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#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode
faaun
·
5 months
Text
procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months
#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them
#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.
#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought
#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are
#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it
#its worth missing i think
#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over
#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)
#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)
#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.
#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think
#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.
#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat
#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand
#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much
#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around
#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode
#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully
#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing
#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets
#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably
#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused
#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like
#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much
#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to
#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads
#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says
#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.
#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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