#or be less pessimistic and assume i just forgot

[leslie057]

penbleed;

pairings: jonathan/nancy

rating: light teen (swearing + mild sex references)

word count: 2.4k (chapter 1)

read on ao3

@jancyweeks day 1: history - her diary as a personal history + a bonus history test incident

𝒩𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 16, 1984

—

𝑀𝓎 𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃 𝒾𝓈 𝒽𝑜𝓌. Actually, how do you forget an exam? Actually. How did I forget? And it’s not even that I forgot, it’s that I never knew. I am still so mad but not as mad as I was. Genuinely have no clue why we were not given verbal reminders for that history test. That stupid little secret of a test, that fucking sub rosa fucking social experiment of a thing to see who looks at her minuscule writing under the date on the board every day! Just tell us. Need it. Out loud. This is crazy arrogant and borderline disgusting of me to say, but she doesn't have a better student than me and I deserved better. It was like a setup. Of course I was taking notes, of course I was listening, of course a lot of it was prior knowledge. It’s the history of America and I’m not an idiot. I just thought a test would be coming up after the break, not before.

I mean it’s all been worked out now, though. 

But it makes me upset, because where was my head? No, I know where it was, my head was here with me. I was simply using it for its escape function. Wild how my ears can be turned on, and my pen will be going and going and going in perfect time with the lesson, but mentally I’m reliving whatever I want to relive. Or don’t want to relive. I’ve been like this since last year. Stuck inside my skull and cannot climb out. Don’t wanna climb out because sometimes I need to be there, it’s nice in there. Sometimes not nice. I brought this up to Jonathan, he said yes he does understand. Shocker. The difference is he’s been in his head for the last sixteen years, and he doesn’t continually think all the awful things that I think. He’s good and decent and he’s sweet and he’s built a strange, adorable habitat up there for song lyrics and checklists and worries. He does so much in one day. I don’t love his work schedule. Working on Friday nights, God. Then at home he does, like, budgeting and reads their bills and shit? I wouldn’t have time to steep in hate for Mrs. Kincannon, either. (He doesn’t hate her. That’s me.) Not that he’s dealing with his trauma or whatever, our trauma, I don’t know, he isn’t. Still, because his many responsibilities burn up the majority of his mental energy, he doesn’t seem to follow the spirals I follow. At least not when the sun's out. He’s a dramatic pessimist, my dramatic pessimist, oh that was fun to write, but I would assume his internal voice has more of a filter mechanism than mine. Could be a self-preservation thing. 

Who knows. But, yeah, neurogymnastics. Neurogymnastics to get me through my day. Each week is a series of extreme highs and extreme lows, lows that I just administer my fantasies to until something new happens. It’s good in the moment. Later I realize that I’ve missed things, spaced out, fell short, and I get all guilty. I feel hypocritical. I’ve fought for my life, why am I not training myself to live it well again. I’m rushing through things because they’re hard. I want to be successful, and this is not the path to success. The pressure is off me and yet all over me. Maybe I shouldn’t care about school, knowing what I know about the flimsiness of this dimension’s edges. Sounds clinically insane. Not ever going to be sure what to do with the fact that I’ve seen a parallel plane, that I was really there. I wish I didn’t care about school. I do care less about it than I did freshman and sophomore year. My grades are forever important to me, but there’s currently a big disconnect between my habits and my academic goals. When I’m at school, I fantasize about it being over. When I’ve set aside time to work, I can’t get through it and I go to my boyfriend. Maybe I am a bad student. Right now. I am. Hard to care about history since I’ve got a lot I would rather focus on. So, right, there are a lot of coercive acts I could be learning about if my teacher calmed down and gave me free time to coerce him. Sorry. 

I cannot stop thinking about what I was able to 

How he knew about the test is beyond me. He’s missed more days, he’s had more distractions, he’s more susceptible to distractions, and to top everything off he’s on possession watch. You know, just making those frequent check-ins with Will. I don’t know what that would look like. I guess you just ask him how he’s feeling, try to gauge the honesty. I would never ever say this but it seems likely to me that Will is still being…communicated with. Accessed. Scary sounds in his ears or something. Sensations. It’s not like he’d say anything! He’s like this meek little mouse, he could actively be experiencing organ rupture and wouldn’t make a sound. This is terrible, but being at their house does scare me every now and then. In a ticking time bomb sort of way. Is their family not kind of cursed? Then I get kissed and forget where I am anyway, so nothing matters. No complaints overall, it is a very nice place for a slumber party. 

My reaction last night was the most embarrassing. How I went from zero to a hundred that fast, how we went from squeaky bed springs and my proposed hickey competition (hate that this is in writing now, but context needed—also I was in a competitive mood yesterday) (he was not) to me whining and crying and essentially hyperventilating because I didn’t understand why he would mention a test when we didn’t have a test. I hate my emotions being played with and all of that bullshit. For some reason I’ve always been on the receiving end of that haven’t I? With boys in our class. Middle school, junior high, that kind of timeframe. At one point I could have convinced myself I was being flirted with. It’s a no, because “all statements.” All pines are conifers, but not all conifers are pines. So all interested boys will tease, but not all the boys that tease are interested. They really were just that eager to let me know my body wasn’t up to par for our age bracket. Pal, are we not eleven and twelve. I cannot be Catwoman for you.

I’m told I’m pretty now, so I’ll count it as a win. 

Anyway, Jonathan was not playing with my emotions, and we did have a test. We did. When my panic set in, it was bad. The pressure was building up in my chest, I thought I was in danger of dry drowning. My GPA is literally the only thing I ever feel in control of. In my arms were two options, have an absolutely miserable fucking Thursday night or risk baby’s first F on her transcript. But then he just looked at me, calm as ever, and said, “Why can’t you ask for an extension? I want you to ask her for an extension, okay?” Which I should have come up with on my own. I don’t know why, but hearing him say that was like. Insane. Made everything feel lighter, light as a feather. He doesn’t do this for himself, but for me—he zooms out, he figures out a way to make things less daunting. He can be so positive when it's a problem of mine on the table instead of his, and I'm like who are you, I love you. I usually have no problem cheating systems, swinging things in a way that's better for me, but requesting an extension? My pride lies in academics, I'm aware of that, I don’t often ask for help there. Want to accomplish things without accommodations being made for me. Meanwhile, school stuff is some of the only stuff Jonathan is willing to seek out help with. He has to. He can't afford to not get help. Not like he can spend an entire evening on one little section of an assignment when he needs to be clocked in at work for five hours. In conclusion, he talks to our instructors more than our peers. I have to respect a teacher's pet.

So, I took his advice. However tricky extensions may be. Kincannon is also tricky. Her iron will and everything. You’re not gonna get one if you always ask. You’re not gonna get one if you haven’t already established yourself as a trustworthy kid. You’re not gonna get one for being an athlete. I wasn’t convinced of the plan at first since she dress coded my mid-thigh skirt last week and had to tell me, on a few occasions, to stop chatting with/distracting my boyfriend. Him being in the picture was so in my favor, though, because he seriously might be her favorite. Personally I wanna say it’s gross; it makes her feel good about herself to cosset sensitive, troubled teens that she wouldn’t give a shit about otherwise. Like, you’re not his mommy, but I’m way off topic. 

We got up incredibly early this morning. We made her a tiny consolation coffee with cream and cinnamon, pulled up at 6:25 I want to say it was? And the conversation was ace. He had messed up my hair a little to hint at a sleepless night, coached me on how to look pitiful when we were in the car. I really hope I didn’t mishear him mumble something about puppy eyes. He was very tired. I stayed as honest as possible, that’s what he wanted from me. I told her I was having a rough time, that grief keeps getting in my way of things. I talked to her about my selective hearing issue. I said I’m an oral learner, I needed verbal reminders, and I said school means so much to me. Hesitantly I pointed out that Jonathan and I are still getting used to our new relationship, and maybe if our assigned seats were adjacent I wouldn't have to get up to talk to him. She was slightly passive-aggressive, but she was understanding. Then I found out I would be testing Monday. New test, just for me. There was something so ridiculous and fun about sitting in class this morning, reading while everyone else suffered. After, I couldn’t stop apologizing to Jonathan for freaking out. He said I didn’t freak out, I reacted, and he suggested I go easier on myself. That distinction felt huge, really huge. 

Right now, I'm desperate to preserve that feeling of lightness, but I’m mad at myself and furious in general. In hindsight I should have savored being comforted a little more, but I was busy having half a meltdown. I’m sure I’ll get to hear one of those soft pep talks the next time something doesn’t go my way. I have so much studying to do, especially since my Special Nancy Test is all writing. I’ve got it, though. I’m fine. Angry but also happy and fine. This will never happen again. I won’t let it happen again.

—

“Uh oh,” Jonathan suddenly murmurs to himself on her bed. 

She swivels at her small desk, not fully ready to turn her attention away from her entry. “Hmm?”

“Sorry, no, you can keep writing.” 

“But why uh oh?”

There's his gentle huff, his eyes flicking upward in annoyance. He holds a necklace she'd tasked him with untangling using tweezers. Its old, delicate chain was in no less than six billion knots. Somehow he’s the only one in the world who has the patience for this. She sure as hell doesn't have the patience for it. "I'm scared I'm about to break it." 

“Break it? Please don’t Jonathan,” she begs on impulse.

“It’s just really far gone. I’m trying.”

And he is. He’s been sitting quietly for as long as she’s been writing. So—long time. She sort of forgot about him over there. “Sorry, I know, I know you are," she says.

He’s silent. 

“You’ve been cleaning up a lot of my messes lately, huh?”

She flips over her journal, nudges it away from the table’s edge, and approaches him. From her desk she couldn’t see the glow of afternoon sunlight streaming onto her quilt. Very pretty. Her personal jewelry surgeon sits there in the middle, equally pretty, possibly feeling neglected. He’s gone the full nine yards here. Pushed up his sweater sleeves, swiped her reading glasses, set out a few safety pins and needles as his supplementary tools. He looks sleepy, the brown of his eyes lighter in the path of the sun. 

Her arms are behind her back until they’re not, and she crawls on top of him. He absently places the necklace on her flattest throw pillow. 

“I said you’re fixing a lot of my messes.”

“I mean…not really.” He’s blushing already, hands awkwardly grasping for purchase at her hips so that he won't get pressed back too hard into the poles of her bed frame's headboard. “If I am, I don’t mind.”

Her lips cushion against this little spot on his jaw that’s so sensitive it kills him, sucking carefully. The action might have the same effect on her that it does him; her heart jumps, swings wide, threatens to capsize in the wet of her chest. It’s that familiar adrenaline response, the uncontrollable energy spike she always gets alongside the realization of oh, we’re touching! She sighs into his skin, and he shudders, a pathetic sound of bliss escaping his throat.

“Okay, well don't start drooling,” she quips. Kisses his pulse point, spittily.

He mumbles something unintelligible, so she keeps on keeping on, shifting her weight back and forth, trying to make the most of the time they have and get some good play in while she can. She’ll have to kick him out soon. She’ll have to study in complete isolation. She dips back, and he follows, she leans forward, and he pulls her closer. “Said I need an extension,” he manages, repeating what she didn’t catch.

“What?”

“If you’re gonna do all this, I need an extension on my necklace project.”

Well, that is definitely going in the diary. 

[biscuits-of-bagend]

DnDoc #3 - Tales in the TARDIS

Part #1 Part #2

"I was sort of pessimistic at first? But at the same time determined. It was like, this is hopeless - but also I have to get back to some sort of civilisation or at least somewhere with running water or I will die. I followed the forest trying to figure out if the trees were lined up in any sort of shape, anything that might indicate where I could find a pond. If I could find a pond I could find a stream, a river, a city, if there was one to be found."

   Rogue stopped as Ruby came in with an enormous jug of water. Maybe she'd been outside listening this whole time and knew he really needed it now that he had started this.

   "Stay if you want, Ruby," said Rogue. "It's good to see you too."

   Ruby was no longer dressed like a Regency duchess and instead wore a tartan pattern pinafore over a white t-shirt. She seemed even younger than Rogue remembered and he was glad all over again that his trap hadn't got her killed.

   The Doctor nodded to Ruby and patted the space next to him on his futon. "Come sit,  so far it sounds like it's not going to be a super sexy story."

   "Well," said Rogue.

   "Oh?" The Doctor's eyebrows shot up in what Rogue assumed at first was jealousy but that may actually have been deep intrigue, the Doctor's curiosity perhaps turning a little Chuldur-like.

   "There was a queen who really needed an heir," said Rogue.

   Ruby's eyes bugged out of her head and the Doctor put his hand to his breast and said, "You didn't."

   Rogue grinned and took a drink of water. Then he said, "No, I didn't. But it turns out I am a master match-maker. I am the Emma Woodhouse of my generation."

   "So you did eventually find a civilisation then?" said the Doctor, still shaking his head.

   "Yeah, took a long time, and I sort of turned up on their doorstep just like I did yours," said Rogue. "But they were in the middle of their own problems, away up on this hill above the wasteland. They nearly dispatched me on sight until I could convince them I was not infected with some sort of bacteria they were scared of. I mean, I was scared of it too for a moment there, until their doctor was convinced I was fine. But then they said they'd give me food and water and somewhere to sleep as long as I could complete a quest for them."

   "Aw," said the Doctor, "Just a Rogue all by himself, no tank, no face."

   "Yeah," agreed Rogue. "A face would not have gone amiss. Because what they wanted me to do was go to the one other oasis of green grass and flowering trees in the known world, see if anyone was alive there - which they couldn't tell on their telescopes - and if there was, I was to bring any eligible young males back."

   "That is a lot less romantic than Emma Woodhouse," said Ruby.

   "You're not wrong. There were three eligible young males as it turned out, and they all shared your view. I had to beg one of them and tell him all about how beautiful the queen was and how delicious the fruit away off there at the palace was - I hadn't tasted a bit of it, and wouldn't unless I could get the guy to agree to come back with me. But I'm no slouch on the deception check. So I got this one guy to come with me, eventually, after a truly horrible journey that was like the opposite of a bonding experience and he definitely hates me now."

   Rogue took another breath, wondering how he was coming across. The Doctor and Ruby would understand needs-must kinds of situations, right? He paused for a moment to focus on the burnt orange of the Doctor's jacket, his striped v-neck t-shirt underneath. Once he had his bearings back, he continued.

   "Turned out they were basically long-lost soulmates, or at least, they were willing to see each other that way in the name of speeding things along. But they wouldn't let me go until the baby was born and that took… Oh damn, I forgot to mention. Have you ever heard of Loxodons?"

   "The elephant folk?" said the Doctor.

   "Yeah, all these people were Loxodons. I should have said that at the start." Rogue waved his hand as if to brush away the confusion. He was pleased to note that this caused pain in zero muscles.

   "Wait, but elephants are pregnant for like, almost two years," said Ruby. "I swear on QI Sandi Toksvig said something like twenty-two months! Was it the same for the Loxodon people?"

   Rogue nodded, mouth closed as he watched the Doctor take this in.

   "Yeah," said Rogue. "They wouldn't help me until after the birth in case there was a problem and they needed me to go fetch another male."

   The Doctor took his hand and held it loosely, carefully. "Rogue, that is horrible. I am so sorry you had to go through all this."

   Rogue shook his head, which did cause a slight twinge in his neck but it was fading. He said, "I made my choice. No regrets. We keep moving forward, right?"

   The Doctor relaxed slightly and nodded. "Always on to the next thing."

   "Anyway," said Rogue. "Their library was amazing."

---

Part #4

@off-traveling-in-the-stars @casavanse @monster-donut (let me know at any point if you no longer wish to be tagged in each post)

[outer-spec]

OCtober 2024 Day 10: Personality

(holy shit how the fuck did i forget to post anything for like six whole days??!? i totally missed some of the mandatory days too, i feel so dumb. i was so excited about doing this challenge this month but i was so busy with schoolwork i completely forgot 🤦 anyway days 5 and 6 are under the cut because i did do those i just never posted them on time)

Steve β

stupid

insensitive (but in like. an endearing way)

insecure

selfish

hesitant / anxious

Juno β

quiet

determined

conflicted

Tora β

bitchy (but in like. a cool way)

argumentative & petty

secretly really sensitive but refuses to admit it

vengeful

reckless

Neil β

silly

sensitive

optimistic

Steve α

silly

evil and sadistic

petty

stupid (but hates when people point it out)

insecure

Juno α

mysterious

quiet

domineering

Tora α

power-hungry

cruel & evil

domineering

Neil α

vengeful

pessimistic

conflicted

misc. ocs

Dr. Moss: friendly, grandfatherly, shameless

Terry: silly, morally dubious, insensitive, unhinged

Keith: anxious, friendly, shy

False Human: vengeful, sensitive, brave

The Girl: quiet, introverted, friendly, determinated

Atto: awkward, silly, flawed

Code: shy, exhausted, calm

Guro: extroverted, unfiltered, edgy

OCtober is by @bweirdart

OCtober 2024 Day 5: Re-Designed OC

ok when i first made Tora her name wasnt even Tora. and she wasn't even an oc. she was supposed to be like. an anthro GLaDOS fused with Vriska. (VriskOS?) She was a really smug evil & manipulative girlboss, and she had silver hair. but now shes a petty insecure antihero girlfailure. shes not like Vriska at all, more like a combination of Karkat and Asuka. however her friends still call her a vriska kinnie as a joke, and she hates it when they do that.

OCtober 2024 ⭐ Day 6: Past

Obviously, my ocs all looked like child versions of themselves as a child

my hexagon ocs:

Most of the characters are American, but Steve is from the UK. Specifically, he's from Bristol because that's where the guy he's based off of is from.

Steve dropped out of college and moved to America, because he heard they had less taxes there.

Juno was born in America, but her parents are Japanese and Brazilian.

I think of Steve and Tora as trans (FTM and MTF respectively), but this isn't really something that comes up in the actual story much. So their child selves would have looked like the opposite gender as they are right now, probably.

Tora probably would have transitioned super young, but because of her tomboyish fashion sense at the time, she didn't look very different after her transition.

Steve probably wouldn't have realized he was trans until much later, maybe around high school (or whatever they call high school in the uk). He had a ton of dysphoria as a teen, but assumed it was just Freudian penis envy, because he just seems to me like the type of dumbass who would think penis envy is real.

One time I had to draw child versions of them, but I wasn't sure which genders to draw them as, so I gave them androgynous hairstyles. I think it suits them.

Neil is a robot, so he's only about a few years old. He doesn't really have a "childhood", but he is less naïve as he was when he first got built.

Tora has a complicated relationship with her parents. Her dad was a good dad, but her mom was a bad mom, and Tora feels like her dad didn't do enough to protect her from her mom.

Steve mostly has a good relationship with his parents, but they are immature and have a tendency to talk over him. 

Maybe that's why Steve is so talkative, because he had to talk a lot to get a word in edgewise. First ever only child to get youngest child syndrome  

They're nice people, but they have a lot weird, oddly specific beliefs that they will reference in casual conversation like it's common knowledge:

Juno: Steve, are you religious? Steve: No, not particularly... Steve: Although, one time my dad said that the Rapture already happened in 1971, but the only person who went was D.B. Cooper. Juno: ...what?? Neil: No, wait, let's hear him out.

[the1975attheirverybest]

so i reread bfiafl 2 this morning and the part where he wakes up with no clothes? am i to assume they didnt fuck? but then amelia is wearing his shirt which definitely screams more than just friends from her end?

also fun (?) news, ive managed to get myself booked in for a mental health assessment on monday and i have no clue if it will actually help in any way but it's something!

Ohhh that’s a good point. You’re so right that bit is slightly confusing. It’s cuz there was a whole scene in the middle where they almost fuck.

Like, originally, there was more to him sobbing etc. she tries to comfort him, he tries to kiss her. She undresses him and sort of looks after him. but I took that whole thing out. Forgot to go back and adjust the following scene accordingly so it seems weird now.

But no, they didn’t. :( though he’s definitely more than a friend in her mind. She’s just on this whole “I’m moving on cuz he doesn’t love me back” thing like an idiot.

WHILE I HAVE YOU…owing to some….weird feedback I’ve just received. Was the part where he doesn’t get hard and fuck her gross? Did it read as cheap/ unnecessary/ mean/ etc etc. ? Just…wondering lmao.

Oh bro it will help! I say this as someone who started therapy at like maybe 22 or 23 years and only went cuz my department was making me (I sort of had a mental breakdown and they told me I had to seek help if I wanted to remain in the masters program lmao), it’s gonna be good. I was totally pessimistic and not expecting it to make a difference but like getting the diagnosis or labels of “depression” and “anxiety” and then a year later getting medication….it did make me feel less insane. I mean I still try and tell myself that I’m faking and not actually depressed and just lazy and shit. But now I have a therapist who hears that and says “ummm…nope.” Lmao.

[kimbap-r0ll]

Hello is it alright to request a scenario where the overblot students dreamt there future with their s/o before meeting their s/o and there reaction when they finally met them

Hi, thank you for the ask! This was fun but I could only write a little bit, I might do a part two

Overblot!students meet s/o that they saw in their dreams

Riddle

First of all, he probably has super good memory and immediately knew who you were when you met them. He didn't expect you to be a magic-less person however that got dropped into Twisted Wonderland

He won't say directly that he saw you "once upon a dream" but he will be interested in talking to you. He might drag you aside when you're trying to talk with Ace and Deuce for example

I feel like he won't react that big in front of you, he might even deny that there is any kind of fate involved because of his realistic approach in life. However, he might find it surprising to see you

Leona

He forgot about the dream completely until you did something exactly the same way you did in his dream - step on his tail

He then proceeded to ignore you, basically treating you with a cold shoulder like he had always done to everyone, but behind your back he might ask Ruggie to follow you around for a bit. He doesn't want to admit it but he's intrigued by you

When he finally recalls the dream and all, he might try to go for you but won't actually make a large effort (because he's lazy) because he's busy. He will find it a bit unnerving that someone he knows from a dream is in front of him

Azul

He's sort of a helpless romantic sadly, and because of this he'll immediately recognize you from his dream. You were so nice to him, so of course he remembered you! He just didn't expect you to be a Ramshackle dorm leader and to be stuck with a trio that shared a braincell (Grim, Ace, Deuce)

He does try to waver you to him through his smooth talk and all, but with the way the tweels follow you around, you might be afraid to approach him and accept his advances. This won't stop him however, he's persistent!

Other than that however, he will find it a bit peculiar that such a meeting occurred. If anything, he thinks he's still dreaming because he doesn't know if he deserves to be with you.

Jamil

He recognized you, but didn't think of this as a good thing and instead thought this was some kind of omen. Was this supposed to be a bad thing?

He does try to talk to you because you were friendly to him in his dream, and it turns out the two of you actually like each other's company. You might find him to be a bit nagging at first, but he's kind.

He won't tell you about the dream he had, but he will mention that you are almost too good to be real if you two decide to start dating.

Vil

He won't mention the dream and he's taking this to the grave haha. He thinks it's impossible to meet someone that looks and acts EXACTLY the same way as the person he met while he was sleeping, but here you were!

He doesn't really get interested in you until you approach him first about his movies and acting career. After that, his confidence in trying to woo you might increase (not like he already assumed you would come to him because his ego's just that big-)

Overall, just expect him to be silent about the dream but he will be kind to you, which is a shock to everyone else because he's usually not that soft to the others haha

Idia

Is amazed that dreams can become a reality because he's so pessimistic and doesn't really believe in fairytales. Yet here you were!

He's too afraid to approach you, thinking he's not worthy of talking to someone so kind but Ortho does it for him, even mentioning that Idia might've seen you in his dreams. This causes Idia's hair to flare up

You two end up being super close but he won't admit that he saw you in his dreams. You truly are too good for this world however, and he's just glad that you're real

[uglypastels]

To the Beat // drummer!Tom 1/2

(a/n) here it is!!! it took about a decade of my life but i think it was worth it  also shoutout to @duskholland​ for hearing out my ideas when i was brainstorming and together with @captainpeggy40​  for getting me through my breakdowns while writing. i got it finished!! <3 I really went all out with this fic, so i hope you guys enjoy it!! part 2 will come... sometime this week ;)

word count: 7939 (unnecessary content GALORE) 

warning: drinking, swearing, crowded spaces, part 2 contains smut 

you can find the band’s setlist here

not all songs are mentioned in the fic but it’s songs that i would really love to see them play haha. if anyone would be interested, i can make a seperate post on how i imagine them playing it (who sings and stuff idk)

Read part 2 here <---> extra headcanons here

With the right stranger, one night can feel like a lifetime.

“Will you please come?” your friend begged you over the phone. “It’s gonna be really fun!” 

“You know, you say that a lot, yet I never have as much fun as you promise.” You sat down on your bed, looking out the window as the rain hit every surface outside. It was not exactly the weather you felt like going out in. 

“Then that’s on your extremely high expectations, not on me.” She stated, “But pleeease.” She kept on whining, and you knew she wouldn’t stop until you gave in. It always went like this. Always. 

“Ugh, fine.” you fell back on the soft mattress, your head only missing the pillow by an inch. “Where is it actually?” There was the question you both dreaded. You, because you knew you wouldn’t like the answer. Her, because she knew you wouldn’t either. 

“It’s at Suki’s,” she mumbled, but you could still hear her just fine. 

“That’s where you work right- please don’t tell me you’re working tonight?!” you groaned into the phone. 

“I am, but I’ll be done around 9.30 I think, so there’s still plenty of time for us to hang out! Besides, you already said yes, and NO TAKE BACKSIES!” she said this all extremely fast and screamed the last two words into your ear. Then, on top of that, hung up as soon as she finished, not giving you even a second to fight back. Not sure what happened, you stared at the black screen of your phone in confusion. 

She said the concert started at nine o’clock. Did she really expect you to go to this thing and spend half an hour by yourself? Or did she want you to sit at the bar while she poured drinks for everyone? Either way, none of those options felt appealing. For a solid minute, you contemplated just not going, just… not showing up. Turning off your phone and watching a movie or something at home. 

But at the same time, you hadn’t left the house for a long time. And it was Friday night. Why not go out and see some obscure little band. What was their name again? Your friend had mentioned it, but you already forgot. Maybe it was for the better too. That way, you couldn’t look them up beforehand, and if they were shit, you would just find out there and not have another thing to be dreading as you got ready. Or maybe they would be good. Then it would be a pleasant surprise on the spot. 

You checked the time. 7:27pm. That gave you about an hour to get ready and then some time to actually get to the bar. Should be doable. 

So, you hopped in the shower to get all fresh again. Even if it would all get ruined later on in the night by standing in a sweaty crowd. It’s the effort to look presentable that counts. Then, you picked out an outfit that would be comfortable in the before mentioned crowd. You could never go wrong with the simple jeans and a t-shirt combo. 

Looking in the mirror, the thought of Not Going popped up in your mind again. There was nothing really obliging you to go. And the idea of standing there listening to the loud music, whether it was good or not, sounded slightly exhausting. 

No, you reminded yourself, it would do you good to leave the house once in a while. Have “fun”. You checked the time once more, 8:14. You had done everything a bit quicker than you expected. The Uber you had arranged for yourself would be there in a few minutes. So, you were stuck in that kind of waiting limbo, sitting on your couch, not sure what to do. Eventually, you put on your shoes and got your keys and were ready to head out. 

The drive was quick and thankfully, mostly quiet. It was only a minute or two before you reached your destination that the driver decided to ask you where you were headed. 

“Concert,” you said hesitantly. Why did these people always want to know your business? Thankfully, the man didn’t ask much more. And then it was time for you to get out of the car. The drive actually took much less time than you had expected and there was still some time left before the band would start to perform. 

Suki’s was a bar downtown, in the basement of some kind of law firm. Their whole thing was that they let new bands and artists play each week so they could get some of the public’s interest going. Make themselves known to the world. It was literally and figuratively, an underground following that it had. Many, but at the same time, nobody knew about it. It was a secret amongst music lovers. Considering the bar wanted to stay its own secret, you never understood the bright neon lights above the entrance, going down the staircase all the way to the actual hall. 

The bar itself wasn’t too big. Enough space for a small stage along one wall, a bar on the opposite side, and the rest was space for the crowd to either enjoy or hate the music being played. When you walked in the room was still relatively empty. You saw two guys setting up equipment on stage, you assumed it was the band. Behind them was a black banner with “Winter Solstice” written in scratchy white letters. Between the words, a star that was drawn on in precisely the same rough manner. You had to admit, it was a cool name. 

Considering there weren’t many people there yet, you headed for the bar to get yourself a drink before it would be too crowded to even reach the counter. And there stood your friend, behind the bar talking to some guy. They were both laughing at something as you walked up. 

“y/n! You came!” you squealed out, “what can I get ya?” 

“A beer?” you said it more like a question. 

“Coming right up.” And with that, your friend walked off to the tap to pour you your drink. It was more out of reflex when you sat down on the stool, you leaned your head on your hand, but you understood the question from the stranger when he spoke up. 

“Not looking forward to it?”

Still with your chin on your knuckles, you turned to face him. 

“Huh? Oh no, I mean… she kind of made me come here, but-” you tried not to sound too pessimistic, but the guy saw right through you.

“So, I guess the answer is yes.” He chuckled. Right then, your friend came holding your drink and put it in front of you. 

“I’ll put it on your tap.” She was going to join the conversation but right then a group of tonight’s spectators walked up in need of drinks, so she was soon off again. 

“I’m not not looking forward to it?” nothing in your voice made it sound like you were sure of yourself, but it was enough for him. You took a sip of your beer, which you could feel helping the situation. While doing that you looked over the brim of the tall glass to look at your conversation partner. Like you, he was drinking a beer himself and considering it was almost empty, he had done that either very fast, or he had been there for a while already. 

Next, you took a look at him. From the profile, he looked pretty good. He was wearing a loose tank, showing off his arms. His dark curly hair was held back with a black cap that he wore backwards. What definitely stood out to you was his jawline. It looked like you could cut yourself on it just with the slightest of touches. For everyone’s sake, you quickly turned your gaze over to the extensive liquor collection in front of you. But you could see in the reflection behind the bottles how he was smiling to himself. He definitely saw you stare. This was awkward, and you only got here two minutes ago.

“So, do you know the band?” you asked in the hopes to weed out this weird situation you had created. For some reason, your question made him smile. In that type of way as if you had just mentioned an inside joke. Except you weren’t in on it, so you couldn’t laugh along. 

“Yeah, they’re alright.” He shrugged. Then, as if he suddenly remembered something, he shot up straight in his seat. “I’m Tom, by the way.” 

“y/n.” Then you remembered how your friend practically screamed out your name when you walked in, “but you already knew that.” Your phone vibrated with a text, so you took it out and immediately saw the time, it was already past nine. You looked over at the stage where the two guys were trying to untangle some chords. Clearly, it wasn’t starting anytime soon. 

“What kind of music do they play?” You asked Tom while still looking at the band trying to get ready. 

“A bit of everything, I suppose.” 

You bit your cheek not to say anything that might come off rude, but he could still read you. 

“I guess that wasn’t the right answer?” He raised an eyebrow. 

“I just hoped to get something more specific, but as long as they’re good, I’ll enjoy it.” You took another sip of your beer as an excuse to shut up. He must think you’re such a bitch at this point. You saw him glance over your shoulder at the stage and then smile at you. 

“I like you.” there was that chuckle of his again, “I’ll see you later, then.” And he got up. You were gonna ask why later? Why couldn’t you hang out now? You didn’t like to admit it, but you enjoyed his company, even though it was only brief and most of the time you spent it making yourself look like a moron. As superficial it made you sound, you simply enjoyed the presents of a good looking guy like him.

You were going to ask him, but he quickly disappeared into the crowd that started to form along the foot of the stage. More and more people were coming and joining in. The two guys from the band had finally untangled their chords and were placing their guitars over their shoulders, and plugged them into the amplifiers. That’s when you noticed that a spot was empty on the stage. The big drum set had no occupant yet. 

So, while everyone waited for the drummer to show up, you took this time to look at the other two band members, trying to decide which one was the cuter one. 

That turned out to be slightly more difficult of a task, you quickly realised. Though they were both very different, they were both also extremely good looking. There was the blonde, strumming a few simple chords on his guitar to warm up. Even in the dim light, you could see how perfectly chiselled his face was. He was wearing a slightly oversized button-up shirt with about half of the buttons open. The skinny jeans didn’t seem comfortable to you, but he made them work. The rings on his fingers reflected in the lights as he kept on strumming. 

The other had a bit more of a playful vibe around him. His curly mop of hair bounced with every move he made. You could hear his loud and contagious laugh all the way from the other side of the room without the need for a microphone. His outfit was something completely different compared to the blonde. It consisted of a baggy t-shirt (that you could read the band logo on), with ripped dungarees that were only attached on one side. He had rolled them up, showing off his bright converse. His bass guitar was currently hanging behind his back as he adjusted the mic stand one last time. There was something familiar about him, though you were sure had never seen him before. 

Then finally, a third person joined them. People cheered since it meant that they could finally start playing. You tried to get a good look at him before he hid behind the drum set. Hair was hiding beneath a cap, tank top… wait… was it-

You got up and walked through the audience. There weren’t that many people, so it was reasonably easy to get to the front. Or, almost at the front row, standing right in front of them felt a bit intimidating. Now you could see all three of them much better, and there was no denying it. Your new acquaintance Tom was the drummer. And when you looked over at the curly bassist again, you realised why he looked so familiar. It was not an identical resemblance, but there was enough that made you think they were related somehow. 

You watched Tom spin one of his drumsticks in his hand. He had the biggest smile on his face, then he caught your eye and winked. The cheeky bastard knew exactly what he was doing, you were sure of it. He was waiting for your surprised reaction, and you fell for it completely—hook, line and sinker. 

The curly one got up to his microphone. “Hey everybody, we’re Winter Solstice,” his voice was much deeper than you had expected. Especially, considering that he actually looked younger than the other two, you noticed. “We thought you’d appreciate some more known songs tonight, so join in whenever.” 

Alright, they were gonna do covers. That was not a wrong move at all. A lot of bands want to show off their own music, but most of the time that leaves the audience just swaying awkwardly because they don’t know the lyrics or what to expect. 

“Here’s one you all should know.” 

The blonde started playing his guitar, and it only took a second or two before everyone realised what song it was. Mr Brightside. It sounded a bit different, as their attempt to make the song their own, but the riff was unmistakably Mr Brightside. Everyone around you immediately cheered and started to dance along, waiting to sing the lyrics. You were too, of course, but all you could think about was Tom playing in the back. He looked so focused, but still didn’t let it sit in the way of enjoying the song. 

In the song, the drums probably only started a beat before the lyrics, so you missed out on the first few words, but quickly you were singing too. 

“But she’s touching his chest now, he takes off her dress now. Let me gooo,” the blonde guitarist sang. His voice wasn’t perfect, it was rough, some might have called it cursive, but in that right sort of way. It fit well with the rest of the band and how they played. In just a minute, they had gotten the entire room hyped up. Everyone was into it. Maybe it was because of the song choice, but you doubted it. A song like that can be tricky to sing to a new crowd. If you screwed it up, they’d hate you forever.  

That was definitely not the case here, they had the crowd in the palms of their hands. With each beat, you were pulled in…or, was that just you? 

The second verse started, and it was the bassist that began to sing: “I'm coming out of my cage, and I've been doing just fine-” There was no clear description of his voice. At least you couldn’t really pinpoint it. There was definitely that playfulness in it that he had been showing through everything he did. He couldn’t stay still, jumping in place, making his curls bump up and down as he went. 

“It was only a kiss” 

It was Tom that said the little interjection in the song. You had only looked his way at the end, while the other was already singing, but you felt as if he had been looking at you directly. No, he wasn’t. Why would he? You shook the thought off and continued enjoying the performance of the three men. You sang along just like everyone else. 

And then the song ended. It was almost unbelievable that it had only been one song that they played, but they moved on to the next quickly. 

The guitar faded out but came straight back, accompanied by a heavy bass line. Some people around you recognised the melody, but it took you a moment or two. Then it went quiet. The blonde leaned into his microphone, whispering the words. 

“I’m the invisible man,” guitar riff “I’m the invisible man,” guitar, “Incredible how you can- see right through me!” His voice got louder as Tom joined in with the drums. Then those few seconds of bass followed which actually sent shivers up your spine. To put it simply, you were a sucker for good bass and beat. But what was it about them that sounded so good? You couldn’t think of anything particular that would have set them apart from all the other artists you had seen perform in the club through the years… 

Still, seeing them have so much fun on stage, it was truly intoxicating, you wanted to join them. You couldn’t remember the last time you had seen someone jump around on that little stage while playing bass. You couldn’t wait to find out what their names were, but for now, “the curly bassist” didn’t take a second to stand still. The only time he stood in one spot was when he had to sing, and even then he moved around a lot. 

The others didn’t have that same luxury. Of course, Tom did not have a lot of options, sitting behind his drum set. Yet still, he managed to light up the stage with his bright smile and the passion he put into his drumming. Any time you looked at him, you didn’t want to look away- which was hard, considering that the other two were also a great joy to watch. 

The blonde, in his turn, stayed on his side of the stage, being somewhat stuck with his microphone since he had the most vocals. But he still had a great connection with the audience, you felt like. 

Before you knew it, the second song had also come to an end. Cheers and applause erupted in front of the band, with you contributing to it as well, of course. 

“Thank you, thank you,” the bassist took a little bow. Even though they weren’t playing any song, he still slapped one of the strings mindlessly. “Like I said, we’re Winter Solstice. My name’s Harry.” He introduced himself. Finally, you could call him something else than the curly bassist. Even though it was a very catchy nickname, you thought yourself. 

“Here on the guitar,” Harry pointed out, “Is my good friend Harrison.” Harrison waved to the crowd, receiving screams from the audience as if it was filled with banshees. 

“In the back,” Tom immediately started a soft drum roll, but Harry didn’t wait that long, “that’s Tom.” Tom reacted with a face that could only be described as “bruh”, making several people around you laugh. You wondered if it was rehearsed or if this was just how they were. Either way, it was cute. 

Harry talked some more about how they were excited to play tonight, but you were looking at Tom. You watched him grab a water bottle and drink half of it in almost one chug. When he pulled it away from his mouth, you saw that he caught you staring. Even though you were between dozens of people, even though the light that was shining in his face- he saw you. And he winked again. In the next moment, you had to think if the heat burning through your body was an effect of that little gesture or because of how warm it was in the room. For your own sake, you went with the second option. 

“Alright, here’s another song for you all,” it was a voice you hadn’t heard speak before. Harrison. “Here’s: You Oughta Know.” There was a mixed reaction from the audience, including you. Of course, you knew the Alanis Morisette song, but you had never heard it be played by men.  It was definitely an interesting choice for them to play, especially after the Killers and Queen. 

“I want you to know that I am happy for you,” it was Tom that started singing, as he drummed softly. You tried to control your thoughts as he kept on singing. Then the pre-chorus began, and you were shocked at how well they harmonised. 

“Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide.” It actually gave you chills. How were you so excited about listening to three strangers sing? 

At the chorus itself, everyone in the room went wild, singing along loudly. It was clear that the people were sold on this new version of the song. It was all fine. You were enjoying the show. It was actually fun. And then, Tom sang the next line- 

“It was a slap in the face. How quickly I was replaced. And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?” It sure was a slap in the face. You had to remind yourself that it was just the lyrics of the song. And he was just a guy on stage that you had only exchanged a few words with prior. Yet, you couldn’t focus on anything from that moment on. You could barely comprehend their version of “Are You Gonna Be My Girl”, not even really understanding that they were playing a different song. It was just a big blur. But maybe it was for the better, because could you really cope with Tom singing the titular phrase of the song in that husky way that he did... debatable. 

When you woke up from your daze, Tom had stood up to show the crowd the beat to clap to. You joined in before anyone noticed how far out of it you indeed were. Harrison finished the song off with a falsetto and then it was already time for the next song. 

This time you knew what to do. You wanted to record at least some part of the show. And when harry started a bass solo, you made sure to get at least a bit of it and continued filming from there, ready to post it on your Instagram later on. Harrison joined in with the guitar, and you actually had no idea what song they were playing. More people didn’t seem to recognise the song immediately, which visibly amused the musicians. They couldn’t hide their grins even behind the microphones. Once again, the harmonies… how did they sound so good? 

As the song continued, the more sure you were that you had heard it before, but it must have been very different from the original. No, actually… How did you not recognise Dua Lipa? It was not hard to forget about the original when you got to listen to this version. How had each song so far been this good, you still didn’t understand. You didn’t want it to end. 

But unfortunately, right after that, they took another break from singing. 

“Alright!” Harrison cheered (more squeals from his side of the audience followed. Apparently he had started to gain quite the following). “The next song is another classic, I like to think.” People whooed. “So we’d like some help from you guys if that’s okay.” The crowd seemed to be into it, so Tom followed with the instructions. 

“Okay, so we’re gonna start playing in a sec, and Harry will sing a little melody. Just copy that, and we’ll be on our way.” In the meantime, Harry had gone off stage to grab a bottle of water, so everyone had to wait for a second. This gave Tom the opportunity to freestyle on his drum set. It was a simple beat, but it progressed into a more complex set. He, however, did it effortlessly. 

Finally, Harry came back running, he threw bottles to the other two, which they both caught without a problem. Tom started to press the bass drum steadily, layering more on top of it. Then Harry joined with the bass, and ultimately, Harrison’s guitar finished it off. Harry leaned into the microphone. 

“Ooooo-ooo-oo-oo, ooooo-ooo-oo-oo, oooo-oo-oo,” he almost whistled, but not quite. He continued a few times, together with Tom and Harrison until everyone in the room was singing along. Then made that kind of gesture to show you had to stop. Harrison sang the verse. Anytime it was your turn, you’d just follow Harry. 

You had been to many concerts, but not many new bands had much luck in getting a full crowd to participate in the song. But by the way they played, everyone just wished they could be in the band, playing along with them. Even if it was just dangling the triangle. You, however, didn’t want that, necessarily. You assumed that it was the fact that you hadn’t been out of the house in so long, that now that you had the chance, everything felt hundred times more great. So a concert that was already amazing, suddenly felt like a euphoric, once in a lifetime, experience… though that might go a bit too far. And it for sure helped that all three band members were hot. Like, really really hot. 

Literally, too, the room was getting really warm at this point, and the guys were visibly hot also. It didn’t stop them from performing at 110% though. A few songs more passed by and Harry was still jumping around the stage. Harrison sang every note perfectly as he slew that guitar of his and Tom… 

You could barely look at Tom. Playing the drums as hectically (in the good sense) as he did, you thought he would be exhausted by now. But he still had that big perfect smile on his face. The sweat was dripping down his arms, but it just highlighted his biceps, making it very hard for you to concentrate on the music. And then, no matter what he was doing, he would find you in the crowd and smirk or wink, making you even more flustered than you were before. The first time, you thought he was doing it to someone else. But then it happened again, and again. And the beat of drums led your heart. You could feel it in your throat as it kept pumping with the loud music. 

It was during their little break which they used to goof around and play the intro of “Chelsea Dagger”, that you decided to go back to the bar. Your friend had said she wouldn’t leave you alone for the entirety of the concert, but you were already quite some songs in and there was still no sign of her. And you quickly realised why that was. Since the show had started, the entire room had filled up with people. You had never seen it be so crowded, in fact. And then the bar was packed with people asking for their drinks. 

Your friend was indeed there, with another bartender, doing her best to pour the drinks quickly. But more and more people got thirsty, so it was easy to assume you would have to spend the rest of the night alone as well.

By that time, the band started on the next song of their setlist, and you really thought they were playing one big joke on you. Or at least this Tom guy was. As he loudly sang Sex on Fire, by Kings of Leon, you decided to sit this one song out from the front row and stay back, near the bar. It actually did you well, because it was much less hot than upfront. You could just stay there for the rest of the show. They had been through around ten songs already, so they must be done soon, either way, you thought. 

And you were right. Ending with Come Together, the applause was bigger than through the entire night. The boys finished with extended solo’s of their respective instruments and a bow, and it was really over. Harry came up to the microphone one last time as the other two were already getting off stage. 

“Thank you! We are Winter Solstice! Buy our merch at the door! GOODNIGHT!” 

The idea of buying a t-shirt was pretty fun. And apparently, you weren’t the only one who thought that. Far from it, actually, The line at the little merch booth quickly exceeded the length of the small concert hall. You wondered if they even had enough things to sell. Would it even be worth it to stand in line? You just waited for the stream of new fans to cool down.

Eventually, it did. Slowly, but surely, the line got shorter. You also noticed that there were a few people that had the exact same idea as you had, so you joined the queue before the rest could. You didn’t even have to wait that long. Before you knew it, you were standing at the little table. There were piles of t-shirts and cd’s, and there were more boxes behind the table too. They really came prepared. Harrison had just been folding up an empty box when you walked up. 

“Hi. Can I get a (your size)” you asked, already pulling out your card to pay, “and a CD?” 

“Yeah, of course,” Harry grabbed a shirt for you with a smile. Tom had been talking to the girl that had been in line in front of you, but he quickly turned to look at you when he heard your voice. 

“y/n!” He finished the conversation with the other girl before moving over to join his bandmate. 

“Hey,” you wish it hadn’t been so, but a lot changed since the first time you spoke to him, let it only have been about an hour. There was something about him being in the band you just watched perform and buying his merch, that made you feel like a little school girl standing next to him. 

“I thought you had left.” He noticed you leave? Not the point. 

“No, I just went to the back. It was getting a bit hot for me upfront.” 

“Ah,” he nodded. “Did you enjoy the show then?” 

“Yes!” you said, a bit too loud, “You guys were great.” You looked at the CD that Harry had just handed you and smiled. “And I was wondering if you could maybe sign this for me?” Out of nowhere, Harrison appeared behind Tom, grabbing the CD from your hands and putting his signature right at the centre of the packaging. Just as quickly as he appeared, he went back to whatever he was doing before. But not without sending you a wink first. What was it with these guys and winking? Not that you really minded it. 

Harry took the slightly more polite approach, waiting for you to hand him the CD and he signed it above Harrison’s signature. Then he handed it over, together with the marker, to Tom. 

“So, we got ourselves a number one fan, huh?” 

“No, I’ll just wait ‘til you guys get famous so I can sell it on the internet and get rich.” That was probably not the response Tom had expected, which you immensely enjoyed. Next to him, Harry erupted in a fit of laughter. 

“Haz, did you hear that? She thinks we’ll be famous.” His laugh was even better close up. While Harry and Harrison kept on laughing, you used the moment to speak to Tom, one on one. 

“So why didn’t you tell me you were in the band?” you asked. 

“What does it matter,” he chuckled.

“You let me ask all those questions about the band, it’s fucking embarrassing, man.” you couldn’t help but laugh yourself. 

“Heh, sorry.” he took off his cap to rearrange his hair since some of it had fallen in his eyes through the night. You didn’t know what else to say, so the conversation died down. Then you remembered that there was still a bit of a line behind you of people that wanted to buy the merch as well. 

“Let me just pay for these, and I’ll be off.” 

“No, it’s fine, on the house,” Tom said. You looked at him with wide eyes. 

“Are you sure? It’s really no problem.” 

“Yeah, just promise me one thing.” 

“What?” You raised an eyebrow, not sure what to expect. You didn’t want to jump onto that wagon too quickly. 

“Will you stay? I’d really like to hang out.” 

You weren’t sure what to answer at first. You did want to stay and talk to him, but it was getting late, and you had been standing for a long time, and you were kinda gross from how warm it was during the concert… but Tom was really hot. And he asked so nicely. 

“Sure.” you gave in. “I’ll hang out with my friend at the bar and let ya get back to-” you pointed around the table to make your point across. He nodded and waved you goodbye as you walked away, clutching on to your newly bought merchandise.

Just like you thought, your friend was indeed still at the bar, cleaning up leftover glasses from the counter. She saw you walk over and you could tell she saw something different in you. 

“Look at you beaming, girl! What happened?” she put away the half-dried glass to listen to you. 

“Nothing?” you said casually. She saw right through you though, so you just decided to give up the little act. “Tom asked me to wait behind for him.” You bit your lip, expecting to get a lecture from her. But none of that happened. Instead, she squealed out in, what seemed like, excitement. 

“Ooh, Tom is such a great guy!” 

“You know him?” you asked, surprised. 

“Well, he was the one that got their band the gig here, so we talked here and there, mostly planning,” she explained. “And I mean, look at him.” she sighed and her eyes glazed over a bit when she looked in the direction of the merch table. Not sure what else to do, you followed her action and glanced over. Of course, right at that time, Tom decided to look in your direction as well. He smiled and waved lightly, making your cheeks heat up and quickly look away. Your friend, however, waved back enthusiastically. 

“So you think it’s safe for me-” what were you even gonna ask her? 

“Go have fun, I say. But if anything does happen, remember the codeword?” Her tone changed to a more serious one, which you appreciated. You had agreed ages ago on a codeword to use. In case a date turned for the worst, or generally if something felt off. 

“Broccoli, baby. I know.” 

“Broccoli.” She held up her hand for a high five, which you gladly accepted. 

You chatted for a little bit longer. Every few minutes tho, you’d be sure to glance over your shoulder to see if the merch line was getting any shorter. It didn’t seem like it. There was simply no end to it. You felt yourself getting frustrated. To the point that your friend actually pointed it out, snorting from holding in her laughter. 

“He has got you whipped, hasn’t he?” she bumped your shoulder playfully. All you did was roll your eyes. Which, actually, said everything she needed to know. He did, didn’t he? You always had a soft spot for musicians, dated a few. But comparing them to Tom now… it felt like a joke. There was something about this guy that made you want to know more about him. You wanted to see him play and sing again. You wanted- do a lot of things. But you had to get that out of your head. Let the night speak for itself, see where it leads you. If it would be his bedroom… that would be fine. Just fine. 

You knew you were crazy for thinking all of this, but a girl can dream, right? 

You looked across the room and were glad to see that there were only a few people left. Harry had already started packing everything up that would most likely not be sold that night. You watched the three of them make some small chat with the people walking by, but all your real focus was on Tom and his deep stare right at you. It made your heart beat faster. With his arms across his chest, the muscles seemed even more prominent. 

He was suddenly pulled back into the conversation, and it was as if he changed into a different person. All bubbly, none of that- what even was it that he looked at you? You decided to not think about it too much. One does not do well when dwelling about anything. 

Finally, the last person bought their shirt, and they were done. Hoping it didn’t make you look too desperate, you didn’t waste a second to walk over to them. Harrison and Tom were helping Harry pack up the rest of the things that were left on the table. 

“Hey,” you said awkwardly. Tom almost dropped the stack of shirts he was holding. Again, the attention fell to his arms. You had to force yourself to look up at his face, which didn’t help much either, but it made it easier to think thoughts that would not mean a one-way ticket to Hell. 

“Hi! I’m so glad you stayed,” he said after putting those shirts in the box. “I thought we could go grab something to eat. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.” He spoke really fast, just showing how excited he was to talk to you again. To be honest, you weren’t necessarily hungry, but going out to eat with Tom didn’t sound too bad. 

“Don’t you have to pack up?” You pointed back to the stage that still counted all of their equipment. 

“No, we’re playing here tomorrow, again,” Harrison explained. 

“Oh, cool.” Was all you said. It was cool, you just didn’t know how to say anything without sounding dumb. 

“Well, shall we? There’s a diner on the way to my flat. It has the best burgers.” Tom exclaimed. You ignored the little mention of his apartment and focused on the burgers. He wasn’t suggesting for you to come over to his place. It was just a fact… right? 

“Lead the way,” you told him, but before you left, you turned to the other two members of Winter Solstice. “It was nice meeting you guys.” Everyone waved, and so on, and you were off to eat. 

It was almost midnight by the time you got there, but the diner Tom had mentioned did advertise as a 24/7. And it held up. When you walked in, you were practically hit in the face with the delicious smell of pie. You sat down in a booth next to the large window and very soon after a waitress walked up. 

“What can I get ya?” she asked, flipping her little notebook open.  

“I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries, thanks,” Tom asked. Then it was your turn. 

“Just large fries for me, thank you.” The waitress wrote it all down, then continued to ask if you wanted anything to drink. 

“Ooh, do you have milkshakes?” The woman smiled and nodded. “So a chocolate milkshake then.” You ordered. 

“Make it two,” Tom added. Then the waitress went off, Tom leaned on the table toward you, with his hands in front of him. “So, just fries, huh?”

“I’m not super hungry, and I wasn’t going to steal your fries,” you explained, making Tom laugh and shake his head. 

“You’re interesting, you know that?” 

“I like to think so, yeah,” you answered straightforwardly. It was a pity you had not gotten your drinks yet, or you would have taken a very nonchalant sip. You leaned your chin on your hand, just like you did at the bar before the show. Except for this time, there was a smile hiking up the corners of your mouth. Tom mirrored your position. 

“So how did you guys come up with the name?” you had been wondering that ever since you saw that banner hanging on the stage. It was always interesting to find out the thinking process like. 

“You gotta ask Harry, he came up with it one day, and we just went along. He’s the more artistic one of the bunch.” Of course he is. Well, that didn’t answer anything then. But another question popped up in your mind.

“Are you guys related?” 

Tom smiled at that question. “Yeah, Harry is my younger brother. Harrison has been my best mate ever since I can remember. We’ve always been close and messing around. Then one day we decided to grab some old instruments from the attic and- sorry, I’m probably boring you, aren’t I?” He took off his cap again and ruffled his hair. You thought he would put it back on, but he left it on the table. There was pretty good lighting at Suki’s, but the colourful spotlights were no match to the bright LEDs of the diner. 

“I don’t see how you thought that was boring,” you assured him. You truly enjoyed his little story, talking about his friend and brother. You had doubted the choice of going out to eat so late at night with a stranger, but now the reason was apparent. He didn’t want to be strangers-he wanted to get to know you. And you wanted to get to know him.

The waitress came back with two large milkshakes, topped with whipped cream and syrup. She said that the food would be ready in a few more minutes and left you to continue your conversation. You nudged Tom on to go on where he stopped previously. 

 “So yeah,” he cleared his throat, “we played and thought, hey that doesn’t sound shit, and we practised for a few months and decided some time ago, why not try and play.”

“Was this your first gig?” you asked in disbelief. He shook his head, though. 

“We’ve performed a few times, but this was the first one that felt… real, you know. Maybe it was just me, but I felt this great connection with the crowd, and it felt great.” You nodded along with every word, without realising that you had been getting lost in his eyes. He had been looking into yours as he spoke about that connection, and it made you feel that maybe, just maybe, he meant you specifically. 

“y/n?” He eventually asked, waking you up. You almost spilt your milkshake from the abrupt movement you made as you tried to sit up.

“What? Sorry.” You held the glass until it didn’t shake. 

“I asked if you enjoyed it? The show?” 

“Didn’t you ask that already?” Stupid way to answer! “But yeah, I loved it. You were really great- I mean, all of you.” but especially you, you wanted to add on, but that felt like going too far. As you were trying to come up with a normal-sounding answer there, Tom sipped from his milkshake. Something in his eyes told you that he could tell what you wanted to say, and that thought scared you a little bit. All you wanted to do was to give this hot guy a good impression of yourself, was that really that hard? 

But he didn’t say anything about it. Just continued the conversation as you hoped he would.

“Well, I’m glad. Honestly, you had scared me a bit back then, when you left,” he admitted. And there were the heart palpitations again, beating faster and faster. You grabbed the cold milkshake because you could feel yourself getting hotter. 

“How so?” you choked out. 

“Just because I could tell you weren’t exactly looking forward to the show, and then I saw you leave and didn’t come back. I thought you didn’t like us.” Us. He said “us”. Then we did it feel like he just wanted to say “me”? 

“I wanted to check up on my friend, and then I realised that it was much colder in the back, so I stayed there.” you explained again, “But why be worried about me, there were plenty of other people enjoying themselves.” 

He was about to answer when the waitress walked up with two large plates. She put them on the table with a smile, which you noticed was more directed towards Tom than you. He responded with a tight smile himself, but only shortly, turning back to you quickly to respond to your question. 

“No one there was as cute as you.” 

“What?” This time you made sure not to make any sudden movements to save your food and drink on the table. Did he really say that? But he didn’t clarify himself, he just smirked, enjoying your flushed expression a little too much. He put a fry in his mouth and still ate it with that smug smirk. You just went and ate some of your own fries, avoiding eye contact with him. You just needed a second to sort your thoughts. 

That second lasted a little longer, but at least you had the food to use as an excuse to avoid “awkward silence”. 

“So do you play any instruments?” he asked. You looked up to see that he had almost finished his burger. When you saw the dish being brought up, you thanked yourself and any god watching out there that you didn’t choose to order one. It was absolutely massive, meaning you would make a complete mess out of yourself—a sight for no one to see but your tv screen on a lonely night. 

“Uh, I can play a few notes on the piano but all very beginner's level.” You dipped a fry in your milkshake. 

“Like what?” He seemed genuinely interested. 

“Uhm.. the Flintstones theme song, for one. There was more, but I haven’t played in ages, so I doubt I remember anything.” 

“Flintstones, huh, nice.” He took the last bite of his burger. Knowing how weird it is to look at someone when they’re eating, you looked out the window for a second. It was dark outside, and the rain had come back, letting all the street lights reflect in the asphalt. 

You both finished the remains of your fries and milkshakes while making some more small talk. You got up simultaneously from the booth. Was it over now? You hoped not. You didn’t want to say goodbye. 

You grabbed your things while Tom paid for the food. Then you realised he had left his cap on the table so grabbed it too. But your hands were already full, so you decided to just put it on. Backwards, just like he had been wearing it through the evening.

“It looks good on you,” he commented when you met at the door. 

“Thanks,” there was the heat up your cheeks again. “And thank you for everything else, I had a really great night.” you were about to take the hat off to give it back, but he stopped you.

“It doesn’t have to end here, darling.”

To be continued...

> Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed

> please leave a comment or ask with your thoughts. i love reading them and let me know if you want to be tagged in part 2! 

>masterlist and link to taglist in bio 

tagging: 

@definitely-not-black-cat​​ @artemisiaarm​​ @nerdyhockeygirl​​ @miraclesoflove​​ @justasmisunderstoodasloki​​ @thefridgeismybestie​​ @m19friend @creative-happenings​​ @parker-holland-osterfield​​ @fanficparker​​ @fanficscuziranout​​ @peterparkoure​​ @xxtomxo​​ @happywolves81​​ @captainbuckyy​​ @tra-gicx​​ @qxeen-of-hearts @varshavisuu​​ @kangaroobunny​​ @petersunderoos96​​  @the-lost-fairy-tale​​ @nerd-domland​​ @sleepybesson​​ @rissa067​​ @the-queen-procrastinator​​ @scarletteclipze​​ @screeching-student-unknown​​ @tomhollanders2013​​ @miraclesoflove​​ @playinonaloop​​​ @queenoflostspirits​​ @roses-hxlland​​​ @hereiamhereigo​​​ @sunnydays0803​​​ @averyfosterthoughts​​​ @moorehollandplz​​​ @beiroviski​​​ @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @peterparkerbabyyy @multifandomlover21​​​ @lmaotshollandd​​​ @badbitchydecisions​​​ @tikapollak​​​ @starkeybabie​​​ @awesomehritz​​​ @madzleigh01​​​ @oh-what a beautiful-parker @taciturnspidey​​​ @quaksonhehe​​​ @mountainsforwords​​​ @harryfobter @peepeeparkerr @viagracex​​​ @ethereal-beauty-p​​​ @perspectiveparker​​​ @slytherin-chaser​​​ @worldoftom​​​ @moonysoftt​​​ @peeterparkr​​​ @wazzupmrstark​​​ @saintlavrents​​ @peachybloomss​​ @blissfulparker​​ @chloecreatesfictions​​  @fallinfortom​​ @londonspidey​​ @spidey-reids-2003​ @hollandcreep​

[funkymbtifiction]

Questions about mbti and enneagram

1. Could these thinkings be related to 4 sx? Since I find them the best examples to assume myself as 4 sx.

>>>> I think I have a tendency to lack common sense and how reality “actually” works unlike most people. But I think that’s what makes me “different” from others. <- I’m afraid this is just being an intuitive type with poor sensory skills. NPs struggle with this a lot, and often NFJs, but INTJs don’t because of Te. That grounds them in reality and gives them an awareness of what’s possible. BUT they still lack sensory perception awareness (eg, putting my foot on the heater would feel nice, not burn me, but I forgot that damn thing is super hot!). All intuitives to some degree feel like aliens in the world, because... there are less of us than of sensors. And what sensors care about and focus on, we don’t.

>>>Tho I sometimes feel lonely because of it, but I love & admit it since it makes me to crave unique ideas and identity, ideals, partner etc. <- This is pretty much just being a human being. Everyone wants those things.

2. What’s your ideas on protagonists and antagonists of each enneagram types? <- I can’t do “villain/antagonists” off the top of my head, but Captain America is a 1, Helen Magus is a 2, P.T. Barnum is a 3, Anne Shirley is a 4, Benjamin Gates is a 5, Black Widow is a 6, Scott Lang is a 7, Marko Rameus is an 8, and Harry Potter is a 9.

3. I have heard that intuition is “knowing something accurately without proof”. But I think intuition can’t operate without any information. Since “knowing” something without a piece knowledge about it sounds more likely to “superpower”. Can you explain about intuition more deeply if u dont mind?

Intuition fills in the pieces. Like the day I started wondering where the stereotype of the “evil housekeeper” came from, since it’s a repeated trope, and theorized that it comes from a distrust of unmarried woman (because culturally that is “abnormal” and people vilify what they fear), and assumed that’s where it came from, but then started doing research about why that might be / the motivations behind it, and discovered a bunch of external evidence to support my theory that male-driven society has always feared strong, independent women, and that was a major driving force behind the witch hunts – they weren’t born of superstition, but opportunism and financial gain, often to strip wealthy women of their power and property. It was an intellectual curiosity that led to me forming independent theories to fill in the holes of what I didn’t know, and then going on to find evidence to support and/or debunk it, but I ASSUMED and that assumption led me to explore.

4. Can 7w6s be anxious like 6w7s do?  I know they crave fun before safety, but I have seen some of 7w6s finding common grounds with people and comfort zones in order to be safe.

7w6s have a lot of 6, so yes, they are often anxious, reactive, hyper people, but they possess a lot more natural self-trust than 6 cores do and are more prone to re-conning their mistakes into “learning experiences,” and focusing more on the positives than the negatives, as optimistic types. 6w7s have to work toward optimism out of pessimism, 7w6s have to work out of ignoring problems into admitting they exist. The two types are pulling in opposite directions, so there’s a lot of back and forth between them – lots of highs and lows and mental chaos because 7 is frantic to avoid negative thoughts and commitment, and 6 wants to dwell in them.

5. How do you differentiate between SF and NF? Since they look pretty similar on the surafce due to their people-oriented nature, I am curious.

SFs focus on what can be done here and now, NFs focus on what the future holds and what they anticipate this person will be like. SFs are way more likely to have an accurate view of someone, because they are dealing with who they are today, whereas NFs can get lost in dreaming about them or seeing a better version of them. SFs don’t dig deep enough and their future predictions tend to be pessimistic; NFs aren’t realistic enough and their predictions tend to be idealistic.

6. Can you tell me your ideas about the traits that ENXX types share? I know their functional stacks are different, but I think that they still can have similarities too.

Ambitious, driven, enthusiastic, and forward-focused. Can be work-driven or impulsive. Otherwise, there’s a lot of difference between an ENFJ and an ENFP, and an ENTJ and an ENTP. :)

[leopard-mask]

we still have each other

Lionblaze and Alderheart are worried about Jayfeather. Set during River of Fire, AVOS.

Jayfeather stomps out of the medicine den with a scowl, calling some excuse about gathering more watermint over his shoulder as he leaves. Nobody says anything, but he can practically feel Alderheart’s exasperated gaze on his back. That’s fine. Let him feel a fraction of what Jayfeather’s been feeling these past few moons.

He hears Lionblaze’s telltale heavy footsteps approaching and lets out a hiss before his brother even has the chance to say anything. “Can I not have a moment to myself?”

Lionblaze, never one to take antagonization well, stops short. “Well, hello to you too,” he spits. “Pardon me for wanting to spend some time with my brother.”

Jayfeather lashes his tail and steps past him. “Go spend time with your mate and kits.”

To his irritation, Lionblaze follows. “Believe it or not, I have the capacity to care about more than one cat at a time.” His tone is still sharp; he’s clearly already not taking Jayfeather’s company well. That’s fine. Maybe he’ll get so fed up that he’ll finally leave him alone. “Where are you even going?” Lionblaze continues when Jayfeather doesn’t say anything.

Jayfeather puts extra force behind his growl. “Use your brain Lionblaze. Where do you think I’m going?” he doesn’t wait for Lionblaze to answer. “In case you haven’t noticed, there’s this sickness going around the camp. I’m getting more herbs for it so no one else has to die.” His own words make him cringe internally. He’d just unwittingly admitted, aloud, unprompted, that Briarlight had died from this sickness. The one he’d given her. Which, yes, it was irrefutable—of course she’d died, there was no avoiding that at this point. But he’s been pointedly avoiding the thought since her vigil…

Thankfully, Lionblaze must not have caught the significance of the slip. Instead, he (predictably) bristles at the jab at his intelligence. “What’s wrong with you? You’re ruder than normal lately.”

“Why are you following me?” Jayfeather snaps by way of answer. They’re in the forest now. He’d expected Lionblaze to leave when they reached the camp entrance, but much to his annoyance, he’s still here. “I’m busy.”

“I’m worried about you,” Lionblaze snaps. The growl in his voice is an ironic contrast to his words that Jayfeather might have pointed out if he was in a better mood. Lionblaze has never been great with heart to hearts, but then, neither has Jayfeather. That skill was best left with Hollyleaf.

The thought of his sister just worsens Jayfeather’s mood. “Well, don’t be. I can take care of myself. That’s kind of my job.”

Lionblaze sighs, but this time it sounds more weary and less angry. “Jayfeather, this is about Briarlight, isn’t it?”

Jayfeather stops so suddenly he nearly stumbles. Why would you bring that up? He can’t even think of something to say—he just stands there rigidly.

Lionblaze shifts slightly closer. “You forget I know you. That’s why you’re upset, isn’t it?”

Jayfeather shakes himself forcefully and pushes on. He’s already had this spiel with Alderheart—while his apprentice’s soft words of comfort had been nice at the time, he can’t help but hate himself for breaking down in such a way. Having such a conversation twice in as many days was simply not going to happen. “Stop distracting me. Like I said, I have work to do, and you’re not helping.”

Lionblaze’s long-suffering eye roll is evident in his tone. “Come on, Jay—”

“Shut up!” Jayfeather seethes. He certainly doesn’t beg.

Lionblaze quickly steps in front of Jayfeather, preventing him from continuing. Jayfeather flattens his ears and jerks back, but Lionblaze is quick to speak. “I’ll be honest,” he says, temper surprisingly controlled. “Alderheart asked me to talk to you. He’s worried, too.” His tone sharpens. “And I can see why.”

Of course Alderheart had. Jayfeather turns his head away mutely.

“Now you’re the one wasting time,” Lionblaze points out. “Just talk to me, will you?” when Jayfeather still refuses to speak, Lionblaze deflates slightly and sits down. After a few too many heartbeats have gone by, he exhales and admits quietly, “I wish Dovewing was here.”

Well, great. This isn’t something he particularly wants to talk about either, but he supposes any topic change is a good topic change right now. Besides, he can’t just ignore Lionblaze’s confession. Neither of them had spoken of it since she’d gone…

With a sigh, Jayfeather reluctantly turns back to Lionblaze and stiffly sits beside him. “She’s with Tigerheart.” They don’t know that, really, but it had to be true. Why would both of them have gone missing at the same time if not to run away together?

Lionblaze shifts. “That doesn’t make it hurt less.”

Jayfeather doesn’t say anything, but he does lean a bit closer so his fur presses against his brother’s.

Lionblaze shakes his head sadly. “It’s like… I know it’s different, but she chose him over us. And she didn’t even say anything! I can only imagine how Ivypool’s doing…”

“There’s no use wallowing about it,” Jayfeather chides softly.

“Grieving and wallowing are not the same thing,” Lionblaze counters.

“It’s all the same to me.” Jayfeather shrugs. “There’s nothing we can do about it. We just have to move on.”

“That’s your problem.” Lionblaze tips his head; Jayfeather feels his brother’s whiskers brush his shoulder. “Sometimes you have to address it to move on.”

“Are you trying to give me a lecture?”

“Are you admitting that I’m right enough to lecture you?” Lionblaze asks cheekily.

Jayfeather rolls his eyes. “What do you want me to say?” he asks, perhaps a bit harshly. “I wish Dovewing hadn’t left? I wish I hadn’t gotten Briarlight sick? I wish Alderheart—” he breaks off, mouth twisting into a disgusted frown. He hadn’t meant to say so much. He abruptly gets to his paws. “There’s no point in wishing for things that can’t happen.”

Lionblaze gets up too. “What about Alderheart?” he asks slowly. “I didn’t know there was something up between you two.”

Jayfeather scowls. “Haven’t you seen the way he acts around Velvet?” his tail flicks. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he takes off with her before the moon is up.”

Lionblaze’s surprise is almost palpable. “Alderheart and Velvet?” he echoes, as if he honest to StarClan hadn’t seen it himself.

“Yeah.” Jayfeather sniffs. “Why don’t you watch them a bit when we get back? I’m not overreacting.” His shoulders hunch forward miserably. “I’ve been trying to keep them apart, but if Dovewing’s anything to go by, that’s not going to do anything.”

“Well,” Lionblaze says awkwardly. A few moments drag by before he evidently figures out what to say. “Alderheart isn’t Dovewing, you know that. You can’t assume you know what he’s going to do.” He nudges Jayfeather’s shoulder lightly. “Have you talked to him about it? I’m sure he’d listen.”

“No,” Jayfeather admits. He hadn’t wanted to explicitly say anything. He’s sure Alderheart must��ve gotten the hint by now, but neither of them has spoken of it out loud.

“Maybe give that a try before you keep assuming the worst,” Lionblaze suggests gently.

“I know.” Jayfeather shifts uncomfortably. Maybe he can get Leafpool to talk to him about it? After all, she’s the one with the firsthand experience; he’s sure she could dissuade him from pursuing anything with the kittypet. But that would involve Jayfeather actually talking to Leafpool about that, and, well, they’d just finally gotten past it. He doesn’t see himself approaching Leafpool about something like that anytime soon. Or ever.

“That’s not it though, is it?” Lionblaze guesses. “Don’t deny it,” he interrupts when Jayfeather makes to speak. “There’s something behind all of this, isn’t there?”

Jayfeather lets out a defeated sigh. Fine, Lionblaze wins. “I just… First there was Hollyleaf, and now Dovewing, Briarlight, and Alderheart next?” he shakes his head. “After all we’ve done for StarClan, it doesn’t seem very fair.” Not to mention, Fuzzball will be leaving soon, but Jayfeather will die before he admits to getting attached to the annoyingly chipper kittypet.

He hates going to sleep every night wondering, who’s next?

“You’re right.” To Jayfeather’s surprise, Lionblaze agrees. “It’s not fair.”

Jayfeather snorts humorlessly. “You’re not going to lecture me about being pessimistic?”

“No. We’re grieving, not wallowing,” Lionblaze corrects. His lighthearted inflection grows more solemn. “It helps to know that they must be happy, wherever they are, but… I know what you mean. It isn’t fair.” He nudges Jayfeather again. “But we still have each other. And I have Cinderheart and my kits, and you have Alderheart and Leafpool. As long as we all still have each other, we’ll be okay.”

Jayfeather rolls his eyes, unwillingly fond. “Quit trying so hard to be profound.”

Lionblaze snickers. “Oh right, I forgot, you’re supposed to be the profound one.” He flicks Jayfeather’s ear with his tail, then laughs louder when Jayfeather ducks away from him indignantly.

“Come on,” Jayfeather grouses, “I really do have to get that watermint.”

“Alright, alright.” The two walk together in companionable silence for a while before Lionblaze says anything else. “I hoped it helped a little, just to get it off your chest. You know you don’t have to shoulder things alone. It’s not like I can fix anything but… Talking helps.”

Jayfeather doesn’t want to admit it, but he does feel a little better. Less angry and spiteful, anyway. It still hurts terribly, thinking about all he’d lost, but… it does feel better.

He won’t admit that Lionblaze was right, though.

[insidethegiftbasket]

Gleyber Torres

The Basics

Gleyber Torres is entering his age 24 season (they grow up so fast!) from Caracas, Venezuela. He just went through his first year of arbitration, where he and the Yankees agreed to a $4m deal for the 2021 season. Gleyber is under team control through the 2024 season. He’s a two time All Star, finished third in Rookie of the Year voting in 2018, and received MVP votes in 2019.

What Did Gleyber Do This Offseason?

He went home to Caracas for a little while.

He and Mrs. Gleyber went to Aspen.

He sold underwear.

He did advertisements for some pain reliever where he drove around in an Audi.

Some Fun Gleyber Highlights

Gleyber playing with Rookie and Derby in Trenton

Gleyber Torres vs Gary Thorne

Gleyber ALDS Game 4 Moon Shot

Gleyber Walk Off Against Cleveland

Gleyber’s 2020

So I think the general consensus during the season was that Gleyber had a disappointing season last year and wasn’t very good, but that is absolutely not the case, at least offensively.

During the regular season alone Gleyber put up a 106 WRC+, which is worse than his normal seasons but still better than league average. He was the 15th best shortstop in WRC+ last season (min 150 PA) and that’s with having a huge slump and a complete loss of power for a month last year while dealing with an injury. He started to heat back up and look better in September, and then he was back to perennial All Star Gleyber Torres in October.

So normally you wouldn’t take a whole lot from a postseason run, because in a normal season you’re talking about seven games vs 162 games, but this past season you’re talking about over 15% of his total plate appearances for the year. If you combine his regular season numbers with his October numbers, then all of a sudden that 106 WRC+ jumps all the way up to 128 WRC+, which would have been a career high for him.

So then, why was it a “disappointing” season at the plate for him? Ironically, I think part of the reason why he struggled was because of something he made huge strides in.

Gleyber almost doubled his BB% year over year (7.9% to 13.8%). He took a lot more pitches, and was a lot more selective about what he swung at.

His zone swing% went down nearly 9%, his meatball swing% went down 15%, his first pitch swing% dropped 12%. He mentioned this spring that he felt uncomfortable last year with everything, and while the decrease in his chase% and increase to his BB% was nice, part of what made Gleyber who he is was his ability to go out and there and be aggressive at the plate and crush the ball.

He also dropped from the 82nd percentile in barrels to the 11th percentile, so he stopped crushing the ball as often as he was. Now, the good thing is, he didn’t lose his power or anything- his grounder/line drive/fly ball percentages where basically the same, he didn’t change his approach to being a pull only guy or something like that as those splits stayed roughly the same, his exit velocity and launch angle were similar to previous years — it essentially comes down to Gleyber not getting the barrels and being a little too selective, which is honestly a good problem to have.

If Gleyber can marry his new control over the strike zone with his ability to crush pitches, then you’re not just looking at an All Star level player, you’re looking at a legitimate MVP candidate. Do I expect Gleyber to be hitting nearly 40 bombs again like he did in 2019? No, but he’s a 24 year old who was focusing on making an improvement and by the end of the season he was even better than who he was before, and that’s ignoring how bad his start of the season was.

Defensively he was bad. I don’t think Gleyber will ever be a good defensive player, let alone a good defensive shortstop, but I do think he has it in him to be an acceptable defensive shortstop.

He struggled on balls hit to his right, which as a shortstop is a pretty difficult play to make. He’s a year older now, he’s in better shape, he’s not dealing with a leg injury, I’d expect him to be closer to the 20th best defensive shortstop than the worst in the league going forward. Yankees may want to consider having him start a little more back defensively to give him some extra room to make the play, and Gleyber needs to focus a bit more when throwing to first.

Gleyber is also kinda slow for a shortstop, even before he had to deal with a leg injury this year, but unlike having the ability to improve defensively or at the plate, this is more or less what you’re going to get baserunning wise.

Gleyber was also surprisingly below average against four seam fastballs last year after murdering them in 2019, and really struggled to slug any sliders or curveballs like he had in the past. To me this seems like more of a flukey thing than a cause for concern.

Lastly, I’d be sad if I forgot to mention this: the dude is straight up clutch. The bigger the moment, the better Gleyber plays.

Optimistic Projection for 2021

Gleyber is dominant and puts up a monster season. He combines the power and slugging from his previous seasons with a great command of the strike zone and is an obvious All Star and wins the AL MVP. He’s only at a -1 OAA for the season at shortstop but puts up a 175 WRC+ and takes the mantle of being the best Yankee and the number three hitter in the lineup. Torres plays 150 games, hits 35 homers, and has huge moments throughout the season and pitchers are so afraid of DJ in the one spot and Torres in the three spot that Judge gets to feast on pitches in the zone. Gleyber then wins World Series MVP by hitting over .450 in a sweep over the Dodgers and pimps a bat flip on Trevor Bauer after bombing one into the upper deck in Yankee Stadium. The Yankees and Gleyber agree to a 10 year extension for over $250m as Torres becomes the face of baseball.

Pessimistic Projection for 2021

Gleyber is still good, but not elite and struggles at points through the season with a couple big slumps. He still ends up with a 108 WRC+ and 18 homers, but his defensive struggles end up affecting him at the plate as a lot of people wonder what the Yankees will do with him. Gleyber does well in the postseason, but an error blows a game wide open in the ALDS as they get eliminated early on. Torres ends up moving off shortstop to second base in the offseason as the Yankees have to trade Gio Urshela to have DJ play third base.

Sam’s Official Gift Basket Projection for 2021

I am all in on Gleyber for 2021. I think of all the guys on the team last year, his poor season was the flukiest and I think that he’s right back to being at least an All Star player and ends the season as the Yankees best position player. The issues he had at the plate are all super fixable assuming he can get back to barreling the ball like he had in the past, and having a full season and being ready to go right off the bat will make it even easier for him as well. My guess is he ends up around a .300/.400/.550 slash line and makes people realize they forgot about Gley.

Join us tomorrow when Evan takes you Inside the Gift Basket of a literal hitting machine, DJ LeMahieu.

[pallasathenagroup]

Handling Jealousy

Very few are the people who never experienced jealousy. They do exist, but they are outliers. Jealousy is a feeling, it’s a part of the spectrum of human emotions, like sadness or excitement. Good news, the difference with jealousy though, is that it stems from other feelings. So how do you get rid of jealousy? You don’t.

Jealousy is a warning reaction that has to do with confidence and security - or, more accurately, a lack of those things. The more secure the relationship feels to you, the less likely you will be to get jealous. So there it is: jealousy is a consequence, not a cause. It usually means the person feels threatened or abandoned. It is neither good or bad, it’s an indication of what’s going on inside you. This is why trying to get someone to be less jealous with just gestures is not going to work, one needs to address the root of the fear or anger that someone is experiencing. I know this isn’t glamorous, but a relationship is like a car: you often have to fix things before problems even arise.

You will probably never get rid of jealousy, but the way you handle it will change everything. The most effective reaction to this feeling is talking about it immediately, whether it seems irrational to you or not. Talking about what you feel, putting in front of you, will help you understand the shape of what you’re experiencing : what’s the cause ? Why do you feel that way ? What kind of jealousy is this ?Maybe you feel rejected, or angry. Is it because you feel someone is stealing from you ? Is it because you are scared of not being enough ? Once you understand what drives the feeling, fear, anger or something else, you need to explore it. It usually isn’t funny, because dealing with this stuff forces you to look at stuff that isn’t pleasant.Fear is self-validating, as it comes from a need to protect yourself in order to survive. It is not easy going against it, but you need to do it because if you don’t, you might miss on a real signal.That’s right, because what I haven’t said since the beginning of this, is that jealousy can also be an actual warning that something is wrong. Let’s say Peach and Coconut are together. Peach waits for Coconut to come home to eat dinner together, but Coconut runs two hours late. Peach is mad and asks Coconut where she was, and with whom, and why. Coconut feels attacked in her personal freedom and says she was with friends and that Peach needs to chill out. Peach might attribute her jealousy to the fact that Coconut was with other people and not with her. It happens often: a lot of people think that the things that activate their jealousy, such as Coconut running late, are the cause of it. The cause, though, is the insecurity that creates a response to an event that switches it on. Peach being mad is legitimate because Coconut took her for granted or forgot about her and didn’t care to tell her she was running late. Peach feels abandoned, and Coconut didn’t hear that. Coconut came home to a ball of anger who questioned her and maybe won’t get that she made Peach feel like that. In an healthy relationship flares of jealousy can happen too, but the pain the person is feeling is unnecessary, as well as the fights that might arise. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that “jealous” is a personality trait, set in stone. “Jealous” is not a trait you were born with, it’s how you describe someone who has difficulty handling jealousy. It takes practice. The way to deal with the insecurity very straightforward: you need to talk about it. 

How can I make you feel secure?  Am I taking good care of you?  I feel like we don’t spend enough time together, could you make more time for me? 

I’m not saying this is easy. It takes time. Here’s the trick: you have to assume your partner wants to be with you. This is why you are in a relationship, right? Then you have to work together to trust each other. It’s not blind faith. It’s the very base of any relationship: we want to be together because we like each other so we have to work to make our bond strong. 

Let’s talk about expectations in relationship before we go on. I strongly believe there is a very common thing that makes jealousy very widespread.When people get into relationships, if they are monogamous, they don’t tend to explicit what they want or need at the start of it. Because monogamy is the norm in a big part of the world, there are some things that seem to go “without saying”. This is bullshit, because expectations can wildly vary from a person to another. Relationships take all sorts of shapes and forms, marriage is an example of a dividing thing, children is another. Some people consider their couple to be monogamous and want to thrive together as a unit in life but can have different sexual desires and need to explore them separately to feel satisfied. Some people consider that having a one night stand is not a big deal and doesn’t change their couple. Some are exclusive and want to keep sex a special thing between them. Some people are polyamorous. Some want a traditional marriage but no kids.You need to talk about your expectations from the get-go, and update them when you change your mind. This is the very first part of working together on insecurities, which is understandable because how can you feel secure if you are not sure you’re on the same page? It will lessen the chances of jealousy flaring up badly in the future. 

Now though, let’s say we’re in the future and you feel awful. It might feel like it’s a good idea to say “x y z makes me feel jealous, therefore don’t do it”. It’s once again mistaking cause for consequence and won’t work. Even if the jealousy is justified it doesn’t work: 

If Peach and Coconut decide that they have to show up on time for dinner, it doesn’t solve the problem that Coconut takes Peach for granted in the first place. She’ll just end up being disrespectful of Peach’s needs, only… on time.

You need to challenge yourself because your comfort zone needs expanding. In the case of our fruit couple, it means fixing the hole in the relationship first. It may take a while, or it might just take a dinner at a restaurant and a good discussion. Sometimes, the answer is to break up because Peach and Coconut are not willing to work together or are simply not compatible. In the case of a jealous person in a healthy relationship, it’s a case of exposing yourself to the fear and triggers, step by step. You won’t change your ways without a little challenge. You need to not trust all your feelings from the get-go, and the feelings will fight back.You have to do it while also building the security you need to feel. It can be doing more things separately while having more quality time when you’re together. The thing is, you cannot see what’s inside your partner’s head. If they are there only to have someone to have sex with and are willing to jump on to the first person that looks cute, it’s not going away because you prevent them from seeing other people. Again, if you haven’t talked about it, you wouldn’t know if your partner is in for a fling or a long relationship. You have to explicit your expectations. Of course people are jerks sometimes, but again, trying to prevent closeness with others isn’t going to prevent adultery. If they do cheat on you it’s good that you know the truth, you might reconsider your decision of being with them.That sounds awfully pessimistic, and you might feel like I’m saying “don’t trust anyone” but I am telling you to do the opposite. But there’s a catch. Actions are what you can rely on: does my partner make me feel good, do they go out of their way to make me feel special, do they take my needs into account?

Let’s say the answer to these is yes.Your partner is going hiking with a new friend. You feel jealous about it: the new friend is beautiful and funny. You’re scared that your partner will find them more beautiful and funnier than you are, only to abandon you for them. Are these beliefs legitimate? You have to enable the behaviours you want for yourself. It means try to stop actively looking for signs of things that validate your jealousy. It means actively going against it and oppose your fears with logic. Exposing these feelings goes like that :I feel jealous when … happens. It’s because I fear … . I worry that … might happen. It won't because of ... and ... .

It’s easy to tell yourself that your partner loves you for certain qualities you have or for certain things that you do. You might become scared that it someone outshines you in those aspects, you won’t be worthy of your partner anymore. In reality, people are not replaceable. Two people with a lot in common will still be unique. So in a sea of unique people, they chose you. An honest partner wants to be with you for you. You may feel bad, but you have to believe that. Let them go on their hike, and do something that takes your mind off it. Go watch a movie with a friend, bake a cake, do something you can’t do when your partner is there and find joy in being separated. All these things seem difficult and frankly they are, but the more you do that, the more you expand your comfort zone. It will feel awkward at first if you’re used to enabling your fears, painful even, but “fake it until you make it” is real even in that situation. The thing with exposure, is that it’s self-securing. The more time you spend challenging your fear of losing your partner, the more you’re both adventuring into territories that scare you, the more you’ll live through it and find that they’re actually coming back. The fear is weakened. This goes into the actions you can trust: how many times have I seen my partner talk to another person, go party with other people, etc. and I’ve seen them come back? Hopefully, one day, you can say “they’ve done that countless times, and I’ve always seen them come back.”. additional resources: https://www.morethantwo.com (about polyamory but has resources that works for monogamous people)

[thuskindlyshescatters]

It's been a week too long for that to be completely accurate, but that's the closest I can get to my initial reaction, least everything up to the bombshell (the relationship bits were nice, especially since Lucidia's foreshadowed STRQ's involvement). Man, I can't help but think that whenever someone notices how invested Ozpin is in CHLC, most'll be completely off base as to why (Cutting this short so I can fully elaborate my reasoning in the next ask). -DC

Once again, this kind of turned into an essay, so like, bear with me. If there’s anyone that cares about my OCs out there, this is a test of endurance.

[…] From the Meta perspective, Cora’s assumed, particularly readers pinging to Pyrrha/Jaune/Ruby parallels. From the Dumb Student perspective, conspiracy nerds will decide that this “nepotism” is proof of Lucidia’s true blood relation, while those of the Secret War will “know” it’s about Cerdwin’s Maidenhood. Considering all that, it’s honestly hilarious the main reason’s because he wants to adopt an anxious child who dies too much (Hayward). […] I know you didn’t reply to the hot coco part of the original Hydra-Ask, but you cannot convince me that there isn’t a shadow of Ozma struggling to reach the steering wheel past the fogs of age and loss to wrap a blanket around Hayward’s shoulders, feed her mug after mug of hot coco, and share fairytales until she feels better. Well, maybe you can, I’m a bit loopy from how long I’ve been writing, and I think I forgot some of the reasoning I was pouring into this. Happy Friday-to-Saturday. -DC

And a happy Friday-to-Saturday to you too, Direct Current! 

There is a definite guarantee of some background conspiracy talk and running gags about Ozpin’s weird connection with CHLC, along the lines of what you’ve hypothesized. I’ll draw a side-by-side of Lucidia and my past!Ozpin and let you decide where your bets lie. 

Your envisioning of their relationship is 200% fluffier than the reality, unfortunately. So, thanks to your asks, I’ve been thinking a lot more about Ozpin and Hayward, and I’ve actually been writing a possible “chapter” between Hayward and Ozpin. Essentially, the setup follows thusly:

It is established early on (in a sort of “Chapter One” I’ve drafted, actually) that, as we more or less have confirmation of in canon, Semblances are information personal to the student, and the school is not entitled to information about the specifics of them. In my manipulation of that canon, the school IS entitled to information on one’s Semblance after the student’s first misdemeanor, including, but not limited to: getting in fights with other students on school campus, engaging in Huntsman activities off-campus without supervision by faculty, and other such combat-related activities in which gauging the involvement or culpability of a student’s Semblance may influence the punishment. For example, a student like Qrow might have a completely uncontrollable Semblance that was responsible for the conflict to an extent where punishing the student is not logical. On the other end of the spectrum, Emerald using her Semblance to murder Penny places 100% of the culpability on Emerald and not Pyrrha in that instance, regardless of if Pyrrha’s Semblance had any relevance at all. (And, as always, lying about your Semblance is considered academic dishonesty which can range in severity of punishment from getting a 0 on a test to expulsion.)

In Cerdwin’s case, she’s called to the Headmaster’s office after having an emotional break which activates her *cough* “Semblance” and generally causes mayhem. This counts as a misdemeanor (her first EVER, she’ll have you know), which usually doesn’t send one to the Headmaster, but Ozpin happens to read her Semblance summary after this event, and as soon as he reads “aesthetic flames produced from eyes,” he spits out his entire mug of hot chocolate.

Hayward’s not known to be obedient, and she’s generally just a bad kid – not out of thinking it’s cool to rebel or anything, she just doesn’t have much respect for the adults who’ve surrounded her in the past and has a bad attitude about life. Therefore, her first misdemeanor is much earlier in school, when Hayward has little emotional connection to her team save Cerdwin and to Beacon. Holding true to that idea, when Ozpin meets her as a tired, pessimistic, got-nothing-to-live-for kid who’s been emptied of emotion by a perpetual and meaningless existence, he’s no less than terrified, frankly.

To elaborate, I estimate Ozpin to be ~28 at this point. That puts him at young enough to be considered a prodigy and still a headmaster of a few years by the time of STRQ’s first year. That also puts him at young enough where I estimate that he and Ozma are not 100% combined yet. Ozpin is definitely resolute in fighting for what Ozma is striving towards, but they still have internal disagreements, and occasionally straight-up spoken words with one another. Ozpin at this point has no Glynda, no Qrow, no Ironwood to confide in about this Secret War, as you say, and the Ozma in his head sees Hayward as a perfect confidante to recruit as he has begun to do with Team STRQ. Ozpin strongly disagrees. In this way, your interpretation is correct in that Ozpin is conflicted morally about Hayward and really just wants to extend an arm of comfort to someone who is clearly lost, but he is also – literally – internally conflicted as to how far that arm of comfort should go. After all, what reason does Hayward have to think him different from the other adults in her life? Additionally, Ozpin sees a terrifying future for himself reflected in Hayward. Will he absorb the same tiredness he sees in her from Ozma, who shared some alarmingly similar sentiments? If he ever gives up, will he be doomed to live as she does? And why does a child like her have to be saddled with this power that she never chose? In a way, Hayward’s present is living Ozpin’s future, which he simply refuses to permit to remain true as long as he has anything to say about it.

H: “Professor, if this is some kind of misguided way of showing that you care, I know for a fact that nobody, especially not you, can pretend to know what I’ve been through.”

O: “You would be surprised.”

[haikyuu-imagines-and-others]

omg can you please do the same domestic and pregnant s/o hcs but for bokuto, kuroo, oikawa, and semi? thankss!

Oh… My GOODNESS! It has taken me FOREVER to getback to you all! I am very VERY sorry for suddenly disappearing like I did!Work got to be too much, I went into a brief low part of my life, but now I’mback! And I hope my writings can live up to what they once were! Thank you forhaving me! 😊 – Admin Satori <3

Bokuto Kotarou

Living with Bokuto… It’san adventure everyday. It’s my own headcanon that this boy has some form ofADD, so when you think all is calm and he’s finally settled for the night –there he goes AGAIN! So in short, the house is almost NEVER clean!!!

Pillow forts almostevery. Goddamn. Day. This man child LOVES making blanket and pillow forts withyou, babbling on and on about how “fuckin cool” it was gonna be once it wasfinished. Even if it looked like a pile of blankets in the end, he’d still fallin love with it and burrow under the blankets to watch a barrage of chickflicks, action films, and horror marathons with you.

If you even think you’regoing to eat healthy – You’ve got another thing coming. Bokuto doesn’t “eatgreen”… He’s all about meat, sweets, and Volleyball… That’s it! You’ll have toPRY open his goddamn mouth and force a carrot in there for him to keep hisperfect eyesight!

“NO!”

“Kou, I swear to GOD! You better eat yourvegetables or I’m deflating all your volleyballs and hiding the pump!”

*grumbling followed by the shoveling of vegies intohis mouth without tasting them*

Knowing Bokuto, heprobably forgot to put on a condom – he gets WAY too excited when it comes tosex. Lmao. Now you have a wonderful addition to the family on the horizon.

Now we ALL know… Bokutoisn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer more like a spoon than anything SO he’snot going to figure out you’re pregnant until you start showing… What abeautiful dummy he is

But once you finallytell him, whether it be the day you find out or a couple weeks before the duedate lolol – he’s JITTERING with excitement!!!

“B-baby?? A small human? A small human I canteach about Volleyball? A brother or sister for HINATA??”

“Kou… Hinata is NOT our child.. He’s literallyonly 2 years younger than us.”

“But he’s my protégé… Don’t tell Sugawara-santhat I adopted him…”

Although he is abumbling dork, he’s a very attentive partner and keeps his eyes on you wheneverthe two of you step out of the house, and the moment he loses track of you,he’s calling you on the phone and sounding like a panicked kid lost in asuperstore lol

Kuroo Tetsurou

This cat man isn’t THATbad to live with. He’s pretty good at cleaning up after himself without makingmuch a fuss about it (TSUKKI!!!!! Looking at you!!!!) But he does tend to leavea bit of messiness in the bedroom than one looking from the outside wouldthink??? Doesn’t hang up his clothes… No matter how much you beg him!!! He’smore of the cook in the house rather than actual cleaning, but he does dabblein doing the laundry and vacuuming when he knows you’re too tired.

Sleeps late. ALL thetime. Wakes up late for work more times than you’d like, but you’re glad he’sgot a silver tongue and gets out of trouble whenever his boss catches him.Dumbass lolol. And it’s a GODSEND when he decides to use his tongue for otherthings ;P His stamina is crazy high and he will drag you back to him over andover until everything in the house/apartment is christened properly 😉

He will LITERALLY teaseyou ENDLESSLY on anything you mess up on… No mercy.

“So they have this firewall buildingapplication, and it helps you build your own firewall an-“

“OH! Really? That’s insane! I would havethought it’d help you build a house or even a fence or maybe a robotic cat- buta FIREWALL? I never would have guess,____.”

“….” *deep sigh* SAAAME

The moment you find outyou’re pregnant – He KNOWS. It’s almost like this guy can smell your pheromones change or something! Like as soon as you walk out of the bathroom, his hand ison your lower belly and his lips are against your forehead and you can’t tellif he’s saying sorry or if he’s feeling for the sign of life?????

It’s not reallyconfirmed that you’re pregnant until you start getting morning sickness a fewweeks later – But he’s right there with you, the whole time. Holding up yourhair and rubbing your back, and you have to stop yourself from gross laughingwhen you notice his nose is plugged up with a wooden clothespin lmao

Even though it’s anunconfirmed ‘maybe baby’, that doesn’t stop him from telling his BrO!!!!

“So… Bo wants the baby named after him…”

“…. Whyyyyy?”

“Because he thinks he’s somehow part of it’smaking because he set us up on that one date in high school when you told me Ilooked like a gross bum?”

“I did NOT! That’s what you told me when Iintroduced myself to you!” wtfKuroo, nice intro

Cuddling with this manhas never been more intense than when he knows you’re carrying his child. Imean, he’s a great cuddler – fuckin cat – but now there’s a central spiralpoint for him to curl into and you have to make sure you’re in thePUUURRRRRFECT position on the couch/in bed before he curls himself around yourgrowing baby

Oikawa Tooru

Okay the Oikawa thefangirls see and the Oikawa you live with are TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE!!!! FamousOikawa is put together and clean and prissy – Domestic Oikawa is sleepy eyed,slouching, and crazy alien theorist lmao … They both complain about the sameamount hahaha

Oikawa is ALL about thecuddles! He loves when you run your fingers through his hair and hold himclose. Having you be that sweet with him makes him forget about his worries,his knee, and the fact him and Iwa aren’t going to the same college muahahasuffer those who are still crying about it

He’s generally prettymessy… He rarely cleans up after himself in private, and it’s almost likeyou’re taking care of a whining toddler who can’t peel himself from your leg.Almost. And He’s NOT ALLOWED IN THE KITCHEN!!!! Last time he was in there, heaccidentally set fire to boiling water????? Of course, he’s very sorry aboutit, and he tries to trick you into letting him make something for you whenyou’re sick, but you know all his tactics and always get him to do somethingelse to save your home

“_____-chan~ You’re not feeling well! Let memake you some soup or something.. My mom used to make me this yummy milk breadand it’d make me feel 300% better in just a few minutes… I just can’t rememberif it’s flour or sugar that I use-“

“No no no, Tooru.. It’s okay… Just come overhere and hold me… I know you can make me feel 400% better.”

“Oh~? ____-chan! So naughty and forward!” As if that’s not something you use on him EVERYtime you’re sick?? Lmao

He only finds out yourpregnant because Iwaizumi notices it first. Of course, the boys best friend isALWAYS over and hanging out with you two, and it doesn’t take long for Iwa tonotice that you’ve gotten a little bit bigger and fuller – he even notices thepregnancy pillow you’ve left on the couch.

“So… ____-san… What’s with the pregnancypillow?”

“Iwa-chan! That’s not a pregnancy pillow,___-chan got it for my knee when it’s feeling sore!”

“….” Fuck….

Needless to say, Iwagives Oikawa the rundown of what to look for in your symptoms, and because youweren’t exactly hiding it from him, Oikawa brings it up with you not longafter! He’s upset at first that you didn’t immediately tell him what was goingon, but after your explaining that you didn’t want your pregnancy to interferewith his school and his career, he feels kind of guilty that he’s made you feellike you were on the back burner

But once he knows… He’sALL over social media, the newspaper, fuck even the news station! Braggingabout how he got his beautiful girlfriend/wife pregnant and how beautiful the babywould be especially with is gorgeous genes! Iwa has had to punch him in the guta few times to get him to shut up lmao

Semi Eita

Nowthis boy is kind of a wild card for me.. I’ve never written anything for himand I’m assuming he’s Nega-Suga so forgive me if he’s not what you think he’dbe

Semi is a good mix of being organized, but messy. He’svery good at picking up after himself but then finding a way to just place themess in a different area… so really you don’t know what he’s ‘cleaning’ otherthan that one space in your apartment/house

The two of you are so in tune with thinking about theother, that there’s not a lot of need for words or what the other wants – it’skind of just inferred and assumed… Not badly though – Meaning, he knows EXACTLYwhat time you’re getting hungry, and you know the immediate moment Satori giveshim a migraine lmao

Surprisingly, he’s very very touchy. He loves to havephysical contact with you in some form or the other. Whether it’s holding handsat dinner on the table, or it’s having his head on your lap watching tv on thecouch – or having his head buried between your thighs in the bedroom 😉

Everything is pretty calm with him, every now and thenhe’ll have a sudden burst of anger and frustration, but you can calm him downpretty easily without getting him too much more riled up.

“GodDammit! Fuckin… cold shower… stupid… pipes…”

“Eita?Deep breaths, sweetheart.” Complete nonchalant lmao

*deepbreaths to chill* “Yeah, yeah… I know…”

But when you come to him and tell him you’re pregnant…It’s like all that frustration and anger rolls off his shoulders and he’s acompletely different person! Sure, he still grumbles and curses about thedumbest things here and there, but it’s 95% less than it used to be.

“Look,____, I know you ‘need’ this, but do you really think we need this stupidtrinket for a baby that’s not even born yet? Won’t it be…”

“Eita~!Don’t be so pessimistic! The baby is going to love this!”

“….Damn thing won’t even be here for another 6 months…” *mumbling/grumbling underhis breath*

He’s even more attentive to your needs now that you’rebearing his child, and his hands are even more on you, rubbing your belly,running through your hair, standing directly behind you while you’re cooking ordoing laundry. He feels if he’s more physical with you and more nurturing toyour needs, that the baby inside will feel his love even if he doesn’t express itoverly once the baby is born

Tbh…I imagine Semi as being a less hot head version of Kacchan from My HeroAcademia!! lmao

[lollytea]

In the Miraculous AU, how would the Glaciator conlict have happened? Sorry, I just love this AU.

That’s okay, I do too!

Okay so I never did get around to watching that episode in English. Only unsubbed in French, so a few details here might be off but lets give it a shot.

So the main dilemma in the actual ep was Marinette and how she feels about what she thinks are two different people. But Branch knows there’s only one girl to be thinking about here, so the dilemma changes a bit. Instead, its a little more about his identity. He does struggle with it in this AU and having someone in love with the version of himself that he doesn’t believe is real, tends to get to him.

So it starts off the usual. Guy dragged Branch out to hang out with Suki and the twins and Poppy (well, at least he PROMISED Poppy would be there.) But when she didn’t show up, the other kids just shrugged it off. They were a little disappointed but it’s fine, she’s a busy teen star after all. They also didn’t notice Branch was a little more grouchy than usual as they didn’t really expect him to care. He’s Branch, he barely talks to Poppy, leading some of them to assume he doesn’t like her all that much.

But the thing is Branch has been TRYING. Like holding conversations with her as a civilian is hard but holding up the distance is exhausting. It’s been months since he became Ladybug and he’s changed a lot as a person. He’s decided he genuinely wants to be friends with her as Branch as well as Ladybug.

But his progress? Not so great. But that’s why today was so important. He swears he was gonna make progress today but she didn’t show up. And while the others are just assuming she’s busy, he cant really shake the feeling that she doesn’t wanna hang around someone that she thinks doesn’t like her. She’s not here and it’s his own damn fault. He should have been nicer to her when he had the chance but noooo he had to be a little bitch about it. So yeah, with no Poppy to distract him and just left to wonder why, he starts overthinking a bit and leading himself to the most pessimistic conclusions possible, all while getting outwardly crankier by the minute.

Meanwhile, Chatte’s setting up her whole lovely candle display as she gets ready to meet Ladybug for Night Patrol. Not particularly busy, she just forgot. She’s got a lot on her mind. Poppy has decided she’s gonna make progress with Ladybug tonight. She knows the constant flirting thing is seen as a bit of a joke to him but by God, its the only way she knows how to go about this! So in hopes that he MIGHT get the hint if she goes a little further, she’s planning out their evening to have a far more romantic atmosphere. She googled it. Candles are super effective.

Branch is definitely a lot more harsh on the ice cream man than Marinette was, just cuz he’s a lot more prone to outbursts. Plus if you keep trying his patience with a concept as ridiculous as “magic” ice cream to someone as logical as himself while he’s already in enough of a bad mood, the boy is gonna snap. He storms off, leaving the ice cream man devastated and Guy wondering why its so hard to get this poor kid to have fun with them. Branch feels he can skip this one night of patrol. The last thing he wants right now is Poppy flirting with him, totally oblivious to the fact that he has his head wrecked over her and his own stupid identity.

Poppy’s crushed that he didn’t show up, of course and it gets her thinking. Leaping across building roofs to pass the time, she starts assuming that he’s never gonna be interested in her. She does act awful silly as Chatte Noir and maybe he’d prefer someone who takes herself more seriously. But she cant do that. She wouldn’t be happy if she were to fake it for him. It’s fully possible that maybe theyre just not compatible. Maybe that’s the truth she’s been overlooking this whole time.

This is when she spots Branch on his balcony, trying and failing to get his math homework done before he gives up, looking more tired and frustrated than usual. Of course, Chatte’s curious and really doesn’t care to see anyone sad, even someone she suspects dislikes her. She hops down to greet him but all she does is cause the kid to nearly jump out of his skin in shock. But once he calms down, he acts surprisingly chilly towards her. Odd, considering EVERYONE looks to Ladybug and Chatte Noir with nothing but admiration. But then again, she did just leap over his railing, uninvited at god knows what time of night.

But as the minutes pass, they start to talk. Branch is too annoyed with today’s events to put his walls up. He even forgets that he’s supposed to be nervous when talking to her as a civilian. He cant really let out all this steam to Poppy in particular but he does gradually start to rant about how hard being approachable is. He says straight up that he’s kinda an asshole sometimes and he doesn’t mean to be. He’s TRYING goddammit. He’s too fed up to realize that speaking to Poppy as a civilian is what he’s been meaning to do all day and he’s finally getting it.

She starts talking about her failure of a night and swinging her legs over the balcony, confides in him that she really does love Ladybug and doesn’t know what to do about it. That’s where the conversation falls away because Branch cant continue it. He’s too stunned to do so.

She takes him to see her candlelit setup and while he barely says another word to her as Branch that night, he offers a smile to signal that he’s beyond impressed. But damn he’s feeling guilty. So, so guilt about so many different things.

The akuma hits and Chatte returns Branch to safety and hurries off, only for him to swing after her, decked in his spots just seconds later. She’s not as delighted to see Ladybug as she usually is. A touch bitter actually and he can only shrug because yeah, he gets it. And of course he pulls the “We’re a couple!” thing to prevent Glaciator from harming them but she’s a little less pleased to go along with it this time. But as theyre back in eachothers company, working together as they always do, Poppy eases up a bit and cheerily plays along with the act.

Once the akuma is purified, the two of them have their talk on the roof. Branch is still feeling beyond guilty about this. She loves him but she really shouldn’t. In his own mind, he’s deceived her. Ladybug is not real but he doesn’t know how to tell her that. And as if he wasn’t telling enough lies already, he adds another to the pile. Branch rejects Poppy under the excuse that he’s interested in somebody else.

She nods, internally confirming her suspicion. Ladybug wouldn’t want someone as silly as Chatte Noir as anything less than a friend. She can understand that. But he’s still one of her best friends in the world and she loves him to bits. She tells him that and he says the same thing in return. Poppy seals a very uncertain period of their relationship with a soft kiss to his cheek and she’s gone. Branch is left on the rooftop, feeling a million things at once but he cant for the life of him, decide if he’s happy or sad.

But Poppy has someone she knows for a fact loves her as a friend. Ladybug is most definitely her friend and she couldn’t be more delighted.

[sheeponmars]

Good things.

Almost half a life ago, when I was first diagnosed with depression, my doctor told me to stop for a minute each day before going to bed and name five good things. And if I felt like there was nothing good, to use the following: I have a bed, I have a blanket, I have a pillow, I have a roof over my head, I'm not in North Korea.

Teenage me thought that this was the most pathetic thing I had ever heard, like, was there anything more depressing than having to be grateful for the bare minimum?

Well, I'm older and wiser now (ok, maybe not wiser). But honestly, if I know anything by now, it's that you have to be really thankful especially for the bare minimum. With us being closer to v for vendetta than to closing the pay gap and all.

So I thought about good things that happened this year, because even though it seems depressing to be happy about such little things, they are not a sign that you stuck your head in the sand and ignored all the evil in the world. On the contrary, they're such important little victories that help you to hold your head up, to silently fight the evil in the world, even if it is only by not giving up.

So here I am, the world renowned pessimist, playing Forrest Gump, and not minding at all: a list of good things I achieved this year.

- finished inktober, third consecutive year. And, what is more, in a year I didn't really draw anything else.

- made the whole inktober (except one day) about personal ideas; only one Sherlock. Felt good.

- talked my parents into getting solar panels when their heating system gave up the ghost for good. Also helped pay for the panels by copying some artworks for the solar panel guy, who knocked a three digit number off the bill for the paintings.

- got a (minimal) pay rise ... but ... yay... pay rise!

- vegetable gardening didn't go particularly well (as expected on a north-east facing balcony, but since they grew so well at first I had high hopes), but the insects absolutely loved my little garden. Had lots of bees, honey and solitary ones, little wild wasps, and butterflies galore. Caterpillars everywhere, even some rare ones. Had to leave the half-grown cabbage outside because future butterflies want to spend winter in there. And with the insects, the smaller birds arrived, too. So, happy wildlife in front of my window. :)

- also raised lots of plants from seed, only one type didn't survive.

- didn't draw a lot, but after a while got over it and found something else that kept me occupied: got into making natural cosmetics/skin care. After some initial costs for experiments, I found it helps a lot to save money. Lot of things that can be extracted at home, lots of things that are only needed in small amounts and that keep for ages. My skin loves it, i have a lot less trouble with allergies, so I also need less makeup, so saved money there, too.

- it is also a big victory for mental health: it's something that needs more time, and yet I force myself to do it, and so far I haven't cheated once and opened a shampoo bottle. Also, experimenting with chemicals (and realising that I am not putting myself into danger with it) has helped a lot with anxiety.

- found a lovely shop that produces vegan, palm oil free and affordable soap and solid shampoos. Started using some of the shampoo after some experiments with ghassoul (but that's just too damned expensive). Got my itchy skin under control with it, and it feels amazing to get rid of all those annoying plastic bottles in the shower.

-it's also amazing that you can create cleaning products for almost everything with just a few ingredients. All this stupid stuff clogging up cupboard space, all gone. 

- managed to save enough to donate to humanitarian/environmental groups each month (little, but hey, consistent). Managed to add the local party working against climate change to my list after the pay rise.

- found a local yoghurt brand that sells the yoghurt I prefer in re-usable glass cups. Yay!

- coffees bought in takeaway cups this year: 3 (1 because I usually don't go to Starbucks and forgot that they serve their coffee in paper cups even if you stay in)

- plastic bags bought for personal shopping: 0, so mission accomplished second year in a row.

- plastic bags bought for business related shopping: 2, re-used ever since

- felt confident enough to tell people at cash desks that I brought my own bag even in shops where it's still custom to bag things for customers.

- went to see Nick. Cave. Live. (!!!) saw nick cave perform 2 steps in front of me for 5 whole minutes (!!!!)

- felt confident enough to tell the following people to shove a cactus up dark places of their anatomy:

• my brother

• my therapist

• the openly nazi secretary of our manager

• my boss who spends a lot of time with nazi secretary even though he doesn't really like her, but loves her dog

• our manager

• our director

• somebody who really hurt me on tumblr

And actually got some positive feedback for some of those

Was also yelled at for some of those. But had the world changing revelation that maybe it's not me who is always wrong and a strange person. Sometimes, I am actually in the right?? And not a social failure as a whole?? Never saw that one coming. Damn it, I might want to try to remember that.

- General good memories:

• went to see Versailles

• traveled by TGV

• went to a country I've never been before for the first time in... a very long time (Hungary)

Also some really nice walks.

(Since this is tumblr I would like to mention at this point that I am not judging people who cannot afford to invest time/money in growing their own vegetables and shit. I must admit trying to live as environmentaly friendly in the big city as possible involves the sacrifice of some hard earned savings, a job that makes you work for so many hours that you do not have time to spend your money, and a lack of friends. But I would also like to say to those people (mostly RL people, though) that are just assuming I must be secretly rich because of the way I decide to spend my money is fucking hurtful because over the past years I have invested A LOT of time and effort and nonexistend math skills to get where I am now, and that is a really good thing I achieved, especially since depression insists that lying in bed is the only thing we want to do.)

And of course those good things were only possible because I’m not in North Korea and, for now, live in a place where a single woman can own her own bed and make her own decisions. Yes, dear doctor, by now, I know I have to be bloody grateful for that.

Anyway, must be off, buy more drugs.

[general-loki]

Title: Unlucky Gambler

Series: Fate Grand Order

Ship: Archer Emiya/Lancer Cu Chulainn

Rating: T

Warnings: Later chapters to be more explicit, “Fighting But Flirting,” just a lot of insulting each other

Summary:  It seemed like they couldn’t get away from each other. It didn’t even matter where they were summoned. Each of the two put on their own fronts about hating the other, but when they resolve to ignore each other, could anything improve? It carries them through a few battles, but once a break is in sight, Lancer finds himself more worked up than he would like. All this ignoring each other gets to his nerves–enough that he hunts down the Archer he’s certain is just hiding from him in Chaldea HQ. He could figure out the words he needs later; picking a fight with him comes first.

[Read on AO3]

Or Continue Reading Below.

It was a meeting that, unlike a lot of other ones, left him feeling like something had been painted onto his back, center his shoulder blades, like a big red target. Somehow, he had become the mark, some kind of landing point, for the same singular figure to bounce off of. Again he’d find himself right under the eye of that particular servant. That particular one who seemed to be constant whenever he made a trip to this world—in whatever form he was summoned in, in whatever time, in whatever place.

This fragmentary meeting and beating that passed in little blips of a jumbled history where time was a little less than the stable straight line he might have otherwise assumed it to be. In that scattered mess there was one near consistent element—a face he’d see again—going by no name of his own. At this point he could feel him moving in just by the sort of energy he dragged with him on the battlefield—like the sort of baggage that came out in a couple years and put a strain on something that could have lasted longer. That’s sort of what the red Archer was like: baggage personified.

Of course this dirtbag would come in flying—descending like some kind of angelic wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing deal, his eyes always so focused forward. Lancer himself didn’t miss the way his shots hit his marks, his higher ground leaving him obvious but unchallengeable. Even getting in range was dangerous. He tore through the remaining ranks that were holding Mash, himself, and the rest back.

It pissed him off. All of it pissed him off so much.

There was not going to be one conflict he could step into where the red Archer didn’t show himself. Without fail, he seemed to appear, always with the same attitude. The same problem attitude with a little smugness that waned and waxed with the cycle of the moon—or his mood upon being summoned—or some other vague shit Lancer couldn’t suss out. Lancer wasn’t even sure he wanted to do the dance that it took to work out what his mood was right then. There were bigger problems to deal with first—namely, way too many dragons. He could deal with that bastard being summoned too later. He would have to reprimand his master. How could they both be summoned at once? Again?

Despite all of this, despite hating seeing that flare of red on the battlefield, things were going smoothly—more than before with the added hands. He would have accepted other hands, but it was a little late now. And there didn’t seem to be much of a choice in who was summoned. It was all pointless inner grumbling that he didn’t have much of a chance to vocalize. They would take a break on the road and obviously travel from battle to battle, but Archer seemed to be making a point not to cross paths with him then. A piece of Lancer wanted to track him and give him a good shake down but he had a feeling he knew where that would go. It tended to go one way. Just the one.

So for the time being, they stayed dodgy of each other—working plenty well as a team, but neither said a word to the other—stubbornly cinched into their unwillingness to be the first to “give up.”

It took some self-assuring of course, “if it has to be this way,” and “like this is new,” or more commonly “he started it.” It only took the entirety of resolving the dragon issue and wrapping up the singularity for all of the excuses to bubble up to something much worse. This asshole had time to shoot out dragons, but no time for a “hello.” It seemed like a stretch. The more Lancer thought on it, the more he wanted to sort Archer out. He let himself stew on it—he knew that, but that didn’t make him any less angry with it all. Once things were closed up he could afford to take the time. That was when it seemed appropriate—or at least as appropriate as it was going to get in this mess.

Back at Chaldea headquarters there was a little celebration of their success and a small piece of time carved out for rest after, but nothing that held Lancer for long. That downtime left him mostly with space to wander the facility or lay around. In either state he didn’t last long. It didn’t take much to convince him of the need to seriously track down that red Archer bastard.

The glum repetitive hallways took awhile for him to be able to navigate—not that knowing where he was himself helped. Staff were little help in tracking the man he needed down—it seemed he was still keeping to himself. It seemed so typical. So annoying. So exactly what he would do this time. That he was making this harder on purpose (because of course Archer would get in the way despite being unaware) only served to leave Lancer more steamed as he made his way down the halls.

Shoulders tensed, he could sense his own irrationality. Why get so worked up? What did it matter? That he was too good to even seriously acknowledge him? There was no way he forgot—more likely he knew something even Lancer couldn’t yet. He couldn’t even afford him a smug look about it?

The piling questions plagued his head as he sought the source of his mounting frustrations. It seemed like each bend in the hall was only another hurdle in his way. This man had to be somewhere—he had to be. It wasn’t until that frustration started to hit a frantic point that a hall door opened and a familiar form stepped out. Lancer halted dead a few paces from the open door, the servant cloaked in red stepping out casually—as if he hadn’t been hiding (and, perhaps, he had not been). Archer’s gaze turned toward Lancer as soon as he scanned that direction. Somewhere wavy between casual and tense, he finished closing the door behind himself. That done, his full attention fixed on Lancer who had somehow forgotten the first thing he wanted to say.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Archer got away with saying first, only partially as smug as Lancer had anticipated.

“That’s it? How long have we been seeing each other already?” he blurted back at him, already more immediately annoyed with him.

“I’m trying to avoid tracking that at this point,” was Archer’s snappy answer as he shrugged one shoulder.

“I meant since you got summoned here,” Lancer corrected him quickly, not willing to let that hang. He actually wasn’t sure what they were at either—also for the same reason. Whenever they wound up together in the same time and place they couldn’t avoid one another. It was like some sick twist of fate that edged on Lancer’s nerves in a way he didn’t quite like and didn’t have a good word for.

Archer didn’t answer so fast this time. His gaze averted, his stance a bit more tense now. He always seemed tense, but this was noticeably more so. A straight posture and a clenched fist gave him away. “A few days then. But I’ve been focused on the mission. It seemed like the best idea to leave you to that. Better than letting you get distracted and angry.”

“Who says I was gonna be angry?” Lancer shot back.

“You’re angry now. It was wise to put it off.”

Of course that was the reality but that didn’t mean Lancer had to sit back and just take that. He straightened up in place, not quite ready to call his spear, but he could have been. He had enough cool to hold back for the time being. Getting angrier played into Archer’s game—he just needed a moment. He had time for a breath before Archer kept talking.

“If you just want to be acknowledged, I know you’re here. Was that as satisfying as you hoped it would be?”

Plans about keeping cool could go to hell.

Lancer strode up a few steps closer, now only a pace away from the red Archer—their eyes nearly level as both refused to back down or show a shred of weakness. There was enough macho posturing in the hall that it could probably have been felt from across the facility. Chances were high that someone was going to pick up on the fight starting to simmer. They would have to make it quick. It was like the both of them sensed it and braced, but neither made the first move.

“You’re still the same no-pride bastard you started as, aren’t you?” Lancer said through a strained grin, his eyes still fixed on Archer's—waiting for any signal that he might make a move.

Archer didn’t flinch. “Maybe. But I already know you came here for one thing. You’re an easy read, Lancer. You’re just an old dog who’s hungry for a fight.”

Lancer wasn’t sure if he heard a hint of affection in that latter part or if he just hallucinated it in the midst of his own stewing. There was kind of a look in Archer’s eyes he had a hard time reading. For some reason he seemed pretty amused with all this. Did he plan for this or did he want it? Or was it he got off on pissing other people off?

The grin on Lancer’s face split a little wider, just crooked enough to show gritted teeth before he answered. “If that’s the case you seem pretty eager to feed me. Are you any better?”

“I never claimed to have any higher moral ground here.”

“Like you ever have any higher moral ground.”

Their gazes parted as Archer looked away. His shift in tone was somehow something Lancer anticipated and yet it still struck him. So offhandedly he replied, “So that’s the case. Shouldn’t you give up on me already?” A part of him was playing surely, but the rest was pessimistic enough Lancer couldn’t tell for sure. He wasn’t sure exactly which half of the story Archer really believed. Maybe he didn’t know which version of the question suited him himself.

It dug into something deeper than Lancer wanted to go. He wanted to let out the bottled frustration—to take this to blows. Another question rattled the inside of his skull and blurred his goals.

Boiling over, Lancer grabbed at Archer’s collar—just to do anything besides fumbling through words in his head. Inevitably his mouth opened too. “Why the hell’s it always gotta be you? You with the same damn attitude problem!”

Archer stayed within Lancer’s grip, not moving or retaliating. A strange smile settled on his lips and toyed along with a tone so sardonic it made Lancer uneasy. “It must be some kind of sick destiny someone likes to see played over and over. Maybe someone has fun watching you get riled up over nothing.”

“It’s not nothing! You can’t just ignore me and pretend we’re cool like that!”

“Humanity is basically doomed right now. It’s not really the first thing we need to deal with,” came Archer’s flat answer. He remained unphased by Lancer’s grip, hardly acknowledging it. Lancer’s hand twisted slightly—that too going unnoticed.

“I know that! Whatever you’re thinking, I’m not that stupid! But the last time you were—hell…! You’re not gonna say anything to me?” Lancer said back, the words seeming to spill out on their own before he really had the time to process what he’d said. Much of that he might have wished to hold back. Most of it even. Too late now.

Archer’s expression turned darker, eyes narrowed. “…I don’t know what you’re expecting to hear. I’m here now. I have no excuse. Are you any better?” he challenged instead—likely to shift attention.

“I’m…! I’m here too. It’s the same as always. This is just what we do—that’s not gonna change,” Lancer said with some struggle. Prying into “here” and “now” was always a good way to unearth something a little more unpleasant. The both of them had been summoned more than once at the same “here” and “now.” So no version of either felt permanent—existence in this way was a transitory thing. A series of blinks that would come and go and come again—but always with this Archer. This same bastard who didn’t even bat an eye when Lancer’s shoulders tensed up.

“No. I guess it isn’t.” A long pause punctuated that fact as it hung over the both of them. “I will tell you what I intend to do this time, Lancer. If it’ll calm you down anyway. I’m going to see our master to the end of this mission—whatever it takes. You want this job done too, don’t you? We shouldn’t see any trouble with each other this way. You should be grateful,” Archer finished and straightened up himself. His hand reached slowly for Lancer’s, intending to pry his fist away from his collar. His fingertips met Lancer’s knuckle before he could pull his hand away himself. That faint sensation that came with skin-to-skin contact lingered on Lancer’s hand after, the feeling something of a distraction.

“Fine. This is the last time I show you any concern. That’s all you’re getting,” Lancer eventually said, taking a step back, less ready to fight it out now.

“You’re showing me concern?”

“Oh shut up. I’d have to be a real ass not to at least make sure you’re not summoned more messed up than usual.” Lancer paused as he realized something about their last outing. That did make sense in the end didn’t it? “Besides, You had to have been out there covering my back for some reason. You think I got weaker this time around or something?”

Archer looked honestly surprised with the assessment, guilty for a flash even. “We’re working as a team right now. I’ve merely been doing my part.”

“Yeah? I can’t really recall taking any hits, even when I was surrounded. I had someone sniping off my problems. I know I’m pretty good, but it was a little too easy out there,” Lancer continued, looking progressively more smug as it became more obvious that Archer was being called out and couldn’t hide it. The accusation obviously ruffled him up just enough Lancer could catch it. There was something kind of endearing about it—seeing that facade of not giving a shit fall as Archer did in fact have a shit to give.

“You’re pulling this out of your ass. I have better things to do,” Archer started, looking like he might turn away.

Lancer stepped back in, stopping Archer from getting far from the door by placing his hand on the door’s face, his arm effectively blocking him from backing out. It left them a little too close and an outside viewer would probably jump to conclusions, but Lancer wasn’t one to back down or worry about optics too much. The suddenness and casual way Lancer leaned in left Archer wide eyed. It was clearly a battlefield he didn’t know how to navigate quite as well. A surge of confidence cracked open a grin on Lancer’s face. It was good to know he could best him here too.

“What’s better that you’re gonna do? Why not chat for a minute?” he said in a lower voice, eyes narrowed. That seemed to be just enough to stall Archer for longer, especially now that his back was literally against the wall.

“This isn’t much of a chat. What would you even want to talk to me about?” Archer asked back. It was a fair enough question, but it wasn’t like they’d never shared company. As far as Lancer was concerned once they’d fought enough it was basically a sort of companionship—even if it were a rocky one. That was at least how Lancer was rationalizing it. He didn’t like thinking that hard to begin with.

“Tell me about you. Let’s actually talk. You’re not so afraid of me you can’t do it, right? I don’t bite,” Lancer said, leaning in just a hair closer. All of it was enough to seemingly unnerve Archer quite a bit more than he anticipated. Was it the biting comment? It was definitely the biting part. A little bit of glee sparks in Lancer as he realized he could add onto that. “Too hard anyway.”

He tried to hold Archer’s gaze, just to see him squirm—and squirm he did—the effort and somewhat juvenile addition just enough to do the trick. Uncomfortable wasn’t how Lancer would describe Archer right then, but maybe more on the side of “Surprised-and-Unsure-How-to-Handle-That.” It only lasted a moment as Archer was smart enough to turn his gaze away and straighten up a little. If it put him closer, so be it. Giving Lancer any kind of edge was a mistake. He could try to play it cool , but it did come at the cost of meeting that unwavering grin again.

“There’s nothing to say,” was Archer’s rather flat answer.

“Oh, colder than ever, huh? Then tell me why you were protecting me out there,” Lancer said to counter the freeze, leaning a bit more into his hand still on the wall near Archer’s shoulder.

“I have less to say about that. It’s my job. There shouldn’t be any questions.”

“Oh? Then I want to go back to the other question. Take that one, Archer…Oh that’s a problem isn’t it?” Lancer paused for effect, even letting that grin slip to throw Archer off. It seemed to work. “There’s a couple other Archers around. I can’t keep calling you that.”

“You can just fine.”

“What? And confuse them? Just say your true name. You know mine, what’s the problem? You don’t want to admit it?”

Lancer could admit to himself he kind of enjoyed getting on Archer’s nerves like this. Of course he wanted to hear the answer for himself, but he couldn’t get that, he could enjoy that twinge of annoyance in his face, the twitch at his lips, the slight way his eyes would avert away leaving Lancer the opportunity to really look over those features in a little distress. Even if it were small, it was a look that paired well with the focused battling sort of look he usually saw on him. Maybe he was too much fun to play around with.

“That’s a different matter. ‘Archer’ is fine. You shouldn’t need to call me so much anyway,” Archer answered after a second of searching. It did seem to make him uneasy though. He wasn’t one to use names much as it was. It didn’t seem fair that he could leverage Lancer’s own name over him so easily. Was he really the last to say it? Maybe it just left an impression on him.

In all honesty, he just wanted to hear it from Archer’s own mouth. Some kind of stake rode on this, one he couldn’t articulate very well.

“Maybe I want to call you sometime. It might be important you know.”

Archer looked a little confused with that answer, the slight soften of his usually intense look was a small victory again. Lancer wasn’t sure he had the patience to keep whittling away, but curiosity kept him fixed for now. He’d not found himself drawn anywhere else at least.

“What would be 'important’ to you?”

Lancer let his gears turn, actually trying to think about his answer for once. “If I was looking for you. Or something was coming for you on the battlefield. Those are pretty good reasons, right?”

“You can call me Archer then too,” he said in the end, the question a bait all along.

“You and every other Archer! Come on!”

An odd grin spread at Archer’s lips as Lancer was groaning about the answer. “Very well. Red Archer.”

“Color coded now? Shit, that makes sense…until another red one pops up. Then what?”

Archer set one hand at his chin, his brow furrowed. It seemed like he honestly hadn’t considered that possibility. It didn’t even seem like he was willing to answer that very soon either. When an answer did come, the power of it nearly threw Lancer to the floor.

“One of us is going to have to change,” Archer said, completely deadpan.

“What? No, just use your name! It’s not gonna kill you here. You make yourself infamous fast enough it’s not even gonna matter when we fight other servants,” Lancer explain rather rapidly, hardly believing this conversation was real. There had to be a way out of it. And he couldn’t exactly back away from Archer after all of this too. They were still stuck in each other’s faces. No retreat though, not like this.

“Infamous? I’m not the one always running out to create a problem,” Archer countered his voice raised just a hair to match where Lancer was reacting from. He didn’t seem phased by his own comment before, but that was perhaps to be expected.

The both of them froze for a split second as they heard footsteps coming from down the hall. In unison they panicked. They were too close together, yelling about something no one would believe if they explained it. In that moment of fear, each grabbed at the other and tried to open the door and pull one another into the room Archer had come from. It took an extra second of fumbling, but since they did have the same idea, they made it inside, Lancer with his back to the tail of the door now shut behind them. The room within was the same sort of sterile room normal to HQ—the lights out since Archer had left. The pair didn’t really breathe or move for a few moments; each was listening to hear the footsteps eventually go past their position and on further into the depths of the halls.

Only once that was over they both sighed and glanced at the other. Archer still had his hand on Lancer’s wrist, Lancer’s free hand still grasping at Archer’s shoulder. With some awkwardness, they let each other go, glancing aside.

“I don’t want to explain this to our master is all,” Archer began before the question was ever posed.

“What? That you want to just be 'the red bastard’ for the rest of this? And who even said that was them?”

“I don’t want that. And frankly with your luck it would have been.”

Lancer crossed his arms over his chest, an offended tone clear in his words. “My luck? You’re gonna blame it on me?” Something struck him before he let Archer tear into him. “And even if it is crap, your lot is cast in with mine, you might as well get used to it.”

A bewildered pair of eyes met Lancer’s like he’d said something unbelievable. “Cast with your’s…? How exactly?”

“Well we always see each other. I’m basically stuck with you. So you’re stuck with me.”

“I don’t have to be 'stuck’ with you. Why would I even want to be?”

At that moment, Lancer felt himself much more prepared to strike. He didn’t have the advantage of pinning Archer to the wall anymore, but he did have a few more tricks up his sleeve. He shifted to set one hand on his own hip, the other hand free to playfully tease a finger along and under Archer’s chin. It was worth it for the look that was greeted with.

“You’re not gonna find another servant who’s better than I am. You might be a red bastard, but you can see that much, right? Why else would you cover my ass out there? Unless you were into the view?” he said smoothly, almost overwhelmingly so.

Or at least Archer’s reaction could have been called overwhelmed. He looked like he’d been backed into a corner, trapped in some sort of horrible web spun by an idiot. It probably wasn’t that often he managed to play himself, but there he was—caged by his own stupid off-hand question.

That was not precisely what Lancer was anticipating. He expected some backlash, to have his hand slapped away or something. It wasn’t that unusual. Not every hit landed in that way. He’d get that figured out someday, but he didn’t expect it to be the day he dragged another man into a dark room in a fit of desperation to avoid a sliver of shame. Especially a guy he told everyone he hated.

Archer was kind of an annoying shit.

And he called him names earlier—egged him on on purpose.

But here Archer was anyway, his face obviously burning as he tried to deny it. “I didn’t say anything about that. You’re…just drawing your own conclusions out of nothing.”

Lancer leaned over Archer’s way from his side, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Yeah? You sure? I don’t blame you, you know, if you’re taken with me. I get it enough. It’s alright. I’m just a big heartbreak waiting to happen,” he chatters on, managing to further drive Archer up the wall.

Just to finish him off, Lancer added one more thing. He gave Archer a grin and a wink, oozing with all the charm he had. “Sorry if you’re next, Red.”

It was kind of a impure heart, but it seemed like Lancer had hit his mark. He marveled at the great unraveling of Archer’s cool, all of that broken by a little flirting and pushing his buttons. He had to admit he had fun doing it too. It left him feeling like there was something more he could still have however.

Best not to dwell.

Archer, in that time, had managed to take a few defensive steps back, one hand up as if it would stop all this. Eventually his frustration prevailed and he straightened up, his glare more unfriendly than usual. Lancer missed the playful smirk already.

“I don’t appreciate being messed with.”

“I bet you don’t.”

When Archer looked his way expecting more, Lancer only shrugged one shoulder. The red bastard shook his head and sighed away his flustered lapse. Still just a hint of the heat in his cheeks lingered in  such a way that Lancer couldn’t glance away. He didn’t need to be this cute.

“I don’t get what you’re saying, but if you’re done…we should go,” Archer said eventually, a sort of dismissive inevitability sounding from his voice that led Lancer to tougher questions.

“Just messing with you is too much huh?”

Archer didn’t answer right away, giving the side wall a good glare. There was a tension in his shoulders Lancer could trace across the rest of his body—an uncomfortable look, to be sure.

“You’re a flirt. I simply didn’t anticipate being a target of that. That was my mistake.”

“It was. You’re about cute enough.” Lancer hardly blinked through his own answer, but it was enough to toss Archer right back into his own chaos—stewing in his own inability to believe this was still going.

“Since when was this the case? And 'about?’ What does that even mean?” Archer snapped at him.

A bigger laugh got away from Lancer before he could manage any words. The reaction didn’t seem to ease Archer’s nasty look. “Since whenever. I don’t get the chance a lot. You and me one on one and we’re not killing each other? I mean, this has gotta be a better outcome, right? Although I’m not gonna lose at this either.”

“You didn’t even answer all of that. And it doesn’t take much to be better than killing each other.”

“Even if it’s fun?”

“For you,” Archer answered bluntly, faster than he had before too.

“So you definitely prefer the flirting,” Lancer said, his assurance set.

The speedy answer to be snappy was perhaps not helping him in most cases. Lancer was fine speaking off the cuff. Whatever happened, happened. If Archer melted into a puddle right there he was fine with scooping him up. If he got pissed and stormed out that wouldn’t be much different from their usual so that was fine too. He was a little more invested in Puddle Archer however.

Archer groaned and turned away, unable to really stand the face and source of this angst much longer.

“I can’t believe you’re still this much of a dense idiot…”

Sensing an opportunity Lancer slipped in closer, putting an arm around Archer’s shoulders and leaning into him just enough he could speak in his ear. “You wanna spell it out for me then?”

The few seconds of pause were enough to leave Lancer lowering his guard. That down, Archer turned his head and shoulders enough he could catch Lancer’s chin in his hand. He only peeked at Archer’s look long enough to be surprised by it—a determined, if a little embarrassed look that immediately hit him square in the face. That impact deepened by the moment he felt his lips—Was that a shaky anxiety touch or purposely light to tease the idea?—by the end he couldn’t tell which way he was supposed to be getting pulled except that he was definitely being dragged into it.

That same look lingered on Archer’s face in a way that froze Lancer in place. “I don’t want you so sure you’re not going to lose.”

That look and touch told him a thousand other stories, but the words accompanying them were so very much what he should have expected he couldn’t help a laugh. This kind of conversation turned to quicksand around them. Retreating to this room was part of the plan too, wasn’t it? It seemed like he was going to trip up and slip in eventually. Might as well go in face first.

“If it’s a challenge…then show me. If you can do it,” Lancer said in a lowered voice, somewhere between coaxing him and making it a fight. Somehow it felt like both. That kind of familiarity felt good in a strange room.

Archer’s fingers slipped away from Lancer’s face, brushing the length of his arm to go for his wrist once more. This grip was different, especially as he turned and started to lead him back toward the bed. He knew exactly what this signaled, he wasn’t an idiot. Maybe he was, but he at least got this, he just wasn’t going to worry about it. If Archer wanted to play this game, he could play along. Where that would put them in the end, he couldn’t even guess. He didn’t want to. He had a feeling he’d know in a couple hours.

[acauguiran]

23 & Me

 I woke up this morning another year older, 23. A reminder that we all face, that time exists & it’s moving along. Growing up I use to measure my success alongside my age. Wanting to accomplish this by 16, 18 and so on. Always racing against this clock that I felt was representative of my life as a whole. Feeling as if the goals were either far out of reach or had passed me by & that my best years were behind me. I’ve since come to understand that it’s not at all true & while it’s good to have some sort of liability/deadlines behind your goals we are not limited by a date, age, or any other number. We are only limited by ourselves.  Reflecting on another year on this planet I wanted to consolidate twenty three lessons I’ve learned thus far. Lessons that don’t necessarily come based upon my age rather experience, interactions, and the world around me has taught me.

1. We can only control one aspect of life

How we react to things is the sole thing we can control in life. Not what happens to us, what others may think or perceive, only how we react to such situations. We can take them with stride or let them destroy us. The choice is ours.

2. Be Present

More often than not nostalgia is a deception of better times. The past cannot be changed & on that same token the future comes soon enough. Spend less time worrying about what will happen & focus on impacting the present which in turn equals your future.

3. Time is your most precious comodity

Beyond money, materials, and other worldly possessions it’s time that is your most valued asset. Once spent it’s gone, it can’t be regenerated, constantly moving. Time above everything. We share the same 24 hours it’s how we spend our time that defines our lives.

4.  Opportunity is taken not given

If you wait too long for things to magically align you’ll find they were within reach the whole time. We are what we demand out of life. It’s more than hoping or wishing it’s going out there & taking every advantage possible to get closer to your goals.

5. Make more time for yourself

Allow yourself to be bored, treat yourself, get out of your comfort zone now & again. Putting yourself first doesn’t mean putting everyone below you or cutting everyone off. It means prioritizing your needs so that you can better help others along the way. 

6. Shit Happens

 Sometimes life is going to hit you with a rude awakening. You get fucked over, you have a bad day, what have you. Sometimes there isn’t some larger meaning to anything, sometimes shit really just happens to you no rhyme or reason. Beyond karma or anything else. It’s how you recover that defines you.

7. We all need help sometimes

 I use to think independent meant being able to hold your own. That the strongest person was the one who could reserve there emotions. Going through things silently. On the contrary, in the last year alone I’ve learned the strongest most independent individuals recognize when they need help & aren’t afraid to ask for it. That our support structures in life are vital & everyone has their own battles. 

8.  Wealth is defined by numbers. Rich is defined by gratitude.

 Wealth is measured in money & assets. The number one rule of accruing wealth is to have your money make money, reduce losses, and maximize profits. However being rich starts with your appreciation & gratitude for what you have. When you truly understand that the wealth tends to follow.

9. Assume Responsibility

In my 23 years it wasn’t getting a license, paying my own rent, or turning 18 that defined being an adult. It was a lesson I learned in business & in life. It was when you truly learned to assume responsibility for your actions. Not blaming anyone or anything for your position in life & assuming responsibility for your choices or lack thereof.

10. Allow room for spontaneity

In line with being present you have to allow for the unknown. I spent so much of my life planning & plotting that I forgot to allow for the gaps. I felt loss when something didn’t align with the plan. However that’s what adds variety to life. The curve balls, last minute trips, and random decisions that off hand define us.

11. Keep an open mind

You never know what you never know. When I moved to the states a couple years back I had a mindset much more narrow than I do now. Maybe I was young & naive thinking I wouldn’t form new relationships that could parallel my past ones or that certain things weren’t possible. When you learn to keep an open mind & erase the notion of whats possible anything can happen.

12. Be unapologetically great

We seek permission a lot on what we’re capable of. Whether it’s a degree or grade, societies blessings, or what have you. We downplay our strengths & accomplishments. To hell with that. I say be loud, be proud, be the best fucking version of yourself. When I allowed myself to be great at what I do & didn’t apologize for it my mentality changed & greatness followed.

13.  Drink more water

Seriously I have to constantly remind myself of this one. There’s really no downside here.

14.  Fuck Motivation

Motivation is a reminder of something you were always capable of doing. The reality is you’ll never be 100% always inspired or motivated. Learning to do in spite of that is whats key. What makes the greats great is they did what they had to do even when everything mentally or physically told them not to.

15. Passion, Pursuits, Perception 

We often believe that we have to decide in life what’s the one thing we want to do. That we must have this one passion & pursuit it following the traditional system of education. The truth is we can be many things. The reality is even those who you look up to are figuring it out in some aspects. Finding your passion or purpose is different for everyone the only constant is you’ll know it when you find it.

16. Choose optimism

The easiest thing in the world is to choose the pessimistic view. To quit. To do nothing. It requires no effort or judgement. The hard thing is to persevere despite outside opinion & noise. To keep your spirits high in the face of uncertainty. When we are surrounded by so much negativity it’s easy to forget that the positive outweighs it & that there’s more good out there that goes unrecognized.

17. Life expands in proportion to the risk you take 

In all aspects the more your willing to put yourself out there or step outside your comfort zone you tend to learn something. Regardless of the outcome or result you become better because of it. I’ve built my life on risk & where I use to fear it I now welcome it.

18. We are what we put out in the universe

I’m not talking about karma or what have you. Rather we are what we believe to be. Before we can become anything we must speak it into existence. The work & effort is definitely required but a belief in oneself is where it begins. I’ve learned in my work if I don’t believe in myself & my capabilities then why should anyone else? My viewers, clients, employees. We are the energy we exert into the world & by doing so we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. 

19. Have Fun

As a 22 year old who skipped out on college & jumped into the world of work at 11 this is something I need to remind myself. That these years are only moving forward & its important to stop now again & enjoy it all. Get out, celebrate, make stupid decisions now & again. It’s apart of life & regardless of ones age youth or not. It’s a simple reminder in life to have fun with it.

20. You have the time

No one is too busy or void of time. No one. Not Bill Gates, me, and you reading this. As noted earlier we all share the same 24 hours, 365 days, 7 days a week. It’s about making time for those that matter & the things you want to do or accomplish. That can be anything to going out with friends for a couple hours to life goals or hobbies. The excuse “I don’t have the time...”  is just that... an excuse.

21. Don’t be afraid to think BIG

We often downplay big ideas & thinkers because we can’t process such things. We cut ourselves short of achieving greatness because we think it’s too far fetched. It’s that mentality that ironically makes such feats easier to achieve. Most won’t even start which already gives you an advantage. Don’t settle for good, go for great.

22. All things have their lifespan

Be it life itself or relationships. I had to come to terms that certain things just have their run. Some things can’t be mended but forgiven. Some things simply happen outside of our own control. The best we can do is treasure them in the moment & look back upon such things & cherish them for what they were. Some things need to be let go in order to find their way.

23. Life is a choice

At its simplest & most complex level life is a choice. What you want to be, how you want to get there, what you want out of it. A conscious decision to find out who you are & what you want. Once you find those answers is simply making a choice & putting everything behind it. Also realizing that there’ll be setbacks, missteps, and hardship. These are the very thing that wake us up to all the good things. It’s all apart of life. No matter the road you take & what may come along the way you ALWAYS have a choice.

 I’m 23 years young with (hopefully) a lifetime ahead of me. Many more lessons to be learned & views that’ll surely change. Life is a process in which all our results are different. I’ve now spent a majority of my life in pursuit of my passion & work. Taking the recent years to take a step back to really see the bigger picture. Pushing myself to leave everything I knew to be home to build a new. To reach higher, push my limits, and expand my worldview. If there’s one constant no matter the year or age it’s this. I’ll always be learning. Always be one step behind my most ideal self. Work has been a big part of my life & it’ll continue to serve as such. For when you find something so intoxicating you can’t help but pursue it with every ounce of you. I aim to as always make my current year on this earth better than my last. To always be making & doing things I love while making an impact. Till the day I die (hopefully very long from now) I’ll continue to do that. Continue to push the agenda. Here’s to what is purely the best & most important of things... being alive & all the possibilities that allows for.

Sincerely,

23 year old me