#kai tried ao3 and doesn't understand it again

[cupcakewebkinz]

So I went on Ao3 to relearn how the tagging system works (I haven't used it in a while) and found some funny ones like "no lesbians die" and "possessed by demon fossil lady" and I'm-

I'm wondering what the fuck the tagging system is now 😂

I'm glad no lesbians die but- WHAT??? 🤣

I tried to read that one but I couldn't get invested... No lesbians die tho.

I'm even more concerned I'll be suffering trying to tag the canon cs au story now though-

like would Shanon be considered kidnapping Vee and Shelly if Vee straight up asked her to? Is this consensual kidnapping? Is that something I should think about??

Someone please help me understand my brain is dying...

I'm scared to even think about the tags I'd have to put on my search and rescue au... Like does twisting but being cured count as dying and reviving? Do I tag chronic illness if Dandy has a unique one? (Most likely tbh) Do I really have to worry this much?? (Probably not - I have anxiety tho)

[benwvatt]

My stomach churns (I’m tired of being a well-kept secret)

In which Zuko is healing after his Agni Kai on a boat, and Uncle Iroh has hired Sokka as a healer for him. They’re both 15 in this story and it’s canon divergent from the ATLA plot.

Zukka fic! Rated T, chapter 1/?, hurt/comfort and light angst.

Read on AO3!

The healer has soft hands. He 一 well, Zuko finds out his name is Sokka, but it’s easier for his addled mind to pronounce ‘he’ and leave out the extra syllables, no matter how pretty they are 一 he was hired by uncle.

He doesn’t ask about the scar-shaped elephant in the room, or curse softly beneath his breath (which is more than Zuko can say, really.) And he doesn’t laugh again. Sokka has gentle hands and an ever-present supply of freshwater. It takes Zuko two entire days to realize he’s on a fucking boat. He just thought the swaying was a trick of his mind. No wonder Sokka feels right at home here. He’s Water Tribe; aren’t they, like, born to sail the five seas?

Zuko doesn't voice any of this, his throat too ragged to pronounce anything disyllabic for now. He mainly gives thanks in hums. One hum when Sokka traces the thin lines of Zuko’s face and presses soap-shaped bars of ice to his bandage, three when Sokka throws out the bloody dressings and replaces them with cool, soft cloth.

Sorry, Zuko signs before he falls asleep. Again. He might as well be in a full-on coma, seeing as he sleeps seventeen hours a day. Or maybe it just feels like eternity. The Wani doesn’t have a grandfather clock like his old bedroom did.

“For what?” Sokka asks. He grins and signs, yeah, I understand. I’ve signed before.

I… was rude. The words falter and Zuko follows, pulled under the waters. His breaths are shallow. He can’t breathe well, not since Father tried to fill his lungs with ash.

“That’s alright,” Sokka says to the wall above Zuko’s bed. He and the wall are becoming <i>great</i> friends, given that Prince Zuko is rarely lucid and he’s… not the best conversational companion, you know? Sokka hums a lullaby meant for the stars and he unwraps Zuko’s gauze as he sleeps.

The prince is a funny fellow: sleeps like a tangerine cat, curses like a sailor even in sign language. He’s tall and lean and he snores most nights. Sokka wonders if he used to do that before the accident.

Read on AO3!

[angelspigeon]

Moar angst? Maybe with a happy ending. Saix is dying in Lea's arms and he doesn't know whether or not he will come back. He tries to tell himself it's okay because Lea has found true friends that will make him happy, but Saix doesn't want to go because he also wants to be reunited.

Hi!!

YES ANGST!!!

Your angst was something I actually headcanon and needed to write for the vol 02 of my fanbook so THANK YOU!!! I finally got the occasion to write it down!!!

Maybe I got a bit carried away? I put in a lot of others relationship (and piece of a fanfic I couldn’t post but filled with headcanons) so I hope this will please you anyway!!

I won’t post it on AO3 because I think I will need to rework it a bit and just throw it in my fanbook later ya know so no AO3 door BUT those 3 205 words are all for you!!!

 When he died, it seemed to be the right thing…

Dying, be with Lea in Kingdom Hearts. Forever. Being by Lea’s side… It was the dream. The only thing he really wanted.

So why was he there? Why was he listening to Xemnas’ nonsense… again?

Why…

He hated every of his ideas. He hated the sound of his voice. He hated…

“Moony?!”

A hand moved in front of Isa’s eyes. No… Saïx. He hadn’t the luxury to be Isa. Isa was something lost, forgotten… He didn’t think he could only come back that child. He wasn’t sure he wanted. The name they called him had just really little importance when he was by Lea’s side…

The thing was that… he wasn’t in Lea’s side.

So Saïx looked up at Xigbar who had moved his hand in front of him.

“You’re with us?” he asked.

Was it being with them like sharing their view of what they will do, the conquest of the Worlds, or listening to them?

“I am,” he replied.

“Yeah… It didn’t seem so. But if you’re in! Come on! We need to find more friends! Or… how do you say when you use them, whatever if they are killed or not, in the end?”

“Object?”

“Yes! We need to find more living object!” Xigbar said. “Xemnas wants lot of them.”

“What will happen to us?”  he asked.

“You really want to know?”

He had something in his tone. Something telling that, exceptionally, he cared.

“Am I the kind of people who would waste his saliva?” Saïx wondered.

“You’re doing it, there. And every time you speak to me,” Xigbar smirked. “Though… Honestly?” he said with a grave and dull face. “Don’t expect to life old.”

“This doesn’t afraid you?”

Xigbar shook his head.

“No! Surely don’t! I’m a big boy and I will do great! But you…” Xigbar grabbed Saïx’s cheek, pressing them between his hands. “… I know you. Don’t die too fast, ‘kay?”

Saïx nodded.

But he didn’t know.

This battle was forcing them to walk on a path so different from Lea’s. And if he had to be against him?

He wasn’t made for that.

He had intertwined his life with him and could accept to be on a different path of him but he couldn’t accept to hurt him.

Even one second…

Though… giving up on his life to avoid hurting him… wouldn’t it hurt him even more? If Lea had forgotten him, that would be the worst for him because he wished to always live at least in his memories, but wouldn’t it be better?

For everybody.

  The sound of the pen against the paper was reverberating in the room.

As always, Saïx had to be there, helping Xemnas with the things he thought useless. Keeping order in his thoughts was his work. It was annoying. But it helped. He had managed to climb all the stairs to finally arrive there. He had the confidence of his Chief, one of the most important members of the new Organization, and he had access to every of his plan…

Of the whole Organization plans.

Like the last time, he had every way to destroy everything he wanted at default to success what he wished the most.

He couldn’t access this.

He was unable to do what he wanted.

His only wishes, at this exact moment… was to make sure Lea could be happy. If his life was about to end… Of course, it was about to end. Any Xehanort really thought they could win? When they have so many powerful people against them? And no one in their side…

And what he expected…

“We could use the Replicas…”

“The Replicas, Sir, are you sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Xemnas walked toward Saïx. “We don’t have the time to convince people to follow our lead but we can bring back people sharing our ideas. This would offer us an opportunity to win over the Light. Especially because, as for you, I can trust them.”

Saïx looked down on the papers he had. Every information needed stocked and stacked just right in front of his eyes. They had gathered a few members. Xigbar, Luxord, Marluxia, Larxene… him, of course. This was showing a little obsession of the man. And, yes, Saïx could understand the need to turn back even more toward trustable people. Another past, because it was obvious Axel… Lea, wouldn’t come back and Roxas couldn’t come back. Yet… it wasn’t impossible.

But…

People were missing.

A lot of them.

They needed Replicas.

To fill what was missing and, as Saïx was passing through those who could complete the equation…

“My Lord… Do you remember that puppet we used to have with us? Xion.”

She wasn’t supposed to vanish from memories. It wouldn’t follow Vexen’s plans. He wanted his work to be remembered! Lot of those who saw her just didn’t care much about her and the others… Axel… Saïx begged for make it vanish from his memories. To protect him from everything. He had lost Roxas, he couldn’t lose more… suffer.

He knew he was doing mistakes but they have the way for that.

But now… Now, Axel, or Lea, couldn’t forget something. Not completely and he knew… He knew he would remember her one day. He knew he hadn’t forgotten her for real…

“You want us to use this puppet?”

Saïx nodded. “If we managed to have Vexen by our side, we could have Replicas and he would bring her back. She owns a Keyblade so she is fitting the role more than… me, for example,” he said.

“You own a part of me since so longtime, I think you perfectly fit the role. Anyway, if this idea seems interesting… Will Vexen accept to join us?”

“I can convince him, if you allow me to try, Sir,” Saïx offered.

“Very well.”

“Thank you,” his Second replied, bowing in front of him.

  Saïx couldn’t understand how Vexen had accepted to let go on his Humanity for the sake of the plans. He didn’t understand how he could abandon his Heart… But he did it. Only to fulfil their goals. His goal. Vexen wanted to have his revenge, to redeem himself… next to his son, Ienzo.

For that, he needed to step in the Devil’s Lair and give them a bit of what they wanted.

Only to fulfill his desire.

They all were ready to make sacrifice.

Saïx was ready for them to.

All of them…

“What will you do when the moment will arrive?”

Vexen didn’t look up when he heard the question behind him. For now, they were eleven. And they will be, certainly, thirteen when Xion will be made. But Saïx didn’t want her to share his fate. Maybe she could overgrow this. Maybe he could find someone else to replace her. Even if it has to be Sora? Unless Lea had affection for him?

He… he didn’t care about disappearing. He didn’t think Lea would really miss him. He didn’t think he still deserved Lea’s love but… Vexen?

“I’m the one who create the Replicas. I don’t think I risk anything,” Vexen said. “I will make sure they are enough so I don’t have to fight and die.”

“But what will you do for…”

Saïx showed his eyes.

Vexen smirked. “I can live with that. Maybe it will disappear when everything will be done, though. I’ll see.”

“I see…” Saïx whispered.

“When will you be done with…”

The door opened. Saïx immediately went quiet. But his eyes widened.

It wasn’t that surprising to see Xigbar, even if he had that smile.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

But what he had under his arm…

“Hi, Saïx!”

Just in front of his eyes, Demyx was waving his hand.

Vexen had nothing to do with this discussion. He had so many works left to finish with Xion. And the Replica for Roxas. He needed Xemnas for Xion but for Roxas, they only needed Sora. And so, this will bring more difficulties in all of this.

“We’re trying to have enough Replica for the Darkness’ plans. What Demyx is doing here?”

“I couldn’t stay dead and away from you!! I couldn’t believe it when I was alive! But couldn’t reach to you! I’m so sorry. I should have come back to you. But it was hard to know if I was welcome?”

“Of course, you were,” Saïx replied.

Why not? Except the creeping fear that he would be killed again by the Light… Creeping fear becoming worst again  when he noticed Demyx’s eyes…

Yellow.

“Enough Replicas, uh?” Xigbar asked as he walked toward the inanimate puppet.

“It’s going to be big,” Vexen replied. “Everything we can wish for and more!”

“I wish a lot of things!” Xigbar smirked. He moved his arm away from Demyx and approached the Replica, only to turn toward Saïx and press his cheeks between his hands. “I wish you make him smile.”

“I never said I can do Miracles,” Vexen replied.

Saïx frowned even more.

Demyx jogged to Saïx, hugging him.

It was just the shadow of a smile, but he managed to make the Second-in-Command smile anyway.

Very few where those who knew the affection Saïx had for Demyx. He always seemed to hate him, not care at all, and even despised his presence. But that didn’t mean it was what he truly thought. When you were someone as important as him, it was crucial not to show your true feelings.

Lea, Axel, seemed already to be an easy target. But Demyx… he always frightened that it would be an easier target…

At this exact moment, he preferred not to think about that. He preferred looking at that Replica and hope. Hope that it meant everything will be alright…

  In his bedroom, Saïx was laying on the mattress. He didn’t need to sleep but sometimes, he didn’t want to work…

He heard a sound at his door and turned his head, not welcoming anyone though. Either that person will leave, either it was someone who will enter anyway so… he preferred to be quiet, to let the thoughts swirl in his head and invaded him.

The door opened.

“Hey, Saïx, can I come?”

“Even if I say ‘no’, you will.”

“Right!”

The door closed and, just a few seconds after, he could feel a body against his. He moved his arm so he could lightly embrace the one who was snuggling against him as if he wasn’t a living threat…

“You don’t mind, right?”

Saïx moved his head toward Demyx. As if it was really the kind of things he would worry about… Demyx had a Heart filled with light and Saïx often wondered how he could have been with them. As much as for Roxas, probably.

Roxas…

Saïx wondered if they could success…

“Can I say something to you?” Demyx asked.

Saïx nodded slightly in the Darkness of the room.

“I was surprised when Xiggy mentioned you. I heard Lea joined the Light and… I thought he was the love of your live…”

“I don’t have the luxury to choose,” Saïx replied. “I’m only waiting for…”

He closed his eyes. There were two wolves within him. One still had hope and the other was less idiot and know the truth.

“You can wait for him with me,” Demyx smiled, trying to cheer him up.

“And if he doesn’t find me?”

“More time together!!” the boy burst with joy.

Saïx clamped his hand on his belly. Demyx bit his lower lip, seeing this, and hugging him tightly.

“Please, don’t think about this,” he said in the hollow of his ear. “You’re doing really fine.”

“Thank you…”

Those words Demyx had said to him wasn’t something Saïx was used to hear. At least not without being like a bone throw at a dog…

“Do you want something?” Demyx offered.

“No. It’s fine,” Saïx replied.

“Tell me if you need anything.”

Saïx wasn’t surprised the boy tried to do so much for him. He almost expected Demyx to propose him to play music for him… Thank God, he didn’t. Though Saïx could remember the time where his music was the only thing he could bore. And when he was so desperate because Demyx disappeared and there was no more music in The World That Never Was. Because their empty lives were even more empty. Because he felt so left alone…

Even Xigbar tried to cheer him up but everything had shattered, little by little when Axel left them. Left him.

And after that… he was just taking the longest road to his own Doom. This was supposed to be his salvation and now…

Somehow, he was happy to be there because he really liked Demyx even if he didn’t show it much. He really had been with him in the hard time when his whole existence had shattered, piece by piece. When he needed to grab on something and the Promise on Kingdom Hearts became less sure, when his hate was so strong… Without Demyx and Xigbar, he didn’t know what he would have become.

So… being there, being with Demyx once again finally… wasn’t it the most logical end?

  A few months before, for the sake of Axel, Saïx had hoped this puppet will never move anymore.

Now, for the sake of Lea, Saïx hoped this puppet will move…

Vexen had no fear for a random Replica and he swore that, as soon as Roxas will touch his Heart, he will be complete again. In a Replica, yes, but he would be there and his own being. As he always had been. He could live his life as he deserved it.

But for the puppet here…

Saïx walked like a wolf in a cage, waiting.

“Will you be able to do it for Naminé, too?” he wondered.

“Yes,” Vexen replied, fixing the last details to call back Xion.

He had very little information about her and her own being was so strange. It was more difficult.

“I will manage to have you pushed on the side but make sure it will be the same for Demyx. I will give you the opportunity to leave and do what you want. Don’t fail on me.”

“Silence, Saïx,” Vexen said.

Saïx folded his arms.

“You want to redeem yourself, I want it too. You will have what you want and so me too,” the scientist said to him.

“I don’t want to redeem myself,” Saïx replied.

It was only selfish.

In fact, Vexen could understand it too. They weren’t that different. But Xemnas wasn’t that different than them neither…

Saïx kept walking, glancing at the puppet.

He stopped.

Her fingers had moved.

He saw them move. Just at the right instant…

He approached the table with hope.

Vexen ignored him. Ignored her.

“Xion?” Saïx called.

The hand moved. A relieve bathed Saïx. Roxas and Xion will be there soon… Once this will be done…

“One last thing,” Vexen said.

“Yes?”

Saïx wasn’t looking toward him because Xion was sitting just in front of him.

“She will not be Xion as you remember her until her Heart could connect with Sora.”

Saïx turned his head toward him.

“So… I will bring her to the fight.”

He was annoyed because Lea couldn’t remember her and risked to hurt her. And if it happened, Lea wouldn’t forgive himself. But he will make sure this wouldn’t happen. He didn’t plan to let Lea be sad. Soon, he will be reunited with Roxas and Xion. And he will be happy…

What could he hope more than this?

  The day of the big battle arrived.

Too soon.

Saïx knew that Vexen had brought a Replica for Roxas. He knew that Demyx was in a safe place. He knew Xion will soon be her again… She will be alive.

Everything will be alright.

He just needed…

“Moony?”

Saïx turned his head toward Xigbar who walked toward him.

“What will you do?”

“What do you mean?”

He groaned when he felt Xigbar’s hands on his cheeks. The man was always forced to touch him like that?! It was annoying…

And yet… the gesture was tender.

He always was happy to receive that affection from him.

Wasn’t it the worst that him, who had grown up being alone and avoiding to be touched, he ended up being very close of people who needed to show their affection that way?

“I know for Demyx and I know for the two others… You will leave?”

“Why would I?”

“You will join Lea, right? I wish you my best wishes!”

Saïx shook his head, looking down.

“Why?” Xigbar asked.

“I belong to Xemnas. I’m stained by him and there is nothing for me. No one who could care…”

“I…”

“You will forget me, Xigbar.  I knew this was what will happen to me months ago… I suppose I have to thank you? For having let this time less painful? The day I lost my Heart was the last time I was allowed to have one… I accepted the fact. My Heart is…” Saïx’s fists were shaking. “The only Heart I need is Lea…” he whispered.

“Is that what you want? It’s over?”

Saïx nodded.

“You know you have a chance to come back if you die.”

“I don’t think it will happen.”

Xigbar pressed his hands over his cheeks and leaned to press his forehead against him.

“Then, I will hope for two…” he whispered.

  “See you, Isa…”

Hope…

They all talked about hope. Saïx never had this hope. He just had will. Will to pursue. Will to fix things… Will to make Lea happy…

From the beginning, it always had been what he wanted. The very beginning. The first day he saw him, at the window of his house. The day when his Heart met the only one…

Hope seemed so dull. So vain…

Why would he hope?

He didn’t believe there was a right place to die and yet… he was dying in the best place in the World… In the warm and soft embrace of the one he loved. The man who will be surrounded with those he loved, finally…

Lea would be happy.

Why having hope when his sole purpose in life was finally fulfilled.

Lea would be happy…

But… the green eyes were filled with tears. He hated see them like that… He regretted the old spell, the upside-down tears.

He didn’t want Lea to be sad.

He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to be somewhere else than in Lea’s arms. It wasn’t fair… He wanted to be there to see him happy. He wanted to wake up every morning next to him and to kiss his face. He wanted to hear his voice.

He didn’t want to leave him alone.

Roxas and Xion could really fill the hole he will create in Lea’s Heart? He wanted to believe it because he was nothing and he wanted Lea happy but those eyes on him were saying something else.

And…

And he didn’t want to leave.

He wanted to come back. He wanted to hope…

He wanted to hope he will come back and see Lea’s smile every day…

“… See you, Lea…”