#protective Gavin is such a nice thing

[lover-of-mine]

Lady Whistledown... it's been a minute for sure. You can chose not to post this because clearly BT is dead and deep down they know. But... if you feel like a visit to Narnia here we go......

So basically after the break up yes they were extremely pissed that none of the 911 family cared about Tommy or encouraged Buck to call him. Also the fact Bucks emotional turmoil ended on Eddie leaving not on a Tommy cliff hanger. This also was paired with weeks of how dare the 911 family abondem him because the hospital scene was again a reminder that the 118 is a family. And since in their view I think they picture Tommy as a creature of the night Buck took his family away.

A little bit lately it's going back into Eddie and Tommy territory. You remember how really, they honestly wanted Eddie and Tommy together. Super pissed no Tommy Christopher scenes. Is there any way Tommy can still step in and maybe secretly messaging Chris to get him home?

Also some days pretty gross about wishing Christopher is gone forever so they can open up Tommy coming back to replace Eddie. My Gavin protection and representation instincts can't stand that.

Proving they still are just I don't know not nice people. They hope Tim makes a whole episode that mimics the city burning down all for Tommy to be in a helicopter and Buck freak out. Also it feeds into their spin off show fantasies. But since the air support in LA became a real viral thing this is even better because then Tommy gets to be the real star and Buck the side character.

Orders given frequently on what to comment and not comment on SM. For instance the rain photo a super no no. Ignore the fact it was because of the spoiler and stay in line.

But one weird one. No one actually believes that's Tommy's truck. It's pretty excepted that obviously Buck got a new vehicle after the jeep broke down. We just will never get a back story.

Insane anger over the baking being transferred to Eddie leaving. It's not a Tommy thing it's a stress thing.

Now that we leave Narnia. I would just encourage monitoring in boxes. They know they only have a few weeks to be on their Bsish. They hate Maddies Bucks focus in the promo and depending on how the timline goes also Eddie. Also it's Canon Tommy knew about the "himbo" and the boils call. So when what goes down with Maddie happens, then if Tommy doesn't reach out its purposely erasing the TommyBuddles Buck. There's no space for Tommy. And also bit of spiraling on how exactly is Buck going to act out. Greatest fear? Buck 1.0

Of I remember anything new happy to come back. It's been a wild few months!!

Hello my love 🫶

I see they are still wild out there. I can't believe they still haven't let go of Tommy fixing the Chris situation. Talking about Gavin is next-level evil imo, he's a kid, let him be. The illusions that a scene that very clearly put Tommy as an outsider because he wasn't on the gc and he had to ask for Buck to volunteer the information is so funny to me, like, how clear do they have to be?

This was a wild ride to read tho, I love how they keep surprising me on how unhinged they can get.

[knifedog-machina]

Daemons To Systems, And The Ways They Intertwine

Hey, I’m Max, he/they - I’m the host of our system, the guy who lives in the front and has only ever lived here, the one who identifies our body as my body specifically. A few nights ago, we realized something about our system origins while talking to some other systems, and I’ve honestly never heard of it happening before, so I thought I’d talk about it.

I used to think that I was a singlet before Jude and Gavin walked in. Now I’m pretty sure I wasn’t. See, before I was the host of a system, I was a daemian. I had three daemons, over the course of my time practicing daemonism, interacting with the community. And they were all a little weird.

The first one was Charlie, affectionately longformed as Charlemagne. Xe appeared in January 2018 as a red fox, said that was xir settled form, and never changed from that. That’s an option for daemons - I know other daemons who chose their forms, independent of how well that form represented their daemian, and stayed that way - but it was in contrast to how most people seemed to do it. I never really felt the need to find a form that fit my personality, not when xe was so confident that this was what xe was.

I didn’t try to make xir do anything, I didn’t decide to give xir faux autonomy - xe just did things xirself, with or without my prompting. Xe was playful, optimistic, a cheerful presence always willing to race around and perk me back up. I really needed xir, back then - I was going through a lot of stress in high school, and I needed someone around to remind me of the whimsical little joys in life. Xe fronted sometimes, and I loved when xe did, conjured phantom tail and paws and big fox ears and an unstoppable zest for life.

My next daemon, Martin, appeared in May 2019 after a fever dream. Really. I was sick and tired and miserable, and I didn’t want to do anything, including things that would make me feel better, and a new internal voice appeared in my head. She told me to drink some water and get to sleep. The next morning, she was still there, lounging around as a large black dog, and she stayed.

This became her role, her purpose in our mind, being a shepherd for my needs. She ran our faulty executive functioning, told me to take care of myself when I forgot important things, encouraged me when I failed to meet expectations. She raised her hackles when anyone tried to overstep our boundaries, and advocated for doing what we needed to protect ourselves, regardless of whether it was nice or polite.

Charlie and Martin overlapped in existence for a while. Charlie loved having a big sibling to play with, and Martin was fond of xir. So I had two daemons for a while, and the arrangement was nice. As I transitioned out of high school into college, my circumstances and environment drastically changed. Charlie was sweet, but xe stopped having a function in my life, so over the months, xe popped up less and less, until xe faded away entirely. Xe wasn’t upset to go, and xir memory is a comfort to me - xe served xir purpose, brought me joy, and had a life well lived.

In October 2021, I created a new daemon, compartmentalizing my emotional dysregulation and disordered anxiety into something that was Not Myself, so I could talk to it and understand its needs without being overwhelmed with distress. This became the feral shadow of a dog that we named Cortisol, nicknamed Court - and if Martin was our Freudian superego, who provided guidance for my decisions and stability when I got stressed, Court was our id, feeling all the explosive emotions that I couldn’t externally express and curling up for scritches like a beloved pet when it got what it needed.

We stayed like that for almost a year, getting familiar with the rhythm of life together. Then, in August 2022, my current headmates walked into my brain. My daemons vanished for the duration of their stay.

They only stayed around a few days, that first time - I was moving to a new place and having new people in my brain simultaneously was overloading our mental RAM, so I was forgetting a lot, and I decided that I’d rather live with them some other time. They understood, we said our goodbyes, and they walked out the next morning. (Recounting this to my friend Tanix was hilarious, by the way. “what the fuck (positive)” he said, his own headmates unable to do this. The joys of being a gateway system.) Once the headmates were gone, my daemons returned into my life.

They came back in March 2023, after I settled down into college for a while, and the memory didn’t jam up like it did previously, so we didn’t part ways this time. Martin and Court vanished overnight, again, and looking back on it, I’m noticing some patterns.

Gavin is basically performing the same role that Martin did - he’s the guy reminding us about our responsibilities, talking through the emotions when we feel like garbage, telling me to eat when I forget, or encouraging me to eat when I have enough sensory issues that I can't stomach anything. He consistently fronts when talking to people we don’t especially like, because he feels protective of us and tends to be the most patient with annoyances.

He’s also literally just some guy, just a decent human person who wound up in here because his partner arrived in my brain five minutes before him and understandably got really upset about it, so he followed them in. Somehow. We don't know how it works, but I also don't know exactly where the first two of my daemons came from, so I’m fine leaving it as a mystery.

(He has a lot of complicated feelings about the position he's in, playing a daemon’s role as a completely different person from me, and will probably write his own post about it some time.)

Jude is, unfortunately, kinda in the same role as Court. And since Court held the emotional dysregulation in my brain, Jude also holds the grand majority of the distress and anxiety that we feel on a regular basis. We all really wish it was split more evenly, because Jude tends to not only lose the ability to talk when they panic, they also get stuck in the front, completely unable to talk to me or Gavin.

(It’s not even that they feel the stress that directly affects them, it’s that on top of the stress that we get in our daily life. They regularly had panic attacks over my grades and exams last semester, and they weren’t even the one studying for it at all! It’s fucked up and I don’t love it for us.)

And there are other interesting little coincidences. You know how Court was a sketched-in sort of black dog? Jude only really realized they related to dogs upon arriving in the system with me, and the archetypal form they identify with is, again, a stylized black dog.

It’s really interesting, the ways my brain decided to be plural, because I didn’t think I was a system back then. I had a daemon, then two daemons, and they were daemons because I considered them parts of myself - no matter how autonomous they were, we were bound together in the same identity, as parts of the same person. They were reflections of me, and I loved them like I loved myself, and they loved me with the same ferocity.

With this realization, that my daemons effectively merged into my system, I did have to ask - are my headmates also parts of me, since they’re falling into the same functional compartments in my brain? We don’t think so, or at least, we don’t think it’s that simple. 

They’re completely different people from me, people who arrived here with their own lives and memories and identities. They aren’t autonomous reflections of my psyche like my daemons were. They’re my weird roommates who moved in with me, and my boyfriends, and I guess you could say we’re life partners - because hey, what’s a partner if not someone you share a life with? What’s more intimate than sharing the same body, hearing each other's thoughts and feelings? They aren't parts of me, but we live the same life together, and I think that counts as something just as significant.

[enigmalynne]

A Witness to Protect

Word Count – 6,017 Warnings – Violence, shootings, cursing, bastardization of My Bloody Valentine Prompt – Witness Protection AU

Jared and Jensen were partners assigned to protect a client and ensure he made it to the courthouse, but Jared got hurt on an assignment a week prior. Jensen tries to convince Misha he can do the job alone, but he needs help. He calls in Y/N for assistance. 

They find out about each other when they show up at a meeting about the job with Misha, and chaos ensues. Jensen refuses to work with a “nobody who can’t play at their level,” while Y/N won’t work with “an immature hack with mashed potatoes for brains.” Misha makes an ultimatum. Either they work together, or they are both off the assignment. But what are Y/N and Misha hiding from Jensen? 

“But you’re okay otherwise, right? No long-term damage?” Jensen Ackles asked his best friend and partner over the phone. 

“Naw, man, bumps and bruises otherwise. Surgery is scheduled for the day after tomorrow, but they said I’ll be up and walking by the end of the week. Then it’s PT for four to six weeks after,” Jared said with a sigh. “Got the fucker though.”

“At the cost of your knee,” Jensen said with disdain. 

“Hey, I’m going to be fine. If we didn’t take Jackson down when we did, who knows how many other women he…” 

“I know,” Jensen interrupted him. “I know, Jay. Just hate that I wasn’t there to keep you from getting hurt.” 

“Because you did your job and kept Brianna safe. I don’t blame you, Jen.” 

“Y/L/N,” Jensen practically growled as he watched her walk up. Her blue eyes narrowed at the tall man before her, then she politely told the receptionist who she was and that Misha was waiting for her. 

“Of course, Miss Y/L/N. Misha has been expecting you. I’ll let him know you are here,” the pretty blonde said. Y/N offered her thanks and took a few steps back. She turned to look at Jensen, her kind smile dropping. 

“Ackles,” she greeted quietly, her voice emotionless. Jensen put his hands on his hips as he assessed her. She stood in a pair of pinstripe slacks, a white blouse that showed off her pale skin, and a fitted jacket. She had a badge and a holster at her waist, but he caught a glimpse of the shoulder holster she wore when she adjusted her coat. 

“Nice suit. Good to see you’ve decided to purchase something more fitting for your job,” Jensen snarked, causing her eyes to flare with agitation. At first, he thought she wouldn’t respond, but she smiled sweetly after a long stare at him with those emotionless eyes. 

“The khakis and polo shirt combo are a little too Best Buy, don’t you think, Geek Squad?” she retorted. Just as he was about to respond, the two heard someone clear their throat. 

“Both of you, in my office,” Misha said sharply. Y/N glanced at Jensen before moving forward. Jensen followed her, taking the free seat to her left. Misha sighed as he looked at an open folder behind his desk.

“I’m already aware that you two know each other despite the conversation I overheard, and we have more important things to discuss than your lack of respect for each other,” Misha said firmly. He handed both Y/N and Jensen a folder. The two of them opened the folders and looked over the paperwork. “Mark Sheppard is the prime witness in the murder trial against Mitch Pileggi. Pileggi, as you know, is on trial for murdering his son Gavin and his mother Ruth while they were out at a café in a drive-by, claimed to be retaliation for a failed business deal.”

Jensen looked over the file, studying the photos as Misha spoke. When he learned that both Sheppard’s son and mother were killed, he glanced at Y/N and watched as she winced slightly before looking at Misha herself. With a frown and a slight head shake, he turned and looked at Misha himself.

“Jared was originally assigned to this detail with Jensen, but since he’s out on medical leave, I have asked Y/N to come in and assist in making sure Sheppard makes it to the courthouse on Wednesday,” Misha explained. Cue an immediate uproar.

“Absolutely not! I can cover Sheppard on my own. I don’t need some nobody who isn’t even at the level of skill this agency requires to pretend to watch my back,” Jensen said firmly. Y/N scoffed at the accusation. 

“Seriously…?” 

“I said what I said.”

“Yeah, I heard you. Sir, I refuse to work with an immature hack with mashed potatoes where his brain should be. I’m happy to assist with this job, but not with the giant child beside me.” 

“You’re calling me a child?”

“Both of you, knock it off,” Misha shouted at the two. Jensen and Y/N instantly went quiet, glowering in their seats. “I know there is tension between you, but I need you to put your differences aside and figure out how to work together. With Jared out of action because of his knee, I need someone to step up and help Jensen.”

Jensen went to interrupt the man, but Misha held up a hand to stop him. 

“And despite what you think, Jensen, Y/N is a damn good agent. She’s one of the best at NCIS, and you need another person for this gig. Figure out how to work together, or neither of you will be on the job. I’ll pull you both and give it to Speight and his team.” Y/N snorted in an unladylike way.

“Give it to Dickard and see how well that works,” she said recklessly, her eyes growing wide when she realized she had said it aloud. Misha glared at her.

“I don’t care what you think of him; he’s good at what he does, and I will hand this over to him without a second thought if you two can’t figure out how to work together. Now, what’s it going to be?”

Y/N glared at Misha. Jensen looked down at his hands before turning to study Y/N.

“I can do it if you can,” he said quietly. Y/N looked at him with surprise in her eyes, then nodded.

“Alright,” she answered quietly. 

“Then it’s settled. You have the information you need,” Misha said, nodding at the folders in their hands. “Sheppard is in a safe house right now with the FBI, but they will be moving him to a hotel tomorrow night. You two will meet him there Wednesday morning and move him to the courthouse at 10 a.m.” 

The two agents stood and left the office without a word. 

“I guess we need to make a plan,” Y/N said. Jensen smirked at her. 

“The plan is simple. You do what I say, and we have no issues.”

“Um, that’s not how a partnership works.” 

“It is in this one.” 

“Is that how the CIA works? Demands things and just expects the experts to follow?”

“As if anyone from NCIS knows how to be a team player.”

Y/N glared at him, unusually silent. 

“Glad you see it my way,” he chirped before growing serious. “But you’re not wrong. We should have a plan, go over the move from the hotel to the courthouse, find out who’s on detail, and all that. What do you say? We can meet here at 8 a.m. tomorrow in one of the conference rooms and go over everything.” Y/N slowly nodded her head in agreement. 

  “Great, see you then,” he muttered, smacking his hand with the information folder.

“Jackass,” Y/N muttered, shaking her head, sliding the folder of information into her messenger bag. She watched as Jensen waited for the elevator, her arms crossed over her chest. Misha stood beside her with a frown on his face, his hands on his hips as he watched the elevator door slide closed behind Jensen. 

“I know you have tension with Jensen,” he said quietly. Y/N’s expression hardened as she turned to face Misha. “Is it going to be a problem?”

“No, sir,” she answered firmly. 

“So, you understand your assignment, Y/L/N?” Misha asked quietly. 

“I do,” she said softly. “But I still think it’s wrong…” 

“You made your point earlier, but our decision is firm. Jensen’s not to know anything about why you’re really there,” Misha muttered. Y/N shook her head with a frown, a heavy sigh escaping her. 

“I’ll report in when it’s done,” she said before turning and walking away. Misha nodded and turned back to his office. 

At 8 a.m. the next day, Jensen waited for Y/N to arrive in one of the main conference rooms. He stood at one of the dry-erase walls, switching back and forth between writing and looking over the paperwork in his hands. He had been there for at least half an hour, writing notes and timelines on the board so they could jump right in. His frustration grew, however, as the minute hand slowly ticked past 8 a.m., and she wasn’t there. 

The door opened at 8:04 a.m., and he snapped.

“Nice of you to show up on time,” Jensen snarked, turning around to look at her. Spotting the two large coffee cups in a drink carrier in one hand and a pastry bag in the other as he looked at her made him pause. Y/N squinted at him, scoffing. 

“Good morning to you too, asshole,” she greeted testily. Using her foot to kick the conference room door shut behind her, she dropped the pastry bag on the table before taking one of the paper cups out of the carrier and holding it out to him. “I assume you still drink coffee as black as your personality.” Jensen lifted his eyes from the cup and looked at Y/N’s impatient expression, her brow cocked in annoyance. 

With a sigh, he walked over to the table and tossed the items in his hands. He then slightly nodded and accepted the cup of coffee.

“There’s no poison in it?” he muttered, timidly sipping the hot liquid. As he set the cup down on the table, he was startled as something large, soft, and hot smacked him in the face. A moment later, he heard a thud hit the table, and when he looked down, he noticed what looked to be a breakfast sandwich wrapped in parchment paper in front of him. He looked at it confused before lifting his gaze to Y/N.

She still had her messenger bag strapped across her body as she stood there with her hands on her hips, the open pastry bag in front of her evidence of her childish antics. She tried not to look amused as she reached in and pulled out her bagel and cream cheese. 

“If I wanted to poison you, I wouldn’t do it with breakfast,” she replied, her tone filled with amusement. 

“How do you even know what I eat for breakfast?” Jensen asked, reaching for the sandwich. The package was an English muffin with Canadian bacon, a fried egg, Swiss cheese, and fresh spinach. “This is my favorite breakfast sandwich.” 

“I know. Our last mission together may have been a couple of years ago, but I do remember how you always got that sandwich with a large black coffee every fucking morning for five months straight. And sorry, I was five minutes late. Morning Joe’s was busy,” she said, spreading cream cheese on her toasted bagel. Her messenger bag was now on the table, the large pocket open with her notebook on top of it. She lifted her head and read his chicken scratches over the whiteboard. “Now, what hotel is Sheppard being moved to the night before the trial, and who is moving him?”

Y/N leaned back against the table, the paperwork in one hand and her latte in the other. She frowned as she listened to Jensen repeat the plan before finally shaking her head. 

“I know I commented about Speight and his team in our meeting yesterday, but I think you should swap Osric’s team out for his at the hotel,” Y/N suggested. “Osric and his team are young and still learning, and on this mission, we need people who aren’t green.” Jensen looked at Y/N like she suggested they wear bathing suits instead of bulletproof vests.

“Osric’s team won Rookie of the Year,” he said.

“I know.” 

“They handled the Grammy security without any issues.”

“I know.”

“They were personally requested to be the security detail for the top models' travel for Sports Illustrated.”

“I know.” 

“Then what makes you think they can’t handle this?”

“That team is all Hollywood glitz and glam. This assignment is far more dangerous. Four of the five witnesses in the Pileggi trial have already been killed, and Sheppard has to make it to the courthouse alive. Tell me how being a security detail for a bunch of models prepared them for what they will face with that?”

Jensen paused, looking back at the whiteboard, and thought about it. As much as he hated to admit it, Y/N had a point. While Osric’s team was one of the top teams handling paparazzi and fans trying to get to the famous people they were protecting, those details didn’t see much violence. This mission, however, was almost guaranteed to get bloody. Speight’s team, much like themselves, had military or law enforcement histories and understood what it took to protect the people they were told to protect. 

“Okay,” Jensen said. “Let’s swap out Osric’s team for Speight’s team.” Y/N nodded, pulled her phone from her back pocket, and started dialing. After a few moments, she smirked.

“Hey, Dickard. Team Speight doing anything important this week?”

“There’s one thing left to do, and that’s pick our team,” Jensen said, setting his stack of papers down and stretching his arms over his head. 

“What’d you have in mind?” she asked, looking back down at the papers in her hands. 

“How about you pick a person, and I pick a person? We each get one veto,” Jensen said. 

“What makes you think you’re going to need a veto?” she asked with a smirk. Jensen raised a brow at her. 

“What makes you think I’m the one who is going to need a veto?” he asked, causing her to snicker. 

“Alright, I’ll bite. Who is your pick?” Y/N asked. 

“Alex Calvert,” Jensen said, crossing his arms over his chest and preparing for an argument. Y/N thought for a long moment about the kid before nodding her head. 

“Deal,” she said. 

“What’s the catch?” Jensen asked suspiciously. Y/N shook her head. 

“No catch; I like the choice,” she explained. “Alex is a good shot, quick on his feet, and has smart reactions… He's a little green, but I think he’ll be an excellent addition to this team. We all have to learn sometime.” 

“Well, okay then. Who’s your pick?”

“You’re not gonna like it…” Y/N said in a sing-song voice, causing Jensen to curse under his breath.

“You can use your veto…”

“But…”

“But I’ll just repeat his name.” 

“Just because he was your partner in the Navy…”

“Hey, he was more than just my partner…”

“That’s beyond creepy, and you know that.”

“Jeff has saved my life so many times, I’ve lost count,” Y/N said quietly. “And I’ve saved him just as many. We can hold entire conversations with just a look. There’s a reason we’re on the same team back at NCIS, and there’s a reason why I always bring him with me when I do special assignments. We basically share a brain.”

“You know how I feel about him,” Jensen grumbled. 

“That sounds like a you problem, and honestly, it’s been 5 years. Get the fuck over it, pretty boy,” Y/N snarked. Jensen huffed a frustrated sigh.

“I’m not shaving for the two days before this mission,” he growled, causing Y/N to laugh. 

“You’ll still look like a pretty boy.”

On the day of the trial, in the early morning hours, Jensen, Y/N, Alex, and Jeffery stood in the conference room with Garth and Felicia, the tech gurus, as they geared up. Misha stood nearby, looking over the setup and paying close attention to the radio frequencies.

“What time are we meeting with the night crew and making the move?” Alex asked as he tucked the earwig behind his ear. He let Garth clip the slack to his collar and slide the battery pack into his belt. 

“We pick up at 8 a.m.,” Jensen answered as he rechecked his weapons. He had his agency-issued gun on his hip and his backup in his shoulder holster, with a spare strapped to his ankle. He glanced up at Y/N again, standing at the edge of the table in her dress pants, a white tank top, and a bulletproof vest, adjusting the straps so she could move better. She had her dress shirt and jacket laid over a chair next to her weapons. 

“Quit squirming,” Felicia grumped as she tried straightening the panel. 

“It’s not gonna smooth out,” she said.

“Not if you keep moving, it won’t.”

“Just let me wear my NCIS one.”

“Can’t,” Misha said with a shake of his head. “This is a CIA opp. You need to wear CIA gear.”

“Then I say I just go without the vest and chance it.” 

“Fuck no,” Misha growled. “You go with a vest or don’t go at all.”

“You’re gonna see the vest under my shirt unless you let me wear something other than a dress shirt,” Y/N grouched. 

“She’s not wrong, boss,” Felicia agreed. 

“Make it work the best you can, but you’re wearing the damn vest Y/N,” Misha said before turning and looking over the papers that were brought to him. Y/N glared at Misha, unaware of her audience. 

“What’s going on with them?” Alex asked Jensen quietly. Jensen just shook his head. 

“You’re awfully quiet,” Jeffrey told Y/N fifteen minutes later. She finally got the vest in a position where it wasn’t glaringly obvious she was wearing one, slipped on her dress shirt, and was fitted with her radio. She pulled her jacket over the radio that Garth had just clipped behind her, shifting grimly.

“I’m uncomfortable.”

“If you wanna swap out vests in the car, I won’t tell anyone.”

“You won’t, but they might,” Y/N said, nodding to the other two men on the team. 

“And complain about the chance to see a pretty girl almost topless? I doubt it,” Jeff said with a wink. That made Y/N smile. 

“You always say the sweetest things.”

“Only the best for you, darlin’, you know that,” he drawled. Y/N took a deep breath and stared at Jeff for a long moment. 

“You remember our mission in Beirut?” she asked suddenly. Jeff raised a brow, his eyes going dark. 

“Yeah, I remember Beirut,” he said quietly. Y/N nodded slightly. 

“Keep that in mind today, yeah?” she asked, her voice soft. 

“What aren’t you telling me?” “I’m under lock and key. Just keep an eye out.” The two shared one of their looks before turning to the other two team members. 

“Ya’ll ready?”

“Why are we stopping at a Starbucks?” Jensen complained. Y/N glared at him from the driver’s seat through the rearview mirror. 

“We aren’t pulling up to the night crew empty-handed. Or did you forget how much nightshift sucks?” Y/N asked. “Hey, I have a mobile order for Y/N.”

“Okay, pull around to the window, please,” a tinny voice said. Once Y/N was at the window, a perky college kid with radically dyed hair handed over two trays of coffee cups. She handed one over to Alex before accepting the second. 

“Thank you!” she cheerfully told the barista before approaching the stop sign. “Okay, I have a large black coffee for Mr. Moody. Jeff, do you mind handing this to Jensen?”

“Sure thing, doll,” he said, taking the cup.

“M’not moody,” Jensen grumbled, accepting the coffee. 

“I’ve got a caramel ribbon frappuccino for the kid. Alex, here you go. Don’t you dare spill those drinks for the morning crew,” Y/N said, handing over the frozen coffee drink. Alex blinked a few times before accepting it. 

“How did you know my favorite Starbucks order?” 

“I’m Y/N; I know things. Jeff, babe, your vanilla latte,” she said, reaching back with the cup holder and his cup. “And my chai latte,” she said. 

She slowly pulled away from the curb just in time for the car behind her to start pulling up, making Jensen realize she had done all that in less than thirty seconds. He needed to stop underestimating her.

At approximately 8 a.m., Y/N, Jensen, and Jeff exited the elevator on the eighteenth floor of Hotel Genevieve. They spotted the overnight security team watching the door to room 1874 and headed in that direction. Samantha and Rob stood there and looked relieved when they saw the team walk up. 

“I bring sustenance for the night crew,” Y/N said with a smile as she held out the tray of coffees. Samantha took the tray of drinks and looked at what was written on the cups. She almost squealed in excitement when she realized the drinks were all correct.

“And they’re right,” she gushed.

“You are a saint among women, Y/N,” Rob said earnestly. Y/N laughed.

“Do enough overnights and learn what makes people happy,” she said with a shrug. “Everything kosher?”

“It was a quiet night—almost too quiet,” Rob said with a frown. “Speight and Jake are inside finalizing things for the move, but they’re on edge.”

“Something not sitting right with them?” Y/N asked, looking over at Jensen, who was frowning. 

“We’ll go check in with them,” Jensen said, moving toward the door. Jeff took the tray of drinks and patted Y/N on the shoulder before following him in. Once the door closed, Samantha turned to Y/N with a frown. 

“Did Jensen forget to shave or something?” she asked. Y/N laughed.

“He thinks not shaving is going to get him out of Jeff calling him a pretty boy,” Y/N explained. 

“Why would Jeff call him a pretty boy?” Rob asked, confused. Y/N shrugged. 

“Because it’s easy to get under his skin, and Jensen hasn’t realized that part yet. Every time Jeff works around Jensen, he calls him a pretty boy because it makes Jeff laugh at the reaction he gets from Jensen,” Y/N said with another laugh. 

“Does Jensen not realize that he is, in fact, a really good-looking guy, clean-shaven or not?” Samantha asked. 

“I think stubble makes him look even hotter, but that’s just me,” Y/N said, looking down the hall. She missed the look Rob and Samantha had. Suddenly, the room door opened, and Jeff nodded at Y/N.

“Duty calls. Let’s get this show on the road.”

Team Speight and the morning team surrounded Mark Shephard and escorted him into the armored vehicle waiting for him. With seven people surrounding him from the hotel room to the lobby, Mark felt safe enough to enter the van and head to the courthouse. Team Speight had a car escorting and tailing them in case assistance was needed. 

“Team Bravo, come in,” a voice said over their earwigs. Jensen glanced at Y/N before he responded. 

“This is Team Bravo; go ahead,” he responded. 

“Suspect is in custody at the courthouse; attempted access to secure entrance an hour ago. Advise to continue with the mission and provide security to Shephard until he takes the stand,” a voice said in their ears. Surprise colored their expressions. Y/N pulled out her phone and started texting immediately despite the communication in their ears. 

“Code word confirmation,” Jensen said sternly.

“Affirmative, Team Bravo. Codeword Omicron.” Jensen nodded once as they pulled up to the courthouse. 

“Good news, Mr. Shepherd. Looks like they caught Pileggi. We will stay with you to confirm your safety, but it looks like you are in the clear,” Jensen said to Mark. Y/N caught Jeff’s eye in the rearview mirror and shook her head slightly, giving the impression that things weren’t as complete as they appeared. With a frown, Y/N slid her phone back into her pocket and looked out the window, her eyes distant as she watched the world speed past them.

Once they arrived at the courthouse, the armored van made its way to the back of the building. Y/N noticed the snipers on the rooftops and glanced at Jeff to point them out to him. He gave a slight nod back, having already spotted them himself. Once the van came to a stop, the agents slipped from the vehicle and checked their sights. 

“Clear,” Jeff said quietly, looking down the alleyway behind the building. 

“Clear,” they heard Alex say a second later as he took in the opposite side. 

“Clear,” Y/N said as she looked behind the van to where they had just driven through. Jensen nodded his approval, and the three took their positions around Mark before escorting him into the building. Y/N looked around again to verify their safety and thought she spotted a dark jacket approaching them. She paused her steps, having taken up the rear of the quad, but shook her head and assumed it was nothing as she began walking again. 

While walking down the hallway, Y/N thought she saw the man again. This time, to their right, keeping pace with them far off down another hallway. She watched for the dark jacket through narrowed eyes, but only caught glimpses of something through the crowds of people making their way to different parts of the courthouse. It could be anyone, she thought. Or it could be him.

“I don’t like this,” Y/N’s soft voice sounded over the earwig tucked in Jensen’s ear, causing him to roll his eyes. With one hand on Mark’s shoulder, he guided the man through the courthouse halls with Alex next to him. Their eyes swiveled, surveying the area critically. Jeffrey was walking in front, eyes narrowed in concentration. 

“Something isn’t right,” Y/N muttered firmly. She was talking to herself, but thanks to the microphone she was wearing, her words went out to the whole team. Her tone made Jeff slow, almost causing Shepherd to run into the back of him. 

“This place is crawling with security,” Jensen finally said. “They caught Pileggi coming in from the back before we arrived this morning. You’re overreacting.” 

“What are you feeling?” Jeff asked as Y/N hurried her steps slightly, her head swaying. Suddenly, a man dressed in a long, dark trench coat stepped into their line of sight on a set of stairs in front of them and raised his arm to point a handgun toward them. 

“Fuck,” Y/N muttered. Everything that happened next happened fast. Jeff and Alex pulled Mark into a hall next to them to shield the man from the gunfire. Jensen was reaching into his jacket for his weapon, but knew he would be a second too slow. At the same time, something kicked at Jensen’s knee and sent him sprawling to the ground just as gunfire erupted above his head. His head bounced off the marble floor once, sending stars dancing in front of his eyes before he looked up to see a man on his back, unmoving, his arms flung out to the side. 

“Get him out of here!” Jensen shouted at his team, scrambling up and pulling his weapon simultaneously. Alex yanked on Mark, who was staring wide-eyed at the violence, and pulled him into an office nearby. Jeffrey turned and looked over at the man Jensen was moving to, then back at the woman who lay bleeding on the floor behind them. 

When Jensen got to the man, a neat hole stared back at him like a third eye. It was then that he realized who the man was. Tom Hanniger, the serial killer Jensen had been working on taking down before he left the force and joined the CIA. Surprise colored his face as he stared down at the man. 

“We need an ambulance at the courthouse now!” Jeff shouted, causing Jensen to turn around and look at what he was doing. That’s when he saw Y/N lying on the floor and Jeff kneeling in a puddle of blood. Cursing under his breath, Jensen darted over to where she was down and looked over Jeff’s shoulder to see her choking on her blood as Jeff pressed down on a wound in her collarbone near her neck. Stunned into silence, he stared as Y/N’s distant eyes teared up.

“Did I… did I get… ‘im?” she gargled, a tear breaking free as she blinked. Jeff pressed on the wound harder, causing Y/N to buck under his hands. Her face bunched up in pain, a whimper escaping her.

“Yeah… yeah, you got him,” Jeff said, causing Jensen to look over at the dead body not far from them. “Now relax so we can get you fixed up, alright?” Y/N smiled slightly, her bloody teeth showing before her eyes slipped shut and her body gave out. It felt like the world around Jensen suddenly went foggy and distant. Even as Jeff started shouting at her to open those baby blue eyes of hers, even as the ambulance showed up to haul her to the hospital, even as Misha showed up and started asking questions… Jensen made a steadfast and concrete realization: this case was not what he thought it was. 

Seven hours and thirty-six minutes of surgery, four pints of blood, two crashes, and two shocks to her heart later, Y/N lay unconscious in the critical care unit. Jeff and Alex sat in the waiting room, listening as Misha and Jensen shouted at each other in an empty hospital room nearby. 

“You didn’t think this was something I should have known about?” Jensen shouted, fury and confusion coloring his tone. 

“It wasn’t something we were ready to inform you about, no,” Misha explained calmly.

“Hanniger was someone from my past. My long past. How long has he been coming after me?”

“We intercepted it every time he tried to mess with you,” Misha said, skirting his question. “Y/N was the one who figured out who he was and when he was going to make his move.”

“She’s not CIA, Misha! Hell, she’s not even FBI!” Jensen shouted. 

“NCIS is a reputable agency, and you fucking know that!”

“Oh, give me a break. I’m not saying she isn’t fully qualified,” Jensen growled. “I’m saying you let her take a bullet for me, and it almost killed her. She isn’t a part of this!” 

“She chose this, Jensen.” 

“I don’t care what she chose! This wasn’t her decision to make. Somebody should have told me about it!” Jensen said, turning and swinging a fist at the wooden door behind him. Misha watched as Jensen cursed under his breath and shook out his hand. The room went quiet suddenly as his words sank into the man in charge of the mission. Jensen shook his head, a million different emotions in his eyes. 

“Someone should have told me,” he said quietly, turning to look at the man. After a long moment, Misha pressed the nurse’s button for that room.

“If it makes you feel any better, she wanted you to know. I was the one who told her not to tell you,” Misha explained before a nurse walked in. “Can you please look at his hand? I’m pretty sure he just broke it, punching your door.” He then strode out of the room. 

Jeff and Alex looked at him as he walked by the waiting room. Catching his eye, Misha stopped and looked at the two.

“You two have anything you want to add?” he asked, waving a hand at them before placing his hands on his hips. 

“He’s got a point,” an angry voice started. “A guy should know if there’s a hit out on him.” Misha turned and faced the group of people walking toward him and frowned. Jeff smirked slightly, watching the power play start to unfold in front of him. 

“Gibbs,” Misha said plainly. 

“Collins,” Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs said, stopping before the man. Those ice-blue eyes were cold as they stared down the CIA operative. “Why is my agent in a hospital room fighting for her life right now?”

“I was hoping to have more time before facing you and explaining everything,” Misha sighed, glaring at Jeff. Jeff simply shrugged his shoulders. 

“Bossman has a right to know,” he said, standing and walking to Gibbs’ side. 

“Hey, you’re awake,” Jensen said quietly, walking into the room with his hands stuffed into his pockets. His right hand barely fit around the cast to hold his broken hand in place.

“Barely,” Y/N muttered, her voice deep and congested sounding. Her eyes were open but hazy, glazed with the heaviness of drugs and exhaustion. She tracked Jensen, making his way next to her without moving her head. He picked up the styrofoam cup of ice water and gently placed the straw into her mouth so she could take a sip. She whispered her thanks when she was done. 

“Your boss is tearing my boss a new one right now,” Jensen said, dropping into one of the chairs beside the bed. Y/N smirked slightly but remained silent. She wondered why no one was in her room when she woke up. Usually, it was Jeff or Gibbs there, ready to lecture her on self-preservation. The boss’s fighting must have been quite the show if no one was there to berate her. Not that this was something she could have prevented…

“Why, Y/N? Why didn’t you tell me?” Jensen asked, interrupting her inner dialogue.

“Wasn’t allowed to. Misha told me no.”

“So? You’ve broken the rules before.”

“We needed you focused on the Shepherd case. That was real. Pileggi was a real threat.”

“I can focus on two things at once.”

“Maybe.”

“How did you even figure it out?”

“What? That it was Hanniger?” “Yeah. Hanniger and me.”

“Hanniger is a serial killer.”

“Yeah… I know,” 

“You used to track him back when you were on the force.”

“How did you know that?”

“You think you’re the only one from Valentine’s Bluff?”

Jensen stared at her silently, trying to remember if he had ever seen her somewhere in the small, sleepy town. Y/N took that time to close her eyes and recenter herself as the pain meds didn’t do as much as the doctor thought they would. 

“We moved there when I was in high school, and I didn’t go out much. You wouldn’t have seen me.”

“Doesn’t explain why you knew.”

Y/N turned slightly to stare at Jensen with a sad smile and teary eyes.

“He killed someone you knew. Someone close to you.” 

“It was a long time ago. I joined the military. I didn’t want to be trapped in a small mining town, but my big brother was happy there. He was one of the 22 killed on Valentine’s Day. To this day, I don’t celebrate the fucking holiday.”

Silence filled the room; both were lost in their thoughts. It was hard to believe they had been so close to each other all this time without even knowing it. Y/N had figured the whole thing out and never said a word, but now they were connected for a different reason. Jensen had a brand new respect for the woman, and he would treat her differently from here on out.

“Thank you for saving my life,” Jensen said, sincerity filling his voice. There was a gentle knock at the door before it opened, and Jeff stuck his head in.

“It was either going to be him or me, Jensen. It was never going to be you,” Y/N replied with a soft smile. Jensen nodded before looking over at Jeff, patting him on the back, and leaving the room altogether. Y/N’s eyes watched him go before drifting over to Jeff and Gibbs, a slight smile on her lips. 

“Hey, boss,” she said quietly. 

“I said you could do this so long as you didn’t end up hurt, Y/L/N,” Gibbs chided lightly. Y/N’s smile grew. She could see his concern right through his gruff exterior. 

She knew things were going to be okay.

[readyandnot]

WHY I AM HUXLEY’S NO. 1 FAN

{ a ready rambles special! }

credit to the lovely @milogreer once again this is amazing :)) and Morgan for getting it for me!

1: I am Huxley’s No. 1 Fan

2: I am a certified Huxley Simp 🪪

3: All jokes aside, Huxley has and will continue to remain my favorite out of all the characters in the Redactedverse. From the moment I listened to his first audio (meeting FL) I fell in love IMMEDIATELY. I’ve never seen a himbo so perfectly portrayed in a character as Huxley and he’s made me love them even more (him especially of course).

4: Even with Huxley dating Damien instead of FL, he continues to remain my favorite character because he is so much more to me than a romance option. He is is own person with flaws and perfections. He is so emotionally intelligent, physically and mentally strong (even in the dark moments), and so sweet to everyone. He is also so protective of his friends (saw that in Inversion) and supportive it’s so heartwarming.

5: I also still love him when he’s dating Damien because it’s brought out a new side of him and Dami that I absolutely LOVE. They’re so perfect together it makes me so happy for them both even though they were potential romance options for FL.

6: I payed for the Patreon and the FIRST THING I DID was listen to his BA… (it’s so good like wow)

7: I have written so much about Huxley with my FL, and Morgan can vouch on how often I think of and write Huxley whenever we write our FL’s. He’s the first one I think of with my FL in every single AU we do together.

8: I have made numerous thumbnails involving Huxley and have had thumbnails made for me by the fabulously talented Morgan on multiple occasions with Huxley!

9: I have posted on numerous occasions (whether my own post or on someone else’s) about my love for Huxley!

10: I have voted for Huxley in every poll that involved him :))

11: For most of the time, I call Huxley by his full name because it’s such a beautiful name and deserves to be said fully (Hux is a cute nickname though don’t get me wrong!)

12: I have a Pinterest board SPECIFICALLY for Huxley 💚

13: Huxley in my opinion is the underrated one of the DAMN group, and he is so sweet it makes me sad sometimes! He is the balance of everyone in the group: The sweet to Dami, the gentle to Lasko, the ease to Freelancer and the fun to Gavin! It makes me smile seeing him interact with everyone and I love him so much with the group because it’s so nice seeing him be himself after so many years of not!

14: The first commission I ever asked and received was one of Huxley and my FL :))

credit to @sri-rachaa for this beautiful masterpiece you made quite a long while ago!!!

15: I am Huxley’s Sunflower :))

N E WAY

These are fifteen reasons why I believe you should vote for me as Huxley’s biggest fan! Blunt and explained points and it would mean so much to my fictional and irl heart if awarded :))

Even to be nominated is awesome and I sincerely wish the best of luck to the other nominees and the other categories!

Good luck @morgansplace with Lasko, you got my vote :))

@plaqying Thanks for letting me be a nominee!

Sincerely,

[moon-blanket]

Actual post about the new Gavin video because i just have to cry and sob about it.

Him just looking over Freelancer while they sleep ?? whispering sweet words and praises ?? While drawing soothing circles on their skin ?? I cannot go on.

Him thanking them for trusting him with this side of them. Saying he didn't think he deserved them or their love for a little bit :'(( And them refusing to let him believe anything short of it, their love for him. Their friends. Their memories. He deserves it all.

Gavin saying he doesn't need sleep, but he loves resting in their bed at their side as he comforts them all night. Protecting them in a way, ensuring that they get the sleep they so rightfully deserve.

You are everything to me. I'M JUST SOBBING.

Him saying that he loves how simple things can be between them. A nice respite from the usual chaos. Where they can be just Them.

The way he stops moving when he admits that he doesn't recall the time he began calling it Our bed. Instead of just Freelancer's. It being a recent change, too. As if he didn't deserve to call it his as well. Still feeling like he's on the Outside of their life, a visitor, regardless of their relationship. Because that's all he knows.

But they asked him to step into the space, didn't drag him into it. No one has asked him such a thing before, and still don't. He can be himself, in any shape or form that comes in.

And they gave him the grace and patience to explore what that could possibly mean, without judgement or consequence. They wanted Gavin. Not a box he could be fit into-- something less than what he is and more of what he isn't. They wanted Him. Raw and unfiltered.

The I love you more than Human Words can convey Speech

"I. am. Feeling. And i feel you, with every facet of what i am. There's no such thing as a perfect match. there is no form or relationship that doesn't come with disagreement and effort. But, the feelings we hold for one another, and the work we put in for one another, are Enough to weather any storm. And that's the difference."

The KISS right after that. Probably their forehead ? I'm literally in shambles. And the immediate follow up of "You are Loved, and Loving. And what you do Matters. So. Very much. You bring me joy. You have the kindness to take time to let me know that i bring you the same. For someone like me, someone so prone to doubt his own impact. That means so much. Thank you, my love." ?? Oh my god. I am about to actually cry.

And he tells them to rest easy as he kisses their forehead AGAIN maybe, and tells them to feel loved.

The love and care he feels for Freelancer is palpable the Entire time. Laced in every word and caress. I can feel the love in his eyes, and adoration in his voice, the care in the kisses he leaves.

I cannot. carry on normally after this. I am So in love with this man. Disastrously. He means So much to me.

[vi-the-deer]

Things of 2024

2024 sure was a year, huh? 10 months of some of the best times of my life followed by two of absolute existential dread. Looking back it’s hard to put myself in the mindset I started the year in, but thankfully I took notes as the year went on in preparation for this exact moment (smart of me, right? Call it anti-ADHD protection. (Also I only started doing so around April so the beginning of the year might not be quite as fleshed out but still…)). Note that while this is a “best of” list for the year, it’s not necessarily about things that came out this year. In fact a good deal of them aren’t from this year, as I am behind on a lot of media, but oh well, it’s my list! Which is also why instead of breaking things out into different categories I’m just gonna list them all in one go, because I’m disorganized that way. Also it will be in roughly chronological order, since that’s how I have them in my notes, but otherwise the order the things are in has no particular meaning.

MagicCon Chicago

The year started out well with my then partner (and now – well we’ll get to that, hang in there) and my first Magic event together since the pandemic started. I was super excited for it from the start despite not getting selected to staff it since not only did that mean I got to play in the events but I also got to do so with my lovely partner and – spoiler alert – our mutual girlfriend! It was also close enough to her home state of Missouri that she was able to take the train to hang out with us for most of the days, which is awesome since we don’t get to see her that often and we miss her dearly when we’re apart. We had a great time, got to see some really cool announcement panels live and in person, randomly met Graham from Loading Ready Run, played in Gavin’s “Unknown” event, each won our respective games of Ravnica Clue (MKM had just come out so people hadn’t soured on the format yet), and overall had a great time both at the event and around it, finishing with a visit to the Medieval Torture Museum because of course we did. A+ experience, would do again (and might, if we’re able to go to Chicago’s MC next year) The Con was made even more special because it was the first time I’d been to Chicago, which is where two of my three partners grew up, so it was so nice to be able to see their old stomping grounds (even if they were more from the suburbs than the city). The only sad part was that we didn’t have more time to sightsee, but maybe if we go next year we’ll have a chance to do more of that.

LDXP/Commandfest Daly City

The second big Magic event of the year, which was actually mostly underwhelming, but I’m putting it here because my compensation for judging at it allowed me to be able to afford the next item on my list, the…

Steam Deck

I love video games, especially PC games, but I have this weird thing where I never actually play them very often. Mostly this is because our TV is usually shared among the three of us (myself, Robin, and our mutual nesting partner Sonic), and I never really feel like monopolizing it with my games, or sitting at a computer away from the fam. I have a gaming laptop that I used to play games on but it broke earlier in the year and it was never really that optimal in the first place since it was heavy and always needed to be plugged in to its massive power brick. Enter the Steam Deck.

Since getting it I have played more games than I think I have in the past two or three years combined. It’s not great for every game, but for the ones that I enjoy it’s ideal. I can play it on the couch while hanging with the fam even with something on the TV, and the trackpad really works surprisingly well as a mouse replacement, so even non-controller games work pretty well on it. And only recently I figured out how to stream games from my Xbox to the Steam Deck so even the more graphical showcases (Like, most recently Dragon Age: The Veilguard) can be played while the TV is in use by others. Anyway, the first game I really got into on the Steam Deck is the next entry in this list.

Disco Elysium

ENCYCLOPEDIA – You remember the name from old gaming podcasts, what has replaced the well-worn video game magazines you remember from your childhood. You can still hear the voices of praise for its unique gameplay that hearkens back to an era long lost, an era of CRPGs and Point-and-Clicks

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Medium: Success] – The plastic of the controller feels familiar in your hand. You guide your avatar among the digital landscape, exploring the streets of a world similar yet nothing like the world you exist in.

PERCEPTION [Formidable: Success] – You are able to reason out the puzzles, growing closer to your avatar as you solve problems for those around your avatar.

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] – More often than not you were responsible for the problems you end up solving, but you are nonetheless able to help these wretched people with their wretched lives to give them some small measure of comfort.

DRAMA – You find yourself absorbed in your character, my liege, though he is not much like you, and at the same time exactly like you.

RHETORIC [Godly: Success] – The texture of this world is communist, but it is no utopia. It is up to you to find the hope that is buried under the muck of society and reveal it to the world, raise a shining banner just like those who failed before you. You will fail again, but in the failing you take one step closer to saving the world.

AUTHORITY [Legendary: Failure] – You extol to as many as possible the virtues of Disco Elysium, but your words often fall on deaf ears. The game is old, they say. The graphics are lackluster. The story confusing, the atmosphere oppressive. You are aware of this but you see past it to the shining lungs within, you breathe in the world and its inhabitants.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN – The game has touched you deep to your core. You are not the same person you were before you played it. You can never take it back, and you would never want to.

Night in the Woods

When this came out first I was at a very odd point in my life. My separation from my ex-wife was fresh, and depression was a spectre that was constantly looking over my shoulder. It was the perfect wrong time to play a game that wraps itself in the same kind of depression, of nostalgia and longing for a time that will never come again.

I am happy to say that I’m glad I waited. The game was excellent, and so touching and familiar even though I never lived in an American small town. The feeling of how fleeting the world can be still scares me, but games like these help me to get through them while not letting the good times and lessons of the past leave me, even when the world can never keep from changing.

Twin Peaks The Return

A podcast I enjoy was watching Twin Peaks as one of their side podcast projects, so I used that as an excuse to finally see the parts of the show that I never got around to (Fire Walk with Me and The Return, primarily). It was really interesting to dive into that world again, to see the culmination of one of the great filmmakers’ career, to reunite with the characters we fell in love with in the original, and to meet new ones to love (or sometimes hate). And one thing I will always remember, is it’s not about the bunny. (Is it about the bunny?) (No, it’s not about the bunny).

Fallout TV show

It turns out you can make a good adaptation of a video game, all you have to do is approach it with a real love of the franchise, disregard all the stories and characters that have baggage from the games, and instead tell a compelling story with great characters that are set inside the universe that people have come to love (even though I never played much of the games, I know enough to appreciate the fan service). It’s so easy! I’m actually looking forward to seeing where it can go with another season.

Fantasy High Junior Year (blimey!)

I don’t think you heard me, Blimey! Fantasy High is the first Dimension 20 series we watched, and it’s still one of the best. Being able to return to that world was so fun and exciting, and the characters are still just as vibrant and funny as they were at the start. Some of the moments (especially some of Ally’s nat twenties) will stick with me for some time, and I would easily be able to say that this was my favorite season of D20 that we watched last year, if it wasn’t for…

Never 💥 Stop 💥 Blowing 💥 Up

This was the most thrilling, off-the-rails, wacky, and just plain fun D20 series in a long time, possibly ever. Just a delightful send-up of 80’s-style action flicks, with just an amazing set of players and a GM who woke up and decided to not say no to pretty much anything the players wanted to do, no matter how wild and out-of-left-field they may be, with a new homebrew system that made Every. Single. Roll feel exciting and impactful. And remember: Without our siblings, we are nothing.

Battlestar Galactica (2004)

It was really fun to go back and rewatch this series with my then-partner. (I keep saying then-partner because it’s accurate but don’t worry, we’re still together. All will become clear later I promise). Part of the impetus was because we had just finished DS9 and were interested in seeing more Ronald D. Moore shows. Going back to this show after something like 20 years it’s interesting how my perspective has changed, how characters I didn’t care for the first time around have become faves simply because they are going through things that I can sympathize with in ways I couldn’t in my twenties. The ending is still bad but knowing it’s coming and seeing what foreshadowing they were able to include made it feel better this time around, and I still bawled like a baby at it. It’s a really good show that really holds up, even in the later seasons that were considered weaker at the time.

Anime

Frieren

One of my favorite parts of this series is that most of the names seem to come from someone looking up words in a Japanese-German dictionary, and as I speak German fluently, the results can be amusing. Like how the character who seemed like maybe might turn out to betray the party is named “Lügner” aka “liar”. Fun! But linguistics isn’t the only thing about the anime I loved. Its slow pace underlies a somber meditation on the meaning of mourning, growing, and changing that, while seen through the eyes of a millenia-old elf, nonetheless resonate in the hearts of us mere mortals. I was a bit turned off by the tournament arc, but it managed to not overstay its welcome, and I can’t wait for the second season (which is somewhat ironic given the subject matter.)

Also while I said I wouldn’t do rankings, this anime has the best ED song I’ve heard in a long, long time, and, spoiler alert, it will turn out to be relevant in a few months. Stay tuned!

Solo Leveling

(Yes I know these two are from 2023 they ended in 2024 so they still count)

I usually don’t really watch shounen anime, so I was surprised at how much this grabbed me. I’m having a hard time putting a finger on what was different about this one. I think a lot of it was in the masterfully-executed fight scenes, but the interesting worldbuilding certainly didn’t hurt. I’m looking forward to season 2 later this year.

The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really, REALLY Love You

Polyamory done right! A harem anime with a protagonist you don’t want to smack upside the head! Autism representation! Yuri! Age difference! And some of the best humor I’ve seen this year. 100 Girlfriends is really, really, really, really, REALLY good, and I can’t wait for the second season to start soon!

Dungeon Meshi

It’s a good thing I’m not ranking anime because it would be really hard to choose which would take the top spot. One of the candidates has to be Dungeon Meshi though. Trigger has a strong track record of amazing anime, and this one, based on a property that my girlfriend has long been a huge fan of, seems a little like a departure from their usual Sci-Fi fare. But they are still able to take opportunities to show off their amazingly fluid animation in battle scenes, and make the cooked monsters look mouth wateringly delicious at the same time. I was worried that my hang-ups around food might make this a hard watch, but it was quite the opposite. It’s rare to see this much (gay) autistic rep in a mainstream product like this, even if it was mostly subtextual. I fell in love with the party, and hope we get more of their adventures in the future.

Villainess Level 99: I May Be the Hidden Boss but I'm Not the Demon Lord

A cute little isekai anime about a (subtextually) autistic girl who accidentally power levels herself to the level cap and now has to integrate into a magic school where everyone is like level 4 or 5. I enjoyed it quite a bit, though the animation was a bit rough at times. Still, very cozy and sweet.

Komi can’t Communicate

Another anime focusing on a character with social anxiety, I made the rare choice to watch this dubbed, and here’s why: The show often features on-screen text, and in the sub those texts often went untranslated because the subtitles were translating what was being spoken instead. The dub uses the extra bandwidth to make sure the text still gets conveyed – and that’s just the reason I started with the dub. Turns out the voice cast was really talented and, to my slight surprise, full of queer representation. There is (at least in the dub) a non-binary character played by a non-binary VA, and a trans-femme VA playing a character who (if not explicitly then certainly in my headcanon) is trans herself. Also this was made extra special by being an anime that a good friend of mine would watch together, so it has a special place for me.

Uzumaki

We only watched the first episode of this sadly maligned anime – the only episode worth watching, given that immediately after producing it studio executives slashed the budget to a fraction of what had been promised, as well as outsourcing much of the animation to much cheaper studios. What promise this anime had in the first episode was quite impressive though, but I really can’t recommend this anime to anyone.

Nichijou

We finished it this year and it is probably the funniest Anime I’ve ever seen. Such comedic timing, such outlandish yet relatable situations, such great chemistry between the characters, and such great animation that didn’t have to go nearly so hard. I already want to start another watchthrough, but for now we’ve switched to Azumanga Daioh for the same tone slot.

Shikanokonokonoko Koshitantan

In the running for best OP, Shikanokonoko Koshitantan (or My Deer Friend Nokotan, if you’re boring) also fit the Nichijou time slot. It was weird, and random, and self-referential, and the PS2 deer were such an odd choice, but again, I’m a mere mortal, if I see a cute anime deer girl, you already got my interest!

Ranma ½

It really is special when someone who reinterprets a work for a modern audience approaches it with as much love and sensitivity as can be seen here in Ranma ½. I haven’t seen much of the original so I don’t have as direct a comparison as my girlfriend did, but what I did know is that it had some parts that… really did not age well. This adaptation not only pays loving tribute to its manga origins, but paints a picture of the main character that, while steeped in masculinity, doesn’t have the toxicity you usually see in these kinds of characters. And he also can be seen embracing parts of his feminine side when it’s something he finds joy in. Plus the OP slaps, the animation is vibrant and fluid, the humor is sharp, and it’s full of Gender™, what’s not to love?

Dandadan

It was really hard to decide on a favorite anime this year (harder than it usually is for me to pick a favorite) since there were so many good ones to choose from. Frieren, Ranma, and especially DunMeshi really blew me away, but if I had to choose a top spot, it has to be Dandadan.

Science SARU really outdid themselves with this quirky, high-octane action-comedy series. The animation is wild and the story so funny while still having a lot of heart. And then episode seven had me bawling like a child, it’s just so good. Who would have thought that a show about aliens trying to steal people’s penises and old granny spirits who want to steal balls would be the anime of the year for me, but here we are! Also the OP is one of my favorite in recent years, it slaps so hard!

Gencon

This year we finally made a pilgrimage I’ve been wanting to do for years now, which is to go to one of the biggest gaming conventions in the country, GenCon in Indianapolis. We went with our girlfriend and her husband, and while the hotel we stayed in was, charitably, a shithole, the con itself was amazing! I don’t often get chances to play TTRPGs, let alone the indie kind that I love. I could write a whole long post about our experiences there, but the short version is we had a ton of fun, had a lot of good games and experiences, and I got to see where my girlfriend is from for the first time (though we didn’t go to her hometown, we did see St. Louis which is another of the big cities I hadn’t been to yet)

Yazeba’s Bed and Breakfast

This RPG is practically the definition of “cozy”. Taking elements from legacy games, this mostly GM-less game has you playing the denizens and visitors of a fantastic Bed and Breakfast in a fantastic world where all that matters is how you treat others and yourself. Conflict is left at the door – at least the serious kind – and you watch as the characters grow and change. It also is chock full of queer, POC, and disability rep, which is always a plus in my book. This was the only RPG from the show that I ended up taking home a copy of.

Brindlewood Bay

What if a group of crime-solving older ladies (think Murder she Wrote or #1 Ladies’ Detective Agency) were confronted with an eldritch horror from beyond the stars? That’s the situation you find yourself in in this cozy mystery RPG. Based on PbtA, and drawing influence from nostalgic mystery procedurals (the playbooks are named after famous crime solvers from Miss Marple to Michael Knight), this game started with the players giving each other “gifts” to help build up their characters. And then at the end of the mystery, after you gather all the clues, the denouement / detective’s monologue are completely up to the players to decide who dun it (the mysteries and clues are predefined but the culprit is not), which takes a lot of the tension off of getting it right. Overall it was a lot of fun, and we hope to play another session soon.

Coyote and Crow

The game is already cool enough, taking place in an alternate timeline where travel between continents is all but impossible, so the North American native cultures were never touched by colonialism. What results is a vibrant, fully-realized world that revels in a culture that we are surrounded by the echoes of here in the USA. But the real highlight of this game (which I’ve owned a copy of since the kickstarter but was always a little intimidated by) was our GM, who just blew us all away with his dramatic flourishes that really drew out some amazing and deeply touching stories from the players. He was able to effortlessly reach into our psyches, pulling out our deepest insecurities and weaving them into our narratives in a safe-feeling way. He was native himself, and one of the contributors to the game, meaning the experience was even more authentic as a result. He was able to effortlessly reach into our psyches, pulling out our deepest insecurities and weaving them into our narratives in a safe-feeling way. I am always a fan of learning about cultures that are not my own, and this was a good way to do so with play in a safe space. C&C was our last session of the con, and it really was a good way to go out on a high note.

Arcs

The only board game to make this list this year (which is kinda a shame since I wanted to play a lot more of them than I managed to, with the exception of my daily games with a friend of mine on BGA), Arcs is a masterclass in simple mechanics combining to make a deep and intricate gestalt. At its core it’s a 4X game, but turn mechanics and victory conditions are all determined by a simple trick-taking mechanic. (I’ve said “mechanics” so often it’s lost all meaning, there has to be a better word.) It looks gorgeous as well, and I’m excited to get it the table more often in the new year!

Bloomburrow

The first two Magic sets (well, premier sets) of the year were kind of disappointing, which is a shame because I had had high hopes for the both of them. So I was worried going into the third set that it would let us down as well. Turns out I needn’t have worried. Wizards took a world where everyone was tiny, cute woodland creatures (even visitors from outside the plane who got transformed to match the theme) and realized it as a fun, strong set with great mechanics and draft themes that worked really well together. It was a masterclass on how to make archetypes that seem like they would be completely unrelated, but then making hinge cards that effortlessly combine two themes in a way that may not be obvious at first but once you start playing with them you see how subtly the interactions work to bring the two themes together. It was a home run as far as I’m concerned and I hope we return to Valley sooner rather than later (I did get my wish somewhat in Foundations, with both Bloomburrow reprints and new cards set on the plane appearing.) Which leads us to…

Magic Foundations

If you had told me that 2024 would have what is pretty much the best core set since Alpha, I’m not sure I would have believed you. If you had told me that it was one of the best sets period from the past few years, I’d really be wondering why you came from the future and were telling me this of all things and not, like, the winning lotto numbers (or at the very least tell me to start looking for jobs in Germany), but hey, we all have our priorities. Magic Foundations nailed what a core set always had the potential to be, a taste of all of what Magic has to offer, both mechanically and flavorwise, in a set that has a great draft environment and a very novel approach to putting cards in Standard without having to have them make sense in Limited as well (thanks to the Beginner Box cards). Past core sets have often fallen into the trap of thinking beginner friendly equated to low power level or low mechanical complexity. And while that certainly is true to an extent, the sets that have brought the most new players to Magic (i.e. Lord of the Rings, and Ravnica and Zendikar before that) have been anything but. In fact complexity is often something that draws players in past their first few decks and intrigues them into exploring the full infinite possibilities in this game I love. It also brought back one of my favorite ways to play Magic in Jump Start, with a high-enough power level to ensure that the Jump Start packs are constantly sold out (it’s a blessing and a curse)

Potionomics

One of the coziest, cutest video games I came across last year is Potionomics, a game that feels like it was created with a laser focus on appealing to me, specifically. One of my favorite genres of games are card-based deckbuilding roguelikes like Slay the Spire. This game takes that core mechanic and mixes it with dating elements in a way that I love. The setting is a fantasy world where you are a plucky young potions brewer trying to grow your shop and defeat (and later befriend and/or date) your rivals. The humor is really cute, the art is pretty, and it’s got queer rep as well, but what really grabbed me are the selection of dateable characters. You have:

Nonbinary disaster lesbian witch

Demonic mommy domme

Moth girl

Deer-antlered fae woman (with a wooden prosthetic and fondness for smoking herbs)

Spunky blue-haired pop star

Energetic adventurer girl

In other words it’s a bit like if you took all my headmates and made them dateable characters. And in the update that came out late this year there’s even a polyamory mode, so I can make one big, queer, loving polycule as I improve the lives of this small community of adventurers.

MagicCon Vegas

I saved the best for last (even if that broke the chronological order somewhat but oh well it’s my list I’ll do what I want.)

This is the third Magic event I went to in Vegas, and like those two I was judging again. But unlike those two, I didn’t go to this Con alone, nor was the Con the highlight of the trip. You see, in the week or so leading up to the event we started making plans of how to spend our time (we had a day in Vegas before the Con to fill) and I happened to notice that our hotel was right next door to a wedding chapel. Ha ha, I said to my then-partner (foreshadowing!). Wouldn’t it be funny if…

But then we thought about it a little more. After all, we have the time and the money. And we’ve been engaged for four years almost, and we’re not any closer to actually having… And the elections are coming up and if things go wrong… And it sure would be a fun story to tell… And… and… and…

And we “Hahaha unless…”ed ourselves into (drum roll) getting married!

I’ll back up a bit. We got engaged in 2020, and while we have been planning to some extent what we wanted our wedding to look like, we suffer from the millennial affliction of “not having any savings” and in addition our ADHD makes it difficult for any of us to plan things that are more than a few weeks out. So when the thoughts about the possibility started swirling they really just started making more and more sense. So I made some calls, compared some options, and before I knew it we had an appointment to get married in (I shudder to think about how fast we were able to arrange it but) just over a week! Another last minute change we were able to make was to book our mutual nesting partner on a plane for a whirlwind trip to Vegas with us to be our witness. Fae also wove us a handfasting rope because we always liked that option for its symbolism in addition to it being a pagan ritual, and it was a way for our partner to be present in the ceremony in a very real way. 

Then the day came. We got on a flight at the ass-crack of dawn, landed in Vegas and went straight to the courthouse to get our license, then to the wedding venue for a meeting to set up the ceremony. After that we spent the afternoon, well, sleeping mostly, and getting ready for the big event. But it wasn’t long before we were being picked up in a limo for the big event.

Our venue was a rooftop garden with a lovely gazebo. We were truly blessed by the weather and the timing, as we had our ceremony just as the sun was setting. The ceremony was livestreamed so that our mutual girlfriend and those who we would have loved to have join us could still take part even if not in person. The result was truly magical. My then-partner-now-wife (I told you the choice of words would make sense) and I walked down the aisle to Home from the Undertale soundtrack, exchanged our handwritten vows with tears streaming down our faces to the ED from Frieren (I told you it would come up again!), our hands and lives were bound together, and with the pinkest fluffiest clouds I’ve ever seen behind us, we joined our lives together for eternity, and I was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. (And still am).

A lot of other fun stuff happened at the con. I got to work with two judges I was a fan of from YouTube and podcasts, got to meet some influencers, got a hug from Ben Ulmer of LRR, played in a fun Unknown event with Matt Tabak and Mark Rosewater, who I was able to meet and let know how much the game he is such an integral part of has shaped my life, and overall had a great Con. I also really loved being able to show off Vegas, one of my favorite cities to visit, to my partners who had either never been or only ever been off-strip before, including splurging on dinner at Gordon Ramsey’s pub at Caesar’s, and participating in a fun escape room just before our flight home (our partner had to leave the day after the wedding, sadly, so it was just the two of us, but we were in a room designed for exactly two players that involved us being chained to one another), but really those all pale in comparison to the actual high point of us getting married!

Conclusion

Well 2024 was one of the Years of all Time for us. It can be easy to let the end of the year cloud our memories of it, but looking back, it really was an amazing time. Some of the best experiences that I will treasure for the rest of my life happened in those ten months, and life didn’t stop after that. I’m still with the ones I love, I am still married, we are still persevering and we will continue to do so going forward. There are bound to be a lot of changes coming up, and 2025 is going to be a tumultuous year no matter what, but we are strong together. I love my partners so much, and I’m so happy I get to be with them even if dark times loom ahead.

[allabouttaleblr]

An Exploration of Gavin Toast

TW: Topics of abuse, neglect, drinking, drugs, violence, and sexual activity

Gavin always felt different. He was never quite sure why as a young child- after all, he had a seemingly perfect life. A loving mother, a doting father, a kind twin brother, a protective older sister and an adorable baby sister. And still, he felt different from his family.

And then his parents died, and he and his siblings were sent to the US to be adopted away. He and Johnny were separated from their sisters, and found themselves in a somewhat well off family that prized appearances over affection and individuality. And suddenly, Johnny was the perfect golden child who could do no wrong, but Gavin was the problem child no matter what he did. He was always in Johnny’s shadow.

Oh, perfect Johnny Toast. Johnny Toast always gets good grades. Johnny Toast always behaves himself. Johnny Toast always dresses appropriately. Johnny Toast always did what he was told. Johnny Toast always listens to appropriate music. Johnny Toast always says the right things. Johnny Toast, Johnny Toast, Johnny Toast.

And little Gavin began to resent his brother and their adoptive parents. He acted out, he was frequently angry, he spoke out against the adults around him. He yelled, he hit, he insulted. And time and time again, he was put in time out, sent to his room (that he shared with Johnny), or grounded.

Even when his twin brother got into the socially strange hobby of ghost hunting, he was still the golden child. And Gavin had to endure hearing all about his twin’s adventures.

As he entered his teenage years, his behavior escalated. He snuck out, destroyed property, trespassed and would even sometimes run away for a full day. He became increasingly hostile towards his twin, insulting him every chance he got, and even insulting his best friend, Johnny Ghost. He hated his twin brother, he hated their adoptive parents, and he was starting to really hate his grandmother and the entire royal family for, in his mind, robbing him of the opportunity to grow up in that privilege and sending him away to the US.

When he and Johnny turned 18 and later graduated high school (Gavin just barely), they were forced back to London to study. Gavin, surprisingly, kept his acting out to a minimum, happier than ever to be away from their adoptive parents, and happy to finally be in London, in some privilege at long last. Gavin skated by in his classes, mostly getting B’s and C’s for once. He would indulge himself by going to pubs, buying delicious food and even going to museums and art galleries, fully dipping his toes in the privilege he and Johnny were granted in London. He even occasionally partied. However, he started storing a lot of the money he was given, and even stole small amounts from Johnny, stashing all of it to serve as his emergency fund that he knew he’d need one day.

London wasn’t much better in terms of the favoritism, unfortunately. Johnny still got great grades, he got along well with several people, and was favored by their professors. He even met a girl, Mary, whom Gavin immediately hated, even if she tried to be nice to him.

Gavin’s resentment of Johnny and the royal family still continued to slowly grow in London. While he heavily enjoyed the privilege they were granted, his resentment of losing out on the privilege of growing up royal only intensified while living in the capital, surrounded by his families’ palaces.

And then, Johnny Ghost returned, and Gavin’s resentment finally boiled over. He got into a physical fight with both his twin and Ghost, physically injuring both of them, but mainly his twin. He quickly gathered all of his stashed money, and fled on a plane, somehow managing to smuggle all that he had.

And then, Gavin’s life of crime truly began. He landed in DC and stole cars all the way back to North Carolina, robbing banks the entire way down. He charmed his way into house parties and indulged in drinking. He drank and did drugs, he slept with multiple women (but never felt satisfied, strangely) and even nicked things from them too. He even began to deal drugs. He decided he was not going to hold back- he was going to indulge in the wild life he was never granted.

It was through hard partying that he discovered he was gay, and started hooking up with men instead. He kept stealing things from his partners and robbing banks to stay afloat, squatting at abandoned houses and sometimes coaxing his partners to let him stay for a night or two.

However, while running away from his latest robbery one day, he discovered a dilapidated manor left to ruin in the woods. He quickly discovered it was haunted, but that wasn’t the most surprising discovery he made- he could control the ghosts living there.

And suddenly, he had it. He finally had something over his twin brother. Johnny had grown up infatuated with ghost hunting, and here Gavin was with the ability to control ghosts. And it filled him with so, so much glee.

His life of crime only escalated, but now he had a safe haven to hide away from the police in, where he could never be touched. He stole, he robbed, and he even killed a man to stop him from ratting Gavin out. Gavin isolated himself, only ever interacting with the people he robbed and the cops sent after him.

And then, Jimmy Casket wandered into his life with the intensity of a burning sun. Jimmy Casket wound up at his house every other day it seemed, injured to high hell with stab wounds and gunshot wounds and everything in between. And Gavin would wrap him up every time, watching his moves closely.

And then the damnedest thing happened. Gavin discovered that the serial killer he had taken in just so happened to inhabit the body of his brothers best friend, Johnny Ghost. And that filled Gavin with so much glee- after all, any time Casket was with him, Ghost was not with his twin, which meant his twin would be wracked with worry.

To his disappointment, Jimmy’s appearances began slowly happening less and less often. He went from showing up every other day to once a week, which frustrated Gavin.

And then one day, his twin brother and Ghost got a call to investigate the very manor Gavin was staying in. Gavin immediately jumped into action, changing into clothes his brother wore and commanding the ghosts to kidnap Johnny and take him below ground to the basement, and ensure he couldn’t scream. And Gavin managed to briefly fool Ghost for just long enough to get the ghosts to attack and trigger Jimmy. The two tormented Johnny for a full day before releasing him, and they went on a brief two day crime spree until Ghost finally managed to wrestle back control.

And thus started Gavin and Jimmy’s true life of crime together, as well as their relationship shortly thereafter, and boy was it an obsessive one. While Gavin did feel romantic and sexual attraction, any attraction Jimmy felt was muddled and largely presented as obsession. Gavin was his, and Gavin was happy with that.

Gavin and Casket would rob and kill together, indulging in each other’s destructive desires. Gavin even kidnapped Ghost a handful of times, partly to get Jimmy and partly to torment his twin brother.

And the years went by, and one day, Jimmy found a new vessel, and he could be with Gavin every single day. And while the two continue to torment Johnny and Ghost, they’ve found a happy rhythm of robbery and murder together.

[autisticempathydaemon]

Take all the time you need hun! I don’t wanna make you feel rushed or anything, life is always busy 💞💞💞

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why?

Both Over & Over by Rio Romeo and Again&Again by The Bird and the Bee, those two songs have been stuck in my head recently, it fits this fear I have in my mind that I’m never truly growing or I’m never actually gonna leave where I am, that I’ll always fall victim to habit and paranoia 💃🏽 also I just ADORE my meloncholy depressing songs lol but that’s not very heehee haha of me soooo Spider Web by Melanie Martinez bc it has the sound of a Coqui in it (I’m Puerto Rican) or River is a Vampire by Bear Ghost and Dan ET bc it’s just the vampiric version of that one meme “How you do my fellow kids” and it kills me

• What is your Enneagram type?

I think I’m a type 4? but I do know I’m an ENFP!

• Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

God I haven’t watched a video essay in AGES but I used to love them, but idk what gargantuan is </3 but I typically like video essays about internet history or crime cases, or of shows I enjoy (like MLP)

• Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

SHE WAS A CHEETAH WHO WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME NO MATTER WHAT!!! I would pet her, talk to her, and she’d keep me company when everyone would isolate me/avoid me bc I was ‘too weird’. She was just a big ass cat that would keep me company and run by the cars side to make sure I and my family was safe. She protected me 💞 (thank you for making me remember her 🥹)

• What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Getting on call with my partner, I’m rather clingy and just wanna spend time with them even if it’s just silence or sleepy rambling, it also keeps me from doom scrolling. If not on call with them I’ll put on RSlash or Gavin’s/Davids sleep aid and hope that knocks me out (and if not that a ba LMFAO-) also if I have Lavender, I put it under/rub it all over my pillow and plushies

• If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

Im genderfluid/gendervoid so I’ve tried many names, I do like my birth name, it means Loyal Protector/Pledge, so I wanted to find names that mean loyalty or music related names, but one name I’ve been using recently is Quincy, it feels nice sometimes, my partner suggested it to me.

• What is your favorite of Redacted's audios, and why?

Sam’s cuddles and confessions, it’s nice and comforting. That or Cataclysm in general, I fucking LOVE Cataclysm, I love relistening to it. Also any audio that involves Caelum I love that boy dearly

• What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don't get the hype for. (I won't judge, I promise.)

Aaron and Vincent. Despite me being a huge vampire lover, Vincent just did not catch my attention at all, Aaron just doesn’t peak my fancy aside from one of his BA’s. Also same thing for Porter, he kinda bores me 😔

• Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

When I was a little kid, it was the live action 102 Dalmatians, I KNEW THAT MOVIE LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND!!! I FUCKING LOVED WATCHING CRUELLA BEING BAKED INTO A CAKE BY ALL THOSE DOGS. Also Oddball my beloved 💞💞💞 the sweet baby puppy, I just understood the pup for feeling like and odd one out as a grew up, I haven’t seen the movie in years now but it still holds such a special place in my heart. Now as an adult my two favorite shows are The Promised Neverland(only season 1, I’m reading the manga) and Madoka Magica. I love rewatching TPN, but Madoka I have to mentally prepare myself for cause good lord does it make me feel like I never took anti-depressants/pos and then a movie I love now, A Silent Voice. I think I do know that one scene for scene. As a kid who grew up being bullied for being different or just not doing things right, I felt strongly for the main characters. I’ve cried almost every single time I’ve watched the movie. The part where one of the characters jumped off the balcony kills me every time because it reminds me how that could’ve been me from the fresh ages of 9-16 and almost was. It just holds a special spot in my heart and helps me keep going. (I adore my sad heart wrenching shit lmfao)

• Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Asher and Guy, those two would be so much fun to be friends with, also with the fact I’m so similar to them, especially Asher, bro is just like me fr 💀💀💀 collars and all. Like I just wanna be that man’s friend he is so silly

• Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you're tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I'm ready to sleep when | start talking about space.)

As cheesy as it is, the fact I just want everyone in the world to be okay and happy, I want us all to hold hands, hug, and not hurt. I cry during these rambles sometimes, I genuinely just want everyone to be safe and happy and it tears me up inside and out bc that’s just not possible with the world we live in. That or I just start rambling nonsense lmfao (bonus is if I start rambling about how much I love and care about the person I’m talking to)

• Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

Root beer and either Hot Cheetos/Cheesy Ruffles, or spicy chicken cheese sticks, meow I’m eating the shit out of that. (But if we have the money for it, Icys specifically cherry cause it’s objectively the best flavor next to Pinacolada)

• Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment.

Like music playlist? Currently my fave has to be either my Alexis, Quinn, or my Darlin and Quinn playlists, I love my evil people playlists and songs that represent fucked up mindsets and relationships. That or my Melancholy Comfort playlist, I enjoy my meloncholy songs.

Redacted playlist tho? Either Sam, Vega, or Caelum, Sam holds a very special place in my heart, he’s incredibly comforting and ngl I miss the less sexual audios from his earlier era. Vega just drives me feral with every new piece of info we learn, GOD I FUCKING LOVE THAT ANCIENT MAN AND THE LORE HE DROPS!!! And then Caelum’s playlist holds a special place in my heart since that was the only playlist I could listen to after finding out I was cheated on/the other woman. Helped me out a lot for about 2 months 💞

• What's your guilty pleasure media, and why?

Those shitty werewolf romance things you see on tiktok, GOD I get so fucking invested in those they’re so needlessly interesting LMFAO idc they’re cringe, I’m cringe too stfu

• And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

I’m a huge performer! I love singing, dancing, acting, especially singing and dancing. I LIVE for the stage and positive attention, I just wanna make people smile or make people feel scene when I preform. Hopefully one day I can be famous and truly fulfill that dream of mine. I also feel emotions strongly and spent my entire childhood from middle school and up studying psychology and human behavior. Also I absolutely HATE fake people, I can’t stand when people are fake, I try to be a safe person for everyone to truly be themselves cause lord knows I always hated having to put on a mask growing up/being isolated because I didn’t fit in lmfao.

I forgot to click on anon sorry-

I adore this entry- not only did you give me so much information to work with but you’ve given me an opportunity to pair you with Lasko which I love to do.

He’s such a character in need of love, and I think you’re a perfect person to love him and be loved in return for so many reasons. He’d be an introvert to your extrovert which is always an adorable couple dynamic. You’ve mentioned a past characterized by isolation and feeling other; Lasko is uniquely situated to understand and empathize with that. You prefer true, genuine people, and Lasko is so incredibly (albeit apologetically) himself and probably incapable of being anything else.

One of the most fun activities I think you and Lasko would do together is watch anime. I like to think he’s already a fan, mostly of adventure and isekai, with some cheesy shoujo faves he’s so bashful about liking. You show him A Silent Voice, which isn’t his usual genre, and you two cry together. Another fun thing is how you’ll perform and Lasko will be in the front row every time, cheering you on. He brings you a mismatched bouquet and rambles about how he couldn’t pick a dozen of one flower, so he got a little of them all.

Song:

Cause lately it's been hard/ They're sellin' me for parts/ And I don't wanna be modern art/ But I only got half a heart to give to you/ How can you miss someone you've never seen?/ Oh, tell me, are your eyes brown, blue, or green?/ And do you like it with sugar and cream?/ Or do you take it straight, oh, just like me?

You like melancholy songs; I can provide. This is one of my favorite pining songs, and it makes me think of a young Lasko (and maybe a young you) longing for connection, love, understanding, that one person who will make the love songs finally make sense. It makes me picture Lasko just waiting for you, you know?

Runner-ups:

On the total opposite of the pairing spectrum, Hudson is one of your runner-ups because he’d be such a good match to you as a performer. I personally can’t imagine a better hype man than Hudson. I’m also picking David as a runner-up for you, because I think you two would contrast each other really cutely, in a maybe golden retriever/german shepherd way.

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[xaviersknight]

one thing I've seen upsets and/or confuses a lot of people with lads is how, since there aren't any routes to pick, they think that everything happens at once and mc is like either in this huge poly (good for her <3) or a player.

poly people I imagine are having the time of their life picking and choosing their faves (or all 5), but like I just wanna throw it out there that the way papergames has been handling this for years and why you get to pick one suitor at a time for each event - is that every suitor has their own timeline.

the main story is universal, and you do interact with all the suitors in that aspect and know them all. but the events and dates and all of that are separate timelines.

if xavier is your favorite, his dates and events are the ones that are canon. eventually this will leak into differing life-circumstances in each LI's dates.

for example, in mlqc (lads' predecessor) if your favorite is victor and you picked him - then your mc is canonically the richest in his timeline, and you are also well-known for hit tv shows and movies and other media.

if your favorite is gavin instead, then you've still made a name for yourself in the entertainment world and are well off - but a lot of your work involves grittier stuff and documentaries about corruption, drug rings, etc. there is even one date where you're invited to deliver a speech on human trafficking and they're trying to silence you, but gavin protects you.

the way your life develops is different with each LI and it is mostly reflected in their events/dates/texts/etc.

those changes will most likely show eventually in lads too. for example, with everything we've seen so far with rafayel I expect mc to have some sort of artistic inclination in the future (or at least that's just me thinking it'd be nice).

every suitor is still in love with you initially bc well this is otome and that's the way it works. but only the guy(s) you like is(are) the true route!!!

anyways sorry about the long ramble. but I guess what I'm trying to say is that no, they're not trying to shove all the suitors down your throat. you don't have to romance a suitor you don't like. it's simply that the approach is different bc the main story is shared amongst everyone.

[8-rae-rae-8]

Regress, Reblog, Regret, Reward.

Read On AO3

Gavin Reed runs a blog for his mental health, specifically his age regression. A certain RK900 finds it.

1/?

3k words

Read Tags on AO3

Gavin never wanted a caregiver of any sort, the most self sufficient he’d ever felt was when he was regressing. The lack of worries over work, not having to share a space… He happily, and easily, took care of himself. He found it to be his main coping strategy once he learned everything that could be learned about it, influence from an old therapist sealed the deal. One coping mechanism he found that worked consistently. 

As common as ‘tantrums’ were with him, they successfully got out all the negatives and left him feeling better. Crying, kicking, shouting.. It worked and it didn’t hurt the ones he was close to, or used to be close to. He had his moments still, of course. But his coworkers didn’t get the brute of it. The less disciplinary files he had the better. It all worked in his favor.

Over the years, he had started a blog on a site he had already regularly used. Something centered around his regression specifically. Not knowing anyone who coped in the same way, he was determined to find others and settle into a nice community. It took more time than he’d like to admit to block as many NSFW tags and accounts as he could, and blocking more as they popped up. He was cautious. More times than not, he’d scroll his phone on the age regression tags while he was regressing. Just to get that feeling of togetherness in the times he was completely alone, which was a lot of the time. He knew he shouldn’t, really, because of his fragile state of mind and the possibility of coming across triggering content. But aside from shows, toys, and a few games, he didn’t have much.

He was fine being alone, though, even if it picked at him sometimes. That bit of loneliness could sting like a motherfucker on hard nights. Nights were he would debate between a pacifier, a calm show, and smoking some weed for a break from the weight he carried on his shoulders. Sometimes he’d do all three to alleviate the stress for even a few minutes. The weed helped loosen him up most times, but if he had more than his usual, he’d get paranoid. Checking windows, seeing things from the corner of his eyes. Usually he would catch on before it got bad, other times he would sit in an anxious haze, then go get his pacifier and lay in a lit room with his stuffed animal that he had deemed his protector. A teddy with a gold crown, a shield and a sword. Something an old friend got him from build-a-bear. Someone he had trusted deeply, then broke that trust. Even still, he loved that plush. 

The blogged helped that sort of loneliness. With the asks he received, the replies and other interactions let him breathe in a sense of belonging that he thought he had lost many years ago. He grew close with a few of the people on there, the ones he interacted with most. They had a small group of mutuals. As he had learned more, he was very happily accepted into being a little sort of sibling group with them. It was as close as he’d gotten to a family again in a long while. And as he grew a bit more popular, he got comfortable messaging with people he didn’t quite know. But he never messaged or posted while regressed, a rule that was mostly to protect himself.

Those sessions of interacting with followers became more often the more relaxed he got on the site. He, of course, refused to show his face or name whatsoever. He posted under the name ‘little-forest-cub’, with nothing to allude to his job, name or location. But it was inspired by one of his favorite nicknames when small. He’s just a little bear, a small cub. Sometimes people questioned if he was a pet regressor as well with all the bear themed things, and would usually respond with a simple ‘i don’t know’ when he knew he probably did. 

Never once did he tell anyone about any of this at work, the only person that hardly knew barely showed up anymore, even with the addition of the plastic prick- Connor, though he had noticed the difference he had made. It was important that they didn’t know. He was always thankful that the account was under a different email than the ones he would use for work or casual, normal day-to-day things. He had done everything in his power to keep everything separate. 

Never once did he mention it or bring it up at work, nor did he check his account there either.

But one morning, an day he had off work more specifically, he checked his inbox to find a follow notification that made his stomach drop. A new message alongside that. 

The face of his new-ish partner at work. An even worse version of Connor that really got him stirring. He almost made it impossible for him to keep working on his problems of anger issues and still feeling that ‘anti-android’ sentiments. Gavin still swore up and down that the detective models were going to take his job. Out-preform him and render him useless. And as much as RK800 told him, and the other coworkers that the RK900 came to work there already deviant, Gavin still didn’t want to believe that they had feelings and felt them on the same, if not higher, levels. It took a lot of time to get him to warm up to him, but at the very least, he called the android his name and the proper chosen pronouns. 

The newer model was donned himself ‘Nines’, which Gavin had called stupid in a childish fit of annoyance. In no world was it necessary for him to hate the android as much as he did. That hatred faded ever so slightly over time as they were forced to work together. He argued every step of the way, until it hit about the third week. He had gotten injured and the RK900 helped him all the way to safety and waited with him for an ambulance. In that time, he realized that maybe Nines didn’t want to replace him. Because in his mind, he would have let him bleed out if he wanted him gone. But he didn’t do that. Then he realized that he must be doing a little better with his therapies if he isn’t jumping to the worst conclusion ever. 

Nines didn’t seem as bad from that point, he even let the android fight back with him instead of storming out whenever something went wrong or he got pissed off. Sure, the comments could be horrible, but he would feel himself smirk a little when he got a response. A reaction of any kind rather than some dull, stupid look like he usually did after he got pissed. The android stopped feeling like such a threat, with lingering suspicion still, but the subtle shift in Nines’ steel gray eyes to something that felt more human let him put his guard down just a little.

But the follower notice and the message brought a sick feeling back to his mouth. The trust gained immediately felt like it went down the drain. That stupid robot face felt like it was mocking him as he stared at it. How did he find it? Of course the fucking android would, right? The bastard saw everything, he could even see his heart rate, caffeine consumption levels, or stress levels, just by looking at him. Oh how Gavin hated it. 

Of course this is how his off day goes. The one day this week that he was even able to take off, Fowler constantly bitched about how he was on the clock overtime and the higher ups didn’t want to pay him for that, but wouldn’t give him a solid day off. And now he needed to go in to find Nines and throttle him- 

No. He’s supposed to be working on that. He’s supposed to be trying to be civil. It was only just getting better and the android just had to go and fuck it up. If he had just kept to himself.

Gavin’s teeth clenched harder and harder as he hesitated to open the message, until a sharp pain shocked him into releasing that tension. That plastic prick. He wanted to get rid of the evidence, maybe just delete the whole account. If Nines had no proof, he could deny it, right? Wrong. He hated that stupid detective programming in Nines’ hardware, he could tell if Gavin was lying. 

He forced his hand to the screen, pressing the notification and daring to skim the message. Not a word got rid of the sick taste in his mouth. It felt uniquely Nines, dull, characterless, and straight to the damn point.

It read:

“Good morning, I came across your account and I wanted to talk to you about this today. Can we meet at the station at 3pm today?”

Clearly not a care in the damn world from the android, and not a doubt it was Gavin either. As a detective, he should have known that he should have made the account as untraceable as possible, but he didn’t. Something he was deeply regretting now. Bile rose in his throat as he began to think. His one safe space could be so easily ripped away from him. And it was being taken, pried from his hands.

He desperately wanted to just ignore the message, let it rot in his inbox and try to forget. It wasn’t a feasible choice when Nines would undoubtedly stare him down every day until they spoke. So, on his day off, he pulled himself out of bed and went for a cold shower first thing. He waited to reply, just to be the most inconvenient as he possibly could be. 

And when he did reply, he simply sent a thumbs up emoji and blocked the account Nines had used. For now, he couldn’t let the android stay on his page where he wasn’t welcomed. 

Minutes were spent pacing. The last time anyone knew, they abused Gavin’s blind trust. They made his regression impure for months at a time before he seeked help from his therapist, then his community. He couldn’t help but wonder how much Nines had known, how much he had seen. It only made sense he would have looked as far back as he could, he was programmed to learn. That didn’t just disappear when he deviated. 

His comfort jacket was left at home without a second thought, all of his comforting things were left behind. He couldn’t bring it along. He especially couldn’t bring his bag, more of a satchel kind of thing. It held everything he could possibly need. It had what he called his ‘panic paci’, a small sensory square what made crinkle sounds and was nice to touch, a small pack of tissues, and a thin, childish water bottle. A bag with things he kept for ‘just in case’ scenarios. But he had to risk not bringing it to be at least able to get Nines off his back.

He could almost hear the android’s reasons for concern now as he walked out of his apartment. It all made his stomach twist in knots with all the possibilities. Maybe he didn’t look it, but he felt pale. Clammy hands, racing heart, cold sweat, skin cold to the touch. It was almost nauseating how this got under his skin. His stupid coworker with his ridiculously smart fake brain he could so easily blow out. There would be no replacement with Cyblerlife mostly down and not making new androids. And as much as he hated his blue guts, he shook off those thoughts. If he even tried to speak like that with his therapist, they would ask things that always felt dumb to Gavin, ‘think about where he’s coming from’ or ‘listen before you decide how you feel’. Oh how it pissed him off even more, but.. His progress. He found it mattering more in his decision making because his therapist made gave him a reward system. Something a parent or a teacher would give a troublesome child. It bothered him just as it much as it helped, really.

The drive up to the station wasn’t much easier. The automatic taxi he took only forced him to think more about the android he had to talk to. Had to. It would risk his job if he didn’t. As he thought, he repeated that in his head. It would risk his job if he didn’t talk to Nines. That bastard would try to get him under investigation if he didn’t meet with him, Gavin was sure. He would try to replace him, just as he thought. 

He was hot headed as he pulled up, a strong dizziness to match. No food, no coffee, nothing to prepare himself even after being awake so long. His eye bags were heavy, eyes sore. The more he forced himself, the more strain he put on his brain. Of course a headache was brewing the moment he stepped inside and that cold office air was directly on his cold face. 

“Detective Reed.” The RK900 greeted him at their desks as if this was just another day, as if Gavin didn’t look like hell reincarnated. Steely cold eyes followed his every movement and no fear in them when Gavin dared to step up to him.

He wanted nothing more than to pull him into a nasty brawl, a bar fight times ten. 

“You fucking bastard.” Gavin decided to start with. He didn’t bother with greetings, nor did he especially care about if the android was being helpful. The words his therapist would say lingered, but he didn’t want to listen when the plastic prick was right in front of him. 

“Detective, be civil. We just need to talk.” Nines spoke, just as calm and calculated as always. Cold, too. 

“Don’t give me bullshit, you know what you’re doing.” He lowered his voice, hands going to shove the android back by his shoulders against the glass divider that separated the hall and the bullpen. Gavin held a permanent scowl on his face. 

The android hardly reacted while keeping a stare down at the detective. “Gavin, I’m not doing anything. I wanted to discuss your safety, and perhaps some of your history.” 

His safety? His history? Oh hell no. 

“You’re gonna fucking replace me, that it? You want me to spill shit, try and get me feeling soft so you get get me out.” Gavin pressed Nines back, keeping him against the glass with pure anger in his eyes. How could he not be pissed? He snapped with easy conviction. 

“Detective, with your behavior, maybe you need it.” 

Oh he was going to get it. 

Right in the bullpen, Gavin pressed his forearm against the android’s throat and pinned him back against that glass divider. It would be easy for Nines to overpower him. This was a power trip, in a way. A reaction to a trigger. Even though he could fight back this time, he let Gavin have his time.

“I don’t need shit. I have what I need, and you fucking invaded that space. Shut up!” Gavin growled at him, brows pulled into a scrunch that burned at the surrounding skin. 

He let Gavin have his outburst.

Profanities and threats were scowled at him until Gavin couldn’t hold him up there anymore. When he did let go, he pushed his head back against the glass too. Not enough to break anything, not even skin, but to get his point across.

He patiently waited. And waited.

When Gavin was out of breath and finally sitting, Nines looked down at him with some horrible mix of concern and annoyance.

“That’s enough of that tantrum, detective.” He spoke, and that anger flared up again. Gavin’s fists bunched up in his lap. It was a play, he was sure. But then a hand was rested on his shoulder.

“I’m not reporting you, nor am I replacing you.” 

Gavin wanted to call bullshit. Why else would the android have even bothered to find his safe space, and intrude in it, then ask to talk at their workplace of all spaces? His mouth opened to speak.

“Ah.” Nines tsked. “I wanted to talk to you, both because I found the blog and I wanted to know if that was contributing to your new.. behavior.” 

Behavior?! 

This prick talking to him like he was a child was more enraging than anything else. His behavior… BS. He hadn’t changed outside of a bit of a lighter perspective.

“You don’t get to comment on anything, asshole. You’re the motherfucker getting in my shit then fucking me over.” Gavin sat up straighter into Nines’ space. He remained deflective, accusatory. He needed to. 

“Well, I’m commenting anyway. You’re more lax, you have gotten more sleep, you have consumed much less caffeine, you aren’t snapping as much. Your last unprovoked fight was weeks ago.” It felt like utter lies to hear. He didn’t change that much, did he? 

Tina had commented that she saw him actually smiling at something other than an animal video the week before. He had let Hank talk to him once too. He kept composed in one meeting with Fowler. And he hadn’t had to buy a new coffee grind that week either.

Was he that different?

“I don’t want your fake empathy your plastic brain thinks it has. Nothing is different.” Gavin deflected, again. He didn’t think anything was much different at all, or maybe he was just lying to get away. 

The android seemed truly a bit disheartened by that, a small pang of guilt went through Gavin’s system.

“Gavin.” Nines was much more firm. “I’m not the bad guy here. You’re stressing yourself out. Your heart rate is high and you’re tense. Stay here, I’m going to get you water.” 

And for some reason, Gavin stayed in his seat. Stirring in his anger, but it turning more to annoyance and exhaustion. 

[triviareads]

Recs with the heroine going to brothels or gambling hells or very dangerous places and the hero going with her because "you are crazy and in need of protection"

lmao basically every Grace Callaway heroine ever, but here are some standouts:

Her Wanton Wager: Percy approaches Gavin Hunt, a pleasure club owner with criminal beginnings, to deal with her brother's debt to him, and Hunt ends up protecting her from all the crazy shit she keeps wandering into.

Her Protector's Pleasure: okay Marianne actually has a good reason to be wandering the shady parts of London but that doesn't stop Honorable Cop Ambrose Kent from watching over her, and eventually helping her.

The Duke Who Knew Too Much: oh Emma.... all she wants to do is help assist her brother Ambrose and the hero Alaric with his murder investigation but she somehow ends up almost selling herself at a virginity auction that's only stopped because Alaric saves her and then immediately eats her out because he's Very Annoyed.

Olivia and the Masked Duke: Livy is basically her mom Emma but more competent and with actual investigative/defensive training but I'm pretty sure Hadleigh spanks her at some point because he keeps running into her in dangerous situations (but she can handle them! mostly!).

The first four Lady Charlotte's Society of Angels books all have heroines wandering into questionable situations with the heroes freaking out and running after them (or in Cull's case, kinda stalking Pippa lol), but they're generally competent gals who don't need protection, but the back-up's always nice.

The Prince of Broadway by Joanna Shupe: I debated putting this one on here because the dangerous place Florence goes to is Clay's gambling club but I feel like he kind of token objects to her slumming it before he's all "I'm not one of your PAMPERED UPTOWN GENTLEMEN flo" and then bites her. Devil of Downtown feels similar in terms of the hero protecting her but also feeling like she needs to be protected from him.

Dreaming of You by Lisa Kleypas: Oh Derek Craven..... he hates the idea of Sara wandering around London alone and hates it even more that she's exposed to the *debauchery* of his club because she's too good, too pure for him.

Nine Rules to Break When Romancing a Rake by Sarah MacLean: Callie has a list of scandalous things she wants to do and Ralston kind of objects before he decides to help her accomplish everything on there, riding astride and all.

Knockout by Sarah MacLean: The heroine is an explosives expert who's called upon to investigate a series of bombings, and the hero is a gruff cop type who is suuuuper bothered by her and by bothered I mean suuuuuper attracted to her, not that he'll ever admit it.

There are a few others in Sarah MacLean's Rules of Scoundrels series and her Bareknuckle Bastards series that kind of fit the bill, except the heroines are super competent or the heroes don't super care she's in questionable places lol.

[gavinreedwhump]

Prompt 4: Argument + ambush + non con + taser + choke

The car ride was dead silent.

Gavin sat stiffly in the passenger seat, arms crossed over his chest, jaw tight. He could feel Nines glancing at him from the driver’s side, but he refused to meet his gaze. Not after the argument they'd had at the precinct.

"I don't need your protection," Gavin had snapped. "I'm not some fragile human you have to babysit."

"You clearly do," Nines had replied, cool and emotionless as ever. "Your impulsiveness will get you killed one day. And I won't care when it happens."

The words had hit harder than Gavin wanted to admit. They echoed in his mind now, gnawing at the raw place in his chest.

He stayed silent as they pulled up to the abandoned warehouse. Dispatch had reported suspicious activity — possible deviant androids. Standard check-in. Should’ve been routine.

It wasn’t.

The second they stepped inside, the ambush sprang. Two androids — older models, but strong and fast — surged at them from the shadows.

Gavin barely had time to shout before one of them lunged, taser sparking.

A jolt of raw electricity slammed into him.
He screamed — a loud, ragged cry that tore out of his throat before he could stop it. His muscles seized violently, and he crumpled to the floor, twitching uncontrollably.

“GAVIN!” Nines’ voice cracked with panic.

Before Nines could reach him, the second android tackled him, forcing him against the wall. Heavy restraints clicked into place around his wrists and ankles, bolting him upright.

“No!” Nines roared, thrashing violently. The restraints groaned but held firm. “Get away from him! Don’t touch him—!”

The android pinning Gavin crouched over him, grinning. Gavin was still spasming weakly, gasping, his chest heaving for breath.

"Such a pretty little thing," the android cooed, trailing cold fingers down Gavin’s clammy cheek.

Gavin flinched, weakly jerking away. His heart hammered painfully against his ribs, his limbs trembling.

Nines yanked against his restraints until his servos whined under the strain. “Let him go! Let him go, you piece of shit!”

The second android only laughed, tightening the bolts as Nines struggled. “You can’t stop us. All you can do is watch.”

Gavin tried to crawl backward, but his limbs barely obeyed him. The android easily caught him, hands like steel vises on his wrists.

“No,” Gavin rasped. “Don’t—”

The android straddled Gavin’s hips, pinning him down. Gavin bucked instinctively, terror flooding him, but it was useless. He was so much weaker — the earlier taser hit had left him sluggish, disoriented. His ears were ringing. His vision blurred at the edges.

The android leaned close, his breath ghosting against Gavin’s ear.

"You shake so nicely," he whispered. "I like watching you squirm."

Gavin whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut. He turned his head instinctively toward Nines — desperate, silent begging.

Nines saw it. His heart twisted painfully in his chest.

“Get off him!” Nines roared, voice almost breaking.

The android chuckled. “Maybe if you beg loud enough, I’ll be gentle.”

He slipped two fingers under Gavin’s chin, tilting his face up. Gavin tried to jerk away, but the android just laughed and slid his thumb over Gavin’s bottom lip, smearing a bit of blood from the taser burns on his chin.

“Mmm. Look at that. Soft lips, trembling...bet you're a good screamer."

Gavin recoiled weakly, his breathing sharp and panicked. He turned his face aside, but the android forced it back, cruelly gentle.

Then he pressed his finger into Gavin’s mouth.

Gavin gagged instinctively, his whole body shuddering. He tried to pull away, but the android kept him pinned, smirking.

"Now, now. Be polite. Say 'thank you.'"

Gavin choked around the finger, tears springing to his eyes from humiliation and fear. His hands scrabbled uselessly at the android’s arm.

Nines thrashed harder against the restraints. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!" he bellowed, voice cracking.

The second android leaned casually against the wall, watching. “This is what you get for caring about them. Useless meat.”

The android on top of Gavin withdrew his finger finally, wiping the spit across Gavin’s cheek mockingly.

Gavin coughed weakly, trying to roll away — but he struggled too hard. The android snarled and slammed Gavin back down onto the concrete, the air rushing out of Gavin’s lungs in a hoarse grunt.

Gavin went limp for a second, stunned and dazed.

Nines howled, yanking at his restraints until sparks flew from his wrists.

The android wasn’t finished.

He placed a massive hand over Gavin’s face — sealing his nose and mouth completely.

Gavin panicked instantly. His body thrashed beneath the android, desperate for air. His legs kicked feebly, his hands clawing at the android’s wrist.

The lack of oxygen made his head spin violently.
Black spots danced across his vision. His ears were roaring now — no sound except for his own heartbeat slowing into a sluggish thud.

"Look how nicely he struggles," the android murmured, watching Gavin's frantic jerks grow weaker. "So desperate. So pretty."

Nines screamed Gavin’s name again, a raw, desperate sound that barely sounded like him.

Gavin’s body started to slow. His kicks became small jerks. His arms dropped, too heavy to lift. His chest heaved once, twice — and then stilled.

At the last second, the android pulled his hand away.

Gavin gasped — a ragged, broken sound — sucking in air desperately. He coughed and gagged, tears streaming down his face.

“Poor thing,” the android crooned. “Barely holding on.”

He stroked Gavin’s hair back mockingly, his other hand trailing lightly down Gavin’s neck, his chest, pressing just hard enough to remind him he was trapped.

Gavin whimpered helplessly, too weak to fight. His entire body trembled with exhaustion and terror. He looked at Nines again — glassy-eyed, silent.

Nines froze.

That look — empty, pleading — shattered something inside him.

With a snarl of pure rage, Nines twisted his wrists brutally. The servos screamed, metal and plastic cracking — and then he wrenched free.

The second android lunged — but Nines grabbed him by the throat, lifting him bodily and slamming him into the wall with bone-shattering force.

The android on top of Gavin turned, startled — but it was too late.

Nines tackled him off Gavin, slamming him to the ground. His fists rained down — brutal, unstoppable — until the android's faceplate shattered and sparks fountained out.

Then — silence.

Nines staggered to Gavin’s side instantly.

“Gavin,” he choked out, dropping to his knees.

Gavin was crumpled on the floor, his breathing shallow and erratic. His skin was pale, slick with sweat. His pulse fluttered weakly under Nines’ fingers.

“Hey — hey, stay with me,” Nines whispered, cradling Gavin carefully. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Gavin’s lashes fluttered weakly. His lips moved, but no sound came out.

Nines leaned closer.

“Gavin. Gavin, look at me. Please.”

A broken whisper escaped Gavin’s lips: “N’nz…”

Nines nearly sobbed in relief.

“I’m here. You’re okay. Just hold on, alright? Help’s coming.”

He pressed Gavin close to his chest, shielding him, whispering desperate apologies against his hair.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean any of it.”

Gavin made a soft, broken sound — half sob, half breath — and sagged heavier into Nines’ arms.

Nines rocked him gently, holding him like he could protect him from the whole damn world.

"I've got you," he whispered again, over and over, his voice cracking. "You're safe. I've got you."

The sound of sirens grew louder in the distance.

But Nines didn’t move.
He just held Gavin tighter, as if afraid he’d slip away if he let go for even a second.

And Gavin — battered, broken, but alive — clung weakly to him back.

[silly-rainbow-kid]

(PJO OC rp blog!)

Name: Lyra Moore

Age: 17

Pronouns: She/they

Parents: Iris, goddess of rainbows and messenger of the gods, Henry Moore, probably mortal

Cabin: 14, Iris

Friends: Karla, daughter of Hephaestus, Damien, son of Aphrodite, Gavin, son of Dionysus, Jenny, daughter of Hermes

Abilities: - Photokinesis: She can manipulate light and use it to her advantage. She uses this ability to make holograms (like her mother), blind her enemies, and create small rainbows in her hands. (She usually gets distracted by this.) - Lithokinesis: She can grow clusters of crystals from her hands. (She gets distracted by this as well.) (this is because of her father, for a reason I will not yet disclose)

Personality: She’s usually energetic and hyperactive, she finds it hard to focus sometimes. She gets overwhelmed easily and likes solitude and quiet. She likes hiding in the woods when life becomes too much for her to handle.

She's lived in Camp Half-blood since she was 9, when her dad died. She doesn't leave unless it's an emergency situation. She doesn't like the outside world that much. Chiron keeps wanting her to think about what she'll do as a career when she leaves camp, but the truth is that she doesn't want to. She's terrified of leaving the protected bubble that encompasses the camp.

Her favorite place in camp is the arts and crafts center. She loves doing things like crocheting, drawing, painting, and such!

//will add more details as I think of them!

OOC info:

main acc is @jaxie-the-kat

//ooc talking in a post will look like this!

my name's jaxie! it's been a while since i've done any roleplays so this'll be fun! I'm major ADHD so if I'm being buggy or something let me know!! i don't wanna overstep any boundaries.

please interact if: You have a question about my character! In fact please do! It helps me think of new backstory details or whatever. You or your character are also a child of Iris! Meeting godly siblings is always fun!

okay to interact if: You just wanna talk to my character! She's very nice and loves new friends to chat with!

do not interact if: You don't know basic decency. This is pretty self explanatory lol I literally can't think of anything else to put here rn just don't be a jerk

that's all i can think of to add right now, thank you for reading! have an awesome day!

oh and my pfp was made using this picrew!

[cpopnatural]

12x13 Notes

-the psychic taser thing is nice because it means they don’t need CGI

-torturing Lucifer will be funny actually. I don’t like spn torture scenes but this is good

-unnamed Lucifer actor you will never be Mads Mikkelson

-ohhh this episode is about fathers and children hahahaha

-Dagon is Asian hell yeah brother. Dyed streak of hair and all

-Gavin looks so nice and normal compared to his family lol

-Ketch stay away from her get a job!!!

-JESUS CHRIST

-and now Crowley has to go back to torturing Lucifer knowing Lucifer has a son and he doesn’t…

-I can’t believe they have a fucking time traveling spell now

-Dean activating protective brother mode…

-not Americana……

An interesting premise executed moderately well. They just brought back a character to kill them off for cheap dramatic effect 7.5/10

[casspurrjoybell-27]

Claimed by the Beast - Chapter 8b

*Warning: Adult Content*  

Strictly Physical - Part 2

- Knox -

"We've never had a break-in, so I would have to agree this is the safest place for him."

Gavin takes another drag of his cigarette, getting one final smoke in before Josie returns to his side.

"And... you know, if The Jackals ever take an interest in him, they can't do much because he's ours. We can use the situation to our advantage."

"He's mine," Knox clarifies, his jaw tight and fists clenched.

"And I'm not using him as a pawn."

Gavin pauses for a beat, quietly analyzing Knox's reaction.

"I hear you, brother. Since you're claiming him, I give you my word that he'll be protected at all costs. The club's resources are now his resources. Use them however you wish."

"Thanks."

Knox and Gavin shake on it, making things official.

He then has the bartender fix him up a drink to relax the nerves that Everett set fire to earlier.

The members who'd been eavesdropping cheer loudly in the background for Knox.

He's been alone since he got here, by choice and it's nice to see the grump finally take an interest in someone.

The real question is if the kid will be enough to tame Knox's inner beast.

After all, two are one in the same.

"I need to ask you about assigning a few guys to keep watch over his parent's and friend's houses," Knox adds. "Do we have any men to spare right now?"

Gavin nods.

"Pick whoever you want for the job. If they have a problem with it, send them to me."

"Will do."

"Hey, I ain't trying to bust your balls or anything like that but I've got to ask you this."

"What?"

Gavin shifts in his seat and lowers his voice.

"Are you falling for this kid?"

"No. It ain't like that at all. I'm just trying to keep him alive," Knox says.

Whether he fully believes that, well, it's still up for debate.

"Shit, now you're giving me that fucking look. I'm sick of it."

Gavin smiles.

"What look?"

"The same look your Ol' lady has been giving me since she first met Everett."

Knox downs the rest of his drink, welcoming the harsh burn that travels down his throat and settles into his chest.

"I am not falling for him. I don't do relationships and I damn sure don't do love. If anything, I'm one mistake away from fucking him. That's it. Strictly physical."

"Interesting. He's not your usual type, though, is he?" Gavin asks.

Knox shakes his head in response.

"You may not be falling for him but that doesn't mean he ain't already falling for you."

Knox scoffs at that.

"I'd be able to tell."

"Not always," Gavin smirks.

"When I first met Josie, I told myself she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Lust, I thought, was what drew me to her after we rescued her. I hadn't realized it was love until another bastard tried to steal her away from me. It struck me then that I couldn't live without her. That I had to make her mine."

"I think this conversation is getting off track," Knox mutters.

Gavin laughs loudly, waving a dismissive hand.

"I say all that to say be careful with the kid. Love is a beautiful thing but she can also be a ruthless bitch. She'll sneak up on you when you least expect it and won't think twice about ripping your heart out and shitting on it. Believe what you want but one thing you can't turn off completely are your feelings."

"Whatever you say, man." Knox has never been one to partake in emotional ass discussions, so he takes Gavin's words with a grain of salt.

After wrapping things up downstairs, he returns to his bedroom to find Everett and Josie cackling on the bed with a book between them.

They look like two best friends despite being strangers still.

"Am I interrupting?" Knox asks, stepping further inside.

"Yeah, actually. We were just about to get to the part where the monster uses his eight tentacles to..." Josie quiets when Everett playfully slaps her leg.

"Sorry, Knox. You, uh, wouldn't understand." 

Knox chuckles.

"Not sure that I want to."

"When I find the sequel, I'll lend it to you," Josie tells Everett before departing.

Knox locks the door behind her.

"What kind of filthy smut are you reading over there?" he asks.

"The kind you wouldn't be able to digest," Everett answers.

He bookmarks his spot and then sets the book aside, giving Knox his undivided attention.

"Did the talk with your Pres go well?"

"It did. Consider this your new home."

Knox walks over to the bed and sits next to Everett, his pulse racing as his mind replays their thrilling slip-up from earlier.

"About that rain check you owe me..."

Everett rolls his eyes, blushing.

"I don't recall either of us setting one."

"I just did and now I'm here to collect."

Knox is quick with his movements.

Everett squeals when he's snatched up and placed on Knox's lap, his hands resting on the man's bare shoulders.

"I like to finish what I start, kitten. Are you going to deny me?"

"I should."

Everett's heart thrums fast against his ribcage while his eyes focus on Knox's mouth.

"Do you want me to deny you?"

"What I want is to know what the inside of your mouth tastes like..." Knox whispers with a slight edge in his tone. "I want to know how tight and hot you'll feel around me when I'm buried deep inside you. Tell me you don't want the same and I'll call you a fucking liar."

Everett's breathing turns shallow, his hips instinctively jerking forward as Knox purposely shifts beneath him.

"I hate you so much."

Knox chuckles.

"And?"

"And..." Everett says. "I want the same."

[redeyesfangsandmagic]

"So we're in for the same thing basically, trying to protect somebody we care about but we get the most trouble. Kind of wish I had my steel toed boots on, then he would in be much more pain." He chuckled. "Nice to meet you Gavin. So is there anything I should know for surviving here. I'm sure I would be prime for tormenting."

Gavin remembered the fight quite clearly. The other guy got a slap on the wrist and he got time because he had already had a record so why the fuck not? "He touched my cousin the wrong way...yeah, he deserved it. Piece of shit." He laughed hearing that he never stole a car or set something on fire. "Gavin."