're important to him?

Riku: Yeah, so what? Are you really gonna judge me for just wanting to be liked?

Miki: I'm not gonna judge you for wanting to be liked, but I will judge you for manipulating other people's feelings.

Miki: A-anyway, we don't have much time left.

Miki: So, about your crime..

Miki: What exactly did you do?

Miki: I just don't understand. I know why you did it, but I don't understand how it happened.

Riku: What exactly you don't understand then?

Miki: Uh.. 

Miki: ... Okay, here it goes.

Miki: Did your friend kill himself because of you or did you kill him yourself?

Riku: ...

Riku: Um..

Riku: It's.. actually very hard to explain.

Riku: But before I do that..

Riku: *stands up*

Riku: Promise me that you will forgive me.

Miki: ...

Riku: I will do anything to make you forgive me. Do you want to see me on my knees? Do you want to see all my scars? Do you want me to just stab myself right in front of you?

Riku: One word and I'll do it. I'm okay with dying, honestly.

Miki: .. But if you die, what's the point of me forgiving you then?

Riku: .. I-I don't know.

Riku: Hearing "I forgive you" sounds nice, haha.

Riku: So, do you promise-

Miki: .. You're so stupid, Riku.

Riku: Huh?

(sounds of Miki standing up and pushing Riku against the wall)

Riku: !

Riku: T-that was unexpected..

Riku: .. Are you crying?

Miki: YES, I AM CRYING BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT!

Miki: YOU'RE WILLING TO THROW AWAY YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT JUST BECAUSE "HEARING SOMEBODY FORGIVE YOU SOUNDS NICE"?! ARE YOU THAT DUMB?!

Miki: WHAT'S THE POINT OF ME FORGIVING YOU IF I WON'T BE ABLE TO SAVE YOU?

Miki: .. Actually, maybe forgiveness isn't always the right way to save someone..

Riku: Haha, so punishing someone is a better way of saving them? Sounds kinda messed up..

Miki: ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOUR WAY OF THINKING ISN'T MESSED UP?!

Riku: .. So, you're not gonna forgive me this time?

(the bell rings, machinery sounds)

Miki: .. It depends on what your video is going to show me.

Riku: .. Haha, okay, challenge accepted.

Riku: I am going to put on the best performance you've ever seen and make you love me so much that you won't be able to vote me guilty.

Miki: And if I still do vote you guilty?

Riku: Come on, you're Andou Miki, the whole prison knows you as someone who always forgives everyone no matter what.

Miki: .. Well, if Eiji-san won't be able to punish anyone this time..

Miki: I'll simply have to do his job.

Riku: .. God, both of you are insane.

Riku: Okay, fine. Don't worry, I'll just punish myself before you even announce my verdict.

Miki: .. How are you gonna do it? I didn't give you any weapons this time.

Riku: Are you sure? In my hands pretty much anything can become a weapon.

Miki: .. You won't do anything serious to yourself this time, right?

Riku: Haha, trust me, I'm strong enough to do it. And brave enough too.

Miki: .. I want to hug you and choke you at the same time.

Miki: PRISONER 009, RIKU, SING YOUR SINS AND MAKE SURE IT'S THE BEST SONG I'VE EVER HEARD!  

42% ▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░░░░░░░░░░░ 100%

[ MV Description ]

The video starts with Riku sitting in what appears to be a limousine. He looks really nervous and he keeps pulling his sleeves down and taking deep breaths. 

"Breathe in, breathe out.

You've done this before, you can do it again

Breathe in, breathe out

And even if something goes wrong, just do it, embrace the pain"

However, as soon as he steps out of a limousine, he looks fine and he gives everyone a bright smile. He gets greeted by a huge number of fans who all look excited to see him and some of them even push each other to try and get closer to him. 

"I know you all love me and your feelings are mutual

I love you all back, trust me, it's true"

He simply keeps walking as he smiles at everyone and waves at them. When you look closer, you can see that all of his fans are actually wearing collars. It's like.. they're his pets or something. 

"How can I not love you? You listen to my every word, my every command

No matter what I do, you will protect me

Look at me, I'm like a trendsetter, no matter what I do, people will follow my lead"

He suddenly stops walking as he sees a familiar face in that crowd. It's the white-haired boy again and now we can actually see his face and what he looks like. He looks even happier than all of Riku's fans, but Riku is not happy to see him at all. He tries to ignore him. 

"I love all of you, yes, every single one of you, but not you though

Hey, it's okay for celebrities like me to be a little hypocritical!"

Now, we can see Riku on the stage, preparing for his concert with his bandmates. Everything goes fine if we ignore his fans looking more and more insane as the show goes on and it looks like he is actually having fun. The chorus plays. 

"Now, listen, I don't like to do this

I'm not the type to abuse my power

But looks like it's time for you to get what you deserve

So get him, everyone, I'll pat you on the head later"

When the concert ends, we can see him giving autographs to his fans, talking to them and taking photos with them. But then, suddenly, the white-haired boy walks up to him and we can see that he's not wearing a collar. 

"See? You don't belong here

You're not as perfect as them, so why don't you leave?

Maybe act a little bit more obedient next time?

Come on, just do it, just follow my lead"

Riku tries to pretend that everything is fine and it looks like he's asking what the boy needs, but then Yue hugs him tightly, making both of them fall in the process. The song stops playing for a moment.

Riku is shocked and he tries to get up, but the boy doesn't let him. Eventually, Riku gets sick of it and yells at the boy, slaps him and pushes him away. Riku breathes heavily and starts getting more and more anxious as he sees that everyone is staring at him and the boy. 

"Breathe in, breathe out

You've done this before, you can do it again

Breathe in, breathe out

And even if something goes wrong, just do it, embrace the pain"

The setting changes and now it looks like we're at Riku's house, though it looks more cool and fancy this time, he is a famous singer in his video after all. We can see Riku walking into his bedroom and he looks more pale and tired than usual and his hair is more messy. As he tries to wipe the blood under his nose with his hand, he sees his phone screen light up and checks it. He sees that everyone is talking about what happened after the concert between him and Yue and he almost drops his phone because of that.

However, he's still curious and he starts reading what the fans are saying about it and.. 

All of them are trying their best to defend him. 

They keep saying that it's the boy's fault and Riku was in the right. They say how they will support Riku no matter what and they still love him some people are even saying that they would love to take the boy's place for no particular reason at all. 

"Why are you all still fighting for me?

Why are you still trying to protect me?

Why do you still love me?"

At first Riku can't believe that this is happening, but when he understands that all of this is real.. He starts laughing. He actually looks like he has lost his mind, he can't believe that his fans are still with him even after that. 

"Look at me, I'm like a trendsetter, no matter what I do, people will follow my lead

If I say something, you will say it louder

If I hurt someone, you will make it more painful

If I kill someone, you will dance on their grave"

However, he stops laughing as he sees one person make a post saying "Shouldn't he apologize for doing that though?". He starts reading the comments under that post and sees his fans defending him and saying that there's no point in him apologizing. Riku looks relieved and he simply puts his phone back on the table.

Several days pass and it's time for another concert. Riku is seen greeting the fans again and this time he looks genuinely happy, but no, Yue is here again. Riku looks terrified and he can't move because of how scared he is. 

"What is wrong with you? Do you hate me this much?

You don't love me, I know that for sure

Your eyes are different from theirs, the way you move is different

It's like you're free, it's like I can't control you"

The boy just keeps walking up closer and closer to him and Riku sees how all of his fans are this close to killing the boy on spot for his sake. 

Riku gets an idea and as Yue is about to hug him again, he suddenly snaps his fingers and his fans' collars light up. The chorus starts playing again and this time it's louder. Suddenly, all of his fans turn into dogs and attack Yue as Riku keeps casually walking away. 

"But looks like it's time for you to get what you deserve

So get him, everyone, I'll pat you on the head later"

As the white-haired boy is getting mauled (thankfully, it's not that visible), Riku simply gets up on the stage and starts singing, but without his bandmates. His fans turn back into humans again, but even though they look like humans, it's hard to say that they're not just animals that exist only to follow Riku's orders. 

"Look at me, look at me, ignore everyone else's pain

I'm the only one you feel sorry for, I'm the only one you should pity

Don't look at anyone else, I'm the only one you need

I'll make you feel better as you make me feel worse"

They can't take their eyes off him and because of how huge the crowd is, it's hard to see the bloody mess behind them. And as if everything couldn't get worse, as Riku keeps singing, the blood on his body and clothes is becoming more and more noticeable. 

"Look at me, keep your eyes on me

Everything else is a lie, I'm the only part of your world that matters

Do you feel sorry for me yet? Do you want to forgive me?

Am I doing a good job? Does my life even matter?"

It looks like he just got some blood on himself from.. well, that boy, but as the MV continues, it's becoming more and more obvious that it's actually Riku's blood and he keeps bleeding out as he sings and dances. 

"SO JUST PRAISE ME BEFORE I FORGET HOW TO-"

Before he can finish singing, we get a close-up of him putting his hand on his throat and he realizes that he has lost his voice. The MV abruptly ends. 

[pokemonruby]

update about commissions.

hi everyone! i just wanted to put out a little notice regarding my commissions. i will be keeping them open since i could still really use the help until i can find a potential employer, but i may have to extend the general completion period as i am trying to enter into a writing competition! the deadline is late october but i'm expected to pump out at least 50,000 words by then and trying to micro-manage everything has been stressing me out big time, so i may have to be more flexible henceforward.

it was originally slotted at a month and i feel like if it's in the lower range i can definitely still churn something out by then but i do sincerely apologize if there are any delays. i'm also intending to see a doctor soon about my carpal tunnel since it is admittedly worsening by the day and there are some periods when i can barely use my keyboard. 💀

but i still greatly appreciate any measure of support and i will do my absolute best to repay that generosity!

[elytrafemme]

appreciate you guys supporting me through this dan and phil phase, i did watch some dougdoug earlier and some trixie and katya so i still have my content interests at heart but i am in fact just kind of obsessed with them right now. love and light <3

[crescentfool]

"completed" side order (got the credits roll and currently have four developer logs), some thoughts about the gameplay + lore under the cut 👍

i really enjoyed playing side order! i felt that a lot of my experiences in salmon run carried over with having to assess situations and maneuver around large mobs of enemy. so it's not much of a surprise to me that the gameplay structure really scratches an itch in my brain...!

i've played side order for around 10 hours so far (5 hour sessions each)... it wasn't intentional, but i really felt that each run taught me something about the chips/specials and i couldn't help but want to give another try again... (and i do appreciate that the game does allow for breaks between runs, even if i didn't utilize it this time around!)

the only thing i didn't like gameplay-wise (so far) was the weighted rates for certain chips depending on palette, i didn't particularly enjoy my run with charger (even though it's my favorite weapon class), but it could've just been bad rng giving me chips that weren't that fun/interesting...? there's some modifications that i want to explore, but it can be hard to do that with the weighted rates.

that said, i personally think the developers did an excellent job of blending together splatoon's mechanics/objectives with the rougelike style of games! i definitely want to play more sometime, there's still a lot of lore, chips, and palettes i've yet to see. i think it's a breath of fresh air from the other singleplayer parts, but i also recognize that it might not be for everyone (the structure of side order inherently requires a lot of patience and endurance).

as for the story and lore bits, i really liked the framework of the memverse! i do think that some of my affection for it stems from the fact that it has some parallels to persona games (i legit messaged a friend saying "omg it's like apathy syndrome but for splatoon"). but i think side order's a pretty fun follow up to octo expansion, i like that there's potential closure for sanitized octolings and whatever happens to the deepsea metro afterwards. i think it's a pretty cool basis for ocs which is nice!

the bits of character interaction were nice too, pearl and marina are endearing and lovely as always (they are so in love)! deep cut reporting on the side order things before/after the campaign was really funny too, i really liked it (especially after watching the nintendo live 2024 concert).

i think i found the story more satisfying than rotm- the stakes made... more sense to me, but also the setup was just, really interesting to me (persona fan moment). i'll need to check more of the dev logs when i unlock them and reread some things, but, overall, really enjoyable!

anyway, the short of it: side order was fun for me because the gameplay scratches the grinding itch in my brain (salmon run player moment), and also i just like the premise of the memverse because i'm a persona fan and it reminds me of that. LOL.

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

hmmm once again seeing some opinions that really really baffle me