#ken's full name is kenneth | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jacforrd · 3 months ago

Text

❛ HEAVEN HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED. ❜

MEET JACQUELINE JAC FORD ⦂ frequently confused with sophia bush, the prodigal daughter returned, bequeathed an albatross legacy, curse holder of the eldest daughter and stirrer of love potions, mayhem to quiet and roses to riots, friend to all and a friend to none. a character study in chosen family, defying expectation and rewriting the fates. loved & taken care of by daisy.

FULL BIOGRAPHY ❋ CONNECTIONS ❋ STATISTICS ❋ ABOUT THE MUN

╰　𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗜𝗖 𝗜𝗡𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗠𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡.

full name: jacqueline aurelia ford

nickname(s): primarily goes by jac, occasionally hears jackie or j. ford

age + date of birth: thirty-nine, born on june 28, 1985

zodiac sign: cancer sun, aries moon, virgo rising

gender + pronouns: cis woman ( she/her/hers )

place of birth: windsor bay, oregon

current residence: mountainside

time in windsor bay: born and raised, left at 18 & returned 7-ish years ago

sexual & romantic orientations: bisexual biromantic

occupation: owner of ' the lucerna ' downtown

╰　𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗙𝗔𝗠𝗜𝗟𝗬 𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗘.

great-grandparents: gerard ford ( of the founding families of windsor bay ) and marjorie ford

grandparents: kenneth ford and rebekah ford neé collins

parents: kenneth ford ii and marissa ford neé james

sibling(s): three younger siblings, aged 30-35.

cousin(s): christian ford.

pet(s): an australian shepherd named wayne.

╰　𝗦𝗬𝗡𝗢𝗣𝗦𝗜𝗦.

trigger warnings : death, car crash, death of a child, hospitals, suicidal ideation, depression, mentions of drug usage & drug abuse

jac is the first-born to a well-renowned lawyer and housemaker in windsor bay with that super fun 'ford' name draped around her neck like it's the hope diamond ( it is, in fact, a glorified chain collar )

the expectation is that she will be a product of her good grooming and genes, but that expectation dies once she learns how to talk. she's an easy child until she's old enough to ask questions and form her own opinions, and then the expectation is to play along. she can barely keep her head above water as she bites her lip to keep her mouth shut, half-heartedly apologizing when the ribbons fall out of her hair because she's been playing to hard (and by no means does she mean it) — her parents don't know what it's like to be in her body, so when siblings begin to come along, she thinks things will get better.

it doesn't! things seem much easier for her younger brothers and sisters, whether it's playing along or conforming, and instead jac just feels disproportionally sized for her body. she's too big and too small all in one go, and whereas her family loves to conceal, she thrives in the chaos and the mess. she likes it when they feel real. she knows that the galas and the dinner parties and the functions are a complete and total facade and the show they all put on is just that: a show, but she is upheld to her role.

the prodigal daughter plays games just as well as her father does, because they come embedded in her dna. jac leans into being the anomaly and starts untying everything to match where she's at. she is a royal pain in the ass in every way that she can think of — she toes the line but never, ever crosses, using that smart-as-a-whip mind of hers to constantly challenge her father. ken expects her to be the homecoming queen in high school with a ruling iron fist, straight a's and ivy acceptances (plural), so she uses all that wit to barely scrape by, make friends in every possible place she can and get a only a little stoned. she drinks a little too much at family parties. she snaps back. she even does a little blackmail to get what she wants. she tells herself she doesn't care even when it feels like paper cuts underneath her nails. her sights are beyond windsor bay, where people drunkenly ask her at keggers where her great-grandad buried the hawthornes’ bodies or keep her at a distance no matter how close she tries to get.

she leaves behind her beloved siblings and heads off to columbia in new york after high school graduation (and yeah, a european summer, but sue a girl) where she doesn't even make it through her complete freshman year. instead, while she's waitressing in between classes and on smoke breaks, she falls headfirst into the extracurricular activity of lady zeus. it's a three-piece band that starts as a bunch of stoned kids doing stevie nicks and bob dylan covers: jac, her best guy friend from college that she's friends with benefits with, and one of the line cooks at the diner she works at. they think it's just for fun until they play a gig (their first and only serious) and immediately find themselves signed.

the world no longer applauds her for being a ford: they applaud her for her, something she actually did that made her worthy of applause. lady zeus explodes and jac doesn't register for sophomore year. her parents threaten to cut her off but she couldn't be bothered to answer their phone calls anymore with the bigger and better things on the horizon. jac doesn't see her father beginning to emerge from her mouth — she becomes neurotic the more notoriety the band gets, unable to enjoy a moment but rather hellbent in conquering it. lady zeus doesn't last long. they only survive until jac's 24, when the wheels fall off. she thought they could maybe survive her cocaine fueled haze after a string of bad decisions that includes marrying her guitarist in vegas and then failing to annul the marriage and her stint in rehab. they don't survive her positive pregnancy test, the father of her child being her guitarist who's conveniently just gotten engaged following the pushing of their divorce.

jac crumbles along with her shooting star band — she disappears to nashville (not home, never home) so no one can see the ugliest parts of her exposed like a raw nerve. fortunately people still see her talents and she gets by selling songs to other artists while pulling funds from that trust until she can give birth and get back on her feet. she has a daughter, whom she names charlotte. charlie's arrival changes everything for her, because she wants to do what's best for her child. she doesn't want to be her father or her mother: she wants to be better than that. she buys a farm in nashville, gets horses and chickens and a dog and raises charlie on harmony hill. she takes college classes online to get a degree in business while raising her daughter & working on music row, playing on tracks for up and coming artists and selling them songs.

she thinks maybe she's atoned for the lady zeus fiasco. life has other ideas. it gives her seven short, glimmering, beautiful years on harmony hill with charlie and then it rips the hope of any more like tissue paper. the two of them go on vacation for the winter holidays and charlie doesn't get on the return flight home after a nasty accident in their rental car and a patch of black ice. any life remaining in her drains out.

a year sludges by after she buries her daughter in the cemetery that touches the border of harmony hill. she sells harmony hill and finds herself aimless despite wanting nothing more than to be done. there's a weight in her that never truly goes away; she equates it to constantly being in free fall, hurtling towards the earth but never smacking the ground like she hopes she will. the only thing that even remotely stirs her out of her reverie is a phone call from her mother, a guilt trip calling her to see her father after a terminal diagnosis.

he passes before she even gets to town. the prodigal son returns with anger, resentment, grief, all the things — not a bit of her is sorry for leaving, only sorry that it didn't work out and it all looks like this. she refuses everything her mother offers her: instead of sleeping in her old bedroom at the coral coast home, she uses money from the harmony hill sale and buys a dilapidated home on the outskirts of town to fix up for herself. putting idle hands to work keeps her emotions at a low simmer. it gives her a small reprieve from the pain she's feeling, the way she can't even lay the foundation before another storm comes and rips it from the ground. she just keeps losing: the facade of her family, lady zeus, charlie, her father, and now — what, her agency? the ashes that remain? she doesn't know what's wanted of her, if they want a change of heart or someone take over the mantle or what, all she knows is that she was not born to make nice, she was born to make waves. nights pass where she wonders if the hawthornes are out there, flood of victory in knowing they’ve managed to curse the ford bloodline with fruitful results.

she never expected to be back in her hometown but she makes do with what she can. she's something different to everyone, all the shards of her casting out different images to different people. the busier she is, the less time she has to dwell on what she's lost and what remains, what she is forced to reckon with. with what she gets from her father's will & estate, she uses the money to buy one of the historic buildings downtown and turns it into the lucerna — derived from latin's luceo, to shine or be bright, she makes it a place where those who need something to illuminate their souls. she uses her connections to funnel artists through, turning it into the venue in windsor bay for new artists to debut beyond bars or to bring headlining favorites to town. it's also used as an event space for weddings, galas, town functions, and even the high school's prom. throwing her life into the lucerna reminds her that the cracks in her let the light in.

jac's been back in town for about seven - ish years now. the lucerna's successful, she's got her property out in the mountainside where she experiments in the kitchen and is constantly renovating something there. she still has a hand in music, offering to play on tracks or sell songs as favors to friends. she gardens, journals daily, snuggles up on the couch every night with a glass of wine and her australian shepherd, wayne, and tries to sit with herself. love who she's become. pick the pen back up and write what's supposed to be her story, no matter how many times the universe has blacked out her happy endings. she's rediscovering the bliss of her simple life, a life that feels like it belonged to someone else, and making friends with the ghosts that share the space with her.

╰　𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗦.

my black sheep, hippie witch bad bitch baby :’)

she has the best home remedies for everything: common cold, a self-titled ‘love potion’ that she swears by, soup that will warm your cold, dead heart. you name it, she’s got it.

has definitely started one too many family arguments just because she can — she doesn't talk to her mom anymore even though there’s something resembling love there. depending on what her siblings have grown up doing, i imagine varying degrees of closeness, but growing up, she hung the stars in their eyes and them hers. she adored being a big sister.

doesn’t necessarily want kids again. charlie was her one and done, her unicorn, and she doesn’t know if she could work past the scar tissue. loves kids, though, will gladly babysit or volunteer at any school gathering.

she has definitely forgotten to pay her electricity bills on more than one occasion, for no other reason than the fact that she likes any excuse to use the kerosene lamp or light a candle to get around the house. then someone told her that after so many times, the power company would permanently cut her off and that that was frowned upon, so she learned her lesson, but still.

kissed a girl or two in high school, wouldn’t put it past her having had a girlfriend or girlfriends.

the person who pulls over on the side of the road to try to help out animals.

jack antonoff is a canon character in this rp because as a favor to him, jac played the original guitar on the track that is now taylor swift's august. she jokes that he owes her royalties every time he plays it live and butchers it

no stranger to appreciating the finer things in life, even if it isn’t always her speed; girlie likes expensive wine and refuses to drink the cheap stuff, has a ten step skin care routine, and cannot live without two day shipping.

my Crafty Girl, you show her something on pinterest or tiktok and she will do her best to make it happen + come to life for you.

likes tattoos, hates the sensation of being tattooed, which is why most of her tattoos are very minimalistic, simple, or small.

#windsorbayintro #drugs tw #car crash tw

2 notes · View notes

czech-hunter-reject · 1 year ago

Text

One thing I know about native English speakers is that they really love naming people one thing but then exclusively calling them a shortened version of that name, or some entirely different name instead (what do you mean people called Peggy are actually named Margaret??? How does that make sense???). My name is Kenn, but that's literally my full first name, because where I am from, Ken/Kenn, Kenny, and Kenneth are three separate full names. Same goes for like Chris and Christoffer, or Tom and Thomas, or Tina and Christina (literally the only female name I could think of for this example).

I also know they love doing this with place names a lot as well. I just get the sense that English speakers are always in a hurry, cause they generally tend to shorten things a lot, like they're really obsessed with acronyms and such. Just say the words, girl

#english #language #names

7 notes · View notes

scotianostra · 2 years ago

Text

youtube

9th December 1770 saw the birth of the poet and novelist James Hogg.

Hogg is primarily known today not only as the author of a series of pastoral poems, but also as the writer of the novel, Confessions of a Justified Sinner, widely regarded as the first piece of modern Scottish fiction.

A contrary figure in real life, Hogg almost bankrupted himself in attempts to be a successful shepherd - leading to his literary friends dubbing him "the Ettrick Shepherd".

There were two main strands to Hogg’s early cultural experience: folk traditions and religion. The family were church-goers and his father was an elder, while his mother was steeped in the oral tradition, relating to her children folk tales and songs of kings, knights and supernatural beings.

With no media ,as we know it back then Hogg would have listened reel off tales of Scottish history and legends as he was growing up. As a young man Hogg worked as a shepherd in Selkirkshire and Dumfriesshire, becoming interested in literature in his early twenties, when he attempted writing songs and poems, some of which were published in The Scots Magazine. He moved to Edinburgh in 1810 to pursue a career as a full-time man of letters, after having published poetry and non-fiction while maintaining his day-job as a shepherd. However, in 1813 he returned to Selkirkshire, where he lived and worked in the Duke of Buccleuch's Altrive Farm in Yarrow.

He continued to publish regularly while maintaining a contentious relationship with the Edinburgh literati, including his friend and some-time mentor, Walter Scott.

Many of Hogg's stories and poems appeared in Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, or Maga as it was affectionately known.

Hogg continued to write, publish and farm until his death in 1835. He was buried in Ettrick Churchyard, appropriately next to his grandfather, Will o’ Phaup, who is reputed to have been the last man to converse with the fairies!

Among Hogg's most famous works was Jacobite Relics - originally commissioned by the Highland Society of London in 1817, it included Lament of Flora McDonald, sung here by Kenneth McKellar

Far over yon hills of the heather sae green An' doun by the corrie that sings to the sea, The bonnie young Flora sat sighin' her lane, The dew on her plaid an' the tear in her e'e. She look'd at a boat wi' the breezes that swung, Away on the wave like a bird on the main, An' aye as it lessen'd she sigh'd an' she sung, "Fareweel to the lad I shall ne'er see again; Fareweel to my hero, the gallant and young, Fareweel to the lad I shall ne'er see again."

The moorcock that crows on the brows o' Ben Connal, He kens o' his bed in a sweet mossy hame; The eagle that soars o'er the cliffs o' Clan Ranald, Unaw'd and unhunted his eyrie can claim; The solan can sleep on the shelves of the shore, The cormorant roost on his rock of the sea; But ah! there is one whose fate I deplore, Nor house, ha' nor hame in this country has he; The conflict is past, and our name is no more, There's nought left but sorrow for Scotland and me.

The target is torn from the arm of the just, The helmet is cleft on the brow of the brave; The claymore forever in darkness must rust, But red is the sword of the stranger and slave; The hoof of the horse, and the foot of the proud, Have trod o'er the plumes on the bonnet of blue; Why slept the red bolt in the breast of the cloud, When tyranny revell'd in blood of the true? Fareweel my young hero, the gallant and good, The crown of thy father's is torn from thy brow.

#scotland #scottish #makar #poet #writer #history #Youtube

21 notes · View notes

cantevenbeachhere · 1 year ago

Text

This Ken has lore

//This post is full of good info for you to know about the Ken you’re talking to 😎

Full name: Kenneth Sean Carson

He was created by Ruth Handler because girls wrote to her and legit asked for Barbie to have a boyfriend.

He was named after Ruth & Elliot Handler’s son, Kenneth.

His birthday is March 11, 1961, when he was officially introduced on this date at an International Toy Fair in the US.

Family:

Ken has a family, even though the parents were never actually created.

Mom’s name is Edna, Ken was named after his grandfather, and whatever happened to Dad is ambiguous.

Ken’s little brother is Tommy (roughly 6 or 7 years old) was created in 1997 and discontinued in 2007. He’s in Barbie Land too (I think so anyway) but in a separate part, never seen in the movie.

Some Drama:

Barbie and Ken officially broke up in 2004 - like wow really? - as a dumb publicity stunt by Mattel. Barbie dumped him on Valentine’s Day ouch, but after Ken’s makeover for his 50th anniversary, which was showcased in Genuine Ken: The Search for the Great American Boyfriend where people could vote on his new body and face sculpt, he and Barbie got back together the following Valentine’s Day.

Careers:

This Ken’s job is just Beach🏝️…

Although, the dolls in the Real World have had over 40 careers since Ken’s debut: beach, lifeguard, surfer, nurse, wildlife vet, marine corps sergeant, photographer, barista, banker, astronaut, basketball star, dancer, doctor, dentist, film director, movie star, ice skater, reporter, science teacher, cowboy, and more.

Personality:

Simp for his gf and loveable malewife aside, this Ken is supportive, compassionate, intuitive, and a bit of a daydreamer. In other media, Ken is also very confident. But this Ken is based on Barbie (2023), so this Ken is not quite that confident. Also, he cares about fashion, being a fashion doll and all.

This Ken does not like Blaine. IYKYK

Also this Ken is proud of the fact Disney gave Ken the dreamhouse in Toy Story 3.

#nobel prize for horses #this ken has lore #ken #i’m just ken #can you feel the kenergy #this ken has a blog #barbie and ken #barbie 2023 #Mattel #ryan gosling

7 notes · View notes

twistedtummies2 · 2 years ago

Text

Top 12 Ghosts of Christmas Present

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, so it’s a bit early, technically, to be talking about this guy…but no matter. Last time we discussed the First Spirit that Ebenezer Scrooge encountered in “A Christmas Carol.” Now it’s time for the second: the Ghost of Christmas Present. With each of his three spirits, Dickens created a visual motif to represent them. With the Ghost of Christmas Past, it was the idea of a candle or a light, representing the light of truth and brightness of memories. With the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come (whom we will get to another time) it was the shroud of mystery and the visual iconography of death. With the Ghost of Christmas Present, Dickens chose to represent the fullness of life, and to do this, he created a Father Christmas (or, if you prefer, Santa Claus)-esque figure, surrounded by food and plant life, jolly and boisterous. What’s interesting is that, as the sequence in the Present goes on, the Ghost does show himself to have a dark side, as it is this specter who directly reminds Scrooge of his venomous words, and - in many versions, including the original book - chastises him and presents the disturbing visualizations of Ignorance and Want to his eyes. It’s the dichotomy of Santa-like joviality and firm education that makes the Ghost so interesting. Over time, I’ve typically come to prefer the more jokey-but-still-firm ghosts over the ones that take it more seriously, or even try to treat the character with a touch more menace, but the balance is present in many of the best interpretations regardless. I also like how some versions REALLY play up the “Santa Angle,” as the visual similarities to Father Christmas have been lost on no one over the years; it’s cool to see versions embrace that idea so fervently, when it’s done well. With that said…well, there’s no time like the present! (Audience Boos) OH, HUSH, IT WAS WAITING TO BE SAID! Ahem…these are My Top 12 Favorite Portrayals of The Ghost of Christmas Present!

12. Carol Kane, from Scrooged. (She is HILARIOUS in this film.)

11. Brian Cummings, from The Flintstones’ Christmas Carol.

10. Francis DeWolff, from Scrooge (1951).

9. Paul Frees, from Rankin/Bass’ The Stingiest Man in Town. (This is one of the versions I mentioned that really plays up the Santa angle, right down to Frees using his “Santa Voice” for the character, as found in other Rankin/Bass productions.)

8. Edward Woodward, from A Christmas Carol (1984). (He’s slightly “meaner” than I usually prefer my takes on this character to be, but he still works pretty well.)

7. Willie the Giant, from Mickey’s Christmas Carol. (Yeah, I bet a lot of you thought he’d be higher, didn’t you? He probably would be, if there was just more of the Present sequence and Willie in it. Only so much one can fit into about a half hour, though, I suppose.)

6. Jesse L. Martin, from A Christmas Carol: The Musical (2004). (A lot of people have played this version of the character onstage - including such great names as Ben Vereen, and Oogie Boogie himself, of all people, Ken Page. However, Martin is the only one I've seen in entirety.)

5. Whoopi Goldberg, from A Christmas Carol (1997).

4. Desmond Barritt, from A Christmas Carol (1999).

3. Felix Felton, from A Christmas Carol (1971).

2. The Version from The Muppet Christmas Carol. (Voiced by Jerry Nelson, who also animated the face for the character. Don Austen was in charge of the body motions.)

1. Kenneth More, from Scrooge (1970).

#list #countdown #top 12 #best #favorites #literature #christmas #a christmas carol #charles dickens #scrooge #ghost of christmas present #actors #acting #portrayals #film #movies #tv #animation #musicals

16 notes · View notes

mediamixs · 11 months ago

Text

Dawn of the Dead (2004) Review: a classic horror movie to watch again

Adapted by James Gunn (Scooby Doo) from the original 1978 George A. Romero screenplay, Dawn of the Dead opens by allowing us to get briefly acquainted with the movies central protagonist, a pretty young nurse named Ana (Sarah Polley). But her safe suburban lifestyle is short lived, and a mysterious epidemic ensures that Ana is fleeing from ravenous zombies before the movie even hits the ten minute mark. She soon meets Kenneth (Ving Rhames), a tough-as-nails cop, and moments later they come across Michael (Jake Weber), a soft-spoken but natural leader, Andre (Mekhi Phifer), a man with a questionable past, and Luda (Inna Korobkina), Andres pregnant girlfriend.

They take refuge in a sprawling shopping mall, but quickly run afoul of the less-than-hospitable security guards C.J. (Michael Kelly), Bart (Michael Barry), and Terry (Kevin Zegers). More characters are added later, notably Steve (Ty Burrell), a smart-ass yuppie, and Andy (Bruce Bohne), the owner of a nearby gun shop. As the horrible infection spreads across the globe, and the situation becomes increasingly desperate, the characters come to realize that no help is coming from the outside. If they are to survive, they must take matters into their own hands. Luckily for us, that involves chainsaws, armor-reinforced parking shuttles, and propane tanks rigged into makeshift bombs.

The action comes fast and furious throughout, and director Zack Snyder (helming his first feature film) does a nice job of pacing and getting us right into the thick of things. He does tend to overuse the slow-motion effect whenever theres an explosion or cartridge ejected from a gun, but this can be forgiven because (a) its his freshman effort, and (b) it doesnt really take away from this particular story. Were also treated to some solid camera work, editing which maintains a fast pace but doesnt confuse the viewer, and excellent special effects with plenty of brains and blood to go around.

The soundtrack also plays a pivotal part in the film, adding an extra dimension to several key scenes. From Johnny Cashs When the Man Comes Around during the opening credits sequence (which, by the way, is better than many full-length zombie movies), to People Who Died by The Jim Carroll Band and a lounge version of Down With the Sickness by Richard Cheese and Lounge Against the Machine, its beyond me why the studio chose not to release this soundtrack.

The acting is very strong for a film of this genre, and Jake Weber and Sarah Polley are particularly impressive in the roles of Michael and Ana. They both manage to bring a quiet sincerity to their roles, something not easily accomplished in a movie dominated by flesh-hungry ghouls and belching shotguns. The cast is much larger than the original, but each character is given a few moments to shine and let the audience identify with them. True, nobody is fleshed out to the extent of, say, George C. Scotts Patton or Denzels Malcolm X, but what do you expect from a horror movie? This isnt Biography, folks.

Fans of the original Dawn will be happy to see cameos by Ken Foree, Scott Reiniger, and Sex Machine Tom Savini. There are several other nods to the original movie scattered throughout, and one gets the sense that the filmmakers had a great affection for their predecessor. But make no mistake, this movie stands on its own with a different cast of characters, different climax, and completely different ending. Comparisons between the two are inevitable, but ultimately unfair to both pictures. Its like comparing the original Atari to the Xbox. Both are a blast, but one is simply hopelessly outdated when held up to modern standards.

It should also be noted that the movie continues through the end credits, so dont run off as soon as the lights start to come up. If you do, youll probably leave the theater with a much different idea of what happened than those who stayed behind.

Dawn of the Dead updates a classic and improves upon it along the way. The action is faster, the zombies are faster, and the overall product just looks better. Its a zombie movie for the modern generation and well worth the price of admission.

#dawn of the dead #george romero #horror #movies #movie review

2 notes · View notes

yesmaddyposts · 1 year ago

Text

Prototypes and Platinum Blondes

Fandom: The Barbie Movie (2023) Word Count: 1.4k Relationships: Pre-relationship, Margot Robbie's Barbie X Ryan Gosling's Ken Tags: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Android ! Ken, Engineer ! Barbie, Unresolved Romantic Tension AO3 Link

Description: Mattel is the nation's top robotics company, and their newest line of romantic companion androids (The Ken Line) is officially underway. It's up to Barbie to get the prototype up and running.

Of all the projects Barbie has worked on in her career at Mattel, this one has got to be the most…ambitious. She can do it, of course. One doesn’t just graduate from MIT, land a job at the nation’s most prestigious robotics company, and build their way up to lead hardware engineer without knowing their stuff. But being tasked to help design a prototype for a line of romantic companion androids was definitely not on her bingo card.

She’s engineered plenty of androids that serve different functions in the past decade. Androids that are designed to take on high-risk, hard labor jobs like oil rig operators and nuclear waste managers. This project is a very different direction for the company. Barbie has to admit, it’s been a daunting task. She’s used to coding and programming androids for physical tasks. Designing an android with an identity, complete with flaws and skills and hobbies, is an entirely different ballpark.

The android’s factory name is K-0080. It’s printed on the bottom of his left foot and a manual on/off which is disguised as a birthmark on the base of his neck. He is the first of his kind, a prototype for what Mattel hopes to be their most commercially successful android line yet. The Ken Line. Ken because, apparently, Kenneth means “good-looking.” Not Barbie’s first choice. He’s been officially powered on for just shy of forty-eight hours now. Enough time to test out his primary functions, sensory motors, and reflexes. That’s the most fun part for Barbie when it comes to engineering. She likes to pretend she’s in a game show called “Can the robot do the thing?” Can he button up his own shirt? Can he do ten jumping jacks in a row? Can he walk in a straight line all while touching his nose with his pointer finger?

In K-0080’s case, the answer is a resounding yes.

Right now he sits behind her on an examination table in the testing lab. He looks around curiously while swinging one of his legs like a little kid. That is kind of what he is right now. He has been programmed with the basics: speaking and understanding English fluently, reading and writing, mathematics. But that’s about it. Barbie glances over her shoulder to look at him. His face is cycling through a series of expressions like he is trying them on his face for the first time. Finally he settles on one that mimics confusion.

Barbie has to admit, Gloria didn’t cut any corners with designing the android’s physical features. There’s a reason she is the head of the visual design department. The androids Barbie has made in the past have been humanoid, but their primary function was labor, not aesthetics. Most of the time they were missing key human attributes like hair and skin. But not K-0080. He looks more human than some actual people Barbie has met in real life.

It is obvious that Gloria put an immense amount of attention to detail into this prototype. There is thought and care with every eyelash and freckle on the android’s face. A conscious decision was made on the exact shade of platinum blonde for his hair. He has a lean muscular build which suggests athleticism, but the lack of calluses on his hands indicate that he doesn’t get his physique from weight lifting. For god’s sake, K-0080 has pores.

K-0080 catches her looking at him. He hasn’t been programmed with his full personality yet, so he doesn’t startle or get shy. He just maintains unabashed eye contact and asks, “What are you doing now?”

“I’m finishing up the transfer for your identity software so you aren’t just a one-dimensional love-bot,” Barbie tells him as if he will understand a single thing about what she is talking about.

“So cool,” K-0080 responds. She does a double take at the hint of Californian accent in there.

It’s a very personal response for an android that is still only half-done. Did Kate put some of his traits in the original data upload without telling anyone? Barbie wouldn't put it past her to sneak something like that in there, after all everyone in the office calls her Weird Barbie because of their similar faces and her eccentric behavior. The two of them just pretend they don't know it.

When the android doesn’t react further, she returns to her computer, skimming for any errors that cropped up in the download for Kate’s code. And the code is extensive. Mattel spared no expense in polling target audiences for the type of “romantic companion” they wanted. They conducted numerous surveys on personality traits, hobbies, and qualities that people found most attractive. Even K-0080’s voice was hand picked. Barbie does not envy the poor intern who had to marathon hundreds of romantic comedies to create the perfect vocal blend of male Hollywood heartthrobs. What the company has settled on is this: K-0080 is to be a beach-loving, optimistic, charmingly awkward boyfriend-type with a soft spot. People want a companion they can fall in love with, but not one that is so perfectly superior that it ruins the illusion.

With Gloria's expert eye and Kate's creative genius, all Barbie has to do is put the puzzle pieces together. She isn’t the romantic type, honestly, but it’s a simple task with all the heavy lifting already done.

She sets the data files to transfer. With a sigh she stands up out of her desk chair and stretches. Her joints all pop in succession, an embarrassing reminder that this last month and a half she has been spending more time sitting at her computer designing a robot with a fake social life than she has being, you know, actually social. K-0080 tracks her movements with his eyes. They’re a shade of blue that is entrancing without tipping into uncanny valley territory.

If the trial period goes well, orders for more Ken Line androids will go into effect. That means different skins, personality traits, heights, weights, every customizable quality will be on the table. More variation means more opportunity to widen the customer demographic. She approaches the android and considers this potential future. Will K-0080 be the only one of his line to look like this? Or will people love him so much they’ll want an exact replica, leading to advertisements and billboards showcasing identical androids? She walks in a slow circle around him. What will become of this model specifically in the grand scheme of things?

When she stops in front of him again, K-0080 smiles up at her with a dreamy sort of affectionate expression. Barbie can’t help the heat that rushes to her face. How has he mastered that already?

The moment breaks with the chiming of her computer. Data Transfer Complete the screen reads. Below that, a horizontal bar is filled in with a hot pink color, and to the right end of the bar is a 100% symbol. Barbie removes the microchip from her computer and brings it over to K-0080. She carefully folds back the cartilage of his right ear to expose the port in his skull. It’s a lot like an SD card for a camera, or a hard drive for a computer. The android is a vessel that stores information, and that information is transferred from the microchip. K-0080 has the capacity to learn dozens of languages, skills, and even fabricated memories and storylines. Kate calls it a “roleplay treasure trove.”

She steps back after inserting the microchip, then walks around so that she faces the android once more. K-0080’s face shifts to a neutral expression as he absorbs the influx of new information. A silver loading symbol replaces the irises around his pupils, gradually filling up with the same pink color as on the computer. When it is full, his irises fade back to their regular ocean-blue.

This project has been years in the making. Years of blueprinting, engineering, researching, and it all comes down to this. The gravity of the situation is enough to make Barbie’s heart race.

“Alright, let’s test you out. What’s your name?” Barbie asks.

K-0080 seems to ponder the question, as if he is searching through his internal database for the correct response. His reaction time will get quicker with time, Barbie knows. He’ll need to go on trial runs. Mattel will be bringing in real people to go on “dates” with the first ever romantic companion so he can get real world experience. K-0080's code grants him the ability not only to gain knowledge from a single data transfer, but to pick up knowledge firsthand. The possibilities are literally endless. As if he is fully aware of this unprecedented accomplishment, K-0080’s lips stretch into a confident grin.

“My name is Ken.”

#yes maddy writes #I DO NOT UNDERSTAND SCIENCE FICTION OR ROBOTICS DOES IT SHOW #archive of our own #fan fiction #ryan gosling's ken #Margot robbie's barbie #the barbie movie #barbie & her android boyfriend ken

6 notes · View notes

magic-ace · 1 year ago

Note

[Dolls, Barbie] The Short Yet Fabulous Life of Earring Magic Ken

Or, that time Mattel gave Ken a cock ring and created a legend.

This is my first time writing a post here, but this story has made me laugh for years now, so I'm excited to share it with all of you. I'll have my sources listed at the bottom of the post. If I get anything wrong or miss any crucial details, please let me know and I'll edit the post.

Anyway! Gather 'round for a tale of marketing, frosted tips, and kitsch.

# Who is Ken?

Ken, full name Kenneth Sean Carson, is a fictional character and fashion doll sold by Mattel. If you know who he is, you probably know him as "Barbie's boyfriend," and that's because that's exactly what he is. Barbie is *the* fashion doll, easily the most iconic doll in America and one of the most famous toys... ever. She's had hundreds of careers and thousands of iconic fashion looks, and has appeared in a wide variety of media, including a movie coming out July 2023 where she's played by Margot Robbie. Barbie is The Legend. Ken, while not quite as famous as she is, does have a lot of name recognition - at least, while he's standing next to Barbie.

While various toys and tie-in media has depicted their relationship in various ways (coworkers, serious committed couple, childhood besties, friends with a mutual crush they're both too shy to act on, sometimes they're even married), Ken is Barbie's primary love interest, male companion, and boytoy/trophy husband. (Okay, okay, to give the guy some credit, he's had 40ish careers since his introduction. Not quite as impressive as Barbie's resume, but then again, few things are.)

Ken debuted in 1961, two years after Barbie, both characters invented by Ruth Handler. (Fun fact: just as Barbie was named after Ruth's daughter Barbara "Barbie" Handler, Ken was named after her son. Feels a little weird to name love interests after a pair of siblings, but it is a cute tribute.) Ken dolls tend to be less detailed and complex than Barbie dolls. Ken dolls, especially in the early days, didn't always have bendable limbs or torsos, and in general there's less clothing options available for them. One fun fact is that while the first Kens had felt hair, after a couple years, he started having molded plastic hair, rather than the brushable synthetic hair Barbie had.

Barbie at her core is a feminine power fantasy, and Ken is very much part of that. If Barbie is meant to emulate who the little girl playing with her wants to be, Ken is meant to emulate that girl's ideal boyfriend. (Of course, not everyone who played with Barbie is a girl or wants a boyfriend - a young not-yet-realized queer kid, I thought Ken was boring as hell and never wanted one; I was perfectly happy to have my Barbies living in a vaguely gay girls-only castle going on adventures.) He's handsome in the blandest way possible, and always dressed to the nines, and if you buy a Barbie and Ken doll that are packaged together, or a set of clothes for both dolls, Ken's clothes will always match and complement Barbie's.

So, that's Ken. Handsome, well-liked, presumably rich, multitalented and with the world's most beautiful and accomplished woman as his adoring girlfriend. He's even going to be played by Ryan Gosling in the upcoming movie! Let's be real - Ken's got it made. Why would anyone want to shake things up?

# "Cooler"

Well, like I said before, Ken just isn't as impressive or #iconic as Barbie. He's not as sparkly or fun or memorable, and is often more of an accessory than a character. There's a reason the meme of the moment is "Barbie is everything. He's just Ken." That has been their dynamic for decades, and Ryan Gosling GETS it. Lots of kids ask for a new Barbie for Christmas, and can often point to one or three or seven specific Barbies they want - but how many ask for a Ken? Apparently, this showed up in the sales numbers, too.

So, in the early 1990s, Mattel sets out to find out what they can do to make Ken more popular - or if he should even stay at all. Yes, you read that right, Mattel was considering getting rid of Barbie's boyfriend altogether. So, what do you do when you want to find out what your demographic will buy? You ask them what they like! Working with a focus group of 5-year-old girls, Mattel asked them what they wanted, and what would make them like Ken more. Should Barbie dump Ken for someone more hip with the kids?

The girls responded with, no! They liked Ken! Barbie should definitely stay with Ken. Phew! The then-thirty year old romance was saved.

(This would not, however, be the last time Ken would be on the chopping block - anyone growing up in the early-to-mid 2000s like I did who was into Barbies likely remembers the tragic but ultimately temporary breakup between Barbie and Ken, during which Barbie dated an Australian surfer named Blaine. But that's a different story.)

But, the girls said, they did wish Ken was... cooler.

"Make it cooler" is quite possibly the least helpful bit of advice ever, right up there with "do what feels right" and "take that business opportunity from your high school friend." There's a reason there was a My Little Pony meme about this.

But, okay, the girls said they wanted cooler. Mattel could do that. They could totally do that. They knew what was cool.

Right?

# The Makeover

How exactly the Mattel execs collected their coolness data is unclear. This was pre-social media, so figuring out the hottest trends wasn't as simple as opening TikTok and scrolling until you have 4 new insecurities. Most sources I've looked at seems to agree that what *probably* happened is that Mattel looked at what little girls found cool - aka, singers on MTV, dressed in bright colors and funky jewelry - and also did some research to find out what the hot trends are. And where do you go to find the hot trends? Go to the hot clubs! It's worth noting that we can't be 100% sure, because Mattel hasn't ever talked about the process behind creating Earring Magic Ken. Actually, they don't like to talk about him much at all. Strange.

What we do know is that within two years of the focus group, Mattel had given Ken a makeover. You can check out Ken's look [here](https://www.nyhistory.org/blogs/earring-ken-proud-billy-new-york-historical-celebrates-pride-two-new-acquisitions), but I'll break down the basics.

First, he had platinum blonde highlights. And he was wearing a leather(?) purple vest over a mesh purple top in a look that I'd describe as "so tacky it circles back around into being kind of awesome." Like Tyler Durden's fur coat and bright orange pants. The key is confidence!

Per the name, Ken also has an earring in his left ear. Interestingly, Mattel *did* expect some pushback from this line, but they thought it'd be about the earring, which in hindsight is hilarious. But it does make sense from their perspective; in the early 90s, men wearing earrings wasn't exactly mainstream or accepted fashion. But, times were changing, Mattel reasoned. You see more and more guys wearing earrings nowadays, and Ken should keep up with the times. People might complain, but so what? Little girls would love it.

The most important detail to note for our story is Ken's necklace; a long chain with a big, silver ring on it. Now, Mattel will swear up and down that the ring is meant to match Barbie's accessories - he can even wear some of the charms from her bracelet on his necklace, how cute! And, to be fair, all the Barbies in the line wear rings like this, too, on their belts.

Mattel had *greatly* misunderstood those pretty necklaces that some guys were wearing out to the club. But they didn't know that yet. (As I stated in the Hobby Scuffles thread, there must've been at least one employee - probably several - who *did* know that and could make a couple predictions about how this was gonna go, but they couldn't say anything without explaining *why* they knew that. Or maybe they just thought, "Oh, this will be *hilarious*.")

Earring Magic Ken was released in 1993.

# Ken-sation!

Honestly, whoever set up that focus group with those little girls must've been spiking the football when Earring Magic Ken hit the shelves. Because the grand plan to make Ken cooler and sell more toys? Reader, it fucking *worked*.

Earring Magic Ken was not a standalone doll, but rather, a one in a collection of six. The "Earring Magic" collection featured Barbie and her friends in bold, bright colors, with their hair done up in big bouncy curls, with flashy, sparkly earrings. You can check out the other dolls [here](https://www.flickr.com/photos/20837663@N08/4671335912). (Wikipedia says it was six dolls, but for the life of me I cannot find a picture with all six dolls in it, so unless someone has one they'd like to drop in the comments, you'll have to settle for five.) Each doll comes with a pair of clip-on earrings for the owner to wear and match with their doll.

By all accounts, all the dolls in the line sold well, but none more so than Ken. I have to imagine they were pouring the champagne over at Mattel - the line was doing great, and for the first time ever, Ken was outselling Barbie. Hell, they couldn't keep that doll stocked!

Earring Magic Ken was the bestselling Ken doll of all time when he came out, pun intended. (Whether or not he still is is unknown.) He was inevitably the butt of some gay jokes; a man wearing an earring? Absurd! Frosted tips? Hilarious! A mesh top? Get out of here! In many ways, it was the same kind of jokes late night hosts would crack about male pop stars who dressed flamboyantly. Annoying to some, sure, definitely at least slightly homophobic, but ultimately, nothing Mattel didn't probably see coming. And, hey, kids clearly loved Ken's new look. They were raking in the cash, so what did they care what adults had to say?

And then one man, like the child who finally points out that the emperor is naked, was brave enough to stand alone with his head held high. And he said:

"That doll is wearing a fucking cock ring."

# People Notice the Cock Ring

I didn't know until I started research for this post that the "whistleblower" as it were in this whole rainbow debacle was Dan Savage. But now that I do know that, I am not even slightly surprised. Like of course it was him. For those of you who don't know who he is, Dan Savage is a relationship/sex advice columnist. He's openly gay and known for being very sardonic, very blunt, and, depending on who you ask, very funny or very obnoxious. Sometimes both. His column, Savage Love, has been going since 1991, and he also has a podcast by the same name. (He also started the It Gets Better Project, which is neat.) To give you an idea of his general vibe, his catchphrase is "dump the motherfucker already," aka DTMFA.

It really is no surprise to me that when Dan Savage sees "cock ring," he *says* "cock ring."

See, Ken's outfit wasn't just any old clubwear. It was *gay* clubwear. It was stuff that gay men were wearing to raves and nightclubs and parties.

And that necklace? Yeah, that circular "pendant" would be a cock ring. As u/ginganinja2507 put it in 4/10/23's Hobby Scuffles thread: *"yeah if it had been barbie finger sized it would've probably not raised any eyebrows but it is. not that size."*

Obviously, Dan was not literally the first person to notice this, but his article helped bring the conversation from "this doll looks kinda gay with his vest and his earring" to "no, y'all, this doll is literally wearing a gay sex toy. He's gay."

The irony that this doll with no genitalia was wearing a cock ring was lost on nobody.

I'll let Dan himself explain, in his article "Ken Comes Out." I linked to the article in my sources below if you want to read the whole thing.

>*When they’re not fashion statements, cock rings are worn around the base of your cock or your close personal friend’s cock if you don’t have one of your own. Slip one on when you’re soft; once you’re hard, it traps blood in the penis, increasing sensitivity and prolonging orgasm.*

>*Chrome cock rings like Ken’s were long worn by the leather crowd on the shoulders of their biker jackets (left for top, right for bottom). In the waning years of our long national nightmare (aka the Reagan-Bush years), younger gay-boy-activist types with brand-new leather jackets took to wearing cock rings on whichever side looked best or, to the horror of the leather crowd, on both sides. Tops? Bottoms? Versatile? Clueless? Who knew? Then dykes started wearing them—cocks or not, they didn’t want to miss out on any of the sex-positive accessorizing.*

>*Cock rings exploded (ouch!)—as vest zipper pulls, as key rings, as bracelets; rubber ones, leather ones, chain ones. But the thick chrome variety, the Classic Coke of cock rings, was and is most often worn as a pendant. Chrome cock ring necklaces became de rigueur rave wear. For about a year every gay boy at a rave was wearing at least one—these cock rings were often pressed into service later in the evening, to help totally tweaked ravers keep up what the X was pulling down.*

>*On closer inspection, Ken’s entire Earring Magic outfit turns out to be three-year-old rave wear. A purple faux-leather Gaultier vest, a straight-out-of-International Male purple mesh shirt, black jeans and shoes. It would seem Mattel’s crack Ken-redesign team spent a weekend in LA or New York dashing from rave to rave, taking notes and Polaroids.*

What I find especially funny about this is the fact that Ken wasn't just wearing gay clubwear, but *outdated* gay clubwear. I feel like Barbie would be more affronted by that than anything.

So, a lot of those astronomical sales turns out to have come from adults buying the doll not for a kid, but for themselves. This is nothing new; loads of adults collect fashion dolls, either because they find a specific doll really beautiful or interesting, or they consider it to be culturally significant, or it has a schtick or branding that aligns with another interest of theirs. In this case, a lot of the buyers were gay men, who found the doll hilarious and honestly, kind of iconic. (In a bit of anecdotal evidence, my mom, who's always had a lot of queer friends and remembers when this all went down, says she knew gay men who owned multiple "Cock Ring Kens." I assume some were given as gifts, but I also know people who would definitely have, like, four of these guys around just for the hell of it.)

It's worth noting that Ken, to quote Savage again, "always read kind of gay." I'm guessing it's a combination of the fact that Ken often wears soft, pastel colors (to compliment Barbie!), rides around in a pink sports car (he's a passenger princess!), and, well, look at that hair. I've always seen jokes about how Barbie is Ken's beard... or maybe they're each other's beards.

While some of this is pure "haha, man cares about appearance is gay! Children's characters being gay is funny!" coming from cishet people, I do know a lot of queer people (myself included) on social media who love Barbie and Ken, and consider them to be "ours," whether because Ken is a bit on the "meterosexual" side (to resurrect a term that died in 2008), or because Barbie is an ultra femme icon, or because of the campiness of the franchise, or because some of those direct-to-DVD Barbie movies are kind of sapphic (hello, Diamond Castle), or because the franchise was near and dear to us as children and we want to make it our own in adulthood. I think that's why Earring Magic Ken was such a hit; not just because of the inherent hilarity in Mattel unknowingly making Ken a gay club-goer, but because, in a batshit, accidental way fueled by capitalism, he *is* ours. I know I'd love to get my hands on one.

# The Aftermath

Obviously, once the alarm rang that Earring Magic Ken was getting the nickname Cock Ring Ken, and for good reason, Mattel issued an apology and the doll disappeared from shelves. Cowards!

EDIT: I originally said there was a recall, and many articles on this whole thing say this. However, as u/InevitableBohemian pointed out, it's hard if not impossible to pinpoint where that claim started, and no contemporary articles about a recall seem to be out there. It seems highly likely that the doll was simply discontinued and unsold dolls were pulled from shelves, but that the "recall" detail is an exaggeration.

They adamantly denied that they'd meant to put a cock ring on a Ken doll, because of course they did. To be clear, I do believe them - there's absolutely no way they would've let that go through on purpose. But it did give us this amazing quote from Lisa McKendall, who was working for Mattel's marketing department at the time.

>We’re not in the business of putting cock rings into the hands of little girls.

Incredible.

# The Legacy

Earring Magic Ken is still famous in the Barbie enthusiast community. It's one of the first stories you hear when you get into dolls as an adult collector/enthusiast, and these days, he's highly sought after. (As of this typing, a new Earring Magic Ken goes for $179 on ebay. A commentor on the lot said they have one, which they keep next to their Cher doll, which - amazing, incredible, no notes.) This is one of my favorite stories to tell to people who don't know much about dolls, so writing this up has been an absolute joy. I really hope this Ken gets a cameo or a reference in the movie, because it's such an iconic story and doll; it's just the right blend of camp, corporate cluelessness, funny, and audacious to be not just a memorable scandal, but one that's looked back on with fondness. (Seriously, it is so nice to talk about a drama where the worst outcome was some embarrassment.)

I think Dan Savage put it best:

> The little girls of our great nation wanted a hipper Ken, and Mattel gave them a hip Ken. A queer Ken.

He may have only been on shelves for six months, but Ken and his purple mesh shirt and his glorious, glorious cock ring will live on in our hearts forever. Amen.

# Sources

* My mom, when she could stop laughing.

* [Ken (doll)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_(doll))

* [Earring Magic Ken](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earring_Magic_Ken)

* [Barbie Media: Ken Timeline](http://www.barbiemedia.com/ken/timeline.html)

* [How Barbie's Boyfriend Ken Became an Accidental Gay Icon](https://money.howstuffworks.com/barbie-earring-magic-ken-gay-icon-1993.htm)

* [The True Story of Mattel Accidentally Releasing a Super Gay Ken Doll](https://www.intheknow.com/post/earring-magic-ken-gay/)

* [Ken Comes Out](https://chicagoreader.com/news-politics/ken-comes-out/)

* [Toys Will be Toys: The Stereotypes Unravel](https://www.nytimes.com/1993/02/11/garden/toys-will-be-toys-the-stereotypes-unravel.html)

* [Earring Magic Ken and “Out and Proud” Billy: New-York Historical Celebrates Pride with Two New Acquisitions](https://www.nyhistory.org/blogs/earring-ken-proud-billy-new-york-historical-celebrates-pride-two-new-acquisitions)

I do not know how to respond.

...Penis blast?

#textposting #askposting #...#I want to know what is happening at the moment in your intoxicated psyche #Your thought process seems fascinating

3 notes · View notes