#something something THE PHARMACY AS A MORE ACCESSIBLE DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!

[minminambus]

Runs around!!! The pharmacy!!!!

[naamahdarling]

Maybe it isn't that I actually hate medical professionals? They just suck and are weird sometimes, and a lot of them shouldn't be practicing, but I don't hate them as a group, like, personally.

What I hate is their ability to make my life harder in ways that are often completely opaque to me, and a lot of the crap things they do are not really possible to challenge. And I hate the fact that holding them responsible fort dogshit behavior in any way that will actually benefit me is almost always impossible.

And I also hate the fact that they have to do stupid things sometimes because that's how the system is set up, and those things sometimes mean patients actually get harmed. They aren't fond of that part either! They don't want the system to be the way it is! But they don't have a choice, so sometimes people like me get forced by bureaucracy into doing things that are re-traumatizing. And I can't imagine that feels good for them at all, knowing that their patients are sometimes only "consenting" because that bureaucracy will not let them be helped in any other way. Which isn't consent at all. I imagine that must be pretty traumatizing for them, too, sometimes.

If it were easier to actually access medical care without tremendous delays in this country right now I would have much less trouble finding providers who are good at what they do and are not horrible people, and who have clinic staff who can do their fucking job.

Oh and I also don't appreciate how evasive and unwilling to commit they are out of fear of being held to an answer that turns out to be inaccurate, but I can't make an informed decision about my own care unless they give me at least some information about probabilities and trajectories and typicalities. Genuinely, how the fuck am I supposed to navigate that shit. I get that some patients are really fucking difficult, but I should be able to get a special stamp on my file or something that says I understand that sometimes medicine isn't an exact science and the best answers that my doctors can give may not always prove to be accurate in the long term. I know they don't like being in that situation either.

A lot of medical professionals are fucking assholes, and unfortunately the ones who are not are still hamstrung by a system set up to actively prevent people from getting care.

I miss my old doctor. He gave no shits about anything that wasn't the patient. He prescribed scheduled meds based on what the patient needed and not based on fear of consequences potentially being imposed on him by the punitive patient-hostile drugs-are-bad moral panic machine developed to force suffering people into buying more dangerous drugs off the street in order to prevent far fewer people from maybe getting high off of drugs that at least weren't laced with lethal substances. (The purpose of a system is what it does.) Did he get sanctioned and become locally unhireable? Unfortunately yes he did. Does he now provide concierge care to rich people? Yes he does. He found a way to make it work, God bless him.

Everything about the medical system in this country is fucked. Hospitals, doctors, nurses, pharmacies, pharmacists, pharmacy techs, phlebotomists, clinic administrative staff, insurance companies, medical schools and schooling, licensing boards, drug advertising to both providers and patients, pharmaceutical reps, researchers, research, publishing, medical trials, pharmaceutical companies, manufacturers and distributors, medical equipment, charting software, billing and billing codes, diagnostic criteria, charity and low income services, accessible transportation, home care, the lack of independent individual patient advocates, dietitians and nutritionists, access to physical and occupational therapy and physical and occupational therapists, the massive bigotry of every kind rampant in every corner of the medical field, social work, senior care and assisted living, deprioritization of informed consent and harm reduction, disability applications, inaccessibility of medical records, especially psychiatric notes which are specifically allowed to be withheld from patients, lack of continuity of care for disadvantaged people, care that is equitably accessible to disabled people, telemedicine, patient portals, phone systems, clinic hours, every single aspect of inpatient and outpatient psychiatry, facility security, all sorts of things going on with therapists who are nevertheless probably the least malicious group of people in this entire charade, aaaaaand patients themselves.

Also hospital toilets that are too tall and make it literally physically impossible for me to poop while I'm there waiting for somebody to come out of surgery. I just needed to take a crap, guys. You didn't need to make the toilets so tall that my feet didn't even touch the floor. It is very clean but there is no shitting for short people at St Francis.

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Alejandra Caraballo at Erin In The Morning:

Early last fall, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton sued Dallas pediatrician, Dr. May Lau for providing gender-affirming medical care to teens. The lawsuit accused Dr. Lau of prescribing testosterone to “at least 21” minors between the ages of 14 and 17, in an alleged defiance of a new state ban on providing gender affirming care to trans youth. Lau’s medical license is now on the line under Texas Senate Bill 14, which prohibits hormone therapy for transgender youth and requires the state medical board to revoke any doctor who violates it. Within weeks, Paxton’s office filed similar suits against two more physicians, branding them “scofflaws” and “radical gender activists” for treating adolescents with puberty blockers and hormones. By February, Paxton boasted that he had effectively shut down these three doctors’ ability to practice: two agreed to stop treating patients entirely, and a third is under court injunction barring any care for trans youth. Paxton’s lawsuits are the first enforcement of Texas’s new transgender health restrictions. What is not immediately apparent is how it is a striking example of how government officials can weaponize private prescription records to target anyone they want. At the heart of these cases lies a statewide database that quietly logs every controlled substance dispensed to Texans: the Prescription Drug Monitoring Program ("PDMP"). The database enabling this crackdown was never billed as a tool for political persecution. PDMP's were originally established in the 2000s to combat the opioid epidemic and “doctor shopping” for narcotics. Every U.S. state and territory now maintains a PDMP – an electronic registry of controlled substance prescriptions, typically Schedules II through V, that doctors and pharmacies are required to report. Testosterone, classified as a Schedule III controlled substance, is automatically tracked in the PDMP database. Although the attorney general’s complaints do not spell out how these physicians were caught, the detailed counts of their hormone prescriptions and the fact that virtually all of the patients were transmasculine points to the usage of the PDMP to find providers still prescribing hormones to trans youth. The reason for this is that estrogen is not a controlled substance and is not subject to PDMP surveillance. The PDMP itself is administered by the Texas State Board of Pharmacy. Within the system run by regulators, authorized personnel can query exactly which providers are prescribing a given drug, and even filter by patient age or other criteria. Paxton’s investigators appear to have combed through Texas’s pharmacy records for evidence that certain doctors continued providing testosterone to minors after the ban took effect, evidence they are now using to sue the providers and strip their licenses.

[...]

From Opioid Tracking to Dragnet Surveillance

In theory, PDMP's allow physicians to spot signs of addiction and help authorities flag illicit prescribing practices and abuses by patients and doctors. In practice, PDMPs have evolved into something much broader. From a recent law review article by Jennifer Oliva in the Fordham Law Review, she describes how modern PDMP platforms “collect a litany of sensitive, prescribing-related information about every monitored prescription drug” and increasingly about other medications as well. Oliva goes on to say that what began as a targeted public-health database has morphed into a “dragnet” of personal health information. PDMP datasets typically include patient details, medication dosages, refill schedules, and identifying information for the prescriber and pharmacy. In nine states, the PDMP entry even contains the diagnosis code (ICD-10) associated with the prescription. That means a police officer scrutinizing the file could directly see why a person was prescribed a drug. In states like Tennessee or Florida, which track diagnoses, a record showing testosterone cypionate accompanied by an ICD code for “gender dysphoria” would immediately telegraph that the patient is transgender. As is often the case with law enforcement surveillance tools, PDMPs have proven susceptible to mission creep, Oliva writes, noting that most state programs now track not only opioids but “all controlled substances as well as non-controlled ‘drugs of concern.’” In other words, a system built to catch illicit OxyContin refills has quietly become a mechanism to monitor any number of treatments – from anxiety medications and stimulants for the treatment of ADHD to testosterone for gender transition. Crucially, this vast trove of prescription records exists in a legal gray zone outside standard medical privacy protections. The questions about HIPAA compliance typically come up when I've discussed this subject. However, once a pharmacy uploads your data to a PDMP, that information is no longer covered by HIPAA privacy rules. Instead, each state dictates who can access the PDMP and for what purpose. Unfortunately, law enforcement agencies have lobbied hard for access.

[...]

Gender-Affirming Care and Reproductive Health in the Crosshairs

The Texas cases underscore how PDMP surveillance can be aimed at politically charged medical care. But gender affirming care isn’t the only area of concern. The same prescription databases could be used to monitor and punish those seeking reproductive care or other stigmatized treatments. After the overturning of Roe v. Wade, states that outlawed abortion began exploring new avenues to track and prevent medication abortions. Their task is made easier by the sheer scope of PDMP monitoring. Ultimately, the PDMP effectively becomes a shortcut to gleaning some of the most sensitive details of a patient’s health status. While Abortion medications like Mifepristone are not federally scheduled controlled substances, and thus not routinely logged in PDMPs yet, Louisiana recently classified the abortion medication Mifepristone as a controlled substance, which could now be tracked by Louisiana's PDMP and might be flagged with a code indicating miscarriage or abortion. But many states vest their pharmacy boards with power to add any drug to the PDMP’s watch-list as a “drug of concern,” without legislative approval. Conceivably, an anti-abortion regulator could designate abortion-inducing medications or other reproductive treatments for tracking, instantly pulling them into the surveillance dragnet. The targeting of gender-affirming care is thus part of a much larger pattern. It exemplifies how data collected for one purpose – public health and patient safety – can be repurposed for surveillance and social control. 

Alejandra Caraballo wrote in Erin In The Morning wrote about Texas AG Ken Paxton (R)’s data privacy-invading accessing of prescription records to attack reproductive health and gender-affirming care.

[cripplecharacters]

hi! a friend of mine has recently told me a bunch of stuff about how i could include some disabled characters in my short stories (i write hurt/comfort for the record) and what they'd like to see more of.

something on the list was "[disabled people] have access to certain medical supplies that normally wouldn't be accessible." google isn't being super helpful as it's a pretty vague statement. can you give me some examples of this? would it be syringes and needles? or certain medication that's easy to use with malicious intent? (also for the record, they were specifically asking if i could write more disabled characters doing the hurting instead of being victims of it, since that tends to be an underrepresented category). i dont even know where to start researching since there's so many types of disabilities, so any help would be hugely appreciated!

Hello,

Prescriptions open up a world of medical supplies that the public would have to jump through major hoops to access or wouldn't be able to access at all. For example, epinephrine auto-injectors, commonly known as Epi-Pens. In America, one can only get those with a prescription or if you're the caretaker for someone who has life-threatening allergies, there is no other way to get them unless you buy them from a shady sight from the United Kingdom or Canada. Even Adrenaclic, created by CVS Pharmacy, which also treats anaphylaxis, is only available when prescribed by a medical professional. Disabled people with chronic pain can access medical marijuana, or even medical-grade opioids. One can't legally buy Schedule 2 Drugs (things like Adderall) without a prescription. It'll depend on what condition they have, but prescription medications are a huge part of that "access to supplies the rest of the population can't have."

The second thing is medical-grade sterile equipment. Sure, you can buy IV bags off of Amazon for fifteen dollars for fifty, but those probably aren't medical-grade and you don't have a guarantee that they're good or safe quality. IV fluids are hard to find at a reasonable price. Syringes? Those absolutely need to be sterile, it's not safe to buy those from anywhere that isn't a pharmacy. All of this stuff is best purchased as medical-grade, meaning it could be used by a doctor or a hospital, and they aren't buying this stuff from Amazon. Pharmacies get this stuff from similar, maybe even the same, sources as hospitals are getting them, and a pharmacy will probably only sell you most of this stuff to someone who's prescribed it and who has a diagnosed medical condition that requires it. Even then, disabled people usually need to jump through hoops to get our medical equipment.

And the third is something that might surprise you- mobility and assistance devices. Yes, you can get a cane from Walmart or a hospital-type wheelchair from Target, but those aren't personalized. They'll do the job but an abled person probably can't get a custom-built wheelchair as easily as someone with cerebral palsy can. This isn't saying it's easy for disabled people to get these things, it's just easier than it is for the general population. Plus, things such as a class three powerchair are thousands of dollars. If you're prescribed one, insurance might cover part of it, or you might have the option to receive these things for free from charities, or at a discounted rate, especially if you're low-income. You can buy them if you're abled, sure, but you'll have access to a better way to go about it if you're actually disabled.

Again, nothing on this list is guaranteed to be a breeze for a disabled person, but there are routes we can take that make getting them easier than it would be for an abled person who doesn't need them.

Mod Aaron

[mariacallous]

Today, people around the world will head to school, doctor’s appointments, and pharmacies, only to be told, “Sorry, our computer systems are down.” The frequent culprit is a cybercrime gang operating on the other side of the world, demanding payment for system access or the safe return of stolen data.

The ransomware epidemic shows no signs of slowing down in 2024—despite increasing police crackdowns—and experts worry that it could soon enter a more violent phase.

“We’re definitely not winning the fight against ransomware right now,” Allan Liska, a threat intelligence analyst at Recorded Future, tells WIRED.

Ransomware may be the defining cybercrime of the past decade, with criminals targeting a wide range of victims including hospitals, schools, and governments. The attackers encrypt critical data, bringing the victim’s operation to a grinding halt, and then extort them with the threat of releasing sensitive information. These attacks have had serious consequences. In 2021, the Colonial Pipeline Company was targeted by ransomware, forcing the company to pause fuel delivery and spurring US president Joe Biden to implement emergency measures to meet demand. But ransomware attacks are a daily event around the world—last week, ransomware hit hospitals in the UK—and many of them don’t make headlines.

“There is a visibility problem into incidents; most organizations don't disclose or report them,” says Brett Callow, a threat analyst at Emsisoft. He adds that this makes it “hard to ascertain which way they are trending” on a month-by-month basis.

Researchers are forced to rely on information from public institutions that disclose attacks, or even criminals themselves. But “criminals are lying bastards,” says Liska.

By all indications, the problem is not going away and may even be accelerating in 2024. According to a recent report by security firm Mandiant, a Google subsidiary, 2023 was a record-breaking year for ransomware. Reporting indicates that victims paid more than $1 billion to gangs—and those are just the payments that we know about.

A major trend identified in the report was more frequent posts by gangs to so-called “shame sites,” where attackers leak data as part of an extortion attempt. There was a 75 percent jump in posts to data leak sites in 2023 compared to 2022, according to Mandiant. These sites employ flashy tactics like countdowns to when the sensitive data of victims will be made public if they don’t pay. This illustrates how ransomware gangs are ramping up the severity of their intimidation tactics, experts told WIRED.

“Generally speaking, their tactics are becoming progressively more brutal,” Callow says.

For example, hackers have also begun to directly threaten victims with intimidating phone calls or emails. In 2023, the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center in Seattle was struck by a ransomware attack, and cancer patients were individually sent emails threatening to release their personal information if they did not pay.

“My concern is that this will spill over into real-world violence very soon,” says Callow. “When there are millions to be had, they might do something bad to an executive of a company that was refusing to pay, or a member of their family.”

While there hasn’t yet been a reported instance of violence resulting from a ransomware attack, gangs have used the threat as a tactic. “We’ve seen in negotiations that have been leaked that they’ve hinted that they might do something like that, saying, ‘We know where your CEO lives,’” Liska says.

Speaking of criminals’ callous approach to life and death, it’s worth noting that researchers estimate that, between 2016 and 2021, ransomware attacks have killed between 42 and 67 Medicare patients due to targeting hospitals and delaying life-saving treatments.

Liska notes that ransomware gangs don’t operate in a vacuum. Their membership overlaps with entities like “the Comm,” a loose global network of criminals who organize online and offer violence-as-a-service in addition to more traditional cybercrime like SIM swapping. Comm members advertise their willingness to beat people, shoot at homes, and post grisly videos purporting to depict acts of torture. Last year, 404 Media reported that Comm members are working directly with ransomware groups like AlphV, a notorious entity that assisted with a high-profile hack of MGM Casinos before the FBI disrupted its operations by developing a decryption tool and seizing several websites—only to return months later with an attack on Change Healthcare that disrupted medical services around the US.

“It makes me very concerned,” Liska says of the link between ransomware gangs and violent cybercriminals.

Law enforcement has seen some recent success in disrupting, if not completely eradicating, ransomware groups. In February, an international collaboration dubbed Operation Cronos disrupted the prolific LockBit ransomware operation by seizing its websites and offering free decryption to victims. Officials also arrested two alleged affiliates of the group who were based in Ukraine and Poland.

It’s been difficult to make a dent in the volume of ransomware attacks in part because ransomware gangs—which work almost like startups, sometimes offering a subscription service and 24/7 support for their software while they recruit affiliates that carry out attacks—are frequently based in Russia. This has prompted Western law enforcement to turn gangs’ own intimidation tactics and psychological games against them.

For example, Operation Cronos used a countdown timer in the style of a ransomware shame site to reveal the identity of LockBit’s alleged boss, 31-year-old Russian national Dmitry Khoroshev. He was also charged in a 26-count indictment by US prosecutors, and sanctioned. Since Khoroshev is apparently in Russia, he’s unlikely to be arrested unless he leaves the country. But revealing his identity can still have the effect of further disrupting his ransomware operation by eroding affiliates’ trust in him and putting a target on his back.

“There are a lot of people who will be interested in trying to get their hands on some of his money,” says Callow. “There will be people who would be willing to bash him on the head and drag him across the border to a country from which he can be extradited.” Affiliates may also be concerned about the possibility of his arrest if he voluntarily leaves Russia.

“Law enforcement is adapting to let them know that they are vulnerable,” Liska says.

Another obstacle to reining in ransomware is the Hydra-esque nature of affiliates. After the LockBit disruption, analysts saw 10 new ransomware sites pop up almost immediately. “That is more than we’ve seen in a 30-day period at any point,” says Liska.

Law enforcement is adapting to this reality, too. In May, an international collaboration called Operation Endgame announced that it had successfully disrupted multiple operations distributing malware “droppers.” Droppers are an important part of the cybercrime ecosystem as they allow hackers to deliver ransomware or other malicious code undetected. Operation Endgame resulted in four arrests in Armenia and Ukraine, took down more than 100 servers, and seized thousands of domains. Endgame employed psychological tactics similar to Operation Cronos, like a countdown to flashy videos containing Russian text and encouraging criminals to “think about (y)our next move.”

While the scale of the ransomware problem may seem difficult to get a handle on, both Liska and Callow say it’s not impossible. Callow says that a ban on payment to ransomware gangs would make the biggest difference. Liska was less enthusiastic about the prospects of a payment ban but suggested that law enforcement’s continuing actions could eventually make a real dent.

“We talk about whack-a-mole a lot when it comes to ransomware groups—you knock one down and another pops up,” says Liska. “But I think what these [law enforcement] operations are doing is they’re making the board smaller. So yes, you knock one down, and another one pops up. But you wind up with, hopefully, fewer and fewer of them popping up.”

[meatcrimes]

One year ago now i was writhing in pain in my bed, unable to stand for more than a few minutes at a time, my limbs felt heavy as lead, and i couldn’t take a full breath, like something was constricting my breath, and four days without sleep. one year since one of the worst experiences of my life, ten days of withdrawing from benzodiazepines (altho it was only as bad as that on days 6-10).

And I reflect on it now, how helpless I felt, how dependent i felt. when I realized it really did have to get this bad before anyone took me seriously, before anyone called it what it was. Addiction. I would have died if I hadn’t thought to ask my doctor to send my rx to another pharmacy, as it was “out of stock” and “we’ll have it tomorrow” for over two weeks by then. I heard it was February before they finally got more in stock.

And I realized they let this happen by relying on me, the patient, to ask specifically for something i only learned was possible after working as a pharmacy technician. It was their job to make sure this didn’t happen, and everyone involved was fully willing to let me slip through the cracks.

Now, a year later, I have been weaning myself and only now realize how severe this was. I was too exhausted mentally to understand the gravity of it.

I. Would. Have. Died.

And no one was there to rescue me. I had to rescue myself. No one should have to do that. I should never have been put on those drugs in the first place. I should have had access to Google and be able to research the drug before agreeing. I couldn’t have consented, because I didn’t have access to vital information that would have affected my choice. I should have been given fucking antidepressants, not tranquilizers.

Idk where i’m going with this. Please if you’re reading this, never take benzos recreationally.

[lightningqueen11]

Sometimes I think my therapist was very wrong and I do, in fact, have ADHD and maybe knowing that fact for certain and getting access to ways to manage it would help a lot actually.

"Oh *****'s such a gifted child, she's very smart and answers all the teacher's questions. There's no way something could possibly be different about her!"

Then the years go by and I get worse and worse in class as teachers start assigning homework and projects but it can't be any sort of neurodivergence because '***** was always such a smart child, she's clearly just not putting in the effort anymore.'

I barely take care of myself because doing things like brushing my teeth or taking a shower or cleaning my room don't... Make me feel accomplished in any way, they just make me feel like I wasted my time and now my mouth tastes like mint and I can't eat or I'm all cold and wet or my stuff is just going to get taken back out anyway. It's probably depression or an anxiety disorder, let's give her some medicine for that.

The medicine helps me with some mild mood swings, but those become a non-issue when I'm out of school and the effort put in driving to the pharmacy and refilling my prescription just isn't worth it anymore.

I should probably go to the doctor, the dentist, the optometrist, but I really don't feel like scheduling an appointment right now, it can wait until my schedule's more free. Then my schedule gets more free and I forget because I always do unless the problem is right in front of me. There's a crack in the ceiling of my room that I should probably tell my parents about but I kept forgetting until my dad walked into my room and saw the crack himself.

Is something wrong with me? Or am I just lazy?

My therapist was probably right. I don't have ADHD, I'm just not putting in the effort.

[heatlightning-mp3]

got officially diagnosed with sepsis yesterday and just got discharged. i have three more days of bactrim and im still extremely symptomatic and ill but i guess their concern, like always recently, is resistance. they wouldn't even let me get another fluid bolus - the attending said that it wasn't necessary and would probably cause fluid build up in my lungs. i haven't been able to drink even a cup of water today but since my labs don't show dehydration they just don't care. i am tired! i have been almost fully bedbound for weeks and housebound since december other than medical appointments, the hospital, and the pharmacy and i am so, so, SO tired. just trying to hold on and stay optimistic when you know that the people who can help you won't. and i can't even access the people willing to because of wait lists and insurance and everything else. my interim pcp sent me a message yesterday apologizing and telling me that she doesn't know how to help me. i have done every single thing that i can, called so many doctors for availability, but it still isn't enough. but we stay silly, right? always have and always will. somehow. at least im not alone anymore so that's something 💜

its going to be okay somehow. its going to be worth it. it has to be.

[ghostofasecretary]

[placeholder, to be filled with more goals later] list

Monday plots:

- (Mon) call that one guy and see if you can become a New Patient (i hate everything) (i don't WANNA) (i do want reliable access to meds 2k25 so. UGH. FINE. GOD) (find office phone number, that's step number 1)

- (Mon) update finances spreadsheet

- (Mon) write cards MONDAY? correspondence, something like "Dear [Name], Happy New Year! I hope you had a peaceful and restful holiday season, and I hope 2025 brings you exciting opportunities and joy. All best, Ghost" is fine

- (Mon) walk cards to post office; also check in re: the fucking "locker" (9400 140 2023 71 001 476 469) (got follow up step for later)

- (Mon) rinse off, shampoo hair

- okay. well. The Guy does not exist (or at least i could not find them) so i'm back to finding a new guy. have a list. gotta decide if i want a psych or pcp; if i trusted the pcp i could theoretically knock out my pap smear with them but this would require me to trust the pcp, so. that seems. unlikely. i trust psychs more than normal doctors for whatever reason. so maybe go with the psychs? but also my last visit with my pcp was March so i WILL run out of refills from that guy in the next three months and DO need a pcp. uuuuuuuuugh. let's...call that pcp office and check c 1pm. next available isn't till mid July! try another guy

- (Mon) make pumpkin bread to share with fremb

- (Mon) sort out Polluted Yarn

- (Mon) hang with J Monday afternoon (2ish) <- solidify plans, send text (done Sat night, Sun morning)

- (Mon) get that jump ring measurement to J for 3d printing so you can fix that cami

- (Mon) what am i gonna make Monday to eat Tues/maybe Wends for work lunch. tofu curry! yum! nice

- (Mon) eat leftover dal + broccoli

- do limited amount of lesson planning. like. more than zero not more than two

- nutrition spreadsheet

food:

- (1/13? 1/14?) use up last two bananas

- make pumpkin seed granola to give yourself more snacky foods

- (try granola bars with dates????)

- (Sun 19) wash blue shirt

(Sun 19) wash clothes:

- (Sun 19) wash misc clothing

- (Sun 19) wash gold sweater

- (Sun 19) wash another sweater

med quest:

- call hospital pharmacies re: med availability

- see about dental etc care here

- call lgbt friendly pcp providers

""Ghost's academic life:""

- poetry (1) type edits to t1, 2) type edits to t2, 3) type draft of M, 4) work on M and/or R (1/10/25), 5) do new smooth English translation (your fav song, that one) + send, 6) set + confirm meeting time)

- new poems! yay!!

- uh. class on Friday??? fuck my lifeeeeeeeeee (or let me rework my priorities)

- i really need to like. do a general Arabic grammar review

- and get back into Anki for Persian

mending:

- coral house skirt mending

- pj pant hem maintenance (coral hole, grey hem)

- preventative-ish darning/reinforcement of every canvas bag you own

- (Sun 19) repair main slip

- hem blue pants so you can actually wear them

- sew strap covers onto green dress

dreams:

- haircut nice for Ghost brain good of long Ghost neck

- could i grow herbs in my room? cilantro (and maybe mint, if controllable, which. it's mint) would be ideal

(Sat 18) plant green onion sprouts

- any free performances in my area? try to go See More Live Art

- give yourself more knitting time

list items 1/2/24 in blue

outfits 2024

outfit spreadsheet?? meh

meal plan for Being Cheap

free grocery store

make list of food banks to explore

1/7/25 list leftovers in purple

"contact" "people" for your ""career""

sort papers for real and not just for fake

make a scarf for A with the other yarn?

bonus Arabic reading practice (prolly not gonna happen)

list items 1/12/25 in black

done list (min. 1 day ago):

- (Fri) change sheets + wash sheets & apron

- (Sat) game with friends

- (Sat) 2025 Calendar

- (Sat) start yogurt making (finish tomorrow (Sun) 7:45am)

- (Sat) roast squash seeds

- (Sat) make banana bread with 3/5 bananas

- (Sat) turn mint skein into a yarn ball

- (Sat) call M

- (Sat) refill meds for the week

- (Sun) job paperwork

- (Sun) request anticonvulsants from doc

- (Sun) clean toilet, bathtub

- (Sun) attempt once again to destain/deep clean bathroom walls and floor boards

- (Sun) repair coat pockets

- (Sun) repair coat lining hem

- (Sun) groceries (stay under $30! thoughts: i would love peanuts and dried apricots but. strugglier items for budget, so select produce (+ milk?) first. sweet potato!! more broccoli/leafy greens. carrots and onions in bags if available. tomatoes, obvs. good on ginger for the next week. could buy an onion bag to cut up + freeze some extras for future use, which could save on future bills. also remember food pantries Are An Option To Explore) (well. got apricots and peanuts AND paper towels which took me over $30 but once my roommates pay me back for their share it should only be over by, like, 4 cents)

- (Sun) help roommate out a minimal amount. or for. two hours, of course i took two hours, fuck me

- (Sun) TIMECARD

- (Sun) MAINTENANCE REQUEST FOR BEEPING. GAH. text housemate for advice (Sat) it's on the rent portal, cool, you can do this

- (Sun) CANCEL OBGYN APPT (call tomorrow even tho closed b/c insurance bs)

- (Sun) make tofu + broccoli with peanut sauce. or spiced broccoli + tofu curry? need to use broccoli first and also eat spinach soon. or just cook broccoli! fine!

- (Sun) see what MS texted (re: med advice?)

- (Sun) ask group chat for rubbing alcohol/hairspray/acetone to try on coral skirt marker stains!! (also J + A) (can you borrow from someone)

- (Sun) wash another slip

- (Sun) leisure items: knit, drink tea, finish Jenny Nicholson video, new Cult Flav, check out some cookbooks to browse

[tophealthyreview12]

ED Gummies: Because Who Knew Getting It Up" Could Be This Sweet?

So let's discuss something everyone knows exists but nobody actually wants to talk about: erectile dysfunction (ED). That's the awkward topic nobody wants to discuss but is experienced more often than you imagine. And here's the thing: if you are experiencing it, you're far from alone.

But here's the catch – there is a solution that could be a little less …. "awkward doctor visit and a bit more "delicious candy – ED Gummies.

Yes, you read it right. Gummies. No, they are not magic, and they will not, like some other things we have been assured by a bottle of magic water will do, turn you into a superhero overnight (sadly), but these little guys might just be the help that kick ED to the curb, all while satisfying that sweet tooth of yours.

 What Are ED Gummies?

Imagine your favorite gummy candy, but with a twist-these aren't for just any snack break. ED Gummies are packed full of natural ingredients like L-arginine, ginseng, and maca root, which have been known to help improve blood flow and general sexual health. In other words, they might give you a little boost when things aren't quite. up to speed. ????

Best part? No need for you to cope with the large, awkward pill bottle or prescription slips. These gummies are discreet, easy to take in, and-most importantly-the best: tasty. It's like you're doing something good for yourself as you were indulging in some treat.

 Why Try ED Gummies?

The benefit: They taste good. No more bitter pills to be swallowed down. Now, you can just pop one-or a few-and be done and out for the day, knowing you're working on your health without making a chore of it.

ED Gummies, on the other hand, are quite discreet. You never have to explain why you're taking a gummy. No shame, no embarrassment—just quickly pop that gummy into your mouth and take off. It's basically your secret confidence booster –don't tell anybody.

 Do They Really Work?

Truth be told, these gummies aren't going to do miracles. But hey, they can help you out. It's all about consistency. Just like with everything else in life, you don't get those overnight results, right? You're not going to walk out of the gym with a six-pack after one gym session (though, if you can, please share your secrets). ED Gummies are best taken when used regularly, and many users report feeling more confident and seeing improvements over time. It's almost like building a foundation for a stronger, healthier you-one gummy at a time.

 The Pros:

Easy: No pills to choke down, no uncomfortable doctor appointments. Just a simple gummy.

Natural: L-arginine and ginseng are natural, so you know you are not piling into some weird chemicals.

Delicious: Honestly who doesn't love gummies? It is like sneaking in some health with a little sweetness.

Discreet: Pop in a gummy, and nobody has to know what you are really up to.

 The Cons:

Does Not Work Overnight: These aren't overnight fixes. You're not going from zero to hero in five minutes, but that is fine.

Not for everyone: Results are varying; it does not work the same for everyone. Some men see progress; others not so much.

Costly: High-quality ED gummies may cost a little more; still, worth it if you can avoid all the awkward pharmacy trips.

 Final Words:

Easy, natural, and slightly tasty, at the end of it all, ED Gummies help your body out a little. Is everything now going to be dandy? Heck no. But it might just give you that little nudge when things aren't working the way they used to. And who doesn't want a little confidence back, right?

So, if you have ED and are searching for stealthy, efficacious, and yes—sophisticated—solutions, then these gummies might be worth a try. Chances are they won't make you a superhero, but hey, they might just make you a little more. super.

Hope it works well for your post on Tumblr! It's light, fun, and accessible yet facetious and wittingly funny-let me know if you need any changes!

[funkaloid]

I love the Mario franchise. It was the first thing that got into gaming in the first place along side from a game featuring a certain blue hedgehog.

The first game I ever owned and beaten was super Mario 3-D land on the 3DS

But I’m sure you just came here for my dear for an AU and not my history with the Mario franchise

The only reason I told you all of this was because I’ve been seeing so many fan AUs of fundamental paper education and I wanted a piece of that AU pie

They started all with this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/FundamentalPaperEdu/s/gqJVPDdXS0

It was just meant to be a simple drawing of Luigi saving Abbie’s life

Originally it was just meant to be that and nothing more just a one off thing

But then the idea started to grow, and it kept growing

And it kept going

Next thing you know, I’ve been brainstorming many ideas

So I guess it’s about time we talk about the AU itself And what exactly it is

So AU itself is basically a bit of a mixture of different Mario continuities specifically the mainline titles and the Mario & Luigi series Also, a few of the spinoffs

(not every single spinoff but i actually have plans for those later)

For some reason, Mario and Luigi decided to become teachers at the school

Why???

Well, you see

[REDACTED]

And that’s pretty much why they are teachers at the school

Mario would be a computer lab teacher. His reasoning is that since we become a bit more reliant on technology nowadays he feels it would be best if the students would learn how to type more efficiently

Luigi would be a geography teacher he would teach the students about the word map and unfamiliar parts of the world. In this case, I guess multiple words.

One brainstorming this idea I also came up with a few ideas for the other characters

Like the toads doing various jobs at the school like janitors or cafeteria workers maybe even security with Captain toad

For Wario and Waluigi, I figured it’d be a pretty funny if they were the gym teachers of the school

Now you’d think it’d be a bad idea for them to be teachers and you would be right, but not for the reasons you think

I don’t think they’d be abusive to the students (only the other staff members (and what I mean that I just mean with Mario and Luigi))

But they would obviously not be considered nice teachers if anything they’re just a new middle ground type group of teachers

And they’re teaching methods would just boil down to: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTFaHQWPB/

Not every Mario spinoff fits into this school AU, but they actually do have a place do have a place here!

FPE already has a ton of AU

And with Mario seemingly having a ton of continuities, we can put different Marios $ Luigis from different continuities into these AU

AUs of AUs

Like Dr. Mario being in the science AU (basics and behavior green)

Nintendo had already confirmed that dr. Mario isn’t a legit doctor, but I assume you know some thing about science considering that he’s given access to pills unless we got those from the pharmacy

(But then again, Miss Grace still allowed three murderers teachers to teacher at the school so at that point anything goes really)

In the danger AU

(basics in behavior red)

We could have the Mario and Luigi from the Mario movie where instead of them willingly becoming teachers they were mostly just roped into something that involve them having to work at this military school

And that’s pretty much it for my Super Mario x fundamental paper, education, crossover, AU If you couldn’t tell already, I haven’t fully thought this through but I had so much fun making this brainstorming ideas and sharing them with you all honestly, if you guys have any ideas on where I should take this next feel free to share!

I have no idea where this AU is going next, but I’m happy to let it keep growing.Thank you so much for reading this and I hope you have a nice day <3 (or night. Whatever time zone you live in :) )

[mikuhats]

If u dont mind the question was it difficult to get on T? Like was the process long or tricky? Ive been thinking abt going on it once im an adult but idk what to expect. And i live in CA if dats relevant info

State is definitely relevant, but seeing as california is generally trans friendly I don't think it's too much of a worry in this case? Me personally, I live in PA, which is pretty neutral (if vaguely progressive) on trans stuff. For me it was a pretty easy process. I looked up planned parenthoods near me and chose the one with the best reviews (also keep in mind not all of them offer HRT when you're looking) and I called them and said I wanted to set up an appointment to talk about getting prescribed testosterone . Going forward I'm going to talk about my process with PP, but if you don't have access to a PP, I truly have no advice on what to expect when bringing this up with a general doctor or anyone else . You can do in an person appointment or telehealth, but for me I did a telehealth since it was the only way I could go forward with the appointment at the day I wanted it to be. Now the next part is HEAVILY dependent on the doctor you end up seeing and the insurance you have (if you go the route of co-paying the medication), because some doctors & insurances are more picky . My doctor was willing to prescribe me testosterone immediately without much question, my insurance didn't want anything extra, and I'm very grateful for that . This next part is a lot of second hand information I've gathered from A Lot Of Research before I actually made any appointment, but other doctors might want you to be very direct about your being trans & needing to be on T, some might put you on a wait list, and some insurances might require you to be diagnosed with something or other before they're willing to pay for your medication . In general I would say it's very important to look up how exactly your specific insurance goes about covering HRT & trans healthcare as a whole . PP appointments and testosterone in general can get pretty expensive without any coverage, so it's important to be prepared for this if you have none. Assuming that's all go then the appointment itself should quite simple, in my case it was basically just answering normal cursory questions, asking me what I wanted out of testosterone, and asking what route I wanted to go for administering it (if you choose injection they will ask you what method you prefer & in my case they prescribed me the needles I needed as well) . If they prescribe it, you will have to do bloodwork before you can actually have the prescription sent over to the pharmacy . That's about all I can think of to mention... Sorry this is very long , I just figured the more detail would be helpful. My experience was not that hard, the initial appointment wasn't even very long honestly, so I hope in your case it is easy too 🙏

[taravali-the-service-pup]

Puppy Adventure Checklist

Check your state laws to see if they cover public access rights for owner-trained SDiT. Some stores are pet friendly but always check with your local stores bc many vary by location.

Home Improvement Store w/ Garden Center // Lowe’s / Home Depot / Menards / Ace Hardware / Sutherlands /

Department Store // Home Goods / At Home / Kohls / Ross / Burlington / Marshals / TJ Max / Old Navy / Macys / Dillards / JC Penny

Tool Store // Harbor Freight Tools / Northern Tool & Equipment / Clark’s Tools & Equipment / O’Reilly Auto Parts / Advanced Auto Parts / Auto Zone

Craft Store // Michael’s / JoAnn Fabrics / Hobby Lobby / Blick Art Materials / Paper Source

Book Stores // Barns & Nobel / Books A Million / Half Price Books / Public Library

Tech Stores // Best Buy / GameStop / Office Depot / Office Max / Staples

Sporting Goods // Academy / Bass Pro Shop / Dicks Sporting Goods / Scheels

Misc Quick Trips // hotel lobbies / car wash / pharmacy / gas station / USPS, FedEx, UPS, DHL / hospital parking lot & lobby / car, boat, RV dealership

Outdoor Locations // public playgrounds / accessible playgrounds / outdoor gyms / outdoor pools / parks with ponds, lakes or fountains / tennis & basketball courts / skate parks /

Beauty Supply Store // I personally don’t feel comfortable bringing a SDiT into a store with very strong smells. It’s overwhelming for me so I’m sure it’s very uncomfortable for them. I also avoid the isles with laundry detergent or bug killer of other stores for the same reason.

Grocery Stores // We wait until we have solid public access skills before we tackle places that sell a lot of food. Our grocery stores of choice are: Costco, Target and Sprouts. The HyVee & ALDIs in our city have tight isles that make it difficult to maneuver and get space as needed so I generally don’t go there until more advanced in public access. I personally avoid Walmart 100% of the time.

Other places too advanced for a young puppy include: museums, zoos, arcades, movie theaters, doctor appointments and any other place that is either too distracting/intimidating, you can’t leave immediately if your puppy gets overwhelmed or if the stakes are too high if something goes wrong.

[redlegumes]

Little Monster Chapter 2:

On AO3

"His identity was secure. Not only secure but envied. However, Steve was beginning to feel deeply lonely. The past few years of high school he'd been propelled by goals to further his transition, remain stealth. Now that he'd secured what anyone could describe as success, there wasn't even a friend he could celebrate with. There was no one in his life he could share his fears or worries with let alone the successes."

Steve Harrington finds and loses love, finishes high school stealth, and is pulled into the mysteries and horrors of the Upside Down. (Transpires over the events of Stranger Things Seasons 1-3)

CHAPTER AFTER THE CUT IS MATURE 18+

Notes:

A lot of CW's for this chapter, trying to cover my bases.

I'd say I hope the warnings don't discourage you from reading, but they're literally here so people can make informed choices about the entertainment they're consuming. So please read the warnings.

CW: Mild homophobia, parental transphobia, mild internalized transphobia, canon based underaged sexual history discussed as well as high school aged Steve and Nancy sex talk (mature but not explicit), brief bully Billy Hargrove appearance, high school locker room verbal bullying/homophobia, Steve Harrington has bad parents, verbal abuse, disownment

Turning sixteen meant Steve secured a driver's license with his gender and name, thanks to his birth certificate being handled when it was. It also meant testosterone, thanks to his doctor in Chicago that he checked in with virtually. Steve was set up with a prescription and tracked down an online pharmacy that would ship it directly to the house. He didn't mind the needle aspect, it felt like a small price to pay for what he received in exchange. The bottom growth alone was so satisfying. Packers were fine and all, his prosthetics helped immensely, but having his own body shift closer to what he knew it should be was gratifying in ways he couldn't express. But of course there wasn't anyone to share his euphoria with either.

Steve was grateful for what his parent’s money afforded him and his access to medication, but he couldn't tell them that. They only wanted to see him in a tidy little gender box. He was their son, and he 'should be able to manage and maintain that identity' without slipping in the slightest. If anything, as soon as he received the car keys to the BMW it felt as though they were pulling away. Chip and Mitzi Harrington spent more and more time in Indianapolis, and when they were home, the pressure on Steve to present as the perfect son had a whiplash effect on him. One moment he was meant not to care about their frequent abandonment and the next he was expected to treat them as though they'd hung the moon.

Steve started to feel it wasn't his parent's good opinion of him that he needed, it'd never truly been. They weren't going to suddenly love and support him, no matter what hurdles he overcame, the hoops he jumped through. They weren't going to give him more of their time or consideration.

Steve's priorities shifted.

He could use his money and lack of supervision to his advantage. Steve's life alone, at home when his folks were away, didn't need to be a living mausoleum. He could get love and attention from his friends. While he couldn't completely squash that desire to get his parent's acceptance, this would do, and once he started, they didn't even seem to notice. He was fully integrated in the Hawkins High School power dynamic. Whether or not he passed was no longer worry number one. He now had to worry about other incidents. For example, how fast an ambitious sophomore, Cynthia Evans, tried to get her hand down his pants after baseball practice.

Steve liked girls. They were soft. He'd never noticed, before going on T, just how much softer they felt. They smelled lovely too. He found femininity on someone else wasn't a turn off at all. There was something affirming in the differences he clearly saw and felt between himself and female partners. They were foreign yet familiar, the paradox lightly plaguing him as he began to date around. Dating was part of the popularity deal. It also afforded him a little more leeway with his own identity. Steve cared about his hair and clothes obviously because he was a lady killer, not a 'homo' with feminine tendencies that he feared would one day be some sort of smoking gun that outed him.

Though, he still noticed guys.

Men were exciting in a different way. Certain traits, a muscle or light pattern of chest hair, these things drew Steve in beyond just gender envy. But even if he could keep his trans status secret while coming out as bisexual, there'd be no understanding from his folks. Despite the internet and TV show representations becoming more frequent, being bisexual wasn't much of an option around Hawkins. Steve knew if he dated a dude he'd be seen as gay with all the casual homophobia that came with it. He hadn't encountered a girl he wanted to reveal his genital situation to. Being bisexual and having to reveal his bottom bits to a guy? It seemed like a reality he wasn't going to live. General consensus was that it was easier to be a straight, cis dude, and Steve was inclined to agree.

So instead, there was some closeted experimentation. A few cocks sucked in a few locker rooms. Steve found his hookups perfectly content when he asked them not to reciprocate or touch him.

Girls worked similarly. Steve knew all the spots to park in or walk to with a picnic blanket. Sometimes it was just the sweet intimacy in kissing, feeling so adored, desired. But often there was a push for more, and Steve obliged if they did things his way. Nowhere else in his life did he feel as 'in control' then he did in the back seat of his car, with a pair of thighs trembling around his head.

He cycled through dates, getting off the prettiest girls in school, and he did it well enough that the rumors were all praise. No one brought up his avoidance to press his partners for his own climax, and Steve encouraged any whispers that implied he had gotten it. He wasn't struggling with a complete lack of self satisfaction. He found a select few packers that allowed him to really benefit just by rutting against another's body.

It all worked. His identity was secure. Not only secure but envied. However, Steve was beginning to feel deeply lonely. The past few years of high school he'd been propelled by goals to further his transition, remain stealth. Now that he'd secured what anyone could describe as success, there wasn't even a friend he could celebrate with. There was no one in his life he could share his fears or worries with let alone the successes. He had a community, but it began to remind him of paper mache. There was no solid core, only pretty paper that could all melt away.

...

Then came Nancy Wheeler.

Steve was seventeen and he finally felt secure enough. Ready. Ready to let someone see him, know him, perhaps even his story. Nancy was thoughtful and kind. And Steve wanted to… he wanted to do more with her than what he'd done with others. She was so smart. So much smarter than Steve, and yet he could get her flustered, make her blush, and make her smile.

He started to let his guard down around Nancy. He let a lot of the persona he'd developed fade while hanging with her. He didn't need to keep it up like he did with Tommy, his 'best' friend. The bitchy quips and asshole brush offs were designed to keep people from getting too comfortable, to keep himself a little superior, separated, safe. With Nance, he wanted her to press, to touch, and ask. He was ready to answer.

…

He ended up being the one with questions.

Steve climbed up the front of the Wheeler house and in, through the window of Nancy's room, one night. Predictably, she was studying. They'd been not quite 'dating' for a little while… and unlike his other relationships, Steve wanted this one to go further. He wanted more. He wanted it to last.

The night started with helping Nancy study. Steve soon shook his head with laughter as it became clear she knew the subject matter, front and back. Nance was more than prepared for her test the next morning. They were both reclined on either ends of her bed and it struck Steve as though everything was comforting, soft. The lighting, the furnishings, even Nancy's shrewd yet shy smile…

"You know I want to do more with you, Nance," he said, not quite sure how else to word it.

"More than study?" She giggled, raising a manicured eyebrow.

"I normally..." He fidgeted with the flashcards before setting them down. Steve thought he'd mastered moving past nervousness. Guess this situation is different. Well, no reward without risk. "I don't open myself up to a lot of people. I don't actually, um do more than what we've been up to."

Nancy moved a hand out towards him. "Steve, it's okay… you don't have to-"

"-No. I really do. I want for it to be us. For there to be an us? You're not like the other girls."

Nancy's lips twisted into a small, curt smile as she looked away from him, the blush on her cheeks deepening. "Oh my God. Don't say it like that."

"Hah." Steve felt a grin spread over his own face, and he leaned toward her. "I mean you're really special. You Nancy, you make me want more, make me feel like we could have more."

"I think. I think I'd like that." Her eyes snapped back to him as her smile grew wider. "Could be really nice, being an 'us.'"

Steve breathed out a big sigh of relief. His happiness, over Nancy seemingly being on the same page, barely tempered his anxiety transferring to his next confession. Steve swallowed and looked into her sharp blue eyes. "Hey. So, I feel like there's something you ought to know. Something only my parents know about, but I trust you. I don't… believe that you would hurt me with it, if I tell you."

"Steve?" Nancy reached out and this time took his hand. She squeezed it lightly. "I would never knowingly try to hurt you. Sometimes you can be sort of an asshole jock." Steve laughed nervously. "But I wouldn't turn your secrets against you."

He nodded. She truly had such beautiful eyes. Steve stared at the shifting, gentle waters of her gaze and found his center.

"Nancy, I'm trans." The words sounded distant when he spoke them.

Nancy's eyes widened. They flashed over his body and then back up to his face. Her brow furrowed, but she didn't let go of his hand. "Steve, I. Thank you I. I really appreciate that you told me."

Woah, I did it. Wow, okay. "Now you know," he said meekly, building back up the courage to say what he'd wanted to. "I'm serious about you Nancy. If this is a deal breaker... I need to know."

"No!" She looked as surprised as he assumed he did at the speed of her reply. "No, actually I'm good with this. I, I said I was ready to do more. I don't have an issue with the fact that you're, you," she said, squeezing his hand again and glancing down his body. "I mean, seems like some of your parts might just be more familiar to me than what I was expecting."

His mind went blank with the unexpected acceptance. He was so awestruck he couldn't think but to ask, "how would you… would you want to?" He trailed off in a daze, and Nancy leaned forward to give him a sweet kiss on the lips. Steve had thought it out before but now it was real. "I've got the means to do it the y'know, 'classic' way. If you want."

"The classic way Steve? That makes it sound like I'm ordering a burger."

They laughed together and Steve felt lighter. "We can talk more later if you need time, it's no rush."

"Maybe. I think right now I'd like to kiss you again."

…

The days that followed their first time were confusing to say the least. Steve saw Nancy repeatedly with Jonathan. He took stalker shots of her from the woods behind his house! Steve tried not to even think about what could have happened if he had stood in his window that night. Byers didn't strike him as the type to 'out' somebody, but Steve was angry, scared. He finally opened up, just for it to all come crumbling down? Had Nancy been so disgusted by him that she had to run out and get biodick to erase the memory of his store bought member? Jealousy filled his head and hurt grew in his chest. Tommy and Carol were gleefully ready to turn on Nancy Wheeler after hearing that Steve may have been cheated on. It felt like friendship when they defaced buildings downtown, when they encouraged Steve and Jonathan to fight.

But even in the face of Steve's petty friends, magnifying his hurt, Nancy was true to her word. She didn't reveal his secret and she denied wrongdoing.

Would anyone in his life take that level of character assault and not lash back at him? Use any perceivable weakness to wound him? Later, Steve only wished that Jonathan hadn't had to beat his face in for him to get it. All his fears of discovery, betrayal, loss of the popularity that he'd clung to, believing it was his shield. Those relationships weren't an ounce of what he could have with Nancy. And someday maybe with others? He could have people in his life who really cared for him.

Steve broke with his old friends, cleaned graffiti, and sought after Nancy Wheeler.

The demogorgon adequately summed up why she'd acted so odd.

...

He and Nancy were good for a while after that, finding comfort in one another, and then it began to fall apart. Steve loved her, and she couldn't say it back. He tried to cope with her over Barb's death, but their methods weren't the same. Steve wanted to swallow the sadness and try to move on. Nancy wanted retribution, and a small vengeance. When she set out to find that closure, she didn't seek Steve's aid.

Steve wished that was the summary of his senior year troubles, but then Billy Hargrove came to town.

…

Hargrove had joined the basketball team. He was fresh from California, one of those high school guys who was plainly built like a full adult. His play style was aggressive, and the first practice he joined after making the team he dedicated to shoving Steve around. Steve's game on the court wasn't what it had been. Swimming and his swing at the batting cages were fine, but basketball… Steve now shied from contact heavy plays. His doctor had warned him about concussions after he mentioned a few 'falls' he'd taken that past year during his last check in.

However, Billy seemed determined. It was typical 'prison yard' mentality: establish dominance by beating the best. Steve had been the 'king,' and Billy appeared to hunger for the discarded crown.

After that practice, Steve changed into his swim suit in the locker room handicap stall like he normally did. He was ready for a couple laps in the pool after the mild humiliation on the court.

The locker room was still fairly full when Steve headed toward the pool exit; unfortunately, the crowd included Billy. He was showering and called out loudly enough that it echoed on the tiles, over the shower's spray. "So this 'king Steve' I've been hearing so much about is fucking allowed, flaunting even, that weird ass, full body thing." Billy sneered and shut off the shower head, stalking nude right up to Steve. "How'd you even swim like that man?"

"What, have you never seen a full body speedo? You wanna Google 'men's fastsuit' or do you just never watch Olympic coverage." Steve had defended himself before, but then it had always come with a degree of expectation. Naked Billy ranked high in unnerving and unexpected. He was far too close. Power move bullshit, Steve realized, grimacing. "Man, you don't have to like it and my performance proves it's not an issue, so." Steve moved to sidestep Billy but found himself blocked.

"Sure. You knoooow I'm wondering if you aren't just too self conscious Steve-o. Maybe you just need help with it, huh?" Billy snapped Steve's shoulder strap to punctuate his point.

Steve's skin began to buzz. There was definitely an undercurrent to the hostility in Billy's voice. One he didn't like.

Fuck.

Before he could truly panic, his teammate Brian spoke up, cutting the tension. "Dude, lay off. We need Steve. He's a solid player. Don't fuck with him like that."

"Really?" Billy stepped away, and grabbed a towel. "You pussies all agree?"

Steve was grateful to see the team members still in the locker shoot Billy looks that confirmed just that. Billy's gaze eventually landed on Tommy who had excitedly become Billy's bootlicker since the start of the school year.

For the first time since their friendship's explosive ending in the parking lot, Tommy didn't dig at Steve. He shrugged and mostly mumbled his reply. "We've all got our shit. Besides, I'm not gonna force a dude out of his swimsuit with a bunch of other guys in the locker room showers man. No one's gonna buy that's not some gay shit right there."

"No homo," another player called out from in back to a smattering of laughter. Billy dropped it.

Apart from the harassment 'dick looking ' at the urinals received, Steve found few instances where he was grateful for homophobia. That moment ranked.

...

His parents never asked him about the injuries, the bruising, or the scars that formed after. Though his mother once stopped him, offering cryptic advice concerning vitamin E, shirts that covered arms for all seasons, and make up tips for covering sections of 'damaged' skin.

Steve often wondered just what they thought had happened to him. Not that he volunteered any information. Not like he really could. Steve could tell it made them uncomfortable, even more adverse to his company. He only had the vague outlines of what they expected him to do after high school, but he'd begun to grow anxious about it after college rejection letters started to show up in the mail.

Nance had tried her best to help him, but his sports achievements weren't enough to balance out his piss poor grades. Steve graduated without any acceptance offers from a four year university. He absently wondered if the hits to the head over the years had anything to do with it, or worse (in his own opinion), his mental health.

Steve resigned himself to the fact that there would be no Harrington graduation party. After he walked across the stage and pulled his tassel to one side, he followed his parent's car home. Once the door to the house shut behind them all, his father began a tirade.

"This is ridiculous! The trouble, the cost, to keep your reckless 'identity choice' from scandalizing every friend and colleague our family has and now, no real college would take you?" The indignation was rich coming from his father. He'd never even suggested a specific school Steve should aim for, let alone help with applications. "Do you expect us to stay here another year? Hawkins," he spat out the name. "No. We're leaving this pointless little town. You are taking any office job I can get for you at the firm. This is what I get for giving you carte blanche you ungrateful shit," his father muttered. "I'm done being 'Mr. Nice Guy.'"

Steve's hand clenched as the words bounced around his mind like a pinball machine. "...that's what the last 18 years were? Nice? You barely speak to me. Here I've been grateful you rarely misgender me. No wonder. When was the last time you actually talked to me? If we don't count screaming, I can't remember. The move here was always about you. I would've stayed in Chicago. I wasn't the one who needed to hide who I am. That was always you two!" His eyes fluttered over his mother, including her in his address. He didn't raise his voice. He couldn't bear the thought of mimicking his father that way. "You signed my name change and gender indicator paperwork so others would think you didn't have some freak for a son. I look every inch like your son, so I better at least play that role for you? Look at the car you bought so you didn't have to drive me to practices or pick me up. You're moving?" Steve pushed out another clipped question. "When's the last time you were living here?"

"You're done." Chip Harrington's fist shook, his index finger pointing at Steve. "We're done. You're cut off. This is the last straw. You've rejected all we've tried to give you from your first name to a chance at a future. You disgust me. I want you gone by the time I'm done with work tomorrow."

The declarations and demand didn't fill him with anger. It only made him feel drained. It dawned on Steve that he'd fought to hold up his parents' approval of him and now he couldn't do it anymore. He let it slip away. His care for their opinion was gone. It wasn't a triumphant moment but it sure as hell wasn't a sad one.

…

Steve packed his things.

He didn't want to call Nancy, but he wasn't really sure what he was going to do. Hawkins was too small to have too much in the way of homeless youth resources, and he genuinely didn't want to leave Hawkins; it'd become home. His kids were still there, and he'd learned that they rarely stayed safe. He couldn't abandon them…

So he loaded the beamer with the documents and possessions he could claim entirely as his and got a job at the new mall. He pawned and sold clothes, shoes, and watches to scrounge up enough for rent and a deposit. Steve realized there was a new problem. Who would rent to him? Eighteen years old, no credit score, working minimum wage… disowned…

Steve finally broke down and called the only adult he thought could help: Jim Hopper.

He hadn't known what to expect when what was essentially a gruff acquaintance answered after three rings.

Hopper's first question was if Steve was safe.

"I move the car around to different spots each night. I know the public pool staff, so I go in early to shower there."

Hopper exhaled heavily. "How long have you been living out of the car?"

"Just a couple of weeks..."

"Moving the car regularly, that was smart kid." He sighed again. "Okay, we're gonna get you set up to find some section eight housing. You're going to qualify…" Hopper began before detailing all the assistance Steve did have available to him.

…

Hopper met him later that day to look at places with him. He cosigned on an apartment and helped Steve out with his truck, thrifting necessary furniture and basic cookware. Hopper asked once if Steve wanted the others to know, mentioning they'd want to help. Steve insisted Hopper's help was enough. Beyond enough. Steve had no idea how he could begin to thank him. The apartment rental had required a background check. The background check required Steve's previous name. Hopper saw. He knew and nothing changed.

After Steve was set up with necessities, Hop hugged him, and they never spoke of it again.

...

Steve's job slinging ice cream at Scoops Ahoy was going fine, but he hadn't really 'bounced back.' His flirting attempts fell flat. He was grateful that his slump hadn't affected his relationships with the kids. At least he still kept in touch with them. He even had a co-worker who, for the first time since Nancy, would make him feel safe. He realized he could be himself with her, without having to guard any part of his identity. Unfortunately, this breakthrough came after more Upside Down fuckery and the Russian military. Literally the Russian military in Hawkins, IN.

Robin Buckley aided their ever-growing trauma-family and was rewarded the same way they all were: psychological and physical injury and eventually a non-disclosure agreement from the government.

She'd revealed her closeted truth to him. They were still loopy, on the public bathroom floor nearest the mall's movie theater, but no longer in an actively drugged state. Whatever 'truth serum,' chemical cocktail the Russian doctors injected them with, in an attempt to get them to reveal that they worked for someone other than Scoops Ahoy, had been yacked out. Robin told him of her frustration at Steve in high school. Girls fawned over him, and she felt she'd never have even one notice her.

Steve was in awe of Robin, supporting him, fighting to keep the kids safe, and now that trust. In return, Steve worked to make her smile, make her laugh. He'd definitely fallen for Robin but even he knew, could feel, that it was a different love than what he'd known for Nancy. Closer to what he felt for the kids.

I know there are supposed to be different types of love. I just dunno what this one is supposed to be called.

A 'mall fire' was the cover story for the Mindflayer's victims, the Russian madness, and, to everyone's horror, Hopper's death. Robin's parents picked her up from the emergency vehicles as did the rest of the kids' families, after being checked out by government agents. Even El bittersweetly had someone to take her home. A contingency plan few had known about made it so Joyce Byers now had custody of 'Jane Hopper.'

Hop was gone and everyone else had homes… families to return to. Steve was almost grateful that the EMTs said he needed to stay a night at the hospital under supervision. They'd determined he'd suffered another concussion. The news was practically a relief. Steve didn't have to haul himself back to his empty, one bedroom apartment yet.

'Hawkins lab' took care of the bill for Steve's treatment. He absently realized if they hadn't been aware of his medical history, they probably were now. Hopefully, there'd be no ramifications from the sketchy government types if he came to deal with them in the future. It seemed likely. The terrors of the Upside Down didn't feel far away. The scale of the Mindflayer gripped Steve's heart with an icy fear for the future villains they might face, seeping up from the 'other Hawkins.' Beings that seemed to be increasing in intelligence and purpose.

When Steve was released from Hawkins Memorial Hospital, he plugged his phone into his car charger. After he'd been cleared to drive, Steve had found the beamer waiting for him in the visitor parking lot. He decided that it was one of those things not worth questioning. Messages flooded in on his device, including repeated missed calls from Robin.

He'd given her a ride or two to work before, so he knew exactly where he needed to go. Steve drove directly to her house and parked on the street. The Buckleys lived in a one story, ranch style home, and Steve silently thanked the powers that be he didn't have to climb to get to Robin's window. It was about ten pm and he really didn't want to bother with the questions her parents might have. He carefully skirted the house before locating her room. The curtains were parted, revealing the warm glow of a lamp on a nightstand, illuminating Robin curled up on the bed inside. She was wrapped around a large plush shark. A laptop was on the bed, a few inches from her, playing what he vaguely recognized as the Trolls movie. Steve tapped on the window as cautiously as he could.

Robin jolted immediately, turning toward the sound. She let out a sort of garbled 'Steve,' and raced over to open the window, pulling him in.

They hugged each other tightly. "Dingus, you didn't answer your phone," she said, sounding choked as her head shook against his shoulder.

"Phone died."

Robin pulled back, her nose crinkled. "Steve, oh my god. They couldn't give you anything else to wear?"

"Didn't want to come over in the hospital gown," he replied, shrugging. He could have gone to his place first, but then again he couldn't've. He needed to see Robin again, know she was alright. The others had been through some degree of it all before (except for Erica, but she had Lucas to help her). The kids had their phones but also the walkies for unmonitored discussion of the events from the past week. He figured Robin would need him about as much as he needed her.

She grabbed the barely charged phone from his limp grip and plugged it into her charger. "Okay. That'll help some. Dustin's freaking out about you. The others too, but y'know."

"I know."

Dustin's sweet 'you die, I die,' declaration from the elevator hadn't left Steve's mind. But Dustin and the others had been updated on Steve's condition before his phone died. Robin seemed to already understand that 'worry' would be everyone's default for a while.

"Here. I've got to have some clothes that'll fit you." Robin turned toward her closet.

He'd already decided. Robin had been completely open with him, Steve felt he owed it to her to do the same. If he was being honest with himself, he craved a friendship where he wouldn't worry that slipping off his shirt would ruin it.

"Robin, wait. I need to tell you something."

She gave him her full attention while joking. "Can't it wait until after we burn that uniform?"

"Uh no. Actually not, uh, not really." Like a bandaid? Steve let out a steadying breath. "Robs, I'm… I'm trans."

He eyebrows shot up and then down. Her jaw dropped. "What? No." She shook her head. "What?"

"Yeah, ha, uh. Surprise? Is that…" He bit his lip, hating the shame and uncertainty beginning to boil in his stomach like a deep indigestion. "Is it um-"

Robin cut him off, arms wrapped around him in another hug. "You're okay," she said. "We're okay."

"Yeah?" He whispered the question, needing to hear the acceptance again but feeling ashamed to be so... needy.

"Yeah," Robin replied in a kind but firm tone. She pulled back slightly. "Though I still… Seriously 'king' Steve is lgb't?'" Questions began to pour out. "That's mind blowing. Who else knows? Oh gosh, who do you want to know? And why did you tell me? I mean I'd never out you… but this is a big deal right? Just, wow."

Steve kissed the top of her head and sort of grimaced. "I know, and you know. It wasn't something I was allowed to talk about and now, I dunno."

She cocked her head to the side and lightly rested her hand against his injured face. "Thanks for letting me in. Steve, really. Is it weird to tell you I think you might be my best friend?"

Steve's heart felt fit to burst. "Really?" His voice dropped to a whisper again.

"Really. You're my schmuck, remember?" She leaned up a little and kissed his less beaten cheek before turning back to her dresser.

Robin pulled out a large shirt that had a faded image of the Great Lakes on it and a pair of sweatpants she assured Steve were giant on her. He nodded and was about to remove his shirt when she suddenly stopped rambling about the clothes. He raised an eyebrow at her.

Robin took in a deep breath and spoke carefully. "Can I see…?" She moved her hand over her chest in a manner that looked almost as if she had failed to properly cross herself.

Steve thought about it. He wasn't ashamed of his chest. In fact, he loved it. The faded jagged scars next to the surgical ones. They were an emancipation, and, he loved the way his torso looked. But…

"No one's really seen it."

Robin's eyes were wide though her brow was pinched. "I'm sorry. Honestly, just curious. I want to hear your whole story. But I'm not gonna demand to know everything. You telling me in the first place is… huge. Just. I wanna be your person. So share whatever you're comfortable with. Know I'm interested and I care." She shrugged.

Steve chuckled. "My platonic person?" Platonic. That's it, the type of love I couldn't name.

She snorted. "Obviously. You forget?" She shoved his shoulder without any real force. "Not into dudes like that."

Steve took off the bloodied Scoops uniform, toed into the sweatpants, and then turned around so Robin could see.

"Wow," she gasped. She reached out but stopped halfway as though mentally schooling herself. "Can I um…"

"Yeah. Sure." He thought he might flinch or suddenly feel dysphoric with her hand on the left scar, but instead he was simply reminded his body was littered with other scars. His new bruises and cuts were sensitive, but they would heal like the others. Like the one Robin curiously starred at now.

Robin was mindful of the fresh damage, lightly tracing over his skin. "Steve… Did the first top surgery, uh, not take?"

He laughed and finished dressing.

They lay in Robin's bed that night. Steve started talking about his top surgery and, before he knew it, spilled his whole life story to her. Robin took it all in stride. It was difficult but liberating. She shared too, thoughts, feelings, reactions. It felt inaugural, like the first sleepover of many with his best friend. His person.

[studywithvictory]

17 Nov. 2024| 23-55/100 Days of Productivity

I attended a LOT of "co-curricular" events this past month. Here are some highlights.

SuccessRx: Level up your learning:

One of my academic coaches walked us through diifferent study techniques and how to use them effectively. The gist: Start with simple techniques (like reading and highlighting) to build a strong foundation, then use more involved techniques (like self-testing) to lock it all in. Makes sense, right?

I was a little surprised that they didn't mention pomodoros or the "blurt method" (any other fans out there?) but I did pick up a brand-new technique: interleaved learning.

Instead of focusing on one subject/skill at a time (aka "block learning"), you mix it up. For example, if you're studying math, you may switch up between fractions, algebra, and geometry in one session. Why? This method forces your brain to continuously retrieve different types of information, which strengthens your memory and boosts long-term retention. Plus, it helps you compare and contrast topics, deepening your understanding along the way.

It's a little more effort up front, but honestly it seems like something to try out! ✨

Katterman Memorial Lecture

A eye-opening lecture in honor of Don Katterman, an alum of my university and a legend in Washington state pharmacy. This guy wasn't just any pharmacist—he was a trailblazer who championed the profession's role in patient care and public health. Basically, he helped lay the groundwork for what pharmacists can do today. 🙌

This year's lecture: A deep dive into how pharmacists aren't just medication dispensers (though we’re really good at that, too). We can be critical healthcare providers—especially in underserved areas where access to doctors might be limited. Fun fact: pharmacists hold doctorates and have been for over 20 years. So, yeah.

It reminded me of when I first introduced myself on here, saying something like, “I want to be a pharmacist who advocates for patient accessibility,” and someone replied back with, “Just focus on your studies and stop being nosy.” 😒

Well, guess what? Patient advocacy is literally a cornerstone of my school’s mission—so I’m not nosy; I’m just ahead of the curve. 😉

✔️ What I accomplished:

Did my 2 co-curricular requirements for this school year!

✨ Motivation for tomorrow:

"You cannot draw blood from a stone" - shared by @aethereallynephilim

📚 Study resources/tools:

Study discord by @thyion [Join us!!]

My own pomodoro tracker [gotta be my number 1 fan]

Interleaving studying [Introduced by my academic coach]

Mood: 😋 | SOTD: For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic by @paramore

[rametarin]

Imagine

Alright, imagine this.

I'll use whole cloth new material as an example, so this won't be an allegory to any one specific religious group, but will involve religious culture parallels.

Imagine some religion exists that is absolutely teatottle. Ideologically, they argue, no chemicals that enter the body and could be construed to be used as a drug are acceptable. Vitamins and minerals and proteins are fine, but imbibing substances to numb pain or cover up mental disorders are unacceptable. Only institutionalization, surgery and talk therapy are acceptable. They have decided, no use of drugs is acceptable, unless it's something like an antibiotic or antibacterial. Getting high bad.

And it doesn't matter how wrong they are. You can point to the clinical, objective, empirical proof that medicine is good and worth the risks, we just need better systems in place to manage those with crippling addiction and help prevent overdoses or dependences.

But ideologically that does not abide by their ideal world, where no one has access to drugs and no one can abuse them because no one has access to them. Their ideal world, no one is able to overdose, because no one can access drugs.

People disagree. But those that hate drugs want them gone, and it becomes a constant vigilance to push them back so they DON'T get their way. They are not even okay with Over the Counter drugs in supermarkets; To use so much as a headache medicine, you should need approval by a doctor and the entire pharmacological industry, or else no pain relief or cure for constipation via medicine for you. To them, any drug use that isn't prescribed is a crime, and should be considered a devious violation of the system worth federal jailtime.

So they start a heavy handed, emotionally charged, ideologically driven conversation about the need for, "common sense drug reform," and "miniscule reimaginings of drug access," that all but tries to whittle away what you're allowed to access, how much, how often.

Ideally, the anti-drug users would have it become something you're federally jailable for if you use anything stronger than a Halls, Vicks or Ricola cough lozenge, a certain number over both a period of hours, days and weeks.

In order to legally be permissed to access medicine, you'd need A.) to schedule a doctor's visit or go to tthe ER. B.) To be confirmed as NEEDING that medicine by the doctor, dependent entirely on if the doctor felt you needed or deserved that antihistamine or migraine relief medicine. C.) Receive your prescription, then head to the pharmacy. It gets entered into a big federal record. You get it marked that you received X many pills of Y type with Z active ingredients on the date. This is permanent and is used to correlate any mysterious patterns that may involve you or your product in them.

You can't so much as take just a little bit more cough medicine than the minimal dose reccommended by the people that don't want you to have that medicine at all, politically, in the name of public health and safety.

And every single time someone is caught abusing drugs, even drugs unrelated to you and your ailment, there's cries for change, security, mourning our, "toxically masculine" society and its "drug abuse culture," and every fucking asshole raising a ruckus on cocaine, meth or heroin becomes another nail in the coffin to legitimate access to drugs.

You now need a license for pain relievers, every single pill you acquire is catalogued on what it is and when, you're put through rigamaroll that's almost as painful as just sitting there suffering and letting the pain pass than actually pursuing help for your condition. Your freedom to just go to the god damned counter and pick up a box of cough medicine, pain reliever for tooth problems, nasal spray, even fucking silverdine ointment for burns, gets compromised and the screws put to it every time some privileged asshole in San Francisco is found dead from an overdose with needles in his arm.

"Why do you even NEED a box of 24 pain tablets? If you have a problem bigger than that, you should just see your doctor."

"Why do you even NEED antihistamines? If your pets are such a detriment to your health and immune system, maybe what's needed is getting rid of the pets."

"Why do you even NEED alcohol? Clearly you'd be better served by a therapist."

And each and every argument you make is countered with pointing to the government to provide something to change your behavior or deny you access to something they don't want you to have.

You shouldn't want to have a box of 50-80 antacids, you should solve your problems with a more thorough examination of your biology and reasses your diet for foods you're sensitive or allergic to, and not eat those.

You shouldn't NEED cotton swabs for your ears; those are bad for you, so they should be controlled and regulated if used for medical purposes.

And again, every time someone illegally goes around this system you virtually have to opt into in order to regulate your behavior, only really making consequences for those that agree to live under it, the wheel turns and the straps tighten until you're limited to only possessing what medicine the pharmacist will give you for notarized consumption in front of the prescribing pharmacist. The number of pills you can have on hand legally goes down. The number of pills you're allowed to acquire in a window of time goes down. If there's ever an abuse that required a supply of consumer level pills, they go looking to see if you've been hoarding and not using your prescripted supplies, because to even use these drugs, they decide you waive your rights to unreasonable search and seizure; these are controlled substances monopolized by the government and society, and society reserves the right to treat your medicine like its property. Even if it's inside your body.

Eventually the anti-drug advocates get their way. No one that is law abiding can legally use medicine except to ake the edge off of excruciating pain, not solve it. They whoop up how they've saved so many lives and prevented so many overdoses by hard drugs, every time they make it harder to buy pepto bismal or antifungal cream. While the criminals that use them to poison people remain poisoning people, their statistics unaffected and the laws and regulations not preventing a single deliberate homicide.

This is how it feels to be a gun rights advocate in the face of people that despise guns. Arguing for the right to medicine and privacy in the face of someone that thinks you'd be better served not having the option for medicine or the discretion to use it yourself, so why not just say 1 pill over the federal limit s tantamount to conspiracy to kill, and give them a negative mark on their permanent record, a massive fine and legal ban on medicine until the legal mea culpa.