#nicole:... i got hungry...

[stardoopy]

Stares at you with my big adhd eyes......i heard you like monster series :3 [one look at my blog and you can probably tell that im . Normal about monsters]

YES! i'm extremely new to it (i actually had no idea it was called Monster Series i've just been trying to follow along with all the tags people use) but yeah i like it!

(bonus Noman and Nicole i cut from that Potpourri drawing)

[starkeyboy]

coward. | conrad fisher x reader

as series that i’m gonna try and go with! THIS HAS S2 SPOILERS

enjoy ;)

part. one.

i took a deep breath. it’s been 2 years since everything happened. i left cousins for the summer and never came back. not my choice, it was my parents. they got a divorce and my dad could no longer afford the house down here. but here i was. back in cousins. in front of a house i once called home. i barely ever stayed at mine. this was more my home than what my parents bought, and here i was.

my hand was so close to knocking, one millimeter away when i backed out. i didn’t deserve to see them anymore. i left them without even saying i was. true fully, i didn’t know i wasn’t coming back till my dad broke the news that he was selling it. but i have conrad’s number, and i didn’t have the nerve of telling him.

i took a step back as i admired the door. i couldn’t bring myself to knock or ring the doorbell. i really couldn’t. they would be mad at me. they would ask me all these questions when i barely knew the answers myself.

i was a coward. and once again, i left.

…

i was at rosie’s, getting some pies for something that my dad wanted to throw for the first summer back. i was able to avoid the fishers and the conklins for a few weeks now and yes, it’s hard. the amount of times i was gonna knock on that door or purposely go get muffins in the early morning, just maybe running into jeremiah or conrad, or maybe even steven and belly. but i decided against it, i can’t do that to them. i don’t deserve them anymore.

…

jeremiahs pov

“was that your stomach?” i said laughing and looking at belly. she glared at me and chuckled.

“i haven’t eaten since this morning jere,” she said.

“rosie’s is just off the road,” i suggested and she nodded like crazy.

“i think i’ll get-”

“blueberry” we both at the same time, we laughed and ordered our pies.

as we were waiting, i saw someone familiar looking at the fruits. i squinted, trying to focus on who that was. my eyes widened as i pulled belly away from nicole.

“what the hell jere?” she brushed me off and apologized to nicole but i only shushed her as i pointed to the girl. “it’s that?” belly looked at me in shock.

“y/ns back” i said as i immediately moved away from belly and ran over to y/n.

…

y/ns pov

i got startled when a hand was put on my shoulder and turning me around. but when my eyes connected with jeremiah, i stumbled back. how did he find me? was he just here conveniently? oh god…was conrad here? i looked around him for a second when my eyes connected with belly.

“y/n, i can’t believe your back!” i looked back at jeremiah as i was still in shock.

“what? oh yeah, im back” i laughed awkwardly. i looked around again, to see if conrad was here but i saw no one else. just jere and belly.

“are you looking for someone?” belly said as she walked over to us. i looked at them again and shook my quickly.

“huh? no no, absolutely not looking for anyone.” i said as i looked at the fruit. “just looking at getting some more mangos” i again, i laughed even more awkwardly.

“are you okay? you don’t seem like yourself,” jere said. these were the questions i was talking about. soon there’ll be; where did you go? what happened? are your parents okay? how are you dealing with the divorce? which they probably don’t even know about the divorce.

“i’m fine, completely fine.” i said as i smiled. it was a relief seeing them tho. after all these years, they barely changed. other than the fact that jere has muscular arms now and belly has no braces or glasses and a grown women’s body. “what are you guys doing here?” i asked.

“belly’s hungry and not gonna like, i am too. we’re trying to find conrad,” jeremiah said as soon as belly jabbed him in the ribs. i furrowed my eyebrows. trying to find conrad. i thought i saw him at the store a few days ago.

“what do you mean? is he not with the family this year? i saw him at the store,” i told them as belly’s eyes lighted up but jeres down casted to me.

“did no one tell you? conrad didn’t tell you?” he said as he repeated himself.

“what do you mean, tell me? what was he supposed to tell me?” i questioned as i grew more worried. was conrad okay? was he in danger at the store that whole time and i ignored him?

belly and jeremiah looked at each other and sighed. jere put his hand on my shoulder as he brought me close. “moms gone y/n. susannah is gone.”

i don’t think i’ve felt my heart break more than it did in that moment. i felt tears spring to my eyes. i shook my head and i denied them.

“she’s not gone jere,” i whispered. “i swear, she can’t be,” i broke down. jeremiah held me close to him and he let a few tears roll down as well.

…

i was behind jeremiah and belly as we drove the summer house. i guess those times of me almost knocking on the door was bad idea. no one was home. other than conrad but he wouldn’t have answered, he can’t even answer his phone.

when we pulled up jeremiah jumped out the car and pounded through door yelling for conrad. i got out and walked behind belly, slowly. i saw jeremiah talk to someone and knew immediately that it was con.

“jeremiah, the house is being put up for sell.” he said calmly as he put his hand on his chest to push him back. belly looked confused as she came to his vision.

“what do you mean it’s for sell?” she said as she looked at him.

“what is she doing here?” he said as he looked at jeremiah. i finally walked into the room last and i locked eyes with conrad after 2 years. it was like i could finally breathe. he was right in front of me. he looked at me softly and his eyes teared up.

“y/n?” he whispered as jere pulled belly towards him. moving her out of the way gently. i nodded and he walked to me and hovered his hands over me.

“it’s me connie,” i said quietly. that was what got him. and me. he pulled me into a hug immediately.

“i needed you”

[alexthecatgirl]

(Karen, Alex, Rasey and Sammy chasing the metal hand and running to Karens home and gets inside and got to the kitchen and Karen, Alex, Rasey and Sammy saw metal hand go to the Mr WPNZ guy and puts on his hand back on and turns around and saw them)

Mr WPNZ: Will, will...took you long enough.

Alex: ?

Karen: You...You... SON OF A-

Mr WPNZ: Ah, ah, ahh, language, wouldn't want the little ones hearing would we? hmm then again... That's probably not the biggest problem on their plate right now, they're too busy trying to chow down on my...Home made Pizza! let me tell ya...thought I was gonna lose a finger keeping them off it until you got here, hungry kids am I right.

Alex: Brookie.

Brookie: Oh, Hi Alex, we just have a good time for it, oh and the Minecraft playing that we got in here was actually fun ^^

Nicole: Yeah, nothing like weird going on or stuff.

(Karen runs to the table and smacks the table to her fist) Kids... go to your room.

Katie: But, Mooooooooom! We're hungry.

Zach: Yeah and we were about to watch the new Minecraft Movie too, come on, Mom! Can't we stay and hang out, our friends want to join in too, plleeeeeaase?

Mr WPNZ: Yeah come on MOM! We've been waiting so patiently, I mean c'mon...Where else are they gonna get to try...fine dinner like THIS.

Alex: (Comes to Brookie) Just like why did you take Brookie and Nicole into this?

Rasey: Yeah like you didn't just like ask to take the kids for no reason.

Mr WPNZ: Hey now, Mario lured the three kids with promises to play Minecraft so Karen could have some free time. I know that Brookie and Nicole friend's with Karen's kids, followed them to the warehouse, of course.

(Cory bite the cold pizza)

Nicole: Yeah like he just like took care of use and teach us how to shoot gun like stuff and having fun in Minecraft, but Karen's kids, they seem to have a good time with that big guy there.

Mr WPNZ: Hey shows a little more appreciation will ya? Points for efforts right?

(Karen is mad and throws the cold pizza to the wall and the cold pizza break and MR WPNZ put another cold pizza on the table)

Karen: You three! In your room...NOW!

(Cory, Zach and Katie got sad and gets off the chairs)

Alex: (Holds brookie's hand and taking brookie and Nicole to leave the kitchen)

Zach: You were right, Mom's always such a BUZZKILL!

(Cory, Katie and Zach left the kitchen and close the door behind)

Mr WPNZ: Ooo...tough crowd, They DEFINITELY get that from you though.

Karen: Why the hell...are you here?

Sammy: Yeah and what do you want for us then?

Mr WPNZ: Oh...You know, just thoght I'd swing by, see how you're doing...Wanted to reconnect...You know spend some...Quality time with you guys.

Karen: Reconnect?...RECONNECT!? (Runs to Mr WPNZ and Fights him)

Mr WPNZ: (Doges and moves ahead) Ah...fast as ever! Although you always DID telegraph that left hook.

Karen: You don't get to waltz in here, After ALL these years and pretend care about me!

(Alex, Rasey and Sammy got shocked and backs away to doge the objects and confused)

Mr WPNZ: C'mon! You know that "contract" job paid in DROVES-compared to a measly 9-5, I was getting my hands dirty for US!

Karen: Us? US!? You only ever cared about yourself and If you ever LISTENED, I told you I was done with that life!

Mr WPNZ: Oh...there you go again with the "settling down" bulls***! WHO YOU TRYING TO FOOL HUH!? I know you missed this...This rush, this thrill! All coming together in a SYMPHONY Of VIOLENCE, This is who we ARE...You can't just walk away from that...Katana.

Alex: K-Katana?

Karen: DO NOT CALL ME THAT, IT'S KAREN NOW!

Mr WPNZ: Jeez... "Karen" huh? You had to choose the most generic name, and what? POOF! Suddenly all the blood you spilled is GONE? Sorry hon, that's not how that works...

Karen: Grr...SHUT UP!!!

Mr WPNZ: THERE it is...that glare! You can play house all you want, but that cold dead look in your eye? That's the real you Katana, the look of a KILLER!

Nicole: Ummm, hey what's going on?

Alex: (Shocked) Nicole, Kids, get back it's not safe from in here!

Katie: Mama? Are you okay? we heard a lot of yelling...

Zach: Yeah, what's the problem!? You two got beef!?

Mr WPNZ: Actually, kiddos...I know you're mom really well,

Karen: Don't...Even...THINK about it!

Mr WPNZ: And I'd like to get to know you three, since...Welllll...

Alex, Rasey, Sammy, Brookie and Nicole: ???

Mr WPNZ: I'M YOUR DAD!!!

(Everyone is shocked)

Alex, Rasey and Sammy: You're Dad!?

Karen: H-ooooh no... YOU don't get to call yourself THEIR father! They're all I have and I'm NOT letting you ruin...MY FAMILY.

Zach: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!... You AND mom!? HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN!?

Rasey: Yeah and how did you two met each other?

Mr WPNZ: Oh hoh, now THAT'S a story! Let your old man tell ya aaaaalllllll about how...Mommy and Daddy met...

(Alex, Rasey, Sammy, Brookie, Nicole, Zach, Katie and Cory sit down)

Mr WPNZ: Back then, we were more..."business partners" She did things her way...I did things my way...Regardless of that...Your mom and I would go out KILLING.

Karen: Making a killing!, a killing on...uhh...B-Being caretakers!

Mr WPNZ: ...WHAT!?

Karen: Ye-yeeaaaahh...Ya kno- ya know how mama's always takin' on jobs? well...We...Uhhh...Did...caretakin' together!

Sammy: Huh, never knew that.

Alex: Yeah and that to take care of good people of healing them ^^

Mr WPNZ: Ahhh riiiight..."Caretakers"...We were real good...Took are of a lot of problems...Permenantly...

Karen: Uhh, yeah, uhh, Took care a' problems like...uhh, Like sleepin! Uh, lotsa patients had trouble sleepin' so we...

Mr WPNZ: We helped'em sleep niiiiiice and looong...Even give'em nice beds...Made of dirt, about fifty feet underground.

Karen: Th-That was just one time! It was a guy that was...very particuler about his sleeping arrangements.

Mr WPNZ: Hoh, you're jumpin' ahead to the SPICY PART! Your mom and I were on a very important job, high stakes, big time client and wouldn't ya know it, the deal goes belly-up, Never been backed into a corner like that before, Yet, through it all, Something amazing blossomed, We...relied on each other, Our movements, Our instincts, finishing each others attacks, We were unstoppable, That night, We became more then 'Business partners" we got a house and have each other and me out getting some food and stuff and untill I met Alex's dad...

Alex: !...You met him?...How?

Mr WPNZ: Oh, I know him alright... he was in this club called the "Bozo's Club" in school. They were a little younger from his high school friends, they were: losers, street rats, and thugs, but also real nice and friendly to other people. Zoro and I got along just with his friends. We liked making jokes, flying around to take on the sights...while doing all the hard work during our missions for our job. We became best friends, with Zoro and Karen getting along just fine. Now, we didn't have much, but we did have each and we became a whole club.

Alex: Karen, you know my dad?...

Karen: It was hard to explain, but that was year for now and what a happy story, except you conveniently left out the part where HIM went away, NEVER came back and left me ALL ALONE, I called out to Zoro to call him and told me he didn't answer the calls that he left!

Mr WPNZ: Oh, that's how you're spinning it, Katana, I was out providing for the family, you were the one who vanished leaving ME to clean up the dirty work.

Karen: I. WAS. PREGNANT! I wasn't gonna put my kids in danger! Zoro tried to call you again and again and AGAIN to tell you that, you never answer!, you never came, You left me! If you actually CARED...You wouldn've given it all up and been there for us!

Mr WPNZ: I WAS TRYIN' MY BEST! I hear the phone ring but I was doing all the WORK! and I could've provided AND BEEN A GOOD FRIEND AND A GOOD FATHER, IF YOU'D JUST GIVEN ME A F***ING CHANCE!!!

Alex: !...

Karen: When I had you kiddos... the last thing I wanted was for you to live in the world I came from...I promised myself I'd do ANYTHING to ensure you'd grow up safe and happy...(Looks to Alex) and Alex...I'm sorry for not telling you all this of you're dad Zoro, He helped me and he had hard time to tried to make things better, but we have some imported life to do, I had me take care for the better and I know how much he loves yo SO much... to keep you safe and sound...

Mr WPNZ: SAFE!? C'mon Katana, They don't need protection, those three our kids and Alex, just got in cover to make it better and even.

Karen: No...THAT'S EXACTLY WHY THEY NEED IT, Alex has nothing to do with it, She already has her own friends and family to take care off and YOU stealin' MY kids was proof that ANYONE from our past could target them!

Mr WPNZ: Pfftchaaa...If they embrace the blood runnin' though them. They could do AMAZING THINGS. (Stomps hard to make the cold pizza jumped and useing his robot hand to pull out a chin saw and sliceing the pizza and using his robot foot to fire up to warm up the pizza and the warm pizzas fall to the pants and Cory, Zach and Katie, were amazed and happy)

Mr WPNZ: See? The kiddo's LOVE it, C'moooooon, lettem learn from their old man!

Karen: Absolutely. NOT.

Cory, Zach and Katie: But mom.

Karen: (Mad) MMMAAAUUUGH! I SAID NO AND THAT'S FINAL! (Brokes the chair)

Mr WPNZ: (Gets up and gets closer to Karen) Fine, fine, fine...I get it, Do what you want, I won't force you. (walks away) Just...thought it'd be nice y'know? Was finally willing to give this..."Family" thing a try...Oh and Alex... Tell you're father I say Hi...just that to give him a good message to him if we meet again...someday. (Gets out of the house and walking away)

Rasey: Will uhhh, that was... pretty interesting...

[leonkennedybreedingkink]

BEAUTIFUL AND BAD

leon kennedy x demon!reader

warnings: suicide mention, self esteem, internal misogyny. snuff. you eat him and it’s a good time. you kill him while you’re fucking him?? you’re also kinda mean. title taken from beautiful and bad by nicole dollanganger.

note: sorry that it’s short, i hope it’s still satisfying to you guys :)

You’re so fucking hungry.

It’s been a few days since you’ve last fed and torn a jock to shreds: you thought that would feed you for maybe a week, but after three days, you’re not feeling so hot.

Your skin’s dry, your hair’s flat, you’ve got dark circles, and your stomach is trying to eat itself.

You look like a normal girl who hasn’t got much sleep. To you, you should just kill yourself for daring to even get out of bed because you look so bad. You’re a woman, you should be beautiful all the time instead of just average.

You trudge through campus with a rumbling stomach, scoping out your latest prey haphazardly.

Leon, guy in your soil science class, bumps into you. Those little piercings around his lips are so cute when you think about it, they kinda remind you of your fangs. “Shit, hey, sorry about that.” He rubs the back of his neck and eyes you, blond brows pulling together. “Hey, are you okay? You look exhausted, have you been sleeping?”

No, I’m just ugly, you wanna tell him. You mime a yawn into the back of your hand instead and nod dazedly. “Yeah. Studying and—all that stuff. Had to pull a couple all nighters.”

He winces sympathetically. “Can I… buy you a coffee or something?” Leon asks after a second, turning a pleasing shade of red that makes you want to bite into him like an apple. Actually… that’s not a half bad idea.

“How about a movie? At my place.”

That’s cute, he looks so pleased when you suggest that. “Sure! Sure, whatever you wanna watch.”

“I’m a horror fan.” You say with a coy smile, head cocked to the side. “Can I see your phone? I’ll give you my address.”

He passes it over and you’re sure to touch his hand just a little as you take his phone, inputting your number and address before handing it back. “See you then.”

You popped Sinister into the dvd player a little before he got here. That one scared you off from TVs for a while, kinda like The Ring did.

You guys lost track half an hour into the movie, your mouth attached to his neck and your hand down the front of his pants.

He sounds so sweet, you can taste the licorice in the air with every sound he makes, pretty face a pretty shade of red. Leon whines a little when you pull away, then goes docile when you start pulling off his pants, then yours.

His big hands settle on your thighs as he looks up at you lazily, blinking slowly and petal mouth parted just slightly.

You duck down and kiss him, rocking back and forth on his thighs until he’s whining again, panting and barely able to kiss you.

You’re many things, but never let people say you can’t be a tease when you really wanna be.

“Come on, come on,” one hand grabs your ass and brings you so you’re stable on his pelvis, “quit fuckin’ teasing me…”

“Aww, poor baby.” You pout down at him, smoothing sweaty strands back from his face. “Am I teasing you too much?”

“Yes.” Leon says seriously, pouting for realsies.

You click your tongue at him, petting his head and face until he’s not pouting anymore, dazed under the scope of your affection. “Poor thing. Your little heart just can’t take it anymore?”

He shakes his head, then opens his big blue eyes to blink at you. He’s so pretty, with that doll face of his.

You’re gonna miss him.

Leon’s mouth opens in a soft sigh as you finally have mercy and sink down on him, soft tummy flexing just a little beneath his shirt.

You push up his shirt, pushing your nails into his soft tummy to see the skin dimple the way dough does. You want to tear him apart immediately.

“Lift your arms, blondie, come on.” You murmur, rolling your hips into his.

He does so obediently, you briefly kiss his knuckles before pulling his shirt off and depositing it to the side. That same pink across his face had spread down his chest, touching where his ribs meet.

His head falls back when you raise up and drop back down, a low groan leaving him.

Saliva builds in your mouth, that hunger rearing its ugly head. You keep swallowing it down as you ride him like a workhorse, thighs burning with the strain.

Leon starts fucking up into you, that pink turning a splotchy red across his chest and face as his pants and groans turn high pitched.

You latch onto his throat and bite through the skin like a peach, blood flooding your mouth.

He cries out in pain, trying to push you away. You pin him back against the couch and he comes, going rigid as you chew on his flesh.

His larynx is rather chewy, but that’s what you get for going for the cartilage. You bite down on his shoulder and he cries out again, almost similar to when you were fucking him.

When you lift your head, Leon’s crying. “What are you doing?” He sniffles, weakly trying to staunch the bleeding in his neck and shoulder.

You feel a pang in your chest. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” That pink face and chest slowly turns pale.

You stare at him, licking his blood off your mouth. “I’m hungry.” And you’re sorry. But you’re so fucking hungry. You don’t want to be this way, but you are.

He looks betrayed.

And you can’t stand to see it on his face, so you move on his lap as you tear another chunk from his chest.

He doesn’t stop fucking crying from pain, or betrayal, you don’t know which, and you don’t want to know.

So you place a palm on his cheek and turn his head, jerking it at just the right angle to show him one last mercy.

Now that he can’t feel it anymore, you rip his arms off like a little girl playing with dolls. His legs. Torso.

You’ll leave his face intact, you always thought he was adorable.

When you’re done, you wipe your face with a forearm, smearing his blood as you just stare at his corpse.

It’s like you just defaced a work of art.

You sob as you gather his corpse and clothes into a garbage bag, leaving it off to the side as you clean up your fucking couch, squirting peroxide on it and scrubbing at it for hours.

You were too hungry, you were too hasty because you hated feeling hungry. So that leaves you with a ruined couch and a dead classmate.

You drive out to the woods and cry a little more as you just dump his body and drive back home.

You hope he understood. That you had to. That you were sorry.

But you’re so fucking hungry.

[that-one-i-think]

Even even more on the relationship of former prince now servant Liochant and Garte who are both prisoners of the King of Tu'la, because this is both a really funny and really sad Au to me.

In this AU, I do think that Garte was a good father to an extent. He very much loved all three of his kids (especially feral Vylad cause he was entertaining) but his drive for power overshadowed it. He trained, played with, and taught his sons but as they grew the more his mind turned to gaining power. After Vylad died in a robbery, his grief turned him towards wanting to gain even more so that is when he arranged Garroth and Nicoles marriage to tie O'khasis and Scaleswind together. And after Garroths death, it got worse and left him vulnerable to Zane's manipulations. After a certain point, even Garte finding out that Zane had planned Vylad's robbery and subsequent death didn't even matter, for only power did. (I also LOVE just pure evil Zane, because I like to think that Zane didn't care so much for power than he did the Relics. Love MCD Zane)

His search for power did lead to his downfall and eventual entrapment by Tu'la after being betrayed in an alliance, much like how he was originally going to betray Scaleswind. He very soon came face to face with his actions and the consequences of what would happen if he had succeeded and finds he does not like the taste of his own medicine. So he turns from a power hungry and angry King to a bitter and kind of sad lord. Garte feels regretful.

Due to his high position, he is actually treated rather nicely and is more of a guest than an actual prisoner. He is allowed his own room and general freedom around the palace because he has no means of escape. No allies or ability to survive in the harsh dessert as he is already nearing 70. So he is just a heavily retricted guest and finds tht he hates everyone and everything in the castle except one single abused servant, Liochant. Come to find out Liochant was the original prince of this castle and the King murdered his entire family....... This made Garte realize how fucked up Zane was for his actions in Falconclaw.

Garte starts using Liochant as a way to repent and make up for his actions. He tells Liochant about Ru'aun, the language, the cultures and about his family and his actions. Eventually he even manages to teach Liochant how to fight like a Ru'aun knight. He becomes Liochants mentor of sorts, as they were the only ones prisoners. Though Garte kept Liochant at arms length emotionally, that did not change. He became better, but the man needs therapy.

After one brutal punishment Liochant recieved when he was 17, boiling water to the side of his face, Garte decided that his little friend needed to leave, so he did the one thing he was good at. Helping princes disappear. He starts genuinely educating Liochant about Ru'aun, telling him to join the guard academy and hide his meif'wa features until after admitance. When Liochant does manage to flee at 20, he is proud. Cause he finally did something right and not to his own benefit. He now hopes that Liochant can meet Garroth and become proof that he did do something right for his son to see.

Unfortunately, Garroth doesn't let Liochant get a word in before the distrust starts and Liochant finds that him stuck between difficult truths and safe silence.

[possibly-in-wonderland]

cw vent, ed mention (both anorexia & bulimia), emeto mention (not in detail), i mention a number of calories but not any weight numbers, a mention of bmi but no actual numbers are mentioned, talks of addiction, self harm (technically), and vore (it's a fairly long vent that originally started out as me angry my phone won't charge)

my phone won't charge

mY FUCKING PHONE WON'T CHARGE.

WHY DO ALL OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE HAVE TO BE IN DIFFERENT STATES WHAT IF I CAN'T GET ON AND THEY THINK I ABANDONED THEM. I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SAID SOMETHING ABOUT NOT WANTING TO FISH LOOK WHAT HAPPENED.

OH AND TO FUCKING ELABORATE ON MY VENT POST FROM EARLIER:

"oh, hey, bug are you hungry or...?"

"no."

I SAID FUCKING NO. i said no. i lied. you can't ask someone who's teetering on relapsing if they're hungry thEY'RE GONNA SAY NO. let's not forget that he (dad) didn't seem worried at all with how quickly we were losing weight in 2023.

"oh, yeah, her cheeks aren't as full [insert other things that he apparently thought was good to say]." oh, yeah, thanks it's the fact i'm eating 500kcal or less a day and i've been doing that for weeks and not eating anything every other day and oH LOOK I ALMOST PASSED THE FUCK OUT AND HIT MY HEAD ON THE CORNER OF THE MOTHERFUCKING COUNTER.

i already have abandonment issues, forgetting me adds fuel to the fire. forgetting me in terms of food? what if he fucking wants me to relapse. i mean, i don't think he does. but there's that little bit of bit of anxiety and paranoia tHERE'S A REASON WE DON'T LIKE EATING IN PUBLIC.

I SPENT EVERY WAKING MINUTE IN 2023 ON A FUCKING EATING DISORDER FORUM BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY COMFORT AND COMMUNITY I HAD. EVERYONE WANTED EACH OTHER TO GET BETTER, BUT DIDN'T WANT TO GET BETTER THEMSELVES. I'D SCOUR THE FUCKING FORUM'S "binge haul" THREAD BECAUSE ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS FOOD. but i'm fucking emetophobic. i'd imagine eating all that fucking ice cream. the greasy pizza and burgers. sandwiches upon sandwiches of peanut butter and jelly or grilled cheese. SO MANY FUCKING CHIPS AND ICE CREAM. FRIES. GREASE. FATS UPON FATS UPON FATS.

I CAN'T FUCKING HIDEAWAY AND CRY ABOUT THIS WHILE I VENT BUT FUCKING HELL I HAVE TO STAY IN THE LIVING ROOM AND TYPE BECAUSE I'M ON MY COMPUTER LATCHED ONTO THE HOME INTERNET INSTEAD OF MY HOTSPOT.

I'D PLAY CALL OF DUTY ADVANCED (infinite?) WARFARE OR WATCH MUKBANGS OR FUCKING LOOK AT THE VORE TAG ON TUMBLR (YEAH, THAT'S SOMETHING THAT APPARENTLY MADE ME FEEL BETTER) UNTIL MY FUCKING ALARM WENT OFF BECAUSE I ONLY ALLOWED MYSELF TO EAT BETWEEN 2-6 AND I COULD LOSE MYSELF IN THE GAME. I HAD A FOUR-HOUR WINDOW I'D EAT IN. I'D FUCKING WEIGH MYSELF RIGHT BEFORE MY ALARM WENT OFF, WRITE DOWN THE FUCKING NUMBER, THEN HAUL ASS TO THE KITCHEN. OTHERWISE? FUCKING WATER, BLACK COFFEE WITH TOO MUCH SPLENDA, AND GUM. SO. MUCH. FUCKING. GUM. IT GOT TO THE POINT THAT WITH EVERY PIECE I CHEWED, I JUST SAVED THE WRAPPERS TO MAKE LITTLE GUM WRAPPER HEARTS OUT OF THEM.

i'd pace in circles (not ed-related, i always do that) listening to of herbs and altars on youtube talk about being an eating disordered goth in the early 2000s because their videos helped me. but i also...think they fueled it. just a little bit.

the way they talked about going from an emetophobic anorexic to a "hybrid" of an anorexic and a bulimic and i wished i could have done the same. eating and eating and eating just to ram my fingers down my throat to reset everything.

when i wasn't listening to dorian's stories, i was listening to a select few songs. anything by nicole dollanganger or type o negative. but it was primarily one song in particular.

house of gold by twentyone pilots.

i'd imagine myself dancing through a house in a lace cami, bingeing and purging.

i think the reason why i can't find the miralax anymore (in a non-ed related way) is because mama morgue knew i was using it for reasons i shouldn't have been. i'd sneak it and stir it in my coffee.

i got addicted the feeling of being empty. i got addicted to the rumble of my empty stomach. i got addicted the feeling of everything going black when i stood up.

my grandma saw me for the first time in months and her response?

"you've lost a lot of weight, you look good."

thanks. i'm slowly killing myself, withering away right before your eyes. and you're complimenting my dying body.

but people would probably tell me at the time, "you don't have an ed, you have so much fucking meat on your bones." you're right, i never got underweight. my bmi was never normal. to this day it still just reads "overweight."

and that's a good way to trigger someone even more. they want you practically dead before they'll help you.

i never got help. the only things to somewhat pull me out of it was working with hephaestus and imagining myself in the world of the hobbit. i imagined all those lovely dwarves and bilbo telling me i needed to eat so i could go fight smaug.

but to this day i feel almost nostalgic for my eating disordered days. a lot of people seem to feel like this. all those collages i've made? including the one in my header? i made those while trying not to pass out. and, on top of that, i loathe the smell of hot brewing mocha coffee now because that's all i'd drink. on that previously mentioned ed forum i was known by two names.

eating disordered hobbit and splenda fiend.

everytime i see one of my friends who has a history of an ed post about something relating to "maybe i should go back" we get more than worried.

we remember those days.

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Rewind, Remix, & Replay Jay & Kim 5x14 & 5x15

This is the link to the rest of the series

I decided to combine these episodes because I didn’t have a lot for 14, it was really just a setup for 15. And I was excited to write 15’s idea, so sue me lol. I know this couple is niche but it's nice to know that others like it too. 

The case had been a hard one for Kim. A girl had been raped. It was a sore spot for everyone in intelligence, but it was still a gaping wound for the female detective. The timing didn’t help either. For the last few weeks, she had been using furlough. It had started with a full week off and now was bleeding into a day here or there or having to leave early.

Jay wasn’t sure what the rest of the team knew but Kim was trying to rubber band and Band-Aid her family back together. Her sister Nicole had been struggling badly since she had been drugged and raped. She also had survivor's guilt after finding out that her best friend had frozen to death trying to escape. Kim had originally taken a few weeks off to help her and her niece readjust and cope. Kim said that her support had been only mildly successful. It didn’t help that Nicole was going through a nasty divorce. Her husband was trying to keep all the money and property that the two had acquired together.

Kim had told him during one of their nights together that she felt like her sister was slipping away. Nicole wouldn’t take the support she was trying to give her and had been isolating herself. She had gone completely remote for her job and was having everything delivered so she never had to leave her house. “I just don’t understand it. The more I try to be there for her, to help her, the more she pulls away. I don’t know what else to do. And Zoey…Zoey has no idea what to do with herself. Her whole life has been completely upheaved.”

Jay had seen her eyes mist over with tears as she talked about how her bright and happy niece had become a shell of herself. Her mother’s isolation had forced her to isolate as well. Zoey was normally a social butterfly, but she had been quiet the last few months and had been able to bounce back. Her nearly perfect grades were now barely passing. All her interests had melted away into nothing. Kim had downed a shot before admitting that it was even worse when she came back from staying with her dad. Kim had asked her about it, but she had refused to discuss it.

Jay had just listened to her as they sat at Molly’s in the back corner by themselves. He could tell that she wanted space. Everything in her posture screamed don’t touch me. So, he hadn’t. Instead, he just listened. When she was done and drunker than he had ever seen her he drove her back to her apartment, to make sure that she got there safely. He had forced her to take some painkillers and tucked her into bed to get some sleep. Then he had locked up her apartment before returning to his own.

It had been only a week later that she had requested a furlough. Jay hadn’t seen much of her since. He would be lying if he didn’t admit he missed their nights together. It had become such a routine that it was disorienting to no longer have it. He understood and tried to support her the best he could. He lingered around her at work in case she needed anything or wanted to talk. He tried to absorb some of her workload to make her days easier without taking over. He knew that if Kim was anything like him, she would want a semblance of control in this situation.

On week six of not seeing her outside of work, Jay decided to stop by her apartment. Things had seemingly started to get back to normal for her and he wanted to check up on her.

Kim opened the door to see Jay standing in the hallway of her apartment. He was holding two boxes of pizza with a smaller one that she could guess was a dessert by the chocolate smell wafting through the air. His other hand, he had a case of beer. He gave her a soft smile, “Just wanted to check-in. Thought you might be hungry.”

Kim smiled at him then glanced back into the apartment when a voice asked, “Who is it?” Jay saw the dark head of hair coming out of Kim’s kitchen.

“Zoey, you remember Jay Halstead? He is another detective in my unit.” Zoey shuffled closer and Jay could see it. The girl was exhausted and not just physically. Her whole demeanor was forlorn and heavy, her face blank of all emotions. She had shut down and looked numb. It was a huge difference from the smiling, easy-natured girl he had met a few times before. Even when had seen her in the hospital after almost dying she was in better spirits.

“Hey Zoey,” He smiled at her but she only returned with the barest curve of the corner of her lips.

“Yeah. Hi Detective Halstead.” Jay shifted awkwardly; he hadn’t expected Zoey to be there. He wondered if he had crossed some line and was unsure what to do. He looked to Kim for direction. She had her lips pressed together in a thin line as she watched her niece worry furrowing her features. Then Zoey caught the smell of chocolate chips and peanut butter, she sniffed, and a look of real happiness flashed across her face, “Is that the deluxe s’moreo cookie?”

Jay’s blue gaze flashed down the box and then back to the preteen girl. He had bought the dessert on a whim. Kim was a chocolate hound and they had been having a deal. “Yeah, I’m guessing it's good then?”

“The absolute best!” Jay smiled at the young girl, “Aunt Kim you have to try it. It’s so good! Can we eat while we watch TV?”

“Yeah of course. Pizza first though.” Jay glanced over at Kim who was now smiling but with tears misting her eyes.

“I’ll go get the paper plates!” Zoey rushed back to the kitchen.

Jay felt Kim’s warm hand grasp his bicep, “I know this isn’t what you probably expected but-”

“It’s okay Kim. This worked out even better than I thought it would. I get to cheer up two girls now. You know how I love playing hero.” He teases setting the boxes down on the coffee table. He pulls her into a hug, and she melts into it. She relishes the comfort he gives and the musky scent of his cologne.

“You say that now, but she wants to watch a high school musical marathon tonight and you're just on time for the premiere.” Jay’s face scrunches not thrilled about the movie choice but willing to do anything in his power to keep the smile on Zoey’s face.

“Well, it can’t be any cheesier than the stuff you’ve made me watch.” Kim laughed against his chest poking gently at his ribs.

“Oh, that’s what you think. But just you wait. You’ll be tapping out before the second one ends.” She pulled back a bit and rubbed her hands down his sides. Her tone turns serious. “Thank you. This… this is the first time I’ve seen her smile in… god I don’t even know when.”

“I’m here if you need me. You know that.” Kim nods, leaning back into his embrace to steal just a little more comfort before Zoey returns. She feels the soft press of his lip against her forehead. She lets out an inaudible gasp against his chest. It was the first time Jay had ever done that. It sent warmth throughout her entire body. It was a more intimate action than they had ever shared before.

Zoey paused on her way back to the living room. Her aunt was being held more than hugged by Detective Halstead. Her body leans into his frame. It was clear to the twelve-year-old that they were a lot more than just coworkers. Zoey had seen how much her entire family had been struggling and how her aunt had been the one trying to hold it all together. Kim was like a stone wall, steady and strong. Not asking for help. It made Zoey feel better to know she had someone too.

She backed up into the kitchen and this time made sure to be louder as she returned to the living room. When she made it back around the corner the two had parted. Kim took the case of beer from Detective Halstead and was heading to put it in the fridge.

The first few minutes were on the awkward side. They all settled down on the couch. Kim ended up in the middle, closer to Zoey and leaving a decent distance between her and Jay. Zoey turned on the first High School Musical and they ate pizza. Dessert swiftly followed. Kim did in fact love the S’moreo- she and Zoey about polished it off themselves. Jay had a piece, and it was good, but it wasn’t his favorite. He was happy to have the girls eat it. The first movie was almost over, and everyone had settled deeper and more comfortably into the couch.

By the time the second was on Zoey ‘accidentally’ stolen half of the couch. Her pink-painted toes rested on Kim’s lap as she lay with her head on the arm of the couch. If it forced Kim and Jay to sit practically on top of each other it was 'unintentional'. By the middle of the second movie, Kim was resting against Jay. Her back pressed against his strong chest. His arm was behind the couch and his fingers running through Kim's hair. Zoey was denying sleep by sheer willpower. Her blue eyes struggled to stay open. Her mind was in a half-asleep daze. Zoey had been struggling to sleep for months. Anxiety and insomnia plagued her. There was a warmness in the room tonight, a comforting air, soothed over her body like a child’s favorite blanket. She was out before the credits rolled.

Kim looked up at Jay, “I’m impressed I didn’t think you would hold out that long.” Her voice was only a bit softer than normal. Zoey might have trouble falling asleep, but the girl could sleep through a tornado.

“Your shows prepared me for the worst. I’ve been desensitized.” Kim pinched him on the side. He jumped batting away her hands and he chuckled. “Hey, that’s not nice.”

“I’m nice. Nice enough to let you pick the next movie.” Kim handed him the remote. “Even one of those army movies you pick apart the inaccuracies in.” Jay subtly turns to look at his watch, but the motion isn’t missed by Kim. “Unless it’s late and you need to head out.” He shakes his head. Checking his watch had been out of habit more than anything. Jay had no intention of leaving until he had to. He had stayed out a lot later than midnight and still made it to work in the morning. And he felt like he was finally able to give Kim some of the support she had been giving everyone else, him included.

“I have time.”

[rhodesrider]

Biting Habits

CG! Drew M. x Little! Fem! Reader

(Small scene with CG! Finn B. And Damien P. W/ Nicole (oc))

SFW! 18+ Minors DNI! Thank you!

Warning: Age regression, Topic of mastication, crying, stress topics

Mastication: its a synonym for chewing

~~~

Drew was humming along to the cartoon music as his little was watching tv in the main room, making some of her favorites as this was a small reward for her amazing behavior for the day. Picking up toys without him asking, eating and drinking what she needed for the day and taking a nap without making a fuss. His little is around the ages of 2-4 and she still has some issues with her sucking her thumb but drew also started to notice that she started bitting on her shirt a lot. “Lovely, time for some grub.” His little looked up over the couch to peer in the kitchen seeing him fixing her plate. As she did so she was naming on her t shirt near the collar. She hopped off the couch and hopped along to the kitchen to happily started eating but soon heard some sharp snaps that made her stop and whimper.

“Princess please stop chewing on ur shirt, come one now we talked about this honey.” she pouted and she released the wet top, Drew just sighed, “We have to figure out what’s with that.” Drew sat her colorful plate down and she hoisted herself up to the chair, “Daddy I sorry…” “I know pumpkin but you can’t be chew on your shirts.” She nodded and she started to eat her food as it was placed in front of her. Drew put his plate away since he wasn’t hungry at the time and had an idea with the free time he made for himself. He remembered that another person had the same issue that his little was dealing with. “Beauty, I’ll be back. Daddy has to make a call to a friend. No chewing on the shirt, just the food and I’ll get you some cheesecake. How does that sound?” She smiled and and nodded continuing to eat her food so she could get her other reward, her eyes watching Drew leaving the dining room.

“Ah the little one is chewing on her clothes? That’s easy, get her something to chew on.” Drew was on the phone with Finn as he was with Damian watching their little Nicole, Rhea and Dominic were out doing promos and pictures. Finn was rubbing Nicole’s back as she was coloring and Damian was getting a snack for her together, she was humming to the my little pony music playing in the back. ��Literally all I need is for her to teethe on something? How does this even happen?” Drew ask as he looking up different teething necklaces from Amazon. Finn soon looked seeing Nicole show him the finished product of a colored page, he smiled and kissed her forehead. “One sec Drew, that’s so nice munchkin. Go ask DD to put it on the fridge so when mama gets home she sees it hm?” She nodded quick giggling and went to show Damien. “But yea as I was saying, It could be a number of reasons. But a main one is that she’s probably stressed about something or that’s just how she copes while she’s in her head space. But it’s not as bad, Nicole was dealing with stress and she would scratch her skin man.” Drew was worried but it seemed like an easy fix, it’s just he wants to know what is stressing her. “Finny! DD made Ants on a Tree!” Finn chuckled some. “Logs sweetie, and I’m coming!” “Thanks Finn, you have fun with the ants on a tree.” Drew smirked and chuckled as Finn said bye muttering an insult so the little one couldn’t hear. Hanging up Drew looked over at his little one seeing she was chewing on her lip as she was scrolling on her table done with her food. “Princess no chewing on your lip either, you’ll hurt your-“ “Ow!”

Drew got up quick going to her seeing that she bit her lip too hard by accident, she started sniffling and getting nervous not wanting to get in trouble. “Hey hey it’s ok baby you didn’t mean to, I’m not mad ok lass?” She nodded as some tears fell, Drew kissed her forehead and went to get the first aid kit to help clean her lip so it can heal properly. “Daddy also has a few questions for you bug. I wanna know what’s going on. Is there anything I’m doing wrong? That’s making you uncomfortable or having a noisy head?” He asked rubbing her hand after finishing up cleaning her lip. “…work…” Is what she simply said. “Well I know that you chill with Daddy to forget all about big bad work….” “Yes and I love spending time with you daddy but I’m still bleh…” She looked down playing with the bottom of her shirt. “I see…welp daddy got some stuff for you and it’s gonna come tomorrow. You think you can not chew on your shirt or your lip till daddy gets your gift? It’s gonna help.” She nodded and she hugged Drew kissing his cheek. “I’m sorry daddy…” “Hey hey no tears, big girls don’t cry when they don’t do anything wrong. Now let’s get the dishes done and we can watch a movie ok?” She nodded and she wiped her little tear happy about the sudden movie night.

~

The next day, Drew was waiting for her to come home from the meeting they were having for staff for this weeks shows. He finished his practice so he was gonna wait for her like always but she said for him to go ahead since its more work. She came in the house sighing slow and her body very sore. Closing the door the familiar smell of sweets made her melt, and soon she opened her eyes seeing Drew coming from the kitchen. “If you want to regress you can baby, I made some sweets and your gift is on the counter.” She nodded and she went to the stairs to go and dress down so she can be comfortable, get the work smell away with a nice hot shower. After fixing herself up, she came down and she zoomed to the kitchen. “All better muffin?” She nodded darting her eyes as the box on the table. “Are those my things?” She asked low as Drew nodded. She opened the box and Drew saw her eyes light up, She saw it was a big box of fidget and teething toys. “I know your anxiety has been nothing you pumpkin, so Daddy felt like this would help. You can even take a toy to work so it wont stress you as bad.” She pulled out a teething toy with a string on it. A necklace she could wear, besides biting on her shirt. She put it over her neck and she immediately started to nite on the toy in satisfaction. “I’m glad I disinfected the toys.” Drew chuckled happy she’s enjoying the toy. “Thank you, so much Drew.” She smiled shedding tears after she took the toy out her mouth. Drew leaned over and wiped the tears from her cheek smiling. “You’re welcome pumpkin. I don’t like to see you stressed or unhappy. So I fixed it, and when ever you need help I’ll always be there to fix it.” He smiled and she kissed his hand rubbing her arm. “Now looked through them baby there’s like 30 in there don’t just stop at one.” She giggled as he removed his hand and she continued to look through the box in glee.

Drew soon had a phone call, looking at the caller ID he smirked and he walked out the kitchen letting his little know he has a call to take care of. “What’s up Roman?…A project?…” He got the details and looked at his little fidgeting with safe magnets giggling to herself as she slipped into her headspace safely. “Sure, But why am I the gloom and doom man?” He asked in protest.

“Alright Aright, I’ll play along. Ill fell like I would enjoy it, and so will pumpkin. Update me when your ready mister Kent.”

[zorawitch]

no one asked for this post but i'm procrastinating so anyway here are the artists i think the endless would listen to.

Destiny absolutely listens exclusively to instrumental music, so the only instance where his taste intersects with mine is definitely like. Wulven instrumental songs. I know Saint Hildegard von Bingen composed some shit and based on the vibes of both her and Destiny without having heard her music, that's what he primarily listens to. Most likely his favorite musical artist is a ninth century composer no one has ever heard of.

Death I think listens to all kinds of music, but Cemetery Gates by the Smiths has to be up there. Theoretically should be grim but cheerful and calming instead. She's probably also into folk music, definitely the sort of thing that comes out of Appalachia, but not exclusively. If it's got a good beat, she'll dance to it, that's the vibe.

Dream SAYS his favorite musical artist is a ninth century composer no one has ever heard of, but this is a lie. Early stages Panic! at the Disco. MCR if you want me out on a limb there.

Destruction goes in for modern rock. Not the screamo kind or the particularly angry kind but I think he likes a lot of guitar and drums. And I also think there are a lot of great songs that are just about being lonely and feeling ancient and young simultaneously and he'd really get into those despite not being super coherent with him aesthetically. I feel like such a fucking idiot saying this but yeah I DO think Destruction has listened to every Lorde album at least once for those vibes because nobody does the old-soul bit better than her.

Desire is tricky. I think they listen to primarily alternative stuff, but anything that sounds hungry will do. There's something in my bones telling me to look toward Billie Eilish but that might just be the fact that Mason likes Billie Eilish. I don't know exactly what they like but I do know they absolutely hate mxmtoon. I agree her music's great but it's too mellow for them. Possibly also ballet scores.

Despair is a Nicole Dollanger fan. There's no way around it. You don't listen to Married In Mount Airy without feeling the most divine misery you've ever experienced in your life. Easiest one on the list.

Delirium definitely likes individual songs from random albums. A soundtrack girly definitely but her theme song is "Oh My God" by Ida Maria. Credit to iwillneverleavemyisland on instagram for that idea. She'd love that song "Lobster" too.

[spookypartycrit]

Not attacking Nick's gf... who tf does she think she is? Like, from pics posted by Nick alone we can see that they've been a thing for almost 6 years. If she was a golddigger, theb damn I commend the dedication, bc with how internet fame is, he couldn't have made it to where he's now and she was already in for the ride... Oh, oooohhhh, now I get their comment on twitter ab Sophist being scared of women... you ain't slick ex.

And yes, Sophist has women editors, Gumdrop. But I guess that in her eyes gumdrop is ok bc she's transfem, poly and a lesbian. Which could be another one of those underlying queerphobia of the fandom one of the anons mentioned, being ok with someone queer working/close to the fellas bc they don't represent any 'competition'.

The concept of only not distrusting a women cause shes a lesbians/and or “non-threatl to your fantasy…makes me sick to my stomach i pray thats not the case

I dont know anything about nicole either. But we are not gonna pretend at the very least her and nick and aint locked in. They been together for 6 years and shes never been hungry for his fame. Only appearing in small cameos when he asked.. and yknow being supportive irl. What part of that is the gut feeling of “danger” coming from…

You would think by year 5 she woulda enacted the plan to steal nicks money. She must be plotting a plan we cannot believe, i trust her process.

when cant people just say they feel envious anymore? Why does everything have to be so dramatic.

if say, sophist got a gf i would need everyone to not contact me for two buisness days. Then i will pull myself together and go back to buisness as usual. You see how easy it was to admit that? Cause im not ashamed of myself

Coping and lying to yourself only leads to you doing dumb shit not realizing your doing it. Like talking shit in a semi public server about your commisioners gf? Idky why you dont get a private twt group and talked shit over there like the rest of us

Or better yet, spookys confession blog is always in service, im always ready to here some insane vents

[nihilisticlinguistics]

Got my first bingo! Thanks as always to @batmanisagatewaydrug for creating this fun book bingo.

For the Short Story Collection square, I read A Phoenix First Must Burn, edited by Patrice Caldwell. I was pretty excited about this because it's billed as a collection of stories inspired by, and in the tradition of, Octavia Butler (whose book The Parable of the Sower is on my list...but alas, the library waitlist...). Sadly, I didn't realize until I was well into the audiobook that this is also a YA collection, so it was short on the freak behavior I was looking forward to. Taken for what it was, however, there were a few stories I really enjoyed, namely A Hagiography of Starlight by Somaiya Daud, All the Time in the World by Charlotte Nicole Davis, and my particular favorite, Tender-Headed by Danny Lore.

I read Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia for the Horror square. There's been a lot of horror on my list so far (and still more to come), but Mexican Gothic is still a change of pace as an actual gothic novel. I was deeply charmed by Moreno-Garcia's blending of traditionally British gothic elements and the setting of Mexico; instead of feeling shoehorned together it actually compounded the horror. Extremely well-foreshadowed reveals, and oh, how I loved the increasing level of feverish disorientation in the protagonist. If I wished for anything, it was for the ending to be more disorienting; I felt like in some ways the momentum dropped after the reveal.

For the 2025 Debut Author square I read Listen to Your Sister by Neena Viel. Folks, this one slaps. Not a particularly subtle read, but an incredibly cool take on the slasher horror genre. If you like sibling drama, generational trauma, and cathartic violence, check this one out. Not exactly the bloodbath of Stephen Graham Jones's The Angel of Indian Lake, but if you're squeamish about gore do keep in mind that this book contains a fair amount. I rather wished for a more bittersweet ending, typical of my taste in horror, but given the book's other themes I think the conclusion is still satisfying.

For the Read and Make a Recipe square, I read the Chhole/Channa Masala recipe from Dr. Sheil Shukla's recipe book, Plant-Based India. A great reminder that sometimes following the recipe exactly really is worth the effort, and that pre-making the tomato onion masala in bulk is probably something I should do because whenever we use it the meal goes hard. I meant to take a photo of the finished dish but I was too hungry and it smelled too good.

And a little bonus! This doesn't fit any of my remaining bingo prompts because I have no way of knowing if Yeu, the person who recommended this book in the winter issue of Better Homes and Dykes magazine, is a librarian or bookseller. But their book review of My Lesbian Novel by Renee Gladman convinced me immediately and I was not disappointed. It's brief -- about 150 pages on Libby -- but oh-so-dense and richly constructed. My Lesbian Novel is a fictional interview between "I", the interviewer, and "R", implied to be Renee herself, as they discuss the ongoing work of Renee's attempt to write a lesbian romance novel. As someone finally working on my own novel this year after a dry spell, R's relationship to and philosophy about writing was deeply inspiring. If you're a writer, keep a notebook handy while reading. The interplay between the discussion of craft and the actual act of writing was deeply entertaining, and it's easy to fall in love not just with R's novel fragments as they are presented, but with R and I's dynamic. Mr. @batmanisagatewaydrug, given your ongoing romance novel reviewing I think you'd get a kick out of R's digressions into what she loves and hates about romance fiction.

[aishnico]

#𝙅𝙊𝙃𝙉 𝙁𝙍𝙐𝙎𝘾𝙄𝘼𝙉𝙏𝙀: 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴

summary: your daughter and your ex-husband planned to spend weekend together but their plans changed because of the weather

word count: 3.1k

warnings: fluff, some ex-couples drama (?) because i feel like a bitch :P exes toooooo... 🌚 grammar issues ‼️

a/n: i haven’t write anything for a while so i think my writing gets bad but i tried my best :)

“did you prepare your bag?” you asked your daughter while checking the refrigerator. you heard a yeah! with a cheerful tone. she then came down from the stairs and stood near you.

“will you come with us?” there was hope in her voice and was looking at you with insistent eyes. you just smiled. “honey, it's your weekend. spend some time with daddy.”

“but i want you beside us! why can't i spend my weekend with both of my parents?” she pouted and looked away. you sighed and squeezed her shoulder. “baby, we spent time every weekend of the past month together. i'm pretty sure john wants to spend time just with you and nicole.”

she stood before the window, checking the outside. “i don't want to see her.” she muttered. you frowned. “what do you mean? she treats you badly or something?” she didn't answer or look at you. “i'm not letting you go unless you answer me, young lady.” you stricted your tone.

“it's not that; it's just... every time i tell her what we did three of us together, she gets kinda... hurt and mad. it makes me not want to talk to her. i think she dislikes me.”

you didn't know how to answer, honestly. you and nicole had nothing against each other. she was just the second wife of your ex-husband, and you were his stepdaughter's mother. you and your ex-husband also had nothing against each other. you weren't jealous or something. it was his life, his happiness.

that was something you were saying to yourself all the time.

but deep down you wouldn’t lie if you said you missed him. not only his presence on weekends, you romantically missed him too. the more he was at your side, the more you caught these feelings. but he wasn’t yours, not anymore.

you separated your ways in a good way when your daughter was only six. it didn't cause anything bad to her, though. although by law, he could spend time with her on weekends, he would still come on some days of the week.

“maybe she feels like that because she misses you and wants to be with you too? people can get jealous.”

“but she's not my mother. i want you and dad by my side all the time. a couple of days isn't enough for me. why can't we always be together? why did you two separate anyway?”

you sighed. “sweetheart, we've already talked about this many times. sometimes pe-“

your words were cut off when you heard the ringing bell. your daughter immediately rushed to the door and opened it. she gasped when she saw your ex-husband opening his arms to her. she then jumped on him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “daddy! i missed you!”

“i missed you too, princess.” he responded with a sweet tone and kissed her cheek. it made her laugh. “it tickles!”

“did you miss me too?” you teasingly asked him while leaning to the doorframe. he smiled. “of course i did. it's nice to see you, [name].”

“same, john. are you hungry? i think you should eat before the trip. she was waiting for you.”

“yes, he's hungry! now let's get inside!” she got off him, held his larger hand compared to hers and started to drag him inside. you chuckled and closed the door before going to the kitchen.

“and then she just wrote an F on my paper while the teacher wasn't looking.” john gasped dramatically and looked at her with shock while lifting his eyebrows. “no way she did that...” he then rolled his eyes playfully while taking a spoonful of soup. “she did! she just hasn't liked me since i caught her taking a pencil from a girl forcefully, and then i returned it to her. her name is lindsay by the way.”

“eat your meatballs, sweetie; they're gonna get cold.” you smiled at her and leaned your head onto your palm. she nodded and after eating a couple of them, she continued. “then i told the teacher what happened but she said i was just mad because of the result. and then lindsay stood up and told the teacher what she saw. she grabbed my paper from her and checked herself.”

“and what've you got?”

“a B!!”

he kicked his hand and stretched out his arm toward her. when she understood what he wanted to do, she did the same. and when they had struck their fists, they opened their hands while moving their fingers and then stretched their hands backward, saying ''ba la la la'' to each other. they laughed and you smiled at them for understanding the reference. it was a scene from an animation named big hero six. you remember the day when this movie came out. you and john took her together after school. she was hyped about it for months and was completely joyful that day. she loved the movie and was glad that you two took her together there. after the movie, they went to his house, spending the weekend together and with his wife.

after the meal, your daughter went to her room to check on something while john was sitting on the couch, playing a riff on his acoustic guitar. you smiled and sat next to him, listening to him without saying anything. after a few seconds, he put the guitar in the case.

“it sounds lovely; is this a new song of yours?” you asked with curiosity. he shook his head as no. “not really. i don't plan to work on it seriously or release it. i just thought what can i play on the camping night tomorrow.”

“i bet she would fall asleep in seconds.” you chuckled, thinking of your daughter. when she couldn't or didn't want to sleep at all, john would play one of his calming songs and soon she would fall asleep.

he laughed at your comment. “yeah”

there was a silence between you two. not an uncomfortable one. you remember what your daughter told you before he came. so you decided to ask him this.

“so, how's going with nicole?” you didn't want to rush immediately.

“oh, very good. i took her to the camel concert on wednesday, she loves them now.” he replied with a cheerful tone. i thought she wasn't into progressive rock, you thought inside. “i'm glad she loves them now.” you replied.

he nodded. “if we're talking about love life, is there someone you're interested in?” he asked. you chuckled and shook your head. “i don't have time for it. i'm so busy these days. coming home later than usual. i'm glad that she understands my situation and is patient about it.”

“you can leave her at our home if you worry about her.” he suggested. “thanks, but no need. i don't want it to seem like i drop her off at your house like i don’t care about her.”

“we wouldn't think like that.'' he said while furrowing his eyebrows.

''oh yeah, then what about nico—“

you didn't finish your sentence when you heard the heavy sound of rain. you both looked outside the window.

"oh shit..."

"this is not good..."

then your daughter came down from the ladder. "i'm ready!" she cheered. 

"um, sweetheart..."

"what? did something happen?" she asked. you both stood aside from the window so she could look outside. she rushed next to you and her face dropped. "oh no!"

"i'm so stupid, i should've checked the weather earlier." john muttered and palmed his face. you caressed his shoulder. "it's not your fault."

"what are we gonna do?" your daughter asked worryingly. he caressed her hair. "we'll think about something. i'm not going anywhere." he then planted a kiss on the top of her hair and she wrapped her arms around his waist. you couldn't help but smile at the sight. you turned your head to the coffee table and saw a bunch of CDs of disney classics. “hey, how about watching a disney classic until the rain stops?”

your daughter got excited immediately and smiled widely. “yeah! i wanna watch the ariel!” she turned her head toward her dad. “daddy?”

he returned the smile. “sounds great, angel. but only if you let me braid your hair while watching. i learnt a new style.” she giggled and then nodded.

it was almost 9 PM. you were knitting while john was unsuccessfully braiding your daughter’s hair. she wouldn’t complain about that, though. instead, she would appreciate that. but for now, she’s busy reacting to the movie.

you looked through the window. you hoped that it would finish like an hour ago but no, it’s raining like cats and dogs. tomorrow is gonna be sunny in the afternoon, they say. they probably would go camping tomorrow.

at the end of the movie, when the mermaid and the prince get married on the large ship, your daughter made an “aww!” sound.

“in the future, i want to marry like that too!” she added with a cute voice. you and john looked at each other and smiled awkwardly. she then turned her face back toward you.

“how you did get married? i forgot.” she suddenly asked and managed to catch you two off guard.

“um well…” john started shyly, “we didn’t do a big and fancy one. we did a small and a cute one in our backyard where only our close ones joined. it was a both hilarious and wonderful day for us.” after he finished his sentence, he looked at you, smiling sweetly.

“wait, you mean this house’s backyard?!” she asked with wide eyes. you nodded, laughing at her reaction. “wow..."

“great memories happened there and inside the house. the first day we bought this house together, the first time we decorated here, marrying here, announcing my pregnancy when your chili pepper uncles were here, making a nursery, the first day we brought you home from the hospital, your first words, first walk…” you lowered your head and smiled to yourself like an idiot.

neither of them said anything. they just looked at you, surprised. your face flushed. “ahem! i guess i talked too much. young lady, you better prepare for sleep. weather reports show that tomorrow’s weather will be better than today’s. so you two can probably go outside. sleep early, wake up early!”

“but it’s only 9 PM!” she protested. “honey, you’re not an adult, you’re only ten. it’s not good for you to stay up late. and daddy is not going anywhere.” you reassured her caressing her back. she looked at him worryingly. he just smiled at her and kissed the top of her head.

“what if i would sing and play some songs that i haven’t shown anyone yet to you?” he suggested. she clapped her hands quickly and giggled. she hugged you and planted a wet kiss on your cheek. “good night, mommy. i love you.” you chuckled and did the same to her. “good night, sweetheart. i love you too.” he then took her into his arms after hanging the guitar case on his back, kissing her cheek and making her giggle again. her hair loosens and finally the braid disappears.

you watched them climbing upstairs. you deeply exhaled, got up from the couch, and started to tidy up the room. your face even flushed more for saying those things minutes ago. john must thought that you missed him and wanted him back. it was true though

you sighed and sat on the couch again. you bent your knees and buried your face on them. after sitting there for minutes in silence, you heard someone’s footsteps coming close to you. you knew it was john.

“feeling tired?” he asked while sitting next to you. you straightened up and fixed your hair. “not at all,” you replied.

“putting her in bed gets harder and harder.” he sighed and playfully rolled his eyes. you chuckled at him in return. “imagine how i deal with her every night.”

he laughed and you two remained silent for a couple of seconds. not sure what to talk about. you remembered your conversation about how busy you were recently and were coming home later than usual.

“so, we were talking about…”

“you were saying something about nicole.” he finished your sentence.

“yeah, today our daughter told me something. something that makes nicole mad, hurt, and indifferent.”

he furrowed his eyebrows. “and what makes her like that?”

“… every time she tells her something we three do, she becomes like that. is she… jealous or what?”

his eyes got wide open and lifted his eyebrows. he didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds. “i, don’t know what to say…”

you remained silent again, but an uncomfortable one. you both knew you were hiding something from each other. your feelings for him were developing and hurting you since you started to see each other more than usual, spending time like the real family you were. but you weren’t sure how he would react to this. he probably would take your daughter to his house and spend time with her and his wife at the weekend. and wouldn’t want to see you unless it was necessary.

“the truth is,” he started. “i lied to you. we’re not good with her. indeed, we broke up with her months ago. now i’m trying to divorce her. and she didn’t like camel. we’ve been fighting for a while. and day by day, our relationship continued to collapse. both of us couldn’t make it out to work anymore. she started to dislike things i adore, disrespecting me, my talents and my projects, talking behind my beloved angel. saying things that actually would make her feel hurt. this was the last straw for me. no one can say bad things about her. she’s my everything.”

“what about me? don’t i mean anything to you anymore?”

he jumped from his seat and got closer to you. “no, no that’s not true! how could you not mean anything to me? you’re the mother of my daughter, after all.”

you looked away and smiled sarcastically. “yeah, it’s just th—“

“and my real love,” he held your hands. “the only real person who can understand me completely. knows me inside and out. knows what i want, what i need. knows to when giving me a space and when to hold me while i cry on her shoulder. is sweet with words but does not always say them to everything i work on. when i work on a project, she can say the part she didn’t like or the part that needs to be worked on more. or she would just love it.

when our relationship got more serious, i knew you were the right person that i would spend my entire life with. i knew that you were the only woman who i wanted to have children with. you know we divorced over something stupid. i was prideful, thinking that i was the right one. didn’t think about my own mistakes and choices. then i thought i found love again. but it wasn’t the real one. i didn’t feel to her what i felt for you. i was still prideful, not wanting to admit these… but i guess i couldn’t hold these so much longer.”

he gulped and lowered his head for a second. then looked at your eyes again. “i still love you, [name]. i still love you like the first time i saw you in a record shop while i was looking for king crimson’s records and you were geeking about how steven wilson was a genius to the shop owner.”

“oh, john…” you felt that your eyes got filled with tears and started to leak out rapidly. he smiled and wiped them away with his thumbs. “i hope you feel the same way, but i think you lied to me when you said you had no interest in someone. there’s someone for you, right?”

you nodded and smiled to yourself. “yeah, there is someone for me. someone who’s been for a lonnngg lonnngg time. i think you know the answer.” you looked at his face again with a smirk. with realization, he grinned and you two just laughed.

“i started to catch these feelings from the time we would spend together more than usual. i just couldn’t get you off my head.”

he played with your hand, caressing it gently. he then took your arm to his cheek. placed his head on your palm.

“i believe this time we can make it out work. after i deal with this divorce things. do you know how much she wants for alimony?”

you furrowed your eyebrows. “how much?”

“almost 70k!”

“the hell?? you don’t even have a child or something?”

“i’m saying like! i’m not paying this amount of money to her every month.”

“we’re gonna deal with it together, i don’t care.” he chuckled at your words, then lifted your hand and planted a soft kiss on it.

suddenly you heard your daughter’s footsteps from downstairs. “mommy, daddy, will you sleep with me tonight, please?” she pleaded. you and john looked at each other sweetly. “of course we can.” he said while standing up and stretching his arm for you. you smiled and gave your hand to him. you three went to her room while he was holding your hand.

she was lying in the middle of the bed between you and john for about a couple of minutes. you looked at your beautiful daughter. she got her brown, wavy hair from her dad while she got your eyes.

“mommy wants you to tell something about tomorrow.” john said to her with a grin.

“about what?” she asked. you could feel she soon would fall asleep.

“tomorrow, you’re going to camping. and i’m coming with you.” you replied to her question with an excited tone. her eyes were almost closed but she smiled widely.

“yay! i knew mommy would go with us after all.” she yawned and you looked at each other with john. you both nodded and kissed your daughter’s cheeks at the same time. “good night, angel. we love you so much.” he told her before she completely fell asleep. she smiled wider. “i love you two so much too. i feel so happy and peaceful right now.” finally her eyes shut down.

“you always will feel like that.” he whispered in her ear then looked at you. grinning like a little child.

“so, are we dating or..?”

you shook your head. “we can’t date until you two divorce. she can cause a drama like you’re cheating on her or something, you know.”

“yeah, but our relationship ended months ago.”

“and you didn’t tell me about it…”

“well, i didn’t know your feelings about me and didn’t know how you would react so…”

“we’re gonna talk about it later. now, good night johnny.” you smiled and closed your eyes.

“good night, love.”

love… the nickname you’ve been wanting to hear for a long time. only by him.

you knew things weren’t gonna be easy from now on. but at least you both know how you feel about each other and want the three of you to be together.

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 249. brb x oc

a/n: OHHOHOHO(comments and reblogs are super welcome and encouraged!)

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: none uwu

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

1/

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/225/226/227/228/229/230/231/232/233/234/235/236/237/238

/239/240/241/242/243/244/245/246/247/248

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-

Beatrice knocked first, interlacing her hands above her womb while Rooster kept one of his on her lower back and the other was busy keeping Nicole close to them. Their oldest daughter was going to turn one in a matter of weeks but she was already moving like she was a teenager.

It wasn’t her fault, Nicole was curious from the second she was born and she wanted to know about the tiny gnomes and crystals all over her great aunt’s garden. The bucket hat she wore fell a bit over her eyes but she quickly pushed it up, “Papa!” Rooster immediately looked down at her, only to see her pointing at a huge plant close by, ‘Geen!” 

“Yeah it is green, baby girl.”

“Pant geen.” followed by a long paragraph of babbling that only made her giggle before Rooster picked her up, “Pu-Pu.” and she points to the large lavender flowers swaying with the wind, her body twisting on his grasp.

“Your daughter knows her colors.”

Beatrice smiles, “My daughter?”

“Baby I can barely figure out tones.” he mutters, swiping some dirt that was on Nicole’s cheek with his thumb, then fixing her hat on her head, “I know the basic colors but I damn well know I couldn’t say half of these when I was Nicole’s age.”

“Oh don’t sell yourself short,Roos.” She tried to hide her bouncing leg by moving her hip to the side, eventually making it stop moving, so she could lean into him, “You know and you have a lot of colors in mind.” her eyes flicked to the door, wondering why her aunt was taking so long to answer it.

After all, she knew she was home.

“Yeah…I do love lilac.” he smirks, slowly lowering those brown eyes down the length of her body, the second she noticed what he was doing her cheeks went bright red and she elbowed his arm as gently as she could, “I know you do too–”

Their conversation was cut short because Martha finally showed up. Her long black hair now had silver streaks on it but she still looked the same as the first time. She had a mug with steaming liquid insite and her glasses were on the bridge of her nose, “Bradley,Beatrice, little sunshine, oh–” she sets the mug aside and cups her niece’s cheeks, then her nephew in law and finally her grand niece, in the order, to press kisses on their forehead, “What a wonderful day for a visit, please, please, come in.”

"Thank you for having us, Aunt Martha," Beatrice said  as she walked past the threshold with Rooster right behind - and Nicole immediately gasped at how many things were there for her to see. "Sorry for it being so sudden though.”

Martha chuckled, her laugh rich and warm. "As if I’d deny you two from coming over.” she puts her glasses on top of her head and tilts it towards them, “Are you two hungry? I know it’s almost time for you to have something to eat,” she points over at Rooster, winking, “I know you just got back from work too, something special must've happened for you two to come here so soon.”

Rooster smiled, albeit a bit bashfully. "We couldn't resist the opportunity to see you, Martha," he replied. "And well, something...interesting did happen."

Beatrice nodded in agreement, following Martha as she walked, more like floated, to the kitchen "Yes, something quite unexpected," she added. "But we'd love to have a meal with you, if you don't mind."

Martha's eyes twinkled with curiosity as she ushered them further into her home. "Of course, my dears," she said. "I'll whip up something special for you. In the meantime, make yourselves comfortable. Nicole looks like she's ready to explore."

Rooster chuckled as he set Nicole down on the floor, her tiny legs immediately propelling her forward in her quest to investigate her great aunt's kitchen. "You know her well," he remarked.

Martha watched with a fond smile as Nicole toddled around the living room, her eyes bright with curiosity. "Children have a way of bringing so much joy and energy into a home," she said. "It's a delight to have her here." she smiles more, “She also reminds me of Beatrice.”

Beatrice blinked, “Me? Really?”

“Of course you were…” she sighs, “Overly protected by your parents and siblings, but you’d explore as much as you could. You were a very, very special child. Even your cousins could agree to it.” she says softly, her long flowy dress moves like the wind as she walks into the kitchen, “Would you two like some tea?”

“Iced tea?” 

Martha smiled fondly at Rooster’s voice, then nodded,”Of course my dear. Iced tea. With honey?”

Rooster and Beatrice exchanged a glance, both appreciative of Martha's thoughtfulness. "Iced tea with honey sounds wonderful," Beatrice replied with a warm smile. "Thank you, zia Martha."

Martha nodded and began preparing the iced tea, her movements graceful and deliberate as she went about her task. Rooster and Beatrice took a seat in the cozy kitchen, keeping their eyes on Nicole as she wobbled a bit

As they waited for their iced tea, Nicole continued her exploration, her curious eyes taking in the various decorations and trinkets that adorned the space. She occasionally babbled excitedly, her tiny hands reaching out to touch anything within her reach.

It caught Martha’s attention when she noticed the dried herbs hanging on the wall, the older woman couldn’t help but hum appreciatively at the sight, “She is very alert, isn’t she?” she asks, the sloshing of the ice cubes hitting the tea adding to the sounds around them.

Rooster watched their daughter with affection. "She's quite the adventurer," he remarked, his eyes never leaving Nicole.

Beatrice nodded in agreement, "She definitely takes after both of us," she replied with a chuckle. "Curiosity runs in the family."

Martha turned towards them with a tray carrying three glasses of iced tea, each one garnished with a thin slice of lemon. She set the tray on the table and took a seat across from Rooster and Beatrice.

"There you go, my dears," Martha said, her eyes sparkling with warmth as she watched Nicole's antics. "I hope you enjoy it."

"Thank you, Martha," Rooster said as he took a sip of his iced tea. The cool, sweet beverage was refreshing, especially after a long day at work. "This is delicious."

Beatrice also took a sip and nodded in agreement. "It's perfect, zia Martha," she added with a smile. "You always know how to make everything feel so welcoming."

Martha's soft chuckle was the reply. "You're too kind, my dear," she replied. "It warms my heart to have you here." Her gaze shifted to Nicole, who was now attempting to climb onto a cushioned chair with a determined expression. "And little Nicole is an absolute delight."

Rooster quickly lifted Nicole from the chair with one arm while the other was busy holding the glass close to his lips, settling her on his lap. "She sure is and she is also a little spider monkey, yes you are.” and he tickled her tummy, earning a gurgled laugh from the little baby girl.

Martha observed the young family with a soft smile, then moved her gaze to Beatrice who looked like the air around her was covered with hearts and her gaze was so soft it was adorable. “You two look a bit tense,however.” she says softly, earning a look from both of them, “What is bothering you two,hm?”

Beatrice and Rooster exchanged a glance, Rooster still had his glass against his lips. It was true that they had been harboring concerns and uncertainties, but they hadn't expected Martha to pick up on it so easily.

But then again.

It’s Martha.

Rooster took a deep breath, his gaze shifting from Bea to Martha. "You have a keen eye, zia Martha," he admitted. "There have been some...unusual developments lately."

Beatrice nodded in agreement, her fingers gently tracing the rim of her iced tea glass. "We received an invitation from…neighbors." she added. "And it's left us with some questions and concerns."

Martha listened attentively, her hands propping under her chin. "I see," she said softly. "Would you like to share more about this invitation?"

Rooster exchanged another glance with Beatrice before nodding. "It came from Miranda Halton," he explained. "She's the wife of Mark Halton, one of my colleagues at work. But the strange thing is, they are…strange. And I know we shouldn’t judge, but they act weird around us.”

Martha's brows furrowed slightly as she absorbed the information. She had a thoughtful expression as she considered what Rooster had just shared. "The Haltons," she mused, her voice soft and contemplative. "I don’t think I’ve known that name, did they just move to your neighborhood?"

Beatrice nodded in response. "Yes, they have," she confirmed. "But we've never really interacted with them much. Well…they mainly interacted with us you know? They just pop out of nowhere too.”

Rooster leaned forward, his fingers tapping on the glass. "It's not just that," he added. "There's something...off about the way they approached us. They mentioned that they wanted us to join them for dinner, and they seemed overly enthusiastic about it. It just didn't feel right."

Martha regarded them both with a knowing look. "You trust your instincts," she said, her tone serious. "That's important. If something feels off, it's best to be cautious."

Beatrice sighed, her fingers gripping the glass of iced tea a bit tighter. "We want to go," she admitted. "But mainly because  we want to understand what's going on. It's not just about the dinner invitation. Rooster's promotion at work is at stake, and there might be a connection between the two."

Martha's gaze sharpened as she absorbed the additional piece of information. "I see," she said, her voice tinged with concern as she turns to Rooster, “Is that true?”

Rooster nodded in agreement. "Too much coincidence ends up becoming a fact." he assured her. "But we don’t know, not really, that’s why we want to go there and deal with this already."

“Are you taking Nicole?”

Beatrice leaned back in her chair, her fingers finally relaxing their grip on the glass. "No, she’s staying with Shells, my friend, you remember her,right?," 

Martha's smile widened. "Ah, the Kylie Minogue girl, yes I remember her." she replied. "She has a good heart,I’m glad she’s staying with Nicole.” she says while drinking her own tea, her eyes sharpening towards Rooster, “But there’s something else bothering you, bambino.”

Damn.

Caught again.

Rooster inhales, adjusting Nicole on his grasp, “Well I–” he clears his throat, “I might’ve…seen some things uhhh early today.”

Martha's brows furrowed with concern as she leaned forward, her gaze locked onto Rooster. "What kind of things, Rooster?" she asked, her voice gentle but insistent.

Rooster hesitated for a moment, his eyes darting between Beatrice and Martha. He knew he couldn't keep the strange incident in the nursery a secret any longer. "I thought I saw someone," he finally admitted, his voice low. "In the nursery, with Beatrice and Nicole. But they disappeared when I entered the room."

"It was really strange, zia," she added. "I didn't see anyone there, but Roos seemed certain."

Martha's expression remained serious as she absorbed the information. She leaned back in her chair, her fingers steepled in front of her. "Seeing someone who isn't there," she mused. "That's an unusual experience, Rooster. Do you think it might be related to what's been going on with the Haltons?"

Rooster shrugged, with a soft laugh  "I can't say for sure," he replied. “I mean,I’m stressed but I don’t think that could be it.”

Martha nodded thoughtfully. "Did you see what the figure looked like?”

Rooster pondered for a second, wracking his brain. It was so quick and brief he was having a hard time remembering the details, his eyes clenched shut, trying to relive what had happened hours before, “...tall. I think it was a man? Looked like one. I couldn’t see the face though…am I going crazy?”

Martha regarded Rooster with a thoughtful expression, her fingers tapping lightly on the table as she contemplated his words. "You're not going crazy, Rooster," she finally replied, her tone soft and reassuring. "Sometimes, our minds can play tricks on us, especially when we're under stress or dealing with unusual situations."

Rooster let out a sigh of relief, grateful for their understanding. "You're right," he admitted, running a hand through his hair. "I guess I've just got a lot on my mind with work, the twins, and now this dinner with the Haltons. It's probably nothing."

Martha gave him a warm smile. "However-”

“Oh?”

She smiles more, interlacing her fingers together and titling her head at him, “I think that some of the Schiavoni gene is spreading onto you.” her eyes squint when she grins, creating creases on the sides, “Perhaps this is someone who must want to talk to you again, see how you are, how things are.”

Rooster stares at her in silence, then questions,  “...like my dad?”

Martha's expression softened immediately."It's possible," Martha replied, her voice gentle. "Sometimes, our loved ones find ways to let us know they're watching over us, especially during significant moments in our lives. It could be a way for your father to reassure you or offer his guidance."

Rooster's eyes shimmered with emotion as he absorbed Martha's words. He had missed his father every day since his passing, and the idea that he might be trying to reach out to him touched his heart.

After all, he did see him during their wedding.

Beatrice reached out to place a hand on Rooster's, offering him support and comfort. "Roos?" she asked softly. "A sign that your dad is with us?"

“I…” he clears his throat, “I-I think I’m gonna go to the bathroom really quick,can you-” he hands Nicole over to Bea and stands up, disappearing from the two women’s sights before either of them could stop him.

“He’s going to be okay.” Marta says when Beatrice looks back to where Rooster disappeared, “The bambino needs to calm down a bit, his promotion and birthday is coming up,tesoro.” she smiles, “A lot of emotion is coming up.”

“Yeah…and Nikki’s birthday and–” she frowns, “How did you know about his promotion?” but her aunt’s smile turns wider as she brings the tea to her lips, winking at her niece, “...right,I forgot.”

“Do breathe,tesoro. You two will enter a new stage.”

“Huh?”

‘Thw twins are coming back, Bradley’s promotion will open doors…but it will also make you two climb some walls.” she says, crossing her arms on the table, “You are aware of that,no?”

Beatrice looks down at Nicole who was happily tapping her hands on the tablecloth, “...yes,I know.”

“Not to mention, your life. You personally.” and this time her aunt’s tone got serious, “Tesoro, do you still have the amulets I sent you?” Beatrice blinks in surprise but nods as soon as she says that, “Good…never lose that,hm? It’ll protect all of you.”

“...Zia,should I be worried?”

Martha’s serious façade dropped and she took another sip of her tea, “Why tesoro,” she grins, tilting her head to the side, “You two have each other. There’s nothing to be worried about. You two are stronger together than apart.” 

“...yeah…” she looks back at the bathroom door, a little smile on her face, “I agree.”

[teriwrites]

Below (Rewrite): Part 4

My Live Reactions to Reading My 2012 Novel

‘Instead of breaking out the Thursday after Shawna died -she died on a Tuesday- we changed our day to the Sunday.’ real question: how do you track days in an underground prison?

‘Being a bit distracted, I didn’t notice the wall until I slammed into it. Note to self: don’t look behind you as you’re trying to escape.’ lol

Apparently no guards are bothering to watch as these five kids practice their parkour

‘everyone knew [I was a league leader] because of a tattoo of an eye on my bare arm.’ WHAT??? I don’t remember Kristen being tatted lmaooo

“Nicole, if you don’t eat this food, you will die. I will make sure that you are murdered. Take the tray from me or go to bed hungry and never taste food again. I promise you that you’ll never escape me. Take the tray, now.” yk, the normal way to convince someone to eat their dinner

‘I had a feeling Nicole didn’t want visitors right now.’ what gives you that idea?? The slamming door?? The refusal to talk to you??

‘The feeling I had was darn near depression, which startled me a bit.’ I am Cackling at this line, you could’ve lifted this directly from my 14-year-old diary. The ‘darn near’, the ‘startling a bit’. Perfect 14-year-old Teri sentence

Nicole standing in the doorway as Kristen tries to sleep, totally not gonna give me nightmares tonight

I truly cannot get a beat on where Nicole’s at - is she struggling with her sanity?? Is she plotting everyone’s downfall?? What’s happening with her?? How did she find her way to Kristen’s room???

“Well, Kristen, I suppose that I can escort you back to your room. Still, don’t escort insane asylum patients back to their cells without permission from a scientist, okay?” what a sentence

There is So much open discussion of their plan to escape in full hearing range of so many people

Worst Scientist is having a birthday party awwww

He really doesn’t wanna be here

‘Scott always insisted that he come down to the cafeteria on his birthday and give a speech. Every year it was a very depressing speech.’ pfft

Wow, 45, he’s like actually middle-aged and not, like, 27

Nick appears to have gone missing

If I read the words ‘heading out tomorrow’ one more time, my head’s gonna explode

“I’d rather talk to a wall than with you.” nice, talk your shit

“I’d rather spend time with seven billion mosquitoes than spend time with you.” okay… maybe a little overkill, that

Raevin lectures Trinity on ‘catching men’ AKA tries shaming her for being a flirt, Trinity an unbothered queen

“I grew up, Raevin, which tends to happen. Trust me, I remember that time when I was carefree, but everyone grows up. Now, I’m still Benny, but I’m a much more mature Benny.” you’re 22. Also, you’re comparing yourself to the guy you were 2 weeks ago. Also also, you’re arguing with a 14-year-old

‘It was only sixteen miles to jog.’ oh, a casual jaunt then!

There’s a chill in the air… in the afternoon… in summer… in ALABAMA

Ahhhh, here are the infamous Alabama grasslands I remember writing about

Oh wait, Raevin can turn into a horse… I was picturing a 14-year-old hauling her way 16 miles

‘Horses didn’t appeal to her that much.’ Raevin trying desperately to avoid the horse girl accusations

Once again, Auburn was FAR from the largest city in the state, I have no idea where I got this information from lol

Literally this city (Montgomery, the capital) was like 4x its size at the time

In this draft, Raevin can’t travel through time, but she essentially has a perfect memory

‘Teenagers her age were not mature enough for her to hang around with, and she wasn’t going to go out of her way to meet any.’ Raevin please

Raevin about to get captured by the Institute agents bc she decided the day before Mr. J’s heist to spend the day trotting a whole ass city away

Big Evil Prison Institution disguises itself as a Pharmaceutical company *cough cough*

Okay she didn’t get captured, but she’s pretty shaken up by the whole thing

Ending Thoughts:

A shorter section today, jotted down while on my lunch break. Again, we're seeing more of Raevin and her life prior to meeting the gang than I remember ever writing! She takes casual solo trips to the state capital and runs across the plains of Alabama (I swear I actually set this book in Oklahoma and didn't realize lmao) Sounds like we're gearing up here for the confrontation of the two groups. I can't wait to see this draft's take on escaping the Institute, since apparently it's such a different set-up than the previous building.

[clamjams]

2024 reading q&a except no one asked for it

1. How many books did you read this year?

about 125

2. Did you reread anything?

nope

3. What were your top five books of the year?

no particular order bc i just can’t but:

Never Saw Me Coming - Vera Kurian

The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer - Jennifer Lynch

Crush - Richard Siken

Poor Things - Alasdair Gray

Anarchism and Other Essays - Emma Goldman

4. Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

Eliza Clark, Kathryn Harrison, Anne Carson, Richard Siken

5. What genre did you read the most of?

Romance, Fantasy & Contemporary

6. Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

Lots. Apprentice to the Villain by Hannah Nicole Maehrer and Queen of Dreams by Kit Rocha to name a couple.

7. What was your average Goodreads rating? Does it seem accurate?

3.38. Yes.

8. Did you meet any of your reading goals?

Yes, I read much less this year & met my goal of 10 sapphic books (I read 13).

9. Did you get into any new genres?

Poetry & Short Stories! I also truly attempted to read more classics this year.

10. What was your favorite new release of the year?

maybe She’s Always Hungry by Eliza Clark? hard to say

11. What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

Poor Things - Alasdair Gray & Notes from Underground - Dostoevsky

12. Any books that disappointed you?

plenty. I really wanted to get through Crime & Punishment but wasn’t able to (a me problem i’m sure). Both novels by S.T. Gibson disappointed me, but A Dowry of Blood especially. I expected more from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson, as well.

13. What were your least favorite books of the year?

some that i shan’t even name. but here’s some: When I Was Ten - Fiona Cummins, The Stranger Beside Me - Ann Rule, Electra vs Oedipus: The Drama of the Mother–Daughter Relationship - Hendrika C. Freud…idk i read some random stuff this year

14. What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

Book 1 in The Witcher series (Blood of Elves)! but it’s a slow read for me so i’m not hopeful

15. Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year?

some may have won awards, but not this year. some nominations.

16. What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson 😬 I’m sorry. Perhaps it’s one of the those that was something new and unique when first released but is now…kind of ordinary? like i expected something incredible but it felt very standard and unintentionally predictable.

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft by Stephen King. My first Stephen King read…I thought that it was very good for what it is and didn’t feel boring like some How To writing books. If only I liked his novels.

Assistant to the Villain by Hannah Nicole Maehrer was very charming and fun which I didn’t expect after seeing it marketed as a booktok romance.

Into the Drowning Deep by Mira Grant opened my mind to more kinds of horror fiction.

18. How many books did you buy?

too many, mostly poetry books

19. Did you use your library?

once. until very recently i lived somewhere with a very shit library with no libby

20. What was your most anticipated release & Did it meet your expectations?

i’m going to be so real - i can’t remember

21. Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

nope it’s not easy to integrate into booklr like where is everyone let me innnnnn

22. What’s the longest book you read?

Zodiac Academy: Restless Stars. 1,153 pages.

23. What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book?

like 5hrs i think

24. Did you DNF anything? Why?

quite a few. my attention span was SUFFERING this year which meant if i wasn’t into a book then i just couldn’t finish it. most notably I DNF’d Crime & Punishment at about 50%…I WILL finish it one day. Mayhaps i’ll try a different translation.

25. What reading goals do you have for next year?

read no more than 100 books. Read more literary fiction. Read more WLW stories. Read more classics. read more translations.

[nilfruits-confessions]

what the fuck i too got out a bad relationship thanks to hungry nicole .. is this a average nilfruits experience

probably and somehow i havent experienced this despite . being the nicole ceo