#one from steve's pov (the realisation) and another from eddie's (the confession)

[daryldamnson]

pairing:  pre-relationship steve harrington x eddie munson

summary:   eddie comes out to steve and it goes about as well as robin said it would (very well)

aka me writing a coming out fic vs the bat boys wanting to gossip and giggle

word count:  1,563

ao3 link

—

“Robin told me something yesterday.”  Eddie pauses, nerves tickling in his chest as he flips back and forth between following through and backing out.

“Oh?” Steve asks distractedly, focused on the careful unlacing of his shoes.  There’s another pause as Eddie dithers once more, and Steve takes the opportunity to fully comprehend the statement.  “Oh god, it wasn’t about when I fell asleep at work, was it?  Because I swear there were no customers, and I –”

“No, no.” Eddie interrupts, shifting a little to the left as Steve joins him on the bed.  He wouldn’t normally, content to press as much of himself against Steve’s side as possible, but tonight is different.  Tonight Steve might want the space.  “It wasn’t about you.  It was… It was about her.  About her and… Girls.  How she feels about them.  And not about guys?”

He feels dumb.  In both ways.  Like his mouth and his brain have been filled with cotton and it’s left him stumbling over his words in a nigh incoherent babble.  He sucks in a stuttered breath - like that’ll help - and continues.

“She said, um…  She said you knew?  That she’d told you about it?”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees softly, before something seems to occur to him and he frowns a little as he glances at Eddie.  “Why?  D’you have a problem with it?”

Eddie’s shocked into silence for a second.  The idea that he could exist in a world where Steve Harrington would lecture him about homophobia felt so incredibly removed from any reality he’d ever have conceived even six months ago, it takes him a second too long to answer, and Steve’s face morphs from suspicious into a disappointed frown. 

“No!  No, man, of course I don’t.”  The idea is kind of laughable really, but Steve doesn’t know that.  He takes him at his word, though, and smiles amiably.

“Good.  I’m glad she told you.  She’s been thinking about it for a bit.  I said I thought you’d be cool about it.  That’s like, your whole thing, right?  Anti… Anti-estabsh… Whatever.  Against the grain and shit.  Would’ve sucked to find out you were secretly an asshole.”

Steve flashes him one of those smiles.  The ones that say I’m making fun of you but you’re in on the joke and I’m so fond of you together in one.  Directed at Eddie, they never fail to make his chest feel warm and he can’t stop the answering grin from spreading over his own face, even in spite of his nerves.

“Yeah.  I’m big into all that anti-establishment shit.  That’s what metal’s all about, dude!  Fighting back against the man - capital T, capital M.”

Eddie relishes in every chuckle his antics pull out of the prettiest boy in the midwest, and he takes an extra second to enjoy this one before he sucks in another breath and continues.

He can be brave.  He can.

“But that’s not the only reason I’m, like, totally chill about it.”

There’s another beat of silence but Steve only waits patiently, face open and eyes curious.  

“It would be…” Eddie drags out the vowel, tilting his head in Steve's direction to cover up the fact that he just can’t hold eye contact anymore.  “Hypocritical of me, to judge Robin.  For liking girls.  Since I…  We’re the same.  Or, I guess opposite, when you really think about it.  Batting for your own team but we’re on different teams, y’know?”

Another silence.  Eddie’s anxious and Steve’s confused.  Calculating.  Eddie can almost hear the thoughts beating one by one through Steve’s head.  The steady way he assesses things.

Liking girls.  The same.  Liking girls?  Opposite.  Own team.  Oh.  Oh.  Opposite.  Liking boys.

“Oh,” Steve murmurs, proving Eddie’s assessment correct.  He usually gets there; you just have to give him a little time sometimes.  It’s something the kids aren’t always good at, but Eddie’s a patient man.  Sometimes.  For Steve.  “Oh.  You’re… Gay?”

The hesitation is fair, Eddie supposes - he couldn’t bring himself to say the actual word so why should Steve?

He casts a sideways glance towards him as he nods in answer, eyes immediately catching on that immutable gaze.  Warm, steady, Steve.  Unchanged and unwavering, even through Eddie’s confession.  Comforting in its familiarity.

Something washes over Steve’s face then, a flicker of oh shit, like he’s suddenly remembered he’s left the oven on, and Steve is the one close to babbling.

“Oh, uh, thank you for telling me, man, I’m, uh, I’m really glad you felt you could trust me.”  He smiles softly, nodding once as if to punctuate his words and then, wonderful, beautiful Steve, he reaches out to grip Eddie’s shoulder with his hand.  It’s nothing in the grand scheme of things - Eddie’s always been a touchy guy once given permission and hell if Steve doesn’t love to permit - but it means a lot.  It says a lot.

It says I’m not going to treat you any differently.  It says I’m still your friend.  It says I accept you, even when a lot of people wouldn’t.

“Yeah?”  He has to check.  He has to.

“Yeah,” Steve says, sure as anything.

There’s a pause as Eddie tells himself he absolutely cannot cry over this.

Flip the script.  Humour.  Jokes.  Teasing.  Goodbye genuine emotions.

“Did Robin train you to say that?”

Steve’s earnestness cracks into laughter.

“Yeah.  She said I was great when she came out, but also awful.  And, y’know, I wanted to be ready if anyone…  If one of the kids…  I don’t know.  I just wanted to get it right.”  He shrugs, earnest look back at full blast.  “I wanted whoever to know they were safe with me.  That it wouldn’t change how I saw them.  That it’s okay.  Normal.  Y’know.”  

Another shrug, a little self-deprecating.  Eddie’s drowning in affection.

“Yeah.  Yeah, I do know.”  There’s a beat where the air feels too heavy with emotion for Eddie’s liking so he cracks another grin.  “You did great, man.  A plus.  I’ll tell Robin you’re a great student.”

Steve practically giggles, and Eddie feels brave enough to nudge his shoulder against Steve’s.  There’s not even a hint of hesitation as Steve pushes back into the touch.

“But now you absolutely have to tell me what you said that was so awful you needed to learn lines before you were allowed to do this again.”

He’s genuinely curious.  All Robin had told him was that Steve had been great.  Didn’t even hesitate.  Put her at ease immediately and that she had no doubt Eddie’s own secret would be safe with him.  She’d pushed that point firmly.

“Oh, I, uh, I made fun of the girl she was crushing on.”

Eddie’s eyebrows raise, eyes widening and lips twitching with laughter.

“What?”

“Yeah, I…  Look, y’know what - I stand by it.  Total dud.  Robbie can absolutely do better.  I mean, Tammy Thompson?  Really?”

He sounds genuinely outraged.  It cracks Eddie up so much he ends up having to use Steve’s arm to hold himself up.

He categorically does not think about how firm said arm feels under his grip.  He doesn’t.

“She was crushing on Tammy Thompson?”

“Yeah.  Said she had ‘inspirations’ or some shit.  I said she wasn’t gonna get anywhere singing like she did.”

“I think you mean aspirations.  Like, goals in life?  But, yeah, that girl couldn’t hold a tune if you handed one to her.”

Steve laughs again, head thrown back and Eddie has to gulp audibly as he stares at the exposed skin of Steve’s neck.

He is not going to bite it over one of those gorgeous little moles.  He’s not.

“I told her she sounded like a muppet.”

Eddie feels like he’s getting whiplash.

“You told Tammy that?”

“What?  No!  I’m not an entire asshole.  I told Robin that while we were crazy high on Russian truth serum so it’s not, like, entirely my fault, I think.”

Eddie practically giggles, smacking both his hands over his face as he does.

His mood has taken such a drastic turn, he can hardly believe it.  Trust Steve to take him from a ball of anxiety and turn him into a giddy mess.  It’s almost infuriating how Eddie’s crush blooms at every example of Steve just being Steve.

Eddie shakes his head, baffled, amazed, and so utterly fond he feels like his heart is flip-flopping in his chest.

”Thank you, though.  Seriously.  For trusting me with that.  It means a lot.”

The earnest look is back and Eddie can only smile.

”You’re a good guy, Harrington.  I never would’ve guessed it a year ago, but it’s true.  One of the best, I might argue.”

Steve flushes an endearing pink at that.  Eddie’s heart does not stutter in his chest at that visual.

“Right back at you, Munson.”

There’s a beat where they sit together, smiling like idiots, before Eddie claps his hands together and announces that he needs a beer.  Steve is all too eager to follow him to the kitchen and the evening is wasted away with cheap beer, a good movie, and better company.

And if Eddie has only confessed one of his tightly-held secrets then he thinks that’s plenty in the grand scheme of things, and he’s certainly not going to push his luck by admitting he’s pretty sure he’s in love with one of his best friends.

Nope.  That one stays under lock and key.

[flowercrowngods]

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 (these make one big story, you won't understand this part without the others)

day 04: here come the tears

a/n: the people have requested a surprise eddie pov and i have decided to pull a eurovision and ignore the public vote, just a little bit. but you get a tiny eddie pov, as a treat 🤍

Steve is crying. It's 1:07 a.m. and Steve is crying. And there is nothing Eddie can do about it as he's lying in bed, his heart breaking further with every passing second that they lie there in silence, quiet sniffles carrying over the phone. 

Steve is crying and Eddie is breaking. Steve is not talking to him and Eddie is breaking. Steve is not okay, and neither is Eddie. They're both breaking. 

And Eddie doesn't know what to do about it, how to fix it. How to make it better. How to tell Steve that he misses him, how to ask him to talk to him, how to keep him. To stop him from slipping through his fingers further and further until all there is is silence. 

"You know," his mind wanders back to years ago, his heart cracking at the memory. "I had the biggest crush on him for the longest time. Forever, really."

He remembers the way Steve's eyebrows shot up, his eyes round with... shock? Surprise? Or maybe something bad? 

"Oh?" 

"Yeah," Eddie had chuckled, fiddling with the straw in his drink to give his hands something to do. "Remember that kiss?" Steve nodded. "Well." Another chuckle, awkward this time, and possibly too revealing. 

Steve grinned at him, a self satisfied smirk that wavers just a little. "So you're saying you did fall madly in love with me, Munson?" 

Eddie's breath had hitched a little because Steve remembered those words so perfectly that had since doomed Eddie completely. But he covered it up with a laugh so easily, he was sure Steve didn't notice. 

"Maybe," he grinned. "But eh, that's in the past." 

It wasn't a lie; not really. But wasn't the truth either. 

The truth was that Eddie had moved on. The truth was that it's the kind of crush that was never really a crush. The kind that is a Forever more than anything else. 

The kind that will always be there, a flame burning inside my chest that carries your name and keeps it alive, keeps me warm. The kind of flame that will always be ready to become a bonfire again. Just say the word, Stevie. It's written in the universe. Say the word and I'll be yours. 

"Good," Steve said after a while, and Eddie remembers frowning, remembers that he wanted to ask what that tone was, what Steve was thinking. If he was worried or disgusted or felt betrayed that Eddie's been so hopelessly and helplessly in love with him. 

But all he said was, "Yeah. Remember Chrissy? We're kinda official now." 

And Eddie had known then just as he does now, that he'll be a happy man with Chrissy. She's his best friend, a sunshine on bleak days. She's no Steve, but she makes him happy. He had to move on from Steve – to try – and allow himself his own kind of happiness. He'd never expected to find it with Chrissy, but he loves her so much. He's grown to love her in the past years – not the movie kind of love, not the all-encompassing Steve kind of love, because that flame inside his chest can still only carry one name. 

But life is not a movie. And love is not always a fire. But he's still warm, still content, still happy. And so is Chrissy. She knows about his flame, says she understands. Eddie thinks he has one of her own, but he never asked; just held her that night, creating more of that silent happiness.

…Is he happy? Lying in bed, listening to Steve's quiet breaths that are barely audible over the phone, remembering the kiss, the confession, the Forever that he tried to move on from, he wonders what he's doing. Wonders if that contentment is worthwhile if it somehow lead him to losing Steve. 

Did he miss something? Did he fuck up without realising? 

He can't ask; Steve won't talk. 

All he can do is lie there and feel that flame that still carries Steve's name after ten, eleven, twelve years scorching his insides. 

All he can do is wonder if the whispered, "Good night, Stevie. I miss you," is some kind of goodbye. All he can do is lie awake all night and wonder where they started losing each other. 

~*~

Missing Eddie is worse than loving him. Missing Eddie makes it feel like all the heartbreak songs are written for Steve and his pain that will persist.

It’s been three months since the engagement party, and the sharp, biting heartache that cut into his lungs every time Steve tried to take a deep breath has dulled now, turned into a constant ache, an emptiness, the sorrowful traces of where an I love you turned into an I miss you. 

He’s barely talking to Eddie anymore, and with every passing day he just misses him more. 

Steve types the words I miss you over and over and over again, but never hits send. Just stares at them, wondering if Eddie knows. Wondering if he’s doing the right thing. He isn’t. There is no right thing. Nothing is right. Not without Eddie. 

He scrolls up in their chat, past Eddie’s questions if he’s okay, past his very own I miss yous, up and up and up to the strings of hearts, to the inside jokes, to the gentle teasing, to the You’re my favourite persons, to the happiness and joy and good, good times. 

He scrolls and scrolls until his phone vibrates and tells him there’s a new message in the chat. Steve frowns, his hollow heart racing as he scrolls down again to see Eddie’s new message. 

Eddie Munson: — Can I come over? 

Steve frowns. 

— why? are you okay? 

Eddie Munson: — No. — Nothing is okay. You’re gone and you’re not talking to me and I miss you and I’m losing you and I don’t know why — I dont know anything. — I just wanna know, wanna talk, wanna understand — I wanna fix this. I fucked up, I think, and I wanna make it better. — I need to talk to you — Please. Please can I come over 

Steve swallows hard, as he reads the incoming messages over and over again, watching the little bubble that says Eddie’s typing still. Watching as it disappears and reappears, reading until his eyes begin to sting and his vision is blurred with tears for the first time this week. 

Letting them fall as he types, 

— no. please dont 

Eddie doesn’t reply to that, and Steve breathes out long and hard, throwing his phone to the side, not caring where it lands on the couch as he slumps over to the other side, turning up the music even louder. 

Oh, can you tell I haven’s slept very well Since the last time that we spoke. I said, ‘Please understand I’ve been drinking again And all I do is hope.’

It consumes him, this song and the way it was written for him. The way it was written about him. Because he has no right to ask Eddie to stay. He’s the one who’s leaving. He’s the one not telling Eddie what is wrong, why he’s pulling back so suddenly. 

I’m not strong enough for the both of us. What was I supposed to do, You know I love you. Please, stay.

Please stay. Please, please, please stay. It’s about him. It’s about Eddie. About them. 

And Steve listens to it over and over again, not caring that his neighbours will know it by heart by know, will be so tired of him wallowing for weeks and months, and will come knocking soon. He doesn’t care, not when Mayday Parade are singing, All the love’s still there, I just don’t know what to do with it now. 

He types that into Eddie’s chat. Doesn’t hit send. Sends it to Robin instead, and gets a shaking hands emoji in return. It makes him smile as he re-starts the song. 

~*~

That night, he wakes around 2 a.m. to a missed call an hour ago and one new message on his mailbox. He lifts his phone to his ear with shaking hands and bated breath, a pit opening in his stomach when he hears the Judas Priest song that’s been in his Sad Eddie playlist since the beginning. 

His heart cracks open when he hears Eddie’s sniffle, a heavy sigh, and another sniffle, followed by a little, Fuck. 

“Stevie? I’m… You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to just— to just disappear. To slip through my fucking fingers, or float away like a— a dream, when you wake up, and you wanna go back to sleep because it was a good dream, and you— I don’t wan’ you to be a good dream Steve. You’re like… Fuck, man!” 

Eddie’s voice is breaking, and so is Steve’s heart as his hand begins to tremble and he sits up in bed, closing his eyes, squeezing them shut because he doesn’t want to see the world as Eddie’s rambling at him. 

“I miss you. I miss you so much, and I don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t… I don’t wanna miss you. How do I get you back, Stevie? Please just… God, please just talk to me. I’d do anything for you, you know that. Just tell me, just say the word. Just… Just say the word, please.” 

There’s silence after that, only Judas Priest’s Here come the tears over and over as the song is ending. Steve is crying as he listens to Eddie’s silence. 

“Just. Just… Please, Stevie.” 

The call ends then, the line cutting to the staticky voice instructing him to save or delete the message. Steve saves it. He doesn’t know why. 

He also doesn’t know why he’s scrolling through his contacts with trembling hands and hits Call when he reaches Eddie. 

The call doesn’t even get to the second ring before it’s picked up already. 

“Stevie?” Eddie sounds breathless, wild, and just a little hoarse. Like he was still crying. 

“Hi,” he says lamely, still shaking, a little breathless himself, and with absolutely no idea what he should say. 

“I’m… Hi.” 

Silence falls, and Steve wipes at his eyes. He’s still in bed, just sitting there with his phone pressed to his ear, and the ball that’s coiled inside him is growing larger and larger with each passing second that he doesn’t say Sorry, that he doesn’t say I miss you, too. That he doesn’t say I love you. 

“Can I come in?” 

He blinks, the question throwing him off his thought spiral. “Huh?” 

“I’m sort of… outside your building right now.” 

Why, he wants to ask. No, he wants to say. You’re gonna see, you’re gonna know, you’re gonna hate me forever. 

“Okay,” he breathes and climbs out of bed, blanket around his shoulders despite the summer heat, because suddenly he’s freezing. He buzzes Eddie in, listens to him on the phone as he walks up the stairs, neither of them thinking of hanging up, and opens his doors with shaking, trembling hands. 

tagging: @sexymothmanincarnate @mcneen @livsters @eddiemunchondeeznuts @abstractnaturaldisaster @steddie-as-they-go @hyperfixationgoddess @goodolefashionedloverboi @stxrcrossed186 @imzadidragonfly @eddiemunsonswife @bidisastersworld @ghost-ly-s @romanticdestruction @walkingaftermidnight07 @anaibis @rainydays35 @mightbeasleep @sunfloweringstories @korixae @tuesdaycats @totoroinatardis @ilovebookshowboutyou @musical-theatre-gay @theluckyalien @copingmechanizm @srra @changelingbaby @sassygoop @obsessivelyme @r0binscript (sorry if i missed anyone just give me a shout if i did <3)and thanks to everyone who said nice things about this 🤍🌷

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