#more things to lose in my bag
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nothing will haunt me like evan kelmp getting his arm exploded to death. nothing will haunt me like "there is a very real part of him that struggles under the effort of staying." nothing will haunt me like "if it depends on what was important to him, then obviously it is his friends" and "all of these things are easy for him to haunt" and "there is something in whatever drifting space he is now that wonders what he mattered to, and if it needs to be even".
nothing will haunt me like "it's easy to drift and to move away, but it's hard to close your eyes when it's so bright around" and "the shadow reaches out, and starts to slowly put objects back in the backpack" and "the main thing I'm going to do is take the shoes off my dead body and put them on."
#me and evan kelmp and adaine abernant holding hands worrying that we want other people more than they want us#THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FUNNY SEASON AABRIA#evan kelmp stop making me cry challenge impossible edition#I forgot how much this ep fucked with my whole shit my god#like I was still reeling from all the homelessness stuff#staring at the bags I've been living out of for nine months because I can't settle here or maybe anywhere#(we did just like yesterday get long term accommodation somewhere though so yay for that)#and then it's like oh yeah the arm explosion situation that's here too#the way evan interacts with his things makes me feel insane and also very seen and validated#looting his own dead body for his nice shoes that are a symbol of never being clocked and called out as something different and wrong again#carrying everything he owns in a backpack even after he has a home because he can't bear to risk losing them or leaving them behind?#fuck me man#also aabria's description of what haunting his shadow feels like is just like perfect rendition of dissociation#“everything feels like the understanding of what you should feel and not the feeling of it. it's dull and removed”#like I've used this but less poetic to describe dissociation goddammit do I spend my life haunting my fucking shadow#him kicking his body violently into the backpack I'm going to throw up#my reaction would imply this is a first time watch it's absolutely not#this is like the third or fourth of season 2? and I've lost count of how many times I rewatched before season 2 came out#I can't like things in a chill and normal way and that's okay I think maybe#shoutout pissberg for making this episode not just me ugly crying about the kelmp of it all#mismag#mismag 2#misfits and magic#dimension 20#dimension 20 misfits and magic#mismag spoilers#misfits and magic spoilers#evan kelmp
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pic of my creatures before I went to the mall and. you guessed it. Lost Toga.
#kae.txt#im pissed#i swear someone snatched her off my bag because how the fuck did she come off#im not takin this bag out with shit on it no more cause everytime i do i LOSE SOMETHING#OR SOMETHING BREAKS. ACCURAED THING#im so sorry ochaco im so fucking sorry this was yhe last universe you 2 could be happy and i ruined it
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on that note!! gonna show off all the super rad merch i got here too :> <- guy who only ever spends money on books and fanmerch these days
#duck rants about something#the gl doujin i bought is SO cute im in love. i wanna draw an oc comic even more nowwwww#plus that fem renga zine is one of the most adorable things ive ever seen i need to be as shameless as that#also i ended up getting a bunch of mutsumi and mortis merch to cope with losing the yuzumoon autograph ticket raffle lol. im so jealous gah#there was a love bullet stamp rally on the first day and i was Running for it im glad i managed to finish it in timeee the art is so cute#my phone is now filled with so many kannas. and my bag also with two new kanna pins i love kanna#theres also this really super duper cute yuzur sticker set full of happy elements shaming. its wonderful#I FOUND THAT SUSIE AND NOELLE PRINT ALL OF A SUDDEN TOOOO i never see them around here im so happy#i miss you noelle#okay thats enough rambling about this from me LMAO i wonder if ygs are sick of it yet#doodle diary#kind of
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dont hold me on my promise cause im fickle. but thinking of a fourth to join the trio, a student with vanida, masc of course to even out, and a more “straight man” ( sane person ) to contrast and balance out vanida’s horrors. also because of the sheer hilarity of this dude surrounded by so many wlw in his school. it’s giving this but make it poc and more gay

#. // ♡ 🌱 txt#i also really want to make a more darker skinned character too#it’s been looking too 🤚🏻 on my page and thats unacceptable#also bc i wanna do more loc styles#but so far their rough draft idea is them MAYBE being an orphan too#and are also in debt#but rather do things like sex work or crime like vani suggests to him#he wants to earn a more ‘honest’ income#because i imagine he is very much an easily stressed out character#the character who refuses the constant call to action from the story#the worst person to vent to because whatever you say WILL stress him out and then his stress makes you even more stressed#vanida mentions the cult the ub and farm to him once#and he is just silent before feeling the urge to curl into a ball because he just wants to leave town for college#a ‘oh my god…. im gonna be in a trash bag before i get my high school diploma’#probably does have like a LIGHT affiliation with the church#doesnt do work there just goes there for the free chastity cage#he is gonna be a virgin by choice if he has anything to say on it#he is gonna lose it at a college dorm party if he has anything to say about it#which#unlike noel cody and vanida who have like#a familial bond with rory/bailey#this one is gonna be so terrified of them#literally wants to shake vanida whenever he is forced to witness vanida argue with rory/bailey#im not sure which townie to ship him with yet though#i’ll figure it out on my own time while i think more about his purpose in the narrative and his design
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Bought a cork board
Apparently it wasn't big enough
Will need another one....
#im not tagging every individual thing i will lose my mind#pokemon#tmm#tokyo mew mew#yugioh#ygo#sth#sonic the hedgehog#splatoon#splatoon 3#yeah thats all ywr getting#the extra empty push pins are cuz i have 4 keychains currently in use#since i cycle them every month#enjoy my pin backing bag chaos#i would have put more on the wood sides but omg#it was so hard to get the pins in#just waiting for a ball to fall#pic#keychains#pins#the poor tiny bastard left of alcremie that u cant see#is also alcremie
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if only i could edit....
#eveything is so beautiful in my mind.#once again thinking about cass/stephcass edit to small hands..or dinahbabs good luck babe bridge..#or a boostle edit to amen..ough...booster edit to vanishing act.#the kitty/logan parallels edit to alcoholic friends goes so crazy guys..#steph to paper bag. beatora to the winner takes it all.. fantastic four to peacefields. kitty to thats life. blitzkrieg bop excalibur edit#well. that one's more of an animatic but i havent animated in soooo long it's guaranteed to look like ass.#i am planning on making another shitty poll edit if boostle wins. if they lose. well. i'll have to thing of something else#fran talks
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Gizmo Stardust!
Okay... it's Yamato's time to shine. I'm pretty happy with him! He was fun to draw and pretty easy to pick colors for... I do think maybe he could use a gear bag, or a vest, or something of that nature. I've been trying to only add accessories or clothing when it serves a purpose, so waffling a bit on that here... oh well. Maybe later.
Gizmo Stardust is a prolific inventor who lives in Canterlot with his father and sister. He's also heir to his dad's company, Stardust Industries, which recently became a lot more successful thanks to his inventions. Gizmo's hoofwork is present in many of the technological advancements in Canterlot and beyond.
One example (that brought Stardust Industries to where it is now) was Gizmo's most well-known creation; the airship. The introduction of a new form of flight to Equestria revolutionized the transportation and shipping industries. The airships Gizmo designed elegantly mesh together the mechanisms behind Equestria's balloons and trains, but require very little fuel thanks to sails which function in much the same way as pegasi wings.
Gizmo's also has a family friend, Thrift Twinkle, who he and his sister have known since they were little, thanks to their fathers being friends as well as business partners. Thrift and Gizmo are still pretty close, thanks to being friends when they were foals, and the fact that they got their cutie marks practically together.
This happened while Gizmo and Thrift were working together to save their respective family businesses. It was Thrift's business savvy and creativity which kept them from going under, and Gizmo's invention of the airship which brought both of their companies flying back into success again. Thrift helped Gizmo's inventions get off the ground, and worked to keep him funded until he finally completed his work.
Naturally then, the rebranded 'Phoenix Goods' was the first company to support and benefit from Stardust Industries' latest and greatest invention. And so, they managed not only to save their parents' crumbling businesses, but rocket them into unprecedented new highs.
It was during this process, through creating and helping each other, that both Gizmo and Thrift got their cutie marks. And more than proved their mettle to their parents at the same time. Both of them were overjoyed (and a little relieved, because they were blank flanks a little longer than most, and far longer than Gizmo's sister was)
When the two of them were younger, Gizmo had cheered on his sister when she got her cutie mark. When he got his, she responded in kind, throwing him a huge party and inviting practically everypony she knew to celebrate. It was during this bombastic party that Gizmo met Saber Frost.
He stumbled across him while taking a break from the chaos out on the balcony, where Saber had spent most of the night away from the light and revelry inside. Surprised to find somepony he didn't know awkwardly standing on the outskirts of the gathering with nothing but a glass of punch and a stony look on his face, he struck up a conversation. They hit it off, and Gizmo convinced the other not to leave the party, instead inviting him to join the two siblings for a quiet walk after the celebration concluded.
They may live far apart, but that doesn't stop them from seeing each other pretty often. For one thing, Thrift has reason to visit Canterlot on company business fairly frequently. And whenever he does, he makes sure to set aside time for the trio to hang out.
It was on one such visit that Gizmo introduced Thrift to Saber. They didn't click at first, but Gizmo and his sister, as usual, brought their friends together without too much trouble. Since then, three became four whenever Thrift was in Canterlot.
And when Saber was reassigned, Gizmo helped encourage him to request the region of Equestria where Thrift lived. Knowing his friend would be there to look out for Saber made him a lot less worried. Even though Gizmo knew it was for the best that Saber left Canterlot (and in fact had been trying to encourage and persuade Saber to accept the reassignment for a long time) he still misses their weekly chats over coffee and tea.
I love that I have enough ponies done to start weaving their stories together now. Also here's what he looks like without the hat or goggles:
#enquire's dra ponies#enquire art#danganronpa another#dra1 fanart#mlp art#dra1#mlp fim#mlp crossover#my little pony#yamato kisaragi#mlp fanart#mlp g4#mlp#danganronpa another despair academy#danganronpa fangan#crossover au#fangan character#fanganronpa#wow I didn't realize how much I actually had for his character blurb nice#the temptation to make everyone a unicorn is real but this one loses his horn privileges too#being a pegasi suits him more#i can't give all the creative or smarty pants horns or like half of them would be unicorns ok#note: airships are in MLP yes they're real#i think they debuted in the film iirc#this AU is tied to MLP G4 lore btw#that might be a bit dubious at times though to be fair#shout out to whenever I figure out how hard to go on Saber's backstory and whether or not I will go beyond the tone/rules of the show....#I think he carries a saddle bag things like wrenches and sketchpads and random parts at times#bonus thrift twinkle lore and tiny smidge for Saber Frost#gizmo stardust
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I BOUGHT THE BOOK!!!



#wicked#wicked book#ITS SO PRETTY#i was in luck they had ONE special edition left!!#they had like six copies of the book and probably a million more in the back BUTTTT this one is the pretty hardcover!!#its a nice sleek black under the jacket and the title on the spine is plain white but the holographic design is so pretty!!#plus the other copies were paper back and just had the promotional posters for the movie as the covers#but they were far more reasonably priced ($19) as opposed to the version i bought ($40)#another of god's little challenges#i got a gift voucher for the bookstore a while ago and i conveniently had $40 left#im excited to start reading it although its DEFINITELY an at home thing because it's never fitting in any of my not orange bags#also i dont want to damage it because it was forty fuckin dollars#ignore my fat baby hands#i absolutely loved the movie although ive never seen the musical#and ive heard the book and the musical are way better than the movie#so i have high hopes#its a gorgeous book i cant get over how pretty it is#theres gonna be a prettier book somewhere and im gonna lose my shit
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now on an un-mtt week related note i gotta ditch spotify if they decide to like make id verification a thing for that stupid app 💀💀 which will mean NO MORE (publically accessed) MTT PLAYLIST 😭😭
on the bright side getting an mp3 player will INSTANTLY increase my aura tenfold so really it all works out in the end
#real tricule#i wasnt Alive for those years when people were like using mp3 players and flip phones and stuff#im still not ditching my phone though i cannot lose this bad boy#gotta use it for my social medias + youtube + ao3 (if they dont block that too#if they ban ao3 im gonna freak the fuck outtttt do i have to like........PRINT OUT books??? tf????#unfortunately i am not a loser who reads NORMAL books i am a FANDOM loser so if i lose ao3 i lose EVERYTHING#anyways i gotta get some stickers to make all my stuff cuter methinks#plussss i still havent used my pin maker yet because i havent been feeling like printing/drawing stuff for it.....mmmhmhmhmh#gotta do that gotta do that & use some of the uhhh phone chains ive been hoarding away LOL#i could make my whole vibe like 10x cuter if i just had the motivation to put effort into things#at least if i get an mp3 player ill have another thing to put into my bag which means more coolness aughhh#you guys dont get it with my ADORABLE jk outfits plus a decorated mp3 player and a cute ass phone i am unstoppable#wanna get some stickers so i can stick them onto my ipad cover and the mp3......itll be soooo cute goddddd
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Oh my godd why can't healthy things also be quick and easy to eat and require very little preparation and keep well and have the amount of calories I need
#i'm struggling#i want to eat more healthily so i can have as much energy as possible#so i've started incorporating veggies into my meals and snacks more#and i've started cooling more curries to eat with rice#the problem is these things are Not as filling#and require more time to eat#more prep time#it's like more effort for less calories#and ever since i started this job i've kept losing weight but i didn't want to#like i need that!#if i eat healthy snacks it's just like. i could be spending that time eating half a bag of chips for double the amount of food#i only have a certain amount of time
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#I do this thing where I keep comparing myself and my life to other people my age who live like ‘normal lives’ where they live with just#their partner and work decent-ish paying jobs#and don’t live near family/have large family obligations#like I make slightly more than minimum wage#my health stuff had been getting worse#my fiancé is disabled/chronically ill and working her ass off so she doesn’t have excess energy#which leaves a lot of house work on me#which is fine and I don’t mind#and our household is me my fiancé my 23 yo sister and we’ve all lived together for like 3 years now and my sister makes a lot more money &#helps with house stuff#/maintenance#but my younger sister and her 9 month old moved in at the beginning of summer because her baby daddy is a scum bag#and she’s 20 and really mentally unwell#so a lot of baby care falls on me & my fiancé#along with trying to help my sister with her mental health#which is like not normal levels of unwell it’s like serious shit and she’s completely unmedicated and going through a real hard time and not#adjusting to motherhood well cause she was 19 and shouldn’t have had a baby#and like she knows that but what’s done is done#she can’t move back in with my parents because her relationship with them is too fucked#and like there’s also complicated stuff safety and bad ppl in her life so that’s a stress inducing factor#she’s unemployed and I’m not sure will ever be able to work and can’t drive#not her fault just the reality we live in#also we’re the ppl who live closest to my grandmother who’s health has been rapidly declining so a lot of that has fallen on my other sister#and me to manage#I also have to pet sit a lot because I need the money#and when I come home I have to spend all my time getting the house back in order#also I’m about to be losing a days worth of pay starting September cause the kids I nanny are doing two half days a week of prek#which means less money & with these grocery bills and two more mouths to feed is gonna fuck me in the ass#so like yeah I don’t have the time or energy for hobbies I spend all my damn free time trying to keep the house clean or taking care of#The baby & like it’s just the way it is but it’s not comprable to how all the ppl I knew in highschool r living rn
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it's like. everything happens so much. it's all happening right now but at the same time nothing is happening whatsoever. it's a liminal space of an existence. it's slowly crushing me under the weight but when I look up there's nothing actually bearing down on me. there shouldn't be any weight. something is wrong but nothing has happened. I'm simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly bored. nothing is happening and maybe that's the everything that's happening. maybe the everything is the nothing. we aren't there yet but it's all so imminent. either everything is going to crash down or nothing is. I'm just waiting to figure out which.
#I refuse to be upset at anyone. I have so much love in my heart#but I'm going to pack formal clothes for my sister in my own bag just in case. she doesn't need to know that.#you couldn't pay me to care or to stop caring. it's cognitive dissonance#because I know this won't always affect me but it's my whole world right now#I say I don't care and I mean it but at the same time I care more than anything else#it's actually almost scary how much I relate to dark alley#not in a ''I'm in a mentally dark or dangerous place'' way but in a ''yeah I compare myself to others too much'' way#and then I try to make excuses so it can make sense to other people so they won't think the worst of me#like literally I'm trying not to think about fall but it's right around the corner and I'm. falling into it I guess#pun intended of course. I don't want to lose all my friends#I want to be one of the kids who gets invited to people's houses for lunch after church and I know I never will be#because that's the kind of thing that's only for the kids who are going someplace. not the ones who stay#I'm feeling very selfish and it's probably bc I'm tired lol this happens sometimes#I'm gonna make dinner for my family and then I'll feel better skskskskk#Lu rambles#sometimes I think I could write poetry#I feel like once my vacation is actually imminent I'll feel better I just haaate the point we're at right now#which is like. it's SOON but not THAT SOON so I feel like I can't do anything bc I'm just waiting for things to get going :/
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♡ for Dennis
○○○○○ | ATTRACTION ●●●●○ | AFFECTION ●●●●● | INTEREST ●●●●● | LOYALTY ●●●○○ | TRUST
#anotherhumanpet#dennis loses trust points#ONLY because judas thinks the kid can't lie his way out of a paper bag#so it's more like 'i trust you with my life and my wallet but some things gotta stay with me alone'
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if i say that im disappointed that rowoons leaving sf9, im gon be stoned
#ann.txt#i mean#ive been following sf9 since pre-debut whats the show name#the neoz school#and i love their debut album so much my bff presented me the album for bday#and every year i wished to hear good news from sf9#but negative sir#im not like disappointed in rowoon#more like fnc#but also the reality that sf9 is losing so much opportunity and stops growing after sole mio (personal opinion)#sf9 and nflying have so much potential to be big and be the firsts of a lot of things but#*packing my bag*
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yknow realizing my family was super fucking mean to me for no reason before i turned 18
#no cause. why did my parents threaten to beat me for having a low C almost D/ any missing assignments. but now whenever my mother finds out#about it she like. actually asks if i'm doing alright and not yelling at me to turn them in (she still wants me to do good but like. there'#no more threats?) i mean my bio dad might still do that but i don't tell him anything about my classes anymore#AND ALSO HOW I USED TO BE PICKED ON BY MY BIO DAD AND MY GRANDPARENTS WHEN IWAS YOUNGER FOR HAVING TEXTURE ISSUES BUT NOW THEY'RE LIKE#“oh yea i can't eat this food because i just don't like it” AND UNDERSTAND ME WHEN I SAY I CAN'T EAT CERTAIN THINGS.#i just GAHHHHHHH WHAT THE FUCK#i still remember when my mom and bio dad thought i was lying to them about losing my glasses when i was FUCKING 9-10. they thought i#hid/threw them out!!! and when i found them like a few years later because they were in a spot in my bag young me never really used#MY MOTHER STILL THOUGHT I PUT THEM THERE ON PURPOSE. THIS WAS YEARS AGO BUT I'M STILL MAD ABOUT IT#I HAVE BEEN TREATED LIKE A LIAR ABOUT THINGS FOR SO LONG TO THE POINT THAT I CAN'T HANDLE JOKES ABOUT LYING AND ALSO GET SCARED THAT#I'M NOT BEING TRUTHFUL EVEN IF I AM!!!#anyways :D#i'll probably delete this later idk i feel bad right now
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i love being that one friend with a very chaotic personality that gives horrible advice on purpose (then gives some actually good advice) and offers to murder people for you but i also. would like to be taken more seriously. in a "please stop using me as just comedy i am a real person and don't find the jokes you make at my expense (is that the word?) funny" way
#this hasn't been happening as often. bc we're on vacation and i don't see people as ofyen#i like to stay home. i love my home. and i love the loudness of my family but not the loudness of the rest of the world yk??#but uh#today my friend came to my house#and she has this joke#it's basically about how my siblings are “basically blessed by aphrodite” while i'm. ugly. compared to them#and just ugly in general#she doesn't say ugly but she does imply it. how does she do it?? by pointing out every fucking flaw my face has#“haha your head is egg shaped”#“lol you have a big forehead”#“you look like you have one big eyebrow!”#“your eye bags make you look like a raccoon”#<- this one hit me. harder than others bc like. that's smth ik and it's smth i'm trying to work on#i'm like this because i don't sleep much and because i spend too much time with my phone#i'm like this because i eat too much when i'm not even hungry and i refuse to exercise#and i'm trying to WORK ON IT.#and she just. laughs. at the consequences of all the stuff that's been actually harming me#and i KNOW that i should talk to her about this but HOW#how tf do i do that#it's not a “i don't want to lose her” thing it's more of a “i don't want any more conflict”#my 2022 and my 2023 have been so full of fights and just. pure negativity#and it was all bc of my friends. bc they're toxic and too stupid to see that they're wrong sometimes#and everytime i talked to one of them they would tell me more about the drama between them and some of my other friends and i HATED it sm#i'm flooding the tags w this cause it's. idk i wouldn't want it to be the first thing ppl see if they find this post#also i need to go to sleep it's almost 4am#avis talks#vent
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