#it's just like. i cant fucking stand happy music when im not feeling it

[suiana]

The death of an artist

he's always found you beautiful, even in your death and rebirth. you'll always be perfect to him. always

(yandere! musician x gn! reader) (cw: yandere stuff idk, im wiritng this while shitting i hope u enjoy my poopoo core, 2.04k words)

you might not have realised it but your silent admirer had always watched you.

he's watched you from the shadows, observing how you interact with others, how your eyes were once full of light and joy as you shared your paintings for the world to see.

it was beautiful.

you were beautiful.

he was but an aspiring musician back then. a couple of listeners here and there but never enough to fill up a concert hall. meanwhile you were a famous artist, with your paintings selling out for millions at all the art exhibitions you hosted.

you little admirer totally idolized you.

i mean, who wouldn't? all your paintings were so full of life, oh so meaningful, and most importantly, they were made with love.

love, love, love.

it was the one thing that made you stand out from all the hundreds and thousands of artists. the one thing that inspired him to even start writing songs.

your art made him feel loved. it made him feel wanted, even. he remembers how he'd get a fuzzy feeling from all your paintings, how it sent a delightful tingle up his spine as he takes in your carefully crafted masterpieces.

though there weren't any texts, all of your paintings spoke a thousand words. and they spoke to him.

with every new piece you put out, it was like he was getting to know you better. to know you on a personal level. it made his head spin and his heart leap in delight. after all, you were his idol. the one he admired so much that he began to pursue a music career dedicated to you. the career he once left behind in favour of living in this sad world.

though at one point in time, he hit a wall.

he couldn't get any ideas, no fresh inspiration for his music. the musician could only stare at his score as his mind desperately grasps at nothing. he felt like he was dying.

then you came through, like an angel of salvation.

well, looking back, you were more like a demon of salvation. especially because that one single text from you kick-started his disgusting love for you. it feels wrong to call you a demon though, not when you were so holy that he feels like touching you will corrupt your divine light.

he still remembers waking up and seeing your text on his instagram DMs. your bright red notification ping that gave him all the motivation he needed to think of a new idea.

'hey! just wanted to tell u i really enjoy ur music! cant wait to see u get famous >w<'

he swears he could die happy just seeing you message him. you messaged him. you know of his existence??? no fucking way bro. he still wonders if he used up all his luck when you messaged him so innocently that day.

of course... he responded and thus began a friendship (?) between the two of you.

friendship. yeah, maybe for you.

truth be told, he doesn't know if he ever saw you as a friend to begin with. he always thought you messaged him because you were interested in him too. whatever, these small details aren't important.

he released a love song not long after your first interaction with him. it instantly became a viral hit, taking his follower count from the thousands to the millions. he was glad it performed so well on the charts, they were his feelings to you after all.

the now famous musician had to thank you for getting him out of his rut. without you, he'd probably have gone back to doing medicine. so he did the best thing and that was to invite you out for a meal. he had to thank his muse, didn't he?

you were a little hesitant at first. that's okay, if anything he thought it was cute that you were suspicious of him. there will be plenty of time for you to warm up to him later.

the little get-together, or first date as he likes to call it, went well! you two saw each other in real life for the first time! and boy was he smitten. if he was unsure about whether he was in love with you before, he sure as hell was sure now.

you were so much more lovely in real life than you were over text. all smiles and laughs, your admirer feels that his songs didn't do you justice.

"this was fun! let's do this again!"

oh for sure he will do it again. he just wants you all to himself now. to keep you with him, a never-ending source of inspiration for the rest of his life. his beloved muse. the one he writes for. the one his songs are dedicated to. his.

so your falling off played out nicely in his favour. you were trying out an experimental style, said that he inspired you. it was one that not many would be able to understand at first glance, completely different from what your previous one was. your loyal fans stood by your side of course, him included. but the general public eventually started ignoring your newer pieces in favour for something they didn't need to use much thought to understand. for someone fresh, someone new.

he could see the way the light in your eyes slowly started to dim at the lack of interaction. sure, you said that fame wasn't important to you, that all you wanted was to showcase your art to the world.

but your little admirer could tell that it was bothering you more than you'd like to admit.

he saw the way your texts with him grew more erratic, the way the vibrant life in your eyes started to slowly dim, the way you started pushing out more works to compensate for the style change. you were desperate for the attention you once received. the way you changed in real time, becoming a slave to the consumers, like an animated robot that pushed out art just for the sake of it...

it was a little sad to see to be honest. it was like you were there, but you also weren't, you know? your name was on the artwork but he didn't see you in it.

but he was glad things turned out the way it did. it meant that he could be there for you when you cried and felt like a mistake. it meant that he could offer you a shoulder to cry on when the times were really bad.

"there there, it's alright. just let it all out."

his gentle caresses as you cried your heart out into his chest... it was delightful to see you depend on him so much. that you'd come seeking comfort from him in such a dark period of your life. he felt so wanted by you.

meanwhile, his fame was only growing larger by the day. while you were on a path to being forgotten, he was making a name for himself in the music industry. brand deals, billboards, advertisements. he was everywhere, like a ghost haunting you, to remind you that your friend was thriving while you weren't.

the musician wonders whether you've ever hated him. that you'd think he was stealing all of your fame. after all, your fame went down not long after you messaged him. he really wonders whether you've ever blamed him for making a change in your art style.

it doesn't matter now.

the artist in you was gone.

"hey, what if you make me an album cover?"

you only stared at him with dark eyes before looking away. everyone around you had slowly started distancing themselves from you. the change in your personality and looks had scared them. everyone but him had stayed. his words about horrid snakes deceiving you fill your head as you cling to the attention he gave you. who were you to deny your only friend left?

"sure."

you didn't give much thought when designing his new album. it was an avant garde album that had themes about desperation, love, and death.

how ironic, you thought.

you gave the complete piece to him a few days after, heavy bags under your eyes as your friend hugged and kissed your cheek. he's been taking care of you recently. having you move in with him, cooking you food and covering all of your expenses. he treated you like a lover. albeit you found it a bit weird that he told you not to leave without his consent. said that he didn't want people to harass you. you found it sweet of him. you were glad that he cared for you so much.

"my dear artist friend designed my new album cover, yes. i think they were a perfect fit to help design this particular album cover. they're..."

your fame immediately came back. interviews, likes, commissions, the things you were once familiar with came running back at full force after your friend's interview with a big channel.

you think if this happened earlier you'd have caved under the attention. the big spotlight, fans.... the attention will always be intoxicating. even now, you feel yourself smiling at the number of notifications you're receiving from strangers.

but you've realized that their attention is only temporary. the second you grow irrelevant they'll drop you again. just like they did before.

the only one who matters is your friend. the one who whispered sweet nothings and reassured you when you were drowning in a mass of nothingness. the one who gave you the attention you craved.

you immediately started a new piece in a new style.

'Intertwined'

a painting that gave you more fame than what you initially had before. it was a piece about self enlightenment, discovery, and contentment. and some claimed that it was the best painting that you've ever made. a masterpiece.

you showed your friend your work right after you were done and you could've sworn you saw a hint of shock in his eyes. maybe also fear? you don't know.

"this is... beautiful."

his words were slow, gaze intense as he stared at your painting for what felt like hours. you think he was mesmerized. you never asked him.

you made another painting after that.

'final duet'

again, people claimed that it was a masterpiece. your friend looked stunned again and he called it beautiful like always. he told you that he's never seen something so artistically perfect before and that he's proud of you. you like it. his compliments make you happy.

"this one is for you."

you made another piece. a simple painting of him in your style.

'untitled.jpg'

"is... it mine now?"

he proceeded to draw you into the painting as well after your words. you didn't understand what he was doing. but you found it cute. he was drawing you?

"there. now it's perfect."

he smiles down at you before pressing a kiss to your forehead like he always does. you've grown so used to his kisses that you were expecting one already. you lean into his touch before smiling softly.

"i'm so happy with you."

"me too."

the seed of life was sprouting once more, growing around the stem that it's learnt to grow dependent on.

he was everything to you. you feel like you'd die without him. but you know it'll never happen because your dearest friend will always remain by your side. he promised you. his words are like gold. he's the only one who matters.

you never want to be apart ever again.

thus you made your final masterpiece about love and dedication. a flower thriving in a dark environment and growing to love the dark, having died in the shining light once before.

'rebirth'

the blinds to the outside world shut on the two of you. no one else is important. he tells you he loves you. you repeat it. his hands wrap around you as you lean into his cold touch. you're cold too. you used to be warm once, he says he likes you cold better. shutting your eyes, all you focus on is the steady beating of his heart.

now no one will ever bother the two lovers ever again.

[creatie123]

CHOI SU-BONG/THANOS X PREGNANT!READER PART 5

Part 1 Part 2 part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6.1 Part 6.1

tw: heavy mentions of miscarriage, dead dove do not eat, angst, cliff hanger (again), drug use, smut, slight themes of Thanos having a breeding kink,

~~~

I am putting the note up here so that I don't forget. Hi everyone! wow, we are so close to the finally, there will be to chapters for a sad ending and a happy ending, the sad ending will be chapter 6.1 and the happy ending will be chapter 6.2, I'm so sorry for the delay with the new chapters I have had some personal things going on in my life that have made it hard to write. but not to worry I am back and ready to give you all the finally you have been waiting for. thank you all for the support have given me when reading my story!

till next time

-creatie.

~~~

As usual I wake up to the music playing over the intercom and blink away the tiredness in my eyes. Yawning I get up rubbing my face, and kicking my feat off the bed to stand up. Lifting my arms over head I let out a groan of satisfaction as my back stretches as much as it could. 

We all turn to look at the door as the voice over the intercom announces the arrival of the guards by saying it is breakfast time. I quietly follow 120 to get in line. Thanos stands beside me in the line next to us, visibly twitchy and on edge. Did he really give up the drugs for me? I try to pay him no mid as he continues to look over at me as if wanting to say something but stops himself.  I grab my biscuit and milk and go to walk back to my bed.

“Celina.” I hear Thanos's voice call out.

It’s shaky and desperate. So I pause, I don't look at him, I can't. I would lose the internal battle I was fighting within myself.

“Please. Please talk to me princess. Just give me five minutes of your time. Please.” he says

Princess? He only ever called me that when he was not pumped full of drugs. The desperation in his voice pushes me over the edge and I turn to face him. “Five minutes.”  I huff crossing my arms. 

Five minutes my ass. I think as I’m pinned to the bathroom wall a moaning mess as Thanos's lips leave a trail of wet kisses down my neck. His hands leave my own to trail down my body and rest on my waist, I seize the opportunity to tangle my fingers in his viberant hair.

“Thanos!” I whine.

“I dont like you being mad at me princess. Say my name.” he demands.

“Su- bong!” I moan, pulling him closer to me.

His hands trail from my waist down to the strings of my pants and begin to pull at them to push them down my legs.

“You cant be serious.” I gasp pushing him away.

“I need something celina, im going fucking crazy.” he says shoving my pants down.

They bunch at my legs and I quickly step out of them. I grab my jacket, unzipping it and pulling it off my shoulders tossing it to the side. Then my shirt, leaving me in only my bra. “What if someone walks in?” I hiss.

“Then they’re going to get quite the show huh princess.”  he says pulling his pants off then his shirt.

My breath catches in my throat at the sight of him. He has lost a lot of weight while still being fit. My eyes follow the tattoo that leaves from his hand up his arm. His arms reach out to grab me pulling me against him. He settles us on the floor before his lips once again leaving a trail of messy kisses down my neck to my collar bone, then down to my stomach where he pauses.

“You look so fucking good nocked up with my kid, senorita.” he says

I moan at his words closing my eyes to take in every touch and kiss, every little feeling of his hot brath on my skin. “I wonder if you taste any different.” he says 

Grabbign my ankles he throws my legs over his shoulder and loweres his head to give a long lick to my already sensitive clit. I let out a shuttered breath my hands shooting down to tangle in his hair again. “Fuck you taste to good. I’ve fuckin missed you princess.” he groans

I throw my head back into the pile of clothes that thankfully cushion my head, “su-bong please… please stop teasing me.” I whine.

“What do you need beautiful?” I asks in his playful tone.

“You! I need you! Please su-bong I need you!” I moan squeezing my eyes shut when his thumb toys with my swollen nub.

“Once this round is over ill make sure you nice and properly fucked how does that sound? Hm? We need you with all your strength after all.”

“You’re a tease!” I cry, grinding my hips to meet his thumb which continues to give lazy circles on my clit.

Pulling his hand away he raises and plants a firm kiss on my lips before getting up and pulling me up with him. “C’mon we gotta go.” He says helping my get drest and walking out.

I stand there dumb founded just listening to the sound of his feet retreat. I go to take a step to follow him but stagger and fall into the sink. I gasp raising my hand to clutch my stomach the other shooting out to stabble myself against the sink. I whimperleaning over to rest my head on the cool glass of the mirror. I dont have amoment to regain myself beofre I double over and vomit into the sink. 

“What is going on with you mały kwiatek?” I cry.

I spend what feels like hour in the bathroom throwing up and clutching my stomach in pain. A knock on the door barrly registers in my head. 149 comes in an immediatly rushes to my said pulling me against her. I cry into her chest. Thankfully the pain and nausea subsides after a few more minutes and she helps me stand up my legs wobbling a little bit before I regain the strength in my legs.

“Will you be able to play the next game? I-I don't know what will happen if you refuse..” she says.

“no..no I can play. I’m ok.” I whisper letting her lead me out into the room where people are gathering to start leaving to go to the next game. I follow closely behind her as we walk into a room with a large platform that resembles a carousel. Doors line the walls. We all make our way to the platform and stand with the lady here some and 120 and 095. The platform begins to move and a song plays. A hand grabs mine and I turn to see 222. I gasp, pulling her into my arms. She does not return my hug but I can feel her let out a sigh of relief. When I let her go she held my hand tighter. The carousel stops and the voice exclaims the number ten.

It was a blur. I felt a hand grab me and start shoving me towards a door. Only after a few seconds there were ten of us in a room panting. I look around our group, 456, 388, and 390.

“Everyone ok?” 456, ask.

I grip 222’s hand tighter as gunshots fired outside. 

“Unnie I’m scared.” 095 says holding 120’s arm.

I look at them trying to control my breath, I flinch as the voice on the intercom tells us it is ok to go back outside. I feel 222 clutch my hand tightly. The smell of blood fills my nostrils and I suppress a gag. Placing a hand over my nose I take deep breaths of air, thankfully my hand blocked most of the smell.

“Gi-hun!” Hear a man say. 

We turn to see 001, 388 runs up and gives him a hug, and the men give each other greetings. He turns to us and I give him a nod still holding my nose. I pull 222 away from them to go find our group again. Once everyone was on the platform the music started playing and the platform started spinning,I looked around to see the amount of people still on. My eyes catched Thanos and nam-gyu dancing. My eyes widen and I scowl at them. 

The platform stops and the voice calls out the number four. I look at number 222. 120, and 095 grab us and we run to a room. Once we are in the room I break out of my trance. 

“What about 149, is she ok? Why, why didn't you guys go with her and her son?” Tears stream down my face.”

“121, she’s ok I say she and her son go with 456 and 001.” 120 soothes me. “Please, you need to stay strong for the rest of the game.” she says.

After a little while I nod wiping my tears. 095 comes up to me and gives me a hug. I return it patting her head. Giving her a thank you we walk back outside when the intercom says we could. I saw 149 and I let go of 222 and went up to her wrapping her in a hug. “I was so scared.”

“Oh dear. Im ok see nothing to be scared of.” she says patting my shoulder. 

I sniff and nod giving her a weak smile. I stand in between 149 and 222. 222’s hand finds mine again and I smile at her. When the platform stops and calls out the number 3 hell breaks loose at the small uneven number. I watch as 149’s son is torn away from her. She stands frozen. I go to run to her but I am pushed forward and fall on my stomach. Pain shoots to me as I scream out in pain. I am pulled up by two sets of hands. I watch as 149 is pulled by my 456 and 001, and let out a sigh of relief letting the hands drag me.

When we get in the room I slump against the wall placing my hand on my stomach and wince pain shoots through my abdomen. Through my legs and throughout my entire body. I turned to look at who saved me and it was 222 and Myung-gi.

“You could have gotten killed, what were you thinking  celina?” Myung-gi said.

“I just.. She.” I dip my head.

“Shut up myung-gi.” 222 said.

She walked up to me and took my hand standing next to me. I squeeze her hand thanking her for the comfort. I rest my head against the wall breathing through the pain shooting through my body. Once the voice over the intercom says we could leave, 222 softly pulls me forward and out of the small room. I breathe a sigh of relief watching 149 leave the room with the two men. She is saying something to them when she gets interrupted.

“Mom!” 007’s voice rings out. She goes up to him pulling him in her arms whispering that it will be ok and that she is ok. I smile at them. We make our way to the platform standing on it. The music begins to play but it sounds worse each time. Like a bomb's timer waiting to go off. When the platform and music stop the voice calls out the number six. Chaos again breaks loose as people try to pull others from their group to join them. 120, 095, 007, 222, 149, and I ran to our room. I see 095 is pushed and someone takes her place so I grab her and push her in the room watching the door close and lock. Dread fills me as I realize what I just did. Shit. shitshitshit. A hand grabs me and pulls me into a room just as the timer goes off.

[natsmagi]

its 5am i just need to vent im sorry but ive genuinely reached a point where being in this fandom is just unbearable. it hurts to see people continue along with the tsumugi change and forget every single other valid critique of ensemble stars in favor of continuing to indulge in what has quite frankly become mindless slop at this point

ensemble stars is not what it used to be. this franchise is dead. and i hope it rots in hell where it belongs

i cant tell you when ill finish my thorough critique of wish. i was working on it but i eventually reached a point where i just got so fucking burned out and depressed over how glaringly obvious it is that theyve completely lost the plot with switch. and i got so fucking depressed over how no one seems to notice or care. Or how even if you DID notice you still continued along because its easier than being defiant

this fandom is so. So incredibly spineless. its like no one here stands for anything. they just want to continue uncritically consuming something that is actively spreading harmful propaganda but sprinkle in occassional "boycott enstars!!" to feel good about themselves. Are you even boycotting?????? you know that includes spending money on EN servers and streaming their music right???????

im so fucking disappointed. i still love switch more than anything, but this fandom does not deserve them. i dont want anything to do with a fandom such as this one. im lucky to have a community that i care for and friends that ive met within it, but having to bare witness to the general fandom in the process just does not feel worth it at all. it is fucking miserable here.

i also hate how the tsumugi change caused a surge in new switch producers. i do not want these people seeing or interacting with my art. my art is not for ANYONE who likes the new direction theyve taken. if you like the new tsumugi you are not welcome here. people love to bring up sora losing his synesthesia when talking about how bad enstars has gotten, but for whatever reason yall cant fathom the fact that its clear evidence they dont actually have switchs best interest at heart? Youve watched them butcher sora in an abelist fashion, youve critiqued the way natsumes character has lost his depth and been reduced to tropes and gone back to his physically violent ways, yet you cant fucking see how tsumugis hair change goes against everything his character stood for???? his hair has been CRUCIAL to his character since DAY ONE. but this fandom is fucking MORONIC with NEGATIVE reading comprehension.

Stop fucking sourcing element or biblio when trying to make a point of this being "foreshadowed." element is the introduction story where all tsumugi says is he cant cut his hair until his promise is fulfilled, then we see his promise Be fulfilled in wonder game, the conclusion story ("lets become happy together, me and you" "ahaHA, 'and so the two of them lived happily ever after,' huh?), it is revealed he just likes his hair now. And biblio was actually foreshadowing THAT and NOT him cutting his hair. because if you use your brain while you read it and take context into consideration youll realize the theme of the story is tsumugi being bad with change. You wanna know a major change tsumugis had? HIS LONG HAIR!!!!!!!! his hair has ALWAYS been short. and biblio has him complaining about this hair change bc its NEW to him. HOW THE HELL DO YOU PEOPLE MISS THE POINT THAT FUCKING BADLY??????? and the story LITERALLY concludes with tsumugi being more open to change. saying hes changing alongside this academy bit by bit. And by the end of his time at the academy he loves his hair. and frankly thats a WAY better moral than whatever the fuck wish is pulling

and while im bitching, people have made the argument that wish was tsumugi letting go of his superstitious way or whatever, when that couldnt be further from the truth???? HE CUT HIS HAIR BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT HAD BECOME A CURSE????????? ARE YOU HEARING YOURSELF

i have no idea how anyone can take anything this fandom says seriously anymore. ive always kept my distance and engaged minimally but holy shit its worse than i ever couldve imagined. And we got grownass adults being this stupid too with influential platforms. god this fandom is such a goddamn disappointment. its beyond saving at this point. and frankly i fucking despise it here

[winchesticles67]

SPN rewatch, 1X01, 'pilot'

okay so i basically just wrote down what was going through my wackadoo brain whilst watching the ep, its a little kooky and spooky but here:

why would you leave an awake 6 m/o child alone in a room wth

i hate john ew

help johns brows kill me

DEAN IS FOUR YEARS OLD WTF ARE YOU GONNA DO FOR YOUR WIFE SHES BURNING ON THE CEILING. YOU TAKE SAM AND DEAN AND GO DONT PUT THAT ON A 4 Y/O

nosy ass neighbours

silent intro???? just 'supernatural', no noise???

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA JESS

so pretty woman

little jared w his floppy hairrr <333

sams face when he takes the shot kills meeeeee hes the human version of the grimacing emoji hahhahahaah

sam's friend is actually such a vibe "more shots?" "NO"

crash and burn always cracks me up

dean youre not supposed to break into peoples houses

how did jess not wake up while these two idiots just went at it??

alcoholism foreshadowing :(

a few days? dawg you guys have been on hunting trips for longer why is this so dramatic

'it wasnt easy but it wasnt that bad' STFU DEAN YOU LITTLE PISS

dont get so pissed when sam mentions mary, dean, she was his mom too you crap

not the s15 finale parallel im sobbing

wtf is that voicemail from john?? that never made sense to me

love the wade felton hairstyle jared

oh he fixed his bangs nvm

love the primal jungle screams of the first victim theyre almost funny

SAM EAT BREAKFAST YOU NEED NUTRITION

omg jensen you make me swoon "sorry cant hear you, the musics too loud :D" loved that delivery

why does dean have badges for sam if they havent been hunting together? that always confused me

dean is such a dick to these police i mean they didnt do anything wrong

sam is so morally right STOMP ON DEANS FOOT FOR THAT BITCH ASS COMMENT YOU GO GIRL

love the x files ref

i love that girls friend, asking if shes ok when two strangely vertical men are speaking to her

why does jared make his voice all raspy and tiny in the first season when sams being comforting. like its cute but it went away after s1

ah playful sibling punches. i wish they stayed that way and didnt turn into dean beating tf out of sam :/

OMG LITTLE JENSEN HAS MY HEART FR

s1 dean actually means sm to me. he still sucks but like :(( he was happy and wasnt drowned in whiskey

dean get off of sam MARY WASNT JUST YOUR MOTHER

i love the impala sm if she was a person id hit that, i get why dean loves her sm

i love that deans just covered in yuck lmao

"you smell like a toilet" you tell him sammy tell that stinky man

sam tugging an absent minded dean into the motel room by his jacket collar <3

JERK -> BITCH

jess's voicemail devastates me. i really loved her and she wasnt talked abt enough. one episode, one djinn dream, one "he was gonna marry her", two lucifer dreams, and and a teensy meaningful mention in s15

you got anything thats real? "my boobs. :D"

aaaaahhh pilot sam i cant get over him his hairs so dark and gorgeous

i love sam and his insistence on making this man feel guilty for cheating >:) get it bbg

omg pilot sam is so gorgeous his hair i love him im turning red and im swooning abt it

constance get your nightgown wearing ass away from sam :((

the glitching effect used on constance is so baddass

ew constance get of off him youre nasty. why wasnt this talked abt she was nasty

SAMS SCREAMS MAKE ME SO SAD

'im taking you home' okay sexy determined hot man

the authenticity of the props and the sets and the outfits in s1 (through like s4/5ish??) means a lot to me

"youve come home to us mommy" ew i hate kids

the sfx of constances ghost death was weird...

"AHAHAHHHA" jared i love you

"what were you thinking, shooting casper in the face, you freak?" top tier line, i love that line

NO I CANT STAND THIS SCENE. SAM DONT GO IN YOUR BEDROOM BBG

sam screaming for jess haunts me. she was his everything he loved her so much :(

not me just noticing the TEARS STREAMING DOWN SAMS CHEEKS WHEN HES STANDING BY THE IMPALA??? FUCK I HATE THIS FOR HIM

comparing sams attitude after jess's death with his attitude in the flashbacks in 'i know what you did last summer' and im screaming about it

how many ___ so far: - x files references: 1 - jerk bitches: 1

[keroinnie]

250610 thoughts

chan is literally the most charming person in the entire world it actually makes me want to fucking kill myself like wdym he just smiles like that all the time and talks so easily to people and is so fun and playful and silly i thought bf chan hours were long over for me but apparently not :)

felix is the most endearing annoying person ever like lmao shut up ??? i love you ???? he is so electric to watch i couldnt take my eyes off him during truman im soooo sorry jisung

JISUNG IS SOOO CUTE LIKE YEAH I KNEW HE WAS BUT IRL EVEN MORE SO like his reactions to things bc he’s always watching someone else is sooo incredible like i wish i could watch the show with him having a react cam in the corner of the screen lmfao

the length of hyunjin’s hair rn is SO GOOD like he looks so cute with it im glad i got to see it at this length irl ! he’s so sweet and talks so quietly but he’s so loud when performing he really is a sight to behold

which quickly: hyunchan giggles irl is crazy they really sound like that what the fuck

i feel like i barely saw minho but he sounded soooo good live and seeing his sclass kick live…… showstopping holy shit also whenever i feel like i saw him he always had the funniest expression whatever he be seeing is killing me personally

CHANGBIN IS SO CUTE AND PRETTY IRL he’s such a natural personality and so easy to get pulled into watching crazy how you can be hot and cute and funny all at once he also sounds insane live like god’s menu and thunderous were fucking insane

seungmin is the ultimate menace that is perfect and charming obsessed with his straight face while messing with stays lmfao he’s also just so sweet like after 2min had us sing the chorus to cinema he said into the mic in korean that we did well 🥺 like no we didnt actually but thank you for the support lmfao but wow truly a singer cover me gave me goosebumps like i was holding my breath during his parts lmao ?????? absolutely insane vocalist i feel so grateful i got to hear him live

jeongin…….. jeongin is perfect. i need jeongin to know and understand he is amazing. every single time he sang it was insanely perfect he is so stable live like ???? like i know he doesnt get a lot of lines in songs but to sound so good every time…… like this show really solidified he is my favorite 4th gen vocalist. he is so easy to watch and get drawn into he is such a natural performer. i thought he was so cute during lonely st. where he was just standing politely and looking pretty during other members parts i wish i had taken pics :( i love you so much jeongin :(

burnin tires is so much fun live….. that’s all im saying LOL

i would die for the band especially jamal im actually a jamal ult sorry skz

basically everyone sounds amazing sorry that i cant go into specifics on this bc the show is a blur and still not real to me like i feel bad that i cannot talk in length about everyone but i was also fighting for my life with two teenage girls filming themselves directly in front of me and blocking my line of sight lmfao but also fuck the camera crew i basically saw innie once during haven :) WHICH THEY DID HAVEN AT MY SHOW AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

also while watching walkin on water live i had the thought: this will be the closest i get to seeing h.o.t live…… like idk if i can explain this but that song to me is so important to skz as a whole when you think about how their cover of warrior’s descent helped get them to debut and then nearly 7 years later they drop a song that is so reminiscent of that era of h.o.t (also bounce back is v h.o.t so like two tracks) and i just think about how in general with h.o.t starting kpop idol culture as we know it and skz genuinely loving kpop and not being afraid to release music that is so referential to other kpop songs like i listen to skz and literally hear the music that inspires them and it makes me feel so happy hearing that they love and arent ashamed of kpop and love being idols like as someone that LOVES kpop and listens to so much kpop from all generations and non-idol korean music i often just feel like i /get/ skz??? like im still just in awe and i love walkin on water and it sums up so much of what i love about skz and kpop and like when i got into kpop 14 years ago kangta was so significant for my kpop journey and then when i got into skz it revitalized my love for kpop idk this is rambly and i cannot explain this well but i just love kpop as a genre and i love h.o.t and i love walkin on water and i love skz thank you

also to the girl who gave me the dirty look bc i cheered for 2pm during the silly jype ads: kill yourself

[jackandjoker]

jack and joker special episode rambles (spoilers)

i was so surprised to see jack in that HAIR and im so glad it wasnt some weird time skip SO GLAD

the chinese chive bouquet KILL ME!!! i love jack so much and also more of joke’s english THANK YOU

i literally rolled in my bed to my floor after that proposal. there is something wrong with me. i can’t with them i love them sSO MUCH AND THE THEME SONG I get so happy whenever i hear it. it feels like home i cannot explain

ALL THE TEERAKSSSSS FJSNSJSNDN I AM GOING INSANEEEE !!!

THEM TALKING IN THE BED. THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION. I DIED.

THE BAR SCENE MWAHHHH

TATTOOARAN HELLO!??:&:&:₹: SCREAMSSS oh okay its like that. fine. aran pls marry him so he can sleep in peace without getting pimples. THAT FATHER LINE????! beautiful

jack & joke please follow Q’s footsteps and start getting therapy. you cannot be forgiving boss like this

THE BRIDGE SCENE WHYRE THEY SI CUTE UJDKDCKKC

MY SAVEHOPEEEENDJDJDJSJ i love them sm mwah mwah i stand with my cancelled husbands (literally every couple in this show)

tf is this dif marke does it stand for something🤔🤔 or is it scrambed to say something..

not the frisking reminding me of jee lmaooo

UGHH ITS CARBON… right. i know victor posted that pic of a newspaper saying carbons dead … waiting for that.

i so wish i could’ve seen this ij the theatre lmao very homophobic that i couldn’t 💔💔💔

jokes eyes when he saw the flash bomb… i saw it joke i know u have hazel callahan in u

WIAT SO THE WEDDING CLOTHES???₹ NOT WEDDING IT WAS FOR THIS OHEHDHDHD BROTHER

LMAO WHATS THAT TATTOARAN WITH THE MUSIC WHDHDHS JOKE LMAO OFF SCREEN DRAMA BYE I LOVE THEM

tattoo, kang wouldve been so pissed at u killing that mosquito. (not me tho, they’re the only exception)

i started this hours ago and im still not an hour in. i have to go insane over every scene otherwise i will die. im just chill now that i have confirmation joke isnt dead

the honeys the babys i am … melting

the hairs are so hairing today i love it 🩷🩷🩷

CARBONNN U FUCKERRRRRRRDBSISJS EXACTLY WHY ISNT HE IN PRISON.

WAIT SO CARBON DOESNT DIE. OH. FUCK OFF LMAO i was wondering why they spoiled that but wow… wow.. I hate it here NAUR

if he went to prison im sure he wouldve fought w fadel and bison and gotten all his limbs broken. really wish that happened

oh they’re all fuckefd here we go again

haters😔

MORE TATTOOARAN JDHDJSJD cuties

if mix was here he would’ve given them that look. iykyk.

NOT THEM MAKING OUT DJRING THESE INTENSE MOMENTS AND ALSO THE TEERAK FUCKNOFFFFF I HSGE THEMS

oh we’re fucked again

ARAN WHAT??!! and not him whispering tattoo….

save and hope always getting beaten to a pulp. forever amazed thst theyre alive

UGHH CARBON U PIECE IF SHITTT

JACKJOKE THE HANDSSS FJDNSBSS SHURUPPPP DONT DK TBJS TO ME

THE HANDS SGAIN I SM DEAD

omgomgomg why dis kolavari bro stop

jack begging carbon i csnnot do this i want to kill carbon MYSELF

Ku rak meng teerak??? I LOVE YOU MY DEAR???

its so over (its not. right?)

noo ama no… shes so… i can’t

jack omg… give him a hug someone please. all he has is lost and lost and lost all his life i cant take this

hoy my pookie 🙁🙁🙁🙁

THE FUNERAL HO AWAYYYYYH

oh dear

wdym he died the day before the wedding stop

exactly jack why doesn’t anyone believe you. he’s insane (so am i)

im gonna cry so bad

WHAT TF IS THAT

I WAS ABT TO BURSTBINTO TEARS WHAT IS THAT PUPPET????

BROTHER WHAT IS GOING ON

i dont know what to think. i know he’s kissing joke but i want to see jack kissijg that puppet. because isnt that what hes actually doing

OMG NOT HIM CARRYING THE PUPPET BROTHER WHY

IDK IF I SHOULD LAUGH IR CRY OR DIE

OH GOD what is up with jack crying at that table i cant with this m

‘stay with u the rest of my life’ 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

the plate on the table for joke… shut up shut up shut up fine okay ill cry rhen fuck ofndgosig

where is jack going omg the book oh god jokes room

no omg stop dont do this

not wars song. this is a different version right??

ohngod jacknteaching i cant

promise u won’t disappear until i achieve my dream. promise u wont disappear until i achieve my dream. promise u wont disappear until i achieve my dream

the swing the swing

its more painful to see jack ‘talking’ go joke than crying. yk w the swings they should’ve made tbh e other one swing aswell in tbe air

OH GOD THEY MADE JOKE SWING IN THE AIR. fake joke but joke. i cannot do this

‘i didnt come into your world to mess it up’ if i die then what

‘when youre free you can come back and tell me about it’ AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

that song was perfect for the series but it’s even more perfect for this ep. whoever made this i live your brain

the post credits 😭😭💔😔😭🙁🥺

the ‘live’ or ‘alive’ tattoo?? in jokes hand?? um??

[ultrakill-confessions]

wow theres a lot of plural ultrakill fans. hi, im glad im not alone in these feelings. even though they suck

ive been trying to take some of the advice and words here to heart to ease the disconnect i feel all the time, and it sort of helps i guess? i still dont enjoy being in this body but its helpful to focus more on what i have rather than what i dont. i get to eat different food now, i get to relax, i get to draw and write.. it doesnt make it feel okay but theres things i like. the discomfort is still ever present though. i cant look at us in the mirror most of the time because it makes me dizzy. i cant experience a lot of physical sensation before being alarmed (even if that sensation is positive!). my coordination is really terrible when im fronting, too (im not used to that being something i need to worry about.). on top of all of this the vessels bones keep hurting and we get lightheaded whenever we stand up even remotely quickly. (our wrists and fingers are in pain as i type this out.) its really annoying to be constantly having issues that i cant just run some diagnostic to find and fix. its also really difficult to balance my disconnect and discomfort with our other symptoms of the physical and mental varieties as well as our actual life. its just all difficult. i have very little tethering me to this earth and keeping me from dissociating constantly but those things i do have ive been clinging onto like a lifeline. i have music (ive been discovering so much new stuff, its a lot to process in a good way), i have a good friend, i have the time and resources to draw anything i want... and ive got our v1 plush that i can hold without feeling like i might accidentally tear it. silver linings i guess

im going to try to do more things that make me happy so i dont mind the discomfort as much. ill do my best to make this situation into a good thing. i got nail polishes in the colors of me and v1 almost exactly, so thats a start

anyways im talking a lot but im not really saying anything of substance. i hope some day i can look at the body and be ok with it instead of thinking about how its all wrong. or ill at least just stop thinking about it

- v2 if she fucking sucked (i still dont need a tag i usually dont sign off)

-

[transgender-png]

helluva boss spoilers for merry sinsmas ! liveblogging my reaction

hidden behind the read more :3

blitz making him breakfast 🥺

THE HORSES

blitz the eggs. im sobbing

oml stolas is such a rich kid

VIA

she's so upset :(( stella i hate you

srolas is so upset im crying already

aww hes showing stolas common people stuff

LMAO SHOPLIFTING "this is how /i/ act when i dont have money"

omg wait is stolas looking for antidepressants??

what sin would stolas be :O

loona dumping snacks in her mouth. is she from gluttony

M&M even when theyre fighting are so cute and in love awwwwwwww

LOONY ON A MISSON!

he just now realizes he's poor lmao

NEW BACKGROUND CHARACTWR

oooo divorced bc hes gay? sounds familiar

oh shes homophobic-

does she realize yhe entire IMP crew except millie is gay. and even shes a fierce ally

omg the "fra fra fra" subtitles for stellas laughing

poor octavia :(

i hope she gets in contact with him somehow

VIA SONG!

it almost sounds like All 2 U

im honna cryyy

she thibks her dad chose blitz over her and he kind of did oh my god

my mom interrupted me at the most emptional part of the song

the nod to you will be okay,, wiejkskdfjej

i need to hug her right now

THE STARRY GUITAR IS SO PRETTY

IT WAS ANTIDEPRESSANTS I KNEW IT

Via dont yake too many peoleseeee

this lady is a bitch

the karen of hell

YES STOLAS BE SASSY

YES GO SEE YOUR DA7GHTER

omg this ladys gonna be traumatized

omghh christmas

MILLIE ARE YOU OKAY IVE HEARD SPOILERS THAT SHES PREGNANT IS IT TRUE

omg dont kill yhem pls THE FANTASYYY

yes but they wrrent a happy gay family mills :(

why is millie so uoset

WAIT OTEGNANCY HORMONES

didn't make me wet at all im screaming

VIA

HE WENT TO SEE YOU BABYGIRL

does he still have his powers if hes no longer like IN power?

ANDREAS OR WHATEVER YOUR FUCKING NAME IS I HATE YOU

HAHA PUNCH HIM

he was too busy monolouging to think abt stolas simply throwing hands

HE CALLED HIM A PUSSY

"hey elsa"

my BOTTOM IM CRYING

my mom keeps interrupting me ans my little sister walks in omg

LOONA

damn did he saya slur if they censored it

HOLY SHIT SHES LIKE A HELLHOU D HORSE

MILLIE

BLITZ

WAIT DOES LOONA HAVE A CRESCENT MOON ON HER SIDE

its like a cutie mark but for hell

BLITZ YOU FUMBFUCK

STAB HIM FROM INSIDE- YESSS

stolitz kiss yaaaaay

oh yhis bitch

VIA

I LOVE YOU SHES MY BABYGIRL

she doesnt care abt her mother dumbass

pooh so edgyyy im so scaredddd

shes still mad :(

BABY NO IT WASNT YOUR FAULT

nooooo

i cant stand to see him cry

LIBERTY MUTUAL FUCK YOU

i dont care abt mister beast shut the fuck up

blitz must feel so guilty.. knwoing stolas chose him over his daughter

THE CATNIP EYES

olease just hug him back stolas

aww moxxie calling him yiur highness

verosika music!!

SHE IS PREGNANT

SALLOE MAE

i thiught shed ve happy to be pregnant whats wrong

moxxie would absolutely be happy for a kid wouldnt he? hed be in a panic but so excited

blitz has so much survivors guilt

for one bundred years?? how fucking old do yall grow to be?? isnt she 18? what age does she get to be on her own? or is it aftwr stella dies (hopefully soon)

loona having friends makes me so happy

KISS HIM FIRST

AWW DANCING

on the teailing bc hes too short im crying

baply cags im gongga cry my vays my gaaaays!!! im thoing wiyhkut looming af my screen how bad am i missgupiny

i need the music from this episode omg

i would travel every ring of hell just to see if you'll be mine </3

merry sinsmas !!!

[kits-ships]

For the music ask game:

🤍 - Free space! Talk about any song you want!

THANK YOU!!!!!! im gonna be a little autistic for a moment so hang on. im honing in on like. only hyperfixation atm. i dont think this really fits the selfship prompt but i need to infodump anyways.

hiding the autism under the read more

OK SO DONT LAUGH.

BUT I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO THESE TWO SONGS ON REPEAT LATELY GHFGj.h...

THIS ONE FIRST!!!!!!!!

this one is just so fun as a whole, but also it has lee!!!!!! leon!!!!! im really happy they had a british artist come in for him; dan's voice is my headcanon for him whether i like it or not. (any nonbritish lee doesnt feel real to me) i also like that his lyrics come off as cocky, yet awkward. we get an erection joke then later on hes like IM SERIOUS :,( (favorite line: now im the man of the moment standing alone in my tower) (it itches my brain just right)

IT ALSO HAS CYNTHIA!!! familial f/os my beloved. not only is sinnoh my favorite region, but i like to imagine what lunette's verse would be, too. i havent come up with anything, but maybe i will one day. probably not. hgfg (fave line: im a full time scholar, babe, and brawler // i guarantee that no one go harder) (so true bestie. also love the play on words)

other random comments:

yay, blue!! pokemon blue/red was my dads favorite, so i grew up with his games + he ended up becoming like a big brother figure to me. he's a cocky bitch but i think his verse flows well.

lance: HOLY SHIT. his line 'but i don't need to lay a hand upon a damn guitar // to rock this stadium like a tyranitar' ALWAYS GETS STUCK IN MY HEAD........ i love the like. pressure it builds.

ok so. not to be a little stinker but i think the steven/wallace verses are my favorites. theyre just so good..... and im so happy they included wallace!! i feel like no one ever talks about him !!!! favorite lines from them: -all in, man of steel, but no stallin' i'm real quick like this rock is polished flawless with the beat, so milotic we be so scaldin', steven and wallace -looking like you met medusa when you step to stone you'll catch a trident like poseidon when you hear the flow

then i dont have much to say about kukui's but its so fun to listen to (i also like the unova + kalos champions, i just dont have as much of an attachment to those regions!! diantha's voice is pretty and alder + iris always get 'better run for cover when I pull up with the 'rona //'rona got you under the weather I'm in the zone' STUCK IN MY HEAD!!!!

LMAO YEAH :( THEN WE JUST GO TO THE VILLIAN CYPHER GFDG

ok one of them is an f/o but i wont tell you who. so im just gonna go through my favorite bits of each verse

giovanni: again. the pressure he builds with the first few lines is crazy. i think his verse is also very fitting because like. giovanni is just EVIL. all the other villians have an intriguing or even silly reason for their wrongdoings but gio just wants MONEY. FREAK !!

archie: so i dont remember much abt hoenn and magma/aqua thanks to my childhood but archie is silly to me. yeah youre gonna flood the world? then what? duh. favorite line: you get smacked up if you act up // you can ask those on team magma (also itches my brain good)

maxie: HIS VERSE HAS NO EXCUSE TO BE SO GOOD??? I ALWAYS SAW HIM AS A DORK BUT THE WRITERS WENT CRAZY WITH HIM.. my favorite lines are 'im here to lead, they gon' hail me like a taxi cab i'll make them bleed if they're stepping into maxie's pad' LIKE ???!!! JESUS. i was a sapphire girlie but ok?

cyrus: i cant even describe it. its all so good. god characterization. good beat. really dives into his character past my old surface level view of him

n: poor guy is having an existential crisis but manages to end it with /guess thats why they call me natural B)' hell yeah boy

ghetsis: fuck you ghetsis

lysandre: I DIDNT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM BEFORE THIS SONG BUT JESUS!?? THIS MAN WAS NOT DOING WELL. his verse flows well but good god like. can we go back and talk about this man. can we get you therapy

lusamine: fuck you lusamine. they did not abandon you!!! but also. 'got nothing to lose by my ✨ni-hil-ego✨

guzma: ok i dont know if its just me but i think its not a good verse, but like. in a good way?? i dont think he'd be good at rapping so it feels fitting; as does the odd beat backing him. i also love the voice they chose for him! fuck kukui no discussion.

rose: FUCK YOU ROSE!!!! YOURE THE PEON DUDE

no comment on mewtwo bc i was originally so excited to hear jessie and james but they ripped it away from me

[leejenowrld]

haeun is such a strong girl! going through all that and still getting angry at her father..... the sigh of relief i had when she survived through all the complications ...

"i cant always hold it together" i feel like this moment also.. was to share their intimate feeling and was for jaemin to finally relieve all his pressure he felt as a doctor and with intern, as well as everything happening with haeun.

"if you collapse who's going to keep me standing" my heart? jaemin finally acknowledging and accepting intern? intern finally calling herself mama.... deserved 😭😭😭😭😭 im so proud of Jaemin..

"dada put your picture" STOPPPPPPP YOUR HONOUR HES WHIPPEDDDDDD

"wasn't so long ago you couldnt even get your mouth around me ... whos turning you into the perfect little fuck toy" OHHHHHHHH HHES CORRUPTION KINK IS SOOOO STRONGGGGG intern is one lucky galll

to haeun:

why do you like ballet? how about trying musical instruments next?

to intern:

how does intern feel? suddenly being with a partner that is like good in sex, it has been a huge jump from her once basic life to u know suddenly whipped cream and syrup all over her😆 intern plz come out and tell us

Did you manage to move out from your previous apartment? and move str8 into their house?

how did.. the black swan come to you??? what was the feeling like meeting aseul & nahyun?

i absolutely absolutely feel for intern... like the feeling of why suddenly when it comes to ourselves shit goes wrong? that hurt angst feeling is so strong i hope intern will get stronger... and better.......... youre doing so well intern youre going to be ok🥹 😭

to jaemin: please never blame intern, please always be there for her no matter the outcome, please love her as she is.... youre doing a wonderful job yourself as a dad....

and to sophie, you did your very very very very very very best, thank you for releasing a creation that once again made me feel too much emotions both up and down, im gonna think about this fic for a veryyyyyyyyyyy long time. it churns my heart so much from all the happy moments at the rooftop (i love the idea of creating the rooftop into a happy memory with intern, in contrast of aseul) to well... what intern is feeling. i am not a huge fan of open ended fics, but i think maybe hopefully idk if its for the better? espc with the suffering we've seen throughout... but i understand the need to feel the pain and angst and all that IM STRONG ILL DO IT FOR YOU SOPHIE!!!! im so sorry i really dont know how to analyse fics, so this is just a whole ask with a whole jumble of words of love. please accept it ..🫣

youre such a strong woman sophie, and please know you are very very much loved for you and your writing! please take lots of rest you need and thank you for the wonderful l&g series you put out. my heart goes to you ❤️

oh my god, thank you—this message is so full and real and honestly just makes every hour poured into this fic worth it. it means everything to see someone catch all the layers, all the little emotional threads, from the hard-won relief of seeing haeun make it through another storm to the raw moments where jaemin finally cracks open, drops the armor, and lets himself be soft for the people he loves. you’re absolutely right, that moment of “i can’t always hold it together” is such a turning point, not just for jaemin as a doctor or a dad, but as a man finally letting someone share his load. the “if you collapse, who’s going to keep me standing?” line was written for both of them—he’s the pillar, but intern’s become his anchor, the person he’s willing to let see him undone and rebuilt all over again. and yes, seeing y/n finally call herself mama, finally accept being loved, just makes me ache in the best way. she deserves every bit of it.

the way you swooned for “dada put your picture”—i swear, if there’s a single man in this world more whipped for his girls, i haven’t met him! and oh, you clocked the corruption kink with sniper precision—jaemin has waited so long to be able to claim, to ruin, to make his love for y/n something wild and physical and obsessive. you better believe she is never going back to a basic life after him; whipped cream and syrup is now the bare minimum standard (and jaemin’s bar for “enough” is somewhere in the clouds).

as for the questions!

to haeun: why do you like ballet? how about trying musical instruments next? —“i like ballet cause when i spin, my heart go wheee! and my tutu make daddy laugh. i wanna try drums. mama say i make big noises anyway. maybe i play drum at bedtime and make everybody jump!”

to intern: how do you feel? suddenly being with a partner that is like good in sex, it has been a huge jump from her once basic life to you know suddenly whipped cream and syrup all over her… intern plz come out and tell us —“it’s honestly insane. i still feel like i’m going to wake up in my old shoebox apartment, but then there’s this man who looks at me like he’s starved and i’m the whole feast. sometimes i think about how i used to worry about taking off my shirt with the lights on—now he can’t keep his hands off me for even five minutes, and i swear there’s nothing i could ask for that he wouldn’t give me. it’s a little terrifying, but so good it’s addicting. i don’t think i could ever go back to ‘normal’ sex again. he ruined me—in the best way.”

did you manage to move out from your previous apartment? and move straight into their house? —“i moved out after the first month—i was spending every night at jaemin’s anyway, and it just became home. at first it was supposed to be temporary, just to help with haeun, but then he kept making space for my books, my plants, and one morning i realized all my stuff was already here and i hadn’t even noticed. now it’s our home—messy, loud, sometimes a little chaotic, but ours.”

how did.. the black swan come to you??? what was the feeling like meeting aseul & nahyun? —“the black swan was always a feeling before it was a person—a sense of something dark circling, waiting for a moment of weakness. meeting aseul and nahyun in the flesh felt like being submerged in cold water. you know that feeling where your instincts scream to run, but you’re rooted in place? that’s what it was like. i still get chills thinking about their eyes on me, on haeun. i felt so small, but also so angry. i’d do anything to protect my family, even if it means fighting monsters.”

‘i absolutely absolutely feel for intern... like the feeling of why suddenly when it comes to ourselves shit goes wrong? that hurt angst feeling is so strong i hope intern will get stronger... and better.......... youre doing so well intern youre going to be ok🥹 😭’ —thank you so much. sometimes i still feel like i’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, but every day i get to come home to jaemin and haeun is proof that i can build something beautiful even when everything else feels like it’s falling apart. i’m trying to hold onto that.—

to jaemin: please never blame intern, please always be there for her no matter the outcome, please love her as she is.... youre doing a wonderful job yourself as a dad.... —“i could never blame her for anything. i know what she’s sacrificed for us. i’ll spend my life making sure she never regrets choosing us.”

and as for you—i feel so held and seen by your words, genuinely. the way you catch every theme, every echo, every drop of hope or pain or relief i try to thread through, it means more than i can say. i promise, even if i torture you with open endings and heartache, it’s always in service of giving these characters the truest, most unforgettable lives i can. thank you for reading, for loving, for holding space for this story and for me. you are the kind of reader every writer dreams of. please know you are loved right back. take care of yourself, and i’ll see you on the rooftop—always. 🩷

[pemberlyy]

Wow.

so i just got done listening to Mammalian Sighing Reflex. I tried so hard not to cry listening to it but when I got to Melatonin 130 I just broke down from there and could not stop crying.

the lines in particular;

“the breathing exercises hurt, and dont do fuck all.”

“ill live with you until our bones grow old.”

“help, why the fuck am i feeling self-absorbed when im finally happy.”

hit wayyy too close to home.

the instruments throughout this entire album just tickle a part of my brain that i had no idea existed. they’re beautiful.

THAT FUCKING BRIDGE IN DROPSHIPPED CAT SHIRT! WHAT. IN. THE ACTUAL. FUCK. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

“OHHHHH HOW NICE IT MUST BE TO, FEeEeELL SoOoOo BOREED.”

I always love the trumpets in the background of any of wilburs solo stuff. they just sound so dreamy idk.

FUCK ‘OH DISTANT YOU’ [affectionate] I WANNA CRAWL IN A HOLE AND DIE.

‘mine / yours’ ugh.

“you; Kiss me like it was your job

So tender and carefully, teeth before tongue (I wanna be yours)

Not in the way that the romantics do (I wanna be yours)

But with the grace of a workplace and child dispute”

You know, I don't need much more

But wanna be mine, wanna be yours

You know, I don't need much more

I wanna be mine, wanna be yours

I take you for granted

Because the alternative's far more alarming”

</3

Around the pomegranate lyrics i will relate to until i die;

“I just want to feel normal again

I just want to have meals with my friends

I just can't go through this again

Find my comfort in envisioning the end”

GLASS CHALET. THE LYRICS. THE GUTAIR. THE LITTLE BEEPING BEAT IN THE BACKGROUND NOT SURE WHAT THAT INSTRUMENT IS.

HIS VOCALS ON THIS OH GODS ABOVE. THEY JUST FILL MY EARS.

The vibes i get from this album is mostly; crywank and jack stauber mixed with obviously wilburs own style of writing and music. im not comparing it to those artists or saying he copied those artists but i just get those vibes and they are lovely. i fuckin love it. lol

ANYWAYS. Will Gold has fucking done it again with a masterpiece for the books. cant wait to listen to the album on repeat for the next few months until my brain melts into a puddle of goo.

ranking of favorites on first listen:

Mine / Yours

Glass Chalet

Melatonin 130

Oh distant you

Dropshipped cat shirt

Amazon standing lamp

trying not to think about it

around the pomegranate

i dont think it will ever end

eulogy

10 week rule

[crguang]

What the fuck that Kafka fic was so good and all of you are insane for making it, for me kafka is like all abt the yearning, she distances herself from relationships so if someone liked her she’d be very distant and vice versa, she wants to feel the one thing she can’t, and she plays an instrument and music is pretty connected w emotions and like communicating them even though she intelectulizes (? idk how to spell rn) a ton of her emotions I just ugh. Just like Kafka thinking abt r everytime she plays, her being unsatisfied w all other accompaniment, like i needed a warning or smth Also I’m finally writing the uni au like i might make a side blog or smth to post it on here, but I need the escapism rn, it’s been awful this week, like the election, genuinely what the fuck, and I’m stuck in America bc I have uni and ppl are being extra racist to me like it’s suddenly okay? And even though I just finished midterms I actually only have like a month until finals? anw sorry for venting but um am i allowed to yap abt arcane s2 on here, i mean a ton of it is me hating on Caitlyn. -🌠

youre so right about her distancing herself when she realizes she’s getting too involved thats why im obsessed with the idea of her learning that defence mechanism in response to getting hurt when she was younger, paired with her need to be great and not allowing herself too many distractions + the competitive field of classical music and the whole “distant bitchy perfectionist” persona protecting her from that as well… it all connects very well i think thats why i love this AU so bad😭 kafka communicating through music but that doesn’t mean everyone will understand what shes trying to convey, and at the same time it gets her closer to her goals and the life she wants to live so its two birds, one stone. she thinks she needs R to be the best because playing alone has left a void she can’t fill with other accomps when really that void is there because she never mourned life separating them. you know how the more you try to ignore something or restrict yourself from something, the more it obsesses you? that’s her. so successful yet so unfulfilled ugh

i’m so happy you’re writing especially since things are shit right now, having an escape is important so im glad you can forget about stuff at least for a while. i also hope you’re safe and surrounded by good people because a ton of hatred and racism, xenophobia, transphobia and misogyny has reemerged after the election results and it’s so disgusting to see. this is what trump stands for and this is why he couldn’t win, i fr cant believe he did again. i hope he croaks before january. i’m sorry you’re going through it with uni as well, i know how exhausting the month of november is for college students, hoping the rest of the semester goes by fast because i can’t do it anymore either, man.

you can yap about arcane s2 now that i’ve watched the episodes, especially if its cait hate lol this is a safe space i do not like that girl!!!

[my-silly-rabbit]

1, 10, 11, + 16 for the self insert asks! for bonbon!!!

1. what are the basics of your self insert? name, date of birth, height, etc.? name: Bonbon Benson

age: around mid 25+ to mid 30's. it depends on the timeline. birthday: 1/12. same as mine! i give all my s/i my bday~

height: mmmmmmmm idk. 5'4 . my height ig lol

likes: FREDDY FAZBEAR'S PIZZARIA! and mainly Springbonnie ~!, pizza, dancing, pop music, video games, and robotics. dislikes: spicy food, uncomfy fabrics, silence but also sudden loud noises, kids that aren't Williams.

fun facts: she ALWAYS wears bunny ears that she made herself.

uummmmmmmmm idk lmao 10. how do the other characters feel about your self insert and f/o’s relationship? oooo i have a lot to this one

henry: depending on the universe, sees Bonbon as a casual friend. he's happy that William found love again and finds her a joy, though can get on his nerves. post..... everything, he sees her as an obstacle to drag around his mission to find William. they both have opposing views and Bonbon has stopped hiding her involvement but she says if he rats her out, she won't hold bad. henry values his plans to die more than just feeling the minor satisfaction of seeing her behind bars plus shes part of all this too. she deserves to be set aflame like the rest of this mess. even if when they find springtrap, they tackle and bite each other and break their hips. they are glued together till shit is settled. bonbon WANTS to die with william. That is her main mission if henry plans to kill him. she would LIKE to take him home but..... she's old and tired of being alone. if complying a bit means seeing him again, she'd...try. but it's not easy. (tbh them actually bonding in a fucked up way might actually be cute but the outcome is the same.) michael" oooh boy. he did NOT like her at first. too clean and cutesy. anyone who likes his dad SUCKS (besides uncle henry). but as she starts babystting, he realizes that she has a bit of a 'cool babysitter' edge. not telling his parents about minor shit and talking with him instead of shouting or ignoring. she knows that the aftons arent the best parents and is blunt with michael about it. Michael is confused why someone like her still cares about people who arent good parents and he never truly got an answer for that.

post....everything, Michael starts to see her as a second mother but bonbon admittedly doesn't try to keep in touch. michael looks too much like him...but she still tries to have him over from time to time he helps her to make sure her house isn't a total mess.

by the time Michael goes missing, she's already hunting William down with henry, and both beet with Michael again at the same time. he gets the biggest hug but Michael, who was most likely told by Henry her crimes, pushes her away and yells at her that she never truly cared and was just around for his father. that she never truly wanted him around and just used him for labor. Despite Bonbon crying after being yelled at.....he's not wrong. bonbon sucks guys can u tell lmao.

Elisabeth: oh boy. bonbon tried EVERYTHING to get this girl to like her. everything under the sun. gifts, praise, ignoring her, giving her space, being in her face, bribes, secrets, but NOTHING would keep this lil lady from stopping her "BONBON IS THE WORST BABYSITTER WE EVER HAD!!" tantrums. even when Michael and even try to tell her to quit it and she is not that bad and lets them off the hook for a LOT, she never quits. maybe its "IM DADDY'S PRINCESS" attitude or just having another girl(?) in the house but she just can't stand bonbon. bonbon loves her dearly! She is William's favorite! how can she not!! she tries SO HARD to get her to like her but NOTHING WORKS.

Even: he's glad to finally have a shoulder to cry on. though Bonbon admittedly has little empathy about his fear of the animatronic. she cant see it and tries to get him to like them to no avail. but she gives up after a while and doesn't torment him with them.

Clara / mrs. Afton: in universes where they are a polycule. Clara adores bonbon. bonbon was very nervous about even the idea of suggesting something together but god., they already were something. she gives her face kisses way too casually, and hugs her every time she sees bonbon. clara thinks bonbon is the best person to include in their family and bonbon adores her right back. she always worries that hes not 'good enough' for such a pretty woman but shes perfect in Clara's eyes. tbh they might be more in love then bonbon and Afton are but there love for each other is just as strong for him together.

11. what kind of outfit(s) does your self insert wear? mmmm take this art and some photoes from my pintrest

16. freebie! name a fact about your self insert you want everyone to know.

UUMM OH! The reason she sews buttons on her clothes is to fidget with them. they are her main fidget and she loves the smooth texture and shapes.

[winderlylandchime]

3/3 ‘This hurts, this is really fucke- that’s a really nice shirt, do you think i could find something like that, i think id look good in it. Anyway *waves his hands at Brian* PAINFUL’ he is now bouncing up and down and standing with his hands clasped waiting for Mikey to get punched ‘cmon!! Who cares about some fucking forks?! SHOW ME WHAT IVE BEEN WANTING TO SEE SINCE THE PILOT! Whats gonna get him punched tho? I forgot what I thought earlier..OH the stay away. Oh Brian doesn’t look happy about that. *another pause while he towers over me with hands on waist and pointing at Brian*okay BUT remember when he told Justin in season 1 to fuck off out of his life or some shit like that and now he’s all ‘why would you tell him that?’ GROWTH! LOVE! CARE! *looks at Brian* my man! Now let’s get to punching! Okay, he did do SOMETHING..he cheated.. can Justin hear him? Is the selfish lil shit gonna get him punched? Cause if so…i wouldve gotten my ass handed to me by now, HE DIDNT USE BRIAN! brian is mad! Yes Michael be quiet! *huge gasp* HE SAID WHAT NOW?! *arms in the air* HELL YEAHHH PUNCHED IN COLOR!!! BUT HOLD UP *pauses just as mikey gets hit* haha nice. HE SAID WHAT?! HE FUCKING SAID WHAT?!?! He did not just say that he should’ve died?! He deserves to get kicked too! PLEASE TELL ME EVERYONE HEARD HIM! Oh of course nobody heard him. ANIMAL?! ANIMAL?! YOUR KID JUST WISHED DEATH ON SUNSHINE! OH BEN YOU BETTER NOT! HE JUST WISHED DEATH ON SOMEONE! PUNCH HIS BORING ASS TOO! OH FUCK YOU LINDSAY! FUCK YOU TOO MEL! ITS MICHAEL WHO SHOULD LEAVE! DID DEBBIE JUST SAY ASSHOLE? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?! JUSTIN PLEASE TELL ME YOU HEARD HIM!’ He paused the tv and with his arms opened wide went ‘am i the fucking only one who heard him say that?! HOW did nobody else hear it? *looks at me* please tell me everyone finds out what happened! Cause this shit is fucked up, i cant even appreciate the punch anymore cause I’m mad at everyone’ ‘NO BRIAN! Why are you here? You better not apologize! He needs to apologize! Oh boo fucking hoo little mikey is playing the victim again. YOU DESERVED TO GET HIT YOU LIL BITCH! Tell him Brian! Okay nevermind he knows he deserved it, EVEN MICHAEL KNOWS YOURE IN LOVE! So you didn’t believe in love when you met him, but you do now because now you know him. *looks at me* like how I didn’t believe in santa until i saw him at the mall…but then mom couldn’t explain why he was always different races so i guess that’s different. Makes sense to me tho *plays ep* HE WANTS THEM TO MAKE UP?! For the comic?!?! I AM…..i am having a lot of thoughts and feelings. HE HAS PLANS! THE LAST TIME HE SAID THAT TO MIKE JUSTIN WAS WAITING FOR HIM WITH THE DINNER!! REMEMBER?!?! Maybe Justin is waiting for him to talk to him about Mike!’ The hustler scene comes up *jumps up in the air* ‘AHHHHHHH!!!*pauses ep* I WAS FUCKING RIGHT!!! I CANT BELIEVE I WAS RIGHT! Not gonna lie, most of the time i just say shit and hope something sticks BUT I WAS ACTUALLY RIGHT! MY BLONDIE IS BACK!!! (The hustler is revealed) you’re not my blondie. What is this?! *hands over his mouth while he’s still standing* IS HE WHAT HES LOOKING FOR?! BRIAN LOOKED FOR A SEX WORKER THAT LOOKS LIKE JUSTIN?! (brian ignores the kiss) *literally has teary eyes and boy, do I wish this was a joke* he isn’t kissing him! He’s still following the rule! (brian plays with the guys hair) He misses him so much. Neither of us are okay with this storyline….how many condoms do you think he has..im surprised durex isn’t one of his account, he’d be perfect for their ads since they’re always funny anti kids ads. How many condoms do you think they went through while filming? hold up, I didn’t appreciate it enough *rewinds the fucking scene and once again has teary eyes while watching* it’s the music and Brian’s expression. I could literally write a short essay about Bri as a person at this point, that’s how well I know him! Oh this all hurt. I gotta go somewhere, literally anywhere just away from *points to tv*’ He is now outside talking to my neighbor and giving her a dramatic recap.

He wants Brian’s shirt? Aw!

GROWTH! LOVE! CARE! See!?! Yes! Brian grows over the course of the show! He cares! OMG. (Until it’s all erased in S5)

And here’s the heartache. Michael deserved to be punched and no one hears what he said so…again… everyone blames Brian. And Brian… apologizes. Because he would let himself get burned if it means everyone else is okay.

Ohhh the parallel “I have plans” yeah this time it’s a cheap imitation (cheap as in it’s not Justin, I’m sure the escort was not cheap)/

Teary eyes about Brian not kissing the Justin look-alike escort? And noting the playing with the hair? Could he be anymore in the fandom?!? Nope.

“I could literally write a short essay about Bri as a person at this point” ANON YOUR BROTHER IS A HALF STEP AWAY FROM WRITING FANFIC.

Your poor neighbor…

[thexbox]

All the better to hear you with

Pineapple dave most def sus af

I wish I could upload the audio clip

Like a phone operator menu response.

"HI. This is Dave Bailey of Glass Animals and I'm here to spread good vibes."

Pity. I thought Dave finally fell in love with me.

Maybe tomorrow.

Or Friday.

You got that right, I am a fucking menace I take that as a compliment. Couldn't help but smile seeing that lyric.

I'm trying this new thing where I consider that maybe not everything is about me, but like come on, nobody is more Dennis the menace than me when it comes to Glass Animals.

I have the top fan badge and i will brawl with every LG who stands in my way without hesitation ok nobody is crazier than I.

I cant imagine there being anyone as annoying and relentless like this bitch right here, she just never gives up. I don't know where she finds the determination to keep coming back after all attempts at generating a connection were ignored like the plague. Im now twice blocked from the discord community for being too rambunctious. It's been going on for like years now it's amazing, really, the dedication I have to this toxic one-sided relationship that fulfills me in every way.

We are quite happy together yes.

Insidious disease I repeat.

It's getting to this point I'm afraid.

Relax people and remove the ego from the equation. I'm really just in love with myself. All of this is merely a projected fantasy.

What bugs me the most is idk why I cant seem to shake it! It's got me in a vice grip.

I think im just so fucking stubborn and I've put in so much now that I refuse to give up until someone acknowledges my efforts because I think I deserve that. I feel like there is something there that is being concealed.

I have a top fan badge for goodness sakes.

Throw me a bone yo

Stalkers have feelings too

It's just like a neverending unfinished knock knock joke otherwise

butterfly girl

[midirecovery]

I feel so proud of my friends tonight. Watching the boys in palefade kill it at empire makes this fierce joy well up in my chest. it's amazing to see them grow and write and play over these last few years. The way buckley was so kind to me yesterday about A* stuff caught me by surprise. There's also a kind of secret satisfaction I get when I am asked by yet another woman who is crushing on him to be able to vouch for how great he is - but also to tell them he has a girlfriend -- whom i love!!! I feel like i am defending her honor since she cant ever go to the shows. Or actually it's because when A* and buckley and his gf and I all hang out together in the house it's one of the things that makes me happiest rn. And seeing Driver thrive too is so rad. I just luv dem boyz :') plus lately ive been needing to watch a screamo band and stand by myself in the dark. It felt healing tn.

And running across the street right after to see Jay and aby do their thang at chess club! It was packed and the crowd was SO amped up by what they were doing. Here is another lil like satisfied moment I experienced... at the risk of sounding like an asshole. My distant friend vi fucked over my other friend tilly and we've been piecing together some things in the wake, and im coming to understand all the small passive aggressive things that have been putting me off from vi. She claims ownership over things/people in an irritating way, and it's constant. Multiple times she has gotten weird and pushy about how much she loves jay's band, how she's booked them, how much she loves them as ppl- but that's my best fucking friend. And so when she did that weird thing tonight and then moved to get closer and i felt myself get irritated by all the weird social positioning and shit that comes with being a part of the ~music scene~, aby suddenly spotted me in the crowd and yelled hi hi hi at me and I jumped up and down and yelled back hi hi hi over the crowd, and ALSO seeing that aby was actually happy to see me tonight meant the whole world!!! Because it's been so awkward since she had that meltdown in January. So not only that made me happy, but also then moments later Jay spotted me in the crowd and pointed at me and went "oh hey!!!" And i got to jump and yell again and it was this great moment of like - wow they fucking did it. Theyre doing it!!!! Seeing jay's vision grow over the past 5 years and watching the fan base follow and the sound develop has been so incredible, and i get to be a part of that. You can also see him and aby fall in step with each other, not just as a couple but as performers. It's fucking rad. And I get to have sessions listening to his demos and pointing out different production decisions and adding ideas and talking songs out with him and encouraging him when he'a roughing it out or thinking things thru- so I can hold those memories up like little projector transparencies against the giant dancing packed-in crowd tonight and smile super hard.

Yes, I didnt get to work things out with A tonight. It feels like water torture - but the last 2 nights have been great reminders that I have solid friends out here who care about my wellbeing. I also feel super settled into myself - it's easy to know who I do and don't want to be around. And who the genuine and kind people are. And how to easily take myself from place to place and person to person. I didnt expect for everyone to be so happy tonight but thank god