#lbr I take about a million years to reply myself so like ^^''

[bigskydreaming]

So, question for followers and mutuals:

As I’ve talked about before, the best route forward for me in getting my issues dealt with and into a more sustainable, capable position longterm is by getting as much stuff self-published as I can this year, and hopefully signed for a traditional pub project by at least an agent. 

Given my situation, means, skillset and consistent resources, that’s really the only thing I can do that has a chance of actually turning things around instead of just treading water.

SO. That said, that’s what I’ve been working towards these past few months whenever I got a spare moment after paying for my basic needs, and finally at a point where I’m almost ready to do stuff with all that. So here’s my question:

I honestly don’t know what the hell most of you are here for, lmao. There’s no more graceful way to say that, and its not that I’m not GLAD you’re here, its just....I have zero baseline for what kind of content you’re actually here for vs what you just...put up with in between that content, lol. I know I’m all over the place, but weirdly though my follower count has been pretty damn consistent for a long time now, which means I’m not really losing followers ever? Which. Huh. I mean. Unless you’re all porn bots, which tbh, would explain Moukie...

But basically, I’m just trying to figure out what the best way to go about this is. I’ve got a site almost completed for my pen name that I’ll be publishing under, and I’ll be posting links to it and I’ll have a newsletter signup so people can get email notifications when I have something new up for sale and what it is (but never anything else, booo spam).

But would people rather I create a sideblog to post all original content related stuff on, as well as my usual inane thoughts, musings, chatter about my original content? Or would you prefer just a consistent tag you can blacklist if it gets to be too much talk about that content for your tastes, like kalentalkspublishing or something like that? You can just reply to this post or reblog or pop into my inbox on anon and let me know your thoughts real quick if you like, whatever works.

Either way, I’m still likely to be posting my usual randomness too, though probably not quite as much given how much more focus I have to give to that other stuff at this point. But I’m sure I’ll eventually have stuff to say about the new YJ or the new Roswell or like....I mean I’ll have to rant about Avengers 4 when it hits because like....lbr, that’s half my reason for existing but I digress.

But yeah, my usual content won’t be going away because it does serve a purpose for me at least. This might come as a TOTAL shock to some of you, but I’m actually a total extrovert? LOL. I know, weird right. But yeah, I like definitely recharge from being around and interacting with other people and don’t really LIKE being alone ever, though I can usually handle it fine.....but six + months of being a hermit cuz of my health and financial issues definitely takes a toll and this is pretty much my only form of social interaction period, hence why I’m on here so much. Like, without this connectivity such as it is, I would be.....much more not good than I am, lmao. 

(LOL its why I actually hate those ‘some of you really need to go outside’ posts, b/c while no doubt it applies to some people who could benefit from more human interaction and are capable of it and just choose not to for whatever reason like.....good god its annoying when you’re like I KNOW I need to go outside more I diagnosed myself with that issue MONTHS ago thanks doc, your insight, just...staggering). 

ANYWAY. So yeah. All of this *gestures vaguely in the direction of All My Random* will still be a thing, but slightly downshifted in priority from work on and talk of original content. But I definitely don’t want it to be all Buy My Stuff all day every day all the time, eww, no, boo capitalism, I’m doing this UNDER PROTEST UGH, I would hate that, so working hard to find a balance or at least an approach that makes it easier for you to selectively pick what you’re here for.

Feel free to sound off in whatever way suits you, I’m interested in thoughts. And as always, appreciate you guys so much, and also again x a million, thank you so so much for your help, support and donations and reblogs!!

[lagaudiiere-archive]

♧ Is there an RP partner(s) that you credit for becoming a better writer?

Memes for the Writer ;

Honestly this may seem like a very “cheesy” thing to say but every single person I’ve ever written with has helped me better my writing & myself. I look back at my older blogs & die a little inside out of second-hand embarrassment ( like how would people write with me? ) but it’s so nice because it means I’ve come so far ( hopefully! ) as a writer! Every single person who’s written with me helped me hone in my character’s voice or a specific style of writing just a little bit more, helped me get over my fear of not being good enough or whatever because clearly, someone thought I was.

But I do have to give a few shout-outs. Which … got long so they’re under the cut. If you don’t care about the whys, they’re @jedichosen, @heleads, @moonhurts, @croianam, @ourpyrrhicvictory, @scarfwere, @oliverqxeen.

@jedichosen — Idk if she wants me to tag her other blogs but This list ( & probably I ) wouldn’t be here without Sari. Sari is everything. We met on my old Allison blog where she scared the hell out of me on her Tom Riddle blog & then I made a Mary Stuart blog & she came into my inbox with all caps excitement & that was … literally it. We screamed over the show & our children & literally it was magic. Sari & I clicked, we wrote 2534634 threads ( one of them an actual novella I kid you not ) & this was where I truly felt like I got to expand my writing & become a better writer. To write so consistently with someone, getting to explore a million different facets, aspects, & timelines of a character really helps you not just better learn your character but yourself as a writer. To feel so comfortable with someone that it was never a scary thing to write a reply to but like you were dying to get something to them is just amazing & I don’t know what I would have done without Sari because Sari was the one who made this experience literally something else. We were always on Skype calls, yelling at each other over the awful thing the other had written, & just — idk it’s just something else when you’re basically best friends offline & then write a ton of things because both end up being something more than you’d expect because of the other. She was the one who encouraged me to make my multi because I was feeling stuck on Allison & she has been my supporter & writing alongside me always. Even if we die on our blogs we’re still always in touch & I have become the writer I am, probably the person I am too because of Sari. I love Sari more than I can find words — & I’ve found quite a lot thanks to her.

@heleads — Moony has been with me quite literally from day one. She was the person who actually gave me a chance when I applied to her rpg a million years ago even though the “sample” I sent her was probably like three lines long ( I had no idea what a sample was ok I don’t know how she even gave me the time of day I’d have deleted that “application” & pretended I never got it ) & she welcomed me into the rpg with open arms. She was one of the friendliest people ever, but also one of the most talented, as I got to experience firsthand. She responded to my sad starters, & I wrote my longest ever stuff with her first. We had a hella long thread thing & an almost ship that everyone loved & then I was able to find her on indie & it was the most amazing thing ever. She never never ceases to astound me with her talents. Even if we haven’t written together ( rip we need to change this ) it doesn’t matter because her understanding & writing of her character is incredible & just by looking at her stuff I become a better writer tbh. Ily to the moon & back ( hehehe see what I did there. )

@moonhurts / @heartcoils — KJ has been there since day one of indie, even though she didn’t know it. Like honestly? I have been stalking — I mean loving KJ since the second I made my first ever indie blog, Matt Donovan. She was always so inspiring? Her writing was just breathtaking, her as a person was just one of the most amazing people ever. Like she would bring positivity & class to my dash man, there was no other way to put it. Her understanding of all her characters leaves me absolutely in awe, & probably a lil jealous lbr, but also pushes me to want to do better. We may not have written nearly as much as I would like but that’s mostly because she has always been so so talented I used to be terrified? But the few times we did, I have had to really think about my words, our characters, & every time I’ve written with KJ, my writing has become that much better. I love KJ because it’s not just about the writing although I did initially fall in love with her writing ( & her writing teaches me so much every day tbh? ) KJ has been one of my closest friends on this site — & it’s because we’re friends off it. We weren’t always close but we were always sort of on each other’s radars & I always felt like there was this unspoken pact of we were there for the other if we ever needed it. We would go months in between texts but it didn’t matter. And now we go like … at the most a week, if that, between conversations. Being able to talk about my thoughts, whatever they may be, or throw around ideas or plots or just talk about different characters & dynamics so comfortably & to have such intelligent conversations is amazing. KJ throws back everything I lob at her tbh plus more & it’s always made me a better person — which makes me a better writer too ( because that’s what this is about. ) I love you so so much. You’re amazing, you’re incredible, & I wouldn’t nearly enjoy this site as much as I do without you. It’s like … you give it … a soul. I love you.

@croianam​ — KAY! My darling, beloved Kay. It’s so astounding that I was able to, by some crazy chance, find Kay again. I have known Kay since my second ever rpg ( first Marauders’ Era — once you go marauders there’s no going back amirite? ) Kay was literal sunshine in our ooc chats & I remember my awful awful days ( it was a hard time ok ) becoming a million times better because she’d been around. We got to talking, we got to texting, we got to modding another marauders’ era rpg, & have written either with or about each others’ characters it’s amazing. The dynamics that are brought about by Kay’s magic is something else. I ended up writing the brother of one of her characters & I actually got to explore so much & learn so much as a writer ( & get to go into so much more depth ) because of the special sibling bond, especially because I adored the writer so much. Tbh the love in the thread was real, just different because of Kay. Kay makes writing seem effortless, she’s fearless, has never let anyone get to her & has always been unapologetically awesome. That’s taught me a lot honestly, & every single meme she’d respond to ( & kill me in the process ) would teach me a little bit more tbh. We used to text a lot during said difficult time & I genuinely remember every day & most conversations we had. This may seem irrelevant because it just shows how amazing a person she is but really, I was able to become a better writer through overcoming a lot of my difficulties & I wouldn’t have done that without Kay, no joke. I may not have written nearly as much as I’d like with Kay but she’s taught me so much as a writer & friend & there is literally no way I can explain just how fantastic a person she is.

@ourpyrrhicvictory — Listen, we may not have written much since the rpg we both happened to end up on ( also marauders’ era what a surprise ) but writing with Oso was literal magic ( haha get what I did there? ) I remember the words literally coming out of places I never knew existed from a character I had loved & adored & written for years. Why? Because his writing brought it about, his incredible characterization & understanding of a character that I’d merely glanced at but he’d given such depth to. Being able to write alongside someone like that? Makes you a better writer, made me a better writer & it was one of the best things ever. I cannot wait for the day I am not trash ( I don’t know how he puts up with me tbh ) & we can write 346645 things but I’m also still terrified of how amazing he is so? There’s that.

@casualtyloss / @scarfwere / @erchommai — Cas! Cas is such a sweetheart, has been the kindest most wonderful person ever. I don’t know how I found Cas, I don’t even remember it at all I just know that Cas & I just … found each other & every single thread I’ve written with Cas has just been so easy but also made me think & I mean really think about my character. My favorite thing, to this day, is our thread with her Sebastian ( who is both terrifying & somehow endearing in a way only Cas can do it tbh. ) Cas makes me think about not just my character but the characters she writes. She’s able to bring about this atmosphere & this — this something that makes writing both easy & challenging but both in the best way possible. She’s always down to write my favorite most obscure stuff & has always been so so kind? Like it takes me a long time to really feel comfortable with someone & fear I’m not bothering them but with Cas? Like tbh I know I bother her but I’m only slightly afraid which is a step up tbh. She’s made me such a better writer, she also used to be the reason I’d get through my 573498543 drafts because I would set her draft for last & that was my motivator. If that doesn’t have incredible writing partner written all over it, idk what does.

@waldosiia / @oliverqxeen — Hehe she’s going on here because she’s amazing & even though I haven’t known Kristen as long as anyone on this list it sort of feels like I do? The first time I spoke to Kristen we both ended up staying up until a ridiculously late hour but it was because neither of us never wanted to stop? It was lots of caps, lots of yelling, & lots of love tbh. Talking & writing with Kristen has just felt … not easy, not effortless because I do have to think which definitely helps me better my writing but just … idk it’s just amazing. It falls into place, we both end up screaming at the other once the replies are out, & we both love so many of the same things. I said earlier, I rarely feel comfortable enough with someone on here without feeling like I’m bugging them but with Kristen it’s like? I don’t feel that. Mind you it took me forever because she was so amazing & both of us kind of loved each other from afar but just, she’s got such a natural grasp on any character she writes ( have you seen her Oliver? Daaamn. And her Caleb? I cry because I genuinely hear Graham’s beautiful voice. That’s skill ) & she helps me by writing her characters so perfectly that I have the best sort of person to write with, best character to build mine against if that makes sense? Idk. OOC relationships always make the in character writing a million times better & I’m so lucky to have both with Kristen & she’s just amazing ok.

[a-splash-of-stucky]

A Messed Up Place | Three

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Summary: Bucky gets some news which he does not want to hear.

Warnings: References to sex and nudity, language (there’s always language in my work, lbr).

Notes: Written for @hellomissmabel - we finally get to find out what Y/N has to say!!! 

Y’all ain’t ready for this chapter, man. Y’all ain’t ready.

AMUP Masterlist

Bucky trudges into his room, angrily brushing away the tears that prick at the corners of his eyes with the back of his hand. He blindly chucks his clothes into his laundry basket then throws himself onto the bed, smothering his face with his pillow.

He’s hurting on a more profound level than the physical.

There’s a gaping hole in his chest where his heart used to be, one that Bucky doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to refill. He doesn’t know how to patch himself together. If this were a battle wound, he’d bust out the first aid kit and fix himself up with some sutures, wrap the injury in white gauze. Instead, he has to contend with a throbbing pain somewhere deep inside him, a dull ache that seems to resonate through every fibre of his being.

It’s difficult for him to come to terms with the reality of the situation.

You’ve left him.

Bucky never imagined that losing you would feel this bad.

But can he even say that? Is it right for him to say that he’s ‘lost’ you, that you’ve ‘left’ him? Bucky knows that the two of you were never together in the first place, so what right does he have to feel as miserable and sorry-for-himself as he does? This was a relationship fated to fail from the outset, a doomed ship setting sail towards its inevitable demise. He’s just been patiently counting down the seconds as the clock ticked towards zero, when everything would explode in his face.

This love was always going to be his downfall, he knew that right from the start.

What Bucky didn’t know was just how excruciatingly, agonisingly, unbearably painful the fall would be.

—————————————

“I have something to tell you,”.

Bucky feels like his heart has frozen over. Ice spreads through his veins, chasing away the blissful warmth he attained after a glorious round of sex with you. Something in your voice puts his senses on high alert. Something in your voice tells him that he’s not going to like whatever it is you have to say.

“What is it?” Bucky croaks out, wincing internally at the hesitancy in his tone.

You roll over onto your side to face him, pillowing your cheek in your palm. From the way you’re gnawing incessantly at your bottom lip, Bucky knows that this must be something big. His mind is going into overdrive, every possible scenario playing out in his head. As the seconds bleed into endless minutes, Bucky feels himself slowly losing his mind. With each second that slips past, the stitches of sanity keeping him together are slowly beginning to come apart.

“Y/N,” Bucky murmurs, reaching his hand out to rest on your hip, “It’s okay. Whatever it is, you—you can tell me, I—,” he pauses to swallow nervously, “I’m here to listen,”.

Your gaze meets his. There’s a flicker of wistful sadness behind your eyes, here one moment, gone the next. You smile ruefully, then take a deep breath.

“Okay, um, I don’t know how to say this, but I—heh,” you mutter, your voice trailing off as you twist onto your back and throw an arm over your eyes. “Fuck it, okay, um, there’s…I have feelings for someone else,”.

Bucky’s frozen heart splinters into about a million shards. The far-fetched hope that Bucky might somehow find his happily ever after with you, the preposterous fantasy that he might one day admit his feelings to you, only to discover that you felt the same way — that dream has been crushed in a most devastating, destructive way. He feels dead on the inside, devoid of all emotion. It’s like you’ve flipped a switch inside him, opened up the floodgates that had been holding back those niggling worries and voices of doubt. Now that you’ve delivered the bad news, told him what he never wanted to hear, those fears come crashing through his system in an overwhelming, tsunami-like wave of depression. You haven’t even properly told him anything, yet Bucky feels like he’s heard all that you need to say.

They are the six words Bucky never wanted to hear, yet a part of him is sadistically glad. At least he didn’t have to say it, didn’t have to find the courage to break things off — he’s a coward, at heart, he knows that. Bucky would never have been able to find it in himself to say no to you, you’re just too addictive. Besides, he knew that this was coming. Bucky never deserved you. You were always too good for him.

He realises that you’re waiting for some sort of reaction from him, so Bucky forces himself to grit out an “Okay?”, voice tentative and a little unsteady.

“…yeah, um, we—we’ve both got feelings, for each other, actually, and…and I’d kinda like to see them more seriously, start goin’ on dates with them, y’know?” you explain, continuing to talk to him even though you’re not looking at him. Bucky’s glad for that; he feels like his expression is anything but neutral right now.

A thought pops into his head, one that brings the bitter taste of bile up his throat as a sickening feeling sets into his stomach. “Y/N…I haven’t…been…the other guy, right?” Bucky asks slowly, pushing himself into an upright position, swinging his legs over so that he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, his back towards you. “I—you…haven’t…done anything with this person, have you?”

God, how awful would that be? To be complicit — knowingly or not — in hurting someone else’s feelings; Bucky doesn’t think he’d be able to live with himself if that happened.

“Oh, Bucky, no,” you murmur, sitting up and scooting closer to him, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I wouldn’t use you like that, never,”.

“Good,” Bucky breathes, releasing a quiet sigh of relief as he turns to flash you a wry smile over his shoulder. He doesn’t know what exactly is ‘good’ about the situation right now, but at least it’s not as bad as it could get.

A pause, then, “I just wanted to tell you, because—well, because this,” you say, using your free hand to gesture between yourselves, “This can’t keep going on. This wasn’t gonna last, Bucky,”.

If his heart hadn’t broken into a million shards already, it most certainly would have now. As it stands, the splintered remains of Bucky’s heart are now crumbling to dust, all shreds of hope vaporising into thin air. He’d take that god-awful chair — fuck it, he’d take years in that god-awful chair — over this. Anything but this. You might not know it, but your words are cutting him so much deeper, so much more viciously than any knife ever could.

“So this is it, then?” Bucky says tiredly, “This is the end?”

“Um—,”

“Look, Y/N, it’s okay, I ain’t mad at you,” Bucky assures you, placing his hand over the one you have on his shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. “Thank you for telling me, I’m happy for you. I’ll just—see myself out, yeah?” he says, brushing your hand away as he moves to get off the bed.

“Bucky, wait—,” you say, your hand darting out to catch his metal wrist.

“No, Y/N, it’s fine, really, I get it,” Bucky murmurs, forcing another smile onto his features to mask the pain blooming somewhere deep within his soul. “Really, honestly, seriously—believe me. I’m happy for you, Y/N,” Bucky repeats, quirking up the right side of his mouth; playing it cool as if all is right with the world.

A hesitant smile tugs at the corners of your lips. “Yeah?” you mumble, “No hard feelings?”

“None at all,” Bucky replies, as he stoops down to pick up his clothes from the floor, “It was great while it lasted, but I’m glad your life is going somewhere,”. He straightens up as he pulls on his boxers, letting them hang low on his waist. The jeans and t-shirt he slings over his metal forearm.

You’re chewing your lip pensively, as if you have something to say. In truth, Bucky is this close to losing it himself — a part of him wants to unlock the invisible chains holding his feelings back, wants to let his mouth loose and spill all the secrets he’s been holding close to his now non-existent heart.

Bucky surprises himself by remaining strong, though, putting on a mask of bravery as he heads over to your door. He puts his hand on the handle and gives one last cursory glance over his shoulder, drinking in the sight of you, splayed out on the bed with your hair tousled and your body language screaming ‘I’ve-been-freshly-fucked’. He’ll probably never get to see you like this ever again, so Bucky allows himself a moment to commit your beauty to memory, searing your image into his brain.

You shoot him another smile. “Bye Bucky, I—,” you cut yourself off, turning to look away as you shake your head. “Never mind. See ya,” you say quietly, giving him an awkward wave.

“See ya ‘round, Y/N,” Bucky murmurs, turning the handle and letting himself out.

There’s a gloomy sense of finality in the air when the door swings shut with a resounding thud. Bucky feels incomplete — and if he thinks about it, he is.

He left his heart on the other side of the door.

—————————————

Bucky looks up from his book as someone raps their knuckles sharply on his door.

“Come in,” he calls. His heart does a weird flip-flop thing when he sees it’s you.

“Hey Buck,” you say, slipping into his room and easing the door shut behind you.

“Y/N, hey!” Bucky says, forcing cheerfulness into his voice even though he feels anything but.

It’s been over a week since the two of you broke off your arrangement and Bucky is still reeling from the blow. The metaphorical pain in his chest has given way to an everlasting melancholiness, like a dark, ominous storm cloud is permanently hanging over his head.

“You look good,” Bucky comments, as his eyes give you a quick once-over. Bucky can’t help but admire the way your navy blue dress hugs your body, the ruffles around the neckline accentuating your collarbones and giving the smallest peek at your cleavage. It’s exactly your style; understatedly elegant and pulled together, striking that perfect balance between sexy and classy. Bucky feels like he can’t breathe because you’ve stolen his breath. You look absolutely stunning.

Then again, you always look stunning.

“You’re all dressed up, I see. It’s date night tonight, I take it?” Bucky asks.

“Yep,” you reply, coming to stand on his side of the bed and turning around, “Can you zip up my dress?”

“Oh—yeah, of course,” Bucky murmurs, reaching out a hand to complete the task. He tries to keep his contact as light and chaste as possible, despite the fact that all he wants to do is roam his hands over your body and call you his own.

That thought pushes him into a new line of thinking, on that results in an uncharacteristic pang of jealously flaring in his chest. His vision tinges red at the thought of some douchebag laying their hands on you, hell laying their eyes on you. They don’t deserve your beauty, whoever they are — no one does. You are a goddess walking among mere mortals; who on this earth is is worthy enough of your presence? Call him selfish, call him possessive, but Bucky is more than willing to punch the living daylights out of anyone who so much as displaces a single strand of hair from your perfect head.

Bucky clears his throat in an attempt to rid himself of such thoughts. It was a momentary lapse of control, but it leaves him no less shaken — Bucky is more than a little bit terrified of the thoughts that crop up in his head when he thinks about someone mistreating you. “So when do I get to meet this mystery man?” he asks lightly, clambering off the bed and trailing behind you as you head towards the door.

You chuckle as you step out into the hallway. “Oh—you can meet him now, actually,”.

“Meet who?” asks a familiar voice.

Oh shit.

“H-hey, Steve,” Bucky stutters, trying desperately to keep his eyes from bugging out as Steve makes his way down the hallway. His best friend has donned a crisp blue shirt and tucked it into a pair of well-tailored black pants, courtesy of Tony, most probably. A leather jacket completes the look.

“You look amazing, Y/N!” Steve cries, smiling fondly as he loops an arm around your waist. You give Steve a pleased smile, before your gaze flickers back towards Bucky. He sees the unspoken question in your eyes: is this okay?

If he’s honest with himself, Bucky doesn’t know how to answer that.

All those thought that Bucky’s had about killing anyone that dared to lay their dirty hands on you?

Yeah, they can go right out the window.

Because no way in hell, is he going to be able to bring himself to kill his best friend.

(Been a hair too close to that once already. Bucky doesn’t plan on bringing Steve that near to death anytime soon.)

That throbbing in his chest had started up again, a pain that just seems to intensify as the moment draws on.

Who on this earth is worthy of a goddess’ love? Only an angel, of course. Steve’s heart is one of the purest that Bucky’s ever seen. The burden on his shoulders lightens, the tension in his chest eases slightly, knowing that he’s losing — losing? — you to Steve. Steve is someone he can trust. Steve is someone who’ll treat you right.

That doesn’t make the slap of reality hurt any less.

You have feelings for Steve, Steve has feelings for you, and all Bucky feels is a world of pain. He can deal with you loving someone else, but when that someone else is his best friend? Fuck, he can’t even hold it against Steve, it’s not like Bucky’s ever told him about his feelings for you, or about the arrangement he had with you. The punk’s going into this completely oblivious to the history between you and Bucky, so he can’t be blamed for anything. More than that, Bucky doesn’t want to blame Steve for anything — Bucky’s the one that’s wrong in the head, not Steve. Steve deserves happiness, you deserve happiness and Bucky?

Maybe Bucky doesn’t deserve happiness. It’s certainly what the fucking universe seems to be telling him right now.

What did he do in a previous life to deserve this torture?

Oh, that’s right. Only kill about a hundred people.

So is this okay? Bucky doesn’t fucking know. It’s the best scenario out of all the ones that could have possibly unfolded — as far as things could have played out, it’s far from the worse that could have happened.

“Buck? You alright?” Steve asks worriedly.

Bucky startles, realising that the two of you are looking at him with concern written all over your faces. Bucky needs to keep himself together, play it off like everything’s cool. The last thing he wants to do is ruin your first date with Steve.

“I’m fine, m’fine,” Bucky says, leaning his shoulder against the doorjamb and crossing his arms over his chest nonchalantly. “Just surprised to see you clean up so well, Rogers,”.

Steve rolls his eyes at Bucky’s teasing, seemingly satisfied with Bucky’s reply. You’re not as easily convinced, however, the hesitation still evident in your gaze. Bucky gives you a tiny smile and a small nod, mutely conveying his approval of you and Steve being together.

We’ll talk later, you mouth, as Steve says something about heading down to the garage. Bucky waggles his eyebrows in reply. He doesn’t really want to talk, but if it brings you a peace of mind, he’ll go along with it. You still seem unconvinced, but are forced to turn your attention back to Steve as he takes you by the arm and guides you down the hallway.

“Have fun, kids,” Bucky calls, trying to inject as much mirth into his voice as possible. “Make sure you have her home before curfew, Steven, or I’ll come chasing after you with a broom!”. Bucky snorts when Steve gives him a rather ungentlemanly hand gesture in response.

Once the two of you have disappeared around the corner, Bucky goes back into his room, kicks the door shut and slumps down in front of it. He hugs his legs to his chest and curls up into a tight ball, resting his forehead on his knees. No matter how he looks at the situation, he’s fucked. He’s so, incredibly fucked.

How did things get this messed up?