#seduce manipulate mansplain

[njuta]

elegy is finally published! with the first three out of 33 pre-written chapters. will dump one more batch, then update fridays <3

The process of seducing a one-night stand had always been reassuringly straightforward. Astarion would catch someone’s eye from across the room, watch as they glanced away, and then approach them. A conversation would start, a connection would form, and an unspoken agreement would be reached. After that, he’d lead them back to Cazador’s palace, share an intimate encounter, and then—well, the rest was as grim as it was inevitable. The process of collaborating with a group of people towards a common goal turned out to be a entirely different beast and began spiralling downhill almost immediately.

boy (there are not enough -issues tags on all of ao3 to describe this man) meets girl (three haunted raccoons in a potatosack, but with great ambitions) and together they will save the world! (maybe). a fabulous gaslight / gatekeep /girlboss x manipulate / mansplain / malewife romance. game reconstruction; starts where the game starts, takes a different route as soon as they're out of the nautiloid ship. excellent choice if you felt like the game itself didn't contain enough trauma.

[justagreengummybear]

Part two of incorrect quote generator w/ lord of the rings characters + my oc and Boromir’s wife, Rowena

+++

Pippin: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.

Boromir: Wow, I've gotta hear this.

Pippin: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.

Boromir: You forgot pride.

Pippin: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

+++

Rowena: Yeah, I find it quite emotional. In like a cool way.

Éowyn: Did you just say it makes you cry in a cool way?

+++

Rowena: What are you drinking?

Faramir: Vodka.

Rowena: Straight?

Faramir: No, gay. Why?

+++

Merry: I made tea.

Pippin: I don't want tea.

Merry: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.

Pippin: Then why did you tell me?

Merry: It's a conversation starter.

Pippin: It's a horrible conversation starter.

Merry: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

+++

Merry: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.

Aragorn: *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!

+++

Pippin: Boromir! I thought you were dead!

Boromir: No, just in deep cover.

Pippin: ...But it was an open casket.

Boromir: It was very deep.

+++

Aragorn, rubbing their temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarrette.

Faramir: But Aragorn, we don't smoke.

Aragorn: Cut the crap, Faramir. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.

Aragorn: *points at Pippin* One! *points at Éowyn* Two! *points at Boromir* Three! *points at Legolas* Four! *points at Faramir* Five!

Aragorn: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarette between these two fingers!

Pippin: *puts a cigarette in Aragorn's hand*

Aragorn: Thank you. ...Light?

The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*

+++

Boromir: Unpopular opinion, not all dogs are good boys.

Rowena: Blocked.

Boromir: Sometimes, they’re good girls!

Rowena: UNBLOCKED!

+++

Aragorn, holding a toy lightsaber: I’m Darth Vader!

Faramir: I’m done with everyone’s bullshit.

+++

Pippin: I’m sorry for being annoying.

Pippin: It will happen again.

+++

Rowena: Anyone d-

Boromir: Depressed?

Faramir: Drained?

Merry: Dumb?

Legolas: Disliked?

Rowena: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people...

+++

Aragorn: Do you take constructive criticism?

Gandalf: No, only cash or credit.

+++

Aragorn: Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to fear how much they love me.

+++

Rowena: Why did you kidnap Faramir!?!?!

Pippin: Ah- um- well- the reason for that is, uhh...

Gandalf: Sometimes, we must work together towards a common goal.

Rowena: NOT TO KIDNAP PEOPLE!

+++

Faramir: *is hugging Pippin*

Boromir: Hey! It's my turn to hug Pippin!

Boromir: *grabs Pippin*

Merry: *kicking down the door* What do you mean, "yOuR tUrN"? We agreed now is my time slot!

Faramir: No, It's still my turn!

Pippin: *suffocating* Guys, I love you, but just because I'm the smallest doesn't mean you can be hugging me constantly!

Boromir: But we need the moral support!

Faramir: And you're small! Which is cute!

Merry: If I don't hug you right now I think the depression will kick in and my body will stop functioning.

Pippin: *close to tears* Well- I, I guess.

I’m having way too much fun with this

[the-menace-in-pink]

It's always so satisfying reaching the part where Chrollo starts manipulating ppl. Like how's this walking-disaster brain planning to gaslight, gatekeep, sweet-talk, bully, seduce, blackmail, mansplain today?

[ghostfrog28]

Yuurivoice Characters And Listeners As Incorrect Quotes!

I already did this with Escaped Audios (sort of, it was mostly DennysVerse) but for these, the way the listeners respond will mostly be based off of my OCs for them (which I will make posts about eventually) PS, this is mostly Boo and Alphonse lol

~~

Alphonse: [Grabs Boo's ass while they're gettin groceries out of the car]

Boo: Excuse me thats my ass

Alphonse: That's our ass. We're married, bitch

~~

Finn: If I were a gardener, I'd put our tulips together.

Sunflower: Aww, babe. That's so sweet.

Alphonse: If I were a gardener, you'd be my hoe.

Boo: ... thanks

~~

Lucien: *stroking Angel’s hair* you're so tiny.

Angel: *sleepily* I could beat the shit out of you.

Lucien: *lovingly* | know.

Or

Alphonse: *stroking Boo’s hair* you're so tiny.

Boo: *sleepily* I could beat the shit out of you.

Alphonse: *lovingly* | know.

(It’s funny cuz my OC for Boo is 6’0, meanwhile, my OC for Angel is 5’3)

~~

Charlie: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips. What should I do?

Boo: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Angel: Tackle him.

Star: Dump him.

Rook: Kick him in the shin.

Casper: NO TO ALL OF THOSE. JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN.

(my Casper OC is 6’4 lol)

~~

Boo, making chicken and dumpling soup, dropping a dumpling on the floor: This is sadder than the time I almost died in College

Alphonse or Seth, choking on his coffee: Excuse me?

(rewrote this one a little bit)

~~ ⚠️ Slight NSFW ⚠️

Boo: I can’t eat this, its far too hot

Alphonse: You're far too hot yet I still manage

Room: Um-

Auron: WE'RE ON A DOUBLE DATE, I'M RIGHT HERE

~~ ⚠️ NSFW Again ⚠️

Boo: oh fuck me

Seth: yes please

Boo: what?

Seth: what?

Alphonse from the other room: HE SAID YES PLEASE!

~~

Alphonse: BOO! WHERE'S MY-

Sugarboo: By the door

Seth: Sugar! Do you know where the-

Sugarboo: In the kitchen

Charlie: Hey Sal (OC name), have you seen my stack of-

Sugarboo: On Seth's nightstand

Sugarboo: Independent my ass. You guys would fall apart without me

(Sal is my OC for Sugarboo)

~~ ⚠️ Slight NSFW ⚠️

Charlie: bro-

Casper: No, no, hold up, rewind.

Charlie: ...

Casper: My tongue was down your throat just a second ago, and now you're calling me bro??

~~ ⚠️you guessed it, NSFW ⚠️

Seth: What exactly do you think of me?

Sugarboo: Somewhere between "fuck you" and "I'd fuck you."

~~

Alphonse: I don't think | can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.

Boo: *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is.

Alphonse: What- no!

~~

Star: When Faust was born, the gods said, "He's too perfect for this world."

Auron: Please. When he was born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

~~

Boo: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Alphonse: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so l can feel whole again.

Boo: O-oh. Well... Wait. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Alphonse: Is it working?

(this one could be vise versa)

~~

Alphonse, at some point: You speak RUSSIAN ?? Say something !!!

Boo: Ты самый красивый мужчина в мире, любовь моя (You're the most beautiful man in the world, my love.)

Alphonse: What does it mean ?

Boo: It means don't give me orders you fucking bastard

(Another little thing, my OC for Sugarboo is half Russian and half British)

~~

Seth, after learning Sugarboo also speaks Russian: Does Sugar think in English or Russian?

Alphonse: Bold of you to assume Boo thinks.

~~

Rook: Ugh, life can be difficult sometimes.

Sal (Sugarboo): But death, on the other hand...

Rook, squirting Sal with a water sprayer: No, Sal

~~

Boo: I don't think Faust is very happy about you dating his brother.

Rook: What makes you say that?

Boo, reading a text aloud: Rachel (Rook). I hope this message finds you before I do.

~~

That’s all for now! Hope you enjoyed!

[velidewrites]

all the vanbros are standing in front of you and they're giving you bedroom eyes (except marcedric). in what order are you bedding them?

MARCEDRIC ANON ARE YOU BACK?

Okay okay GREAT question and I actually do think Marcel would look at you with bedroom eyes, though for his own, twisted purposes. Not like Vermilion who literally physically needs you to jump his bones right this instant, but more to mansplain manipulate manslaughter (in that order exactly).

ANYWAY have a silly little ranking of who's the best at bedroom eyes from worst to best:

5. Sylas - HEAR ME OUT. He doesn't have the softness nor the patience to bother. He's a man starved and his eyes reflect that hunger perfectly. Those crimson eyes darken and narrow at what they crave the most. A taste.

4. Lucien - ALSO HEAR ME OUT. He can excel at bedroom eyes but does he even really need them to get what he wants? You KNOW he doesn't. I don't even need him to look at me, personally. One word and I'm THERE. Honestly I'm not even planning to be anywhere near his face at the start, if you get my meaning. There are some very interesting happening a few feet down that I need to see to first. I do think Lucien gives you bedroom eyes after, though. Like, the kind that say: you were so good for me. You can give me one more, can't you?

3. Eris - again, he's more about claiming than surrendering control this way. At first, at least. The look he gives you when he wants to bed you isn't really meant to seduce because you're already seduced and honestly? Why should he bother when you're practically ready to crawl into his bed like the pathetic little thing you are? Why should he offer you that kind of softness when you haven't even worked for it yet? When you haven't earned it? Whole other story if we're talking about post-mating bond shenanigans though. A whole new Eris is revealed in his eyes then, for a brief moment of shock before the mask slips back on again.

2. Marcel - like I said, bedroom eyes as a taught manipulation technique. Practiced to perfection, works EVERY time.

Vermilion - a stark reflection to what Sylas's crimson eyes do. Vermilion is also hungry, yes; but he looks at you, eyes half-lidded, from beneath dark lashes, those pools of red looking like they're about to melt from the simple sight of you about to be laid bare before him. The look is less claiming and more inviting, like a cat luring you right into his trap. Only once you give in fully, completely, does he let his true colors show (ENTER THE FIRE WHIP)

[genyxie]

Oc intro: Vesper Neolíon

Probably the only oc I have a story in mind for, MC of 'lion in the penthouse' and idea

Vesper is a diva, a fashionista,a criminal and a veteran too.

Originally when I designed him he was heavily inspired by Loki.

On my knees

Cyber/fantasy world setting

Hes an orphan that joined the army at 16

volunteered for magic circuit supersoldier style experimentation at 17. The process was hellish and emaciated him, but was very successful

18-19 served in a secret technomage battalion

19 the battalion was attacked by an unknown corporation's war weapon leaving him heavily scarred and the only survivor.

19-20 undergoing heavy physical and mental therapy, signs of PTSD and mental instability.

20-22 is taken in and groomed by a wealthy old woman he calls the Madame. She teaches him fashion, etiquette, some questionable things like how to seduce old men, how to manipulate, mansplain and manwhore as it were. He was essentially her kept man as well.

22-23 vesper gets written into her will as her sole inheritor and she dies almost a year after. No foul play could be proved and her heir was 'devastated'

23 takes over the Madame's company and becomes one of the wealthiest men in neon city

23-24 establishes himself as a philanthropic, generous, fashion forward, down to earth billionaire (for the people and all that) while establishing a vast underground network like his own black market and becomes a criminal kingpin.

24-26 is known as 'the lion' to authorities and labeled a villain that finally is assigned a hero (super soldier esq android heros pushed out by the neon city corp)

26 - when he meets nox the hero and their story kicks off.

I adore drawing vesper in dresses he's just sooo damned gorgeous!

[derangedthots]

Daemon twines their fingers together over Jace’s mark. The heat burns through him, flushing his cheeks as his heart pounds. He’s caught in Daemon’s gaze, back pressed against cold stone and the warmth of Daemon’s body looming over him. His hair glows silver in the shadows, gently brushing Jace’s cheeks as Daemon leans his face close to his own. Lips glance against his, whispers of hot breath heating the air around them.

“Little dragon is there something you need to tell me?” murmurs Daemon. His eyes flicker to Jace’s lips, but his gaze settles firmly on Jace.

Jace stares wide-eyed and mute. He thinks of how these words have chased him through all his life. He looks carefully into the faces of all those he meets. As much as he enjoyed Aegon’s company when they were children, he knew the man was capable of enjoying the torment of others. Aemond was proof of that. Aemond, Jace thinks. When his uncle held that rock over their heads, he thought he was bringing the doom that’s been inked into his skin since birth. The terrible glee and triumph in Aemond’s face had scared Jace, not just for his life, but that the Gods were so cruel to fashion him to a boy so filled with hatred. Would he be yoked to that hatred himself? Would he be pushed into the deepest pits of himself and delight in other’s humiliation? It was a relief that Luke had defended all of their honor, Jace and his dear cousins both when he took that knife and only ripped Aemond’s eye out. Jace won’t ever regret that only an eye died that night.

But Aemond still haunts him. Following him throughout the Red Keep in his last visit, his lone eye fixed firmly on Jace’s every move. Now he chases Jace. He’s taken Luke. There’s no body, no remains of either him and Arrax. Jace wakes gasping from tormented sleep, face wet with tears and clawing at his skin, hoping he could rend the words from himself. Everyday has been filled with dread and waiting to hear those words from a man he’ll die hating. A man he’s destined to kill. And yet.

Daemon still stares at him, he’s violet eyes dark and hungry as he waits for Jace to respond. Jace breathes in shakily, half hope half agony. He’s traded one kinslayer for another, and one wed to his mother. This pushes him to shake his head. No, he won’t be the cause of his mother’s ruin.

Daemon stills. Neither moves for a long moment, before Daemon lurches forward ripping Jace’s doublet open. Jace tries to squirm away, but Daemon already has the words exposed to the night’s air. Gooseflesh scatters across his skin, the cool air brushing against him. Daemon’s hands grip his naked hips, fingers hot brands around the dark words. Daemon presses a nail against the first letters, lightly scratching the mark. Jace shivers, face hot and his pants tighten. He realized in rising humiliation that Daemon’s hold has awakened him from the misery he’s been living since receiving the news of Luke.

Daemon hums quietly. “Ah, this is what has been keeping you from sleep, byka jorrāelagon?” Daemon clicks his tongue. “Jacaerys if you ever hide yourself from me again, you will not like what happens next.”

~~~

If there’s anyone who is going to Mansplain, Manipulate and Murder it’s Daemon and the gaslighting is going to be off the charts. Hilariously what Jace doesn’t know is that Rhaenyra knows about Daemons contingency plan because she’s the one that first thought to do it 🫣🤭 *whispers* with Harwin and Laenor 🤭🤭🤭

Ps I was flirting with you 🥰 everyone needs a bedtime story filled with gaslighting and dark hallway trysts 😘 hope this also makes your heart pound as much as Jace here 🤭

anon, anon my love you can't do this to me i'm actually getting heart palpitations from this omggg jace babe you should probably run away but goodness knows your stepfather loves a chase. i'm not even in this but i feel seduced *fans self rapidly like a victorian woman who just glimpses a man's collarbones for the first time* (ALSO LMAO RHAENYRA BEING THE OG AND DAEMON PULLING A HER I LAUGH)

truly you have bewitched me body and soul fjsks *blushes from head to toe*❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

[idyllwave]

Eeeek, jealous Jing yuan is so cute thoo. If he was a cat, he’d be hissing rn.

Any jealous jy hc’s to share?? Jealous Emperor, mafia, general, or just sugar baby/daddy jy. This man can do it 💀💀

Hm…I’ll start! (A lil nsf(?))

He’d be throwing bombastic side eyes

Not so subtly have blade end the other guy’s subscription on living

Jealous sex, jealous sex, jealous sex

Would take a chomp on your neck like a territory claim

Would Try to seduce you with his muscles

Give gift you lots of stuff like clothes, jewels, hairpins n other stuff so when you wear it, it’s like a huge ‘I’m Jing yuan’s fiancee’ sign. 🤭 so cute

This man is mansplain, manipulate, manslaughter, and male wife. So he would slowly but surely remove men from your life (except blade cuz no one else is qualified to guard u when he’s not around)

——

Thinking abt Sunday and jy body swap and Sunday accidentally ripping a door off his so funny 😂

He’d be like “oopsie daisy, hehe 👉👈”

Though I don’t think Sunday would be able to pull of Jing yuan’s laziness.

He would work hard out of habit and fu xuan is staring at him like: 👁️👄👁️ is the sun gonna rise from the west tdy???

——

So what’s the official money ranking for pure imagination?

Jy’s sugar baby sounds like heaven, napping between his tits 😩. Hoyo needs to give him a boob window right now cuz those tits are gasping for air 💀

——

As for my reviews on jy plushies(in case ur looking to buy), I say the Q series mini plush has the most detail and cuter but is fragile sadly :(

This one: fragile blue tassels and not very squishy or good for cuddling since the felt kinda hurts. Butt I say it’s cuter and more structural. 15 cm so better as a desk pet

Anddd the pottepote plush

This one : wayyy softer, better for cuddling but very squishy so easily deformed. Requires some ironing on the hair and clothes (I just used my hair straightener) to make it look less deflated. Soooo soft tho! 35 cm so good for hugging

I bought both from mihoyo taobao but I think u need a Chinese id to open a taobao acc and some form of Chinese payment (Ali pay, and blah, blah blah). But it’s way cheaper than Honkai.shop or genshin.global. Price diff is rlly crazyyy. If u have any relative in china, def have them order it and send it to u.

——

Thx for listening to me yap, congrats if u made it. Have a good day!! Mwah <3

Hoyo fumbled when they didn't make jy a foxian (or a vidyadhara) 😔 (i don't mind though, he's still hot-)

Jealous jy is such a menace 😭

I feel like he'll do everything in his power just to keep your attention on him lmao

-

Lmao frfr!

Sunday would literally take care of all of jy's work within a day 😭

Everyone would be so confused about what was going on-

-

DHIL & JY (tied for having the most money)

GEPARD

BLADE

The money rankings will probably switch up though if I feel like it haha

-

Oooo! They're so cute !!!

Sadly i have no relative in China, but I'll definitely look at ways to try and get them in the future!! XD

-

To you as well <3

[astrallithid]

❝ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐕𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒 while also knowing the painful truths that make those lies necessary ❲ . . . ❳

affiliated with @isolaradiale ⎛ rules and follow under readmore! ⎠ › graphics by @hyruleshop

❲ . . . ❳ 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝚈𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙼𝙸𝙽𝙳 𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻 𝙿𝚄𝙽𝙸𝚂𝙷 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙵𝙾𝚁 𝙱𝙴𝙻𝙸𝙴𝚅𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙱𝙾𝚃𝙷. ❞

legend ₁ stats ₂ meta analysis ₃ threads ₄

ranked ❲ . . . ❳ luminous subgiant ⎛ 1/28/25 ⎠ housed ❲ . . . ❳ the horizon ⎛ willem sprunghart's personal housing ⎠, golden ward

a study of ❲ . . . ❳ the concept of the self. the worth of a soul. the call of the sea. change- for better and for worse. to live for the joy of living. transformation. betrayal and forgiveness. to live as a hero and a legend.

hello! this is a group affiliated roleplay blog for balduran of bg3! i prioritize my group members, but i don't mind indies following me and if i know you from my indie blogs, of course we can write! since i am 31, this blog is absolutely 18+ and if i'm honest, 20+ because i am an old man.

he's the reason baldur's gate exists at all. the true title character. he's doomed by the narrative!

"i used to be an adventurer like you until i took a tadpole to the eye"

hot sea-faring adventure guy, was also a paladin before everything happened all at once. and before he was a paladin he was absolutely a pirate

"its not breaking your oath if you're suffering a complete destruction of your individual self so i guess that's that"

manipulate mansplain mindflayer ⎛ or manslaughter. or both? all of them? ⎠

also he's your manic pixie dream guy ...

is he a human? is he an illithid? or is he a secret third thing? it is a mystery we may never know the answer to

he's all about free will and choices but he didn't get a choice on his own fate, he just pretends he did ... if you tell yourself being an illithid isn't awful then it has to be legit right?

"here take this astral tadpole as a token of my ... ??? affection i guess" besties he feels a lot of feelings and he might seem chill but inside he's screaming

"idk how i feel about being human again" well deal with it bud this is where you're at

"i roll to seduce the dragon" "what?" "you heard me"

he has a job. don't ask what it is. don't ask why he has this job. just trust him.

as for me, the writer, i'm percival ⎛ or percy ⎠ i am a 31 year old transgender male. i work as a nurse and i run other blogs in isola, and a few very inactive indies ... you may have seen me around. sometimes i do art and post it ... i'm a big meme and i would love to get to know my fellow group members and whatnot, so hit me up for plotting or whatever, feel free to ask for my discord and the likes!

[chaoticjoke]

✏️✏️

Send in ✏️ and I’ll use this (improved) incorrect quote generator featuring both our muses!

The Joker: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes. Sheldon Cooper: Wow, I've gotta hear this. The Joker: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share. Sheldon Cooper: You forgot pride. The Joker: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

Sheldon Cooper: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time. The Joker: *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!

aND HERE'S THE SPECIAL ONE BECAUSE YOU ASKED FOR IT <3

[gold-rhine]

For the fic snippet commentary, I really want to know about this section in your First time sub afab! Kaeya x GN Dom! Reader piece, especially the “heady, daring mix” part since that’s such a vivid and intense metaphor:

“Oh?” he raises an eyebrow with a playful complaint. “And I was looking forward to teasing you a little more.”

“Well then, go ahead. Anything you want, my knight. And I’d love to see how you plan to do it after already…” you flick your eyes over his naked body and smirk, “baring all of your cards.”

He scoffs pridefully, lifting his chin, making sure not to show that you calling his bluff caught him off-guard. It doesn’t matter, he was never the one to back down on his bets. He always liked a challenge and he’ll be damned if he can’t put on a show. If he was marked a sinner just by birthright, might as well get some fun out of it.

So he arches his back and spreads his thighs, an intoxicating feverish thrill from how hungrily you rake your eyes over him mixing with both his own arousal and nervousness into a heady, daring mix. “This is not even half of my cards… and you might never see all of them.”

thank you, i'm v fond of this piece!

i think kaeya is incredibly interesting to explore in sub dynamic, bc his favorite go-to manipulation method is to pretend that the person he's manipulating has some sort of power over him or has him at disadvantage. like in his quest where he supposedly needed traveler's help and traveler (by traveler i mean paimon and we just can't say anything) decided to steal his heritage sword, or in hangout in liyeu, where he scammed that dude by pretending he's the one being scammed instead. he plays a role of being vulnerable, while withholding information, so i think he'd have innate understanding that being sub is not an inherently weaker position by itself.

but bc he's manipulate mansplain maleprince who sees all interactions as transactional, he uses this understanding to powerplay. the exchange about "not showing cards" is about how he doesn't see being naked or even having his body in other's power as being truly vulnerable. he doesn't let reader know he doesn't have actual experience in sex bc he sees this as weakness. and with that powerplay framework, he parses harmless flirty teasing as "calling his bluff" in a sort of verbal duel, and pushes himself too far and fast for comfort to keep this facade of confident seducer and put on a provocative show. i wanted the part with "heady mix" to come off as hot, but kinda complicated, like he really does enjoy this, he likes the thrill, he likes being desired, but also he's also not allowing real intimacy, he's playing a role and also disregarding his own discomfort, bc he sees himself as like, inherently corrupt and bad, so whatever can happen to him can't really matter. this withholding information and being careless about his limits worked as kinda setup for part 2.

but this one is more about how kaeya's powerplay perception clashes with reader's who just wants mutual pleasure, and kaeya thinking that in this "transaction" what the other wants from him is just their own pleasure and using his body, until he's convinced otherwise and opens up for a moment of genuine connection at the very end

[teachingmycattoread]

Things We've Yelled About This Episode #3.9

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, The Gawain Poet (all quotations from the Simon Armitage translation)

Merlin (2008-2012)

The Sword in the Stone (1963)

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)

Geoffrey Chaucer (wiki)

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (wiki)

Beowulf (our episode here)

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, J. R. R. Tolkien; read by Terry Jones (audible)

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Simon Armitage

"...alliteration is the warp and weft of the poem, without which it is just so many fine threads", p. viii, Introduction to the above

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, J. R. R. Tolkien

Beowulf, George Jack

De Excidio Britanniae, Gildas

The Lord of the Rings, J. R. R. Tolkien

Gandalf; The Lord of the Rings, J. R. R. Tolkien

Beowulf, Seamus Heaney

Beowulf, Maria Dhavana Headley

chivalry etymology (wiktionary)

The campfire quote Eli is thinking of here

Leon Gautier's rules of chivalry here

Chosen people - Eli is referring to this post

Culhwch and Olwen (wiki)

Owain (wiki)

Merlin in his tree phase (wiki) Apparently sometimes he's also just...in a hole with a rock on top of it? Less cool, much funnier

Monopoly

"no evil in either of them, only ecstasy", p. 72

Courtly love (wiki)

relationship anarchy (manifesto, wiki)

"So I ask you again, come and greet your aunt and make merry in my house; you're much loved there, and by me more than most", p. 112

The first branch of the Mabinogi (wiki)

The Green Knight (2021)

Dev Patel (imdb)

a slitherer-outerer - from Howl's Moving Castle, Diana Wynne Jones

"If you stand for nothing, what will you fall for?" "Aaron Burr, Sir", Hamilton (spotify

The Wheel of Time, Robert Jordan/Brandon Sanderson

Postcolonial interpretations of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight (wiki)

Mansplain, Manipulate, Malewife/Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss (meme)

This meme cw. rape mention

Jason Mendoza; The Good Place (2016-2020)

The Jason Mendoza school of problem-solving can be summed up by this gif:

This scene from Wednesday (2022- )

This scene from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (2005 -) [image found]

Merle Highchurch; The Adventure Zone: Balance

The Merle Highchurch approach - referring to a scene in the TAZ: Balance arc Petals to the Metal in which Merle rolls to seduce a sentient plant

The Adventure Zone: Balance

This scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Blorbo from my shows (meme)

Cat Rating: 8/10

What Else Have We Been Reading

Bold of you to assume i can [x] (meme)

The Ashburnham House fire (wiki)

Batman, DC Comics

Pandaredd (youtube)

just me against the sky, magneticwave (ao3)

Rule 63 (meme? trope? piece of internet lingo?)

Tim Drake, DC Comics

Poison Ivy, DC Comics

This meme:

Men at Arms, Terry Pratchett

Tress of the Emerald Sea, Brandon Sanderson

Brandon Sanderson's secret lockdown projects (polygon)

The Lord of the Rings, J. R. R. Tolkien

The Bands of Mourning, Brandon Sanderson

Next Time on Teaching My Cat To Read

Alanna: The First Adventure, Tamora Pierce

[drawing-dinos82]

I READ A FANFIC LIKE THIS

EDIT: I found it. Credit to SCARLET_SAM for writing the fic.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: EPIC - Jorge Rivera-Herrans (Albums) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences  Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply  Relationships: Odysseus/Penelope (EPIC: The Musical), Eurylochus & Odysseus (EPIC: The Musical), Hera/Zeus (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), Hera/Zeus (EPIC: The Musical), Odysseus/Zeus (EPIC: The Musical)  Characters: Odysseus (EPIC: The Musical), Odysseus' Crew (EPIC: The Musical), Eurylochus (EPIC: The Musical), Hera (EPIC: The Musical), Zeus (EPIC: The Musical), Poseidon (EPIC: The Musical), (mentioned)  Additional Tags: Odysseus Being an Idiot, Eurylochus being done TM, Hera is just here for the entertainment, Hera adores odypen like us all, Meanwhile Poseidon hearing Ody praise his looks, 'wtf?????', Odysseus proving yet again he is indeed Hermes' grandson, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hera needs a hug, Zeus being seduced by anything that breathes  Series: Part 1 of EPIC Crackfics (aka events Eurylochus needs therapy after witnessing) Summary: 

“She offered me everything, Zeus,” Odysseus continued, his voice low and intimate. “But I resisted, for my heart belonged only to Penelope. Like this...”

‘Witnessing this,’ Eurylochus thought as he watched Odysseus- still bleeding and wearing what was practically rags by now- sway dramatically, ‘was worse than being potentially dead.’

Hera, sensing the tension between the mortal and her husband, cleared her throat pointedly. “That's enough, Odysseus,” she interjected with a raised eyebrow, her tone carrying a hint of amusement.

Or, how Odysseus managed to save himself as well as his crew. He learnt that ruthlessness was mercy from Poseidon, and that there are other ways of persuation from Circe.

Odysseus is "There are other way"-ing Zeus This is to everyone in that comment section!

[rooatgumpoint]

the only good thing about orphrick is that when the hunter is nightmare I can seduce them into giving me favoritism mansplain manipulate manslaughter or whatever the saying is

[directory-98]

Aria De La Cruz | The Sorcerer's Apprentice | Modern, Action, Fantasy

Ariana Abernathy De la Cruz is a young and ruthless sorceress. Estranged from her family, she uses her skills and magical capabilities mostly for bounty hunter work and sometimes even assassination contracts. However, her noncommitment to secrecy has also garnered a bad reputation in the Sorcerer community and it is even stated she has been warned. To "cool it" before a mark is put on her and punishment is due.

HISTORY

Abernathy left home when she hit 18 after she barely graduated high school. She traveled around looking for work and found it too hard and boring. She eventually was drawn to easy-money jobs. She turned to a life of crime and found the risk and rewards more her style. Eventually, during a heist gone wrong, she signed up for a unique hit rob the place and run. Unfortunately, the place belonged to a pair of sorcerers who had just come back from vacation.

"What a cage is to the wild beast, law is to the selfish man."- Herbert Spencer

Abernathy unlike her friends knew enough magic to get past the traps and escape. Her buddies didn't. She was tempted to take the items and leave them but was caught. She caught the eye of the Sorceress Veronica Gorloisen. Who had never had an apprentice and wanted to experience that part of her life. She felt that this was fate in a way and that Abernathy, though misguided could be a good apprentice and sorcerer. Balthazar disagreed, stating that morality and actions were already set in stone. However, Veronica insisted and took Abernathy in.

Veronica convinced Abernathy to leave her life of crime and become her apprentice. The first few months went smoothly. However, Balthazar and Veronica disagreed on training methods and spells to teach. Frustrated Veronica decided to keep teaching Aria but away from Balthazar to keep him from butting in or (mansplaining). Abernathy showed great skill but hated the idea of secrecy.

Eventually, Abernathy got tired of the secrecy and returned to her easy life of crime. Running away, Abernathy decided to use her skills as a sorceress and her past connections to start a new more dangerous life. She began taking on contracts for bounty hunting, extortion, and even some mercenary work. All the while, hiding from those who had trained her.

Skills & Abilities

Skills

Combative Skills: has been trained in various combat techniques, including martial arts, and weapon usage, in her attempts to break into the bounty hunter career as a normal person.

Intimidation: Has no problem using intimidation to get what she wants.

Extortion: Also has no problems using her skills to extort money, favors, and info from another person.

Manipulation: Well attempt to charm, seduce, or play clueless to get waht she wants.

Bilingual: Was raised in a Bilingual household. (Espanol)

Abilities

Was trained by Veronica for three years. She has enough practice with ritual, spells, and magic from a book. However, still very gifted, her training was still incomplete.

Conjuration: has the ability to summon or create objects out of thin air.

Elemental Manipulation: the ability to conjure, summon, and manipulate elements.

Telkenisis: the ability to summon and move physical objects with one's mind.

Additional Info

Verses

FAQ

[hiddentrails7]

Robin: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.

Chrom: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.

Robin: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??

Chrom: Is it working?

.

Inigo, out of nowhere: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

Brady, sleep-deprived and very shocked out of his brains: WhEreE dId YoU cOmE fRoM?!?!

Owain whipping his sword out: Who dareth creepeth up on me?

.

Ricken: I love murder mysteries!

Henry, trying to impress him: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

.

Basilio: I don't think we can mansplain, manipulate or malewife our way outta this one, Lon.

Lon'qu: *Lets out a deep sigh*

Lon'qu: Manslaughter it is.

.

Henry: It's pretty cold outside.. wanna hold hands? We should stay close.

Ricken, blushing: O-Okay. Sure.

Sully: WE'RE IN THE DESERT-!

.

Stahl: You really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast?

Sully: Several traffic violations.

Robin: Three counts of resisting arrest.

Donnel: Roughly thirteen cups o' coffee.

Lon'qu: Also, that’s not our cart.

.

Lucina: You often use humor to deflect trauma

Owain: Thank you

Lucina: I didn't say that was a good thing.

Owain: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

.

Chrom: This is a list of possible places Robin could’ve disappeared to.

Frederick:

Frederick: Milord, is a map of the entire region.

Chrom, on the brink of tears: I have no clue where he could've disappeared to.