#my giffing process has changed a lot since i started this. i have changed. the entire world has changed

[hornedmonsters]

"A'thaen" Yautja Oc x Reader - Mate - nsfw - Part 2

Warnings: nsfw, size difference, exophilia, teratophilia, monster x human, alien sex, breeding, angst, sex in the snow

Synopsis: Your life with A'thaen he started, but you've already loved every second of it. But something seemed to be bothering the Yautja.

Word Count: 3,2k

Jezus… this GIF… damn…

I managed to translate this story after all. Thanks Handy!

Two months have passed since A'thaen made you his life partner and mated with you. You haven't regretted a second of your life that he just stormed into your life and fucked you. Literally. You no longer felt so lonely in your little house and the nights weren't so cold either.

Because he fucked you almost every night, either deep inside your bed mattress, on the sofa or anywhere else. He found a place everywhere where he could breed you. And he often destroyed your bed in the process, because it was simply not designed for the brute strength of a gigantic alien with a high breeding instinct.

Of course you had never worried about getting pregnant, because what are the chances of getting pregnant by an alien, a different species that has a different DNA and life line than you?So you let him do it because you enjoyed the way he treated you like you were his queen. He adored you more than anything.You moaned as he pushed his thick cock deeper into you and pressed your face into the mattress. Your skin was covered in a film of sweat and his shadow towered over you. He had totally changed since your first mating. He was reserved at first, but now you were his.

"A'thaen..." you gasped, your legs trembling. You had no strength left and were exhausted. The Yautja growled in apology and shortly after, he came inside you, deep rumbling.

He watched you attentively as you let your body sink into the bathtub and let out a pleasant sigh. You were tired and he felt it, a touch of his conscience made him restless. He sometimes forgot that you were a human and not a Yautja female. You were more sensitive and he had to try to respect that and be more careful with you, he didn't want to break you and hurt you.Gently he laid you in bed and pulled you against his chest. You were exhausted and your eyelids were heavy.

"Don't forget... that my sister is coming tomorrow," you said in a whisper and the Yautja listened up, his eyes looking down at you. You saw the question mark on his face.

"She won't be staying, she's just bringing her child over in the meantime because she has something important to do and she wants me to look after her daughter.

"A'thaen tensed as the thought of hiding came to mind, as no one was to know he was here. The child might betray him and that would only cause trouble, even if it was questionable to believe a child.

"She's half a year old, A'thaen. You don't have to hide," you breathed, straightening up. Gently, you pressed your forehead against his cheek and breathed in his scent. He calmed you down.He clicked, apparently not much in the mood to talk right now. His claws were still firmly on your curves and you felt him pull you closer.A'thaen had often had the thought of what if you were pregnant by him. Yautja children were different from human babies and the birth could mean your death if you were pregnant. That would be the next thing

Since you've been together, you've mated a lot... a whole lot. But you didn't get pregnant. But the Yautja had hope, a lot of hope. His gaze rested on your sleeping form and he felt warmth in his heart.This feeling became even stronger when you held your sister's child in your arms and it triggered all kinds of feelings in him. Excitement, sadness, hope and warmth. It was a chaos of emotions.

The little girl squawked and squeaked. You smiled and looked at Yautja, who was standing a few meters away from you, watching the scenario.

"Here, take her," you suggested and his mandibles twitched. His look was skeptical, but in reality he was afraid of hurting the baby. It was so tiny. But before he could react, you pressed the little creature into his arms and he was mesmerized as the girl's saucer eyes gazed at him watchfully.

The longer you looked at what was happening, the more it hurt you. You couldn't give him what he wanted so much and that was bitter in your stomach.A'thaen sensed the change and his eyes looked at you with concern and questioning.

Sometimes you forget that he was a deadly hunter and a good hunter. He had killed many people, he had told you shortly after your mating. But it didn't affect you, you still wanted him. It was just a part of him.

But you put on a smile, took the child and put her to bed. The little girl was tired and it was really late. Somewhat reluctantly, the Yautja gave up the baby, there was still something strange in his gaze.

During the night, you lay with your back turned to him and stared into space. At some point, you noticed how he slowly and quietly got up and left the room. After that, he never showed his face again.

On the second day, your sister picked up her daughter again, but there was no sign of A'thaen and you started to worry. Then you remembered that he still had his spaceship. You remembered where it was, but it had disappeared. The place was empty and his spaceship wasn't exactly small.You panicked. Had he just left you? Had you done something wrong to him? You became restless and at night you couldn't sleep a wink.

Tears gathered in your eyes as you looked out of the window. It was storming heavily, but you didn't see an oversized spaceship or an oversized alien man. You walked through the rain. You needed a walk to clear your head. You were a mixture of emotions and you found it hard to breathe. Had you really managed to scare off an alien?

Trembling, you leaned against a gigantic tree and exhaled deeply. Slowly you slid down and tears ran down your cheeks as you felt the exhaustion of the last few days. When you went back home, you went to bed. You couldn't sleep until you were simply too exhausted and your body gave way. You quickly drifted off into the darkness of sleep.

A few more weeks passed until one day you suddenly heard a loud noise outside. You jumped up from the sofa and looked towards the door. Your heart pounded with false hope and at the same time you were afraid that it was something completely different. You swallowed and got up.It was cold outside, winter was approaching and your hut was losing its warmth too. You carefully pushed the doorbell down and opened the door a crack. You immediately felt the cold and shivered. Wistfully, you grabbed your jacket and a flashlight.

Maybe it was a family of raccoons. They were probably looking for food before the harsh winter came. You crept out of the door and followed the sounds. The sky was cloudy and somehow you had a queasy feeling walking through the darkness to the back of the house. What if it was a bear? But what if it was A'thaen? What if he was injured.

Suddenly you saw something in the darkness. It was a shadow in the shadow of darkness. Gigantic. Your eyes widened and the next moment a bright light came on. You quickly closed your eyes and tried to get used to the bright light.

You put your hand in front of your eyes and slowly opened your eyelids. Slowly, the first snowflakes fell from the sky and you realized that it was a spaceship. A'thaen's.

Your mouth went dry and tears gathered in your eyes as you took heavy steps away, but couldn't see anyone.

"A'thaen...," your voice was a whisper and you suddenly felt someone gently take your hand and pull it down. A soft growl was heard, then the Yautja appeared in front of you and you were completely overwhelmed with the feelings you had. With your mouth open and your body trembling, you looked at him. More and more snowflakes fell gently on your skin and got caught in your hair.

You just stared at each other. Your hand still in his and it was as if time stood still for a moment. Your heart was beating so hard against your chest that it hurt. You felt sick and had an inner conflict. A'thaen sensed this and hesitated before making a wrong move. He knew he was long gone and he also knew that he had just left you standing there.

It wasn't his intention, it just came over him. He almost flinched when he suddenly felt your arms around his hips.

He then gently put his strong arms around your small, trembling figure. But the next moment you hit him on the chest. Over and over again. You sobbed as you did so. The Yautja simply stood still and took it. Maybe it didn't hurt him physically, but he could feel so clearly how he had hurt you.

"You left me alone..." you shivered and a clicking sound came from his mouth.

"I'm sorry", he whispers into Yautja and gently pushed you away from him so you could look into his eyes. His gaze was sincere and open. You licked your dry lips and gently he brushed your tears away with the pads of his thumbs. Oh if you only knew why he left. He hoped so much that you would like his gift.

"Was... On my... Planet," he started to explain and your brows drew together in confusion. What was he doing there? He reached for the bag he had strapped to his thigh and pulled out a glass jar filled with green liquid. Your eyes widened. Was that his blood? Your head was in chaos.

"I went to see one of our healers. I wanted to know more about pregnancy and the mating between humans and Yautja. You know I love you so much, more than anything else in this universe. I would kill anything and everything for you, just to protect you. But when I saw you with that child..., I told you I would love you too, even if we couldn't have children and I still do. But I saw the look in your eyes and I know you want children. I wanted to know if there wasn't a way and there is," his voice was excited and you didn't know him like that. He held the green liquid in front of your face. "This is our possibility. This is my blood and it would be possible for you to inject yourself with it. Your body would remain human, but there would be a few Yautja extras. Also that you react to my seed and become fertile for it." Then he hesitated when he saw your wide eyes and spoke in your language again: "Only... if you... want to." His heart pounded hard against his chest. He was nervous about your answer.

But no matter what you decided, he would continue to love you unconditionally and stay by your side. You were one. And no one would ever be able to change that.

You gently took the glass from his hands and looked at it. Is that why he had left? To surprise you that he had found a way to make your family bigger. All the pain that had accumulated over the weeks disappeared and was replaced by love and amazement.

"Let's try it," you breathed and A'thaen's eyes looked at you wide. It wasn't long before he had carried you, on his hands, back to your hut. You were excited when he gave you the first injection of his blood test and you were curious to see how long it would take for your body to respond.

Finally, your hut filled with warmth again. A'thaen enveloped you with his presence and adored you. You had missed it so much. This Yautja man was balm for your soul. He cuddled with you a lot, stroked you or even squeezed himself into the much too small bathtub with you. So that you could sleep on his chest while he caressed you. You were injected with his blood about twice a week, because you had to get used to it slowly.

It wasn't long before everything outside was white. Winter had officially begun and you were desperate to get out. Of course, your partner had to come with you. A'thaen looked at the snow a little skeptically, but when he saw your shining eyes, he almost gave in with a sigh. He watched you playing in the snow. You were building a snowman and he watched you curiously. He found it fascinating what you could do with this white, cold stuff.

Suddenly it landed right in his face and he clicked indignantly when he heard you laughing. You threw a snowball at him.

Quickly you ran away from him, but it wasn't long before the Yautja reached you and grabbed you. He pushed you against the nearest wide tree and his eyes literally glowed at you.

"Cheeky..., Hooman," his words made you tremble and you could feel something else in his voice. He'd barely touched you since he'd been back and you hadn't had sex. He only wanted to win your trust again after he had unfortunately broken it. But now you were both overcome with desire and passion.

You could hardly react when he tore your clothes off and the icy cold touched your skin. You gasped and sucked in the air sharply. Your nipples hardened and the only thing you were still wearing were your shoes. Thankfully.

A'thaen watched your body react to the cold and stroked your chest tenderly, causing you to inhale deeply. You didn't have time to think as he laid you down in the cold snow and an "Oh God!" escaped your lips. It was freezing cold and you could feel the snow stinging your skin and numbing it.

But at the same time, you could feel yourself getting wet again. A'thaen's tail throbbed under his protection as he saw you lying there helplessly on the ground. Your body and the snow made a magical contrast and it drove him wild to see you like this. The desire to breed you overcame him again and the idea that you were swollen with his child made him growl.

You whispered his name softly and the next moment he was stroking your clitoris, making you moan. He could smell you so intensely.

"Let's see if the injections have any effect," he growled into Yautja and his claws carefully went between your labia to see how wet you were. You were more than ready to take him deep and he clicked open delightedly. He didn't take his time and immediately thrust into you gently. As excited as he was, he still had to make sure you were well prepared despite his size.

You rolled your eyes and threw your head back on your neck as you felt the heavenly stretching you had missed for so long. A moan escaped your mouth and you tried to move your pelvis. You wanted more, he didn't have to prepare you. You wanted him so badly.

"A'thaen, damn it! Move..., please!" you begged him as you continued to move your hips. The Yautja looked at you with amusement and the next moment he was thrusting hard into you. You both moaned and you almost saw stars. It was so much at once. You clung to him, to the warmth he radiated and your gasps fogged his senses as he continued to thrust. He held you tightly in his arms, but still managed to stroke your clit, making you whimper.

It wasn't long before your body tensed and you felt your orgasm building. A'thaen's movements on your clit quickened and your fingers clawed fiercely into his skin, making him hiss. You tightened around him, milking him well as you both came. He pumped a huge load of his warm cum into your womb and you greedily took in every drop. You knew that he would start fucking you again every day. But rightly so, you had some catching up to do and you had a certain goal you wanted to achieve.

The warm water splashed down your body as you leaned against the wall of the shower, moaning and looking down at the Yautja beneath you with your eyelids lowered. Your legs rested on his shoulder with ease and his forked tongue licked your entrance. You held onto his dreadlock-like pigtails and gasped as he licked over your sensitive bud.

Your legs were trembling, the last orgasm was still in your bones and you could feel his cum flowing out of your sweet pussy. A'thaen insisted on licking you clean, of course also because he knew that he could give you pleasure again.His name came out of your mouth like a prayer and the Yautja growled in pleasure when he realized how good you felt in his clutches.

Suddenly you arched your back and pressed your pelvis harder against his face. He understood immediately and continued to lick greedily until you came moaning over his tongue.

He licked your labia and clitoris once more as he helped you up afterwards. You hung exhausted from his neck and your legs were weak. He gently carried you out of the shower and placed a towel over your naked body. You stroked his chest gratefully and leaned your head against him. Your eyes closed in exhaustion and slowly you actually fell asleep.

The Yautja looked at you curiously. As so often, he admired your beauty and gently stroked a wet hair out of your face before taking you to your bed. His eyes fell shut after a short time.When he woke up and turned to you, you weren't there. He immediately sat up and panic spread through him, but when the smell of bacon hit his nose, he calmed down. You've made breakfast.

"Good morning, A'thaen," you smiled gently when you saw him and immediately placed a large plate full of bacon, eggs and pancakes in front of him. Thanking him, he chirped at you and you joined him with your own plate. You ate in silence for a short while, but it was a pleasant silence.

Until you suddenly felt unwell. You felt nauseous and ran to the toilet as fast as you could and threw up. Trembling, you held on to the toilet when you suddenly felt a gentle touch on your shoulder.A'thaen looked at you worriedly. Were you ill? Had he been too rough with you and overworked your body? His mind was working and you smiled gently at him.

"I think I'm pregnant."

tag:

@sweatymusictree

[j2hoes]

Hopes And Fears Part Three. (Wally Clark x Reader)

Summary: Y/N’s death is traumatic. So traumatic in fact, she can’t even look at Wally without reliving what happened to her.

Word Count: 2.4k

Gif Not Mine. Requests Are Open!

Warnings: Mature Language

I’ve grown fond of the early mornings whilst stuck at Split River. The first glimpse of the sun shining over the gardens, a warm hue welcoming the day. With no students roaming the halls, all I hear is the quiet sounds of nature. On the odd occasion, I’m even able to spot a rabbit or deer, grazing gently on the acres of freshly trimmed fields surrounding the school buildings.

It’s become a habit of mine, each morning I find myself lounging besides the flowerbeds. Allowing myself to feel each blade of grass that delicately brushes my skin. For a while, I forget that I’m no longer alive. I can simply exist.

It’s not uncommon for Wally to join me. Sprawled on his back, gazing up at the clouds. Pointing out different shapes and imagining different backstories for all of the cloud animals he sees. Besides that, neither of us speak much. Only enjoying one another’s company as we relax in the morning light.

Spending this time has given me the opportunity to process everything. Wally helps me to work through my emotions and thoughts. Nothing ever being too much for him to listen to, though I’m still afraid to divulge everything. I’m sure he can sense that I’m holding back, yet he doesn’t pry. Content to just listen. In all honestly, I truly believe that these moments with Wally have helped me more so than Mr Martin’s support group has. Despite attending every session since my memorial, I consistently leave the group feeling unfulfilled. Unsatisfied. In fact, it doesn’t seem as though the teacher wants us to discuss the past, our lives and our deaths. Only wanting us to focus on the present, the state we are confined to. I find myself struggling with this a lot.

“What do you think you would be doing if you hadn’t died?”

Pushing myself up on my elbows, I look over to Wally, who is resting on his stomach, absentmindedly plucking grass from the ground.

“I was supposed to go to college, play football. Hopefully make it pro, that’s what the plan was anyway.” He tells me, full of confidence yet his tone of voice suggests that’s not the pathway he would’ve chosen for himself.

“What about like outside of a job though?” I pry, the boy has my curiosity heightened. “Like, surely you have other things that you wanted to do?”

His eyes focus in on the pieces of grass that he’s now twisting together in a makeshift sort of chain. Deep in thought, I can see the cogs working in his brain as he tries to think of an answer for me. I’m sure it’s not something he’s necessarily thought of before, following the path that his mom set out for him upon birth.

“You’re gonna laugh, but I always wanted to get married and have a family. I know that times have changed and you lot don’t really believe in marriage and stuff that much anymore but I’m a family guy. Always have been.” He admits, finally looking at me and I see the honesty written across his face. “It just sucks that I’ll never actually get to experience it.”

My heart aches for him. One fatal accident and his entire future was stripped away. Never getting to experience the things he always dreamed of. It breaks heart, knowing what he could have had.

“Wally, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s no big deal, really, I’ve spent the last few decades accepting my fate and it’s not so bad here.” He tells me, a sadness shining in the brown of his eyes, trying his best to cover it up with a soft smile. “What about you? Other than taking over the world with your best friend, what was the plan?”

Giggling slightly as he references Abby’s speech, I start to wonder what my life would’ve looked like. Truthfully, I have no idea. My life revolved around dancing and cheer, other than that I have no clue as to who I am. Up until my death, I didn’t believe I was worthy of love, the one chance I took was with Spencer and look how that turned out.

“I suppose I wanted to leave Split River, Abby wanted to go to New York so I figured I would study there.” I reply, knowing New York was never my dream. I just couldn’t bare to part with her once high school ended. “It would be quite nice to live on a farm. Out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by animals, I think that would’ve been my dream.”

“Now this makes sense.”

Crossing my legs underneath me to sit up properly, he’s unable to hide the bright smile on his face. Clearly finding some amusement in what I said.

“What makes sense?” I ask, to which he laughs quietly. Pulling a clump of grass out of the ground, I launch it in his direction. “Hey, you dickhead, I didn’t laugh at you, so you can’t laugh at me.”

“No, no. I’m not laughing at you.” Wally speaks through chuckles, rolling on to his back. “It just makes sense now why you like to sit out here.”

His arms are thrown across his face, shielding his eyes from the sun. I can’t help but stare as his muscles flex, admiring the sight in front of me. Following his body, I find myself biting the inside of my cheek as I notice his top has risen up his stomach ever so slightly. Highlighting the small trail of hair that dips below his shorts.

“Did you have a girlfriend?” I blurt out, before I even realise what I’m saying.

Slapping my hand across my mouth, embarrassment floods my body, eyes wide as Wally smiles. Eyebrows raised as he looks over to me. Sly smile making its way on to his face.

“No. No girlfriend. Why?”

“I was just wondering. I mean, star high school quarterback, you must have had girls queuing up for your attention.” I’m able to stop myself before I begin a long-winded rant. Helping to ease at least a tiny amount of my embarrassment.

Wally rolls his eyes at my comment. “Well in that case you must’ve had boys queuing up for your attention. What with being head cheerleader and all.”

“Ha ha. Okay, I know it was a stupid question.”

Fortunately for me, I’m saved from making a fool out of myself even more by the sounds of cars entering the parking lot. In unison, we both turn to face the sound. Observing the students that have started to filter into the building, chatting loudly amongst one another as they do so.

My vision locks in on Spencer and his gang of hooligans. They’re jumping all over one another without a care in the world as they make their way into the school. Trail of awestruck girls following behind in the hopes of garnering the smallest amount of attention from one of the jocks.

If only I was able to tell them what they’re really like. Perhaps they wouldn’t make the same mistake that I made. Perhaps I’d be able to save them from the same fate that I suffered.

“So I was thinking we could have a pool day. I think Charlie would be up for it, maybe not Rhonda, but it could be fun for us all just to chill out. You haven’t really spent much time with anyone else apart from in our sessions with Mr Martin.”

Wally’s words echo around my head though I’m not paying any attention. Despite, no longer being able to see the group that I was fixated on, I’m still closely watching the area that they had just previously been walking through.

Two weeks later and Spencer and his friends still evade justice. Police presence at the school has increased drastically with crime scene investigators cornering off the old toilet block. Maybe I’m impatient, but it feels like they’re getting away with it. Receiving no consequences for their heinous actions.

“Y/N, are you listening?”

Wally’s words finally drag me out of my thoughts and I meet his eyes. “Yeah, pool day, sounds good.”

“And we’re inviting Charlie and Rhonda.” He states, eyebrows raised as he knows I wasn’t truly paying attention to a word he said.

“Oh, no. They’re nice but can we just do it alone? I’m not sure I feel up to doing a whole group thing.”

Wally nods, though his eyes narrow. Sensing there’s something off with me. He’s good at noticing whenever my demeanour changes, or whenever something is bothering me. It’s part of his nature.

“Yeah of course. We should probably head to group first though.” The athlete pushes himself off the floor as he speaks, waiting for me to stand as well which I reluctantly do, not before releasing an annoyed groan. “You know, one of these days, you might actually enjoy the sessions.”

Rolling my eyes, I follow Wally towards the gym. He holds the doors open for me as we enter the building, his small act of chivalry makes me giddy. I make no effort to show this however, politely thanking the boy as I walk through.

“Ah here they are! Took you two long enough.” Charlie jokes as we enter the gym, taking our seats. I sit between Dawn and Rhonda with Wally seating himself between Charlie and Mr Martin.

“No guesses what they’ve been up to.” Rhonda comments, lollipop hanging out the side of her mouth as she does so.

“Thank you Rhonda.” Mr Martin chimes in, stopping the conversation from escalating any further. “So today, I figured we would get to know our newest member. Y/N you’ve been here for a couple of weeks now and we still don’t know too much about you.”

“I’m sure Wally could tell us all about her.” Rhonda remarks under her breath. So quiet, I almost don’t catch it.

“I’m sorry, is there something you want to say?” I snap, my tone harsh and confronting.

She laughs in response, the annoyance on my face evident as I glare at her. Her snarky and sarcastic nature hasn’t proven to be a problem for me, though I think that may be about to change.

“Y/N, tell us about your death. We’re all dying to know what happened. No pun intended.” The teacher interjects, attempting to diffuse the tense situation yet I still feel on edge.

“No thank you.”

“Oh come on Y/N, none of us are going to judge you. You know that.” Charlie tells me, offering me a reassuring smile.

“No, she’d rather just listen to all our trauma. Isn’t that right cherry pop?”

Rhonda’s words strike a chord within me. I’ll admit, the other ghosts have been very open about their deaths with me. All discussing in detail what happened to them to result in this fate. Sure, I haven’t divulged into the details of my death as of yet, but it’s for good reason. Not only am I still trying to process it myself but I don’t want them to look at me any differently nor do I want them to take pity on me when they learn the details.

“Do you have a problem with me or something Rhonda?” I ask, swinging around in my chair so that I can face her directly.

Upon doing so, I take note of how Charlie and Wally are quick to sit up straight. Feeling the anger radiating off me and awaiting any possible confrontation that may be about to occur.

“As a matter of fact, I do.” The girl retorts, crossing her arms over her chest before she continues speaking. “You waltz in here and make no effort with any of us besides Wally. Who, let’s not forget, you made to feel like a piece of shit on your first day after that unreasonable outburst. You listen to all of us recounting our deaths, the most traumatic things that could’ve happened to us and still none of us know what happened to you. It hardly seems fair.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry Rhonda. I’m sorry that i’m still processing what happened to me. I’m sorry that I’m not ready to discuss it with a group of strangers. I am so sorry that I’m not getting over everything as quick as you would like me to.”

My voice is raised as I speak, hurt that she would even think that my choice not to share what happened is a personal attack on the group. No matter how hurt I’m feeling, the anger completely outweighs it. Angry that she can’t see that I’m still struggling and angry that my murderers are still attending this school. Instead of being locked behind bars for the rest of their life, like they deserve to be. Nobody can understand what I am going through and that makes me so astonishingly angry.

“Boo hoo. You’re still processing, we’re all still processing. Not to mention the fact that we’ve barely seen Wally these past couple of weeks because he’s been trailing around after you, trying to make you feel less threatened by him. He’s even taken off that stupid football shirt that he loved so much! I hate to break it to you, but he was here first.” She argues, tears well in my eyes as she mentions Wally. I lock eyes with him and see his downcast expression. Was she right? Was he only spending this time with me to make me feel better and less scared? “You should do everybody a favour and fuck off back to the old toilet block where you came from.”

“Rhonda!” Charlie exclaims, clearly shocked by her words.

“Is that how you really feel Wally?” I ask hesitantly, the dejection evident in my voice.

He opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. Nodding slightly, I understand completely. Pushing myself out of the chair, nobody speaks as I make my exit from the room.

“Lovely chat.” Rhonda shouts, one last attempt to get a reaction from me. Even as I shove open the doors with an obnoxious slam, I don’t look back.

The entirety of my body feels heavy as I drag myself down the hallways. Nobody comes after me, not even Wally. I feel truly alone, hurt and confused. Death was supposed to be peaceful and yet here I am. Suffering more than I ever did when alive.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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[jakeyp]

GRID + TORN PAPER + RAINBOW LAYOUT TUTORIAL (yeah, i'm sorry, but that is the title i came up with)

Hi everyone! This tutorial was requested by an anon, and we're going to make a gifset like this. You need, as usual, basic gifmaking skills and basic photoshop knowledge, but i'll try to explain this as easily as possible!

You'll also need a torn paper brush, which you can download here.

And here are the links to download the fonts used in my gifset: x, x

Okay let's start!

→ First you're going to create a new canvas, and it will be 540x540 px. Make sure to click on create video timeline (if you dont have a timeline, go to window > timeline. We'll leave this canvas there waiting for us :)

Then, onto our first gif. We're going to make the small square gifs first. All i do is resize the image and make it 120 px high, and you'll see why in a moment.

Make sure to remember the number of frames of this gif!! All the gifs we're going to put in the same canvas should have the same amount of frames.

Okay, so we have our first small gif:

As you can see it's a smart object, and I added some brightness, but so far that's all. You can sharpen it, but i like to sharpen until i've colored it. Now onto the important part:

Most of the gifs i worked with were mostly blue (aside from the skin color), which is recommendable, because you can create lots of colors starting from blue, using the hue/saturation adjustment, or camera raw filter. I also recommend you to use a gif that doesn't move a lot, so it'll be easier to color the background:

For the tutorial, we have our predominantly blue gif, but we are going to make it yellow, which is the opposite color, so it's the hardest to get. I hope you can see how i manipulate colors, and do it yourself :)

Here, you can use camera raw filter (filter > camera raw filter) to turn the blues and purples greener, like this:

And click ok to exit the camera raw filter. Then, we're going to use hue/saturation (image > adjustments > hue/saturation) to turn it yellow:

Since it was cyan, i changed the cyans, but if you got a much greener result you'll have to use green (duh, right? i dont know i just dont want anyone to get confused akjsdhs)

And you can also add a selective color adjustment to make those yellows more yellow:

The reason i don't directly use hue/saturation is cause it might look ugly and lose quality, or it wont pick up all the colors i want it to but they're also very small gifs so if you wanna do that, do it :)

I sharpen it until this point, but if you already have that's okay.

Now we're going to color the background! For that, you just add a new layer, and set the blending mode to color.

Then you'll use your brush, set it to 20px and 0% hardness, and pick the color you're using for this gif, you can use the eyedropper tool. This is why it's important that the gif doesn't move a lot, so you can color the bg like this:

I colored carefully around the edges, and that's the result. In some gifs from my gif set I colored Jake's jacket too because i was too lazy, but this looks cleaner :)

You might want to select the color layer and the gif layer to convert them both to a smart object, just to make everything easier. So, be careful, because after that you won't be able to change anything!

But let's say you have a scene that you want to include, and it moves too much and has no blue and it's going to be a nightmare to color it.

Well, don't worry, you can! Simply, instead of manually coloring everything, you can just choose to add a gradient map to it (image > adjustments > gradient map), like this:

And this is the result:

Just remember, it has to be the same amount of frames as the other ones!

You repeat the process, until you have 10 small gifs. I made around 5 manually colored gifs, and 5 gifs with gradient for each gif. That's a confusing sentence but i hope you get it.

We are going to start pasting the small gifs on our first canvas.

(You can paste them one by one but i did this so you can see my 10 gifs)

You're going to create a square that has to be 108x108 px, using the rectangle tool. You can remove the default white background.

And you may be wondering, why did we not just crop the small gifs into those dimensions? Well, you can do that, but to me it's much easier this way, because sometimes cropping isn't accurate, or it's tedious.

Place the small square on top the gif you're going to crop, right where the face of the character is (or whatever objects you're giffing), and while holding ctrl, click on the square. It will select it:

You're going to create a layer mask:

And then drag that layer mask to the gif:

And voila! It's now the same size as the small square. Once that's done, right click on the layer and convert it to a smart object, because we have to remove that mask. Make the square layer invisible, and start placing your gifs where you want them:

You're going to repeat that process with the rest of the gifs, and then place them all together. Don't forget that if you're making the first gif, they will all be at the bottom of the canvas, if it's one of the middle gifs, one row should be at the top and the other one at the bottom, and when you're making the last gif, they should all be at the top. Here we're making the first one, so they will all be at the bottom:

If you forgot to check that all the gifs had the same amount of frames, you can fix it here, just make sure no gif is past this little guy:

Okay! Now, to create the gutter, we're going to add a layer mask to each small gif, so that we can cut some of it.

The gutter has to be 4 pixels, (i recommend you to REALLY zoom in). What i do is make sure the width of the gutter takes 2 pixels from the edges of the gifs, since they are all together. As you can see in the image above, there's no a single empty pixel between the gifs.

This is a close-up of what i'm talking about. I select two pixels from each gif, and go all the way down to create the gutter:

(I hope I'm not over or underexplaining)

I usually use this tool when i have to make so many selections:

But that was just an example :)

(Another way you can do this, is by changing the size of the small square from the beginning and make it be 104x104 px, but i don't know why that seems more complicated to me ajsdks)

Anyway, this is what we have so far:

Now we're going to create the big gif. Its normal dimensions are usually around 1920x1080, unless you have different dimensions and have to crop it, but whatever it is, we're going to resize it and crop it to be around 550 px wide, and 400 px high:

We'll do the same thing of adding an adjustment of gradient to it to make it the color we're using. For this, i usually add a brightness layer before, because sometimes the gradient is a bit dark.

And using a 600px brush with 0% hardness, you can add some "light" on a new layer, like this:

Selecting all the layers, right-click on them and convert them to a smart object. Again, be careful, because once its a smart object, you wont be able to change any of it!

Then we paste our big gif on the canvas with small gifs, and add a layer mask to it. Using the torn paper brush at 600px, remove some of the gif to shape it like the torn paper. Make sure you're using black, otherwise it won't work correctly:

To make the effect better, add a layer UNDER the big gif, and using the torn paper brush, with the same size, you can paint under it:

Yeah, I covered some of jake's face, but that's how it supposed to look so the effect works!

And finally for the text! I used Granesta, at 150 px, and at -10.00º to make it a bit askew.

We're going to double click on it and give it a color overlay, set to normal, and give it a solid shadow if you want, then place it right here on the corner:

But as you can see, it's too big for the gif. So we're going to add a layer mask to it, and again, shape it the same way that we did with the gif. Make sure they're exactly the same shape, like this:

And that's it! This is our final result:

As always I'm sure there are easier ways to do many of these things, this is just how i do it but if you know an easier way to do it, go ahead. I hope this was at least understandable enough so you can apply the logic of it any way you want :)

If you have any questions you can send me an ask and i'll clarify!

If you found this helpful i'd really appreciate it if you left a tip on my ko-fi!

Happy giffing!

[trippinsorrows]

ltye + 𝑓𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑦 oneshot

authors note: the wonderful @callmekayd asked about roman's conversation with fetu where he called solana his light, so i figured, why not write it?

only gonna tag a couple of people, cause i'll link this with the next update.

gif belongs to @romanreigns

words: 2.3k

warnings: some angst, discussion of solana's trauma

“You’re quiet, tonight.”

Roman looks over from the bottle of corona he was spinning in a circle on the wooden dining room table. “Am I?”

Fetu chuckles, snatching the bottle from him. “Smartass.” She pops off the cap and takes a swig, Roman sitting up in the chair.

“Should you be drinking that with your medications?”

“Probably not.” She answers so casually, so nonchalantly. It makes him sigh. This is what Ava was talking about. “But, I’m old, so I do what I want. Now stop trying to change the subject.” Placing the cap back on the drink she’s now commandeered as her own, she asks again in a more serious tone. “What’s going on, atalii o le uso?”

That’s such a loaded question, so much so that he’s not sure where to start. “Solana….”

“Your wife, right?” He nods, eyes glancing to the phone that’s screen up on the table. She hasn’t text him in a couple hours, which could either be a good or bad thing. He’s not sure. “How is that going? I know you weren’t very happy about it the last time I saw you.”

Roman is the one to chuckle. It’s almost unreal how much his tune has changed since his last visit with his aunt where he essentially expressed both disinterest and acceptance with the arrangement. 

“Yes, it’s about her, but….not in the way you think.”

When he doesn’t say anything, Fetu impatiently implores, “well, would you hurry up, boy? I may be old, but I still need my beauty sleep.”

Rolling his eyes, Roman shakes his head, growing quiet, muddled thoughts floating into something less disorganized and more cohesive. “She’’s—she’s not what I thought she would be.” 

At that, Fetu asks, “Oh?” She offers a warm smile. “Tell me.” 

Another loaded request he’s not sure how to handle. Roman swallows. “She’s…..kind.”

Fetu snorts, again grabbing the beer he really should try to take from her and would if not for the fact she’d probably bust it over his head in the process. “Well, they say opposites attract.” Roman rolls his eyes. Granted, she’s not entirely wrong, hence why he offers no disagreement. “What else?”

Leaning back in the chair, Roman tries to think of the best way to describe her. To describe the last person on earth he ever expected to care about but has done just that. “I’ve…..I’ve never met anyone like her. She has a big heart, and she’s so innocent. Despite being raised in this life, surviving hell, she still….she still has this softness about her.”

Fetu hums, reminding him, “not everyone in this world is cruel and unkind, Roman. There are very much good people, and it sounds like you’ve maybe been lucky enough to land one of them as a partner.”

He nods, quietly admitting. “I have.”  Roman traces his finger over the imperfections of the wooden table. “But, she’s had a lot of trauma. It’s been….not the easiest to get to where we are.” He takes a deep breath, disclosing, “we haven’t even consummated the marriage yet.”

Fetu’s eyes widen a bit as she asks, truly out of genuine curiosity, “wasn’t that the point of the marriage? To create an heir?”

“She was gang raped as a child,” Roman informs in a low voice, only feeling comfortable sharing such sensitive information because he knows it will never leave this room. “So touch is….it’s hard for her. She asked to work up to intimacy, so we’re trying that.”

“Oh, that poor child.” Fetu’s expression is visibly disturbed and saddened. “Sick fucks.” Roman doesn’t say anything, but the murderous urges boiling underneath are something he has to push back down. In due time. “Wait. Don’t take this as me agreeing with that bullshit requirement, but if she wasn’t a virgin, how did the Elders approve of the marriage? It obviously wasn’t her fault, but we both know how they are. Traditionalist pricks.”

If not for the nature of the conversation, Roman would laugh. “Her father had the doctor lie on her medical report. It stated she was still a virgin.” Roman feels the need almost to defend, “wouldn’t have made a difference to me either way. You know this.”

“It better not. I didn’t raise you to be a hypocrite.” Fair. “Wait, her father did that?”

That actually makes Roman chuckle, but there’s no humor whatsoever. “That’s why I’m here.” Hand naturally forming into a fist, he continues to share information he would never share with anyone else. “Her mother was stabbed to death when she was ten. Solana was there and stabbed too, but she survived.” His jaw clenches. “Her father and brother are both pieces of shit who used to abuse and torture her.”

Fetu is visibly perturbed by the heavy details. “My God, that girl has been through hell.”

“I know.” It doesn’t make sense to Roman how with everything she’s experienced, she still stands, still keeps going, keeps fighting. “But, she’s made tremendous progress since leaving her family. I made her start training, and I think it’s helped a lot. She’s made good friends with Naomi and her friend Bayley. Solana is half Mexican, and Bayley is Mexican, so they seem to bond a lot over that.” And he's happy she has that. Glad she has people she can talk to and connect with. “She’s……happy now.”

Better.

Much better.

Fetu tilts her head to the side. “Something tells me there’s a but.”

There is. A major one. Roman releasing a heavy sigh and running his hand over his face. “I found out her father was behind the hit that killed her mother and was intended to kill Solana too, but she survived. And when he couldn’t afford to pay off the balance, he sold Solana’s virginity and had it set up like a home invasion.”

Fetu says something in Samoan, her own expression slipping into something angry. “What a fucking piece of shit. His own wife? His child?” She asks, an almost demanding element to her question. “You’re going to kill him, right?” Like it’s less of a request and more of an order.

“Of course.” That’s a no brainer. Roman’s new number one mission in this life is to see Xavier, his bitch ass son, and Solana’s rapists meet gruesome, painful deaths. And he’ll be sure to see it through. “But, I don’t—I don’t know if I should tell her. “ He quickly adds, “but, I don’t want to lie to her either. I promised her I’d never do that.”

Fetu nods, her lips pressed together in a sort of frown. “I see…..”

“I don’t want to hurt her,” he admits in a low voice. “I don’t—I can’t see her hurt.”

“Roman….” Fetu’s voice takes on that gentle tone that’s always been comforting to Roman. That, for a long time, before Solana, was the only source of comfort he truly could find in this life. “It’s obvious you lo—care for this girl.” She catches herself. In his own timing. “But, the truth is, there is no way around her being hurt by this.” Roman looks away, jaw clenched, clearly not wanting or liking what he’s hearing. As expected. “She’s going to be devastated. As would anyone to find out their own flesh and blood, let alone a parent, could be so evil.”

“She’s tried to kill herself when she was younger.” Recalling this specific piece is by far the hardest part. Just thinking about the medical report he read detailing the emotional aftermath Solana’s attempt. How distraught she was. “I just—I just don’t want to be the cause that pushes her over the edge.”

Fetu reaches over the table, placing her hand on top of his. “It wouldn’t be because of you.”

He shakes his head. “Yes, it would. Either because of what I tell her or I don’t tell her, and she finds out some other sort of way.”

“Is there a way she could find out?”

Roman has to think about it. One of the first things he did was cut off contact between Solana and her family. For the mere fact he knows Xavier is up to something, wants something out of Roman’s marriage to Solana. Roman knew that he would try to use her, and just from what he saw at the outset of this whole thing, he knew the last thing she needed was to be dragged into some type of wicked plan.

Xavier has no way to contact her, and he’s not stupid enough to show up or send his dumbass son to her job. 

He knows it’d be walking into a deathtrap. So, no, it seems like there’s no chance for this information to ever get out and arrive at Solana’s doorstep. 

But……there’s still a chance.

“I don’t know,” is the answer Roman settles on. ‘But, I can’t—I won’t do anything I think could hurt her, and this…..this will do more than hurt her.”

It could destroy her. Destroy all the progress she’s made. Regress her so far back that he’s not sure she’d be able to recover. 

And he can’t have that. 

“I think she deserves to know the truth. It was her mother. Her assault. She has a right to know.” Roman doesn’t disagree with that. “But, I’m also thinking about everything you’ve told me regarding her mental health, and I guess my concern is what that truth could do to her. If she could handle it.”

And that’s exactly what his fear is.

Roman’s voice is full of vulnerability that he could never show outside of this safe space. “I don’t think I could handle seeing her the way she used to be. I—I care about her too much to do that to her.”

“I understand.” Because she does. Oh, she does. And if not for the heavy nature of this conversation, she’d be more expressive at the joy bubbling beneath the surface. Her elation at finally having years worth of prayers answered. At having comfort in knowing her sweet boy has finally found his person. His soulmate. “Your intentions are good, Roman, and I can’t tell you what to do, though something tells me that’s what you’d prefer.”

He scoffs, shaking his head and admitting, “I just needed to talk to someone.”

That much was obvious. She continues, advising, “what I can tell you is to just continue to support and be there for her, because when she does find out, whether from you or some other means, she’s going to need you, son.”

Roman doesn’t say anything, sitting on his aunt’s wisdom. She’s right. This truly is the depiction of being stuck between a rock and a hard place, but for the sake of Solana’s mental health, it’s not in her best interest to know the truth.

He’ll tell her.

But only when the time is right. 

Fetu, however, has a question of her own. “I want to ask you something, and I want you to be honest with me.”

Roman sits up and sighs, “I’m always honest with you, uso o le tinā.”

“Because you know, even with how big and strong you’ve gotten, I’ll still whoop your ass, little boy.” She’s pleased to see the small smile that accompanies his eye roll, a brief glimpse of that young child she once knew so long ago appearing for the first time in a long time. And she’s pretty sure she can bet just what’s brought that dormant side out of him.

Or who.

Her voice is gentle. “If you knew then what you know now about Solana, would you have still agreed to marry her?”

It’s a valid question. 

It’s also something he doesn’t have to think about. 

“Yes.” Fetu smiles. Knowing. Confirmation. “I wouldn’t change anything.” It’s the easiest thing his aunt could ever ask him. It requires no thought. No contemplation. Just an automatic response. “Solana is…..she’s my light.”

Her heart swells, and she finds herself with unshed tears. There’s this invisible weight that’s suddenly lifted off her soul. A worry that’s been destroyed by one woman. One strong woman who’s managed to capture the heart of her sweet boy.

Even if he hasn’t realized it just yet.

“Well, she’s obviously a strong woman to survive all she has, and she must be to deal with you.” She flicks his hand, pulling back and asking, “let me see a picture of her.”

Roman grabs his phone, unlocking it and opening his photos album. Hitting the favorites folder, he selects one of the photos taken of Solana the night she went out with Bayley and Naomi for Cinco de Mayo.

Reaching the phone to his aunt, he watches her slide her glasses over her eyes, mouth ajar just a bit. “Oh my goodness, she’s beautiful! Too pretty for you.” Roman smiles. “You know if my tits still sat nice like that, I’d wear stuff like that too.”

And just like that, a scowl is on Roman’s face. That was the last visual he needed. Ever. 

Taking his phone, Fetu implores, “I want to meet her, Roman.” He stills, hitting the lock button after checking for any texts from Solana. “It’s bad enough I can’t have gentleman callers or anyone else come see me. The least I can do is meet your wife.” It’s a fair request, though something he’s unsure about. “I’m tired of seeing your big ears and Ava’s massive forehead all the time. Bring Solana here.”

This request, however, is not the easiest thing. He doesn’t have an answer for her right now. “I’ll think about it.”

“Well, don’t take too long,” she warns. “I’m not getting any younger.”

Roman tenses at that. He hates when she jokes like that. 

He stands up, walking over and kneeling in front of her. “Thank you.”

Fetu smiles warmly, reaching over to kiss his forehead. “Ou te alofa ia te oe”.

He doesn’t hesitate to reciprocate. “Oute alofa fo'i ia oe” 

-------

Translations: 

"atalii o le uso" = nephew

"uso o le tinā" = aunt

“Ou te alofa ia te oe”. = I love you.

“Oute alofa fo'i ia oe” = I love you too.

[tidescaller]

Hello, this gifset for pscentral event 37 is really pretty ✨

https://www.tumblr.com/tidescaller/779330612766081024/pscentral-event-37-trios-the-girl-the-boy-and?source=share

would you please consider posting a tutorial on how you made the blending multi gifs and colouring in the first gif?

Hi anon, so glad you liked it! I'll try my best to explain as detailed as I can. Just a small note that I'm not an expert, I'm still pretty new to blending edits in general so I'm learning as well as everyone ૮(˶˃ᆺ˂˶)

But before that, I'll leave you a list of amazing tutorials/guides that help me a lot when it comes to everything gifmaking related, so shoutout to them!

basic blending tutorial

coloring tutorial

blend gifs tips

blending, coloring and text effects guide (video)

another one similar to the previous one

gradient text

text outline

HOW TO: Blend multi - gifs / Dual Gradient coloring

You will need any version of Photoshop (I use CC 2019) and basic knowledge on making gifs.

STEP 1: THE BASE

1.1 - Make sure your canvas is 540px width. Mine is 540x450. Choosing which gifs to blend is kinda tricky and no one can tell you what's perfect. Everything depends of the scenary your show, movie, anime whatever you're working on has; but a tip is to use scenes that have dark areas, since it's easier to blend then. 1.2 - Make your individual gifs: crop, color, sharpen, all that, and make sure all of them are the same amount of frames. 1.3 - Before duplicating your gifs into your empty canvas, convert them all into smart objetcs. This will help to simplify stuff, have a much more organized work space and help you load your preview faster.

STEP 2: BRING YOUR GIFS

Now all you have to do is right click on every gif you made, go Duplicate layer… and sent it on your empty document. I would suggest doing one by one, so you can work better. Duplicating them all at once can be a little bit intimidating and might have you confuse how to combine your gifs. Try imagining what you want your gif to look like and where you want each element to be. As an example, I wanted the key scene when it kinda drops to be falling from the top of my gif and also as a separation of the one in color and the one Sakura is roller-skating.

STEP 3: BLENDING

3.1 - Okay, now that you more or less know what you want your gif to look like you can start by changing the blend mode of your gifs. Photoshop has mutiple options on this and it applies to all types of layers. For blending, one of the two (or more) gifs you are working is going to be on top, that's the one you're gonna have to change its blend mode in order to start this process. Generally, Screen is the one to go to.

3.2 - Some people group (selecting your layers > ctrl/cmd+g or right click > group) all the gifs so they can then change the group's blend mode into Screen but I personally like to do separately cause if I need a gif to fill some of the background I would keep it as Normal.

STEP 4: LAYER MASK

The key gif works perfect with Screen blend as it has a black background, but of course this won't be the case for most gifs you want to put in the main one. For those unwanted pixels we don't need, we use a Layer Mask. 4.1 - In order to do that, select your gif by clicking on them and next click on the layer mask button.

4.2 - Now you'll see a white square next to your gif layer. This will help by reducing the opacity of those things we don't need of your gif. What is white is 100% opacity and what is black 0%. So all you have to do is click on the layer mask, pick the brush tool and paint over what you want to "delete". Pay attention to use a soft brush, and the size of it should be around 200 and 300px. 4.3 - Repeat the process with all the gifs that need it

STEP 5: EXTRA LAYER

Sometimes a gif will look too bright/transparent/softened over the other ones. In order to fix this, you can create a new layer (the button right next to the trash can)

and paint with a black soft brush over the part you need to bring back. I don't know exactly how to explain it properly but I'll try with these before and after images. I'm adjusting the one with Sakura and her card:

STEP 6: COLORING

6.1 - OKAY, now that we have all that sort out and the gif has a proper structure is time to add some color. As I'm going to do a dual gradient after and leave only one of these 5 gifs with color, I'll use a black and white gradient map and add it to every individual one as a clipping mask (right click on the gradient map > create a clipping mask). Like this:

6.2 - Now that we have this I can add my own psd. I started making my own psds for every edit I make and I'm not ready in any way to explain that, but I learn how to do this with this tutorial. With that, my gif now look like this:

STEP 7: DUAL GRADIENT

Finally for this part I recommend making another group (the folder button next to new layer) and add a new layer for the different colors you add. This is all about painting and playing with the blending modes for these layers. There's no right way to do this, you just have to play around and see what works best for you and the scenes you have. You will end up with something like this:

Tips for this step are: 7.1 - Use a soft brush, size it up to 1000px, zoom your gif out and start painting out of the canvas. This will help create that gradient effect we are looking for. 7.2 - Change the layer's opacity/blend mode. This is (again) about playing around with colors. I changed these settings for all my layers that are part of the gradients' group. In order: dual is Screen + 90% opacity, pink Vivid Light + 70%, more pink Lighten + 90%, yellow Hard Light + 70% and final touches Multiply at 100%. I also mixed up the colors, not only staying with certain yellow or pink. 7.3 - The gradient tool works the same way as the brush tool! Just make sure the gradient is any color you're working with + transparent. 7.4 - I also added a layer mask to my gradient's group to erase some of the extra color in Sakura's face. All this will result on this:

And that's pretty much it! For the text part, I was going to add it but the tutorials I linked at the beginning explain it perfectly so shoutout to them. As always, if you have any other doubt, send me an ask and I will answer it as fast as I can! Always happy to help ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

[hugmekenobi]

S2: The Bad Batch (16)

Chapter Sixteen: Plan 99

Gif by @dreamswithghosts

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Series Summary: Some time has passed since everything that happened at Kamino and you and the Batch are trying to figure out your place in the rapidly changing Imperial galaxy. And you're having to do all this whilst figuring out where your relationship with Hunter fits into it.

Chapter Summary: There was a mission gone wrong and then there's what happened during and after Eriadu.

Masterlist for S1

<Previous Chapter

Genre: Friends (idiots) to Lovers (we're in the lovers stage now)

Chapter Warnings: Canon-typical violence, swearing, MAJOR CHARACTER 'DEATH', HEAVY ANGST, my interpretation of thought processes, relatively detailed injury and torture descriptions, vomiting, slight hurt/comfort, brief kissing, Hemlock being a creep and just generally himself, I project my feelings again and reader makes a questionable choice but it needed to happen, no happy endings here

Word Count: 8.8K

Author's notes: If I have done my job right in any capacity, this'll be a rough one to get through. However, I promise I have a oneshot planned that'll fix some of what just happened and if S3 doesn't fix the rest, I will do it then!

You helped Hunter with opening the car doors and as you all saw the awful freefall that lay below you, you knew it was going to take a lot to get out of this situation in one piece.

“This… is not ideal.” Tech commented.

“At least we’re not hanging under the car.” Wrecker offered.

“This isn’t much better.” You said before you ducked as a round of blaster fire headed in your direction.

“Echo, get this car moving.” Hunter instructed as the rest of you fired back.

“The explosions must’ve knocked out the power to the rail line.” Echo theorised irritably.

You moved away from the edge of the doors back to the middle of the car. “What if I just take down their railcar? It wouldn’t take long.” You suggested.

Tech shook his head. “I do not think that would be wise. There would be no guarantee that the resulting impact of you destroying that line would not affect the terminal that we need to get moving. And we’d still be stuck here whilst the Empire can easily send more reinforcements and-”

“Okay, fine do it your way.” You interrupted as you went back to focusing your fire on the Imperials.

“I can try to reboot the system, but I will need to plug directly into one of the terminals on the track.” Tech said.

Hunter addressed the rest of you, “You four, give us cover, Tech up top with me.”

--

Tech and Hunter moved to the next level of the railcar and Hunter gave his brother a boost up to the roof so he could climb onto the track.

As Tech got underway, Hunter opened the other set of doors and opened fire, particularly on any soldiers that were aiming for Tech.

--

“I am plugged in. Stand by.” Tech said into his comm as he got to work.

--

You all were doing a decent enough job at holding them back. They had more numbers, but your squad was more skilled, so you were managing okay.

That feeling of things being under control did not last long as Hunter heard the familiar sounds of ships coming your way. “We’ve got three ships inbound.”

You muttered a series of expletives as you scanned the sky around you for them.

“Where? I can’t see them.” Omega asked fearfully.

“Tech, we need power!” You urged into you comm as you could hear them drawing closer with each passing second.

You all took up positions to open fire on them, but it did very little. The ships got a round of shots away and you had to fight to stay balanced as the car shook with the impact.

Tech stared at his datapad and finally the screen turned green. He tapped his comm, “Echo, now!”

Upon Tech’s word, Echo plugged back in, and the railcar finally came back online.

“Tech, get your ass back here.” You hurried as you saw the ships getting ready to make another pass.

Tech unplugged and got himself across to the main track and started running but he could hear the ships getting nearer.  

Hunter concentrated his fire on the oncoming ships. He was able to clip one in the wing and it collided into another which he thought would be enough.

It wasn’t.

The third ship came speeding through and fired a series off shots that found their mark. You all stumbled inside the car as it violently shook and struggled against the onslaught of blaster fire.

The explosion flung Tech backwards, and he fell from the track onto the roof of the bottom half of the car. He tried to stand but the resulting shot had seen to it that the back of the railcar was tearing itself away from the track and as it titled backwards, he went with it. He managed to hook his grappling cable onto one of the grates, but he was stuck hanging over the abyss.

--

“Come on, Tech! Hurry!” Wrecker implored as he peered down the broken end of the railcar.

“I am climbing as fast as I can.” Tech replied with a grunt as he started to make his way up the cable, but the additional weight and well-placed rogue enemy blaster fire exacerbated the fragile state of the car and it lurched backwards, sending him further down the cable once more.

“Tech!” Omega cried as she saw him fall whilst Wrecker debated the best way to get down the sloped hallway.

“Why aren’t we moving?” Hunter asked Echo as he took refuge from the blaster fire.

“The car’s being ripped from the track.” Another harsh vibration sounded shook through it as he tried to get it moving.

“Wrecker, get him on board.” Hunter pressed, desperation seeping into his voice, before he opened fire on the soldiers again.

Wrecker made to step down, but the car dipped significantly.

“Don’t!” Tech yelled as he fell down even further. “Any shift in weight could send both of these cars over.”

You glanced behind you at Wrecker and Omega and made the call that the others could hold the troopers off. You needed to help Tech now. Channelling the Force, you focused on the point where the two hinges met but it was already fragile, and it would take a lot of energy and focus to keep them together since they were wanting to do anything but and the circumstances were hardly ideal to have that focus but you had to make it work. You could hear more ships coming but you ignored them, you didn’t care.

“You must sever the connection hinge. Now!” Tech instructed.

“Not until you’re up here.” Wrecker argued.

“Tech, I can hold them, just climb or let Wrecker-”

“You can’t keep them steady and wait for me to get up there with the time we have left.” Tech interrupted you as he saw the ships in the distance closing in again.

“She’s got it, Tech.” Wrecker said, doing his best to keep the distress out of his voice as he edged his way forward. As he did so, the cart swayed forward, and he glanced back at you.

“Go.” You said through gritted teeth as you focused on keeping both carts level, but each moment of blaster fire and Wrecker’s added weight were making it harder.

Tech fell a few more metres as the cart continued to pull itself away from the track. He looked around and he knew what he had to do. He needed you all to get away. He wasn’t wrong about this. You all would make it out. He just needed to take himself out of the equation. “There is no time.” He pulled out his blaster. “Plan 99.”

Your heart plummeted. Not that plan, any plan but that one.

Wrecker’s heart filled with dread.

Omega felt nothing but panic.

“Tech, please-” You broke off as you channelled more of your energy into keeping both carts stable, but another round of shots meant the car swung again. Your knees buckled and your hold faltered slightly.

“Don’t you do it, Tech.” Wrecker ordered as he tried to creep forward once more but the cart continued to protest against the strain.

Tech sighed before he accepted his next course of action. It was, in a way, a rather easy decision. Omega had once asked him if they were a family. His answer had been yes, and it was true. He just didn’t think he’d really said it enough, but he loved his family. And what do families do? They protect each other… and that’s exactly what he was going to do. “When have we ever followed orders?” With that, he fired a shot through the glass of the railcar that met its mark, and the connection hinge was severed.

Even if you could hold it, you were out of time. The ships would make their pass at any second and you couldn’t prevent your section of the railcar reconnecting or else none of you would make it out of this.

And you hated it. You fucking hated it, but you were left with no choice; you dropped your hands, released your hold and watched in agony as Tech fell.

“No!” Wrecker cried out as he helplessly watched his brother fade from view and there was nothing he could do nothing to stop it.

“Tech!” Omega yelled.

The railcar reconnected to the track and sped away from the troopers on the opposite side.

Hunter grabbed Omega’s wrist as she moved closer to the open end of the car. “Omega-”

“Go back! Go back!” She said desperately, reaching out as if she could still grab him.

You felt numb. You couldn’t move. Every other noise around you sounded fuzzy. The skulking darkness that had been circling you since Saw Gerrera showed up was asking for a way in. It took every fibre of control to not let it. Hunter’s voice dragged you back to the current moment.

“The car’s going too fast.” Hunter said urgently.

“The system’s fried. I can’t stop it.” Echo replied, desperately trying to plug back in to do something to stop the rapid descent as the back wall of the station grew dangerously close.

You knew your help wouldn’t be fast enough either, and you felt Hunter’s internal conflict as his helmeted gaze darted between you and Omega. It’s Omega first, every time.

Hunter lunged for her just as the cart collided and smashed through the wall of the terminal.

--

Everything was grey, and dull and bleak.

If it wasn’t for the bitter scent of smoke in the air, she wouldn’t have been sure that she’d even opened her eyes at first.

Debris from the wreckage surrounded her.

And she ached. Her entire body burned with the pain it took to stand.

Tech. She needed to find Tech. He couldn’t be far. She called his name but only managed a few paces before she collapsed once more.

She tried to fight it, but it hurt too much, and the encroaching darkness was too tempting.

As the pain overwhelmed her, she didn’t have the strength to turn it away.

--

You groaned as you came to and immediately felt woozy as you attempted to sit up. Your hood had already come loose from the collision, but you pushed your mask down to catch your breath and breathe through the soreness radiating through your body.

You brushed the dirt off your face but felt something wet leaving a trail down your cheek. You took off your glove and touched it to find your fingertips covered in blood. You carefully followed the path of blood to the source and winced as you touched the oozing deep cut by your temple. Fighting the dizziness, you looked around to see the others pushing themselves up but then your eyes caught sight of an unmoving figure and your blood ran cold.

You forced yourself to stand, ignoring the shooting pain that coursed through your ankle, and staggered over to Omega. You dropped to your knees next to her and felt for a pulse, which thankfully you found but it was weak. “Omega, come on honey, open your eyes for me.” You begged her as her body shivered beneath your touch. You felt the others come by your side. You hung your head in relief when you saw her eyes flicker open, but she couldn’t stay awake, and you knew she was in bad shape.

“We have to get her out of here.” Hunter said, doing his best to not let the panic he felt upon seeing her like this come through.

Wrecker picked her up. “I got you, kid.”

“Incoming! Get to the Marauder!” Echo shouted as Imperial reinforcements arrived.

You picked up Omega’s bow and provided Wrecker and Omega cover fire as you all retreated back to your ship.

--

“Head to Ord Mantell. AZ can help her. Hurry!” Hunter instructed Echo as he made his way to the cockpit.

You watched Wrecker gently place her down on your bunk whilst Echo got the ship in the air and into hyperspace.

“You’re bleeding.” Hunter stated, worry etched in his voice as he brushed some of your hair back and caught sight of the mix of fresh and dried blood on your skin.

“I’m fine.” You said groggily as the fading adrenaline meant you had to work harder to fight against the light-headedness you were experiencing. You then noticed the awkward way he clutched his forearm and at the fact standing up straight appeared to cause him some issues. “Are you okay?”

Hunter didn’t answer directly. “Are any of us?”

You glanced around you and felt the anguish in everybody that you knew also resided in your own heart. “No, no we’re not.”

You focused on watching Omega’s chest rise and fall as a way to keep you grounded and willed the journey to go quickly.

--

“Cid, AZ, we need your help!” You shouted as you limped into the parlour.

Cid took in all of your various injured states and nodded, too taken aback to offer anything else.

AZ dropped the cleaning supplies he was using and flew over to Wrecker. “Follow me.” He led the way to Cid’s room.

“It is best if you leave, and I can work on her without distraction.” AZ instructed.

Neither of them really wanted to, but they didn’t want their presence to be a problem, so they did as he said.

“Where’s Goggles?” Cid asked as Hunter and Wrecker came back into the main parlour.

And it was that question that snapped you all out of what ever fatigued state of denial you were in.

You half collapsed into one of the booths and blinked back the angry, grief-stricken tears that threatened to escape.

Wrecker released a shaky breath and just shook his head as he sat down on one of the bar stools.

And Echo- now that he knew Omega was getting the medical attention she needed- just left the room. For the first time in his life, he needed the solitude.

“We- we lost him.” Hunter just about managed to say as the loss overwhelmed him and he sat down next to you. He welcomed the loving hold you took of his hand as you rested it in your lap and rubbed circles on the back of it and was grateful for tender way you pulled his head to rest on your shoulder. He ignored the slight discomfort the position caused him.

“I’ll give you guys some time alone.” Cid said quietly as she made her way towards the exit.

You all were in too much pain and too emotionally exhausted to notice the comm she took with her.

--

You’d lost track of how long you’d all spent waiting for AZ to come back with news so when he finally entered the room, the room was ripe with nervous tension. She had to be okay. She just had to be.

“AZ?” You said uneasily.

“Omega’s injuries were severe, but I have stabilised her and she should recover. It is just a matter of time of waiting for her to wake up.”

You all let out a collective breath of relief.

“Thank you.” Hunter said gratefully.

AZ nodded. “Now, what injuries of yours can I assist with?”

“(Y/N) has an actively bleeding head injury and a wounded ankle and Wrecker’s neck is causing him problems. Leave me for last.” Hunter said.

You knew disputing the order wouldn’t be helpful to anyone right now, so you let AZ come over to you first.

--

After you all were taken care of, AZ went back to monitor Omega and give you guys some space.

“What are we going to do now?” Wrecker asked as AZ left.

Hunter sighed deeply. “We have nothing to go on. No location, no leads. Nothing. And with Tech-” He broke off with a cough before continuing, “With Tech gone and Omega being hurt like that…” He paused for a moment as he considered his next words, “I can’t put her through something like this again. I can’t put any of you through it again. We’re done. We’ll find somewhere to settle.”

“What about Pabu?” Wrecker offered quietly. “She likes it, and we were going to settle there anyway… right?”

Hunter looked to you and you nodded. “He gave us another chance. We should take it any way we can.” You said, clearing your throat as the pain of the loss threatened to overcome you.

“Alright.” Hunter said before he got to his feet. “I’m going to go wait until Omega wakes up.” He left the room.

“Wrecker, will you be okay for a moment?” You asked as you also stood.

Wrecker understood. “Go.”

You bowed your head in thanks and followed Hunter.

--

You paused by the doorway and studied the way he sat in the chair as he watched over Omega. His posture was tense, and his leg bounced anxiously. You knew he was barely keeping it together, but he was making himself because he was still the leader and had to be. But you wanted to give him a chance to let himself drop the appearance, if only for a moment.

“You don’t have to be strong right now. Not in front of me.” You walked around to the front of the seat and kneeled in front of him. You placed your hand on his cheek to turn his face towards you as he was keeping his eyes firmly on Omega. At your words, it looked like a weight just left his body and he let his head and shoulders hang lowly.

“That plan was never supposed to be used.” He uttered, his throat bobbing as the mask of composure started to drop.

Your heart ached as you felt the guilt and sorrow within him. You reached up and placed your arms around his neck and just held him close to you. I’m so sorry.

“I only got two of them.” Hunter mumbled into the crook of your neck as he met your embrace.

“Hmm?”

“The ships. There were three and I only got two of them. If I had just made sure, he wouldn’t have fallen from the track. The third got the shot away that killed him.”

You pulled away as you picked up on the way the typical rasp in his voice got lower and more uneven. You cupped his face in your hands and rubbed away the stray tears. “Hunter, you can’t do that to yourself.”

“I was supposed to look after us. By taking that mission, I put everyone in danger and look what happened.”

“You went because you knew it was the right thing to do. It gave us a last chance to get Crosshair back. What happened-” You took a second to draw a calming breath of your own. “What happened was cruel and unfair, but it wasn’t your fault. I know that guilt may never truly fade, I’ve been there, but you still have the rest of us. You still have me. Whenever you need a reminder that this was not your doing, I will be there, I promise.”

Hunter couldn’t help but search for any doubt or lies in your eyes and voice but found none. He pressed his lips into your palm and the sincerity and love in your tone served to remind him that he could do this. “We’ve lost two brothers.”

You brought your forehead to press against his and whispered understandingly, “I know.”

“I can’t lose anyone else.” He breathed against your lips, but he could feel himself starting to regain the composure he knew he was going to need for what was to come.  

You placed a delicate kiss to his mouth. “You won’t.” You caressed your thumb along his cheek before you stood behind him with your hands on his shoulders as you both waited for Omega to come back around.

--

“Hunter? (Y/N)?” Omega winced with a groan as her eyes opened once more and saw you both standing by her bedside, the worry on your faces now becoming relief.

“Hiya, kid.” Hunter said warmly as he brushed some of her hair back and reached for her hand.

She let Hunter support her back as she tried to sit up and took in the various bandages that graced both of you and her own fading pain prompted the reminder that the mission had gone very wrong. “What happened?”

Before either of you could reply, AZ whirred into the room and Hunter delicately laid her back down.

“Hello, Omega. I am relieved you are awake.” He scanned her. “You each sustained multiple injuries. However, you all will make a full recovery with proper treatment and rest.”

His reassurance helped calm the anxiety you were feeling over her injuries. You tenderly hugged her as Hunter assisted in getting her upright.

“You’re- You’re okay.” Wrecker said with relief as he came into the room. He crouched in front of her. “Don’t scare us like that again.” He put an arm around her in a fond embrace.

You passed her some water. “How do you feel?”

Omega took it from you but didn’t drink it. “I don’t know. The last thing I remember, we were in the railcar when…” She released a horrified gasp as the images came flooding back. “Where’s Tech?”

“Omega, Tech didn’t make it.” Hunter said, his voiced laced with sadness at having to tell her this again. Part of him had hoped she’d remember so she wouldn’t have to go re-experience the hurt of the loss.

“We have to go back! What if he’s hurt? He- He need us. Tell him, Wrecker. We can’t just leave him!” But Wrecker only looked back at her with nothing but sorrow on his face.

“Omega…” Your voice cracked slightly as you attempted to rest a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Omega hit your hand away. “No! Tech’s not gone! He- He can’t be!” Tears fell down her face.

Her reaction nearly broke you all over again.

“I- I know, kid.” Hunter said quietly as he moved to sit beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

Reliving it all got too much for Wrecker. He wiped his eyes and backed out of the room.

You glanced over your shoulder as Wrecker left and you knew Hunter needed to talk to Omega about what the rest of you had discussed. “I’ll give you two a minute.” You said, your voice still thick with emotion.

--

“Why did Tech do that?” Omega said tearfully after you and Wrecker had left. She wiped her eyes. “He didn’t let us save him.”

“He knew we were out of time.” Hunter explained as simply as he could. “Tech put the squad ahead of himself. He made a sacrifice, Omega, and we’re not gonna waste it.”

“What does that mean?”

“The galaxy has changed, and so have we. It’s time to put being soldiers behind us for good. The three of us think Pabu could be a good place to make a new life for ourselves. And the rest of it, well, we can figure out along the way. Omega, is that something you want?”

She thought it through for a moment before she nodded.

“Then that’s what we’ll do.” Hunter said. This would work. You all could heal together and make it out okay. It would get better.

--

You pulled yourself onto the bar stool next to the one Wrecker was sitting on. “What can I do?” You asked caringly. You knew there was nothing you could say that would immediately ease the pain of grief, but if there was anything you could do to help, you would.

“Just being here is fine.” Wrecker mumbled roughly as he kept his emotions at bay.

You rested your hand on top of his- an act he gently mirrored with his own before he removed his hand. You know I love you, right? It was a sentiment you realised you had not shared enough with the others and you didn’t want that to continue anymore.

Wrecker breathed deeply. “I love you too… and it’s not just because you’re with Hunter. You became a part of this family long before that.”

The genuine and heartfelt way he said that touched you deeply. You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat. “It’s a pretty good family to have.”

“Tech would’ve been able to tell you the exact date, I’m sure he kept a record of it.” Wrecker said with a sad chuckle.

You managed a half smile at his words. “That would be in character for him.”

A natural quiet descended on the two of you.

“Did we miss something? Did we miss a way to save him?” Wrecker asked into the silence.

The question was one you had been torturing yourself with ever since the ship had left Eriadu. “What we needed was time, and- and Tech knew we were out of it by that point.”

“Yeah.” Wrecker released a dejected sigh. “He always was the smart one.”

--

“Here. These are on the house.” Cid gifted you both a drink.

“It won’t help.” Wrecker said as he nudged it out the way.

You did the same.

“I’m sorry about Goggles. I always liked him.” Cid said sympathetically.

“Yeah. Us too.” Wrecker said with a crestfallen sigh.

Despite her words, you, and Wrecker both noticed the way she kept avoiding eye contact with both of you.

“What’s with you?” Wrecker asked.

Cid gulped, “You know, I tried to look out for you guys. But you got too much heat on you. And you brought it here to my place of business. I had to make the best of a bad situation.”

You picked up on her awkwardness and agitation. “Cid, what did you do?” You asked as a hollow pit of dread sat heavy in your stomach.

“I’m sorry.” That was all she said before she looked to the door.

You and Wrecker followed her stare, and a squadron of Imperial troopers came marching through the door with their blasters drawn.

You both instinctively reached for your blasters, but both of yours had been lost in the crash.

Wrecker was unaffected by the first stun blast that contacted him, and he charged at the group, but his neck brace severely limited his mobility.

You dodged the stun shot that was sent your way and realised keeping up a pretence would be pointless now. You threw your vibroblade into the shoulder of the closest threat to you before you Force-pushed multiple troopers against the back wall and used your ally to snap the wrists of others that aimed for you.

“Stop!”

You turned in the direction of the voice to see Wrecker half-conscious, kneeling on the floor with his wrists bound and a trooper holding a blaster to his head whilst the squad regrouped and pointed their weapons at you.

Your jaw tightened but you did as he ordered and let them take you. A kick to the backs of your knees brought you down. They took your comm off you and, judging by the way the cuffs he put on you were slightly different to Wrecker’s, they’d come prepared. You weren’t going to have an easy way out.

“She was right, Sir. This is the Jedi.” One of the troopers that was holding you down by the top of your shoulder said to Doctor Hemlock as he came through the crowd to stand at the front.

You glanced up at the man you now recognised as Doctor Hemlock who was staring down at you.

“Wonderful.”

--

He’d acted quickly when he knew the Empire was here and he’d kept Omega safe. That’s what mattered first. She was in the mining tunnels and on her way to Echo. The Empire wouldn’t find her. He could now focus on getting you and Wrecker back.

Hunter rounded the corner to the main parlour with his blaster drawn but his heart stopped at the sight. Both you and Wrecker were cuffed and being held at gunpoint by Imperials and Hemlock was right in the middle. He advanced forward a few paces, but the troopers focused their blasters on him.

“That’s not very strategic, Hunter.” Hemlock cautioned. “You don’t need to use your enhanced senses to know you’re outnumbered.” He turned his attention to the owner of the parlour. “The Empire thanks you for your assistance. Our business is done. Leave.”

“You piece of shit.” You hissed as you fought against the grip the troopers had on you as you watched her take the case of credits and walk out the door.

“Please consider your next move very carefully. I would hate for this to end poorly for all of you.” Hemlock advised. He paused and studied your handiwork on the wounded that were now being evacuated from the building. “Such an exquisite creature.” He brushed the fingers of his ungloved hand across your cheek. “You chose well.” He complimented the Sergeant.

You recoiled from his touch.

“Don’t fucking touch her.” Hunter snarled.

Hemlock ignored the clone for now and kept his attention on you. He lifted your cuffs by the middle. “How can someone so powerful be limited so easily?” He dropped your wrists. “Please. Do me the honour of just trying to use it.”

You stared him down in refusal.

“Or both of them will be killed.” Hemlock said simply.

You gritted your teeth and hoped the message behind your eyes as you looked to Hunter was clear- he had to keep it together.

Hunter didn’t understand what was about to happen. You were telling him to stay calm and remain where he was, but he didn’t fully know why. What was Hemlock talking about?

You braced yourself as you did as Hemlock said. You were met with the expected electric current that shot through your system. You didn’t cry out despite the pain; you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, but you couldn’t help but fall forward on all fours. You had to take a few deep breaths before kneeling upright once more. The binds themselves had also grown tighter.

“Incredible.” Hemlock mused. “Years spent studying your people and the Force and we have barely scratched the surface of understanding you, yet science still finds ways to prove itself. Go again.”

“No!” Hunter protested. Watching you do that once was bad enough and you were hiding it well, but he knew you were in pain, and he couldn’t let it continue. Instinct took over and he moved a half step closer to you, but the line of blasters stopped him from advancing.

“How touching.” Hemlock mocked, internally thrilled that the reaction from both of you had been as he predicted. It made the process far more enjoyable. “But if you value your fellow clone’s life, you will not stop this.”

“I can- I can handle it.” You said breathlessly as a way reassure Hunter and stop him from doing anything reckless- you knew this torture was as much for him as it was for you, and you needed him alive. But you couldn’t prevent the pained grunt that left your mouth this time and you fell forward once more, and the cuffs pinched the skin of your wrists.

“Again.” Hemlock ordered you.

“Don’t.” Hunter pleaded, but he wasn’t talking to Hemlock, he was looking at you. This wasn’t something you should have to handle. There had to be another way. He should be the one to take that pain.

Whatever it required to keep them both alive. “It’s okay.” You said, your voice hoarse. You did it again and an audible cry fell from your lips.

Hemlock waited until you sat up. “Again.” He demanded.

You inhaled with a wince and did as he said.

The cycle continued until Hemlock said otherwise.

--

Hunter wanted to stop it. Despite your words, his resolve was weakening by the second. The only thing stopping him from doing something was that Wrecker’s life was also involved here but he couldn’t stand that all he could do was watch you go through this torment over and over again.

Wrecker struggled against his captors as he watched, but they were too many securing him.

“Stop.” Hunter finally growled at Hemlock after this last round saw to it that you were barely able to right yourself. He saw your arms give out from beneath you with the effort it took to remove yourself from the ground. And from the way you were trying to flex them, he guessed you were losing feeling in your fingers.

Hemlock smirked, “I am merely giving her a preview of what’s to come. I need to know what it’ll take to crush someone like her.”

He kneeled beside your crumpled body and spoke into your ear. “I will look forward to breaking you.” He kept eye-contact Hunter.

Hunter was clenching his jaw so hard that his teeth hurt. The thought sickened him.

You believed him. That quiet, menacing tone in his voice told you he truly meant what he was saying and… and that brought out a level of fear you’d never felt before. But you wouldn’t let that happen yet. Your arms trembled as you braced your palms against the floor and you panted through the throbbing discomfort in your body, but you managed to get back to a kneeling position. In a way, you were also grateful for the harsh but secure hold the troopers resumed since it meant you weren’t required to keep yourself stable.

“Such resolve.” Hemlock whispered to you. “And now onto the other matter at hand.” He said breezily as he stood upright once more and addressed Hunter. “Here’s how this is going to go. You will lower your blaster and hand over Omega. And I will allow you to keep breathing.”

“Omega’s not going anywhere with you.”

The fierce protectiveness of the clone brought out a soft snicker from Hemlock. “Oh. Well, who knew clones are so paternal? Fascinating.”

To hear that observation come from that man had bile rising in your throat.

“I was saddened to learn of your friend’s demise. What was his name? Oh, yes. Tech.” Hemlock taunted cruelly.

“Don’t fucking say his name.” You spat as you strained against your captors. An act Wrecker joined you on.

Hemlock merely reached his hand out to one of the soldiers and took the object. “I’m afraid this was all I could salvage. Consider it a gift.” He tossed the broken goggles across the room to Hunter’s feet.

Your strength was returning and at Hemlock’s actions, you attempted to lunge for him, but the troopers acted quickly and, with a strong grip on your shoulders, they forced you back to your knees.

Hemlock was unphased and stepped forward a few paces. “To lose one of your own, it must weigh heavily on you as their leader.” He signalled back to his men who pressed their blasters against the back of yours and Wreckers heads. “And if you don’t lower the blaster now, you will lose more.”

Hunter looked past Hemlock and you and Wrecker.

Wrecker did the best he could do to shake his head.

“Hunter, n-” The sharp tap of a blaster interrupted you.

He wasn’t losing any anyone else. And with Omega gone, the rest of you could find a way out.

You helplessly watched as Hunter put the blaster down and delicately picked up and studied Tech’s goggles.

“Wise decision.” Hemlock praised before he waved his men forward.

Hunter let them pass and allowed himself to be cuffed and brought over to join the two of you.

You and Wrecker were pulled to your feet, and you attempted to wriggle out of their grip, but they wouldn’t give.

“Sir, the girl’s not in the office.” The troopers informed Hemlock as they came back out.

You and Wrecker glanced at Hunter who subtly nodded at the two of you.

You and Wrecker shared a small breath of relief. As long as she was safe, you could manage whatever came next.

“She’s long gone. Like I said, Omega’s not going anywhere with you.” Hunter said to Hemlock.

Hemlock merely hummed. “We’ll see.”

The three of you were escorted out but what you couldn’t work out was why you were still being physically restrained whilst the other two got to walk normally.

--

Ord Mantell was in chaos.

People were screaming and clamouring to get out of the way of the Imperial soldiers and AT-AT walkers that were making their presence known.

 A series of warning blaster fire halted you all from continuing. You turned in the direction of the fire and your stomach dropped as you saw who was on an upper platform staring down at the rest of you. No, she wasn’t supposed to be here.

“Lower your weapons.” Hemlock instructed his soldiers before he called over to the young girl, “Hello, Omega. We were just talking about you.”

Omega kept her bow activated. “Let them go!”

“Omega, run!” Hunter shouted before he got held back by one of the troopers.

“I won’t let them take you.”

“How about an exchange? If you come with me, your friends will live.” Hemlock negotiated.

“You fucking bastard.” You seethed as you pulled against the hands that were holding the upper part of your arms.

“I don’t believe you.” Omega replied suspiciously.

“I did not come here for them, Omega. I came to return you to Nala Se. She needs your help.”

“He’s lying. They killed the Kaminoans.” Hunter countered.

“Incorrect. Nala Se is alive and well care for.” Hemlock retorted before he returned his attention to the girl. “As you will be.”

“I’m not going with you.” Omega affirmed but she didn’t sense the clone trooper behind her.

“Omega, look out!” You shouted but it was too late.

All of you watched with devastation as Omega met the receiving end of a stun shot and her limp body got picked up by the trooper.

“Scour the city. When you find the third clone, send them back to Eriadu. Governor Tarkin wishes to question you personally.” Hemlock walked over to you. “But you…” He smiled coldly at you. “Your use lies elsewhere.”

Your heart shattered as you realised what that meant.

Hunter’s head turned sharply to look from Hemlock to you and the pained panic on your face mirrored his own. He reacted instantly and ran for you, but he didn’t make it far before the troopers separating the two of you got in the way and shoved him back. He continued to try and fight his way through, but the cuffs limited his effectiveness and a strong punch to his stomach winded him and he hunched over in discomfort. He took a few deep breaths and wriggled free of the two soldiers that had come to bring him back in and tried again but this time he was met with a kick to his already wounded torso.

You were shouting unintelligible sounds of protest as you writhed and struggled against the strong hands holding you back and attempting to drag you away. You managed to stamp on the foot on one of your captors and elbow one of the others in the stomach and their grip faltered.

But they regrouped quickly.

A swift hit of a blaster on your still wounded head had you blinking away black dots. You could do nothing to stop the severe grip one trooper took on the back of your neck, forcing you to hunch over whilst the others grabbed your arms and got ready to take you away.

“Let them.” Hemlock held a hand up to stop the actions of his soldiers. It would only help with his process. Let the two of you have the chance at a last moment together dictated by him and stopped by him. The emotional turmoil it would create would play beautifully.

Still half-dazed, when the troopers let you go, you were left with no choice but to fall to the ground.

Hunter shoved past the line of soldiers and knelt before you. As gently as he could manage, he placed his hands under your chin to push your head up. “I love you.” Hunter choked out.

Hemlock signalled his men.

You wanted to say so much more but you didn’t have the time. “I love you too.” You replied, your voice cracking. Your lips met for the briefest of moments but that was all you managed before you got hauled to your feet and they yanked you away from him.

As he watched your fading figure, Hunter didn’t have the strength to fight the troopers that lifted him to his feet and led him and Wrecker in the opposite direction.

--

The only thing that was keeping you from giving into the pounding agony that was bouncing around your skull was that Omega was now being carried alongside you. You would hang on for her.

“What are we doing?” One of the remaining troopers asked as he saw the group split off.

“Doctor Hemlock wants her getting a separate shuttle in case the others get away and come looking for them.” The clone in charge of the group answered.

“Please.” You begged with a broken breath as you saw the group separate and Hemlock disappeared down the street with Omega. “Just let me go with her. I won’t-” The butt of a blaster meeting your cheekbone shut you up and you groaned with the stinging pain it left you. Your vision kept blurring in and out of focus.

“Quiet! Keep walking!” The trooper ordered you.

You had so little resolve left. Hopelessness had overwhelmed you, so you followed their orders, your feet dragging as they led you in the direction of wherever the other shuttle was.  

--

Hunter could feel the fight leaving him as he and Wrecker were escorted to the shuttle that would take them to Eriadu. So much of what he cared about had been ripped from him and now the remaining people in his life that he loved would pay the price for his failure. The echoes of explosions and blaster fire grabbed his attention, and he looked up to see a walker come stomping round the corner but it’s aim was directed towards the Imperials.

“Echo?” Wrecker asked.

“Gotta be Echo.” Hunter agreed as he dug deep for the energy to fight back.

Wrecker broke his cuffs open on the top of his knee and Hunter landed a kick to the trooper behind him to give Wrecker time to undo his cuffs.

The two of them worked on taking care of the remaining troopers and stole their blasters and fired on the clones that were aiming for Echo’s walker. What they couldn’t stop however, was the next walker that rounded the corner that fired on Echo’s.

Echo went to the hatch and jumped out of the walker just as it collapsed to the ground.

“Where are the other two?” Echo asked as he emerged from the downed walker with AZ and took cover with his brothers.

“That Imperial took them.” Wrecker answered.

“It was Hemlock. We’ve got to stop his ship from leaving.” Hunter said.

The three of them scanned for ways out but reinforcements were arriving from both sides. It was then though that Hunter noticed a platform that ran above the landing pad where Hemlock’s shuttle must be and the group of them made their way up to it, avoiding enemy fire as they did so.

--

Hunter ran ahead to the edge of the platform and could only watch with despair and agony as Hemlock’s shuttle took off. He paid no attention to the surrounding sounds of blaster fire; he couldn’t turn his gaze away from the departing ship.

Half his life was on that ship.

Hell, his heart was on that ship.

And he couldn’t stop it.

He couldn’t stop any of it.

And it broke something in him.

It killed him.

Echo’s voice dragged him back.

“Hunter, we have to go!”

Hunter managed to find his voice. “Get to the Marauder!” He ordered and the three of them started to run once more.

--

They made it to their ship and managed to take off but there was no relief in the feeling. The air was thick with grief and loss.

“There was no way to track Hemlock’s ship. He could’ve taken them anywhere.” Echo said forlornly from the cockpit.

Hunter glanced back to where Omega’s room was, then he saw Wrecker cradling Tech’s goggles. Then he found himself fiddling with the cord around his neck and his fingertips grazed the small symbol attached to it. He’d failed so many people. Everything he’d promised both to himself and to his squad had fallen apart so quickly before his eyes and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. Well, no more. He refused to let this be how things ended. “We are going to get them back.” He said darkly. “And we don’t stop searching until we do.”

--

The shuttle you were being taken to was on the other side of the city, but you had finally arrived.

The ramp lowered and you didn’t resist them as they nudged you towards it.

You walked a couple paces but then you spotted the smoke bomb thrown at your feet.

Fog engulfed you.

You were set free but all you registered were the panicked shouts and shots from blasters around you.

The Imperials didn’t last long, in rapid succession you heard the thud of each body that had brought you here.

Then everything went quiet.

A hand from behind grabbed your shoulder.

You reacted quickly and swerved out of the grip and whipped around to land a punch wherever you could reach. You heard the satisfying thump of your fists meeting bone and the figure backed away a few paces.

You readied yourself for the next attack, but it didn’t come.

“That’s a hell of a punch you’ve got. Would hate to see what you’re like when you don’t have cuffs on you.”

You recognised that voice and you pushed the faintness away and peered through the smoke at the figure approaching you, sniper rifle on her shoulder as she massaged her jaw. You relaxed your stance. “Lyra?”

“Hey, stranger.” She greeted you as she began picking the locks of your cuffs.

“What are you doing here?” You massaged your wrists as your binds came loose and you felt the Force start to flow through you again, but it felt… tainted. You searched in the Force around you for any sign of them, but there was nothing there. You really wished that meant they’d found a way out and escaped safely but everything felt disconnected. You weren’t yourself; something had shifted, and you weren’t sure if you would be able to right yourself anymore.

“Rescuing you, kinda thought that much was obvious. Where are the others?”

You felt your throat tighten as you searched for the words, but you couldn’t find them, and your stomach turned with both the aching in your head and your heart. You braced your hands on your knees and threw up.

The smoke had cleared, and Lyra was able to take you in properly. Your ankle was strapped, the skin on your cheek had broken and a purple bruise was starting to take shape and the stitches by your temple were starting to tear open as specks of blood escape the wound. It also wasn’t just your obvious injuries she saw- your body looked heavy with defeat. “What do you need?” She asked kindly.

“I need a ship.” You rasped as you wiped your mouth and stood up.

“You have one.” Lyra pointed to the shuttle right next to you.

“No. I wouldn’t get out of the system in that. They’d find me immediately.” You reached down and took a blaster from one of the unconscious bodies.

“So, you need something off the grid that would not pass any standardised mechanical check?”

“Add in an already scrambled signature and yeah pretty much.” You inhaled deeply as another wave of nausea hit you.

“I know someone who owes me a favour and makes a living from selling ships like that. Can’t promise we’ll get very far but it could work.” She paused as she saw the way you still swayed on your feet. “Are you sure you’re up for that? I can go myself and meet-”

“I’m not getting separated from anyone else.” You said sharply before you straightened your shoulders. “Lead the way.”

--

You waited as Lyra squared up deal and studied your way out of here. The ship did look like a hunk of scrap metal, but it would get you out unnoticed and that’s all that mattered.

“Okay, let’s go.” Lyra said as she came over to you.

You sighed, “Lyra, thank you. For all of this. But you can’t come with me.”

Lyra placed her hands on hips in defiance. “I have nothing here, they wrecked my stall and raided the other stores. I’m going with you. At the very least, you need someone to treat that serious concussion properly.”

Dealing with your injuries were way down on your priority list. You could feel it creeping in again and you weren’t sure you had the strength to oppose it anymore. “What I am… what I’m going to do, you shouldn’t be around for. I can’t-”

“Can’t be worse than what I’ve seen already. Come on, we gotta get going.” She said with finality as she walked past you and up the ramp to the ship.

On her head be it. You thought to yourself as you followed her up and she got the ship in the air.

--

Omega walked out the Imperial shuttle with a deep sense of unease. She recognised Mount Tantiss and the presence of Nala Se troubled her. She feared for what this doctor had planned for her.

“Have Emerie see to her injuries.” Hemlock ordered the assistant that came to greet them.

Omega didn’t follow the woman, she just looked to Nala Se. “Why did they bring me here?” She didn’t get to hear a reply for the trooper behind her prodded her back to make her go inside.

Hemlock addressed the Kaminoan after Omega was out of earshot. “Your prime minister mentioned you had an attachment to the young clone, so I’ve returned her to you. Perhaps now, you will reconsider working on the Emperor’s project.”

“What he seeks is not possible.” Nale Se argued.

“Make it possible. If you refuse or fail, Omega will suffer the consequences.” Hemlock threatened.

Satisfied that his threat had landed effectively, he waved the Kaminoan away and went to go inside but a clone voice stopped him.

“Sir, we’ve heard reports on an attack on the squad escorting the Jedi and the shuttle never checked in. It would seem she escaped.”

Hemlock had to hide his surprise. Clearly something had happened he had not anticipated. “That is… unfortunate, but we’ll make do… for now.”

--

Omega was led into a lab and what she saw horrified her. There were tubes and rows of unconscious clones strapped down onto testing tables. Then her eyes caught sight of someone she knew. “Crosshair!”

She ran over to him and tried to rouse him, “Crosshair? Crosshair?” He showed no signs of movement. She heard the sound of oncoming footsteps and turned to see the woman that must be ‘Emerie’ standing behind her.

“You must be Omega.” Emerie said.

“What did you do to Crosshair?” She asked angrily.

“He’s recovering. I tried to warn him what would happen if he did not cooperate with the doctor.”

“I want to talk to Nala Se.”

“Ironic. You trust the Kaminoan, but not me.”

“I don’t know you.”

“No?” Emerie kneeled in front of the young girl and removed her glasses. “You might know me better than you think.”

Omega furrowed her brow.

“We’re sisters, Omega.”

--

Lyra finished tending to your head and cheek before she went to the cockpit to give you some time.

As you stared down the corridor and out into the blue clouds of hyperspace, you gained a true moment of clarity. The galaxy and the Empire had taken much from you, but you’d always been able to push through.

In a strange way, you’d even thought you were better off because of where you’d ended up. You had gained a greater sense of purpose, you had room to properly care for the people in your life, you had a family.

But now they’d gone too far. Too much had been taken from you, your family, from the people you loved, and you weren’t going to let it happen anymore. You couldn’t let it happen anymore.

You weren’t as strong as you’d thought you were. Something gets cracked enough times enough times, it’s bound to break.

You were done hiding.

Your arms fell to your sides and your fists clenched and the darkness you had been running from since Eriadu came flooding back. Only this time, this time you weren’t going to fight against it.

This time.

This time, you embraced it.

Oneshot>

Tagging: @noeasyisnoisy, @fuckoffthanos, @tpwkcalli, @graciexmarvel, @arctrooper69, @nightmonkeysstuff, @brujaporfavor, @flyingkangaroo, @sunkissedclones, @ladytano420, @keep-calm-and-drink-caf, @yyourmotherr, @xxeiraxx, @dragonrider9905, @skellymom, @lokigirlszendaya, @starwarsnerd111

[hotasfahrenheit]

tag game: scenes i’ll never forget

rules: share 5-10 scenes you can't forget. not your favorites, the ones that got stuck in your brain for any reason.

thanks for tagging me, as ever, @nonglukest, i'm sorry i take so long to post things most of the time but i love when you tag me in stuff haha

here we go:

1 - Love For Love's Sake

this show is forever embedded in my brain but this scene especially- Yeowoon fully taking agency, Yeowoon bringing back Myungha, Yeowoon really realizing what Myungha has tried to do for him, Yeowoon absolutely desperate to get back the person he loves, Yeowoon changing his own fate by choosing love and life over loneliness and death----- just- listen, grabbing the clip to whip these gifs out without watching anything else was enough to make me start tearing up okay, i'm not fine about this show and i never will be

2 - The Sign

listen yes you're correct these two are related and i already made a post about that one time and i'm doing just fine thanks

3 - Let Free The Curse of Taekwondo

this man just being unable to process that Do Hoe is right in front of him and about to walk away from him after so many years apart and all the things he's done to try and have a normal life without him and just being completely unable to process anything that is happening and looking so lost, this show has a lot of things that have stuck with me but this part of this scene especially i think about

4 - Moonlight Chicken

this scene above even their first time together- there's so much build up here, so much longing, so much promise, there's the way they keep almost holding hands, Jim taking Wen through his world and Wen just following along. i love them.

5 - Utsukushii Kare

what if i just throw myself off a bridge about this scene that's all i have to say about it, you all understand

6 - KinnPorsche

Kinn really tries to put Porsche's happiness before his own, they try to not get even more tangled together, and Porsche's inability to leave without making his feelings clear through a kiss and this most desperate hug are what end up saving Kinn's life, since it keeps him from leaving too soon so that he can be there to protect Kinn when they get attacked.

7 - Spare Me Your Mercy

listen i know this show was far from perfect and a lot of people had problems with it but this scene crushed me- the way they both wanted this little bubble of time to last longer, to keep this precious moment when they could pretend like nothing was wrong even tho they could both feel the world and the consequences of both their actions and who they were closing in on them despite how drawn to each other they were. they're both aware it's an illusion and they both are trying so hard to keep this sliver of peace and love for themselves while knowing they can't have it and it hurt and i still think about it all the time

8 - 1000 Years Old

i can't think about this scene and this show without having too many emotions okay? if you haven't seen it, just watch it. please. go. it's so special and precious. you'll understand once you get this far. you'll get it.

9 - Futtara Doshaburi

the way that everything culminates because of this museum side trip, this chance moment, the way they both are trying to process their reactions looking at this statue, and how it brings them together more than once, everything was just perfectly done.

10 - I Told Sunset About You

the dance that Oh-Aew leads Tae on in this whole scene is so excellent and poignant and the build up of their emotions and desire is insane and it just heightens the crush of Tae's stupidity after they swim. this episode especially has multiple moments that really stuck with me, picking one was hard- the scene with Oh-Aew's breakdown was a very close runner up to this one, and lost partially because i had a harder time picking a moment out of it to gif 😅

honourable mention - All The Liquors

it's less that this scene has stuck with me, as this scene represents my life every time i decide it's a good idea to eat spicy food. it's one of the most relatable moments ever in any drama i've watched, BL or no, just because i am a baby who likes to hurt my face and i can't stop myself.

I DID IT, I FINISHED THE TAG GAME. i had to make gifs for all the things for this that i didn't already have gifs for, and my wildly unrestrained adhd made that very hard, but here we go.

i'm sure @poetry-protest-pornography has already been tagged for this but i'm tagging you anyway. it took me a couple days to get through this so most people probably have done it already if they wanted to but if you see this and you haven't done it, consider yourself tagged because i don't want to be the annoying kid who tags people repeatedly (besides Rachael, i'm allowed to tag her all i want)

[cl0wnp0p]

OK SORRY ANDREAS LMAO BUT I GOT A QUESTION,,

Why did you choose clownpop for your username? I dont know, that question came to mind lololololol

I love ts gif a lot too ok im not even from america ya but y not

Clownpop origin story 🗣🗣🗣 (yapping abt my username undercut) I made this username like 3 years ago and idk if that's considered old or not LMFAO

Way back in the days of 2022, I was trying to come up with a new username since my old user was pulled straight from a pinterest post titled "aesthetic username ideas" 🤧 and I wanted to change it cuz it didnt really stick with me. I wanted my new username to reference stuff that i liked, and I also wanted to make sure the name would last me for a long while.

2022 was when my clown obsession peaked, and I knew from then on my love for clowns wouldn't go away ANY time soon (I was right LMFAO), so I for sure knew it had to revolve around clowns and stuff.

So one day, I was watching despicable me 3 with my family, and I started zoning out cuz I was still trying to come up with a new username idea. Way into the movie, that 80s villain popped up on screen and showed all his supplies of bubblegum and stuff, and that's when the light bulb went over my head 🤓☝🏽

I LOVE GUM SO MUCH chat gum is my favorite candy its almost as addictive as drinking mtn dew (can u tell I have health issues) and that's when I was like "yo what if I find a way to combine my favorite candy with my favorite interest!!111!!!1!1!!!11"

So after the movie i go to my room and brain storm possible ideas. my whole thought process was basically: "clown gum... clown....candy.... clown.....pop... CLOWN POP OH MY GOD"

And thus, Clownpop was born from the ashes of Dreamy_m00nlight and despicable me 3, and has been my username ever since 🎉🎉🎉🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

[wixenforever]

Hey Wix! Two questions today. 👀👀👀 One botl related, the other about your writing and planning.

The first is related to how Harry and Theo might want to keep each other at arms length, in case they get caught in each others issues. Now that Hogwarts is starting, is there a chance that Harry will be worried about how being involved with Theo might affect Theo? Theo already told Snape his thoughts about it, but maybe Harry DOESNT know that Theo is cool with them still being seen together.

if its spoilers, its fine if you dont answer. Im mostly curious whether any of it will be discussed.

and the other question is about your storyplanning. How did you plan everything? The plot and the arcs? I tend to have issues with building up a plot, and your world has quite a lot of worldbuilding, and themes, and characters. Did you get inspired by anything in particular and it all snowballed, and then you kept adding stuff down the line, or did you have it all planned since the beginning? Like, where did the idea of John come from, for example?

Have some art for your troubles :)

⬆️ Me usually when I'm writing

Answering this will have a lot of spoilers for stuff that's already happened in Burning of the Library so I'ma put it below the break for anyone scrolling by.

💕Thank you for even asking these questions! I feel so special hah. Okay - first thing's first, you're right that Harry DOESN'T know that Theo is cool with them being seen together as friends. He doesn't even know that Theo has already decided This Is A Thing That Will Happen.

That will get settled pretty quick in the next chapter or two, but without going too deep into spoiler territory, it won't be that easy in practice. For reasons.

Some of the reasons are obvious (Umbridge stress, judgmental housemates, friendship drama) but the biggest reason is that, basically, Harry will bottle up his issues and hide them from Theo because he thinks Theo has enough to deal with and shouldn't have to put up with Harry's problems. This whole conflict is what I would describe as the next "arc" in his and Theo's friendship.

It's a short arc. I am not a fan of like, misunderstandings and miscommunications being drawn out for a long, long time, but it does need to happen. And it's not really miscommunication as it is a deliberate withholding of communication...but that whole little arc is so good! It's full of angst, anger, drama, revenge, hurt, comfort, all the good stuff that makes me itch to skip ahead and write it right now!

Now - as for Theo...Theo's going to have a very unique hangup about his "closeness" to Harry that I'm sure you'll be able to guess once a certain thing in the plot gets revealed on the train.

The Writing Process

This gif is how I feel about my storybuilding sometimes. OKAY! Going back in time to September 2023, I created the very first document file for "Burning of the Library" (the name never changed, btw!) And I only had ONE idea, which was that Theo's house would be burned down by fiendfyre, and Harry and Sirius would find him surrounded by a mysterious bubble of light that was sentient and asked Harry to protect him.

So, I wrote that, because I could not get it out of my head. From there, I tried to write backwards to create some kind of plot. I wrote a lot of scenes of Harry being rescued from the Dursleys. Stuff about Houses and Lords and Ladies and old magic. Stuff about him not trusting Dumbledore. Stuff about Sirius fixing his mind. All things that changed (mostly).

At the time I was working on a Powerpuff Girls fic and also my original work, and so I would just kinda take breaks in Harry Potter because it was easy to write.

Anyway, the moment when the story became a Story and not a collection of scenes was when I thought about something I think of often - which is One Piece (my other great obsession and love). Oda famously KNEW how he was going to end this insanely long story right when he started writing it. And I have always, always, always had a problem with endings in my stories, so I basically had this thought experiment where I tried to figure out how I would end this HP story that I had no investment in whatsoever.

And, it worked! I came up with an ending! Or a "final scene", I guess, that led to an idea for a sequel. And then I was like, well fuck, I guess I have a "complete" story idea, I should try and write this.

As far as outlining plot and story arcs, right when I started writing I built waypoints in the plot to basically help me get from "Library Burning Down" to "Wixen's Classified End Scene". They live in my notes as vague titles: "The Train", "Cheering Charms", "The Apology", "The Forest", "Yule", "Quest", "Quidditch", and several more.

But my writing process is entirely character-driven. Sometimes, unexpected POVs will be written to expressly move the plot along, but I love developing these characters so much so I try to incorporate some kind of growth or conflict or revelation in their POV section, if I can. I basically let the characters take me from point to point, which is why my estimate of when we will finally escape summer is always wrong lmao. These people just have a lot to say!

John is kinda funny - he was a totally unexpected and late addition to the story. Originally, when I published the first chapter, John was a TEMPORARY character! He was meant to drop lore about druids and mages and then exit stage left after bringing Harry to the bank. But, I knew I wanted Harry to have a familiar in the story - I just hadn't decided what kind or when. And I hadn't ever seen Harry with a cat in a fic before, so I thought it was a unique idea that might be fun to play around with.

Developing John's character was really fun. I knew he would be a cat-sith almost instantly, and from there I created this life he had with Johanna and then, later, Desmond to figure out WHY he would choose to hang out with Harry.

As far as themes and stuff, I guess I have certain sensibilities in HP fic I wanted to write but don't often read? Like an honest exploration of the Order's actions as a resistance group. And giving Harry more agency, and dreams. I feel like Harry never has a dream in canon. He just...moves from crisis to crisis. I want my Harry to WANT something, something bigger than revenge.

That's how I am for most of my fav characters, Sirius namely. The Slytherins, of course, all have developed backstories and motivations because I think they're criminally underdeveloped. But most of all I wanted to write a story that was not strictly good versus evil - I wanted it to be messy.

Characters WILL do things they think are right but for terrible reasons, or make mistakes, or do the wrong thing that they KNOW is wrong because that's simply the choice they made...yeah. I don't like sanitized stories, I guess lol. Part of my horror background bleeding through I think.

Last thing I'll say...[I'm so long winded...no wonder I wrote 300k words already 🙈] some characters have fates or character arcs I've already decided on. Like Bill, Sirius, Snape, Remus. Others are undecided - mainly Ron. He's a real problem for me right now because I can't decide where he fits in further along, unlike Hermione. Harry and Theo - their WHOLE relationship is planned out. Oh boy. That's the part I spend the most time on, to be real.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ You art is PERFECTION as usual! And I loved your whole thought process on your Blaise comic, that was really awesome to read. You're so thoughtful in your work and it really shows!

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Wednesday lovely Fandom :) Phew lord we’ve reached the eps I’ve only watched once. Because I was far too destroyed to watch them again. Knew my second time around would be my rewatch. I’m not ready emotionally. Will I ever be though? lol If we don't laugh we cry right? Ha Anyways I’m on a strict timetable before I move. So press forward I must. Sad at the lack of gifs in this one. But also understandable since we were all anxious af after this one. I am excited to do Tim analysis though. I always enjoy that.

Also pre-shout out to Eric and Melissa in this one. They never cease to amaze me with their acting chops and chemistry. Eric really kills me in this one in particular. Let us begin the slow breaking of our shipper hearts shall we? Also thank you to my readers for going through this with me. Once was hard enough. But revisiting isn’t any easier so thank you for coming with me on this journey. Off we go.

6x05 The Vow

We get our couple immediately after the cold open. I knew going into this ep it was going to be angsty. I just had no idea why or how bad it would be…It’s date night for our beautiful pair. I just love them constantly dating each other. Makes my soul so damn happy. I can’t put it into words well enough. We get ship crack in this opening sequence for sure though. The way they light up when they see one another. That never gets old. Lucy is lighting candles when her man enters in.

Tim couldn’t be any cuter just as happy for date night as she is. Looks like he’s carrying quite a bit into her apt. Lucy instantly notices his present for her. Tim continues with the cuteness and says yes and the beer is for him. This is so domestic I wanna die. This moment started off so precious I knew he we were in for a world hurt tbh. This scene was the calm before the storm.

Tim is not wasting any time getting a thank you kiss in. Lucy is lit up like a Christmas tree as she leans in for said kiss. I adore the smiles going into it. Making my shipper heart giddy af. Also his grip on her arm. Drawing her in nice and close. It’s doing things to me as they melt into each other. Lucy’s questioning face cracks me up as she pulls back. Tim picking up on it right away. Asking her 'What?' With so much sass I’m cackling. How he has grown in his sass heh

Lucy can’t help but note gift giving isn’t his normal love language. Fact that they’re talking about love languages has me reeling so much. It’s just so cute. I'm squeeing at how friggin precious and domestic this is. Tim challenges her back. Asking what is his love language then? Their banter right here is one of their love languages let's be honest LOL Always top tier with some flirtation mixed in for good measure.

Lucy being cute as all hell replies ‘Terse nods mainly.’ I mean she isn’t wrong haha There have been some wonderful sets about this line. Man sure does love his terse nods. For her especially. Mainly her really. Tim continues his trajectory towards adorable with his reply. Letting her know he’s trying to change things up.

The smile on that man’s face. Oh my word. I said this a lot in S5 and I’ll say it again. Have we ever seen this man so damn happy before her? The answer is a sharp no. Not ever. She is the absolute joy in his life. It just radiates out of him when they’re together. Especially when they’re bantering. Ugh my heart. These two kill me in the best way.

Lucy then turns into an adorable little bean herself. Asking Tim if she can open it now? She is so excited about this impromptu gift. No way she can wait through their dinner to open it. Tim say of course she can. I’m sure he was hoping she would open it right away. Especially with the thought he put into it. Also well done on the wrapping good sir.

Lucy’s reaction is delightful. It reminds me of the way she reacted in 6x03 with her trophy. Blown away by this man’s thoughtfulness. Not only that but making her laugh in the process as well. We get a second in love 'Lucy smile' in the second gif. He is so gone for her. Man they were really setting us up for a fall with the goodies they packed into this scene.

I love how Tim locks eyes with her and is beaming ear to ear. No one makes him smile like that except Lucy. Legit the sunshine in this man’s life. I can’t get over how damn happy he looks. My heart might implode at how happy he is. Happiness looks so good on him. Also how proud he looks as well at his choice in gift. Patting himself on the back for it hehe

We see it’s her KIA radio in a display case. Lucy looking at him like he’s hung the moon and stars. Bringing out her own in love 'Tim smile.' She too is beaming right back. Heart eyes paired with that joyful smile. Tim for this moment (not the rest of this ep) is once again 10/10 for her. Commemorating her takedown of Jeff Budny. Saw an excellent parallel between this and 2x12. About Tim giving back things that saved her life for him. My damn heart. I’m fine….

Tim continues on to say it was to memorialize the radio that saved her life. So grateful to that radio for taking the hit it did. I remember thinking how that radio represented her communication problems. Little did I know it would soon represent Tim’s as well. The irony of this gift will hit us painfully hard later in this episode. Having watched rest of the season as well it represents their’s as a couple too. *sigh*

Anyways we get a SECOND kiss in this moment. That’s how I knew it was coming like a freight train at us. We got cuteness, flirtation, banter and two kisses in one scene. They were setting us up for a very hurtful fall. They just look like two happy idiots in love. *dreamy sigh* I wanna die it’s so precious. They fall back into each other for this second kiss.

The look in Lucy’s eyes ready to thank him for this radio. Not with dinner but some sexy times. That kiss before it’s interrupted looked like it was headed for the bedroom. Dinner be damned at that point. The way Tim is leaning heavily into that kiss too. Ready to go in for more. His patented first kiss need an immediate second one well underway. Phew lord. He was more than ready to receive that thanks LOL

Sadly Tamara steps through the door. Doing what she does best. Be a wet blanket for their bedroom endeavors. I love her anyways though haha She instantly apologizes saying she forgot it was date night. Tim sighs as they pull apart and Lucy goes into mom mode after she hits Tim. haha It’s so cute. Little damn family up in here.

Tamara says she can hide in her room. Lucy replies that’s not necessary. That she can make a plate for her room if she’d like though. Then the scene takes a giant shift in tone. Tim receives the phone call that ruins our entire shipper lives. It sounds dramatic but it’s really not…Tim’s whole demeanor changes. Lucy is crazy intuitive to it. Her internal Tim radar going haywire. The tight way he replies and says he has to go.

Lucy wanting follow up questions. It’s the way she says. ‘Just wait.’ Not wanting him to go. *heart clutch* The sheer panic and worry developing in her soul and in ours. That gnawing unsettling feeling we feel through out the rest of the episode. Breaks my heart. She clearly spent the whole day waiting to be with him for their date night. Only to have him taken away with no answers. Lucy looks SHOOK as her entire heart walks out the door. It's written all over her face. His abrupt departure filling her with questions and worry. So it begins…

We see Tim pull up in his truck to the pre-arranged spot. A man comes out of his own car and enters in. I was on pins and needles waiting to see wtf this was about. Who the man was. Why he had the power to make Tim, basically run from date night with his girl. I knew in the back of my mind had to be his military past. Only thing I could think of to make him spook like this.

They shake hands when he gets into the truck. He thanks Tim for coming. Our boy replies he didn’t have a choice. If Ray is alive they have a big problem. The intrigue meter continued to grow. Who was this Ray? What problem did he present to them both? Tim looks like he’s seen a ghost when he’s shown Ray’s photo. He was supposed to have died in an air strike….He's been working as a gun for hire and came into LAX the day before.

Tim asks why he would come to L.A? Apparently his mom is dying of cancer. That’s who they’re staking out. It’s here we find out what the vow is. And it’s not a good one….Tim is not onboard for honoring this pact they made. To kill Ray if he ever resurfaced. To pay him back for the friends he killed. We see the conflict on Tim's face. How he doesn’t know how he’s gonna tackle this. Eric killing me softly early on in this one. His eyes alone scream so much emotion.

We see Lucy unable to sleep. In what I can only assume is Tim’s shirt. I think Melissa confirmed it was and thanked the fans for their keen eye. It’s the little things we love so much. Lucy is clearly missing him. So naturally she sleeps in a shirt of his. Also her DOD ring and her necklace are in plain view as well. Killing me softly. She can’t sleep because he’s supposed to be next to her. His consistent calming presence is missing and she can’t relax enough to rest.

Their date night was supposed to end with him asleep by her side. Not this. We can see the anxiety just seeping out of her. Don’t blame her one bit. No one knows that man better than her. From the second he took that phone call she knew. Deep in her gut that not only was something off but very very wrong. Her whole being emanating unease and concern. I feel you Lucy. The rapport and connection they’ve built over last 5 seasons coming in hot here.

Lucy looks sick to her stomach and it makes me wanna cry. The hurts so good is ever present in this scene. She is missing him and crazy worried. Her rampant anxiety is not letting her rest. My guess is other than 6x01 they’ve scarcely spent a night apart. The way he took off is scaring the shit out of her with good reason. So she tries to quell it with a phone call. Sadly she gets his VM. Her message to him makes my stomach sink more. Lucy is used to being his go to. She was left in the cold and her stress level is rising due to it.

Tim watches her call and VM come in. He looks pained at not being able to answer it. It’s the way he sighs and closes his eyes. It’s killing him to keep her at a distance. Eric out here trying to murder my feels with his superb acting. This truly begins the immense breakdown that is their communication. Lucy showed her hand at it before this ep in 6x04. Now it’s Tim’s turn at it. We had indications of it but s6 showed us how glaring it is. The cracks in their foundation were there. We just didn't want to see it. These are the issues Eric wanted to tackle.

Honestly when we're on the other side of this I'll be real grateful for it. Till then this just hurts. Now Tim’s communication probs are particularly glaring in these in this ep and the next. Pains me to write it but our boy has serious issues with stuff like this. You know he knows she is at home worried sick. That’s why he looks so pained. Tim knows her just as well as she does him. Very aware she is panicked and worried about where he is. If he’s ok. Absolutely killing him to keep her in the dark. To Tim right now he think's despite that it's the right call.

This is Tim Bradford so he thinks he’s doing it to protect her. To keep her from his dark past affecting her. If he distances himself and handles it solo it’ll be ok. Because he doesn’t need help. Wants shoulder this alone. Oh Timothy, my love you are so wrong. It pains me how wrong you are. His childhood issues screaming out in this decision. Which we will get into. That gif of Captain Holt's ‘Paaaaiiiin’ gif is fitting right here. *sad sigh*

Greer rejoins Tim in the truck with his recon. Tim is clearly uncomfortable with this whole thing. Weighing so many things at the moment. What he has to lose with any action they do. His soul is already so heavy with the past. It pains me to watch this. Tim is trying so hard to talk Mark out of this. Asking what they’re really going to do? What the point of all this really is? Noting them even talking about this is criminal conspiracy. Greer gas lights Tim this entire episode and I do not appreciate it.

Saying he can’t believe the ‘Reaper.’ is going soft on him. He is softer because of a wonderful woman named Lucy Chen. He’s in love with a person who is beautiful inside and out. One who has changed him so much. So yeah he’s softer now Greer. Also the first time I heard that nickname it made me fan myself. Is that wrong? lmao Idk if it is but I found it insanely attractive. I probably shouldn’t haha But here we are. With me still finding that service nickname sexy. I am who I am. Tim says he isn’t soft. He’s only thinking of what’s at risk here.

They can’t be committing murder, because of a pact that was made years and years ago. I love Tim’s line about they made it in the anger and fog of war. No doubt, with his nickname alone, we can see how angry Tim was going into the service. How could he not be? He came from a household where his emotions were suppressed heavily. So there is zero doubt in my mind he went into the service full of anger. Not only angry but loyal af as we know. That combination alone would result in this pact/vow being made.

Tim is almost reflecting on how much he has grown since that moment in time. There was a lot of talk about the ways Tim hasn’t changed following this episode. Hell even inside this ep with him keeping Lucy at bay. But he has. He changed so very much since Lucy came into his life. It’s why he brings up the lives they’ve built. The life he is currently building with his soulmate. The jobs they hold.

That angry young man doesn’t exist anymore. The one who would murder for his squad in retaliation. Now Tim still has that instinct in him. Don’t get me wrong; scorched earth for those who mess with his loved ones. But this? This situation puts the life he’s built at risk. Puts the love of his life at risk within the department. Unfortunately Tim is still loyal af and Greer uses that against him.

Gas lights him some more. Saying how they’ll never get to build lives because of Ray. Pulling on that thread of guilt that lives deep inside Tim's soul. Trying to reawaken a man that is long gone at this point. But is still loyal to a fault. Weighed down with enough tortured guilt to keep this going. I resent Mark for using it against him I really do. Friggin stunard...My Italian rage coming out for Greer.

It’s here we find out more about what went down between them all. Not only that but WHY him being around is such a damn problem for Tim/Mark. I would be remiss if I didn't note this. How much I am enjoying Tim in street clothes. Mmm nice and scruffy too. He is scruffy most of this season and I am here for it. He looks so good in that jacket it’s sinful. How can he make such a simple jacket so attractive? Yum. Ray asks what they’re doing here? Greer pipes in to bring him to justice. He asks for what?

Tim starts to list off the numerous reasons why. Going AWOL, faking his death, felony grand theft, stealing half million from the government. Just to name a few sweet lord… Then to top it off, he called in an air strike on his own guys when they came for him. Ugh. Real peach this one. That there wasn’t enough of Henderson and Coyle to fit in a shoe box….ooof. It’s here we find out what Ray has on them. That he read the after action report. That it didn’t read that way. Tim justifies it by saying it only reads that way so his wife and daughter got his death benefits.

Of course that’s the most Tim Bradford thing ever. ‘Some things matter more.’ Only breaking the rules if it’s for the greater good. We talk a lot about Lucy’s empathy but don’t sleep on Tim’s. It runs very very deep. This is proof it was a huge part of him before the Isabel trauma buried it and Lucy resurrected it. That being said this doesn’t look good at all for Tim. By bringing Ray in it endangers their service record and their current jobs. Because as kind as what they did was. It has consequences because they lied on an official government document. My stomach turned even farther with this scene.

Eric KILLS me in this portion. This man has no right making me this emotional. How has he not won any awards? His beautiful shimmering blue eyes cutting me deep. Eric is so expressive in just his eyes alone. But he gives this scene everything he’s got in his arsenal my god. They get away from Ray’s to talk. Tim immediately says they’re not killing him. It’s not happening. (Someone needs to capture this scene in gif form BTW) It's a crime there isn't one. Mark tries to appeal he’s dead anyways.

Tim won’t hear of it. Says it won’t matter when the nightmares come knocking. And we know he’s had those nightmares. Not just about the service but about 5x19. About the life he was forced to take. Tim says they need to just come clean about everything. They don’t have a choice. Greer fights him some more. Saying it’s just going to blow up their lives as a result. Tim tells him he won’t let that happen. He’ll take the fall for him. Ugh Tim no. You have a life that’ll get blown up too my love. A woman who would be devastated to watch this take you down.

There's a Lyric from a band I love. "A thousand scars betray me Oh, what's another one?" That is Tim in this moment. What's one more emotional scar? Better than Greer losing his life because of what he chose. Tim's integrity is one of my fav traits about him. It’s the one I relate to the most. Because I am the same way. It drives a lot of my decisions. He's so willing to fall on his sword because he bears the weight of that decision still. Mark pleads some more but Tim won’t have it. Says he can’t with tears in his eyes. (I'm fine....) He is not that hot headed young man anymore. Life has kicked him around and he’s seen things. This isn’t the path and he won’t let Greer take it.

Tim follows up with he won’t let him do it. Even if it’s without him. It’s here where Eric just rips my heart out with his performance. When Mark asks him if he would arrest him if he killed Ray? It’s the way his voice breaks. Tears threatening to fall when he chokes out ‘Yes.’ Rip my heart right out writers sweet lord. Greer says he’s out then. But I wanna deck him for his reply after that. He hangs all future crimes Ray does on Tim. I don’t curse very often in these. But how fucking dare you sir. How dare you put that on this man.

He is already riddled with so much guilt and shame. His soul is ten times heavier than it should be. Because Tim shoulders things deeply. Not only that he does it solo. A chunk of what weighs his soul down isn’t even his fault. Tim is a much deeper empath than he’s given credit for as I stated earlier. He absorbs the feelings and pain of those around him. Takes them in and never lets it go. It’s why he was and honestly still is so rigid as a cop. That iconic line ‘Rules matter boot.’ Was his PTSD in a line and we had no idea back in S2.

Because anytime this man has let his guard down to break the rules it’s hurt him. Mitch, Isabel and we now find out about this. Tim did the right thing and yet he’s paying the price not Ray. It’s the hitch in his breath as Mark takes off that’s the final emotional blow for me. I just want to hug him so much. The way he tries to catch his breath after he’s gone. Finally releasing all the emotions he was bottling up. You can see why he was wants to retreat to one person who will make him feel whole again. It’s why his next scene is with Lucy….

This scene we get to see Melissa shine along side Eric. Killing us softly with their angsty goodness. We watch the sheer amount of relief run across Lucy’s face. It's evident when she hears his keys in the door. The happy relief is fleeting though. Her opening line is salty af as it should be. ‘Oh good, you’re not dead.’ She is ready to rip into him and rightfully so. Hurts to watch but she has every damn right to. She kept it together for work. But now that he’s in front of her she doesn’t have to. Her sass turns into the anxiety and worry she’s gone through. Telling him that his sorry isn't good enough. (it’s not…)

Saying she spent the last THIRTY-SIX hours. (That's a day and a half Timothy...) Worried he was bleeding out in various landmarks all over the city. Ugh poor Lucy. That’s very taxing on your nervous system to be in that state of mind for that long. That’s way too long to go without communication. But this is pre-therapy Tim so...Communication isn’t his strong suit when he isn’t in fight or flight mode. One of my fav lines of the scene. ‘Telling me you’re alive is NOT optional.’ Hell no it's not. The hitch in her voice and tears in her eyes. Gah killing it Mel.

Trying to communicate clearly to him this behavior isn’t going to fly. Not ever. Rewatching this season, it pains me how many hints the writers gave us about their communication problems. Now Lucy is trying here. With telling him what he did was not ok in the least. She then asks what the hell is making him so crazy? Expecting him to tell her. Tim’s reply is vague and only serves to make her angrier. Especially when he says he’s doing it to protect her status at the station. She asks if he committed a crime?

The irony of this scene is that radio being prominently shown. How it was a happy thing 36 hours ago. Now it’s a symbol of their dysfunctional communication as a couple. Tim tells her no…Not technically. The fire continues to build in Lucy. Angrily retorting how it’s serious enough she could be disciplined for not reporting it then. Tim tries to do his protection line for her but it doesn’t land at all. The fire in her is raging at this point. She stands up and angrily asks what he’s doing here then? Tim is so taken aback by this. His reply breaks my heart. Stumbling over himself ‘I...I came to see you…’

To Tim it’s his default to go to her. When he’s upset or lost he goes to Lucy. Seeking her out like the sanctuary she’s always been for him. Has been for years. Even more so since they got together. Tim came to be near his comforter and happy place. Wanting her to envelop him in her arms and take his hurt away. Unfortunately my love, she can’t help or take away what she doesn’t know about. It’s why her hellfire continues on. Lucy absolutely obliterates him with her reply. 'To what? Order take in? Watch TV? Pretend like nothing is going on?' Tim so desperately wants to sink into solace he’s used to. But he won’t let himself tell her what's going on.

Thus denying himself the one thing he came here for. Her. Lucy (who is wearing the same blouse from 5x12 btw. Way to push the knife deeper writers) tells him if he’s not here to tell her to truth.... We pan back to Tim’s face. She can read him like a book and knows he’s not going to. She then tells him he’s needs to leave. My heart is on the floor at this point. I totally understand her drawing this boundary. I truly do. Lucy is trying to show him there are consequences to his actions. Holding him accountable. That he needs to communicate and trust her. Lucy wants him to see despite the ramifications she is there for him. Sadly Tim doesn’t see this hence her asking him to leave. My poor shipper heart.

To make matters worse Eric is personally attacking me with his teary eyes and hurt puppy dog expression. Had to get this gif in. Why? Because it beautifully captures the devastation of her sending him away. We haven’t seen him this visibly upset since 4x09. Except this time his person isn’t there to make his tears go away. She is the one causing them and sending him away. The range of emotions flitting across his face has me bawling my eyes out. The man deserves all the awards once again. The way his eyes convey so much. How utterly wrecked he is. It's written all over his expression.

Eric brought it so hard in this episode holy hell. Tim came to her seeking out the comfort of normalcy from her. As we all know our boy needs his routine and structure to stay sane. Lucy has become an intricate part of that. He sought out his girlfriend to stabilize himself. Sadly there was no comfort to be found for him. Gotta give to get my poor broken boy. As much as it’s frustrating to watch him do this I get it. As I said earlier he has the tendency to shoulder burdens alone. It’s how he has survived most of his life. Doesn't excuse it just explains it.

His childhood is a massive proponent of why he operates this way. He came from an abusive household as we all know. Where he had to turn off his emotions and learn not to ask for help. If he did it only served to further the abuse. Also it was looked upon as weak. Was seen as useless if you did. When that is ingrained in you at an early age it is so friggin hard to get rid of it. It's an instant default for him. It’s not something being loved properly just gets rid of. If anything it only makes it worse on some level. Because it means you something to lose as Tim does in Lucy.

To explain Tim’s side of it I need to give a little piece of me. I can relate because of what my mother did to me growing up. It’s something I fight to this very day. I hope one day it’ll be easier and less of a deep grove in my brain I go to. Most of my childhood as I’ve shared was full of emotional abuse. My mom didn’t like it if you spoke your mind or messed up in any way. If you did you got the silent treatment for weeks on end. I wish I was kidding. She once went three weeks without speaking to me as a kid. Pretending like I didn’t exist. Felt like I didn’t have a mother. As I got older her default punishment only got worse. When I went to college my baby sister got engaged couple years in.

To a wonderful man. They're still married and happy btw. But my mother could see herself losing her control over my sister. Told me to pick between her and my baby sister. The choice was easy. I picked my sister. She then abandoned me and didn’t speak to me for 18 months after that. Her doing that made me feel like, whenever I stand up for myself or make a mistake with someone I love, I’m going to be abandoned. I just recently got into a fight with said sister. I had that exact same panic after I stood up for myself thinking she was going to discard me. She has proven time and again that’s not true. It’ll never be true. My sister and her husband have always made room for me in their lives here in CO. Made me feel loved unconditionally.

The same will be true when I join them in TN when I move. And yet that deep ingrained thought that she would abandon me still appeared. Worried that because I had stood up for myself she would do what my mom did. She didn’t cause loves me. But I’m still not used to the idea of unconditional love. It’s hard to grasp when you’ve never really had it before. So this is where I related to Tim so hard and defaulting to doing this alone. I’m in my 30s and this still affects me deeply even with therapy. Tim is pre-therapy and not seeing the unconditional love Lucy has for him. Which is a precursor for 6x06 honestly. You could have the best human in the world loving you and still not accept it or understand that you even have it.

Tim doesn’t know how to ask for help and to see Lucy would love him through his mistakes. He’s protecting her but also himself in this moment. Because he’s ashamed of what he’s involved in. That she won’t love him anymore due to his past sins. So he’s keeping her at a distance from him. Thinking it’s protecting her from his toxic past. But also protecting him from losing her as well. This scene, sadly, is the result of many miscommunications since they started boiling up and over. A gradual escalation toward breaking apart. This was a incredibly hard scene to stomach and watch. Lucy is vibrating with how upset she is when he says ‘Understood’ and leaves. Un-break my heart you guys.

Another banger of a song running through this final scene. The songs always hit and work so well with the tempo of a scene. It’s ’Teeth.’ By mallrat. Have a whole playlist of songs from this show I love it. We see Lucy looking at her phone fighting the urge to call Tim. Despite their epic fight she misses him. It clearly shows. Tamara brings her out of her thoughts by plopping on the couch. Asking her what she's doing?I adore her saying she is going to be a good girlfriend. Trust her man. *heart damn clutch* HER MAN. It’s the little morsel we all needed after that heated argument of insane pain.

I am most grateful for Tamara in this moment. Wanted to shove her out the door in the opening scene though. LOL Nolan is such a failure to be there for Lucy earlier in the ep. Where as Tamara is clutch af in this moment. She is emotional support while Lucy goes through this. Talks it out with her. Tamara asks if she’s heard anything? Lucy tells her about their heated fight last night. That it’s been their only contact….That Tim just stood there. Lucy seems so at a loss and it hurts my heart.

Tamara makes her laugh and says they should put a tracker in his truck lmao Lucy calling her out for being a bad influence. Tamara follows up that No, she’s just a really good teacher. Lucy is floored replying what? Wasn't able to fit this in but her lessons learned are hilarious. No coffee in gun hand and head on a swivel. The swivel part had me laughing so hard. What a goober. I love them. Just the levity Lucy needed. I need more of them in S7.

We pan back to Tim in his truck. Longingly looking at his phone. Specifically at Lucy’s contact page. He is breaking on the inside without her and yet can’t force himself to let her in. Also would’ve killed me if it had a pic of Lucy or of them. I would’ve legit died of happiness. What a missed opportunity writers. He is missing her so much and is dying to reach out. Wants her by his side but can’t overcome his wiring to do so.

His default is to go to her. To talk to her. Once again just another look into their broken communication. When one stops so does the other and it goes to shit. They are partners in every sense of the word except for their communication. They were stellar at that with work. It blows my mind how quickly that broke down when they got together. They had something extra special to lose when they did though. *sigh* s7 you have work to do.

We see Tim refocus his sights on Ray. Tasked with the mantle Mark Greer thrust upon him. He’s now on a crusade to catch him before Tim has anything else to add to his soul…. Phew this was an emotionally draining one to get though and it’s not even the harder of two. Phew lord. Thank you to every single one of you reading these, liking them, reblogging or commenting (love me some comments don’t be shy) they mean the world to me. I shall see you all in 6x06 where can sob together. ❤️

Side notes-non chenford

All the Aaron and Blair scenes are so icky knowing her endstory. Bleh.

Beauty of rewatching I can skip all the Nolan content. Snoozeville again.

Smitty only hanging out in therapy office for snacks lmao Needed in a tense episode

Lucy’s crack about asking Celina To Aaron. Lmao. Commend our girl for cracking jokes and keeping her shit together on shift.

Nolan is absolutely useless when Lucy comes to him for help. Their friendship truly fell apart when Jackson died. Any rapport or connection shot to hell. He can’t read the utter panic she is in and I hate him for it. As useful as a paper hat in a rainstorm to keep you dry.

Also the lyrics used earlier from my fav bad RED. The lyrics ARE TIM. In this episode to a tee Here's the link https://genius.com/Red-cauterize-lyrics

[arabellas]

hi :) i hope it's okay to ask, i love your colorings especially on your the bear gifs, would you consider making a tutorial for how you colour the kitchen scenes in the show, like the scenes that have a lot of white in the background and are quite bright? i find them really hard to color without making everyone's skin look muddy and i'd love to know how you make yours look so good. no worries if not though!

hellooo! sure, here's a quick tutorial on bright scenes :)

i would recommend checking out my general coloring tutorial here where i talk more in depth about my process as i'm just gonna go through it briefly here. here's my gif right after sharpening:

it's a pretty bright scene with lots of white and it can be tricky to color it properly and not make the skintones washed out. i like my gifs to be crispy and have a lot of contrast, so here's what works best for me:

i always start with layers and curves, they're the most helpful guide for me when it comes to working with literally any scene ever. i explained how i do it in my previous tutorial, so you can check it out, but i basically pick the brightest and darkest parts of the scene with the pipette tool which helps to neutralize the overpowering color if there is one and just makes the scene more natural (e.g. if it's too yellow, it will automatically tone down the yellow). in this case, the scene has a little bit of a blue tint, so it reduces the appearance of the overall blue tone (i really hope it makes sense lol). i usually set the opacity to around 50-30%. here's the result of just two layers: levels and curves:

it's a subtle change but it deepens the shadows and it's always so much easier for me to color after i do this step, so i never skip it lol.

next up, i use a gradient map to bring out the shadows even more just because i think it looks better (especially on the bear scenes, i noticed! or any 4k footage tbh). so i just add a gradient map layer, black to white, set it to soft light and set the fill to 10%:

and since this makes the gif just a little bit darker, sometimes i want to bring back the brightness a little bit because i looove contrast! here are my exposure layer settings:

and here's what we've got:

looking pretty good but sydney's skintone is looking a little bit too orange at this point and we don't want that! there are some wonderful tutorials how not to orange wash poc and i highly recommend checking a couple of them out to see which method works best for you, but i personally like using selective color and toning down the warmth of reds and yellows in the scene. for example, these are my settings for the red color, the opacity of this layer is set to 23%:

i do a similar thing with yellow, just messing around with the settings and seeing what looks best.

and then i add some additional layers like color balance and hue/saturation to bring it all together and that's it!

i put this together pretty quickly but hopefully i was able to help out! let me know if you have any questions, i'd be more than happy to help/ recommend something :)

[corruptionasart]

I followed for video game corruptions. Don't think I've seen much of those of late.

damn sorry i'll make sure you get a refund

Anyway i'm also gonna go ahead and lump this in here since it's related:

So I'll forgive people for either coming in late to the party or just not paying attention to how this blog has changed over the years but I've spoken several times in the past about how rom corruption over time has become really boring to me. That's why over the past few years I've posted less and less of it.

Back when I started doing this stuff and really committed to it back in like 2016-2018 it was great, I started this blog as an excuse to do more of it, playing retro games and breaking them was, and honestly still is a lot of fun. Unfortunately I made the mistake of running a queue which meant I needed things to fill that queue which meant I was essentially turning art into content, and over time that took its toll and I burnt out hard on it. There was a point where basically all my free time was spent on some aspect of running this blog, whether it was playing the games or going through recordings to make gifs or tagging posts etc.

Over the past couple weeks actually I've been going through all my old ShareX screenshot folders (btw i wholeheartedly endorse sharex it rules and i donate to its patreon) I've been collecting all the screenshots I've made of rom corruptions (somehow I hadn't done this before) and what I've noticed is exactly what I noticed all those years ago, it's kinda all the same.

You might disagree with that but again I've been seeing this stuff for like 8 years now and there's only so many times I feel like I could post something like that before it gets stale, the same goes with the gifs and videos. Again, I do enjoy making that stuff but I just feel like I personally feel like I need to make a change.

I'll get into the AI part of what I said this morning in a following post but I should be a bit more clear that the collage stuff I've been doing and anything else that I plan to do in the future isn't meant to be entirely about showcasing ai art or glorifying it, it's just another piece of the puzzle. I mostly made the post about ai stuff mostly because I wanted to see what the reaction would be in this community to that specifically. I wasn't expecting the "anything that isn't rom corruption is off-topic and shouldn't be posted on this blog" contingent. I may very well make another blog just about the ai stuff because I think there are things I could talk about with it with regard to pushing against the tide of garbage and making something new with it, idk yet.

THe last thing I want to say regarding rom corruptions specifically, though, is that it's interesting to me that despite the fact that I've posted the link to the corruption wiki multiple times now and people clearly do have an interest in this stuff that hardly anybody is out there posting this stuff either here or anywhere else online (at least outside of the Vinesauce community, which I feel goes for a very different vibe in what they do.)

The tools are out there, they haven't really changed all that much for years apart from being supported for more modern systems, and yet nobody's posting anything.

Maybe I should make another proper tutorial on my whole process, try to push harder to get people to make stuff.

Sorry if this response is kind of incoherent, I've been called away a lot in making this, I'll try to make the next few posts shorter

[bluebudgie]

Oh hi. I heard it's gifs tips'n'tricks time.

View this as a little addition to this post I made a while back.

This time I thought I'd take you through my gif making process. It'll be very specific to Photoshop CS6 but maybe some of you will find parts of it helpful regardless.

And since our biggest nemesis appears to be ~The Tumblr 10MB File Size Limit~ I decided to go for the absolute worst premise for a gif: Lots of stupid wobbly particles and gw2 bloom and transparency effects. Because huge gifs love these.

Aah, a horrifying amount of those in this single scene. Perfect!

Let's start with a little timelapse video, and I'll get into the details with screenshots below then.

So this actually went smoother than expected? Not super much fiddling needed in the end, but here's how it went in detail:

Load the raw footage into photoshop.

You can do this in two different ways: What I do is simply drag & drop the video file into the program and it'll open with a video timeline and some rudimentary video editing options.

What you can also do is File -> Import -> Videoframes to Layers and select your source video, which will give you a timeline of separate still image frames instead.

It comes down to preference, I used both methods in the past but nowadays I find the video timeline more intuitive.

Cut the footage to roughly the right length.

From experience I know that most of my gifs are around 3-4 seconds long. This can of course vary depending on different factors. Don't get too attached to the exact seconds you selected, you might have to shave off a bit depending on how evil the file size decides to act.

Optional: Change footage speed

Depending on the gif and its purpose, I slow the footage down. I usually do this for the visual effect (especially nice for showing off animation details) but it also has the practical side effect that it can help with file size. Say you want a gif that loops after 4 seconds. At 100% speed your gif will move at your original framerate (in my case 60 fps); if you slow it down but keep the same length in seconds it'll logically use less frames. That's less data to blow up the size! Yey.

Crop the image.

Now this is probably one of the most crucial parts when it comes to your final file size, and your gif looking nice on tumblr. Since the tumblr dashboard displays images at a width of 540px, you want this to be your absolute minimum image width to ensure a crisp image. If I can, I'll make the gifs larger (I like starting at a minimum of 600px and then reduce the image dimensions if needed).

With that in mind.... choose your image crop wisely.

A "widescreen" image like this will be the most merciful in terms of file size, but might not always be what you want in terms of composition.

Given tumblr's very vertical nature, this kind of approach will look great in posts (if it fits your image composition of course), but at 540px minimum width tends to be a file size monster.

For the gif I'm attempting to make here I opted for a more square approach. The subjects of the scene fill out the image's space nicely, and it's still a nice size for tumblr posts overall. Let's see what the file size will say about this.

Replay your footage after cropping to make sure you didn't accidentally cut off any motion you didn't mean to cut.

Next up: optional colour corrections

I tend to crank up the saturation for gifs way, way more than I ever would for regular screenshots since I find that often the limited web palette can make them look fairly dull. But like everything else so far, this greatly varies depending on the scene you're showing.

Note that colour correction can increase or decrease file size depending on what exactly you're doing. The more different colours you have, the larger your file size will be.

Reduce image dimensions

Since my original video footage was fairly zoomed out, the cropped area only left me 575px of width to begin with. In an earlier attempt (that I absolutely did not fail to capture and therefore had to record the whole thing a second time) I tried to leave it at these dimensions, but the 10MB size limit did not like that so now I knew better and immediately reduced the width to 560px.

Note: After you've changed the video's dimensions it won't let you edit the speed anymore (for some reason), so make sure you've got that settled.

After all the adjustments are done it's time for the moment of truth...

File > Save for Web...

This beautiful window will open and...

Aww almost.

But honestly? That's not bad at all. I've had completely different disasters to deal with in the past (starting somewhere in the mid 20MB, good luck trying to make use of every size-reducing trick you've got up your sleeve).

Before I do any adjustments to shave off the last few KB though, I preview the gif to make sure it loops correctly. I want the Chak to sway seemlessly. Turns out it didn't, so I back out of the window to remove a few frames from the footage. And when I open the "Save for Web" window again....

Well that's anticlimatic. Apparently those few frames were enough to get the file size where I need it. (Note: Sometimes Tumblr likes to be a little b* and pretends your file is too big when you're this close to the 10MB limit. It be like that.)

While my gif journey theoretically ends here, I want to at least show you a few more things that could have helped if I had needed to get the file even smaller.

So this dithering thing I keep making a big deal of...

It can make or break a gif. In my experience this is so, so crucial to the final file size and quality of the gif.

In my own very amateurish words, dithering is a way to emulate colours that aren't actually part of the images colour palette. This is especially needed for in-game transparency effects like fog, glowy stuff, or smooth gradients. And that is part of why I chose this hell scene of all the ley line glow and the typical gw2 bloom that's particularly bad in this area.

PS CS6 offers you three different kinds of dithering techniques: Diffusion, pattern and noise.

My go-to is diffusion dithering, which has adjustable quality levels.

In my opinion it's generally the type of dithering that's often the least noticeable and creates the smoothest looking images. Unfortunately, it's also the one that creates by far the largest file sizes. Another downside is that it doesn't work super well with heavy DoF/fog etc. effects and is prone to really ugly banding, especially visible the more you decrease the quality. It looks awful for this particular scene. (Look at the glow around my asura's headpiece if you don't know what I'm talking about. Or... just the entire background.)

Both noise and pattern dithering will get you smaller file sizes, luckily.

I've never used noise so far (it tends to look messy in my opinion), but pattern gets the job done! Especially for gradient heavy gifs it's a lifesaver. It's definitely more noticeable than the diffusion dithering on static parts of the gif, but it absolutely makes up for it by not having any ugly banding effects. This is also what gave me the neat little 9.99MB file size in comparison to the diffusion dithering's 15.31MB.

Last but not least, if fiddling with the dithering or image dimensions doesn't help you get below that magic 10MB mark...

Limit the colour palette

You can either manually colour edit your image to use less colours for a more artistic approach, or you can let Photoshop limit the palette to its best abilities.

Additionally you can double click each individual colour to replace it how you see fit. (I've done that in the past when Petthri's yellow eye colour got erased and I had to bring it back manually.)

In this gif's example, reducing the palette from 256 to 128 colours has brought the file size down from 9.9 MB to about 8 MB. It can have a big effect, but doesn't always in my experience.

SHOW US THE GODDAMN GIF ALREADY!!!

Not the best quality gif we've ever seen on tumblr, but given the extremely unfavourable source material I think it turned out alright. I have to admit I'm actually surprised it worked at all.

Oh well! This got long (once again). I hope this was at least a little bit helpful to someone out there. Happy gif making!

[soyforramen]

Apologies, my brain has latched onto a new fandom and just. Cannot process until I vomit this out. So buckle up babes, it's a long one. All apologies in advance.

Complete change of timelines where Madam Yu is the one to find Wei Wuxian, or rather her maids do. They're sent out to Yiling for like... cultivation things, night hunt, secret assassinations, or whatever. They find him very soon after his parents die, early enough that he's just barely on the streets for a few months. Jinzhu and Yinzhu hear about the death of a cultivator who trained under Baoshen Sanren and that her child was recently kicked out, such a shame, but who can feed any more mouths the winter after a bad harvest?

So Jinzhu slips out, finds the kid and they abscond back to Lotus Pier. As they show up they're like, wait out here kid, we've got work to do. And as he's waiting, Jiang Yanli comes up with tea for her mother and is like ??? And Wei Ying imprints on her the moment she gives him a few biscuits and tells him she makes him laugh. So when she goes into the room, Wei Ying follows her in and Jinzhu and Yinzhu are like.

Oh. Right. We found this kid and his mom is supposed to be that lady you really didn't like back in the day, what do you want us to do with him? And Madam Yu at first is like,

But then she sees how starry eyed he is over Jiang Yanli and Madame Yu has a light bulb moment of seeing him waiting for Jiang Yanli to tell him what to do and is like. Wait. And looks betwen Jinzhu and Yinzhu and is like. Wait.

She tells them she's going to adopt him and immediately goes and gets that done. When Jiang Fengmian finds out she tells him to go find his own orphan and just shuffles Wei Ying over to stay with Jinzhu and Yinzhu. (It's not like he's stopped her before, and it's not like he can now. Besides, she found him first. Don't you have a sect to run?)

So now Wei Wuxian is going to be raised alongside Jiang Yanli rather than Jiang Cheng. The twins start to train him and raise him, and eventually he tries calling Jinzhu Mom and Yinzhu Auntie in public and they're both like.

Don't call me that. We are not related. But inside they're all.

It doesn't help that he's quick to learn and sweet, and they're quick to praise him and correct him in an age appropriate way even though they're still really strict and seemingly cold to him. (Wei Wuxian had to get it from somewhere is all I'm saying.) But also they make sure he's fed and clothed and has proper training and an education.

It's constantly impressed upon him that Jiang Yanli is his sister and that he needs to protect her and she'll take care of him in return. Madam Yu especially does her best to make sure they bond, because if her daughter is to marry into Jinlintai, she's damn sure going to have more protection than just a coterie of maids and random Jiang disciples. Especially since it's becoming clear to everyone that there's something wrong with Jiang Yanli's overall health, and there's some chronic pain and fatigue that hits her every so often. So if she had someone who knew her best and could take care of her throughout her life...

Since Wei Wuxian is only five and Jiang Yanli is only a few years older than him it will be similar to how the Meishan Yu heirs are raised alongside their own bodyguards. (I have this image that the Meishan Yu Clan is like a snake, in that they move quietly and lurk in the shadows until they strike, which would also explain a lot as to why Madame Yu is called the Purple Spider.)

As he grows up, Wei Wuxian is still an absolute chaos demon, only this time the first time he tries pranking anyone and he's caught, the twins make him do twice the amount of training and subtly imply that the reason he's being punished is not the fact that he's being silly with harmless pranks, but the fact that he got caught at all.

So they train him in the Meishan Yu way, which is far more covert and focused on getting in quick and dealing with things, and in the Jiang swordplay, which is focused on speed and agility. Meaning he's good with a sword, much better than good, but he's not at the same level as he is in MDZS OG. But he's also got an extensive collection of daggers, stilettos, hidden talismans, and fighting dirty and shamelessly.

Jiang Cheng is jealous that Jiang Yanli now has another brother, and that Wei Ying is monopolizing Jiang Yanli, but both his father and his mother are focused on his training and education in becoming a sect leader, and Madam Yu isn't constantly comparing the two since they're not 'competing' against each other like she seemed to think in cannon. Instead when Jiang Cheng gets too frustrated about not figuring something out or is too hard on himself, Madam Yu throws Wei Wuxian at him to train with.

As they get a bit older, Wei Wuxian is like, but is jiejie learning all this? And Jinzhu has to tell him that no, she's got a small core, besides she has you. Wei Wuxian thinks that's stupid, and says so loudly, so he goes to teach her at least the basics so she can defend herself with hidden daggers, terrifying hair pins, and talismans at the very least.

It's at that point that they realize how adapt he is with talismans, so they make the decision to send both him and Jiang Yanli off to Meishan Yu for him to train with their masters. Jiang Yanli meanwhile is sent to her grandparents and aunts to learn more about political manipulation training, management of sects, trade, logistics, etc.

It's at this point that they get the invitation to Gusu, and Madam Yu insists both her kids go. Which also means Wei Wuxian, professional rule breaker, also goes along with them. During the day he's as perfect as Jinzhu and Yinzhu could ever dream, but he immediately breaks curfew the first night because a) Emperor's Smile, and b) jiejie's in pain again, and the medicines they were sent with weren't working right, and jiejie's dorm mate said that these herbs from Caiyi could help...

Anyways, Lan Wangji is totally able to win against Wei Wuxian in strength, and breaks one of his wine jars again, but since Wei Wuxian was always told to make sure to never get caught, at least this time he had a mask on. So technically Lan Wangji can't say for 100% certain who it was who broke curfew. (Discretion, always, might have been tattooed on his forehead by Yinzhu.)

But like. Lan Wangji is like. Bro. My man. Dude.

Thus beginning his utter fascination with Wei Wuxian because of course the Head of Discipline can't let any infraction go, cause denial (whomp whomp).

Wei Wuxian is thrilled to get such a response out of someone so poised and stoic, especially since he's never been able to do that with his mom or aunt or even Madam Yu. Jiang Yanli thinks it's absolutely hilarious, immediately pegging Wei Wuxian's interest as a crush, and when Wei Wuxian dismisses that, she has to be like

Sir. I know you. I helped raise you. This is a crush. So she's super encouraging that they spend time together, and shows her true colors as an instigator when it comes to her didi. But Wei Wuxian pushes back since they won't be there long enough to form any real long term attachments.

(Actual video of Wei Wuxian during this conversation)

Anyways, Gusu Arc is similar to last time, only Wei Wuxian isn't technically a student, but he does sit in on the classes and surpringly draws 0 attention to himself, making Lan Wangji's suspicion of him even more suspicious to Lan Xichen.

This time, Jin Zixuan isn't punched. Jiang Yanli gives him a cold bow and walks away, but that night Wei Wuxian definitely makes sure that Jin Zixuan knows that that wasn't cool, cause like. It's Jiang Yanli, she's the best why wouldn't you think that? Wtf sir, why would you say anything like that? And oops, look how sharp this dagger is, and oops my talisman slipped. Again.

Needless to say, the next day Jin Zixuan has a healthy respect for staying far away from Jiang Yanli or even thinking about her, and if he doesn't even look Wei Wuxian's way? Well, no surprise there.

MianMian is totally Wei Wuxian's BFF now, though, since she's never seen anyone be able to handle Jin Zixuan so well, and that includes his mother. Lan Wangji is, obviously, jealous, Jiang Yanli continues to instigate meetings between them, and the day of the Waterborne Abyss Wei Wuxian is finally like.

Oh. That's what Jiang Yanli meant about Lan Zhan. And Wei Wuxian is just like,

This leads to further shenanigans between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian to the point that even Lan Qiren is like. Lan Wangji, just ignore him. We have three weeks left, it's fine. But Lan Wangji is like, he gave me rabbits? But also broke 82 rules in less than 10 minutes? And also he's annoying? But why is he paying more attention to Luo Qingyang?

Anyways, they finally go home, Cloud Recess is attacked, and the Wens are like. Time for the worst summer camp ever! Jiang Yanli begs Wei Wuxian to go to the Wen Camp with Jiang Cheng to keep an eye on him. Wei Wuxian refuses until Jinzhu steps in and uses her mom voice, telling him in no uncertain terms he's going, and Jiang Yanli will be in Meishan, as far from the Wens as she can be right now.

Turtle Time! All of the disciples are essentially going:

the entire time they're there. The arc goes basically the same, only more Wangxian cuddling, teasing, and Wei Wuxian being a shameless flirt to Lan Wangji's horror.

Jinzhu and Yinzhu travel back with Jiang Cheng to save Lan Wangi and Wei Wuxian, and for the first time Jinzhu and Yinzhu show in public that the familial connection with Wei Wuxian goes both ways. The twins insist Lan Wangji stays until he's healed because they owe him a debt for saving Wei Wuxian, but mostly because they're nosy as shit about him. Wei Wuxian would not stop talking about him in his letters and when he returned, so they're like who is this?

Then they meet him, and are all. Ah. Fellow Introvert. Amazing.

We will still kill you if you do anything to our surrogate child/nephew.

Lan Wangji is like. Fair. But also what are you talking about I totally didn't write him a romantic song or anything.

Things tighten down all over the cultivation world after that, and Wei Wuxian is sent to Meishan Yu where Jiang Yanli is, and they miss out on the Lotus Pier attacks. When they get news of what happened, Jiang Yanli has to keep Wei Wuxian from immediately going back, since they both know that if Lotus Pier burned then their parents died defending it. A few days later, Jiang Cheng shows up, along with a badly hurt Jinzhu. Madame Yu forced Jinzhu to go with him since she knew Jiang Cheng would immediately be like. Nope, gonna go back to Lotus Pier to my death the minute Zidian released him.

Both of them are going through major surivor's guilt, but Jiang Cheng sneaks off to get his parent's bodies at the very least, and Jiang Yanli sends Wei Wuxian to chase him down. When they get there, Wen Ning finds them and shows them where the bodies have been moved to.

(Wei Wuxian sees his aunts body and has a major trauma moment, realizing that he's lost what basically amounted to his second mother, and almost lost his first. He decides he's not going to lose either Jinzhu or Jiang Yanli, and he'll do his best to keep Jiang Cheng around either.)

Basically it's the same progression, only this time Wei Wuxian's loyalty isn't to Jiang Cheng, but to Jiang Yanli, so he drags him back to Meishan. There, Jiang Yanli begs for something to be done to help her brother, but the healers are all at a loss.

Jinzhu, meanwhile, only wants to get revenge even though she's still really weak from the attack. All she wants to do is go on a suicidal mission to take out the Wens and Wei Wuxian is Not Having That. He refuses to let her go alone, and Jiang Yanli refuse to let Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng out of her sight. She knows Wei Wuxian would definitely sacrifice himself for Jinzhu, but he's her brother. They're far close than Jiang Cheng because they spent almost every waking moment together due to the circumstances, and by their own choice.

Jiang Yanli starts openly calling Jinzhu her aunt, putting her on the same level as her mother's sisters, and Wei Wuxian calls her mother in public, even though she fights it at first.

Eventually it becomes obvious that neither Jiang Cheng nor Jinzhu are getting better, so Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian decide to seek out Wen Qing, who had grown close to Jiang Yanli when they were at Gusu, and ask for her help. They come up with a plan where Wen Qing and Wen Ning are 'captured' by the remaining Jiang disciples, and brought back to Meishan.

There, Jiang Yanli finds out about Wen Qing's research into golden cores, and begs Wen Qing to transfer Jiang Yanli's to Jiang Cheng. After all, she's never been able to do anything to it due to her illness, and even as weak as it is it's still enough for him to cultivate.

Jinzhu is still trying to sneak out, and Wen Qing finally sits her down and tells her she still has a family, even though her sister and mistress are gone. The best thing Jinzhu can do now is to watch over Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli and her own child rather than trying to stay in the past. Jinzhu is not happy about this, but Wen Ning speaks up and says that since Jinzhu helped raise them, if Jinzhu left it would be like losing another parent all over again.

This, and Wen Qing's locking down of her core, make Jinzhu calm down and think long term rather than emotionally. Once Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli, and Jinzhu are healed enough, Wen Qing and Wen Ning are 'released' and go back to the Wens.

The Sunshot Campaign progresses in much the same way, only Jinzhu and Wei Wuxian work together to gather intelligence, while Jiang Yanli works closer with the sects in strategy and logistics behind the scenes. Jiang Cheng is still an angry butterball at this point, but Wei Wuxian isn't doing demonic cultivation, which creates problems, but they somehow manage to struggle through.

Jiang Yanli works to make sure the Dafan Wen get 'captured' very early in the campaign who have to look at the rest of the sects and be like. Y'all. They hate Wen Ruohan just as much as us. But also.

Free Healthcare.

In a war.

(NMJ is still against it, but he's overruled by literally everyone else.)

When Lan Wangji is away from the camp, Jiang Yanli and Jinzhu are both like, no, no moping Wei Wuxian. And they throw a bunch of paper at him and tell him to go do something useful. He ends up making new talismans that help with the war effort, and some that just make life easier, and hands them out to as many people as he can.

Once the Dafan Wen reach them, Wei Wuxian, once again, latches onto the orphaned A-Yuan. Jinzhu takes one look at them and immediately thinks,

and sets off to try and figure out how to adopt a grandchild. Lan Wangji is just thinking 'Yes. Perfect Husband Material' when he sees Wei Wuxian with A-Yuan.

Jiang Yanli has to be the one with the brain cell, pointing out to Wei Wuxian that he cannot adopt a child during a war. And especially not if he's still single. Seeing how Lan Wangji is looking at Wei Wuxian, Jiang Yanli seeks out Lan Xichen and tells him, this is what we're doing. Don't ask any questions. But your brother is going to marry my brother, so make sure neither of them die. Thanks.

Once they get close enough to Nightless City through the strength and power of Nie Mingjue's mustache and (insert epic war arc here), Jinzhu and Wei Wuxian sneak into Wen Ruohan's palace, and Lan Wangji invites himself along for Reasons.

When they share the logistics they've found out (time tables, the fact that Wen Ruohan is having health issues, the lack of cultivators within the walls of the city) with the rest of the war council, Wen Qing (invited there by Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng, specifically), points out to the rest of them that the medicine's Wen Ruohan takes are healthy in small doses but are also. Hella Poisonous.

And the rest of them are like, ok? Cool? But what does that have to do with us?

And Wen Qing just looks at them. You captured me, babes.

So Wen Qing 'escapes' back to Nightless city and because she looks absolutely awful (again, she knows what herbs and medicines to take to make her look tortured and miserable), and Wen Ruohan sees her and is like, my niece! You have returned to me, even though I no longer have your family to blackmail you! You do like me!

And she's like, yes, of course I do. I also brought the Jiang Sect Leader with me, and you could totally lock him up in the dungeons, or you could just. Let me keep him and experiment on him, that would be awesome?

And Wen Ruohan is like,

(Meanwhile, Jiang Cheng is the one sending information back to the Sunshot Campaign through lights in the window at night.)

Anyways, Wen Qing ends up being Wen Ruohan's doctor, again, while the fighting goes on outside, and rumors start to go around about one or three spies being inside Nightless City. Wen Qing says that they've got to rout the spies out or we'll lose this war.

Meanwhile, Meng Yao is just

Paranoia grows rampant as Jiang Cheng uses Wei Wuxian's talismans to make it seem like the spies' activities are increasing until Wen Ruohan only lets Wang Lingjiao and Wen Chao supervise and bring him his meals. So its a THING when he ends up bedbound with a poison that only Wen Qing can treat him for. And since Wang Lingjiao and Wen Chao were the only two who could have tampered with his food, and Wen Qing is above reproach being the prodigal son doctor (and the spying and the evidence of it was going on before she got there), Wen Chao and Wang Lingjiao are executed.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch Sunshot Campaign:

Jin Zixuan is still being stupid about Jiang Yanli, and he lets the same woman take all the credit for Jiang Yanli's food, and he confronts her when she tells him that no, that's from me. And Jiang Yanli just bursts into angry stress tears - but no one other than her knows that - and Wei Wuxian snaps. Jiang Yanli takes him down before he can get to Jin Zixuan, though, quicker than anyone but Hanguang-Jun has been able to.

(Jinzhu pointed out all his weaknesses to Jiang Yanli long ago, and Jiang Yanli Does Not Hesitate.)

And everyone else is just looking at her like, wtf? Then Jiang Yanli proceeds to dress Lan Zixuan down and his only thought is

Nie Mingjue continues to be a bear of a warrior and wins skirmishes and takes out Wen Xu. At this point Jiang Guangshan is looking at it and being like, ah yes. I help. Here's two more cultivators. And generally continuing to be The Worst.

Jin Zixuan and his contingent of MianMian and other cultivators collectively roll their eyes.

But Nie Mingjue's story is a completely different story with grand, overarcing themes of brotherhood, trauma, war and glory, and family trauma, but that is not what we're on about today folks.

Flash back to Nightless City where Wen Ruohan is losing his shit and Wen Qing keeps on gaslighting him, because she is a chaos demon on the same level as Wei Wuxian when given a chance. Wen Ruohan decides he can only trust like, two people besides Wen Qing, and the rest of his sect is just waiting for him to show any weakness.

Wen Qing very gently tells him that he hasn't been sleeping well, that's why he's so paranoid, and makes him some very strong sleeping droughts. She warns him not to take too much all at once, though, because when taken in large doses it's deadly. Only he doesn't realize that not only does it have a strong depressants in it, it's also full of stimulants that don't let him fall asleep.

After only a few days, Wen Ruohan is hella hallucinating and it gets to the point where his liver just. Fucks off. and he dies brutally. And since he's executed all of his remaining line, Wen Qing is the next in line for sect leader.

Immediately her first decree is that the Wens are surrendering and she throws open the doors to Nightless City and orders the remaining Wen soldiers to stand down. Jiang Chang comes out and is like, can I go home now? And Wen Qing is like,

The Jin are still like, the Wen have to pay we lost sooo much to them, wah wah wah, but this time even Jin Zixuan is like Bro-Dad. Chill.And Jin Guangshan kind of has to since he isn't able to claim Jiggy's killing of Wen Ruohan this time around.

So everyone fucks off to rebuild their sects; Jiang Cheng works on his 'new' core; and Jiang Yanli works to rebuild the sect, forcing Wei Wuxian to do a lot of the work because she's tired, man.

Eventually, Lan Xichen gets tired of Lan Wangji moping about and sends him to Lotus Pier under the guise of intersect relations, along with a letter outlining a marriage proposal because at this point even Lan Qiren just wants to marry Lan Wangji off to put him out of his misery.

Side Story: Wei Wuxian absconds with the rest of the Dafan Wen who have all looked at Nightless City and been like, nah. I'm good. And Wen Qing is like. Same. Especially since

So the Wen are disbanded as a sect officially as a condition of surrenduring (and she didn't want to lead the remaining Wen soldiers, they super suck).

Instead she goes to Nie Mingjue, since the Nie's were the only sect who didn't have majorly damaged land during the war, and Nie Huaisang and her got on famously, and rolls up like, Yo. NMJ. I want to build a medical pavilion, and he's like. No.

And NHS is like. Bro. Please, let me handle this. Wen Qing here's a nice spot just outside our home, and here's some money to train medics and learn about our terrifying cultivation methods, thanks.

Side Story Time!

Wen Qing and Nie Mingjue end up in a hate/fuck relationship, playing a long game of chicken until they end up married. Wen Qing is able to cut back on the resentful energy of the Nie Cultivation methods through a combination of Wen medicine and Lan musical cultivation to extend his life in a 'You can't die yet, I need more funding,' sort of way, and Nie Mingjue agrees to her methods because 'I'm still suspicious of you."

Everyone else is like, please use better silencing talismans Sect Leader we are begging you.

Nie Huaisang is currently commissioning three seperate plays dedicated to Wen Qing Alone.

Back at the plotline: The Phoenix Mountain Hunt still goes on as planned; Wei Wuxian still throws a flower at Lan Wangji; only this time he spends the entire opening ceremony at Jiang Yanli's side, who is there more in an official pseudo-sect leader capacity rather than at Madam Jin's invitation.

Madam Jin is still like, My son's a dick, yes, but marraige maybe?

Wei Wuxian snarks at this underneath his breath, and Jinzhu discreetly stabs him with a hair pin and reminds him to behave. Jiang Yanli tells Madam Jin that the Jiang Sect is willing to honor the marriage if the Jin are since their sects are so close, but only on the condition that Jin Zixuan is the one wanting to enter the marriage. Otherwise, if he is still against it, they should dissolve the marriage since the Jiang's have already taken so much insult from him personally.

Before Madam Jin can protest too much, Jiang Yanli steers the conversation with the other sect leaders around them to matters of trade, adeptly putting to use the more intensive training of a sect she received at Meishan to use.

A few hours into the hunt, Wei Wuxian gets fidgety, and Jinzhu chases him off to check on Jiang Cheng to keep him out of trouble. On the way, he 'finds' Lan Wangji and at some point in their walk, Lan Wangji looks as if he wants to confess something, but they're interrupted by Jin Zixun's appearance, along with Su She and a few other reprobates.

Wei Wuxian manages to be polite enough, and waits until he and Lan Wangji are walking off to slip a few talismans Jin Zixun's way so he can't reasonably be blamed. Su She, ever the sycophant, still blames him, claiming that he saw Wei Wuxian do it. And Lan Wangji is like, I was right right next to Wei Ying and I saw nothing.

Jin Zixuan stumbles upon them, along with Jiang Yanli, presumably on a walk together, with Madam Jin and Jinzhu behind them. Jin Zixun whines about it to his cousin until Lan Wangji pushes him for proof of a talisman. Surely there would have been a paper or ashes or something left to prove that there was ever a talisman to begin with.

(Knowing full well Wei Wuxian has come up with a talisman that leaves no trace.)

When Jin Zixun turns to Jinzhu, thinking that surely one of Madam Yu's maids knows just what Wei Wuxian gets up to, she just turns to face him and stares, letting the numerous scars on her face scare him off of it.

As they return to the pavilion, they all have to watch as Jin Zixuan is awkward and weird around Jiang Yanli, and Wei Wuxian can't help but make faces about it. Jiang Yanli catches him and points out, to his utter embarassment, that he's worse around Lan Wangji, and since she's had to deal with it for the last ten years, he can deal with it for one hour.

That's more than enough to keep him quiet until the banquet that night, though it doesn't help to keep Lan Wangji from looking too smug about it.

[hellohimawarihana]

My Thoughts of Himitsu no AiPri Henshin (Season 1)

Himitsu no AiPri is the fifth Pretty Series anime and game that features fashion and idols. There are few elements reused from previous series, with the metaverse similar to PriPara being the most notable one. There are some things that make AiPri different from the previous four series, though. For example, the “Pri” in this series is the short of “Princess” instead of “Pretty” or “Prism”, the opening song is sung by a Vtuber (!!) instead of singers from musical agency (think i☆Ris or Anna Suzuki, whose latter also voices Tamaki in this series) and there are two arcade cabinets instead of one (Himitsu no AiPri arcade allows you to experience anime stages with multiple character cards, and the second one called AiPri Verse allows you to collect coord pieces as well as creating your own custom character). There are plenty of secrets that happened here, but this time we will cover the other thing Pretty Series is known for: transformation.

Since the upcoming Season 2 will have different animations of the transformations compared to the first one, I'll cover only the Season 1 part of the series for now.

True to the other arcade series, there are a total of three types of transformation sequence used here: when entering AiPri Verse, Coord Change the Ride, and Buzzlume Change. Since some of gameplay videos using anime characters in YouTube videos are region-locked, I’ll use many GIFs instead, a lot in fact. First off, we transcend from the real world into...

Entering AiPri Verse

In AiPri universe (pun not intended), if you have AiPri Brace and linking it into the big mirror, then you’ll dive yourself into the AiPri Verse. In the anime version, they summon the magic circle from the bracelet to scan and change their appearance. Like the recent Pretty Cure series up until this point, the process starts with hair and then their outfit.

Special thanks to みみ-k5l1t for the source video. https://www.youtube.com/@%E3%81%BF%E3%81%BF-k5l1t

If doing this in the AiPri Verse arcade version, then the process will be different. In this version, you can use PriPhoto (the card that contains the photo with coord pieces) to change their appearance one by one. If the PriPhoto has tops, then the torso will be formed, and they will say “Tops!” to confirm the change. The same can be said for bottoms (either pants or skirt), shoes and hair accessories. If you felt content about the coord of your choice, you can press pink “Confirm” button to end the coord change.

Coord Change the Ride

Now we’ll dive in to Himitsu no AiPri arcade. If you’re familiar with Pretty Series or Aikatsu then you’ll be familiar with performing with different outfit. And how the AiPri idols do this? By doing a riding platform!

The series will have plenty of differences depending on which version that exists. Therefore, I’ll compare both arcade and anime versions to confirm their differences.

Left: Arcade version; Right: Anime version

First off, the idols step into the platform and ride into the cosmetic zone guided with their Aimus. Based on what we saw, the anime idols only enter it without showing what’s inside like in arcade version.

And you might not expect this, but they include make-up scene! In real life, cosmetics helps the females to become more confident to themselves and as a woman I can understand that, just look at Hiro (Himari’s sister) in Episode 4. While PriMagi has the same scene with eyeshadow and lipstick, AiPri has nail polish and lipstick. In the arcade, you can see the nail paint on the right finger, while the anime has it on both hands. The lipstick one, is pretty much the same in both versions. Probably this is the only time the make-up self is shown, as they didn’t brought this up after finishing.

(don’t even bother why the nail polish was cancelled in our world in place of nail cologne...)

Exclusive to the arcade version, the idols continue the ride and enters the other sides of the AiPri Verse, but I wonder why the anime didn’t include that, either the make-up scene is not as fast as the arcade one, or they do the make-up and coord change in one place. And speaking of which...

(for this one part I’ll go with anime version in collage)

In the dark blue background, the idols undergo actual coord change. As I stated in the previous post, the sequence follows the usual Pretty Series trend with shoes going first, followed by dress and hair accessory. Meganee (the iconic character from Pretty Series) will also explain what the coord is, like the features on the outfit. I think it would be impossible to describe all the coords in extreme detail, so the arcade version limits it to just the brand the coords are associated to.

In this 3D scene, the landing into the platform and preparing to perform in stage upon reaching the final destination are the only thing that was identical in both version, albeit the anime is pretty much slower than the arcade version. For two or more idols are performing at the same time, they’ll be like this in the anime, while the arcade version has the main idol as the focus.

For Dark version, there are some changes, such as cosmetic entrance (anime) and inside the zone (arcade) are dark red/purple instead of pink.

Overall, the riding session feels more like a ride in arcade compared to the anime version, since the anime cuts many sections of this. What are your thoughts on this session?

Buzzlume Change

If you’re having fun on stage or get your resolution, or in other case played well enough to raise the gauge bar into full then expect this changing to glowing Buzzlume coord. The stage darkens, and the idols raise their AiPri Brace to change into the said coord. And what else to trigger the glow in the outfit, by opening the bracelet which contains lip balm... and you already know how the rest works.

(yes, the real world AiPri Brace does have lip balm, with interchangeable scent to boot)

And I have some feelings on this, not by the how it works, but the execution.

As half of the idols are mostly performing together the split-screen is needed and it’s like the stage has one of them standing in separate place while afterwards the current idols are suddenly back into one place. Kinda weird, right? I think it’s well enough to compare the arcade and anime version of whoever performs solo, but I’m glad the arcade has them perform Buzzlume Change in one place, with the scenes like lip balm is focused on the main idol you first put the card with.

Special thanks to ShirokumaChanneI (https://www.youtube.com/@ShirokumaChanneI) and みかアイスタChannel (https://www.youtube.com/@Mika4285) for the arcade videos as the source.

Although despite that, even Dark Quartet Star and Princess AiPri trio has all idols in one scene during this change like in the game so their performances are so special without any new outfit or something?

If you thought we're done for each of three henshin, I will say not yet! Because we still have the thing that wasn't in arcade, which is...

Princess AiPri

(once again, these are by collage)

The anime-exclusive special scene where Tsumugi summons a large magic circle to scan her Princess version towards her. And before that, she spreads the energy and turn her AiPri Brace into pure white. In the above picture, Himari and Mitsuki are having the same sequence in Episode 48 but only the beginning part. However, since Tsumugi also has the same animation for the beginning part, I'll post it below the AiPri Brace Change part.

At any rate, that's all Season 1 covered. How will Season 2 does with a new Buzzlume Change gimmick and Coord Change The Ride later on? Look forward to it next year! And with this done, see you in my next post!

[maths-screaming]

Let's Talk About Our Feelings

There are lots of resources out there for understanding what dyscalculia is - books, YouTube videos, Powerpoint slideshows, podcasts. There are lots of math toys and tools and worksheets to offer varying ways to approaching numeracy, too.

What's talked about less is how very emotional the process of confronting a lifelong learning disability is.

A Gallery of Big Feelings I Have Had to Feel Since Deciding, Approximately Two Weeks Ago, That I Wanted to Do Something About My Innumeracy Problem:

Shame

I thought I was kicking shame to the curb by deciding to do something different. Nah. It's still really hard to admit I suck at math.

Basic addition and subtraction (the subject of my recent explorations) feel like something I should have learned to do in elementary school. You know, when the other 29 kids in my class learned it. When all my friends learned it. When the cashier who bantered with me about green onions this morning learned it.

I started this Tumblr because it sucked so much to admit how ashamed I am that I can't math, I figured I'd just tell the entire planet at once and get it over with. Now you know.

[leave your derisive gifs in this slot.]

2. Anger

This Tumblr is called "Maths Screaming" because screaming was pretty much the first and only thing I did for about three days once I started reading about dyscalculia interventions. I screamed in my heart. I screamed in my head. I screamed outside my head, too. I stomped around the high school track and screamed some more. I came home and screamed at a math textbook PDF. I paused YouTube videos to scream. There was a lot of screaming.

I screamed because I was angry.

Confronting anything painful about our pasts often means remembering things we worked hard to forget. Things that hurt to remember. Sometimes, it means reliving some of the worst moments of our lives - especially if what was happened was actually traumatic.

Realizing that not being allowed to use a multiplication table in third grade (no, really!) wasn't traumatic, but it did upset me. Math could have been so much easier than it was at every stage of my education - but I and all my classmates were deprived of those tools and opportunities.

Realizing that leads to

3. Grief

I was widowed in my 30s, so I'd like to believe I'm good at grief. I spent the first three years thinking grief was some kind of game I could win or trophy I could acquire.

"That there is my ability to handle loss. I won it when I was 39."

...Yeah, it doesn't work that way. All loss occasions grief. Each loss is unique, and therefore so is the grief it occasions. And yes, I grieved when I realized just how much I had missed by both struggling with numbers and never receiving support with that struggle.

I don't just mean losses like "I didn't go to medical school" or "I don't understand how the stock market works" (though maybe I am missing out there too). I mean losses like "I could have spent my entire childhood not ashamed and self-loathing for not understanding numbers." And "I could have told my high school boyfriend to jump off a cliff when he laughed at me for still using my fingers, instead of internalizing that and hating myself for it."

Closely related to grief is

4. Love

I gotta tell ya, fam: Deciding that you're going to try to change something that has defined your life for the worse is a radical act of love.

I am doing so much reparenting and re-teaching in this process. I have to be the adult in the room who provides the support and the kid who didn't get support the first time. It takes a lot of love and a lot of patience.

I am extraordinarily grateful that I have (a) the capacity, (b) the skills, and (c) the opportunity to show myself that love. (FYI, THERAPY WORKS.) And at the same time, I grieve here too. Because having to love myself through this process shows me just how much love and care was lacking in my childhood. I can now see just where no one showed up enough to see that I was struggling or to do anything about it.

That's tough to face, and it takes even more love and care to get through it. I understand how easy it would be to just...not bother.

As hard as it is, though, I recommend it. I really do.

Feel the feels. Then do the maths.