#like writing cnc without any discussion about cnc and shit

[ruinix]

Hello, lovelies.

After the anon, I have been told about talks about me. I've seen them. Posts where i'm being mentioned and called out on without my knowing. Even touching on a different topic beyond the fics I wrote like my previous reblogs, which i tried to delete but I don't have hours to scroll down everything. It made me cry my eyes out more.

Well, i guess there is nothing to defend. I've written four dark fics now. It is very much disgusting, yes, but it is Dark Romance. A genre I liked. What I learned I liked since I came into terms that I am into cnc irl which somehow translated to writing noncon to take control of the idea. I am so fucked in the head. But i get it. They're real people. Still the fact remains they're RPFs. Real Person Fiction.

I, now, remember why I chose AO3 over Tumblr years ago (i was what 13/14? Got exposed so early in my life). People over there just understand that RPF are actual fiction. Warnings are respected over there. Once you filter them out, you don't go reading them. There you can go to different fandoms and do it. Actors and actresses even got their own fandom as who they are. As them. Not as the roles/fictional roles they play. Just them. Them with a reader. Them with another person of the opposite gender or the same. So that's RPF too.

Literally anything. They're made into a character.

That's what fics are. Fluff. Hurt/Comfort. Dark. Angst. Angst/Comfort. All of them are literally the actual person in a seperate image. The differences are the topics being touched on.

Not once did I see a person talking down to a writer because the fic that was too dark (aka dead dove in AO3, topics which are so much more darker)). Because they read the warnings and respected it. Not your cup of tea, scroll. Bye. I've done that. Hell, I even excluded happy endings when I wanted nothing but tears at the end of their 100k fics.

Like what I've learned in AO3, I put warnings, because I know people needed them. I need them because I read my fics too and I wouldn't read anything that I do not want atm. So many warnings. So many different tags for this blog. I guess it's not enough because people would still read beyond the break. Four fics. I've written four dark fics.

In my head, there's always been isolated boxes. Quinn in my fics is different from actual Quinn. Never will it be. No matter how hard I think of Quinn as a sweet guy, a sweet partner who will do anything for his love interest, I will never know if he is actually that sweet. I fully believe he is. But I am also someone who sees people as good before I get broken into pieces when I learned they are actually not that good. These isolated boxes has been a great way to cope. Different realities of several people I've met and see online. All for my happiness. Maybe because I daydream a lot.

I've given a lot. Even a shred of myself as I write every fic. I was the first reader. I wanted to be loved so passionately that it hurts. I've never been loved like that (not yet? Maybe?) so hopefully, in the daydream, people will also yearn for it as much as I do.

For my dark fics, I wanted people to feel safe that even if they loved something so dark and fucked up things, they are free to do so. To explore and learn their hard limits. That's exactly how I learned my limits in my society that all sex is taboo. Even safe and consensual sex are taboo. I've never had the discussion of sex. No sex education in my previous curriculum. We were thrown out in the wild. Discover shit on our own. I hated that. I hated that I had to be exposed to pornhub, only to learn it is far beyond real. I hated that I had to explore books to learn my hard limits and how to be safe on my own.

Well, this is me rambling. There's nothing much to say since I've really written fucked up things. Nothing to say beyond how I view real Quinn different from any of the Quinns I've written. Because he is and will be.

[Edit: Previous post and New things I will be implementing for this blog is in this post]

[bunnyshideawayy]

what baffles me the most is the 🌽 addiction accusation is it’s coming from, mainly, men who 100% consume 🌽ographic media daily via onlyfans and websites and have recently discovered women enjoy sex, too, but read about it instead. they are also the same men who bash SWers, who’s content they consume and pay for! OR pretentious male book readers who only read Plato and the only classics, funnily enough though they never take an issue with books like Game of Thrones, in which Grrm describes some of the most violent and graphic sex scenes i’ve personally ever read.

i’ll be the first to admit there is a 🌽 problem in this society, and that the industry is a horrible place that condones/advertises horrible things, things that mostly affect women/femme presenting people. but i think the important and conveniently unnoted difference between spicy books and 🌽 visuals like the videos posted on say, pornhub, is that 9/10 those books are not *JUST* porn. Acotar is probably a weak example but i’ll use it anyway, only a small fraction of those books are actual sex scenes, a good 90% of the story is actually plot, world building, character growth, emotional connection and relationships established for both reader/characters, there is an actual story being told- sex just happens to be in it, which i usually skim past anyway. however in videos you have none of that- it’s just sex. the videos with scripts usually have disturbing themes and dialogue, but again no actual plot.

another conveniently forgotten point is what is being promoted. obviously the issue is not black and white, for example Haunting/Hunting Adeline, that book, much like the actual 🌽 industry, promotes some pretty awful and weird shit like abuse, SA, and violence against women, but at the end of the day i will always side with Haunting Adeline because of the simple fact it’s about fictional, fake people. the same cannot be said about videos and media like it. those are real people, and yes they may be a of age, consenting, adult doing their job……or they may not be. even if they are the video is being posted as “barely legal teen, step daughter and mom” with them dressed up in school girl uniforms (btw that’s two of the most popular searches on pornhub). on the flip side there is some ethical porn media that can be consumed, and as long as you’re not feeing into the above mentioned (abuse, SA, incest, etc) websites like onlyfans gives SWers the chance to make money with their own boundaries and i’ve heard of i think at least one website that is women own and ran that makes 🌽 “for women” aka without all the weird fetishization and dehumanization.

i also understand some people work through past trauma via kinks like cnc, etc, so reading books about that or watching videos is something they do but i’m not qualified to speak on that so i won’t.

i guess i made this big ass post to say maybe consider the nuance behind this discussion before you run around calling women who read books that happen to also have sex in them 🌽 addicts. although i can’t completely say my opinion is unbiased, i have seen real life 🌽 addiction first hand through my ex boyfriend and how it literally ruined his life/our relationship, and i also enjoy a fairy smut book here and there, i dont support the 🌽 industry but i do support SWers. sex and erotica have been apart of written history and culture since we invented writing, hell ancient people were drawing people fucking and their dicks out before writing was invented. you cannot completely strip the sexuality out of humanity, we’ll all always be a little freaky. but it’s important to understand what you’re consuming and to be critical of it if you believe it promotes harmful things.

i also wanted to clarify i brought up fanfiction because i have read far more graphic things on ao3 than any published author would dare write, i could only imagine what those people would say when they saw the “porn without plot” tag. what names they’d call fanfic writers. 😭

genuinely curious what the “booktok girls are 🌽 addicts” puritans would think and say about fanfiction…