#nyclockdown

[nycbento]

The latest cooking project.

I don't have an abuela or tia to guide me, or tell me what tamales are supposed to taste like, but they were fun to make, and they do taste good.

[tizianozorzan]

So beautiful - - - #newyorkcityfeelings #nyc #nyfashion #nybucketlist #nypostnyc #cbsnews #nybus #nyvibes #people #nyceeeeeats #eeeeeats #nybucketlist #shotoniphone #ongooglemaps #wedsdayvibes #fairfax #nyclockdown #fairfaxnyc #maskup #beautiful (at The Vessel) https://www.instagram.com/p/CEVzHfNFG56/?igshid=34c6jlzi12uf

[reginathespaniel]

[photoincubator]

Thursday & Friday; April 9-10, 2020 • the full moon was supposed to rise Tuesday night at 10:30pm. It rose earlier. Thursday's moon seemed bigger • sleeping in 3 hour intervals. It takes 2 bowls • sunrise Friday morning. Song in my head: Kiss It Better from Rihanna. #covidchronicles #nyclockdown #covi̇d_19 #coronavirus #quarantinediaries #photoincubator https://www.instagram.com/p/B-22yUCnovA/?igshid=1h3umjcbztx9h

[amfelic]

Follow my video

[thirstycamelnyc]

[moniqueyelias]

[alycat411]

Covid has kicked my ass. I lay here at 3:05am on April 2nd waving my white flag. Today was probably the worst day since March 12th. Can I put into words why? I can try, but the experience is hard to capture. It’s the culmination of 3 weeks of self isolation; my spirit feels like it’s been snapped in half, and we have so much more to go.

I woke up to Pawel telling me he tested positive. I can’t count the number of times I’ve vacillated on attempting to get tested myself. It’s completely inane of me but I want some form of proof so I feel slightly less crazy. I went for a run. The fresh air was nice, but my lungs are recovering and I have to adjust to that. At the start of all this I was amused that I could see the grocery store parking lot from my window. I thought, “how convenient! I can time my trips.” It’s turned into a nightmare. I’ve managed to limit my Twitter/news exposure but I now have a compulsion of checking the parking lot. The line was terrible today. I had planned to do a big haul. I thought we were past the panic buying stage but I’m starting to lose my grip with reality and I felt genuinely worried today that there may be a shortage. I waited in a socially distanced line at Walgreens for an hour today so I could enter the store and pick up my thyroid medicine. There’s nothing like standing in a line to enter Walgreens and then see that you can’t stock up on anything to freak you out.

I’m realizing during this quarantine that New York City residents are definitely among the fucked, well depending on your social class too. Domestic living never looked so good. I shaped my life around accessibility to “doing things” and meeting new people. I curated my dream work schedule of a mere 20 hours a week. It has now become my hell with all other forms of structure removed. I can’t fill my time in a meaningful way and I don’t know what that is meant to say about me. Apparently I coped by going to the gym, getting a green juice, seeing my coworkers and clients, seeing New Yorkers on the train, having dates, going out to dinner, seeing shows and planning things. As I panick-sobbed on the phone to my mother tonight and she screamed at me get a grip about twenty times, I realized how crucial it is to be anchored to things during a pandemic. Prior to all of this I was already suffering from bouts of existential depression. I achieved my dream. Work was pretty ideal. My life was pretty ideal. It left me asking myself: now what? So I decided on a year of hedonism after years of restriction. I’d finally travel and allow myself to spend money. The irony now is that all of this has thrown me into budget mode more than before I became licensed. I’m so fortunate to still have clients but I don’t feel a sense of certainty. Each day this unfolds more people lose their jobs. How much do my clients need me? I ask myself everyday. And my mental health has never been in such conflict with being a therapist. I have never felt so out of resources, so depleted, so ill-equipped to be a space for anyone right now, and at the same time, I need to do therapy to maintain my sanity, so I don’t fall off the face of the earth.

Clients share with me new stories and data I hadn’t heard. My job has morphed into something insidious for my mental health. Where I used to have distance and had mastered not taking anything home, I can’t now; I am in my home. And my clients are transferring panic onto me. A client I’ve been seeing for 2.5 years is now furloughed at her job. She had the worst birthday she’s ever had as she battled with her partner on a decision to stay or leave the city. I express empathy. My heart breaks for her. And it’s too close to home for me. All of them are struggling more than normal, and I’m feeling it.

My partner John has been my only in person contact since the 16th. We’ve shared similar emotions but the problem with that is constantly draining one another. There are pockets when one of us is doing “well enough” to let the other process. But this has undoubtedly flared up our anxious/avoidant dynamic. I imagine the same for many couples. It’s a high stress time. I need more security and therefore closeness right now to be calmed. He needs more security and therefore more alone time to be calmed. And being polyamorous has been pretty breezy up until now. And now it’s my worst nightmare. Just like my job and freedom has become too. I never thought I’d wish to be anchored to things so badly.

I’ve reflected a lot on the meaning of life and best approaches to it since January. I’ve recognized since before the pandemic that I need something to struggle against, to push back against. Freedom is so lovely most of the time. But that small portion of time it’s really uncontaining, like you’re free falling alone in a galaxy that never ends. The pandemic has made all of life now that small portion of free falling. I’m not sure where to go from here. I’m pretty positive this is why most people have children by this age. How else can we continue to shuffle along without an anchor telling us to keep going?

Everyday is Groundhogs Day. I started off week 1 of quarantine with my usual optimism. My home workouts felt life changing. I was a supportive space to all. Like my MCMI pegs me, I flipped to my dark burnt out side. When I run out of fuel I am completely depressed and empty. Getting corona obviously stopped the home workouts. It also knocked the wind out of my “it will be okay sails.” Starting last Tuesday I began experiencing shortness of breath. My initial encounters with it were resolved with my calm demeanor assuring myself that I could definitely breathe. But by Friday it got harder. I couldn’t even talk without getting winded. I sat across from John and just began to cry as I felt my lungs struggle to expand so that I could get a good breath in. I’m so lucky that the shortness of breath has since stopped as of Sunday. I’m hearing about people’s cases taking a turn for the worse. I’m not taking my health for granted anymore. I could easily be one of the unlucky ones. I don’t think I’m healthy. I can breathe fine today, I just can’t stop crying.

I haven’t cried this frequently since Pawel and I broke up. It hits me instantly. I get a thought and boom I’m crying. A sign of how fragile I feel? Am I really that worn down? And is this all it took? It’s amusing for me to see how emotionally weak I am during something like this. I’m the individual metaphorically and literally in the fetal position wanting to wake up when this is over. I am not the therapist posting guides for her clients. I am not the colleague sending positive emails. I’m just a girl, sad and alone in her New York City apartment holding herself, hoping this will end soon.

[techandtechie]

Considering a tech career? Join women.nyc's executive director Faye Penn at "Women and Learning to Code," the second event in tech-training startup Social Builder's " Women and the Future of Work" virtual event series. Log on for insights into low-cost ways to learn coding, what tech companies are looking for and how to acquire in-demand skills for yourself. Sign up at the 🔗in @women_nyc bio . #learningtocode #learningcode #codingisfun #womencoding #womenfuture #virtualevent #virtualevents #nyctraining #womenempowermentcoach #learnfromexperts #womenincoding #nyclockdown #nycpandemic #covidnyc #newyorklockdown #upgradeskills #traininganddevelopment #professionalgrowth#learnfromtechies (at NYC) https://www.instagram.com/p/CAF5pwIJEkD/?igshid=zeok8hgi26ny

[utcinemanyc]

Filming beautiful sunset behind Statue of Liberty. I love sunrises and sunsets, so I'm fine with waking up early or traveling to capture it. Anyway it is essential for good shot to plan ahead where the sun will set or rise. Visit my website to check my latest videos. www.utcinema.com Follow my Aerial Drone Cinematography IG @dronepilotny #nycsunset #statueofliberty #sunset #brooklynsunset #redhook #nyclockdown #nyc (at Red Hook, Brooklyn) https://www.instagram.com/p/CADZjGPHKKQ/?igshid=nhojhqnqq97m

[nycbento]

Yet more exploration of Chinese noodle dishes.  This is my attempt at Ro Gan Mian, a famous street dish from Wuhan (yes, that Wuhan).

The dish is based on alkaline noodles.  I used fresh ramen, which gets its texture and color in the same way as the original noodle, from alkaline water (if you want to try making homemade ramen, it's sold in big Asian markets as "kansui.")

The sauce is a mix of sesame paste and beef braising liquid - I had good beef stock in the freezer, so instead of braising more beef, I simmered aromatics and spices with the stock - I'll use the rest to braise something.  If you went with vegetable stock and did the same simmer, the dish would be vegan.

From there it's topped with chili sauce (I used lao gan ma) peanuts, herbs and pickled vegetables.  Another cheat - pickled red onion is Western but delicious, so it's on top.  Ro gan mian looks pretty for as long as it takes to snap a picture, then you mix it up and tear into it.

It was quite tasty - next attempt I'm going to add a bit less sesame paste to see if I can balance the flavors better.  That's the problem with making a dish you've never actually tasted.  It tasted good, but I have no clue if it tasted right!

[marcial071410]

#nyc #nycphotographer #views #freedomtower #un #buildings #FDRdrive #nyclockdown #walk https://www.instagram.com/p/B_5hx5djoYR/?igshid=1a8ronypwbvl5

[tjlambuilihotshots]

Fri. 4/24/2020 10:55pm #NYC An empty 42nd St. at Madison Ave. looking west #midtown #NYCLockdown #COVID19NewYorkCity #Manhattan #TheBigApple #BigApple #NYC #NewYorkCity #GrandCentralStation #GrandCentralTerminal #42ndStreet (at Grand Central Terminal) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_fE_VuHvDk/?igshid=vc4x7grkuijt

[photoincubator]

A message from @mayslesdocumentarycenter #coronavirus #covid_19 #covidchronicles #nyclockdown #socialdistancing https://www.instagram.com/p/B-P08lMHxvG/?igshid=1vv39cv0t10l2

[jjxfiles]

The deeper the trauma, the more powerful the catharsis. • • • • • • #inception #timesquare #covidnyc #nyclockdown #nyccoronavirus #jjxfile #manhattanview #manhattan #manhattanstreets #manhattanphoto #manhattannyc #manhattanlife #manhattan #bigapple #unlimitedmanhattan #nycprimeshot #what_i_saw_in_nyc #travelnyc #newyorkcity #newyorkcitylife #newyorkcityfeelings #newyorkcityphotography #newyorkcity🗽 (at Times Square, New York City) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_X3fHpjr_Q/?igshid=6rrie7xp1zo0

[bluepoettree]

How this COVID-19 quarantine pandemic thingy got me feeling .. I’m hoping that the struggles of this time period can somehow change my life for the better... BluePoetTree.com . . . . . #soho #coronanyc #covid19nyc #nyclockdown #nycstrong #newyorkcity #centralpark #coronavirus #brooklyn #empirestateofmind #stateofmind #what #nyc #coronavirusnyc #brooklynbridge #bryantpark #coronavirusamerica #newyorkstrong #nycquarantine #nyccoronavirus #covid #newyork #manhattan #streetsofnyc #covid19 #newyorkers #streetsofnewyork #streetphotography #reflexoes #coronavirusnewyork https://www.instagram.com/p/B-73i7QARC6/?igshid=mozzabl76ckn