#mostly it's francesca's fault i guess

[styxnbones]

its a good thing i love making character sheets cause these bitches collectively have FIVE

[thebluemallet]

Predictions for Bridgerton Season 3, Part 2!

I did a few predictions mostly focused in part 1. While some were spot on, a few others could still happen in part 2. I'll be discussing points I got right, points I could still get right, and other things I think could happen now that I've seen the first four episodes. Possible spoilers below the cut!

1- Francesca Will Feel Some Pressure From the Queen (Right ✅ )

I did say this wasn't that much of a guess and it's been what Queen Charlotte has done every season so far. Francesca didn't want to be singled out as the Queen's Favorite but hers and Eloise's efforts weren't enough in comparison to Lady Danbury's. She is feeling some pressure to marry the man that the Queen has chosen for her because it's the "easiest path" despite Violet telling her she can marry whoever she chooses. But Francesca is feeling that pressure less now that she has met the Earl of Kilmartin and he has made his intentions known (in as few words as possible).

2- Violet: Captain of the Polin Ship (Right ✅ )

Colin, you were not subtle in episode 3. Violet picked up on what you were really asking so fast! And she's the real MVP of episode 4. When Colin didn't want to go to the ball, Violet saved that ship when she told Colin about Debling's planned proposal. It's too bad she didn't anticipate the chaos Colin would cause to prevent the proposal.

3- Colin Still Doesn't Know (Right ✅ )

I knew the show could go one of two ways: Colin would find out that Penelope was Lady Whistledown in the part 1 finale OR they would hold off until part 2 for added drama.

As of the end of part 1...Colin still doesn't know that Penelope is Lady Whistledown!

4- Colin Will Find Out In Episode 5 or 6

I don't think they're going to put off revealing Penelope's secret identity for too many episodes. Episode 5 is titled "Tick Tock," and if you've seen the teaser for part 2, you know that Eloise is putting a deadline for Penelope to come clean to Colin about Lady Whistledown or she'll do it. I think that will also be the episode that the Queen offers a reward for Lady Whistledown's reveal. And as we heard from Lady Cowper in part 1, Lord Cowper has been tightening the purse strings since Cressida still isn't married. We also saw (I think in the teaser, maybe somewhere else?) Penelope writing and the small glimpse we got of the writing was calling Cressida out for being a liar and a fraud.

Here's what I think could happen:

I think it's very likely that Lord Cowper might tighten the purse strings even more in episode 5. He's already been threatening to marry Cressida off to a random older gentleman. Cressida, feeling desperate, takes the credit for being Lady Whistledown so she can collect the reward. Financial independence might help her secure a husband of her choosing. But like in the books, Penelope can't stand the idea of Cressida taking credit for her hard work, so she writes a rebuttal in her latest Whistledown column and sets off to get it printed. Colin will either a) follow Penelope and discover she's Whistledown or b) track down Whistledown only to discover it's Penelope.

Also like the book, Colin will double down on marrying Penelope because he believes he can offer her some form of protection in case people do discover she's Whistledown.

There's another shot of Colin looking like he's fuming in the teaser. I think this will also be like the book where Penelope publishes the column refuting Cressida's claim, anyway. But the column accidentally comes out earlier than intended and it blindsides Colin before Penelope can say anything about it to him.

5- Peneloise Won't Reconcile Until the Final Episode

I think this is still the most likely outcome. Eloise, thankfully, did not enter her bitchy mean girl era by hanging out with Cressida so much. She tries to apologize when Cressida rips her dress, chases after her when she realizes that she's at fault for the gossip spreading throughout the ball about Penelope and Colin, and then actually shows up at Featherington House to apologize to Penelope for it later. The ice seems to beginning to thaw.

But it will quickly freeze over again when Colin announces his engagement to Penelope. Any progress they might have made toward reconciliation will be out the window. Ultimately, I think it will be actions taken by Cressida in the second half of the season that will let Eloise make up with Penelope once and for all.

6- Cressida Finds Out Who Whistledown Is...Because of Penelope

Previously, I said that Cressida would find out about Whistledown through Eloise. That Eloise would make enough snide comments that Cressida would figure it out. It could still play out that way. Cressida is very observant and more clever than she's given credit for. When Eloise confronts her for spreading the gossip about Penelope and Colin, Cressida says that she spotted another girl whispering about it nearby and that Eloise was "not very discreet" when she shared the gossip with Cressida.

However, if the events of part 2 play out a little closer to the book, then it will be Penelope's Whistledown article condemning Cressida that allows her to put two and two together and blackmail Penelope.

7- Lady Whistledown Stays Secret(?)

I think as much as the Queen gets vexed by Lady Whistledown, she sort of realized at the end of last season when Whistledown had a hiatus how much enjoyment she got from the column. And what fun is an anonymous gossip column if the writer is no longer anonymous? Maybe we'll get an "I'm Spartacus!" moment (or, for a more recent example, an "It's my vagina!" moment) where people start claiming left and right to be Whistledown when Cressida tries to expose Penelope in the final episode. It would take away Cressida's power over Penelope once and for all, and it could allow Penelope to keep on writing.

Honestly, I think this is not a likely scenario, but it's a possibility and I'm putting it out there.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

How I would rewrite Violetta

TL;DR: Less lies, still a lot of drama. Also everyone is bisexual, because I say so.

~Season 1~

Okay the biggest thing here is that Germán knows she goes to the studio already from the beginning

He also knows Angie is her aunt - however, Violetta doesn’t know.

When Angie appears, Germán recognizes her. Of course he does, he should’ve known his dead wife’s family?

Angie BEGS him not to take Vilu away from her again. Germán agrees, but tells her not to tell Vilu about it. Instead, she should just be her governess until Violetta “is ready” (or, really when Germán is ready)

Angie says she still works at the studio and so when Vilu hears about it, she really wants to apply. Germán is hesitant, but he also wants her to be happy. His one condition though, is for her to not participate in any large events (oop)

Not much changes for Jade and Matias - except that they desperately try to find out whatever Angie is hiding (Ramallo and Olga tries to find out, too)

Okay, now for the love!! 

Honestly? The love triangle with Leon and Tomas stays mostly the same. I’ll deal a bit more with the love stuff in further seasons

Also, it’s the first season, too. If they are acting a little immature and don’t trust each other, they’ll just grow and learn.

Ok I recently rewatched the episode where Violetta like... writes “amiga” in her diary as she looks dreamingly at Francesca? Like girl did you get a crush on her?? I know you wrote “friend” but your look says more.

Ok probably not but IT’S MY REWRITE and now I decide Vilu and Fran have a small crush on each other. It doesn’t lead to anything (yet), but it’s there and the only one who really seems to notice is Camila

Or, well. She knows her friends have crushes on others but she’s also like “Heh, i’m gonna go, you two can continue to talk if you like”

The big DRAMA is of course, when Violetta joins the youmix competition

Her dad already had a grudge for her singing in the theatre, but now she just has to really hide this

Which is harder when she like. Shares a house with Federico, who’s getting a lot of fans that wants to follow him home. So when they see her, they be like “OH MY GOD THEY ARE ROOMATES” and so Vilu’s fans are there too and she panicks because her dad cannot know

Vilu’s biggest comfort object is her diary, she carries it everywhere in canon (like, even in later seasons when she’s famous she always has it around). In my rewrite, not much changes, except for the fact that Ludmila constantly tries to steal it to destroy her. So anyway, Violetta decides to get a lock with a number combination to open it (as she figures if she has a key she can lose it). Her combination changes a lot. It’s most often two or three letters of a person she likes. Examples are 12-22 (LV, Leon Vargas), or 6-18-1 (FRA, Francesca). One time she even put 12-21 (LU, Ludmila) just to trick Ludmila, as Ludmi never would think Vilu would put her name there.

Violetta finds out Angie is her aunt by overhearing a conversation between her and Pablo. Though, they solve it rather quickly and then get even closer, just like in canon.

In the end, they don’t move away, but Germán does not let her participate in the final show as she’s kind of grounded after he found out she was in youmix and all that

But then he lets her. All is good. Tomas goes to Spain, Violetta is like “I don’t wanna date anyone”

BUT as Tomas goes to Spain she gives Leon a little smirk as if to say “we’ll see what I say about that though, after the break ;)”

The last thing I wanna say about season 1 is that we all know Andrés is canonically a disaster bisexual (come on, think about it) and I just want to embrace that more

~Season 2~

PEOPLE RIGHT AWAY COMMENT ABOUT VILU’S HAIR BECAUSE WE JUST CAN’T LET IT GO UNNOTICED

I know how it’s gonna go for Fran and Diego, so i’ll let them have some little nice scenes in a buildup for s3 (as most of their scenes this season was just “I don’t trust you, Diego”, “Francesca, let me explain”, “No fuck you”)

Honestly I want Ludmila to be a LITTLE nicer this season so she has no pact with Diego

Instead, Ludmila just talks shit about Violetta to him and he’s like “but she’s cute?”

So Diego literally flirts with Vilu to show Ludmila she’s not bad and Ludmila is like “wtf why are you embarrasing yourself”

There’s not a lot of that “Leon you have to trust me” bullshit that Leonetta has. They DO trust each other and honestly they just bond over their shared annoyance with Diego

(But secretly, BOTH of them kinda feel attracted to him)

(Very fun fact one of the first edits I ever saw was one where they shipped Diego and Leon and 12yo me was like “oh wow this kinda makes sense??” and rewatching the show I realised the TENSION™ they had)

Ok. 2x20. The scene I think y’all know i’m reffering to actually caused a series of events to happen later in the season in canon. If Diego had not kissed Violetta, she and Leon wouldn’t have broken up (atleast not that time), German wouldn’t have started to spy on Violetta after feeling like he had to protect her, which would’ve caused Angie to find out and feeling like she couldn’t take it any longer and move to Paris and Violetta and German to start arguing for like 15 episodes because of lies. ALL THAT HAPPENED, originally because of Diego kissing Violetta. I’m not saying it was entirely his fault, but. I’m just- hdsoksyhufshua okay I think it’s just my inner 11yo still bitter about what happened

BUT THIS IS MY REWRITE AND WE’LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS IF DIEGO DIDN’T KISS HER AGAINST HER WILL IN 2x20

The show goes as planned. They fake kiss as they planned to. Everyone is happy for a while. Though, on cameras it looks like a real kiss, so the fans are like. Asking if Violetta and Diego are dating. Diego does not deny this.

Leon and Violetta do break up, because we need drama. Though, it’s more like a mutual agreement rather than an argument. It just became too much for them to handle when Violetta got a contract with youmix, Leon and his motorcross and Diego hovering over them all the time. They needed a break.

Diego and Violetta do get together, but they kinda do like in canon: She is annoyed with him until she finally just gives up and accepts his love.

Germán does not spy on Violetta, but he does consider reading her diary (he doesn’t)

Jade and Matias are no longer relevant. They do make cameos sometimes, but Esmeralda doesn’t know them. Even the viewer believes she’s nice. We only get some small hints of something being off - like Ambar saying “be nice to them” and Esmeralda sometimes giving people strange looks. But then comes the wedding day - that’s when SUDDENLY, the cops arrive! They explain everything - they have been after her for a long time and they recently found out she was gonna marry German for his money and then take it all and flee the country. Drama on top and it’ll be a real classic soap opera betrayal

Angie leaves to France as she just... got an opportunity to work there and she says yes

Camila spends this season dating a bunch of different boys, right? I think this is the perfect place to be a little inclusive and let her be the bi flower queen she is and let her date some girls too. Like switch Seba’s gender or something, not much will change.

THE MADRID STORYLINE. I LOVED THE DYNAMICS IN CANON BUT IN THIS IT WOULD BE EVEN BETTER AND MORE DRAMATIC.

Fran and Vilu already had something going on after the whole ”Francesca almost going back to Italy” storyline and they get even closer as they get lost in Madrid. They were already close, but as they argue for being lost, something just... happens.

Actually the same thing happens with Leon and Diego.

What exactly happens? They almost kiss. They do not kiss, but it’s like it almost happens. They just... get very close and stare at each other before realising. They react differently to this

Francesca and Violetta at first get awkward. They are like “oh- okay.” and then become silent for the rest of the day. It’s not until they are alone in their hotel room that Vilu is like “...what happened today?” and Francesca is like “What are you talking about? I don’t know? Goodnight!!”

Leon and Diego refuse to mention it. They are annoyed as it is. But they do think about it

Yes, I did get this idea after I rewatched ep75 and Leon was like “we were late because this dude didn’t stop fixing his hair” and I was like “DRHSKEHJYU I’M-”

The most heartfelt scene in canon is when Violetta finds out about Diego and Ludmila’s pact, goes out on stage crying and Leon saves her. Like, Leonetta wasn’t the most stable couple but him saving her when she was so distressed... that’s love, dammit!! And I would love to include it somehow.

But: I can’t really find a reason for her to be so upset she can’t sing. So she does sing, that goes well. But as she does, Diego, Fran and Leon argue. Leon is convinced Diego isn’t actually in love with Vilu, Diego is just out for fights and Francesca is like “i’m on Leons side but stop arguing also I think I like Vilu too but that’s beside the point right now I guess?”

She sings “Te Creo” as she was going to, and they like. Do the opposite of what she sings. Or, the complete right thing to what she sings. It’s unclear.

Anyways as she finishes, all of them has to go out on stage to thank the audience and Violetta is like “dafuq is wrong with all of you”

As she tries to help them, Diego says something out of anger that hurts her. Maybe a “I don’t think I really love you” or something maybe a little more hurtful than that. She gets teared up, breaks up with him and run away

Francesca says “You know, I was actually beginning to like you, and now this”, which makes him feel oddly hurt. He doesn’t really know why, yet.

Fran and Leon run after Vilu. There’s the leonetta comfort hug scene ™ there, but also a comfort scene with Fran when they are in their room and she just takes Vilu’s hand while they stare at each other.

Marco is here. Uh. Tbh I don’t know what to do with him?? Because he like. Vanishes to London in s3 canon so Fran can be with Diego so idk man. 

He doesn’t send her like a million flowers in Madrid or visits, but he does call and miss her. Marco was a sweet boyfriend for her, really. Though, he kinda was just. Nice. Nothing more. Their relationship didn’t evolve a lot? 

Though after the random almost-kissing Vilu incident that Francesca doesn’t want to talk about, she kinda grows closer to Marco again.

Back in Buenos Aires, Violetta doesn’t really have an argument with German as he didn’t spy on her in this, so she simply has trouble writing Soy mi mejor momento until German is like “Violetta that’s your mothers poem-” and they have a little father-daughter bonding over finishing it

She is however not really ready to just go back to Leon after recently breaking up with Diego and so she has that “why does no one ask me what I want” scene like she did in ep76.

But then Leon sings Nuestro Camino and she’s like “I DREAMED THAT WE SANG THAT TOGETHER WTF” and he’s like “OMG SAME??” and they bond over the fact that they are soulmates who share dreams or smth, and so they get back together

Diego and Leon do not speak of Madrid, but they do this very manly but also tension filled handshake as if they “accept” each other.

Francesca and Vilu also doesn’t really speak of the fact that they had a little moment in Madrid either, but they do share some smiles and Camila is like “did something happen??”

Leonetta is a couple again. The New Years show is a hit and that means youmix will let them do a world tour (I literally realised NOW, that the reason they are on tour in season 3 is because of the last show in s2, they mentioned in some passing scene some episodes before about it being a world tour)

Oh also Ludmila and Federico have basically the same kind of romance they had in canon, same with Naty and Maxi (Naty and Maxi’s kiss where Maxi had to switch his cap around was so cute uWu)

Oh and also Gregorio and Diego? Same as canon. That shit was emotional.

Lara, I forgot about Lara... uuuh. She’s just a mechanic. She disappears after s2 anyway so

 ~Season 3~

Honestly s3 was kind of a fanfiction already when you think about it??? So in this rewrite I guess I could just GO OFF with everything :D

Hmmm yeah Priscilla is still a fucking psychopath but she will suffer even more god I hate that woman HOW CAN YOU PUSH A CHILD DOWN SOME STAIRS AND FORCE YOUR DAUGHTER TO HURT PEOPLE-

Everything is well with all couples but being on tour and hanging out so much all the time, they get a little... cramped. So they easily get grumpy and yell at each other

Leon and Violetta knows this, and so they don’t get mad at each other when the other one is upset. They understand. So as Violetta gets her birthday wish, she doesn’t really complain at all. Sure, she does get a little scared when they fly off, but she’s honestly just happy to spend some ✨alone time ✨with her soulmate and lowkey wishes no one would find them 

All the couples break up and Leonetta is like “nah it will not happen to us UwU” and then it just. Gets to them too. They just simply have to be apart before they hate each other. Their breakup happens around the same time as canon.

It felt kind of ooc for Violetta to dress up as another person to spy on Leon but it was still kinda funny. So Roxy will stay, we’ll just change it a bit

She doesn’t create Roxy to spy on Leon, but because of Francesca. Fran is getting confused with Marco leaving and now she’s starting to get feelings for Diego... a part of her just wants to disappear and think about something else. So Violetta is like “What if we dress up and go out” and they do, and fool everyone

And so... when boys they know start to flirt with them, they just panic and say they’re not single. But they can’t make up fake boyfriends so they say they are dating each other.

Which makes Andrés interested - he’s like “wow two girls can date that’s cool”. Camila is also interested, she’s like “WOW ALL MY FRIENDS ARE STRAIGHT I CAN BOND WITH YOU OVER BEING NOT STRAIGHT”

Anyway it’s hard to keep it together when Camila is talking about Vilu and Fran - to Vilu and Fran, in disguise.

Hmmmm ok I literally almost forgot about Gery and Clement lol?? Tbh, of all the “lover rivals” they are the weakest this far. Leon and Vilu didn’t even feel that attracted to them anyway. 

Gery is not straight in the slightest? Like girl that haircut and the HALF SHAVED EYEBROW like please. She’s pansexual, i’ve decided. She has a crush on both Leon and Violetta, but she does not really know how to handle that. So she never does. She talks about it with Clement, though and the two of them bond over being nervous messes who can’t talk to their crushes

There’s no Alex, tbh. Clement is just Clement. His dad lets him attend the studio but he’s also like “ugh I wanna support your dreams but you could take economy classes on the side??”

They are not out for breaking Leonetta apart because I for once just want ONE season when there’s no one else Leonetta wants to be with. They just want to be with each other and the whole season is them just kinda... figuring stuff out before getting back together.

Also Fran and Vilu have this thing going on now when they pretend to be a couple as they are dressed up as other people and they have to handle that

The plan was for them to only really dress up once but now their friends wants to get to know Roxy and Fausta and they just have to continue it

Camila is the first one to find out and her reaction is “I always knew you two had a thing for each other but this is just strange, why can’t you date as yourselves?”

To which Vilu and Fran as a response just shut down, not knowing at all how they feel about anything anymore.

Camila notices they seem to not wanting to talk about it, so she decides to make up a plan to make them talk. Though, it solves itself when Vilu and Fran get locked inside a closet at the studio (because of course they do)

In there they talk about what happened in Madrid last year, when they almost kissed. They are unsure what that meant. They admit that it was thrilling to pretend to be a couple, when they were Roxy and Fausta. But the thought of dating as Vilu and Fran... it feels strange. Especially because of all the stuff with Diego and Leon.

But they do decide to try to kiss, just to see - and as soon as their lips touch, someone opens the closet. It’s Diego and Leon. They are kinda shocked.

The girls explain the situation and Leon is like “You know what we almost kissed in Madrid too wtf”

They also reveal they are Roxy and Fausta and Leon is kinda embarrased because he got a crush on Roxy

The girls discussed how it was kissing - they liked it, but... they don’t know. Because they also feel kind of a strong connection to Diego and Leon respectively

So they like... make a promise. If it doesn’t work out with the boys, they’ll date each other.

But they end up with the boys... atleast for now, heh.

The whole “Leonetta will only be friends” plot is still here just because I love it so damn much they are such dorks they literally think they can stay friends lol

So yeah Gery and Clement start dating and they are basically as cute as Naxi. Honestly since I removed the whole “ruin leonetta” plot they have little purpose - so that’s why I made them crush on Leonetta on a distance and never do anything. We need some people to relate to, some people just never confesses and just go around crushing on people without telling lol

German proposes to Angie and Leon kinda plans to propose to Violetta. Not yet, since they’re like 19 (they aren’t finchel lol), but he has plans. 

“Ok thanks future father in law” was a top 10 iconic Leon moment and I just wanted to include it

It ends kind of like canon.

Ok! I just wrote most of this spontaneously. Maybe it wouldn’t be that good, really i’m just brainstorming. This show was everything to me when I was a preteen even though I realise it was probably not good (I lost a bit of interest in season 3, idk that season was a little more off to me)

I probably forgot a lot, since there were like a million plots, but this was just for fun so yeah don’t take it super seriously. Also thank you if you made it this far. 

[gayregis]

Yes!! Let's talk ab Phillippa! She used to be my favourite sorceress when i read the books for the 1st time (mostly bc my teenage self didn't know a lot of wlw rep oof). She obv suffers somewhat from written-by-a-cishet-dude syndrome, but i like her villainy the most from the saga. I like her contrast with Yen (they are both considered talented but bitchy cold-hearted etc but Yen cares about her family and that influences her and the way she achieves her goals while Phil is the end justifies the means type) and with Vilgefortz (they want same thing from Ciri but Phil thinks she wants it for less selfishness more greater good type of reasons (still not valid) while Vilgefortz is open about doing this for himself. Also she's the evil mastermind Vilgefortz wishes he was! He's just evil, sitting in his evil castle sending around goddamn Rince out of all people, getting results more by luck than judgment...). She's Magnificent Bastard and i really hope they wont ruin her in twn by shrinking down her role or by making her SuperEvil like they did Fringilla 😔 she's cunning and power-hungry enough on her own, no need to add extra layer of immorality bc someone could forget she's a villain here. 🦇 (sorry it's 3am here and i... also want more Philippa content that's something more than people calling her a c*nt)

this ask is SO blessed i started happy stimming gfgsdfksj

yes!!!!!!!!!!! philippa to me is a really interesting character (even though she suffers from being written by a man as all the female characters in the witcher do) but she as a villain is severely overlooked. and she’s only ever addressed by the fandom in the manner that she is either a neutral character or a protagonist, which annoys me a lot, perhaps more than i tend to show, because as you said she’s really the mastermind vilgefortz fucking wishes he was. 

i love how competent the lodge seems to be, they hold meetings and discuss complicated lineage and have a whole plan marked out with spies (fringilla) and international participation. of course, things go haywire in the end, because philippa and the other sorceresses are unwilling to admit that sometimes there are things in life one is not able to exert control over, that nature is just too random to rule over, because to them, that would be a defeatist’s perspective... but they had a plan, at least, they were organized and led in a semi-democratic manner with of course philippa leading, but holding meetings in which everyone was allowed to voice their opinion and argue. it’s so much more fleshed out than vilgefortz, who was just evil for power but really vague about it and seemed to just be that kind of over-the-top tropey villain. 

i think your comparison with her to yennefer is spot-on, they both are painted as power hungry and selfish... i love that philippa is hungry for power and ambitious in politics, and yennefer doesn’t really care about politics and has always just done her own thing. their contrast also comes in what you describe, why they feel that their goals are justified. the montecalvo scene grew on me a lot especially after i listened to the audiobook version of it, because it really portrays philippa and yennefer as opposing forces. 

i guess some might take issue with the fact that philippa is gay because she’s evil in the series, especially because her whole deal is that she is willing to sacrifice the life (freedom) of a child (ciri) for political stability, as opposed to yennefer, who wants to protect her child (and husband), so it might be seen as “lesbians want to destroy the sanctity of marriage and hate children!” ... but i don’t think this was the message, to me i don’t think representation mattered sort of at all to sapkowski, so i personally don’t think of philippa as representing lesbians as a whole, i think she is just gay and that’s a coincidence. she’s not meant to be good representation anyways so it’s not a big deal to me.

and on that note, philippa as a villain was a really nice statement to me ... i mean, because usually i feel that it is the guys being evil. and there are of course the male villains of vilgefortz, bonhart, rience, emhyr, the aen elle if elves have gender, etc. etc, but philippa is a special case because she’s competent and also as a character she isn’t bogged down by “feminine issues” in her evil ... such as that one might expect a woman to be more empathetic towards a child, etc. i think it was actually kind of humanizing because it demonstrates that anyone has the ability to commit evil actions.

but in the fandom the content i see for her is either just ship (nothing horribly wrong with it, just that it’s bland and doesn’t take her character and character motivations into account at all) or fluff which outright ignores her character traits and placement within the narrative and relationships to other characters. i suppose this is somewhat the fault of tw3 for declawing her so to speak, but it’s really annoying because it’s pretty much the only philippa content that exists. like, where is the appreciation of her as a villain, a really good and smart one at that? 

and yeah, for twn, i don’t think they even casted her yet, even though they’re doing blood of elves, where she makes her character debut... yet they casted for fringilla and francesca, so i have no idea what’s going on. i think they might be replacing her with someone else (tissaia? or that new violet OC they have? or vanessa-marie OC? idk). so as always i have little faith in them but i’m sure they’ll find a way to butcher her character somehow ... 

it’s just that philippa is such a specific and kind of nuanced character, she’s really not basic in any kind of way unlike the other villains of the series kind of are. and it’s interesting to me but no one ever seems to approach her with this intent to analyze her, they only care about her appearance, romantic potential, or the fact that she got her eyes cut out in tw2 or killed radovid in tw3. 

like ok, but can we first talk about how she basically ruled redania by controlling the puppet king vizimir (even though she would never admit it and told tissaia she was lying when she called her out on it (iirc))? that’s kind of insane and demonstrates the political power mages can have in this fictional setting. and that statement tissaia makes to her in time of contempt, that she was once so proud of her as a student, but now she has nothing but contempt for her... i want to see that explored. philippa is kind of a takedown of the #girlboss trope as well and i like that

[supercalime]

Still Star-Crossed Commentary pt.1

As a very big fan of romeo and Juliet retellings, I became aware of this book a few years ago when I heard of the tv show adaptation that I never watched (I heard it got cancelled before it got a proper ending so I never checked it out) and anyway, now I finally have a copy and here are my comments for the first 2 parts. Hope y’all enjoy it!

Part 1 to 2

- I did not expect the Almost Shakespearean language, romanticizing everything in great Verona, thou shall...

- Oh gross. Juliet is still a child in this version

- Not me forgetting there was a prince of Verona trying to take care of everything

- It’s weird having the characters stating how fast everything went down in r&j. They met and died within A WEEK! WHAT THE FUCK

- I’m glad that the shonda rhimes show that lasted five seconds had mostly people of color playing the characters. Everyone here is so annoyingly white

- A female protagonist who doesn’t think she’s ugly? We love to see it

- I just realized this is a post-canon fix it fanfiction. I love it

- I am already very invested in Rosaline. I really like her

- Benvolio sword fights well and I think that’s very sexy of him

- Okay, I like the flirting. I ship it

- Benvolio, what the hell? It’s not rosalines fault all of your friends were idiots

- Oh slut-shaming too? Jesus christ benvolio

- Oh shit they are gonna be literal enemies to lovers

- The nurse is the best character. I never thought of how awful it would have been for a person in her situation, who basically raised the girl

- So Francesca is the worst

- I hope the rosaline x escalus thing doesn’t go anywhere. I don’t care about that ship at all

- Okay now Im really conflicted about escalus. Is he nice or bad? I get wanting to join the houses but still, there’s something fishy there

- I like Livia too. She’s so precious. I hope nothing bad happens to her.

- PARIS?????? WHAT THE FUCK

- I’m guessing rosalines plan to run away with Isabella won’t work, given we’re not even 100 pages in. Let’s see what happens

- I don’t care if it’s historically accurate, there’s too much slut-shaming and prude-shaming in this book. Pick a lane!

- Isabella! We were rooting for you! We were all rooting for you!

- Orlino can choke

- The prince is getting her drunk. Red flag! Red flag! Big ol’ red flag!

- Oh rosaline...

- Yep. I officially hate escalus. Fucking pig

[ficdirectory]

Somewhere Inside (Disuphere series #4) Chapter 46

(To listen, click here) - 17:19

For a while, there just aren’t words.

Levi can’t calm down.  He can’t talk about this.  But that’s the whole point of being able to go sceam by himself in the car, according to Dominique.  It’s apparently a valid stage of this whole thing.

And if he’s honest?  It means a ton that Dominique is willing to come out here with him.  Even, to take a turn doing what he did.  Because it’s more evidence that he’s not weird.

“She messed with all our stuff,” Levi manages.  Because it’s easier to say than: She messed with me.

“I know…” Dominique manages, her own voice ragged.  “I hate it.  And I hate her.”

“I hate that she has so much power over me…” Levi ventures.  He’s listening, but adding what he hates is also helping.

“I hate that she feels so entitled to your sister’s trauma that she’s showing up here like it’s hers.” Dominique comments bitterly.

“I hate that she made Jesus confront her when he’s already dealing with stuff…” Levi breathes.

“I hate that I felt so much fear.  So much adrenaline.  For myself...and for Frankie.  That I...I’m embarrassed…” Dominique admits.

“Sometimes, I hate myself,” Levi comments softly.  “Like as a kid...I just...thought I deserved it.  Thought I was unlovable.  So...I stuffed it down.  I accepted it.”

“Well, what choice did you have?” Dominique wonders.  Finally, she picks up the hot chocolate Pearl left.  Tries a little.  She hates to admit it, but it’s good.  Hates to admit it, but the blanket does help some.

“Right…” Levi nods, mirroring her.  He picks up the drink and sips, puckering as if it’s sour.

“What?” Dominique asks.

“It’s really sweet,” he manages.  “They take the sugar thing serious, huh?  That sugar helps take the edge off shock?”

“I guess so…” Dominique confirms.  “Do you ever resent it?  Safety?  For lowering your guard?  For making you vulnerable?”

Levi studies her.  Then, very carefully, he nods.  “I felt safe here.  With all of you.  And then…” he shrugs, imitating an explosion.  “I hate not being in control of my body…  ‘Cause that’s like the second time I’ve been sick about her in three days.  I’m kinda over it…”

Dominique just nods.  “My mom would probably say it’s a stress response.  That it makes sense.  Especially given that you...we...weren’t really allowed to be stressed out when it was happening.  So that comes later.  When, like, anything similar creeps in.”

“It helps to understand,” Levi manages, clearing his throat.  “And it also doesn’t help at all…”

“I know what you mean.”  Dominique nods.  “I see her, and it’s like it’s all happening again.”

“I’m sorry,” Levi apologizes.  He looks Dominique in the eye.  “I shouldn’t have said anything.  Then you and Jesus and Pearl especially wouldn’t have to be extra afraid.  You could’ve just thought she was normal.”

“And what about you?” she challenges gently.  “Then you’re walking around feeling like she killed your soul, and none of us are the wiser?  No.  I’m glad you told, Levi.”

“Still?” he asks.  “Even though it pretty much ruined your trip?”

“Meeting you made my trip so much better.  And I’m glad we’re here to support you while you’re dealing with all this...I definitely didn’t have that when it was me.  Whenever I started dealing with it?  Started feeling okay even talking about it?  I got notes sent home from eighth grade.  I got put on a behavior plan…” she comments ruefully.

“Oh, no way…” Levi shakes his head.  “That sucks.”

“Yeah.  All my teachers were like, ‘She’s being inappropriate,’ and there were meetings at the school with my parents.  With all the professional white men in ties.  So that was awesome…” Dominique comments bitterly.

Levi can just make out her voice shaking.  Thinks the white men in ties comment is significant, but doesn’t ask for context.  Because maybe it’s like how Levi feels his own guard go up around anyone who even kinda resembles Carla.  How his heartbeat picks up.  How he feels trapped and instantly looks for the quickest escape.

“I was a discipline problem,” Dominique says, laughing derisively.  Tears shine in her eyes.  “No one cared I just…”  When it’s clear she won’t try to say more, Levi offers:

“And I was perfect.  So no one bothered to look closer…”

He swallows more hot cocoa, like he used to swallow his secrets.  But not anymore.  He’s free to talk now.  Even though his nerves feel destroyed, and he feels like it might be impossible to ever fully calm down again, it does help.

Knowing that if he talks to The Avoiders they’ll hear him.  Listen.  That they all take him seriously.

Levi pulls the blanket up around him.  But it keeps slipping.  So he tells Dominique he’s gotta stand up and put the blanket on like a cape.  That he’s just gonna do that, and then sit again.

With the blanket securely around his shoulders and draped around the front of him, Levi feels a bit more protected.

“Thanks for telling me,” Dominique nods.

“Thanks for staying,” Levi returns.

--

Pearl agreed to walk with Francesca out onto the dock, providing she wear her life jacket.  Francesca, it turned out, had requirements of her own, insisting that she could not walk down if she were rushed, and that she needed a hand to hold.

Now, they’re down safely, but Pearl has to admit it: she doesn’t feel safe.

“It’s kinda boring here,” Francesca observes, looking out at the lake.

A surprised laugh escapes Pearl.  “Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a boring day…”

“How come?” Francesca asks.  “Boring days are...well...boring.”

“Boring days are also calm.  I could use a calm day,” she says.

“Are you sad your mom left?” Francesca checks.  “Because, not to be rude, but I usually like it better away from my moms…”

“I hear you, sister,” Pearl says easily.

Now, it’s Francesca’s turn to laugh.  “What if I really was your sister and my name was Francesca Rose West?  That would be funny, huh?”

“I think that has a nice ring to it,” Pearl compliments.

There’s quiet.  

“I’m still thinking how I’m jealous of you…” Francesca admits.

“Jealous of me?  Why?” Pearl asks, shocked.

“‘Cause, you get to know who your dad is.  You know he was nice.  And that he wanted you.  I don’t know any of that stuff,” Francesca comments.  “All my brothers and sisters...no matter if they’re full adopted or half?  All of them know who their dads are.  Except me.”

“Have you gotten the chance to talk to Mariana?  See what she knows?” Pearl wonders.

“No, because I was an epic dummy and scared Jesus by talking about Facebook…” Francesca comments darkly.

“That emotion you’re feeling?  It’s called guilt,” Pearl tells Francesca.  “And remember how we talked about how feeling bad for a little while is a good sign.  That your humanness is developing.”

“Yeah, but Jesus is still all traumaish and it’s my fault…” Francesca insists.

“If you knew talking about Facebook would scare him, would you have said it?” Pearl checks.

“No.”

“Well, that doesn’t make you a bad sister.  That makes you a good one.  When you get older, you realize...that eleven is still really young.”

“So I’m a stupid baby.” Francesca fills in.

“That’s not what I was going to say,” Pearl says calmly.  When Francesca doesn’t jump in again, Pearl keeps talking, holding Cleo close.  “I was going to say that being eleven means you’re still learning about life and the world.  If all of us were eleven, and making the same mistakes, you’d see that it doesn’t make you bad...it means you’re normal.”

“Did you make mistakes?  When you were my age?” Francesca checks, doubtful.

“Oh yeah,” Pearl nods.  

It’s helping so much to be able to think back to a time before trauma.  For a while, all of those memories were nowhere to be found.  For a while, asking Pearl to step away from her trauma for even a moment felt like floating away into a void with nothing to anchor her, because she felt so sure she had lost all of her previous memories.  But she hadn’t.  There had been an engulfing that lasted about ten years, before Pearl was able to start to see into the past again.  To realize her memories still existed.  To be able to feel safe stepping away from the trauma and focusing on something else, even during anniversary hell.

“When I was eleven, my mom asked me to make dinner while she was at work.  Spaghetti.”

Francesca’s eyes widened.  “Your mom let you use the stove?  When she wasn’t even home?”

“It was the 90s.  Things were different.  God, I feel so old saying that…  Anyway, I didn’t know the first thing about making spaghetti.  There was a box of noodles on and a jar of sauce on the counter.  I knew there needed to be water added somehow, but I added it to the sauce.  That was the wrong thing.”

“So?  I mean, didn’t somebody help you start over?” Francesca asks.

“There was nobody.  I was an only child.  Levi wasn’t born until I was 20.  And I didn’t have my dad there...so I was stuck calling my 6th grade best friend who suggested all these things that did nothing but make it worse,” Pearl grimaced.

“So, I bet your mom was really mad, huh?” Francesca guesses.

“She was. She mostly wouldn’t talk to me.  She just made sure we ate all the leftovers.  We didn’t have a lot of money.  So me ruining the spaghetti was a big deal.”

“So you had to eat it, even though it was gross?” Francesca asks, horrified.

“Yeah…” Pearl nods.

“Jesus isn’t that mad at me,” she observes.  “And you guys aren’t giving me the silent treatment.”

“No, we’re not.  We understand that people make mistakes,” Pearl reassures.

“I guess that’s kinda lucky then…” Francesca concedes.  “I just...always think everything is my fault.  That I’m the reason.”

“The reason?” Pearl asks.

“Bad stuff happens.  Like maybe if I stayed home, Jesus would be okay right now,” Francesca murmurs.

“But if you didn’t come, Dominique wouldn’t have had anybody here she trusted at Feelings Time, to help her.  If you’re going to take credit for the bad things happening, you need to start taking credit for all the ways you help, too.  It’s only fair.”

“Eleven year olds shouldn’t have to make a whole dinner on the stove without backup…” Francesca points out.  “That’s not fair.”

“It’s not fair for you to blame yourself either, for making an honest mistake,” Pearl says gently.

“You remind me of a teacher.” Francesca tells Pearl.  “Like, you’re kinda strict about stuff.  But you’re kind.  And you care about kids.  Even ones like me.”

“Ones like you are the best ones,” Pearl insists, smiling.

“Can I call you Mrs. West?” Francesca squints.  A mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Not married.” Pearl shakes her head.

“Ms. West?” Francesca tries, affecting a fancy voice and giggling.

“Pearl is fine,” she manages, because now, somehow, she is laughing, too.

--

“I felt like this…” Mariana ventures softly after they’ve sat in silence on the couch forever.

“Like what?” Jesus questions.

“Like you.  Like now.  Well, maybe not just like this...but kinda?” Mariana squints.

“You felt like I feel now?” Jesus asks and Mariana breathes a little easier.  She’s gotten so used to Mom commenting with a laugh that she’s always just to the left of the point.  It feels different - good - to have Jesus with her.  

She nods.

“When?” he asks.

“When you were gone…” she confesses.  “I felt like all the me left with you...and what was left was just...I don’t know…but I had no idea how to function.  And...I was scared all the time…”

“Of being kidnapped?” Jesus asks, and Mariana knows he’s thinking about Francesca, who had been terrified to turn nine a couple years back, because she thought it meant she’d get kidnapped, like Jesus.

“No.  Just of being without you…” Mariana fills in.

“Well, being without each other is scary,” Jesus says.  

“I felt frozen.  Like I didn’t know what to do.  I just did what people told me.  Until I realized the feeling wasn’t stopping…”

Jesus listens.

“Then I just got angry and sad about everything…  Kinda like now…” Mariana admits.

“Why now?” Jesus asks.  “Are you mad...at me?  Did I do something?”

“No, I mean...the accident.  I’m not the same.” Mariana admits.  “I know trauma changes people...but it feels like...I changed....  And no one gets that…  It’s like...I say it and they’re like, ‘No, you’re still you.’  But that feels, whatever…” Mariana waves the feeling away.

“Maybe dismissive?” Jesus guesses.

“Yeah, because...I’m telling people...you know?  And them telling me I’m wrong...feels...small.  It makes me feel small.”

“‘Cause maybe it doesn’t feel good to have people tell you that what you know is true...isn’t.  You know yourself.  It’s like...not exactly...but it reminds me of Carla going on about how I tricked everybody.”

“What did she say?” Mariana asks.

“That...I fooled everybody with the ‘poor kidnapped kid’ act or something.” Jesus admits.

“But I’m not tricking anybody…” Mariana points out.  

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Jesus tries.  “It’s more like...she had this idea of me.  Based on pictures.  Video clips.  Whatever Moms released to the press, to encourage the public to look for me.”

“Okay,” Mariana nods.

“So, that was who I was at nine.  Before this huge thing came and changed me.  It’s like...she’s expecting me to be the same kid I was then.  And I can’t be that.  It’s unfair of her to expect.”

“So...you’re saying...like with me...people still don’t wanna accept you’ve changed.” Mariana deduces.

“Right.  I think.” Jesus nods.

“But were those people ever Moms?” Mariana challenges.

“They said they accepted me?” Jesus admits.  “I even believed them sometimes.  Even felt safe sometimes.  But there were these other times.  Like mini explosions that just proved to me…  They say they’re glad I’m back.  Glad I’m alive.  But like, the truth is, they want the sweet kid back.  Same as the media.”

“And Moms want smart Mariana back.  The math genius.  Where’s she?” Mariana comments darkly.

“Probably wherever Jesus the sweet nine year old is…” Jesus ventures.

“I miss talking to you,” Mariana admits.  “Like this.  I know it took us a while to, like, be able to communicate again after...but I miss it.  I miss our twinbrain.”

“Oh God, our twinbrain,” Jesus laughs, wincing.  “You know I always kinda hold out hope that one day you’ll wanna move in with me...or Dominique.  So we can be roomies.  Or neighbors.”

“Yeah, but I can’t leave Frankie,” Mariana makes a sad face.  “Seriously, you have no idea what it’s like at home, just the two of us.  And if it was just her?” Mariana shudders.  “Like...she’s struggling already.”

“I hate that,” Jesus comments cryptically.  “They’re different.  When they get us alone?  It’s like all bets are off.”

Mariana feels her stomach drop.  “They were...I mean, it was never just you…”

“It was.  For those two months after I got home.  It was just me and them.  And, Mari, I may not talk about it, but believe that I know what it’s like…” Jesus tells her honestly.

“Sorry.  I didn’t know…” Mariana apologizes, feeling newly devastated.  Even when Jesus was missing, she at least had Brandon.  And neither of them had massive levels of C-PTSD like Jesus, or CP like Frankie, or a TBI like Mari has now.

“I think we need Avoidance tonight,” Jesus says.  “Feelings Time.  Whatever.  All together.  It’s been a huge day.  And like...I feel like it’d be good if we all can touch base.  If everybody else is cool with it.”

“I’m cool like this.  With you.” Mariana tells him.  “But I think Avoidance is a good idea.”

“We’ll see what everybody thinks.” Jesus insists, wincing.  “P.S. I love this you.”

Mariana wipes her eyes.  “Yeah?”

In response, Jesus puts an arm around her.  “Totally.  I think this you is my favorite of all the yous.”

“Stop making me cry.” Mariana exclaims, exasperated, somehow laughing, too.

“Okay, sorry.  I’m just saying.” Jesus objects lightly.

Mariana sighs, leaning into him.  “You do that.”

“I will…  As often as you need…” Jesus tells her.

[creativitytoexplore]

Tony Ambrosio's Unsuccessful Life of Crime Is Finally Looking Up by Michael Drezin https://ift.tt/2xnTIVE It takes a lot to teach hapless petty thief Tony Ambrosio a lesson; by Michael Drezin.

Anthony Ambrosio, Tony to his friends, is not an honest man. No need to be. No one who ever made it big, made it big being honest. Honest or not, indications are Anthony Ambrosio will never make it big in crime because he doesn't have what it takes. He pulls mostly minor scams like selling weed that isn't weed, or bootlegged CDs where the cover doesn't match what's inside. And he gets caught like flu in winter. Tony's always getting caught. He does his time without complaint, 'cause that's the way real men do time. And then he starts the cycle all over again. No thought about what went wrong, or how to do it better. He does the same thing, in the same way, every time. He can't see that a life of crime is not for him because Anthony Ambrosio, Tony to his friends, is not an honest man. Not even with himself. And so when he told himself he had enough money for a fine meal at the Actor's Crib (insiders call it the Crib), a five star restaurant in the heart of NYC's theater district, it turned out he did. It's just that it wasn't on him. Upon the direction of management Alberto, the waiter, called the police. When they arrived Tony was arrested and until he was able to see a judge, he spent an afternoon, evening and the next morning in jail.

Anthony Ambrosio aka Tony Ambrosio aka Little Tony of Arthur Avenue, has been arrested like 100 times before. Pull a job. Get arrested. Tony was so regularly arrested he knew what to expect for dessert any day of the week whenever he was jailed. Tony started his life of crime at age 14. Beer, his first heist. Problem is, he got regularly caught doing it. His mentor suggested he bring his own shopping bag, but by then Tony was banned from most places that sold alcohol. Years later, when he graduated to burglaries, it took only one try to realize a yellow Dodge with a bumper sticker saying Proud parent of a Harvard graduate was a poor choice for a getaway car. It's not that Tony had bad ideas. It's more like he had no ideas. Like an impulse purchaser, Tony was an impulse desperado who never kept his impulse in check. Could be he was raised that way.

Tony's mom supported her and Tony by playing poker. Most often, she did so wearing a low cut leopard print blouse while chain smoking Evet's filtered cigarettes. She played in high stakes games held in the private room at Gino's (Fine Italian Cuisine) in the Little Italy section of the Bronx. It was mostly a men's game, but anyone who could afford the five thousand dollar minimum could play. Big fat cigars were banned ten years ago because they stunk up the restaurant, and except for Francesca these were no smoking games. She knew the dangers of smoking, everyone does, but she felt she had a realistic perspective on her habit. It was the same as her realistic perspective on life. Nothing bad would ever happen to her. If she thought about it at all, I'm sure she wasn't happy her son was sent to the principal's office nearly every day, but boys fight. What could she do about boys being boys? She didn't do much in the way of cooking, or cleaning, or any of the things formerly known as woman's work, but she always left Tony money for McDonald's, or pizza, or the like. Tony never lacked for anything that up to twenty-five dollars could buy. Besides poker, Francesca had a talent for attracting well-to-do men. It was just such a man who, in return for intimate companionship, staked her to her first major league poker game. That was maybe ten years ago, but even in early middle age, she was eye candy. She had a trim figure and an oval face framed by long, formerly dark, brown hair. If there was any flaw in her package, at least in my view, it was the unoriginality of a woman with tip over bazookas having brassy blond hair. The fact that she wore black framed glasses toned it down some, but not enough for men who liked a reserved looking woman. Still, anyone thinking Francesca was an uncaring mother would be wrong. She was teaching self-reliance to her young son, same as her parents taught her. In that effort, although she didn't know it, she was getting help from her boyfriend Joey Sanitation. Joey was in private sanitation, that is, he collected business refuse while the city collected residential garbage. The industry was heavily regulated in New York to rid it of the mobsters who once dominated the field and who, through front men, still do. Joey was too advanced in his legitimate career to break the law the way street thugs do, but not too old to tell stories of his own, earlier days, when a street thug was exactly what he was. Tales of crimes and tales of survival in prison, make for interesting listening even if you are not an impressionable 14-year-old. (If incarcerated, find a guard to bribe. There will be one. From special meals to skipping out on your work detail, they make life easier.) Joey was someone Tony could look up to, a substitute for the father who left too long ago to be remembered. With Joey Sanitation as inspiration, Tony lived his life the way any 14-year-old on his own would. He did whatever seemed like a good idea at the time.

First time Tony was arrested for shoplifting, his first time out, a security guard reached into a jacket pocket and found items not paid for inside. When asked how they got there, he had a simple defense. "I borrowed the coat," he said. And he's the kind who needs someone to blame, and so when he got arrested for not paying at the Crib he blamed his waiter for believing he had money to pay for dinner at a place as expensive as that place is. The thing is, when he wants to, Tony can make a decent enough living dumpster-diving for information to sell to identity thieves. But making money, having it on you, and spending it are three different things. No talent or special skill is required to buy things with money. A child can do it. The thrill for Tony, the excitement, is in getting over, in getting something for nothing. If you don't understand that, you're either too square to explain it to, or not being honest with yourself. Still, some might argue, given that Tony did order and eat, no gun to his head, his waiter could reasonably assume he would pay when the time came. The way Tony sees it, that's a mistake. Not his mistake. It's a mistake in the way restaurants are run. Tony came to this insight by way of life experience, which taught him that placing trust in people almost never works out well. He thinks restaurants should be run like stores. There they make you pay before you get the merchandise. They do that for a reason. Clearly, it's not Tony's fault the Crib isn't run that way. And using that logic, that impeccable logic, Tony was certain at the conclusion of the Crib's case against him, he would be a free man. "It's not like he asked if I could pay, Your Honor. Is he not, thus, as guilty as I?" But the judge did not consider the guilty waiter theory much of an excuse, and he sentenced Tony to thirty days of dishwashing at the cafe. Alberto, as witness for the prosecution, hearing of Tony's defense, was deeply offended that a man of honor, such as he, would be accused of being a negligent waiter. But what could he do? He was not long in this world before he realized dishonest people abound. Tony fulfilled the obligations of his sentence with admirable diligence. For 30 days he arrived on time, kept to himself, scrubbed dishes for eight hours and then left. At the end of his sentence, Tony told himself he had enough money for a fine meal at the Crib, and he ordered one. He ordered lobster prepared in clam sauce. No wine to go with it. Coffee was fine. When he was through and unable to pay, Alberto was, once again, directed to call the police. When they came, Tony was arrested and once again blamed Alberto, witness for the prosecution. And once again Alberto was offended at Tony's attempt made to sully his good name, but what could he do? Waiters do not get to pick their customers. Alberto was satisfied that he lived his life doing unto others...

It was high noon when Tony was released from the Bronx House of Detention for Men. Like checkout in a hotel, his time inside was up, his probation sentence to be served. As the gate clanked closed behind him, after walking through the cement yard and past the barbed wire fencing, he looked up at the cloudless sky and then down the block where children, five or six in all, ran under water spraying from a capped fire hydrant. A time and temperature sign brought to the community by Third Avenue Bank read 89 degrees. A Mr. Refreshment ice cream truck was approaching, its bell ringing the same few sounds over and over, and all looked right with the world except that not ten feet away a purse snatcher was plying his trade on the oldest-looking, shortest (under four feet), whitest- haired, most wrinkled, bony fingered, four-eyed woman in oversized pink-lensed sunglasses Tony had ever seen. Her silver-tone cane fell to her right side as she struggled with her assailant to hold on to her purse, and what Tony guessed were the proceeds from a cashed Social Security check inside. Tony suspected she was fighting, as best she could, to hold on to her food and medicine money and that part of her rent not paid by the government. He and Tony were in the same line of work, but Tony had standards. Stealing from the elderly was permissible, but doing so violently was out of the question. That's just wrong, was the way Tony saw it. Problem was, Tony wasn't much of a fighter. So he walked on by, called 911 from a safe distance, and hung up satisfied he made the world a better place for being in it. Before he left, he heard a police siren in the distance. Tony hopped the turnstile and took the number 4 train to Times Square. In the city he walked past the places where the peep shows used to be before Times Square was ruined by becoming a family-friendly destination. He stopped to remember the girls he saw- on film for 25 cents a peep. Where are they now, he wondered. A short time later, after waking past some of Broadway's oldest and most famous theaters, he was at the Crib.

As required by his sentence, for 30 days Tony arrived at the Crib on time, kept to himself, scrubbed dishes for eight hours and then left for the day. When his sentence was up, Tony was very hungry and so he ordered lobster, stuffed with shrimp and scallops and accompanied by a fine Chardonnay. He had baked clams to start. He skipped the coffee. Being pleasantly looped, he saw no need for coffee to kill his buzz. But by now Tony had learned his lesson. Take care of others (at least those that can help, or hurt). This time Tony left a generous tip that he removed from a nearby table just as Alberto was delivering the cheesecake. He slipped it into Alberto's outstretched hand. In brotherhood with a fellow employee, of sorts, Alberto forgot to leave a check. Well, better late than never. Twenty-two years after beginning life, Tony learned something new. Who knows. Could be he'll learn all kinds of lessons. Like plan an escape route. Wear gloves. Bring your mom's DNA to the job. The friends of Anthony Ambrosio, the ones who call him Tony, hope, however unrealistically, that someday he will succeed, that he will be at the top of his game and that the FBI will consider him to be a most wanted man, his face on posters, a major player in the minor leagues of crime.

[survivor-switzerland]

Rites of Passage (Pre-Jury)

It is time for the Rites of Passage. Take this time to reflect on your journey in this game as well as the people who left for you four to be where you are now. Right now, we are only releasing pre-jury Rites of Passage. The jury Rites of Passage will be released after the season is over. Please play the audio and enjoy your experience.

Signing up for this game I knew it was going to be more cutthroat then other seasons (with being voted in and everything). Mentally I just wasn't in a place to rise to the occasion like I wanted. I wish everyone good luck and to have fun. xoxo Steven

Ashley Daisy Trent Steven Ci'ere - sorry I never had opportunity to know any of you but there's always another game!! I think you guys were robbed and should get a third chance but that's just my opinion

Brett I didn't get to meet Steven, but I thought it was rude to vote off the person with the worst finish first. Very Francesca. But the joke's on them, Steven, because you at least advanced your placement! Not everyone here can say that!

Dom Hi I don't really know you at all but you got rocked out of your first season and first boot on this season. That's really ugly and I'm sorry that you went home first boot. You seemed nice though!

Ian I never got to know you which kinda sucks. Your vote out was savage and it served as a testament on how savage people are in this season.

I'd like to thank the hosts for putting together an incredible season and a special thanks to everyone who voted for me and was rooting for me. I'm so sorry to disappoint you. I let you all down but mostly I let myself down. I don't know if I could have done anything differently, I don't know if I could have saved myself. To the few people who I did connect with, I'm rooting for you. Make me proud and do what I couldn't do! (Insert Mari Salty video because it just needs to be there lmao)

Ashley ROBBED KING!!!!! Your time was cut way too short!!!!! You should have slayed this game!!!

Brett My original #1 and partner in crime! I was devastated when he left and I told myself "No one who wrote your name down is going to win this game." I'm glad I could honor him. I hope everyone here gets to know him better because he's one of the most fantastic humans I've ever met.

Dom I've heard wonderful things about you from Brett. You were definitely so robbed and it's so ugly that you got second boot.

Ian I love dogs so you’re good in my book. You were robbed and I have heard nothing but good things from you.

Coming into this game, I wanted to play differently and be a lot more aggressive when it came to decision making. My tribe targeted people I wanted to work with and I didn't like that and when I don't like something I'm not gonna just sit there and eat my rice. I'm not a sheep, I'm a KWEEN. I tried to take a risk by planting seeds in the minority's head about a player having way too much power and control so that we could take them down, but someone screwed that up huh. You could say I was too smart for my own good. I'm so thankful to the hosts for giving my flop a$$ another opportunity to play and to everyone that voted for me on the ballot! <3 P.S. Drew, when are we going on our key lime pie date? :]

Ashley Daisy Trent Steven Ci'ere - sorry I never had opportunity to know any of you but there's always another game!! I think you guys were robbed and should get a third chance but that's just my opinion

Brett My hometown hero! I was bummed our Long Beach hearts weren't paired together on the same tribe.

Dom MY FELLOW ARABIA!!! We didn't get to play in Arabia together so I was really looking forward to playing with you this season. Unfortunately, your tribe voted you out so we didn't get that chance. You're super cool though!

Ian Your vote out had me shook. We talked briefly during the voting of the community and I really liked our short conversation! I wanted to work with you in this game but sadly we weren’t able to.

well i had a nice quick run! honestly these people were sucky, whoever wins is probably gonna be very boring. i wish i could say i had more regrets but i played headstrong, and almost turned things around for me once we swapped. if only i hadn't had a life for a night!

Ashley Daisy Trent Steven Ci'ere - sorry I never had opportunity to know any of you but there's always another game!! I think you guys were robbed and should get a third chance but that's just my opinion

Brett The fact that we weren't swapped together KILLS me. I think the world of him. Congrats on graduating this week, too!

Dom I don't know you but you seemed cool.

Ian I never got the chance to talk to you but I think the shoes you sent during the endurance challenge were nice!

My time in Switzerland was kind of a rollercoaster honestly. I felt like I was at the top of an alliance for a while but something totally out of my control screwed that up for me. I respect everyone's decisions for voting me out. It probably made sense for a lot of your games (except one or two people, who I won't name but... you know who you are. I would've been loyal as fuck). The only thing I still don't understand, is whoever told me I was too paranoid in their voting confessional. I had every right to be paranoid. I was voted out, so clearly there was something to be paranoid about. But anyways. Here I am. I hope whoever the jury votes for is a deserving winner!

Ashley Daisy Trent Steven Ci'ere - sorry I never had opportunity to know any of you but there's always another game!! I think you guys were robbed and should get a third chance but that's just my opinion

Brett Daisy wears lipstick.

Dom Ahhhh daisy I think we were on a tribe together at the start. You definitely got screwed over and I'm so sorry that happened to you. You are such a delight.

Ian Another person I never got the chance to talk to. Your lipstick looks nice though :)

Me, rising from my bed to look at the rest of this season: wait what oh yall are cute i guess hope u had fun tru

Ashley Lily- we didn't have long enough to get to know each other well but you seem cool and maybe we'll get a chance to play in the future!! 

Brett Thank you for enouraging my crimes more than anyone here!

Dom Ahhh Lily hi. You were SO robbed. I was looking forward to working with you because you're just such an icon.

Ian You were interesting to talk to. I was shocked that you were voted out. In any case, I loved that time during the selfie challenge where we were kinda the only ones up and you tried staying up until the sunrise and you couldn’t handle it anymore.

the only one-Justin Bieber ft. Chance the rapper.mp3

Ashley Renee - you seemed to be a fierce competitor so I'm sad we didn't get much time to play together. You seem nice and I really hope we have chance to actually work together soon.

Brett I liked her a lot! It just wasn't smart to let her go any further. But the first thing I told her when I met her at swap #2 was that she had a brilliant audition tape and she looked beyond cute in Monte Rosa 2.0's music video. The star of that tribe for sure!

Dom You voted yourself out. ICONIC. You're super sweet and I think you're wonderful!!

Ian I’m writing this last because you deserve an essay, heck even a paragraph for this because you don’t know how sorry I am for voting you out. The moment I saw you in the voting pool I knew I wanted to work with you. The moment you got cast, I knew I really really wanted to work with you. The moment we finally got into a tribe together I was pumped, overjoyed and excited to finally be able to work with you. I picked you first because I wanted the chance to finally re-write our story that had an ending we didn’t want in Bora Bora. The moment we lost that escape room challenge, I knew you were in trouble. We tried figuring something out, and I told you to try and talk to people. However when I woke up the next day, everyone was saying your name. It was gut wrenching having to see people message me that they only heard the name ‘Renee’ on who to vote out. It killed me not contacting you, because I couldn’t do a thing about it. Maybe I could have done something to save you but either way I didn’t do anything to save you. Voting you out was one of the most painful thing I had to do because I essentially was responsible for you being voted out because I picked you on my tribe. During the tribal council call, I don’t know if people noticed but I was really crying at that time or I had just finished crying. I can’t really remember. It’s my fault that you got voted for out and for that I wanna say that I’m deeply sorry and I hope that once this is over we can still chat from time to time.

I’m mostly just bitter about getting the same placement I did on my first season, but at least I didn’t do worse, right? If the 2 who said they couldn’t save me had tried, I would have lived. Also my fuck you was filled with irony, there’s really only hard feelings to one of you, and to that one, I have this: 

Ashley Logan - robbed!!!! Stupid swap !!! You should have come back to us!!! At least we avenged you!!! You know you deserve so much more!!! You are the best and  I will always look forward to games with you!!

Brett When he got voted out, I just wanted him to STAY. A MINUTE. JUST TAKE. YOUR TIME. THE CLOCK. IS TICKING. If I could describe Logan as one word, it would be "brave." He came to me early in the game with some things he had heard before the game started and he made me promise I would come to my own conclusions about him and I'm glad I held up my end of the deal. Dom OH MY GOD YOU WERE THE MOST ROBBED PREMERGE BOOT. I LITERALLY WAS SO UPSET THAT YOU GOT VOTED OUT!!! YOU AND NICK WERE MY CLOSEST ALLIES I'M SO SORRY THAT PEOPLE ARE UGLY. I HAVE NOTHING BUT LOVE FOR YOU <3 Ian Coming into this game I was scared of you tbh. You literally had connections with almost everyone in the cast. I’m sorry for calling you a ��her” or a “mother” on several occasions lol, thanks for taking the time to correct me. Also I’m still waiting on that tarot card reading you were gonna give me.

Okay so. This wasn’t the worst season I’ve ever played but y’all seriously need to up your social games. I had a lot of fun with my OG Monte Rosa mates, but in the end, most of the players of my last tribe made no effort to talk to me, were completely sloppy in their attempts to blindside, and generally killed the vibe for me. I always love making friends in these games, so thanks to the few of you I can say I connected with. But as for the rest of you, good luck with your future ORG careers and I wish you much improvement in the social and subtlety departments (y’all were projecting wanting me gone since day one of that swap let’s be real), and also like. You know, fun :P

Ashley Maximilian- you were amazing!!! I wish we had talked more cause you are talented and seem like a great competitor!! Our time was so great together and sadly the swap led to your vote out but we avenged you!!! I hope to see you in other games!!!

Brett Thank you for editing that music video.

Dom You were really shady to me when we were on the same tribe. When you got screwed over on the tribe swap, I was upset because you're actually super nice and fun.

Ian You were always an enigma in this game. I couldn’t really get a proper read on you, but you were the first person I talked to in the tribe so that’s something hahaha. Good luck with your films!!

[ficdirectory]

The Crossing (Disuphere series #3) Chapter 25

Scene XIX: Too Many Years Spent Fighting Back Tears

Being able to talk to Mom is something that Dominique needs like she needs air.  So many times, she’s discussed this with people and heard it diminished.  

(The guys probably didn’t know how old you were.)

(If you didn’t want to be there, you could’ve tried to get away, you know?)

(They’re good guys, I’m sure.  They just made some mistakes in their life.)

It’s been reactions like these that have kept Dominique mostly silent for the better part of ten years about what happened to her.  But Mom never places the blame back on Dominique’s own shoulders.  Swears Dominique has her absolute confidence and Mom would never break that, not even to tell Dad anything.

It means everything that Dominique doesn’t have to worry about her deepest feelings, fears, and secrets getting out, and circulating around where Dominique can’t control who knows or how much they know.

Mom’s up for as much processing as Dominique needs to do.  Responds to her texts no matter the time.  Stays late into the night, talking to her, in her messy apartment.  Sometimes even picking up for her a little if Dominique lets her.

One night, Mom doesn’t have to work the next day.  Neither does Dominique.  The clock’s edging toward 10 PM, which is usually Mom’s cut-off time, so she can stay awake to drive home.  

“You gotta go, right?” Dominique asks.

“No.”

“No?”

“Dad said we should take as much time as we needed.”

“Can you stay tonight?” Dominique asks, trying not to hold her breath at the possibility.

“I can if you want me to, yes.  I’d love to stay.”

“We can share the bed,” Dominique says.  “You don’t have to sleep in the costume room chair, or the couch.  They’re not very comfortable.  Sorry I was so mean about you staying, before.  I didn’t know...that you got it...you know?”

“I know,” Mom says, not mad at all.

Dominique ventures out to the kitchen, feeling hungry for the first time  in days.  She takes out her favorite pizza from the freezer.

“Want some?” she asks.

“You know I do,” Mom smiles.

“Small ones or big?” Dominique checks.

“Let’s go big.” Mom decides.  

They settle on the couch, facing each other.  Roberta’s between them, lounging on Jesus’s blanket.

“Starting to hate that blanket…” she admits.

“Roberta’s?” Mom asks.

“It’s not supposed to be hers.  Jesus left it for me before we really knew each other.  With those hot chocolate cookies, remember?”

“Right.  How’s it going with them?”

Dominique shrugs.  “Mariana’s here a lot, but I haven’t heard from Jesus.  Except…” she pulls a letter out of her pocket.  Offers it.

“A letter.  I feel like I’m in college now…” Mom muses, accepting the letter.  “May I?” she asks.

Dominique nods.

She knows what Mom’s gonna see:

Dear Dominique,

I don’t know what happened but I want you to know that no matter what I’m here.  I won’t annoy you after this if you don’t want.  I just want you to know that I’m not mad or anything.  We don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.  I just miss hanging out with you.  Mariana and I are gonna be at Avoidance this week - Wednesday - the usual time.  If you want to meet us there, you can.  We’d love to see you. - Jesus

Mom folds the letter.  

“So, what do you think I should do?” Dominique asks.

“What do you feel?”

“I feel like I miss my friends,” Dominique says.  “And if they’re not gonna harass me about why I was an ass to them, all the better. But I’m scared, too.”

“What are you scared of?” Mom wonders, eating her pizza.

“If it’s a trick…” Dominique admits in a whisper.

“You think your friends would trick you?” Mom asks, sympathetic.

Dominique shrugs.  “Brittany did…”

“Babe, Brittany was not your friend.  She was nice to you ‘cause she wanted you to trust her, so she could get you in the car with her…”

“Well, so what if this is like that, Mom?  What if they say they’re not mad, but really they are?  What if they know about how I feel about Francesca and they’re pissed?”

“I haven’t spoken to either one of them about Francesca or anything else since dinner on Friday.  Have you?” Mom asks calmly.

“I’ve talked to Mariana...but not about Francesca.”  Dominique admits.

“Okay.  Did Mariana seem upset?”

“No, but Mom, nobody seemed pissed at first.  They all seemed nice…” Dominique’s almost begging.  Please believe me.

“Okay.  Miss Roberta, you gotta go.  You are being evicted from this spot.”  Mom picks up Roberta, blanket and all, and moves her to Mom’s former place at the other end.  Mom moves beside Dominique.  Offers her arms and Dominique goes into them.  

“I know,” Mom murmurs.  “I do.  And that’s not your fault that you were tricked.  That you were hurt like that.  You don’t have to go see Jesus and Mariana if you don’t want to.”

“I want to,” Dominique admits, her voice breaking.  Her heart feels like it’s about to beat out of her chest at admitting it again, out loud.  Before she knows it, Dominique is full on ugly-crying.

“Breathe, babe,” Mom reassures.  “I got you.”

“I want to,” Dominique gasps again.

“And I bet it feels scary...if you think they might be mad…”  Mom ventures, soft.

Dominique nods over and over.

“You know what?” Mom asks.  She waits til Dominique’s a little calmer.  “Your reaction is totally reasonable.”

“It is not,” Dominique laughs, not expecting to.  “It’s the opposite of reasonable, Mom.”

“It’s reasonable, because of what you’ve been through.  You’ve experienced many, many more people who act nice and hurt you anyway than people who truly care about you and would never wanna hurt you.  So it makes sense that you’d be hesitating at this.”

Dominique relaxes, infinitesimally, feeling again, like Mom gets where she’s coming from.  Not that she is desperately alone.

“I could go with you,” Mom offers. “If it’s not too uncool to have your mom at Avoidance with your friends…”

“You would do that?” Dominique asks, her voice shaking a little.  

“It’d have to be a little later in the day.  ‘Cause I work ‘til afternoon, but after that, I can come over.  We can go together.”

It’s like Dominique can finally breathe again.  They climb into bed a little later.  Mom keeps her arms wrapped around Dominique and it’s the safest she’s felt since before everything.

“I used to wanna do this so bad…” Mom admits, in the dark.  “Hold you.  After.  But you were so hurt…”

“Yeah,” Dominique whispers back.  “I remember.  And after that, I didn’t really wanna be close to anybody…not for a long time…”

“Do you want me to hold you like this right now?”  Mom checks.

“If you want to,” Dominique nods.  “Not if you don’t.”

“I do.  You’re my baby.  I always do.”

“I miss my baby,” Dominique whispers, her voice thick.

“I bet…” Mom holds her a little tighter.  “There’s no greater loss in the world, I think.”

“I think she would’ve been smart.” Dominique admits.

“Oh, she definitely would’ve been smart. She was yours.”

“Mine with barely an education,” Dominique counters.  “So, I don’t know how I’m thinking she would’ve been smart.”

“You might’ve been naive, but you were never unintelligent, babe,” Mom promises.

“It’s bad to be naive,” Dominique comments, disappointed.

“It’s normal to be naive.  You were eleven.”

“Were you?  Naive?”

“No.  I was not,” Mom admits ruefully.

“I bet I got it from Dad, then…” Dominique decides.

“That’s a safe guess.”

Dominique can hear the smile in Mom’s voice.  Can hear when her breathing evens out.  Dominique lies awake for a long time, thinking.  If Taylor had made it, would she be like the john?  DNA isn’t like Halloween candy.  You can’t pick your favorite parts - a favorite parent - the best traits.

It was entirely possible that her baby could have been a walking, talking reminder of not only that time in her life, but that john.  They all blended together after a while, but Dominique’s sure she would know.  Because any part that she could not immediately recognize as from her, or her parents, or her Gran, Dominique would know had to come from the other side.  

Still, Dominique finds herself wishing that Taylor had lived.  Even years later, when she found out her favorite character’s name was Taylor McKessie, not Taylor McKenzie like Dominique had thought at eleven.

She stays awake, thinking about who her baby might have grown up to be, if she’d been allowed to have a life.