#ive got a list of substances and a general timeline so i don't end up empty handed with another two years left to go
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burningcomputerpersona · 9 months ago
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was getting a twelve pack of beer a bad idea? probably. am i enjoying it though? absolutely.
#im just glad i didn't end up getting the vodka like id originally been thinking#bc i would've ended up actually getting drunk on school nights#can't actually get drunk with beer bc i get full before i can drink enough to actually get drunk#but i am enjoying the feeling of killing brain cells by mixing it with benadryl#could this be the start of a bad habit? possibly#but im not too worried for now bc it's only beer#now if i start cooking barbiturates in the microwave ill know ive hit bottom#but ive got 4 more years to go so im saving that for later. preferably my last year#ive got a list of substances and a general timeline so i don't end up empty handed with another two years left to go#i hope this blog doesn't end up turning into a drug log over the next four years lol#well if thst happens ig i can just create a sideblog for my mental breakdowns#if folks have recommendations for stuff that might help im open to suggestions#well besides cigarettes bc i am currently fighting the urge to start smoking with everything i have in me#bc i know for a fact I'll get hooked right away and it'll ruin my life by making me light up a cig every few minutes#I'd be taking smoke breaks every hour between classes#I've only smoked like twice in my life and i cannot stop thinking abt how good it would feel to start smoking#just. its not even the nicotine it's just so easy to romanticize self destruction with cigarettes yknow#it feels like you're actually doing something. like it makes the suffering more tangible or something#idk maybe i might try it and realize it's actually nothing like i kept thinking and be turned off by it#but with the way i cant stop obsessing over them when i haven't even started? im not taking my chances lol#anyway. feel free to ignore the mental breakdown lol this will definitely keep happening more in the future#alcohol tw#mine#vent
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