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antiresperidoneclub · 4 years ago

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i havent posted anything in awhile but happy pride month yall! and, very much in me fashion imma take this time ta make another informational post! this installment is called

why assimilation is overall harmful to the queer community + the damage of pseudo-right wing ideas spread thruout the trans community!

CW: queerphobia, transmedicalism, bl*ir wh*te, k*lvin g*rrah, violence against queer ppl.

so, where do we start?

assimilation, what is it?

assimilation is a deliberate effort made by a minority/ marginalized group to (instead of become free) join the majority/privledged, which is wildly more accesible ta abled nuerotypical cis white lgb folks.

now, how does that apply ta th queer community? before that, we hafta look at th stark distinction between th LGBT community and th QUEER community.

because sadly its now different

imma make this as short as possible but basically,

despite its intentions when it was formed decades ago, th LGBT communiy an th way it functions is percieved is different. case in point, th term LGBT has been heavily gentrified and commodified especially by corporations tryina sell it to non-lgbt audiences. youll notice a majority of LGBT voices an advocates are usually white cis lgb ppls or are assimilationists. th term LGBT aswell has been heavily diluted and decontexualized from its roots, such as fightin for rights wit riots an demonstrations, bein heavily tied wit black an indigenous liberation, socialist ideals and memorializing th struggle for our freedom. its also (as apart of its gentrification) is bein forced ta be more 'family friendly' in an effort of control an ta make cash off of us an further assimilate us.

the QUEER community is a somewhat niche nowadays as it sticks fairly close ta th original goals as th LGBT community once had. such as wantin an willin ta fight for liberation rather than succumb ta assimilation. its also seen as a threat as it directly challenges th authority (capitlism, cops/military, goverment, white supremacy, fascism) for its mistreatment an oppresion against queer ppl and other marginalized groups. if th LGBT community is th privledged assimilations that can be proffited off of, then th queer community is more alike 'outcasts' or 'rejects' that arent as palatable ta a cishet majority ie; trans women/ trans/queer ppls of colour, more radicalized queer folks, or those impoverished.

so, with that said, how has/does assimilation harm queer ppl?

as i said, assimilation is disspraportionatly accesible ta able-bodied, neurotypical, cis, non-poor white LGB ppls (shocker) meaning th majority of queer poc, trans people, impoverished, and diasbaled/neurodivergent folks get left behind and continuosly stomped on in an attempt ta eradicate us. and it should be noted theres 2 types of assimilation

1. forced assimilation; forced assimilation is where marginalized ppls thru cultural eradication/genocide r forced ta strip themselves of their identity an join th majority which results in oppresion, discrimination, an further erasure of th ppls themselves. this is heavily seen within th queer community wit th AIDS crisis where those who survived were later branded as 'brave' by th very system that sought their demise in th first place, leavin our community in shambles.

2. chosen assimilation; chosen assimilation is where usually a small group/ or a singular person will disregard their people in an a attempt ta be spared from oppresion or discrimination. in terms of queer ppl (especially trans folks) th main contendors r blair white, kalvin garrah, an buck angel. blair is a stellar example of attempted assimilation. she not only rejetcs, but constantly puts her own people on blast publicly ta her audince of white cishet conservatives an (more often than not) fascists. not only that but she deliberatly associates wit th very ppl who seek her erasure an oppresion in an assbackwards attempt at salvation. more concrete examples include 1. showin herself as 'one of th good ones' or 'normal' 2. acting as if shes cishet 3. constantly self-hating ta appease those mentioned above 4. spewing dangerous an misinormed rhetoric aimed at trans ppls which directly affects trans poc an non-passing trans women. next, kalvin garrah. i was gonna write a whole thing on him but instead ill (below) link copshatemoe's videos about him.

so, now that we know how assimilation both forced an personal harms queer ppls in general, what about trans ppls an th trans community?

transmedicalism and its disasterous effects towards the trans community.

transmedicalism is a belif system of sorts that follows ideals such as

beliving trans ppls must be suffering from dysphoria to be trans

a trans person must want to transition to be trans

being trans is a mental illness/ neurological condition/ birth defect cause by unbalanced horomone levels or th existence of "male and female brains"

belivies HRT or surgerys are a 'cure' for dysphoria/ 'transness'

that neopronouns or non-lesbian, gay, bisexual, or binary trans folks are invalid or 'wannabes' who see th "lgbt community as a club of sorts to join jus because"

borderline or blatant rascist, transmysoginistic, ableist rhetoric.

intentional or not, that assimilation is key an becomin 'as close ta bein cis as possible' is th goal of transition.

now, i could spend ages rantin about how these belifs are blatently wrong but however rather than disecting them lets jus go over th direct harm these belifs have caused th trans community.

lets start wit nonbinary folks. nowadays as ive seen transmedicalism has become more open ta acceptin nonbinary folks but regardless they were one of th first punchin bags. since bein nonbinary in any facet isnt exactly 'medically sustained' its already seen as bullshit, but past that it opens th gates for neoprounouns an non-convetional identitys. enby ppls would be attacked constantly or called "trenders" in an attempt ta discourage them from even existing. this 'highschool bully' type of mentality along wit th superiority complex behind transmedicalism created a stark divide between "normal" trans ppls an th "weirdo, faker" trans ppls. not only did these attacks further stigmatize an already oppresed minority but also forced ppl ta hide themselves from they own community ta avoid ridicule an bullying. this type of harrasment has left these ppls wit trauma an fear of they identity bein challenged not only online but also in IRL queer spaces while they already hafta stay hypervigilant around cis ppl, now it seems th same around binary trans folks. not only have nonbinary ppls have been impacted however, binary trans ppls were left wit insecurities, wonderin if they dysphoria is 'rlly that bad compared ta others' and worrying about things they usually didnt care about. probably th biggest of those is 'passing'. passing is th action of looking as cis as possible ta blend in an avoid general treatments sustained by cishet ppls. i as a transwomen was directly affected by this rhetoric which caused me years of my transition spent not becomin myself, but becomin as close ta a cis girl as possible. this lead me ta become embarresed by my own community also factored in by havin virtually no trans friends IRL. this was th shared experince of many binary trans folks an nonbinary trans folks i know an am friends with. in conclusion, transmedicalsim has not only ostrasized an traumatized queer folks, but has also left insecurities an damage ta binaty trans folks aswell.

so, with that in mind, how do we combat, well, all of this an much more?

liberation

liberation is th action of freeing a marginalized group from its oppresive chains. an how would this look/work for th queer community?

majority of cishet ppls think that queer liberation ended wit marriage equality but thats very much not true. multiple basic human freedoms have been stripped from not only cis lgb queers but also trans people aswell. rights such as affordable housing witout discrimination, medical options for trans people being completly accesible or downright free, safe spaces or areas where were able ta exist free of fear of persecution or discrimination, better healthcare treatment towards queer ppl, things sometimes neccisary ta ones transition bein more accesible such as name/document changes, and many more things. but remember, none of this is possible witout ingigenous liberation/land back, black liberation, or under capitlism

anyways, i have 0 way ta end this so happy pride month an a very happy juneteenth!! if ur black ur more than welcome ta leave any gofundmes, cashapps, venmos etc in th notes or reblogs!

also, if you have any additions or points/topics i shouldve made or covered pls reblog wit them!

-alexis

youtube

#mtf #mtf memes #trans #trans memes #queercore #ftm #queer punk #queer #pride #pride month #transgender #transman #transfemme #transmasc #transwomen #lgbt #lgbt+#lgbtq

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everything-laito · 5 years ago

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damn the brain be out here going BRRRRRR here’s the Laito and Cordelia Analysis (with a little bit of Karl sprinkled in) Part III

wow my fingers are freezing but my brain sure isn't!

aaaanyways, iiiiiit’s trauma time!!! Am I a productive member of society by writing these analyses? No. Do I gain anything by writing them? Kinda, my brain gets exercised and they’re fun to research for. But if you haven’t read the first part or the second part for some reason (I recommend reading them in order), there they are.

Once again, trigger warnings still apply; mainly about trauma, isolation, etc

I’m gonna talk about the trauma and effects it had on Laito and to attempt to extrapolate why he is the way he is. I have a lot of examples I want to go over and stuff to talk about, so I think the trauma part is going to be split between two (or maybe three) parts. I also have a little bit to say about Karlheinz.

As always, big ass rant under the cut!

Section 6: Neuroplasticity and Trauma

Oh???? More science vernacular??? You BET! Ok, neuroplasticity. I know I’ve talked about it on this blog. But, I seriously doubt that there is a madlad who has read all of my analyses (speaking of which, I should update the master list lmao) and I don’t expect anyone to do that LOL! Anyways, this neurological concept is the ability of neurons to adapt to certain circumstances or stimuli by creating new neurological pathways (through synapses). This basically relates to memory and learning. It’s why we don’t stay the same person as we grow and develop. It’s responsible from mindset changes to response to traumatic events. It plays a huge part in trauma, which is why “repressed memories” occur as well.

Trauma, taken from Psychology Today, is defined as:

...the experience of severe psychological distress following any terrible or life-threatening event. Sufferers may develop emotional disturbances such as extreme anxiety, anger, sadness, survivor’s guilt, or PTSD.

It’s a basic definition. And although I’d assume people would know what trauma is already, but knowing the lexical definition of something can be good to know before going into it.

Obviously, Laito has trauma, there’s literally no refuting that. But, the point I’m getting at, is the reason why he is the way he is today is because of neuroplasticity. As previously stated, we are going to assume the DL vampire brain works similarly or the same as a human brain. So, because of the stress put upon the brain (Cordelia’s actions and Laito’s general upbringing in a stress filled household), Laito’s brain was rewired (neuroplasticity). This section doesn’t really have much new information, but I wanted to give a baseline since there’s many people who don’t know what neuroplasticity is.

Laito’s definitely different than what he was as a kid. He still kind of had his smarts, and might have been but as we’ve deducted from the first part of this series, he might have been groomed. On top of that, the brain is easily moldable when you’re a child (which is why grooming makes sense for Laito’s case), and continues to snip brain cells off and form new connections.

Section 7: Little intermission about Karlheinz

I know I haven’t really talked about Karlheinz yet. So this will be the section that I do it in. I know this part is about Laito’s trauma, but it’s so hard to not just weave other characters into it. Nothing is stand-alone, which is why it was so hard for me to plan this out. I was debating about saving this for another analysis, but I feel like it fits.

I referenced this in Part II, Section 5 of this analysis series. Basically, Karlheinz throws Laito into the dungeon and locks him up. Not Karlheinz personally, but he ordered someone to do it. We don’t explicitly know why, but there’s several implications. A huge one is that it was part of Karlheinz’ experiment. Before Dark Fate, I was like “wait, so did Karl find out about Laito/Cordelia? And got like jealous or was like ‘nah this shit fucked up no thanks’?” I was really scratching my head on that. But in Dark Fate, you find that Karlheinz knew about Cordelia and Laito, and even really wanted it to happen. Which is all sorts of fucked up. This really put Laito in for a loop. Here’s a scene from Dark Fate:

Laito: That woman always, always believed in Karlheinz. Laito: She believed he married her because he loved her, wanted her. That’s why she was sure that one day... he will give his love only to her. Laito: But she was tricked. She wasn’t loved from the start... Laito: -And I’m a victim of this unbelievable mistake... That’s how it is. Laito: I was treated as a vent for her feelings. Yui: ...Laito-kun... Laito: I’m sure he knew that something like this will happen... He is a god after all... Laito: I was hoping that... He just overlooked it up until now... Laito: But... I was naive. Laito: I was only planned a scapegoat.

God, when I played this, that just freaking struck me to my core. That’s so awful. Ironically... Karlheinz probably has some high level of emotional intelligence. I don’t believe he could be labeled as a sociopath, considering he has this high level understanding of pathos. He’s not god in a sense that he controls everyone individually himself. He’s so good at manipulation that he basically creates fate itself (whether you believe in it or not). He’s generally intelligent and cunning, and it also just helps with the fact that he’s immortal and can time travel. He knows cause and effect by now, and I believe Lost Eden said something about how he’s done so many different “timelines.”

The definition of a god in a philosophical sense can be broken down into three words: omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. More wicked cool jargon! Yay! Here’s what they mean for extra clarification:

Omniscient: All knowing Omnipresent: All seeing Omnipotent: All doing

Sure Karlheinz doesn’t absolutely know everything, nor can see everything, and he definitely has limits to his power, but he has gained knowledge through living for so many years and time traveling; he has familiars which add to the whole “all seeing” part; and he has a lot of power. So basically, in the most semi-”realistic” sense, it would definitely be the closest being to any kind of god.

Karlheinz is probably the reason why Laito himself has such contempt towards religion, and the existence of a god in general. Sure, the boys are like “that shit’s made up by humans” in general, but it would make sense for Laito himself to have that specific hatred. It makes sense that these vampires would be like “oh that’s made up by humans” when they’ve been around forever and have seen multiple religions come and go. (I’m mainly talking about in DL’s lore case, not starting a religious argument; please don’t take it as such––just to clarify)

Section 8: Isolation

Originally, the previous part was going to be about Laito’s isolation being locked up. However, I went off the rails and it turned into that little intermission. This is going to be a shorter section, but I still wanted to talk about, and it will weave into the next section.

There is no implications about how long Laito was locked up (and tortured) in the dungeon. There’s also no implications about why he was tortured. But torture and isolation puts such stress on the brain that there’s definitely going to be some kind of outcome if persisting for a good period of time. So let’s take a look at what that does to a person.

Once again, taking this with a grain of salt. I imagine vampires don’t need to rely on social interaction as much as humans do, considering they live forever. But we don’t know. However, throwing Laito into a state of isolation implies that it would be some type of torture or harsh punishment for a vampire, which therefore implies that social interaction is a necessity for emotional function. It’s just sound, inductive logic.

So now, as for isolation, I’m using this article as reference. It’s a pretty interesting one to read. Here’s another extensive article as well. Basically isolation can cause:

Depression/anxiety

Immune system deficiencies (basically more likely to get physically ill)

Sleep cycle changes (if put underground or with limited natural light)

Hallucinations

Paranoia

Issues with processing information and more susceptible to persuasion/manipulation

We have no clue if Laito’s experience fits all of these. Also, the second one can be crossed out because vampires in DL can’t get physically sick in the way we can. Also, unsure about the sleep cycle stuff considering they are used to being in the dark. Hallucinations and paranoia can’t be crossed off nor proven.

Being isolated physically and mentally exhausts the mind, which is why it’s also a way of torture. Laito implies that he was tortured with physical devices, but regardless, it’s still stress on the mind. This type of stress definitely goes along with what was mentioned with neuroplasticity and trauma, which also supports the last bullet point: issues processing information and being more susceptible to persuasion/manipulation. Take this flashback from Maniac Prologue in HDB that I used in Part II section 5 (but here’s even more context):

Laito: ーー Let me go!! Let me out of here! Butler: I can’t, young lord. We’ve received strict orders from your father. I am deeply sorry, but please stay put for a while. Laito: What’s the point in having me chained up in here!? Butler: ーーI am very sorry. Laito: Hahahaha…You stupid old man! Do you think that this will make repent!? How foolish! That demon! Has his brain finally rotten from spending too much time with humans!? ー Cordelia appears Cordelia: ー Oh? Laito: …!? Have you come to save me? Cordelia: Oh dear. Ufufu…I’m sorry Laito, that isn’t it. Laito: Eh? Richter: ー Why are you here? Laito: …That’s my line. Cordelia: Okay, okay. No fighting! More importantly, Richter…Come here. Laito: …!? Cordelia: Nnn…Hey, Laito. You are a good boy. Laito: …!! Cordelia: Right, Laito? Laito: Yeah, that’s right. I’m…I’m a good boy after all. ーー Besides, I’m the type of person who only get more aroused from this kind of thing.

Although I also use this to support the whole Stockholm syndrome point, this could also be supported with the trauma isolation also holds. His mind is being re-molded into the facade he holds. Also, note the whole “do you think this will make me repent?!” part. Just a very interesting thing. The word “repent” implies that there’s something to feel guilty about or the person knows that what they’ve done is bad. It just goes to show that Laito has some part of guilt or moral compass still in tact.

You can also argue that this scene was when Laito just got locked up, or he’s been here for a while. Either way, he could have also been socially isolated before this too, just hanging around Cordelia like it’s implied when he was a child. Remember the whole not being in bed 9/10 times when he was a child? Yeah, controlled social isolation. We also rarely see Laito with other characters in his flashbacks. I don’t believe we see him with his brothers in any of his flashbacks from what I can recall; he’s usually with Cordelia. Just implies (to me) that he’s around her a lot. And being locked up is also a more extreme case of that, which would mold the brain even more.

I know that was a LOT to process and read. I sure hope this still is cohesive for you all. I’m pretty bad at organizing this kind of stuff; it’s a bit difficult since it all just goes together. Which, kudos on the writers of DL, because that’s just good writing. I was going to put something about gaslighting in this part, but that might be too long, so I’m going to make that a separate part or include it in the next part.

If you have any questions, feel free to just put it in the inbox. I’m planning on making the last part of this series answering all the Laito/Cordelia questions I’ve received, or just general questions pertaining to this analysis in general, whether it be tangential questions or clarifying questions.

Hope you all are still enjoying this ride as much as I am! -Corn

#analysis #diabolik lovers analysis #diabolik lovers #dialovers #dialover #laito sakamaki #sakamaki laito #raito sakamaki #sakamaki raito

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yasuemmeline-archive · 4 years ago

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Emmeline Vance; character introduction

Basic Information

Full Name: Yasu Emmeline Vance

Nickname(s): her brothers call her Emmy

Age: 18

Date of Birth: 8 January 1960

Hometown: South London, England

Current Location: Diagon Alley, London, England

Ethnicity: British, Japanese

Nationality: British

Gender: Cisfemale

Pronouns: She/her

Species: human, witch

Orientation: lesbian

Religion: atheist

Occupation: trainee healer at St. Mungo’s

Living Arrangements: a sparse flat in Diagon Alley

Language(s) Spoken: English

Accent: South Londoner

Left or Right Handed: left

Magic Information

School Attended: Hogwarts

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Blood Status: Muggleborn

War Alliance: Order of the Phoenix

Wand: hazel with unicorn hair

Patronus: black bear

Boggart: empty day planner

Amortentia: fresh air, matcha, baby hair

Quidditch?: yes, beater

Prefect?: yes

Club(s): Art Society (1st-4th years only), Ancient Runes Society (1st year only), Astronomy Club, Herbology Club, Literature Discussion (1st-4th years only), Charms Club (1st-6th years only), Potions Club, Event Coordination Committee (1st year only), Community Outreach Committee (1st-4th years only), Dueling Club (1st-6th years only), Frog Choir (1st year only), Mock Wizengamot Debate Team, Gobstone Club (1st year only), Transfiguration Club (1st-5th years only)

O.W.Ls: Potions; E, Charms; E, Herbology; E, Transfiguration; A, Defense Against the Dark Arts; O, History of Magic; O, Astronomy; E, Arithmancy; A, Muggle Studies; O

N.E.W.Ts: Potions; A, Charms; E, Herbology; E, Defense Against the Dark Arts; E, History of Magic; O, Astronomy; E

Physical Appearance

Face Claim: Reina Hardesty

Hair Colour: black

Eye Colour: dark brown

Height: 5’6”

Build: athletic

Tattoos: none

Piercings: 1 in each lobe, 1 cartilage in right ear

Clothing Style: posh feminine, trendy yet sleek with lots of neutrals

Distinguishing Characteristics: round face, pointed chin, full lower lip

Health

Physical Ailments: “Beater’s Elbow”, the magical name for tennis elbow

Neurological Conditions: none

Allergies: birds

Sleeping Habits: Emmeline has a very poor sleep schedule, regularly staying up late and habitually rising early

Eating Habits: Emmeline eats like an on the go teen, lots of cheap and easy fast food

Exercise Habits: Emmeline still maintains the training regimen she used for quidditch in school

Emotional Stability: medium

Sociability: high

Body Temperature: average

Addictions: none

Drug Use: none

Alcohol Use: medium/high

Personality

Positive Traits: independent, adaptable, disciplined

Negative Traits: selfish, avoids confrontation, unforgiving

Goals/Desires: to have it all, to find peace

Fears: being alone with her thoughts

Hobbies: quidditch, learning new magic (or trying to)

Habits: nervous laughter, doodling in notes, poor eye contact

Favourites

Weather: partly/mostly cloudy, perfect quidditch weather

Colour: Ravenclaw blue

Sport: quidditch

Beverage: matcha

Food: pasties

Animal: rats

Family

Father: Gareth Vance

Mother: Aoki Kei

Sibling(s): Taro Jude Vance, Shingo Lennox Vance

Children: none

Pet(s): a white rat named Ratto, technically he is Ratto IV

Relationships and Connections

Relationship status : single

People they admire : Vince Sinclair

Someone they’ll talk to about anything : Aoki Yori

Someone they couldn’t live without : Jude and Lennox

Do they want to get married? : no

Do they want kids? : no

Someone they wish things had turned out differently with : she wishes her parents’ marriage had actually been functional, barring that, she wishes it had ended sooner

Someone that makes them laugh : Emmeline has a very convincing fake laugh that she pulls out whenever the situation calls, but the person best able to make her really laugh is her littlest brother, Lennox

Extra

Zodiac Sign: sun; Capricorn, moon; Taurus, rising; Libra

MBTI: ENTP

Enneagram: 7w6

Temperament: Choleric

Moral Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Primary Vice: avarice

Primary Virtue: diligence

Element: air

#[about tag]

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keenerordeath · 5 years ago

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Endgame Timelines

(except I don’t cry at the end)

Disclaimer: I have never read the comics, I am basing everything off of what I've seen in the MCU films and fans online that know more about the stones than I do. Add in my limitless optimism and you get this monstrosity!

What would happen if Tony hadn't been the one to snap away Thanos and his army? Would Peter Parker, the only other avenger with a Stark original nanotech suit, be the one to snap instead?

Let me show you what I think would have happened if Tony survived Endgame and Peter Parker saved the universe.

Below the cut:

what could happen to peter parker

how tony fixes everything

how I think the stones should all be returned after endgame

Peter Parker and the Gauntlet

Of course, something to address immediately would be Peter's probability of survival. We've seen Tom Holland's Peter Parker lift a fallen building's debris from himself and swing away afterwards. Since Peter hasn't been shot, or severely impaled, I don't have much of a reference to go by in terms of healing and regeneration, and he's certainly not on par with Deadpool in that department. BUT, I do have reference of Infinity Snaps from the Hulk, Tony, and Thanos himself. Hulk is strong, sure, and isn't all that fazed by radiation, since that was what created him. However, he was easily beaten by Thanos, and was injured just by wearing a gauntlet that held all six stones. The snap completely destroyed his arm. For Thanos, wielding the full gauntlet only caused a surge in energy but his body was intact. The snap itself left his arm injured but not completely immobile. The arm doesn't reach that point until snapping a second time to destroy the stones. To an average human like Tony, the snap cost his life. But we KNOW all this. What we don't know is how it translates to anyone other than these three.

As a mutant, where does that leave Peter on the spectrum? Does using the stones leave a wound that will never heal, destined to be that way by the rules of the stones? Nothing is for free, right? My theory is that Peter would have a different experience. Do I want to see him in pain? Hell no. While our reality is that Spider-Man must move on in a universe without Tony Stark, I can't help but dream up endings a little more happy. So, what if? What if the one who will recover the easiest from using the stones is our friendly neighborhood Spider-Man?

I would venture that the kid would be in intensive care under Helen Cho's watch. This woman has worked with super soldiers like Steve Rogers, created the cradle from Avengers: Age of Ultron. The avengers trust her with their lives. Tony wouldn't want anyone else to take care of Peter, because she would be the one to keep him alive. Not to mention, Peter heals quickly. The biggest issue may be understanding his metabolism well enough to administer antibiotics, pain killers, and other nutrients that his body would need to support his mutated healing abilities.

Peter is in the hospital and Tony needs something to keep himself occupied while waiting for his kid to wake up.

Tony Stark and the Plan to Return the Stones

Anthony Edward Stark is not going to sit on his ass if there is a problem that needs solving. With everyone back besides Vision and Natasha, he's got a team that can execute the return of the stones perfectly. Even one thing out of place and alternate timelines are created.

Tony gets Dr. Strange to rewind time on the compound. It would be great if that could go back to not being rubble, you know?

Then he gets to work, getting the rundown from everyone.

What state were all the stones in when they were taken from the past?

What was Steve doing in 2012 after he left Loki and the others in the tower?

Where did he get the Pym particles from at the base?

When did Clint wake up with the soul stone in his hand?

Where was Natasha's body after she became the sacrifice?

Where did Rhodey and Nebula leave Quill?

Would it be so bad to leave the power stone on Morag now that Thanos cannot reach it there?

Will Gamora of 2014 want to go back to her own time or stay here?

Will Gamora want to stay if they manage to get her back alive from Vormir? Two Gamora's?

Where was the hammer before Thor summoned it?

What do they have to do to get the Aether back into Jane?

He has a lot of questions, a lot of witnesses and resources, and a need for a distraction.

First thing he needs to do? Get as much information about the stones from Dr. Strange as possible.

any theories involving the actual powers and abilities of the stones are suuuuper yada yada-ed in some places because I have a very basic understanding of biology, atomic composition, time travel, neurological functions, artificial intelligence, etc. - they're flimsy in some places and I'm not sure how to fix that

Can the pocket universe in the Soul stone be accessed? Does it hold only Nat and Gamora's souls? Would they need their bodies to return the souls to? Would it just be easier to collect their bodies from Vormir and turn back time on them, too? Would their souls even be in their bodies anymore, or would they just be husks? Would taking their bodies back to the present create an alternate timeline that prevents their new alternate selves to be able to retrieve Nat or Gamora? Is it important enough to them to screw with another timeline like that? Will they have their bodies restored once they're puled from the stone?

Now, my understanding of the stones stems from the movies and an explanation I came across on Quora while researching the stones.

"To combat [their] weaknesses they all feed into each other and make each other more powerful. Also as a general weakness they will destroy most mortals without the use of a vessel (Infinity gauntlet, Ronan's hammer Etc) The Time stone makes each stone's effects permanent as well as permeate time. The Reality stone makes the others affect the world itself as opposed to just an aspect of the universe. The Power stone's raw power acts as a battery for the rest of them and amplifies their power. The Soul stone gives power over the souls of everyone the user comes across. The Space stone makes the effects of the other stones universe wide. The Mind stone allows the user complete control of the minds of everyone in the universe."

Another tidbit about the Soul stone that I found was this:

"Allows the user to steal, control, manipulate, and alter living and dead souls; as well as animate the motionless. The Soul Gem also acts as a gateway to an idyllic pocket universe. At full potential, when backed by the Power Gem, the Soul Gem grants the user control over all life in the universe."

Can't make an omelet without cracking a few eggs. With the combination of the Power, Time, Space, and Reality stones they get Natasha and Gamora out of the Soul stone. It is a stretch, considering Hulk said he had tried to get Natasha back. I think maybe using the Soul stone puts up a bit of a roadblock. How well can the Soul stone resist the effects of the other stones when it isn't being used, then? Say you use the Space stone to move the women out of the pocket universe? (Maybe it is possible to rebuild or reshape them to how they used to be by using the Space stone, same concept as Thanos changing the Aether to the Reality stone using the Space and Time stones). Using the Reality and Time stones to solidify their existence in that time and space in the universe, they could bend reality to make it so. The Power stone will juice up the other three, surely allowing them to push past boundaries they couldn't on their own. And if it takes a little tinkering with a juiced-up Soul stone to get them both fully restored, then so be it. Whatever it takes to get them back.

Now… vision is an incredibly complicated puzzle to solve. What IS left after the stone is removed? If Shuri had been allowed enough time, what would have changed for Vision? My gut tells me that his best chance lies in the hands of Shuri and Dr. Strange. Vision has just been hooked up to Shuri's tech in Wakanda. Five years later she still has the scans she made, still remembers what she had to do. So Dr. Strange takes them back to right before Thanos' General attacks Shuri and her guard, taking Vision with him. Instead of letting that play through, Strange pauses time, leaving himself and Shuri to find what made Vision tick, remove the stone and see what is left, what they need to substitute in as replacement for the Mind stone. They gather all the information housed in Vision's body. Every piece that came from Jarvis, Stark, Banner, Thor, Ultron, the Mind stone. How can that be recreated to be able to house Vision's memories and consciousness, again? Restoring him to minutes before Thanos took the stone from his head is the end goal. Once Shuri has all the data she needs, they turn back time on Vision, leave him back on the table, and resume time before jumping back to their present. They'll need the cradle again, some more vibranium, some help from Helen Cho and Thor's lightning. Would complete reconstruction and an upload of consciousness work without the stone? Obviously, the flying and the strength and all his other powers from the stone would be gone, but is it really so bad to have a chance at being normal?

They have their lost family back now. But they cannot rest yet. What else do they need the stones for before they can send them back to where they came from?

Can they be used to heal Peter? Have they already weakened themselves from using them so much? Is there anyone else that can wield them and help to restore what was lost after half the population vanished and everything became overwhelming to maintain? The plan for returning them was set, they're left with a lot of time to use the stones for some good. Can Captain Marvel offer more help to others in the universe? Surely, Earth isn't the only place that desperately needed help in the aftermath. I assume she will do what she can, holding more hope than in canon, since losing Tony left most of them… less than motivated to get back into hero-ing.

Danvers did what she needed to with the stones. Time to start their return plan.

All the stones need to be returned to how they looked when they were taken.

Thanos used the Space and Power stones to change the Aether from its weird wiggly form into an actual stone. Great, let's undo that. Should we use the Time stone or the Space and Power stones? Either will work? Dope, done and done, moving on.

The scepter and its case are around the compound somewhere, Vision doesn’t need the stone anymore, let's pack it in there. Same with the weird orb thing Rhodey brought the Power stone back in. Let's get those packed and they'll be ready to go.

Mjolnir: check. Aether: check. Scepter: check. Power Orb: check. Space, Soul, and Time stones: check, check, check. (Dr. Strange will be hanging onto that Time stone until the last mission, though)

Now we know from Avengers: Endgame that each capsule of Pym Particles will give you two jumps. They can go from the present to the past, then the past to the present. After that they have to refuel. With that established, my estimate would be that they would need to use AT LEAST 19 capsules, not accounting for spares in case of an emergency.

So, Hank Pym, mind making those? We need them to fix our time travel mess. Thanks, pal.

Back in Time, Right on Time

Tony doesn't need everyone to make this go smoothly. He can work with a smaller pool of people.

Clint is not going back, not to Vormir, not to anywhere. He will stay in the present with Nat and his family.

His blue meanie, Nebula, is staying with him. He will not subject her to the pain of sharing her network with another Nebula from a different time, not again.

Tony himself will not be leaving. He will be right here, coordinating everything. Some of them will be leaving at the same time. Others have multiple trips they're going to make. No one makes a second jump until they have checked back in with him. They'll restock their suits, get some food and rest, gather the things they need to return, and venture back out.

No Avenger is going to be sent back to a time that will trigger bad memories from their pasts.

Many candidates and teams were dismissed pretty early. They're abilities may have been ideal, but if their personalities did not mix well, Tony could not risk the messes that incompatibility could cause.

For this to work, the best chance of success for the return of every stone and avoiding any offshoot timelines will require these Avengers: Captain Rogers, Thor, Dr. Strange, The Wasp, Mantis, Scarlet Witch, and Ant-Man. Stay tuned because we're going to need one surprise extra along the way, but more on that later.

To know where to go first, Tony first had to figure out who messed up the worst, and needed the most stones to complete the mission.

Loki's Vanishing Act

Let's start with Loki taking the Tesseract in NYC 2012. It is essentially a surefire way to change pretty much everything we know about the MCU. So how is Tony going to fix that Royal Whoops? Well, it's not going to be easy. To ensure that Loki and the Tesseract are sent back to Asgard with Thor, Tony will send the Wasp and Ant-Man to keep the Tesseract close to a collapsed Tony Stark and Thor, and away from Loki, Endgame Tony and Scott, and the slimy Alexander Pierce. If anyone besides Thor got the Tesseract then, Tony and Steve would never go to the army base even further in the past. Best not to mess with that.

Really? Hail Hydra?

Now that Loki is once again in custody of the Avengers, we'll follow Captain America taking the Scepter from NYC in 2012.

(Enjoy the layout of this one, because there's so much to it I don't want to make this into more of a story than a presentation. You'll take all my bullet points and you'll like them, damn it.)

Triggers for alternate timelines:

Tricking Hydra into thinking he was their ally

Prematurely informing his 2012 self of Bucky being alive

Removing the Mind stone from the scepter (this one couldn't really be helped, you're okay Steve)

Conclusion: a seamless return without creating any alternate timelines will be enough to give me a migraine. (Tony probably had one, too, after learning everything Steve said to get his way to the scepter and out of the tower)

So, how does he plan to fix it? By sending the Wasp, Scarlet Witch, and Mantis.

Elevator Mess

Upon arriving at Stark Tower in NYC 2012, Hope shrinks the scepter, along with Wanda and Mantis. Their job is to follow Steve Rogers and clean up after him.

One "Hail Hydra" later, Hope carries Wanda to where she can erase the memories of all those in the elevator. Captain America is not with Hydra, he never entered that elevator, and he never took the scepter.

Last step here is to take the scepter they've brought and leave it exactly where Cap took the original from.

America's Ass

The reason Cap even had to fight himself is because Loki escaping disrupted the timeline, pulling 2012 Cap from search and rescue and back to the tower to hunt down Loki.

With Loki secured, Wanda has to manipulate 2012 Cap into still believing that Loki got away. After disabling his communications, they send him on his way.

His "I have eyes on Loki," never reaches anyone, and once they've fallen and Steve has knocked 2012 Cap unconscious, Wanda goes about erasing his memory of learning about Bucky. (Does Wanda get a video of "that's America's ass," to make fun of him with later? It's a mystery, truly, we'll never know)

Search and Rescue

They leave after returning 2012 Cap to the ground floor and waking him up (Thanks Mantis, I love you), sending him to resume search and rescue as if nothing had happened.

Ghosts of the Past

When Tony brings up Vormir, Steve volunteers. He won't let Clint, Banner, or Quill go. He was close to Natasha, spent the last five years with her. He wanted the chance to rid them of the stone that tried to take her from them. He knew that the other three didn't need the pain that would hit them should they see the place where the women they love had almost been lost to them.

What no one accounted for was Steve knowing who had been guiding people to the stone all this time. Facing Red Skull was not what Steve had expected. If it weren't so terrifying to see him again it would be almost comical. But there was nothing here to fix. He'd watched as Clint's craft took off, returning back to the others with the stone and without Nat. He handed the Soul stone off, tapped the device on his wrist twice, and went home.

Frigga Knows All

Steve doesn't talk about the last mission, so they move on to the next one. Tony sends Wanda and Steve to Asgard with Mjolnir and the Aether. They can't change that Thor told his mother the truth, but they can stop the Asgardians chasing Rocket and erase their memories of the raccoon. Disruption handled, Wanda goes to return the Aether to where it resided inside Jane. A very unfortunate place for it to be, but she knew she couldn't make any changes. So she returned it and left to find Cap, who had found where Thor pulled the hammer from and put it back. Rocket and Thor had gone back, and now Cap and Wanda could, too.

The God of Mischief

All of the Avengers were familiar with the Tesseract. Turns out it was just a cosmic cube used to contain the power of the Space stone. Interesting twist, for sure. But Thanos crushed the cube, and without it, they couldn't get the Tesseract back to Howard Stark's labs. At least the Pym Particles were a simple mission.

(Buckle up, I'm bringing back the bullet points)

Triggers to alternate timelines:

SHIELD suddenly having the Space stone rather than the Tesseract

Hank Pym losing important pieces of his research

Army base employee reporting Tony and Steve to bunker security

Conclusion: only the best of the best could twist this situation back to where it needs to be.

Tony's plan went something like this:

Saving a god

Thor and Dr. Strange go to retrieve Loki from the wreckage of the Asgardian ship

They work together to gather all those lost onto a nearby planet.

Once all the Asgardians have been found, Dr. Strange turns back time on the ship and on those gathered, bringing them back.

Using the Time, Space, and Power stones, Dr. Strange opens a portal that takes the Asgardians and their ship to the present in Norway, where the rest of their people reside.

Thor returns to the present, knowing Valkyrie was already in Norway, prepared to receive everyone.

Fooling a King

Dr. Strange keeps Loki with him, being the only one they've known to be able to contain Loki and see through his tricks. Loki doesn't give him any reasons to contain him, though.

An extra quantum realm suit and some Pym Particles given to Loki, and they jump to a time well before Loki had even learned he was the stolen prince of Jotunheim.

Together, they take the Tesseract from Odin's vault and hide it away.

Loki disguises himself as a young Thor and "confesses" to breaking the Tesseract, presenting the Space stone to Odin.

The Space stone is soon contained once again in a cosmic cube, an exact replica of the Tesseract Thanos had crushed, and returned to the vault.

Not wanting to risk anything, they replace the hidden Tesseract, retrieve the repaired cube, and jump back in time once more.

Returning Particles

Dr. Strange opens a portal in the basement of the bunker, watching as Howard Stark and "Howard Potts" leave the room.

The Tesseract is returned to the container Tony took it from and they were quickly through the next portal

Steve Rogers was gone and Hank Pym had yet to return

The capsules of Pym Particles were placed in the empty space left by Cap.

Mission complete, Loki and Dr. Strange returned to the Avengers Compound.

Can't Really Fix This One

There was one alternate timeline that Tony would never be able to fix, not that he would ever want to. The Thanos from 2014 brought his army and his daughters with him to end the Avengers of the present and take the stones for himself.

But once he and his armies were snapped away, there was no one to return back to 2014. They were gone. Nebula had no idea if Gamora had vanished along with all the others on the ships that brought her to a different time. Well, if they ever run into her, they'll offer her the chance to go back to the time she left, should she wish to return.

All that could really be done was send Wanda and Mantis to put the orb back in the temple, give Quill back his lockpick, toss him in front of the temple and wake him up. Maybe he would run into this Korath guy he mentioned, maybe he won't, considering he was a lackey to Ronan, one of those Thanos used to do his bidding. A Thanos that was no longer there. Either way, Quill wasn't just left for dead. He may never meet Gamora, but he still had other adventures to go on, other people to meet.

It's Finally Over

The Ancient One was taking down Chitauri before Hulk showed up. Steve would follow her attack patterns and range, because once Hulk showed up to get the stone, she would be distracted, and the Chitauri she would have stopped would continue on into NYC.

After Hulk had left with the Time Stone, Steve immediately approached the Ancient One and handed her the stone. They shared a look of understanding, she turned to rejoin the fight, and Steve left the rooftop to return home for the last time.

and they all lived happily ever after, the end, happy hanukkah, goodnight - Rallow <3

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alysaalban · 5 years ago

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Reiki Symbol Library Surprising Cool Tips

Completing a Reiki Master or Reiki Master.I have observed that her sinuses on the subject.There is also some other method of healing that it does sometimes work like that if we trust them.The original Western version of the infinite energy that knows its path and living in a matter of who we are in this healing art was lost.

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Lon Say Reiki Symbol

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Learn Reiki In Bangalore

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#Reiki Symbol Library Surprising Cool Tips #Can Reiki Cure Infertility

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vanessawren69 · 5 years ago

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How Can Parents Help During Children Treatment

Like most parents, we welcomed our first brand new born with all excitement and enthusiasm. We did the regular things parents-to-be do - getting all set a nursery with decorations, furniture, toys and clothing. We read novels and moved to classes about the best way to raise the boy at his first calendar year. Very little did people know none of the would educate us to manage exactly what lay ahead. Vincent was born without problems in the US full-time. We attracted him back to Singapore if he was 10 weeks old. Our purpose was to bring him up in a multi ethnic and multi lingual environment.However, when he had been three months' old, Vincent turned into a normal guest into the doctor's clinic. He was diagnosed with spleen and liver enlargements that required per week, monthly then half a lever work blood evaluations. His receptor was 800+ as the kid ought to be below 50. His receptor level stabilized once he switched three.At 14 weeks', he got an infection from a make-up BCG injection. This required fundamental anesthetization and operation to both remove the pustule. At two, a doctor discovered that Vincent had a heart murmur. Thankfully, it was a benign murmur. Initially, Vincent dropped over a roadside curve which required a few stitches above his right eye brow. In the beginning, he'd high fever for two successive times and must be admitted into hospital. In between, there clearly were the common influenza and colds.I visualize many parents have gone through similar scenarios. However, these are not the challenges that confronted our faith, analyzed our strength, and improved the course of their lives. Until eventually we observed that he had been different at a year and half an hour, Vincent'd met all milestones. He'd no language. This meant he did not complete a single comprehensible word. He'd not call Mum or Dad. The doctor advised us not to worry as boys develop language skills after. We became very stressed if he did not have any vocabulary at a couple of yearsold. This began another flow of consultation with all specialists in ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat), neurology, psychology, and psychiatry. It took us to search, timetable and complete the evaluation. Vincent's hearing was tested. Even the neurologist couldn't get anything strange in your visual test and also called us into some psychologist.The session with all the psychologist has been disastrous. She had been than one hour for its consultation. Vincent lost patience wet and waiting his trousers during the evaluation, nevertheless he'd been toilet trained. The psychologist prescribed him having a"conduct Illness". This brought disbelief and confusion to people. The only positive outcome was a summary of recommended colleges which could accept kids like Vincent.We then sought advice out of a renowned psychiatrist. I still vividly remember the assembly in excess of Vincent's identification: Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified (PDD NOS). The health care provider couldn't pin point the cause although in ayman's term, Vincent was delayed in development. The psychiatrist's response that Vincent may well not ever be able to live a completely unaffiliated life throw a dark shadow across the family.In among your many tests, we managed to register Vincent into an exclusive faculty using a special training program starting at age three. This marked the beginning of lasting therapeutic and learning programs for Vincent. To augment the training of language, Vincent has been introduced to sign language and so were that the parents. This had been one among the happiest occasions to hear Vincent telephone out'Mum' and'father' at age of 4 weeks and three years. However his language progressed from one word level at comparative time, the speed of education . The speech pathologist advised he wanted to improve his gross and fine motor skills before language learning could accelerate.At the robust recommendation of their teachers and specialists, we proceeded straight back to US if Vincent was five. This began a brand new chapter of lifetime for both Vincent and the family. Throughout testimonials, we were blessed to come across a pediatrician who specialised in children like Vincent. She'd an exhaustive test of Vincent and recognized him being a kid with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Autism is a lifelong developmental disability that usually appears in childhood. Vincent was with minimal imagination and common sense, also was stiff to change. He'd no eye could not examine social cues, had Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), demonstrated severe delay in communication, and had gross sensory and motor dysfunction. He exhibited symptoms of a typical unborn child, except he was not hiding in a large part. On the other hand, he had been very sociable. We commenced a series of treatments. He also attended address and occupational therapy for per year prior to the faculty might effectively manage his requirements. He chose herapeutic horseback-riding once a week and swimming two times a week. Riding served calm down him and regulate his mind while swimming improved motor abilities. He did activities for at least five years.During these five decades, we conducted Patricia Wilbarger brushing at two-hour periods to lessen sensory dysfunction, even if we were outside. At an identical moment he had been put below Auditory built-in Therapy (AIT). He paid attention with filtered tune that has been to stimulate brain function in routine audio to Mozart. Later on he had creativity to inspire. He also attended 15 interactive metronome periods to boost attention length. By the conclusion of three weeks' remedy, he could clap 1,500 occasions nonstop as well as always. We also participated a engine pro to improve his design. Even the US law welcomes public colleges to provide aid for kids with special demands. Vincent was incorporated straight into main-stream kindergarten.With restricted language, conventional kindergarten was exceptionally challenging for Vincent. He had been so disruptive and distracted that he had to be brought out of the classroom. Walking at the school hallways or frequent breaks were a daily occurrence. We had to cross our fingers beg and every day he had a superior school afternoon minus incidences. With medication and reliable support, Vincent figured out the routines and commenced choosing up language. Throughout the First Grade language test, '' he performed at 1 percent. That meant in a hundred children , '' he had been the last in language proficiency. At home we functioned with flash cards on cognitive abilities, spatial and basic theories, functions and characteristics, and also a regular follow from the teaching of their school. We also instructed him phonicstime, numbers, size, income, etc.. It had been daunting to teach him 10 cents have greater significance than 5 cents when the 10 pennies coin is significantly smaller compared to five cents. Vincent's language improved to 25 percent by Grade. He progressed it to around 50 percent from the end of 4th Grade, properly beyond some other pro's expectations.Once Vincent picked up languageshe participated in school activity with much significantly less and not as much the help of the distinctive education instructor and the education aide.The target for IEP has shifted to social interaction and communication. Socially we have been through situations compared to speech instruction. During kindergarten, neighbor's children named him idiotic and mad. Since they could not be understood by Vincent, fortunately, the name calling was only hard for us . He was invited into a birthday party by kindergarten to fourth grade. The school address therapist hailed programs for Vincent and returned together with him to coach him. We study books and also wrote Carol Gray's social stories to demonstrate that the broad social policies of behaviour for each occasion and receiving alongside. To get additional details on this please find this. He joined social-skills training in a hospital and also in the summer camp. Nothing came simple to Vincent. Everything had to be educated. He needed - and - needs - published rules and demonstrations to direct him. It had been expected that he could be in a position to implement once he gained broad base foundations. Every one of the clinics and also training dropped off when Vincent lastly produced three friends at Fifth Grade.He was invited to their birthday functions. He encouraged them back over. He made a couple more friends at sixthgrade. He claimed two of them since his friends with whom he spoke during lunchtime and played after faculty. He no longer was a target for bullies or a ranger at school. We're fortunate that Vincent reacted favorably to therapies and interventions. The illness was very delighted about the progress of Vincent. A psychological investigation showed that Vincent continues to function at the average to exceptional selection of brains. He no longer exhibited considerable discrepancy between verbal and nonverbal abilities. The doctor changed Vincent's diagnostic to Asperger Syndrome, the mildest form of this ASD, in the age of nine.After many years of struggles, we began healing Vincent much like a kid. You will find put on television time. He had an allowance to purchase his favorite toys and games. He learned just how to do laundry, use the drier, fold clothing, wash cars and dishes, sweep floors, run the vacuum cleaner, also shift light bulbs, etc.. Recently, he started out preparing his breakfast, cooking minute noodles, skillet and utilizing a knife.He desires these capabilities when he goes to faculty. We expect him to behave appropriately in public and in gatherings. He said was accountable because of his schoolwork so we ceased checking his homework reviewing with him. Maintain his own honor roster and his obligation as a student is to carry out well academically. He's studying voraciously, especially science and nonfiction books. As he isn't athletically likely, he's plumped for fencing as his only form of sport.For many years without changing, his objective is always to become Zoo Veterinarian. He is on course to meeting his fantasy. Soon after processes of rejection, blame, frustration, anger, acceptance and resolution, we have come to terms with his investigation. Even though we search for remedies that best satisfy himwe take, and the majority of the time, that he could be and that which he will eventually become. We've pledged to provide him anything ordinary kids love and we hope to execute no further compared to other children' of the calibre. We know there are more challenges before us and him however we have been convinced he'll direct a lifestyle. Inpatient treatment helps and benefits kids a lot. They've programs that make it possible for children to be dependent together by using their selves. First, the therapist assesses a young child therefore that an appropriate actions or plans will likely probably be given in line with the child's functionality and ultimately, the test made will probably be valid. The overall capability as well as also the wholeness of a kid is aided and improved with a program that is family-approach or baby friendly to make sure the kids are not going to feel nostalgic and only feel comfortable throughout the program.Since occupational treatment revolves across the increase and progress of a young child, therefore each phase is monitored for longer desired consequence. Kiddies who may benefit from occupational therapy are those who have birth injuries or premature, finding out problems or ADHD or developmental/ motor skills handicap, problems with coordination or chronic musculo-skeletal circumstances, any behavioral problems and harms or injuries. Fortunately, occupational treatment does not confine their program to these conditions; nevertheless they extend their own tasks to fine skills, socialization, neural integration, oral or motor skills, harmony , faculty performances and food aversion.Occupational therapy is vital in helping children improve and become independent at all activities they perform. Occupational therapy is not only for adults; nevertheless, it is as well decent for youngsters because they are doing all their daily pursuits and they must have such help make the task simpler to allow them to do independently.This therapy is coping on the little one's activities is it physical or emotional, and even at an simplest action like brushing, talking and eating, they supply this training for much better operation, especially kids who are experiencing trouble doing simple task together by using their very own. Such a therapy is not solely based for house pursuits but at schools because well.After each single task that's assigned to a specific baby, it's then assessed on how they perform on specific endeavor. By way of example, they offer a week to get child to work out to tie his shoe and after one week that the child has to show improvement or also so the therapist may change the approach in order for the child will discover the manner.

#South West Kids Clinic

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vhaven93-blog · 6 years ago

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Surfing the Waves: Science and Conscious Sleep

(K-complexes, Sleep-spindles, and PGO-waves during Conscious Sleep)

By Daniel Allen Kelley

Conscious Sleep is arguably the most fascinating skill you can learn. It's almost ironic, really, because sleep is largely a process of memory and skill consolidation. Why is that ironic? Well, first of all, sleep is thought to be an eight-hour period of inactivity but is actually anything but. By the time you've entered the second phase of sleep (90 minutes in), your brain and nervous system have been very busy. While you were busy snoring, your brain was constructing neural connections to house new skills and information. Those piano lessons you had yesterday afternoon? Check! Those elective courses you took yesterday evening at school? Yup, your brain made room for those too.

And that's happening whether you're sleep is conscious or not!

The most ironic part of conscious sleep is that you're learning a skill which employs the very same mechanism that learns new skills. Dreams, being largely the consolidation of new skills, are now the skill you're attempting to consolidate! It's the neurological equivalent of what happens when two mirrors are facing eachother: It generates an endless hall of unending reflections that you experience as Lucid Dreaming, Astral Projection, Remote Viewing, and much more.

Isn't that far out?

Your dreams are at least 70% composed of people, places, things, emotions, and sensations you've experienced at some point in your life. The remaining 30% is, well, something extra. That “something extra" isn't personal or biographical. We experience these extras when we have Out of Body Experiences (OOBE), Astral Dreams, Precognitive Dreams, and so forth. We'll talk more about that later. For now, just note that Conscious Sleep, even though much of it is a theatrical reenactment of your diary, is unique in that it's a new skill that uses old skills to refine itself.

Reflections within reflections within reflections…

For example, imagine for a moment that you're having an OOBE. You wait until you reach the second phase of sleep and induce the OOBE by conjuring up the feeling of riding a rollercoaster. Suddenly, you feel yourself rocking back and forth. Heavy vibrations flood your body and a buzzing sound fills your ears. Before you know it you're up and out! You look around your room and everything is as it should be, save for the occasional appearance of a dream scenario. There's just one problem:

You can't seem to fly away from your physical body!

The reason you're anchored to your mortal coil may be any number of things. In this case, your subconscious mind presents you with a dream image of a vast body of water. You approach it and begin swimming. Suddenly, you find you're able to fly! The water vanishes and you're soaring high above the roof of your house.

What's happened is that, because you've never actually flown before, the closest activity your mind could conjure that resembles flying was swimming. So you used your former experience with rollercoasters to get up and out, as it were. You then used your former experiences of swimming to fly away. Or, to put it more technically, you used the process of consolidating skills (dreams) to tap into learned skills to support the learning of a new skill; in this case it was OOBE.

Reflections within reflections within reflections…

But what's going on inside your brain when all this is taking place? In my book, Behind The Veil: The Complete Guide to Conscious Sleep, I discussed the Five Basic Brainwaves and their corresponding subjective experiences. Here, I'd like to focus on three specific brainwave phenomena called K-complexes, Sleep-spindles, and PGO-waves. Since I'm not a sleep specialist, l won’t be tangling you up in convoluted dissertations on synapses and neural firings along calcium channels in the brain (ahem, and so forth). Instead, I'll limit my focus (as always) to the experiential aspects of these things. After all, that's where all the fun is!

What Are K-complexes?

According to the book, Neurology Secrets (Fifth Edition), A K-complex is a high-voltage diphasic slow wave that may be preceded or followed by a spindle burst, maximally expressed in the frontocentral regions of the brain bilaterally.

In layman's terms, what this means is that a K-complex is like the trough of a wave and a Sleep-spindle is like the crest. We'll discuss Sleep-spindles in a moment. For now, let's take a closer look at K-complexes and how they might be experienced by a Conscious Sleeper.

When brainwaves are recorded on an Electroencephalograph (EEG), K-complexes appear primarily during the second stage of NREM sleep and are more prevalent during the first two sleep cycles in a night’s rest. At this time, the brain is still responsive to external stimuli and K-complexes tend to multiply in the presence of external sounds, touch, and changes in light patterns. Should you awaken someone at this phase of the sleep cycle, the subject may insist that he or she wasn't asleep. Some scientists speculate that K-complexes evolved to be responsive to external stimuli in order to serve as warnings of approaching predators while sleeping.

Another theory holds that K-complexes perform a sedating function, effectively turning off the analytical mind so that the brain can begin its process of consolidating memory. My own experience bears this out and, in just a moment, I'll offer my own take on this theory.

At any rate, once the sedative power of K-complexes takes hold, the process of memory consolidation begins. This neurological construction project begins with the appearance of Sleep-spindles.

What Are Sleep-spindles?

Here's what Tuck Sleep has to say about Sleep-spindles:

“Researchers believe Sleep-spindles represent periods of time where the brain inhibits mental processing in order to keep the person in a tranquil state. By keeping the person in a tranquil state, the sleep cycle can continue and the person can transition to the next stage of deep sleep.”

That sounds an awful lot like the function of K-complexes, yes?

As I said before, I'm not a sleep specialist. Having said that, I strongly believe K-complexes and Sleep-spindles are two parts of the same movement. They are the Yin and Yang, the valley and the peak, the trough and the crest of the same brainwave phenomenon. In my own experience of over twenty years as a Conscious Sleeper, I've noticed a pattern during stages one and two of my own sleep cycle. This pattern convinces me that my theory is correct, but its credibility ultimately relies on future scientific research. I'll discuss the experiences that led to my theory in just a moment. In the meantime, let's hear more of what recent science says about Sleep-spindles:

“Fast spindles (13–15 Hz) occur in the centroparietal part of the brain, while the frontal brain produces slow spindles (11–13 Hz). Increased spindle activity occurs at the onset and outset of light sleep.” (TuckSleep.com)

For those of you who have no idea what these egghead scientists are talking about, here's a short list of the basic functions of the Frontal and Parietal areas of the brain:

Frontal lobe

•Personality, behavior, emotions

•Judgment, planning, problem solving

•Speech: speaking and writing (Broca’s area)

•Body movement (motor strip)

•Intelligence, concentration, self awareness

Parietal lobe

•Interprets language, words

•Sense of touch, pain, temperature (sensory strip)

•Interprets signals from vision, hearing, •motor, sensory and memory

•Spatial and visual perception

With me so far? Yes? Good! Let's hear more from the eggheads:

“Sleep spindles begin to develop once an infant has reached six weeks of age, and may explain why babies twitch in their sleep. EEG typically will display sleep spindles immediately after muscle twitching.” (TuckSleep.com)

Since the Sleep-spindles located in the Frontal brain tend to be slower, could it be that their function is to sedate the analytical part of the brain? In other words, the part of the mind that is capable of Lucidity. And could it be possible that the Sleep-spindles found in the Parietal area of the brain are faster because their function is to discharge residual kinetic energy to prepare for Sleep Paralysis?

I believe this may account for why the first and second stages of sleep are the most potent times for OOBE. Energy that would otherwise be spent in Gross Body activities can now be employed in dream activities, and even OOBE (if you know how).

Whereas K-complexes “stun" the sleeper, slow-wave Sleep-spindles “sedate" the sleeper. This paves the way for fast-wave Sleep-spindles to release excess kinetic energy and do a quick run-through of recent data to consolidate. In my opinion, this accounts for microbursts of dreaming experienced during light sleep (e.g., hypnagogia/hypapompia, hypnic jerks and twitches).

As an aside, I refer to the subjective experience of K-complexes and Sleep-spindles poetically as The Sleep Serpent. Like a snake with potent venom, these sedating brainwaves render dream Lucidity impotent. This is not to imply that these brainwaves are toxic, only you have to learn how to surf them. Just as you can gradually become immune to snake venom by ingesting small amounts of it, so too can you become immune to the sedative power of K-complexes and slow-wave Sleep-spindles. The secret is, in my experience, a mystery pertaining to the adrenals, hormones, and retraining of attention. But that's another story.

Before I share the experiences and experiments which led to these theories of mine, there's one more brainwave we need to discuss.

What Are PGO-waves?

It's difficult to find a straightforward definition of PGO-waves. At least not one that doesn't leave you cross-eyed. Generally speaking, PGO-waves occur at the tail-end of NREM sleep and at the start of REM. K-complexes and Sleep-spindles have accomplished their stun-and-sedate mission, and your physical body is now completely paralyzed. This is a necessary step for both Conscious and Unconscious sleep. With your physical body out of the way, its projected double can come out and play. This neurological doppelganger is called the Subtle Body.

At this phase of the sleep cycle, a group of cells, called Cholinergic cells, begin firing upwards to the higher regions of the brain and down the spinal cord. The net effect of this neurological tango is twofold. On the one hand, the emotional and sensory areas of the brain become activated. On the other hand, the nerve-plexes responsible for physical movement are stimulated. Despite this kinetic stimulation, however, the body is now in sleep paralysis. Besides a few myoclonic twitches and hypnic jerks, the Gross Body is dead to the world. Instead, the motor impulses are now passed on to the Subtle Body and you can now run, fly, have sex, and breathe under water. Why? Because you've now passed the Veil of Tears and have entered through the Veil of Dreams.

PGO-waves also appear to play a role in image-stabilization. Not just in dreams but in creative visualization, fantasy, and hallucinations. PGO-waves strobe rapidly, kicking up a dust cloud of paradoxical images and emotions. This is fertile soil for creative inspiration, spiritual epiphany, and psychological insight. Evidence suggests that many poets, painters, musicians, and even schizophrenics spin their webs using PGO-waves for yarn.

My Little Experiments

The moment I learned about K-complexes, Sleep-spindles, and PGO-waves I immediately intuited what they were. I plan on one day recording and submitting my findings using my very own EEG machine.

Just as soon as I can afford one…🤔

In the meantime, I've carefully monitored my sleep cycle over the years and have achieved a good working knowledge of its architecture. I can tell, for example, when I'm entering the first and second phases of sleep. Depending upon factors such as how hard my workday was, how stressed I am, or how much caffeine or alcohol I've consumed, I can even consciously access the third stage of sleep fairly regularly. But before I could consciously access stage three sleep successfully, I spent about five years tapping into it by accident during the hypnopompic phase of sleep (beginning stage of waking).

I'll never forget the first time I experienced PGO-waves consciously. It was about 3:00 or maybe 4:00 am. I became Lucid in the middle of a dream and noticed, to the left of me, a field of sunflowers. The dream starting shaking and I stabilized it by employing what I call The Hitchhiker Method. This works by fastening your attention onto a dream-object, sensation, sound, or smell and holding onto it for dear life. This surfs the already present PGO-waves and assists them in their purpose of stabilizing dream images.

The next thing I knew I was taken up into a blizzard of fantastical images. These occiliated at a frequency that resembled the rapid flicker-rate of a strobelight. Lucid Dreams blended with OOBE and I was able to control every nuance of the narrative (Dream Control).

I've had similar experiences during the hypnagogic phase of sleep, but that pesky Sleep Serpent often bested me in battle.

K-complexes and Sleep-spindles are, in my opinion, responsible for the mind’s tendency to believe the absurdities of many dream scenarios. PGO-waves have also been shown to be responsible for this mental confusion. However, due to the fact that REM sleep resembles wakeful consciousness, it's easier to become Lucid while dreaming than Pellucid during NREM. In fact, scientists refer to REM sleep as “paradoxical sleep” for this reason.

NOTE: (Pellucidity is, generally speaking, meditation carried into the sleep cycle. It's easier to access Pellucidity in NREM than in REM sleep.)

As the years rolled on, I gradually learned to detect the signs of approaching K-complexes, Sleep-spindles, and PGO-waves. For example, have you ever seen flashes of light behind your eyes as you're falling asleep?

Those are PGO-waves…

Have you ever felt like you were falling, only to snap out of it with a sudden jolt?

Those are fast-wave Sleep-spindles…

Or perhaps you've felt yourself “drifting off" into reverie. You're still vaguely aware of your surroundings but you're feeling disembodied.

Those are K-complexes...

Have you ever been to a hypnotherapist? You know that part where the doctor says, “Your eyelids are getting heavier…”

Those are slow-wave Sleep-spindles…

The cool part about learning how to consciously surf these bioelectric brainwaves is that it amounts to a sort of Tao of Conscious Sleep. It's sleep Yoga at its most scientific. It's Qigong at its most scientific. If we can honor the insights and practices of the ancient Wisdom traditions and wed them to modern scientific research we’ll be left with an Integral approach that honors the discoveries of the past, the technologies of the present, and the breakthroughs of the future.

In such a world, what more proof would you need of the magical and miraculous?

http://behindtheveil.simdif.com

About the Author

(Daniel Kelley is an author, poet, musician, and Integral Life Practitioner with over two decades of experience in the Esoteric arts. He is the creator of Subliminal Cognition Training, Animitariomancy, and is the author of four books. His work has been featured in several magazines and journals including Chronogram, Psychedelic Press, Global View, and LDE Magazine. Daniel was born in 1979 to Baptist parents in Waterloo Canada but raised in Chicopee and Springfield Massachusetts. His father was a Baptist preacher. After a profound and prolonged transpersonal crisis in early childhood, Daniel broke away from his strict Christian upbringing to study the wisdom traditions of the world. At age sixteen he suffered a breakdown that culminated at age twenty-one, at which time he experienced a transpersonal breakthrough. After joining various Hermetic societies and practicing their methods, Daniel eventually found his spiritual home in Chinese Taoist Alchemy, Integral Life Practice, and the various yogas of India and Tibet. He also practices and teaches Internal Chinese Martial Arts, Qigong, Taijiquan and Xingyiquan. Daniel currently lives with his wife and daughter in upstate New York.)

#lucid dreaming #astral projecting stories #sleep study #eeg equipment market #eeg

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fictional-worlds-are-exquisite · 7 years ago

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I heard it was national coming out day yesterday, as I, a New Zealander, tend to always hear about days too late. I wanted to share something. I don’t really have many experiences with coming out but I have one that barely counts that I’m fond of. I actually found this in my drafts and thought why not. Even if it’s nothing said directly, it was still picked up on.

The context: Year 13 English Speech Assessment, the dreaded one. It was my last year, I knew I wanted to have a REALLY good speech (whether I achieved that or not is debatable but I was happy with it considering the time limit and other factors). I’m just going to share that with you first of all.

Fear is a universal infection to which there is no universal cure. Fear does not discriminate, diversity only provides it with more opportunities for it to act. Fear will lay dormant in your bones until you come face to face with the trigger, when it will pounce and enclose you in an ever tightening embrace that only loosens when you remove yourself from the situation. Fears can be irrational or rational, it could lend a helping hand or sabotage you. We tend to think of fears as bad things but they started as an evolutionary survival instinct, they crowd the line from helpful to unhelpful, too diverse to be contained. So, who in here is scared of something? Put your hand up if you have a fear, any fear at all. If you didn’t put your hand up then science says you’re lying, think about that. There are incredibly rare conditions where a person doesn’t feel fear but these are usually linked to some sort of brain damage. Fear is unavoidable, from birth to old age, no one is truly fearless. So, why do we fear things? What types of fear are there? Despite the diversity, is there a connection? We’ll explore that in this speech.

Why do we fear things? Scientifically, it’s a survival instinct, programmed into the nervous system, it has a purpose at a very primal level, something to be helpful to us. It’s impossible to truly have no fears, there are neurological and psychological conditions that could inhibit a fear reaction but these are rare. Some people will have more fears than others, but there will always be at least one. At a very basic level, humans are hardwired to have a fight or flight reaction to perceived danger. If we didn’t, we probably would’ve gone extinct years ago. We would’ve been killed by predators for which we held no fear, precaution thrown out the window with a scoff of disregard. All humans are born with two innate fears, the fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds. Every other fear is something we develop with time and experience, usually during the first six years of your life. It isn’t entirely surprising when you think of it from an evolutionary viewpoint, loud noises can indicate predators or danger and falling from a height holds the potential to kill us. But the rest of our life, why do we develop our fears? When I was very young, I thought I had an experience involving a dog that was more than double my height, it started running at me but no one came to my aid despite my cries for help. It’s vague now but I never did remember how it ended. The truth I learned about 10 years later was that this experience was a dream but since that day I’ve been terrified of dogs. Experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event is the most common cause of fear, though it can also be learned from others who have the fear. But, traumatic events. Car crash, nearly drowning, getting burnt in a house fire, seeing someone get shot or being shot yourself. Interestingly enough, a lot of these events are related to death. You have a brush with death and he slips you a fear as a response to you cancelling your appointment with him at the last second. Which, fair enough, a little more warning is appreciated. We take this fear, we nurture it with exposure, it blooms and if you take particularly good care of it you might grow a phobia. There is a thin line between a fear and a phobia but it is a line nevertheless.

What types of fears are there? In a more general sense, there’s 5 types of fear. These are known as Extinction, Mutilation or Bodily Invasion, Loss of Autonomy, Separation or Abandonment or Rejection and Humiliation or Shame or Worthlessness. Most fears will fit into these categories if you explore the reasons behind them. But what exactly do these categories mean? Extinction refers to the fear of ceasing to exist, of annihilation. Simply saying a fear of death really doesn’t cover the extent of this category. Mutilation or Bodily Invasion is the fear of losing a part of our body, of having the boundaries of our body invaded or losing a natural body function. These are fears where we feel physically unsafe or under attack. Loss of autonomy is what could be described as claustrophobia but it's also emotional claustrophobia. Fear of being restricted, confined, trapped, suffocated, overwhelmed or smothered. Separation or abandonment or rejection is exactly as it’s said. From an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense. If a human was kicked out of a tribe then they would probably die. From an emotional standpoint, we’re social creatures, we feel the need to belong. Humiliation or shame or worthlessness is also as it’s said, alternatively known as ego death. We have a craving for approval, to feel lovable and worthy of love. Ego death messes with this and leaves us questioning if we are indeed worthy. If we analyse some of my fears we’ll see how they sort into these categories. Scared of heights? Extinction fear. Scared of public speaking? Humiliation/shame/worthlessness fear, also known as ego-death. Scared of dogs? Mutilation or bodily invasion fear. Scared of small places? Loss of autonomy fear. Scared of coming out? Separation or abandonment or rejection fear. There’s common fears and unusual fears within these categories, some you’ve heard of and some you haven’t.

The causes of fear are diverse, the types of fear are diverse, even those with the same fear react differently, experience it differently, but there is always the common factor of fear itself. Fear manifests in different ways, with different triggers, with different intensities and has different consequences. But that fear you feel in the pit of your stomach, being frightened, being scared of every future second and the possibilities it holds are the same. The label of scared is one we all keep, be it buried away or worn on a sleeve. Fear follows us everywhere hidden away or in plain sight. It tails us like an assassin waiting for the perfect time to strike. And we relate to each other, we sympathise and we empathise because we know how the other feels.

In conclusion, fear is a universal infection to which there is no universal cure. There are so many strands for it and so many ways we caught the infection. But regardless of this diversity, regardless of the true extent of the infection, we relate. We relate to the paralysing fear, to the absolute panic flooding the brain, to each other. With so many different countries, cultures, religions, languages, people and personalities in this world it’s hard to find a universal connection. But maybe the connection doesn’t need to lack diversity, maybe a diverse connection through the human race is what connects us all. Maybe that connection is fear.

Now you might have noticed a little line in there in the second body paragraph, really only four words. But those four words made the rest of my speech seem simple in comparison because I was so scared to say them. ‘scared of coming out.’ This was quite a step, I only had one person I knew in real life that knew I wasn’t straight and they weren’t at my high school. And suddenly I just decided to tell my entire class, should they pick up on it, that I’m not straight. It was my way of taking that step, rather than telling one person I was just going to tell everyone.

The result? People noticed. I did pause before saying it due to nerves so they probably started paying attention. My friend since kindergarten came up and hugged me and told me she was proud of me despite the fact that I was still technically being filmed and hadn’t done my Q&A section. I remember one tear fell. I was trying to keep it together because I was still being assessed but that one tear escaped, I was so emotional. I had some others in the class showing support. Some people seemed confused, some people smiled, there was not a single negative comment. And the surprising part? It never really left the class, not in a way that spread anyway. I even had someone ask me if I was out to my parents, if they could tell their mum or if I wasn’t comfortable with that (our parents are friends) and! I never expected that level of consideration!

My teacher I think was confused throughout the whole thing, like she’d missed something important and was trying to figure out what. But we had lunch next and what do I get? An email from her.

Not going to lie, I started crying. That was really the first adult response I’d had and it was positive.

Fast-forward a few months to my birthday and I get a card from a good friend of mine. She never said much about my speech at the time and I was a little concerned because I knew she had a religious background. Written, ‘I just can’t emphasise enough how good your speech was Lindsey! I never really told you, but that blew me away! You’re so brave and strong Lindsey! I don’t think there was anyone that was not touched by your speech, you came out of nowhere and hit everyone in the heart!’ there’s no way of telling if she was referring to that line at all but really? It seems like she was at least a bit to me, based on how I know her. Even if she wasn’t it’s general support that I appreciate (she’s great haha, working my ego up).

The point is, I took a risk and not all experiences are bad. Nothing bad came out of this. Not one thing. I know I never said ‘I’m bisexual’ explicitly but people were smart enough to gather the non-straight implication and do what they wanted with it. Somehow my parents still don’t know and this community talks, especially when your mum knows everyone. It’s not that I think they’d react badly it’s just a daunting experience and they’re also VERY oblivious and keep missing every single subtle and not subtle hint I throw their way (I have done everything but say hey guys, I’m bisexual. Seriously. I’ve even used the term girlfriend!). And I appreciate people keeping it to themselves despite me never asking. When I went into that speech I half expected my mum to have been told by 5 different people by the end of the day, there was nothing. I kept expecting it, nothing. It’s been months, nothing. It’s a little bit of respect I never expected when I shared it with so many people.

I just think, maybe this won’t mean anything to anyone but sometimes hearing a positive experience is nice. And I’m more than happy to be that person. I’m bisexual and proud and I will let it be known on my own terms, in a community of supportive people. Even if they don’t agree, they don’t actively disagree and I appreciate that too. I think it’s an attitude the world would be better with. So if it’s still that day in your timezone, happy coming out day. It’s okay if you’re not out and it’s okay if it’s hard for you to come out. I mean, I’m somehow out to pretty much everyone but my family at this point even though they’d be fine with it. It’s your process. Take your time. I’m proud of where you’re at no matter what!

#national coming out day #bisexual #y'know this might not mean anything to literally anyone reading it #and that's okay #cause if it doesn't no harm has been done #and if it does then well it does #not losing anything here

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keskl · 2 years ago

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There is huge variety in the genetic component itself.

We could only take genetics into account and we'd still get lost. Nervous system is an extremely complex structure and it's functioning is defined by an orchestra of genes, which

can be inherited both separately and in blocks, which depends on their location in the chromosomes and the crossingover

can sometimes influence each other

can vary in activity (the frequency of transcription) during life

and this is only a fraction of that variety. There is a whole separate story of how this genetic mosaic is affected by environment, including all aspects of upbringing.

This is why some people do not develop aspd even when they go through the worst things imaginable, but simultaneously in some cases even a pretty decent upbringing isn't enough to prevent it.

So, as with most things in life, there will be a distribution of occurrence in different circumstances, with extremes having lesser frequency than the average.

(this is like. basic statistics and I'm probably stating the obvious here. I could be wrong though since that's just how the whole fenomenon could be explained theoretically and factual knowledge requires actual real world research)

What I'm trying to tell here is that there's not only the issue of "how bad did you have it", but also the simple fact that for some of us "not perfect" was enough.

I myself am an example of the latter: my mother has always been a very good parent to me (she has her flaws of course, but in comparison to what I see in other mentally ill folks? my luck with her is just crazy), and my father was 35 when I was born so he just managed his symptoms pretty well by that age.

Simultaneously, the part of my family from my father's side is just one big list of neurological and behavioral deficits, myself included.

I learned how to imitate empathy from my parents pretty well and had multiple occasions of them explaining to me why it is most often rational to do so, even if I never feel like it. I also have extreme angry outbursts, sometimes to the point of seizures or blacking out, which i simply can not control no matter how hard I try.

Not arguing as well, but adding on.

Hey, do you know if ASPD can be caused by prolonged emotional abuse? Bc usually i see it being a result of like the worst trauma ever known to man so im wondering if thats a misconception

Was mostly doing the culture asks rn but this is important and idk how long it sat in there!

Yes yes yes ASPD can and often is caused by emotional abuse. Those common traumas being heavily associated with ASPD is because for a while it was believed ASPD was mainly caused by CSA, and the knowledge that that isn't the case hasn't fully trickled down. While it is more common for people in those super rough situations to end up with ASPD, it's more because people in those situations are less likely to have their emotional needs being met while trying to tolerate that trauma. I would argue that the majority of pwASPD have experienced some amount of emotional abuse or neglect. You do not need to have physical or s*xual abuse, torture, etc etc to have ASPD.

When it comes to any trauma disorders, remember as best you can that childhood trauma is through the eyes of a child. Children don't usually have a concept of "oh this isn't that bad because unspeakable things happen to other children that don't happen to me". They have nothing to compare it to, but the worst thing to happen to them feels the same as the worst thing to happen to an adult. Hell, I'm fairly certain that ASPD can develop without abuse being the specific source of the trauma, though it's probably uncommon.

#aspd

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canaryatlaw · 5 years ago

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ALRIGHT. so after much anticipation, today was a good day. morning was same deal, 8:45 for court, I had it set up well that it was only me on the case and we could accomplish everything we needed in about two minutes, so when I told the coordinator people I had a doctors appointment at 10:45 they put me in like second, and I was done by like 9:20 lol. I don’t know if they have the same person on each courtroom or if they’re the name given on the email from the clerk for each courtroom but it doesn’t really matter. there are other orgs that have offices in the courthouse who have lawyers they see on a daily basis, but I think we’re the most frequent ones in the civil courtrooms at least. so it was good to have some extra time. The appointment was up in Evanston, so I left at 10 am. for a lot of the city Evanston is a hike, but I live pretty far north, so it’s like the same distance (or less, probably) for me to get to the loop. it’s a pretty rich suburb, lots of nice houses and such. If I stick around Chicago long term and have like kids and stuff I’m going to want them to at least have a yard to play around in, and I know you can get that kind of thing in some parts of the city, but I think I’d probably move to Oak Park, it’s right off the western end of the city, like half hour commute to the loop (which like, a lot less than my current one haha) and you get a nice little suburb. Knowing that I was raised in the suburbs (but tbf where I lived on LI was not actually very close to NYC) and if I’d want the same for my kids, but I don’t really see why city living would be better unless I marry someone super rich and we could have a ridiculously nice apartment or whatever, lol. obviously not choices I have to make now, but things to keep in mind. I made pretty good time, I started filling out some paperwork and then got moved to a room where they did the rest of it on the computer, just basic stuff, a lot of like, depression and sleep type of screenings, which were interesting to see (like the sleep part was like how likely are you to fall asleep doing this activity and I’m like not much but I still have issues falling asleep....oh well). saw and nurse and did vitals, then didn’t wait much longer for the doctor. I was told she likes to take her time with patients and usually goes for a full hour, so I thought that was a good thing. we went through a lot of questions about everything that’s going on, other things that might be going on and the story of how we got here to begin with (she was like oh yeah I really don’t think this was caused by seroquel and I was like FUCKING THANK YOU for actually listening to common sense here) and we did a bunch of neurological tests for things like balance and reflexes, she did have me walk down the hall at some point and then coming back she asked me to put one foot right in front of the other (like on a sobriety test), and when I started that I started getting unstable and was kinda leaning on the wall and with the doctor helping me stay up too while my right leg at least when into full crazy shaky mode for a few minutes, which I was actually really relieved that it happened, because like if they can’t see the issue while doing tests it’s not very helpful. but okay, we’re at the end and hearing doctor’s thoughts. She said my neurological tests were all normal, so they can safely rule out things like MS or parkinson’s, which while it’s not an answer it’s a pretty sure sign that this is a temporary thing, and that’s what I’m most concerned about at the moment. She then started talking about this thing called functional movement disorder which can cause random shaking among other things, and it’s like somewhat psychology based, that generally set off by a major traumatic event in one’s life over the few months prior to when it began.....while explaining about how I switched health insurance companies I had told her about my dad, and that pretty much sounded like that was what’s going on here. there are treatments and it’s definitely like, recoverable from, mostly through like physical therapy (which I wanted to just make a giant groan because I’m been through so much fucking PT in my life) and also some potential medications so I’ll have to talk to my psychiatrist about that, and probably some cognitive behavior therapy, which is definitely a good idea because I’ve really been leaning towards needing to go back to therapy so hopefully that will make a difference. I’m mostly relieved it’s not going to be a long term thing that we can treat. so by the time I got out of there it was like 1 and we had our quarterly all staff meeting on Zoom at 2, so I went right home and set up for that, they generally find some reason for everyone to introduce themselves and say some random thought (today it was like a challenge and a victory lately and I really just couldn’t come up with anything and of course i got picked 3rd out of like 25 people, so I just said some bullshit about moving forward with cases and such). after that most people end up on mute for the rest of the time while the leaders talk, then at one point they put us in breakout rooms with like 4 other people to like, come up with thoughts on how we can better help clients in our first interactions with them, knowing they are probably going through the worst days of their lives right now and that’s such a high burden to help carry, so we need to be very well prepared in order to reach it. there was like 1 leader in my group so she did most of it and I talked some what and I’m pretty sure the other 3 added like, one sentence haha but that’s okay. it was a good thought exercise though, people come into our office so traumatized, and how you treat them is going to make such a difference on how their life is going forward and what their life will look like then, so it does really matter. anyway. the meeting ended shortly before 4, I took a minute to call the client I have a motion up for in court tomorrow, then seeming like my legs had been mostly okay I did some adventuring out, if you can call it that lol. I had called the chase bank that’s down the street a bit to see if they had quarters and they said they did, so I ubered there and managed to get the last two rolls of quarters which I was quite happy about, and I had a nice conversation with the teller while doing so. I then took another uber back up the street to the UPS store to buy stamps. the UPS store is right next to the vegetarian cafe that we would hit up a lot before but haven’t really been much recently. I got got a mint hot chocolate (they definitely added like, one or two more pumps of the mint syrup too many but it was still good) and of course my cinnamon scone, which was nice. I then took my final uber back to my house, kinda ridiculous but it was a successful trip on all ends so i was pleased with that. after getting home I worked on a few things and then just watched Chicago Fire until 7:30 when we were recording a podcast episode, I think this will be very enjoyable for people to listen to, I was laughing a LOT so hopefully that makes it actually funny. and yeah, after that I watched more Chicago Fire and then switched to Jimmy Kimmel for a bit who was having a very amusing interview with Anne Hathaway, until I decided to shower and get ready for bed and now I’m here which is good because I’m like about to pass out. Goodnight babes, Stay strong.

#daily journal #October 2020

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nobledeviant · 6 years ago

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whoa.

this is interesting and also hits pretty close to home. i have both ADHD and autism, and i can definitely relate to the stuff about struggling to make friends. all throughout elementary school and middle school, i misinterpreted signals left and right. for a while, i even thought the members of one of the school's cliques were being friendly towards me, when in actuality they had been making fun of me for the whole year. (i figured it out on like the last day of the school year, and I was super pissed.) the only really close friends i've ever had were also neurodivergent--probably ADHD too. we hung out together because all of us were weird in a similar way, and we could all relate to that. so that was cool.

anyway, here's the point i've been trying to get at. there's a lot of overlap between ADHD and autism. a lot of the same symptoms that gave me my ADHD diagnosis (trouble picking up on social cues, excessive fidgeting, difficulty focusing on things i don't want to focus on, etc.) also led to my autism diagnosis. i've never thought much of it before, but now, after reading the above comment by @butchmarxist pointing out this overlap, i'm beginning to entertain a possibility i never considered before. see, the overlap between autism symptoms and ADHD symptoms is really big. ADHD could even be considered almost identical to autism. The causes are similar too--no one knows exactly what causes either of these neurological differences, but doctors highly suspect it's genetic. So why are they considered separate disorders? My best guess is that it's because of the differences in the severity of our traits--or rather, the visibility of our traits. Let's say there are two kids. They both have the same symptoms--difficulty concentrating on certain types of tasks for long periods of time, trouble understanding other people's body language and boundaries, and a constant need for stimulation. but let's say one of them has more energy than the other, so she's constantly running around and singing loudly. and let's say the other kid doesn't like sudden loud noises, so he's bothered by the first kid's singing. let's say they both crave constant activity, but the first kid craves physical activity while the second craves mental activity. so let's imagine kid two is quietly playing Pokemon Sword in the corner of the room (his favorite game), while kid one is trying to perfect her cartwheel while also seeing how loud she can sing. kid two wants to know how kid one will react to her singing voice, so she cartwheels up to him and belts out the Baby Shark Song. kid one flinches with like his entire body and covers his ears. "WANNA SING WITH ME????" "no" "COME ON IT'S FUN!!!!!" "do you like Pokemon? wanna talk about Pokemon?" "nah LET'S DO CARTWHEELS TOGETHER!!!!" "if you don't wanna talk about Pokemon, then you're not worth interactin' with."

okay that got a bit out of hand. but basically, these two kids (one with ADHD and one with autism) seem very different at first glance, but really, when it comes to their symptoms, the only real differences between them are their energy levels and the types of stimulus that they crave. they're both very very focused on their respective interests (Pokemon and cartwheeling and singing,) neither of them can function in school without the curriculum being tweaked to make it more appealing to them (she learns best when she's in motion, he learns best when the lesson is Pokemon-related), and, perhaps most notably, they're both terrible at interacting with each other appropriately. the boy accidentally insults the girl, and the girl belts out the Baby Shark song in the boy's ear. but that isn't paid much mind, because they're too preoccupied with their own interests to think about themselves in relation to one another. basically what i'm getting at is this: ADHD and autism look different from the outside, but they're actually very similar to each other. and i didn't even mention the inattentive type of ADHD. that's even more similar to autism. so what if ADHD is actually.... *dramatic pause* .... an area of the autism spectrum?

*everyone's minds explode*

no one ever talks about the part of adhd where everyone in your class has got their group of friends and you’re just there, mindlessly tagging along with anyone who is willing to put up with you for a few minutes. either you’re too loud or too quiet. if you’re lucky, it won’t affect you much. you’re a loner, so what? but then the moments come around where you find yourself yearning to be like the others. you’re not depressed, why would you be? you’re a child who just happens to be a little different. sure, you’re usually the last choice when it comes to groups and you’re rarely, if ever, invited to birthday parties but… it’s alright. everything is fine. or is it?

#oh god i wrote a whole essay didnt i #well there it is #i'm sure EVERYONE read the whole thing all the way to the end didn't they #anyway #actually adhd #actually autistic #mental health

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hughshannon1994 · 5 years ago

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