#like yeah I'll draw you in my journal... but not your face... that makes it less weird

[drvct-tape]

I was plagued with a vision. Will do something about it if nobody else does.

[frogtemple]

☆ life changes ☆

pairings: winchester brothers x sister!reader (reader pov)

summary: you thought you had put the hunting life behind you, but family doesn't end there. **angst and swearing**

word count: 3k

I got out. I never thought I would.

As the youngest in my family, I had a lot to look up to as far as influence. Unfortunately my father wasn't around much to influence me, and neither was my mother as she died when I was young. So most of that came from my trusty big brothers, two very different, but similar in ways- personalities.

No matter how old I get, I'll always be Dean's little princess. I have him to thank for my rugged wild side, yet strong values. I'd like to think I've softened him up a lot. On the other hand, Sam's given me that intellectual, forward thinking mindset. He's always pushed me to feel happy being myself and make smart choices. Mix those two together and you get me... Winchester #3

Growing up in the hunting life was strange, but I never realized how strange it really was until I got to college... Yes, I went to college. I was scared shitless to go, it was such an unfamiliar goal for me since school was never something that was consistent with my life. I was constantly switching schools and being pulled out to be homeschooled just to be thrown right back in again. So on and so forth. But despite that, I actually enjoyed school. Besides the mean little terrors that some children could be, it was a form of an escape to me.

Sam was obviously on the convincing side, having gone to college before. Dean could have cared less, well, he cared- just not so much about the college part. "You do whatever you feel is right with your life. You have every opportunity to decide." He would always remind me. I could tell it saddened him to say it sometimes, knowing he never got the chance to do things I did, even if they weren't extraordinary. I knew he just always yearned for something normal- despite his jokes about it.

I went on to major in journalism. Thinking back, I've always loved writing. I'd always have a notebook with me on long car rides through multiple states, in boring old motels while Sam and Dean were hunting, at lunch or recess when I'd have no one to talk to. I was always writing something, stories mainly. Consisting of dreams on my mind that I'd transfer onto paper. Let's just say, college solidified my decision of wanting to lead a normal life, away from hunting. Which I never thought was possible. Both my brothers reminded me in their own ways that no matter how far I tried to hide, there could always be something wanting to draw me back in, inhabiting the Winchester bloodline and all. It always scared me, but I didn't want to give up what I could do with my freedom.

I scored a job at a publishing company after completing an internship there. So I was set, straight out of graduating college. After that, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life. I basically chose to distance myself from my brothers. Being out of state for college got me used to being on my own, but my job ended up being out of state as well. And... I knew if I wanted to leave the hunter's life behind, I'd have to leave the hunters behind too.

Sam saw it coming eventually, but he was still a bit in denial. Dean, well... Dean wasn't too happy.

"What? So you're just gonna leave? Just like that." He threw his arms up in the air. I stood there still with the last bag in my grip that I had packed. On the inside my blood was boiling, heart racing at my older brother's sharp tone.

"It's not like I'm never gonna see you guys again! You know how it is. I can't run the risk of having trouble follow me."

"Face it, y/n. You're a Winchester, it's always gonna follow you! Sooner or later, you'll have to see that." Dean let out bluntly.

"Coming from the guy that always told me I could lead the life I wanted to? Yeah, clearly you meant it." I sassed.

"You can, I just- being on your own... If something happens, and I can't be there..."

"Well, what about the last 4 years of college. I was able to take care of myself just fine." I justified.

"That was temporary, and we were only a hour away-"

"Oh, so you just can't handle the fact that this isn't temporary anymore, huh?" I sneered. Dean went quiet, I didn't expect him to choke but he did. I nailed his fear right on the money and he couldn't admit it.

"Look, I need this. I need to do this for myself. You guys mean the world to me, but-"

"No. Leave it... I don't wanna hear it." Dean interrupted.

His dismissive attitude struck me, I had been doing a good job at holding it in up until this point. Tears pricked at my eyes, I abruptly turned around and started up the stairs. "You leave now, don't even think about coming back!" His voice shook. I paused my stride, hearing the breaking behind all the anger in his voice. I looked up towards Dean, he turned his back to me, fists rested on the table in front of him. All I saw was Sam looking back at me with the upmost care and sorrow laced in his brows, having to witness the fight. "Goodbye, Sam." I said before retreating, and hearing the bunker door shut for the last time.

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°

It's been 3 years since I've seen my brothers. It feels like a different lifetime now, but at the same time, not at all. I talked with Sam once, maybe a month after I left, ever since then, I haven't spoken to either of them.

It's not that I didn't want to see or speak to them, I love them with all I have. I just don't know what to say. I don't really blame Dean for reacting the way he did, but it was blown out of proportion. I wish sometimes I could just show up, go back to the bunker in surprise. But I can't, I have my own life now.

I met someone a month after leaving the bunker. So, we've been together for 3 years at this point. We have a little place together about 3 hours away from my brothers. I've been promoted at my job, and work really well with the people there. It's not perfect, we have our struggles, but I'm happy. I wouldn't change anything.

I guess I've gotten so comfortable that I didn't notice anything "out of the ordinary" happening around. I had to find out the hard way.

I was out to lunch with a few of my colleagues when it happened. We were enjoying some time outside of the office after finishing a ton of work for our latest project when I looked up and saw two familiar faces looking down at me. I had to do a double take. It was Sam and Dean, standing there wearing long coats, looking pretty dapper and serious.

"Hey, y/n." Sam breathed out nervously. "Can we uh... talk for a sec?" He smiled softly. I looked at him in utter shock. My eyes then found Dean's which were much more complicated. He looked tense, some worry crossed his features, and he looked a bit sad too. He looked like he didn't know how to feel, but neither did I.

"Um. No, I'm kinda busy right now." I said politely, but with a bit of snark in my tone.

"This is pretty important, think you can take a minute?" Dean replied almost immediately.

"Y/n, do you know these guys?" One of my co-workers asked, confused as hell and slightly annoyed at the intrusion.

"Y-yeah, kinda. Uh, now's not really a good time. Maybe chat later." I said, starting to feel flustered.

"Or, we can chat now." Dean sassed as he pulled up a chair and sat down next to me as if he was joining our lunch.

"Dean..." Sam warned.

"Sam, I'd say family is one of the most important things, wouldn't you?" Dean looked back at Sam, then back at me, flashing a sarcastic smirk. I was staring daggers back at him, not having his sarcasm right now.

I didn't want to lose my cool in front of my team, so I- "I'm sorry guys, either we gotta cut this lunch short, or I gotta take off early."

"Everything alright?" One of them asked.

"Yeah, just some pressing family matters I've been avoiding." I shot a fake smile back at both men.

"That's okay y/n, we can wrap it up."

"Yeah, we can continue this back at the office."

I let out a grateful breath on the fact that my team was catching on a bit to the awkward tension, maybe even sensing I felt a little uncomfortable. We gathered our things and started to depart to the car we all took here.

"Y/n...." Sam tried putting his hand on my shoulder as we were walking out, I quickly shrugged it off. "No.... m'sorry." I looked back before leaving. I caught sight of the impala on the way out, pausing for a moment to take in the car that I missed so dearly.

Sam sighed in defeat, he looked back at Dean before going back to the impala. "Nice going."

"What? I didn't-"

"Dude, seriously. Not now..."

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°

After that, I couldn't focus for the rest of the day. It was honestly a little embarrassing, having them come out of no where like that, and in front of people who know nothing about that part of my life. I quickly conjured up some family excuse once the questions flooded in. I was walking to my car at the end of the day, about to go home when I got a call. It was Sam.

So much of my being didn't want to answer him after the little stunt they pulled today, but, Sam was always the more reasonable one. I guessed I'd give him a chance to explain before I jumped to conclusions.

"Hi."

"Y/n? Hey, I'm-"

"Is Dean there?"

"No, it's just me." I could hear the slight hesitation.

"Are you on speaker?" there was a small pause. Sam on the other end took the phone off speaker in front of Dean and walked out of the room. "No, you're all good. Listen, I just want to apologize."

"Yeah, that was quite some shit you two pulled back there. What the hell, Sam? Why'd you just show up out of nowhere?!"

"Y/n, something's going on. We really need to talk to you."

"So talk."

Sam breathed out heavily. "I can't. It's not safe. Um, we'd actually like for you to... maybe come to the bunker?"

"No. Absolutely not." I said instantly. "I have a life here now. I'm not just gonna drop everything to drive 3 hours because you guys are struggling with a case."

"Y/n, this is not just a case. It's more than that." The tone of Sam's voice shifted immensely. Something was up.

"Sam, I can't."

"Then, we're gonna have to keep bothering you. Y/n, remember what Dean said? It's always gonna follow you. Somehow, someway..."

"How could I forget." I stopped. I couldn't think of anything else to say, but I knew Sam was right. If something was happening to the point of them coming all the way out to see me, they weren't gonna leave me alone until we reconciled.

"Y/n? You still there?"

"Oh, yeah. Look, I'll see you in about 3 hours." I gave in.

Sam felt a weight lift off his shoulders. "Great, drive safe bug. We'll see you soon."

That nickname brought a flood of thoughts. I hung up and sat still in the drivers seat. "Oh my god, what am I about to do."

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°

I hated that I was doing what I was doing, but they were right. Something was bound to happen at some point, just didn't expect it to happen so soon. I just wanted to get it over with.

Unfortunately I lied to my boyfriend, well, half lied. I told him I had a family emergency, sparing the details for now. Looks like that part of my life might have to find out.

The 3 hour drive to the bunker felt so long, I don't know how my brothers just did that today, twice, just to drag me back into this. I keep thinking how this better be worth it. During the drive, I tried to reason with my feelings towards my brothers, but I was doing fine. Now all of a sudden things come up and disturb the little peace I had going, it was hard to not be upset.

I pulled into the familiar garage. I stood outside the entrance door for what felt like 20 minutes before I finally got the courage to enter.

The sound of my boots echoing off the high ceilings as they came in contact with the stairs flooded my mind with familiarity. I took in the smell of old books, hints of Dean's cologne in the air, a faint metallic smell that I could almost taste. All the memories of my life in the bunker practically hit me in the face all at once, it gave me a warm and comforting feeling. Something I haven't truly felt since I left for school.

My moment was well interrupted once I was greeted by Sam, and saw Dean standing not too far from him, looking like he was ready to go off. I then recalled the last argument we had before I left, and the anger took its place in my heart.

"Hey, y/n." Sam spoke softly, wavering cautiously around my fragile emotional state.

I paused, taking in the both of them. I used to see these two men every day of my life, and now it was almost- foreign, in a way to not have seen them like that lately.

"Why?" "Why did you have to swoop in like this." I started.

"You didn't really give us a choice." Dean spoke up to my surprise.

"You could've called..." I retorted.

"And what's the chance you would've answered? You haven't answered a call, or text- in, I dunno. 3 years?!" I could hear the annoyance in his tone.

"You told me not to come back! If you don't want me here, then why would I expect you to want to talk to me?" I raised my voice slightly but tried to remain calm. I knew this would happen as soon as I came back. The flood gates would open and Dean and I would have to pick up where we left off. Sam expected it too, he stood quietly in the middle of us, just in case things got too loud.

"That's not what I meant." Dean recoiled in defense.

"Meant it or not, you said it." I crossed my arms. Dean fell silent.

Sam took the chance to start explaining what was going on. "Anyway-"

"And what the hell was that earlier? Showing up out of no where! Interjecting yourselves into my personal life?!"

"Y/n, we're your family..." Sam started.

"But that doesn't give you the right- ugh!" I shouted in frustration. "I was trying to keep certain people away from knowing about this part of my past. I had to lie to my boyfriend tonight to come here. He doesn't even know-"

"Hold on. Boyfriend?" Dean interrupted.

"Yeah, Dean. Boyfriend, holy shit, it's crazy, wow." I went on.

"Don't get a fucking attitude with me. We're just trying to protect you!"

"Shut up! All that protecting nonsense. I get it, I really do! But you're not gonna be able to be there to hold my hand through every. single. step. I'm not a little girl anymore." I paused, seeing the sorrow pass through Dean's gaze.

"I thought that, maybe that distance I chose would have helped you realize... never mind."

"No. No, don't you dare assume that I don't know all that. Hell, I know you're grown, and that you need space. But don't think for a second that you can just turn your back on the people that raised you, loved you. I had to step up when dad was gone all the time. I had to step up to take care you Sam, and then you. I didn't ask to, but I never questioned it because I loved you!"

There it was. It all came out.

In all the years I've grown up knowing Dean, I'd never heard him spill like that. It took me leaving for him to show how afraid he was to lose me, after almost going through it with Sam. I remember how that felt.

"Dean. I'm sorry. I- I didn't know."

"Yeah, well. I'm sorry too." He quietly said.

"I guess, I just didn't see how-"

"Nah, no, it's alright. It's just a little off, without you here kid, ya know?" I could tell he was trying to play off the sappy moment he felt coming on so I cut it short.

"Trust me, I know. Not a day has gone by where I don't think about you guys." I turned to Sam, he flashed me a smile in return, happy this was all finally blowing over.

Dean and I naturally drifted closer to each other as the tension fell flat, I was now standing close enough to throw my arms around his torso, into a hug that I didn't know I'd been longing for since the day I left.

"I love you." I whispered into his chest. I felt him deflate, letting the anger leave him.

"I know." He replied. I broke the hug and looked back up at him, satisfied to finally see us both smiling again. I then turned to Sam and gave him the hug he solely deserved as well.

"We're happy you're back, bug."

"Me too." "So, what's got you guys so on edge?" I then asked, bringing up the case at hand.

"Oh no, first, you tell us about this 'boyfriend' of yours." Dean demanded.

"Dean, c'mon!"

I'm happy to say that not much has changed.

[zalrb]

PLL 1x11 Review - As Per Anon Request

Pulling over Hanna's mother to tell her about Hanna instead of just calling her is hilarious.

They are SO CALM considering that Hanna was just run over. I don't want to speak for @initiumseries but I feel like, if she saw me get RUN OVER by a car, when they're putting me in the ambulance she's going to be like, I NEED TO GO IN WITH HER.

I mean, if you don't do that initium, are we even friends?

I know this is is weird but Aria's hat still being on annoys me. I'm just like THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR HATS, ARIA.

To be fair, she's just onscreen and I'm like ugh.

NONE of the parents are going to go to the hospital to support their daughters whose friend DIED when their other friend is in the hospital? What about Hanna's mother? She needs support? WHERE IS THE COMMUNITY? Granted, in FNL, Jason was a town legend but that hospital was PACKED.

Emily looks more upset (or like she's trying to look upset) about Toby being arrested than Hanna in the hospital.

Your friend was run over by a car and STILL you're not like so, we've been getting creepy texts and we think the person sending them may have tried to kill Hanna.

Hanna. Was Hit. By. A CAR. And she has not ONE bruise on her face?? This show is a masterpiece.

So, someone wrote on your car "I see you" and you decided to meet Aria in person to talk about how someone saw the two of you? Why aren't they caught yet?

Do Jenna and Toby not have parents?

"Does it hurt?" "Yeah, kind of." You have a broken leg, bruised ribs, and they possibly had to take out your spleen. What IS this writing.

L M A O the way Spencer looks SO disgusted learning about Ezra and Aria.

Shoes on the couch will always be insane to me.

Hanna, you have BRUISED RIBS. Do you know how much that hurts?

Sean hasn't visited Hanna yet?

Mona waving a white bra as a white flag is funny.

"I almost feel guilty." HAHAHAHA. She's terrible.

"Wow, I never knew that." "Because I never told you." Yes, we know, that's why you're telling her now.

That's not creepy at all, Luke.

Sad Aria playing the piano. Sad Peyton drawing. Sad Elena journalling. Sad Clary painting.

"You wrote on the window." "I should've thrown a rock." HA.

"What did he promise you to make you get into that car? I'll go to the principal with you. They can put him in jail!" How the hell is Christmas the only person reacting appropriately to this so far.

I know her parents freak out when they're exposed.

Jenna, where are your parents?

You can wear things that aren't black, you know.

I think we need to talk. In an open classroom. AGAIN.

This is a STUPID conversation. Go to CLASS, Aria.

Christmas, go tell the principal.

"Well, you're a good FRIEND. You know, being FRIENDS with somebody..." Hanna being the most emotionally honest out of all of them is funny.

I love how lazy these writers are. There are ways to catch characters doing things without them having conversations they want to keep private in rooms with open doors.

The tree is going to be gone. Dun dun dun.

Ah, Emily's terrible parents.

"Who put that on my leg, who wrote that?" Hanna. They don't know.

"Did someone come in while you were asleep?" Emily. How would she know?

"Get it off me!" And they just stand around her.

[ask-postcrash-curly]

Hello again, dear. It's Mum.

I am sorry to hear that physical therapy has been rough on you, sweet pea. It does make my heart ache so. I suppose it is only logical, after having spent so long hardly able to move at all... but I am, at the very least, relieved that your doctors only continue to prove their trustworthiness; that they do, indeed, care for your needs and boundaries. So please do not feel ashamed for any setbacks you may face in the future. It is only a natural part of the process, after all, and will be for the best in the long run. Perhaps that seems counterintuitive, but as they say: Slow and steady wins the race. (Not that your recovery is an actual race of any sort, of course.)

Though, I will be frank with you, Curly— I am a bit worried! Only because it seems as though lately you have not been sharing with us as much as you used to... perhaps some of the others were correct in their assessments that you will not have to rely on us as heavily anymore, emotionally speaking. And that is... that would be a good thing, yes? Merely... merely something I must become accustomed to, is all that I am saying. And I know that you must have a lot on your mind right now besides the lot of us. (Have you had your talk with Anya yet? You do not have to divulge the details if you do not wish to— I was simply curious. I know that it was bothering you.) If I must make the tradeoff, then I will be content to have your health over my silly little concerns. Just... do not forget that we are still here for you if you should need us, yeah? We shall always be here for you, darling. 

Still... is there anything we might be able to do for you, to take your mind off of the soreness? Or perhaps keep the fear at bay should it strike again? I could read for you again, if you'd like— I've just started this lovely collection of journal entries of the author's observations of the birds in her own backyard! Just the first few pages have inspired me so... I have always watched the ones in mine as they come and go, but I have never had the thought of recording their little dailies and quirks myself! I do not think I could draw them for the life of me though, hah.

Ah! And I know that Kestrel has been sharing his music with you, too, and that does bring joy to my heart; he has also introduced me to some odd and enchanting albums I would never have found otherwise. "Not really my thing," he did say, "but I thought you would like it." Perhaps it could help you relax and feel a bit of joy as well, sweetie.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPZYeLzDE-Y]

Mum! Hey!

Ah, it's not much of a surprise. I'll power through! If that's what it takes to get better. Just... missing when this stuff wasn't so hard, you know? I like to push myself, but this much pushing for so little reward gets to me. But seriously, I'm okay. Glad I made it here. Thank you.

Worried? Shit, sorry. I mean, uh, it ever since they set up the tablet for me you lot have been a bit quieter, but I can still hear everyone just fine. Guess I've been distracted. And tired. Except now I'm tired from doing shit, not just from lying around in pain all the time. So that's a plus, yeah? (Not yet. She knows I want to though.) I know you're still here, and it really does mean a lot to have you here.

Hmm. I suppose just the same things you always do? Hearing your voices and the things you all show me gives me something else to focus on. That would be nice! Really sounds like your sort of book, hah. Think you'll start up a journal to match?

He has! That's been great. He's a good guy. Makes me feel a bit daft that I was so worried he wouldn't like me... He's got a lot of patience, yeah?

Thank you for the music. And tell Kestrel that too, please! It's quite peaceful. Really nice.

[thecallofthecrow]

Tarot Journal 2/19/25 (Afternoon)

Question asked to: The Morrigan

Spread: Homebrew two-card spread asking the Morrigan her opinion on the first card, and her advice on the second. For the sake of ease, going forward I will call this the Opinion/Advice Spread

Question(s) asked: What is your opinion on what today will be like? If you had advice to give me today, what would it be?

Card(s pulled:

1: Temperance (It always scares me when I draw a Major Arcana)

2: Queen of Swords (Also always scares me when I get something from, that suit)

Meaning:

1: Balance, Healing, Patience , Purpose, Connection

2: I'll just summarize this in the way She wants me to, Sovereignty.

Implied Meaning(s):

I'm going to have to take a couple shots in the dark here. I've already been doing some of the stuff this card has said I needed to do, which is to establish my independence and sovereignty to those who would try to bind me to their will.

Not gonna get into details, but there's family drama. Someone in my family wants something from me and I've failed to establish that boundary for a long time, and have needed to for some time, so I did. Already practicing what she's telling me and this seems to be affirmation that I did good,.

Where Temperance comes in is that my health is in the shitter right now; quite frankly it's a wonder I function. But where me being independent comes into it is no one can start that healing, that purpose or establish that connection is me, myself, and I. She can't do it for me, my Partner can't do it for me, no one can do it for me but me. I need to make a call for a few appointments for the sake of my healing, stick to my independence, and keep on this shit as I have been all day.

.... Well.

Let me give you a small peek into the life of Kuro right now, because Kuro feels like telling a story that the Morrigan wants him to share.

I did my offering this morning instead of last night when I was posting because it was a better time to do it this morning instead of last night. This part of the story doesn't matter, but I used independent thinking to do this because it snowed over night.

Afterwards, I felt pretty empowered by my decision to wait to do the offering instead of giving into my own head and doing it right when I felt pressured to. I felt positive approval from Her after this came to my mind. The Flock is fed, yeah, all that good stuff.

Anyway, the first challenge of the day came when a family member tried to pressure me into changing an appointment I had made for their sake. Doing so would have spat in the face of the person who had gone out of their way to see me as soon as possible to get my health shit back underway, and have put my healing back quite a bit.

To summarize my current predicament, the current mix of medications I'm on is causing me to pass out and be unable to drive. I had to quit my damn job over this because I have to drive half an hour there and half an hour back each day had I not quit. As things currently stand, I'm awaiting an event that will mean I will not have to go back to work.

ANYWAY, because my partner is not going to be seeing a certain professional who is a five minute walk down the road from here where we live in [rural city] instead of where my current nurse practitioner is (45 minutes away), my partner got her doctor to take over my case for the nurse practitioner. This way, I can have easy transport to my appointments (again, five minute walk, I think I can manage to not pass the fuck out in five minutes or be driven by someone who lives in the house I'm living at). My appointment would fall on a date I would otherwise be engaged had I fallen into pressure and not asserted my independence.

To summarize, Mama Crow sees my actions, approves, and is telling me to keep up the good work, and don't let up. She also approves of me using her bell on my altar more often (She wants you all to know she has a favorite bell).

UPDATE:

Just got off the phone trying to make an appointment, need to try again later. Oh well, such is medical care!

Anyway, that ends storytime with Kuro. I'm off to go to stuff and taking my lemonade with me. Blessed Be, and have a great day.

Kuro

[heartlandians]

Filling Empty Spaces (Amy/Mitch), part 217

Mitch and Amy find an unexpected connection due to absent lovers. Set around season 11->.

A/N: I didn’t have a beta for this story, so hopefully there won’t be too many grammar errors.

* * * *

"Knock, knock!" Cassandra chimed when she stepped closer to the barn office doorway, looking for Amy.

She was dropping in somewhat unannounced, but thankfully, after being informed by Casey, who had been playing with Lyndy and Remi outside, Cassandra knew her friend was working on something inside the barn and that's where she would find her.

Amy glanced over her shoulder, from beside the side table, pausing what she was doing and holding a finger on an open journal where she had her mother's written notes about herbs that could benefit mares during their pregnancy on display.

"Oh, hey. Come in", she welcomed Cassandra.

The vet shook the paper bag she had brought with her.

"I was heading to another client this way and thought I'd bring you the supplements you asked. Killing two birds with one stone-- although I don't know if me using that phrase is in bad taste", she added, jokingly.

"Oh, why, thank you; that was kind of of you. You can put them on the office table", Amy instructed, finishing the sentence on the page and then checking her shelf to see if she already had that herb in question or if she should get some from the garden. "How you've been?" she then asked, absentmindedly.

"Good, good", Cassandra shared, walking over the table, finding more notebooks spread across the table with written notes and carefully illustrated drawings. "And you?" "Good too", Amy lied, not wanting to get too much into the drama she had been dealing with.

Thankfully, Cassandra was so captivated by the journals, that she didn't even have time to be suspicious about Amy's reply.

"Oh my gosh, I just love these. Are these by your mom?"

Amy looked over her shoulder again, noticing how Cassandra was looking at her mom's journals.

"Yeah. I don't have a lot of experience with pregnant mares, but I recalled mom had some notes about things she learned from Mrs. Bell back in the day, so I figured I might as well look them up. I know I have Lisa to help, but... I like hearing what mom had to say too."

Cassandra put the paper bag aside and picked one of the journals up upon a closer inspection. Her fingertips ran across the page, tracing the delicate penmanship.

"What a beautiful handwriting she had. And these drawings!" she sighed. "She must have been talented in so many ways."

Amy smiled, writing down on the sticky-note the name of the herb she would need for later. "She was. It's just sad that I never got to fully appreciate all the talents she possessed."

"Yeah, I bet..." Cassandra said, flipping one page forward, but fearing she would mess up Amy's system, she prepared to place the journal back on the table. That was until she noticed something underneath the books.

Amy's notes of her own.

But they were not about herbs, pregnant mares or in fact about horses, at all.

"I know this might come as a shock to you, but I have something to tell you..." Cassandra read out loud, wondering what this was about.

As soon as Amy's ears picked up the familiar sounding sentence, she turned around quickly and glared at Cassandra, feeling the blood escaping her face.

"That's private!" she insisted, walking toward her and covering the writing pad with a journal.

Amy directed her eyes firmly on Cassandra, pressing her lips together and inhaling somewhat nervously through her nose.

"What was that...?" Cassandra asked curiously, not shaken by her friend's reaction. "That was your handwriting, wasn't it?"

Amy finally exhaled, the shame flushing over her temples like a flame.

"Yeah. I... I've been trying to think what to say to Lou", she finally confessed, "when I'm going to call her. I feel like if I just call her without planning ahead, I'll freeze and choke."

Cassandra frowned. "Why?"

Amy leaned on the right, making sure she didn't see anyone on the other side of the barn as the paranoia took a hold of her. Georgie was the only family member who knew, but she wasn't ready to tell anyone else yet, not before she had shared the news with her sister first.

"I'm going to tell her about me and Mitch..." Amy finally whispered.

Cassandra's face lit up.

"Ooh! Oh, wow..." She was marveling how that would even go. "When's that going to happen?"

"As soon as I can finish my speech. Which is probably in 2030..." Amy muttered, mad at herself. "I'm not good with words", she sighed.

"Well, I doubt Lou is even expecting some valedictorian speech", Cassandra tried to cheer up her friend. "Just... keep it simple and don't overthink it", she shrugged.

"Yeah, I know", Amy admitted, nodding. "But I just... I'm scared."

"Of her hating you?" Cassandra guessed.

"Yes. And... how my new life is going to cost my old life. Like, there's part of me, a big part, that's ready to move forward - excited even - but it's still bittersweet", Amy shared. "Things will not be the same."

"Probably not", her friend agreed, "but don't you think you owe it to yourself? If the direction you're headed makes you happy, then own it. Remember what I said about Caleb? And now look at us."

Amy sat down on the squeaky office chair she had shared with the other members of her family before her, feeling defeated.

"I know..."

She looked around, thinking all the times she had sat here, feeling anxious, yet comforted by this space. How many big life changes had she mulled over here?

Too many to count, probably.

"I know I can't just hold it off much longer. I just need to do it, get it over with", she murmured.

"Exactly", Cassandra agreed. "Do you want me to stick around...?"

"No. It's fine. I appreciate it, though", Amy said. "But... maybe we can talk later? I think I might need a friend then."

"If you need it, give me a call", Cassandra requested, giving Amy's shoulder a squeeze. "As long as I don't have my hand inside an animal, I'll answer."

It made Amy laugh. "Thanks, Cass."

"I'll talk to you later", Cassandra promised, heading out of the door.

Amy looked after her.

"Bye", she said before Cassandra walked out of the barn and she could hear her starting the engine of her vet truck.

While Cassandra was heading to her next client, Amy's eyes roamed on the pages of her mom's journals.

Maybe what she had said about wanting to have Marion's take had not been completely true. Wanting to drown herself into this task in order to avoid the inevitable was probably more closer to the truth, but it was slowly starting to cost her her sanity, so she was no longer willing to keep stressing about it.

She peeled the journals on the side and looked at the words she had scribbled on the notepad. Going over the words over and over again, Amy realized reading from a paper would not sound authentic at all, and she wanted to be that for Lou, so she tore off the page, crumbled it into a ball and tossed it in the bin.

Exhaling out another sigh, Amy fished out her cell phone next to her pencils and went through her contacts till she got to Lou.

"Here we go", she said to herself under her breath and pressed the green phone icon, beginning the call to her sister.

The dialing sound felt somehow heavier than she remembered it usually being, but then it got almost inaudible, almost as if the sound of her own heartbeat would have become louder.

Amy's eyes darted around, trying to find something to focus on so she could latch herself onto something real besides imagining Lou in New York City, picking up her phone while doing whatever she was doing.

Amy wasn't sure how long Lou had been calling her name on the other end before she returned back to it.

"Amy...? Can you hear me...? Or is this your pocket calling?" Lou's familiar snarky tone said through the line.

"No", Amy finally blurted out when she tuned back in. "I can hear you. It's actually me calling. Hi. Sorry, I was... distracted."

"It's okay. How are you?" Lou asked, her voice a little more softer now that she knew she was talking to an actual person. "Have to say I was surprised to see your name on the screen when my phone rang."

"Yeah, I know we haven't really... kept in touch", Amy said, knowing it had probably been a choice for both of them instead of any other excuse they could come up with.

The rift between them made Amy remember the time from over a decade ago when Lou had returned to Hudson from New York after their mom had passed away.

Okay, maybe this is not that bad, but... things are definitely not as good as they were for years after that, Amy thought to herself.

"But I thought I'd give you a call, because... I have some news", she then continued, her voice a bit breathy.

There was a silence on the other end.

"Oh my god, is it Grandpa...?" Lou guessed. "Has he-- Is he-- Is he... okay?"

"Oh, no, it's--" Amy began to explain, but figured she'd cut it short so Lou would get the information she was after, "he's fine. Grandpa's fine."

"Dad? Is it dad, then?" Lou worried next. "See, this is why I hate being so far away and getting random calls all of a sudden. It always means something bad has happened--"

"No, Lou. Nothing bad has happened", Amy tried to calm her sister down, but then wondered if her news were actually on the level of Grandpa getting a heart attack or dad getting bad news after another MRI scan. "Everyone's fine. We're fine. Don't worry."

"Oh, good..." Lou sighed on the other end. Amy could almost see her sister placing her hand on top of her chest, calming herself down. "So... what is it?"

"It's about Venus. She had been acting strange, and Lisa suggested I'd have a vet come by and check her out, and turns out... she's pregnant", Amy shared the first part of her news.

"Pregnant?" Lou echoed, confused.

"Yeah. We think one of the wildies got close to her", Amy explained their theory.

"Oh..." Lou spoke. "Wow. Well, that is unexpected."

"Yeah, it definitely is", Amy agreed, not knowing what else to say.

"So, what do you need? Do you need me to cover the vet bills? I can send you the money, just let me know how much."

Amy was surprised by Lou's reaction.

In a way it was less dramatic than she had expected, but then again, the older Fleming sister wasn't as attached to horses as Amy was, so now that she thought about it in that context, maybe Lou's reaction actually did make sense, after all.

And in a way Amy was not surprised by it, seeing as her sister was very business-oriented and was - of course - assuming that this call was about covering some vet bills because what else could she ever want from Lou other than financial support or advice, because no matter her personal success, Lou always thought Amy was useless with money simply because she was not motivated by it.

Or maybe - Amy realized - because she had been so nervous about Lou's reaction when it came to the Mitch thing, she had not really even thought about how her sister would react to the news about Venus.

Of course this made sense to Lou.

Why had she even expected anything else to begin with?

And why was she now making herself almost mad by not getting the reaction she would have deemed appropriate for the situation instead?

That was her doing - not Lou's.

Lou wasn't living at Heartland - horses weren't her every day interest - so it didn't really made any difference to her whether Venus was expecting or not. The horse was just a relic of her old life she had chosen to leave behind in order to live her dream in New York.

"No, it's not why I called. I just..." Amy stuttered, suddenly feeling a little silly for thinking Lou would care more, but then again what else was she going to do? Not tell Lou? "I just figured maybe you'd like to know. She's your horse after all."

"Well, yeah, but... Mitch basically just got her for the Dude Ranch, anyway, didn't he?" Lou commented so casually that dropping Mitch's name in the middle of the conversation this unexpectedly made Amy almost jump. "I'm happy to cover the bills, but when it comes to the other stuff, I trust your judgment. It's your expertise, after all. And you got Lisa, Scott and Cass there too, right? I don't know how else I could contribute to this - other than financially."

"Y-yeah", was all Amy let out, sounding more quiet, but thankfully Lou hardly even picked that up since Amy felt it made her sound a bit pathetic.

"How is she doing then?" Lou continued, now showing a little more interest in the horse.

Amy tried to pull herself out of this strange feeling and figured she should probably treat this like any other client call to help her get through the rut.

"She's fine. It's still in the early stages, but everything seems okay", Amy explained. "I've been reading mom's old journals about pregnant mares, and Cass brought some supplements, so... we are getting ready for what's to come."

"That's good. -- And Georgie? How is she doing?" Lou asked. "Of course we text and talk, and she says everything's fine, but... I'd like to have your opinion, seeing you're actually there with her every day. Has she recovered from the Peyton thing?"

Amy paused.

Somewhat. But I exposed her to new trauma, she answered inside her head.

"She's... She's fine. She's been helping me with the social media stuff and... she's riding like she used to. Hangs out with Wyatt a lot... You know, normal stuff", Amy explained. "She's resilient, as you know."

It was all true, even though things had now shifted, so she wasn't lying to Lou.

"Oh yeah, I've been keeping up with the posts. She's very good at making those. You can tell how well you two work together", Lou said, sounding like she was beaming with pride. "I was suspicious about her going back to Hudson, with all those memories from that competition haunting her, but... I think it might have been the right move. She said all she needed was the familiarity of Heartland, and... well, looks like she was right."

The way Lou talked to her felt like old times - the good old times - and the way she gushed about Georgie, and them working together, made Amy's throat tighten up.

If only Lou knew what was actually happening...

"And you...?" Lou finally asked after not getting a response from her little sister to what she had just said. "How are you doing?"

Amy's mouth felt dry.

"Uh, well... actually... That's the other reason I was calling..." she began, starting to unravel the other news.

[rollingndoughsocial]

Above threshholds. Even in appearance -> so fit, so clean, so natural, so able/talented. Take stock :)

But luckily married. But should I be made to compete? Turned beneficial. All's a friend - not only reserved for a person.

Then you'll only be forced to learn from me.

Planning for a lifetime -> a coffee drink can only go up so much, inflation, salaries, rent, the majority of people can only afford as much, I can only get/look so old..

But there's no limit to popularity. To how likeable and how many that can touch and to where they can take you. [and dislikeable - you can be best dressed, best album, but you're not safe bc nobody knows you. Women give status/the win to those who make them relevant, their friends. Selfishly savage, manipulative bitches. Yeah yeah, but would you vote for me in a contest?]

Stay with peers. The community is making money without the need to go-get. Become the source. Produce from the heartland/homestead.

City shit. Balls to the wall courageous in the face of grandiose opportunity. [If I want to be above threshholds, then grandiose must only be so].

Female who likes fashion and draws attention, but why is she with him? Coolest mom with kids. Anti-lame places. Where the top/hot moms go, singular. Some moms have it different :)

Everyone has hated things about them, but serve mine most palatable.

He wants to be narcissistic, be it back. He wants to be controlling you, control him. He wants to be on you about everything, be on everything he does. He hits you, "hit" him back. YOU MUST WANT WHAT YOU ARE. YOU MUST WANT THE THEME YOUR ACTION PORTRAYS. Watch them. Watch myself. What's going on, why and to what resolve? And how serious is that resolve taken. Lay it out and get to work on it.

No longer a best friend. Is it true - guys and girls can't be friends? 20s bc of fucking and 30s+ bc our lives play out different to resentment. SUPPORTIVE in action, but we might be withholding talk around it. That's fine, though. Supportive in action stems from the root of ultimate-end understanding.

Wanting high above average/enough. Wanting what exactly? Lifetime plans laid out. Switch wanting. Switch how and what I want. Privilege myself. Begin in wanting and let yourself be incompatible with everyone around. Turn the benefit.

Stop those. Only allowed these instead. Turn it a benefit and hit em with the vote for me - why and where and in doing what?

Journaling observations. I'm feeling/mood and what I'm doing [dressed in theme]. Him - Ask specifically gets access to all.

Well, "in love," you made her like that. Just as wildly imaginative in your hoping/presumption [love] as in suspicion of [cheating]. So I'll wonder - how are you, how do you, in love?

Take yourself there.

Do to all what's done to one. Generator. There's opportunity to better at every step.

Yeah, well, do you ever massage/lotion mine? Trade for trade, so there's no building of silent disagreements.

Were you trying to forget me? [Now you miss me?] Mrs. Life?

Marriage. What has it learned me? Adulting is the sight, the mental/emotional maturity in choosing the influence that gets to guide my life.

Emo into lonely depression? Or into love, fun and social desperation? Rather it be clingy and crowded.

[overpopulatedbrain]

Gonna Write a DA Journal Meme as if I'm Melba because I'm bored woohoo

1. You must post the rules. 2. Each person must post 5 things about themselves in their journal. 3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and create ten new questions for the people you tag to answer. 4. You have to choose 10 people to tag and post their icons on your journal. 5. Go to their page and tell them you have tagged them. 6. No tag backs. 7. No "you're tagged if you're reading this".

Reactions to the rules: Okay.

Soooo I've been tagged by my girlfriend Laikie. Woohoo! I'll just tag at random. Pew pew pew!

5 Things about me

I am adopted. I've been adopted into my family since 2003-2004.

I just went back to school to get my BA in graphic design. I almost got it at another college but dropped out due to mental health issues.

I am in a loving poly relationship (I LOVE YOU DART, LAIKA AND JAIMEEEE!)

I can curl my tongue

I just lost the game-kidding lmfao. Um...when I was ten I used to write fanfiction about Avril Lavigne being my biological sister and finding her and becoming a star like her. :P I was a dorky ass child lol.

Questions

What is your favorite movie? BALTO. Saw the sequel first while in foster care, but then found the original one and the third later.

Cats, dogs, or both? Both, but dogs. <3

Butters wants to play Hello Kitty Island Adventure, do you join? FUCK YEAH!! Poor kid needs someone to play with! Wait...do we get to create our own Sanrio sonas?

Hair color? Is it Natural? Dark brown with light blue streaks. Dark brown is natural, blue is not.

BOUNCE BOUNCE JIGGLE BOUNCE (guess the song)? Hmmm....I know it's not "Bounce" by System of a Down, but....is it about boobs? (ofc my mind goes there lol)

Favorite book? Warrior Cats, Call of the Wild and Eragon. And the HP series, but I don't give the Buttterf any money.

Drawing style? Anime/furry/chibi style, but I'm trying to branch out and grow a little more. My gf loves it and finds my art style nostalgic and cute!

Favorite number? Pssshhhhhhhh *looks up and curls lip* 8? 2003 or 2004? 3 or 4? 18? *shrugs* I used to say 666 as a teen because I was an edgy babby.

WIGGLE WIGGLE WIGGLE I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT (not even a question).....Oh yes, junior year of high school. LMFAO, my friend Felicity loves that song. My girlfriend hates that song lol.

10. O u O  I MADE YOU A PIE! Oh what kind of pie? *WTF BOOM* PIE! oh shit *blows up*

My questions:

Favorite Anthro character?

Do you like to draw?

What are your new year's resolutions (I know, basic).

Favorite drink?

Most cherished childhood memory?

Have you ever punched anyone in the face?

Favorite video game?

Favorite anime/manga?

Have you ever been to college? Why or why not?

YOU HAD MY HEART AT LEAST FOR THE MOST PART 'CAUSE EVERYBODY'S GOTTA DIE SOMETIIIIIIIME WE FELL APART LET'S MAKE A NEW START CUZ EVERYBODY'S GOTTA DIE SOMETIIIIIIME (guess the song and you're awesome)

[lifes-little-pin-pricks]

Can Do Attitude

Before we get to my ramblings... This quote kinda hits my hard.. Because I'm still trying to understand my mind.

--------------------

I've been trying to assess what it is about the actresses that I like.

The ones that I wish I could be like.

June/Anne Lockhart in Trolls (1986)

Michelle Rodriguez in

Resident Evil

Fast and Furious

Jane Seymour in Dr. Quinn

Jessica Biel in Blade 2

Jennifer Lopez in Enough

Mary Stuart Masterson in Fried Green Tomatoes (Idgie Threadgood)

Lori Petty in In the Army Now

I don't know.. I'm sure theres more - But.. These are the ones I thought of currently. What trend do you see in these characters?

I think …. I THINK… I might have figured out part of it…. They didn’t seem afraid.

The 'CAN DO' attitude with the ability to ACTUALLY 'DO'

There is a Presence to them. When they talk, people listen. When they walk in the room, they draw eyes (even if its just to notice them and nothing more). They could kick your ass in some way be it with knowledge wit or fists. Nothing gullible about them. Always had some kind of strategy for situations they knew were going to be ugly.

Well Hell! - I'm in the middle of work and this thought crossed my mind and I started writing and now it's going down a damn rabbit whole with water dripping from my face.  Hell of a way to start the day. I notice my head feels like a lot went through it, but looking back, I've barely said a thing. It feels like a lot to me.

Anyways… These People… Characters, that I aspire to be like… They were SEEN.  They didn't have to be mean about anything, but they could still make a very sound point. They were the ones that would catch the fist that wanted to punch them, or someone else and spin it around, Capable.

I don't know what that says to me though.

This  reminds me of how invisible I felt most of my life.

I considered maybe it was because these characters were strong, could whoop some ass. But I don't think that is it at all. It never felt quite right, and I didn’t have any reaction to that thought. But this one… Has me feeling very broken.

I noticed recently  how I promote this invisibility.  I'm working very hard at not feeling like if someone thought of me, that I have been an inconvenience to them. Accepting Compliments and the want to hang out with me instead of feeling like all interactions with me are more out of pity than actual enjoyment.

I can already hear my friends clamoring to say that is so far from the truth. And While I think a part of me knows this, its super ingrained in me.

"Oh! Don't fuss over me, I'll be fine" - Physically. I always look at Physically I will be fine. Never really considered Mental health.

"Oh! You didn't have to go through the trouble for me!" - Please - don’t put effort into making me feel like I exist. And yet - here I am yearning for that.

Effort.

I also I go for things that are "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" Gigs.  I wall flower or over share or feel like I suck the oxygen out of the room. For a JOB - I like the behind the scenes stuff, I even like being the agent level. But there is seldom recognition when you are the man behind the curtain. Seldom seen/noticed to be anyone.

You  don't make much money in those gigs. I hate being a Supervisor with required coachings and things like that. Its not natural. I will teach those who WANT to learn, I'm not going to force an uninterested party to pay attention just because its their job.  I'm Rambling and being very tangenty.

I had a conversation with my partner the a little while back about how I put so much into what I give. The thought.. Making sure whatever IT is, is carefully planned out to ensure that what ever I give is useful.  Ugh - I'm not explaining this well at all. At least this part. So were skipping it. You still get the mess of it though. Because - this is my blog. And yeah - it might be a diary/journal, but… Why do these have to be secret? Isn't seeing in other peoples heads sometimes helpful? To know you aren't alone? That you can find solace that you aren't the variant (so to speak)  or maybe you want to be the variant.  Or maybe you don't compare yourself to others because you have finally broke through this lack of self esteem and whatever else is the issue with us. Yeah. US.

You are part of this club whether you like it or not.

So on of the dawning realizations about these women.

They walk into a room with a plan and can execute that plan, They are determined, They Follow Through, Strong, Can use your help or do without it. They are what I would call "Bad Ass" - though I have learned in my years that not everyone defines things the same way.

Bad Ass: (My Definition): Strong, No Bull Shit, Catches Lip and Gives Lip back, Not Naïve, Action, Can hold their own in battle of wits, fists or otherwise. Skills that surprise others.  So I guess…. Well rounded? 

Ugh -- Inspiration to write has faded… Going back to work now LOL

[fluff-foraxil]

Until the end (Doflamingo x F!Reader) - 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 3

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - . - Chapter 4

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, she woke up as soon as the first rays of sunshine coloured the sky.

(Y/N) stretched her limbs with a big yawn but stopped remembering that she fell asleep outside, she was wondering how she got in bed but her tired brain refused to think about it and told her to just get up.

The children looked like angels, sleeping soundly and peacefully. Even Law looked at peace in that moment, his face relaxed and not contorted in that serious look he always had. She observed them, a smile gracing her lips.

"So cute", she squealed internally.

Not wanting to stand there until the kids woke up, she took her shoulder bag and went outside in the same spot she sat with Rosinante. No one was awake yet, which was a good thing for (Y/N) who took out her journal and started going over what she wrote about the Sabaody Archipelago, checking if she needed to add something to it.

«Already up?», it was a miracle she didn't had a heart attack.

Snapping the journal close, she turned to face Doflamingo.

«Good morning, Young Master», she bowed slightly with a smile.

Doflamingo chuckled.

«What are you hiding there? Behind your back», he tried peaking.

(Y/N) didn't even realize she hid the journal behind her back, it must have been a reflex. She gulped; he was good at making people feel uncomfortable, not only with words but also with his body language, his arrogance helped that.

«Just my journal, Young Master, I... I had it since I left my hometown», (Y/N) showed it to him.

He reached out to take it and started going over a few pages looking at the pictures in it and the occasional drawing with a description under it; everything written in a delicate and precise calligraphy, almost harmonious.

«You travelled a lot in these years», he laughed while handling it back to her, «That's impressive for a slip of a girl as you».

«I'm not sure what you mean by that», she was genuinely confused by his words.

«I'm surprised you didn't die; the world is a dangerous place for weaklings like yourself», he kept on smiling, it was his usual sadistic smile.

«I may look weak, but I can take care of myself», she was offended and annoyed.

"Bitch ass flamingo, I'll show you weak", she stared at the red lenses of his glasses, standing her ground.

Doflamingo let out a genuine amused laugh. Servants never dared to show anything but respect and fear for him, however (Y/N) got defensive when he tried to belittle her like he did to everyone else.

«Luck must have been on your side», he bit back before leaving her there, mouth agape and rage bubbling inside her.

"Hope your coat catches fire with you in it", she gave him the middle finger when he turned around.

(Y/N) sat there outraged about being seen as weak, she wasn't the best fighter that's true, but she wasn't completely vulnerable either. Fortunately, seeing the children still sleepy, rubbing the tiredness out of their eyes made her anger melt away in an instant; she noticed how Law's dark circles got darker, so she made a mental note to watch over him the same night to make sure he got enough sleep, he was still young, so sleep was important for him.

«Good morning, kids», and with a nutritious breakfast the day started.

The morning passed by rather quickly; Law kept on studying, while Buffalo, Baby 5 and (Y/N) played different kind of games. They all just had lunch when Diamante announced that they had to pack their things because they would set sail in a few hours, the Donquixote Family was moving their headquarters into a better island to expand their business.

«Check again if you have everything», (Y/N) admonished the children.

«Do you have just that?», Buffalo asked pointing at her shoulder bag.

She looked down at the old worn-out bag.

«Yeah, I don't like bringing lots of stuff when moving around frequently», she simply stated before getting everyone out of the building.

She helped the children move their stuff into the ship, she didn't think that they would be changing location so soon, she honestly thought they would've stayed there for a couple of months minimum. Not that she complained, it just took her by surprise.

Travelling with pirates meant that Marine's ship would attack them, which happened; the kids were standing there admiring the fight and helping, while (Y/N) stood a few steps behind to not hinder them.

Apart from the occasional encounter with the Marines' ships, the journey went smoothly. (Y/N) spent her days looking after the children, sometimes she could enjoy some alone time because of family meetings, while during the night she took a little extra time alone on the ship's deck before going to sleep.

«We're here», (Y/N) was playing some board game with the children when they got interrupted.

The children ran to the front of the ship to admire the new temporary home. It was a livelier island, that's for sure, plus each member of the family got their own bedroom with their own bathroom, so no more sharing showers or waiting for others to finish; the servants had to share one bedroom with bunk beds and a bathroom, it wasn't that bad, everything was clean and in perfect shape. (Y/N) and the cooks agreed that she would take the only single bed which was close to the door, in case one of the children needed her during the night.

The cooks didn't even have time to unpack their belongings, they had to rush into the kitchen and make dinner. Doflamingo didn't like tardiness from anyone except his family, obviously. In the meantime, (Y/N) took her time to put the few clothes she owned into one of the wardrobe's drawers, taping a piece of paper with her name on it so everyone knew her stuff was in there; then, she put her undergarments into the drawer under the first one and labelled it too.

«(Y/N)! (Y/N)!», Baby 5 and Buffalo came barging into the room.

«Ei ei, what's the rush, kids?», she closed the wardrobe's doors and turned her full attention to them.

«We're going on a mission tomorrow, are you coming with us?», knowing they meant a "mission" with the family, she smiled softly.

«Kids, I'm not allowed to be with you when you go on missions», she patted their heads.

They looked confused, after all she was their nanny, so she was supposed to watch over them all day long, play with them and be there for them since the adults had better things to do.

«I'm not part of the family, but I'll wait for you to come back and tell me about it», they started smiling again.

«Now, go wash your hands before dinner», she chuckled.

Buffalo and Baby 5 ran back to their rooms.

(Y/N) knocked on Law's door, waiting for his reply before opening it.

«Law dinner is almost ready, wash your hands, please», the little boy was sitting at his desk, concentrating on a medicine book.

At first, he stood still; then, he got up and walked into the bathroom connected to his room. She smiled as she leaned against the door frame.

«You're it!», Baby 5 poked her leg and ran away giggling.

«Oh, you're in, miss», she smiled running after her.

It was easy for (Y/N) to catch up, she was older, and her legs were longer. She reached the little girl and swept her up into her arms, holding her against her chest and tickling her.

«Got you, little miss», (Y/N) laughed.

Baby 5 was laughing as well, trying to get out of her grip.

«I surrender», the child managed to say in between laughter.

(Y/N) stopped and put her down, straightening Baby 5's dress and fixing her hair, making sure she looked presentable for that night's dinner. She didn't want the others to think she was manhandling the children.

After waiting for the other two children, she wished them a good dinner before opening the door of the dining room for them.

«See you later, (Y/N)», they waved at her.

«See you later, kids», she smiled waving back, before closing the door.

Her smile fell, leaving her with an embarrassed expression. She still wasn't used to feeling those strong gazes on her; whenever a member of the family stared at her, no matter if she was alone or with the children, she could feel them checking her every movement, ready to beat her if she messed something up.

(Y/N) went into the kitchen to enjoy her dinner and night chat with the cooks.

«Sucks to be you, (Y/N), I couldn't stick around the Donquixote Family for more than 2 minutes», one of the chefs commented while washing the dishes.

She looked at him before taking a sip of coffee.

«Believe me, I'm shocked I haven't pissed myself whenever I'm around them», she commented finishing her coffee.

«Well, I have to go, the children are probably looking for me», she left the cup with the rest of the dirty dishes.

«Oh... Hi there», she beamed as she looked at the children, sitting outside.

«We were waiting for you», Buffalo admitted while standing up.

(Y/N) felt pride in hearing those words, she liked when children warmed up to her, it was like a reward.

«Then, let's get you tucked in, shall we?», offering them her hands, she lead them into their own rooms.

First was Law, since he wasn't big on affection, she tucked him in after he was ready for bed and simply stroked his hair.

«Goodnight, Law, sleep well. If you need me, I'll be in the servants' room», Law just hummed in response and buried himself under the covers.

Then she went to Buffalo, the boy was bigger than normal, so she was extra careful with him and checked twice if he was tucked in properly; she didn't want him to have his limbs stitching out of the covers.

«Goodnight Buffalo, sleep well you need energy for tomorrow», she kissed his forehead.

«Goodnight (Y/N)», he yawned and closed his eyes, falling asleep almost instantly.

The last one was Baby 5. She, once again, made sure she was tucked in.

«Goodnight, Baby 5, sleep well. Have sweet dreams», she kissed her forehead as well.

«Goodnight, (Y/N)», the little girl turned on her side and closed her eyes.

«(Y/N)?», Baby 5 almost whispered, making (Y/N) stop.

«Yes, sweetie?», she walked back near the girl's bed.

Baby 5 sat up; her eyes were fixated on her hands.

«Will you be with us forever?», the question took (Y/N) off guard.

She wasn't sure what to say.

«Don't worry, little miss, I'll always be there for you», it was a lie.

(Y/N) knew she would have to leave once they became adults, but for now she let them believe she would be there forever.

«Thank you, (Y/N)», Baby 5 smiled and hugger her neck.

After cuddling for a few minutes, the little girl fell asleep, letting (Y/N) have her alone time. She was standing on a rock near the beach, they always taught her that night is the mother of counsel, but tonight wasn't bringing anything to her.

Burying her head in her folded arm, she sighed.

«What a liar», she scolded herself.

Putting herself together as she heard Rosinante's tripping behind her, she chuckled and helped him up.

«Hello to you too, Corazon-sama», they sat on the rock together as they stared at the night sky.

Years passed, the children were growing, and a new entry made (Y/N)'s heart flutter. His name was Dellinger, he was half human and half fishman; he was still a baby when he got in the family, so (Y/N) had to start joining meals to help feed him. She also had to change his diapers and clean whenever he made a mess. He was a handful, but thankfully she had two little helpers: Buffalo and Baby 5; while she wasn't seeing Law as much as before, he was going through a special training program since he would become Doflamingo's right hand in a few years.

(Y/N) kept part of her promise to Baby 5 and always stayed with the children when they needed her; she would always help them and hold them if they needed to let their emotions out with someone who wasn't part of their family. The adults of the Donquixote Family weren't really empathic when it came to certain things, so the children always came to her.

It was dinner time, like usual (Y/N) made the children wash their hands and then took them into the dining room; she sat down and let Dellinger sit on her legs. He was already 3 years old, but he still insisted on using her as a chair declaring she was comfortable and that it also helped him feel tall like the others. And because of that (Y/N) always made sure to eat before them, so her stomach wouldn't make noises during dinner.

"My heart can't take this much cuteness", she tried to keep calm and not being too excited, she didn't want to disrupt the others as they were eating.

«The children really like you, (Y/N)», Doflamingo observed.

(Y/N)'s smile froze on her lips.

«Yes, we do», Baby 5 agreed happily.

She turned to look at Doflamingo with a smile, making sure to look as believable as possible.

«I just do my job, Young Master, after all I own you for giving me shelter and food», she said.

«That's right», he chuckled before resuming his dinner and chatter.

Dinner went on like usual and, in what felt like a handful of seconds, it was over.

«Awww, baby, are you tired?», (Y/N) cooed after Dellinger yawned and clanged on her neck.

It was getting late, the children all looked tired and (Y/N) wanted to be alone.

«Come on everybody, bedtime», she declared.

While the others were getting ready for bed, (Y/N) helped Dellinger take a bath and dressed him for bedtime. She was humming a goodnight song to him to make him fall asleep, when she caught a movement in the corner of her eye.

«Goodnight Dellinger, you'll grow up to be a strong boy», she kissed his forehead softly to not wake him up.

She tiptoed out of the room, closing the door with a barley audible click. She checked left and right; the hallway was empty.

«Weird... Maybe I'm just tired», she mumbled to herself.

After doing the usual bedtime routine for each child, she found herself outside.

«That flamingo asshole», she hissed remembering Doflamingo's words.

«That's right», she mocked him, «Arrogant, spoiled, prideful bastard».

She kept on mumbling to herself about Doflamingo's attitude towards her.

«His brother is better, for sure. Corazon is kind, understanding, intelligent, he's just a bit clumsy».

'Who is?', a note suddenly appeared in her field of vision.

«You, Cora-san», she giggled, moving a bit to make some space for him to sit.

They started having late night conversation every day in the last year and a half, she felt like she could tell him everything.

«How can you and Doflamingo be so different?», she puffed out a cloud of smoke, «I mean... you're so kind while he's just a dick».

Corazon gave a smile and a low chuckle.

'I suppose that's how having siblings works, some are good, some are bad', she nodded.

'Siblings?', she shook her head no.

«Nope, been an only child my whole life. The closest thing to a sibling is the children I'm babysitting right now», he made a face of disgust which made (Y/N) laugh.

«Yeah, I forgot you don't like children», she wiped a tear, «But, it seems you have a soft spot for Law».

Corazon froze in place, his eyes looking her up and down.

«I'm sorry, didn't mean to offend you», she put her hands up in defence.

'It's ok. I just don't know why you think I like him', he waited for her answer.

(Y/N) took a drag of her cigarette before letting the smoke come out of her nostrils as she sighed.

«I don't know to be honest; I just feel it's like that», she sniffed, «I think... I just want someone like you to be beside Law when I won't be needed anymore».

Corazon didn't really know what to do, he never saw her cry before.

'Don't worry, I'll take care of him', she was shocked by his words.

«Thank you, Rosinante», she hugged him, making sure not to set him on fire.

Now was his turn to be shocked by her words, she rarely called him by his real name; he hugged her back while his oldest brother watched the scene from his bedroom's window. He didn't necessarily feel jealous, he felt irritated by what he witnessed; despite the way he acts towards (Y/N) he was starting to grow an interest in the girl.

[ratg0r3]

P1x Reader/Crust Punk

cw for smoking i guess lmao

please give me ur thoughts on it, once i get my ao3 acc ill upload it there, for now check out this page on my site

"That'll be $10.95," I say in my barely awake tone, trying to make it through the next five minutes so I can finally clock out. The tall ginger nods and pulls out his wallet; it's barely a wallet anymore with how it's falling apart. He has become one of the regulars, at least for my shift. Getting the same pack of cigarettes every month, the only thing different is the amount of lighters this guy goes through. If I were asked to give a number on how many he buys a month, it would be around six.

"Here, $11…" he says quietly, bringing me back to reality. Holding out the two bills in front of me, I ring his items up, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, giving him back a nickel in the process. After the transaction is complete, he grabs the items and shoves them in his pocket, turning the corner after exiting the store.

Sighing after a deep breath, I look around. There's nothing to clean up tonight. The night shift guy comes from the back of the store and walks up beside me behind the counter.

"Slow night, let's hope it stays that way through my shift too…" he says.

I nod and pat the counter, not really wanting to stay and chat. "Well, it's time for me to head out. See ya-" After clocking out for the day, I step outside the store and close my eyes as my head tilts up. Taking a deep breath in, I look to the right. The ginger regular is there, leaning against the wall. He's listening to something on his Walkman as he writes or draws in a small book and smokes.

Walking to the side, I pull out my pack of cigarettes and check my pockets for my lighter. After a few seconds of searching, I pull one out of my back pocket, trying to ignite it for the smallest flame, only to find it empty.

"Damn…" I try to play it off, hoping no one saw me struggle with the lighter. I turn to the guy, still writing in his journal. Walking over to him, he glances hesitantly back and forth from the book to me.

"Hey, can you give me a light?" I say awkwardly, smiling at him.

He nods quickly and shyly as he pockets the pen and book in the inner pocket of his trench coat. He swiftly pulls out the lighter he just bought and lights it.

"Here, long day?" he says through his shy demeanor as he pockets the lighter.

"Yeah…" I stand next to him, leaning against the store wall, taking a drag of the cigarette, letting the bitter smoke enter my lungs.

"So, not to sound intrusive but, why do you buy so many lighters?" I say, trying to make small talk with him. He looks away and thinks for a second before responding.

"I like watching fires. I uhm… have a fire pit behind my house and a lot of candles inside my house too…" he says in a slightly hushed tone. I can tell he doesn't talk much to other people.

"Oh, nice." I respond before we both go silent, just enjoying the weather before the wind picks up. The air starts to become damp and cold, and I take a last drag of my cigarette before putting it out. He does the same by smothering his with the sole of his boot as he sighs. "Well, it was nice meeting you," he says in a low tone.

"Yeah, you too. Hey, thanks for letting me use your lighter. I'll see you around?" I say, feeling just a bit more awkward than a few seconds before. Scratching the back of my neck as I smile.

"Hell yeah, sounds nice." A soft, subtle smile appears on his face, and I look up to see my awkward reflection staring back from his shades. Watching as his long hair blows in the wind, and the goatee, though slightly untamed, completes the look.

"Hey, you alright?" He asks, snapping me out of my trance. "Oh. I- I'm sorry, really- I'm sorry I was staring, storms coming I should probably go." Flustered, I look down, not wanting to make eye contact with him. "Yeah, we should start to leave. Well, see you-" I see a hand come into my view. Looking up, he has an awkward smile on his face. I reach to shake his hand, and it's firm and strong.

Nodding, he turns away, fidgeting with his Walkman to turn it up. I feel disappointed as he leaves, wanting to stay and chat with him more. Walking back to my car, rain starts to fall. As I get into my car, the rain becomes heavy. I hope that the ginger got into his car or got home before it started pouring. Turning the car on, the radio starts to play some music, but I quickly put one of my cassettes into the player, Type O Negative's album Bloody Kisses.

[fqiryspit]

𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 ; 𝐞.𝐣𝐚𝐞𝐠𝐞𝐫

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠?

.

summary: y/n went to bed to fall into a new world where she met a boy, Eren. every night she would spend with this imaginary boy, but what happens when one wants to stop dreaming?

playlist

Chapter 3: 𝙖 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙖𝙘𝙝𝙚

masterlist

Eren Yeager x Female Reader. College!AU

.

Eren seemed...clingy last night...he wouldn't let go of me for a second, his head rested on my lap with an arm wrapped around my waist looking at me. His brunette baby hairs that were previously framing his face fell onto my lap as I stroked his chocolate locks a smile crept onto his face.

I didn't think this imaginary boy could be so needy,

but...I didn't mind I liked seeing him soft for me...

anyway,

that's really it, bye-bye!

You close your dream journal, hand throbbing at the sudden scribbling when you haven't even gotten dressed yet.

you'd usually be greeted with my poor door suddenly swinging open but Sasha had "the worst headache in the world" from her drinking last night.

pulling back the shower curtain...You turned on the shower, hissing at the icy temperature.

You stripped yourself from the tank top and pajama shorts you wore to sleep.

after brushing your teeth, your features were unreadable with the cloudy mirror. getting into the shower with closed eyes trying to picture Eren sitting on your lap again, he looked so adorable.

.

【ＥＲＥＮ'Ｓ　ＰＯＶ】

Dragging my leg to follow my commands as I sheepishly walked into the cafe to meet up with my father.

He told me it's "important" so he is probably using me for his company again.

the chimes went off as I entered the cozy shop, looking around to be met with my dad's cold stare.

as I sat down I took note of how he didn't get anything to drink. probably wants to make this fast so I can't decline

We got into awkward small talk when he finally asked the question I came here to answer.

"So, remember Mina?" "Yeah, like pigtails Mina?"

"She is a very sweet girl"

 oh no

"What did you do?"

"You both have a little date set up tomorrow."

"What? why?"

"Remember how her father started that small business way back?"

he is using me to get a business deal done?

this is where I draw the line.

"You seriously think I'm going to date her? for a business deal?"

"Look, you will do this Eren, it's not asking you." I stayed silent

"I'll double your allowance"

I scoff at his request. my dad gives me a monthly allowance for basic things, so I don't need to work 

"I won't do it no matter the money you'll give me."

"Fine then. I'll cut it off." "Go ahead."

"Your mother would be so disappointed" 

"What the fuck did you just say?"

"Don't talk to me like that." "Disappointed in me? ME? arent you the one that ran off with another woman 6 MONTHS AFTER MOM DIED." 

"Calm your voice Eren" he scoffs at me.

"It doesn't matter if you'll agree or not it's already set in stone. she's expecting you at 7 pm tomorrow night for a dinner date. you just need to date her until I get what I need."

I bounce my leg as I stretch my jaw, I can't do anything about it. 

he gets up saying a fast goodbye and leaves.

.

.

sinking into my mattress, my phone starts ringing. I pick it up to see Armin face timing me,

"Hey, how'd the talk with your dad go?" 

I explain everything to him.

"well...maybe this will be good! what if you actually like her!" he tries to cheer me up

"No Armin, I don't want anyone else." "What do you mean by "anyone else?" 

"Nothing."

"Look Eren...you...you haven't been with anyone since you started...y'know...dreaming about her." 

I told Armin about Y/n after I kept dreaming about her and I couldn't get her off my mind. I never told him her name so he just calls her "dream-girl" 

and yes, it's true...I haven't been with a girl ever since I started dreaming about her, which seems weird for a "player" but...It would feel like I'm cheating...

"This isn't about that Armin..."

"I'm all for fansites and whatever...but Eren, if this is starting to impact your real-life then maybe hold off with the dreams for now... you need to consider living your life." I wanted to yell at him. tell him he doesn't know what he is talking about, that I'm fine...I'm fine with Y/n...but another part of me felt like...he was right. like, I'm wasting my life chasing a dream. she isn't real, she'll never be real. but...how do I stop dreaming her?

"How...how am I supposed to stop dreaming her then?" I ask the question that was swirling in my head

"Didn't you say it's lucid dreams? can't you just make her disappear?" By that logic, I'd be able to make her reappear but last night she was late...I tried everything to make her appear but nothing worked...she came by herself.

"It's not like that...She just...shows up."

"Hmm, well then I'm not too sure...maybe think of someone else...or just tell her to go away?" telling her to go away? I could never do that...but she isn't real...maybe it's for the best.

"Mmm, alright...thanks Armin...cya" "cya"

I end the call, hitting my face against the pillow. why do I feel so guilty about thinking about telling her to go away?

This is too much. I just want to sleep...like real sleep. I don't want to see her right now.

And I slowly fell asleep.

I was In a forest, I looked around to see no sign of Y/n...

the old trees looked like they'd go on forever with the heavy fog around me, I couldn't breathe.

I started panicking...

I started running, screaming out Y/n's name hoping, praying she'd appear.

please please I need her. where is she? shouldn't she be here?

【Ｙ／Ｎ'Ｓ　ＰＯＶ】

You looked at the time, 12:04 am...You spent the night helping Sasha pack, she is going to her parent's house for a week. she will be leaving at 6 am and of course, she procrastinated until the last minute to pack.

jumping into my bed letting the mattress consume me as I drifted off to sleep.

I opened my eyes to see a creepy forest. Looking down to see your feet were replaced with a thick fog, the trees looked like they'd been there since the beginning of time,  I could barely see the sky with the roof of leaves the trees provided, but I could make out gray clouds. 

"Y/N!" I heard someone scream... it was Eren.

Running after the voice that kept calling out for you until you ran into a body with a familiar minty warm musky scent and their arms wrapping around you immediately

"Eren! what are you doing here!" You said as he dug his face into your shoulder 

I could feel his rapid heart, beating out of his chest.

This is all too real.

"I've been looking for you" he said in between gasps as tears flowed out of his eyes

"it's okay, I'm right here Eren. okay? I'm right here" You hugged him tighter 

For the rest of the dream, You changed the look of everything to an empty library that looked a million years old with a thunderstorm raging outside as you both sat at a table, tall bookshelves surrounding you both and cuddled around a book, thanks to the candle we could see the words.

"𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚞𝚜𝚑𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚒𝚛 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚎𝚊𝚛 𝚊𝚜 𝙸 𝚏𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚕𝚎𝚍 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚜...𝚠𝚑𝚢 𝙸'𝚖 𝙸 𝚜𝚘 𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚘𝚞𝚜? " the page suddenly turned

"Hey! wasn't done with it yet!" You giggle 

"Ugh, but you take foreverrrr!" He groaned, I lightly hit his arm and turned the page back over 

reading, You feel eyes on you. looking up to see him warmly smiling, going over all of your features 

"Shouldn't it be the book you're reading?" You asked 

"Well someone took too long so I'm reading something else now" His eyes scan over your nose, lips, jaw, neck...

"Oh shush now, the book is more interesting than a face...here, they are about to kiss!" You playfully yell as you turn the page over

"you're more interesting than any book I'd ever laid my eyes on" you feel my face become red

"stop it Eren! Now here look they're kissing!" You turn your body so your head is laying on his chest, pointing to the book as you kept reading so he'd stay on track but little did you know he was too busy admiring you to pay attention to the book.

Chapter 4

˜"*°•.˜"*°• see you soon •°*"˜.•°*"˜

an: heyyy shawtyyy....-i hate this chapter so I'm going to use the an i used when i posted this on ao3- AHHHH I can't even express how much I hate this chapter. and I know, if I hate it why don't I just redo it, but there is literally nothing else I can do it just seems like "fake emo" or just bad writing in general. anywho, I am so sorry you had to read that.

[fantasticfables]

@jupiter-squid Hi! sorry I'm making this a seperate post, I initially wrote the answer to your ask, but tumblr ate both the ask and the answer for some reason, and i couldn't find it in my drafts. thankfully, I'd remembered the topic and most of your url so here it is!

okay so, I have an assumption of sorts about how this works; you know how some artists are like "oh I'll draw nature all day long but don't ever make me draw a face" "I'm fine with drawing any one as long as they're holding their hands somehwere that can't be seen"? I think Jayce is definitely like that.

technical illustrations and charts? sure, draws them all day long. literally anything else? big oof.

so then I decided to take off my shipping goggles and actually check to see how it was in the show (and the complimentary 'Jayce's journals')

from episode 1, some science-y stuff:

and then from episode 7, this;

to be fair jayce was probably a child when he drew this - very fun - drawing.

from his journals, the technical illustrations: (I stitched them in a single file to not hit picture limit)

very good, mostly concise and clear

normal drawing:

still very good!

and then his people:

.... that is a nice cowboy, but I would steer clear of the two other guys.

and then there are the viktor drawings that you have seen.

so yeah i definitely think it's very endearing that he tried to draw viktor; the first time he did it was a private thing in his own journal - with the same pencil he uses for most of his charts - and the second being the painting on the mug, with materials I presume he is unfamiliar with. (now that I'm thinking of it, do you think he borrowed them from Mel? awkward.)

(can you tell I have put the shipping goggles back on? :-) )

anyway, that's all my thoughts about it. I hope this was useful in any way!

[harmonizingsunsets]

It might be foolish, but you got me all soft

Read on Archive here.

Kate's nose crinkles as she watches Penelope and Colin. Their feet dance with one another underneath the table. He leans over, whispering something in her ear that makes her giggle. Their smiles are brighter than the fluorescent lights of the coffee shop. Watching them is almost blinding.

"You guys are so cute," Kate observes with puckered lips. "I hate that."

Penelope turns to Kate with a bemused expression. "No, you don't. You love us."

"Love isn't the word coming to mind. Nauseated is more like it."

"Kate, everyone finds us adorable," Colin insists, wrapping an arm around Penelope. "It's not a matter of opinion. It's just a fact."

"I'm happy for you two. Honestly, I am. But you're acting so lovey-dovey and sweet that it makes my teeth ache," Kate jokes, picking up her coffee for a sip.

"If we make your teeth ache, then you and Anthony cause cavities," Colin mutters.

Kate chokes a little on her mocha, causing a few patrons to give her odd looks.

"Excuse me?"

"Colin, we talked about this," Penelope says through gritted teeth, shooting him a disapproving look.

"No, you talked about how we weren't supposed to say anything because they're both so jumpy about it, but I disagreed," Colin protests. "Someone needs to open their eyes."

"Hello, I'm still right in front of you," Kate says, waving her hands at them. "Open my eyes to what?"

Colin and Penelope argue with their eyes for a few moments before Penelope cracks, nodding. Colin turns to Kate with a sly grin.

"That you're in love with my brother."

It was a good thing she wasn't drinking that time, or she'd have to spit her coffee all over them. Although, perhaps a spritz of hot coffee would wipe the amusement off of Colin's face.

Kate feels her cheeks heat. She opens her mouth, but only incomprehensible protesting sounds come out.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about," Colin says, his smile turning softer. "He loves you too."

"That is not true," Kate insists, standing up straighter in her chair. "I don't love him, and he certainly doesn't love me. Right, Penelope?"

When Kate turns to Penelope, the friend she usually can rely on for back-up is instead chewing her lower lip.

"Well...."

"Pen!"

"I'm sorry, but Kate, Colin's right," Penelope says, the words rushing out guiltily. "I write romance books for a living. I know the enemies to lovers trope very well, and you two embody it."

"That's ridiculous!" Kate exclaims, her heart beginning to hammer in her chest. "We drive each other crazy. I mean, we've become better friends over the past few months—but it's not like that."

Penelope tilts her head. "Would it be so bad if it was?"

"Yes!"

"Why?"

A hundred reasons that Kate could never utter go through her mind. She wants to say, "Anthony dates pop singers and models, and I can't live up to that." Or she could confess, "When he looks at me a beat too long, I feel like I could combust from the weight of it." Most of all, Kate wants to say, "If I let myself love him, I know that I'll never be able to stop."

But she can't tell them any of that. Kate had been just fine about the prospect of being alone. She's satisfied with her career, family, and friends. But if she admits that she loves him, then she'll never be content with any life that doesn't include him in it.

No matter what Colin and Penelope think, Anthony doesn't love her. He can't. Letting herself hope that he does is too dangerous. It scares her more than any thunderstorm she's ever endured.

"I have to go," Kate murmurs, standing up numbly from the table.

"Kate, wait," Colin says, grabbing onto her arm. He looks apologetic, and it's impossible to be upset when looking into his puppy dog eyes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

"It's fine," Kate insists with a thin smile, tugging her arm away from his grasp. "I got to go. Have a nice evening."

As she walks out of the coffee shop, she hears a cheesy pop tune about love play on their radio.

The lyrics inspire Anthony's face to surface in her mind.

Kate groans, knowing she's in deep trouble.

That night, she couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned in her bed but couldn't stop hearing Anthony's teasing voice in her head.

In a huff, Kate gets out of bed and quickly puts on her clothes. She debates whether to reapply makeup but decides against it. No one else will see her where she was going.

Luckily, she's friends with the security guard, who let her inside the building that turned off the lights twenty minutes prior. She thanks him and hastily goes to her office, turning on the light and booting up the computer at her desk.

If she wasn't going to sleep, she might as well get some work done.

For a while, all that she hears is the sound of her keys as she typed and the soft hum of music she'd put on to work.

She thought she'd be safe listening to music without lyrics. But Anthony creeps into every note, every chord, and every song.

Just as Kate lowers her head to beat it against the table in frustration, a knock on her door causes her body to jolt upright.

She stands from her chair slowly, walking to the door with caution. No one else would be here this late, so she fears what was on the other side of the door. But if someone was there to hurt her, why would they bother knocking on an unlocked door?

When Kate turns the knob, she sees the face of the man who's been haunting her thoughts for the past few hours (longer than that, if she was honest with herself).

"Hey, what are you doing here so late?" Anthony asks.

"Um, working."

Anthony scans her with curiosity. "On a Sunday?"

"So are you," she points out, crossing her arms.

He holds up a black leather journal. "Actually, I just came by the office for my phone book."

"You have a phone book? Anthony, there's a reason for that contact list on your phone."

"I like writing it down," he defends, looking affronted.

"But you can't add emojis, which adds personality to someone's contact." Kate pulls out her phone and holds out the contacts for him to see. "Edwina has two pink hearts, Penelope has a book, Benedict has an easel, and you have a fire emoji."

"Why do I have a fire emoji?"

"Because you make me want to set things on fire, of course."

Anthony smirks. "Well, next time we play that 'who's most likely to' game in the office, I'll be sure to put you down for becoming an arsonist."

Kate smiles at him, and they fall into one of those moments that's becoming more frequent between them—ones where his body seems to close, and his eyes gleam with something she can't name but feels a kindred sensation within her heart.

Kate takes a step back from him. "Why did you need your phone book so late, anyway?"

Anthony itches behind his ear. Kate frowns, as it's a nervous tick she's never seen from him before. Anthony, like fire, was all-consuming. His feelings were as hot as flames and easy to detect. But now, he looks more guarded, his eyebrows scrunched and his posture squirmish.

"Anthony?" she asks again.

Anthony takes a deep breath. "Well, I actually needed it to call you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. My phone hasn't been working since I went out on the boat with Simon. The bloody idiot knocked it onto the water," he grumbles. "I got a new phone and need to add my contacts back on, which is why I'm lucky I have this phone book which you mocked me for having."

Kate rolls her eyes. "What did you need to call me about?"

"Well, I know we had a rocky start to our relationship—."

"Because you hit on my sister?" she asks, arching her brow.

"I did not hit on her. I merely danced with her at the Christmas party," Anthony corrects with an exasperated sigh. "How many times are we going to argue about this?"

"Until you admit I'm right."

"It'll take a long time for that to happen."

"I've got plenty of time to spend with you."

As soon as those words are out, that heat radiating from Anthony's fire feels warmer. It's as if more time with her is exactly what he wants.

But Kate doesn't let those thoughts get far. She squashes them before they can take root in her mind.

"Continue," Kate tells him.

"Yes, well, as I was saying, we didn't start on the right foot. But, over these past few months, I feel like we've become friends." He looks at her with a hesitant kind of hope. "We have, haven't we?"

Kate smiles. "Yes, we have."

"So, I thought as my friend. You'd like to come with me to this."

Anthony draws two tickets from his pocket and holds one out to her. Kate takes it from in, and her eyes widen as she reads what's on the paper.

"The Vitamin String Quartet?"

"I know you listen to them to relax. I saw that they were touring and coming to London, so I thought that—." His words suddenly halt, tilting his head at her curiously. "What?"

Kate blinks in confusion. "What do you mean 'what?'"

Anthony points at her face. "You were looking at me all funny."

"I was not!"

"Yes, you were! You were looking at me like this."

Anthony imitates a soft-looking expression, gazing at her with an affectionate smile. Kate, in horror, realizes she had been looking at him like that.

"Shut up," Kate scoffs, nudging his arm and hoping it distracts from the blush on her face. "Like I'd ever look at you like that."

"If you're going to be mean, I won't give you the ticket."

He reaches over, but she pulls her hand back.

"Fine, I'm sorry," Kate says, looking down at the ticket in awe. "This is really nice of you."

"So, you'll go with me?"

"Of course I will," she nods, beaming in excitement.

Anthony releases a breath. "Good."

He begins to back out of her office, but she steps forward from her desk, grabbing his arm.

"Anthony?"

He turns. "Yes?"

Before she can second guess herself, she leans up, pressing a kiss to his cheek. When she pulls back, it takes a few seconds for his eyes to open, as if he thinks she's a figment of his imagination that will disappear.

"Thank you," Kate whispers.

Anthony nods, giving her a kind smile before leaving her office.

The music on her computer is still playing. Kate hears the gentle notes of a piano, cautious and optimistic-sounding.

The night had been amazing.

The quartet performed beautifully. They played orchestrational versions of pop songs, which makes Kate feel less guilty about listening to them.

She worried when Anthony said he'd never heard any of their music himself, that he wouldn't enjoy it. But when the concert started, she kept stealing glances out of the corner of her eyes. She saw him watching the players with a content expression.

However, the music didn't help her much with her newfound Anthony problem. When she closed her eyes, the violins sang his name. When his hand grazed hers on the armrest of the chair, the music swelled in tandem with her heart.

He was a song she couldn't get out of her head.

And the worst part was, it was a tune she didn't think she'd ever tire of hearing.

They bantered a bit about the weather while waiting for their Uber. Kate claimed the night was perfectly brisk, not enough to warrant a coat. Anthony, however, disagreed. He poked at the goosebumps on her arm as proof and insisted she take his jacket. She eventually relented, letting him drape his jacket over her shoulders.

When he looked away to wave at the car they'd been waiting for, Kate turned her nose to the jacket. She smelt the scent of amber, sandalwood, and something that was discernibly Anthony.

When they get into the back seat of the car, Anthony turns to her. "Can you believe that couple who sat in front of us?"

"I know! They were all over each other the whole night."

"Music is the food of love, but couldn't they have got the meal before the concert?"

"You'd think," Kate huffs, curling her fists further into his sleeves for warmth. She looks back at him, offering a smile. "I had a really nice time."

"I'm glad," Anthony nods. He swallows nervously, forcing himself to meet her eyes. When he does, Kate sees a raw vulnerability glistening in them. "I just wanted to make you happy."

She bumps her shoulder against his. "You do that by just being you."

Kate's words skim a cello string, creating a deep note that lingers in the air. Something flickers in Anthony's expression, his gaze steadying on her. Suddenly, it's harder for Kate to breathe.

"Look at us, acting like that couple," Kate jokes, trying to ease the tension. "The music must be getting to us too."

"Yeah, that's probably it," Anthony hums, moving a fraction closer to her. "Because right now, I feel this urge to put my arm around you."

Anthony gives in to the feeling, putting an arm around her back. Kate's breath hitches as his thumb rubs circles on her arm. Even through the material of Anthony's jacket, his fingertips send electric shocks to her skin.

"And I want to lean my head right here," she finds herself saying, resting her head on top of his shoulder.

"I want to tuck this strand of hair behind your ear.”

Kate feels his fingers skim against his cheek, gently moving a curl that had fallen into her face behind her ear. Her breath quickens, slowly turning her eyes up at him, and the look he's giving her is overwhelming.

"This is all so ridiculously stereotypical. You make me feel so—so..." Kate's words drift, unable to finish her sentence. Her tongue goes out to wet her lips that suddenly feel dry. "I hate it."

Anthony's index finger goes to her chin, tilting it up and off of his shoulder. "Do you hate this?"

He leans forward, kissing her so sweet and tenderly that she knows if she were standing, her foot would pop up like all of those delusionally romantic heroines in movies do when they kiss.

She gets lost in him. Her hands go up to cup his cheek as she deepens the kiss. Anthony's arm moves from her shoulders to her waist, pulling her flush against him. He swallows her gasp, and Kate hears a cacophony of melodies in her mind.

Kate doesn't know how long they stay wrapped in another's arms. It's only when the driver clears his throat that she realizes the car had come to a stop.

They jump apart, and Anthony gives the driver an uncomfortable nod. "Sorry, sir."

"It's alright," he says gruffly and mutters something about "just wait till you have kids, it won't be like this" as they get out of the car.

They stand awkwardly on the street for a few seconds. Kate looks around them. The vivid leaves of the trees stand out amongst the darkness of the night.

Kate remembers when she first met Anthony. It'd been fall, and the trees were bare with leaves littering the ground. It had felt fitting. Back then, her publishing company announced that they were joining one of their competitors. She had to work with Anthony, as they were both the top production editors of the separate companies. Like the leaves, it felt like everything was falling apart. Every smirk or retort of Anthony's felt like the leaves blowing chaotically in the wind.

But now, the trees were alive again, flooding with color. Kate's at the dawn of a new season with Anthony. It's something as inevitable as the change of weather but as everlasting as the stars above them.

No—stars eventually burn out. Kate thinks that whatever is between her and Anthony will continue to burn when all other flames dim.

"So, that happened," Kate says, breaking the silence.

Anthony takes a cautious step towards her. "Yeah, it did."

"I didn't hate it," she shrugs with a teasing tilt of her lips.

"Wow, what great appraisal. Can I list you as a reference for giving me such a raving review?"

"Excuse me, who else are you planning to apply with?"

"No one, I'm quite satisfied with my employment with you," he assures smugly, his hand going up to her cheek. "But, I'd like to have a slight promotion in my position."

Kate leans into his touch. "Oh really, what position do you want to fill?"

"Well, I think I've done everything that I can in the enemy job. I've enjoyed the friend's position. But, if the boyfriend position is available, I'd like to submit my candidacy."

Kate loops her arms around his neck. "Well, how about we check over your application one more time?"

"Where do you want me to start?" Anthony asks, pressing his lips to her temple. "My education?" he murmurs as he kisses her forehead. "My goals?" Kate sighs as his lips move to the corner of her mouth, and his hand curls around her waist. "My experience?" He kisses her again, and Kate feels his smirk against her lips. "Or, my skills?"

Kate pulls back with a smirk of her own. "How about what drew you to this position?"

His eyes gleam roguishly, looking at the lack of space between them. "This particular position?"

Kate tries her best to give him a stern look. "Anthony."

"You," he answers simply, resting his forehead against hers. "Everything about you."

Kate's unable to stop herself, chuckling softly. "Wow, that's incredibly sappy."

"But it's true."

She takes a deep breath, feeling content and peaceful in his arms. "Maybe being sappy isn't such a bad thing."

"No," Anthony agrees, the corner of his lips tilting up as he studies her intently. "I'm starting to think that it's not."

This time when Kate kisses him, she does it without a single reservation about cliches or stereotypes, or how she would roll her eyes if she saw the two of them on the street.

Kate's foot pops, and the song that's been stuck in her head gets set on an infinite loop.

[knjoodles]

learn to love; jungkook | 04

pairing: teacher!jungkook x singleparent!reader

genre: angst, fluff

word count: 3.5K

summary: raising your daughter alone while simultaneously watching your ex-husband live the life of his dreams away from the two of you hurts. badly. it hurts a little less, though, when you find an unlikely friend while looking for help.

lowercase intended.

psst! this chapter is a game-changer AND has a character named after one of my followers! i hope she sees it and enjoys it. 💞

01 | 02 | 03 

   your alarm clock woke you, it’s piercing siren startling your eyes wide. groaning and fluttering your eyes to adjust to the sudden morning rays warming your somnolent face, you glared at the flashing red numbers across from you, reading a proud eight a.m. “fuck,” you mumbled, sinking your head into your pillow. your head pounded sparingly as you buried your head further, your attempt at drowning out the gentle pain failing.

    what had happened last night? nothing devastating. you're not one to irrationally act out; you always think about seyoung first. the last thing you can recall is throwing your shoes off and bag to the floor and essentially passing out on your bed after attending a team dinner. your days never seem to end, it just feels as though you have small pockets of time to breathe in between your busy schedule. when your five-minute break is up, though, it's back to work.

    you slowly arose from your cozy, welcoming bed and stared at the pillow sitting next to you, one that you'd clung to all night judging from its evident crumpled form in comparison to the other pillows sprawled across your bed. ouch. it sits where hoseok would lay.

    shaking your head to ensure you wouldn't have any regressive thoughts at eight in the morning, you pulled your comforter back, swinging your legs across the bed and perching comfortably on its edge. gazing at your feet, you sighed quietly, thanking the heavens it was saturday but dually cursing it for your support group session being today. you hadn't told anyone about it, not even sooyoung. this was for you, and you alone. you trudged from your bed to the master bathroom, scrubbing your teeth.

   it was at this moment that the sweet aroma of a saturday morning breakfast wafted from your kitchen to your bedroom. you inhaled it peacefully, the fragrance calming you and clearing your mind. you finally left your bedroom, shuffling towards your kitchen and living room. you silently apologized to the heavens for scolding it about the support group and thanked it once more, being reminded that you wouldn't know what to do half the time without sooyoung.

    "morning!" a voice sang from your kitchen. "i see the zombie finally decided to rise from sleep?" it chuckled, the sound of what seemed like waffles sizzling. your stomach growled at the thought of biting into one and you returned sooyoung's laugh, the patter of your daughter's feet against the tiled floor growing louder as she ran towards you. "seyoung, be careful! i don't want you slipping!"

    "it's okay, sooyoung auntie!" your daughter assured, her smaller frame finally finding you. "mom!" she giggled excitedly as she wrapped her arms around your waist, tugging affectionately. "you're finally awake!" she moaned, pulling on your large cotton shirt. "you know, i thought you died! so i called sooyoung auntie, and she told me you were alive. but i didn't believe her, so i asked her to prove it! and she told me she couldn't prove it this early in the morning. it wasn't even that early!"

    "seyoung-ah, what part of four in the morning isn't early to you?" sooyoung complained, her voice ringing through your home, body still not in view. peeking her head past a pillar separating the three of you, she scowled, annoyed, slapping another waffle onto a stack on a plate. "i was busy dreaming my dreams and this little one wakes me from my beauty sleep! at four in the morning! seyoung, if i didn't love you so much, who knows what i'd do!" she groaned. you and your daughter chuckled in unison, her small hand dragging you to the table to sit with her and sooyoung.

    "this is the first time i've made blueberry waffles, so don't expect a master chef level plate," sooyoung grinned as she placed the large pile of waffles in the middle of the table. "seyoung was okay with normal waffles up until she spotted the blueberries in the fridge. after that, she wouldn't stop tormenting me to add them in!" she joked, sitting down across from you.

    "torment?!" seyoung squealed, eyes wide, a smile cracking across her cheeks. "all i wanted was some pancakes, auntie!" she pat the table playfully, sooyoung pinching her cheek lovingly. "and, you said yes!"

    "and, i said yes," sooyoung repeated, looking over at you. "you both know i can't say no to seyoung! it's like refusing to eat a feast in front of you after you haven't eaten for days. what do you expect me to do? starve?" she jested, earning an eye roll and a grin from you. no one failed to make you laugh like your very dramatic sooyoung.

    "yeah, yeah." you bantered, serving yourself two warm pancakes. "gosh, sooyoung, these smell incredible," you gushed as you cut a piece swiftly, wanting to savor it immediately. it instantly melted in your mouth, the flavor of the warm fruit bursting into your mouth. you smiled brightly, chewing vigorously and holding up a cheerful thumbs-up. your daughter did the same, earning a giggle from sooyoung as she studied the two of you.

    "you guys look exactly alike," she murmured as she took a portion of waffle into her mouth, nibbling contentedly. swallowing, she continued, "just the same. it's like someone copy-paste in real life."

    seyoung turned to you, her face crinkled into a joyous grin. she placed her petite hand on top of yours, squeezing it tenderly. "i'm pretty, just like her! my mom is the prettiest lady in the world."

    "that she is!" sooyoung chimed in agreement, pointing her fork with a half-eaten chunk of waffle on it at seyoung. "no one can compare, except for me. i humbly accept second place, madam (y/n)." she bowed teasingly.

    "no, seyoung, you're the prettiest! and what about yebin? she's pretty too, right?" as much as you hated mentioning yebin, you knew you had to encourage seyoung to form a relationship with her 'step-mom'. you had to be the bigger person and you have to ignore the urge to scream at her every time you see her face. that's what being an adult is. hiding your feelings and pretending that you're generally okay.

    "eh," seyoung dragged, filling her mouth with a large piece of waffle. "not as pretty as you," she assured between chews. "yebin's scary when she takes off her makeup." her unintentional attack on yebin prompted sooyoung to sputter in amusement, bursting into laughter.

    "you're even starting to talk like your mom!" sooyoung exclaimed, resting her head on the table to mask her cackling. "i can't," she gasped, throwing her head back and covering her mouth. "you guys are getting more and more alike every day!"

    you smiled at your excited daughter, who was now drawing a large smiley face using maple syrup on her plate. admiring your best friend cackling in front of you and your daughter being undeniably herself, you sat contempt, knowing life was good for the time being.

    "next time?" sooyoung started as she slipped on her shoes, her purse dangling from her shoulder. "call me. if you ever need an extra hand around here, i'll come as soon as i can. promise you'll call?"

    "promise." you reassured, nodding politely. seyoung hovered behind you waving to her beloved aunt as she departed. "thanks for the breakfast and lunch, soo. you know i couldn't have done it without you." you dart your head around to spot your daughter, finding her peering behind your leg. "seyoung, say bye to sooyoung!"

    "bye, sooyoung auntie! come back soon! i want to make chocolate pancakes next!" seyoung called as sooyoung walked to her uber. "please come back!" seyoung repeated hesitantly, "i won't wake you up early again!"

    "good." sooyoung nodded, climbing into the passenger seat. "i'll see you monday, (y/n)! enjoy your weekend." sooyoung closed the door of the car and the uber sped off, you and your daughter lingering in your front lawn until she was out of sight.

    "what are we gonna do today, mommy?" seyoung turned to you, eyes full of curiosity.

    "well, i wanted to keep it a surprise, but i may or may not have scheduled a sleepover for you and ailee!" you exclaimed, grabbing your daughter's hands excitedly.

    "a sleepover?!" she squeaked, ecstatic as ever. "a sleepover with ailee!" seyoung jumped up and down, her pigtails swaying. "thank you, mommy, thank you!" she followed you inside, slipping off her sandals. you glanced at the clock, noting that it was currently around two o'clock.

    "ailee's mom expects us at four, so go and get ready! i'll drop you off." you smiled, leading her towards her bathroom.

    "you're not staying? even for a little bit?" seyoung turned, pouting. "why? are you not friends with ailee's mom?"

    "no, no, ailee's mom and i are still friends! mommy just has a lot of work to do." you reasoned, crouching down to eye-level with your daughter. "i wish i could stay, baby, but duty calls!"

    "okay," she replied half-dejectedly, waddling into her room to fetch her clothes to shower. you felt relieved your daughter hadn't tried to pry. you were just getting help for the two of you.

    seyoung, excited as ever to finally have reached ailee's house, practically leaped out of her car seat and beelined towards the door. you dashed after her, finding it difficult to keep track of locking your car and your wild daughter all at once. "seyoung-ah!" you called sternly, making her almost immediately stop and apologize profusely. after assuring her that she didn't make any large mistake, you took her by the hand and led her to the front door, making sure she walked confidently next to you — a tip you'd read in a parenting journal.

    the door swung open as excited squeals sounded from either side, ailee and seyoung basically grabbing each other to hug tightly. chuckling at the two running off to play, seyoung's backpack still in your hand, you glanced at ailee's mother, mai. "they're really excited, huh?" she exclaimed, watching them clamber up the stairs. "here, let me take that," she offered.

    "of course!" you replied, placing the bag in her hand. "i can't thank you enough for taking seyoung in today. i would've called her nanny, but today was so busy, and —"

    "it's no issue," mai interrupted, smiling assuringly. "we all know how hard you work. and after you alone juggled both of our kids after my husband's accident, well," she turned, making sure your kids weren't there. "it's the least i could do. do you want to come in? i can get some coffee going,"

    "i'd love to, but i can't," you explained. "i've got a meeting of sorts to get to soon. i'll pick seyoung up around ten tomorrow?" you asked, adjusting the sleeve of your sweater.

    "that works perfectly. call me if there's anything important!" she called, waving to you as you departed towards your car.

    "likewise!" you responded, waving politely and climbing into your car, waiting until their front door shut. why did you always find yourself on the verge of losing it in this exact position? in front of mai's house, in your car, right in front of the wheel. and, mimicking the way you always react to these situations, you rubbed the leather of your steering wheel, stopping yourself from resting your forehead against the horn and letting it ring until you felt satisfied. it was time to go to that potential shitshow of a support group, and you didn't know how to feel. pain? fear?

    you thought your divorce from hoseok would be the worst you've ever felt. and granted, it partially was, but at least you were sure of yourself. sure that you didn't want anything to do with this anymore, regardless of how much you loved him. but now? you didn't even know if you wanted this. the worst feeling to you was clear now; it was uncertainty, because uncertainty can corrode you and all your confidence in ways nothing else can.

    and, again mimicking the way you always react to these situations, you pressed the gas and drove, preparing yourself for both the worst and the best.

    the community center was cold. that was your first thought.

    dozens of people filed into the large auditorium, all trying to catch a glimpse of the one directory they offered to guide attendees to their respective support groups. after standing on your toes for what felt like hours, you finally read, 'divorcees and widow(er)s support group, room 613'. you found your place to go, but did you really want to walk into that room?

    there that uncertainty went again, eating away at your confidence like a parasite.

    you have to go, you reasoned to yourself it's not just for you, it's for seyoung. she'll catch on to what's going on eventually, you can't let her see you weak! with the reminder of seyoung fresh in your mind, you took the elevator to the sixth floor and searched thoroughly for room 613.

    "excuse me?" a voice asked from behind you, startling you. "are you lost? 'cause i am, too."

    you snorted at their comment, turning around to face them fully. a tall, muscular man stood in front of you, voice deep, hair slicked back handsomely. "oh," you muttered, stepping back to make eye contact more comfortably. "yeah, you could say i'm lost," you nodded, darting your head to either side of the hallway. "i'm looking for room 613. do you know where that is?"

    "613? i'm headed there myself," he replied awkwardly. the two of you stood together silently, both not knowing what to say in panicked silence. "i, uh, i'm park chanyeol." he introduced himself bluntly, offering his hand.

    hesitating, you finally took his hand, shaking it firmly, the way you do with customers or partners. "i'm (y/n) (l/n)." you responded.

    "(y/n) (l/n)," he repeated, looking towards the ceiling. "that sounds familiar, do i know you?"

    you cringed internally. one of the reasons you became a producer was to avoid being recognized in public, to avoid the constant attention, to avoid the all-eyes-on-you treatment artists are forced to undergo. so, as a result, when someone does recognize your name, you get a sudden urge to become a hermit. "long story short, i'm a producer."

    "ah, i see." chanyeol replied, hearing the hint of apprehension in your voice. "well, (y/n) (l/n), we're in the same boat, so let's find the room together." thankful he understood your tone, you set off with chanyeol, trekking across the hallway to find the infamous room 613. to your annoyance and surprise, the room seemed to be hidden away from the rest of the hallway, and out of numerical order.

    chanyeol opened the door for you and let the both of you in. room 613 was larger than what you expected; the room seemed to be at least three times as big as the other rooms, with many people filling up seats and talking amongst themselves. you didn't expect this many people to ever show up to a support group, but you stood corrected. not knowing where to go, you glanced at chanyeol, who motioned for the two of you to head over to the tables supervisors had set up, which were lined with water and general snacks.

    pouring two plastic cups of water for the both of you, you looked again at chanyeol, who was tapping his foot on the floor, glancing at the clock restlessly. "hey," you started, immediately getting his full attention. "tell me about yourself, chanyeol."

        a small silence between the two of you.

    "but, only if you're comfortable!" you stammered, hoping, praying that you didn't push any buttons within the first hour of meeting someone.

    he laughed at your uneasiness, dimples revealing themselves. "it's no big deal. uh, my wife and i recently divorced after i caught her cheating on me. is this it? is this the sharing thing they wanted us to do?"

    you chuckled, amused. "yeah, i think it is. and, it's a small world; the exact thing happened to me, but with my husband. do you have any kids? i have a daughter."

    "thankfully no," chanyeol answered, now visibly more comfortable. "we were planning on it, but that was before she cheated on me,"

    you nodded, understanding where he's coming from. you never told hoseok, but you'd always wanted to have a son with him alongside seyoung. and, like chanyeol, you never got there because of someone else's mistake. "i'm sorry you had to go through that." you sympathized.

    "i just need this to finally get over everything. i'm sorry you had to go through that too, especially because you have a daughter," he stated, caressing the back of his neck. "hey, if you can do it, so can i, right?"

    "yeah. and if you can do it, so can i." you repeated, smiling at him. the two of you shared a laugh at your new paired saying as the facilitator called everyone to the circle of chairs in the middle of the room, asking everyone to take a seat. you and chanyeol sat side-by-side, the both of you somewhat relieved that you weren't in this completely alone. at least there was someone who gets how you're feeling and just how painful it can be.

    "hi, everyone!" the facilitator's voice echoed through the room, loud, clear, and confident. "my name is lee chaerin, and i'll be the 'leader', if you will, of today's support group! a reminder, in case some of you are unsure, this is the divorcee, widow, and widower support group. if you're in the wrong room, please consult the new directory outside!" she announced. as a few people shuffled quietly out of the room to find their place elsewhere, she clasped her hands together. "again, my name is lee chaerin. i'm a trained psychologist and have been studying psychology for nearly twelve years at this point. cool, huh? my hope for this support group is that i help all of you heal, even if it's just a little. i want to make sure that all of you are okay, and can help each other while helping yourself!" she rested her hands on her hips and smiled, sighing contentedly. "i know that no one really wants to do this, but it's important. let's all go around the room and introduce ourselves, what we do, what happened, and what you hope to gain from this support group! after this, we'll split into groups to share our in detail stories and learn from each other. sounds like a plan? great."

    that type of introduction was a nightmare in reality. ever since you were ten you despised introducing yourself that way, and today, once married with a daughter, you feel the same way. some things never change.

    you weren't allowed to reach for your phone for the next two hours. they say that phones ruin the human experience because they allow an escape from awkward or undesirable situations. whoever 'they' are, they sure as hell are right.

    you tried your best to pay attention to everyone's name and goals for the group. you wanted to, but with the number of people surrounding you and how much was on your mind, it was tiring to listen past their occupation.

    "hi everyone, i'm youngjae," the conventional 'hi, youngjae' sounded from the group in a monotone state, defining the core of everyone's mood at this point of the support group. "i'm a songwriter for jyp entertainment, and my goal is to heal so i can focus on my job. my wife and i divorced after some internal issues." youngjae motioned to the man sitting next to him, nodding in his direction.

    not that you'd know, though. you were staring at your feet.

    "hi, everyone, my name is jeon jungkook." a man's voice stated, making your head shoot up from the ground. the sudden movement made his eyes dart towards yours, and the two of you sat frozen, only seeing each other, eyes locked. "i'm a teacher, and my goal is to stop thinking about her every day so i can move on." his voice became audibly quieter, but it didn't matter. the room was dead silent, anyway.

    you couldn't even hold your mouth open. your jaw and chest tightened. you didn't expect him to be here.

    you broke eye contact to eye his hands, his index finger and thumb of his right hand seemingly toying with a ring that was no longer there.

    a ring that was no longer there.

    your eyes met again. the air was tense and suffocating; the panic that filled only the two of you created an atmosphere only you and jungkook could feel.

    he broke eye contact, his glance now on his lap. his voice now barely a whisper, he spoke, still loud enough for you to hear. "i lost my wife in a car accident about a year ago. she was hit by a truck while she was coming home to me."

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[lsmu]

14 Days of Winter - Day 5: Draw Me

KIM HAJOON'S JOURNAL ENTRY THU, DEC 17TH, 2020. 6.55 PM GMT. The Savoy. Junior Suite. My Room.

Journal-nim!

Today started out normally. I did my usual morning routine, before having breakfast with the cheerful Minjeong. We talked and joked throughout the meal, and afterwards she went straight into her room, telling me that she had to attend some meetings.

Kekeke... What meeting?

Still, all is well. Not spending time with Minjeong means I got to catch up on my studies and thesis. Our lunch was normal too, and after lunch she (again) went straight back to her room, telling me that she's got another meeting (gosh, so busy) and would see me again at tea time.

Now, tea time... That's when things got a little interesting.

We sat down around the dining table, sipping our tea (lapsang souchong, of course) and enjoying our crumpets and pastries, before suddenly Minjeong lifted her head and smiled at me.

"Hajoon-hyung, can I see what you're studying? What major are you anyway? Do you have some secret lab in your room?" she bombarded me with questions.

I couldn't help but laugh out loud, and she joined me promptly. (My gosh, Journal-nim...)

After our laughter died down, I had a super-dangerous idea in my mind. Should I? (Don't ask. I did it anyway).

"Come! See for yourself!" I said, mustering up my courage. "Let's go!" she replied immediately, punching her tiny fist in the air.

We laughed again, and I led her to my room. I opened the door and let her enter, and as soon as she saw my reference art books, sketchbooks, journals, and laptop, she let out a loud gasp (don't worry, I had hidden you in a safe place).

She turned to face me and glared at me with those beautiful, beautiful eyes of hers.

"YOU'RE AN ART STUDENT?" she exclaimed loudly. I laughed and nodded. "That bad, huh?" I asked, a little embarrassedly, but Minjeong shook her head rapidly. "No, no! That's amazing! You're amazing!" she continued exclaiming.

When she said that, Journal-nim... I swear I thought my heart stopped beating.

I'm amazing?

I don't know if I blushed, but from her reaction (she was giggling), maybe I was. Yeah. I definitely blushed. I could feel heat rushing to my face.

I let her explore my stuff, and she whistled in amazement every now and then. I stared at her (while smiling wide like a crazy person), and suddenly she muttered.

"I always admire visual art students..."

Okay. My heart was beating so fast when she said that. Gosh. Living with Minjeong is unhealthy for my heart, apparently.

"Y–You do?" I stuttered, but at that moment suddenly she turned to face me, waving my sketchbook in the air, grinning from ear to ear. "Ya, Hyung... Can you... Draw me?"

I can, of course. To be completely honest, I've been repressing that thought for quite a while now. I thought it would make me look like a creep. But now... It was her who asked me, right? Hence...

Confidently, I nodded.

"Sure! I'll draw you..." I told her, extending my arm to retrieve the sketchbook. "Like one of your French girls?" she suddenly quipped while slowly peeling the fabric of her cardigan off her shoulder.

I immediately got that reference. That was from the movie Titanic. That was when...

Okay. Let's not go there, shall we?

This time, I knew I was blushing full red. She noticed this, and she laughed out loud and shook her head.

"JOKING! JOKING!" she yelled and laughed at the same time. "YA! HYUNG! STOP BEING A PERVERT! YOU'RE AS RED AS TOMATO!" "I wasn't! I... I'm... J–Just... J–Just... Sit there. I'll... I'll draw you," I stuttered embarrassedly and pointed at the sofa in my room, trying to get on with it and forgetting the mention of that one raunchy scene from the movie.

Minjeong giggled, sat down on the sofa and smiled wide. I sat on my chair opposite her, picked up my pencil, and started drawing.

"How should I pose?" she asked. I chuckled. "Just be as comfortable as you like, and try to hold the position," I told her. "Will it be long?" she asked. "No. It's a simple sketch," I said, drawing strokes of her figure. "Should be less than five minutes." "Aw... I was expecting a full coloured, detailed illustration," she said. I laughed. "You'll have to pay for that," I retorted, regaining my composure. She giggled. "I can pay..." she said nonchalantly, then she giggled. "Joking again. Sorry, Hyung..." "Stay still, Minjeong..." "Okay..."

Journal-nim, I tried to draw her. I usually could draw someone quite beautifully in a flash, but this time, somehow, it was as if my hand, my mind, my entire body, wanted to prolong this moment. I took my time staring at her before going back to my sketch, and a split second later my eyes would return to her.

As I continued to draw lines after lines of Minjeong in my sketchbook, questions started flooding my mind.

How could someone be as beautiful as her? How could someone have those eyes she have... Those almond shaped eyes. How could someone have those small, delicate lips? How could anyone have that skin? So clear, so smooth, so fair... It glistened like snow on a beautiful winter day.

Journal-nim... How could anyone be that perfect?

I continued drawing for a few more minutes, almost completing the illustration. As I lifted my eyes for the last time to capture the details of her face...

That's when... Our eyes met.

I...

I....

I have no words to describe it.

Journal-nim... I think I've fallen for her.

Yeah. I think I have.

But... Before I could do anything, Minjeong smiled and stretched her hands forward.

"Are you done? Come! Show it to me!" she said cheerfully.

I stumbled to turn the sketchbook, and when she saw my drawing she jumped up and gasped in surprise. I giggled. She was simply adorable.

"You like it?" I asked her. She nodded rapidly and grabbed the sketchbook. "I love it!" she said breathlessly. "Can I keep it?" "Ya... It's your commissioned piece! Of course it's yours!" I said.

She cheered and twirled in place. I laughed as I carefully ripped the page out of my sketchbook and gave it to her. She stared at my drawing of her with a wide smile.

"It's beautiful..." she whispered.

You're beautiful, Minjeong.

She looked up at me and beamed as bright as the afternoon sun.

"Gomawo, Op–... Hyung."

Now it was her who blushed. She caught herself right at the last moment before calling me 'Oppa'.

I felt my heart fluttering, but before I could do anything about it, the phone rang.

I walked over to the phone next to my bed and picked it up. It was the front desk. They informed me that the other room is indeed vacating tomorrow, so... One of us can move there tomorrow.

To be completely honest, I had forgotten about that completely. And to be completely honest-honest... I don't want us to be separated. But... Minjeong might think differently, right?

"Who was it?" she asked. "Front desk. The other room is indeed vacating tomorrow," I told her. "Oh..."

Journal-nim... I don't understand her reaction. Wasn't she supposed to be happy? But instead, I sensed... Disappointment?

She couldn't, could she?

"So, uh... I should pack, then?" she said slowly.

(Again, I noticed reluctance in her voice. No. Maybe it's just my wishful thinking).

"No, no. I should be the one moving! You should enjoy this suite a little longer!" I told her. "Ah... Yeah... Thanks, Hyung..." she replied. "That's very kind of you."

We stood there in an awkward silence for a while, unsure of what to do after hearing the news. After a while, she took a sharp breath and looked up. A smile curved up on her beautiful face.

"Well... I should leave you to your study, then! Sorry to barge in like this..." she said. I shook my head. "No, no! I enjoyed the company," I said, trying to sound cool. She chuckled. "Yeah... I... I should leave. Let's talk again at dinner?" she proposed.

I smiled and nodded. Then, I did something stupid.

"Nowadays, I'm kind of... Used to you calling me out for dinner," I told her.

She was stunned. Of course she was stunned. Stop being such a creep, Hajoon!

But... A second later... She giggled.

"Then I'll call you again later," she told me, before walking out of my room, clutching the drawing I had given her.

That, Journal-nim, was three hours ago. And now...

"Hajoon-hyung! Bap meokja! Dinner's here!"

That's my cue. I should enjoy tonight's dinner.

... It'll be our last dinner together anyway.