#probably won't be able to get another drawing out until maybe friday...idk

[kylominis]

the reason why i decided to redownload the game [♡]

[openly-journaling]

Tori: Friday October 28 2022

Day isn't even done. Our moods are everywhere and I need to get requests done. Also work work work. And pains. Monthly pains suck. And I have to carry this pain back to work.

Can I just lie down and relax and draw for a bit after taking a nap. Get a little relaxation. Long week really. It's crazy how one bad day A WEEK AGO can fuck you up.

You can't stop thinking about it and it doesn't leave you so you escape in whatever way you can. Indulging in work, art, fantasies or even just retreating to talk with your other headmates.

I know our work is important for our happier future. It's really hard to see right now with the way things are but what we're gaining experience doing WILL pay off.

I just need to keep reminding Bobby of that. I know he's depressed and really shutting down. Beating himself up over little things. He's the host he should be taking care of the body, he should be strong enough to bite back, he should be able to do whatever he thinks he should be able to do.

In his mind things fall apart so easy. I understand that. We're all a little depressed right now and none of us are standing up for ourselves because our boss/foster father... Well we can't just go off on his wife.

He'd probably fire us and not give us another chance at working for him.

But that's the thing I've come to realize. If you go off on people who don't take the blame they won't listen, they'll still disrespect you and even go so far as to cry about it and play victim or make you out to be the enemy.

She's really good at making others out to be the ones at fault no matter what they do/say. She'll always find some lie or excuse to hide in and everyone who knows her knows it's bullshit but nobody says anything ever. And I think one agrees.

The rest try to brush it off and say "she's just trying to protect you" because she and they are Christians who believe we worship Satan or.. something idk. I don't know.

Maybe no action is better. Less stress. Better to simply remove ourselves from her space and leave it at that. I get not everyone realizes they're doing it but we've tried pointing things out and it turns into empty apologies.

That being said it's very clear there's no talking to her. But ignoring her is still an option. She's a toxic suffocating cloud to our existence and we just need to filter her out of the environment. But it's difficult and takes time and a lot of self care.

We'll be okay again soon.

We have a plan. Hopefully we can enjoy working again instead of it feeling like a chore.

-edit-

So our period begins and there's no pain at all at first. Maybe a tiny burning feeling fine all well and dandy. After lunch it escalated to hot flashes, burning, feeling like we were going to vomit if we did not lie down.

Pain meds aren't always effective. Or they take awhile to process. Last month this happened our (second) boss was so understanding and said to update us. After awhile the painkillers FINALLY set in and we went back to work for the next three hours.

We have a huge habit of beating ourselves up for not being available for work on a day we're needed.

We told her this month it was bad and we needed to go home. This month she said "suck it up it's part of being a woman." We aren't USED to these pains. They aren't common for us. We feel a hell of a lot better laying down but if we get up it's going to go poorly.

Our co worker just told us politely to go home and get some rest because she gets it, she understands and sometimes even she's forced to go home for it. If this pain is going to get to be normal for us please give us time to build up a tolerance to it and learn how to manage it like fuck!

Who the hell pissed in your Cheerios this morning, it's ONCE A MONTH for A DAY it's not like I'm asking to go home once a week or for a whole week it's not like our period is so debilitating that we can't come into work frequently.

We already work from the buttcrack of fucking dawn until late when everything closes and you still expect us to get bills paid without interfering with work on a ONE HOUR lunch. Hell no. I'll keep taking my two-hour lunches so I can eat AND get our errands done. I'm still working at least 7 hours on the daily EVERY SINGLE DAY EXCEPT WEEKENDS. leave us alone... Let us rest once in awhile.

Like I get these houses have to get done asap but shit. We're working as fast as we can it's not going anywhere and all we freaking do is paint the whole damn time. Everyone else is getting the important shit done. And they're painting too.

IT'S ONCE A FUCKING MONTH!