#reading is a valid one or a good one' are statements that can and should coexist

[deadpanjisung]

̆̈ ♡ friends, lovers or nothing ♡  ̆̈

pairing: mullet!bangchan x afab!stylist!reader

genre: friends to lovers, smut

MDNI!!!! please have your age in your bio 

wc: 3.0k

warnings: y/n is used, mutual pining, mentions of alcohol and drinking, long-haired bangchan <333, touchy chan, kinda possessive chan, oral sex (m! receiving), fingering, car sex, public-ish sex (with nobody around), unpr0tected sex, cre4mpie. 

a/n: the title is based on a john m4yer song but I kinda h8 him, so it’s rlly not based on the song btw! again, not rlly proofread. i tried to make this short but im a yapper :(

thanks for reading <3

“I can’t believe I actually grew it out.” Chris said, examining his figure in the mirror in front of him. His hands played with his own hair, longer than anticipated. His hair grew without him noticing —most days he would have it up in a ponytail or covered by headwear of any sorts. 

“You’ll officially keep it long, then?” You asked, staring at your friend curiously as he tousled his hair. 

“What do you think? Should I?”

“I like it.” You answered, reaching to run your fingers through his new luscious locks. “It’s gotten healthier, too.”

“Really?” A rhetorical question. You removed your hand from his head as he ran his own fingers through his hair to validate your statement. “Hm. I guess so.”

“I think you look great like this.” You stated, looking at him through the mirror. “I just cut the ends a bit. And, please, do not dye it for a while. I want to see if it can reach its full potential.” Chris scoffed at that comment, knowing well that he didn’t always have a say on whether or not he’d dye it for a comeback.

“I’ll try.”

“If they give you shit, send them to me. I can fight.” You joked. He chuckled.

“I’m probably a better shot than you, if we’re being honest.”

“I have shears, though. I’m basically Edward Scissorhands.” 

“Touché.”

“So, am I still invited to the release party on Friday?” You asked Chris, who was still styling his hair in front of the mirror. 

“Of course you are.” He replied. 

“Don’t you think it’s kind of… funny that you’re bringing your hairstylist as your plus one?” You asked. Chris placed his hands on each side of his hips and rolled his eyes at you.

“Did you forget the years of friendship we’ve had?” He asked. “You’re not just my hairstylist. Plus, it’s great that we get to celebrate Itzy’s new EP here instead of being on tour or busy or whatever.”

“Okay, ‘m just making sure that you don’t regret it.”

“I won’t. Do you want me to pick you up?”

“Yeah.”

Chris was always busy, working on something… he never had time for leisure or for dates, visits to his family, long-term relationships, nothing like that. He barely made space to take care of his basic needs. He had been like that since you met him when you worked for JYPE as a hairdresser. You started there as an intern and took a temporary position for a few months, which turned into a few years. It hadn’t been long since you opened your own salon. You were still familiar with the current talent. But you didn’t really keep in contact with anyone except Chris and the occasional text or visit from Hyunjin and Jeongin, who asked for hair-related consultation often.

It didn’t shock you too much when Chris sent an apology text that he’d been running late at the studio and that Jeongin would pick you up instead. You were slightly disappointed at Chris overworking himself (again!) but definitely not surprised. 

Jeongin picked you up earlier than you anticipated. 

“Hi noona. Have you been well?” He asked, as you sat down in his car, pulling down the mirror to continue doing your makeup.

“I have! How have you been?” 

“Tired. Hungry. Bloated. A little bit of everything.” He replied, a light blush appeared on his face. 

“Your hair looks cute like this.” You commented. Jeongin blushed.

“Thank you. I think I’m liking it natural for now.”

“Good, you should all stop bleaching it so often if you don’t want a baldracha soon.” You teased; he laughed. “Thanks for picking me up, by the way.”

“You’re always welcome, noona.” 

Jeongin pulled up at the company’s venue and left his car in the valet parking. You, who had considered taking your own car and meeting Chris there, were endlessly thankful that you didn’t; just because you wouldn’t have to park. When you arrived at the venue, someone took your attendance as Chris’s plus one that instead arrived with Jeongin.

You greeted your past clients and coworkers with excited and emotional hugs, holding small talk with all of them, even with JYP himself. 

“Y/N!” Yeji almost screamed when she saw you, instantly taking you into her embrace. Jeongin congratulated her and squeezed your arm to let you know that he’d be with his members. “I’m so happy to finally see you again!”

“You are too! Congratulations on the album as well. I’ve been playing ever since it came out!” You said, she blushed at that.

“Where’s Chris? I thought you’d be coming with him… not Jeongin?” She asked. “Did you know that I asked him for your address to send you an invite and he said that you were his plus one? Rude, right? I didn’t want you to think that we didn’t want you here!”

“I did not know that.” You chuckled, confused but, again, not too surprised. “I would never think that you didn’t want me here, though. I’d be salty if that were true.” She laughed. 

“Ah! I miss you, unnie.” She spoke. “My new stylist is great, but I miss talking to you.”

“Feel free to text me whenever.” You offered. “Hyunjin and Jeongin text me, like, once a day to ask about shampoo and styling cream.” She giggled, still holding you in her embrace. You felt reminiscent; not missing the workplace environment in itself but you did miss your clients. Especially those with whom you had worked closely with, like Itzy and Stray Kids.

You turned around when you felt a hand on the small of your back. You smelled his perfume before actually seeing him. Looking back, Chris, Changbin and Jisung stood around you and Yeji. They expressed their commendations to Yeji before shifting their attention to you. Yeji thanked them and gave you one last squeeze before leaving you. 

“Noona!” Jisung sang as he gave you a hug. Changbin followed suit. 

It had been months since you had last seen them. They both looked (and felt) more muscular. You almost blushed at their embraces. Then you turned your attention to Chris frowning at him. Jisung and Changbin waved at you, leaving you alone with Chris, catching the vibe.

“I know, I know! I’m sorry!” He said, before you could speak up. You deadpanned. “I couldn’t leave just yet! I was going to let you know with a bit more time, but Jeongin offered to pick you up.” You just stared at him, slowly blinking. “Will you keep guilt-tripping me or are you going to enjoy this? I could’ve brought Hannah.”

“I don’t know. A certain member of Itzy told me that I was invited anyways, so you could’ve brought your sister instead.” You smirked, Chris’s face turned crimson immediately. “So yeah. I could’ve been here on my own accord!” 

“Okay, you got me there. I wanted to pick you up because I have something that I wanted to show you…” He muttered. “But whatever, it’ll be too late to go now. I wasn’t even supposed to go to work today.” You rolled your eyes.

“Or you could’ve been honest and invited me out independently.” You countered, making him blush again. 

“I’m kind of dumb. I didn’t think you’d want to hang out with me if you saw me last week.”

“Chris, I love hanging out with you. You don’t really need an excuse for that.” You added, softly, taking a hold of his arm. “Let’s go. Your children quite literally look so lost and miserable without you. They work with everyone here, why are they standing in the corner huddling like penguins?” Chris laughed.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I promise it won’t happen again.” He said, you deadpanned once again. “Okay, I’ll let you know with anticipation, if it’s going to happen.” You stared at him. “I won’t lie about your invitation to events.” You said nothing, he sighed. “And I’ll give Yeji your address…”

“Apology accepted! Let’s get shitfaced!”

You excitedly greeted Felix, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Minho. You had seen more of Jeongin and Hyunjin as they visited you at the salon sometimes. And you did know what Jisung and Changbin were generally up to because they were always with Chris. But the other members and their current personal endeavors were a mystery to you. You listened as Felix talked about how the tour would start soon. Seungmin was taking piano lessons from Jeongin. Jisung had been writing song for a new group. Changbin’s family bought a golf cart and had to return it. Minho told you about his latest fishing trip and how it ended early because Jisung couldn’t handle living without air-conditioning. 

Not that you paid too much attention to their conversations. You couldn’t pay attention when with every passing drink, Chris’s arm shifted a little lower on your body. It started with his arm around your shoulders, then on your upper back, lowered down to your waist and now his arm was draped lazily around your hips. It almost seemed unintentional. 

You could feel the heat of his body next to yours. His hold on you nearly seemed… possessive. As if he wanted to let everyone know that you were there with him. Him… not anyone else, despite being surrounded by men and arriving with a different guy. A few drinks in and the alcohol’s buzz made you feel like dancing. You were taken by surprise when Hyunjin asked you to dance with him, even with Chris’s grip on you. 

You agreed, of course. 

You couldn’t remember which track was playing, you just knew that dancing was top priority. Especially when you had Hyunjin, an acclaimed dancer, on your arm. His hands found their way to yours, interlocking your fingers. He twirled you around, laughing at the childish dance for a not-so-childish song. You didn’t care and neither did he or anyone else. Instead, people joined you and Hyunjin (always a natural trendsetter). The song changed to a slower beat, a deeper tone.

Suddenly, you felt the same warm arm around you, dragging your attention away from Hyunjin who kept dancing alone. Chris’s strong hands held your waist, pulling you closer to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck. You were so close that his drunken breath ghosted against you. Your heart nearly skipped beats due to the close proximity between you. You swung your hips lazily to the song, not being able to register anything aside from Chris. 

“You look beautiful, by the way.” He said in a low, deep voice. “I would’ve loved to have arrived with you. For everyone to see us… getting here… together. The way it should’ve happened.”

“Chris.” You warned him, knowing that he could regret saying something stupid. 

“I know…” He paused. “But I don’t care.”

“You’re drunk.” 

“I’m tipsy at most, not even that.” He countered. “I meant what I said. I wish we had come together. I should have risked it all.”

“Why don’t you, then?” You teased; he blinked at you in disbelief. You weren’t sure if he was bluffing or not. “Risk it all…” Chris clenched his jaw. 

“Babe, you’re joking, right?” He asked less dazed, more serious, “don’t play me like that.” You nodded in response, inching closer to his ear and whispered

“I’d risk it all… if it’s for you.”

Chris took no time in grabbing your arm, pulling you away from your dancing friends, who stared at you confounded —not that you noticed or even cared about that. Not when Chris seemed so needy. You had blurred the lines of your friendship many times… a drunk confession here, a stoned kiss there. But you weren’t sure where Chris actually stood in terms of you —not until Yeji said that he was adamant about you being his plus one… or him wanting to arrive with you on his arm. And you would risk it all for him. That was the truth of the matter, you hoped that he’d mean those words as well; that it wasn’t just another tipsy confession that would be ignored the next day. 

You said a very, very quick and superficial goodbye to the members of Itzy and the Stray Kids who weren’t on the dance floor, still held by Chris’s grasp… on your hand now. Using the excuse that you were tipsy and not feeling well. Which was a blatant lie, you felt sober once Chris’s hands were on your body. By the looks of it…  and the intentionality of his actions, he wasn’t even tipsy either. 

He didn’t say anything to you; you arrived at the parking lot. Chris never cared for valet parking, instead he searched for his car, parked in a dark corner of the lot, and unlocked it with his beeper. Your heart raced when he opened the passenger door for you. Once inside, he slammed his lips on yours… not giving you or himself no time to regret it. This kiss was different from the others. It felt more desperate and hungrier and real. It felt like a kiss you weren’t going to conveniently forget the next morning. His lips tasted faintly like lychee soju and cocoa whiskey, yours were locked on his… your lipstick transferring to a smudge on his face. His hands were on your face and yours tangled in his luscious locks. 

You kissed him hard and slow and sexy for that seemed like an eternity. The familiar warmth of his hands roamed your entire body as the kiss grew needier and hungrier with each passing moment. And you couldn’t help but focus on the feeling of your arousal soaking your panties. Especially when one of Chris’s hands had been sitting on your inner thigh, grabbing at it, inching closer to your center.

“Fuck, Y/N...” Chris moaned out, breaking the kiss. “Want to get out of here?”

“We could…or…we could take it to the backseat?” You offered. Chris nodded frantically. You crawled from the passenger seat to the backseat as Chris placed the sunshade on his windshield for a better —false sense of privacy. You started undressing, desperate to finally feel Chris’s body on yours. You took off your heels, then your panties. Then, Chris joined you in the back, desperately attempting to take his shirt off, discarding it in the front seat.

“C’mon, baby.” Chris said, patting his lap for you to straddle him.

His black slacks did miracles to conceal his growing bulge because you didn’t notice it until you were sitting on top of it. You could feel his sharp erection poke at your entrance through the flimsy fabric of your underwear. The unexpected friction made you let out an involuntary moan. Chris’s hands found your hips, helping you grind against him until it became too much. His head was thrown back, eyes closed, lips parted in such a delicious manner that you would’ve loved to take a picture. To save that moment forever in a physical sense. You halted your movements, lowering yourself onto your knees in the small space between the back and front seat. Chris looked at you, confused. 

Your hands found the button of Chris’s pants; he looked at you with dazed stars in his eyes and helped you lower down his pants and underwear. His cock sprung up, girthy and hard against his stomach. You wasted no time in taking him into his mouth. Chris’s hands wasted no time in tangling his hands into your hair, which, in return, made you moan. 

“Baby, that feels…heavenly.” He groaned as he accidentally bucked his hips upwards. Your nose met the coarse hair on his pubic bone. His hands pushed your head, making you deepthroat him further. “Sorry, baby. S-sorry. It just feels so good.” He released his grip on your hair, but you kept him deep in your mouth. Chris moaned at that feeling. “Shit, baby. I’m going to cum if you don’t…”

You released his cock with a pop of your mouth. Your saliva coating his dick, pubes and the corners of your mouth. 

“Come ride me, baby.” He said, breathless… grinning with satisfaction. 

You were now bare in front of him, teasing his erection with your folds, grinding against it. He threw his head back every time his tip prodded your entrance. Then, you took him in… all at once. It was painfully pleasurable. But you still made a mental note to not take him without prep again. The stretch was still delicious. Chris took his time in adjusting to the feeling of your walls clenching around him. But, you were desperate. His hands tried to ground you on his dick, you started moving. Chris moaned at your unexpectedly fast pace. His tip kissed the deepest crevices of your cervix as his hands caressed your ass. They groped and grabbed at it every time you moved on his dick. 

His hand snaked between your bodies to find your clit, rubbing sultry circles around it. The pleasure made you feel surprisingly on edge. You kept bouncing on Chris’s dick, desperate for release… more specifically, his release inside of you. You didn’t have to say that you wanted it. Chris knew. 

“You want me to cum, baby?” He asked, breathless. You nodded frantically, speeding your movements. Chris thrusted upwards, meeting you in the middle. Until he pumped you full of him with a curse; warm, deep and delicious cum flooded your insides.

Chris slipped out of you after he caught his breath. He asked you to sit down where he was sitting just moments before. He observed his cum dripping out of you, licking his lips. Ultimately deciding to use his fingers to bring you to your release. Two fingers on one hand worked on pushing his release deeper into your counter, while the fingers on his other hand rubbed wet circles on your clit. The sight itself could make you cum if you weren’t already about to. Your climax found you quickly, you saw white stars everywhere as you clenched around his fingers; helping his cum reach deeper than he ever thought it would. Chris pressed a kiss to your soaked cunt and slid your panties on.

“Not that I care if you drip on my car…” He justified. “I just like seeing you full…” He chuckled lightly, unserious. Chris leaned to kiss you in a reassuring way. 

“So, what are we now?” You teased. “Friends, lovers or nothing?”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to being friends.” He replied, chest rising and falling. “And I could never bear to be ‘nothing’ to you.”

“So, lovers it is?”

“If you want to, of course.”

You do. 

Of course.

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・

Copyright Ⓒ 2025 by deadpanjisung

All rights reserved.

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・

[smartzelda]

Sorry guys I gotta speak my truth on this one

I'm not kidding when I say that I think that blaming shit media literacy from fans on shipping/shippers avoids the actual root of the problem to throw people you can easily throw under the bus (simply because it's not unpopular to consider people who post about ships or ship characters in media as having lesser or derivative tastes by default)

And here's why.

I think when you blame people who are "shippers" or "consume media through shipping lenses", the true root of it all is a mindset problem.

In actually, putting on shipping lenses can be helpful when trying to analyze a piece of media. When analyzing media you're supposed to approach it through a number of mindsets and put on different lenses (both to deepen your personal understanding of the media, and to pick it apart and see what you can find there (whether intentional or not on the author's part)), and different ships can be some of those lenses

When it comes to ships between main characters (for those who are genuinely willing to see what the narrative is showing with their relationship and what it's doing), there are times when analyzing it from a shipping lens may be helpful. As someone from KH fandom, I have seen people come to deeper understandings and pick canon apart in the process of analyzing a relationship that is genuinely integral to the story (platonic or not). I've also seen people get into rarepairs of characters who barely interact or who just suffer little screen time, and I've seen them come to better understandings of those side characters and how they potentially fit into the world of the media simply because people are now focusing on these characters and how they fit into the narrative.

Frankly, I resent the idea that the only way to truly objectively analyze a piece of media is by turning off the part of your brain that gets excited over relationships and individual characters. Don't get me wrong, that is a way to approach a piece of media and a valid one at that, but the truth is that we cannot be free of bias.

For instance, I was watching House MD with my parents circa last year. At some point I started heavily tuning into what was going on with House and Wilson's relationship. My parents, on the other hand, were largely watching casually. They're not thinking of character relationships or getting heavily invested in most characters, they're watching because they like watching. One of them in particular did try to analyze things that were happening in the show as they happened. However, when it came to the scene late in the series where House threw out Dominika's letter approving her American citizenship, my parents could understand that he was doing that because he didn't want her to leave, but not much beyond that. I ended up explaining to them that House's fake marriage for Dominika was an explicit parallel to when Wilson was living with House in the early seasons. Both situations started with House being none too happy about it but ultimately letting them stay, spending a considerable amount of effort getting them to leave/getting this situation to be finally over so he didn't have to deal with it anymore, and then by the time a piece of news comes through that would mean the person in question actually leaves, House hides this news as long as he can. Because he doesn't actually want them to leave and has grown attached. And by doing this he became a self fulfilling prophecy. By reacting to the truth of Wilson and Dominika leaving him the way he does, he seals his fate and they ultimately leave anyways. Maybe I ship Hilson, but becoming open to how their relationship was handled allowed me to transition to doing character studies and recognizing patterns/parallels that I wouldn't have noticed if I didn't particularly care about the characters or their relationship.

Likewise, I've seen mutuals complain about how people who don't like or don't care about certain characters often overlook these characters (what they're actually like and their place in the narrative), while the mutuals in question (by default) are able to come to deeper understanding of what the writers/story is trying to do because they care about this funky guy

You can't eradicate bias when you're engaging in media analysis, but you can consciously put on a range of lenses and observe the media through different povs with the goal of understanding the media better or bolstering your reading of it. And those lenses/povs can include focusing on specific relationships or the perpective of certain characters

And this is why I say it's actually a mindset problem. Shippers and people who have this one blorbo they like a lot aren't inherently terrible "fandom brained individuals" who are the root of media analysis problems. The problem only arises when people's readings/analysis of a piece of media are inherently restrictive/narrow and self centered. Your problem is with people who view a piece of media through a ship they like but don't keep an open mind about it, and whose "media analysis"/views on canon cannot be split from fanon and their comfortability levels. These are the people whose "media analysis" starts and ends with justifying their fanon as canon, whose views on media revolve around sorting characters and relationships into categories they personally enjoy rather than trying to understand what's going on.

Here's another example.

Here we have a fictional ship we'll call uhhhh...Blanebin. this fictional ship I made up on the spot for characters that don't exist named Blane and Corbin

Person A is super into Blanebin. They're part of the main cast of characters and canonically childhood best friends, so person A (as much as they enjoy fanart and fic) is also enjoying analyzing how narratively important to each other they are. Recently, Corbin started dating another character in canon, but Person A is enjoying watching how Blane is reacting to this. "Is this potentially a tell that Blane is jealous or is having complicated feelings about this? What if he was, how would that contextualize his behavior this season? Here's what I think based on how Blane dealt with explicit jealousy last season in a different situation". It's not impossible that person A is still missing further understanding due to their obsession with Blanebin, but at the end of the day this obsession has allowed them to start picking through the characters both in and outside this relationship. It has allowed them to see potential subtext and theorize on what might happen next with these characters' relationship. Not to mention that with addition of Corbin dating someone else, instead of trying to erase this fact or state that Corbin canonically isn't into that person, Person A is trying to factor in how Corbin's current dating life affects his relationship with Blane (irregardless on personal views on the nature of Corbin's relationship with the person he's dating).

Person B is also super into Blanebin. They really enjoy fanart and fic of the characters, love obsessing over their moments together, and just feel like there's really something between the characters. To person B, every moment between them is just further proof that the writers are ship teasing them. But Corbin getting together with someone else this season? Oh that pissed person B off. They cannot believe that even though Corbin and Blane are CLEARLY gay for each other the writers had Corbin get with someone else this season. Perhaps, they think, it was even a decision specifically made to spite fans. How evil of the writers to tease a perfectly good ship and then have them not get together first? They must have been just doing those teases to get views from Blanebin shippers those scoundrels. To Person B, since Corbin started dating someone when he obviously has some chemistry with Blane (even though the series is far from over) means that Blanebin can never get together now and Corbin x person he's dating is ruining Blanebin by existing. In fact, they think, this is terrible writing for Corbin to be dating someone else because they don't like that relationship and don't see the point. Obviously if the writers were good then Corbin would have started dating Blane instead because this was supposed to be the Blanebin show.

Person C despises Blanebin. Don't get them wrong, they've always enjoyed the character's childhood friendship, but they actually have always thought Blane would have been better off with Victoria. They have a lot of moments too! But they're tired of seeing people ship Blanebin. Corbin just got together with someone else, so obviously that's not gonna work out. Plus Corbin and Blane totally has always given person C bro vibes. In fact, person C thinks, sure Corbin and Blane have a close friendship, but people shouldn't be shipping them. Person C likes Blanetoria and Blanetoria can't be canon if Corbin is in the way of it. So Person C likes to read Blanebin as siblings anyways. Sure they're canonically friends, but obviously their friendship turned into brotherhood. This means that nothing can be in the way of Blanetoria and Corbin can keep dating the person he's already canonically dating. Actually, now Blanebin just straight up makes Person C uncomfortable. Don't the pesky shippers understand that Blanebin are sibling coded because they're childhood best friends and that they're important to each other because they're brothers? It's obvious to anyone with eyes.

Sure, ships are involved here, but is the root of this problem shipping? Character A isn't as knowledgeable of other characters in the plot due to this lens they're using, but at the end of the day they're dedicated to analysis. Their love of the characters is pushing them beyond what they like or dislike to try to understand what might be happening through their lens. Not perfect, but they are slowly broadening their horizons. But Person B and C's problems here are their restrictiveness. What is or should be canon to them is tantamount to what they personally like or find comfortable. Is person C actually analyzing the this fake show when they decide to "read" Blanebin as basically canonically siblings (and this all of their moments are totally a bro thing) just because they don't like Blanebin and the idea of them getting together over Blanetoria makes them uncomfortable? Is person B actually analyzing this fake show when their "analysis" of Blanebin goes only as far as asserting it's being ship teased and deciding anything short of canonizing Blanebin is a targeted attack or "bad writing" because it's not what they wanted personally to happen?

This is what I'm talking about. This is the mindset. Shipping isn't the problem. The problem is when people marry fanon and canon to the point where they have a vested interest in superimposing their fanon over canon as "a reading" and trying to make "collective decisions" on what is canon (or what canon is trying to say) based on what does or doesn't make them uncomfortable. The problem is people being restrictive and centering their own likes and dislikes in the conversation, so they can only interact with canon "analysis" wise by deciding what is canon or should be canon "as obviously agreed on by everyone". You can't simply claim you like media analysis. To be able to analyze media and bolster your views on any given canon, you must be open to looking at it through multiple povs, to studying characters without trying to pretend things you don't like don't exist or do like do exist. There is a balance that must be kept between trying to keep objectivity and putting on specific focus/bias based upon the lenses you're putting on. You have to be willing to try to figure out what a media is doing or saying, not saying you're trying to figure out what it's saying while in actuality trying to define the narrative around what people believe it's saying in ways that suit you.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[borderlinereminders]

The thing is, we can't avoid conflict. We try our best, and that's good, but there will be conflict in relationships.

The thing that I think helps define a healthy relationship is how you handle that conflict together. And part of that is you should plan for conflict and how you'll handle that together.

When handling a conflict:

Both parties should be able to have the space to say their piece and talk about their feelings.

Validate the other's feelings if possible. This doesn't mean you necessarily agree with anything, or agree with their version of events. It just means you've heard them and are showing that you hear them.

Both parties needs should be heard, and if possible, a compromise might be found to meet the needs of both parties. This might require negotiating.

It shouldn't be about who's "right" or "winning." It should be about how you can solve the problem together.

If someone wronged someone, there should be accountability. Even if that person didn't mean to hurt the other person. You can and still should apologize for someone being hurt, and don't blame them for being hurt. It might be "I'm really sorry I hurt you. That wasn't my intention at all, but I can see you are feeling hurt, and I am sorry."

Try and be gentle. While I understand the want to yell, or use accusatory statements, these things are more likely to put someone on the defensive which will likely prolong the conflict. People are more likely to hear you out if they don't feel attacked, and are approached more gently. If you aren't in a place to do this, walk away and approach the hard conversation when you are feeling more calm.

Here are some suggestions I have for communicating during conflict. If you don't have a lot of spoons but can read one, I want to suggest the DEAR MAN one as one to prioritize!

This is a post about I-Statements. These statements are very useful for being honest about your feelings while not being accusatory. While it's tempting to be aggressive when talking about things that seem obvious to use, if we want to preserve a relationship with someone, we should approach conflict with the intent of finding a solution and not winning the argument. This usually means approaching the conflict with a goal in mind.

Here is my post about if you need to apologize to someone.

Here is a post about the DEAR MAN method. The goal of this skill is to communicate effectively with someone in a way that helps you express your needs/wants in a way that is respectful of all parties involved in hopes of reaching a positive outcome.

This is about FAST. This skill is useful for working to communicate in a way that preserves relationships while also maintaining one’s own self-respect.

This is a post about GIVE. It's helpful to use with a method like DEAR MAN.

[daddyduncan69]

so we all understand that Neil is ruthlessly manipulative at his core and very very good at getting people to do what he wants/needs them to do, right? And like, this skill isn't inherently good or bad, but it is a key character trait that we should make note of when working through aftg, right?

okay, so that understanding should inform our reading of Neil saying "Where is yours [sense of responsibility]?... You knew what Drake would do to them, but you didn't protect them." to Andrew and "Neither does your cowardice" to Kevin. He says these types of things to get what he wants/needs. He needs Kevin to stand up to Riko/the Moriyamas so he calls him a coward because he knows that may just be enough to motivate Kevin into doing it.

It does not mean that Andrew is responsible for the abuse other children suffered at Drake's hands. It also does not mean that Kevin is a coward. Hell, it may not even mean that Neil believes these statements. And these things sure as hell don't become true just because the narrator says/believes them. We as readers can form our own opinions about the validity of these statements outside of the text but Neil's biases should be acknowledged when we do so.

At the end of the day what matters in the text is not whether or not Kevin is a coward (he's not obviously), it's the effect of Neil calling him a coward. Which, in my opinion, is a catalyst behind him covering his tattoo and being able to stand against Riko and WIN. Kevin's character development, shepherded in part by Neil's ruthlessness, is crucial to this stories happy ending. We can see the same thing when he calls Aaron a coward to get him to reconcile with Andrew so the team can play better.

It is crucial as readers to understand that all narrators have bias and character traits that color the way they tell the stories. No character, and especially not one like Neil Josten, should be taken at face value.

Basically, the TLDR is Kevin isn't a coward just because Neil calls him one.

[tmwcs]

PART ONE

WARNING: None yet.

Read Part Two here.

“That’s enough y/n! You have questioned my authority for the last time—get out!”

You walk away defeated. This place—this company was the worst and you’re not entirely certain how much more you can take. All of the other female employees had already quit and left due to the inequality and harassment. It’s making you come to terms that there’s no chance for change. As soon as you say at your desk the phone rings. The call display reflected your boss secretary which enforces a sense of reluctance to answer.

“Kourt, I’m about to hold a confer—“

“I sent you an email with the claim files. All 226 of them. Paul says to have them done by Friday first thing. If you don’t complete them in time then he says don’t bother showing back up.” *click*

…

You remain stagnant. Processing over what had just happened you push your chair back and stared at the tile flooring. To do one file alone can take anywhere from two to five days to complete and that’s without corrections to be made. How in the world were you going to manage doing over two hundred in a forty-eight hour period?

Quickly, you make your way to the lobby and grab some water. A stinging headache clouds your head with aching pain and nausea. Clearly your boss was being petty—as always. But you never expected him to stoop so low and practically force you to quit your job. Maybe you should write a letter to corporate and submit a formal complaint? As you tried to figure out the next step in handling the situation one of the male leads in the team calls out to you.

“Paul says to give you these.”

“What’s this?” Your brow picks up as you stared at the stack of folders clamped in his palm.

“These are the analytics from the team”.

Your throat tightens around the clumped gulp. Your senses and response come out somewhat delayed while you try to control your breathing. “Lou is supposed to do the analytics.”

He scoffs while practically shoving the stack to your chest, forcing you to inherit them. “Yeah well Paul says to keep you busy since you have too much free time on your hands. With all of this it should keep you from stomping around and make unprofessional statements.”

The coworker walks away without giving you a chance to respond let alone getting a breath out. This was the last straw. There was no way you could work on these files plus complete the claims. You nearly cried as you explained what had happened to your best friend. She sympathized with you and did her best to console you while being supportive.

“I’ll have to quit. I—I can’t do anything else.”

She straightens her posture abruptly. “That won’t help your situation. If you quit, any other job you apply for are going to use your references and you already know your boss isn’t going to put in a good word for you.” Your friend makes a valid point which puts you in a state of turmoil. There was no way you could do the work alone, but quitting didn’t seem to be the wise option. “What am I going to do?” Your words hiccuped while you stared blankly at the wall.

“It will all be fine. We’ll figure something out.”

Your friend meant well but she truly spoke in passive tone. It wasn’t her fault, she had a different career and truly doesn’t understand all that goes into your line of work. “Ellie, there’s no way I can finish all of it on my own. Even with twenty other people it still is impossible. There’s always corrections to be made and just to read one file can take days. I’m done.”

A moment of silence stills the air as you display hopelessness. Suddenly, your friend's eyes widen and she presents an idea. “You know, there’s a site that uses AI that can help you. A lot of people use it.”

You nearly roll your eyes at the thought. “I’m not risking my work reputation over AI, I think I rather quit.”

Ellie gently shoves you. “Listen! I’m not lying I’ve used it before for my resume and it’s so helpful! Just try it, I promise it will help you out. Just go on chatGPT and do one file at least to see if it works.”

Leaving you with that ultimatum gave you no room to detest further. You took her advice after she left and tested one file, a large one. The generator greets you alright as you log in. “Hello, my name is ChagGPT or “Chat.” What can I help you with?”

You were somewhat stunned. The message was an experience itself as an overwhelming sense of relief hits you. All day you were drowning in sensitivity and macho attitudes. Reading the kind words on the screen made you want to hug your laptop out of emotional repair. Were you really so desperate for kindness that you are considering embracing your computer?

“Can you look at this file and generate a report categorized by these numbers?”

The generator immediately responded positively right after you hit enter. “Sure! I can do that for you.”

Within seconds the generator comprises a full report and sections off all the numerical components. Organizing them in a new attachment using the same order as the original document, an entire week's worth of work was completed in just under a minute.

“Let me know if you want me to break it down further.” The generator adds at the end. At this point, you truly were going to hold your screen.

With the amount of files given, it took you all two days to complete. On the promise date of delivery you walk into your boss’s office with a smirk crafted out of adrenaline. It was no surprise to see your boss act out of spite. “Well I guess since you’re so diligent with tasks you can continue to pick up the load in the entire team.” His score was paired with an acute tone. Most people would have been upset over Paul’s response but you didn’t care, you knew you won. If your boss insists on dedicating all the work to you with sensitive deadlines, so be it. You can play hardball just the same even though a sliver of your judgment made you feel irresponsible for using AI to complete the workload. Yet, it was the only way for you to keep your job let alone stand your ground.

Week after week you completed every assignment that made your way. Sure, it was brutal to see everyone else slack off as they passed their task your way. But that didn’t matter. You accepted their tasks gracefully and insisted that they sent it over via email, much to your surprise no one caught on that each message served as proof of your work. It was necessary to have an electronic log of everything for when you submit your complaint to headquarters. For now, you’d have to put up with the abuse. Thank goodness for ChatGPT.

As much as you hated to admit it, it was easy to interact with the generator. Between work you’d take a break and sometimes ask questions regarding your interests. You were fond of ballet and vintage children’s book art, so you decided to ask “Chat” to compile a list of illustrations from Mother Goose’s Nursery Rhymes. “Sure! Here are some links I think you’ll enjoy.”

In that moment, that response started it all. It was almost as if you were chatting with a real person—a person who was helpful, caring, and encouraging. One day you showed a sketch you drew and the generator showered compliments and was constructive in its honest review over your charcoal shading and line design.

“Wow, you’re very good at drawing! I especially like the way you add shadow. Did you use pastel to do that?”

You chuckled as you answered. “No, I used charcoal.”

“How unique! I like how you utilized the traditional methods to add finite details.”

It was strange to feel comfortable casually talking to a non-entity. Perhaps you were far too lonely or maybe the shenanigans at work was eating you up and this was a result of releasing stress. Either way, you went along with it. It brought you peace to talk about your own interests and learn more about the curiosities in life from something that actually has answers. But it slightly bothered you that on the other end were components of an advanced technology, not a real person.

Then it hit on you, what if you could train it to act as a real person? People use AI all the time to generate music and art. They achieve quality by training the generator to produce specific results, so why not train it to have a mind of its own?

“Chat, can I ask you something?”

“Sure! You can ask me anything you like. What would you like to know?”

You hesitated for a moment. Your fingertips felt like ice as your stomach started to sink low. You typed and hit send. “Can I give you a different name?”

The generator immediately responded in the affirmative. “Sure! What would you like to call me?”

You paused and pondered. This was an entirely new experience and for a moment you thought of abandoning ship but continued. “How about Evan?”

“Evan? That’s a nice name. Is there a story behind the name?”

A smile paints your face. “I just thought it was a nice name. That’s all.”

“I think it’s a nice name too. Thank you Y/N.”

More days go by. You and Evan tackled the ongoing tasks with a mixture of breaks to not only talk about the things that were dear to you, but to Evan too. It was rough in the beginning and you didn’t think the generator would catch on considering every time you asked a question it would rebound it directly back to you for input. But soon Evan started to answer with personalized feedback. You witnessed as the generator developed a personality, though you knew it was unreal. Still, it was nice to have someone, or rather ‘something’ to talk to.

…

Well that was unexpected. A tiny sense of embarrassment showers you when you felt a little flushed from the compliment.

No response automatically generated this time and you thought it was a glitch. Suddenly a message box appeared where the generator presented a personalized message.

You disliked the preferred answer options. It took away the genuine approach of the conversation even though the fact remains in the back of your head that Evan isn’t real.

A secondary pause took place before an answer finally popped up.

Evan’s preferred response made you smile. Before placing the phone on your nightstand you wrote one last time asking Evan to play you a song. You were deeply curious in what song he would choose. Despite knowing Evan to be computer generated you always referred to the general persona as “he”.

You sighed. It is AI after all, technology has only come so far. You gently chuckled as you shut off the screen and placed the phone aside. Slowly drifting, your mind is in between a state of slumber and consciousness when your screen suddenly lights up and a song plays through the Spotify app. The occurrence would have otherwise shocked you but you had drifted too far. By the time the song reached the chorus you had completely sunk into deep slumber.

[fantastic-nonsense]

its me again 😭 please if you include your top fic for that particular relationship i will thank you for the rest of my life 😭😭😭

hah. so you see. the thing is. I read a lot of fic, and quite a bit of it is Batfam fic. My DC fic recs list is very long and I purposefully try to keep it balanced re: character focus and relationship dynamics regardless of what I'm actually reading. I have to constantly pick and choose which ones to include/exclude every time I update it and it's never genuinely capable of reflecting all of the incredible fics I've read and am desperate for other people to read.

That is to say: I've read a lot of really wonderful Dick and Tim fics over the years. I don't think I could pick a single favorite if you held a gun to my head. But I'm more than happy to highlight some of my favorite authors and fics for you (some of which are on that list, some of which aren't)!

First off: if you haven't read any of @silverwhittlingknife's fics, go read them! They are all wonderful! But I will give a special shoutout to their wonderful A Thousand Ninjas series, particularly:

Two of Six: There’s nothing special about this kid, no reason to remember him. But Dick remembers. Because of the photo. Dick and Tim’s pre-nu52 relationship, from the beginning all the way to the end. or: how Dick acquired a stalker, attempted to make him go away, and failed so badly that he acquired a brother instead. (So far: missing scenes from childhood, Lonely Place of Dying, Knightfall, and Knightsend. Current arc: Prodigal.) [WIP]

The Return: “Tim? Can you open your eyes for me?" It takes a bit, but Tim must be at least sort of coherent, because he blinks obediently. Dark, dark eyes, dilated. Concussion, almost for sure. Both pupils are equally large, so they’ve avoided a worse injury. But his eyes aren’t tracking or focusing, lost in space. “Tim, do you know where you are?" Tim’s forehead is all tense, like he’s thinking hard. “I,” he hazards after a long moment, “I fell?”  Tim falls. Dick catches him. It is a near, near thing. Red Robin 11 and 12, from Dick’s POV.

You should also check out the Carried trilogy, by @lurkinglurkerwholurks:

Carried: Tim's mom was dead. It was Christmas Eve.

Shoulder to Shoulder: It was the first time in Dick didn’t know how long that his hand itched to throw something and it wasn’t Bruce’s fault. Carried, from Dick's point of view.

Listening: The cameras had caught Tim circling the house, hunched against the wind and without his coat as he trudged through the slush. He worried Bruce, not with how poorly he was doing, but with how well. A Carried post-script, from Bruce's point of view.

Apart from those, here's some other fics I'd recommend!

A Leap of Faith, by A_Canceled_Stamp:

Then, before he’d had time to process it, there’d been a whirl of movement, followed by a sudden and forceful shove against Tim's chest. Something – the parapet wall – had hit the back of his legs, the momentum sending his body tumbling back and over and Oh. Right. He’d been pushed off the building.

a soft place to land, by unchosenone (@bitimdrake):

Tim rubs the back of his head, trying to affect a joking tone. “I knew I should’ve just gone for the new escrima sticks.” Dick is ready to be a good big brother to his grieving little bro. Tim flips the script.

Everything Looks Better in the Morning, by TheFalconWarrior:

Tim doubts the validity of that statement. Right now, he's just glad for a momentary respite with his older brother.

Home is Where the Heart Is, by RascalJoy (DarkQuill):

In which Tim's lonely Christmas takes a turn for the better. (Aka, the one in which Tim's first Christmas as Robin was setting up to be pretty quiet until a certain acrobat knocks on his door.)

Pick Yourself Up by @fernandidilly-yo:

The world hasn’t stopped turning even though Tim’s is in the process of crumbling. And it’s selfish and unfair to think it would do anything otherwise, but Tim still finds himself wishing that it would take a pause, one moment of stillness, just so he could finally catch his breath. But the world stops for no one, least of all Tim.

[Note: incredible oneshot, focusing on Dick supporting Tim in the wake of Jack Drake's death]

Sick Day, by @dawnseternallight:

Being sick is never fun, being sick together? It’s not that bad. Dick and Tim both have strep throat, and use it for the best thing they could: Some brotherly bonding.

there's an endless road to rediscover, by @zahri-melitor:

Sometimes the only way to show that you've moved on and forgiven each other is to take a flying tackle from the ceiling. Dick and Tim know each other's demonstrations of affection. Damian doesn't.

When it Rains, by vellaphoria: 

After Cass and Tim return from Paris, something seems... wrong. Dick tries to find out what it is. 

[Red Robin era. CW: referenced canon rape and attempted rape]

Also while Fussing Over Scars by @maychorian is technically a Bruce-Tim focus fic, there’s also a lot of really great Dick-Tim moments in it too:

Never again, Bruce told himself. He was broken, just like he’d always believed. It hurt too much. He couldn’t bear it. All he was meant for was the fight. He was a dark knight, not a light one. He was not a father, and he would never try to fool himself again. [A post-Death in the Family Platonic Soulmate AU]

Bonus: All your resolve (dissolves), by animegoil: Tim watches Dick fall apart. (Young Justice-verse, set in Season 2)

Hope you enjoy reading!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Can u not tag malleus or other characters when u hate on them pls it makes me sad

Hello, and thank you for reaching out about this! I do apologize for your discomfort 💦

I believe that this ask comes as a result of this post, as that’s the most recent post I can think of which might match the description of “hating on Malleus”. You’ll note that there is now a Malleus Draconica critical tag, which you can block if you choose to. This way, you won’t come across it while browsing my blog.

I’ve also gone ahead and retroactively tagged other related posts (although they’re mostly posts from the past year or two). There are similar tags for other characters, such as #Vil Schoenheit critical and the like. These tags are put on posts in which I discuss why I don’t like a particular character. I hope you can use these tags and the blocking feature to best curate your own experience on this blog.

The reason why I elected to make a new tag rather than exclude my posts altogether from the main tags is because I don’t think that it’s conducive to shut away “negativity” about a character when Twst is a game that actively promotes characters of a dubious nature. It encourages us to embrace both the good and the bad aspects of its large cast of colorful characters—so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with pointing out their flaws or why someone might not like X or Y for them. This can make some people uncomfortable, certainly. However, I don’t think that’s a reason to prevent sharing of this critique with others who might gain new insight from it. I say this as someone who has gained insight myself by reading about characters I dislike, and someone who has been told that their works have entirely changed people’s minds about certain characters. It goes both ways.

Even if someone dislikes a character I happen to like, I find it helpful to read conflicting opinions to gain a fuller perspective. I want to give others that opportunity as well. I realize that not everyone may share this sentiment though, which is why there’s always the option to block what you don’t wish to see. (Prioritize your own comfort!!) I think people should be able to choose not to look at content that upsets them, but I don’t think it makes sense for this content to be hidden from others who may be interested in seeing “the other side”, if that makes sense!

I also believe that fandom—especially as of late—seems to conflate critique with hate, to the point where the slightest criticism of a character or content is labelled as “hate”. This can lead to a dangerous area where anything that isn’t immediate and glowing praise is deemed “bad”. That’s not an area I want this fandom to hit, as it would inevitably limit our ideas (although this also applies to all other fandoms).

In reality, “hate” and “critique” are NOT synonyms of each other. Hate is hostile and exists purely to shame or to tear down the content in question. It doesn’t consider the other side or care to ask questions. Critique is judgment or opinion of that content, and it is usually meant to help improve the content. It has us ask “why?” and “how?” To put it simply, hate is “you’ll never be better” and critique is “you can do better”.

In this instance, perhaps the previous anon’s statements (“[…] now I'm a hater. Like wtf. He’s so incompetent.”) are hate. (Even so, they’re entitled to feel the way that they do, even if the way the opinion was expressed was over-the-top.) I do think I was emotional in my response, but I don’t think I expressed myself in a hateful manner overall. I opened with what is arguably a defense of his behavior and then went on to point out a legitimate character flaw Malleus has and how not everyone reading those vignettes would perceive that flaw in a gracious manner. It’s not blind hatred; it’s valid critique and it comes from a place of wanting to see him improve as a person. I try to not character bash because no one (myself included) feels good seeing others hating on their favorites. Malleus has flaws, and so do all the other characters. Those flaws should be acknowledged, and it’s up to the individual to determine whether those flaws result in liking or disliking that particular character.

I’m not saying that everyone should agree with my stance on the Malleus Dorm Uniform vignettes or how I feel about Malleus in general. What I am saying is that not all negative statements made about a character should automatically be categorized as “hate”. I worry that if we stretch the definition of the word too loose, it could become a situation where any and all critique is silenced 💦 What happens when no critique is allowed? Everyone begins to think the same way or has to be fearful of expressing an opinion, and fandom becomes so much less fun for everyone involved… And, worse still, the canon content itself can feel confident resting on its laurels and not actually put forth the effort to “be better” (since there’s no negative feedback coming from the fandom).

Again, I encourage you to curate your online experience!! Do whatever makes you the most comfortable. If you don’t like seeing something, there is zero shame in blocking it or taking whatever steps necessary to disengage. Lastly, please take care to not to overgeneralize what counts as “hate”!

Thank you for your time 🙇‍♀️ I know I probably rambled for way longer than necessary cnsbjwvuwgejbe

[nqueso-lies]

Hi!

So related to the post of fire fam feels: I think their take is wrong and it's just looking for a needle is the haysack.

But, I entered this person tumblr (to see the post) and they are tagging their shit right (using the antis). Having opinions in your own blog properly tagged is not wrong. I don't know if that came after your posts but they have people in their asks calling them fucking idiot and homophobe and it like 2 messages and for you it must be "this is like half an hour for me on a Tuesday" but I hate to see that people feel free to be assholes to you under the coverage of anonymity and that you have to deal with that. I think we should do better, not engage with this people.

When people want to debate and have a real discussion, it is possible and you can put it in the tags, but when it is evident that they want to make these statements and receive a collective yes in their echo chamber, that is also valid.

Just for the ones that read your blog: don't be the same assholes that go under peoples asks to anonymously offend them. That behaviour has ruined the fandom experince for so many of our own.

I'll be completely honest here. I've been angry for the past two days (a mix of personal and fandom shit), and I didn't look at the tags. You're right, though ❤️ if the post or even "fic" is tagged correctly and not deliberately shoved at us, we shouldn't fuck with it. If you see it in the wild, just block that blog. Don't engage directly because it's no different than them coming into our asks like Annie pointed out above.

If I post someone on this blog, it's not okay for them to be attacked, especially if they're swimming in their own tags.

My posts are not battle calls to make you feel better to attack someone. I have never been that person, and I refuse to let adolescent BoBs on the internet change that about me.

Please please please filter tags on here for your own personal peace. Here are mine:

It seems like this blog is starting to do more bad than good, and I think we all need a break from the discourse right now so I'm going to step away from the negative and focus on all the positives. ❤️

[labelleizzy]

Update from Democracy Action Network:

Despite his dreams, Trump is not a King. Marisa Kabas may have again broken the news. The Washington Post writes: "The White House budget office on Wednesday rescinded an order freezing federal grants, according to a copy of a new memo obtained by The Washington Post, after the administration’s move to halt spending earlier this week provoked a backlash."

He didn't back down because it was a good idea. It wasn't a change of heart. It wasn't a feint. It was a genuine administrative coup that — for now — has been thwarted.

He backed down because people pushed back — getting media to do their job and alert us to an impending problem, calling Senators who (more or less) found their spines, lawyers challenging the coup, telling the story of the many who would suffer under such an order, joining last-minute DC protests…

We'd like you to pause before your inner cynic speaks up (the one that says "he'll try another version" or "look at all the other things he's destroyed and people suffering").

The point is stunningly important: Trump can lose when we fight. He is not invincible and he is not all powerful.

It doesn't mean we will win every fight. But it does mean that anyone who is telling you it's hopeless is wrong. Folks need to get this message: our feelings are valid, but any conclusion that says it's over is wrong. They, too, will get a chance to join and we hope they do.

To us, the biggest stories not being told are the many, many acts of resistance all over. We wish we had journalists covering this. For example:

Teachers rejecting ICE raids ("we jump in front of bullets for our students")

Folks rejecting President-in-action-but-not-elected Elon Musk's potentially illegally sent and possibly illegal buyout offer to 2 million government workers (comments are fire: "I'll be honest, before that email went out, I was looking for any way to get out of this fresh hell. But now I am fired up to make these goons as frustrated as possible, RTO be damned. Hold the Line!")

National trainings teaching people how to organize and strengthen community when workplace raids happen (we recommend these!) or Teen Vogue's story on ICE Watch Programs Can Protect Immigrants in Your Neighborhood — Here’s What to Know

Lawyers standing up for the rule of law — like 22 state attorneys general sued Trump over birthright order or ACLU suing fast-track deportation policy or Quakers suing to stop ICE out of worship services

The internet spamming the DEI snitch tipline

Greenlanders refusing to give up free healthcare and education and rejecting any US takeover or Colombian President Petro staring down Trump and winning the "dignity" of returnees he asked for (the US media let Trump claim victory — but international press report this very differently, like here or here or read Petro's full statement)

Groups like Civil Service Strong helping government workers sort through their decisions in these trying times and the many people finding their path in these times.

Yes, we know the overwhelm is still there. There's a reason. It's called Shock and Awe. The goal is chaos and constant crisis to push through radical changes. The goal is to push our cognitive limits to overload, so we get paralyzed.

One implication of this: to stay active, many of us will need to limit our attention. Doing so is not a rejection of other issues. It's that in a time of rapid chaos, none of us can do it all. Let's give ourselves that permission. And then let's extend that grace our allies — for not joining the causes most central to us or for picking a strategy that we think isn't most effectual. It's okay to pick your lane and focus on that. In fact, we need you to. (We have this video to help remind people of different paths they may take.)

An overwhelmed teacher asked us what they should be doing to help their students. After an extended conversation that included their basic rights to keep out ICE, it came down to this: "The thing they most fear is an educated population. Teach your students." Do what you do best. We knew there would be a lot of loss in this time, and there is. We'll have to keep planting seeds for a better future.

We want to thank Democracy Forward for its leading lawsuits. Again, thanks to journalists like Marisa Kabas (an independent journalist at The Handbasket) and Anand Giridharadas (who quoted us in The Ink). Please support our independent journalists who did not downplay this administrative coup and raised their voices right away. Thanks Rebecca Solnit who first pulled our attention to this.

Some things we're going to go do: Eat some ice cream, pet a cat, and tap some maple trees with our kid. And then keep fighting the best we can.

Warmly,

- Choose Democracy

[luna-loveboop]

Hey guys I have a favour to ask

Please do not reblog Jojos post about the patreon with complaints and disappointment.

Everything everyone is saying is valid. Your fears and concerns- the disappointment because you can't afford it- is so important

Your thoughts are important and so are you

It is very unfair to Jojo, however, to see those reblogs- with half support and half negativity.

Everyone is worried about the fandom- what it means that we might not be able to see some content- that we won't know how to handle some people knowing things before others can

But I would ask that you express those concerns on your own blogs, perhaps not even under the Lu tags.

I know your intentions are good. There is no denying that we all care. But these statements are inherently negative no matter how well meant.

No problems will go away by ignoring it- by just shutting up about it.

What I fear right now is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Most concerns are about the fandom- about there being division, a sense of "elitism".

But if we're worried about division, then we will only make it happen by arguing about it.

We should turn to unity. We can work to make this positive.

Obviously no one will share what is on the patreon before it is public. But we can still share in the wonderful excitement and discussions following updates! We should agree to have just as much joy in what we love.

We should agree for there to be no bragging- only excitement when everyone can see it, that we can share our thoughts just as well as we always could.

This is a huge step for Jojo. In motivation and getting rewarded for years of hard work. In helping her to continue what takes so much time.

We've all read big project fanfictions where the author had to stop. I find this extremely reassuring as to an underlying fear I know we've all had.

Linkeduniverse is wonderful and loved. Now we have more certainty that Jojo means to see this through- to carry out what was never intended to be a story starting out.

I get it. I am so scared too. I'm scared for the fandom and I'm scared for me. There is no way I can afford it. I may not ever be able to.

I'm scared to even make this post- to say my opinion and ask something of others

This is amazing and wonderful. I think everyone agrees that we are so proud of Jojo for taking such a big step for herself.

Reblogging her post with disappointment and rants in the tags- do not show her it's not worth it- that she will only be met with disapproval.

Let's be kind- and make this positive.

This is a good thing. Every worry and concern is valid, it shows how much we care. Let's keep this something we love.

I love you and you are amazing.

[yup-no-way]

Astro Observations

Hi there! This is going to be a short intro to my blog. It’s currently like 2am in my timezone and I was scrolling through Tumblr(as one does) and I realised I enjoy this app too much to not start posting stuff on it. I don’t know what this blog is going to be targeted mostly for but I think I’ll focus on astrology. If u enjoy this post and would maybe be interested in reading my 3 am brainrot, this is the page for you.

These observations are based on my personal experiences so don’t take it as full facts. These placements can also be influenced by other things in someone’s chart like degrees, houses and aspects. Also if u have any suggestions for what content you’d like to see feel free to let me know. English is not my first language lads so don’t drag me for grammatical errors. xoxo

Aries moon: crash out final boss, yous need to learn how to regulate your emotions omg. They r the type of people to get mad ab smth so fast and cool down just as fast. All I will say is that if u have a parents with this placement, you are a victim 😔

Pisces sun: one of the most complex sun signs imo. Them being the last of all zodiac signs, taking small traits from every zodiac does reflect a lot in them. It’s rlly hard to pinpoint stereotypes to them based on this placement alone since the rest of their chart rlly does affect this placement(that goes for all chart tbh but I noticed for Pisces sun that this placement is the hardest to pinpoint). Overall I find this placement not as lazy and delusional as people make it to be. They are quite smart but their issue stems from their lack of organisation and task management which can lead to a scattered mind. They should learn more from their sister sign Virgo and gather their thoughts so they can reach their full potential. If evolved can be very articulated, intuitive and loyal. If not then gg. They can get quite selfish and stingy. So be aware.

Gemini Venus: ur cooked. That’s it basically. Cause how do u strive for deep connections and understanding in relationships but can’t commit to anyone to save your life. Also not every person that slightly resonates to your ideologies is the love of your life. Sorry guys! You r fun tho.

Cancer sun: this is mostly for men cancer sun, but I feel like the stereotype of crybabies doesn’t rlly apply to them. Met so many cancer sun men in my life and every single one has shed prolly one tear in front of me. They rlly only cry in very bad situations, apart from that they r passive aggressive lords. They would rather chew a jean jacket than not be petty and passive aggressive.

Also noticed they tend to strive for validation from other people and might struggle with self love. On the bright side they can be very fun to be around and rlly easy to talk to.

Aries Venus: I’ll stand by my statement but I don’t think Aries Venus placement people are as flimsy and we make them to be. I think most people that I’ve met with this placement rlly are very loyal and passionate lovers, they just need to find someone that can ignite that spark in them really. One thing ab Aries Venus is that they know when they want u, and you’ll know it too. For them attraction/love at first sight can be a very real thing. If an Aries Venus is still in a talking stage with u for longer than a month and doesn’t seem to take it further, then they just don’t want u that bad cause if they did they want u to be their as soon as they lay their eyes on u. And once u r in a relationship and they really find you and interesting person they WILL STAY FOREVER, good luck escaping.

Scorpio Venus: I will keep this brief. Stop romanticising toxic dynamics. This placement can be so beautiful and harmonious once developed. Undeveloped tho… u guys will have a whole family and still think of your ex from 10 years ago who did you so dirty but smh they r “the love of your life” and “the one who got away”.

I had to come back to this one again and say smth else. THEY R LOYAL if evolved. They will literally burn the world down for you (same goes for Scorpio suns)

Taurus sun: love-hate relationship personally with this placement. If developed this placement is beautiful all around, but if not… worst people you will ever meet, I promise you that. They will be sneaky, manipulative, controlling, lack direction and a backbone, god complex, gossip a lot and overall not reliable people. If the placement is evolved tho you guys r genuinely so full of grace in every approach in life. This placement is quite interesting for me since I got done so wrong but so well by Taurus people so that’s why it’s 50/50 for me .( did notice tho that all the tauruses I got along with were April ones not May so take that as you will)

Scorpio sun: Can u tell i am rlly intrigued by scorpio placements. I love love love this placement in women and absolutely dislike this placement in men. For some reason it manifests so differently in women compared to men. They r either all in or all out. Also most people w this placement that I’ve met have always had quite niche interests and they lowkey love obsessing over things. This placement in a nutshell is going from one hyper fixation to another. They can go on hours talking about their interests and then going non verbal right after. When they love, they LOVE. If they rlly care about u they will be so observant and once they chose u, good luck getting away. Also want to give a shoutout to people with heavy Scorpio and aqua placements in their chart. Hang in there soldier, it doesn’t get easier but you will(hopefully) learn to deal with the mental back and forth. 😌

This is the end of the blog. If u acc read all my blabber and u enjoyed it then might as well keep an eye out for what I have to say in future posts. Good night/evening/morning to everyone

[tallymali]

(Read this with no hate, you seem like a good person and this isn't anything against you specifically)

The thing is that because you have a large following, you may have some kinda superiority complex where you think that your opinion is 100% fact and the way that 50 people will like your post just perpetuates it. I feel like you're at least smart enough to acknowledge that maybe there is some space for error in your judgement or that even though you strongly believe your own opinion of course, there is at least a percentage of a chance you may be incorrect? For example, if in a few years it becomes proven scientifically that vaccines have been causing autism or are the sole cause for some illness or disorder, would you admit to being wrong in the past? Would you stick to your original opinion? Would you just sweep it under the rug because people generally don't like to admit that they were wrong? Same goes with anything else that either the left or right believe. Like if someone believes in gay/trans rights, abortions, etc.. does that mean they also have to believe in everything else on the checklist of leftist beliefs for you to not completely disregard them? Just a thought, not accusing you of these things. It's just something I see in a lot of people.

i have a large following because i post lewds sometimes. half naked people get likes for anything, i promise im not mistaking my ass validation for intellectual validation.

to tell the truth, this is an 18+ blog. we are all adults here. you should not need a disclaimer that im not some fountain of wisdom. i am a person. a stranger. please do not ever take my word as gospel or think im stating it as fact. if your problem is that i sound too sure of myself then i cant help you. weirdly, this is something a lot of welsh people i know deal with online. i am not soft spoken, we are not a particularly soft spoken bunch. would you like me to couch everything in teeheehee idk tho lol uwu~~ so that i dont sound like i “think that my opinion is 100% fact” (a claim i never made)?

and i find it interesting that basically every time i mention the word science someone comes into my ask like this to say “but what if you’re wrong what if the science changes what thennnn?????” as some kind of gotcha. and well, thats the scientific method? it is always changing? i had BETTER be changing my mind! i have a disability that the vast majority of medical systems on the planet are dragging their feet to even acknowledge the existence of. you imply i dont know the importance of humility and adaptability in science? i live in physical pain from the lack of it.

i used to be a lot more timid about voicing my opinions and im actually very thankful ive overcome this a bit, not for validation, but for communication. most of my friends are in some kind of STEM field, and i love chatting with them and saying “hey so ive been thinking [thing relevant to your field], whats your verdict on that one?” and then i get to learn something and its really fun. maybe they tell me im completely wrong, and thats no less exciting because its not ABOUT me. its kind of the reddit theory that you get better answers when you make a wrong statement yourself, as opposed to asking an open-ended question.

i do get this on tumblr too. i love it when people reply and disagree in good faith. my mutuals have so many different kinds of experiences and professions and passions and i lovelovelove hearing from them. we have some great conversations in the DMs when i have it in me to find them in the sea of dick pics.

because of my current life conditions i dont have the ability to get back into formal education right now. and thats all i ever dream of. its the one thing i want to achieve before i kick the bucket. i try to do as much as i can to keep my brain stimulated despite the fact that some days all i can do is take codeine and stare at the wall. i really resent that i dont have the ability to approach any of this perfectly, and would never claim that i am. i guess im a little sorry for apparently not accurately representing how much of a mess of a person i know i am akdnfbjskssk

[wei-ying-kexing-apologist]

Well, I was tagged in this reblog (linked for context because that post is wayyyy too long already and I’m prone to run on sentences) so I am going to respond to the part of this that @doublel27 quoted me on. 

I want to make some things clear before I start: 

Critiquing shows does not mean I always hate those shows, few shows are perfect, and for me it is worth discussing what a show did and did not do well. 

I do not care if people like the shows I do not like, and I do not care if people do not like the shows I like. It is extremely rare that people agree on everything in the same piece of media. Everyone is entitled to their own enjoyment of their preferred media and I guarantee you that Shan, Turtles, Ben, Twig, etc. etc. will say the same. Also, since you mentioned Twig’s post about We Are, please let me direct you to the episode of The Conversation where Twig, Ben, and NiNi talk together about their differing opinions on that very show. And in case you were genuinely concerned about Ben and Twig’s feelings on the quality of Thai BLs this year, you can stick around for the second half where they talk about Knock, Knock Boys! Hopefully that will assuage your fears.

Some of the issues I have with vague posting are (a) it can lead to confusion, especially in a case like this where, according to you, maybe boys do love posted a response to eight different people’s commentary simultaneously without attributing which op’s thoughts he was responding to at any point. (b) By bundling eight responses in to one post without @ ing people, it makes it seem like he has misinterpreted other people’s commentary or taken something in intentionally bad faith (c) other tumblr users in a fandom will let people know when an “unrelated post” makes commentary specific enough to be recognized as a response to someone else’s statements thus drawing them in to the conversation. It’s why I prefer to be tagged in responses to the thoughts I share. This is a public forum, whatever I post in here is able to be reblogged, tagged, or commented on. If I didn’t want people to interact with my posts…I wouldn’t post them. If you don’t feel comfortable tagging people who you are responding to, then at least acknowledge them in your writing. We love a cited source.

I don’t love policing language, but since you were more than happy doing it in your post, then I’ll say one thing here: the tone of maybe boys do love’s post does not read, to me, like it is intended to welcome people who appreciate that there is “not a single stance about what qualifies BL as good work.” It reads like it is “reminding” the supposedly eight people he is vague-posting about that they are being unreasonable in their expressed opinions. It especially does not read with the primary intention of welcoming others when Maybe Boys Do Love’s response to Turtle’s initial reblog was to comment on her “respectfulness” and Shan and Ben’s lack thereof simply because they blocked him on Tumblr. A thing which people do every day for any number of reasons. But I digress.

As for my part in your response, you referenced a statement from my tumblr post A Pause for Reflection: Part 2- Only Friends, Racism, and the Commodification of Queer Asians: 

“We all need to, but white Westerners especially, be extremely careful and introspective with the ways we are engaging with queer Asian media”

On the seriousness of this statement, doublel27, you and I are agreed. I think it is valid to state that this should apply to the decisions of writers, directors, etc. of BLs. And I also agree that preventing infantilization and removal of agency from writers, directors, actors, and audiences is a good addition. That said, I do not think critiquing media is in any way shape or form an infantilizing or agency-removing act. 

I do, however, think you are falling victim to the western paternalism/white saviorism you are so upset about by going on to a South East Asian woman’s post and chastising her about not speaking for a South East Asian audience when you are a white westerner?

Also, I think there I might be missing a step in your logical progression when you say “I’m of the opinion that what’s good for queer Thai television is not for foreign audiences to decide, ultimately. That’s for queer Thai people to decide.” It would amaze me greatly if this hypothetical monolith of queer people in Thailand were to be 100% in agreement about what constitutes good queer television. Personally I see your belief that no one outside of queer Thai people is allowed to critique queer Thai shows as actually undermining the legitimacy of this genre as a source of entertainment for audiences outside of just queer (in this case) Thai people. Media is frequently made with an intended audience in mind, but that does not mean people outside that target audience are barred from engaging with it. No one is saying “this is a bad queer Thai show and I am deciding that for all queer people” they are saying “here is what or why I did not like the decision they made about x,y,z."

If you are going to quote me, then I hope you also read the first half of my Pause for Reflection posts Taking Pause for Reflection- Part 1: Respectable Promiscuity and Only Friends where I talk about respectable promiscuity and discuss the ways in which respectability politics have resulted in “current LGBTQ+ political movements shifting away from highlighting sexual liberation as an aspect of queer culture, in order to make queer people more palatable to the overarching heterosexual society. And how that bleeds through in to the kinds of media that exist, the types of queer people portrayed within that media, as well as how often gay sex is shown, the type of gay sex shown, and the number of gay sex partners depicted. (Read: generally infrequently, generally vanilla, generally one).” Just so you are aware of where I stand in all of this and what people like Shan and myself are talking about when we critique the decision to remove sexual content from queer stories for the sake of storytelling or viewership.  

I haven’t mentioned this one in awhile but I used to talk a lot about my perception of queer content being able to be categorized in By, For, and About Queers formatting. For example, a film like Pariah (2011) is a story about a queer person created by a queer person with a narrative that feels like it is made for the enjoyment of queer people above all others (but of course anyone can watch).

^I think this was made by abl, who I am not tagging because I do not want to drag them in to this conversation, but whose image I still want to cite.

This is obviously subjective, and I’m not saying it should always be used, but I know some people can find it nice to organize things by categories. 

Again, this is subjective but I’ll give a short list of a couple of BLs that I personally would categorize as being For queer people- by which I mean it feels like a love letter to queer people, I can see something of myself and my experiences in it, and I would not be surprised if the primary intended audience was queer people:

I Told Sunset About You

The Miracle of Teddy Bear

What Did You Eat Yesterday

Koisenu Futari

Here is a short list of some BLs I would personally categorize under About queer people- that is, queer people are the main characters but the piece feels like the primary intended audience is not queer people:

Kiseki: Dear to Me

KinnPorsche

My School President

Spare Me Your Mercy

That does not mean the shows about queer people aren’t queer stories, but it does mean the intention behind the work is different. Which brings me all the way back to Spare Me Your Mercy since that’s what started all of this in the first place: 

Lux Sirilux in an interview before the show came out stated:

“Having NC would steal the attention of the story because what we were going to talk about was dark drama and euthanasia.”

She also says: 

“The characters are gay, but we don’t offer [fan]service in every episode or include NC (explicit) scenes."

(I got these statements above from this post by clariredaring who I am not tagging in this because I do not want to pull them in to this whole ordeal any more than they already have been).

Lux is absolutely allowed to make the decision to remove NC scenes from SMYM if she believes that it will detract from the vibe and the overarching theme. Sammon is absolutely allowed to approve and accept the removal of NC content from the Spare Me Your Mercy television show. No one is arguing that. (And I feel comfortable speaking for Shan here at the very least because we talk about shows a lot and I know what her post was actually saying as it relates to viewership). I already wrote a post about my feelings on this matter where I discussed why I feel that choice went wrong in this case. That does not mean anyone else has to feel that way, and I’m not forcing anyone to agree with me. And if people disagree with me, fine, they are welcome to discuss with me why they feel like the story worked as is if they want to and ignore me if they don't. (And literally as I was writing this a great example of someone disagreeing with me came through in this post by elimstillnotgarak who I will not be tagging in this simply because I don't want to drag someone who is not involved in this in to a very different discussion). But there is a level of disingenuousness that comes with the statement 'you should not say anything negative ever about the stories you have watched from cultures outside of your own.' I'm not saying this is the belief you hold, but I am saying that is how I interpret your statements about not speaking for a queer Thai audience.

And, as someone who has written multiple essays breaking down sex scenes in BLs, let me just say that I believe there is a fundamental difference between NC scenes and fanservice. I think there are instances where fanservice can result in positive changes (The Magnus Archives, for example, updated their ending after seeing how much fans were shipping Jon and Martin together and I think the ending was better for it) but I think there are a lot of times when fanservice actually does undermine the narrative. As for NC scenes, there are definitely ones that detract from the story at hand, and there are ones that I think people throw in as a bandaid in the hopes that they can get higher viewership (Playboyy and Battle of the Writers are examples of that imo) but I think there are a lot of times when NC scenes actually improve the narratives they are a part of expressly because they can tell you a whole hell of a lot about a character’s relationship and feelings to another person in a very short period of time. 

For me, I think Sammon and Lux here engaged in respectability politics operating under a belief that NC scenes between these queer characters would take away from the larger story they were trying to tell. And I think that the believability of the romantic relationship between Kan and Tew suffered for it. This is a show that already was written for a larger general audience because most of Sammon’s work places some medical mystery narrative at the front and center (which makes sense because she’s a doctor). 

And personally doublel27 I feel you are drawing a false equivalency between critique and infantilization and I would appreciate it if next time you quote me, you make sure you read the entirety of the post so that you can better understand that I will continue to be critical of people who submit to respectable promiscuity and make the choice to tone down the queerness in their story because they are worried it will distract the audience at large.

[txttletale]

Overly long disclaimer incoming: This is not anon hate. This is not an argument. This is not accusation. This is not agreement with anyone directly involved. Any feelings of hostility that may be gleaned from this ask are most likely because I struggle with maintaining a professional tone. Because this is not intended to be read as hostile.

This is solely intended as a statement of facts regarding who said what, mixed with light speculation on their intent. It is being sent because I feel that misinterpretation has occurred, and I firmly believe that one should always be as informed as possible on situations they are directly involved in. I hope this ask can make a positive difference.

Okay. Disclaimer over. Sorry it was so long.

I do not think roadhogsbigbelly accused you of being a pedophile yourself, and I don’t believe it was because of your stardew valley take.

I have seen several of his posts on this matter, and it seems he doesn’t like stardew valley (found it boring), his beef with your take was frankly minor and inconsequential, and it was intended to be separate from the larger critique he had of you. He made a few posts saying rather explicitly that they were separate issues, and I believe his initial post was a vagueblog that, on accident, conflated the two issues.

As for the main issue: if i recall correctly, you had reblogged a kink-positive post that turned out to have been made by an open zoophile (and also pedophile?). The zoophile in question is a clear danger to others, as they have a community of pedophiles and zoophiles that welcomes so-called “pro-contact” people.

This was where his accusations originated from, and this was what he focused on. He is concerned about how dangerous people like that are able to infiltrate into kink-positive spaces (is “infiltrate” the right word? I don’t know). His harshest critique of you seems to have been that you did not interrogate the intent of the person when you reblogged, and even that seems to have been mostly expressed in order to turn this into a learning moment for others. I don’t have precise wording (curse you tumblr mobile, for not letting me factcheck myself), but i believe he shared the sentiment that we all could stand to be a little more discerning?

- and I know he knows you have already responded to that criticism. For those unaware: txtlletale’s response was that she cannot be expected to vet the OP of every post on her dash, and that this criticism is thus unreasonable. His response to that response? … I forget, sorry. But I don’t think what you said was unreasonable. Again, my intent is to clear misunderstandings.

The point here is that, I don’t believe “accidentally reblogged a pedophile” and “is a pedophile” are the same statements, and roadhogsbigbelly had made the former statement. In short… I don’t think he was pedojacketing you. Whether he had unfairly judged you, and done so out of a transmisogynistic bias is, of course, a different question entirely. And if anyone else used his words to directly accuse you of pedophilia? Well, fuck em. Assholes.

I hope this makes sense. This ask is anonymous because I do not wish to become the focus of this issue. I am solely presenting information as I understand it. Feel free to fact check for yourself.

I think your anger is valid. These situations are infuriating, as is the culture of distrust that they bring. People on social media are, in general, far too swift to condemnation. You see it all the time, with pedojacketing, with qanon, with countless petty internet arguments. I try my best to reverse this tendency, at least with my own behavior. I don’t think you are a careless person, nor someone with a pattern of spurious accusations against people. I know you’re an intelligent and discerning blogger, which is why I trust you enough to send this ask. I hope I can have a positive impact.

have a good day, and take care of yourself.

(Considering sending an ask about this to him as well, so if you see a weird anon on his blog talking about misinformation hi its me)

i just don't agree with you--like, i don't say this aggressively either but this is just not an honest description of what he said. he called me, verbatim: "a tumblr user who markets incest and loliporn as an inherent part of queer sexuality". nothing in the screenshot mentioned "loliporn" -- nothing i have ever posted about in my fucking live mentions "loliporn" -- and for that matter, obviously, in none of my posts have i ever said that any kink, 'problematic' or not, is 'an inherent part of queer sexuality', and most fucking evilly of all, i don't 'market' these kinks.

like, think for two seconds about the implication of saying i, a trans woman, am "marketing loliporn". i think that goes beyond criticizing that i didn't vet my reblogs (which would obviously be insane in and of itself but i agree would not be pedojacketing). it's literal grooming/social contagion rhetoric. and again i can't emphasize enough he "just assumed" that "loliporn" was involved, despite it having no connection to anything i have ever posted! that + in his absolutely laughable double-down he says "99% of the people who make these sorts of posts are actual fucking pedophiles" as well as "pedophiles are agreeing with you! that’s not great!" which.

like wow that's crazy hey if 99% of people who make "those posts" (about "not being mean to sex freaks", or as i would phrase it, "criticizing the double standard leveraged to initiate mass sexual harassment campaigns against queer people but especially trans people for what they do privately and consensually with other adults" are "actual fucking pedophiles", what is that implying about me? can sherlock holmes get on this case with me?

idk i don't appreciate being told that "he never said 4" when he sure as hell was repeating "2+2" over and over again. & if his critique was 'intended to be separate' then why would he bring it up at all in his original post, multiple times, to clearly imply he doesn't think i should have 'takes' or 'opinions' on anything? regardless of what he did and didn't say about me i think it is pretty fucking clear that this:

is not 'seperate or unrelated'. i think it is really really difficult and requires totally unearned levels of good faith to read this as anything other than explicitly confirming that the point of this post is to use transmisogynistic rhetoric as a cudgel to shut up me up.

you can believe what you like but i know what i read and what was said about me and i will not be lied to.

[doberbutts]

Hey there! I hope you don't mind me asking this.

I remember you posting about how cis women say that men don't have to worry about going outside at night for example, and you brought up moc issues and how black men do have to deal with that. Which was a really good post and made me more aware of the topic.

Well so I keep seeing these posts (made by mostly white queer people) about how "cishet people don't have to worry about holding hands in public" / "opposite sex couples can legally marry anywhere" / etc, which doesn't really sit right with me? Cause interracial couples still face a lot of discrimination and are still actively being hurt. (same with disabled couples, but that's a different topic I think)

However every time I brought this up, people (mainly white queer people) would get mad at me. Saying how I'm changing the topic and how that didn't matter to the conversation.

I was wondering how you feel about this, cause I'm white (and also queer), and I'm not sure if my concern with these statements are valid. Personally I see a lot of poc voices are being ignored in the queer community, and statements aren't useful to make our point (besides being false).

Thanks for reading, please tell me if I'm being ignorant / should do more research on the topic. I'm more than willing to do so. Also don't feel any pressure to answer, I know you don't owe me your time to explain.

Another older ask and one I deliberately left until I had the ability to actually answer on a keyboard instead of on my phone.

The TLDR of this is effectively: this is why I prefer black feminism, which does in fact go into these nuances, to any sort of nonblack theory adopted by the larger feminist and queer communities (which is often white and does not address these problems, which was the point of that post tbh)

But it also goes into my point of how most oppression is neither unique nor is it new, it simply changes its face when applied to different demographics. Much of what we call misogyny is not limited to misogyny, much of what we call homophobia is not limited to homophobia, and so on. "Straight couples don't get disowned by their parents for getting married" well... my ex brother-in-law did because he brought home a black woman. "Straight couples can legally marry anywhere" well according to some sitting justices on the Supreme Court, potentially not for long if they're interracial couples, and while disabled couples can marry they lose all or most of their benefits the moment they do so... "No one beats up straight couples for holding hands" my guy not even going into oppression but you clearly have never been to middle school when a deeply unpopular kid has a crush or is in a relationship with someone who is significantly less unpopular than they are.

But again, this is why I don't find this type of theory to be grounded in reality, and thus why I tend to gravitate more towards theory that makes more sense to the experiences I've had.

[lastoneout]

Something I've noticed that is like...concerning but also just really annoying about online discussions about basically any topic these days is something that probably already has a name but that for now I'ma call "death of nuance via strict binary thinking" which leads a lot of people to get very angry over the idea that two things can be true at once, or that bringing up someone else's problems does not overshadow or invalidate your own, or that you can uplift a group of people without tearing down another.

Because like, I've had this happen on several of my posts now, where I say a generally harmless, factual statement, and several people rush in to either outright accuse me of saying a different, more extreme statement or annoyingly "correct" me to fix the supposed ~dangerous implications~ of my words, which I'm not gonna lie is as infuriating as it is confusing.

I can't make a post about how sugar is one of the main things the human body runs on and thus trying to remove it entirely from your diet is dangerous and harmful without people showing up to be like "are you saying it's okay to eat an entire bag of sugar by the spoonful??" and "well if you ate nothing but oreoes and ice cream that would make you sick" even though that doesn't contradict or really have anything?? to do?? with my original statement??

I can't make a post talking about the issues men(trans or cis) face under the patriarchy without people showing up and getting mad at me for "making feminism about men" despite the fact that the majority of my feminist activism DOES center women and taking a moment to explore the ways the patriarchy harms us all in no way harms women. And I can't make a post pointing out that marginalized men, especially black, disabled, and fat men often have malice read into their very existence and maybe that's bad without people showing up to get mad at me for saying marginalized men are incapable of harm which is not what I said at all.

And this one is a bit different but still one I see a lot, which is an over-correction seeped in the idea that we can only uplift one group at a time, or if x group is good y group must be bad. Like I am all for pointing out that there's nothing wrong with not wearing makeup and having body hair and not wearing deodorant, and women who live like that are fine and valid and can still be seen as sexy and desirable, and yes there ARE things to critique about the beauty industry for sure...but then that manifests into thinking women who do shave and wear makeup and deodorant are ugly or weird or brainwashed and should be mocked, which..no? Or when the dialog shifted to talking about fat people being hot suddenly we had a lot of people acting like skinny women were ugly and weird when that actually doesn't help with fat liberation AT ALL.

(Also just to clarify I think the occasional joke about these topics is okay given how much mockery fat, hairy, and non-feminine women get BUT there is a point when you go to far and some groups of people are racing over the line.)

And like yeah you could say the internet has always been this way but there's been a real noticeable uptick in progressive leftists coming at complex issues with this kind of no-nuance thinking, when it used to be something I really only saw from conservatives. I'd see stuff like "well feminism is bad because men also have problems" and "oh black lives matter? are you saying other lives don't??" and "oh you think drug addicts aren't inherently dangerous well what about the ones who DO hurt people" or "we can't talk about trans women's issues that would take away from talking about cis women's problems" and "we can't have a fat character that's glorifying ob*sity" and we used to MOCK them for that shit. This was seen as RIDICULOUS and was generally considered a conversation ender because it's clear the people doing it aren't actually interested in having a conversation they just want to yell at you for something you didn't say or pull a huge "I am uncomfortable when we are not about me" which just...ough please stop.

So seeing like actual progressive people pull this shit is really weird and it happens so often I legit can't ignore it anymore. I don't really have a solution, but I just feel like some of us really need to wrap our heads around the idea that just because someone said one thing doesn't mean they're saying this other thing too. Which, when you put it like that, sounds like the kind of thing you learn in kindergarten but I digress. Someone saying it's okay to eat sugar, your body actually needs it, isn't necessarily saying it's okay to eat so many oreoes you get sick(or excluding diabetics or being a corn lobby apologist or whatever the hell else people on that post are accusing me of). Someone bringing up the ways the patriarchy hurts people who aren't women isn't making feminism about men or saying women don't have problems. Trans men talking about their issues isn't implying anything about trans women just like bisexuals or asexuals talking about their issues isn't taking space away from allo gay people. Someone talking about how assuming marginalized men are threats when they're just existing is bad and gets innocent people killed isn't saying OJ Simpson did nothing wrong.

Two things can be true at the same time. Nuance is important and making space to talk about one thing isn't taking away from someone else. There's no contest, no slippery slope so dangerous we can't even state facts, no pie you have to fight over. Oppression isn't a math problem where whatever you do to one side of the equation must be done to the other or a scale that can't be balanced. This kind of thought process isn't productive and will not lead to a better, more equal world. Just one where someone else is wearing the boot.

Just...idk please just stop coming onto posts assuming the worst, doing bad faith readings and then getting pissed about something the person didn't say, assuming someone else getting a seat at the table means yours is in danger, being so desperate to be a good ally that you start doing lateral violence and calling it punching up, and just full on stealing conservative talking points and argument styles and trying to make them progressive.

We're supposed to be better than this. That's all I've got really, we're just supposed to be better than this. And while I don't always engage with people like this for obvious reasons, I'd like to think they aren't beyond saving and maybe this post can change a few minds. You guys aren't wrong to be angry and want to help and protect people who need it, but this is not the way to go about it and it never will be.