#logic doesnt trump emotion

[s0fter-sin]

what up i’ve been obsessed with would you fall in love with me again like every other person on the planet and i can’t stop thinking about penelope’s final verse

she’s so angry; angry that odysseus would dare to suggest that her love for him has faltered or his actions were enough to destroy it. she’s been waiting, working her fingers raw unweaving her shroud every night, not sleeping as the suitors camp inside her home; every day a threat to her and her son, to her kingdom if an unworthy man - and they are all unworthy - should take the throne. she knew they wouldn’t wait forever, that at some point her deception would be realised; her dedication to her husband means she is at constant risk and the first thing odysseus does when he sees her - if this even is him - is question her love for him?

the very first thing he says (other than her name) is, “i am not the man you fell in love with.” penelope asks him if it’s really him standing there or if she’s “dreaming once more”. once more. she’s felt the cruelty of hope before; has looked at her doorway and seen odysseus the same as when he left (which is probably partly why she’s so shocked by how he actually looks) and felt unfathomable pain when her hopes were dashed over and over again. she asks if he is really her odysseus and he says no

yes, in his mind, odysseus can’t see how he can deserve her love after everything he’s done - the atrocities he’s committed, to himself he isn’t the same man, “i see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it’s no longer you” - but all penelope hears is her husband, the man she loves and waited for, doubts the strength of her love

penelope asks what kind of things he’s done and it must be shocking to hear; his actions so different from the man who left her behind even if he did them in name of returning to her. but when she asks him to move the bed, it’s as much a challenge as it is a test. she’s asking him to prove that he is the monster he claims to be; that if he’s changed so much and become so heartless, he should have no qualms about ripping the symbol of their love from its roots. and it’s also her only way of actually determining if this man who claims to be her husband yet doesn’t take her in his arms, is actually him

“just a moment of labour would bring me some peace” - if he does what she asks, then she will know either he’s changed so much that he’s no longer her odysseus or he’s another fake and was never hers to begin with; that her husband didn’t just stand in front of her and claim she can’t love him as he is. but she’s done. she was already willing to die when she stood behind the twelve axes she challenged the suitors to shoot through. she’s so tired. she just wants it all to be over

“only my husband knew that, so i guess that makes him you” - i guess. even after telling her something only odysseus and her knew, penelope’s still not convinced that it’s truly him. how many men came to her door claiming to be her long lost husband, banking on time and distance to dull memory of his face and voice, on her longing and desperation for odysseus to blind her into believing them?

but if this is her husband? if the man she’s loved through decades of absence has finally returned to her?

“i will fall in love with you over and over again” - an exhausted promise, the core of who penelope is and how she feels; assuaging his doubts and his own clear pain

but

“no matter how long it’s been, you’re mine. don’t tell me you’re not the same person, you’re always my husband” - penelope is screaming at him; how dare odysseus say this to her? dismiss her love and her suffering? he saw the men outside, he’s smart enough to know what they were here for and instead of apologising for being gone for so long, instead of begging for forgiveness for inadvertently putting her and their son at risk, instead of embracing her and putting an end to her torment, odysseus doubts her

“and i’ve been waiting, waiting” - the tone shift of penelope screaming at him to lamenting how long she’s been waiting is heartbreaking; it’s quieter as she gets lost in the pain of her grief, her anger failing as she recalls the memories of her long years of solitude. odysseus tries to call her back with his gentle “penelope” - such a contrast to his own exhausted anger at being asked to destroy their marital bed now that he understands why she asked that of him - but she can’t hear him; she’s too trapped in the memories. he tries again, still gentle but more insistent, and this time she does hear him and her anger comes rushing back along with her grief. her “waiting, waiting,” becomes almost accusatory; she’s been alone for so long and it’s bc of him, bc he wasn’t there, bc he left her waiting

that abrupt “oh” at the end of the verse isn’t just a vocalisation; in that moment, she’s realising that she has realised that he truly is odysseus. she knew it was him before she even processed it. she wouldn’t be this angry if he were anyone else; love and grief and anger coalescing in one single divine moment where penelope finally believes her odysseus has returned to her

“for you” - she’s been waiting and waiting, years turning to dust, her sleepless nights and days spent living in fear and preemptive grief- and it was all for him. odysseus is actually here. which means her waiting is over

“how long has it been?”

“20 years”

“i- i love you”

[castingcomets]

If you don't try (not "succeed," but try, even idly) to grasp every character's perspective then you're watching a movie wrong. If you don't care to follow every character's motives in a book then you're reading it wrong. It is just standard operating procedure to set time aside to try to wrap your mind around the situation and what the characters must be thinking and feeling right ? You take time to try to understand what the author has shared with us and what they didn't, what they want us to understand. You take time to evaluate if the author may have been careless about something, or if that was the point. You take time to ponder what you have just seen and even the various ways that that may affect different audiences. You take into consideration who the audience is intended to be and how that affects the voice.

This is just basic this is just standard operating procedure. No matter what school classes you've had you would have just arrived here naturally eventually. You do NOT "get it right" all the time or often or Ever. But you always try, otherwise how are you .. watching it? Understanding it? It's not compelling if it makes no sense surely??

You just learn this in your life this is just basic and common. You learn that different perspectives will prompt different actions. You argue with your siblings and figure out that they are just as impassioned as you. One day you're where they were standing and you understand that what other people want actually does make sense to you. You try to yell back at your father and he grills you without mercy for how little you know, and you learn quickly and immediately to never interject into an argument unless you have all the facts. Those facts serving of course as key character motivations, of which if you HAD, you could understand others' feelings and minds better.

Emotionally immature Gen X parents who love trump. They equate being uncomfy with moral superiority and objectivism.

I cant watch a movie with my father because he is convinced that all women are willful manipulators who just want money. He cant understand a world where he isnt the victim, or that other people may feel the victim same as he feels. He barely questions anything. He doesnt follow the feelings and motivations of the characters at all. The men are either badass for being clever or coldly logical, or they're stupid for getting involved with women; and all the women are going to personally hurt him and use him. It's a pitiful and sad thing, like seeing a cat worsen its stuck claw by pulling, to see how truly LITTLE he understands that all of this is just what HE sees, how LITTLE he knows his own ROLE in his experience. My mother is no better. She hates the bad guys and likes the good guys.

YOU GUYS AGREE THAT IM NOT SAYING ANYTHING TOO BIG HERE RIGHT? THIS IS JUST 101? RIGHT? When we watch Anything we are able to or we try to understand the characters enacting the plot? In our own way? And we at least try to understand them from where we think the author may be coming from? The author always believes in their characters, otherwise they'd be writing flat ones. Right guys? This is familiar to you?

I am of course personally slighted by all this because it was growing up in HIS house that taught me very young the importance of the "objective fact" of the other people's perspective; that their reality is as good as the only reality to them, and that theirs is as good as mine, and if reality isnt honorable and objective than what is ... what's objective is inherently subjective and we all just respect that.

But we all get that and it's my shit ass parents who lack media literacy and critical thinking and emotional intelligence who are the outliers right ?!??!

This isnt major and I'm far from being an academic about any of this . I just understand enough to know that I'm wearing SOME sort of lense, and that that affects my viewing, and I know that if I get that stuck tense feeling of Not Getting It, then that means that... I'm not getting it, not that it doesnt make sense but just that I'm not personally resonating. I know that I'm missing something. And my impulse is to find it.

Mad becasue I'm angry I csnt stand that self-satisfied blindness I mean how could you LIVE like that

[spicycowboyhole]

2/2 12:17AM (transcribed)

In three days I will be a different person.

Im God

Im Kanye Something about comparing a person to the impression is left by that person like when Kanye said something that I cant remember but reminded me of people mentioned in the Bible and their doings are remembered and idolized. But it doesnt really matter if you know their names because the message is most important. I think great artists share this sentiment of creating something so revolutionary that even after theyre gone and forgotten, their work will have left an impact on humanity. It seems selfish, like they think they deserve to be as iconic as Jesus, so well known that they're taken for granted. But actually they mean they hope to still leave an impression/impact on people through their music even if they can't put a face to it. [classic composers through music for babies, nirvana tshirts] This is something Labi Siffre says, that "there's too much personality in music" "I don't believe in giving the audience what they want anyway, I believe in giving the audience my best and making them like it." Jeff Buckley says it too, "I'd rather the people not think about me as a face, or a name, or a body and just come and listen, really" Here's a really long quote watch out!! "Everybody knows what its like to create an artistic moment. so-called "artistic moment" because it's really just heightened humanism, it's just a heightened human language. if youve spent a night making love you know exactly what it means to strip your ego down where you are there expressing yourself, wordlessly, collaborating on a moment. that has an energy about it that is replenishing, completely inspirational in a way you could never imagine. thats the way art REALLY is." Kanye says the same thing but no one gets it because they think he's egotistical and stuff and crazy. Its like how all the religions all point to the same directions. What's an ego anyway? Should I care if he thinks about or remembers me as a person or is the impression I leave more important? "There are cathedrals everywhere for those who have the eyes to see" We idolize those we agree with and tear down the statues of those we dont. Destroy Trump statue or donate Markiplier MLP fanart Tshirt, Jeff doesnt want me to remember him but i just put a big ass poster of him on my wall because of the pure emotion he was able to transmit through music that I felt so hard it was like a spiritual awakening and instant connection with him personally. He's my Jesus. BEAR WITH ME NOW. If Jeff Buckley is Jesus, than Labi SIffre and Kanye are also Jesus too. Id Jesus is "God in human form" then that means Jeff, Labi, and Kanye are also God. (Just like Lil B) But if I'm also God then are we all God? What is an "artistic moment"? What is music? Why do crazy people always resort to religion? I have NOT read the bible. By that logic, I guess I'm more polytheistic leaning. I'd say Im religious in a sense that I believe in people but I think thats my human programming that wants me to like people so we can survive and continue reproducing. My 12 year old self will tell you thats what "love" is. Thats so sad omg but if thats the case then is "God" whatever is causing that reaction?Is God just the will to live? Is the meaning of life just life itself? "all music is a religion, it's the best one" - jeff Hey guys if anyone knows what the fuck im talking about can u help me if Bible were to replaces references to God, Jesus, or ANY person as the same entity, would it make sense? Is that something we cant see like a 5th dimension or a "biblically accurate angel"? Religion is just human reproduction propaganda. Im basically just writing my own bible. Is this really what having a crush on someone feels like? 2:13AM

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

(Note: All of these asks are before episode 206 (Season 2 finale) so some may be dated.) 1. lmao the episodes right before the mid season finale look way better than the current ones despite time off. how is that even possible.

2. nah but its funny rachel was like wait i cant have him send demeter's a baby shower gift and cut minthe off financially thatll make him look bad! but instead adding him being AWARE shes 19 and still chasing after her "tiny pink body" and "ass shaped like an upside down heart" and having him brag about owning countless slaves makes him look better? the logic is flawless here /sarcasm

3. I mean even beyond the fact the citizens dont like him nor do the old underworld gods, how does rachel expect us to buy hades causing economical collapse in ALL the realms and causing shit with the other kings over ONE PERSON HE KNEW A MONTH doesn't make him look like an thin-skinned, oppressive dictator? why should anyone support this? he's raging out like trump when he lost the 2020 election. just because rachel keeps insisting hes in the right doesnt actually mean he is.

4. Fp- is the joke with the fur supposed to be funny? Cause it wasn't. It just shows 1 AGAIN(after buying stuff while complaining about capitalism) that Perse is a hypocrite, she knows it & doesn't care 2 Hades doesn't really care about animals beside his dogs, it's just adding to him being horrible person. If the fur was artificial she wouldn't feel bad about wearing it & it would be mentioned. Also feelings since 4th day? Creepy. Definitely that girl understands you the most after 4 days...

5. how could olympus and the underworld turn into a shitshow after persephone left? literally tho, she should have been a nobody. all the citizens should only know is that 1) hades ripped a guys eye out for her and 2) she killed humans and didn't report it to zeus. if anything, the citizens should've believed persephone deserved to be punished, and that hades is an immature manchild for what he pulled in the court,,,

6. Why doesn’t Cerberus have three heads. I’m sure this has been asked before but how you gonna write Cerberus without three heads—the one defining trait this dog has. Where are the other heads. Where are they

7. this is such a minor thing but WHY ARE NONE OF THE EYES IN LO LINED UP PROPERLY. I have a lazy eye and if I don't focus on it long enough it can go out of focus/look elsewhere, but I don't think that's what happening?? Why are their eyes always looking in different directions 😭

8. what I don't think Rachel gets this, but having Persephone and Hades cling to someone they barely know from a decade+ ago shows a huge lack of mental and emotional maturity on their ends. I realize it's a bit more complicated because we do know they end up together, but that's why placing it before they even start dating is just a bad idea. This isnt a case of lovers/spouses longing to see each other again, it's two grown adults with the emotional maturity of 15 year olds.

9. Rachel don't draw women with heart shaped faces, hourglass bodies, and huge eyes challenge (impossible for her specifically difficulty)

10. why would hebe even want to be like her mom anyway? hera was emotionally and mentally neglectful of her, abandoned her so zeus presumably raised her himself, and hera is a hypocritical, racist jerk who cheats on her husband, is misogynistic to other women, openly married zeus for power, told others about persephone's assault without her consent, mistreats her own "friend", and abuses her power of everyone else. rachel really wants us to buy she's a ~complicated woman~ over just being an asshole.

[destinyc1020]

Girl z was not thinking about tom during quarantine. You keep making stuff up to fit your shipping narrative even when u know it doesnt make sense. She was going through a break up with a guy that she was clearly very into and she was going through it while in isolation. That would take an emotional toll on anyone. Tom was the last person on her mind.

And how do you know?  Are you in her head? 

Look, I’m not saying she wasn’t into JE.  She was!  But I’m simply speculating based on what she herself said (she hadn’t been feeling herself for a while), and how she had talked to Sam about everything going on in the past year.  I’m also just using simple LOGIC.  

Plus, keep in mind that they filmed M&M from June 17th - July 2nd.  They also had to quarantine 2 weeks PRIOR to that.  What makes you think that Z & JE were already broken up by then? 🥴 Just wondering.   Even Jacdaya fans feel like Z & JE broke up sometime around mid-June to early July.  That time would have coincided around the SAME time she was already filming M&M.  👀 

Even all of the relationship quotes from Claire and Law’s supportive posts, and the family hike didn’t come until AFTER she filmed M&M.  And JE was still liking her posts as late as July 4th. He liked 2 of her posts on that date actually. Seems kind of weird if you two have already broken up in June doesn’t it? IJS...  🤷  By July 8th and onward however, it seems pretty obvious that they had already broken up by then, cuz he didn’t even like her very FIRST M&M post. And by late July, it was VERY obvious by then that they were definitely DONE.   IMO, just based on what she herself said, and based on how she was behaving at the outset of the pandemic (social-media-wise at least), I actually think she was talking about things just in generalities of what she was going through over the year in general..... (ie. pandemic, her identity crisis, dealing with the breakup and loss of a good friend from the previous year, as well as whatever drama went down in Feb 2020, the BLM protests and George Floyd Marches, Trump and his craziness,  and all of the crazy drama that was going on during that time, etc) It seemed like she was describing something she was going through in the PAST few months, NOT something she was just starting to deal with (like a breakup with JE) in that month during filming.  Does that make sense?  In fact, for all we know, her “not feeling like herself” (and it seems like it was for a while) could have actually been the catalyst for why she and JE ended up breaking up!   Unless, you think she was not having that great a time dating JE long-distance over those past months? 😏   Because her words to Sam sounded like something she had been dealing with for a while, not just something she had just started dealing with (like a breakup with JE) right then and there while filming M&M.  

Plus, we know Z didn’t break up with JE in May, cuz she was still wearing that yin/yang necklace of his lol.   It was def sometime btwn mid-June and mid-July. YOu can just look at things that were going on then and tell.  If Z had broken up with JE in early/mid-June, why was her mom only JUST now starting to make all these posts about relationships in mid-July? 🥴  

Z’s mom Claire posted this around July 14th: 

Why was Law’s supportive post coming out on July 12th and not early June??

Law posted THIS post on July 12th: 

Why was JE STILL liking Z’s posts even in early July?  🤔

Anyway, something obviously happened around that time, cuz friends and family were coming out of the woods.  Then Z starts posting birthday posts for her friends again (one for Kadeem, and one for Law) for the FIRST time of the YEAR in late July.  😏  She also went on that family hike around July 12th.  

All I’m saying girl, is say what you want...believe what you want...I really don’t care.  But for me personally, I just think Z was going through a multitude of things for a multitude of reasons, and unless you are physically in her head or share the same brain, you really don’t know WHAT she was thinking/feeling with regards to Tom.  🤷   Who...btw, she seems to be getting along pretty well with again at the moment.  IJS... 

[gunnerpalace]

I belonged to another heated (but no longer debatable imho) ship were I've known a lot to be IH. And ofc I feel bad they have to bear witness to people so salty about the ending and hated Ino. I hate Ino too with burning passion, and that kinda made me feel guilty. But the psychology major in me was baffled as to how they conclude immediately w/ no analysis she was hated not only because of ships but because either she was written terribly, or she was written to be terrible. Or probably both.

Why cant Ichigo and Rukia be married to someone we could *infer* (because duh it’s not canon they will argue) they are in love with? Someone they have shown to share bond with? “Oh well, its becoming commonplace that the hero doesnt end up w/ main heroine, it’s revolutionary!” Bullshit. Sadly that is logic fallacy you dumbasses. Where’s the progress? Kubo tried, barely even. And again, it’s not even about the ships, its the entire work that has become an anomaly–Bleach as became Bleauuughch.

Again, I feel bad they have to bear the weight of evert criticism, the insult, and the salt of basically a majority of bleach fandom. But I hope they can tell that majority (like 99.99999999998%) of the criticisms are valid and not just hate. If they couldnt bear to actual do analysis of why people hated it, then dont bother plead or guilt trip or go to ppl inboxes why should we just move on. Well, majority already did that’s why all was left were ppl who couldnt be bothered with actual quality.

Here’s the ugly truth about people: they can’t read.

Or they don’t want to.

We have this holdover idea from the Enlightenment that if you can gather enough evidence in fine and exacting enough detail, that you can not only discern some kind of truth, but convince other people of it through the preponderance of evidence. And we have structured our society around that idea, from politics to law to science to academia in general.

The trouble is that that idea is bullshit outside of academia.

That is not at all how regular people approach the world.

And the more we rely upon an idea that people are rational, the more we will be lost at and disappointed by the actuality that people are irrational and emotional.

Consider climate change. The scientific community has had roughly 97% consensus that climate change is being anthropomorphically driven (that is to say, somewhere between overwhelmingly and entirely caused by human activity) since at least the very early 2000s, if not back much earlier. Indeed, we know that the oil companies were aware of it at least as early as 1981! And here we are in 2020, with some 31% of the population either unsure of or disbelieving in it.

Whenever the matter is debated politically, scientists will trot out their facts and drop them on the table and point. The facts are self-evident, they feel. And then the conservative politicians will shrug and say, “I don’t believe you.”

And the scientists have no idea what to do about that. Because to their minds, facts are indisputable. You cannot argue with them.

But you can, as the conservatives illustrate. You just choose not to believe in them.

We are witnessing something very similar with COVID-19 at the moment, with large swathes of the (American) population simply not believing it to be a threat, in spite of all available evidence to the contrary.

We see the same thing with political leadership debating the question of whether to prioritize health or economics, and our media treating this as if it is a legitimate policy debate, when we already know the answer to that question from the Spanish Flu of 1918: towns and cities that were locked down and quarantined suffered fewer casualties and had much faster economic rebounds.

People generally do not read.

People generally do not process.

People generally do not analyze.

People generally do not learn.

And if they can’t do those things for very large-scale existential threats that can threaten anything from tens to hundreds of millions of people worldwide, to the entire ecosphere of the planet, why would one expect them do so for a piece of fiction?

If people cannot handle cold, hard statistical facts, or simple arithmetic, then they certainly cannot handle something as “subjective” as facial expressions or dialogue. I have written recently about how the attitude toward non-fandom things (e.g., politics) increasingly resembles that of fandom, of approaching everything as though it is merely an aesthetic exercise.

That is really what we are dealing with here: ignorance. And not merely ordinary ignorance, not even willful ignorance, but an ignorance so deliberate and cultivated that its goal is nothing less than the total erasure of the facts. (The problem here, in this particular example, are of course the people who say unequivocally, “Ichigo always loved Orihime,” in spite of all evidence to the contrary. Someone who says, “It is clear to me this wasn’t a thing, but I like IH aesthetically,” is a non-issue.)

(Demanding or trying to force this former perspective does, as you suggest in the third ask, indicate a certain insecurity and a tacit admission that the perspective being advanced is illegitimate or poorly substantiated. However, for the people so enthralled to openly admit that is a psychological admission of defeat so severe that most would literally rather die than own up to being wrong to such an extent, and to suffer the attendant internal loss of face. So they seek continual external validation of it to shore it up.)

There is, in essence, no point in communicating with this kind of fan whatsoever. They are functionally like how Kyle Resse describes the Terminator in The Terminator:

Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear! And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead!

There is a lot of tepid discussion out there in political circles that the degree of polarization in society today is unprecedented and that a way to bridge that gap could be through shared interests and values. But in my opinion, fandom proves exactly the opposite is true: the reasons people like things that are nominally “shared interests,” and their view of those things and why they are good, are completely and utterly irreconcilable. There is, essentially, virtually zero overlap in a Venn diagram of the perspectives. Shared interests divide as much as they will ever unite.

In that regard, Bleach should be treated as both a warning and a grim assessment of our world as a whole. It is not really an aberration.

It is the future.

This community (among others) has simply been living in it a few years in advance of other people. Everyone else has gotten their first big taste of it with Trump. (The Republicans have been constructing an alternate reality since 1964, but comparatively few people were aware of how deep the rabbit hole went.)

In my estimation, it is not worth engaging with people over a shared interest with sincerity, let alone in good faith, unless you have done some degree of vetting of their perspective. Most likely observing them or their works for a time. Without that, you simply open yourself up to these people who show a total lack of discernment or rationality.

And that is a large part of why social media is such an absolute garbage fire, because as platforms they are built around precisely the opposite notion. (And largely in defiance of the idea that people might want to curate their experiences or might not want to have “healthy debate,” which is almost never healthy and seldom ever debate). Some would argue this leads to echo chambers and hug boxes, but it’s not like the alternative that these companies have produced (for profit, of course, rather than for of any ideological mission) is any better.

To boil it all down, what we are really forced to rely on (quite sadly) is a free market approach: no matter how much that side rages and waves their “canon” status around, they simply do not produce much content. They will starve long before our side does, regardless of any other factors. (Their “canon” status did not help them any in the past four years.) And the people who are agnostic (e.g., the “I’m Still Bleach” crowd that is for some reason vaguely invested in the series as a whole) will lose interest and move on to the next shiny thing.

The only thing that is necessary in the face of all this is really patience. In the meantime, the best thing is simply to ignore the existence of such parties utterly.

[funslayer]

( unprompted meta! in what ways, if any, do you think growing up / spending time mostly around girls has influenced who boey is? )

ooc; 

so after all the mbti types greeking out yesterday, i think this is about time i answer this.

firstly, thanks for the interesting question, rai! i haven’t really thought about this in depth before.

- 

secondly, now without further ado…. this got long, so i’ll put it under a readmore.

i’ll be bringing up mae frequently since that’s a major character that helped instrument a lot of boey’s inner character workings in game, plus she is his only support conversation. but it did reveal a lot in there. 

but back to the beginning: 

he comes from a family of five; a fisherman pops, a mystery mum, apparently two older brothers, and himself

at the novis priory, he knows/once knew: celica, mae, genny, silque ( until she left shortly before act 1 ), and nomah

nomah is the only known man at the priory school, who’s also the elderly sage and teacher. boey already has his own dad, so he didn’t see to him like a father figure, but rather as someone who guided him through his studies and shared wisdom. the priory most likely has a 75/25 female:male ratio with their clerics and mages.  as most valentian men seem to largely prefer physical jobs like the paths of being knights, merchants, traders, fisherman, sailors, mercenaries, ect. 

i would imagine boey’s older brothers followed in his father’s footsteps undertaking similar physical work, so boey was the only male of his poor family to be in a female-dominated area like the priory.  i also have a headcanon he’s the only one in his family who’s proficient in reading and writing, that the rest can’t write and can only read if it’s market-related ( prices, very basic words of food listings ). 

i don’t think he was intentionally resisting to the societal structure norms by taking the path of non-physical job instead, but that he was just tasked to protect celica along with mae and genny when she came to novis. it was only then he decided to join them at the priory to stay close by her side to better protect her as it was his shared duty. 

pursuing on being fisherman or a travelling mercenary for a kid at the time isn’t exactly the best way on sticking to his duty to protect someone of high status. attending school with celica where they study magic, read books, write texts, be more connected to the earth mother ( like fodlan’s faith ) was far more beneficial and efficient. 

and because of that, he tries to compensate for his poor background by donning on a more eloquent persona one would see in nobles. he isn’t actively trying to pretend like he is one, but he considers respect, presentation, and proper etiquette to be very important to be taken seriously as celica’s guard and vassal.

with all that said, i definitely do think being around mostly girls his age did have some impact on his mind and personality construct.

back to the main question: 

a person’s childhood and influences can play a key role in how they turn out, and this definitely is no different for boey. growing up over the years, as more girls come and go at novis, he spent most of his day to day life either studying and training from crack of dawn to twilight at school, travelling to the harbor alone or escorting one of the girls there to run errands, or spending whatever free time he had with them. 

protectiveness

this is very real in his psyche. 

with his brothers and father, they all looked out for each other but also could hold their own. it was a non-verbal understanding between them and even though boey was the youngest and the least conformed to the masculinity structure, he didn’t get teased for not being able to carry his own weight… much. 

with his childhood friends, however, he finds himself always acting as their bodyguard or escort to keep them out of harm’s way. if either mae or genny got hurt or killed, that wouldn’t bode well for keeping celica protected. he likely did have an overbearing phase as a kid where even a cut or a scrape would make boey stress out over them until he calmed down after some time. 

some of that returned ( but in a different form ) after mila’s blessings was disappearing, and there was a steady rise in thievery, banditry, terrors, and just all around chaos. having learnt better from prior experience, he was more adamant than ever on keeping his friends and celica safe from harm. he had feared for the day one of them would steal one of the girls away at the harbor and sail away with them ( or a case like silque’s in act 1 where she got kidnapped into a shrine cave ).

we… don’t have much at all about silque’s side of the story with the novis gang, so there’s not a lot to go off on. but until we get a silque, this part is up in the air for some possible changes later. with silque leaving, i’d think boey and the others accompanied her to the harbor and made sure she got on a safe ship, since banditry and piracy was on such a high rise during that time. he would have escorted her to mainland zofia personally, but since he had a more important duty to do, he had to stay behind at the priory despite his own wishes. wishing silque and any other leaving novis a safe journey was all he could do.

when celica and mae were about to board the ship to leave novis to go on their pilgrimage journey, boey was very adamant on not letting them go off alone, not without his protection. it’s what makes him feel valuable as an ally, as he cares very much for their safety but also lending a helping hand to get to their destination, so that he isn’t be a hindrance and trying to shelter them like much of the older folks.

more in-tune with emotions

it still doesn’t trump his natural rationality-driven mind, but it’s been nurtured and grown over the years to a somewhat better understanding of them and his own feelings.

being around girls a lot come with other packages that open up a side or two. he has likely listened to a lot of girl gossip about how they feel about their families, friends, loved ones, or mundane things that happen in daily life. there’s no end to these things, and he’s simply accepted it of hearing or being told things. he’s also the type to be an active listener and give feedback, so this particular trait is probably another reason he appears more approachable.

since he can come to find girls to be so… different than how he usually worked, he wanted to better understand where they’re coming from… kind of, and hope to better relate. from that, he became more knowledgeable about what he may feel at a lot of times ( friendship love, familial love, romantic love are big things, but also annoyance, happiness, relief, anxious, proud - a large array of emotions that bubble underneath his grounded outward persona ). 

i found it fascinating that they subvert a couple of the tropes in boey/mae’s supports. i’ll do a quick rundown:

not oblivious to what he’s feeling -we can see in their A support that boey is subtlety confessing to mae. he didn’t wish to be blunt about it since that’s opening up his heart to let the love bleed out too much. in popular tropes, we see this as the other way around where the girl is obviously in love and confessing, but the guy’s too oblivious to Get It.

doesn’t tell her to back down or stay off the battlefield -in their B support, boey ( coming from their C support ) confronts mae if she was sure she could handle fighting as he misunderstands it as her not liking it nor enjoying being out in the battlefield. he could have just simply told her to get behind him as he’d protect her or tell her to give up fighting if she doesnt like it… except he didn’t. he simply asked these things to better understand where she’s coming from as he misunderstood her prior, and thought there was something wrong when he thought about her feelings on the matter but there wasn’t anything much wrong. just from these, he’s rather considerate and keeps others’ well-beings in mind.

he still isn’t perfect at reading emotions in others ( and likely never will, but may improve bit by bit ). he still resorts to thinking with the approach of logic or rationality to matters and calmly confronts those he doesn’t fully understand ( especially if they’re coming from with the carefree/spur-of-the-moment feelings approach which he doesn’t think of to view from, and even if he did consider that side, he doesn’t a hundred percent get the exact inner workings of… why they say or do as is ). 

so being around the novis gang all throughout childhood and schooling years did open some more doors. not all of them and not all rooms are enlightened with full understanding, but it’s more than what other boys his age would probably be set with on this particular fundamental of being human. 

[eslinogambino-blog]

Im a transguy and trying to get to know this girl on a dating site but i am lying to her and i dont know how to turn it around. she wants to meet and i dont know what to say to her but shell find out if we take it to the next level i cant so what do i say to reverse it. btw im glad you are back. your advice has always helped me

Dating when transgender is a whole new experience to dating as someone born the gender they present as, which I’m sure you’re seeing. But it also isn’t in my opinion. Maybe I’m transgender. Maybe I’m cisgender. Maybe I’m a chicken nugget. Maybe it’s maybelline. Maybe I’m gay. Maybe I’m straight. Who knows. Either way, I see approaching relationships the same.

When I’m getting to know a girl, I talk to her for a long time before I meet her. I would say out of 50 messages I might have with women, I only meet 5 maximum. The other 45 I decided wouldn’t fit me or I didn’t vibe with the right way. I saved myself a lot of heartbreak and rejection that way.

For someone who is transgender it’s no different really. You should always take the time to get to know someone, understand their view points and personality. After all depending on the point you are in within your transition can make it pretty impossible to meet up for just a hook up. This is where things are different and this prolonged process of getting to know someone is almost essential to move forward. Going on a date without her knowing, is sort of allowing her to assume something about you that if she knew more, maybe she’d be uncomfortable or confused, sometimes even feel betrayed. Some people just outright aren’t okay with it and could even react violently. It’s not okay but it does happen.

I would say during this beginning period of just talking, to be a friend. Don’t have your hopes up, but be confident in who you are and what you can offer. Avoid romantic or sexual conversations. This isn’t the wrong thing to do no matter your identity, it’s always good to respect someone as a person before assuming you fit in other ways. Find out her political beliefs. Find out her position on bullying or the underdog. gay people. etc… a lot of these things will help you know if she’s harshly against it or even mildly understanding of it. When you have an indication, if it’s positive, move forward. If negative, its over. You no longer need to talk to her, and you never got your emotions involved so no harm, no foul, move along to the next. Keep her friendship if you’d like but she isn’t interested. You also didn’t have to tell her something personal about yourself that you’d probably regret revealing.

Upon moving forward, drop small hints. Never make jokes about your balls if you don’t have them, never try to overcompensate with hypermasculinity and being a man if its something that you struggle with. Try being transparent without actually saying you’re transgender directly. It should be somewhat obvious there is something different about you in regards to masculinity or typical gender norms before you meet without you directly making a deal of it. If she gets the hint and doesn’t like it, she’ll do you the favor and go away. Don’t chase her, she is not interested.

Eventually when you feel safe reaching and speaking with her on deeper topics, especially social ones that make you different, then I would initiate meeting. You don’t have to tell her yet, it’s already obvious she’s cool with it as a person, finding out if shes cool with it romantically is only after things actually become romantic. If you meet up and she’s flirting, seems romantically drawn to you, and assumes its a date, then I would be comfortable enough to entertain the IDEA of liking her back but not really give that all back. She’ll notice something is off, your engagement in return to her seems off. She might ask and that’s your opportunity to tell her, or you can tell her later if things went well that you’re not like other guys, there are some things that are different and you think she’s cool but you don’t know how she’d feel about it.

She might just tell you she already kinda knew. She might ask you what that entails. So answer her questions. If she’s as understanding as you’ve made sure she is, then she will be cautious in her questions. If the questions are fitting to romantic or sexual desires, then she is probably interested in less of what it means to you and more in how it affects her. So tell her honestly, what you intend to do in your transition, what you’ve already done, what you are comfortable with and what you expect from a woman. Be sensible and logical, not everything needs to be so personal and detailed.

I think with dating women it’s easier in some ways. Certain women at least. They’re more receptive to taking an emotional stance on things. So you have some leverage there. A woman will be more calm and understanding of your reveal. Let’s say she denies you, you missed the mark, you thought she liked you and would be understanding and she’s not. That’s okay, you have others to talk to thankfully, you never got fully invested, and you only told someone who understood and wont judge you for it or go around telling people your business. You made a real genuine friend.

if she is cool with it, I would just continue the friendship and see if things get romantic. Don’t bring up the trans thing, you’re just a guy. No need to make jokes about it, no need to make her think about it. You’re just a guy, she already got her questions answered in regards to that. Things will naturally just go on like any relationship.

I’d give 2 months minimum for this all to develop and she’ll appreciate you more for actually getting to know her.

For trans women, I would say withhold sex. Normalize being transgender. Some men will only be willing to engage with you sexually if they are fetishizing you, because their perceived masculinity requirements wont allow them to see you romantically. It’s a lot harder in my opinion. I would say withhold sex, be a person, be a friend. Find out his views, find out his comforts, slowly ease in the idea that youre different from other women and if he rejects you, is mean to you, slanders you.  You just say : i apologize that you feel mislead at all by how I am, I never intended for that, I really think youre a cool person and I didnt know if you’d be open to it. It was worth a try, I dont really see you romantically just yet anyway, but I thought it’d be cool to chill. But thanks anyway for taking the time to get to know me as a person.” and you can block them or withstand another threat or insult, or maybe hear him out. Maybe a friendship will arise and maybe it will become more if he sees there is no pressure.

I try to encourage everyone who is trans to not be so open about it immediately. Don’t deceive, just only reveal it when you are comfortable with someone. Profile should say male or female if thats what you identify as. The trans thing is more what youve done or are doing, youre transitioning but its not WHAT or WHO you are. It’s not really an identity at all, it’s kind of the background noise or schematics of it all. If you treat it that way, others will, too….most of the time.

As for reversing a lie, I would say that you got yourself in a tough spot. I would become a bit distant and less romantic with this person to make it clear you are guilty or feel like you’ve overstepped. Usually when you step back, someone steps forward…at least if they care. So you step back, she steps forward, you explain you havent been honest and youre not really like other dudes and you feel like you’ve mislead her and you’ll understand if she doesnt want to go forward with things. She’ll encourage you but dont play games, make sure you feel comfortable. There is a risk here. When you feel you’ve beat around it enough and she’s let down her guard enough, reveal. I would also start to check her political views and ideas about social events going on before revealing no matter what. It’s extremely important to do that. She might reveal she is a die hard trump fan, anti lgbt hardcore and you know to just stop talking to her. Why would you want to be with someone like that anyway? Cis or Trans?

Basically, treat it like any other relationship but prolong the intimate stuff until you know them better. Everyone will be saved from  a lot of heartbreak, rejection and embarrassment. You never have to get too attached to the potential of someone else if your options are always open to being friends or maybe something else, who knows, If you have an agenda, I dont think you should be dating people anyway. If youre not willing to be genuinely interested in them as a person, you’re just going to hurt them eventually anyway, whether they see passed it or not.

[the-little-red-noodle]

10/11/18 7:47

okay, lets talk. 

Ive had an emotional 24 hours. I’ve been anxious, i’ve been insecure, i’ve been angry and sad and hurt and manic and crazy and i need to get it out so i can fucking cleanse and move into my weekend.

It started with spencer, what like, 2 nights ago now? i dont remember when it was, but i was getting insecure and noticing how i was affecting him. it was yesterday, cuz it was wednesday. i was insecure and didnt want him to leave my room and i think i really stressed him out because i just wanted him to stay and say the things i wanted to hear, but that isnt reality. he cant read my mind, he cant know what i need to hear, thats why i need to communicate and not just suck into myself and away from him, but i didnt want to do that because i didnt want to be crazy, but then i got crazy and i made him kinda late because he dropped by at 3:30 and only expected to stay till 4 but he left at 6:27 as i needed to go to my 6:30 lab.. so i feel bad but i just agh i couldnt let him leave when i didnt feel good..

i didnt feel good because we talked about politics. he got me going on the wage gap, so i got heated talking about the misconceptions and he was (respectfully) arguing with me because he is suuupperrrr super liberal, very very left, very socialist, and he’s a politics major, so he’s well versed and i get that going in, but i also wanted to share my side because im fairly moderate; i dont believe in a lot of feminist rhetoric, or the wage gap stuff. i read the study, and it bothers me that people misuse the statistics to say that women get paid less for the same job, because that is NOT what the study found. The point was that women take different kinds of jobs than men and tend to work less hours and have less education and qualifications. THAT is the ‘feminist’ issue, not paying women less for the same job because thats illegal and cant happen. 

Heres the thing. I know there are sexist issues in our society. i know that it is harder for women than it is for men. but frankly, i feel better ignoring it as much as i can. i feel like if we keep telling women than they shouldnt be scientists because its a man job, or that society tells women that they need a leg up, because then we start believing it and internalizing and thinking we are less than men. i feel like if we just stopped talking about it, i wouldnt know that there was a gender discrepancy and id feel totally normal getting into stem. i dont want to feel like im some anomaly. and frankly yes, i notice sometimes. i notice the gender divide in stem. of fucking course i see it. i know that there are men in my neuroscience lab who think i dont know shit. im not blind, i know the STEM field is misogynistic. i know it is. but i dont like to subscribe to the feminist thing that im so held down and its because im a woman. but thats just me

anyway, my babe is very liberal and he was listening of course but also making sure i knew that the problems im ignoring are still there, which i appreciate but i also get kinda irritated with hyper liberal men because it sounds kinda guilty? like listening to a straight white man say that straight white men are the problem, annoys me. like yes thats true, but also ugh its annoying. i hate the men shame that feminism encourages.

so we kinda went back and forth for a while, which like, good that we can have real conversations, and politics is something that will inevitably come up, but as the conversation went on, i started getting insecure and anxious because confrontation scares me. not that he was really even confronting me? like spencer is such a sweet man, he’s gentle and kind and supportive and so sweet to me, and i know politics is literally his thing, and im glad that he’s super liberal as opposed to the other end. cuz like ya i am a queer woman and im glad that he seems like a strong advocate for minority groups like that, so like im glad, but i also started to feel like he was frustrated with me for like being ill informed.

 heres the thang tho, im not really ill informed. ive done my research, i watch the news, and im a big fan of shoe0nhead which admittedly is very moderate bias media, but its content i agree with. and i was telling him that im fairly moderate, and he was like ya i can tell, and i was like and politics isnt really my thing, and he was like ya i can tell. but i didnt mean that like i didnt understand politics, i meant it as like i try not to really get into the conversation (partially because of sarah lawrence)

no wait i did tell him that. i told him how involved i was in social justice stuff in new york, that i literally led the anti Trump protest in NYC after he was elected. and when i told him that, he got all dreamy eyed like it was so attractive that his girlfriend was an activist, which is cute n whatever, cuz everything he does is cute..

the point is, that after this conversation i was insecure because i felt like he would be mad at me (he wasn’t) or that he would hate me (he doesn’t). and i know that logically of course, but still... ugh idk, the conversation just got me riled up and then he had to leave town for the whole weekend and i was feeling like we wouldnt have enough time to resolve it

but he kept saying everything was fine, that he wasn’t mad, that he might disagree, but still loves me duh. and i know he meant it, but u know when you get in your head and youre like shit i said too much, and now he will never look at me the same because we slightly disagree about politics, like my moms dating a republican and they reallllyyy disagree on politics, like i will be fine! whats yer issue self?

but ya so i just felt insecure, and i know he was trying to comfort me even tho i didnt let on thaaat much that i was hurting. i feel like when people i love get confrontational with me (which again, he wasn’t) i get upset and my heart feels heavy and it hurts and i want them to leave and i would have just ended our hangout because we both had places to be and whatever we’ll deal with it later, but i knew he was leaving tonight and was gunna be busy and we couldnt deal with it so i was scared and when my attachment feels insecure, i get SO insecure. hahahaaaa i was thinking this relationship would be any different? gurl.

but heres the thing, he is.. he’s fine. he doesnt think anything is wrong and he’s still my sweet pea boyfriend. and i know that now, because i did get to say goodbye in a good re-establishing way tonight.

i knew he was leaving after his class at 6:30 tonight and i was nervous because i knew he was gunna be busy with packing up and everything.

i ran into him walking to class and we were fine and kissy and cute and i love him but as we were parting i was like can i say goodbye before you leave, but i dont think he heard me cuz he didnt really respond because we were diverging and he was giving me his sweet boy eyes with an outstretched arm as we parted and i was like shit im still insecurrrreeee

so i texted him during the first class like “hey i meant cant i say goodbye before you hit the road but sounds like yer gunna be busy so have a great weekend baby i love you!” and i meant it, i wanted to end on a good note but then he didnt respond all day, and my anxiety was mounting and i spent the rest of today in my room doing nothing but stressing about him. stressing about a boy, nothing new for me.

but eventually i got really tired and took a real nap, i had accepted that i wouldnt see him again.. sad.. i woke up at like 7:15 and i was like hmm let me see if his car is still here, ya know, cuz im crazy. i went downstairs to fill up my water bottle and his car was still in the parking lot. so ya know, i text him, cuz im crazy. and i was like drive safe babe <3 and then as i got back to my room there he was outside my door with bags in his arm to pack up his car and i was so effing relieved to see him. we hugged and kissed and he seemed genuinely happy to see me and i was so happy to get to have a moment with him before he left.

i walked him down to his car, and filled up his water bottle for him and once everything was in his car, he just kissed me.. and i know im a hopeless romantic, but i was so happy to just kiss him and feel his lips smiling and feel his arms around me and hear him giggle and be adorable.. 

my heart still hurts, but it’s different now. my heart hurts because I miss him. i already miss him even though he only just left. he’ll be gone until monday night and i might not even see him then because he’ll be exhausted, which is fair. but now im sad because ill just miss him. i know he’ll be camping and among friends and nerding out on his larping camp vacation is fresno. of course ill miss him.. because i love him..

as we were kissing by his car i was like be safe (cuz his larping thing is basically nerd war with foam weapons) and he was like “yeah i will, cant wait to see you when i get back”, and i was like yeah babe ill be here to patch you back together when you get back, and he kinda laughed at me and was like “i dont think that’ll be your intention when i get back” implying that ill probably just want to rough him up immediately when i see him like i usually do. which made me really really happy to hear cuz it was like acknowleding that everythings still good and we’re still crazy about each other and we’ll just want to fuck as soon as he’s home which is sweet to me, like to me thats such a sweet sentiment. and i just got so happy that he in his own way reminded me that like we’re still on a good track, and we’re still happy, and he still loves me, ya know?

and also as we were hugging and kissing i started scratching his back how he likes and he sorta moaned and was like “ugh im really gunna miss this.. like im gunna miss you of course, but im gunna miss your back scratches” and that made me happy.. 

he just makes me happy.. i really love him and i’m really grateful that i got to have this brief reconnection with him before he left town till monday.. 4 days without him is gunna suck, but i know he’s gunna be busy and probably not have service and be off the grid so we won’t talk unless he reaches out. but i will manage. he managed for 4 days while i was camping, so i can manage while he is nerd camping

omigod that reminds me how much i love him, again. he’s nerd camping. ugh i adore him

he was like babe you gotta come next time so we can get drunk and fight together and he was all smiley like he really wants to show me off at his nerd event which is so sweet.. and as he walked me back to the dorm entrance cuz i forgot my key, he called me his girlfriend, and even though its small, its something.. i’ll take it. 

i needed that brief little reconnection. the next 4 days i will have to detox. i have events planned like every day, so i’ll be fine. im gunna see my friends tomorrow and saturday night and i have chapter on sunday and should probably spend some time alone writing and detoxing and getting back to myself and feeling independent. 

i want time to shower and braid my hair and brush my teeth and feed my body good food and watch youtube and write. i need to stay writing. i need to keep journaling because i know how much it helps me. i need to get my emotions out and analyze why the things that upset me get to me. whats the root of the problem and how to get through it. i need that.

i was and still am so frustrated with myself that i got so insecure over one political conversation with spencer. like... thats a problem, ya know? 

and at least now that he’s out of town for the whole weekend, i dont really have an excuse for being anxious about seeing him? cuz he just drops by and i never know when cuz he doesnt text me first. like literally tonight as we were kissing outside my room he was like i came by earlier but you werent home, and i was like oh shit i was taking a nap and i slept through him coming to visit me :(( which is like oh my god that would have been so sad if i didnt get to see him on his way out because i was literally asleep! 

his dropping by, while its the cutest ever because it just like him wanting to see me, its also kind of stressful because i never know when its gunna happen, so whenever im home, im kind of anxious because he could drop in at any second, and of course i get happy when he does because then i get to see my baby, but alsoooooo it means i cant really indulge in my personal space because it could be interupted at any moment, and as i found out tonight, i cant take naps because then i could miss him :(

thats probably something we should discuss at some point, because it creates anxiety for me that is related to spencer, and i want to eliminate any bad vibes from my relationship

relationship.. he’s my boyfriend.. ohmigod wuuuuuuut im still shocked that he wanted to boo me up this much.. he’s so sweet and cute and nerdy ugh

i love him.. i need to get over this dumb insecurity that comes from mild confrontation? that wasnt even confrontation??

so lets remember the things to look forward to about this relationship

he loves me. he claims me proudly as his girlfriend. he wants to bring me to belegarth events, even this day one in san diego where he’d bring me home and introduce me to his home friends which is pretty huge.. he’s sweet, he likes spending time with me and he drops by frequently and stays for hours.. we’re good, and i know i sound crazy needing to convince myself, but thats because i dont want to bug him to validate me, especially not when he has this big event that he’s so excited for. and i want him to be excited for his event and feel secure with me, because of course i love him and want to be with him.

10:53pm i keep taking breaks from the journaling, i get distracted really easy, watching youtube and texting people.. trying to be social, its hard for me. also trying to bury my spencer texts, just cuz i know im crazy and i want to try to not think about him..

do i go walk down to the cooler to get food? or should i just subside on whatevers in my fridge.. also i really should fill up my tank.. and calculate the gas so my friends can reimburse me.. sigh

anyway, i think im feeling mostly better after yesterday. like obviously im still gunna think about it, and ill always worry if spencers as invested as me, but i gotta take it with the context that he was the one who pursued me and crushed on me from day one and wanted to date me and wanted to be exclusive with me and wanted to call me his girlfriend.. he says he loves me and he comes to visit me all the time and spends his free time with me.. he’s a sweet pea and i shouldnt be insecure about it

and not to be cryptic, but what am i even worried about? part of me was reluctant to even get into a relationship, and was supposed to be single and focusing on myself and if anything, dating women. i accidentally caught feels for an amazingly sweet nerd man, and believe me im happy about it. i love spending time with spencer and loving on him. but to be cryptic for just a second.. worst case scenario? he’s just not interested anymore and we break up. sooo? ya that would suck, and i would be heartbroken, but i would also be okay because i have good friends and the whole point of breaking up with ryan was to be single.. so..

anyway, i should probably wrap up this journal entry cuz its long and all over the place

omigod he just texted me

aww he’s letting me know that he got to his thing safely and he loves me

seeee he’s a sweet bean, yall are fine, can you chill now? he’s so into you and you dont need to be insecure about this right now

and wow i sound crazy writing this much, i’ve literally been writing for hours. i know i need to journal more, and this is literally just stream of consciousness for hours and hours.. alright, ima end here and do hw maybe..

stay grateful. stay happy. life is good, you are blessed. friends are good. boyfriend is good. school is good for now kinda haha but i need to stay positive! yes i have bad days, yes i have low points, yes i get insecure and sad and upset and lonely. but i am so very lucky to be alive and to be surrounded by support and love and to feel and give love freely. i am lucky to have found friends i can trust. i am lucky to still have my close friends from beyond this year of oxy. i am beyond lucky to have an incredible man in my life. and also its halloween season which means lots of fun family stuff and so many fun parties on and off campus and looking forward to showing off my jessica rabbit costume and seeing spencers cowboy beebop costume and just drooling over each other ^-^ 

it is going to be a great rest of this month, and after this is november, which means thanksgiving and family stuff, and better fall weather hopefully and that means getting spencer to wear more sweaters.. mmmph and then after that is december which means holiday season, and more family stuff, and of course, finding a time to see spencer and be cozy and watch christmas movies and again, get him into more sweaters.. mmmmmmmph yes babe

there is so much to look forward to!! events and planning christmas presents for people omigod im gunna start that note on my phone, theres so much to do!! cuz i also have so many new great friends for this holiday season which means more presents for people which im always excited about :) and getting to watch my puppy grow up and see my family and take in the quality time together <3 

i am loved. i am blessed. i am grateful. i want to spread love and positive vibes and happiness and love! so much love :)

okay. that’s all for tonight. shower, brush teeth, go to sleep. take care of yourself. LOVE

[usernamestrugglesaretooreal]

I most definitely AGREE with you in that asppect, the romantic interaction sphere is quite different than the general interaction sphere. In a romantic setting, both partners should not be forced to remain at odds with each other when it's clearly hurting both/one just in the principle of getting along in the grand scheme of things. As I said, that would be a waste of everyone's time at the very least, if not a painful and potentially harmful duration for one at the most. And of course, in the close friends sphere, this applies as well. It would be a waste of time to remain in a relationship where one party genuinely believes that you don't deserve even the most basic rights that should be extended to all human beings, and also potentially dangerous.

I think I just want to really draw attention to this voting for Trump as the strongest indicator of their "core values". Such a correlation is just that--a correlation, not a definite cause that indicates without a doubt their moral fiber in every interaction. A single party platform or political view (especially in the US' limited two-party system) doesnt cover all the issues of morality--for example how they interact with their family and loved ones, how giving and reciprocal they are in their various relationships, how they treat their pets--all of which also show their "core values." Just because they voted for Trump doesn't mean they think a healthy, acceptable view of their daughter involves sexual harassment. Trump supporters do not inherently embody a specific set of "core values just because they have made a decision to align themselves more with the right. Trump's political platform does not encompass all aspects of Republican political views which do not encompass all aspects of morality.

It's almost like people think they can perfectly guess the depth of your character and true thoughts/sentiments for other people just by hearing about your polling habits.

I think it's that reason that this immediate writing off is so disturbing to me. Not that it doesn't have some logical base, but it appears as a refusal to try and understand someone because you assume they will already misunderstand you, when in reality they may just have wanted to spend a little more time getting to know and support you as a person.

Throwing around words like "fundamental mismatch" is strong when applying it in a blind manner like that. I understand the sentiment that it is always better to be safe than sorry--being a part of any minority has unfortunately made people all too aware of the fact that it's not just little things that are at stake, but people's lives at stake. I do not say this lightly when I ask that both sides make efforts to genuinely communicate with one another.

It is not solely your job to make the other person understand you--especially when you are seeking a romantic partner--but in casual public settings with acquaintances or friends where things are usually not prone to become an issue of life or death, we may find our efforts better spent if we take the time to understand the thoughts/emotions behind their seemingly wildly nonsensical and perceivably inhumane beliefs, while we have an opportunity to openly share the concerns/emotions/logic behind our own. That way, even if WE don't personally benefit from that relationship, we can create a world where a future person in the same situation can benefit.

I think, at heart, all humans do have the same core values. We all want love and security in our lives and relationships with others. Everything we do stems from those values. Some seem to believe that only a few can have that and for that to happen, it must be denied to others, some believe that it should be available to everyone in equal and full measure, some aren't quite sure what to believe (because of rapists and murderers). It mostly depends on how you were taught and the fact is that those distinctions don't fall exactly across party lines as much as we would like them to. There are Republicans who work to ensure the security of every single human just as there are Democrats who think that they are among the select few who can have security. And just because this election cycle meant traditional Republicans voted for Trump and traditional Democrats voted for Hillary doesn't mean that their core values were ever inherently different as a hard and fast rule.

I just don't like people writing each other off on both sides forever. We don't grow from it, we don't heal from it--it just upsets me.

Everyone is obviously free to conduct their loves as they wish--no-one has to listen to what I'm saying, but I would just like to believe there is a more nuanced, empathetic way to approach this disaster that may help us rather than keep our country all up at arms within itself.

reblog if you’d end a date if they said they voted for trump

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The Problem Isnt Just Trump. Its Our Ignorant Electorate.

For many of us, mornings have taken on a certain nauseating sameness. We roll out from beneath the blankets and, before the scent of coffee has reached our nostrils, we are checking the news feeds for the latest semi-literate tweet coughed up by the ranting, traitorous squatter occupying the Oval Office.

The rest of the day is spent in a kind of horrified suspension, holding our breath, waiting for whatever outrage will inevitably belch forth from the White Houseonce a bastion of seriousness and decorum, now ground zero for the demise of western democracy. How many lies will Trump spew today? Which dictators will he suck up to? Will he smear a Gold Star family? Attack a woman who dares to call out his smarmy predations? Unveil a puerile, racist nickname for a Senator or member of his own cabinet?

As much as we loathe it, however sickening it might have become, every day seems all about him, a former game show host and real estate failure, a hawker of rot-gut vodka and bullshit degrees from a fraudulent University who once styled himself as the Donald. The cable news shows lead with his most recent flatulence, the op-ed pages brim with intimations of doom, late night comedians are having a field day.

He is the president and, thus, bears watching. But we would be mistaken to think that he is truly the center of our universe, a man with a plan, commanding the heights, directing the action.

Virulent as he may be, Donald J. Trump is a symptom not the disease. Without us, he would amount to nothing more than what he had always been before the bizzaro presidential election of 2016: a foppish narcissist desperate for any measure of affirmation; a joke; a nothing. He did not create his voters. They have been there all along, seething with sometimes justifiable anger and suffering their various insecurities. They created and enabled Trump. And make no mistake, in all their vulnerable humanity, they are us: Gullible, compliant, distracted, marinating in irony.

At root, we the people are the problem.

We are understandably reluctant to impugn the intelligence and integrity of our fellow citizens. It is arrogant, uncivil, bad form. Who are we, any of us, to hold ourselves superior? When Hillary Clinton referred to some Trump supporters as deplorables, she was roundly castigated on all sides. How dare she? Yet it is an uncomfortable reality that anywhere from a fifth to a third of our electorate can be fairly (if gently) described as low-information voters. If the results of numerous polls and questionnaires are to be trusted, they know very little about the world they inhabit and what they do know is often woefully incorrect.

Surveys conducted every two years by the National Science Foundation consistently demonstrate that slightly more than half of Americans reject the settled science concerning human evolution. They are not unaware that virtually all credible scientists accept the overwhelming evidence that we evolved from earlier species. They simply choose not to accept that consensus because it doesnt comport with their deeply held beliefs. Many also embrace the absurd notion that the earth is only six thousand years old. Astonishingly, in the early 21st century, around a quarter of our citizenry seems unaware that said earth revolves around the sun.

It is a mistake to regard concern about such ignorance as effete snobbery or elitist condescension. While misapprehensions about basic astronomy, earth science and biology may have little impact on these folks daily lives, does anyone actually believe that similarly uninformed views arent likely to affect their grasp of policies regarding, say, climate change? Income inequality? Gun violence? Immigration?

Profound knowledge gaps like the aforementioned reveal an inability to think critically and leave a person vulnerable to all manner of chicanery. We are all ignorant about many things. Dont get me started on my dismal grasp of mathematics! But the hallmark of a sound education is not glorying in what you think you know, but, instead, appreciating the vastness of what you dont know.

If ignorance is the key that opens the door for charlatans like Trump, improved education, whether in school or in the public square, would seem to provide an obvious solution. But here we confront the perverse Dunning-Kruger Effect identified by psychologistsessentially, the less we know, the more certain we become of our superior knowledge. We have also discovered that exposure to facts and evidence does not always have the expected impact. Many people, when confronted by irrefutable proof that some core belief is incorrect, dont change their minds but dig in their heels. What feels right to them must be right and no amount logic and reasoning will dissuade them. Emotion trumps evidence.

Not too long ago, I fell into conversation with a woman aboard an airplane. Our chat somehow turned to health care. She offered the opinion that people who couldnt afford health insurance didnt deserve medical services. Why should she pay for someones care when they were obviously too lazy to earn their own money?

Because Im my own kind of fool, I rose to the bait. Did that mean they should be allowed to die in the street? I wondered. Well, no, she said. That would be inhumane. They could always go to an emergency room. So she was willing to pay for their care, I observed, but only in the least efficient, most expensive manner. This gave her momentary pause, but she quickly regrouped, simply repeating her prior assertion: Why should she pay? I didnt ask who she planned to vote for in the then-upcoming presidential election, but given that she had also voiced the opinion that women were, by virtue of their gender, unqualified to be news anchors, Im guessing it wasnt Hillary Clinton or Jill Stein.

She is hardly the worst example of an unthinking voter. Bill Maher once invited onto his show former GM Executive Bob Lutz. One supposes that such a fellow has benefited from an adequate education and that hes open to reason. Yet, when the subject of climate change arose, Lutz denied it was happening. A bunch of nonsense as far as he was concerned.

As it happened, Maher had also invited Neil deGrasse Tyson, an astrophysicist, educator and Director of the Hayden Planetarium. Tyson patiently explained why Lutz was misinformed. The planet was warming. Humans were largely to blame. This is how we know.

You might expect an educated person to respond by at least engaging on the topic. Tyson was, after all, vastly more knowledgeable on the subject at hand. Had their roles been reversed, with the topic being cars, I have no doubt he would have deferred to the automaker, asking questions, trying to improve the state of his own knowledge. Not Lutz. You could see him shutting down before Tyson had even warmed to the topic (no pun intended). As Upton Sinclair famously put it, Its hard to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on him not understanding it.

Anyone who has watched the focus groups of Trump voters has seen this sorry dynamic played out again and again. Everything, no matter how tawdry or malicious, is excused or minimized. You get the feeling these folks would accept the sexual molestation of teenage girls as a trade-off for Neil Gorsuch. In fact, many did in supporting Roy Moore.

Welcome to the Post-Truth Era.

Much has been written about the impact social media and the internet in general have had on how people receive and absorb information. By now, we are all familiar with bots, trolls, phony scandals and the tendency of folks to hunker down in their own info-silos. The old adage that a lie is halfway round the world before the truth gets its socks on has never been more salient.

Consider the recent attacks on one of the young Parkland shooting survivors. A teenager who had just witnessed classmates being gunned down at his own school quickly discovered that speaking up for common-sense gun regulation resulted in vicious trolling and the viral lie that he was a paid crisis actor. This was similar to what befell the grieving families of the small children murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary School in 2012. Imagine waking one morning in a state of searing grief over the violent death of your baby to discover that some odious prankster like Alex Jones is telling his gullible audience that the whole tragic incident was staged, that your child was actually a paid performer doused in artificial gore and posed in a gruesome tableaux of death.

That Jones and his ilk have not been thoroughly shamed and driven from the public sphere says a lot about our growing tolerance for vile nonsense.

Trump did not invent Fake News. The Big Lie has been the stock in trade of con men and tyrants since time immemorial. But he understands its value. Alternative facts as his lickspittle factotum, Kellyanne Conway infamously put it, has long been his metier. Hes a bullshitter, a phony and now hes our president.

This shouldnt have happened. But we let it happen, though Trump did have plenty of help

Unsurprisingly, the Fox propaganda machine and any number of right-wing radio ranters enthusiastically clambered aboard the Trump Train. They were abetted by many in the mainstream media who, mindful that Trump lured eyeballs to advertisers and too timid to call him out as the carnival barker he so obviously was, went along for the ride. A number of Republicans in Congress dismissed him at first. But when it became clear he had a shot at winning and that his devotees comprised at least half of their party, they scurried to adopt him as their useful idiot.

Its true that we are not all equally culpable. Roughly three million more people voted for Trumps chief opponent. But the right-minded among us didnt do enough to forestall the plainly looming disaster. The proof of that is the Trump presidency itself.

So, if we in our various incarnations are the problem, then what is the solution? Is there any way out? Wed better hope so. Whats certain is that its on us. We made a wreck of our government and its up to us to fix it.

There are positive signs:

A once compliant media has begun to take the gloves off. Genuine conservatives, outraged that their movement has been hijacked by philistines, are sounding the alarm. People are rising up and calling BS. For every Sean Hannity there is a Rachel Maddow, Jake Tapper or even Shepard Smith (at Fox News, no less!). For every Paul Ryan, there is a David Frum or Max Boot. Frothing crowds at CPAC are countered by the #MeToo movement and impressively eloquent teenagers fed up with politicians of any stripe who cower before the gun industry. On a good day, a John McCain or Jeff Flake will stand up to the cringing accommodationists in their own party. And, of course, Donald Trump himself, along with his corrupt lackeys, face a formidable foe in the person of Robert Mueller.

NSA Director Admiral Mike Rogers recent testimony before the Senate Intelligence Committee should mark a turning point, though he merely confirmed what has been apparent for some time: that even as our nation is under attack from a Russia determined to subvert our democracy, the president has not directed any relevant agencies to defend the country. This is a violation of the oath Trump swore on inauguration day and smacks of treason. We have entered uncharted waters.

Whats clear is that we need to use all non-violent resources at our disposal to rid ourselves and our country of the dangerous infection spreading from the White House into our body politic. These are not normal times and our usual reflexes will no longer suffice.

Trump is a problem of our own creation. We must become the solution.

Ron Reagan is an author and political commentator who lives in Seattle and Arezzo, Tuscany.

Read more: https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-problem-isnt-just-trump-its-our-ignorant-electorate

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Why we still torture -- The emotional rationality argument

Through researching why torture is still a widely accepted phenomenon despite recent studies that expose its ineffectiveness, it is clear that emotions play a role in driving state actors to continue applying these inhumane practices to victims. This situation applies directly to the American experience. In 2014, a Senate Intelligence Committee report was released that found that the CIA tortured suspects of terrorism during the war on terror post 9/11. As stated in the debate, many professionals argue that this is due to irrational emotions of fear and hatred against terrorist suspects. This helps to explain the “snowball argument,” which exemplifies the difficulty to stop torturing once you start given the strength of your emotional rationality.  

Two articles that illustrate this argument:

http://www.seeker.com/why-we-torture-when-we-know-it-doesnt-work-1769363520.html

 http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2014/12/why_americans_support_torture_we_accept_the_abuse_and_cruel_punishment_of.html

 What is particularly interesting in this argument is how these feelings of fear, hatred, and revenge mirror those of the majority of Americans in the contexts of the war on terrorism and the U.S. prison system. 59 percent of Americans feel that torture of suspected terrorists is justified, whereas 58 percent of Americans feel that torture in general is justified (Washington Post). According to a report surfacing from the University of San Francisco, “Americans like punishment. Not only do we have the world’s highest incarceration rate—716 inmates for every 100,000 people, compared to 475 for every 100,000 in Russia and 121 for every 100,000 in China—but we also have among the most draconian punishments of any nation in the developed world.” It’s not just that we want to dole out punishment; rather, we prefer the cruelest punishments. Our prisons are home to some of the most brutal forms of punishment, with impressive rates of abuse by former inmates and prison guards growing every year.

 I personally agree that emotional rationality is a logical argument for why we continue to torture. Nevertheless, we shouldn’t let emotion justify our actions. There’s certainly something to be said about a person who lets their feelings of fear and hatred drive their use of horrifying threats against one’s personal safety in order to extract information. Torture is a morally degrading, illegal, and ineffective form of interrogation and needs to be curbed. In order to do so, it is necessary for the international rule of law to resurface. For the US, this is a hefty task given President Trump’s public desire to disobey international law. Yet, it is not impossible. It is crucial for governmental and nongovernmental organizations to stress the importance of international law as a critical element in upholding the moral and legal frameworks of a society. As the strongest (democratic) nation in the world, it is our duty to set an example for both the rest of the world and our own citizens by ending our use of torture once and for all.

-Jenna Feldman