#now I'm just... a rusty pile of cogs barely held together by pure spite and desperate longing for a light which I cannot see
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Despite the sheer weight, I still think I'd be able to push forward if I didn't lose the efficiency with which I once processed everything.
#can't feel except for residual hatred/wrath of the past#can't learn nearly as well‚ therefore I can't adapt to find something new that could propel me out of this shithole#back in the day‚ i may've still possessed most of my current issues‚ but I was a machine that could power through it#now I'm just... a rusty pile of cogs barely held together by pure spite and desperate longing for a light which I cannot see#screeching as they grind against each other‚ like distant echoes of screams begging to be put down.#fully losing my sense of humanity? sure. losing everyone I ever truly loved? with enough crying nights‚ i can work with that.#losing any guarantee for an escape? devastating at first‚ but I can still keep moving forward in search of a new way.#losing my ability to process information? to learn/adapt/grow? everything immediately falls apart.#i can't live like this. not in a “i can't call this a life” way.#i. can't. live. like. this.#em yaps#em hisses
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