#shawn mendes au fic

[harrywavycurly]

Glitch: What Do You Mean?

Masterlist: Here

CW: Jealous Harry, manipulation (thanks Jeff), language, emotional immaturity (you were literally turned on less than three weeks ago so things are new for you), and some dramatic moments that could be called “causing a scene”.

A/N: It’s truly just so fun to write an unhinged Harry so I hope you enjoy and also I don’t think Shawn is anything like this it’s just for funsies. Enjoy the absolute drama that is this chapter.💓

Tag List: @alicivava @cosmicneptune @daphnesutton @valeriiyuhh @drewrry @obsessiveenthusiast @me-undiscovered @psicostyles @umadirectioner @styleswithaseaview @sunflower-tia @tulips4harry @gmikaelson @fangirl509east @howling-wolf97 @outofthisworl-d @namoreno @harryscherries28 @blckburd @harry2121 @cevans-winchester @prettygurl-2009 @maudie-duan @sassamanda77 @triski73 @mema10

Summary: When Harry sees you with someone else you have a hard time understanding why it makes him act the way he does💓

Harry hates going to events that require him to dress up and mingle with people he doesn’t know, it’s one of the major downsides to fame and it’s a giant reason why he’s enjoyed his time off for so long. Because in his mind, the music industry really doesn’t want anything to do with you if you don’t have anything to offer. So keeping out of the studio and having a life away from writing lyrics and chasing the melodies that are stuck in between passing thoughts in his head have done him a massive favor, it’s kept him out of the spotlight and off guest lists for parties such as the one he’s currently in the middle of. But famous or not Harry has always been one to rise to the occasion for important events in order to support the people he holds near and dear to him so of course when he got invited to a charity gala for a cause close to the heart of one of his bestfriends he was quick to RSVP, notably without checking the box for a plus one.

He is on his second leisurely lap around the event space, a massive ballroom of some upscale hotel that he can’t be bothered to remember the name of, when he thinks he sees someone he knows out of the corner of his eye. It’s the skirt of a gown that catches his attention, not being able to see anything else other than a few bright pink and orange flowers embroidered on a sheer white fabric before it disappears in the crowd. But a sense of something begins to stir deep down inside his chest, like he knows there’s only one person in the world that would be wearing a floral gown in a sea of stark black and the occasional red dresses but the odds of it being who he thinks are slim and while the universe may be on his side most of the time and he has been fortunate to be on the receiving end of its luck he knows tonight the luck of the universe has all but abandoned him. Because he gets a feeling that’s similar to a shiver that goes down his spine as he turns around at just the right moment and sees something that makes his blood turn to ice in his veins and his jaw to clench.

You’re standing there in a white floor length gown with a sheer lace overlay that has brightly embroidered flowers all over the skirt leaving the top half mostly white with the delicate lace creating a slightly more modest neckline and while Harry thinks you might actually be the most beautiful person he’s ever seen that’s not what draws his attention. It’s the person that’s standing next to you that earns his narrow eyed glare, the person with a hand on your waist as they stare down at you with a smile Harry knows is a playful smirk that clearly followed something cheekily said based on how your face has a faint blush to it and you bring your hand that’s not gripping the flute of champagne up to your face in an attempt to try and hide your embarrassment.

Normally Harry would just brush off the fact you’re here with someone, not caring at all what brought the two of you together let alone to a random charity event thrown by one of his close friends. Especially since Harry is trying to convince himself he doesn’t know you well enough to be bothered by any of that, considering he’s not sure if you’d even call him a friend at this point. But it’s who you’re with that changes everything for him, making him unable to just move on and go about his evening as if he never saw you because you’re with him.

Shawn fucking Mendes.

The one man he can’t stand for reasons even unknown to him, the man he swears does things just to get a rise out of him, the one person he has to actively hold himself back from smacking the silly little smile off his pretty little face, the man you just so happen to be giggling at as you place your hand on his arm. Honestly, of all the arms for you to be holding onto as you laugh at a joke Harry is sure isn’t even very funny and if it is then it’s one he stole from someone far more entertaining, of course it had to be Shawn’s.

It just further proves the feeling of the universe turning it’s back on Harry as he watches the two of laugh and whisper little things in each other’s ears as if you’ve known one another for years and suddenly Harry begins to wonder if maybe you have and that’s why he hasn’t ever seen you until recently. Because Jeff knows his distaste for the Canadian singer so it makes sense that he’d keep you tucked away in his contact list until he knew your entanglement or whatever it is that’s going on with you and Shawn was done with, but clearly Jeff made a mistake because by the looks of it your relationship with Shawn is anything but over.

If Harry was being honest with himself he’d admit how truly creepy he’s being as he watches you and Shawn from a relatively safe distance, but still close enough to hear your laugh filtering through the sounds of glasses clinking and muffled small talk between the other guests. Somehow the two of you have managed to be in the center of the room, near the bar and Harry finds himself slowly circling you as if you’re the center of his universe and he’s simply keeping himself in the comfort of your orbit. After a few laps that have him stopping for a few pointless conversations about things he has no interest in he gives up on trying to remain out of sight. And when he sees Shawn’s hand slide to your lower back as he helps you maneuver your way through the crowd Harry decides now is as good a time as ever to go a give you and your poor choice of a plus one a proper hello.

He gives a few people polite nods and tight lipped smiles as he makes his way towards you and it’s almost like you could sense he was near, a measly arms length away when you turn around and smile at him. It’s a smile that makes your eyes seem brighter as they get little crinkle in the corners and to top it off you raise your hand and wave at him. It almost knocks Harry off kilter for a moment having not expected such a warm greeting seeing as he’s the one who stormed off the last time he saw you in Jeff’s living room not even two days ago.

“There you are.” Your voice is like a soft melody he wants to put into a song that’s just for him and no one else so he can get lost in it while he listens to it over and over. “I was wondering when you’d come say hello.” Your words have a slight heat rising to Harry’s cheeks as he closes the small gap between the two of you so he’s now standing directly in front of you.

“Yeah Styles we saw you circling us like a shark in the water waiting for his time to strike.” Shawn’s voice makes Harry’s jaw tick as he slowly removes his gaze from yours so he can look at the tall annoying man to your left.

“Don’t flatter yourself Shawn I’d never waste my time on a little guppy like you.”

“You sure? I hear wasting time is all you like to do nowadays.”

“Hear about that while off not touring and just galavanting around in jungles and beaches huh?”

“Just shows how far and wide word travels when it’s about how boring Harry Styles has become.”

“Or it just shows how obsessed you are with me that you even manage to gossip about me while off trying to find yourself.” Harry doesn’t mean to go tit for tat with Shawn but he can’t seem to help himself, it brings a sick kind of joy to Harry knowing he can get a rise out of the normally very docile and charming young man. He ignores the glare the brown eyed boy is giving him as a slow smirk works its way onto his face as he raises an eyebrow at him. “How’s that going by the way? Figure out the meaning of life yet?” What Harry isn’t prepared for is how easily Shawn is able to brush off all the sarcasm that’s dripping from every word that leaves his mouth like rain dripping off the edge of an umbrella, as if it’s no concern to him because right now he has the upper hand seeing as you’re by his side and not Harry’s.

“You know,” Shawn’s arm loosely drapes over your shoulder as he begins to answer the question all while Harry watches, a look of disapproval etched on his face when Shawn looks down at you with one of his annoyingly perfect smiles. “I might have.” It’s the horrible attempt at a subtle wink he shoots you that has Harry seeing red, immediately knowing what the man is trying to imply while it’s clear by the look of slight confusion on your face that you have no clue what’s happening and what this conversation the two men are having is actually about.

“How have you been?” Shawn holds back a laugh as you try to dive into the conversation having no clue about the tension you just cut through making Harry’s attention fall back onto you. “I’m sorry for the other day I-I really didn’t mean-”

“You don’t have to apologize for speaking your mind.” Harry says quickly before you can divulge any details of what the two of you spoke about while in the presence of a man he can’t stand.

“Oh did the two of you have a little disagreement?” You just shake your head as Shawn’s hand rubs the top of your arm as if he’s trying to comfort you but Harry didn’t miss the slight flinch when his thumb makes contact with your skin, letting him know you aren’t exactly comfortable.

“No not a disagreement it-”

“None of your fucking business is what it is.” As soon as the words leave Harry’s mouth he knows Shawn has somehow managed to win this round of whatever game the two of them are playing. Because the harshness of his tone and the loudness of his voice makes you jump ever so slightly letting Shawn swoop in as some sort of protector as he subtly uses the arm that’s still draped over your shoulder to pull you closer into his side.

“Come on love let’s go take a walk and let Harry here get some air so he can maybe calm down a little.” Shawn says while looking down at you with a smile that Harry can see right through, he knows it’s not genuine he knows this is all an act to make him look like he’s the caring one but Harry knows him better than you do so he knows it’s just a ploy to get you to trust him and do what he wants.

“Oh uhm okay.” Your voice is low as you look over at Harry who is staring daggers at Shawn’s hand as he watches as it slowly travels from the top of your arm down to your lower back as he turns you towards an opening in the crowded space that the two of you can escape through.

“Nice seeing you Harry.” It’s not until you’re saying bye to him that Harry realizes just how much of a mess he’s made of this whole thing, how he let someone as unimportant as Shawn get in the way of the reason he even approached you in the first place, to talk to you and apologize for his behavior. But you’re swept away and once again lost in the sea of people before he can even attempt to say anything so he’s left standing there with words left unsaid and an unfamiliar hurt in his chest.

You look back over your shoulder in hopes to catch one last glimpse of Harry but it’s too late, his figure is already hidden by a small group of people heading to the bar to refill their drinks. You feel Shawn put a little more pressure on your lower back as he guides you to a secluded section of the party near the railing of the staircase the two of you had to walk down upon entering the event. When you look over at him he has his eye focused on what’s in front of him you take the time to get a better look at him, trusting that he won’t let you fall or have you bump into someone.

Now you’re well aware that Shawn is an attractive looking man, his jawline is impeccable and his smile makes your tummy flutter but something about him seems off and you can’t quite figure it out. All you know is that while he is nice to look at and is a decent conversationalist, you feel a tiny bit uneasy when he touches you like it feels wrong somehow, as if the hands you’re meant to be feeling on your arm and your cheek when he brushes some hair out of your face aren’t his but someone else’s.

You’re good at hiding your feelings because you don’t want to come across as rude considering he’s the one who invited you as his plus one to this charity event so you don’t want to ruin his night out. Especially since this is your first time meeting him in person having only shared a few phone calls over the last two days when he called to introduce himself to you and told you how Jeff was the one who mentioned your name to him and you trust Jeff, so you agreed to being his plus one and when he made you laugh at a silly joke you felt like maybe spending an evening with him wouldn’t be so bad. But that changed the moment you noticed a very familiar pair of emerald green eyes that seemed to be glued on you as you made your way around the event space, and by the way Shawn’s hand seemed to grip your waist even tighten you could tell you weren’t the only one who noticed the two of you were being watched.

“How do you know Harry?” The question makes your brows pinch together as you try to come up with a response that doesn’t seem too vague because honestly Harry is one of those people much like Jeff that you feel like you’ve just known forever. So you just go with the answer that isn’t a lie but also doesn’t feel like the exact truth.

“Through Jeff.” Shawn just nods as he leans an arm on the railing and looks towards you but you can tell he’s looking through you and scanning the crowd for any signs of the tall British man in question. “We uhm met at a party a couple weeks ago.”

“Must’ve been some party because he’s clearly got a crush on you.”

“Who?”

“You’re cute when you’re clueless.” Shawn says with a light chuckle as you look at him with a confused expression on your face because you really don’t know who he could possibly think has a crush on you. “You really don’t see it? The man is acting like a jealous-”

“Jealous?” You quirk a brow as the word leaves your mouth, having no idea what it really means and why it would be something you could see or a way someone can act. “I don’t know what you mean by that.” You explain making Shawn look at you in a way that makes you feel as if he doesn’t believe you.

“Harry is jealous.” He states plainly making you tilt your head as you try to figure out what that statement really means. “That’s why he’s acting the way he is and being-pardon my language but an asshole.”

“I just don’t think he likes you very much that’s all.” The laugh that leaves Shawn’s mouth as you shrug while giving him your response makes your eyes widen in concern because it’s a laugh that is more mocking than it is joyful.

“You’re not wrong but he also very obviously has a crush on you and that’s why he’s being extra-”

“A crush? On me? No-no way you’ve got it-”

“I don’t blame him.” You look down at your wrist as Shawn’s hand reaches out and gently wraps around it making the uneasy feeling begin to bubble up in your chest. “You’re stunning.” His eyes roam over your face before meeting your eyes.

“Tha-thank you.” You fumble with your words as the grip on your champagne flute tightens. “I uhm think I’m going to go get another drink.” You lift up your nearly empty glass making Shawn just give you a soft smile as he drops his hand from your wrist.

“Do you need me-”

“I’ll be fine thank you though.” Your words are rushed as you take a step away from him and towards the crowded bar area, when he doesn’t argue and just lets you walk away you let out a sigh of relief finally feeling as if you can breathe normally again the more distance you put between the two of you.

“One whiskey. Neat please.” Harry’s voice brings a smile to your face the moment you hear it, a deep and smooth sound that makes your heart do a weird sort of flip in your chest. When he turns to lean against the bar as he waits for his drink your eyes find his and all of a sudden he’s standing up straight and walking towards you as if on autopilot, moving through the crowd until he’s standing right in front of you.

“You forgot-” The rest of your sentence gets caught in your throat when Harry places a hand on the side of your face and before you can even blink has his lips on yours in a kiss that makes your whole body feel relaxed and at ease as if it’s finally figured out exactly whose hands are meant to be the ones touching you.

“I’m sorry.” His words are mumbled against your lips as his other hand comes up to cup the other side of your face. “I’m sorry for how I acted at Jeff’s and how I acted tonight I-I just got-”

“Jealous?” You ask as he pulls away just enough so he can look you in your eyes. The small twitch to the corner of his lips makes you aware that he is fighting back one of his signature smirks that makes a weird fuzzy sensation take over your mind.

“Yes.” He admits as he leans his forehead against yours. “I don’t know what you’re doing to me but I can’t stand the thought of you with anyone else but-but I especially can’t stand him getting to be the one who’s arm your on and-”

You don’t hear the rest of his explanation, your mind too busy trying to piece together the little bits of information you’ve gotten throughout the night. It’s all a jumbled mess inside your head making you almost feel like your mind is stuck in a fog as you stand there with the warmth of Harry’s hands on your cheeks and his thumbs gently running up and down your cheekbones. You close your eyes briefly and when you open them again the fog in your mind begins to lift and you see everything more clearly and it’s got your heart dropping to the bottom of your stomach.

“I get it now.” You get a stinging feeling in the back of your eyes as you take a small step away from Harry making his hands fall from your face, everything begins to click into place in your mind as you replay the whole night over in your head. And when you let out a watery laugh as you come to the conclusion of why Harry suddenly decided to kiss you, it makes his face contort into one of confusion mixed with hurt as his brows scrunch together.

“You get what?”

“Jealousy. I know what it means now.” Your words have Harry instantly reaching out for you but you’re quick to step away before his soft hands can make contact with your skin. “You-you did that because of Shawn because you’re-you’re jealous-”

“No no-well I mean yes I was jealous but-” You don’t give Harry time to finish explaining himself before you turn and start to walk away from him. You place your champagne flute down on the first table you walk by and when you finally get free of the crowd you place a hand over your chest as you try to take deep even breaths.

The feeling that starts to creep its way up from the deepest part of your being is one you’ve never felt before, it’s all consuming and has you gasping for air as if your lungs are being constricted and your eyes are doing that annoying thing where they just let rivers of tears pour out of them no matter how hard or often you try to blink them away. It’s as if you can feel a piece of your heart actually break and fall off, landing in the lowest part of your chest. The hurt you feel from it nearly brings you to your knees but before you end up on the floor you feel an arm around your middle holding you up.

“Come on.” When you look over you see Jeff giving you a smile, even through the tears you can tell it’s sad like he feels bad for you in this moment and wants to help you. “I have a car out front that will take you home.”

“He kissed me.” You mumble making Jeff just nod as he helps you up the steps. “But-but only because of Shawn.”

“I’m sure that’s not-”

“Please don’t leave.” You and Jeff stop your slow climb up the stairs at the sound of Harry’s voice coming from behind. “Please just let me explain.” Jeff turns to look over his shoulder at his bestfriend and the look of panic and what he would also describe as heartbreak on his face almost makes him want to help him but he doesn’t, he does what he thinks is best and gives your waist a little squeeze before he turns his attention back to the steps in front of him and continues helping you up them.

“Not now Harry.” Is all the man says making Harry stop in his tracks only a few steps behind the two of you.

“Don’t leave please just-”

“Leave me alone.” Your voice is what does it for Harry, it’s what sends him rushing up the stairs until he’s standing in front of you forcing you to look at him.

“No.” The word is followed by a glare sent in Jeff’s direction that has him slowly moving his arm from around you and waking up the rest of the stairs alone, letting Harry have his space. “I’m not going to leave you alone until you let me explain what just happened.” His voice is soft with a slight edge to it that has you avoiding his eyes.

“I know what happened. You kissed me because-”

“I kissed you because I wanted to or or-more like I needed to. It had nothing to do with that prick you came here with.” You bring a hand up to wipe at your face as Harry ducks down until you have no choice but to look him in the eyes. “I don’t know what’s happening but ever since meeting you I-I can’t think of anything or anyone else besides you and it’s because you-you see me the real me and you see things about me no one else does and I don’t-” He pauses to take let out a deep sigh. “I don’t know what to do about you.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t see me again until you do.”

“Please don’t-”

“It was nice seeing you again Harry.” You both know you’re lying and just trying to end this whole ordeal on a slightly positive note. “I have to go now.” You tell him as you fight off a new wave of tears, he lets out a sigh of defeat as he moves over a bit on the stairs to let you walk by him.

“I’m sorry.” You hear him whisper when you walk past him and you just rub your lips together to keep them from trembling as you look up to see Jeff standing there sliding his phone into his back pocket with an unreadable expression on his face but when he sees you he gives you a tight lipped smile as he holds his arm out for you to loop yours through.

“Give him some time to sort his shit out and maybe try to talk to him again.” He advises as he leads you out of the building and towards the sidewalk where his driver is waiting for you in a black SUV. “It’s going to be okay.” You just nod as he gives you a hug before opening the door and helping you climb into the backseat.

“Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Jeff just smile at you before he closes the door, once the car is headed down the street he lets out a frustrated groan as he runs a hand through his hair.

“Fuck why can’t I just get one night where things go the way I need them to? Just one fucking night that’s all I need.” He mumbles to himself as he pulls his phone out and scrolls over to the app that lets him control your personality traits deciding that you need to be a little more forgiving if he has any hope of you wanting to see Harry again.

But then he taps on your intelligence letting him have a wider control of what you do and don’t know and he feels his hand grip his phone almost too tight when he sees your knowledge on jealousy and intimate relationships is practically at zero, letting him know exactly why the evening turned out the way it did. Once he’s done fiddling with you he closes the app and slides his phone into his back pocket. He runs a hand over his face before turning around so he can go back inside and do damage control, seeing as not only did one of the world’s biggest stars just kiss a random girl in front of hundreds of people he also got left standing on a staircase on the verge of tears by the same girl. This makes Jeffery swiftly enter manager mode to make sure the no phones policy was strictly in effect and photos or videos of the incident won’t be leaked online, at least not until he wants them to be.

As Jeff walks back into the event he knows exactly where he’ll find Harry, at the bar drying to drown his sorrows in a glass of whiskey. Luckily Jeff also knows that his bestfriend tends to get more emotional when drunk and the more emotional Harry gets the more likely he is to put his feeling down onto paper and if he can get at least a single line of a possible song then tonight won’t go down as a total bust. So instead of cutting him off, Jeff orders another round when he makes it to the bar and stands next to his friend who is leaning over the top of it with his head in hands.

“If you tell me it’ll be okay I will punch you in the face Jeffery I’m not kidding.”

“Actually I wasn’t going to say that.”

“Yeah? Then what were you going to say?”

“I think you should just move on.” He knows those are the last words Harry wants to hear, it’s the words that will have him taking shots and mumbling things about how beautiful you are as the night goes on and by the end of it he will be drunk dialing Mitch to help him figure out which word he should use that rhymes with your name that doesn’t sound too cheesy.

“Fuck you.” Jeff has to bite back his smile as Harry lifts his head and grabs his glass and downs the rest of his drink on one gulp. “You’re an asshole you know that right?” His voice is harsh as he straightens out his suit jacket and runs a hand through his hair before turning and glaring at his friend. “Tell Shawn I said bye will you? Since I know you’re the one who invited him to this.” Jeff feels the color drain from his face as Harry reaches over and places a hand on one of his shoulders, he doesn’t know how Harry knows but clearly he does and stupidly Jeff opens his mouth to try to deny it.

“I didn’t-”

“Save it for someone who’ll believe it.” He gives Jeff’s shoulder a harsh pat before stepping to the side of him. “I’m going to go fix this bullshit your little stunt caused and if you’re smart you’ll tell Shawn to stay the fuck away from her before it’s more than just insults that I toss at him.”

“Okay.” Is all he can manage to say as Harry makes a show of shoving his shoulder into his chest as he walks by.

“Oh and one more thing.” Jeff turns around to face Harry as he lifts a finger in the air while turning around and pointing it directly at him. “Do something like this again and you’re fired.” The way he says it isn’t threatening, no it’s said like a promise that Jeff knows he will keep so all Jeff does is nod and swallow down his nerves as he watches Harry turn on his heal and walk off towards the stairs.

“This is fine.” Jeff says to himself as he turns to grab his drink off the bar. “I can work with this.” He says with a nod as he tries to calm himself down enough so he can try to think of a plan to get this to work in his favor.

After a few minutes and some hearty sips of his drink later he franticly pulls out his phone and sends a text to the man that he just watched walk away from him, sending him your number and address in hopes it will not only begin to help Harry forgive him for this whole thing but also aid him in the process of finding you and working things out, both things Jeff needs in order to reach the end goal of this whole thing. When his phone buzzes in his hand he looks down and sees it’s a text from Harry, a one word reply that while being simple still has Jeff smiling to himself because maybe just maybe tonight won’t be a total waste.

Thanks

[mya-valentine]

February Song-fics Masterlist

So, I wanted to do this cute little idea for awhile but didn't really know how to go about it for other months. Since February has Valentine's Day (AKA my birthday), I thought writing fics about love songs or songs about relationships (both good and bad) would be fun. They will be posted at midnight on each day, enjoy 🩷

February 1st - Almost is Never Enough by Ariana Grande - Erwin Smith x Reader

February 2nd - Because I Love You by Halle - Kento Nanami x Toxic!Reader

February 3rd - Love and War by Tamar Braxton - Satoru Gojo x Reader

February 4th - Call Out My Name by The Weeknd - Ex!Sanemi Shinazugawa x Reader

February 5th - Die For You by The Weeknd - Kakashi Hatake x Reader

February 6th - Enough by Chosen Jacobs - College AU Former Fuck Boy!Eren Yeager x Reader

February 7th - Girls Like You by Miguel - Secret Admirer!L Lawliet x Reader

February 8th - Kissin' On My Tattoos by August Alsina - Trafalgar D. Water Law x Reader

February 9th - Let Me Love You by Mario - Childe x Reader

February 10th - Let The World Burn by Chris Grey - Ex Husband!Sosuke Aizen x Reader

February 11th - Brain & Heart by Melanie Martinez - Brain!Alhaitham x Reader x Heart!Kaveh

February 12th - Met Him Last Night by Demi Lovato - Sukuna x Reader

February 13th - Nothing Without You by The Weeknd - Obsessive Ex!Kaeya x Reader

February 14th - One Of The Girls by The Weeknd - Light Yagami x Reader

February 15th - Pillowtalk by Zayn - Roranora Zoro x Reader

February 16th - Poison by Brent Faiyaz - Denki Kaminari x Reader

February 17th - Please, Please, Please by Sabrina Carpenter - Katsuki Bakugo x Reader

February 18th - Reckless by Madison Beer - Cheater!Douma x Reader

February 19th - Reckless by JoJo - Kyojuro Rengoku x Toxic!Reader

February 20th - Right My Wrongs by Bryson Tiller - Levi Ackerman x Reader

February 21st - Show Me Love by Alicia Keys - Vinsmoke Sanji x Reader

February 22nd - That's You by Lucky Daye - Suguru Geto x Reader

February 23rd - The Heart Wants What It Wants by Selena Gomez - Dabi x Reader

February 24th - Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes - Megumi Fushiguro x Reader

February 25th - Villain by Bella Poarch - Toxic!Tomura Shigaraki x Toxic!Reader

February 26th - Wasted Time by The Weeknd - Ex!Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez x Reader

February 27th - What's My Name by Rihanna - Eustass Kid x Reader

February 28th - X (1 Thing Wrong) by JoJo - Ex!Shunsui Kyoraku x Reader

[belovedgyu]

FASHION SHOW || Kim Mingyu part 3

part 1 part 2 ⚬ pairing: uni au! kim mingyu x fem!reader ⚬ word count: 14.5k (forgive me!!) ⚬ warnings: alcohol, drinking, insecure reader, heavy mentions of body dysmorphia, internalized shame, spice/nsfw mentions and smut, the fmc briefly slips into a dissociative space but its not mentioned directly, MDNI ⚬ genres: slowburn if you squint, jealousy, established relationship, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, smut, uni!au ft. jun, soonyoung, dokyeom, giselle and yunjin

⚬ recommended songs for this chapter: - pov by ariana grande (!!!) you're so vain by carly simon plastic by moses sumney dress by taylor swift life of the party by shawn mendes she by elvis costello

⚬ author's note: you asked for one big update, you get one big update! - this was one of the messiest things i have ever written, not just because of the subject matter i was dealing with but because this was also the first fic which i have written unplanned. - pardon any major grammatical errors which bug you, but writing and editing nearly 15k words in two days def took a toll on me! take care and enjoy <33

Dokyeom dropped you at your dorm after you had settled Yunjin on her bed in her apartment.

All night, your head kept on throbbing — from exhaustion, overthinking and feeling shitty in general. But what amplified it even more was the urge to check your social media every five minutes. It kept on clawing behind your eyelids each time you tried getting some sleep. 

Worse was the fact that you gave in. 

It was humiliating, in fact, that you kept clicking on their stories as soon as anyone who was present at the party posted something. 

And each time you clicked on one, your breath thickened and your lips mumbled a silent prayer as if to brace for some violent impact.

Throughout the night, until your eyes got heavy and shut on their own, you had seen so many pictures and videos that you could describe what anyone at Suri’s party was wearing with fearsome accuracy.

Now, sitting in your empty booth at The Cold Brew with your jacket sprawled on the opposite seat, haphazard notes littering the whole table, you felt nothing but stupid.

You dug the heels of your palms on your burning eyes as if that would ease the pain. 

What were you even thinking? Expecting to see a picture of Mingyu with his tongue shoved deep in Suri’s throat as her already skimpy dress rode even higher? To catch your boyfriend cheating on you on camera with the girl he had voluntarily cut deep rooted ties from? 

You stayed up all night, paranoid and tense with pain, for what? The worst thing you had found in those stories was that when Suri cut the cake, her fingers offered the first bite to someone who was standing far away to her left, more than a safe distance between them. 

In one of the stories posted by Lydia, you could hear Suri announce that ever since her second birthday, whenever she celebrated, she’d always offered the first piece of the cake to her best friend in the whole world – Mingyu. 

Suri then proceeded to walk all the way up to him, tripping over her heels twice, making him steady her by catching the wrist which she pushed to his mouth to feed him the cake. 

Mingyu bit off a little piece with a smile you knew was kind but not warm.

Mumbling something to her, he turned her around on her shoulders, directing her towards her younger brother who had flown in all the way from LA. 

Mingyu urged her that it was her brother who deserved that honor and not him. But the audio cut was cut short as Lydia cheered from behind the camera, “To two more decades of this friendship!” 

It was an innocent act, an innocent video, an innocent friendship but a very devious dress. 

You couldn’t spot Mingyu in any pictures or videos after that, evidencing that he had left around an hour after you. He had texted you something at the same time, probably a ‘good night’ or a ‘reached safe’ – you hadn’t bothered to check. 

When you woke up at eleven today, parched and irate as the late morning sun scorched your burning eyes, you had found a text from Yunjin waiting to be answered in the group chat. 

Yunjin🪼 (10:34 am): kickin off the weekend with some much needed study session @ the cold brew💪 who’s with meee?

Of course Yunjin was reignited with a new found flame of motivation. She always did, after satiating her monthly alcohol quota.

The text had been lying idle for a solid hour, you knew no one else would join her. 

Soonyoung had competed with Yunjin on who could drink more and unlike her, must still be too out of it to care. Jun had to tidy up his place from yesterday’s mess and one couldn't pay Giselle enough to study on weekends. 

Dokyeom and Mingyu were the only ones sober but they must have been too tired hauling their drunk friends up to their beds all night.

Besides, Mingyu and you had already planned to spend the weekend together at his place days ago — a plan that you mercilessly bailed out on when you replied to Yunjin.

You: Need to do some catching up on stats, will be there in an hour jinny

You heard her reshuffling your things to make room for a seat before you saw Yunjin. 

“Sorry I’m late!” She quipped, “Took an ‘everything shower’ today.” 

“Why did you have to wear red?” You groaned, the crassness of your own voice gyrating in your sensitive ears as you eyed her shirt warily. 

“What’s wrong with red?” The fashion major looked personally offended.

You just shrugged, unable to tell her that red was slowly becoming a color you just couldn’t stand. 

The two of you worked in silence for some time, occasionally sipping on your drinks before diving back into the heavy texts. The Cold Brew was mostly deserted on weekends. The murmur of the staff and the rhythmic whirring of the coffee machines being the only ambience inside the sweet smelling shop decorated with wood and plants. They weren't even playing that regular Japanese lofi playlist today.

All the windows were let open, allowing the cool breeze in and with all this ambience and serenity, it felt like the place could breathe once a week. 

Yunjin settled in her seat again after getting a little snack topped with fresh cut mangoes.

You were busy struggling with your nearly dead highlighter to do its work when you heard her. 

“Thanks for coming, though I thought you were gonna spend the day with Mingyu?” 

Yunjin had her eyes focused on restarting her laptop hence she didn’t notice how you nearly flinched at the question. 

“How do you know?” You muttered, warmth draining from your face. Anger? Embarrassment? Who knows?

“I called him in the morning to ask if he could cook something for me – all I had at the apartment was cold pizza and didn’t want to order out. He told me that he was gonna cook lunch for you and that I was welcome to join you guys if I wanted.” 

Your chest sunk a bit when she told you that. Of course, Mingyu was already planning out the day meticulously.

And you didn’t even have the guts to tell him directly that you wouldn’t show…he had to find that out from your passive aggressive text on the groupchat.

“I told him no cause I didn’t want to interrupt you guys, guess I ended up doing that anyways?” Yunjin scoffed. 

“No, no.” You huffed, pushing your notes away like you had given up on pretending to study while your brain couldn’t even register thirty percent of the material. “You didn’t interrupt. I was already planning on not seeing him today.”

Yunjin was confused. If there was any couple she knew who never got tired of each other, no matter how much time they spent together, then it was you and Mingyu. 

“Everything alright?” She asked.

You nodded, but your sorrowful eyes betrayed you. 

“Wait, is this about the lovebombing thing?” Yunjin’s eyes widened like she had finally found the answer to some conundrum. “Honey, it was just something stupid…I bet Giselle didn’t even mean it when she–”

“What? No, no Jinnie…” You couldn’t help but laugh, the suffocating tension locked in your body easing up a little. “Its not about that.”

Yunjin tilted her head to the side, blinking rapidly like she expected you to clarify. Perhaps, give her a clue about what was going on for you to abandon Mingyu for a study session which you weren’t even studying in. 

You bit down on your lower lip, as if sucking on it would give you the words needed to present your problem to your friend.

You wondered if there was a problem to even begin with?

Or was it just the frustration of unspoken words and wonky theories which was stretching you apart like two ends of a rigid rubber band. 

You shifted once in your seat, sweating because the afternoon breeze had mellowed down. Even the wind seemed to allow you the silence and space to speak. Then you shifted once again, this time involuntarily, as the red of Yunjin’s shirt sparkled mockingly in the streaming sun rays. 

“I dunno, I guess I am upset about last night.” You finally spoke, voice coming out louder than you expected like someone had just undid the menacing knot tied around it. 

Yunjin blinked at your borderline outburst before her face settled with recognition. 

“Oh…yeah, I was too drunk to notice but Giselle did say something about Mingyu being an ass and ignoring you.”

You shook your head. “No, he didn’t ignore me, not really.” 

“Then what is it?”

You wrapped your shivering palms around the dewy condensation on your half empty coffee cup. Your shoulders were too taut but your fingers loosened lifelessly, suspended from your hands, struggling to grasp the glass. 

Why was something so simple so hard to wrap your head around? You knew you didn’t feel the best, but you couldn’t deduce the reason behind this discomfort.

Maybe, talking it out loud with a friend might help?

“Mingyu didn’t do anything wrong,” You exhaled, “Suri dragged him around and he followed, yes. But it was nothing too scandalous or unkind towards me.”

“He was just catching up with friends, that’s all.” You shrugged. “Mingyu is devoted and loyal to me, I know that. But he also loves his friends, old or new. There was nothing to be jealous about, maybe there was but it wasn’t Mingyu’s attention. I don’t even know if it's jealousy…anger, perhaps?”

“Anger towards who?” Yunjin retorted, taking a bite of her dessert. “Mingyu, for letting Suri pull him around and not spending time with you. Suri, for being, you know, Suri? Or the whole thing in general?”

You considered Yunjin’s words, letting silence envelope your booth until you thought you found the right answer. 

You spoke low like you were spilling an embarrassing secret, “Anger towards myself, I guess.”

The clinking of the metal spoon cutting and scraping the ripe fruit from the small china plate halted for a moment.

Yunjin wasn’t expecting you to say that at all. 

“What? Why?” she licked the small smudge of whipped cream off her finger as she leaned back, giving you her full attention. 

You crossed your legs and began, “Look, Suri’s behavior was expected of her. She has always been a bit territorial over Mingyu, it's like she wants everybody to know – I was here first! And Mingyu, he has the tendency to get attention just by existing.” 

“Tall boys always do. Ours comes with a killer charm and attractive looks to top it off.” Yunjin added, earning a light laugh out of you.

“Yeah, but I trust him so I don’t really mind.” you explained, “It made sense for him to catch up with his old friends and not blatantly ignore Suri, not on her birthday.”

“He’s a classic people pleaser.” Yunjin shrugged. “Like I am not saying that he should tell the birthday girl to fuck off, but he could have tagged you along at least.”

You couldn’t help but wince at Yunjin’s comment. 

“Well, that's the part I am angry at myself about. Because he tried to. He asked me to come meet his friends. But I told him no because I was already getting pissed over nothing. All this sense that I am talking of right now, seemed to have vanished last night.”

Yunjin just nodded, sensing you had more to say. 

“So, I am angry at myself for ruining the mood completely…for leaving the party without him, for ignoring his texts, for staying up all night to keep tabs on what had happened after I left and for bailing out on our day together. All because of a fucking red dress.”

The last part startled you as much as it did Yunjin. 

You knew, somewhere deep down, that you were carefree and having fun up to the point Suri sauntered in wearing something that you could never have the guts to put on. 

Your mood had soured even more when you heard your boyfriend compliment the woman wearing it. 

It left you with questions like whether he found it attractive, if that was the type of style he thought looked best on women. 

You didn’t know, you never talked about stuff like that with each other. 

You thought he dressed well and you assumed the same about his opinions towards your dressing sense too. 

“Suri’s red dress?” Yunjin asked. 

“Yeah…it was just so sexy and good and Mingyu told her she looked good. I think that's what kicked off this whole insecurity bandwagon because I could never pull off something like that.”

“Oh you can totally pull it off.” Yunjin cut you off before you could finish that sentence with a convincing yet pitiful sigh. 

She didn’t seem patronizing or sympathetic, but dead serious. Her words carried her confidence and conviction. 

“I know, I know, the whole ‘anyone can pull off anything, you just need the confidence for it’ speech.” You drawled, resisting the imminent eyeroll that threatened to follow. 

“No, that’s what Giselle would say.” Yunjin leaned forward on the dark table, picking the abandoned spoon once again trying to salvage whatever remained of the mangoes floating over melting, frothy cream and soggy bread.

She continued, “I don’t think anyone can pull off everything. I, for once, would look stupid if I wore a heavy fabric…or a chunky belt with skinny jeans. But Jun would eat that up.”

She had spent hours researching body types and color analysis, this conversation was something one could trust Yunjin’s insights on. So you kept your mouth shut and listened. 

“Thats why, I mean it when I say that the dress would look good on you. The corset silhouette paired with your knockers and waist and hips? Ugh, iconic.” 

She moaned a little as the ultimate bite of the sweet treat melted on her tongue which made you doubt if the last line was a compliment directed towards you or her snack.   

“Now I am not the one to compare women and there’s nothing more annoying than the ‘who wore it better’ discourse, but the truth is, Suri looked sexy as hell.,,,and you, my precious little y/n, you would look erotic. There’s a difference between those two.”

Your jaw opened and closed, then opened again as you wrecked your brain to formulate a response. “I…uh, I don’t know what to say…thanks, maybe?” 

Yunjin wordlessly pushed the clay plate away. Now satisfied and full, she leaned back again with her arms crossed under her chest. 

“Wanna try?” she gave you a mischievous smile. 

You snorted, returning to arrange your pens and highlighters in your pencil case. “Should have asked that before you ate the whole thing…how am I supposed to try it now? Lick your lips or perhaps, the plate?” 

“I am not talking about the dessert, dumbass.” She laughed, “The dress!”

And that’s how, despite your several protests against it, you found yourself being dragged by Yunjin and Giselle to market on an afternoon which once belonged to your boyfriend. 

They insisted you try this store called "glitzy gurlz" tucked away on the far end of the street that only sold dupes. They weren't going to make you buy real Versace...not after they had just made you buy two sets of expensive lacy lingerie at Victoria's Secret not even an hour ago.

“Wow, that’s quite...extreme…I want to expand my comfort zone, not shatter it with a sledgehammer.” You argued when Yunjin lifted up a pair of bootyshorts that would leave seventy percent of your cheeks hanging exposed. 

The store was...something. You had passed it several times while exploring these markets at night and with the studded, low cut, bandage tops always dangling at displays, you never thought you'd ever step in here.

It reeked of cigarettes and seduction. You were used to shopping at places that smelt like fresh cotton and lavender.

“Did you text him like I asked you?” Giselle asked from another corner, rummaging through a rack of crop tops like a cunning scavenger scrounging for the best meat on a carcass. 

The girls insisted that you let Mingyu know that you were out shopping with them. Not because he was entitled to know about your whereabouts, but to give him a heads up for what was about to come. 

You see, you and Mingyu had this little ritual where anytime either of you’d come home after buying something – sneakers or sweaters, you’d give each other a little fashion show. 

It was silly, it was stupid but it was yours. 

He had even made some score paddles out of old table-tennis rackets – the scores ranging from ‘9🤩❤️’, ‘10🥵💓’ or ‘10+1 for being so adorable🥰’. 

He refused to give you anything below the ten each time you stepped out of the bathroom and gave him a little twirl in your newest steals from your favorite stores. 

While the 9 followed by a “womp womp” sound on your phone was your average reaction to whatever glittery paraphernalia Dokyeom convinced him to buy. 

The reason why the girls wanted you to let him know about this shopping spree was so that he could be prepared to ‘get the air knocked out of his stupid six pack abs’ in the evening when you'd surprise him with each of these risque pieces. 

“No, I haven’t texted him.” You answered, lowering your voice as you checked out the ice cream cone shaped neon heels like they personally offended you. 

“Whyyy?” The girls halted together. 

“Because I don’t know if I am even gonna buy any of this, let alone try it on in front of him.” 

You gestured towards the pile of skimpy skirts and racy dresses hanging over Giselle’s arms like handkerchiefs snipped into weird shapes and sewn in tassels.

Already regretting this whimsical side quest with your insane girlfriends who’d follow you down any rocky paths in high heels just for the thrill of it, you switched your phone on and off for the third time. 

“You’re not chickening out now!” Giselle protested, “I rescheduled my waxing appointment for this.” 

“I’ll wax you.” You offered, genuinely. 

“Thanks, but I’d rather you text Mingyu for now.” She smiled, going back to hunting down the next wow thing. 

You took a heavy sigh, trying to gather as much air as you could because you needed that extra dose of oxygen to face the texts you had been ignoring for over sixteen hours now. 

Your fingers hovered over the screen, sweat accumulating on your soft palms as you opened his chat to see six of his messages waiting for you.

Mingyu 🐶🩷 (02:05 am): did you reach safe baby? 

Mingyu 🐶🩷 (02:20 am): nvm i asked dokyeom and he says you did…ig you’re asleep. good night my love. 

Mingyu 🐶🩷 (3:23 am): reached home too, love you <3

Mingyu 🐶🩷 (10:00 am): hope the hangover’s not too bad, remember to drink water. 

Mingyu 🐶🩷 (10:02 am): also, do you mind if Yunjin joins us for lunch at my place?

Mingyu 🐶🩷 (11:47 am): saw your text on the group about studying with Yunjin…you not gonna come over?

You closed your eyes like that would make those texts disappear.

You could feel his enthusiasm dimming with each text, his voice echoing in your head when you read them, until it dropped down into the balked question at last. 

Somehow, the vibrance of all the colors around you dimmed as if a cloud had engulfed the once sparkling store.

You wanted to type out a paragraph, or send him a hundred hug emojis, two hundred crying ones and a thousand cat memes which you knew would cheer him up. 

But for now, you settled for a lie.

You (5:37 pm): Baby I am so sorry for missing your texts…the deadline for the stats assignment is near and I wanted to finish it off today. totally forgot about our lunch plan, thats on me. how about i make it up to you…dinner @ mine?

You (5:37 pm): I was feeling a bit low so came out to shop with the girls to cheer up. do you need me to buy something for you?

You didn’t expect a reply, not after you had ignored him so heartlessly and you knew that he’d be able to tell that your first text was full of lies. But it was worth a shot, and you were ready to face whatever was could come — being left on read, not being read at all, an angry rant which was just so unlikely for him to do. 

But a text came, around twenty minutes later, when you were trying on the thigh highs Yunjin had searched for in your size. 

Mingyu 🐶🩷 (6:03 pm): sure love, will be there by 8?

You: kk, love youuu 🥺

Mingyu 🐶🩷 (6:03 pm): more, always😘

Mingyu's POV

The basketball thudded once on the ground and then clanked against the metal of the pole with an intensity that could have almost burst it open. The pressure he had applied while simply dribbling was unnecessarily huge. 

Dokyeom wanted to comment on it, crack a pun about bursting balls, or maybe just ask him to calm down.

But he knew better than to speak anything which wasn’t relevant to the ongoing game between the two. Not because Mingyu was angry, but because he was thinking. 

The jollier guy knew how hard his best buddy tried to keep everything around him well and running, but life wasn’t linear like that. Sometimes, situations arose where one had to tidy up the mess they had no contribution in creating. 

But it was taking time for Mingyu to get that through. 

“I didn’t even know she was cross with me until she ghosted me today.” He muttered, more to himself than to Dokyeom.

He flicked the sweat off his brows before it could slide down into his eyes and tossed the ball towards his friend. 

Dokyeom caught it with one open palm and then with reflexes of a snake, passed it back on. “No, you did.”

Mingyu didn’t try to stop the ball, letting it bounce away until it halted on its own after colliding with the metal fence. “What do you mean?”

“You heard me.” Dokyeom pocketed his hands, exhaling a long held breath. “You knew it since last night that she was upset. Because why else would you call me instead of her when she didn’t reply to your texts after getting home?”

“I think it's natural for me to worry about her if my drunk girlfriend left with some guy who isn't me and didn't answer my texts after.” The taller guy snipped, instantly hating how bitter that sounded.

Mingyu flopped down on one of the stone benches stationed at the vacant court. Unable to look Dokyeom in the eyes, he let his own close shut. They burned with the sweat that had gotten into them regardless. He hung his head low with his elbows resting on his knees, not knowing what to do with all this dejection. 

Dokyeom’s laughter filled the spaces left by the chirruping of returning birds as he took a seat beside his friend, the sun setting behind them. “Don’t lie to yourself by dressing up your curiosity in the clothes of worry. You trust me, know that I am responsible and would never do any wrong to y/n.” then a beat, “you called me because you wanted to know if she had told me something about what bothered her. To see if she had complained to me about something you did.”

Mingyu didn’t lift his head. He just craned his neck from side to side to crack the stiff muscles like he was trying to borrow more time to put his dilemma into words.

“I thought about it all afternoon when she didn’t come,” he swallowed, body still slightly heaving from the adrenaline of the game, “and I know I didn’t do anything inherently bad. And I was so worried, thinking that I hurt her somehow. But then she texts me like nothing happened....she never tells me what's bugging her, just pushes it under the rug.”

Mingyu accepted the clean towel waiting in Dokyeom’s hands, swept his over his face and hair before tossing it over the bag lying between his stretched legs on the floor. 

“Dokyeom, do you think she’s that type of person?” He finally faced his friend, breathing more controlled than before. 

Dokyeom cocked a brow at him because he understood what he wanted to say, but only to a vague extent. “The type of person who gets mad at you over nothing…for attention?”

Mingyu shook his head at Dokyeom’s wild guess. “Gosh, no…the type of person who would be upset because I didn’t make her my first priority for an evening?”

“Are you calling her spoiled?” Dokyeom laughed too casually for a situation where his friend was practically ripping his own hair out. “Well, I think it depends. Was Suri preceding her on this figurative list of priorities of yours?” 

“Wha..why, no dude.” Mingyu’s head tilted, eyes narrowing as if that was the most insulting thing anyone could ever say to him. “There wasn’t even a list of priorities to begin with. I just wanted to catch up with my old friends and…I just…I just didn’t want to make Suri feel bad on her birthday.”

That settled it for some time. Dokyeom just nodded. He didn’t say anything, just let Mingyu sit there–-mind racing, breath getting dimmer until it settled in its natural pace.

And then, when he was assured that Mingyu would be able to answer his question without reacting with surface level emotions, he asked. 

“Do you regret ending things with Suri?”

Mingyu gnawed at the edge of his mouth, grinding the soft skin between his teeth until he could taste metal. It was a habit, a bad one which led to irritating sores sometimes. He wasn’t contemplating what to say because the answer was clear to him.

He was thinking about how to make it make sense to Dokyeom. 

“I really don’t because I did that for y/n.” 

His response was certain—no regrets, no second guessing—like he didn’t even need to explain the reason behind the choice he made all those months ago. 

Though, on the other hand, he reckoned that his recent behavior at Suri’s party might need some explanation. 

“But there’s this part of me, the little boy who loved Suri like a twin, which makes me want to compensate for the way I just tossed her out of my life, y'know? And I know its pretty fucking unreasonable, but I thought y/n would understand even when she shouldn't.” Mingyu exhaled, a strange sense of shame shooting up his spine. 

Dokyeom let those words hang in the maturing darkness around them. The sun had settled fully now, leaving the sports complex littered with departing practitioners and a vast expanse of dewy turf on cracked concrete. One by one, the overhead lights began flickering bright, cackling irritably as they did.

His hand landed on Mingyu’s shoulder, signaling that they should also get going if they didn’t want a sweaty stout man blaring whistles at their heads. 

“You should tell her that.” 

“She never asks.” Mingyu hauled his bag on a shoulder, tossing the ball from one palm to the other. “It irks me…because she never complains, just lets her thoughts run wild until she’s overwhelmed and then she blames herself for it.”

“Yeah she tends to feed herself these theories and I’m like…go clarify it before you believe it, dude! Fact vs fiction.” Dokyeom laughed, breathing easier in the lighter mood.

“Fact vs fiction.” Mingyu echoed like Dokyeom had just discovered the key to the universe. 

“And as for you...” Dokyeom’s steps slowed down when they reached the crossroads where they were to separate. “Making anyone feel better about how you choose to live your life shouldn’t be your burden. Well, not unless you’re harming yourself or someone else…you’re not responsible for Suri’s feelings, not after you explicitly told her what you needed.”

That slight tinge of shame from earlier jerked back up.

Mingyu took a second too long to exhale before he averted his gaze. Too open, too vulnerable to Dokyeom who was telling him to stop being a fucking people pleaser as gently as one could. 

Dokyeom patted his friend’s back and gave him a mock salute as he retreated…like any of that would cheer Mingyu up after this psychological deboning. 

Mingyu debated if he should catch up with Dokyeom who was headed back to their shared apartment to take a shower before going to your place. But that would only delay him more and he didn’t want you to think for even a second that he was deliberating standing you up for what you did at noon. 

Besides, you were at the point of your relationship where each of you had half your wardrobes at the other’s place, he'd take a shower at yours.

He bought a large pizza with your favorite toppings and the honey mustard sauce you liked. 

As he paid, he noticed a pair sitting together for what seemed like a date, their hands conjoined on top of the wobbly table stained with grease and dried ketchup.

Uncaring. Young. Possibly freshmen. 

His shoulders dropped at the sight. 

It reminded him of his first few amateurish dates with you.

It was Jun who introduced the two of you at a party at his frat. It was an exclusive affair, invites only, so Mingyu had expected the same few faces he always did. 

But for the first time, he saw you. And it made his heart skip like it never had. 

Your fingers were trembling around the red cup in an unsure grip like someone had just handed it to you and you were too polite to reject them, but too cautious to actually drink the contents.

It made him want to take that cup away from you, ask you what you would actually like to drink and then get it for you. 

He couldn’t understand why you were shivering though, or why your knees looked like they were seconds away from collapsing limp with the pressure you were putting on them.

But he got closer, and saw you smile. It wasn't a full smile, didn't even cause your eyes to narrow with bliss. It was just spread on your face with a lot of effort, like it was already causing your cheeks to ache.

That made him realize that you were nervous. Calculating your words before the girl you talked to could even finish her sentences. 

When he asked Jun about the girl in the corner, the one in the pale blue dress and soft hair, Jun said, “Ah, that's my lab partner from chem. She did most of the work this sem and I got an A because of her so I returned the favor by inviting her tonight.”

“She’s cute.” Mingyu stated.

“Yeah?" Jun had instantly perked up, "Come on, I’ll introduce you.” 

You were even more nervous around Jun and Mingyu than you had been with the girl in the neon overalls. Constantly glancing at your cardigan buried under much larger coats and jackets near the entrance, switching between fidgeting with your rings, your locket or your earrings.

Mingyu couldn’t take it anymore when you had faked your laugh at another one of Jun’s puns.

He knew he had to get you out of here. Not because he felt bad for you, but because he wanted to see how you existed when you weren’t so presentable. 

He got rid of Jun quite easily and talked to you a bit more. It was all things random—majors, roommates, clubs, frats and parties.

He had wanted to ask you if you would like to leave but held it back because he couldn’t find words to say it in a way that didn’t sound like an invitation for a hookup. 

He didn't want that night to end in just a hookup. Something in the nervous clench of your knees and the red imprints on your soft skin left by your accessories raged within him this desire to see it all again. Over and over again. Everyday, even.

So he stayed shut, giving you enough room by slowing down the conversation.

A natural at steering every social interaction the way he pleased, he made it seem like he had run out of ideas for small talk. When in truth, he could stand there all night for you, listen to your thoughts about anything ranging from meditation to Maslow if you let him. 

You were quick to grab that cue, as if you had been waiting for it all night. 

“I should go.” you had said, your smile shy. 

“Would you like me to walk with you? I am leaving too.” Mingyu didn’t hesitate in making that offer, you miss all the shots you don’t take after all. 

And he wasn’t shy about his obvious curiosity for you, he wanted you to know that he was interested in you. 

He saw your eyes widen before you blinked twice. His offer wasn’t too insistent or too casual, it just stood there with a little ball of hope. One you knew you could deny if you wanted to.

But you didn’t because he was just so cute, so you nodded, mumbling something like “I would appreciate that.”

It had played out exactly like he wanted it to.

And till this day, Mingyu firmly believed that the universe had something to do in making the two of you meet. 

Because unlike at Jun’s party, Suri never got sick drunk which meant she usually never left Mingyu’s side. But that day, Soonyoung had to drive her back home meaning there was no one by Mingyu’s side ruling out any girl he laid his eyes on with disapproving sneers.

If she had been there, Mingyu knew she would have said something like, “oh, she looks like someone who gets too attached too quick, don’t invite trouble gyu.”

It must have also been the universe’s doing when you had miscalculated just how cold it would get out in the campus and wore a flimsy cardigan. Because it allowed him to offer you his hoodie which earned him another chance to see you when you promised you’d return it. 

The numbers exchanged to ensure the "hoodie" was returned to its righteous owner soon turned into a channel for memes and texts which teetered on the edge of flirtation and something more delicate—friendship? 

The banters over texts were replaced by teasing at the movies and discourses during bookshop dates.

And that’s how Mingyu finally got to know you when you weren’t a guarded girl tugging at a modest dress like it was a habit, eyeing the liquor in your hand suspiciously when you should be paying attention to neon overalls. 

One thing, Mingyu never got back though, was his hoodie. 

Mingyu exited the pizza shop at the same time as the younger couple leaned in for a kiss. This time, his steps were slower than when he entered. 

He took a detour that would delay him by another fifteen minutes but the delay wouldn't matter.

Because what he was going to get for you would make your eyes crinkle with that unburdened lovely smile he had grown all too familiar with. 

And it was worth everything.

“Peonies!” You exclaimed, launching yourself on Mingyu before his foot could hit the floor inside your dorm. 

You crushed him as hard as you could in your arms, which wasn’t a lot considering Mingyu practically lived at the gym while you hadn’t even lifted a single dumbbell in your life.

You didn’t care how the plump blooms squished between your chests or the fact that his skin was caked with dried sweat. 

Balancing the large box of pizza, an ample bouquet of your favorite pink peonies, the flimsy bag on his shoulder and now your whole but small body, Mingyu looked too large for your narrow dorm. 

“You said that you were upset earlier,” he said, “so I wanted to cheer you up.”

He couldn’t help the laugh that vibrated in his chest. That made you clasp him even tighter as if it could convey to him your earnest regret which was as mighty as this hug. 

“I bailed out on lunch with you but you brought me flowers.” You squeaked, soft voice muffled even further in his clothed chest.

He thought he heard you sniffle. That stilled Mingyu’s attempts of pulling the peonies out of the embrace before all their petals tore apart.

“Baby, no…” he somehow set the pizza on your desk by the door and looped his arm around your shoulders to give you a gentle tug. When he saw there were no actual tears on your lashes, he sighed. “Lets forget what happened today, alright?” 

You nodded, taking a step back from him to hold the flowers—a few of them had flattened despite Mingyu’s rescue attempts.

You placed them neatly on your desk, right next to your textbook which was bulging with sticky notes and bookmarks. 

“Thanks for the pizza,” You said, lifting the box up in your unsteady fingers, still looking anywhere but in his eyes, “I was about to order one, it's like you read my mind.”

You didn’t intend for it to sound as sad as it did.

No matter how much he tried to play it cool, and how much you tried justifying yourself– you knew he didn’t deserve to pack the full Thai spread, which he had cooked especially for you, in tupperware and share it with his neighbors instead. 

He stepped in closer, his running shoes nudging against your fuzzy slippers. 

“We can talk about this, you know?” his fingers tips brushed against your twitching ones. 

It made him notice the rings you were wearing, and the glint of your two chain necklace peeking from between your hoodie and skin.

Strange, he thought, you only wore accessories when you thought you needed courage, like when you had to attend your first frat party at Jun's.

Something about the delicate elegance of jewelry calmed your nerves, equipped you with power. 

You didn’t say anything for many seconds, just stared at him with your big doe eyes—unblinking—like you didn’t want the sincerity of his expression and the ease he had created around you to disappear for even a moment. 

It cracked something within him, because he could see the clench of your jaw and the hollow of your neck. You were straining yourself from saying what mattered. From showing him the places that hurt. 

The growing cold in your fingers told him that you wouldn’t say anything anytime soon. So he took charge like he often did for you. Not because he thought you couldn’t carry this conversation, or whatever it was that he was borrowing from your shoulders…but because he could see it whenever you were struggling and didn’t want your knees to buckle with the weight of it. 

There’s a fine line between patronizing and caring. And Mingyu had never crossed it. 

“I am sorry if you felt abandoned by me at Suri’s party.” he said, “I want you to know that it was never my intention to make you feel left out, baby. I just wanted to catch up with my buddies and thought that I tried including you, but apparently it didn’t communicate well.”

Then, both his palms came up to cup your face with reverence, soft cheeks spilling out from the faint gaps between his fingers. “So I am sorry if I hurt you. And yeah, this afternoon sucked. But we can move past that.”

He wanted to say more, assure you more. But, your brows furrowed deep and your lips parted like you were bewildered…like you had expected him to unravel you right then and there but he gloriously missed the shot. 

“What…Mingyu, nooo” you uttered, “no, of course not. I know you didn’t…I didn’t feel left out or anything, told you so myself that I didn’t wanna join you guys. And of course, it was her birthday…you wouldn’t neglect her. You shouldn’t neglect anyone on such occasions."

It was his turn to mirror your perplexity now.

He dropped his hands to his side, pocketing one of them. “Then what is it that is making you seem so” he searched for the right word to describe what he saw in you at that moment, “…gutted?” 

You snorted at that, or at least tried to. “I just had a bad day and I hate what I did to you…standing you up on lunch, I mean.” 

You spoke in a way that told him you didn’t want to prolong this more. So he chose to believe you, despite the fact that your eyes had averted again and he could sense that this wasn’t an entirely honest answer. 

He just pulled you forward until you were smothered in his chest, again. “It's alright,” he whispered in the calming coconut scent of your hair, “just pay me back with twice the afternoons you promised.”

Even if you couldn’t see his face, you knew that he was grinning ear to ear—playful and relieved.

You pushed away, slightly enough for him to see you bat your lashes at him, but still close enough for the strands of your freshly washed hair to stay stuck to his hoodie. 

“How about I pay you back with something better?” 

The amalgamation of your shy voice with that suggestive offer was lethal and had him take a deep breath to calm down. A breath which you snatched away from him when you bit down on your bottom lip. 

“But first, let's eat.” you giggled.

“Brat.” he mumbled. 

The dinner was a blur of arguments over what to watch on your run down laptop and updates about his basketball match with Dokyeom earlier in the evening.

You told him about the shopping, not in significant details because you were planning to rather show him just why it was unlike any other sprees you had been on. 

And now he was half lying on your bed turned on his side with a folded arm supporting his head on his fist. 

His hair, wet from his recent shower, dripped on your pillow. He was shirtless, just wearing a pair of sweats which he had left here last week. His free palm occasionally patted your favorite worn out teddy which looked freakishly small in front of his naked chest.

One of his legs dangled down a little off the mattress because he was just too tall to fit it full, while the other was propped folded up allowing him to drum his fingers on his knee as he waited for you, facing your bathroom. 

Inside the said bathroom, you were sweating buckets. You tried not to look at the curve of your thigh which you had never let Mingyu see unless you were naked on his bed.

Now, the twin curves on either side peeked from under the dress whose hem ended too up for your usual taste. 

“Still waiting for my top model.” You heard Mingyu call out from your room. 

His persuasive eagerness cajoled you to step out. 

Your fingers fidgeted around the hem, pinching and twisting. But then you remembered that Giselle had scolded you from doing that when you had first tried it on so you flinched your hands away like the fabric had torched them. 

This was the first outfit and you wanted it to land softly before the buildup towards increasing riskiness began.

You anticipated him to react like it was just another new dress. 

You didn’t expect him to notice the shorter hem, the deeper neckline that dipped at your cleavage in a v, the flimsier fabric that fell over your body like spring.

But with his jaw hanging low, it was safe to assume that he did. 

He composed himself by jerking his head as if that would clear his head of all the unholy thoughts brimming in it, “God baby, this is already…woah, you’re gonna kill me with your beauty.” 

It made you smile and give him a twirl. The fabric swished around your legs, kissing them soft. He clutched his chest with his palm, swooning dramatically on your small bed. 

“Okay, next one.” You announced, loaded with a newfound thrill. 

You had to put on the thigh-high boots Yunjin had forced you to purchase for the next one because you refused to leave most of your skin bare by pairing it up with the kitten heels like they told you to. 

It was a black miniskirt—your first one ever.

Short enough to expose your business if you bent, but low enough to hide the safety shorts underneath. 

It was shorter than the first dress and you debated if the cropped, ribbed top meant to go with it would be too much.

You took the executive decision of disobeying the girls and switched the top for a white t-shirt. You further knotted and tucked it under your bra for a better silhouette. 

It was simple, looked like an outfit someone would wear to lecture if they had dance club practice scheduled immediately afterwards. 

But you weren’t a dancer, neither were you a fan of how faintly the pudgy ripples of flesh in your inner thighs jiggled every time you took a step in this skirt. 

The only aspect of this outfit which kept you grounded were the thigh highs which stretched well just above your knee. You had expected your upper thighs to bulge ridiculously out at the top of them. But they didn’t, not ridiculously at least. 

Despite your brooding predicament which was shaped like two lumpy logs of wood wrapped in bacon, as you called them, Mingyu was waiting for you outside. 

So you huffed out, slapping on a fake pout when you reemerged.

Avoiding his eyes like a plague, you twirled as soon as you could. Bad move, your teeth clenched. The twirl had caused the skirt to whip around in air, making it ride up just enough to show more of your legs. 

When you couldn’t avoid it anymore, you faced him, heart thumping in your throat. He wasn’t looking at your face, not yet, but you could see him blink several times at your legs. 

‘God, he thinks they’re hideous too.’ you thought and tried looking for clues of disgust.

You wanted to bolt back inside the bathroom, put on your biggest sweatpants and throw him out. 

Had you paid closer attention to the slight crease in his forehead, which only appeared when he was trying to figure something out, you would have understood that he wasn’t judging your legs.

Rather, he was examining them with curiosity.

If only he could read his mind which was running at a thousand thoughts per second, you’d know that he was only trying to find out if you were clenching your knees. If any of this was causing discomfort to race in your nerves. 

But then he looked up, and you couldn’t help but ask, “What do you think?”

Your throat felt like it was stuffed with sand. 

His face broke into a smile, a lazy one. Too trapped up in your own cage of shame and self loathing, you didn’t see the way he was grinding down on his lower lip—not until he let it go, red and abused.

“Babe…this is so hot.” he sighed, voice laced with seduction and something deeper. “Please make the boots a regular affair?” 

“Really?” you blinked, unbelieving. 

He was trying too hard not to shift in a manner that could make his semi hard bulge visible to you. But you looked too caught up in your head, obviously embarrassed, to be paying attention to anything but his words.

“I swear…” he almost groaned, “those look so good on you. And the skirt…’m so close to ripping it off of you baby.”

“Not yet!” you squealed, staggering back into the bathroom. “There are three more I wanna show you.”

“The night is all yours sweetheart.” his chuckle dimmed when you shut the door. 

What started as one of the many cheeky little fashion shows you did as a couple, a comical ritual at best, was turning into something strange. It knocked against his temples like an uncomfortable pendulum.

Something he couldn’t exactly put his finger on…You weren’t giggly, excited, or even a bit playful like you used to be at these things. 

The hesitant spinning, the reluctant drag of your feet like you didn’t want to leave the bathroom in the first place and show him what you wore…was so unlike you. 

And he saw you too clearly to call this timidness. No, this was raw shame. 

He knew that you weren’t just a shy person, but someone who thought everything she did was embarrassing. 

So for you to be acting so out of character by wearing things you never wore was certainly a bit bizarre.

But he didn’t comment on it, not when his ration tried to reason it out as you trying out something new for yourself. And he would rather swallow shards of glass than say something that could dim you down with doubt. 

But the flutter of your knees, too evident even under those dark boots…it didn’t leave his mind. 

For the first time since he had outgrown his awkward teenage years, Mingyu was experiencing being turned on and being confused at the same time. 

The bathroom door clicked open once again and you stepped out of the sterile lights into the warm yellow glow of your bedroom. This time, you had a pink pair of Juicy Couture shorts and a black bralette on. 

You turned around too soon, again, like you couldn’t face him anymore. But hid that embarrassment under the pretense of showing off the studded “juicy” written all up your ass. 

This one was more of a gag. You didn’t even think the girls were going to make you buy it when they had you put it on. 

Right now, the only explanation Mingyu could offer to someone who asked him what gave him the power to remain in his place and not pounce right on you to smack that juicy butt, it would be that Kratos himself was blessing him with strength. 

‘I am gonna tear them off your body.’ he wanted to say. 

Some variation of ‘you’re killing me’ he ended up saying. 

Ten more minutes of you struggling to fit inside of it and avoiding the bathroom mirror at all costs. Another outfit, this time a sheer lacy dress dress with matching innerwear that resembled a swimsuit. 

“Gonna wear this one to the 8 am lecture.” you joked, choking down the uncomfortable tears prickling behind your lids. 

“Oh hell nah,” he was sitting up now, legs and arms hugging your pillow because your lingering perfume on it relieved him. “Not unless you want me to be expelled on grounds of being violent towards anyone who even dared to look at you in this.”

“You’re a dramatic puppy.”

“You’re insanely sexy and unaware of it.” 

“I am taking this off.”

“Please don’t, please come sit on my lap….baby I will die if you don’t right now.” he whimpered. 

You could see the veins on his forearms getting prominent when his grip around your pillow strained tighter. 

Your body begged you to follow his command by throbbing at all the wrong places.

You felt exhausted without even doing anything significantly physical. 

But exerting whatever courage your humble body contained to smile and spin for him in dresses that made you feel like you weren’t even in your body anymore, just an onlooker crouching down in the dark corner of the room, was tiring enough. 

Succumbing to the warmth of his body was alluring, but not powerful enough to distract you from doing what you thought needed to be done. 

“Just one last dress, Mingyu.” you whispered, eyes rimming pink. 

He caught it, of course he did. But you blinked rapidly and turned around, disappearing into the bathroom again. 

Mingyu’s concern for you was inflating with each dress getting bolder, though he didn’t try to show it much. 

Your room, which once smelt like vanilla and coffee grounds, now reeked of burnt out nerves and shame when you finally walked out in the last dress.

Trembling fingers locked behind, shoulders taut and out for display with nothing but the frail thread like straps holding it all together. 

A red dress.

Eerie resemblance to the one worn by Suri. 

High slits on either side, ones which had reached her hips, looked like they had been stretched on you—not by your body, but by your fingers which might have twisted them or tried knotting them to cover the skin which glowed, exposed.

It had been about an hour since this fashion show of yours started, a ritual of humiliation you planned for yourself.

And by this point, with this final dress clawing at your body, your underlying intentions about this entire ordeal were not hidden anymore. 

It hit Mingyu like an uncontrolled truck on a highway.

It was never about his time or attention at the party.

It was about the dress, this dress. 

His limbs functioned on their own accord—abandoning the pillow on the bed, he crossed the room in long strides and stood before you, clutching your shoulders as you continued staring at him with eyes wide yet hauntingly blank. 

It was like you weren’t even with him anymore. Weren’t even aware of what was on your body. Just a thought, a question, a need for approval. 

Mingyu couldn't stand seeing the girl who had made him want to change for better standing like a shrunken version of herself, in clothes that itched on her delicate body.

Cold, detached, waiting for the validation of an idiot who was so in love with her that it sometimes physically hurt.

And he hated that he might have had some part to play in the dethroning of your pride.

“Do I look as amazing as her?” 

You were wearing vulnerability like an armour, like it was the only thing that fit you tonight. 

He didn’t answer, just a repeated murmur of, “baby…love…God, no don't do this…” as he grabbed the blanket and wrapped it over your shoulders. 

Your self sabotage had misconstrued his “Wow Suri, you look wonderful” into something more honest than “I’d give anything right now to wipe my memory so that I could experience seeing you in those shorts for the first time all over again.”

“How do I look, Mingyu!?” you asked, a little louder this time like you were tired of pretending his compliment to Suri had bounced off. It never did. 

“Beautiful.” Mingyu said, face bare and serious while he forced your eyes on him. “Look at me. You always look beautiful, no matter what. You don’t have to dress up like othe—”

“But why do I hate my legs so much…?” Your voice had gone impossibly small. Streaks of something wet were staining your cheeks.

“I don’t know my love, your legs are perfect like the rest of you…we’ll talk about it, but not like this.” His fingers were already fumbling around the wretched red dress under the blanket. 

The dress was objectively, jaw droppingly hot. And you looked delicious in it. But Mingyu couldn’t bear seeing it touch your skin—the skin which deserved all his love and reverence. It looked like it was slicing at your pride.

He finally unzipped it, pushed down the straps. The dress pooled down around your ankles like it was already tired of doing its job. 

“He’d be so shocked when he sees you wearing this.” Giselle had giggled a mere few hours ago when you paid for this dress. 

“I think he’d be disgusted at my cheap jealousy.” you had mumbled, loud only for yourself to hear. 

You search him for that said look of disgust and disdain. But all you found was hurt.

Pain in his hands which held you up like if they didn’t, you’d perish in thin air.

Pain in his voice that pleaded you not to do this to yourself.

Pain in his heart, which hammered against your naked chest. 

The blanket around your shoulders slipped when you stretched your arms to cling on him. And with it, all the weight you had been carrying since the last thirty odd hours came off as well. 

One of his arms was latched onto your lower back, the only thing still keeping the blanket half wrapped on you. While his other hand found solace in your hair, angling your head so that he could kiss all the skin accessible to him while mumbling apologies and adulations. 

Not buttering, not going an extra mile to make it right. Just his plain, honest thoughts about you. 

You weren’t overwhelmed by his words. But you also wanted him to just shut up and kiss you on the lips. When he didn’t get the hint, even after you tried sneaking one peck on the corner of his blabbering mouth, you took things in your own hands and locked his lips with your scorching, open ones. 

He was caught off guard for a moment, his words still lingering on his tongue which was now supposed to get used to yours gliding against it all of a sudden.

He melted, almost mashing his lips with yours. 

Teeth, tongues, whimpers…your bodies had kept count of every hour which had passed without each other. And they wanted to compensate for it by pouring all that built-up fervour into this kiss. 

When his hand shifted from your lower back to sprawl over the expanse of your shoulders to pull you up closer, it caused the blanket to completely fall down and join the red dress on the floor. 

His neck ached from being craning too low, so he groaned in your mouth like an animal and just lifted you up until your toes hovered over the ground. You shuddered and arched towards him, letting yourself be grappled by him like a doll. 

Your fingers raked in his hair when you pulled apart, just enough to give yourself the room to say what you wanted to say, a string of saliva still linking your mouths. Your toes met the ground, though still stretching up. 

“Make me forget everything that happened today,” you begged, “the lunch, the lies, whatever the hell this was…”

“You sure?” he whispered, the rough pad of his thumb rubbing circles on your cheek. 

“Positive.” you answered, certain and surer than you had ever been. 

A hiccup interrupted you, but you continued regardless, “I need you to remind me that I don’t have to do any of this to earn your love.”

If it wasn’t for your words, that tiny hiccup was enough to undo him. 

“You don’t, you really don’t.” he kissed both your eyelids shut and scooped you up.

You weren’t trembling anymore, neither were you burning hot with the fever of humiliation like before. If anything, it felt like your body was mellowing under his touch.

Like you were listening to your favorite poem after being stuck at a rave all night.

Like this was all that mattered, this moment…your body hitting the creaky mattress…his chest blocking your view of the ceiling…his hands, those damn hands, already parting your thighs to show him what throbbed for him. 

One of his hands smoothed over the valley between your breasts to distract you from the fact that he had accidentally ripped your panties while pulling them off. 

“I heard that!” you commented, referring to the obvious sound of stitches tearing. 

“I underestimated my strength against their fragility.” 

He hovered over you, planting both his palms on either side of your head and dipped down to reclaim your lips before you could scold him again. 

“I am tired of you ruining my underwear…” you tried your best to complain, even when he was nibbling at that sensitive spot right under your ear.

“I ruin them?” he seemed baffled, his nose brushing against your slightly damp cheek. “You’re the one always creaming them.”

“And whose fault is that?” you shot back. 

God, you wished you were this confident all the time and not only when a giant puppy was lapping at your skin like you were his favorite candy. 

He snickered, muttered a quick thanks, before trailing his lips soaked with your shimmery pink gloss and saliva down your neck.

He kissed the hickie he had left yesterday at the party before clamping his suction grip down on it again. 

You withered under him, a guttural moan echoed through the room. It reminded you of the paper thin walls of your dorms and how the bio major living next door was going to give you a stink eye the next day if you didn’t shut up. 

But you were so sensitive. And Mingyu was so relentless. 

You had no choice but to chomp down on your wrist when he found a new spot, just above your nipple, to savor on. 

Your buds had already perked up, waiting for his attention. Something about him sucking on your nipples always made the warmth between your legs leak like a faucet. 

He cupped both your breasts, giving them a firm squeeze before taking one of the rosy nubs in his mouth. Tongue tied, you let your head bury deeper into your pillow as Mingyu grated his tongue against your aching nipples, teasing and tickling until your throat closed up. 

“Shit, shit, shit…” you began rubbing yourself on his clothed thigh parked between your parted legs. 

Some other day, Mingyu would have restrained you by stilling your hips with force. But tonight, he let you do whatever you wanted. 

You pulled away, cursing. He could have nursed on your breasts for several more minutes had it not been for the fabric of his sweatpant getting disgustingly wet from his own leaking precum and from your sensual gyrating. 

He removed them in one tug, tossing them somewhere on your gossamer rug. The brief break from his heady presence allowed you the space to breathe in the muggy air, but it didn’t last long because he was above you again. 

Bleary eyed, almost animalistic. 

This time, he didn’t lean down to worship your body with his mouth. Sitting up on his haunches, he exhaled with a low hum as his large palms roved over your knees, sliding his hands down over your thigh until they finally settled on your hips. 

“Mingyu…?” you didn’t mean for it to sound like a question, but he was staring for too long and that…confused you. 

His eyes flickered towards you, dark and fluid, then back to your lower body. 

“You are so unbelievable, y/n.” he spoke and with an unexpected force, jerked your legs farther than he had ever done causing you to yelp, “so…so, fucking unbelievable.”

With each word, he leaned down more and more. By the time it registered to you that he didn’t mean those words to sound so condescending, his breath was already fanning against your drenched core. 

“So fucking unreasonable for thinking that this is ugly,” a chaste kiss that shouldn’t have stayed as long as it did was planted on your inner thigh “or this…” your hip was the next target.

“How can you…” he wanted to rebuke you for the act you pulled earlier.

But your scent was too intoxicating, too inviting.

And his lips chose to betray his mind by pressing down on your open cunt instead of finishing that sentence.

A scream tore from your lips as he began kissing your core the same way he made out with your lips.

Eager, slow, wet...almost desperate.  

The back of your thighs were pressed to his biceps and trapped by his veiny forearms in a deadlock that disallowed every wiggle, each twitch. 

The only mercy he showed you was permitting your grip on his hair—something to keep you from slipping into a world where nothing mattered but him. 

You realized that your teeth would draw blood if you continued muffling your moans by biting your wrist, so you turned your head around on your plump pillow and bit on it instead. 

The sounds your cunt made in response to his hungry licks were nothing but debauched. You tried clenching around something or nothing, as if that would stop the hot juices from streaming down your holes, drenching the linen sheet underneath. 

Mingyu saw it and couldn’t help himself from chuckling, it vibrated against the most reactive part of you. You were just so cute when you tried like that.

To think that you could control yourself to any degree when he was doing to you all the things that would put even the best selling pornstars to shame. 

He ripped his lips apart from suckling on your clit with an audible smack. 

And then, you heard him spit on you before you felt the thick, hot glob of his saliva dribble down from your little clitoris, soaking your fluttering petals until it mixed with the weeping fluids soaking your ass. 

He dove in again, but this time his intention wasn’t limited to kissing, nibbling and sucking on your folds. He lapped at you like a parched dog smearing the sinister mix of fluid all over your cunt, even sullying your inner thighs with it. 

All while you were trying not to rip out chunks of your pillow with your teeth. 

Something probed at your entrance, wet and soft. He was coaxing you to allow his tongue in. 

By now, you should know the gig. He had fucked you limp too many times for you to not too. He’d first open you up with his tongue, then make you comfortable on the thickness of his fingers before scissoring them around to stretch you well enough to take his cock in a new position that’d make him go deeper than he had any previous times. 

Yet, no amount of preparation or practice could ever dull the feverish ache in your belly. 

His tongue had wriggled inside your heat now, making the white, translucent cream gloss his lips as his nose nudged your clit with expert precision. 

He hadn’t stopped moaning at your taste and your ability to get so drenched, so quick. And if his tongue didn’t make you forget your name tonight, those vibrations sure as hell would. 

Unprepared like always, your body orgasmed without giving your head a warning. Your teeth let go of the pillow as you yelled out his name. 

A prayer, an appeal, a demand. 

You were pulling at his hair to get him out of there.

He responded to your fervor by clenching his eyes shut and pressing his face even closer to your folds. 

You don’t know what gave you the energy, but you pulled yourself up on your elbows, chest heaving and mouth hanging limp as you begged. “Mingyu please…”

He shook his head in between your thighs, like he was denying your empty pleas. You were swollen and oversensitive to his touch now, but his broad tongue persisted with those flat strokes, a playful little nibble here and there. Your clit was abused with overuse by the time he pulled apart. 

His body still didn’t budge from its rigid position though. Just a slight change, where he let go of your left thigh which plopped down on the mattress, listless. 

He was going to use that arm to elongate the torture. 

Your pussy was still fluttering, trying to recover from the previous orgasm, when he plunged a finger inside your hole. His thumb, rough and fat, began teasing your clit to tempt your walls to make space, to let his another coarse finger join its companion. 

It made you curse at him for never wearing gloves while lifting weights at the gym.

“Mingyu!” you cried out, but he was too fascinated watching your cunt swallow his fingers whole and return them drenched and dirty. 

His pace quickened making the squelching grow louder and louder until some of it squirted past his fingers, landing onto your thighs and his lips. 

“Baby, look!” he scoffed, “look how messy it is.” 

Your palms dug deeper in your face at that. You had long let go of urging him to pull away by yanking at his hair, you knew he wouldn’t stop until he wanted to. 

So you continued to whimper, flailing your free leg around. Sometimes, your heel would prod and push at his strapping shoulder—a sorry effort to make him stop playing with your cunt like that. 

It was your third orgasm which stroked some sympathy in him because you had begun crying from the overwhelming pleasure. 

Having stretched your walls, and vandalized them with enough lubrication to feel assured that you could take him with ease, he got up. 

Large hands with soaked fingers massaged your thighs again. This time, not to warn you of what was about to come, but to help settle down the goosebumps. 

“Water?” he asked.

Thorns were scratching at your throat when you attempted to speak so you resorted to nodding the best you could. Your head felt heavy and light at the same time. 

When you opened your eyes, you saw him uncapping the bottle from your nightstand, and when you shut them close, you saw the images of him smirking from between your legs. 

You had given up on suppressing your cries sometimes midway through the second orgasm. It wasn’t that you were suddenly inconsiderate of the bio major next door, but because you had lost track of time and space. 

You didn’t even know where you were anymore. 

His bed? Your bed? The floor? The couch in the club?

Make me forget—you had asked him to. 

And make you forget, he did. 

Some liquid spilled between your lips. Oh, yeah, the water. 

“Open up baby.” you felt like he was repeating that sentence, but you wondered when he said it the first time. 

He heard you wheeze a little when the plastic met your bitten raw lips. It was impossible to ascertain what angry marks on those swollen pink petals belonged to him, and which ones were your own doing.  

Once you had gulped down a significant amount of water, you felt the invisible chains, which had been restricting your limbs, loosen a little. 

The first thing you did when you could move them was stretch your arms, extending them as an invitation for the boy massaging your legs with stars in his eyes. 

Wordlessly, he caved in, pressing his head gently on your breasts and nearly crushing you with his weight. Your fingers found his hair again, this time to soothe his scalp which you had pulled and scratched raw.  

Dating someone as large as Mingyu was fun until you had him in your personal space. Because now, it seemed like there was a calf in your bed with you. 

Your legs shifted instinctually and you heard an agonizing whimper before you felt something heavy dig right above your knee. You stilled. 

“Gyu…” you called out in the dark. 

He didn’t answer, just nuzzled his nose deeper into the plumpness of your chest like he hadn’t wanted you to find out that just eating you out got him hard as a rock. 

When a pearl of something liquid, something warm, hit your skin and you jerked away like it was lava, he began sitting up. 

“We don’t have to…” he assured, creating some space between your bodies that you so undesired. 

“Get back here!” 

“No, I really need you to think about it.” he licked his lips, “you look so exhausted.”

He was trying hard to hold back but his eyes betrayed him when they flickered to the source of all his anguish, his throbbing dick…

…and you both knew that just him and his fist in your bathroom couldn’t placate it tonight.

“I am not tired.” you spoke, earnestly. 

Sure, your limbs ached from twisting and pushing around so much and your spine already felt like it could use some cracking. But that didn’t mean you wanted him to stop any of this halfway. There was no heaviness tugging at your eyelids and there was a fire roaring inside of you. Fire that could only be satiated by him. 

The only portion of his body you could touch was his forearm which was smoothing over your side. So you gently wrapped your fingers around it, bringing his palm to your face. You kissed it once before nestling your cheek on it. 

“I need to feel you, Gyu.” you batted your lashes at him. His eyes, dark and ravenous, were already watching your actions carefully, when you wrapped your lips around his thumb.

The same thumb which had been flicking at your nub and now you were sucking on it while giving him those bashful eyes. 

“Fuck, don’t beg like that.” he exhaled like that would save him from the torment you were shoving him in. 

His thumb traced the velvet of your tongue but you pushed it out with a pop. 

“Gyu, please…need your cock to fill me up so bad.” you pouted. 

That fucking pout…you could be telling him to burn the whole world down and he’d do that thoughtlessly if your sweet, small lips puckered up like that. 

A groan of your name spoken like it was the holiest prayer in the world before he kissed you again. 

Miraculously, your limbs still had the energy to apply some pressure around his body as they coiled over his neck and waist. There was no logical explanation to it, but you had learnt not to question miracles when they landed in your lap (or squeezed over your hips).

His hand was still cupping your cheek when he deepened the kiss. You could taste a familiar sour tinge coating his tongue which wasn’t there when he kissed you the first time.

Your taste. 

While he fished around in your drawer where he knew you kept the condoms, you hummed in his mouth, as if savoring your own aftertaste. 

You giggled at those thoughts. It had him break the dance of his lips against yours to search your face with adoration instead.

“What is it?” he enquired, smiling fondly down at you. 

You shook your head and giggled again. You had embarrassed yourself enough already…admitting that you liked kissing him more after he had eaten you out was mortifying. 

The faint golden glow the fairy lights curled around your bedpost illuminated the slight curve of his brows. He looked so harmless and boyish like this, surveying your laughter with wonder. 

It was a devastating contradiction because you knew what was about to come. 

You heard it in the crinkling tear of the plastic wrapper between his quivering lips—impatient and urgent. And in the vigor with which he palmed his length before rolling the rubber on. 

You braced yourself for all of it—the passion, the stretch, the force.

You turned your body around, intending to roll over on your stomach and getting on your knees and elbows when he stopped you by holding your shoulder.

“No, I want you like this.” he demanded and you obliged, falling back on your back. 

This was new, you both preferred it when he fucked you from behind. The position made it seamless for him to piston in and out of you at whatever pace he wanted without much restriction. The salacious slamming of his hips against your ass was an added bonus. 

Regardless, you wrapped your legs around his slim, chiseled waist, locking your heels on his lower back as he began rubbing his length up and down your slick.

You hissed with pleasure of being touched like that, but something just didn’t feel right.

It could be more real, more raw. 

“Mingyu remove the condom.” 

His eyes shifted up from your needy cunt creaming around him to your obscene eyes at this vile request. 

“Remove the condom…” you nearly sobbed, not wanting to repeat yourself but doing so regardless because he was still hesitating. “....no, not with the condom…”

It took you wringing your head from side to side and arching your back impossibly for him to roll the condom off and settle back in his position.

Your eager hole immediately wrapped around the tip when he tried lubricating himself against you. 

“Greedy…so fucking greedy,” he reprimanded. “My sweet little baby, always so wet and tight for me.”

Your face burned at his comments, but all you could do was moan pathetically as he began pushing in.

Your voice got louder with each additional inch. In this very public dorm, you should have controlled it…or at least, tried to. 

But you didn’t because he was so damn big! And you were ready to fight anyone who called you out for screaming so loud by challenging them to fit something so big inside themselves without turning into a puddle of blubbering mess. 

Where were your morals? Where was your pride? Common sense? 

When you arched to adjust better, and he took the opportunity to glide his hands under to squeeze your ass as he settled in balls deep inside of you, you got the answer to all your questions.

All in the palms of his fucking hands. 

“Hush baby…stop screaming so much.”

Just like you, he didn’t want the annoying bio major to lodge another complaint against you with the RA, so he swallowed your moans by mashing your lips with his. 

He knew just how sensitive you were—always reaching out to hold hands, apologizing to inanimate objects when you bumped into them by accident, petting the corner of your books before closing them with a silent goodbye—and that sensitivity transcended into your sexuality too. 

You often had a hard time controlling yourself in bed but you could always rely on his vigil awareness and steady presence. 

Looking after all your needs, giving you what you needed and stopping when he knew he should even when you begged him not to. 

His hands raked all over your soft body as you kissed him back, soft and shy. The gentle curves of yours pressing into his hard muscles drove him to a point of insanity. 

“Y/n you’re gonna kill me…god, what a way to go.” he broke away from your lips.

“Mingyu don’t say that!” you blubbered.

He drew back halfway before thrusting back in. Your voice against his lips got louder. He repeated that action, sometimes slow and deep sometimes fast and hard, until you got used to his massive girth and size—clinging on to him when he pulled out and clenching hard when he thrust back in. 

The bedpost thumped against the wall and the mattress squeaked like its springs were about to break when he lost control for a few seconds and fucked you wild, trying to hit the spot he knew too well…the spot he had abused with his fingers just a few minutes ago. 

Your body recoiled when he finally nudged it and you broke the kiss again to cry out instead.

Ecstatic, he confirmed if it was the right spot by hitting it with calculated deliberation over and over again. 

He didn't care how loud the bed banged against the wall, creating visible dents, or how your little body was being pushed deeper and deeper into the bed as he fucked you like that. All he wanted was for you to say it.

“Right here, baby?” he asked each time he bumped into it, “This is the spot, right?”

Each time, you cried out louder until there were actual tears running down your temples into your sweaty hair and drool—yours and his—dribbling down the left side of your cheek. 

“Mingyu…” you sobbed, “Mingyu…” like it was the only thing you knew. Because at that moment, maybe you did. 

You gasped when his hand grasped your neck, applying minimal pressure, and slowly brushed his thumb along your jawline. His face was buried in the mattress right by your ear which was ringing as he choked you. 

You felt him tilt his head and sigh, breathing into your hair. 

“You are so beautiful,” he admired so softly, like his cock wasn’t bullying the most delicate parts of you so erotically, “so sweet, so pretty…all mine.”

He kept hitting your sensitive spot, rubbing his crotch against your raw folds and thrusting in and out of your leaking heat which was releasing waves after waves of pleasure until your abdomen tightened with hurting buildup. 

You mewled and keened when he snaked his arm between your tangled bodies to rub circles around your clitoris. 

“S’okay baby, just wanna make you feel good.” he cooed seeing you struggle. 

The efforts it took for you to keep your legs locked around him ran out under the vile administrations of his dick and fingers.

Your legs fell limp on either side of his hips which were jutting in and out of you at an obscene pace. 

Rough, fast, primal, deep.

He noticed that and ripped his fingers away from your clitoris to hook his arms around your knees instead. He pulled them up near your chest as much as your flexibility allowed and kept them there—folded and steady–with his giant palms sprawled all over the back of your thighs. 

“Is this okay, y/n? Can i fuck you like this?” He asked, stilling a little. 

You frantically nodded, “Y-yes Mingyu, please…please don’t stop...close, close…”

Your incoherence wasn’t an obstacle for him to understand what you meant by those last words.

He knew your release was just around the corner, he could feel it in the pressure your throbbing walls were applying around his dick, like your cunt wanted to milk him for all he was worth right then and there. 

It made him smile like a cat who just ate the canary. “You’re squeezing me like you want me to fill your tummy with my cum, is that what you want, hmm, naughty girl?”

A feminine scream echoed through your room when he began fucking your snug pussy in this new position, stretching you so deliciously that you felt like he would split you wide open. 

The orgasm which hit you was violent to say the least. It wrecked you of any ability to think or speak until your mind was nothing but an ocean of hot white lust. 

What was the most concerning was his damning persistence, wouldn’t relent his pace at all even when you had squirted all over him, drenching his crotch and the blankets underneath. 

Now aiming for his own release, he continued slamming deep and hard into you.

“Sorry, sorry, so sorry baby but I gotta…argh…” his voice sounded painful when you wept in his neck, hugging him from under his arms which were planted on either sides of your pillow. 

“Its okay…” you hiccuped, “its okay Mingyu, I love you so much.”

“Say that again my love,” he begged, pressing his sweaty forehead with yours, “please say that again.”

“I love you.” You whispered, holding back a sob which ached in your throat.

“Say my name too…i wanna..fuck, it sounds so good when you say it.”

“Mingyu…Mingyu….I love you so much Mingyu…please come inside me baby, I am going to break…” you arched until your breasts were smushed against his solid chest. 

That undid him. 

He kissed you like he wanted to eat your lips–biting, swallowing, savoring. While down there, his dick pumped ropes after ropes of his shooting semen inside your heat. 

“God y/n, I love…I love you so much.” he mewled, “you know that, right? You know how much I love you. No? You don’t have to…fuck, you could be wearing a fucking potato sack and I’d still make love to you like its the last time I get to touch you…”

You couldn't believe he was really talking about you wearing potato sacks while coming so deep inside of you.

Mingyu always rambled too much every time he’d come. And his chatterbox was just unstoppable when he was coming inside of you, raw and unhinged. 

You answered by burying your nose in his chest which even after having been soaked and splattered with sweat—yours and his—still smelt like warm earth and fresh citrus. 

He slumped against you, spent and grateful. His hips had begun slowing down, fucking whatever come had seeped out back in and keeping it plugged down there.

When he did stop moving, and it was only your breaths and the whirring of the fan which could be heard in your room, he still didn’t remove himself from you. 

“Pull out.” you hoarsed.

“Pull out? Do you not love me anymore?” it was his turn to pout at you now as he nuzzled in your neck, kissing your sweat soaked earring. 

He did pull out eventually, carried you to the bathroom, helped you clean up and then left you soaking in the warm bathtub while he changed your sheets after another quick shower. 

The fan was turned off, you preferred the ventilation of the open window more. It brought in the cool breeze along with the calming scent of magnolias abundant on the campus.

Below your broken window, campus life buzzed—people getting in and out of the dorms, some getting ready for a party while some complaining about how noisy it was in the library that day. It was the kind of commotion that would coerce one to do something. Anything. 

Any other day, you would have caved in by either grabbing your books for an all nighter at the library or a pair of heels to crash some party. Maybe just a walk around the campus. 

But tonight, you were content with where you were, lying boneless and pink on Mingyu’s chest.

Your head rested on one of his pecs while your teddy lay on the other like he was a mattress in himself. The comfiest, coziest one. He occasionally patted your hair some times, caressing the teddy clutched in your fingers the others. 

You thought it would ruin the night, talking about what happened earlier. But it didn’t feel so heavy anymore.

The words weren’t lodged in your throat now, they were sitting ready at the tip of your tongue, ready to spill out for him. 

“Mingyu?”

“Mhmm?”

“Do you hate me for what I did?” 

A beat. Something crackled on the pavement outside, or maybe that was his chest. You took a breath, drawing strength from the magnolias. 

“Why would I?” The way he proposed that question, like it was up to you to do any explaining or leave it at that, shrinked your doubts even more. 

He wasn’t ridiculing you for thinking what you thought, or pushing you to give him reasons to hate you. Just plain genuine curiosity about what reigned your thoughts. 

“I dunno…because I was weak?”

He didn’t even wait for a moment before answering like he already anticipated that question and had a reply for it at the back of his hand.

“You did what you thought was the bravest thing, even when it hurt you. It was careless, yes. But weak? I don’t think so.” 

You let that seep into your skull. It did take you some courage to pull the stunt you pulled, it left you so exhausted…but it was also true that your intentions were reckless. 

Insecure and doubtful of the truest thing you had ever known—his love for you, this was certainly not your proudest moment. 

“I just think you need to be kinder to me, y/n.” he whispered, staring at the corner of the room where plaster was beginning to peel. 

Your heart sank in your gut. 

“Are you saying…are you saying that I am cruel to you, Mingyu?”

God, this wasn’t what you wanted. At all. 

The bail out, the outfits, the persistence…it was all for you. Because you needed space, you needed assurance, you needed to prove something to yourself. 

You never wanted him to be caught between the crossfires of your perception and identity. 

“Yes…" he affirmed, "but not when you stand me up on dates. It's when you let yourself think to the point of misery. When you make assumptions. When you talk to yourself like your biggest hater…"

"...because, i love you so much, y/n. And whoever treats you the way you treat yourself is the most cruel person in my eyes…” he gulped hard, his voice gruffer and deeper than it had ever been.

Like he was holding something back…tears, perhaps, and it was causing him so much pain. 

He continued after gathering his scattering self together, “Please, never put me in that dilemma where I have to fight you to save you. It should never be you and the lies hammered in your head vs me…it should be me and you against them instead."

He strained his neck just a little to capture your watery gaze like a promise. "Let me hold them with you, let me help you battle them…let me show you just how weak they are. They’re all just lies, after all. And you, you’re my little genius who is unfortunately outnumbered against the opinions of others.”

You didn’t know you were crying with your teddy tucked under your jaw, until the wet pool began growing on his chest. His hands were tighter on you now, stilling your rocking shoulders gently. 

He didn’t knacker you to stop crying. Didn’t even talk about anything other than how much he loved you. You slipped in and out of consciousness when you had no tears left to cry. 

That night, you dreamt of a girl who kept on tugging at the edges of her dress in a room choking with faceless people and their angry chatters. She looked hauntingly similar to you, but rounder at the edges which were yet to be formed, more juvenile in age.

Scared and trembling like she was anticipating to hear something which had already gone bad. But no bad news came. 

What came instead, was a boy. Beaming with kindness and dragging her along with a firm hand wrapped around her soft wrist. The girl kept trying to look back inside the room they had just emerged out of. But the boy kept on running, trying to match her slower pace and distracting her with the sun and the flowers. 

By the time morning rolled around, the room full of faceless people had been reduced to a pinpoint of white in some vast galactic stretch. The girl’s steps weren’t hesitant anymore as she ran away with the boy, chasing birds around magnolia trees, peonies in her hair. 

After that day, you never felt left out or pitied yourself when other girls wore shorts. You joined them, instead. Not all the time, but on days when you felt like confusing your peers into believing you had joined the fiercely stylish dance club.

And every time, Mingyu would be there to hold your hand in your microeconomics class. The one he didn't belong in.

Your favorite juicy shorts stayed, replacing your old cotton pajamas as the thing you wore the most while struggling with statistics in your dorms.

They were surprisingly comfy.

And with them stayed the boots, ones which Mingyu claimed were lethal but also never complained about when you put them on for an occasional brunch with the squad.

You never touched the red dress, though. Joking about donating it to Yunjin and Giselle who could alter it into something new. But you could never get yourself to keep those words.

It hung at the back of your closet, not as a token of shame, but as a memoir of how far you'd risen up from those voices which mocked you in your head.

Every day when you opened your wardrobe to get dressed, you greeted that dress like an old friend you didn't speak to anymore, one who had built your character more than anything ever could.

And on some nights, when you lay with Mingyu, pressed close to his heart, and if he felt too playful, he'd ask you when were you gonna put on the potato sac fashion show for him.

You'd call him an idiot. He'd call you beautiful.

the end. <33 p.s. - i wrote ramen instead of semen at one point and it just reminded me how lost i am when i have to insert a smut scene in a fluffy angsty story all of a sudden. p.p.s. - pls enjoy the moodboard i made for this chapter! <3 you can follow me on pinterest

taglist: @armycarat2612 @scoupswife1234 @mmessier31

let me know if you wanted to be tagged for my upcoming fic "normal people".

[abbygracerecs]

Shawn Mendes Fic Recommendations

❤️‍🔥 - Smut

🤰 - Pregnancy/Parenthood

⚠️ - Potential Trigger

♾ - Neurodivergent!reader

❤️ - Soulmate AU

You are my favorite - @watchmegetobsessed

Did we just get married? - watchmegetobsessed

Don't blame it on me - watchmegetobsessed

The song was about you - watchmegetobsessed

We can't be friends anymore - watchmegetobsessed still makes me cry every time i read it

Happily Ever After - @softboywriting ❤️

Unmated - softboywriting

It's always been you - @brianc521

Farmer's Daughter - brianc521 ❤️‍🔥

Mendes Barbeque - brianc521

Marry Me - @yournameoneverypage

When You're Ready - yournameoneverypage

Playing House - yournameoneverypage

I want one - yournameoneverypage

Falling forward - yournameoneverypage

Confessions - yournameoneverypage

Serendipity - yournameoneverypage

If it isn't you - yournameoneverypage 🤰

Aw, nuts - yournameoneverypage ❤️‍🔥

Like I love you - @sauveteen

Not good enough - sauveteen

Arpeggio - @lonelyreputation

Not important - lonelyreputation

His muse - @redrebecca

New years nightmare - @tbyfandoms

Glad it's you - @5-seconds-of-bucky ❤️

[sanakiras]

TREAT YOU BETTER

PAIRING — lee chan x fem!reader

WORD COUNT — 3.7k

SYNOPSIS — your boyfriend of five months has been treating you like hell, and one of your closest friends, lee chan, refuses to let it go on any longer, taking matters into his own hands.

TAGS — college au, best friends to lovers, cheating, explicit sexual content, mutual pining, mentions of reader struggling with low self-esteem, cheesy stuff, yes i did come up with this after listening to treat you better by shawn mendes

NOTE — first fic here. he looks so good in the wait m/v so i wanted to write something for him :D my beloved

THE SLAM OF THE DOOR BEHIND YOU RINGS THROUGH YOUR EARS. you try to wipe your cheeks dry, hoping you don’t look like the tearful mess you are.

your voice feels raw from yelling for the past hour or so. it’s been going like this for the past two months at least twice a week, and you’re exhausted because of it.

as the rain pours, you notice the familiar car driving towards you, bright lights feeling heavy on your eyes. you open the door without hesitation to let yourself sink into the passenger’s seat, taking a few deep breaths, all without looking at the driver.

but the quiet sobs escaping you are enough to give it away.

chan has his one arm leaning on top of the steering wheel, the other gently touching your shoulder to make you look at him, but you refuse.

“i’m fine,” you stutter out, sniffing from the cold, “really.”

of course you’re not fine. both of you are more than aware of the toxicity of the situation. you getting into arguments with your boyfriend several times a week, resulting in you calling chan and staying over at his apartment for a night, only to hear you make it up to the guy the next day when you weren’t even in the wrong to begin with.

“we have a different definition of that, then.”

“it was just an argument. we’ll work it out in a couple hours.”

“it’s not normal.” he says, trying to get it through your thick skull without raising his voice. “it’s not normal, baby.”

you sniff, trying to somehow get rid of the pain beating against your forehead. “he can be so mean, and then… then he’s so sweet again.”

chan wants to rip his hair out of his head. five fucking months of this have passed at this point, and he doesn’t know how much more of it he can take. he’s not sure how to handle the situation the right way, either.

he’s been in love with you for years. years. since sophomore year in high school. it was never his intention to fall in love with you, nor did he think he would, but he did, and god did he fall hard. embarrassingly hard.

nevertheless, he was always too afraid to make a move. too afraid that you’d reject him and he’d be out of your life forever like he was never there in the first place.

but he’s grown up now. third year of university, twenty-two years old, longer hair, a leather jacket and a solid bunch of experiences. some great, some he’d rather forget.

and so five months ago, he’d finally mustered the courage. he was finally going to own up to his feelings and tell you the truth.

only for you to excitedly come up to him, telling him you’re seeing this guy. and it made his heart sink in his chest, but he pushed his feelings to the side for your happiness.

or so he tried.

your boyfriend treats you like shit. he was sweet in the beginning — they always are.

then the cracks in the façade started to show.

it’s not that you don’t see it. you do — but it’s difficult to leave when someone knows just how to keep you where they want you. every time you tell yourself you’re gonna break up with him, he sweet-talks you and says things can be fixed, and that going through a rough patch is normal.

but chan knows better.

he just needs you to know better as well.

it breaks his heart to see his favorite person let herself get hurt like this. he becomes a little more torn with every sob leaving your body, every tear spilling from your eyes.

he gently puts the buds of his fingertips on your chin and jaw, slowly turning your face to him so he can look you in the eye.

the tears are still quietly running down your cheeks, your face numb, now devoid of any emotion, ashamed to have him see you in this state.

“you’re killing yourself like this.” he whispers, voice laced with concern. “he’ll never make you happy.”

you sniff from your breakdown. “maybe it’s me. maybe i just need to stop giving him such a hard time—”

“don’t even think about finishing that sentence.”

“please, chan, just… just go and get me somewhere else. all i need is some breathing space — please.” you beg him.

he wants to scream, wants to tell you to break up with him for good, wants to walk into that damn house and do it himself — but he can’t.

instead, he obliges, driving you to his place.

his cozy one-person apartment feels like the best place in the world to you — the one place where you can get away from everything else.

you watch chan as he locks the door behind him, then leaning against it for a moment as he watches you sit on the armrest of the soft chair. “you okay? want some tea?”

the corners of your lips curl up at the suggestion. he knows you awfully well. “that’d be great.”

his lashes flutter before he nods, kicking his shoes off by the door.

once he’s busy in the kitchen, you bite your lip as you recall the way he softly talked to you in the car, eyes trailing past the curves of his arms and the sharpness of his jawline.

he’s dated more than you have. not much in high school, but definitely during the past three years he’s spent at college. though it doesn’t surprise you. he has such warmth to him, with the beautifully infectious sound of his laughter, that big smile and some of the prettiest eyes you’ve ever seen.

it wasn’t until recently you began to see him in a different light. whenever you saw him with a new girl, arm around her waist or over her shoulders, you secretly imagined yourself next to him more than once. you can’t believe you didn’t take notice of how handsome he was before.

but you’re too much of a coward to tread over that line of friendship, too much of a coward to see if maybe, just maybe, your feelings are requited.

“wanna stay here for a while?” he asks, hoping you’ll at least spend the night here before you go back to your boyfriend, as you’ve done countless times before.

“yeah. don’t feel like going back yet.” you smile, trying to somewhat make light of the situation.

“then don’t.”

you sigh at his response. “it’s not that easy.”

“why not?”

“because i don’t wanna throw something away the second things get hard.”

“there’s a difference between hard and unbearable. your case is the latter.”

feeling backed into a corner, even though he hardly means to do so, you turn the topic on him. “you’ve had some rough experiences with past girlfriends too and you stuck around.”

god. if only you knew he ended up leaving them because he never enjoyed being with them as much as he enjoyed being with you. “you’d be surprised.” he mutters under his breath, pouring two cups of tea, making yours exactly as he knows you like.

when you stay quiet, he tries to think of a way to get it through your head that you need to break up with your resident ass of a boyfriend.

“can i ask you something?”

“sure.”

“what’s it going to take for you to leave him?”

the question makes you look up before using a tone that almost sounds like you’re scolding him. “chan.”

“i’m serious. he’s treating you like shit. you call me crying every week.”

“it’s just—”

“no, it’s not ‘just a tough time’. you know it isn’t.” he interrupts, jaw clenched tight but voice controlled. he will not yell at you like that piece of trash does. “he’s a controlling, manipulative asshole. it’s not gonna get better. if anything, he’ll just treat you worse in the future.”

“yeah, well, not all of us have people lined up.”

the words have left your mouth before you can comprehend it, leaving you to lower your head in regret. not that it’s any less true. to you, anyway.

“what, and i do?”

“don’t you?”

he’s not sure what baffles him more — you thinking that he’s got girls lined up to date him or you thinking that you don’t have anyone else out there that would be willing to date you.

“what’s this really about?” he sits down on the empty coffee table, facing you directly. “what does my dating life have to do with yours?”

“nothing — it doesn’t. i never said it did.”

“then why the comment about me having people lined up? which i don’t, by the way.”

the answer sits at the tip of your tongue, but you can’t bring yourself to say it without looking away from him. “maybe not. but at least you won’t end up alone. i can’t say the same for myself.”

and there it is. the sole reason you’re still with the guy. your crippling fear of ending up alone, your heavy insecurity that makes you believe no one could possibly want you.

the last thing he wants is for you to get hurt — but he’d rather have you suffer through your first heartbreak than end up with someone who walks all over you like a doormat.

“please don’t take this the wrong way, sweetheart, but if you think that low of yourself, you’re a little stupid.”

the comment makes you snort. “well, it’s certainly fitting.”

he wipes some of your half-dried tears away, his one hand remaining to cup your cheek, an alarmingly intimate gesture.

“aside from the fact that there’s nothing wrong or shameful about ending up alone... i need you to know that you’re worth it. you’re gorgeous and intelligent and—” he halts for a moment, in a way confessing his love for you, not caring how cheesy it sounds, “—you deserve everything you want. ‘cause you’re one in a million.”

fuck, has he always looked at you that lovingly?

his words catch you off-guard for a moment before you press your lips together. “as much as i think it’s sweet of you to say those things, you’re only saying them ‘cause you’re my friend.” you interrupt him, having made up your mind.

after which chan shakes his head, gently twirling a strand of your hair between his fingers. “i’m saying it because it’s true. any guy would be lucky to have you in his life.”

“i don’t think ‘lucky’ is the term my boyfriend would use.”

“yeah, ‘cause he’s a fucking dick.” he immediately comments, adding the next part with a softer tone. “if you were with me, i sure as shit wouldn’t be acting like that.”

that last sentence catches your attention, and chan realizes what he just said, suddenly very aware he’s treading on thin ice now.

but it had to come out one way or another.

though you seem to be going along with his words, not showing any signs of being uncomfortable with it. “and who’s to say you wouldn’t break my heart?”

he sees the intrigue on your face and decides to lean in closer. “if i broke your heart, i’d be breaking mine as well.”

“i’m not convinced.” you murmur, just loud enough for him to hear, and chan feels his heartbeat quicken.

every rational thought going through his mind is thrown out of the window the moment he catches you staring at his lips. it’s enough for him to put his hand on your lower cheek and smash his lips against yours.

he kisses you like he always imagined he would. perhaps a little too enthusiastically, but he’s waited too long for this moment to care.

and you’re kissing him back.

you both get hot from adrenaline and arousal. his hands roam down your hips, but when you start pulling on the collar of his jacket, he finally has it in him to break the kiss.

“are you sure you want this? i don’t want you to feel pressured—”

“i’ve wanted this for so long, chan. take it off, please.”

maybe he should pinch himself to make sure he’s not dreaming. you’re underneath him, lips swollen, gazing at him like he’s your whole world and more.

he leans down again to pick you up, ensuring you’ve got your legs wrapped around his waist so he can carry you to his bedroom.

once he lays you down on the soft bed, you watch him take off his jacket and throw his shirt over his head, leaving him with his chest bare, elastic waistband of his underwear visible.

he’s a dancer in his spare time, but you know he’s been hitting the gym recently as well, and it’s paying off, noticing his bigger biceps and toned abs.

then he chuckles from the way you’re observing him, and that smile — that beautifully big smile is what you fell in love with.

one of many things, really.

you remove your basic long-sleeved shirt, exposing your skin before him, enjoying the way he’s looking at the black bra you’re wearing underneath.

you’re seated at the edge of the bed, at eye-level with his chest, which you kiss softly.

he follows your actions like a hawk, unable to keep his eyes off you. he proceeds to move your hair behind your shoulder, his right hand finding your jaw when he kisses you again, lips trailing down to your neck and collarbone.

his touches are slow and sensual. at the end of the day, it’s your first time together, and you both notice the pressure and tension that comes with it.

you’re both aching to touch each other more already, but it feels so much better like this.

he gently pushes you to lay on your back, hovering over you to kiss down your chest and stomach, smoothly pulling down your skirt before his fingers hook onto the fabric of your lace underwear.

“what’d you want me to do, pretty girl?” he asks while getting rid of your panties, looking you in the eye as he does it.

the nickname makes you shiver. “you can do anything you wanna do.”

“wanna eat you out. bet i’m better at it than that motherfucker.”

“not hard to beat when he never does it at all.” you mumble to yourself, but he hears it.

“are you kidding? has he ever even made you cum?”

you just give him a deadpan stare that has a hint of embarrassment to it, which is enough for him to know the answer.

just being aware of how bad that fucker treats you makes him want to prove to you that he can make you feel so, so much better. and that’s exactly what he’s gonna do.

he wastes no time, spreading your legs so his tongue can get to work. you shiver at the feeling of his mouth on you, biting your lower lip to not squeal already from sensitivity.

“no. none of that. i wanna be able to hear every sound you make.” he says after taking your hand away from your mouth. “you can pull on my hair if you like.”

“do you like that?”

“yeah, i enjoy a bit of pain.”

that makes you giggle a bit. “you masochist.”

to which he responds with a gentle pinch to your skin. “keep it in mind for next time, baby.”

fuck — you definitely will.

your hands run through his soft black hair. you’ve locked your legs behind his head, hips bucking up a little every time he hits a spot that feels good, his warm breath and wetness of his mouth on your pussy turning you on like crazy.

chan is pretty sure he’s descending into heaven when he hears you moan his name for the first time. he doesn’t know how many times he’s fucked his fist imagining that sound.

so he adds a finger to the warm and wet mess between your legs, sliding in easily, biting his own lip as he watches your reaction to it. you’ve got your head thrown back, one hand fisting the sheets, the other still holding his locks.

then he moves to a second, and not much later he’s got three of his fingers pumping in and out of you, arching them a little to find the right spot, rubbing and sucking on your clit.

“does that feel good?” he asks, just a bit out of breath, which is nothing compared to the writhing mess that’s you. he keeps messing with the pace, edging you a little every time, making you go crazy.

“please, channie, please let me cum—”

“i will if you answer me, baby.”

you whine, nodding at him desperately. “feels s’good, so fucking good.”

“want me to go faster?”

“please. god—need you inside me so bad.”

even he can resist so much. you’re so good for him, so he increases the pace of his fingers, relishing in the way you start squirming underneath him, trying to push him away and pull him closer all the same.

then you pull on his hair almost violently, making him moan against your pussy as you hit your first climax in a long time.

and he doesn’t stop yet — only once he sees you’ve regained focus does he pull his fingers out of you, sucking on them to savor the taste right before kissing you again, your trembling body aching for him.

he only breaks the kiss to reach for the drawer in his nightstand, grabbing a condom out of it, getting off of you to push off the last pieces of clothing still on him. the realization of the fact that your best friend is about to fuck you after god knows how long finally begins to dawn on you, and it makes your heart beat that much harder.

once he’s slipped the condom on, you move your hands to his neck and shoulders, biting your lip when you feel him push your legs behind his waist.

you gasp when he bottoms out of you for the first time. his head is buried in the crook of your neck as he finds his rhythm, sucking at your sensitive skin, not giving a damn whether he leaves marks on someone that’s technically not even his.

yet.

“do you remember that time we went to senior prom together?” he asks breathily, not slowing down even a little bit. “you were wearing that pretty blue dress. god, i wanted to take you home that night more than anything.”

you remember that. it was just before you two graduated high school together — he looked so dashing in his suit. you’d even imagined kissing him underneath the basketball bleachers like some cliche rom-com.

“so why didn’t you?”

“was too much of a pussy to do it.”

you bring yourself to chuckle inbetween your moans. “that’s a shame. i would’ve let you.”

just knowing that his feelings are reciprocated turns him on. he lifts his head up a little, kissing the front of your neck, your jaw, your cheeks — everything, only halting for a moment when he fucks you just a little faster, watching the way your eyes roll back from pleasure.

your hands run over his strong back as he pushes in and out of you at a steady pace, your lip nearly bleeding from how hard you’re biting it.

he hisses and relishes in the burning feeling of your nails digging into his shoulder blades.

“chan—god, harder, please—”

“i know, baby, i know, i got you.” he breathes out, changing up the position by hooking your legs over his shoulders.

it hits the exact right spot when he fucks you again, harder and deeper this time, your hands desperately clinging onto his skin, teeth sinking into your lower lip until they're nearly drawing blood.

beads of sweat roll down his muscular back. he feels you’re getting closer to hitting that release, so he moves one hand down to rub your clit again, aching to see you fall apart underneath him.

“fuck, ’s too much, channie—” you whine, throwing your head back in the pillow for a moment.

but he shakes his head, continuing, knowing you’re close. “you can do it, pretty girl. cum for me again. i wanna feel it.”

and he discovers that begging you works wonders, because it’s enough for you to come undone, clamping on his dick, making it feel so tight that he spills his own release into the condom mere seconds after.

with a layer of sweat on your foreheads, he feels how sensitive you are when he pulls out. he throws the condom in the trashcan, turning his face back to yours and kisses your lips more softly this time.

“how do you feel?”

“a little worn out.” you sigh, proceeding to show a smile. “but better.”

“good. how do you feel about taking a bath?”

“sounds nice.”

chan can’t help himself and leans in to kiss you again. he’s already getting awfully used to this, but one issue remains. “i wanna be with you. i meant everything i said tonight.”

the sentiment warms your heart. he’s always had that effect on you. “i know. i wanna be with you, too.”

he nods, happy with your words. “you go on ahead to the bathroom. i’ll clean things up here.”

“okay.” you tell him, pressing another kiss to his cheek before leaving the bedroom, feeling utterly lovesick.

he shares your feelings — it’s like he’s reliving that exciting feeling of seeing you the first few days after he realized he was in love with you.

there’s something that pulls him out of it, though. a certain vibrating sound. what is that? he thinks to himself.

and after looking around the room, he discovers it’s a phone receiving a call. your phone, to be exact, sitting in the back pocket of the jeans you discarded earlier.

the screen of your cellphone lights up, and he picks up the device, about to let you know someone’s calling — but his voice gets caught in his throat when he notices it’s the asshole who made you cry in the first place.

scoffing to himself, he taps the red button and declines the call.

thank you for reading. let me know if u enjoyed it x

® SANAKIRAS — do not repost, remake or copy my work in any way whatsoever. translations are not allowed.

[lovetaroandtaemin]

Roses

Xiao Dejun x Reader

Word Count: 7,100 Genre: Angst, Fluff, Non-idol AU Rating: Adult themes, MINORS DNI!

Summary: Dejun has an intense crush on you, his best friend's girlfriend, but knows that he can never tell you. When you and Kun get into an argument, however, and Dejun is the first person that you call for comfort, repressed feelings come to light. Will the relationship last, or will the wounds of the past drive a wedge between you?

Warnings: Incredibly toxic relationship, objectification, mentions of sex but no smut, technically cheating, making out, using sex as a coping mechanism, unhealthy coping mechanisms in general, panic attacks, you could probably describe the way Reader reacts to certain things as PTSD symptoms, angst with no happy ending. If you think I missed a warning, please let me know!

A/N: So this fic happened because I had Roses by Shawn Mendes and Roses by Jaehyun stuck in my head at the same time, and I wanted to see if I could write something that would connect the two songs into one story. I love both Shawn and Jaehyun's music, and I love writing fics inspired by songs, so this was a really fun challenge for me! I really hope y'all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Permanent taglist: @xomakara

Fic is under the cut.

Dejun knew that the way he felt about you could only end in heartbreak for him. Did that stop his crush on you, though? Absolutely not. Sure, you were his best friend’s girlfriend, and he knew that he probably would never be with you, but that didn’t change the fact that he thought about you all the time. He knew that you would never think about him the same way, though, so he was planning to take his feelings for you to his grave.

Keeping his crush on you a secret only got harder for Dejun, however, when Kun brought you to dinner with the rest of their friend group to celebrate Sicheng getting a promotion at work. Dejun knew that you would be there, of course, since everyone was bringing their partners, but knowing that he would see you never quite seemed to prepare him for how beautiful you were.

When Dejun saw you walk into the restaurant, he couldn’t help but stare. Your hair was done in an elegant updo, your makeup was simple but still looked amazing, and the bright blue dress you wore to match Kun’s tie showed your body off perfectly. You were beautiful, and Dejun could only hope that you knew it.

You were honestly dreading dinner with your boyfriend and his friends. Sure, you got along well with Kun’s friends, but your relationship with Kun wasn’t what it used to be. When you first started dating, he was such a gentleman. He treated you with nothing but respect and kindness, never let a day go by without telling you how beautiful he thought you were, and generally made you feel more loved than you ever had.

As your relationship went on, however, the way Kun treated you only got worse. For example, he didn’t even try to hold the door for you when you entered the restaurant for dinner, even though you weren’t far behind him. You also couldn’t remember the last time he’d said something nice about you that didn’t have anything to do with sex or your body, and you would have been lying to yourself if you said that it didn’t hurt to be treated like nothing more than an object.

When you greeted Kun’s friends, they all smiled and hugged you, and you felt a weight lift off of your shoulders. If you were being honest with yourself, part of the reason that you’d stayed with Kun for so long, even after your relationship seemed to go to shit, was how close you’d gotten to his friends. You were especially close to Yangyang and Dejun. In the years that you’d known them, they’d made it abundantly clear that you could talk to them anytime you were having a problem. Plus, their goofy songs and bad jokes never failed to make you smile.

You knew that it was wrong, especially because of how close he was to your boyfriend, but sometimes, you couldn’t help but think that Dejun was incredibly attractive, too. His smile gave you butterflies, and he was never anything but kind and respectful to you.

It was probably crazy for you to think this, but you were fairly sure that Dejun liked you too. Every time you talked to him, without fail, you noticed a faint blush on his cheeks. You also frequently caught him checking you out when he thought that you and Kun weren’t really paying attention, and he made a point to compliment you every time he saw you. For example, when he greeted you at dinner, he said, “You look great tonight, you know. The eyeshadow you’re wearing really makes your eye color pop.”

“Thank you, Dejun. It’s nice to have someone appreciate the effort I put into my appearance.” Kun gave you a dirty look when you said that, but you pretended not to notice. You loved your boyfriend, sure, but it was also nice to have someone notice you beyond your sex appeal.

Maybe he was going crazy, but Dejun was certain that he saw you blush when he complimented your makeup. Was it possible that you were into him? For a long time, he’d been fairly certain that you weren’t, especially when he considered the fact that you were dating Kun. When he saw the look in your eyes and the blush on your cheeks, however, it made him wonder. If you really did like him, maybe that meant he didn’t have to keep hiding how he felt about you.

Throughout dinner, although he was there to celebrate with Sicheng, Dejun consistently found himself getting distracted by you. He did a decent job maintaining conversations with his friends, of course, but he ended up not-so-discreetly staring at you every time someone wasn’t addressing him directly. He could only hope that Kun didn’t notice.

Kun definitely noticed the way Dejun was looking at you. That much was clear from the way he gripped your arm tighter and made small comments about you being “his girl” more frequently than he typically would when you two went out. You wanted to reassure him that everyone at the table knew that you were his girl, but you knew that nothing you could say would get him to calm down.

Conflicts like the one you knew you would have to deal with when you went home happened a lot when you and Kun went out with his friends. He would be absolutely certain one of his friends liked you, you’d try to reassure him, it wouldn’t work, and you would have sex as soon as you got home so that he could “remind you who you belong to.” The constant arguing was tiring, but the sex was always incredible when Kun was angry, if you were being honest. So, you didn’t really mind the stress in the end, even though you probably should have.

Dinner ended with a toast to Sicheng’s new job. You tried to distract yourself with the celebration of a new chapter in your friend’s life, but you couldn’t think about anything but Kun’s hand, which had moved from your arm to your thigh. Every time he saw Dejun look at you, Kun gripped your leg tighter. By the time you were both ready to leave, he was gripping you so tightly that you were in pain, and not the good kind.

Kun let go of you when everyone got up from the table, and like an idiot, you thought that everything would be ok. The thought was immediately replaced with concerns for how the rest of your night would go, however, when he grabbed your hand instead, with the exact same tight grip that he’d had when he had his hand on your thigh. You tried to turn away from him to say goodbye to your mutual friends, but before you could, you were being dragged out of the restaurant by your boyfriend.

Dejun saw the way that Kun treated you throughout dinner, and his blood boiled. He knew that his friend had a jealous streak, as indicated by the fact that he pretty much exclusively referred to you as his girl when the entire friend group got together, but the look on your face as you left the restaurant made Dejun want nothing more than to give Kun a piece of his mind and show you that you deserved better. This wasn’t the time for that, though. He didn’t want to even try unless he knew for sure that you felt the same way he did, since the thought of making you even slightly uncomfortable made him feel awful.

When you got home, the argument didn’t start right away like you expected. Instead, Kun made simple small talk with you by asking, “So, how was your food?”

“It was good. What I ended up ordering was different from what I usually get, but I still liked it a lot. How was your food, honey?”

Kun softened when he heard the sweet nickname leave your mouth. He loved when you called him “honey,” and you knew it. A soft smile appeared on his face, and he said, “Same as always.”

“I guess that means you enjoyed it?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Are you ok, honey?”

“I’m ok, sweetheart. Just thinking about some stuff.”

“What is it?”

“Did you see the way that Dejun was looking at you tonight?”

“No. I wasn’t paying attention, really. Why do you ask?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I just wish he understood that you’re mine,” Kun said, venom dripping from every word. Unsure of what to say, you just stayed silent. He didn’t like that however, so he asked, “Are you seriously not going to say anything?”

“What am I supposed to say? We’ve already had this exact argument a thousand times, and no matter what I say, it doesn’t change.”

“Maybe you could apologize for making me look like a fool in front of all of my friends?”

“When did I make you look like a fool?”

“Thank you, Dejun. It’s nice to have someone appreciate the effort I put into my appearance,” Kun repeated, mocking what you’d said at dinner.

“I wouldn’t have said it if you actually liked me beyond wanting to fuck me!”

“You have to know that isn’t true.”

“Well, I fucking don’t, Kun.”

The argument continued for what felt like hours before Kun thought it would be a good idea to grab your ass and try to pull you into a kiss. You pushed him away, though, still far too angry for intimacy. A small part of you felt guilty afterward because of the hurt look on his face, but a larger part of you was too exhausted by the constant fighting to care anymore.

Kun started to speak after you pushed him away, but before he got the words out, you stopped him and said, “Go home. I’m not doing this anymore tonight.” After that, he left your apartment without a word.

Once Kun was out of your apartment, the first thing that you did was call Dejun. He answered immediately, asking, “Are you ok?”

You tried to hide the storm brewing inside of you, but your voice broke when you said, “Yeah, I’m fine. Are you busy?”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s a lot. Can you just come over?”

“Yeah, of course. Isn’t Kun there, though?”

You started to cry harder at the mention of your boyfriend, and Dejun cursed himself for asking about Kun. Once you regained your composure, though, you said, “No. He just left.”

“Ok. Well, I’m on my way.”

“Thank you.”

The moment Dejun hung up the phone, he got ready to leave. He probably broke several traffic laws to get to your apartment, but he really didn’t care about that. All he cared about was being there for you when you clearly needed someone in your corner. As he drove, a small part of him wondered what had happened that upset you so much. He figured that something had happened with Kun, given how much you cried at just the mention of your boyfriend’s name, but he didn’t know more than that. He did know that asking was a bad idea, though.

When Dejun got to your apartment, he softly knocked on your door. There was a moment of silence while he waited for you to answer, and during that time, he started to wonder about what could have happened and whether you were ok. He didn’t have a whole lot of time to think about it, however, because you answered the door pretty quickly.

When you opened the door and saw Dejun, you couldn’t help but smile. He really dropped everything in the middle of the night so that he could spend time with you while you were hurting. Your own boyfriend never even did that for you. The thought stung a little bit, and you couldn’t help but wonder if you were really willing to keep putting up with the way that Kun had treated you for so long. Leaving him wasn’t exactly ideal, but to be fair, neither was being treated more like a trophy than a girlfriend.

You were pulled out of your thoughts by Dejun asking, “(Y/N)? Are you ok?”

“I’m ok, Dejun. Thank you for coming over so quickly,” you said as you moved out of the way to let him into your apartment.

“It’s no problem, really. I’m happy to be there for you however you need me to be,” he said, pulling you into a tight hug. You immediately melted into his arms, relieved to just be held.

Both of you were quiet for a few minutes as you each relaxed into the other’s embrace. You were the first one to break the comfortable silence that had formed, asking, “So, do you wanna watch a movie?”

“That sounds great. Anything specific that you had in mind?”

“I don’t really know. I was thinking that we could just look for something on Netflix?”

“That works for me,” Dejun replied with a smile.

The two of you spent what felt like an eternity searching for a movie to watch. In the end, you settled on a rom com that neither of you had ever heard of before. The synopsis that Netflix showed for the movie sounded compelling, though, so you and Dejun both figured it couldn’t be too boring.

Oh, how wrong you both were. The story was bland, the acting was terrible, and neither of you cared to continue watching it. The only enjoyable thing about watching the movie was the fact that you were watching it with Dejun. For the entirety of the awful movie, he held you close, and the two of you took turns making snarky comments about the film.

“Oh my god, why are you doing this to yourself, you dumb bitch!” you yelled at the screen as the female lead took her toxic ex back once again.

“People do crazy things for love,” Dejun said with a laugh.

“There’s a difference between crazy and stupid, though!”

“I guess you’re right,” Dejun replied, thinking about how good it felt to hold you close and how you seemed just as content as he was.

With the main couple being reunited for the third time, the worst movie you’d seen in a long time was finally over. You didn’t want your time with Dejun to end with the movie, however, so you asked, “Do you want to listen to music and talk for a bit?”

“I’d love to,” Dejun answered.

You put on a random playlist from your Spotify library, and once again, a comfortable silence settled over you as you got lost in thoughts of Dejun. You knew that it was wrong, but you found yourself far more attracted to him than you ever were to your boyfriend. Sure, you loved Kun, at least you thought you did, but Dejun made you feel like he loved you in a way that Kun didn’t even try to anymore.

You snapped out of your thoughts when Dejun asked, “Are you feeling better?”

With a soft smile, you replied, “Yes. I am. Thank you.”

With confirmation that you were in fact ok, Dejun decided that now was the time to tell you how he really felt. With a deep breath to calm his anxiety, he asked, “Would it be ok to ask something a bit personal?”

“Yeah, of course. Is everything ok?” you asked, wondering what was going on.

“Are you happy with him?”

There was a deafening silence after Dejun asked the one question that you did not want to answer in that moment. Truthfully, you weren’t. You hadn’t been for a long time, and you knew that the only way to be happier was to leave Kun. The idea of having to start over after four and a half years was incredibly daunting, however. That was a big part of the reason that you stayed with him despite how badly you wanted to leave.

You opened your mouth to answer Dejun’s question, but when you tried to speak, you started to cry instead. When he heard you cry, he immediately regretted asking. In a panic, he said, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“I’m really not. I haven’t been for a long time.”

“Talk to me.”

That was when you decided to tell him the truth. The whole truth. You started with why you’d asked him to come over, explaining, “We got in another argument.”

“What do you mean, ‘another?’” Dejun asked.

“Every time we go out with you and the rest of our friends, Kun leaves absolutely certain that one of you is attracted to me. No matter how many times I reassure him, he insists that it’s true.”

Dejun was shocked by your admission. Sure, he’d figured that you and Kun had a fight, and he saw the way that Kun treated you at dinner, but he had no idea just how unhealthy your relationship had gotten. He also had no idea what to say to comfort you, so he just hugged you as you started to cry.

You told Dejun everything as you cried, from what Kun had said about your comment at dinner to the way your arguments typically ended. Dejun was horrified, to say the least. He’d known Kun for most of his life, and he never thought that the man he called his best friend would be capable of treating someone he claimed to love the way he’d treated you.

When Dejun was certain that you were done explaining, he looked at you with a few stray tears in his eyes and said, “I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, though.”

“But you guys got into an argument because of the way I treated you at dinner.”

“Junnie, I promise you that it’s not your fault. If it hadn’t been you, it would’ve been someone else.”

“But this time it wasn’t just his jealousy talking,” Dejun whispered.

You were silent for a moment before you asked, “What do you mean?”

“Do you want the truth?” he asked. You nodded, and he continued, “I’ve liked you for a long time. I never said anything because I thought you were happy with Kun, but now that I know how he treats you, I can’t keep quiet anymore. I know that I could make you happier if you gave me a chance.”

You would have been lying if you’d said that you were surprised by Dejun’s confession. Sure, the timing caught you by surprise, but you’d had a feeling that he liked you for a while. Still, his confession gave you a lot to think about. Were you ready to finally end your relationship with Kun?

In the end, you decided that you were. You were tired of being treated the way you were, and you desperately wanted to be with someone that you knew would treat you with more respect than Kun did. In a moment that you hoped you wouldn’t regret; you wrapped your arms around Dejun’s neck and kissed him.

Dejun was definitely taken by surprise, to say the least, but he wasn’t exactly disappointed that you kissed him, either. After all, he’d liked you for a long time. Finally having confirmation that you liked him too made him happier than he’d been in months.

When you pulled away from the kiss, you smiled and said, “If that wasn’t enough proof, I like you too, Junnie.”

With a soft smile on his face, Dejun said, “I like when you call me Junnie. It’s cute.”

“You’re cute.”

“Well, you’re adorable.”

You blushed at his words and asked, “Will you stay here tonight?”

“Yeah, of course. I just need to go back to my apartment and grab a few things. Will you be ok while I do that?”

“I’ll be ok. I think while you do that I’m gonna call Kun and tell him it’s over.”

“Do you need me to stay so that you have a little bit of extra support?”

“I’ll be ok, Junnie. Just knowing you’ll be coming back here is enough.”

“Ok. I’ll be back soon. If you need anything at all, just send me a message, and I’ll be back as soon as possible. Ok?”

“Ok.”

Dejun quickly pecked your cheek and went back to his apartment. While Dejun was gone, you called Kun. When he answered, he was much sweeter than he’d been before he left your apartment, asking, “What’s up, princess?”

You almost chickened out when he called you princess, but just like you knew it would, the thought of Dejun coming back strengthened your resolve. With a deep breath, you said, “It’s over.”

“What do you mean?”

“Our relationship. It’s over.”

In an instant, Kun’s demeanor shifted, and he asked, “Are you fucking serious? After everything I’ve done for you?”

“By ‘what you’ve done for me,’ do you mean treating me like the dirt under your shoe unless you want something? Or do you mean insisting that your friends are into me every time we go out so that you can initiate sex to remind me ‘who I belong to?’”

“I did not-”

“Don’t even try to defend yourself. We’re done.”

Once Kun realized you were serious, he asked, “You know that no one will ever love you like I did, right?” in a last-ditch attempt to get you to stay.

“For my sake, I hope you’re right,” you replied as you hung up for the last time.

Of course, you were relieved that your relationship with Kun was over, but you were still upset that you had to end the relationship in the first place. Sure, you knew that it was for the best, but you also knew that you’d been in a relationship with Kun for a long time, and jumping right into whatever was happening with Dejun was honestly a little bit scary.

You didn’t have to be alone with your anxiety for long, though, since Dejun got back to your apartment just a few minutes after your call with Kun ended. When you opened the door, you noticed that he was holding something behind his back. You wanted to ask him what it was, but before you could, he asked, “How did the call go?”

“It went fine, I guess. Kun and I are officially done now.”

“Good, because I have a surprise for you.”

“What do you-”

Before you could even finish your sentence, Dejun pulled a bouquet of bright red roses out from behind his back. You started to tear up just a little bit when you saw them, but you did maintain your composure long enough to ask, “When did you get these?”

“After I grabbed some stuff from my apartment. I made an extra stop on the way back here.”

Dejun handed you the roses, and you carefully placed them on the table. Then, he pulled you into a hug, and you started to cry once again. Whether they were tears of pain at the end of your relationship or tears of relief that you weren’t going to be mistreated anymore, you couldn’t really say. Regardless, Dejun was right there, holding you close as you cried until you couldn’t anymore.

When Dejun was certain that you were no longer crying, he carefully let go of you and asked, “Will you be ok long enough for me to go to the kitchen and get you a glass of water?”

“Of course. Thank you, Junnie.”

“It’s no problem, sweetheart. Which cabinet do you keep glasses in?”

“The one directly above the stove.”

“I’ll be right back, ok?”

“Ok.”

While you waited for Dejun to come back from the kitchen, you decided to sit down on your couch and focus on keeping yourself calm. It worked mostly, though a few more surprise tears did still slip out. With that being said, you were already starting to feel better about the breakup. You’d spent years being an emotional punching bag for Kun, and now here you were in your living room with a man that held you when you cried and was happy to take care of you when you needed someone.

When Dejun came back, he held a glass of water in each hand. One of them was carefully placed on the table to keep it from spilling, and the other was placed directly in your hands. With a slightly stern look on his face, he said, “Drink. You need it.”

You did as you were instructed, taking a long sip from your glass before setting it next to the other one on the table. With a smile on your face, you said, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Taking care of me today.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that.”

“Yes I do.” There was a moment of silence before you added, “Sit down, Junnie. Please?”

“Alright,” he said with a chuckle. Once he found a comfortable position next to you, you leaned your head on his shoulder and let out a sigh of relief that the chaos of the day was finally over. As you relaxed with Dejun, the two of you talked about pretty much everything as a way to keep your mind off of Kun. And for the most part, it worked. Sure, every so often you would remember something that you did with your now ex and get upset, but Dejun was right there to comfort you with forehead kisses and terrible jokes.

After a while, though, you started to get really tired. So, you asked, “Can we go to sleep now?”

“Sure, sweetheart.”

You slowly stood up from your place on the couch and put the roses that Dejun had given you earlier into a vase filled with water. Once they were carefully positioned on your kitchen counter, you went to your bedroom to change into your favorite set of pajamas. Dejun decided to change in your bathroom, and once you were both fully dressed again, he joined you in your room.

While finding a comfortable position to sleep in was a little bit challenging at first, it didn’t take long for you and Dejun to settle in. Before you went to sleep, though, you looked up at him and said, “Seriously, thank you for being there for me today. I don’t think I could have broken up with Kun if you weren’t in my corner.”

“I’ll always be in your corner.”

You smiled at the reassurance from Dejun and kissed his cheek. He kissed your forehead to return the favor, and you said, “Good night, Junnie.”

“Good night, sweetheart.”

The next morning, you woke up slightly confused as to why there was another person in your bed. Then you started to remember the events of the night before and relaxed, content to stay in Dejun’s arms until he woke up.

Dejun woke up not long after you did, and the first thing he said to you was, “Good morning, gorgeous.”

“Stop,” you groaned, embarrassed by the early morning affection.

“But you are gorgeous.”

You smiled at the compliment and kissed Dejun’s cheek. He blushed at the small gesture and hugged you tighter, and you couldn’t help but feel giddy at the sweet way he was acting toward you. Not wanting it to end, you asked, “So, does last night mean that we’re a thing now?”

“I mean I thought so. Otherwise, this is about to get really awkward,” he responded with a chuckle.

“I thought so, too. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page,” you said before kissing him again.

Dejun melted into the kiss, and you couldn’t help but tangle your hands in his hair. A soft moan left his mouth, which you liked more than you thought you would. Before the two of you could go too much further, though, your phone rang.

With a groan, you sat up to see who was calling you. When you saw Kun’s number on your screen, however, you silenced your phone and sighed.

“Who was it?” Dejun asked.

“Take a guess,” you said with a laugh.

“Did he seriously call you?”

“Yeah. I know I should have been mature about it and answered, but I really do not want to talk to him anymore.”

“Did you leave anything at his apartment?”

“No, I never have.”

“Then he has no reason to talk to you.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“I know I am.”

A soft smile graced your features, and you kissed Dejun again. God, you didn’t think you could ever get tired of the way he kissed you. Whereas kisses from Kun were usually a means to an end, when Dejun kissed you, you felt the love radiating from every part of him. And if you were being completely honest with yourself, it was a relief to not be treated like an object when you were with him.

After that first night that Dejun spent at your apartment, he was rarely at his own. You loved falling asleep next to him, and he was happy to spend the night any time that you asked. And you did ask frequently.

It was actually during one of the nights that Dejun spent at your apartment that he told you he loved you for the first time. You were about to go to sleep, but just before you drifted off, you heard him say something that you couldn’t quite make out. So, you asked, “What was that, Junnie?”

“I love you.”

You almost didn’t believe him, thinking it was too good to be true, but you didn’t want to risk sounding like an asshole if you said that. So, you just smiled and said, “I love you, too.”

Dejun didn’t respond to your declaration verbally, but you didn’t need or want him to. You were perfectly content with the way he held you tighter after you told him that you loved him, and you were happy to drift off to sleep in his arms once again. This time, however, the knowledge that he loved you just like you loved him made it much easier to relax and get some rest.

While you did find a lot of comfort in just spending time with Dejun at your apartment, you also loved going out on dates with him. Your favorite place to go was a small family-owned restaurant across town. The food wasn’t always the best, and the building was often very crowded, but the little restaurant grew to basically be a second home for you and Dejun as the months went by. Pretty much everyone that worked there knew the two of you after a while, and you never left there without a smile on your face and food in your stomach that tasted like home.

One of the many things about Dejun that you loved was that he always made sure that you knew that he loved you just as much as you loved him. Sure, there were big gestures here and there, like the dress that he bought you for your birthday that you’d been eyeing at your local mall for months. But it was the little things that he did when you least expected them that really solidified how much he loved you.

Dejun’s favorite “small” way to show you that he loved you was buying you roses. He knew that it would sound cheesy if he ever told you, but it really was one of his favorite ways to show affection. The way your eyes lit up when you saw him with flowers in hand and a smile on his face made his heart do backflips in his chest every single time, no matter how long it had been since the first time he got you flowers the night your relationship became official.

Despite the good in your relationship, there were also a few things that Dejun really wanted to address with you. One of the things that he noticed pretty early on was that you tended to use sex as a coping mechanism whenever something went wrong. Even if everything in your relationship was perfect, all it took was a minor inconvenience at work and you were begging him to fuck you. He tried to raise his concerns, since he didn’t want you to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms when he was happy to help you find a healthier outlet for your emotions, but you panicked in the middle of the conversation.

If you were being honest with yourself, you knew that the way you handled your emotions wasn’t exactly healthy. It was what you were used to, however, due to a number of situations in previous relationships. As you listened to Dejun’s explanation of why he was worried about you, you started to think about those relationships and how no one had ever cared about you as much as Dejun did. The thought led to a downward spiral as you started to wonder whether you actually deserved to be with the man that you loved, and a few stray tears fell from your eyes.

The moment you started to cry, Dejun pulled you close and said, “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ve just been so worried, and I thought talking about it might help.”

“It’s ok,” you responded in between sobs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t apologize, love. Do you want to talk about what’s going on?”

“I don’t even know where to start.”

“That’s ok. Just breathe for me, ok?”

You nodded and took a deep breath. As your sobs started to slow, you looked at Dejun and said, “I don’t think I deserve you.”

Dejun was quiet for a moment before he said, “You deserve the best, love. I only wish I could give it to you.”

“Don’t say that, Junnie. You are the best. That’s why I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

The two of you just sat in silence after that, both of you unsure of how to continue the conversation. It was kind of odd if you were being completely honest with yourself. Even on the exceedingly rare occasions that you and Dejun argued, there was never an awkward silence like the one that plagued you after your admission that you felt like you didn’t deserve him. You started to wonder if you’d done something wrong when you said it, but you just weren’t sure what to do. Regardless, you wanted to solve the problems that you’d noticed popping up here and there in your relationship.

For a long time, you did put in a conscious effort to learn better coping skills, and it really paid off. All of your effort started to feel like it was all for nothing, however, when you and Dejun went to your local mall for a date and ran into your ex.

Kun was just as surprised to see you as you were to see him. Regardless of his surprise, however, he really wanted to try to talk to you. He regretted how he’d treated you when you were together, and a small part of him hoped that he could make it up to you.

“Hi, (Y/N),” Kun said, hoping that his voice didn’t betray how nervous he was.

You instinctively gripped Dejun’s hand tighter before you asked, “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to know if you’d like to catch up. It’s been a while, and I miss you,” Kun said, an exaggerated pout forming on his face.

“No, thanks. I’m not interested,” you replied.

“Come on, (Y/N). Please?”

“She said no, asshole,” Dejun interjected, letting go of your hand to step closer to Kun.

“Whatever,” Kun said as he walked away.

When Dejun was certain that Kun was gone, he turned to you and pulled you into a tight hug, asking, “Are you ok?”

“I’m ok, Junnie,” you responded. “Thank you for sticking up for me.”

“I always will, love.”

With the mood of your date night ruined, you asked Dejun to take you home earlier than you’d originally planned. He readily agreed, disappointed that your date was over but understanding that you needed space to recharge.

When you finally got back to your apartment, you softly kissed Dejun’s cheek and told him you loved him. He told you once again that he loved you and to text him if you needed anything. You halfheartedly agreed and shut the door so that you could cry in peace.

After your run-in with Kun, your relationship with Dejun only seemed to get worse. The two of you argued constantly over everything from his lack of understanding when memories of your previous relationship wouldn’t leave your mind to your lack of trust in him as a result of everything that you’d been through. Even the little habits that Dejun had previously told you that he’d loved seemed to set him off after a while, and you started to wonder if your relationship had run its course.

You knew for sure that your relationship with Dejun was pretty much over when he stopped getting you roses when you went on dates. From the moment the two of you made it official, he’d bought you roses for every single date. Even if it was just a casual hangout at the park by your apartment building. When you got there, he was holding a bouquet of roses in what had become your favorite shade of red. You didn’t entirely know why it changed, but for your last several dates, there were no roses. He didn’t even acknowledge it or give some excuse like forgetting to stop at the store before your date. They just stopped.

You wanted to ask Dejun why he’d stopped doing the little things like buying you flowers, but you were concerned about sounding too needy. After all, any time you tried to talk to Kun about the way he treated you, he called you a crazy bitch and treated you like a burden for wanting something different than what he gave you. Deep down, you knew that Dejun was different and would never treat you the way Kun had, but your fear of being hurt again tended to rule over any kind of logic when you were upset.

In the end, there was no massive fight about why Dejun didn’t seem to want to be there for you anymore like you were expecting. In fact, the end of your relationship was much more aptly described as a subtle fading away than an explosion of emotions. Instead of a screaming match that left both of you angry and in tears, there was a simple conversation.

“I don’t think this is working,” you said.

Dejun wanted to fight for a chance to keep trying, he really did, but he saw the way that the changes in the relationship had affected you, and he didn’t want to keep you stuck. So, he just said, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It was bound to happen.”

“Does this mean what I think it means?” he asked, his voice breaking and betraying the calm demeanor he tried to put forward for your sake.

You didn’t even answer him with words. Instead, you just nodded, trying not to break down in tears yourself.

Dejun wanted to cling to you and beg you to rethink your decision, but he knew better. He knew that the decision to end the relationship was one that you’d struggled with from the way you seemed to just deflate when you confirmed that it was indeed over, and he knew better than to push you when you’d made up your mind on something. Not wanting to continue bothering you, he just said, “I love you,” and walked out your door for the last time.

The moment Dejun was out the door, you started to sob. You knew that it was for the best, but that didn’t mean that ending your relationship with the one man that had ever treated you with respect didn’t hurt like hell.

Regardless of how badly it hurt to let Dejun go, however, you were determined to turn your pain into productivity. You started going to therapy for the first time in your life, you spent more time with your friends, and when you thought that you were ready, you decided to put yourself back out there.

Admittedly, you and Yangyang had drifted apart when your relationship with Kun ended. After you broke up with Dejun, however, the two of you grew closer than you’d ever been. Yangyang was incredibly intelligent, absolutely hilarious, and genuinely one of the kindest souls that you’d ever met. He didn’t necessarily give you the sense of safety that being with Dejun had given you, but he still made you happy. That was all that mattered to you.

It had been six months since the last time Dejun spoke to you when he saw you out with Yangyang on a random day at the mall. The sight gave him a variety of complex emotions, if he was being completely honest with himself. On one hand, he was hurt that you’d started seeing one of his friends after the two of you broke up. On the other hand, seeing you happy made him happier than you would ever know.

But, despite how happy Dejun was to see you happy, he didn’t stay at the mall long after he saw you with Yangyang. He would have to finish his shopping another day. For now, he was careful not to think about you on the drive home. Once he was back at his apartment, however, he spent most of his evening thinking about you. That wasn’t necessarily different from the norm, though. Thinking about his relationship with you was a common occurrence. He thought about what went wrong, sure, but he really tried to focus on what went right for the two of you. As he remembered the way your eyes lit up every time you told him about something exciting happening at your job, however, he couldn’t help but start to cry again.

Dejun had cried over failed relationships before, but he wasn’t still crying six months later with any of his exes. You were just special in his mind, and he was having a harder time getting over you than he’d ever had getting over an ex before. Still, he knew that time would heal this wound, too. Until then, though, while he would be happy that someone was buying you roses, he would continue to wish that he could still be the one to do it.

Thank you so much for reading! I think this might be my favorite one shot I've ever written. If you liked it too, make sure to like and reblog! If you liked it enough that you want to check out more of my work, you can find my masterlist here. If you'd like to see what else I have in the works, you can find my upcoming works list here. If none of that catches your attention, or there's something specific that you'd like to see, feel free to send me a request via asks or dms! If you'd like to be tagged whenever I upload a new fic, you can comment on one of my posts, send me a dm, or send me an ask with the username that you'd like tagged!

Thank you again for reading my fics and interacting with my blog. Every single note on one of my posts makes me so happy. I appreciate all of y'all.

[1dcommunityficrecs]

Rec List: Niall-Centric Fics!

With my university's students already dressed in green and shutting down streets to drink on the rooftops, it's time to celebrate the sweetest Irishman I know (to be fair that is a limited list). I'm well aware that St. Patrick's Day is more of an American phenomenon than an actual Irish one (they're drinking beer EVERY day), but I enjoy a relevant theme, even if the relevance is slight.

So here are 10 Niall-Centric fics for your enjoyment! Lots of Shiall here, as well as a Nouis and a Captain Niall. And a fascinating amount of Niall Christmas fic -- but I'm a firm believer that holiday fic is just as good any time of the year.

Enjoy! Kudos! Comment! Reblog! Thank your friendly neighbourhood fic writer! Go forth and prosper!

The Words Just Get In The Way by alienharry/ (5200, Not Rated, Niall Horan/Shawn Mendes)

Niall doesn’t have a crush on the cashier from the apple orchard, he absolutely does need 3 dozen apples, and it’s none of Louis’ damn business.

Reccer says: This one is so cute and funny!

The Stories They're Not In by abrighteryellow/@a-brighter-yellow (10587, Explicit, Niall Horan/Shawn Mendes) – fic post

An AU inspired by Niall Horan's "San Francisco," the movie Rocketman, and Elton John and Bernie Taupin's real-life relationship (except more gay).

Reccer says: This one is full of great songwriting, pining, and build up! But it's the evocative writing that makes it so special.

Hash Brown, Egg Yolk, I Will Always Love You by LiveLaughLoveLarry/@loveislarryislove (1853, General, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post

Niall is a regular at Harry's hole-in-the-wall breakfast diner, coming in almost every morning. As such, he feels uniquely qualified to opine that another regular, Louis, would be a perfect match for Harry. He doesn't realize they're several years ahead of him on that.

Reccer says: I am always a fan of Captain Niall, and I crack up at him trying to matchmake when they're LITERALLY MARRIED

A Green Christmas by tommokat /@tommokat (871, Teen, Niall Horan/Shawn Mendes) – fic post

All they want for Christmas is a real Christmas tree. And each other.

Reccer says: It really is the little details that make Christmas memories so special.

Pee Before You Buy the Tree by Ebb_tide/ (3326, Teen, Niall Horan/Louis Tomlinson)

Niall and Louis joke that they're dating so neither of them will be single for the holidays. Except maybe they don't want it to be just a joke.

Reccer says: The author does an amazing job blending the sweetness of their pining with the hotness of Louis' need to pee.

It’s Not Unusual by zanni_scaramouche/@zanniscaramouche (7890, Explicit, Niall horan/harry styles) – fic post Warnings: The mildest of dub con (but it’s resolved)

In the otherworldly middle of the night, Niall and Harry push each others boundaries with hardly a word spoken. It’s just physical, until suddenly it’s not, and the emotions come pouring out.

Reccer says: The vulnerability and tenderness between them!

Whole Lotta History by zanni_scaramouche/@zanniscaramouche (13000, Teen, Multi) – fic post Warnings: None!

Niall has no idea what he’s in for when he agrees to go speed dating and winds up tangled in not just a love-triangle, more like a love-octuple? I

Reccer says: Sweet and funny, a wild ride!

A Tear in the Sky by zanni_scaramouche/@zanniscaramouche (27000, Mature, Niall Horan/Liam Payne/Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post Warnings: Cults, PTSD, ambiguous mental health

Niall is brought in to interrogate members of a cult to determine their roles in the mess. An intense angst fest heavy on the plot!

Reccer says: The suspense, the world building, the depth of emotions!

Things I Used to Feel by zanni_scaramouche/@zanniscaramouche (4000, Explicit, Niall Horan/Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson) – fic post Warnings: Main Character Death (but… ghosts)

Two ghosts in the same house, and the man who charms them both!

Reccer says: The sex! The teasing! The ghosts!

Consider This by Peerpressure/@horansheroes (83000, Mature, Niall Horan/Harry Styles)

Wholesome stripper Niall meets single dad Harry and it gets sexy and serious (and seriously sexy)

Reccer says: All of the emotions wrapped in a grounded plot. My fave Narry ever

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Fic title: Small Mercies

Okay so there was this like BNHA AU some artist here did on tumblr where UA was a performing arts school and Shinsou was like singing Mercy by Shawn Mendes so now my brain is like stuck in that with this title?

Just imagine Shinsou is a singer or like he does it on the side? And Izuku is also a singer.

No wait okay so, UA University. Izuku and Shinsou are friends who met in Middle School, and they became singers ala Hannah Montana who hide their identities while performing.

They pop stars and are really close friend verging on romance but neither take that step juuuuuust yet because its less of a ‘worry about their friendship’ and more ‘whoa I am not ready for a romantic relationship at this time’.

Their band is called Small Mercies and a lot of their music is about how they're treated as a Quirkless teen and a teen with a ‘villain Quirk’.

Small Mercies is stupidly popular, and make a lot of money which is a thing. Shinsou’s lucky his cousin is chill and doesn't demand the money. Izuku... Well Inko took a lot in the beginning but the band’s agent clocked that fast so wrote up a new contract Inko didn't read that has her have to pay everything she does not use for Izuku back. Which… well she doesn't realize it until the agent reminds her of the clause when Izuku is sixteen. Far to late in her greed for things to make a difference because Izuku has a horrible realization before this that he's basically a walking paycheck to her.

Inko tries to fight the contract but well… no matter what it looks bad. Particularly when its revealed she's been pocketing the child support payments to.

Anyways, Izuku and Hitoshi here are going to UA to still be heroes and singers because its their dream.

And Hitoshi ends up serenading Izuku with Mercy.

Pairings: ShinDeku, One Sided stuff cause I can, EraserMic

Notes: Mic 100% is their mentor and he loves these two. Bakugou had no idea Izuku was part of small mercies, and openly dislikes them cause they're extras. There has been a lot of social movement thanks to Small Mercies.

I'm kinda thinking of like Izuku’s one sided thing should be Kirishima? Or well… I kinda want it to be someone who has issues with Shinsou’s Quirk and be the type of person to be very like ‘oh yeah no Quirk is villainous but some aren't good’ and be quietly judgy about it? Mix it in with some hero syndrome and the wish for a damsel to save?

[softantlers]

vapefork going to college together headcanons?? 👀👀

YEAH, so i think wolfie and i have settled on the following hc's hehehe. (this isn't the time travel fic btw but the regular au where lottienat and shaunajackie are their parents.)

callie and lisa meet at a shawn mendes concert during callie's senior year spring break. (lisa is six months away from turning 21 and callie is an aquarius in my brain so maybe turned 18 just recently.) lisa did not go to the mendes concert of her own volition and is kind of a total bitch about the vibes. nevertheless, they exchange numbers and proceed to talk every day. callie takes a trip to nyc to celebrate her graduation and dares lisa into a first date.

re: college & lisa- lisa actually doesn't go to college. when she turned 18, she had this gap year where nat LOST IT because lisa has everything at her disposal to go & nat doesn't want to see her shirk the opportunity she herself was never encouraged toward. nevertheless, lisa refuses and she takes a gap year. she spends part of it working the summer at "while you were streaming" (van's media store), more to appease nat who is very much like "well you definitely aren't gonna say no to college and sit on your ass all summer." after many heart to hearts with van (and watching SO MUCH SHIT on VHS together), lisa emerges from summer with a firmer grip on what she wants to do with her life. and it doesn't include college. she & nat go through a period of disagreement and lower contact than usual but they eventually reconcile as nat accepts lisa for who she is on this!

so what is lisa doing? she dabbles in various gig work, but i think she ends up in a videography/photography space. she's kind of a hat of all trades on this front. wedding photography. contracted for concert photography. she even shoots music videos for local bands. hosts photography classes & events & workshops maybe. this is her passion shuffle and maybe she has a couple different streams for income but yeah. also she definitely has a nepotism stream coming in from lottie (LOL) who absolutely helps her get the gear she needs to become successful.

yeah so i think we landed on callie going to rutgers and doing some kind of comms major. even though it's not hinted at or mentioned in the show, wolfie and i thought it would be fun to have her play on the soccer team there (in jackie's footsteps sdkfjksfj). lisa visits from time to time to catch her games and she gets a little hot around the collar when she realizes she's fallen for a jock dsfkjfsjfakl

baseline college things

one time lisa is visiting after hours and literally has to hide in the closet when an RA does a room check. she's never let callie hear the end of it. "you shoved me into a CLOSET. it's 2021 and you shoved me into a CLOSET."

callie stays at lisa's place (there's no denying it's a rich girl loft, ie: matthews $$) on the weekends frequently & during breaks

they go on vacations together during breaks. for whatever reason, my brain tells me that callie is so used to road tripping it with shaunajackie that she immediately rejects any notion of plane travel (and tbh lisa doesn't mind because the airport is a hellscape) and so they're always going by car. i think their biggest foray is a cabin stay in north carolina by some hot springs and it's super fun & romantic, even though lisa realizes she flew too close to the sun regaling callie with her appalachian horror podcast on the way because now callie is jumping at every creak in the cabin & clinging to her like a fucking koala.

this is kind of all over the place tbh, but!!! -waves hand, gestures-

thanks for asking kdfjaklsfdj

[allwaswell16]

All the One Direction fics I read and enjoyed in November 2023. You can listen to my podcast to hear me talk about each of these fics as well as an overview of what was posted on ao3 including the fics on this month’s fic roundup which you can find here! Please let the writers know if you liked the fics by leaving kudos and comments! Happy reading!

Fanfictional Podcast #56 |  ko-fi | fic recs

- Louis/Harry -

🍂 Train Tracks and Porcelain by @jaerie

(E, 41k, historical circus au) Shadows were forming into people and things and, there in the middle of it, Louis watched the humongous head of an elephant emerge from a box car right in front of his eyes. Or a Water For Elephants inspired AU

🍂 Big, Bright World by RealName

(M, 35k, office au) Every day, Louis' feelings became more intense, more immediate, each little smile and gesture and silly flirtation mounting up into something palpable, with a life of its own. The only problem? Harry was engaged to someone else and had been from the moment Louis started working at Visionary.

🍂 two feet standing on a principle by Anonymous

(E, 10k, exes) Harry is a famous fashion model and Louis works at the mall, nobody knows they broke up two weeks ago.

🍂 you make my whole world feel so right when it's wrong by orphan_account

(T, 6k, mpreg Harry) Harry is pregnant and stops at the mall to buy cheap baby clothes. Louis has extra money from working a long shift, and he can't think of a better way to spend it than on him.

🍂 make my wish come true by deblond / @braveryandtea

(T, 4k, Christmas) Louis works as Santa’s elf at the mall. He meets Harry.

- Rare Pairs -

🍂 take me back, take me back by eynap / @panye

(E, 32k, Niall/Shawn Mendes) Niall invites his new friend Shawn to Zayn and Liam's three-day wedding in Napa Valley, California. He gets way more than he expected.

🍂 must be love by @nouies

(NR, 6k, Louis/Andrew Garfield) AU where Louis doesn’t know how to approach his neighbour, and Andrew keeps receiving homegrown vegetables at his door.

🍂 lonely in [paris] by f_ckromeoandjuliet / @louiesonlyangel

(T, 5k, Louis/Awsten Knight) Alternate version of Louis's tour where he's in a secret relationship with Awsten Knight from Waterparks. Based on Awsten tweeting at Louis.

🍂 Feeling Feline by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

(T, 4k, Louis/Niall) “Not medically wrong,” the blond one says. “But I swear, and I know this sounds nuts, but I don’t think he’s a cat?”

🍂 it's the summer of our love by localopa / @voulezloux

(G, 3k, Louis/Ryan Ross) ryan is in love with his best friend and gym bro, louis. the problem? ryan is straight.

🍂 Got My Chaos Automatic by LetTheMusicMoveYou / @letthemusicmoveyou28

(E, 3k, Zayn/Louis/Liam) the one where Louis comes home from tour feeling exhausted, yet antsy. Luckily, Liam and Zayn are there to put him back together

🍂 Crush by @allwaswell16

(T, 1k, Louis/Niall) When Niall stops smiling around the office, his co-worker Louis sets out to lift his mood with the help of their office mates.

- Trick Or Treat Fest -

1D Trick Or Treat Fest / @1dtrickortreatfest (each 666 words)

she bit someone by larry_hiatus / @larry-hiatus

Sounds horrifying..... tell me more by @lunaticcat009

In The Dark by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13

Ghosted by @haztobegood

Summon A Demon by red_panda28 / @red-pandaaa

Slow Dance with the Tension by LetTheMusicMoveYou / @letthemusicmoveyou28

I See You by @neondiamond

Lipstick stain fades with time by @lunarheslwt

Watch How Good I'll Fake It by mmaree / @zqua1d

Irresistible by mmaree / @zqua1d

find a way (to send me a sign) by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed

when love gets involved by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed

Harryween (series) by @babyhoneyheslt

Fruit Bat by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright

Odds Are That We Will Probably Be... by @lululawrence

A Witch's Longest Day of the Year by 4ureyesonly28 / @evilovesyou

pasta-tively sweet by shiptattou / @wecantalktomorrow

perfect pumpkins by shiptattou / @wecantalktomorrow

Fa-boo-lous Halloween by bluegreenish / @greenblueish

Still by downcamethelightning / @downcamethelightnings

[softboywriting]

helloo idk if u would answer this but i remember reading your shawn mendes fics back in 2017 and was looking for a water dragon au one? i dont remember exactly what it was about but i thought it was yours, anyways i hope life has been good this couple of years and im happy that i remembered your blog <3

Yeah I did that was me ✌️ who tf else is out here writing dragon au 💁 here is the link to my master list. It's under The AU link and it's called Darling Don't You Know and it's not finished .https://www.tumblr.com/nerdomendes/638339667762282496/shawn-raul-peter-masterlist?source=share

[yumenoyousei]

Notes for my Sokkla Celebrity AU (Azula's side)

This AU idea came to me earlier this year (like May??) and wouldn't leave me alone so I wrote all the notes related to it.

I then wrote a Sokkla fic based in this universe, which I struggled a lot with. To motivate me to finish it post it on AO3, I decided to share the notes of that universe. 

So here are the Azula-centric notes for it. I'll post the Sokka-centric shortly and in a few days, the fic.

*Note, all the songs/artists are references in style and/or mood/vibe and/or lyrics. I do not think it would be the exact same song if in that Universe Azula would sing it but it just gives an idea

TW: mental health issues and mention of suicide and attempts

Notes for Sokka's side

Without further ado,

ATLA Celebrity AU (Azula-centric)

Azula 0-12

Azula is a child actor with Zuko, gets more roles than her older brother

The whole Sozin family are renowned actors and/or singers (Ozai was an okay actor, Iroh was an amazing actor and singer, and Ursa was an amazing singer who didn't get that much recognition until she got married to Ozai)

Ozai is still very much a piece of shit, setting his children against one another

Ursa doesn't help as she unconsciously supports Zuko more, gives him his love for music and playing guitar & piano

By the time Zuko is 13 (Azula 11) he focuses on music

Azula being always pitched against him, starts dancing & is good at it 

Still, the fire siblings are closer than in canon; Zuko teaches Azula to song-write and express her feelings through lyrics

Meanwhile:

Ursa is trying to divorce Ozai, but Ozai (and the Sozin family) is having none of it because of the image it would give them

Lu Ten dies (suicide, the pressure of being an actor, Iroh is never the same, remove himself from the limelight)

Azula 13 - 16

At Ozai pressure, forms a girl group with Mai and Ty Lee (think: Morning Musume & e-girls). Mai is a better singer, and Ty Lee is a better dancer but Azula is still made the leader. She puts immense pressure on herself to be better than them. Does fewer acting gigs but is known as an actress.

Ozai hurt Zuko (scar-like in canon?) to the media they say it's an accident but behind closed doors, it gives Ursa the out she needed. She leaves with Zuko (they go stay with Iroh) intending to get Azula too but:

1- Ozai fights her even more to keep Azula

2-Ozai makes sure to make Azula believe Ursa left her because she doesn't want her

Azula dates publicly actor Chan; gives him all her firsts "to get rid of them", and breaks up soon after

Azula 17-18

The girls make more sexual dances/songs. Mai and Ty Lee are not comfortable but Azula thrives in the "sex sells" mentality (Ozai influence)

Azula snaps at reporters that ask her about Zuko which gives her a "bad girl" personality which she also thrives in (somehow her doesn't give a fuck attitude boosts her popularity)

The girls have an ugly fallout making their 4th album and get kicked out of the agency (to the girls, it looks like Azula told her father and to Azula, it looks like they left her, but it is all Ozai) 

Zuko starts a solo career under Avatar Industries (they have the Gaang also and Zuko makes friends)

Before releasing his first single, he tries to contact Azula but she's having none of it: she believes Zuko also abandoned her

Rumours about Ozai's shady money deals come out and Azula has to lay low

Azula 18

Mai and Zuko start to date in the public eye and Mai makes one (1) comment about the girls' split which makes the media go into a frenzy

Azula's mental health starts to slip, stops acting altogether after she snaps at a director

Ozai makes Azula go see Zuko telling her to "check what the rivals are doing" but Azula just misses her brother so takes the occasion

Sokka is there also because of my Sokkla agenda to support Zukko

Azula actually has a good time with her brother, they mostly talk about music, and Azula can mock him (friendly) about his cheesy music (think early Shawn Mendes) She also surprisingly has fun with Sokka

(somehow develops a tiny crush that she destroys as soon as she hears Sokka mentioning his girlfriend)

The next day, a rumour explodes that Sokka cheated on Suki (Olympic Athlete) with Azula because Azula seduced him 

Even if Sokka, Azula, and Zuko deny it, the rumours spiral

Azula writes her frustration in a song about how the media portrays her as evil even if Sokka gets less heat. Ozai made Azula release it as her first official solo single (think Billie Eilish's "Bad Guy")

It explodes and Azula releases her first solo album, the second single from the album is actually about Zuko (think Rihanna's "Bitch better have my money" energy, but saying things like; you left me and I trusted you) and it does very well on the chart

Azula 19

Azula is about to go on tour when Ozai gets arrested for money laundering

Her mental health slips even more as they discover his other shady practices and an "anonymous source" relates the abuse Azula & Zuko got

Her tour gets cancelled

Azula gets into a mental psychosis and believes it's her mother who said it to hurt her career

The media tries to get a scoop about it

Azula almost drowns in her bath; Zuko rescues her last-minute

She gets hospitalized; diagnostic OCD, and stays for 8 months

Writes a lot while she's hospitalized

Zuko visits often, and they get a heart to heart, Zuko is also followed for GAD and PTSD

Ursa visits, the first time it makes Azula slip, the second she screams at Ursa. After, the doctors tell Ursa it's best if she doesn't come

Azula 20

After she gets released, (and followed by a therapist) Azula discovers that a lot of rumours were actually set up by her father, like the cheating scandal

(He wanted to make it seem like Azula was the one trying to reach out while Zuko was the one pushing her away, thus chipping his "cute awkward turtleduck" persona he has but when Ozai sees the pictures of Azula laughing at Sokka's joke, another idea comes to his mind)

And the "anonymous source" was actually Ozai's entourage in an "if I'm going down, you're going down with me" attempt

Azula is 100% heartbroken but also 300% mad

She writes a lot of songs

At some point, Zuko tries to make her reconnect with Mai & Ty Lee and even if Azula knows most of the conflict was amplified by her father, she's scared to contact them

Zuko manages to make Azula meet Ty Lee and one thing brings another, they write a song together which they never did because the agency used to write/decide what they sang

They invite Mai to join and through songwriting, they do an album as a group (think ChloexHalle's album "Ungodly Hours")

They become better friends but decide to officially split as a band after the release of the album (Mai & Ty Lee's careers are going great anyway)

(Mai & Zuko break up and might come back together I dunno, haven't thought that far about those 2)

Azula 21

Before releasing the album, Azula announced on social media her mental health conditions and said it was the biggest reason why she was out of the public eye for 2 years.

She tries the best she can to avoid mentions of her father

The girls release the album and it does well, they are praised for their new maturity and powerful vocals

Azula works on a solo album but even with all she has written, she is stuck.

She asks for help (in a very Azula way) from Zuko and she officially meets the Gaang

Azula and Aang become weirdly fast friends

Finished by releasing an EP that is 100% about her father that she conceals as break-up songs (think Naika's EP "Transitions")

Her mother announces she's pregnant with her boyfriend's baby, it lowkey makes Azula spiral for a few weeks, writes about it

Azula 22 

Azula wins prices for her EP and with the album with the girls

She still has a "bad girl" persona (she loves to call herself a bad bitch) to the media but the way she talks about her mental health makes her relatable - she's flippantly talking about tho which a lot called "refreshing"

As she hangs out more with her brother + the Gaang, her crush on Sokka comes back, especially now that he is single, though she doesn't want to act on it

To her surprise, she writes a love song that is just that, a love song (think Selena Gomez's "Souvenir")

Because in the song she sings about blue eyes, the media/internet speculate that it's about Sokka which she denies (even if it's true)

She does a fun danceable song with Aang (think Bruno Mars & Cardi B's "Finesse remix"), surprising everyone

She does a lot of featuring that summer, with other artists but she cannot see what she wants for an album

Something with her father's sentence happens (it got almost revoked or something) which makes her revisit all the (other) songs she has about him

**Sokkla story** (Link to the fic added !!)

Notes for Sokka's side

[bookwormscififan]

The Chaos Files, Chapter 15 [END]

Read on AO3!

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

A/N: We finish another vampire AU fic! And for now, that's the end of vampire AU writing I'll be doing for a while, just because tired.

Warnings: Blood.

--

He watched Jameson leave the cabin from his perch in a tree, hood pulled low over his face to hide his features. Green eyes matched the leaves as they followed the vampire’s route, and he barely made a sound as he moved through the trees to pursue him.

He hadn’t seen him in years, he realised, watching the way Jameson walked his path like second nature. He was too high to see his face, but the waistcoat was still the same, mended over and over from the one he’d given him a year after they met.

He adjusted his grip on the branch, ready to leap down and reunite with Jameson, then paused as he remembered how they’d parted, averting his gaze and allowing his hood to cover his eyes. He ran his tongue over his chipped fang, chest suddenly feeling tight, and let out a breath when he realised he’d lost track of Jameson.

Next time, he decided, would be the time to make contact.

----

“I don’t resent you for what you did,” Phantom stated, breaking the silence that had filled the house since he and Jackie returned hours ago. “If it kept you alive, I’d have done the same.”

“But was it the right thing to do?” Jackie asked, pacing the floor in front of the bed as he chewed his thumb anxiously. “Should I have let him grieve Shawn? Should I have let him waste away? What would I have done if I had let him die, leaving me alone in the castle while Chase and Robert travelled?”

“I can’t answer that,” Phantom replied, sitting in the bed and twisting the sheets in his fists. “That’s something you have to decide for yourself. If he had died, though, you wouldn’t have been sent here to find Robert.”

“I can’t even give you a solid reason why I let it go this long,” Jackie mumbled, finally moving to sit beside Phantom on the bed. “I just—days became weeks became years, and to be honest I even forgot I was hiding it. Then everything was going on with me meeting you and him showing up at our house, and suddenly I realised keeping the truth hidden would just hurt him more.”

“That doesn’t make you a bad person,” Phantom assured him, sensing where his thoughts were spiralling. “That makes you a caring friend. It allowed us to meet, and it made you a stronger person.” He wrapped his arms around Jackie, holding him close as he struggled to hold back tears.

“I don’t believe that,” he whispered, leaning against Phantom as tears fell silently down his cheeks, “But I can’t argue it, either. I don’t know if I’m a good person, but I do feel stronger when I’m with you.”

----

“How do you propose we resolve this whole thing with Jameson?” Mare asked quietly, spreading a blanket over the fresh sheets of their bed. “I know you’re thinking about fixing things, and I want to help.”

“We need proof that Shawn died, or that he’s still alive,” Mad replied, sitting at his workbench with his head in his hands, “And we can’t get either of those from here. I can’t leave this cabin, I can’t leave my home. I don’t know how to prove anything.”

“So maybe we let this go then,” Mare suggested, draping himself over Mad’s shoulders and rubbing open hands over his chest. “We’ve done what we can, so maybe it’s time to see how everything will play out.”

“I never managed to hunt down those vampires who had my blood,” Mad mumbled, leaning back against Mare as his eyes drooped closed. “With your brother showing up and everything with Jackie’s family, they ended up on the backburner.”

“So, we’ll go hunt them down, then.” Mare pressed a kiss to the side of Mad’s head, resting their cheeks together when Mad purred softly. “You’ve still got that vial of your blood that you were experimenting with; we’ll find out who got that blood and where they are.”

“It’ll end in a fight.”

“When do these things not end in a fight?” Mare chuckled, helping Mad to stand and walk to bed, gently undressing him before laying beside him on top of the covers. “Besides, I like seeing you covered in blood with that murderous glint in your eyes.”

“You’re still one of the strangest humans I’ve ever met,” Mad joked, nudging Mare when he scoffed. “Even after turning you, you’re stranger than any human I’ve met since. And honestly? It’s something I love about you.”

Mare purred low in his throat, nuzzling against Mad’s neck before pulling away. “We’ll let Jackie and Phantom deal with Jameson’s memories. I want to hunt hybrid vampires with you.”

“Alright,” Mad mumbled, turning around to kiss Mare. “Tomorrow, we’ll go hunting.”

----

He moved through the crowds like a ghost, cloak sweeping his tracks behind him as his hood shadowed the scars across his face. All around him were worshippers, the disgustingly devout heralding him as their leader, and the pit in his stomach only grew deeper as each day passed.

“Did you see them?” One of the followers asked, brave enough to duck to see his face with his eyes sparkling excitedly. “When can we move in for the elder?”

“We won’t be moving in,” he replied, ignoring the shocked silence and multiple glances his way. “We’re cancelling the mission. There are enough of you here to reproduce more; we do not need more of his blood.”

Moving through the clamouring crowds, he left the area to the solitude of his own tent, finally removing his cloak and running his fingers distractedly over the scar on the back of his neck. Pinned to the walls of the tent were sketches from lifetimes past, portraits of men he barely remembered with the majority being drawings of different features he focused on from Jameson’s appearance.

“I’m sorry, James,” he whispered, reaching out for the nearest portrait focusing on his jawline. “Forgive me. I do not know if I can end this madness.”

----

“Jackie, would you mind walking with me?” Jameson asked, adjusting the cuffs of his shirt sleeves without looking at the couple lounging on the couch. “I would like to go home, but I want to talk to you first.”

“Oh, sure, yeah, of course,” Jackie replied, kissing the top of Phantom’s head before getting up, following Jameson to the guest room with his hands in his back pockets. “What did you want to talk about?”

“You are lucky to have found a claim,” Jameson began, folding shirts before shoving them into his small bag. “Hold onto him. Don’t let anything take him away from you. And,” He paused, closing his eyes with a deep breath, “I don’t hate you for keeping the truth from me. Thank you for ensuring I stay alive.”

“You say that like I’ll never see you again.”

“Nobody knows what the future will bring, Jackie. All I know is I’m returning home, and you’ve got a life here. It may well be that we won’t meet again in this lifetime. I am fortunate to have met you when I did.” With a small smile, he closed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and moving to the door. “Walk me out of the forest.”

Jackie nodded silently, giving Phantom a reassuring smile as they left the house, only to stop and raise his nose to the air, smelling smoke and blood nearby. “Something’s wrong.” Signalling for Jameson to stay there, he hurried back inside to get Phantom, tucking a pen knife into his pocket before closing the door.

“Isn’t that where Mad and Mare are?” Phantom asked, voice laced with panic as he watched the smoke rising from Mad’s clearing. Without another word, the trio hurried through the forest toward the smoke, stopping when they arrived at a campsite on fire.

----

Mad snarled as he shoved another hybrid vampire off him, eyes gleaming with bloodlust while smoke billowed around him. His fangs glistened with fresh blood as he surveyed the campsite in search of more victims.

Somewhere off to the side he could hear Mare stabbing others while screams mixed with the crackling of flames consuming tents and bodies alike. Without looking, Mad slit the throat of another groupie, barely flinching as they fell with a thud.

“Mare!” Phantom’s voice caught his attention, looking up to see the twin with Jackie and Jameson entering the area. “Mad! What’s going on?” Jackie was immediately on the alert, standing in front of Phantom protectively.

“More vampires,” Mad growled, throwing a blade and watching it strike a vampire trying to escape in the back. “These are hybrids. Tried to steal my blood before everything happened.”

“We’re killing them off so Mad won’t have to worry about being found,” Mare explained, moving to Mad’s side and kicking another vampire in the face when they got too close. “We weren’t expecting so many of them.”

“I was.”

“Well, you still can’t fight off twenty of them at once,” Mare scoffed, nodding at the newcomers. “Grab any weapon you can find and help out. we could use the extra hands.”

Before Jackie or Jameson could do anything, a cloaked man passed in front of them, slicing through several enemies with a grace that had them blinking. The man possessed an air of authority, separating the followers from Mad and Mare as if they were nothing before turning back to face Jameson and Jackie.

Mad and Mare paused as the other vampires quickly dispersed, fleeing the area and disappearing into the trees. With a grunt, Mad fired off several arrows behind the escaped enemies, then dropped the crossbow and stumbled forward. Mare caught him swiftly, eyes going wide when he noticed the blood trailing down Mad’s side.

“When did you get stabbed?” He asked, tearing his sleeve to cover the wound. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Didn’t want you… worrying…” Mad panted, collapsing into Mare’s arms as his eyes fluttered. “I’ll be… alright, I’ll feed from you later and heal.”

“Who are you? Why did they seem to obey you?” Jackie demanded of the shadowy figure, arms around Phantom.

“Sorry about that, Jackie,” the man whispered, voice hoarse and with a slight accent as he dropped his weapon to the ground. “They made me their leader, then rebelled when I called off our plans.”

“I know your voice,” Jameson mumbled, stepping forward and reaching out toward the man, who stepped back as if he’d been struck. Hope flooded Jameson’s face, lowering his arm and stepping back before narrowing his eyes at him, “Take off your hood.”

The man hesitated, fingers twitching at his sides before he sighed, shoulders slumping as he nodded slowly. “Just don’t—don’t overreact,” he stated, lifting his hand and removing his hood.

Light brown hair fell over green eyes and freckles, cheeks disrupted by jagged scars matching the one spanning the back of his neck. Pale lips parted in a small smile, revealing a chipped fang Jameson remembered from a lifetime ago.

“Shawn?” He whispered, knees buckling as Jackie gasped.

“Hello again, Jameson.”

-----------------------------------

@iamvegorott @brokentimewatch @rattyboyisemo @dungeon-dragons-dragons

[disgruntledkittenface]

✨️ Twenty Questions for Fic Writers ✨️

Thank you @allwaswell16 and @haztobegood for tagging me! I love reading everyone's answers to these <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60, including one cowrite

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

831,513

3. What fandoms do you write for?

One Direction. I use the BBC Radio 1 RPF tag for pairings with Nick Grimshaw, and I used the Shawn Mendes (Musician) one a few times, too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

you came into my life, caught up in your love affair, baby, you're the end of june, an honest mistake and tell me what you need

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I love replying to comments, even when I feel awkward about it. I really like getting replies from authors, I find it discouraging not to, so that's partly why. But a nice comment really makes me day, and I want to let people know I appreciate that. But I might miss one occasionally, and sometimes I don't reply if I think the commenter is being rude.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's probably my first fic, This Town. The whole fic is Niall processing Zayn leaving the band – but more importantly leaving him, and they don't get back together in the end. It's not my fault, Niall wrote a sad song! But also I was in the thick of grieving, so. That's what happened.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I almost, almost always write happy endings, so I could really pick this one at random lol, but I'll go with enough to make a girl blush. I really love how far Louis has come at the end of that fic and how happy she and Niall are together and how good they are together. Plus, I wrote a happy little timestamp for Harry and Zayn (count me in).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've gotten comments that don't sit well with me, but not really. I did post a fic set at the beginning of COVID before I knew how bad it would get, and someone messaged me to say they were sorry about the hate it was getting... but I didn't see any?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes! I write smut that I find hot, girl direction and boy direction. When I started writing, I felt like I wrote absolutely terrible smut and I worked really hard to figure it out. Practice makes progress, baby.

10. Do you write crossovers? What the craziest one you've written?

I've written a couple of reality show AUs with the actual people from the shows in the fic – you came into my life and you wanna be on top? Nothing too crazy!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I think someone stole a shiall one-shot and posted it on Wattpad. Weirdly, I feel like I haven't made it because that doesn't happen to me more often.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! Most recently, someone asked if they could translate pink like the paradise found into Russian and they were so lovely.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I took part in a round robin for Nic's (@louandhazaf) birthday a few years ago! (Louis referring to merlot as the basic bitch of wines was me!) Co-writing has come up as an idea a couple of times, but the timing or idea etc has never been right.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I kind of have to fall deep for a pairing to write them, so I love a lot of pairings! Aside from larry, I think gryles might be my favorite. Something about the pining best friends who can't be together because of... REASONS just gets me where I live.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I had an idea for a lilo exes to lovers AU based on bennifer and I wrote a snippet that I really liked for it, but I felt like I was white washing Jennifer Lopez, if that's the right word? Like you can't separate her from the fact that she's Puerto Rican, so casting Louis in that role didn't feel right. I could try to figure out another way to approach it, but I don't really think I'll feel inspired enough.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm really good at continuity, and writing scenes with lots of people and involving all of them.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I always feel like I start sentences with "Niall did this" and "Harry did that" (sorry, writing narry at the moment). So, narration that's not action? Does that make sense?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it can be done effectively. I liked how the French worked in Darling, so it goes. It made sense to include because Harry moved to a country where he didn't speak the language. I tried to make the meaning of the French clear when Harry understood it, but I didn't include translations in the notes because Harry didn't understand a lot, and I wanted the reader in his shoes. I worked really hard on the French because I don't speak it, but I asked @somethingwittyorother to look it over and their feedback was incredibly helpful.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

One Direction!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

It's usually the last fic that I posted, so right now it's Suddenly Last Summer. I had the best time writing it and it was such a fulfilling creative outlet, and I just love it.

I'll tag: @crinkle-eyed-boo @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @neondiamond @kingsofeverything @louandhazaf @absoloutenonsense @homosociallyyours @nouies @onlythebravest

[kingsofeverything]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by the lovely @haztobegood and @disgruntledkittenface. Thanks, y'all!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

115 with 2 co-writes!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

2,058,707

3. What fandoms do you write for?

One Direction, babyyyyy

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Second Hand Unwinds, Say Something, Fall At My Door, Leave Your Mark On Me, Find You Home

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I'm super behind right now because of school, but I do.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I really don't know because I write happy endings, so...... probably one of the timestamps from the Don't Want Shelter universe from before they got together called A Well-Made Mistake

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I really don't know! Like I said, I write happy endings, so I guess maybe The Second Hand Unwinds because they're both just so relieved to see each other?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

lol yes

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeahhhhhh...... I was like what do you mean 'what kind' but idk it's pretty standard fucking imo lolllll

10. Do you write crossovers? What the craziest one you've written?

I've written a few fics for @potterdirection but I think that's it. Unless you count crossovers into the Shawn Mendes and Maggie Rogers fandoms lol

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

The only reason I even have a wattpad acct is to report stolen fics :)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

All the time! Love it! You can find my translated works here :D

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! A few years back, I begged some amazing writers to help do a round robin fic for @louandhazaf Nic's birthday, and we wrote Wine Not? and that fic brought so many amazing people into my life!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Larry, obviously.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

There are so many, but I'll always come back to my robots au that will never see the light of day. It lives on in my mind!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Idk man. I'm not good at thinking of these types of answers.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Second halfs. The rest of the story.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've only ever written Louis saying like one thing in Italian and then it was just comparing Harry's to the gates of paradise lollllll but kudos to anyone who does it. I liked the way Maggie @disgruntledkittenface did the French in Darling, so it goes.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

One Direction <3

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Hard questions!!!! I honestly can't answer this. All of my fics are special to me for one reason or another.

This was fun! Tagging literally anyone who sees this and @louandhazaf @uhoh-but-yeah-alright @londonfoginacup @jacaranda-bloom @sadaveniren @dinosaursmate @phdmama @lululawrence @absoloutenonsense

[danifesting]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @yekoc! Thank you for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

72, with the largest number in hockey rpf (59)

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

646,636

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently: F1 rpf and hockey rpf, I have also written for Marvel and The Mortal Instruments fandoms in the past

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Most of my most kudosed are F1 fics despite my half decade in hockey fandom. I wrote a lot of rarepairs there or ships that became popular but were just getting off the ground. By kudos:

live in five (which honestly surprised me a little since it's about a nonbinary character) (Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen)

we're dancing in this world alone (Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick)

maybe we did something right (Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen)

pegging and other adventures (Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen)

got suckered in (Carter Hart/Travis Konecny)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I didn't used to reply to comments for a long time but over the last like 2-3 years I respond to every comment I get. I tend to do it as soon as I get the ao3 email so I won't forget to do it. I like responding to comments now that I do and I enjoy engaging with the readers of my fics.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't write angsty endings. All of my fics end happily.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think most of them are equally happily but I think the two most hard earned ones are play til you win (in which Daniel is an alcoholic who has to quit drinking and go to therapy to get there) and unchained melody (which is set in the 1950s and involves a lot of depression and self denial and immense heartbreak before they get there). I think to me the most hard fought victories are the happiest, especially when you have to overcome great odds to get there like in these two fics.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So, when I wrote regret (Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick, regency omegaverse) I made a person a villain and got like 30 harassing comments from the same person about making him the villain. He deserved to be the villain.

I also got some not so nice comments on maybe we did something right because Max says of course a lot which honestly, if anything, I undersold it compared to real life.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes! I think at least half if not more of my fics contain smut. I actually enjoy the challenge of writing it. I've written a lot of different kinds but largely it's pretty vanilla. My favorite smut to write is definitely f/f though since it's the kind I obviously know that most about.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I once wrote a Mitch Marner/Shawn Mendes fic for a dear friend who was going through a hard time. It's very cute.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, no

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Another one where if I have, I don't know about it. People are totally welcome to translate my fic though! I would be quite flattered.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I co-wrote a rather long soulmate trope subversion fic with a friend for hockey big bang one year and I think we did a great job marrying our writing styles. The fic is where the light went (Nico Hischier/Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship? In F1, it's far and away Maxiel. For hockey rpf it's a 3-way tie between TK/Nolan, Jack/Nico, and Mitch/Dylan. I'm Marvel, easily Stucky.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Sadly, my Nico/Nolan college gymnastics au. I only have the first couple of pages written and I think the idea is brilliant (it's rule 63 and in it Nolan missed out on Olympic gold in a tie break scenario like Raisman and Mustafina) but I think it's never going to happen, especially now that I'm writing hockey less than I used to.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Strong research, and setting a time and place that is very grounded when I write AUs (particularly those that are set in the past)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I don't always keep to the fandom general consensus of characterization very well but I'm not sure that's truly a weakness.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Absolutely not. I only speak English really at all and Google is a very poor translator. I don't want to get another language wrong and I don't really think it serves to move the story along if the other party wouldn't understand it anyway.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

A long deleted Welcome to Nightvale fic that was only 800 words long and was deleted 6 months after I posted it on ao3 because it wasn't very good.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

It is 100% unchained melody. I think it's lush and beautiful and rich storytelling that's very grounded in the time and place (late 1950s, Winnipeg) it's written and I don't think I will ever write anything as wonderful as that. A close second though is play til you win which I think has some similar qualities in terms of groundedness in time and place (mid 2000s, central New Jersey).

Tagging: @thewindowatkirkland @fourmula1 @33max and @nobrakesdown