#shoutout 2 my muse also. u inspire me

[mappingthesky]

not a prompt necessarily but I’m always down for planymphia angst 🙏🙏🙏

in response to multiple asks i’ve received for planymphia angst… here is this <3

i know baby, no attachment

None of this had been in the plan.

It was the first thing they’d talked about that first night in Jane’s apartment; Neither of them were looking for anything serious. They were both unavailable, incapable of making any promises. Not now. Not yet. It would be clean, simple, no strings attached. Just two people using each other. Innocently, admittedly using each other, but using each other nonetheless.

They’d been on the couch in Jane’s dimly lit apartment. Jane was an obvious sort of gorgeous. It was the first thing Nymphia had noticed about her, what drew her in on that first night they’d met: she’d been wearing something meant to lure you in, hypnotized by the clinging of her clothes to her body, the wave of her hair, her eyes tightlined and sharpened like knives. Jane was almost lethal to look at, all done up and primed to kill; the most magnetic friend-of-a-friend Nymphia had ever been introduced to. She was somehow even more gorgeous now, sitting on the couch in her casual clothes, her face aglow in the light of the television, her auburn hair pulled up into a messy top knot. She was painfully, effortlessly attractive, and, much to Nymphia’s surprise, only so much of a smooth talker. She came off suave at first, all punchlines and quick remarks, but after a while Nymphia could start to see her thinking. Jane would be in the middle of a sentence, flying through it, hurtling towards some revelation, and then she’d catch herself. She’d pause, freeze on a word and scoff at it, like she was considering whether whatever she was about to say would be worth the sentiment. And then she’d go a bit shy, averting her eyes and playing with the pilling on the upholstery, giving away just how carefully considered she was. And just when Nymphia was starting to think that Jane was completely nervous to her core, that Nymphia might actually have the upper hand in this situation, Jane would bring it back. She’d pick her head up and let the words go, say something so stunningly direct and devastating. It left Nymphia a little breathless, a little too endeared, a little too eager to kiss her.

They could have guessed at the chemistry, but it didn’t come close to the real thing.

What happened when Jane’s skin hit Nymphia was the sort of collision that produced suns and planets and supernovas, flinging particles off into space with enough pressure to form entire worlds. Nymphia could practically see the stars behind her eyes, fluttering shut when Jane was hovering above her, hand between her legs, finding some undiscovered place that Nymphia didn’t know had been there all along, waiting to be found. Jane turned Nymphia’s body into something more than it was before, transforming her irrevocably. Jane was a comet crashing through her atmosphere, and Nymphia was awe-struck, staring at the sky and watching the sparks shower. You can’t be prepared for such life-altering things, it's what makes them so devastating.

What neither of them could have predicted was the ease of what came after - the lying in bed, talking about it. The debrief. Nymphia was a bit too happily fucked, and unwilling to share the extent of her satisfaction. She was worried she would come off easy, inexperienced somehow. Jane, however, was endlessly attentive. She wanted Nymphia’s experience of the encounter, all the details - what she liked, what satisfied her the most, what she wanted more of. Her sheer desire to please was enough to pull the details out of Nymphia. She was rewarded when Jane allowed her to relive it, this time through Jane’s eyes. Jane’s gaze was far off with remembering, a smile playing at her lips as she recounted her experience of Nymphia in such erotic detail, every telling arch and shudder, and the whole thing was so overwhelmingly flattering that it sort of made Nymphia want to do it all over again.

Nymphia had known better than to pack an overnight bag. She thought she had, anyway.

Her eyes were closed and she was nearly asleep when she’d mumbled, ‘I should be going soon.”

Jane just chuckled. “You’re half asleep already.” Her fingers trailed up the curve of Nymphia’s thigh. “Just spend the night. If you want to.”

Nymphia's eyes were suddenly open, “Yeah?” Jane traced stars onto her hip.

“Mhm,” Jane hummed, eyes flickering up, then back to the curve of Nymphia’s waist.

Nymphia closed her eyes, savored in the feeling of Jane on her skin. A long moment passed.

“D’you cuddle? Or is that against the rules.”

Jane’s hum was an amused look at you asking so soon. She was already pulling Nymphia to her chest.

That first night turned into a three-day sleepover, because of course it did. Nymphia and Jane stretched themselves over the long arc of the weekend, sharing the sort of welcome, unexpected ease that you can’t put down, the kind that you’ll happily destroy your routine over and resign yourself to picking up the pieces after the fact. One weekend became another, and then occasional nights at Nymphia’s apartment with the door shut and her duvet crumpled at the end of the bed. And then they added the weekday rendezvous: Nymphia meeting Jane at her place after work on Thursday evenings, promising not to keep her up late and failing miserably, leaning her head on Jane’s shoulder in the morning as she locked the door on her way out. And then Nymphia was bleeding into Jane’s week, her Tuesdays and Wednesdays, her breakfasts and dinners, her late-night ice cream cravings and subsequent walks to 7-11. And then it was all too regular: Nymphia and Jane, Jane and Nymphia.

It's been a few months now, and there are so many things Nymphia loves about Jane.

She loves how Jane drives with one hand on her thigh, or with her fingers in her mouth. How she looks over to the passenger seat with that special look that's reserved just for Nymphia, and makes her feel like the only person she's ever wanted. She loves how she listens to her music loud, sings along when she’s drunk and tossing her hair, or when it's Sunday morning and she’s at the stove and there’s a record spinning in the living room. Nymphia loves how unabashed Jane is, how bold. How she never hesitates when it comes to the people in her life, how to be loved by Jane is to be fiercely defended by her. Nymphia loves how Jane kisses her in the middle of her sentences, especially when she's talking too much. She loves that Jane is so rough. How she can fuck her like she hates her. She loves how Jane can be so tender. How she can fuck her soft and slow, as reverent as religion. How Jane can make a mess of her, then put her back together again.

There are so many things Nymphia hates.

She hates that Jane is so impulsive, how she strikes so thoughtlessly, how she has to return to the wounds later to draw the venom out of them. How Jane is so stubborn, so set in her ways, so inflexible. How there’s two Janes - the one she’s with now, the one she is around her friends. The one who doesn’t kiss her, hardly touches her aside from a possessive arm around her shoulder or a tap on her knee. How the real Jane, Nymphia’s Jane, emerges as soon as they’re alone together, the one who will see her downturned gaze on the way home and coo what can I do, princess? Hmm? What can I do to see that pretty smile? Nymphia hates that she forgives Jane so easily, that she crumbles every time, that she loves Jane completely and entirely and beyond any measure of hurt that she could unknowingly inflict upon her.

She hates that she’s still sitting at this party, long after Jane promised they’d leave. She hates that Jane’s friends clearly like her; they laugh at Nymphia’s jokes, compliment her shoes, send knowing glances and winks across the room every time Jane so much as mentions her name. She hates how, when they ask what they are, Jane is all too quick to brush them off.

It's obvious that Nymphia’s upset by the way she pounds up the stairs, by the way she wordlessly digs through her purse for her keys, by the way the anger and the hurt and the disappointment emanate from her like poison.

“I just can’t believe they asked that,” Jane scoffs. Nymphia says nothing, gritting her teeth as she turns the key in the lock.

It should be obvious, but Jane is a bit too self-absorbed to notice.

“Like, we don’t even know what we are,” Jane says, and Nymphia feels sick, because she thought she did. “Why would she put me on the spot like that? In front of everyone?”

Nymphia pushes into the apartment, beelining for the kitchen.

“I mean, it was weird, right?” Jane continues, relentless. “Why do they need to know so bad?”

“Yeah,” Nymphia’s voice is hard, laced with venom. She chucks her keys onto the counter with a little too much force. “Why would they?”

“Right,” Jane doesn’t notice. “It would be nice if they could just let us-“

“I don’t know why they could possibly be so confused.” Nymphia interrupts, working off her thigh-highs.

Jane misses a beat. “Wait. Are you-“

“I can’t fucking imagine why they’d think that we’re together.” Nymphia lets her boots drop to the floor, one gut-wrenching smack after the other.

Jane blinks, brows knit together. Nymphia straightens up, fumbles with things on the counter that don’t need to be fumbled with. “Are you upset about this?”

“Why would I be upset?” Nymphia picks up a stray mug, sets it down again. “You just told all of your friends that we’re nothing serious. Why would I ever be upset about that, Jane?”

“I didn’t say that, Nymph,” Jane starts, already on the defense. “I said that we’re something.”

“Oh, right. My bad.” Nymphia scoffs. “We’re something. Let me know when you’re ready to illuminate me on whatever the fuck that means, Jane.”

Jane recoils at Nymphia’s profanity, unfamiliar with her frustration. She’s never seen her like this- so hurt, so ready to retaliate.

It's not funny. Jane shouldn’t laugh. She really shouldn’t, but she’s viscerally uncomfortable and horrifically unprepared for this situation, so she does anyways. “Are you really angry about this?”

The whole thing is white hot and embarrassing, and Nymphia has tears in her eyes when she turns and whips her purse to the floor.

Jane jumps. “What the fuck?” She’s wide-eyed, both hands held up in shock. “Nymphia. Are you serious right now?”

“I don’t know Jane,” Nymphia bites. “Are you serious?”

“What?”

“I kinda thought you might be,” Nymphia steps over her bag. “Y’know, because you cut me a key to your fucking apartment. I thought maybe that constituted we were more than,” she curls her fingers in the air, “something”.

Jane shakes her head, jaw tight and temple pulsing. When she speaks, it's in a lower voice, almost ashamed. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“You never want to talk about it!” Nymphia’s voice cracks, a desperate wail. Jane’s mouth opens, already halfway towards defending herself until she looks at Nymphia and sees her bottom lip quivering, the spilling over of her tears. Jane looked back with a concerned, almost panicked expression, lips frozen and slightly parted.

“Do you love me, Jane? Do you even fucking like me?”

Nymphia surprises herself with the question. She’s so amped up, so high on adrenaline that she lets it all out- the culmination of weeks of words she’d bitten back, suddenly pouring forth from where they’d been collecting in a lump in her throat.

“No, seriously, do you? Because I can’t fucking tell. I think you do, because- because you say all these beautiful things, and you spend so much time with me, and you take such good fucking care of me. So you must fucking love me, right? But when your friends ask, I have to sit there and listen to you tell them that we’re something. Like it’s so fucking confusing to you. Like it's a goddamn secret. Do you know what that feels like?”

Nymphia is fully pacing now, walking the length of the kitchen over and over again. Jane follows her with wincing, pained eyes.

What Nymphia hates, more than anything, is that she doesn’t hate Jane at all. Not for any of it.

“I’m fucking in love with you, Jane, alright?” Nymphia whines, hands whipping through the air with frustration. “I’m so in love with you, and everybody fucking knows it. Your friends, my friends, my mom, everyone! But no one seems to have any goddamn clue if you love me too. And you know what? I’m not sure if I do, either.”

When she finally expels the last of the words from the hole in her heart, Nymphia looks up through her tears. She can barely stomach the sight of Jane, lips parted and wordless, unsure of what to do with the outpouring of Nymphia’s heart. She stares at her, eyes twisted in pain, then looks to the ground, like Nymphia’s words have slid off her and collected in a puddle at her feet. Nymphia just cries, a pained and exhausted whimper on her lips as she pushes past Jane and into the living room. She collapses on one end of the couch, pulling her knees to her chest and hiding her face behind one hand, hot tears sliding down her cheeks and into her mouth.

Jane stands in the center of the room with her back turned, still facing the phantom of Nymphia’s words that may very well haunt her kitchen forever. Her head is spinning, because how the fuck did this happen. Nymphia is openly sobbing behind her, and the sound is so gut-wrenching that Jane is nauseated.

Nymphia makes a horrible, shuddering gasp for air and Jane finally breaks, crossing the room and dropping to her knees on the floor where Nymphia sits. She doesn’t even look at her, just sobs, and Jane can physically feel her heart fucking breaking.

“Nymphia,” she says, placing her palm on Nymphia’s knee. “Nymph. Hey.”

Nymphia shakes her head, face contorted with tears. She flinches at Jane’s hand like it fucking hurts, and Jane winces as the guilt slices through her. She exhales a sharp puff of defeat and drops her head in hurt.

Nymphia just cries and cries, and the reality of the situation sinks in Jane’s stomach with every sob. She’s sick to her stomach with concern, worried that Nymphia might actually fucking hyperventilate, and then she’s gently begging the girl to breathe. She goes to reach for Nymphia again and pauses, scared to reach out, scared to hurt Nymphia, scared that she’ll recoil from her again. It’s then that Jane knows, for the first time in all of her life, what she wants. She knows, right as it threatens to slip out of her hands.

“I’ve never done this before.”

Jane hears her own voice. Her words hang in the air for a moment, floating like smoke between Nymphia’s shaky, shattered breaths. Jane looks up.

“This,” she says, a tentative hand on Nymphia’s knee. “What you and I have. I’ve never-”

The words are hard for Jane to stomach. They don’t pour out like Nymphia’s do. They catch in her throat, feel wrong in her mouth. She’s not sure they’ll be enough.

“I’ve never had this with anyone,” she says. “I’ve never wanted to. Not until now.”

Nymphia wipes at her eyes, shudders a bit as her breathing quiets.

“I, um,” Jane glances down, scared to look. “I don’t know how.”

Nymphia finally looks at Jane, so small and nervous and crumbling at her feet. She wants to take her hand, to show her, to be endlessly patient even if it kills her. The desire is so enormous, even now. She almost hates herself for it.

“I know I’m fucking it up,” Jane says to the floor, her voice tiny and wavering. “I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that.”

“I just need to know,” Nymphia whispers.

Nymphia swallows hard, and then Jane looks up and its so fucking harrowing, so moving, because Nymphia can see the guilt in her eyes, the desire, the glimmer of words she can’t figure out how to say. She watches as she considers, catches herself, lets it go.

“I do.” Jane says. Nymphia’s heart plummets, because she knows what she means.

“I don’t want to say it now,” Jane says. “I don’t want it to be an apology. I want you to know I mean it. Is that okay?”

Nymphia nods and Jane mutters over and over I do, I do, you know I do.

It's beautiful and tragic and overwhelming, and Nymphia wants to crash into Jane, to merge together and surpass the need for words entirely. It's too soon to know yet if it's for better or for worse, only that she does it - that she reaches out and takes Jane’s hand.

“I don’t know if I’ll be any good at it.” There’s a hint of a smile on her lips, a bit of Jane laughing at herself. “But I want to try.”

Nymphia just nods and feels more tears streaming down her cheeks, and Jane’s crying too, and then they’re crashing into each other. Nymphia is leaning down and throwing her arms around Jane, who is sitting forward and clinging to her like she’s scared to let her go. Like she caught a shooting star in her bare fucking hands.

It's a whisper against her hair, but Nymphia hears it. “Can I try again?”

Nymphia could hate herself for it for all of forever. She’s prepared to. Jane doesn’t know what she’s doing, and she doesn't either. Nymphia nods anyway.

It's a new world, one of their own making. It's unexplored, uncharted, and they’re venturing into it together, hand in shaking hand. It's dangerous. She’s doing it anyway. She might hate herself for it. It might be the bravest thing she’s ever done.

[queencryo]

Red and I finally arrived home a few nights ago! I was gonna write this post last night but tumblr fucking ate it and this phone hurts my wrists when I type SO. here's some fucking bullet points!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- pengis

- We spent a really long time, cumulatively, avoiding mountain passes and driving out of our way to go to particularly mild or not-high ones. Shoutout to the wahwah pass in southeast utah for not killing us!!!!!!!!!!

- Plumas national forest in California is fucking BEAUTIFUL. Just jaw-dropping. Red fucking hated it because I took the corners a little hard, but the entire thing was absolutely beautiful. Just this gorgeous canyon that we were going through the middle of.

- My 18-135mm lens broke, so I was left with my 18-55mm kit lens that would come with this camera body if you bought it new like a loser. honk honk ::( Still, I think at least some of the pictures I got were good! And certainly I'll keep around most of the jpegs ::)

- We stayed in Reno. It fucking sucked, honestly, because the town was basically shut down because of unhistoric snow, and our hotel was bizarelly under construction? Like... walk between two pieces of plywood three feet apart to get between the front desk and the elevator sorta under construction. The room was nice though ::) 

- As mentioned previously, we also stayed in Laramie Wyoming for two days. It was a good recharge, plus a developed an addiction to gas station coffee (yay?)

- Before going to Laramie, we went over a strange mountain highway that used to be the Lincoln Highway. It was beautiful, but I spent a large portion of our time on it musing about death, memory, and human life. Red didn't like it very much, since I was driving at the time. Also, apparently the guy who was involved with planning the highway route was an outdoorsman who specifically asked to be buried on this one hill. At the rest stop we stopped at, there was a plaque saying "yeah we didn't bury him on that hill lmao" huh???????????????

- If you're ever in Trinidad, CO, USAmerica, look up Trinidad's Higher Calling U, pretty sick weed shop. They seem overpriced but also like really cool folks. While you're there, look up the art cartopia, which is a warehouse where some weird folks keep a ton of art cars. Absolutely thrilling!

- Our stay in Primm, NV was pretty nice. We stayed in the Buffalo Bill resort/casino (inspiration for the bison steve hotel from NV!!) and saw the Bonnie and Clyde Death Car (a hilariously gauche attraction if ever there was one), I took pictures in front of it! The hotel room also was not super expensive and had a very large bath tub so we took a hot bath together (because we are gay), it was lovely as can be.

- During the secnd to last night of travel, we were pushing hard and drove until like 2 AM. At one point, I drove us to the end of a mountain pass and once we were finally flat again I turned to Red and said "So. Now that we're at the end of that. I think it's safe to tell you that I think I've been hallucinating for the last 30 minutes." I also had a lot of sexual fantasies about the 18-wheeler next to us during a lot of that time. Not the driver, the truck itself, as it existed in motion. Not sure how to explain it. The real will recognize.It was quite frightening in retrospect.

- of the gas station chains we stopped at, I think Maverik was my favourite (this is something I have a preference on now). Every maverik we stopped at at least had hot dogs and decent selection, and none of them disgusted me.

- As far as independent gas station go, I think the one in Dunsmuir, CA, is my favourite, because it felt like a dream and also the guy working there was very nice to me and gendered me correctly (in that sort of intentional way when someone isn't quite sure what to make of you, I think). Gold star.

All in all I'm genuinely a little surprised we made it home safe. More because I catastrophize than anything else, but... yeah, lmao. 

Sometime, I need to chart out our route for the whole trip. Just so that I have it around. I don't think I'll share it though, because it's... kind of embarrassing, how bad a route we took lmfao.

[michaelwheeler]

ONE  /  ( ALIAS / NAME )     carmen

TWO  /  ( BIRTHDAY )     june  2

THREE  /  ( ZODIAC SIGN )     gemini  sun  /  tarus  rising 

FOUR  /  ( HEIGHT )    5′0  

FIVE  /  ( HOBBIES )     writing  ,  reading  ,  drawing  ,  painting 

SIX  /  ( FAVORITE COLOR )     pink

SEVEN  /  ( FAVORITE BOOKS )      the  stranger  by  albert  camus  ,  crime  and  punishment by  fyodor  dostoyevsky ,  peter  pan  by  jm  barrie ,  the  bluest  eye  by  toni  morrison

EIGHT  /  ( LAST SONG LISTENED TO )     your  love  (  deja  vu  )   by  glass  animals 

NINE  /  ( LAST FILM / SHOW WATCH )     shameless , i think  ? 

TEN  /  ( INSPIRATION FOR MUSE  )      i  pull  from  a  lot  of  different  media.   mike  himself  is  an  amalgamation  of  multiple  80s  golden  boys  ,  so  that’s  a  given    ---   one   of   the   most   notable   being   mikey  walsh  from  the   goonies  ,  his  namesake.    i  also  look  to  holden  caufield  for  inspiration  due  to  his  skepticism  of  others  ,  reversion  to  change   ,   and  the  struggle  of  transitioning  out  of  boyhood   [  all  recurring  motifs  on  this  blog  ].   i  could  go  on ,  but  we’d  be  here  all  day ,  so  this  is  the  most  simplistic  answer  i  will  give. 

ELEVEN  /  ( STORY BEHIND URL )      i  waited  a  month  for  it ,  my  friend  gifted  to  me  ,    and  now  it’s  mine  forever  <3    [  shoutout  to   @hendrson​   mwah  !   ]

tagged by:   @lightspoke​,  thank u <3 tagging:  @ariesproud​ @hendrson​ @salmns​ @bloomsreal​ @egowood​ @jendyke​ @galgher​

[weasleysicon]

Conspicuous [Greaser!Ashton One Shot]

requested?: no

a/n: hello all, i’ve been very sad and stressed lately so i’ve decided to write a greaser!ashton one shot to fill that empty void in my life. the picture attached straight up gave me the inspiration. enjoy! i also recently hit 400 followers and i would like to thank everybody so much! i love u guys

warnings: language, violence, mention of violence, smut (i’ve never written smut before so i’m S ORRY if it seems a little awkward)

word count: 7.6k (this is the longest thing i have ever written in my enTIRE EXISTENCE)

another a/n: shoutout to my love, sierra (@cosmocalum), for helping me with this one shot when i was really stuck! love u buggy <3

Conspicuous, 1: standing out so as to be clearly visible. 2: attracting notice or attention.

1956

“SO, HEARD YOU’RE getting out today,” his cellmate, Vinny, piped from across their small shared cell. Ashton turned his attention away from the book he was reading, looking at the blonde man across from him.

“Seems that t’be that way,” he added quietly, not in the mood to have a conversation. Ashton Irwin was arrested for tagging and petty theft in 1953, leaving his entire life behind. He had everything he could’ve ever wanted, he was planning on finally giving the love of his life the promise ring his mother passed on to him, his family was finally opening their hearts to him, and he was surrounded with quite possibly the best people he could imagine.

He could still remember the day he was arrested; he could remember the look on his girl’s face as the cops busted into his small apartment and took him away from her, for three years.

“What are you gonna do once you’re a free man?” Vinny questioned, attempting to keep the conversation going.

“What kind of dumbass question is that, Vin?” Ashton grimaced, disgusted by such a question. He looked at Vin, who was holding a look of general wonder. He sighed, “if you must know, I’m going to get my girl. I know she’s been waiting for me all these years.”

“Irwin, she ain’t wait for you, bud.” Vinny wasn’t trying to sound like an asshole, but he felt that Ashton deserved the truth. “No girl ever waits for their fella in prison, no matter how much she loved you.”

Ashton turned his head back to the book, “she waited for me, Vin, I know she did.”

            -------

“Irwin, up! You’re out,” the guard sounded as he pulled open the cell door. Ashton closed the book he was reading and stood up to finally get out and find his girl. As he was walking through the corridor, some of the inmates were cheering, the others jeering. All of the words of anything but affirmation rolled off his back, he was getting out and they weren’t. Nearing the front desk, Ashton could see his best friend, Calum, sitting in the waiting room. A smile painted across his face, happy that someone came to get him. Rounding the corner to the desk, Ashton was presented with papers that he had to sign stating that he understood his parole and he was passed a bag with his belongings.

“Hey, mate,” Calum’s thick, gruff Australian voice sounded through his ears. Calum stood up from where he was standing to envelop his best friend in a hug, which Ashton very happily returned. “I’ve missed you, man. Streets ain’t been the same without you,” Calum said. He wasn’t lying, their small group of four hadn’t been the same once their key member was jailed, considering Ashton was like their leader in a sense.

Ashton flashed a small smile, “let’s go, Hood, I got things to do.”

As they neared Calum’s car, Ashton smiled again. “Still got your old Hudson Hornet? Nice to know that things haven’t changed much,” Ashton mused. Calum cracked a smile as he unlocked the doors and the two men slid into the car.

“What’re you gonna do now that you’re out?” Calum sounded, starting the engine. Ashton was ripping open the plastic bag and grabbed out the only two things he had on his person at the time of his arrest: his leather jacket, and his wallet. After sliding on the black jacket, he opened his wallet and took out the small picture he had.

“I’m gonna go see Sweet Pea, she’s gonna be over the moon that I’m out,” Ashton said quietly. He could’ve sworn he heard Calum’s breath hitch at the mention of Sweet Pea. The smile Ashton had on his face faltered a bit, “Calum, what’s wrong?”

“Mate, no one’s heard from Sweet Pea since you got locked up. She stopped coming around,” Calum said quietly, scared that if he said it any louder that Ashton would blow up.

Ashton’s head snapped away from the picture and towards Calum. She what!? He really had no words. She always told him that they were together forever, that they would always wait for each other, no matter what. “That’s… impossible. Maybe she just didn’t wanna hang out with you three dodo birds without me, take me to her house.”

Driving down the street couldn’t have been more awkward for Calum. He’d only scraped the surface of everything that’s changed. He didn’t even tell him the worst part of Sweet Pea dropping him, and honestly, he didn’t want to.

As they pulled up to her folk’s house, Ashton swung the door open and almost flew up the stairs to the porch. Upon knocking, the sound of laughter could be heard from inside and Ashton’s heart skipped a beat, that was his girl’s laugh. Knocking on the door, his heart was pounding in his chest. The door swung open, revealing some schmuck who didn’t look like he belonged in the house. “And who are you?” this mystery guy questioned.

A grimace took over Ashton’s face, “none of your business, where’s Sweet Pea?” As soon as he said her name, she appeared from behind the man, a worried look on her face.

“It’s okay, Johnny, it’s just Ashton,” she said, grabbing onto Johnny’s bicep. “Go wait for me in the kitchen, love, I’ll only be a minute,” as soon as she muttered those words, Johnny pressed a light kiss to her lips, causing Ashton’s eyes to almost bug out of his eyes. What in the actual fuck? Why is he kissin’ my girl? My girl! “Ashton--”

“Sweet Pea? What’s goin’ on?” Ashton asked. He couldn’t believe what was going on. His girl, with another man, kissing him and calling him love. “I just got out, babe, I’m here to take you home,” Ashton said, stepping closer, attempting to pull her into him. Sweet Pea backed away from him, rejecting his gesture with a swat of her hand.

“No, Ashton.” She ran a hand through her hair, trying to formulate the words she needed to get her point across to him. “You weren’t there for me, what was I supposed to do? Johnny’s good to me, Ash. He loves me, takes care of me, and most of all, he doesn’t get into trouble,” she explained. She wanted to wait for Ashton, she really did, but she couldn’t take the pain of not knowing if he was okay or not, if he was staying alive in prison or getting killed in the courtyard.

“You don’t belong with him, darling, he’s a fuckin’ preppy. He can’t protect you like I can, you know that, Sweet Pea,” Ashton tried to reason, stepping closer to her once again. When he reached for her again, he was met with Johnny stepping in front of her.

“I can do her one better, Greaseball,” Johnny taunted. “I can provide a life for her. The only thing you can provide for her is pain and danger, whereas I can give her the life of luxury a beautiful woman like her deserves--”

“You know nothing of our fuckin’ relationship, so I’d back up if I were you, you trust fund baby,” Ashton interjected, about halfway to sending Johnny to the emergency room with a broken nose.

“I know plenty, asshole. Get back in your buddy’s little car and tag a wall or something, trash,” Johnny finished, holding his arm out so Ashton couldn’t shuffle any closer to her. “She doesn’t love you, man--”

“Johnny, plea--” Sweet Pea tried to silence them, knowing now that Johnny was trying to get a rise out of Ashton.

“Men are talking, Sweet Pea. Go to the kitchen and find your mother,” Johnny turned his head ever so slightly to give her a hardened look. “I think you should leave, Trailer Trash.”

As Ashton was starting to step down the stairs, he turned around to glance at Sweet Pea once more, a look of sadness washing over his face. “You always said you’d wait, Sweet Pea, no matter what. You lied to me,” Ashton whispered the last part, scared that if he said it any louder, he would cry, which he did not want to do. Sliding back into Calum’s car, he let out an exasperated sigh and ran his fingers through his hair.

“For what it’s worth, mate, you still have us,” Calum said, trying to lighten up the mood.

Ashton whipped his head to Calum, “shut the fuck up and drive, Hood.”

             -------

“So he just showed up three years later—fresh out of jail—to… what? Try to get you back?” Rosie asked. Rosie was Sweet Pea’s long term best friend who knew every nook and cranny of Sweet Pea’s history with Ashton. It wasn’t hard to see the confusion in her eyes, this wasn’t a normal situation.

Sweet Pea swirled the tea around in her mug as they sat in the small diner on the Northside of town. Ever since Ashton was jailed, Sweet Pea steered clear of the Southside, scared that she might run into Ashton’s gang. “Yes! Then Johnny tried to pick a fight with him, calling him Trailer Trash and Greaseball, it just- it wasn’t good, Rose.”

“I can’t fucking stand Johnny.”

“Rose!”

“Well, it’s true. He needs to get off his high horse. You’ve been with him for, what, 11 months? You were with Ashton for 4 and a half years! Johnny doesn’t have shit on him,” Rosie expressed. Truth be told, Sweet Pea did feel something when she saw Ashton for the first time in three years. He was the first man she ever loved; he taught her how to be daring, showed her what true passion was. She could never forget that, no matter how much she wanted to.

She was angry at Ashton for getting himself locked up, yes, but he didn’t deserve to be dragged the way Johnny did. “I-I have to go, Rose. There’s something I need to take care of,” Sweet Pea blurted as she abruptly stood up from the booth and placed a few dollars on the table for her tea. She needed to talk to Ashton, to hear him out, without Johnny around. She didn’t know how she was going to do it, but dammit, it needed to happen soon.

             -------

“I’m sorry about that, man,” said Calum to his best friend, “what happened at Sweet Pea’s house this morning was uncalled for, you didn’t deserve that.” Calum was right. What happened at Sweet Pea’s house was uncalled for, but there was nothing he could do about it. Ashton appreciated having a friend like Calum though, he was always there and although sometimes he’s a little moody, he always made sure his friends and family were taken care of.

“It’s okay, Cal,” Ashton reassured. He sighed, he didn’t know what he could do to get her back, not when she’s with that fuckboy preppy. “I just-- I need to take my mind off of her. Would you mind taking me to my parents house? I need to apologize for not talking to them for three years.”

“Ashton--”

“I don’t have time to argue about this. Just take me, please, Calum,” Ashton pleaded. Calum obliged, as the two men walked out of Calum’s small apartment.

Pulling up to Ashton’s family home, he felt the same excitement and worry he felt as when they pulled up to Sweet Pea’s house earlier that day. Ashton didn’t keep in contact with his family while he was in jail, too afraid of the disappointment and the stress he’d be putting his mother and siblings through. As Calum’s car sat on the curb, Ashton stayed staring at the house. There was a different car in the driveway, which Ashton just waved off as the possibility of his mother purchasing a new car. But then he saw it. The curtains were drawn back and he had the perfect view of the inside of the house, where he saw a little old man cross into the living room and sit in a big arm chair that he also did not recognize. Ashton was… confused, to say the least. “What in the,” he whispered to himself as he unbuckled his seat belt.

“What are you doing, Ash?” Calum questioned, ready to stop his friend from going and scaring this poor old man.

Ashton looked at Calum for a split second before directing his stare back at the house. “I need to see who that is and why the fuck he’s in my mother’s house.” As Ashton was getting ready to open the car door, Calum placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“Listen, man, this is going to be hard to hear,” said Calum, “your family moved out of town about a year and a half ago, nobody knows why or where they moved to.” At this, shock took over Ashton’s body. He slowly pulled the car door closed and sat there, shell shocked. His family left him.

“Th-They left me?” Ashton said in the smallest voice. Ashton wasn’t one to cry but dammit, this was the straw that broke the camel's back.

“Ash—“

“No, Calum, they fuckin’ left me! First, the love of my life decides to replace me with some preppy asshole and now my family up and left me! I have no one, man, no one!” Wiping a few stray tears off his cheeks, Ashton sniffled and the look on his face hardened.

“Ashton, you’re not alone, mate. You have me, you know my apartment is open to you,” Calum said quietly, “why don’t we get drinks tonight, huh? Might do ya some good.”

The ride to the bar was filled with silence, neither of them knowing the correct words to say. Ashton was a little more on edge, with good reason. The ride seemed to be going on a little longer than Ashton had remembered, noticing that they entered the part of town where Luke and Michael lived. Luke and Michael lived more on the Eastside of town, whereas Calum—and now Ashton—lived on the Southside of Grand Haven. “What are we doing, man?” Ashton asked, “I thought we were going to the bar.”

“We are, Ash, we’re just doing something first,” Calum assured him.

At this point, Ashton could add skeptical to the list of emotions he was currently feeling. “I can see that, but my question was what are we doing?” Ashton emphasized the question, hoping that Calum would catch onto the hint of annoyance in his voice. Calum did not.

“Just-- you’ll see, mate,” Calum said to his best friend, “you’ll see.”

Ashton sighed. “I fucking hate surprises, Hood.”

It turns out that exactly what Ashton thought was happening, was happening. They had picked up Michael and Luke to join them at the bar for the night. He wasn’t explicitly angry, he loved Michael and Luke to pieces, he just hadn’t told them that he was released from prison, much less anything else that was currently going on.

The rest of the car ride was awkward, to say the least. It was filled with small talk, mostly from Calum and the other two, with occasional head nods from Ashton to show he was still down on Earth with them. Every once and awhile, one of the boys would attempt to converse with Ashton about how he was doing, with no prevail.

About three hours later, Ashton was feeling light on his feet. He typically wasn’t one to get drunk quickly but not having a single drink for three years really changes a person's tolerance. Although he was feeling better, his thoughts were still consumed by Sweet Pea. He wasn’t sure what possessed him to get up begin walking towards the exit of the bar, leather jacket in hand, but that’s exactly what he was doing. He didn’t get far, as one of the boys tried to grab his bicep to stop him. “Whoa, whoa, whoa where are you going, mate?” Michael asked, trying to pull his friend back to where everyone else was.

“I’m goin-- I just need a breath of fresh air, mate,” Ashton said, “I’ll be back.” Knowing that he couldn’t keep him from going outside, Michael let him. As Ashton was standing outside, it seemed as if his brain and his feet were moving on autopilot. He wasn’t sure if what he was doing was the right thing, but the alcohol in his system was telling him otherwise. The bar they were currently at was located in the central part of Grand Haven, towards the back, but Ashton has made this walk many a time. The February air was quite chilly tonight, but his leather jacket kept him warm enough, as well as the alcohol in him. Walking down the street, Ashton was all in his head. He wasn’t quite sure of what he was going to say yet, he just knew he had to go to her.

About halfway to the Northside of town, the once busy streets of Grand Haven began to quiet down, as everyone was off of work and inside their homes. It was beginning to get colder as well, as it was nearing the later part of night. The walk from the bar to Sweet Pea’s house wasn’t very far, it was just taking Ashton longer since he was intoxicated and worrying about how he was walking so he wouldn’t trip and fall. He was so caught up in his own mind, he almost didn’t register the hand slamming on his shoulder. “Cal, mate--”

“Did you not hear me, Greaseball?” Ashton turned around to be face to face with some random townie. “Go back to your dumpster.”

Ashton blinked, suddenly it seemed as if the alcohol in his veins was leaving his body. “Excuse me?” He was confused for two reasons: why this person decided to bother him, and why in the hell did this townie think it was fine putting his hands on him?

“You don’t belong here,” the townie once again repeated. Ashton felt his face heat up, who was this person to say whether or not he belonged somewhere? Why does it matter? What was Ashton doing that bothered this person so much?

“Sorry you feel that way, mate,” Ashton said, “bye.” The townie obviously wasn’t pleased with Ashton’s tone of voice, seeing as he once again grabbed his shoulder and shoved him. If Ashton wasn’t already fuming, he sure in hell was now. As he turned around, he scowled at the person behind him. “What the fu--”

Ashton’s words were met with a fist straight to his mouth. Is this piece of shit townie really trying to pick a fight? It didn’t take long for him to react, swinging at the townie himself. Ashton let the anger that had been boiling in his body all day take over, swinging relentlessly at the guy, receiving a few punches to the gut and cheek himself. Ashton wasn’t going to stop until the man was on the floor and would leave him alone. With a few more swings to the stomach and chin, the townie was sent to the ground groaning. “Fucking hell,” Ashton muttered as he turned around to leave the man on the ground.

“You’re on the wrong side of town,” the townie groaned as he stood to his feet. Shouldn’t I be saying that? Ashton thought in his head as he turned around to once again come face to face with the townie. How in the fuck did he get up? The townie snickered, “you’re gonna regret coming back.” He reached into the pocket of his blue jeans and pulled out a switchblade, smirking at Ashton.

“What the fuck?” Ashton said, stepping back. The townie stepped forwards once again, swinging the switchblade, slashing him on his stomach. Ashton doubled over in pain, hand gripping his stomach. The townie swung again, this time slitting Ashton’s cheek. Shit, if Ashton thought he was in pain now, this was excruciating.

The townie crouched down to Ashton’s level, smirking, “you’re trash,” he spat, “go back to prison where you belong.”

             -------

The sound of the doorbell startled Sweet Pea from the half sleep state she was in. She glanced at the clock on the wall above the television set, 2:54 AM. She blinked a couple times, wondering who was at the door at such a late hour into the night. She flicked on the porch light, looking through the peephole. Ashton. It’s Ashton.

Sweet Pea quickly unlocked the front door and swung it open, to reveal a hurt Ashton. He half smiled upon seeing her, as that was all he could do without doubling over in pain. “Ashton,” she began, pulling her robe tighter around her as the chilly February breeze hit her unexpectedly, “are you okay? Let me take a look at you.”

Listening to her, Ashton sauntered over to Sweet Pea. She lifted her hands, running her fingers along his cheek, where the new slash made home. As her finger ran across it, Ashton hissed “Gentle, love,” he whispered, afraid that if he spoke too loud he’d scare the small, doe-eyed woman in front of him.

“Come on, let's get you cleaned up, okay?” She asked, carefully gripping his bicep so she could pull him inside her house. Sweet Pea lead him into the small kitchen and had him sit the table so she could get the first aid kit to tend to his wounds. Walking over to him ripping open an alcohol pad with his teeth, she looked into Ashton’s eyes for the first time that night. There was something in them she couldn’t exactly pinpoint; she didn’t know what she was doing. Here she was in her kitchen, cleaning up her ex-boyfriend-slash-ex-con after what seemed to be a bad fight at nearly 3 AM. “This is going to sting a little,” she warned him before bringing the alcohol wipe to his split lip to clean off the dried blood. Once again Ashton hissed, pleading Sweet Pea to be gentle, to which she replied with a small smile.

“I’m sorry,” Ashton started, “I shouldn’t have come to bother you, love.”

Sweet Pea sighed, “what happened to you?”

“I was at the bar with Calum and the boys and I needed to come see yo--”

“No, Ashton,” she said to him with her eyes shut as if she was trying to figure out what the right words were to say, “I’m not talking about tonight. I’m talking about in general. What happened to the man I once knew? My Ashton would not have gotten himself locked up.”

“Sweet Pea, please,” Ashton said. He’d been waiting to tell her why he got put into prison in the first place for the longest time, he just… he didn’t know how. How was he supposed to tell the love of his life that he was caught shoplifting when he already had a warrant on a tagging charge? “This is gonna be really hard for me to say, doll,” Ashton told the woman in front of him, looking at him with a sense of worry that Ashton could detect a mile away, “I was arrested on a petty theft charge when I already had a warrant out for tagging.”

“You… what? You had a warrant out for your arrest?” Sweet Pea was in shock, to say the least. She hung her head, pinching the bridge of her nose. Ashton had never felt more guilt for anything in his entire life and seeing Sweet Pea this incredibly disappointed in him made everything worse. “What’d you try n’ steal, Ash?”

“What?” Ashton asked, taken aback by her words.

“You heard me,” she said, “what did you try to steal?”

Ashton took a deep breath, “medication for Harry.” Little Harry Dawkins was Ashton’s youngest sibling, only twelve at the time of Ashton’s arrest. “He was-he was sick. Mum couldn’t afford the medication for him, I couldn’t afford the medication for him. I wasn’t going to let my little brother be in pain, doll, you know how much my siblings mean to me,” Ashton said quietly, lowering his head in shame. He looked at the floor and then slowly raised his head to make eye contact with Sweet Pea. “I’m angry at myself for getting arrested and leaving my family and leaving you for three years, but I’d do it again. If it meant Harry or Lauren or you were getting what you needed, then fuck, I’d steal anything.”

Sweet Pea felt her stomach tie itself into knots at his words. Ashton always has been a family man. “I understand,” she told him, “you shouldn’t have stolen, though. You could have come to me, love, my parents would’ve been more than happy to get Harry the medication, they have the money for it.”

“I was supposed to provide for you, Sweet Pea, not the other way around,” Ashton said, head hanging low once again.

As much as she would like to suppress it, Sweet Pea couldn’t ignore the feelings she still felt for Ashton in her heart. This was the man she was with for almost five years, how could she not still feel something for him? Sure, he was in jail for three years and she’s with Johnny now but she couldn’t help but think of that would happen if she gave Johnny, and possibly her family up, all for Ashton.

By that morning, Ashton was long gone. Sweet Pea offered for him to sleep on the couch, seeing as he was in no shape to be on his own, which he was thankful for, he just didn’t want her family to find him in the morning. After she cleaned him up, they spent hours catching up and laughing about old stories from when they were still together. Although he wasn’t afraid to admit it, he was scared of his feelings for Sweet Pea. He knew he still loved her, of course he did, but she was with someone new and he had to respect that. As much as he wanted to swoop her into his arms and kiss both of their pain away, he knew that’d only cause more tension.

             -------

Ashton walked into the small diner that morning, he quickly caught sight of his three friends sitting in a booth towards the back. As he was walking to them, Luke looked up and smiled when he saw his friend. “Hey, fellas,” Ashton said as he slid into the booth next to Luke. Looking at the boys, Ashton could tell that Michael was nursing a hangover, as well as Luke.

“What happened to you last night?” Calum asked Ashton, “you can’t just disappear like that, man.You look horrible.” Ashton let out a huff. He knew that Calum was just looking out for his best interest, but holy shit, Ashton was a grown man who could take care of himself. Worry about yourself, Calum.

“I went to see Sweet Pea,” Ashton started. Upon hearing that, all of the boys suddenly perked up. “On my way there, some random townie stopped me, talking about how I was in the ‘wrong part of town’ and then pulled a fucking blade on me.” As soon as he said the word blade, Michael’s eyes went wide.

“Dude, are you okay?” Michael asked.

Ashton laughed, “I’m fine, mate,” he said to Michael, “Sweet Pea cleaned my wounds for me.”

“Sweet Pea? She took care of you?” Calum asked, almost as if he didn’t believe what Ashton was saying. What’s that supposed to mean? Ashton tried to hide his annoyance, but he wasn’t always the best at hiding his facial expressions.

“Yes, Calum, she took care of me. After that we talked for hours. I explained what happened to her and then we spent some time catching up,” Ashton said, “it was really nice.”

“You sound like a lovesick puppy,” Luke chuckled.

“So what if I’m in love? It’s not like my feelings for her have faded away at all,” Ashton raised his voice. Who were they to criticize him spending time with Sweet Pea? Why did it matter if he was still in love with Sweet Pea or not?

“Mate, we’re not trying to piss you off or anything,” Luke started, “but you need to take a look at the situation. She’s in a relationship with someone else, who she probably loves. I know this is hard to hear, but you need to accept the fact that maybe she’s moved on from you.”

             -------

“Mom, I need your advice,” said Sweet Pea, walking into the living room where her mother was sat in her chair with a cup of tea.

“Of course,” her mother said, setting down the romance novel she’d been reading. Sweet Pea’s mother was always the one person she knew she could always count on. Her mother gave the best advice which always had her best interest in mind.

“Don’t get mad at me, mom,” Sweet Pea said to her mother who now had furrowed eyebrows, “Ashton was over last night,” As soon as she mentioned Ashton, her mother's face went to normal, her lips forming into a small smile.

“I know that, honey,” her mother said, “I could hear your guy’s quiet laughter.”

“Mom!” Sweet Pea yelled, covering her face with her hands. “I need to ask you a question.”

“Shoot,” her mother already could guess what Sweet Pea was going to ask, but didn’t want to prod at her daughter, she wanted Sweet Pea to come to those revelations herself.

“When Ashton and I were talking, I-I felt something. Something that I haven’t ever felt being with Johnny,” Sweet Pea started. She wasn’t sure how exactly how to word her feelings to her mother, or even to herself. “I think-I think--”

“You’re still in love with Ashton,” Sweet Pea’s mother finished for her. As soon as the words escaped her mom’s mouth, her eyes went wide. “Don’t worry, sweetie, I already knew. How could you not still be in love with him? You were with him for almost five years, you wanted to plan a future with the man,” her mother said, and she was right. Before Ashton was jailed, Sweet Pea had sat down with both of her parents, explaining that she was in love with the ill-tempered Greaser who she saw a complete future with.

“I don’t know what to do, Mom,” Sweet Pea whispered, hanging her head down in frustration.

“You tell him, dear,”  her mother said, “love is too beautiful of a thing to let go like that. If you don’t tell Ashton how you feel and you stay with Johnny, you’re going to regret that for the rest of your life.”

Sweet Pea took a deep breath, her mother was right. I need to tell Ashton, I need to tell Ashton, I need to tell Ashton. The sentence kept repeating itself in her head over and over again until they didn’t sound like words anymore. But what about Johnny? “Mom,” Sweet Pea said, “what about Johnny? Isn’t it not fair to him for me to leave him for someone he considers ‘trailer trash’?”

“It’s more fair for you to leave the relationship now then it’d be if you stayed with him while in love with another man,” her mother said. Sweet Pea always knew her mother had great advice, but it only seems that she is purely talking from the heart right now.

“Mom, you are really passionate about this,” she laughed at her mother. Her mother smiled fondly, looking over to photo of her and her husband.

“Honey, I was in another relationship when I realized I was in love with your father. If I wouldn’t have left that other man, I wouldn’t have your father and more importantly, I wouldn’t have you,” her mother explained. Sweet Pea wasn’t in shock, as opposed to just in awe of her mother. “You need to fight for love, Sweet Pea. And let me tell you, Ashton Irwin is worth fighting for.”

             -------

A little over a week later, Johnny was sat at the dinner table with Sweet Pea and her parents. She’d been acting a little out of character tonight, with good reason. She had given a lot of thought to what her mother said and yes, she was going to end things with Johnny and confess her feelings to Ashton. How could she not? It wasn’t that Johnny wasn’t good to her, she just didn’t share the same chemistry with him that she has with Ashton.

The family ate in silence, the awkward tension rising in the room. Johnny very awkwardly cleared his throat and looked at Sweet Pea’s parents. “If I could have everyone’s attention, please,” he asked as he stood up from his seat, directing his attention to a very awkward looking Sweet Pea. “Sweet Pea, I love you. I know we haven’t been together very long, but I know we’re here to stay,” Johnny began, causing Sweet Pea and her mother’s eyes to almost bulge out of their heads. This cannot be happening. Sweet Pea whipped her head over to her mother, who was staring down at her plate, pushing the pot roast around. Helpful.

“Johnny, what are you doing?” She asked him. She had a feeling of what he was going to do, but she didn’t want to believe that’s what actually was happening.

Johnny sighed. “Let me finish, Sweet Pea,” he demanded. For someone who’s confessing their love, he’s awfully rude. “As I was saying, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you,” he said, moving from his seat the kneel in front of her. Sweet Pea couldn’t contain the gasp escaping from her mouth, as well as her mother. This was not happening right now. “Please, please, please marry me, Sweet Pea.”

She looked into his eyes for the first time that evening. This wasn’t the future she saw for herself. She didn’t see her elf as being a little housewife for a man who didn’t even appreciate her; she saw herself with someone who wants better for her and someone who was okay with the fact that Sweet Pea didn’t want the stereotypical family. Sweet Pea saw herself with someone much like Ashton. “I-I… Johnny, I need to talk to you,” she looked over at her parents, “alone.”

Sweet Pea’s parents excused themselves to the backyard, while Sweet Pea stayed seated in her chair. Johnny stood up and began pacing, which made Sweet Pea even more nervous. “What are we talking about?” Johnny asked, stopping so he was standing in front of her once again.

“Johnny,” Sweet Pea started nervously, “I don’t know how to tell you this.”

Johnny furrowed his eyebrows together, “tell me what?” His tone sounded a little harsher than Sweet Pea would like, not that she was surprised.

Sweet Pea closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. It’s now or never. Opening her eyes, she muttered, “I can’t marry you, Johnny.” As soon as the words fell past her lips, Johnny’s eyes went wide and his once blank stare was hardened.

“Oh yeah?” Johnny started, venom lacing his words. “And why is that?”

“I don’t- I don’t love you…” Sweet Pea whispered.

At that sentence, Johnny scoffed. “You don’t love me?” he shouted. “Who do you love? Hmm? I wanna know the truth.”

“Johnny, I-I--”

“No I know who, you love that fuckin’ Greaseball, don’t you?” he sneered. “That piece of shit can’t provide for you. I don’t know why you think that being with him is going to be easy, Sweet Pea,” Johnny laughed, “if you’d marry me, you wouldn’t have to work a day in your life. That Greaser can’t offer you that. You’ll be working more than he does.”

Sweet Pea stood up from her seat, blood boiling that he could ever talk about someone so amazing in such a demeaning tone. “You know what, Johnny? Yeah, I do love that ‘fuckin’ Greaseball’, who’s name is Ashton, by the way. That man has shown me more love in the four and a half years I was with them than an entire lifetime with you,” she spat. Johnny looked a little taken aback at the newfound attitude Sweet Pea has acquired. “Before you judge someone, why don’t you actually get to know them? Ashton has more kindness in his pinkie than you have in your entire body, his smile can light up a room, and fuck, you can lose yourself in that man’s eyes for hours.” She didn’t know why she was telling Johnny all of this, perhaps she was more so talking to herself at this point than to him. “I love that ill-tempered man with the sweetest heart,” she ended, looking back at Johnny’s hardened face, feeling absolutely disgusted with herself for putting up with him for as long as she did. Shaking her head, she began to walk down the hallway where her bedroom door was. Looking back one last time, she smirked, “you can leave now, Johnny.” And like that, she single handedly realized two things: Johnny was a piece of shit and that she was sure that Ashton Irwin was the love of her life.

             -------

“You sure you don’t wanna go out with us, mate?” Calum asked Ashton. The boys had all been trying to convince Ashton to go to the bar with them again, but Ashton couldn’t bring himself to go.

Ashton flashed a small smile at his friends, “why don’t you guys just go? I’ll be fine here.” Not wanting to waste any more time, Calum just nodded and bid his best friend goodbye. Ashton sighed to himself, happy that he was finally alone.

Ever since the night that Sweet Pea took care of him, he couldn’t get her out of his mind. She was already always consuming his thoughts, now it was taken to the next level. He found that night at Sweet Pea’s house to be very therapeutic, knowing that it was probably time for her to know the truth.

For the next hour and a half or so, Ashton stared at the small black and white television set Calum had set up in the living room. The movie Casablanca was playing and Ashton couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness. Sweet Pea absolutely loves this movie with her entire being, always watching it when it came on the television and of course forcing Ashton to watch it with her. Towards the end of the movie, there was a knock on the door, startling Ashton out of the relaxation he was previously feeling.

Standing up from the couch, Ashton went to the door and looked out the peephole. It can’t be. As if acting on autopilot, he swung the door open to reveal Sweet Pea. He looked her up and down, taking note of the upset look on her face. “Sweet Pea, love, why are you here?” Ashton asked her.

She looked up into his hazel eyes, and knew that it was time. “I need to talk to you, Ash,” she said to him, “it’s important.”

Upon hearing those words, Ashton’s heart rate picked up and he stood to the side, ushering Sweet Pea into Calum’s apartment. She looked around for a second, her eyes landing on the television set. “You’re watching Casablanca,” she smiled softly.

“Your favorite movie,” Ashton said to her. Sweet Pea turned her head away from the television and to Ashton once again in complete awe. He remembered.

As Ashton took a seat on the couch, Sweet Pea went over and sat down next to him. She didn’t exactly know how to tell him, but it shouldn’t be that hard, right? She had gotten over the obstacle of telling Johnny, but now she was faced with her biggest obstacle of all: telling Ashton her feelings. “So,” she awkwardly began, “Johnny proposed to me.”

Ashton’s eyes widened for a moment. She was goin’ to marry that piece of shit? “Oh-oh yeah? How’d that g--”

“I told him no, Ashton,” she interrupted him. Just then, she felt her breathing go slow. Ashton, on the other hand, swallowed one of the many lumps in his throat. “I told him no,” she repeated again, softer this time.

“You did?” Ashton asked. “Why?”

“Because he’s not the one I love,” she said, looking down at her lap. Sweet Pea looked up, looking gazes with Ashton, the confused expression very clearly painted on his face.

“He’s not the one you love…” Ashton pondered out loud, more to himself than to her.

Without thinking, Sweet Pea whispered, “I love you.” Had it not incredibly quiet in the apartment, the only noise coming from the television that was basically muted, Ashton could’ve missed the three words he’s been waiting to hear for the past three years. “You-you what? Really?” he asked.

Sweet Pea smiled, finally happy that she got what’s been eating her alive for the past week out into the open. “Of course I do, Ash,” she said, reaching her hand out to grasp his, “it’s you. It’s always been you.”

Ashton looked at her in complete and utter shock. He couldn’t believe that she actually said it to him. Sure, he knew she probably still had a little bit of love for her, but she was really good at hiding it. He closed his eyes, basking in the moment for a second. It was what Sweet Pea said next that made everything feel real.

“Ashton,” she said, catching him out of his own thoughts. “Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time.” She was quoting the movie, and the line couldn’t be more fitting for the moment.

Ashton collided his lips with Sweet Pea’s in what seemed like the most desperate, romantic, lustful, and overdue kiss either one of them had ever experienced. It was rushed, but slow. Sloppy, yet beautiful. Neither of them had even realized that in all this time, this was what they needed.

They kissed each other as if their lives depended on it, and before too long, they were shedding one another of their clothing. Ashton’s head was spinning, as this was the happiest he’s felt in the last three years. Heaven. This must be what Heaven feels like.

When Sweet Pea rid herself of her top, Ashton’s pink lips attached to her chest, sucking and marking her as his, leaving a fiery trail in his wake. Sweet Pea let a moan escape her lips, which was music to Ashton’s ears. He could feel himself getting more and more excited as the minutes were passing by, the excitement building in his stomach.

When Ashton flipped the two of them, so she was now beneath him, he finally pulled down both his trousers and his boxers in one swift movement. Ashton sighed at the simple relief he found from just freeing himself from the confines of his pants. He then pulled Sweet Pea’s pants and underwear down and sat up, smiling at her. “You’re so fuckin’ beautiful,” he said to her, making the heat rise to her cheeks as she pulled Ashton by his face down to hers to catch him in a messy kiss. As their lips moved in sync, Ashton trailed his hand down her body, stopping at her heat. When he slipped his fingers through her folds, Sweet Pea let out a squeaky moan, fueling Ashton to go further. “You’re so wet for me, doll,” he rasped lowly, “just for me.”

“Just for you,” she quietly moaned. Her moans grew louder and louder and Ashton began to pump his finger in and out of her, preparing her enough to handle his length. When Ashton decided to finally stop building the anticipation, he reached over to the coffee table and pulled the condom from his wallet. Sweet Pea chuckled, “I hope that condom isn’t three years old.” Ashton chuckled back at her awkward comment, sliding the condom on and lining himself up at her entrance.

He looked down at Sweet Pea, clutching her hips and finally pushing himself into her, earning a loud moan from her, to which Ashton replied with a low growl. As Ashton began to thrust, he felt all of his problems fade away. Here he was, with the woman he loves, who loves him back, sharing one of their most romantic moments. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

They were a mess of tongue, sweat, and the sound of skin slapping skin mixed with her soft moans became the soundtrack to the moment. Sweet Pea was nearing her orgasm, Ashton chasing his own, with his thrusts becoming less rhythmic and sloppier.

As Sweet Pea reached her high, squealing a moan, Ashton wasn’t far behind her. Letting a few curse words fall past his lips, he reached his own high with a sigh of relief. When he pulled out of her, Sweet Pea let out a quiet gasp from the sudden empty feeling. Ashton pulled off his condom, throwing it into the trash bin across the living room, taking time to pull on his boxers. He once again took his place on the couch and handed Sweet Pea her panties and his t-shirt, in case the boys came back earlier than he hoped.

And as Ashton and Sweet Pea were laying on the couch, post-sex, neither one of them had ever been more in love than in this moment. He placed a sweet kiss to her forehead, which was lightly covered in sweat, to which Sweet Pea cuddled deeper into his side. “I love you,” he whispered to her, “so fuckin’ much.”

Sweet Pea smiled up at him, “I love you more.”

taglist: @cosmocalum @roselukes @hotmessmichael @fucking5sos @calumculture @ohhmuke @ghostofch @kinglycalum @notoriouslyhood @slimthicccal @calntynes @astroashtonio @glitterprincelu @catchinqcalum @irwinkitten @talkfastfletcher @monsteramongmikey @hereforlukescruff

feedback is appreciated!

[amemericans]

what anime recs do you have an anime n00b

under a read more because the list is long and we added extra commentary because we’re just that extra

anon i hope you’re happy exposing us for the weebs that we are

j’s sidenote: i usually read more manga but fortunately, some of the ones i read have anime!! 

Shoujo

Cardcaptor Sakura

J: if you’re looking for a magical girl type of anime, this is it!!! kinomoto sakura is precious i hope you love her and her lesbian best friend tomoyo. please don’t watch the US dub “cardcaptors”…it’s an insult.

Yona of the Dawn / Akatsuki no Yona

J: sheltered princess gets kicked out of the castle, is involved in a prophecy, and then lots of action because why not? also i love yona 

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-Kun (GSNK) / Monthly Girl’s Nozaki-Kun

J: even if you say you’re an anime n00b, you probably have an understanding of shoujo tropes. too bad this breaks all the stereotypes!! it’ll make you laugh, i guarantee. characters are as clueless as hoshi is with technology and i’m sure all of them will never be in a relationship.

Ao Haru Ride / Blue Spring Ride

J: if GSNK breaks all the shoujo tropes, this one has all of them!!!! even so, it’s still pretty good- i bet you woozi can make a song or two from this anime (though i know his main muse will be full moon wo sagashite- also a good anime!)

Orange

J: slice-of-life anime about a group of friends who try to save one of their own. prepare tissues.

Ouran High School Host Club

J: if you love seventeen and their dynamic, you’ll love this too!! shoutout to my girl haruhi for dealing with all of the host club’s shit.

Your Lie in April

V: A male pianist and a female violinist play music together. also prepare tissues…you’ll understand the meaning of the anime title at the very last episode lol.

Ore Monogatari / My Love Story

J: this is…really…the purest love story…you just have to watch it, seriously…it’s as pure as seventeen adore u, mansae, and pretty u eras

Sports

Haikyuu!! (a personal fav of seventeen!)

J: be prepared to binge watch this because i know i did!! it’s a heartwarming story with lots of nicely-placed (and not forced) comedy. but i mean, it’s volleyball. **seungkwan endorses it**

Kuroko no Basuke

J: has the most cliche shit in a sports anime (i’ve watched like 5 sports anime so idk how accurate this statement is). friendship!!! teamwork!!! ridiculous basketball powers!!! but we can overcome everything when we work hard!!!

Yuuri On Ice!!!

J: ice skating anime. VERY GAY. no queerbaiting here- it’s GAY AS FUCK. you really have to admire and root for our main boy yuuri here though. he is truly a precious katsudon

Chihayafuru

J: at first glace, it MAY look like shoujo, but our main girl chihaya over here is 120% focused on karuta. because who needs boys who are in an unrequited love with you right?? still has the power of friendship and teamwork, which is always a must in sports anime!!

Shounen

Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood

J: personally picking this over the earlier version of FMA only because this follows more closely to the canon (manga) storyline. it really does have a wonderful storyline with rich characters and great development and you’ll feel satisfied with the story when you finish it

Hunter x Hunter (2011 but i have a soft spot for the older ver too)

J: this one has a little bit of everything: friendship, teamwork, sports, magical abilities, ~family~ (the main 4 are family don’t fight me on this), beautifully written characters, great storylines, a creepy ass clown,

Bungou Stray Dogs

J: um joshua personally recommended this so you should watch it. MC works in a detective agency that has staff with *abilities*. definitely lots of action. fun fact: the characters are named after famous people in literature and their abilities are named after their work! the first arc of season 2 is a personal favorite of mine

Code Geass

J: basically tells the story of a revolution against the current government. our main boy here, (sometimes douchey) lelouche pretty much leads the revolution accompanied by an ability he acquired- his geass. very mecha and has fighting robots action!!

Death Note

J: an even bigger douche than lelouche, light yagami is out to reform the current justice system by taking it upon himself to play god. someone give him an oscar for his performance honestly this bitch really knows how to act

My Hero Academy

V: high school students with super powers and they go to school to learn how to become heroes! easily became one of my favorite shounen anime. every student is precious except that one grape-looking dude

Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan

J: we have another hot-blooded male protagonist over here!!! my boy eren just has a simple dream- to kill all the titans that ever existed because they ruined his life!!! is it really too much to ask for?

One Punch Man

J: this follows the story of saitama, who just wants to be a hero and save people’s lives. he’s bored because, well, he’s overpowered. you’ll get a lot of laughs here, definitely

Tokyo Ghoul (the whole show censored the gore but you can find the uncensored version too)

V: Ghouls basically look like humans but their diet is limited to humans and coffee only (they can’t eat human food). The ghouls need to kill humans to eat but humans want to live so they fight back. It shows the story of both sides so you feel sorry for both of them lol…and so my boy kaneki just wanted to go on a date but his life turned upside down after that.

Noragami

J: we’re dealing with the supernatural this time! my girl hiyori suddenly becomes involved with the gods, which is kind of awesome but also awful. also the gods are so very human in the sense that they cause so much shit. you probably don’t want them ruling your planet or something

Parasyte: Maxim

J: in this world, there’s an organism/parasite that invades your body and takes over it, killing you instantly. sometimes, things don’t go as planned, and the parasite and the human have to coexist, guess what happens to our main character….

Psycho Pass

J: in a dystopian future, there’s a technology that actually predicts your probability of becoming a criminal/endangering humanity. that technology in itself is already the problem….

Moribito

V: set in a fantasy, historical Asia. my girl Balsa can easily beat up 1000 men while guarding a child prince. interesting plot, beautiful animation, and an amazing main character!!

D.Gray Man

J: hey there demons, it’s me, ya exorcist!!! demon-hunting adventures with lots of friendship in between and you’ll fall in love with these character i swear!! a+ humor as well honestly i love these kids

Blue Exorcist

V: hey there demons, it’s me, another exorcist! half-human/half-demon boy goes to school to learn how to become an exorcist to defeat demons and most importantly: Satan

Thriller

Erased (We recommend the live action too! it follows the manga more accurately. It’son Netflix)

J: murder mystery where our MC has this ability to rewind time and fix any bad things that were about to happen. one day, he gets transported back and ends up having to figure out on who murdered one of his classmates. really keeps you on the edge of your seat and the music is spot on!!

Another

J: in a seriously haunted classroom, there’s always one extra person who had died but is present with them, every year it’s someone different and the class has to figure out on who the dead one is before……bad things…

Terror In Resonance

V: two teenage boys commit terrorist attacks on Tokyo and they somehow get a girl involved in their crimes

Movies

Kimi no Na Wa

V: JunHao’s My I was inspired by this!!! I don’t want to spoil too much, you just have to watch it! beautiful animation, beautiful characters. the story makes a lot more sense if you watch it the second time.

Studio Ghibli movies

The Girl who Leapt Through Time

[sundcwns-blog]

heey, hello, it’s a meme. i’m maze ( she/her ) & hailing from one of the oh so lovely coughs gmt tzs aka gmt+2. besides being trash on the daily i’m literally always listening to music aka if u ever need something new in that department .. hello, or browsing through netflix without any intent on watching smth. living that wild life ik .. DKAMS. but you’re here for my two kids aka basil & saint so here we go ! if you’d like to plot like this and i’ll slide into ur ims or look under the read more for my disc*rd ! also as a warning i unintentionally was v vain and made both muses scorpios .....

☾ — ·˚ » BASIL CRATES is in saint tropez !! they often get mistaken as KIAN LAWLEY. apparently, HE/THEY is/are the JOCULAR of the group. they’re a TWENTY-ONE year old PANSEXUAL DEMIMALE. i hear they’re known as ALTRUISTIC and DOGMATIC. they also make their living as ART STUDENT / BARTENDER / COMIC BOOK ARTIST but you’d have to ask them a bit more.

BACKGROUND + PERSONALITY.

born and raised in berlin, germany until his mother decided to move to the us when basil was twelve.

despite growing up bilingual, he had difficulties adjusting to the new surroundings and rather spent his free time drawing, eventually building up universes without needing any context and instead having the designs speak for themselves.

after finishing high school at age sixteen basil took a gap year to travel through europe with money they earned from several jobs during school times. bas was v very introverted back then, so it served as a challenge which once again they had difficulties with at first. but ofc you can’t get around without trying, so bas did. he’s still more of an ambivalent than an extrovert, but this journey made him see the beauty of uncertainty and they loved it.

also ik i used he & they in that last paragraph instead of just one bc basil honestly truly doesn’t care which one others use as long as they acknowledge bas isn’t cis bc he’s v open about his gender along with being pan .. but that’s another thing.

basil has a very high iq, but always prevented others from knowing about it. he basically failed tests on purpose back in germany and in the us he always made sure others don’t feel bad about their results and said his were worse even though he probably always got an a+, thus resulting in bas being able to skip two grades.

his mother had to carry two jobs to make a living for the two of them, which was one of the reasons why bas sold his art from a young age. thankfully it was actually decent ( coughs and looks @ ryan reynolds’ twitter ) and ppl actually wanted to pay good money for it. this was also one of the key moments in which bas realized they wanted to have their profession somewhere in the art department.

married his high school sweetheart in las vegas as soon as they both turned eighteen, but divorced just three weeks later. this is just one of their impulsive decisions as bas isn’t much of a planner, they rather have a few good laughs when telling the story ( even for the 10th time ) instead of asking what if. the only thing bas ever truly planned was becoming a comic book artist. they’re still at the very beginning as basil’s v young, but they’re just as determined to make it in the industry.

basil’s mother was always into greek mythology and even gave her child the middle name cerberus, which literally is the most dangerous thing about him and while he’s into mythology himself, he doesn’t really tell anyone his middle name as he’d rather not be compared to a three-headed dog .. but if he ever ends up drunk u can bet he’d insist on being called cerberus and nothing else.

being a comic book artist basil’s an avid comic reader as well, but mostly prefers indie comics as they’re more his kind of humor. speaking of, basil’s more of a morbid humor kind of pal ? but he’ll also immediately apologize if he takes it too far bc he values comfort even more than getting a laugh out of others and himself.

huge fan of dogs, literally the person that points at a dog and says “aw.” and definitely wants to pet them.

the least scorpio-like scorpio you will ever meet, and trust me this is coming from a Real Scorpio™.

ends up in a lot of weird scenarios while just trying their best, but always tries to take it with humor especially if someone’s with them.

most of his friends wouldn’t expect it, but basil’s very romantic, like going all out even for a first date and is probably doing waay too much for his opposite.

not really into the whole sex, drugs n rock ‘n’ roll as he prefers to maybe drink a few beers with his closest friends due to seeing what alcohol can do to people on an almost daily basis as a bartender. however, all of kian’s tattoos are canon for bas except for the native american and butterfly ones.

WANTED PLOTS.

literally everything but to be basic .. a best friend ( who might even know about his high iq bc he truly doesn’t tell anyone ), bad influence ( basil’s not exactly innocent or good himself but there’s always worse am i right ), childhood friend ( someone he considered a friend after moving to a completely new country ), enemy ( maybe they’re of the opposite group or even in the same and they had some fight that led to it or just disliking each other for apparently no reason at all just .. pls give me smth negative ), ex on good/bad terms ( as basil’s pretty romantic it could’ve been too much for the other or literally any other reason k thanks ), someone who hates his jokes ( plain n simple .. kewl ), my brain is scattered bc it’s almost 2am rn so i Def missed 820397 plots i’d love but u know what .. i’m a plot pro so shrugs. also i nearly wrote pro plot so u get me now .. pls killme KMDSX.

☾ — ·˚ » SAINT DEVERAUX is in saint tropez !! they often get mistaken as ALISSA VIOLET. apparently, SHE arrived from THE USA. they’re a TWENTY-ONE year old UNLABELED CIS FEMALE. i hear they’re known as VIGOROUS and DETACHED. they also make their living as an ACTRESS but you’d have to ask them a bit more.

BACKGROUND + PERSONALITY.

just as a small disclaimer: if anyone read girls on fire by robin wasserman, saint’s personality is heavily inspired by one of the characters in it aka lacey. and if u haven’t read it .. pls do it if you’re even just remotely into ya literature.

born and raised in los angeles, us, saint was practially thrown into the lives of the rich and famous. her parents were big in hollywood back in the 80s & 90s and gave those legacies to her.

being practially raised by nannies, saint didn’t really have a connection to her parents till they retired when she was fourteen. from there it was basically always good which is .. v weird but they somehow made it work.

as soon as saint turned eighteen she decided to change her last name to her mother’s maiden name, as she’s never been a fan of women having to give up their names just for being married even if it’s voluntary. this also resulted in her imdb page ( she truly made it huh. ) being “divived” into saint bartowski ( also shoutout @ anyone who gets this ref ) and saint deveraux.

at age eighteen saint also let out her true self, at least towards her parents. she admitted to worshipping lucifer just to piss them off and see how they’d react, it was just a game for her. but to be as convincing as possible, she did the most, even though she would’ve already had them just with her words, but saint always wanted to know just how far she could take it.

to the public she’s seen as this socialite turned actress who never did anything wrong, but just due to her parents and herself keeping everything under a neat little rug.

saint’s a very passionate person and loves to be surrounded or admired by people, but at the same time she doesn’t really care about anyone, no matter how many i love yous she’s going to whisper into someone’s ear or no broken promises ever.

as a result of the press putting labels onto her 24/7 she resents them. the only one she’ll ever claim is being in the lgbtq+ com as it’s basically the only thing in her life she truly cares about besides acting and her cats. however saint also makes a lot of fun of men and highly prefers females and nb pals for .. u know what.

she can also be extra af as she literally bought an old vw t1 bus in st. tropez for the short amount of time she’s there and have it look exactly like the one she has back in la with the pride flag sprayed on its roof and every little sticker/detail on its doors, etc.

getting to her job .. she currently stars in a made up netflix show that’s somewhere between veronica mars, twin peaks and 21 jump street ( the movie version ). i actually made a whole filmography for her but i’m too lazy for graphics and i’m not even sure whether i can use real movies/shows so oo. but if u want a list i can tots send it via disc*rd ( btw mine is artcmis#4377 ). and just know that she admires amber heard and mostly chooses roles like her aka not the damsel in distress. tho she would def love to save that kind of character one day .. js.

this is getting soo messy already omg. but to put her in a nutshell, saint’s a callous, manipulative, control loving, determined scorpio who also happens to be an actress, cat lover and feminist putting up a facade daily. also she can’t handle relationships for shhhit.

and what would these bullet points be if i didn’t start and finish them with a disclaimer ? still a mess yeah ik .. MXKAJD. but even tho most probs don’t even know who alissa is i just wanted to say that saint will have green eyes bc .. #aesthetic.

WANTED PLOTS.

once again any plot goes except for romantic stylez kind of plots bc yk not her kind of thing. catfish ( either someone used to catfish someone else using her pics or even better someone got catfished with her photos n now they’re meeting and she’s .. acting v different. plS. ), fwb ( so yeah saint hates relationships but u know what she doesn’t hate wink wink ;) KMSLASK also probs won’t work with males bc she’s all like [ cher horowitz vc ] as if ! ), fan ( someone who likes her movies or show idk ?? let her be all chill with them pls ), smoke bud ( she loves to party & smoke soo .. maybe even in an all-in-one with the fan plot ), enemy ( probs one of the other sec charas bc maybe they’ve met before or even wanted the same role ?? ), once again my brain is a mess sooo .. good bi !

this got longer than my biography ever could so if u read it all .. u truly are the mvp and deserve an award.