#save me pretty desktop themes... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

atlafan · 5 months ago

Text

20 years of avatar: the last airbender

I'm feeling sappy, and I'm sure no one will read this, so tldr...thank you avatar for all that you've given me, and this fandom, for 20 years. You changed my life for the better.

I was nine (9) years old when avatar: the last airbender aired on nickelodeon. I remember sitting in my den with my older sister. She was on the family desktop, so she was only half paying attention, but still, she watched it with me. I can't even remember how I felt when promo started. I think I was like, "what is this?", and then decided to give it a shot.

I was immediately hooked. There was so much going on. I believe they aired the second episode right after since it was a premiere event. This was a big deal. There were no other cartoons that looked like it on nickelodeon at the time. It looked like something that would have been on cartoon network or something, especially with it's anime style.

I don't remember physically watching every episode as they aired, but I remember tuning in each week. It was one of a few cartoons I had been watching at the time that had an actual overarching plot. Each episode built on one another, even the "filler" episodes had a purpose. There was character development. 20-22 episode seasons.

The bending was what I think hooked me right away. We had an above ground pool growing up, and I was like a fish. I remember imagining if I could make the water move. So when atla came out, and there was waterbending, I was like holy shit!!

Much of Book One was backstory. We were learning about our heroes, as well as our villains. What I hadn't seen too much of at that point in my life yet was the villains having other sides to them. Realizing that Zuko and Iroh really weren't the bad guys, was mind blowing. Each book had their own antagonist, and obviously the overarching antagonist was the firelord. But each book had entirely different battles, which I thought was so cool!

It wasn't until episode 12, "The Storm", that I became truly obsessed. We got to learn, pretty early on, how Zuko got his scar, why he was banished and searching for the avatar, and that if given the choice, he wouldn't be doing any of that. All he wanted was to return home to his abusive father so he could get some crumb of love. This episode is also incredible because this is the first time you see Azula. She's next to Iroh watching everything go down in the flashback. This episode also did an amazing job of showing how Zuko and Aang are foils. One was forced away from their home, and the other chose to leave. But they both ended up on a journey of finding themselves and restoring something.

The Book One finale...I remember watching it. I remember having my mind fucking blown. When that spirit fish appeared and took out all those fire nation guys? I was like running around my house telling anyone who would listen about how fucking cook it was. And my older siblings humored me. Sometimes they'd watch reruns with me, and it was great. When the first season ended, I kept imagining what the second book could be about. This was back when you had to wait for any crumbs on things.

Book Two was probably when I became the most obsessed. I was in middle school now, and Zuko's hair was growing out, and I added a new crush to my list of cartoon crushes. It took a few episodes, same as the first book, to figure out what the theme for the season was going to be, and who the antagonist was going to be. It was essentially Azula, and Ba Sing Se. I can't remember when I exactly started shipping zutara. In the waterbending scroll, when the, "I'll save you from the pirates", happened, that was probably it, but I digress. The Cave of Two Lovers is a phenomenal episode. There's a fine line between childhood whimsy, and being children of war who are on a mission. The Swamp was another iconic episode. We got to see what Kya looked like a little, and it was our first glimpse of Toph. Normally when a show adds a new character, they never really fit in, but Toph was such a good addition. She was what they needed. And of course Katara screaming, "I'M COMPLETELY CALM", will always be incredible. We also got to see Azula, Ty-Lee, and Mai altogether again, and got to watch Zuko and Iroh essentially join the gaang to fight Azula.

Zuk Alone...it always makes me cry. The backstory was fucking top tier. Ursa did so much to save her son. And seeing that Azula was a monster born and a monster made? Impeccable. During Bitter Work, we got another episode paralleling Aang and Zuko's journeys. Aang finally got to start earth bending, and Zuko learned about lightning redirection. Him screaming at the sky at the end and crying still gets me. So much had been thrown at him. It was too much to deal with.

I remember going to soccer games after watching new episodes like Appa's Lost Days, or Tales of Ba Sing Se, and just being totally distracted. Those episodes gave me so much to think about. What other show would dedicate an entire episode to a flying bison???

The lead up to the end of book two was extraordinary. Zuko realizing he should just leave Appa to be with Aang, and going through his metamorphoses, and then seeing all of the corruption in the city, Azula and her gang pretending to be Kyoshi warriors. When Katara dropped her tea at the tea shop when she saw Zuko?? When Zuko got thrown underground at Katara's feet??? My girl was going to attempt to heal his scar! He never let anyone touch it, but he let her! They bonded!!! And the way he and Aang glared at each other when he and Iroh found them, oh my fucking god. So much was said without anything needing to be spoken. This was truly when I thought Zuko was going to join them. It felt like the perfect moment. And Azula essentially murdered Aang. Katara catching him with the tsunami???? And then using the special water to heal him? THE SYMBOLISM!!!!

Book Three. I remember waiting so long for it because of the writer's strike. I would watch it weekly at my friend's house. Getting to see Zuko live his life, but it not being what he thought he wanted??? The new clothes for the gaang???? The Beach?????? It was just bop after bop after bop! And learning that Zuko's great-grandfather on his mother's side was Avatar Roku???? That was fucking mind blowing. He never stood a chance! I also want to know how old all of Roku's kids were when he died because you're going to tell me 100 years passed, and that was Zuko's great-grandfather? It should have been his great-great grandfather, right? I digress. Also, Roku and Sozin, yall were in love. Or, I think Sozin was in love with Roku because Sozin clearly got married and whatnot way after Roku did. I mean, Azulon was fucking ancient in those flashbacks, and he was the first born. How old was Iroh and Ozai's mother? Do they even have the same mother?

Nightmares and Daydreams is one of my favorite episodes just because it was funny. It was a day for the kids to sort of just be kids, even though Aang was scared about the day of black sun. I was really mad that we didn't get to see katara really fight during the day of black sun because of her father. I feel like she could have blood bended Azula and been done with her lmao and Aang kissing her...her expression still makes me think she didn't exactly enjoy it. And when Aang came back not even an hour later, she was like, "so this fool just kissed me and left, and then he comes back? nahhhhh". I wasn't expecting them to "lose" that day.

And then...the writer's strike. I had no idea that it would be months upon months before the final episodes aired. Every week I waited to see if new episodes were being announced, and there was nothing. Then, I remember on YouTube I was watching fan edits, and there was the entirety of The Western Air Temple on there, just sped up, and I was like what the fuck is this???? And then like a week later, it was announced that the final episodes would air over the course of five days, and the last four episodes would air like a movie.

Katara being the most angry about Zuko...and then when she threatened him later...absolutely incredible. Each episode was so much fun. Zuko wasn't only there to teach Aang something. I think he gave a little something to everyone. Each episode was a 10/10. The Southern Raiders was a fav of course, and I liked that katara made it a point to Aang that she didn't forgive the man who murdered her mother and she never will, but she has closure for it and she can start healing. And of course the zutara hug. I went out of my mind!!! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! And then the Ember Island Players...Aang I've never been so disappointed in you. Katara literally told you that it wasn't the time, and then you just kiss her?! Babe, you're thirteen, hold your horses!! (Side note, I love that they made the joke in book 2 about the king having a straight bear, like no combo of animals, just a bear.)

The final four episodes...I taped them. I have the VHS somewhere with all the episodes on it. I had a ton of Kim Possible final episodes on there, but I had to make room for atla. The lion turtles, the gaang having to figure things out while Aang was missing, the Agni Kai...when Zuko took that lightning for Katara...THEY COULDVE BEEN SOMEBODY!!!!!

The ending was sweet, and it felt resolved. Aang and Zuko were friends, foes no longer. They caught up to each other, both having restored their honor. I think this is where I get aggravated with the comics because obviously restoring balance to the world after 100 years was going to be messy, but they didn't give Zuko a fighting chance!!

Since this show aired, that hasn't been a single day that I haven't thought about it. The show got me to go to DeviantArt and that's when I started writing and publishing fanfic and fanart and fan webcomics. It was such a cool place! It introduced me to much fandom culture. When I made a tumblr in 2013, I loved seeing how so many atla memes were already integrated on the site. I started reading ao3 fics. And also...just the life lessons this show taught me. I learned so much watching it. They had to deal with some real shit. And it was a comfort I could always turn to when my real life was crumbling around me. It put a smile on my face, it gave me hope. The music still gives me goosebumps any time I hear it. I had never seen world building like that. I didn't know cartoons could be so expansive. I think that's why I ended up liking Adventure Time so much a few years later. And around the same time as atla, I was watching Code Lyoko. Two shows where episodes build on each other, and have expansive worlds.

I feel like I grew up with these characters, and as I've gotten older, they've become like my babies, my children, because I get to rewatch them grow up over and over again. I think it's a really special thing when tv characters touch your heart like this. This is what thought out character development does to people. Zuko had one of the greatest character arcs of all time, I'm not even joking. Look at him from episode one, and then go look at him from the last episode of the series. GROWTH, PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY!!! All of the kids learned something, and became better for it.

I think I'm due for a rewatch.

23 notes · View notes

askfuzzycallie · 1 year ago

Note

ooc — you can let people view a tag chronologically pretty easily by just turning on your blog’s custom theme in settings! you don’t even need to set up anything, you can just let it stay the default theme. then users can view the tag in chronological order by going to blogname.tumblr.com/tagged/tagname/chrono!

sadly doesn’t work for the mobile app bc the mobile app sucks, but it will work on browser, mobile or desktop :)

OOC

oh shoot?! How did that work what -

well thank you so so SO much that just saved me a lot lmaooo lemme add that to the pinned post

#OOC

11 notes · View notes

andmaybegayer · 5 months ago

Text

Last Monday of the Week 2025-02-10

I do make the rules and I also enforce them

Listening: Two songs have been stuck in my head all week, #1 is I Got My Tooth Removed from 10,000 gecs by 100 gecs.

youtube

If I'm honest I've primarily had this sequence stuck in my head

My head's like a ton of bricks, but this dumb bitch still learns new tricks I fuck with fire, burn my dick, play violin on sinking ships I woke up and was down, horrendous, think I need to see the dentist

#2 and I think the theme here is "attractive use of rhythm and rhyme" because it's Vampire State off Your Majesty by Michael Guy Bowman

youtube

I know this one has featured already. As mentioned, I make and enforce the rules. I like a lot of the stupid puns in here! It's a very smug song, very self-satisfied. Also making me so badly want to get a bass guitar.

Watching: Busy week! First up Macbeth, the 2024 West End performance film release.

youtube

It has been a hot second since I have seen Macbeth although I pregamed this with the Ian McKellen and Judi Dench one from the 70's which I kind of half-listened to while making dinner.

youtube

Macbeth is not as dense with like Good Lines as Hamlet but it is tied for like, how fun it is to watch. Relies very heavily on your Lady Macbeth driving everything forward.

There's a lot of gender in here! Everyone is constantly saying whether they're a man or a woman and they're totally not lying they promise.

Also, at Bad Movie Night: Flash Gordon, which. Is not like Macbeth.

Flash Gordon has some really killer outfits! My only knowledge of Flash Gordon is secondhand through parody and I was not prepared for how all out the sets and costumes went, thank you movies.

Multiple lost technologies on display here. We don't make t-shirts that tight anymore, and we also lost this kind of big semi-earnest comedy sci-fi technology. The closest thing to this is I guess Jupiter Ascending, which is Very Tropey in a similar way but that's like, ten years old now?

Reading: Going back and forth between Pale Fire and other things, mostly the little Nabokov collection I picked up. Little to say, Pale Fire continues to be fun but in the same way as before.

Making: Printing around the house, more design stuff around the TV. Starting to work on a lapboard-ish thing. Currently I use the steam desktop mode which is very good, like, genuinely quite handy, which combined with being able to send links from my phone to the handheld is pretty much complete, but it would be nice to be able to a) type and b) play 3D games without having to learn how to use a controller. I am not a picky gamer when it comes to my keyboard and mouse, I've beaten Star Wars Republic Commando on a trackpad more than once, but I do want a mouse.

This involves figuring out what I want to do with Galena. I've run into problems! Galena suffers from "not the same kind of layout as the keyboard I type on all day at work", a problem that has two possible solutions, 1) build a Galena copy for work, or 2) build a work copy for home. I kind of like my work layout (Logitech K860) more than the strict ortho of Galena so it's possible I'm going to tear her down and rebuild her. If I do do this what I might do is figure out how to get time on the makerspace CNC mill so that I can build a swoopy complicated case out of wood, I do like having a wooden keyboard, but it'll probably at least start out as a printed project. It's also possible that much of Galena will become the lapboard and I'll build something new for the desktop.

Additionally: remembered I have that whole LED project. Got save slots working on the API and backend side of things.

Playing: Cyberpunk, I am presently in Phantom Liberty which is a very sharp change of pace, much more focussed, it feels almost like a linear campaign in many ways. Enjoying it but hoo boy that division feels artificial. It doesn't help that I basically waited until everything else was wrapped up to go there, although I am enjoying having some latitude to deploy my top level skill tree in the wild.

Tools and Equipment: I got a really really long wool coat the other day and I cannot overstate how good it is for cold weather because it covers your legs. Combined with my ridiculous chaps this is perhaps the most comfortable I've been outside all winter.

#last monday of the week #Youtube

7 notes · View notes

blazehedgehog · 11 months ago

Note

Might seem like a random question - but out of nostalgia I pirated sonic advance 3, and tried 1 and 2 also, cause never played them as a kid - but that made me think

Do most sonic "fans" actually like the "if you lose all lives you gotta replay everything from the start" - because I got to world 4 in both and then died and that made me have zero motivation to ever play them again lol (while I appreciate advance 3 for actually having an overworld and stuff, makes it feel alive, like the "downtime" to me doesnt seem like filler but serves the porpuse off cooling of between the action, rethinking your steps and just give the illusion of it being more than a few levels strung together)

I mean, you are describing a practice that all games used to have, not just Sonic games. Super Mario Wonder, a 2023 release, still has a lives system.

If you mean the game forces you to restart the entire game from level 1 if you get a game over, that means something isn't working right with your copy of the game. Your ROM isn't a clean dump, or you haven't set the emulator up right, or something.

Like I even double checked just now to make sure: I beat Route 99 Acts 1 and 2, and got a game over on Act 3. It did not undo my progress and Acts 1 and 2 remain completed.

Do you by any chance have all of this stored on your desktop? Windows can get REALLY picky about file permissions in certain locations and it might be blocking the emulator from writing the save file.

The fact of the matter is, I don't really like Sonic Advance 3.

Sonic Advance 1 is a charming take on the classic Sonic formula. It's not perfect, and once the honeymoon period of its different art style wears off, the gameplay and themes are honestly pretty generic. But it's fine. It does not offend the senses. It nails the pacing and the feel and that's good enough.

Sonic Advance 2 is a little more its own thing. It's kind of clumsy and can get really frustrating (particularly with the bosses) but it's fast as hell and paves the way for games like Sonic Rush, Sonic Unleashed, and Sonic Generations. Those games would not exist without Sonic Advance 2's baby steps, and it's one of those games that I think is really fun to master. I will play Sonic Advance 2 any day of the week (up until the boss of Ice Paradise Zone. Also don't ask me about SP rings)

The thing about Sonic Advance 1 and 2 is they are kind of reflective of the games they were released nearest to. Sonic Advance 1 was following the pacing of the original Sonic Adventure, by being more of a platformer. Sonic Advance 2 takes after Sonic Adventure 2, by being non-stop balls-to-the-wall high speed action, with a focus on flow and momentum.

Sonic Advance 3 tips its hat to Sonic Heroes, but it feels like it was cobbled together out of scraps they fished out of the garbage for Sonic Advance 1 and 2. It wants to be both slower like Sonic Advance 1 but faster like Sonic Advance 2 at the same time and it can't decide between the two.

It mainly does this with the ring system. The more rings you're holding, the more the game raises your acceleration and overall speed cap. Basically, more rings = faster.

But then Sonic Advance 3 is the absolute worst, out of the whole entire trilogy, for punishing you for going too fast. It constantly puts enemies and spikes in the meanest possible places so you're always running into them by accident. So it's a game of going faster and faster and faster right up until you get caught in a gotcha trap and then you're back to being slow as hell again. And when you're slow in Sonic Advance 3, you're SLOW. You feel so sluggish.

That's on top of what I feel like is generally ugly, sloppy level design. Like I said, levels look like leftovers they didn't think were good enough for the first game, and tile alignment errors are all over the place.

Levels themselves are endlessly criss-crossing mazes that interrupt your flow constantly for stupid button puzzles or breakable walls or whatever. An entire game made up of levels like Carnival Night Act 2 from Sonic 3. I don't mind Carnival Night Act 2 as a one off thing, but I don't need a whole game like that.

I generally try not to acknowledge Sonic Advance 3.

#questions #Anonymous #sonic the hedgehog #sega #sonic team #sonic advance #dimps #gameboy advance #gba #nintendo

6 notes · View notes

clazberryk · 11 months ago

Text

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Thank you for the tag @roguishcat 💕

When did you start writing?

I ahve bene writing on and off for most of my life, the earleist story i cna remember ithink i was about 11-12. It was terrible so many grammatical errors. I very much journal and have been journalling from a very young age. Writing and books is very much encouraged in our household and its stayed with me into my own household

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I love reading all sorts, drama, horror (but not typical trope 'everyone dies just because' stuff), mystery, romance. I am a big fan of fantasy embroiled into science, so the fantastical that could be plausible. However i am not smart enough to write that.

And I will write most things, however somethings i really struggle with.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I used to try poetry and tried to write smart, but i find that really difficult to write. I tend to lean more towards what the protagonist/anotagonist character is feeling, almost like an inner monologue but still very much in 3rd person. I ADORE A write called Deborah harkness (All souls trilogy) Seriousyl check her out she is so very incredible and she has a way with words that just sucks you in. I would love to ahve her talent, i very much emulate and look up to her, but I don't think i would want to write like her. maybe influenced by is more approate term.

Writing compared to, not really. Unless anyone can think of one, not compared nope.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I write very much on my Desktop PC, in my office. It is also my gaming PC. I will write pretty much when the need and desire sparks, so everyday. Its nice and quiet,. However i do find i am writing alter into the night, more often than not.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I listen to a lot of music. Music is a big influence in my writing, i have so many saved playlists on my spotify, and yourtube channel. If i need to get into a characters headspace i will go to that playlist. Listen whilst doing tasks around the house and then sit down and write.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I am unsure. I do notice that i tend to lead into emotions, and have then develop and mvoe the story along.

What is your reason for writing?

For my job i am surrounded by disabled/neurodiverse students. I also write very academically, professional and clinical, its very clean and cut, and the reports are at a minuimum 20 pages long. So i write to to release that creativity that cannot be in my daily reports.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I love all comments, although of course ones that go into detail about which parts readers liked are the best! Feedback is crucial. I realise that my writing is definitely not the best out there (I'm working on improving it!). I also love wqhen readers quote a line or a piece of text, that jsut fills me with joy.

FEEDBACK is crucial to any write regardless of level. Do not get me wrong i lvoe the hearts, and the likes but sometimes an actual comment can go a long way for a writer. I often find myself second guessing if a comment has not been left, i know its terrible but also anxiety/adhd.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I'm not sure exactly how to answer this tbh. I like to interact with readers, so i will tag a lot of people in my post (Sorry to those that get tagged ALL THE TIME) looking at you: @roguishcat and @shewhowas39 lvoe you both very much <3. I do try and interact with everyone. But still unsure how to answer that question

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

The use of emotion, i feel that emotion is key to any character and when that is portrayed right, it just hits the reader, and sometimes the writer differently (I am not saying i am the absolute best). But the emotion is one of the proses, and langauge i really worked on developing in my educational journey. I very much try and go with what i feel natural and what that character would naturally do, or say or think.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I feel very stupid and very much like a fraud (I guess we are being honest now :D ). I will reread my stuff but i ahve to stop, because i type so quickly and my mind is always going a million a minute there are mistakes in my work. Which just impacts me more, especially the silly little spellign mistakes. I am working on proofreading my work more than 3 tiems but it always feels like something jsut slips through the cracks regardless.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Both. Both. Definately both. I thrive off comments and feedback, and sometimes i will put a poll out asking the audience, but most of the time its oh that person said that, ooooo i will put that in, see if they notice it. If you have left a comment you can guarentee in a later chapter there may be an easter egg to it. (I hope that makes sense)

No pressure tags: @slothquisitor @loquaciousquark @hell-alka

6 notes · View notes

bmaxwell · 2 years ago

Text

Game of the Year 2023: The Top 10

2023 was a great year for the videogames industry. A lot of great videogames were released in 2023. It was a fucking lousy year for the industry if you had a career there. It has been deeply disappointing to see record sales and critical acclaim alongside frequent layoff announcements. It feels like the pursuit of endless profit, whatever the cost. It's not sustainable and, as someone who has loved this hobby for my entire life, seeing the people who create games treated as disposable is disgusting. So, as much as this post and this blog are about YAY GAMES, there's also an undercurrent of filth that we have to keep in mind.

Apart from that, 2023 had its usual ups and downs for me. I played non-mobile games on my phone more than ever, thanks to two things: I got a Razr Kishi adapter to clamp onto my phone, turning it into a tiny Switch. Oh, and I got a pretty decent new phone. And Honkai Star Rail hooked me. That's three things.

Speaking of HSR, the ability to access cloud saves from my phone and my desktop PC was a godsend. This is true for Game Pass as well. Frequently I'd pull out my phone in the breakroom at work and pickup whichever game I'd been playing on Xbox, and it worked surprisingly well. I played a lot of Dead Cells this way, and finished Fuga 2 and Dordogne there.

If you'd told me at the start of the year that my best experiences of the year would include Baldur's Gate, a Harry Potter title, and an ALAN WAKE game, I'd have been pretty skeptical. But here we are. Also, if you're a theater kid I feel like this year had a couple of really special moments for you.

2023 also marked a return - at least somewhat - to the hobby of boardgaming. I was neck deep in the hobby from 2008 - 2015. I recently picked up Wingspan and it became a Sunday afternoon staple for myself, my wife, and our youngest child. I've missed the tactile non-digital experience of boardgames. It's nice to be back.

10. Honkai Star Rail

Well. You win universe. A gross free to play mobile game chock full of microtransactions and gacha mechanics is one of my favorite games of the year. The Genshin Impact people made a turn based RPG, see. And it's stylish as hell, and music is great, and when you get a new character from the loot boxes you get this little dopamine hit, and...

The game's events have been really surprising and well done. There's one involving staffing and stocking a museum, one involves shipping logistics, one's themed around ghost hunting. I wish I could have the $70 version of this game that isn't compromised by trying to squeeze players for money. The problem with that, of course, is that this game would not exist without all the bullshit.

But it feels good to play, it looks incredible, and I can swap between playing on my PC and my phone pretty effortlessly. So, despite the predatory MTX bullshit, I have really enjoyed my time with Honkai Star Rail this year.

I think my second biggest issue with live service games is that I don't get a sense of closure. I can't Finish Honkai Star Rail. And I'm not going to play it forever. So I get really into it for awhile (most of the year in this case) and just kind of...stop.

9. Goodbye Volcano High

This one is reminiscent of Night in the Woods; it's a coming-of-age story about anthropomorphic dinosaurs graduating high school, with all the fears and doubts that come with that. Some folks seem to have their entire future mapped out, some are just gonna work an hourly wage job and play D&D, and your character is serious about making a career in music. More serious than her bandmates are. Also, there's a meteor coming and it looks like it might hit Earth.

This game resonated with me on a few levels. The writing is great, the characters are well written and, unlike Stray Gods, the music landed for me. It does a great job of showing us different attitudes and values clashing into one another while making each of them relatable. The hope, resentment, and willful blindness of "My friends aren't invested in this thing we're doing together as much as I am" really blindsided me. It dredged up some feelings I haven't examined in years, both for better and worse. I didn't have much in the way of expectations for this game, but Goodbye Volcano High wormed its way into my heart. Goodbye Volcano High is the game mostly likely to be the game where I look back in the future and regret putting it outside of my top 10 for the year.

Hah! Suck it, me! Top 10 babyyyyy!

8. Pikmin 4

I've never really engaged with Pikmin, but this one was a blast. It does the Honey I Shrunk the Kids thing of "tiny dudes in a normal environment so it looks all big" thing that I love. Solve lots of puzzles by throwing little plant being at them. I love that the inspiration for the series was Miyamoto watching ants carrying leaves in his yard. It still has that feeling all these years later.

It feels odd to call Pikmin a relaxing experience, as you can and will lose Pikmin. Sometimes due to the natural attrition that comes with war, sometimes when the wrong little doofuses wander into water or fire, etc. There's also a timer, which is usually a dealbreaker for me. And the story revolves around rescuing fellow space travelers who have been transforming into mute plant people on this hostile planet. In fact the whole thing sounds like a pitch for a horror game. Despite all that, there's an easy charm to Pikmin. Your little astronaut dorks keep their spirits high, and there's playful music as you explore this huge, colorful world. I found it to be a great way to unwind at the end of the day for a couple of months this year.

7. Persona 5 Tactica

Persona 5 achieved mainstream success that the games before it never reached. Atlus has been milking it for all it's worth too - Persona 5 Dancing in the Moonlight, Persona 5 Royal, Persona 5 Strikers, and an upcoming Persona 5 mobile game. Some folks are feeling understandably burned out - I didn't get into dancing or strikers, and didn't play Royal (after putting 120 hours into Persona 5) so I was geeked when they announced a Persona 5 tactics game. On paper it's a strong pitch for me.

And in execution it's every bit as good as I'd hoped. My only complaint is the chibi art style. It isn't bad, just not to my taste. Beyond that? It's got the Persona charm, the banging music, and good solid tactical gameplay with just enough of a twist to not feel dull.

The "one more" mechanic from the series is key here, allowing the members of your 3-person team extra movement and actions. This is especially important because of the game's version of the all-out attack, which forms a triangle between your 3 party members and deals heavy damage to enemies caught inside. This makes combat an experience that rewards putting thought into. The game even has some side battles that are basically puzzles, giving you one turn to finish.

The game's new characters - Toshiro and Erina - are a welcome addition to the Phantom Thieves crew as well. I came around on Toshiro in a big way and was immediately in love with Erina. The game is about fighting against oppression and finding your courage to resist. Your friends are there for you when times are tough. It's hammy and melodramatic in the way that Persona is, and I love it. I love the game's revolutionary aesthetic, even if it's largely window dressing.

The DLC has been great so far too, starring Akechi and Kasumi in gameplay I can only describe if "What if Persona and Splatoon had a tactics baby?"

6. Diablo IV

The Diablo series has been the most consistently great video game series for me. I love the first 3 games and spent a TON of time with each. Diablo IV has the worst longevity of the series, but the best campaign. Now, I have to add a bunch of qualifiers here. The "best campaign" is a pretty low bar to clear. Diablo has always been - and continues to be - find new gear/numbers go up. The cutscenes are, as usual, top notch. While the story wasn't necessarily riveting, it was nice to have an antagonist with a personality and some ideas beyond RAWR I AM VERY EVIL RAWR. In fact, I was half-expecting the game to ask if I wanted to side with Lilith near the end, and I just might have done so. And the cinematic of the human army marching into hell while Lilith and Imperius have a philosophical discussion was incredible.

As for the replay value, maybe they'll find their way much like Diablo III did. My main issue with Diablo IV is the way new content is handcuffed to new seasons, how seasonal characters are siloed off from the rest of your characters, and how the game feels like it was built around microtransactions and milking money out of the player.

The game feels good to play. Abilities feel powerful and interesting, the loot grind is fun, and exploring the variety between the classes is a joy. Diablo IV is one of the best games released this year, it's just a shame that, like a lot of modern games, Diablo IV feels compromised, it feels like a Product in a gross way. Still, every previous game in the series has had a long tail for me, so I'm not counting Diablo IV out yet.

5. Darkest Dungeon II

Darkest Dungeon is my favorite game. I have a tattoo of it on my arm. It's impossible to expect a sequel to improve on that or even meet it. Subsequent journeys into a fiction can never be special in the same way that first one is, and Darkest Dungeon II is no exception.

The game is immediately recognizable - you'll see some familiar faces lined up in a tug-of-war formation against a group of enemies. A row of skills at the bottom of the screen, a torch at the top. Artwork with thick, dark lines and plenty of shading. The moment-to-moment gameplay IS a lot like the first game, but the trappings around it are not.

Gone is the persistent campaign of the first game, replaced by a more familiar roguelike structure. You embark on runs that either end in victory or failure, unlocking new things between runs. This makes the game more approachable and forgiving, but it means the lows are less low and the highs are not quite as high. In the original title losing your veteran Crusader you've sunk hours and hours into feels like a real gut punch, but by the same token finally - FINALLY - conquering the darkest dungeon feels incredible. Those extremes are lost in the sequel, and that probably makes for an objectively better game.

It's not just the same run every time; there are 5 chapters to conquer, each themed with a personal failing: Denial, Resentment, Obsession, Ambition, and Cowardice. The game's personality is still here in full force thanks to Wayne June's narration, Stuart Chatwood's music, that incredible artwork and gallows humor that I love so much. Each of the characters is treated as an individual with their own dark backstory this time around, each crafted in loving detail and unfolding by way of cutscenes and/or interactive gameplay moments. The stress mechanism is still here but takes a bit of a backseat, while relationships between characters are brought to the forefront.

Darkest Dungeon II is just what I wanted from a sequel to my favorite game. I'm glad they didn't just make the same again but prettier, but still kept the game's bones intact.

4. Like a Dragon Gaiden: The Man Who Erased His Name

Yakuza has become one of my favorite game series over the past few years. I'm down for whatever they throw at us. Bringing Kiryu back yet again? Sure. New protagonist? I'm down. A period piece starring the cast as historical figures? Fucking bring it on.

I love the series. The melodrama that hits me in my feels, the never-ending parade of lovable weirdoes and freaks in Kamurocho, the deep well of fleshed-out side games like bowling, pocket circuit racing, and karaoke - it's all here. I'm not tired of it. I thought I would be, but I'm not.

Kiryu is a lovable, stoic doofus with a strict moral code and penchant for helping out anyone who needs a hand. This time they gave him a Clark Kent disguise after faking his death, and also a bunch of James Bond Spider-Man gadgets. Let's go.

I will never get tired of my big hearted himbo beating people with bicycles and helping out folks in need. And I got misty-eyed at the ending. I was not prepared for my stoic boy to full on ugly cry. Still waters run deep.

3. Hogwarts Legacy

In the years since JK Rowling outed herself as a human shaped pile of garbage, I've distanced myself from the Harry Potter universe. And when Hogwarts Legacy released, the game was a lightning rod for controversy. I decided to see for myself, and was treated to a wonderful, smartly written game that managed to capture the magic of the world without constantly referencing the movies and books that everyone knows. It's the same trick that Jedi Fallen Order pulled a few years ago, and it works every bit as well here.

The school feels massive and detailed, and it was a joy to explore or just get lost in. The game world outside the school was unexpectedly huge as well, and the broomstick flight felt so good and natural that I rarely bothered to travel by floo. Optional side activities like growing your own plants for your potion brewing, decorating your Room of Requirement, and breeding creatures were all pleasant distractions that served to flesh out the world of Hogwarts.

The game's cast is fairly diverse, and most students felt like real people rather than caricatures of their Hogwarts houses. Most students do have their house traits, but they're not constantly front and center. The side stories and main story kept me engaged throughout my time with Hogwarts Legacy, and I was a little sad to see it end. It's a shame the IP has JK Rowling's stench on it, and that a lot of people will miss this game because of that.

2. Alan Wake II

Alan Wake and Control are both posterchildren for games with incredible world building and lousy game play. I've started both multiple times only to end up walking away in frustration. Alan Wake 2 largely fixes my complaint with those previous games by letting me explore and become immersed in the world without throwing frequent contextless fights in my way.

Alan Wake 2's combat isn't necessarily more engaging, but there's far less of it. What you're left with is the good stuff, a Twin Peaks-like horror mystery in a small town where everything and everyone feels a little bit off. Sometimes a lot off. It's a game where the characters play everything straight, but there are plenty of winks and nods in the margins. The game is full of wonderful freaks and weirdoes, many of whom had me frequently grinning like a fool. Alex Casey. Warlin Door. The Koskela brothers. Rose. Odin and Tor. Alan and Saga. Ahti. Thomas Zane. All hamming it up in a story that gets entirely up its own ass in the best way.

The Herald of Darkness scene is one of the best things I've ever seen. Ditto for the late game scene on the lakeshore. Hell, the game had me sitting and watching a short Finnish art house film at one point. It's a game full of glee and confidence from a studio with the belief in itself and its fans that allow it to swing for the fences. Not every part of it works for me, but the parts that do are so effective that the whole experience is lifted up on high. I wish Remedy's gameplay worked for me, which is never has. But this is a terrific work of art, and the good stuff far outweighs the bad.

Baldur's Gate III

My love of Baldur's Gate and the CRPG genre was something I'd left long in the past. Despite playing excellent modern entries like Divinity Original Sin, and Pillars of Eternity I hadn't been captivated by one of these in some 20 years.

It's hard to put into words what a triumph Baldur's Gate 3 is. I can't name a single thing it really does to revolutionize the genre but Larian executed on every single element of the game. Starting with the story, they make the stakes incredibly personal on top of the usual "Oh shit the world is in danger!" thing we always see. A mindflayer puts a parasite in your brain at the beginning of the game. World saving aside, getting that out of you feels pretty important.

Or not! You can decide to lean into it, and the writers did a great job of mixing viewpoints into the story. Mindflayers are horrible monsters but wait. Are they really though? Your party members will have their own opinions on the matter, as well as their own traumas and baggage and backstories. The writing and voicework for these party members are the best part of one of the best games ever made.

The game's ensemble cast might be the best of any game. By the game's end my party was my Tav, Karlach, Jaheira, and Astarion/Gale depending on the situation. There are party members I missed, and one I may or may not have killed (I regret nothing). Baldur's Gate III's story branches in so many ways, it all feels like it's a hair away from collapsing in on itself but it never does. My friends and I were exchanging stories about what we'd seen and done in the game as we played, and the variance is impressive. Baldur's Gate III is like a dude spinning plates while juggling chainsaws, and people keep tossing stuff into the mix and you think "Well no WAY can he keep all this going!" but goddammit, it all keeps going.

The way the game rolls with whatever choices you make (or dumb shit you want to try) whether in or out of combat, is truly incredible. It feels closer to having a DM than anything I've ever played. If you want to do something weird or dumb, the game does an incredible job of yes and-ing you. And it's not without consequences, the game reacts to the wide array of shit you can do within the D&D ruleset. The game sets up storylines both big and small early on, and manages to pay them off in interesting ways before it wraps up.

The combat was a sticking point for me in Divinity Original Sin 2. It's not that it was bad, but it was overwhelming. Combat could be long and difficult, and losing after an hour only to reload a save was incredibly deflating. Baldur's Gate 3 threaded this needle almost perfectly for me. Most combats were challenging but not crushing, and did not overstay their welcome.

I kept waiting for the game to drag and lose its momentum, but it never happened. I was glued to it for the entire 100+ hours it took me to roll credits. I fully plan on replaying it one day.

#goty 2023

4 notes · View notes

c1nna1nmyr0ll · 9 months ago

Note

LAURENNNN hai mi luv~! ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა so nice seein' u omggg i missed u dearly! i hope all is well wit u & may october bring many cool dayz & cozy nightz ♡

( p.s. 'm on desktop & ur theme is soso cute on there! )

OMG NINI?? MY BELOVED?? I missed you so much bby!!!

Was praying i'd see you're loveliness back on my dash<333

All is great with me my love <33 I got a job and I'm saving up for Grad school and i got my first Voice Acting job!!! Very exciting stuff!!

Also thank youu i love your theme it's so pretty!!

Love you so much Nini!! i'm so happy to see you again<333

#\^o^/ Answered!!#ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ ˋ)੭ Lauren’s Moots <3

0 notes

kieuecaprie · 1 year ago

Text

I played a bunch of Steam Next Fest demos, all of them on my Steam Deck; just to see how well they perform. I'm gonna be listing them all so the post will get long, so if you really want to know my opinions about the games I've played, you can click the read more or whatever.

I'm not gonna go into too much depth, mind, I'm just gonna state my general feelings about each game and how well it ran on my Deck.

Terratech Worlds

This game I didn't spend too much time on. It seemed interesting at first but when I first launched it, it crashed.

So I launched again.

Crashed.

So I launched it on my PC which is 100x more capable than a dinky little 15W-consuming handheld PC.

Crashed.

Eventually I got it to launch but... all my enthusiasm for it had already faded and I just got tired of it real quick. Not to mention the joystick cursor got stuck and I couldn't move it after a while.

Into the trash it went.

Lightyear Frontier

A common theme I noticed through these Next Fest demos is the fact that they're not really optimized for handheld PCs at all, which is fine because not everyone has a Deck on hand to test. And, to be honest, most games worked perfectly fine and breached the 30 FPS mark anyhow, some better than others.

Lightyear Frontier seemed like another game that would be fun and I did play it for a bit. It felt alright, it played pretty well, the visuals were fine despite being crunched down by me fiddling with the settings.

It didn't really grab me very much, though, and it kind of ended up losing me after a while. I don't think it's the game's fault.

If I had not gotten lazy and added a gyro option to my steam input configuration, I might've gotten more enjoyment.

Star Racer

F-Zero at home and boy does it wear its inspiration on its sleeve. Framerates seem fine although it does dip quite a lot (but not really dipping below 25) when there's a bunch of ships on-screen.

It was a little bit fun and I welcome the high-speed anti-grav racing game genre's return. We need more titles to challenge F-Zero's empty spot (F-Zero 99 notwithstanding).

Geometry Survivor

It's... just one of those twin-stick survival shooters where you move around an arena and blow stuff up. One of the few titles I've played from Steam Next Fest that made me feel like I was back in front of my Xbox 360 playing demos I downloaded off of Xbox Live Arcade.

It played fine. It ran fine. It's fine.

Antipaint

Another one but this time it has a gimmick of enemies being killed dropping paint splotches on the canvas and eventually having those canvas saved in a gallery, which is pretty cool.

It ran pretty well all things considered and I played all the way to the end so that's something.

Voxlands

One of the few Next Fest games that were on my radar before Next Fest. Voxlands kind of interested me with the trailer, so hearing it had a demo is pretty baller.

It just barely hits 30 at default settings and fiddling with shaders and pixel rendering brings it back up to 60, which is pretty good.

I played through the Island of Vox campaign just to get a feel for it and it seems to be more along the lines of these specially-curated maps you adventure through than a survival crafting block-building game. Kind of reminds me of the old Minecraft adventure maps, well, pre-monetization of course.

Pretty good, I look forward to seeing it release.

Toree Saturn

It's Toree. What's more to say? It's a platformer with speed elements. That's about it. It's cute, the demo is short, that's it.

One issue I have with it, though, was the fact that the most recent proton and proton experimental weren't working, it'd always crash to desktop upon loading the level. Not even the GloriousEggroll Proton saved me! Fortunately, a post on the Steam forums said that Proton 6 worked.

Kill it With Fire 2

Just more Kill It With Fire but in space and with dimensions you go to to kill spiders, introducing mimics that turn INTO spiders! No matter what I did, I couldn't get it to stay at a stable framerate, whether that's 60 or 30, but I was able to play through it regardless. I dunno what's going on to make it eat up so much frames but it was never consistent. Again, at least it's playable.

Harold Halibut

I... tried. I tried to play this on the Deck but I just couldn't.

The menu's brightness would suddenly go dark, the menu would expand in size, cutting off most of the screen to the point where it'd look like I had magnify mode on, none of the options I tried gave me any consistently good results and there's a lot of stuttering in the the in-engine intro.

It was so bad that I just kind of lost steam to play through it on the Deck.

Fortunately, it seems the dev is aware and plans on getting a build for Deck users so hopefully it'll be better by then!

Bears in Space

The only game I played in Steam Next Fest that necessitated me changing the ENTIRE steam input config to KB+M because hybrid controls was making it stutter something fierce.

Remember when I mentioned XBLA earlier? Yeah, this game has that very feel to it. Referential humor, oddball moments, just general goofery on top of being a manbear (bearman?). It's pretty decent, although I do feel like I keep zipping off into the direction I'm pushing from a slight tap, sometimes felt too fast moving around.

As for Deck performance, I tried locking to 30 with the Deck's frame limiter but it didn't like that, so 60 it is! It ran fine, stayed above 30, but playing at 60 is out of the question.

Sometimes it feels like Unreal Engine is purpose-made to run poorly in WINE/Proton... but that's not the fault of the devs!

Geneforge 2: Infestation

I'm pretty sure I may be one of the few who knows what this is. It's a remake of an RPG made by Spiderweb Software using more modern systems. I used to play the demos for the Avernum series all the time!

It's nice to see Geneforge 2 be next in line for a remake and it's still nice to see that Spiderweb Software is still going along doing their own thing.

Either way, the main menu ran at about 35 FPS but once I got into the game, it ran at 60 just fine! No idea what that's about but whatever.

The interface makes it look like it'd be a good game to play with the touchscreen, plus with the touchpads and joysticks, it'll feel like it'd be an easier ride playing through than a desktop pc, funnily enough.

Frogun Encore

I kinda liked the first game. It was fun but the sharp difficulty spikes and general control issues made it feel less fun overtime to the point where I just finished the game and dropped it. It was still fun, though!

The sequel looks like it's shaping up to feel better in terms of movement and the locked camera is kinda nice, although it comes with the issue of not being able to see where you're going sometimes, especially when jumping away from the camera onto a moving platform that is below the platform you just jumped from.

It ran perfect out of the box, surprisingly, but there's one issue:

Start and Select is swapped. Why? I swapped select and start back but unless I accidentally tripped a "swap button" feature for start and select in the options, I don't understand why select is to bring up the pause menu.

Just a small nitpick.

My General Feelings

Overall, it seems like a good portion of games I want to play may not have a future on my Deck unless they do something about optimization, which is a big shame because I have resolved to make Steam Deck my biggest "platform played" on my Steam Review for 2024.

For the games that did work fine, I look forward to playing them in full in the future.

As for VR, the selection is disappointing, as per usual, but there's a few exceptions: Sushi Ben being one of them. One day, I'll dig out my VR stuff again and play the demo...

#kieuecaprie gaming #kieuecaprie rambles

1 note · View note

louroth · 2 years ago

Text

Well, well, well. Would you look at what the cat dragged in. (it's me, Lou!)

The time is here, and oh man, do I have a lot to say! Ever since this post was posted on my personal tumblr, on the fifth of may, I have been working like a machine on all things OUROBOROS. I had originally planned for this to just be a progress report/ announcement on what I will be working on now that I am free of the shackles of work, but, somehow, I managed to finish all bullet points, and more. So, let's get into it!

First off, the title. Ouroboros becomes all capitalized OUROBOROS. Idk. It's neat. Next!

Art. Whew. I didn't think I could draw like this anymore- drawing has been more of a struggle than writing has been, forever, always- it was something I really strived to become good at, for a time. And I gave up. Only to pick it up again when I started ouro, and ever since I released that pressure, something just clicked and I have been churning out art like never before. I don't know if this is a fluke, a stroke of luck or if all that hard work I once did slaving away with menial art practice… but I'm grateful nonetheless. (A note on official RO art: I lost my ipad pencil somewhere on the lawn, lmao. I haven't been able to get a new one yet, so there is a slight delay here.) I am hoping that I get to make some commissions too, in the near future. Visit the forum to see some works in progress (amongst them, Yor's RO portrait!)

Onto the hellscape that is coding! I have been growing more proficient with CSS and html with the help of the ones that run so that we can walk; I have studied and researched and tested and tinkered until my eyes crossed, finding my way into this medium with the incredible guidance of the giants of whose shoulders I stand on. I will talk about this in detail on a later date. So I think it's finally time to reveal that yes, I am working on a twine version of ouro. I will develop it in tandem with choicescript; the porting over from one to the other isn't the herculean task I thought it would be.

Why am I doing this? Because I need to have a save system. I am continuing to write the whole alpha draft in choicescript in hopes that CoG will announce the ability to have a native save/checkpoint system, but if that doesn’t happen, I can’t publish this story without one. Unfortunately, I am not willing to code in a savesystem in choicescript myself, because this will be a large game, with far too many variables for that to be sustainable. Trust me, no one is more disappointed by that fact than me. If it comes to the point that twine publishing will be what I do, I will set my sights on writing a smaller game for hosted games.

Now the meatier announcements!

New Socials!

Tumblr: You are looking at it! This is the new, exclusively OUROBOROS blog where I will share all announcements and sneak-peeks, and future updates. I worked together with the dev of the theme and made it oh, so pretty and functional. Please check out their portfolio here, if you are ever in the market for sprucing up your (desktop version) of tumblr. They were a pleasure to work with. Amongst other things, it has a gorgeous header (again, only if you visit on web and not mobile) where I am showcasing fanart and official art. Go check it out! This month, I am showcasing a truly breathtaking art from KAIRELART, and you can find the full art here, or follow the links in the “FEATURED ARTIST” tab in the top bar.

I hope you enjoy this new haven for OUROBOROS! I will be answering questions once a week (saturday) and ramping up as I adapt to this new schedule, more on that further below.

My old tumblr, honeypeabrain, will revert back to being my personal blog. Feel free to keep following me there, but know that it will be inundated with shitposts, crass humor and the occasional poetry dump and personal post. You’ve been warned!

Discord!

By the good graces, this was ROUGH to set up. Working with discord bots is akin to wrangling code, and it was well and truly, a war. But with the help of many, it is finally all done and ready for anyone to join and talk to me and others about OUROBOROS and anything else between heaven and earth.

I will also greatly appreciate if any future bugs and feedback are submitted through here, so I can keep easier track of it. Come join us! (18+ ONLY.)

Patreon & Ko-Fi

Yep! Ko-fi is just a place to toss me a coin if you wish to help me towards the goal of new PC parts to make testing easier, or to just show appreciation for those that have it to spare. Patreon however, already has a multitude of posts and will be a hub for exclusive NSFW sidestories that you get to vote on, loredives and extensive sneak peeks, Q&A’s, polls and weekly dev logs.

Right now, there are only two tiers, but I expect it to grow as my story does. I have many plans, but I am going at a steady pace.

Amongst tiered content, there is a (free) NSFW story with female MC and Idren to read there right now, if you want to check it out! I am mgoing to post it on tumblr and the adult thread here over the weekend.

NOTE: I stupidly didn't realize that patreon had a review process after I pressed launch, which I did just a few minutes ago. Sigh. I am going to post the short on tumblr and the adult forum thread as soon as I get to it.

It is not mandatory by any means, so if you do choose to support me, you have my eternal gratitude as these places will be the sole source of income for me.

Onto writing:

The best news out of this whole bunch is that I have worked so hard on editing and writing, that in the past month I have all but finished a two chapter update! I have a chunk of about 5-6 thousand words left to write, and I am going to buckle down over the weekend to see it through. I wanted to have it done so badly for today, but I lost three days of writing time last week due to still being weighed down with work. I hope it isn’t too disappointing to have to wait until monday for the demo update! I am going to post a link to an as-I-write updated demo on Patreon and Discord, if you want to see the ugly face of raw wip drafts. Otherwise I will post the demo update here on Monday with a comprehensive post!

And now! the biggest news is… from now on, I am writing full time!

This is what I have been tossing and turning about every night ever since Easter. It started as a silly idea while talking to some friends and family about how I was looking for a change in career. And then, little by little, that idea whittled down to a plan, carefully carved by my partner and his whispers of a happy future, a finished dream project, and something to be proud of until the day I wither and die.

Somewhere between then and now, I grasped a tiny sliver of bravery and held on for dear life.

I quit my job as a teacher, and instead of accepting a cushy office job, I started behaving as if OUROBOROS and writing was my work (for all the moments I could afford). I have researched and tried different methods from week to week, and although I was still tired from work, I felt like I was onto something that could build into a sustainable future.

I have no doubts that this journey will be bumpy and long, but sometimes all it takes is to take that first step, and do it with determination. It might all crash and burn and fail in a spectacular way, or with a whimper, but then I will know that I have tried. I will know that I gave myself the chance to be who I want to be, work on what means so much to me.

And that’s it. I think the hardest part of formulating this post (I’ve written about 50 versions of it!) is getting to the point; the kernel of what makes it so special to me. So, in my heart of hearts, what I'm trying to tell you is that I'm gonna give it my all- and while I know the road to having a sustainable career in writing is rough and ever winding, I do know for sure that I am ready for a challenge, to pour my heart and soul into it until the day I rush out of the office screaming IT IS DONE. IT IS DOOOOONE!!!

If you decide to join me, I will treasure your company like a lantern in the dark. Hand in lovable hand, let’s fucking go.

#OUROBOROS #ouroboros-if #interactive fiction #hosted games #CYOA #twine #dev log #progress update #honeypeabrain #smacking tags on this post like they're skittles im aiming into a beasts mouth #I DIDN'T REALIZE PATREON WAS GOING TO REVIEW MY PAGE (literally cried about it because I planned everything so meticulously) SOB #anyway :') but a small stepping stone on the long journey ahead #I am going to take the dog for a long walk and then upload the demo/spicy short as I say hello to anyone joining the disc #I hope to see you there :>

265 notes · View notes

joyce-stick · 2 years ago

Text

Suzume Isn't Gay, But We Liked It Anyway

Despite not being as gay as Shinkai might have tried to make it during its development, Suzume is still quite a good film which we enjoyed immensely on account of its characters, compelling narrative, visual beauty, thought-provoking themes, and the improvements observed over Shinkai's previous two films. So this an essay about Suzume, about why it's good, what its themes are, and our glowing recommendation.

youtube

Transcript under the cut.

Previous video essay/transcript: Audrey's Best Girls Winter 2023

If you're on desktop, you may find this more comfy to read directly on our Tumblr site.

If you enjoy this essay, please consider following us here or on any other platforms, and/or donating to support future works via our Patreon or Ko-fi.

Patreon • Ko-fi • YouTube • Twitter • Cohost • Tumblr • Mastodon

Citations!

Baron, Reuben. “Director Makoto Shinkai on the Anime Artistry of Suzume - Exclusive Interview.” Looper, Static Media, 12 Apr. 2023, https://www.looper.com/1254434/director-makoto-shinkai-anime-artistry-suzume-exclusive-interview/.

Brzeski, Patrick. “Makoto Shinkai on How Anime Blockbuster 'Suzume' Reflects the Current State of Japan: ‘the Most Honest Expression I Could Put on Screen.’” The Hollywood Reporter, Penske Media Corporation, 7 Mar. 2023, https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-features/makoto-shinkai-interview-suzume-anime-berlin-2023-1235329404/.

Pulliam-Moore, Charles. “Makoto Shinkai Wants Suzume to Build a Bridge of Memory between Generations.” The Verge, Vox Media, 15 Apr. 2023, https://www.theverge.com/2023/4/15/23678724/makoto-shinkai-suzume-interview.

Jackson, Destiny. “Director Makoto Shinkai on the Tender Resonance and Maturity of Making 'Suzume': ‘I Think about How to Dig Deeper so I Can Emotionally Move People in My Vicinity.’” Deadline, Penske Media Corporation, 15 Apr. 2023, https://deadline.com/2023/04/suzume-makoto-shinkai-japanese-anime-weathering-with-you-your-name-1235325691/.

https://twitter.com/ao8l22/status/1513116464210919425

https://twitter.com/moogy0/status/1592346490315640836

I had a few good reasons to assume I would hate Suzume.

We've seen three of Shinkai’s films. Yes, those three. We liked Your Name quite a bit when we saw it in theaters, but its flaws became apparent on a rewatch a few years later. We did not like Weathering With You, which made its flaws apparent to us rather immediately. Never watched it since watching it the first time, but, I don't know, maybe we'll go back to it.Still, thinking about that film had us pissed off for a little while, although we're less pissed off now, for reasons we might get to later. So, when we went to watch Suzume, I was reasonably expecting to hate it, or, even worse, enjoy it, while seeing some intractable flaw in it that ticked me off immensely about it.

And… I found none! I mean, maybe I'll think of one later, but my current opinion of Suzume, as I write this hours after having seen it, (and speak it, 'bout a couple days after having written this) is that it was a pretty good film with a lot of breathtaking visuals, funny moments, some emotional bits, and no real huge flaws to speak of. In fact, not only does this film lack the biggest flaws of its predecessors, it's also got a few things about it that I appreciate more.

First thing I liked immediately: Girl. I mean, her name, is the title. It's no secret that we of the joystick system appreciate beautiful anime girls, and this particular such beautiful anime girl is good, both as the protagonist of the film who does all the proactive things to save the guy, which is different from the last two movies where the guy did all the stuff. I'm not gonna pretend like Shinkai is suddenly some kind of feminist icon now for correctly giving a female character some goddamn agency, but: it's a nice touch for us personally, given that… we like girls. It helps that Suzume is emotional and interesting and funny and has a pretty good arc through the movie and her voice actress does a good job- no, we did not watch the dub. I'll probably talk a bit more about her later, but I think she's good.

I think it's important to mention with regards to this girl, that she was, apparently, supposed to be gay. This information came to light in the English speaking anime community after a Japanese entertainment journalist tweeted a tweet sayin’ as much, and then professional translator Moogy went and tweeted about it in turn, citing this journalist as a source. I can’t find that this chain goes back any further than that, although I tried to out of personal interest, because, if I had, then I would’ve been able to write that into the Wikipedia page- which, I DID CHECK, and it briefly mentions that -

Okay, so, since writing that, another, Wikipedia-admissible, source, in the English language, emerged, in which Shinkai is interviewed, and confirms this to be true. So as such, I added that information to the article, with that source. Look. There it is! And it’s still there, probably, unless someone removed it while I was making the video.

In this interview, the interviewer asks Shinkai directly about this, and he says, “I’m surprised you know it! I’ve only told Japanese interviewers about it!” Clearly Shinkai is unaware of the power of Moogy. So, he goes onto say, that, yes, it was his initial idea for a companion, and that the theoretical character who Souta replaced would’ve been Suzume’s onee-san crush; that’s how I’m taking this whole ‘sisterhood romance’ thing. He thought he’d done enough with the boy meets girl thing, and he wanted to try doing something else.

His producer rejected it, because, in Shinkai’s translated words, “You may be tired of these romantic stories, but your audience loves it,” which, I believe, is a polite way of saying “I don’t think a gay film will sell.” The chair thing was chosen to “not make it too much of a romance”.

Shinkai further says— and this part kinda gets me— that he doesn’t think the story would’ve changed if it had been gay, or if Suzume had been a boy or non-binary or whatever. Quote:

“It's not necessarily the context of male/female; it's about a human overcoming something. In my future films as well, I want to focus on that human story as opposed to too much commentary on gender or sex.”

So, my reading of this response, and, take this with a grain of salt because it’s only my personal interpretation, is that while Shinkai was interested in making a gay film as a change of pace, he did not consider it important enough to insist on. There were other things he wanted to make the movie about, and he didn’t want to die on the gay hill.

And, y’know, that’s a shame, but I think it’s fair enough. I would have liked to see the alternate timeline where no one stopped him from making the film gay, but if it wasn’t already clear, I like the film that we got, and I don’t fault Shinkai for having other priorities as a director, like, for instance, getting his film funded and keeping his job. And honestly, I can halfway see the merit in not making it a gay film, because then it’d be a lot harder to, y’know, address the themes, without addressing whatever gay discourse there’d be that overshadows the themes.

I don’t say this to be like, “ooh, the film would’ve just been gay and that would’ve been bad,” it would’ve been good for the film to be gay, I just mean that a lot of the time people are more concerned about there being representation rather than the quality of the story in which the representation exists and it becomes the gay thing, rather than, the thing that happens to be gay, and that’s not always great. I mean, I guess we are getting a little bit of that just off of the knowledge that the film could have been gay, but at least I don’t have to think about talking about it too much past this point, because it’s, y’know, not actually in the film.

Shinkai said other stuff, too, I guess, about the animation and how the characters have different color palettes for daytime and evening and night scenes, which explains the very convincingly presented amusement park scene, that happens at night! So that was interesting.

Anyway, that’s the addendum I have about that, I’m gonna go back to the rest of this:

I have no idea if this would've been good for the film or not, but we have a different video being written about gay pandering, so, let’s move on then I guess!

The second thing that we liked was the film's opening minutes. And to explain why this is, I need to give a bit of context, I think. So, in short, after the 2011 nuclear meltdown and earthquake that irreversibly forever changed Japan and the life of all the people living there (and also delayed Madoka Magica's finale), Shinkai apparently decided that he wanted to make a bunch of films about it. About three so far, to be exact. Which, y'know, is not a bad motivation for making films. It's certainly a better motivation than I had to write this video

So, as such, his last three films are a novel fusion of wacky comedy, coming of age romantic melodrama, and disaster film. Your Name and Weathering With You had really slow buildups to the disaster part of the disaster film, to the point that mentioning it is almost a spoiler, but I'm going to assume it isn't because everyone has now seen those films. So they have a whole first half where it's just kind of weird supernatural romantic comedy slice of life hijinks but then it abruptly tone shifts in the second half.

This is actually, I think, the source of both of these films' major issues. It's kinda cool to watch them the first time and then see the story's tone shift when the mid movie plot twist happens, introducing the big disaster scenario aspect of the story along with it, but the drawback to that approach is that you have, in essence, a movie whose plot twist is that it becomes a different movie. This both contributes to the odd tonal whiplash and also means that the supernatural disaster part of the film is weaker and not as well fleshed out as it could be.

Suzume, on the other hand, smartly introduces the main conflict of the story in the first act of the movie. This choice is good. The serious existential threat to Japan stuff that the film is about is the immediate focus of the film. This allows for a more balanced tone, as then the movie can comfortably use its comedic parts to add levity to its treatment of that harrowing topic, rather than the existential stuff comin' in like a sledgehammer to break a previously comfortable tone- which, I should say, IS a thing you can do, and IS a valid choice to tell a story, I just don’t think it was necessarily a choice that Shinkai handled well before. The pacing is much improved, as the supernatural aspects of the film are more evenly developed and the story has more time to explain itself. Mostly. There's like one scene I don't get. I’ll get to it?

Anyway, the end result of this choice is that Suzume feels like a much more focused and complete film, rather than two halves of different films. Aaaaaand, I appreciate this! A lot. I can see this choice maybe maybe maybe making the movie less interesting to some people, because it's paced more like a normal movie than Shinkai's other previous two romantic comedy disaster movies, but, hey, I think it's nice that Shinkai seems to be growing as an artist and a writer and a filmmaker, who made a normal movie that didn’t leave us confused, and disoriented, and confused, about what it’s about

Other things I like… I like the visuals. The animations and backgrounds and visual effects and the CG are all pretty fire. Suzume is generally a really beautiful film! We all knew this, but, really, it's really good. I like the chair thing. I like the way that the chair is animated. Apparently the animation of the chair was inspired by Luxo Jr., y’know, the Pixar short that became the origin of the Pixar lamp, and… yeah, I can see it. It definitely does have that old Pixar vibe of “inanimate object moving like a very real human inanimate object” that that has. I just like the way the legs move, and the way it emotes so convincingly with these subtle but credible motions.

There’s one scene involving a roller coaster that- that scene is incredible, that’s definitely one of the most visually novel sequences in all of Shinkai’s films that we’ve seen. I like the character design of the guy, Souta, also? When he’s not a chair, I mean. I dunno. The last two guy characters in the last Shinkai films looked like generic anime boys, but this guy looks like the kind of guy who I can believe a woman would find attractive. I like the look of his hair, I like how grizzled he is, I like his long gray coat, I like that you can look at this tired hunk of a man and immediately see that he’s been places and that he’s carrying some shit with him. Bonus points for that he looks like one of the Monogatari exorcists.

As for Suzume! Well, her design is maybe a bit generic, but… she’s a girl. It’s not like our standards are too high for girls. She’s supposed to be an ordinary girl, and, y’know, in this movie contrasting with this dude and then this chair, that works out well. And also, I appreciate that she rotates her outfits throughout the movie. My headmates and I love to see a woman change her clothes, not necessarily directly. I’m just saying, that denim jacket thing she had going on in Kobe, and when she lost her shoes in Tokyo and then borrowed Souta’s boots? Specifically borrowing the boots, because, the only pair of shoes that we own looks like this:

It’s a small thing, but like, Shinkai couldn’t make Suzume gay. Widespread trans representation in anime is a bit far off. I might well be eating off the floor conjuring table scraps pointing at a woman in a man’s shoes and saying “oi, isn’t it gender?” But like, 1, it’s a woman wearing a man’s shoes, and 2, yes, it is gender. And we like the gender. You cannot stop us! We did get to see the movie a second time with a friend, (thank you for seeing the movie with us, and reviewing our script!) and she insisted that the boots are femme coded, and, we disagree, unfortunately. I’m sorry, we cannot see these boots as anything but gender.

However! It is Shinkai’s fault that Onimai exists. That scene in Onimai is definitely influenced by that scene in Your Name. We know this because Nekotofu said so in interviews. Onimai is very good and based and funny, and this is a fact upon which I, and all of my headmates, equally quite agree. It’s nice to agree on something with all of yourself. SPEAKING, of the opening scene in Your Name:

Shinkai did not sexualize Suzume. So, if you hated that scene of Your Name, there’s none of that! There’s no chair peeping on Suzume or anything like that. So, if that knowledge helps you somehow, now you know.

Long story short. Should you watch Suzume. Well, yes obviously. By the time this video comes out, or, by the time you're seeing it, its theatrical run might be over, but like, if it’s not, then, yes, I recommend going and seeing it, like, today. And if it is, then remember to see it whenever it’s on blu-ray or streaming services or your local cat-themed anime distributor. Shinkai made a normal movie. I hope he makes an abnormally good movie next time. I believe in this man. Again. Somewhat. It’s not like it really matters what I say or think, but I do also hope that his next movie is just gay. I won’t matter, to me, or, to us, if his next movie is just a carbon copy of Suzume, but gay. I mean, he got away with making a heterosexual Your Name once after making the heterosexual Your Name. There is nothing stopping him. Except for the pigheaded businessmen who he may have to argue with.

Anyways, that’s that, I guess I’m going to talk more specifically about the plot now, so, if you didn’t see the movie, then, leave, now, if you care. If you did see the movie, or do not plan to see the movie, then, uh, don’t leave. Please. I’m going to put the Patreon credits here. It is not the end of the video. Please do not leave.

Intermission for extra thoughts and Patreon credits!

Hello everyone. This is Audrey, of the joystick system. The name of the brain that I’m the lead woman of. We’re still a plural system, as I’ve not forgotten, thanks to Luci and all my headmates.

As I already think I said, we saw Suzume a second time with a friend. As of this speaking, it continues to play in movie theaters, at least where we are, although it’s not showing nearly as often and probably not in as many places. Nonetheless, if it’s still playing in your area, I obviously very much recommend it. If you have the time and money to see it a second time after seeing it the first time, I think you should see it a second time. Because it’s good!

One thing I’d really like to change about this video, overall, is the tone of it. I think it came off way too much as “oh yeah, Suzume’s actually pretty good”, because I walked in with muted expectations, and then walked out feeling like it was pretty good but also kind of waiting for it to hit me that it’s actually bad… And, no, no, it’s an absolutely fantastic film and I imagine is probably going to line up with our top 5 movies of the year. Although, it’s not like we watch a lot of movies, so it probably won’t have too stiff of a competition. A different friend of ours saw it, and they absolutely loved it and had a lot of really good things to say that just made us like it more- so, yeah, no, Suzume is fantastic. Please watch Suzume. If you can.

I think I also should say, I disagree pretty strongly with the assertion that Suzume is “the same film” as Your Name and Weathering With You. As I’ve already said, the structure is much more cohesive in how it introduces the plot without the plot becoming the plot twist of the plot, and also there’s just a lot of improvements on writing and characterization and storytelling and the film is generally much more tonally consistent than either Your Name or Weathering With You. Sure, it’s a similar overall plot to both of those films, but I think there’s just as much merit in iterating on old ideas as there is in introducing new ones, and Suzume does a healthy amount of both. Maybe it’s a remake of the same movie, but if that’s so, Suzume is definitely the best version of that movie, and I think the growth Shinkai went through as a director and writer to get there is crystal clear.

And as I hope I’m about to make clear, the thematic weight of the film is much stronger as well. The decreased focus on the romance subplot helped a whole lot in that regard, I think, to bring the themes into greater focus, and like, gosh, is the film REALLY THEMATICALLY GOOD on top of being so well structured and written and visually spectacular. I walked into Suzume expecting it to be bad, I spent like two weeks while writing the script and making the video trying to think of flaws in this movie, and I can really only think of like two, which are one, that it’s not gay, and two, that some minor plot details are maybe a small bit inscrutable.

But neither of those things actively bring the film down! It’s just great! And, if we had the time to watch the film a third time and then do a complete rewrite of the script, I’d probably change the tone I took with it, but y’know what, I gotta say a thing, I’ve left people waiting long enough, this movie won’t be in theaters forever, so, it’s good enough, and good enough is perfectly good enough.

Also. The music was really good. It was a lot less intrusive than in Your Name and Weathering With You. Those two films really love going all ham on their mid-movie insert song sequences? In Suzume, the music is, the musical score, which is really really good and is used really extremely effectively in, specifically the chair chase scene, and the amusement park scene, and the opening of the film, and the big Tokyo scene, and really the whole film. It was just really very good.

And, other than that, I think I mentioned everything I wanted to mention in the script, so, uh yeah, that's that!

So, before we get back to the video, channel housekeeping. I don’t think we’re going to be able to keep doing videos, at least not regularly, as things are going. If you’re not already aware of the disaster life we lead, we’ve been aimlessly floating around quasi-homeless and unemployed, for about our entire adult life, and spent around three years crashing at a friend’s place, for longer than we should’ve been because of executive dysfunction, burnout, and general mental illness. And also money.

Most of the stuff we’ve been making our videos with, including our desktop PC, was stuff we got before we were quasi-disowned by our parents, almost, uh, six (note: four or five) years ago? and the rest of it is stuff we have, very not hyperbolically, emptied our bank account for because we kinda needed it. So, if that stuff breaks, and it’s going to eventually, we’ll be on even more hiatus until further notice. Obviously this is pretty untenable, so, we’re going to have to try to get a job, and I don’t see great odds of that working out for our transgender neurodivergent failwomanchild self, and it’s obviously going to mean we have less time to make videos and write things. Naturally the stress of our unstable situation has already been doing that job, but. Y’know.

So, if you want to help even our odds: Ko-fi or Patreon. That is currently our only steady source of income, and even a little bit extra would make a pretty big difference for us day-to-day. You can send us monthly donations through either, although, they take a smaller cut on Ko-fi, so, there’s that. Ko-fi is also the place for giving us money one time as opposed to regularly.

As for what you get out of this, well, besides the obvious your name here and access to our discord, you will earn our gratitude and also we will feel indebted to you, which will lead us to try our best to keep making things. And also if you ever encounter us in person, we’ll give you a hug, if you want one, as long as you’re not, like, creepy about it.

Is that everything? Um. Yeah. That is everything. Here's all the names of all the important people who...

Thanks to our generous Patreon backers:

Ada. Just Ada • Andrew P • Anime Omelette • ASabitsukiFlow • Brea • ColorfulCast • dameDiadora • deeso • Dorian Newlin • Duskpixie • Elvenoob • Emma • Femboy Bebop • Gwen Starlight • hikari no yume • Katherine Ullman • Kaylee Smerbeck • Korin • L Tantivy • Lilly • M • Mira Yeuden • Nichtschwert • Nik Gothic • Pigeon • R2Walker • RukaCollie • Sally • Saoirse Russell • Scimitar • SimplyAero • SleepySlug • Spiderrebelnews • Thijs • Trucy • Vile Lasagna

And, that’s that. Thanks to all of you, named onscreen and vocally, and also those of you not named but who’ve been watching, or encouraging us personally, for your support. Now, back to the normal part of the video. Spoilers for Suzume from here on, obviously.

Intermission over!!!

Okay, so, spoilers.

Plot of this movie! I’m just gonna steal bits of the Wikipedia summary, because I don’t want to write a plot summary myself and get waylaid.

Suzume Iwato is a 17-year-old high school girl who lives with her maternal aunt in Kyushu. One night, she dreams of searching for her mother (who, it's inferred later, died in a tsunami) as a child in a ruined neighborhood. The next morning, while headed for school, Suzume encounters a young man searching for abandoned areas with doors. He then is cursed to turn into a chair by a kitty cat who desires love and she runs away from home with him, and he explains that these doors in all these abandoned places are doors to an alternate dimension that occasionally let out supernatural beings called worms that do earthquakes, and they need to do the right rituals to close the door properly. So their journey across Japan to prevent the earthquakes and also get Souta back out of being a chair, thusly begins.

First of all, I think that Shinkai did an excellent job conveying the pain of losing one’s mother. I say this, because, uh, we have also lost our mother, and grieved her loss. She’s not dead, in case you’re wondering, she’s just a worthless piece of human garbage. So, I guess it’s a little perverse to compare our being estranged from our shitty nuclear family as a result of the events of our entire life up until we were twenty to Suzume losing her single mom in a natural disaster when she was four, but I can’t pretend that the former experience did not lend itself to us empathizing with her, in general. Like, we did definitely cry. That’s a thing that we did.

I also like how cleanly the movie conveys this information within a few minutes. Like, you get the opening sequence of the small Suzume searching for her mother in the Ever After, and then she wakes up a seventeen year old, and you hear her address the woman who is her guardian by that woman’s first name, and it immediately clicks, "ohhhh… orphan, got it, got it, got it," and yeah. In contrast to the previous two films where Shinkai took half the damn movie establishing what these characters’ lives and their relationships with their friends and relatives were like, this kind of storytelling efficiency (which, is present throughout the film, in establishing Souta's relationships as well) is impressive.

And like I said, I like the immediacy with which the plot begins, with Suzume meeting Souta, being asked about the ruins, and then going to check them out herself. I like that there's not a whole album of insert songs in this movie, no fancy opening cinematic, no big deal montage, just a smash cut to the opening title card while Souta and Suzume are trying to close the door in the old bathhouse. It's clean. It's real good.

So, then Suzume tries to patch Souta up when he gets injured, and then he gets cursed by this cat to become a chair, and then the movie gets further good! Suzume runs away from home to help Chair Souta capture this important cat that's supposed to be keeping the earthquakes from happening. And this greatly aggrieves her aunt Tamaki, who's just been trying her best her whole life and everything and I will say, um-

I'm going to get to that!

So, one thing I have to say specifically- I had not read any details about Suzume's plot or interviews from Shinkai before seeing it, and I kind of got the whole deal immediately with everywhere that an earthquake comes out of being an abandoned place of gathering. A closed bathhouse, school, amusement park. This all feels very harrowing to see onscreen- as an American! even though it's clearly intended as commentary on Japan's population decline, because, uh, have you heard of dead malls

If they ever do an American live action version of Suzume, it'll be about them visiting abandoned shopping malls, probably. please do not do that

But yeah, like, we live in Portland, Oregon, and compared to having grown up in pre-covid Philadelphia most of our life, post-covid Portland feels like a ghost town. Like, it's not actually, there's obviously still people who live here, and I don't mean that derogatorily because we love Portland and we'd like to keep living here, if possible, not the least because we get easy access to HRT. But like, there's a lot of closed and abandoned places in Portland, so many empty areas and business that have been boarded up and closed to the point that at times, wandering through downtown Portland almost feels like living in an open world video game where most of the buildings don't have designed interiors.

Places that all clearly closed within the last three or four years, with their signage up and everything. Places that are left in stasis to lie disused or else be reclaimed by the homeless until the homeless get chased out by the cops. It's all just really… eughf. It makes us sad to see this place, this whole country really, be stuck in this kind of disgusting degradation while our government fails to provide for us, let alone adapt to the challenges ahead of us, just leaves all these places where people lived, where people are living, now, to stagnate and stand like zombies of a past we can't go back to

There’s a scene in Heathers, one of our favorite movies of all time, where the main antagonist J.D. has a whole emotional reflection on how the stability of this franchised commercial convenience store enterprise has kept him feeling like there’s continuity in his life, and like, yeah, that’s kind of a feeling.

[Video ID: J.D. (played by Christian Slater), a black haired edgy looking teenage boy of about 16-17 wearing a long black jacket, paces about the convenience store "Snappy Snack Shack", speaking in an affected hard to place accent, to Veronica Sawyer (played by Winona Ryder), a brown-haired teenage girl of around the same age, who is wearing a grey dress that exposes her shoulders accompanied by a blue flower brooch on her chest, and black overalls)]

Veronica: I see you know your convenience speak pretty well.

J.D.: Yeah, well, uh, I've been moved around all my life. Dallas. Baton Rouge, Vegas... Sherwood, Ohio. There's always been a Snappy Snack Shack. Any town, any time, pop a ham and cheese in the microwave and feast on a Turbo Dog. Keeps me sane.

Veronica: Really?

Like, it’s eugh, because, obviously as an anticapitalist, we kinda dislike these sorts of places, the shopping centers, the strip malls, the gas stations, we're against all of this bullshit on principle these places are all kind of intensely hostile to… life, in general.

But also, these places are a part of the world we live in, and they are stable! Relatively. They are kind of the only way we've known the world to be. And it’s sad to see that stability be ever so more greatly upset by the pandemic and the… everything, with nothing on the horizon to replace it. And if and when we see this kind of stability disappear completely, it’ll be sad, even if it’s replaced by something better. We’ll probably miss something about wandering these gross, heavily commercialized disgustingly homogenized nightmare places that’ve been cannibalizing our communities this whole time. Yeah, we hate it, but... it’s where we live, and we’re not immune to nostalgia.

Nostalgia is just a nicer word for grief

And this same very such eughf feeling is very much echoed in Suzume. There’s this deep and palpable grief for these places and the people who used to live here felt in this film, and inherent in expressing that grief is Shinkai’s expression of the, y’know, important stage of grief, i.e., acceptance. Because, to close the doors, Suzume and Souta have to not just, close it, but also think of all the feelings and experiences of the people who used to live in these places, and then… let go.

When the amusement park scene happens, the ferris wheel starts moving, and Suzume is drawn in by the image of the ghosts of the people who once rode it, Souta starts yelling for her to stop, to not go in- not the least because she can’t see what she’s doing and is putting herself in danger, but also because she cannot go back. Those people who used to sit in that ferris wheel, laughing, crying, living, in this place, cannot come back. Suzume can’t go back. This past can’t be gone back to.

Okay, so, one thing I missed when I saw the film the second time. When Suzume was drawn into the Ever After through the ferris wheel door, she was seeing herself of the future in there, and that, was foreshadowing the end of the film. I’m keeping this part anyway because the emotional impact of that scene was still as described even if this plot foreshadowing bit was something I missed the first time seeing the film.

I read a few English language interview articles with Shinkai talking about Suzume right after seeing the film, both because I wanted clarification before I ran my mouth on two things. 1, I wanted clarification on what the cat wanted. I’ll get to him. 2, I wanted to be sure my interpretation of the doors thing was on point, which it was. Shinkai talks in one of these interviews about how when covid was happening and Japan was still trying to have the Olympics happen, it felt really irresponsible and bad, and he did not agree with this. He says, and I quote,

“You were opening this new door and not sure of what’s on the other side without bringing closure or understanding or coming to terms with what’s behind you. I want to say a lot of the Japanese population felt the same way. There was this kind of awkward air about us, and it really wasn’t time to open new doors without first reflecting on what came before us.”

And like, yeah, I agree. I just really, really agree with this. It is indeed what I took away from the film before I read this interview. Suzume spends this entire movie reflecting on the past and trying to grow beyond that and ultimately the one door that she opens, on purpose, is the one that she decides to open intentionally after reflecting on what brought her to this point and deciding what she needs to do and

Eugghhhh

I’m just saying, it worked. It really did work. For us, at least.

Now, to be clear: Japan and the United States are two different countries, and, while there are similarities in how the pandemic left our societies, they're ultimately two different societies, and I don't really know jack shit about Japanese society- I'm just relating, my feelings, of my experience, uh, our experience, as an American, to the feelings that we took away from Suzume.

And... even if I understand this all right. If the people who need to see this sort of message saw it, or, like, took that away, or acted on it when it did... that’d be nice, but ultimately I don’t think that Suzume will move any politician or other person in power making these decisions in Japan, or any country, enough, or in the right ways, to have any impact on policy. But y’know, Shinkai’s just a guy making movies, and I’m just one of the various split personalities of a deranged F-list anime YouTuber, so whatever. Such is life. It’s at least a nice sentiment.

So, the other things, in no particular order. I did cry a bit when Daijin, the cat, got sucked up back into the keystone. He’s hard to like at the start of the film, for, y’know, the reasons why he is, but ultimately when you consider that like… he’s been trapped that way, the same way as Souta spends trapped as a chair, for years? Centuries, for all we goddamn know? Once that clicks, it’s really hard to not empathize with him. And yeah, he might be a god now, I guess, but who knows if he was a person before, or, what even, and just, I think, I think if you spend god knows how long as a sacred relic keeping Japan from being destroyed by earthquakes, you at least, at least, maybe, maybe deserve, if nothing else, a little pet.

[pets microphone]

that was your little pet.

In one of the other interviews Shinkai did, he talked about how Souta becoming a chair, and also a Keystone sealing away the earthquakes, is intended as a metaphor for the experience of pandemic lockdown. It’s not a directly equivalent analogy, but, like, it does make sense! Souta is being forced into a position of being confined, to keep this dangerous and virtually uncontrollable force of nature under control, for the greater good and long-term preservation of society. And when you consider that Daijin was in the same position for gosh knows how the hell long, it makes it a lot easier to empathize with him! He wasn’t being malicious, exactly, not, willfully anyway, he knew that vacating his position was putting everyone else at risk, but, he did it anyway cause he just kinda snapped, like, fuck this, I want to go outside! That does make a lot of sense! Also it sticks out, also, when Suzume screams at Daijin, because that’s, y’know. It’s a whole scene. I feel like I want to say something about this! But I can't really land on anything to say about it? But yeah.

I think the whole thing with Suzume needing to sacrifice Souta midway through the movie is really well done. It’s extremely funny to me that Shinkai apparently thought to stress this point of the movie as how important it is for her to make this difficult choice because of how people criticized Weathering With You for not really being meaningfully critical of the consequence of Hodaka un-sacrificing Hina? And also that Hina never really gets a choice in being un-sacrificed, far as I remember, so... [whispers] that’s a little unintentionally sexist,

but whatever. I’d have to watch the film again, and I don’t feel like doing that right now

Suzume’s aunt, Tamaki. I do like her. She’s a pretty level-headed guardian, as guardians go. I like that when she finds Suzume and Serizawa in the car, and sees that going to this door is important to Suzume, she’s not immediately like, “fuck your feelings, we’re going home”? She’s curious about the child under her care. She’s concerned in a way that she’s willing to not only go all the way to Tokyo, but also to follow Suzume the rest of the way to see what's up because she clearly understands, logically, that even if she doesn’t know what it is that’s compelled Suzume to go this distance, it must be something that she needs to sort the fuck out in order to move on with her life, and that’s kinda good?

Although I should note that while she clearly sees the pragmatic value in not fighting Suzume on this, she’s also pretty reluctant to. She has a line where she’s like to Serizawa while Suzume is asleep, let’s turn the fuck around and go back, she’ll give up. So, y’know, Tamaki’s at least more open-minded than our mom was!

Speaking of that. There’s this one scene in the film, where Tamaki loses her shit at Suzume. Goes on screaming on about how she hates Suzume and wants her life back, and then she runs off to Serizawa being all like “I think I’m losing it,” and it’s a whole thing. On our first viewing, this scene felt a little out of nowhere. It was a whole sudden shock to have this intense scene happen and then also its pivot back into the magical realism aspects of the film with the black cat’s appearance, which confused us a bit cause I don’t think that was really explained at all.

But, watching the film a second time, and seeing the arc of Tamaki’s frustration reaching its peak with the benefit of hindsight, it made more sense that she’d come to a rope’s end and flip out like this. She’s been chasing her niece all across Japan, she’s ridden for several hours in a busted convertible in the rain, she doesn’t even have a proper explanation, her coworker has raised to her that this might be a kidnapping scheme- I get it. It’s a scene that I get.

I still do not understand the role of the large black cat though. Our friend agreed that that part didn’t make a whole lot of sense. So, that didn’t change.

I think the reason why it felt out of nowhere to us the first time is because it was entirely too familiar to our real life experience. In the middle of Tamaki’s rant, Suzume responds by saying, “but you said, ‘you’re my daughter,’” referring to when Tamaki first took her in, and said that. And Tamaki snaps back, “I never said that.” Our mother also did this exact thing, vehemently denying that she said and did things that we definitely remembered her saying and doing. (There's a word for this, it's... it's called gaslighting!) Living with someone who denies you this much, who makes you question your memory and your sanity and your general perception of the world this much, by forcing their own grief onto you like this, is just… really, simply, awful.

Throughout our childhood, we heard our mom say similar shit to us numerous times. That we were a horrible incorrigible child, that she hated us for ruining her family, that she wished she’d aborted us— all those sorts of things. The tone of Tamaki’s unadulterated rage in this dialogue was all too familiar to those memories. So, yeah, on both viewings, we were, very uncomfortable. Even knowing it was coming the second time around, it kinda caused us to actively recoil in our seat, to the point that our friend who we were seeing it with noticed our reaction and held out a stuffed animal she’d brought with her for us to pet.

So, um, yeah, that specific scene may or may not have triggered the PTSD that we may or may not have.

Tamaki does apologize for this later!

And she also, debatably, gets a bit of a pass for this since she’s not Suzume’s mother, and thus cannot reasonably wish that she had aborted Suzume, but can instead wish that she’d not done the unambiguously good deed of keeping Suzume out of the Japanese child welfare system, which, I can’t imagine is a good experience for a child. I don’t imagine any country’s child welfare system under capitalism to be a good experience for a child, but, y’know. Well, we’re also kind of entirely opposed to the traditional family structure and the basic premise of parents in general, because giving only one or two people total power over a vulnerable young human life is not an ethical tradition to have in any case, but… eugh. That’s something for some other video.

In an interview with Deadline, Shinkai talks about this scene, specifically quoting the “give me back my life” part, and he says that on some level, all parents feel that way to their kids. And that while he acknowledges that it isn’t by any means acceptable to ever say that kind of stuff to a child, it is, y’know, a feeling that is there that he poured into it, and that he wanted to be there, for the parents in the audience who ever felt that way and regretted it. This is how we found out that Makoto Shinkai is apparently not single and does in fact have a child.

He also says, in this other interview with the Verge, that, he wanted the film to provide for an opportunity for people of different generations to emotionally connect with each other. So, in that context, I really understand why this scene is here. It’s serving the purpose of setting up that emotional bridge, that door between Suzume and Tamaki, these characters of two different generations who ultimately come to understand one another, with the hope that audiences in a similar emotional position might come away from the film having felt some sense of healing by way of, y’know, getting that. And also Shinkai talks about how the idealized nuclear family structure is not a thing that’s tenable or possible for a lot of families in Japanese society, and, it’s not very tenable for a lot of people in American society either!

So I recognize the intent of this scene. I think it’s commendable, even. If there is a parent and child out there who saw Suzume together on whom this had the intended impact, I think that that’s wonderful. I sincerely hope that they exist!

Even still… we, were a child, who regularly had this sort of thing said to our face by our real life mother, and tried, in good faith, many times over the years, to repair our increasingly fraught relationship with her, and failed. I am deeply, regrettably cynical about familial relationships because of our traumatic experience with our own family. Our mother is not the sort of person who would come to meaningfully empathize with us through seeing this film.

And we really fucking hate her, so… yeah, this scene is difficult to watch. It’s difficult for us personally to feel any sympathy for Tamaki when she’s saying that kind of stuff to Suzume, and once it was over I could only really kind of feel glad that it was over.

But! It’s not like it’s the film’s fault that our parents were bad. I don’t think our reaction was intended. It just happened! It just happens sometimes that different people other than who the thing was written for react to things differently. That doesn’t make the scene bad, or any less valuable to include. And I do think that Tamaki’s relationship with Suzume is portrayed pretty well and with a surprising degree of nuance! It’s good! Tamaki is a good character and she means well! And I do like what Shinkai said in that Verge interview about wanting to portray other family structures.

However I think that their relationship would work better if she was gay, because honestly, that entire “get out of my life” speech would hit a lot more and probably work a lot better in the context of being directed at a gay teenager rather than an assumed heterosexual one. But, hey, we thought we were heterosexual for most of our life, so, who’s to say much of anything!

Was there anything else I forgot to talk about? Um…

We cried at the end of the film, both times we saw it!

And also, while this film couldn’t have improved our relationship with our mother, it did serve as a very good bonding experience with our friend. I’m really glad we took her to see it. She really liked the scenes where Suzume sits and steps on Souta as a chair, that that was clever, that they took the opportunity to get away with that with him as a chair. And she also agreed that the chair in general was really well portrayed visually. She also cried! at the end. the heterosexual chair film made a lesbian cry. uh, two lesbians, cry. I’m not going to say anything more than that.

Thank you to everyone who watched this entire video. I have an excuse to do a bad job editing it now because there’s not that much footage of Suzume available and it’s all gonna get me copyright striked anyway

To summarize, Suzume Good. Suzume. Watch Suzume. I’ve been Audrey of the joystick system, and I did not hate Suzume. Thank you. Goodnight

#suzume #suzume no tojimari #suzume spoilers #video essay #youtube #joyce-stick #joystick system #your name #weathering with you

79 notes · View notes